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darssanle

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GAD-7-Initial-Collection

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Never married, never been kissed and now have a cat collection.

I’m single and live at home with my elderly father. For the longest time I was a one cat kinda gal but now I have nine. I love them, but really shouldn’t keep all of them. Thinking about giving one away causes stress. Puts a big hole in my wallet though to keep them. Dad doesn’t/can’t help around the house. He’s living off of social security. I’m practically the maid and I don’t do a very good job of it because of depression. (makes me feel like I’m a bad daughter) My mother passed away from cancer a few years ago. Never thought I’d be/feel so lonely. My siblings that I was closest to moved out of state. So I feel very stuck taking care of a house and my father who is slowly losing his memory. I love my father, but when do I get to have my own life? So scared I will turn into an old maid that has 20 cats for company. All is not lost. I have support from family members when I’m brave enough to ask for it. Depression sucks. Can anyone relate? It would be nice to not feel so alone.

I’m not sure if it’s depression, I just see no point in living.

This is my first post on Reddit and I’m not really sure where else I can talk to. For the last 2 years or so I’ve lived every day bored, and I mean bored as in bored of having no friends or people to talk to, bored of constantly feeling like shit and knowing I’m causing the ones closest to me pain, bored of spending 40 minutes scared to leave the house because of how bad I look. I’ve not seen a point in living for a long time now and people around me ask why I’m so down or why I don’t talk much and I just see no point, I know none of them care about me or care about the answer so what’s the point in replying. Every night I go to bed I literally pray to god, even though I don’t believe in him, that I die in my sleep as I’m too scared to actually kill myself. I get so easily pissed off and pissed off at the fact I feel like this, I have so much more than most people and what most people could ask for and I just still feel like a constant shit bag always letting down others and as everyone around me says oh you have so much to do etc and you’re only 17 none of it matters. I just hate every day as it goes on and they’re just all merging into one big day. I don’t remember the last time I was genuinely excited about something or happy for something that I wasn’t forcing myself to feel. I just want to be happy, it’s all I want. What can I do when there seems to be nothing that can make me happier.

I don’t want to die but I feel like it’s the only way

My girlfriend of 5 years dumped me yesterday. She was sick and tired of me not committing and her not seeing me. She wanted to move in together but I can’t. She was the only reason I didn’t kill myself in the summer because I feel trapped at home and can’t commit to anyone because I have a mother and sister to support financially. I don’t want to die. I used to quite like myself but I know that I won’t ever be happy because I’m forever trapped in this situation and death seems like the only way out. I don’t really know what advice I’m looking for. I just needed to put what’s going on in my head into words. I’m 25.

My mom said I'm faking depression

Hey everyone, I've never posted here but I hope you're all well. I really need some advice if you have any. I go to one of the top universities in North America and am currently in my 5th year. These past 2 years have had me feeling really low and I've been thinking about seeing a therapist because I may have depression. I feel very demotivated and tired even though my work load is insane and I can't afford to slack. Often times I feel very worthless, a burden, and a waste of space. I also binge eat which makes those feelings worse. The eating has gotten a LOT better but it still had its moments. Anyway, I've been wanting to sew a therapist but I need insurance which had been kind of holding me back. My dad's insurance covers the whole family (I live at home, for cultural reasons) but he and my mom would be able to see who uses it. After a year, the feelings got worse and I made the decision, after much deliberation, to tell my mom that I would like to see a therapist and that I would like to use the insurance. She said okay and j started looking but most were fully booked or not taking new patients. Today, we were discussing my sister's divorce. Her ex had depression and was one of the reasons they got a divorce. My mom says that anyone who has depression shouldn't get married, and that it applies to me. She said that she thinks I'm faking it for attention because it's not visible to her. She said if I do think I have it, I should forget about finding love or getting married. I interpreted her words to mean that people it depression are unworthy of love and that I would ruin someone's life like my sister's ex ruined hers. I don't know, the feelings are kind of intense right now and I don't want to cry but there's a lump in my throat and I just want to sleep but I have a huge midterm tomorrow and I have to see her later and my sister is of no help Sorry for the rant

I feel like a waste and I don't know what to do.

Where do I begin? I guess to start, I recently got engaged to the love of my life back in June (you'll see why this is important in a second). I am also in a very demanding work industry, in education. Special Education to be more specific. I love working with kids and it can be very rewarding, however, it's the most taxing job. My fiancé is a very supportive person while also keeping me realistic. My dream is to stream and I used to and it was fairly successful, to my surprise, when I started. I gained a lot of followers, viewers, and even a few donations (even though that's not why I started to do it). My stream was focused on just having fun doing hobby and trying to shine light on mental health. My #1 passion in life is to help others. And I have tried to find careers that revolve around that, but to much dismay. So my stream was to offer advice when asked, listen, and just talk. Talking helps. Even talking about random things. Anyways, she supported me while I did this during the summer. I knew it bugged her that she had to go to work every day and I got to stay home and fulfill a passion of mine. I am drowning at work and it has completely taken over my life. I find no joy in my old hobbies. Watching sports, playing video games, hanging with friends, etc. This past week my fiancé told me that I remind her of a hermit. I hate going out, hanging with friends, all that. I hate having fun is what she told me. Frankly, I realized this before she had told me. Furthermore, I am faced with the decision of resigning from my job and chasing my dream. The repercussions of this is that there won't be stable income coming from me, my fiancé doesn't make enough right now to support us both and we talked about it. We were looking to buy a house in the next year, as well. I feel like I'm a waste though. Do I just "nut up" and suffer just to achieve the goal of getting a house? And even if I do that, how do I know that I will even make it to see that day given I suffer day in and day out? Or chase my dream and lose that goal of getting a house, putting financial strain on my relationship and run the risk of not getting married to the one? I was always told to chase my dreams and stop at nothing until I am there and here I am faced with the decision and I'm ready to jump but at what cost?

Which antidepressant worked for you?

Hi all, I've been actively fighting my depression for years, since I realize it was there. I've been taking Lexapro for a couple years now. Seems to take the edge off the worst of it but like today I woke up really depressed, ie: don't want to live anymore, life feels meaningless and just endless pain and disappointment, I feel like I serve everyone around me and no one really cares about me. I'm not suicidal...well let's be real, I am because of the depression but I've decided not to remove myself from life... That'll happen whether I like it or not and it'll always be an option but since it's so permanent I'd prefer to see if I can fix my brain and be delusionaly happy like normal people. So what worked for people? Appreciate it before I try the permanent option. Thanks all!

Family dog of 7 years died today, Feeling suicidal and want to jump,Advice or Help please!

Today my family’s dog died of kidney Stones and i can’t help but feel empty inside that it should have been me instead of her since she didn’t deserv to die, She had done nothing wrong at all, What am i supposed to do?, I feel like i should just End it all so that she doesn’t need to be alone with my family’s other various pets, I seriously feel like the only thing i can do id to jump out one of my Windows to join her and my family’s previous pets but i know i should’t, So please help or advice me so that i can try to not jump since the pain is just too much to bare as i keep seeing her in my mind what ever i do since it feels like i didn’t get the chance to say good Bye enough, I feel horrible and really want to jump, Please help!

Deep depression and struggling marriage

Hope this is withing the guidelines and acceptable:) Is there anyone going through something similar or can relate? I'm in a marriage that I have been struggling for years and things just aren't getting better. I am 30plus with 2 children under 6 yrs old and been married/together 10ish years. If I get too emotional, I just get left alone till I calm down. Hasn't ever looked into how to help. I am not and never have been suicidal or wasn't to hurt myself or anyone. However, my depression can consume me sometimes and I have a day where I barely move, hah. I never let the kids see me like that, but it gets exhausting. I react "emotionally" and basically get ignored. If we fight or my spouse is mad at me and I cry, I get ignore. My spouse cries? Especially if it's cuz I'm mad, I feel like complete crap and try to fix it all day. I also have issues being honest with what I don't like. Like if something passed my internal boundaries, if I think saying something will upset someone I care about, I don't say anything. There's a lot of other stuff going on as well but these.are not mentioned. So, is there anyone going through anything similar or can relate? Any thoughts, advise? (Not sure how to end it)

Little advice regarding my medication

hi i need a little help regarding my medication.I want to know if anyone else has the same effects because I live in a country where they don't understand depression much.I have switched a few doctors but its still not helping me.Please help I have ADD,PTSD and anxiety disorder and I don't know what else. I am on **20mg of** **methylphenidate** **.5mg of etizolam twice a day** and 100mcg clonidine now my doctor has added **fluoxetine 20mg once a day** my major complain is that i feel physically very tired, although my work doesn't require any physical labour.I sleep for 8-9 hours and still feel like [that.My](https://that.my/) doctor tells me I am gonna feel better but its like I am stuck in a loop, because of this I don't wanna talk to anyone, work or do anything that requires any sought of interaction. **I know this is not a place for seeking any medical advise I just want to know someones personal opinion.I am sick of changing doctors and getting nowhere after taking treatment for years.** Feel emotionless.....no happiness, no sadness, no laughter just a plateau of all my emotions.Just want to feel something sometimes.

Can someone remind me why life is worth it?

This is a genuine question. I know it is, and I know things will get better, but I feel like after what I’ve lost I’m not going to find anything that will ever make me happy. Everything just feels mundane and joyless and like nothing matters. Cliché things like “it will be better over time” and “you just have to learn to enjoy the small things” just aren’t working. I really want to just feel again. (By the way, don’t worry about my safety. I never actually want to end my own life. I know things get better.)

I need help

Hey guys, so this may seem like a weird thing to need help with but I’m just trying to figure out if I’m actually depressed or if I’m going through something else.I’m nineteen and recently I just moved to another state for school and lately I haven’t been attending most of my classes and my grades are extremely bad right now. I just can’t seem to get myself to go. I’m just surprised because I have never done this before, it’s not like me to skip classes. Most mornings I just lay in bed until noon. I don’t know if this is extreme laziness or something else. I’m constantly in my head and I’m extremely worried about my grades but am I really that worried if I keep skipping class? I also feel like I have a lot of anxiety when I have to be around a lot of people, especially ones I don’t know. I know I’m an introverted person but being an introvert doesn’t mean that I have anxiety around a lot of people, I just prefer to be in a small group or by myself most of the time. I even get anxious when I’m just walking to class or going to the grocery store my myself. I don’t really feel happy most of the time, and I don’t think I’ve felt happy for a while. I can get temporary happiness by watching something funny or by reading a book since that’s my favorite thing to do, but right after I’m done I’m right back to where I was. I don’t understand what it is, I have loving parents and they have given me all I could hope for (they are helping me financially by helping pay for my rent and by paying for the classes I am taking right now) and yet I don’t have the decency to even repay that by going to class. I’m just not sure what’s going on with me and if I’m just being extremely lazy or if I am depressed.

I think I might have depression, but I’m scared to approach my parents about it. What should I do?

I’ve been struggling with this for a couple of months now, and I don’t know what to do about it. I know it’s important to reach out and talk about your mental health, but it makes me nervous to even think about doing that. Additionally, I have autism and have been diagnosed with anxiety, which I am currently taking medication for but something still doesn’t feel right. Am I being unreasonable with this? I know I need help, but I don’t know what to do.

I need help with hygiene

This is probably the most embarrassing post I’ve ever made, but I need help. I’ve been working my way through a depressive episode for the past couple months, and I thought I was doing fairly good with it, since I’ve been showering fairly often (at least every other day) and eating at least once a day, but recently one of my friends messaged me privately to ask if I was okay, because the last few times he saw me, he said he smelled a “strong body odor” and it was making him not want to be around me. I immediately went and bought some men’s deodorant since it tends to be stronger, but I was hoping someone might have a better way for me to combat this. Honestly I’m just upset that I let it get bad enough for people to notice, and I keep wondering how many people have been choosing to just say nothing and deal with it. Any help that y’all can give me would be great; thank you so much for your time!

What if my depression isn’t lying to me?

They say depression lies. That I’m not a terrible person or worthless or ugly or stupid. That the world is too screwed up to save. But what if depression is the only one telling the truth? I don’t want it to be true. But I’ve had so many disappointments, so many failures. And the world is so terrible. People are terrible and selfish. How do we know that depression ISN’T lying, about me and the world? I feel so insignificant and meaningless and I don’t really think anyone would really miss me. I’m not going to hurt myself because I can’t do that to my kids. But they deserve so much better than me.

Questions about taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, about 72 hours before I start

In 48 to 72 hours, I will begin taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day, which will be my first time taking a pharmaceutical medicine for anxiety and depression, after my twelve-step program sponsor encouraged me to do so, and after my mother -- a psychiatric nurse encouraged me to do so. I have a robust support system, and for over seven years, I have regularly engaged in a myriad of modalities to address anxiety, depression, and hopelessness, and a pattern of burnout, including but not limited to cognitive behavioral therapy, two twelve-step programs, different forms of meditation, various mindfulness practices, hatha yoga, bhakti yoga, weightlifting, high-intensity interval training, long-distance running, reading books on personal development and introspection, different forms of journaling, a myriad of support groups, numerous supplements, psychedelics, etc. As one of my hatha yoga instructors has stated, I "do all the things." I have chosen to take Wellbutrin XL 150 mg for many reasons. It seems to have minimal side effects in most people; based on my research and conversations with my psychiatrist and other doctors, it does not lead to some of the side effects that I am most concerned about, like weight gain, and it seems to be a manageable introduction to psychiatric medicine. Moreover, all of the previously-mentioned modalities have changed my life for the better since 2014. Still, a destructive and potentially life-threatening pattern comes up in my life, time and time again, and my psychiatrist, my mother, and others believe that Wellbutrin XL 150 mg may help. The pattern is as follows: I feel resentful about people that have intentionally or unintentionally harmed me in the past, I feel anxiety and shame about my finances, inconsistent income (that pays well when I do get paid) and the cost of living in downtown Toronto, I feel anxiety, guilt, and shame about my partial dependency on my parents and a myriad of other things, I feel anxiety concerning many nuances of operating two businesses while starting a third, I feel anxiety, shame, and guilt concerning my lack of a dating life (and sexual anorexia/the unconscious avoidance of dating), so I double-down on activities related to my businesses, I double-down on the seemingly beneficial and health activities that I previously mentioned, I work incredibly hard, going past my physical and psychological limits, I soothe myself by doing high-volumes of seemingly good things, I burnout, and then I become depressed, I experience suicidal ideation, and then I engage in self-soothing by raging, ruminating about my resentments, having sex with so-called "high end" escorts aka prostitutes, and binge eating processed food. This pattern happens about once or twice per month; it takes at least a couple of days to recover from, it is pretty destructive, and nothing that I have done since 2014 has put a permanent stop to it. I meditate every day, and I engage in the activities mentioned above every day, yet I often find myself in the same place. With that said, I have a few specific questions about taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, and I am hopeful that someone through Reddit will answer them for me, as the pharmacist that dispensed the Wellbutrin XL 150 mg could not answer some of my questions. 1. Meditating in sensory deprivation chambers/float chambers for an hour or longer, after taking 0.4 g to 1.2 g of psilocybin (psychedelic mushrooms), has been hugely beneficial to me for seven years, sometimes doing so is the only thing that gets me out of burnout. Still, there is little to no research on how psilocybin interacts with Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, so what are some of the potential risks of taking psilocybin within the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day and after the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day? 2. I am a daily cannabis user, usually vaporizing high CBD cannabis through a Pax 3 vaporizer. I have no problem stopping my cannabis use while I experiment with Wellbutrin XL 150 mg. Still, there is little to no research on how cannabis interacts with Wellbutrin XL 150 mg, so what are some of the potential risks of taking cannabis within the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day and after the first two weeks of taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg once a day? 3. I learned that some people could experience mania or suicidal ideation while taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg. In some cases, the individual experiences mania or suicidal ideation may not determine that they are in danger, so how can I tell if I begin experiencing such side-effects and what can I do to keep myself safe if I start experiencing such side-effects? 4. I was hired for a professional speaking engagement that is taking place in mid-November -- slightly less than a month from now, so should I be worried about taking Wellbutrin XL 150 mg leading up to it?

Hi everyone. First post here.

I’ve been hesitant to post honestly. I see how many people have it so much worse than me. But I feel like I’ve hit a new low lately. I’ve lost my job, my fiancé left me, I’m unable to work because of health issues (why I lost my job) and my “friends” only want me around when they need mechanic work done (I’ve been a mechanic since 18, I’m now 24) I’ve done everything I can to stay positive. But every time I turn around, something I enjoy and love is being taken out of my hands and I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry if like, these problems seem minuscule compared to others. I just, really have no where else to go. And I’m honestly scared. I have bad dreams every night and they keep me awake. I just, don’t know what to do anymore

I think I'm inching closer towards being suicidal

I'm at my significant other's place but that does not mean much. We called an Uber from a rave here and I vomited on my way here. My so could only take three people including themselves home so initially I wasn't meant to come because my so gave priority to my other drunk friends. You'd think they'd try to prioritize me by asking my friends if they could by any chance go home safely, but no I had to. Now I was left on the couch so I can't even sleep next to someone anyways. They're so fucking cold sometimes, I don't think they love me. It's 5am and I have cuts on my arm I impulsively made, I feel like death

The Effects of Depression on a Relationship [ADVICE]

I am in relationship with someone who has major depression. When it gets really bad for him, it gets bad for us. He can be a little mean, irritable. These times feel the loneliest for me. I can't help but feel sad as a consequence at times. I understand that in these moments he isn't himself nonetheless it still hurts. I am generally busy and there is distance between us. I feel guilty at times I can't do more and feel like I am being pulled everywhere in my life in general. I feel numb and sadness which I try like hell to ignore in myself to preclude any ideas of seeing a break-up as a resolution to how I am feeling. I do love him, his pain is my pain. There is a certain emotional fortification developed when you are in these types of relationships perhaps that is why I feel like I am not allowed to crumble, need or want especially when it gets really bad. Is there any better way to deal with this? with us? my loneliness? How can you be happy in life when your partner isn't? How do you share a life when your partner doesn't have the energy at times to pick the phone or talk to you?

"You could be focusing your attention on something great happening in your life right now, but instead you’re directing your attention to every bad aspect of your day"

There's nothing good going on in my life. The past few days have been awful for me. I didn't cry, but I was on the verge of doing it nearly all the time. I can't direct my thoughts anywhere else and stop focusing on the bad. I don't know what to do to stop feeling sad all the god damn time.

No one respects me or believes in me

I have this close female friend who I like but I know probably doesn’t like me in a romantic way. I’ve asked before, and she turned me down. But she’s probably the person I’m closest too and who I trust the most in the world. But I figure she doesn’t see a future with me because I don’t have a career or because I’m still hung up on my ex. And I can’t go to Facebook or Snapchat anymore because it either gets misunderstood and I get messaged with concern, or I get completely ignored and feel rejected from it. I don’t know. It really does feel like as a guy I can only be loved and sought after if I give some or create something that gets people’s attention. I’m not loved or sought after for who I am. That’s why I’m alone right now in my life, why I seem to be unsuccessful at dating or meeting people. It sucks because that feels like the way for me to get out of this funk (that and seeking God). I just don’t want another person to tell me to be happy alone, or to tell me to let go. The thing I’ve wanted was for someone unprompted to tell me that I mattered to them, that I make their life better by being me. I’ve told myself those things, but it fades away when I have less to show for a life I don’t want to be living, because I can’t right now make things come true or be the only one believing I have a future that seems impossible.

ECT treatment

So I'm 19 and I was just diagnosed with treatment resistant depression... My doctor recommended I consider ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). It sound suuper scary and I read about som pretty shitty side effects like memory loss short-term and sometimes long-term, apathy, difficulty concentrating and difficulty learning new information... Does anyone have experience with this or know anything about this treatment? Should I even consider it? Please help

I am finally able to admit I have depression.

I am not sure where to start here. I think i have been depressed for a long long time but I have always felt embarrassed to speak about it I have never mentioned it to friends family or my boyfriend but today I finally realised this feeling has not gone away for what feels like years. I was beginning to think this was just my personality now but I know deep down I wasn't always this way I was happy before but I don't really know what went wrong. I just really need to speak to someone who understands but I feel as though if I ever mention it out loud then people will just think I'm looking for attention or that I am over reacting. Even if I wanted to tell anyone the words just won't come out. I really need to fix this but I have no idea how. I can't keep going like this. I don't want to die but I don't want to be here either... I know there are people out there who are so much worse with depression than I but I can't handle this anymore I just want to be happy again. Everyday I get angry with people who don't deserve it and I don't even know what ever made me angry. I push people away who just wanted to be my friend. I always have a problem with everything and I am sick of it. Its not fair on others around me to have to walk on eggshells around me. I need to get a grip and fix this and stop being selfish because I am too embarrassed to admit that my mental health has been getting worse over the last few years.. I have spent the last few days researching and doing online tests and I think its time to admit it. Sorry for this long post I just needed it off my chest but like I said I am too much of a coward to speak out loud. Is there anyone who has got over depression? I understand we are all different but just looking for some advice before its too late.

I don’t know how to deal with this.

My husband who I just married in February wants to call it quits, I gave this man 7yrs of my life, 7yrs of being loyal, 7yrs of supporting this man, 7yrs of everything! And he’s walking away because he’s done he’s just done. We just got married, our son just turned 1 in sept. He still pays the bills in the house because I was a stay at home mom! He now abandoned me with a house, a kid (he’s a really good father) all this shit that was planned! I try to set ground rules but I turn out to be the bad guy according to his family. His family was my family for the past 7yrs now I have nothing. He said he cared in the beginning and now he doesn’t care about what happens to me. He said he doesn’t love me anymore, how can you fall out of love in a matter of months this is all bullshit! This is all a lot I lost my family , I lost my mother in may I just lost my grandfather Friday.

I hate myself so much, I don't deserve to live

I am probably the most disgusting person in the world, or at least I feel like that. I don't have many friends and that for a reason, I never grant people any success because I get jealous of it. I wish people unluck so that I can catch up with them, how pathetic. I think about people's flaws and start judging them based on that. I develop a unnecessary hate towards them, gossip behind backs and more. I also feel like I don't really have any unique characteristics /personality. Iam boring, I never have an own opinion, I just clinge to the opinions of those that I admire and plan on back stabbing them once im done with all the dick sucking. Iam just waste of flesh, i should have been aborted, and no iam not just in this *mood* at the moment, that's how I always feel, I realized it a long time ago but there is just not a cure for my *hate* *jealousy* and whatever sin from the Bible I embody. If God exists and if he truly punishes those who deserve it, than why am I not already dead. Also why can't I change, why was I born this way, why was I bullied so hard in high school, why am I gay, why could I never experience love till now? Just end me so that no one has to deal with me anymore.

Help?

Im not sure how to start or talk about this i hate asking for help or putting my problems on others but im realizing i probably need to talk to someone. Ig ill just say im not sure what to do with myself. Ive repressed emotions my whole life to the point that up until last weekend i dont think id cried since i was a kid even going through relationships and losing people emotionally or physically just nothing. My mom has mental issues she never told me about until just recently when i tried talking to her about whats been going on with me as shes an incredibly private person but i had my first anxiety attack this past weekend and cried more than i can remember ever crying. Ive lost interest inthe hobbies that made me who i am. Ive slowly lost all my friends after getting out of highschool 2 years ago and i used to have a big group. But i have no one to talk to or be able to open up to now that im trying to. Most of them i fell away from slowly or had a falling out with but my best friend since 3rd grade killed his sister after having a psychosis episode he was my go to always there for me and i grew up alongside his sister tho whole time. I work with his dad and do talk to him about this stuff but theres only so much i can talk about with him as he lost both his son and daughter in the same night and doesnt know how to handle things himself. The other person i was incredibly close with completed our trio died of an overdose a few hours after id left his house. Ive never had a girlfriend who i really opened up to or caught feelings for but now that i did i just fucked things up by overthinking things and id never quite cared for a girl like i do her. Im so lost. Thanks for reading you beautiful people

How to help boyfriend with depression who won’t open up to me

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We both have had our struggles with depression. Recently I see he has been feeling down once again. He doesn’t want to go to a therapist because “ he knows what’s wrong, he just doesn’t have the motivation to do anything about it.” in his exact words: “I don’t want to go to therapy because I see therapy as guidance method for improvement. I don’t feel like I need guidance, my problem is one of will and circumstance, I don’t doubt that I could benefit from it, but right now I see it as going out of my way to do something I don’t prioritize” Even though we’ve been together a while, he still does not feel comfortable opening up to me about how he is feeling. I’ve asked him ways that I can help him feel better, or support him and he says that talking about it won’t make him feel better. Is there anything I can do to help him? I hate seeing him be down like this and be unable to help him. I’ve also tried giving him space and left him alone for a bit. Am I being selfish for trying to help him? Are there other things I should try to help him feel better? Any words of wisdom or advice would be greatly appreciated

It is hard to remain positive and i don’t know if this is depression

I don’t know if it is depression yet but i always feel sad and cry myself to sleep. I just feel emotional and phase out all the time, i am trying to remain positive all day long but when i get home i just pass out crying on the kitchen floor every day and i don’t even know why i just feel sad. I have lost all sexual interrest and i havent done anything relates to that because i just didn’t feel like doing it. I force myself to eat every single. Is this depression or something else i assume it is but even though if it isn’t what can i do to feel better i am losing motivation and be sadder every day i dont want to pass out crying anymore i just feel like a piece of shit that cant accomplice anything

I'm not doing too badly, I just want to hear some kind words

I feel lonely and melancholy. I know I should have gone for a swim today on my day off, but I didn't. I know I could've called one of my friends or family members, but I didn't. I know I could've done some batch cooking today, but I didn't. I know I could've read some novels or practised my language skills today, but I didn't. I didn't even read any magazines. I couldn't be bothered to do anything. I have too many days like this. I've had too many of them over the course of nearly 4 decades (yes, I'm getting old). My life is being dawdled away. Most of the time, I can kick myself into doing what I need to do to keep a roof over my head, keep my few close relationships alive, honour what I feel are my duties, not fall apart entirely...but I feel like I'm going mouldy. I've kept my life simple and quiet. I've done little with it. I've messed up a bit. I've done some things adequately. I've given some people some moments of love and happiness. I feel lucky to be alive but frustrated at the same time. It's odd.

I thought I was going to be shot

I swear I thought someone was going to kill me with a handgun with 5 bullets in my chest while I was sleeping. I got really paranoid and closed my blinds and lay in bed with my phone ready to call the police. I don't use any drugs, I just drink caffiene. I swear I think i had a manic episode or something as I was almost certain I was going to die right there and then. I lay in bed and came back to life and realised that nothing happened. I felt awful and really low, I felt like everything was out of my control. I finally got up and forgot that I have work in like an hour. I'm trying to recover and feel sane again but I'm really starting to wear thin. I need some serious help to recover. I've had these experiences before. Ive heard voices or saw people standing with long black jackets standing in doorways.

What can I do to help my family member

My brother needs help. I’m not sure where to start. He has been drinking pretty heavily for years. Recently he did get help and was put on meds but when the prescription ran out he didn’t get another for weeks, has new meds now but hates taking them due to being drowsy and finding hard to function at work. I’ve recently moved in with him. I cook and clean for him, chat to him when he wants to chat. He says he doesn’t need help or he can’t be helped, that he’s independent but does thank me any time I do stuff for him. I want to show him he’s loved and tell him this. He thinks I’m being emotional and not to worry about him. I’ve suggested trying different meds, going with him to talk to someone, taking time off work to trial different meds, he agrees he needs time off though feels bad to his team at work & his boss. I guess I just need advice on what I can do to help and not be overbearing or annoying to him. He’s gotten a lot worse these past few weeks and I can’t help but think It’s my fault or I’m doing something wrong. I can’t say I’ve ever been in his position so I’m at a loss on what to do.

I feel like i'm loosing my best friend and I don't know what to do

My friend has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. He changed how I view the world and idk what i'd do without him. I rely on him for helping me work through my anxieties, which often revolve around complex sociological and existential questions. Recently he started college, and he hasn't really seemed to have time for me. Questions and anxieties pile up in his pms and he only occasionally responds. I can't lose him.

What happens when you get well? How often do you pop by the doc?

Hi guys, I first went to a psychiatrist last summer. I had been self-medicating "something" with tons of caffeine for years and wanted and needed to get to the bottom of why I needed large volumes of coffee in order to function (the tipping point was having gallbladder surgery and caffeine being less of an option). Without it, there was an underlying tiredness and pessimism that wasn't shifting by itself, despite my best efforts at self care and healthy living. The past fourteen months has been the drug merry-go-round I'm guessing many here are familiar with. First tried every ADHD stimulant which all improved functionality (like caffeine!) but *all* (literally every single one) also made me more depressed. Then an SSRI which made me tired but more optimistic. Finally, we've moved onto Wellbutrin. I'm wont to say "wow, I'm better!" but I have a strong and positive feeling that *this* is going to be the chemical that shifts my dysthymia. Perhaps it will fizzle out. Perhaps I'll need something else. But .. after four weeks I'm feeling optimistic and well in a way that I haven't on anything I've tried so far (ie, I'm more than just wired, I'm confident and hopeful). My question now turns to: okay, so what's next? Assuming that this is the drug for me, how often do you typically go to your prescriber just to make sure that things are working out okay? Is there such a thing as a yearly mental health checkup to verify that you're staying on course? Basically, once you finally manage to shift depression or at least get it to a manageable point ... what does the "maintenance" process look like?

I’ve hit rock bottom.

It’s hard to stay awake. I just want to sleep all the time. I have lost everything and I don’t know how to get back up again. I feel like I lost the war. I wake up, waste time, eat, waste time, sleep, and again. I’m literally doing nothing. I can’t handle the thought of doing anything. I feel like I should just kill myself already bc I’m a waste of a human, space, energy, money, and emotions. I feel like I’m beyond help at this point. I’m not going to act on my suicidal ideation. I tried it before and it got me only worse. I’m just expressing what I’m thinking. Somebody please help me.

I can't do and I don't like anything

Hello guys, I'm dealing with a problem, maybe it's not a big one, but I want to confess it to someone. I started realizing that I'm not passionate about anything and I do the daily activities just like a "to do list", here including: watching series, looking at videos on Youtube. I do them and I don't feel anything : no surprise, no fascination, no hatred. My friends talk around me about their passions, their dreams and I feel I have no direction and also I feel everything is pointless. Even the field I study in College is not so fascinating or surprising, it's just decent and I can learn that quantify of information. I'm just lost in this whole target wind : passions, dreams, getting a gf, future plans (I don't have any and I don't feel I can make any) and I feel like an empty vase without feelings. Any suggestions for my problem?

Vent: It's hard watching all my friends get married, travel the world, and accomplish big things while my own life is going nowhere.

I just feel so damn lonely. I'm broke, depressed, and my life isn't going anywhere. Why is everything so hard? I'm trying to escape the rut I'm in but it's an uphill battle. It's hard for me to hold down a consistent job, still be creative and productive, and not want to yeet myself every day. I just don't get it...maybe I hit the Unlucky Lottery? There's a part of me that just gets sadder when I see posts from my friends showing off their engagement rings or the places they've traveled. I'm not supposed to feel that way so I try to ignore it, but the emotion becomes so overwhelming that I can no longer ignore it. I'm supposed to be happy for them. I should stop wallowing in pity. An unspoken pitfall of depression is that you can become quite self-absorbed. I'd love to be in a relationship, but not many people want to date the mentally ill guy--which I guess is reasonable. Another shitty thing is that my religion teaches you're not even allowed to *think* about sex before marriage, which makes my life so much harder now that I associate every urge I have with guilt. What am I to do? Just continue suffering without any hope of a better life? Why? Fuck me, man.

I dont love/like my mother and idk if the relationship is worth salvaging.

Im (28m) shes (49f)There's a lot of backstory here so ill try to sum up some main points for context. My mother has substance abuse issues all through my life. It caused me to live with my grandparents multiple timea in my life from 3-6 then again from 11-16 til my grandmother died and i had nowhere else to go. I ended up living with her due to some medical issues for myself at the time i had to drop out of school.and get my GED and a job. She made me pay rent 250 a month full time 40 hours a week back then i was making roughly 280 dollars a week. Whatever pay rent no problem even though Id be more supportive of my kid going through a terrible time but whatever. I also had to pay for my own food and such.The problem was a lot. My room was storage for her and her boyfriend i literally had just a bed and the rest were boxes of junk the boyfriend who was a hoarder didnt want to throw out. On top of that he was a terrible person who would constantly bad mouth my mother, steal my weed and other things from my room(i actually caught him on camera and showed him and he still denied it to my face.) One day he did it in front of me and i beat the shit outta him and i ended up leaving and sleeping on friends couches etc. Now at the time I would've fucking killed for my mother. So her picking him over me kinda broke my heart back then but it is what it is. Fast forward a couple years(20) i ended up living back with her doing the same stuff but this time at least i had a room that didnt have junk in it. But the abusive boyfriend was still there and it was the same pay rent and. all of my food. She starts letting her friends from the methadone clinic she goes too stay in the house...for FREE🤦‍♂️. Another thing she been on methadone for like 13 years, that's not how methadone should work but fuck it im no doctor. 4 years later she makes a big deal about money and all this stuff and i go to find out that, first she never used my money to pay rent, it turned out from me talking to our landlord that she owed almost 6 months of backrent! I also found out that the boyfriend didn't contribute to any of the finances so at a young age she put her financial responsibility in my hands. We ended up getting evicted and I was pissed and didnt talk to her for 2 years then she got cancer. So i did what i felt was the right thing and was there for her regardless. She got better and now well this whole thing came from a argument the other day we had. I have major depression and i was trying to ask for help and she got mad at me cause i told her i can't talk to her about it. She asked why and i told her the truth that i dont wanna have a who had a sadder life competition. Because she has a habit of if i was to complain about my childhood instead of listening or sympathizing she would bring up things like oh i was molested my childhood wasn't that great. Yeah that's fucking terrible and all that but that doesn't excuse your decision for you children. You're supposed to work to make things better for them. Which is the only valuable life lesson she taught me, because she never did it. Now im in a ok place I'm in school full time work 2 jobs all so i can have a easier life, and she don't understand that I'm busy even though i told her this. Honestly she's the reason for a lot of my depression. it sucks having to coddle a parent, i have no guidance i feel lost half the time and she will never understand that.

I'm so close to giving up

I'm so close to giving up on everything. For the last two weeks my mind has been in shit because someone I cared about betrayed me. They did something which could ruin my life and has given me severe trust issues for the foreseeable future. Because of this I've started losing interest in every I used to enjoy. I used to love going to training but I'm beginning to think what's the point. As well my mind is starting to become self destructive. So many times these last 2 weeks, I haven't been able to look at myself in a mirror without saying something I hate about myself. It's brought me so close to the edge of hurting myself and I'm beginning to lose it. I just want to have some I can trust and care about. But I'm getting so paranoid that everyone I like and know just hates me. It's gotten to the stage where im talking to people I like, and I'm over analyzing everything they say, thinking theyre just saying it out of pity for me. I just want someone, anyone to care about me. But I know no one ever will. I'm starting to think that there's no point in existing since no one would miss me if I'm gone. I feel I'm just annoying everyone I talk to and I'm just a burden on everyone.

I'm failing out of college and idk what to do

So I'm in my first semester of college, not a fancy one but one that I was kinda surprised to get into. I've had 3 cousins go thought the same college and graduate easy. I'm not good at studying and have gotten help but I dont think it's working. I'm always extremely depressed and can't find the energy study or go out with friends. None of my family knows except my mom and the only thing she's told me to do is to do better. I won't be able to go into next semesters classes without passing my current ones with a C or better. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do or how to even start. If I fail out of college there isn't anything for me to do besides fast food/customer service. Any advice on helping my depression so I have motivation to study or tips on studying would be greatly appreciated.

I’ve had a rlly good last few days even today is fine so why do I feel so depressed?

Sure there are definitely some things I’d change if I could. But I’m pretty sure I can’t sooo why let it brother me? I push myself through the days but I’m just not happy. I’m depressed and haven’t felt this for awhile. I miss how I use to feel. I just let something get a hold of me and now its hard to shake it off. I’m not sure if it’s correlated with the pinching chest pain I’ve been having as well. I see it’s affecting a few of my highly valued relationship and my health. Anyone have any tried and true healthy tricks to distract themselves from this feeling? It’s weird to want to start caring again and yet don’t at the present time… I just wish I could go to some island by myself with a few mojitos and a hammock.. just relax in the sun. Hear the ocean the breeze. And not give a damn about anything or anyone (except my dogs ❤️ of course). Maybe that’s what I need. Just sit alone no worries no expectations from anyone no confusion or stress about this or that. No work. Just healing. Just some me time. I need me again… I need some serious tlc that’s what it is *sighs*

Feeling Super Stuck - Would Love Some Advice

Hey guys. I’m posting this in the depression forum because I’m hoping for some advice from people who know what it’s like to live with depression. I'm stuck in a bad situation with no good options, and I think it would be difficult for anyone without including severe depression and anxiety, but I've got that too. Also, I just think I need some compassion and understanding right now, and so this feels like the right place to post this. TLDR: I’m a Canadian living in Houston. My wife is finishing up her surgical fellowship, and because of Covid, getting my US work authorization is taking forever. The combination of unemployment and being in a toxic relationship has left me miserable and fighting with depression and anxiety. If we didn’t have a two and half year old daughter I would have split with my wife a while ago. Without employment I can’t afford to get my own place here, and staying in this relationship is killing my soul. I’m feeling insanely stuck – any advice? Long version: I’m living in Houston with my wife and two and half year-old daughter. My wife is a surgical fellow, and is currently deciding on which of the three job offers she has to become a full staff doctor in one of three US cities. I sold my business back in Canada earlier this year, and because of Covid (and probably the existing general slowness of the US government), getting my US work authorization is taking forever. I’m likely going to have to wait another three or four months until I’m able to work, and at that point I’ll still have to find a job. Unfortunately, as soon as my wife’s current job is over in June, I’ll have to stop working immediately, and will have to reapply for US work authorization again when she gets her new visa issued. So optimistically I’ll be able to work for four out of the next 12 months …and while I’m a highly qualified person, I may not be able to find a well-paying job right away. Working remotely for a Canadian company is possible, but those jobs pay poorly and they're surprisingly hard to come by. I grew up in an abusive home, and was abused basically daily from about the age of four until I left at 16. Turns out that the only other abusive relationship I’ve ever been in is with the person I’m currently married to. There was never physical abuse in my marriage, and my childhood trauma definitely factors in here. I could go on for pages describing the history and the current dynamics, but I’ll keep to the point by saying that I’ve made huge strides in understanding my mental health, that I know myself quite well, and that the chances of me being happy and fulfilled in the marriage are zero. There’s been a mountain of therapy, tonnes of conversations, over several years. I’ve been the “this is fine” meme for about four years now and I just can’t do it any more. If it wasn’t for our daughter, I would have broken up long ago. I’ve stayed because of her, and I’ve done my best to make the relationship work. It’s clearly not working though, and I’m feeling painfully stuck and I’m miserable. I have every reason in the universe to leave except for one reason, and she’s an amazing little human that I can’t imagine abandoning. So yeah, I have no frigging idea what to do. Staying in this relationship is a terrible option. I can’t afford to live in Houston without a job. Working remotely for a company in Canada is an option, but most pay terribly and I haven't had any luck landing one yet. Homelessness is technically an option, but not really. I could go back to my old job in Canada any time, but that’s a 23 hour drive away not counting traffic and bathroom breaks. I don’t have anyone in my life I can talk to about this, so I’m hoping for a little bit of emotional support here. 😊 This situation has me feeling unresolvable stuck, and for the first time in my life at times I’m feeling desperate and miserable. I know the right thing is to find a way through it with my wife for the sake of my daughter, but honestly I don’t think my soul can take it. Any suggestions?

So… is this it? For like ever?

I’ve had depression on and off for about 10 years now, and I just finally moved out on my own, got a job I’m good at (but is not what I ever studied or dreamed of doing), and I just feel… empty. Like I’d rather be laying in bed today than be at work. So… is this gonna be the rest of my life? I’m on antidepressants but I dunno. Just doesn’t seem like things matter. I don’t really wanna be in a 9-5 from January to December for the rest of forever. And I mean… I enjoy video games and movies still but it’s just killing time I feel like. Is there anything I can do?

I feel like shit after I stopped taking pills

I love in abusive family and I'm traumatized because of it. I can't focus in school, can't ready, every contact with humans makes me anxious and drains me out of energy despite that I used to be social butterfly when younger. I was on Zoloft for 6 months and it didn't really help me until I started taking 75mg doses. Then I stopped taking it because of my parents' pressure. Taking meds for mental problems isn't "normal" form them. Eventually I had enough of their trash talk and gave it up. I regret it since then my symptoms are getting worse and worse. I got more suicidal, my emotions are vague and I feel exhausted all the time. It drives me crazy. I think my mother canceled meeting with psychiatrist and I don't want to dose meds by myself. I did one stupid thing and that's enough. What do I do, what should I tell them?

Meds?

To keep it short my mental has steadily been deteriorating. I finally decided to seek help and start seeing a therapist. I didn’t know what to expect or how anyone could’ve helped me. Three sessions in and I don’t see a point of therapy? He keeps asking me the same thing and suggests I get on anti depressants. I’m not against giving it a shot but I’m just disappointed at how therapy went. Can anyone here tell me their experience with anti depressants?

People say I'm a hateful person, how do I get rid of that characteristic?

Especially family members. And I agree. I can talk for hours about people or things that I can't stand. The worst part about being like that, is that it's devouring you from the inside. The hate gets real!! I start to think positively about people now, I tell myself how well they are doing and that they deserve it, instead of being jealous and hateful. I hope this works, and I've been doing this for months now, sadly I relapsed because I was talking with someone who kind of has the same problems as I do, but instead of keeping our hateful conversation for himself, he snitched on me by telling my sibling *your brother is such a good friend, we understand each other so well simply by how similar we talk crap about other people*. I got got confronted for that and to be honest? I think it's good that this person snitched on me, because I clearly deserve some ass whoopin. So..... I'm at the bottom again, my whole process was for nothing... I think I have to accept that this is a part of me, being a disgusting hateful piece of shit that's talking crap behind peoples backs, being jealous because I can't get up on myself and rely on the help of others. Shame.

Someone gave me this "advice"?

Basically I just wanted to ask if this was reasonable advice. This person knows I'm extremely suicidal and depressed and have a bunch of mental problems. They also know that I've been the only one to advocate for myself for years for treatment. I am receiving treatment, and my therapist even says I've been trying very hard. This person's advice to me was just, "Just try harder. You can always try harder." And they refused to understand that sometimes you just can't try any harder, you reach your limit, or even that you might need the help of someone else to help get you through. They said that needing anyone else's help is toxic and unhealthy and that's using someone as crutch, you will never get better, etc. Just completely disregarding everything I am feeling and going through. Am I wrong to feel upset by this? I feel like it's a bs answer to shrug off any responsibility as an important person in my life.

Supporting my girlfriend

Hello all! Please remove this is this isn’t the right place. I’ve been close with this girl for months now and we’ve recently started dating. She’s opened up about being on antidepressants, very briefly, but I’m glad she feels comfortable at least bringing it up. I told her how I feel, which is that she can talk to me any time, she wouldn’t be annoying me, I want to help her feel good, things like that. I don’t want to be overbearing but I do want to support her. Most importantly I don’t want her to feel alone. I am fully aware and ready to help her with this. Some words of advice on how to be there for her would be greatly appreciated!

Random questions

I want to start by saying some of these questions might be dumb but I'm American and poor. So I've avoid healthcare like the plague because it can ruin your life just the same. Who do I see to get on depression meds. I need to see a general doctor for something not depression related. Can they also prescribe depression meds? Do I need to see a psychiatrist? Do doctors normal prescribe meds on first visits or do they want you to try anything else first?

We were engaged. He left me for a 19 year old he has been talking to online for the past 3 months

This will be quite a long story, and I also apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, I’m Brazilian and English is not my first language. In 2017 (I was 18) I met an American through an app called Yellow (it doesn’t exist anymore). He was 20. We talked for over two years before we got to meet in person. Our love grew and even though we didn’t consider ourselves a couple (because it would be crazy to start a relationship with someone that lives almost 10 thousand kilometers from you that you’ve never even met in person), we didn’t have anything with anyone else in the meantime. To be honest though, he wanted us to assume ourselves as a couple back then, but I refused. We were always messaging, video calling and sending each other cards for special dates, so we could have something palpable. In 2019 I got my very first job (was an internship actually), I didn’t make much, but I saved all the money to buy a plane ticket to go there and see him. Important to mention that his parents didn’t trust me enough to let him come here first, because there’s this stereotype of people from “third world countries” wanting to marry people from rich countries just to get citizenship, so in order to prove I wasn’t that type of person I had to go there first. I spent a long time trying to convince my parents to do so and also raising money for the ticket. Our mothers actually started messaging each other throughout the process, and that helped build some trust. Finally the day came, I got enough money for the ticket and bought it. That was one of the happiest days of my life. That was June 2019. We met on January 2020. The rest of 2019 I was just dreaming about the special day and I was so motivated I got the best grades ever at university. My life was perfect, I had nothing to complain about. So the day came. After almost 24 hours of flying and airport layovers, I was there. It was a feeling I’ll never forget: a mix of the good type of anxiety and victory for finally being able to meet the guy I loved. I stayed there with him from January to March 2020. He was extremely nice and romantic, I never felt so happy, he really was my soulmate. He was also a very emotional guy, wasn’t ashamed of crying and showing his emotions towards me. He asked me to be his girlfriend the day after I got there and he cried when I said yes. I never expected what I’ll tell next to happen though. On my last day there, his parents drove with us to drop me off at the airport, and he cried the whole way there. We spent some time by ourselves at the airport, and when the time came for me to go through security to go to the gates, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I never expected that and I was just filled with happiness. Then I said yes but had to walk away, so yeah, even though it was a beautiful moment it was also very sad. I came back to Brazil and we just went back to our online relationship. He eventually came here on December 2020 and stayed until February 2021. We had an awesome time here, I took him to the beach, it was his first time seeing the ocean. I’ll never forget his smile when we went in the water. So towards the end of his stay we sat down with my family and told them our plans. His parents would give us, as their wedding gift, one of the best immigration lawyers in the United States, so I could get a K1 Visa and get married there. We started the process, sent them a bunch of documents and were just waiting on the government to give us a feedback. This process is a bit slow now because of the pandemic, so we spent this whole year waiting. Now there comes the bad part of the story, that I never thought would happen. October 2021, the worst month of my life. Actually, I need to go back a little bit, to August 2021. There was this Brazilian girl that did a high school exchange at his city a few years back, 2017/2018. They only saw each other in person once at the time, had each other added on Snapchat ever since, but never talked. When the Tokyo Olympics finally started, she posted a story on Snapchat about Brazil losing in a game of volleyball or something, that’s what he told me at least. Since him and I always watched the games together when we could, he knew about it and replied to her story making a joke. They’ve been talking ever since. He told her about me and our story, that we were engaged, etc, and she thought it was awesome and asked to follow me on Instagram. I accepted it. She was extremely nice to me in the beginning and also replied extremely fast. After a few days talking on there she asked me for my WhatsApp number. I’ll confess that I didn’t really want to give her because I barely knew her and I don’t like giving my number to random people. But I didn’t want to be rude so I ended up giving her my number and we started talking there. After just a little while talking on WhatsApp, she asked me if we wanted to do a video call with her (us 3). I thought she was moving way too fast with intimacy with us, but I asked my fiancé if he wanted to and he said it was up to me. I ended up accepting it. It was actually nice and we called once or twice more. Well, so this situation of her being friends with us lasted for about a month, but around the beginning of October I started being suspicious about some things with the two. We used to call every night before I slept (I’m at GMT-3 and he’s at GMT-5), and he started giving excuses to go to sleep earlier because he was feeling sick, tired, etc, and I believed him. Well, all those times he was ending our call earlier to call her for 3 hours straight. They also called at other times during the day that I never knew about. He also put ghost mode on on Snapchat so I couldn’t see when he was there talking to her, and he was always saying it was a glitch (I only believed that because Snapchat really is a very glitchy app, but none of the times I asked it was an actual glitch). He admitted everything after. They were flirting, sexting and everything and at the time it was just two months after they started talking. I only found out because a few days after I started getting suspicious, I messaged him asking if she had ever flirted with him. He said yes, and I freaked out. I also found out later on that the moment I sent him that message they were on a call, and he told her so she was pressuring him to tell me the truth. That’s the only reason why he said yes. Then as I saw he wasn’t replying to my messages, I called him and obviously interrupted their call. He answered. This was a long call, I told him everything I had been suspicious about and he confirmed every single thing. Then, at night, we called again. Our longest video call ever. 9 hours and 37 minutes straight. I’ve been so bad lately that I can’t remember everything, but how it went was basically me telling him all my feelings, how I would do everything over and over again to have the same love and happiness feeling as I did when I went there, how I would sacrifice everything how many times I would need to, just to feel that way again. Then also about our dreams of having a family and everything, how he destroyed everything within a few days. I’ve seen him cry lots in the past, but nothing like this night. He was bawling his eyes out. The call lasted all night. It ended at around 7:30am and I slept until 8:30am. He slept longer than I did. When he woke up, he sent me a long message apologizing, saying how bad he felt and begged for my forgiveness. Yes I know, I’m stupid, but I was going to forgive him. He was telling me that anything I wanted him to do to gain my trust back, to let him know. I told him to block her in all social medias. He did. He sent me screenshots of everything. The long call happened from a Friday night through a Saturday morning. His regret and attempt to try gaining my trust back only lasted until Sunday. These two days he spent apologizing and telling me how he wanted to grow old with me, that kind of stuff. Well, like all this didn’t seem bad enough, the worst part of the story comes now. On Monday morning, I was at the gym, and I got a message from him. The way he wrote seemed odd, so I asked if something was wrong and he said he didn’t feel good. I immediately left the gym and told him to give me a few minutes, that I would get home and we could call. As soon as I got home, I didn’t even shower or anything, I just went to my room and called him. Then he just finished shattering my heart. He said he needed to be honest with me. He said that from the very first time we met in person, when I went there, he felt something wasn’t right between us. That he didn’t feel a connection. He said kissing and other intimate moments felt weird. He said he only proceeded with everything, asked me to marry him, started my Visa process and everything because he was scared of being alone. Since he never had another relationship before and I was the first one that ever got interested in him, he felt like he had to do everything he could to keep me in his life, so he wouldn’t end up alone. Now that he had found this other girl, he felt he really connected with someone. I was stabbed in the back multiple times by the person that always said that I was his soulmate and by a girl that came into my life pretending to be my friend, and I actually believed that. This same day he unblocked her in all social medias and changed his profile picture everywhere (it was a picture of us). So yeah, my world just fell apart in a matter of days. He became what he criticized the most and I became what I feared the most. I’m already a skinny person and I lost around 4kg in a week. I never had trouble sleeping, now I simply can’t have at least a decent night of sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night many times with my heart racing, I have multiple nightmares about the situation. I even had a few panic attacks. I don’t have energy to do anything. I’m on my last semester of college and I can’t do anything. I can’t eat, I’ve thrown up multiple times and just seeing food makes me nauseous. I honestly rather be dead than have all these feelings. Less than a month ago I was the happiest person ever, I had something to look forward to, I had someone in my life that I thought that loved me. Turned out it was just a huge lie. No matter how much I write about this, how much detail I put into everything, I won’t be able to describe my sadness and emptiness. I would wish no one this feeling, not even them.

Just a dumb person who doesn't have anyone

A few weeks back I found a little break for a few weeks. Thought it would make me feel a little better but it didn't turn out that way ig. I have time off but no one wants to hang out or spend time with me. I just sit in my room lying and bad memories keep running on and on. I can hardly breathe many times. Just lay there paralyzed no idea what's happening in my head or surroundings. Many things working against me lately in life but there's no one to just help me with those. I don't know how or what to do. I just wanna die for once. I have seen so many rejections now need someone to accept coz it's taking a toll on me. I can't sleep even tho I am so tired. The only thing that goes on in my mind mostly is how badly I wanna die. Just everything I thought about how I'd like my life to be has completely fallen apart and there is no hope to fix anything. Everytime someone asks how am I doing the only words that come out r I am fine even tho I know I am dying inside. So lost. Just so lost.

Low functioning depression

Hi reddit. The title of this post is quite ironical as I've spent the last 10 minutes making a new account just so I could post this 'anonymously', have had to get out of bed for it and have finally dedicated myself to doing at least *something* today. Nonetheless, I see this situation as a minor bright spot in my current life and desperately need advice regardless. I am a senior high-schooler from a low-income family in Europe. Ever since I was 13 or 14 years old I've been struggling with some kind of self-diagnosed (I never went to therapy for many reasons) depression and/or anxiety. The causes of such problems have changed throughout the years, but they were mostly linked with social anxiety, unhealthy amount of self-imposed academic stress and god knows what else. My first two years of high school were marked by drenching amounts of anxiety regarding new acquaintances, extremely low self esteem, low functioning due to stress and frequent suicidal thoughts and wishes. Over time, my social anxiety went away, with it most of my problems, and for the last year I haven't felt as close as bad as I did before. I thought my depression finally disappeared, and that I've changed as a person. Now, I know I was wrong. At the moment I am experiencing a great deal of stress caused by university planning. Like previously mentioned, I live in a low-developed European country in a low-middle class family. My biggest chance to do something with my life is to go to university abroad, as universities in my country are pretty much shit. I've dedicated all of my elementary and high school education to university planning, constantly striving for good grades, many extracurriculars and additional tests. And now, when the time has finally come to apply for universities and write my damn personal essays and send them, I blocked. I cannot make myself to sit and write the essays, as I am a huge perfectionist and am (probably) scared to start writing as I fear they won't end up good. The more time passes, the more stressed I am, the harder it is to focus, and it all ends up being a great, vicious circle. It is the beginning of November, I need to send the university apps as soon as possible, and what am I doing? After spending my whole day laying in bed, sleeping and crying, I am writing on reddit for help as I am on a verge of a mental breakdown, once again, for two months and counting. And yes, I am aware there are worse problems one can encounter in life. And yes, I am very much aware that issues like these can be easily solved by investing a bit of willpower, but I do not have any more strength to do so. I need advice. Any advice. A change of perspective. Anything. Please, anything. I do not have much time, I am feeling worse as seconds pass, my anxiety has spread out on many different aspects of my life. Consequently I don't do anything, I don't sleep well, I don't exercise, I don't eat well. I've become a nihilistic, lazy person who is anxious about almost everything. Again. Every part of my body hurts every day, as this is how I usually react to procrastination and low productivity. I know I need just the smallest amount of strength to begin my work and stop all this, but I cannot find it on my own. Please help me, because I know if I mess this up I will never fully recover. I am so stressed and so scared. Please give me any advice you have, anything that you think may help. Some plan, something new, anything. Please. I cannot do this anymore and I cannot live like this anymore.

I think I'm depressed because I can't find a girlfriend.

I'm 21. Most people say that I'm good looking, I'm kinda muscular, I play basketball, I'm a university student and I really love reading about history, science and politics. I have many friends I have fun with them, but I miss so much having someone that I can sleep with, make love to, cuddle etc. The thing is that I can actually flirt and I can talk easily no matter with anyone no matter what. What is wrong with me tho? Why no one likes me? I'd love if someone would help me with this. And I'd prefer a girl's opinion, but of course I'd appreciate a guy's opinion too.

Shadow.

I've suffered from depression & anxiety all my life, in spells. It's always there but I can usually manage it. This last few weeks has been rough, I'll spare the detail as there's some personal stuff. My concern is that wherever I go, I feel like there's this shadow following me. Like, 6'7" black shadow in my peripheral vision, always there. Whether I'm in bed, the kitchen, the car, or out for a walk, just feel this presence behind me, an inch away from my back just towering over me. Always just out of sight, but I know it's there. At what point do I worry about this?

I have no Idea what to do with myself

It seems like I can't do the work for my therapy. I droped out of colege, I have no friends, I feel so lost and hopeless... I Just want to sleep and not make dessitions. I know I have to get up and do stuff, commit to get better, but I don't see the point. I can shower, make my bed and eat well for a couple of days but then I just don't. I spend my days waseting my time. I've tried looking for somethig to learn, or somethig to do, but at this point I'm so sick of everyone looking at me expecting me to do somethig. I just can't see myself in the future, I'm just so tired... I don't want to life like this, but I can't imagine life being any better and I just son't see the point anymore. I honestly have no faith in therapy. What can I do? I'm getting scared of my mind and the thoughts in it.

Unable to self introspect

I’ve (21F) always been self aware of my emotions and feelings. Always was in touch with it through journaling, painting or art. It’s been more than a year, I haven’t been able to do any of it.. haven’t been able to journal like the way I used to.. and I feel like I’ve lost my touch to self introspection. I’ve been feel lost, unsure of what I really feel like anymore.. don’t feel anything too deeply very easily anymore and find it hard to stay motivated. Any suggestions on how I can go about this? Or if anyone has been through something similar?

How do I stop overeating?

I feel like eating is the only thing I derive any pleasure from anymore, I've been trying to lose a little weight recently but I feel tempted to snack just to feel good and not necessarily because I'm hungry. I don't feel any interest or reward from anything else - Gaming isn't fun anymore, neither is reading or watching movies or anything like that. How do I reduce the urge to eat for pleasure and replace it with something more healthy?

At what point does one call 911 to take away suicidal partner

Boyfriend (40m) has always struggled with bouts of depression but as of late become more suicidal than ever before. He is always talking about wanting to die and not staying around much longer. He is surprised he is still living bc it was his plan to die. I love him unconditionally and I’m at a loss because I do believe him and I’m worried on a daily basis if he will go through with it. But at the same time I can’t imagine him getting taken away or what that would do to him. And I certainly can’t imagine having the strength to make that call.

Being a teenager sucks

Hi, To preface this I'm going to sum up myself. I'm a lonely geek teenager that's an only child with no pets, like stereotype computer geek. I just got back into physical classes again after 2 years doing online ones which I preferred I just moved and am having a tough time making friends and a tough time with my parents We're in a small apartment while ours gets renovated so I'm sleeping on the couch and then going to school with no privacy really. My parents always try to turn the tables on me and then make things my fault or make me do things then insult me for things I'm forced to do. I got some clothes a while ago I said I didn't like and I said I didn't like the fit , so I didn't wear them, now its my fault that I "asked for them" (or other times they just say that I have to wear stuff because they say so). It feels like every night there's a screaming match between me and my dad or my parents , my mother is always seemingly depressed or has an attitude , I don't have friends and don't know how to make any. I just really don't know what to do. Teenagers nowadays don't care about Linux or old music , all they wanna listen to is shitty rap and use fucking tiktok. When we went to my doctor I had to take an exam where I have "high signs of depression" and my parents were told I should see a psychologist , that never happened of course They have alcohol with breakfast, lunch, and dinner which doesn't help either and it always feels like the standards are against me and that everything I do gets judged. They treat me like they own me and like I can't speak. Because no matter what I think my mom is always more important (all she does it cook and smash I swear to god) I really don't know what to do. I've tried offing myself in the past and my mom laughed at me and screamed "don't be ridiculous". I tried to come out as LGBT+ to them and was made fun of and still am and I have to lie that I'm not. It makes me so angry seeing other people in classes and knowing they have pets and siblings and loving parents , and I don't. "We just want the best for you" Telling me to off myself and that everything I do isn't goof enough doesn't fucking solve that. As I said , idk what to do

accountability buddies

i need an accountability buddy on discord. i have been depressed fr as long as i can remember but later i cant do anything, i had periods like this in the past but now i am starting to get used to it and i hate it. we can make a server on discord, just for us two, a vent channel so we can dumb our thoughts somewhere, a to do list for each day, and encourage each other. I'm sorry i am not sure how this works exactly but if you have any other suggestions you can add them. i would need someone extremely open minded though because i have been through a lot of unexpected stuff. of course i will try to help too. please reach out if you are interested in us helping each other. just keep in mind that i am looking for a friend not a partner so your sexuality should not matter (thought i know straight men or lesbians feel more comfortable talking to girls in general and that is okay). i don't care about your race or gender or anything but i am kind of beat down of talking to so many strangers on reddit without actually building a meaningful connection with anyone so please leave sort of intro in the comments. thank you for taking the time to read this, even though i might be a bit awkward.

I don't know why I became like this

Before me He was the smartest of all I was doing well in school It was good times Now i'm weak I'm kid I'm 16 Now I can't wash dishes (they make me do what to do) I can't do anything for my school Even worse, people have high expectations of me And i get it But when it's disappointment Everyone will get mad, and with good reason What do I do? If for some reason this subreddit is not correct, recommend where to ask for help I do not know where, I do not know and I hope not to offend, I do not know if I made God angry, or because I'm not that good, I need someone to talk to Every day living is hard for me, sometimes my family is very hard, I am afraid

If going through a depressive episode, should I first focus on making myself happy?

Last couple of days I’ve been seriously stressed, have felt overwhelmed, insecure, had some very out of character suicidal thoughts and have just been generally on the verge of tears. **What’s the best course of action when in crisis?** Am I suppose to make my self feel better and avoid such horrible sad thoughts and **then** tackle my problems? Is temporary avoidance bad? **What makes me happy:** Funny Reddit communities, flirting with my girlfriend, comedy shows, talking to new people and being nice to everyone

How do I fight again numbness and guilt?

I'm 21f and I have had a terrible year so far, in which my depression has reached levels I've never imagined. I have had this feeling for a few weeks now. I wake up every day knowing it will be the same. I feel like a bag of meat, just hovering around the house doing things on autopilot. I don't eat much, cause my family is going through a very though situation so there's not much to eat. I'm in college and I get stuff to do all the time. I've been a very good student so far, but lately, I've barely had the energy to check on my assignments... I feel terrible for not putting much effort anymore, because this might be probably the only way I can help my family in the future. I can't sit on my desk and get things done bc my arms feel heavy and my head empty. I thought that maybe getting a new job would help me getting my life together and distract me from everything that happens at home, so I applied for part time tele marketing jobs, but don't receive any call backs. My teaching job is very unstable so I decided to step back because it was taking more than it was giving me... I feel the constant need to cry and just curl up in my chair and stay there forever. I hate feeling this empty and lonely... How can I get out of this downward spiral? I'm really really sorry if this sounds like I'm just venting. I usually don't talk with others about my feelings because I feel I only drag them down.

Achievements mean nothing

So, I just finished my thesis presentation, which I was netvous about (not fully done but one of the last stops before full on submission). I got praised by both the professors there who told me my thery was unique and interesting for my field. They said that it looks like it's already around passing level and I can take the extra month to make it even stronger. I was happy enough to hit the gym and do a full workout routine. Then I came home and it's like all that just went away. I got the thoughts back in my head that my research field is useless, I'll never have a good job when I'm done, I'm just mediocre, I screwed up my life, I missed so many opportunities... Nothing brings me peace of mind at all.

I Need Help

( sorry for my bad English ) This year my life turned upside down when my parents broke up. In my family everyone dislikes me without telling me . I am like their own personal helper. Also everyone in the house is against me , for example when me and my brother fight everyone will help my brother , when i and my mom fight everyone supports my mom because she is always superior from me and the best thing is that sometimes when my older brother fights with my mom they bring me into the topic and start saying things like " he always studies and he will never achieve his dreams " or something like that. And the best part is that i cannot get help , i don't want to speak to my mother and solve the problem , i keep everything inside me. One time i was brought to a hospital to speak to a psychiatrist ( the guy that helps you when you have a phonological problem ) and i started crying because i learned that when thing get tough start crying. I don't know what to do and i am so shy and antisocial that i cannot even ask a teacher for help. Reddit you are my only hope.

I wasn't diagnosed with depression

So I spoke to a psychiatrist today. I've been suspecting that I'm depressed for years now. I have a hard time with really basic tasks/personal hygiene. I have no energy. I have really demeaning thoughts about myself, and my self esteem is extremely low. I think about dying pretty much all the time, and my suicidal ideation has greatly increased recently. I have no motivation and I can't see any kind of future for myself, let alone a happy one. Just generally, I'm not happy at all. Now, the psychiatrist told me I have generalized anxiety disorder, and I was diagnosed with anxiety years ago, so that makes sense to me. But when I told him everything that I mentioned above and then some, he told me that these symptoms were not the primary focus, and that treating anxiety should make them go away. He never explicitly said that I have depression, which is throwing me off. Obviously I'm not a professional, but the way he didn't actually name the reason for my symptoms is making me feel like such an idiot. I feel like all this time, I've been making it up; that I'm not actually depressed and all my symptoms are just in my head. I just don't know what to do. I feel horrible about myself.

I wrote my letters

To start it am safe, I am not planning on ending my life for now. I wrote my letters today. I wanted to see what I would say to my loved ones. They were surprisingly easy to write. 5 total. My ex-wife, 2 friends and my parents. The ones to my parents were the hardest. I know they are what had kept me alive as long as I have been. I don't want them to have to bury me. That is not a burden I want them to have. But having these letters written does give me some relief in knowing that if I can't hold back the pain anymore that they will know that I did my best and that they were wonderful parents. And that it was not because of them I am gone. That it was because of them I lived as long as I did. That my pain became too much but not because if them. It was my internal demons. So they will know that I held out as long as I could. so I have to keep going for now. So they will never see that letter. But knowing it is there if I can't keep it away in the future is a relief.

I'm scared...

I have been depressed for the past half-year and it's only getting worse. I managed to tell my Mom I want to talk to a doctor about it. However, I don't think she realizes how bad it is. I don't think I realized until now how bad it is. I'm scared that when I tell my doctor, that I'm going to get hospitalized (I don't feel safe around myself. When I mess up I want to hurt myself, and have.). I don't mind it, except I feel like I'm lying to her by not telling her how bad I feel. If I end up getting hospitalized I won't hear the end of it from the rest of my family (traditional catholic grandparents). They don't understand that mental health can effect anyone, and they would just make fun of me... I just need some guidance as if I should hide how bad it is to avoid getting hospitalized, or should I be completely truthful to my doctor. I love my mom (she raised me on her own for years) but I feel like I would be betraying her if I end up hospitalized.

People who don't have school/work: what do you do?

For the people out there who aren't in school and don't work, what do you do with your time? And I know it sounds like I'm being rude, but I really want to know. Long story short, I've been in college for a few years with worsening depression. It's likely that I'm going to take a leave of absence because it's become painfully clear to me that I can't handle school. I don't want to leave school, but I made exactly zero progress towards my degree this semester and it's a massive waste of money to stay in school at my current mental state. I'm in the middle of trying a new antidepressant (my sixth in about three years) and my current plan is to move home for the upcoming semester so that I have time to figure out treatment (because trying a new antidepressant takes like three months and if this medication isn't the one, then that's another quarter of the year down the drain). But I've been trying to figure out what I'll do with all my time and...I find myself drawing a blank. Sure, I'll be trying medications and going to therapy, but that'll take a couple hours per week at the absolute maximum. I can try to exercise, but again, that's maybe an hour out of my day if I can find the energy to do it. The rest of the time, I have absolutely no idea what to do other than watch Netflix and YouTube and go on Reddit, all things which I *know* are bad for my mental health and make me feel even more like I have no sense of purpose. I don't think I can handle getting a job (maybe on a part-time basis, but I'm not sure if I can deal with even that). My family has dogs, so I'll take care of them, but still, I anticipate having hours and hours of time in which I have to entertain myself alone. tl;dr I'm going to leave school temporarily, but I don't know what I'll do with all my time other than mindlessly browse the Internet. For those of you who don't go to school or work, what do you do with your day? What gives you a sense of structure and purpose?

I'm losing hope

Hello. Idk if anyone is even going to read this. But it's my last resort....an...idk what else to do after this...so...here goes nothing. I'm 18. All my life I've been alone. I've been bullied, beaten, mocked, and hated. I'm tired of living everyday and knowing I'm going to feel worse than yesterday. Everyday is just more pain. Idek what to write because theres so much to say. I'm alone...and depressed. I probably sound like everyone else...but at this point I'm desperate. Making friends is hard... I'm sorry...all my thoughts are racing so it's hard to know what to write. Everyone is finding love...and here I am...alone...and depressed. My friends always say "looks dont matter" YES THEY DO!!! ....they do... I'm alone... Im not just depressed because of that...I am nothing. Nothing I do matters...I am nothing...I'm a nobody. I've attempted suicide 2 times and failed. An you know who cared? Fucking nobody...... ....nobody... Please someone hear me....I'm at the end of my rope...I'm tired...im wasting away slowly...losing hope...losing friends....and I'm done with that...please.....if you see someone who is alone...talk to them..help them...because I know how it feels to be...abandoned... I want to spread awareness about depression...but I know...death is nearing for me.....and I cant talk to anyone...because when I do....they always say I can vent to them but they just end up annoyed with me and leaving me...everyone leaves me!! Everyone!! I just....I just need help...I'm losing grip on my life... If anyone even reads this...I want you to take one thing away from my pain...Be kind to everyone...please..you don't know what some people have been though.....I will attempt suicide again...maybe today...idk... Please dont let your life get to this point.... If this is goodbye....thank you

Could anyone here help me with writing an email?

I have been putting off my thesis for months after I told my promotor I have depression in March. I promised her to get back at it in September but I couldn’t bring myself to work on it until today. I should’ve sent her emails explaining my situation but I keep delaying because everything related to my thesis triggers anxiety and turmoil inside me. Yesterday my promotor sent me an email which I dread to open. It took me a mountainous amount of energy, some tears, and screams to open it, and I found out that she was asking how I am doing and reminded me that my thesis is a part of a bigger project and that basically, I need to start working on it and update her. I feel guilty to the bones now. I know, this probably sounds very childish and desperate but could anyone here help me draft my email? I have the draft already but I don't know if the content is appropriate enough. My mind is so stupid right now that I don't know how to write professionally and how much I should share. If I can, I just wanna let her know that I'm so anxious about working on this thesis.

Help with ex girlfriend (trying to stay friends) (M29) (F28)

So my ex girlfriend was going through a rough time with her depression and ended the relationship to say that it wasn't fair on me and that she needed to focus on herself. She still wanted to be friends and we've chatted off and on for a few weeks but recently she's gone radio silent, leaving my messages unread. Even after we broke up it had been a back and forth between who started conversations. I don't know if this is her way of letting things fizzle out entirely or if this is her depression taking a turn for the worst. I can see that she's been online (thanks invasive apps tracking login/active times) so at least I know she's still alive but I'm worried about her. Deep down I still love her and I care about her as a friend but I'm a little lost on what to do. I want to give her space but I suppose I also want a definitive answer as to whether things are over in terms of friendship and I feel guilty and selfish. I don't want to smother her or take too much of a step back but my experience of depression is non-existent. I don't know if this is normal behaviour for a depressive state or if anybody has some tips for approaching something like this or general tips for being a good friend for someone with depression but I'd appreciate any pointers.

Help me help him

My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. He moved from a fairly metropolitan area to my very rural small town. This transitions been tough for him and he’s slipped into what I’d call a depressive state. He’s typically a very social and active person but more recently he’s become a hermit. I struggle to even get him off of the couch. I encourage him often to get up and do things with me but it isn’t usually received well. He wants to get up but he just doesn’t know how to get himself going. How can I be helpful to him without parenting him?

I think it's time for me

I have really lost it. The way I act and my brain works it is completely gone wrong. I can't fix it or control my actions. I can not help it. I just want to be normal. Boring. Nothing. Just work and die. I'm sick of the way I act and what I say or do. It seriously makes me sad I am this way. I think i am giving up and sooner than later I think i might just end it. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I have completely lost it and just feel pathetic with what I am. I don't think whatever I do to improve my appearance or career will ever help my mental. I am fundamentally broken,i was hit on the head as a child, not even a day old with a football. It is lucky I am even alive but I just feel like there is nothing in my skull it is completely empty. I don't ever want to see anyone or anything again. I just want darkness. Emptiness. Something that switches off my brain and I am in the empty void.

At a Loss

I have been struggling trying to cope with a constant pitting feeling in my stomach. My husband has put me through hell with leaving constantly, infidelity, and being emotionally unavailable. The more he pulls away the more I throw myself into a deeper feeling of helplessness and cry out for help. I have always been quick to move on or to cope but I'm starting to lose all motivation and hope. I don't think I'm capable of wanting to move on but how can I remain in a relationship where he is only supportive 25% of the time. I need validation that I am going to be okay in the long run.

I’m legally required to give my son to his negligent abuser. His life is threatened.

I can’t think straight. He had to go to the ER on Friday night. he lost 4.5 pounds in 5 days. In 5 days out of the 7 days she had custody of him. I had kept him for 3 weeks because I was out of the job. We go visit one weekend and he gets sick, he gets better but then she comes to get him, my 3 weeks are up. 5 days later we are in the ER. My guess is she just neglected him while he was sick. This has been on going. What do I do?

I sabotaged my relationship with my sister and hate myself so much for it

I don't know what to do anymore. I skip almost every family event on purpose. I haven't gone to see them for a very very long time, I don't know since when. Yesterday my sister was having a baby shower and I told everyone I'd be there, but I fell into a depressive hole this weekend and even though I put shoes on and grabbed keys and a bag, I still did not go. Idk why. I didn't know anyone else that was going to be there and that made me just freeze and not go. Now my sister hates me I'm sure. She posted on her story a picture that said "being constantly let down by the one person you looked up to all your life is really exhausting." Which hurt, but it's absolutely true. It hurts because I fucking make these choices and I hate them. I have the time. I have the ability. I just choose to fucking stay home instead and I HATE myself. She will probably never talk to me again. Idk what to do.

Things just keep getting worse

Sorry this is so long. One thing after another just keeps happening to me.. Things have been really bad for several years. I lost a really great job and I haven't been able to find another. Everyone says I'm over qualified and won't stick around, or that I'm great but they went with another candidate. I'm facing eviction for the 3rd time in 3 years. I've applied for aid with my county and state, but even though I started in May I haven't gotten any help. I've somehow managed to keep the electricity on until now. I previously owed the power company money and they spread the debt out over months. But this month I couldn't make my payment, so the payment arrangement was canceled and they said my electricity would be disconnected. I don't live in a state where they won't cut off your electricity in the winter, and there is no way I can come up with almost $800. I expect them to disconnect my service Monday morning. I'm freaking out and can't sleep because I'm afraid when I wake up the power will be off. I interviewed twice for an absolutely amazing job, and about 2 1/2 weeks ago they offered me they job. I got so excited because I thought things would finally start getting better. They said the offer was dependent upon passing a background check. Originally I was supposed to start Nov. 8. Background check took almost 2 weeks, then they said it was done and were talking about shipping me a laptop (job is remote for out of state company). Then Friday they told me the background check had brought up some things that required additional information from me. I got a copy of the report and it shows 2 misdemeanor charges from 2019. I was pulled over and ticketed for not having insurance or current car tags (cause I didn't have $ for either). And I bounced a check that I wasn't able to cover. I was fined for both, but I haven't had the money to make any payments on either. I was hoping this great job would let me take care of those. On the background check it says I was sentenced to jail - I wasn't, but might even been for failure to pay the fines. There may be warrants out for my arrest for failure to pay the fines, I don't know. They still haven't told me what additional information they need, but I don't really think it could be anything but that. I feel like my mistakes and being poor the past few years are going to prevent me from ever getting a job and making things better. I've made mistakes, I've paid for them, I've learned from them. But I just haven't been able to pay the fines. Even if they decide to give me the job, I have doubts they'll have me start next Monday since people will be off for Thanksgiving. So I wouldn't even start working til Dec. and wouldn't get a paycheck until Dec. 15. And this job is remote and I can't work from home once the power is cut off. I don't have anybody I can ask for any type of help. And I'm really feeling pretty hopeless right now. It's literally taken me years to get this 1 job offer and it's looking like it isn't going to happen. I just don't see how things can get better when it looks like things are definitely going to get worse. I could use the public WiFi somewhere like the library, but I don't know how I could do that while being on Zoom calls for most of the day. Even with a headset I'd still be bothering others when I'm talking. If you've got a better idea of what I could do for a few weeks, please let me know. I would LOVE to have a good job, get caught up on rent and utility bills, pay my fines and get on with having a life. I'm just so frustrated and discouraged and depressed right now.

What can I do…

My (21F) bf (20M) is going through severe depression, and I don’t know how much more I can help. Him being in a low place drains me a lot, but I’m constantly scared of him doing something to harm himself. In these past few days he has constantly been expressing how tired he is of living, how he doesn’t think he can do it (live) anymore, and how he wish he was never born. I can feel that he’s always trying to push me away so that he won’t hurt me anymore, but then he says that I’m the only person and thing that he cares about. We’re gonna seek professional help asap, but both me and him are scared that he won’t be able to tough it until then. Seeing him like this crushes me and makes me sad, and I want to help him.

Depression is Ruining my Relationships

I have been feeling depressed for a while now and it’s only getting worse every day. I can’t get out of bed, do any of my uni work or even clean the house and look after myself. I could deal with this but recently I’ve been pushing people out of my life (mainly my partner because I live with him) and I don’t know what to do. I have panic attacks when I think about losing him, but because I’m so depressed I’ve convinced myself it would be the best think for both of us. But when I think logically I know I would heavily regret doing that because when I think of my future and things like that he is in it, and I want him to be in it. I just feel so irritated by everything and I just want to sleep all the time. What do I do?

I feel lonely even though there's no need to

So I (25m) gotta say that mostly my life is great - I have a lot of friends (online & offline) and a lot of people like me for who I am which is very important for me. However - I have always been someone who was very lacking female contact. My whole life whenever I had female friends it was something very special to me and mostly those friendships were more important to me than to them. Always wanted to have a "best female friend" but after years where this wish never came true I gave up on it. At the moment I mainly have contact to two of my female friends. One is my ex girlfriend and we message each other occasionally. I know that she's very busy so naturally it's rare for her to message me. But when we chat then it's always very fun for both of us and we have a great time. And then nothing for like 1 or 2 months. I sometimes tell her how I'm very happy when she messages me and stuff and then she always insists that it's so rare because she has no time. So I can kinda cope with it. Then there's another (online) friend who I have known for roughly two and a half years now. We once were really close and even planned to meet up once but then quarantine hit and then the plan kinda fell into the water. Somehow the contact got less and less until it started again about a year ago. Mainly when it's her or my birthday we keep saying how we should get into a voice call again and play some games like we used to. But then again when I ask her later she either says "yeah we should do that soon" or when she says "I guess it could work out tonight" she does not cancel it but at the same time I cannot reach her and the next day she says stuff like "Sorry didn't work out". I'm a very understanding person so I can easily accept that. However when you have planned something I think it should be your duty, if you post pone it, to message that person again and make a new plan. That doesn't happen. Last time she cancelled the plan nearly two weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since. I have social anxiety and even though that got a lot better during the last years it can still be an awful big challenge for me to message someone on my own (especially if I really care about that person). In these cases I can overcome myself after some time but it seems to be me doing the work way too often. Something you got to know is that I'm someone who likes to live for the good of others. I love to do stuff for my friends and make them happy. When my friends are happy, so am I. But obviously in a friendship there's always two parts. All I would want is an occasionally message from these people who are so important to me. Just a simple thing that makes me realize that at least in that very moment I was in their thoughts. Show me that you thought of me and I'm the happiest person. But leave me in the dark for weeks and I fall into a big hole. Worst thing is that there are so many people who talk to me daily and who show that they care about me daily. And even though I'm surrounded by so many people close to me I still feel lonely simply because the desire in my heart for these other friends have a whole different weight. I feel bad to feel lonely because I have no need to. Because I know that there are many people who would love to have what I do. I'm a very emotional person and I can hardly cope with pain like this. Sometimes I ask them why we don't message each other more often. And days after that we do, but then it stops again. Then it feels like they only did it because I asked them to. So I practically did the work again and it thus it makes me feel worse than before. Obviously I know that we aren't as close as we once were. I know that they are probably busy with life (I'm unemployed so I'm trapped with my thoughts very often) and that they have other people closer to them who they (probably) rather spend time with. But I don't see how it is hard work to think about my friends at least once in some weeks. Maybe stuff like that is way more important to me than to others. I know that I love myself and who I am and that's why it's even harder for me to understand this. Am I doing something wrong? Are my expectations too high even though, in my opinion, they're pretty much as low as they could possibly get? Am I just knowing the wrong people? This is not something that gets me down on a regular base. It's more like a phase that lasts for a couple of hours and then I'm fine again. But lately this has occured more often and for longer periods of time. And obviously this affects my daily life as well because once I'm depressed I mostly just sit there and don't know what to do with my time. Everything suddenly seems boring. Even though one simple message (for example, it's not like this is the only thing that causes me to get depressed) would potentially fix it. Sorry for this essay. I'm not a native speaker so there could be some mistakes. But I do hope that at least someone takes the time to read through it and give me an honest opinion what I should do. How do you think I can convice them to think about me more often? It honestly seems like begging to me and I would rather avoid that. I just want the heartache to stop...

How am I supposed to improve my life when I constantly want to die

Even during my depression I’ll get these small mini bursts of optimism and motivation thinking, “maybe I can make it?! Maybe I can improve my life and be happy!” And I’ll go to the gym for one day, or run, or try to learn something new, but that’s short lasted. The second I complete the task all I can think is. “What’s the point? I’m probably going to die anyway, so why spend time improving myself?” I honestly have no will to even live life, all my energy is spent just existing by distracting myself and spending money on stupid shit just to forget about life. I feel stuck in purgatory. Not courageous enough to kill myself, not motivated enough to make myself happy. I’m stuck. Existing.

I don't know what to do anymore (RANT) - Advice Please!

As the title states, I don't know what to do anymore. My depression is bad, my anxiety is going crazy, basically, my "fight or flight" mode is going awol. I will be fine in my room watching YouTube or reading my book and I'll have this hot, panicking feeling in my stomach and it's always in the evening. Not to brag, I also can't sleep anymore because of that feeling. I push my friends away. I deleted Facebook and Snapchat so they couldn't contact me, I didn't go to my graduation and I know when I talk about this stuff to my friends I know I'm pissing them off when I keep telling them the same things I'm going through and that every few weeks I tell them to forget me. They say it's fine and they care but I can tell that they find it uncomfortable. I saw them for some graduation drinks after they convinced me to meet them. I really tried to be okay, telling myself it will all be fine, but it wasn't. I got there and when I saw them I felt angry, jealous, bitter and out of place; they were discussing their new jobs, girlfriends, graduation, they were happy and I was sat there just drinking and was furious that they were happy and okay and I'm sad and alone (what sort of person does that). It's a weird complex where I love them and want to see them but when I do I'm really sad and want to be alone forever and when I'm alone I want to see them, and the cycle continues. That's my rant over, I'm just wondering if anyone has some advice for me.

I am 25 yo and can't remember a time where I wasn't depressed. I don't wanna live like this anymore

It feels like I'm always starting to try, but it never really goes anywhere. I'm always starting the treatment, I start the meds and stuff and feel a tiny bit better, but then when it's time to schedule the next doctor appointment I fail and there I am back to square one. Don't know what to do, but I don't wanna live like this anymore. I had to come back to my parents house, I'm almost flunking out of college and it feels like everything is falling apart. How can I leave this terrible place?

When I'm depressed I have nothing to say.

When I'm not depressed it is easier to socialize, but when I'm depressed I literally have nothing to say. It doesn't sound like much to someone who takes this skill for granted but when I'm depressed it's a killer. They say don't isolate when you're depressed but being around people makes me feel worse. I just can't get around this cause literally the need to socialize is pervasive. Is there any way around this?

What the point when your financially unstable?

I’m currently 22, and life has just been miserable. I can’t see a reason to go on :/ I am currently trying to get free psycho therapy but if I can’t get that I genuinely can’t see a point. My parents are god awful. And I can’t afford to get the help I need. What’s some reasons to live that arnt just “ it gets better” “This is passing” or “you will get better” because this is how I have get my entire life. Maybe I’m just trying to get a extra day writing this. Idk at this point. Sorry if I have opened up to much I won’t kill myself don’t worry. It I can’t see any reason to keep pushing through life when it’s just been sadness anxiety and depression at every corner

How did you explain to a medical professional you need more than therapy?

I know there is no comparison and each suffering is unique to their own person, but how did you explain in a way you got medical help beyond therapy? I always feel like (maybe I don’t look at the right places) that my depression isn’t as serious as it seems in medical advices available and my healthcare have only been asking for me to do therapy when I have had months to years of lethargy (stuck in bed)/ passing out due to anxiety/ memory blanks/ little motivation/ little self care from the normal/ brief thoughts of self harm. Most recently I have been barfing once a week… I just want some new type help

At what point is someone ill enough to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital?

Early this year, I tried to kill myself, and I asked my psychologist if I could be admitted to the government psychiatric hospital (can't afford private) so she she some research into it and they said that I'm not ill enough. This time, I have a detailed plan with a guaranteed method of killing myself, there's no way it could fail, and a set date. But I want to go to the World Cup in Qatar next year. The thing is, as much as I want to go for that, the life that I face in the wait until then us quite horrific. I'm going to be forced to go to university and I refuse to do that, but I know it's going to result in massive fights with my family where I'll be cornered and ridiculed as a failure, and I won't have support support friends either because they agree that university is best for me. So I'm wondering if I could perhaps find a way into the psychiatric hospital until it's time to go to the World Cup so that I can avoid my awful life on the outside, or I'll be forced to kill myself and miss out on the World Cup.

I'm starting medication tomorrow

I'm starting medication tomorrow. I'm scared. I've felt like this for as long as I can remember, I'm 21, and had a shit time at school starting at 13, threw myself into studies to cope, got into a good uni, but it's always been to distract myself not because I like it, and the work's gotten harder and I have nothing outside of it (except very supportive bf who is the main reason I'm still here). Trying not to self harm or worse, and today I realized that whatever medication does to me, I'll be alive to deal with it, and that might not be the case if I don't start taking it. Spoke to GP, and I can pick it up tomorrow. I'm so scared it'll make things worse, but I can't cope with how I am now. Still have the stupid feeling that I'm not depressed enough to deserve meds, but that particular little internal voice can suck it. Any tips?

Hi everyone. I’ve come back for some help.

I posted once before because I was in a very bad place and I was scared. Thankfully, nice folks here helped me see a window in that dark room. I’m back again because I’m falling back into that place again. I started going for walks in the afternoon, breaking away from social media, and an hour of reading/no phones or computers. But I’m still having nightmares every night that wake me up. I wake up screaming and out of breath, having cold sweats. Is there any possible way to stop them? I’ve tried asmr (which I’ve watched for years) I’ve tried falling asleep to tv shows, no tv, complete darkness, to having the light on. Only to no prevail. Any help is appreciated. Thanks everyone

what should I do to abused girl now?

I just feel worthless for can't help an abused girl. I was having a chat with her and I can't be patience. I'm so angry, her life is totally shit and I want to help her and make every person that abuse her go to hell. I'm so stupid, I can't get her location, can't get any help from report her situation to every organization. That's all the thing I can do... God, even save her hand is too hard for me then what should I do now? I need you. Please, she is the only person that I really care, I want her to be happy, I want her abuser got arrested. I trusted you, you're my last hope. Give me an answer to help a girl like her

Advice on How to Escape Living Situation

I know this is a long shot, but thought it wouldn't hurt to put this out there and maybe get some helpful advice. At the beginning of this year I was working hard to set myself up to be independent to escape living with my family. Living with my family messes with my mental to the point I can't function properly day-to-day. I really need to be on my own. Things were getting better, but my life basically turned upside down. To sum it up I've been dealing with health issues the last year that have made it to where I'm in bed most of the day, and worse of all at home with my family more than ever. I've been working with doctors to help find a solution to my health issues, but tests have been unhelpful, and my next appointment to see a specialist isn't until January 2022. I can't begin to explain how close I am to ending it. I hope I can find some helpful advice, but there is literally no resource in the world where I can get the medical/mental help I need. I have no friends/family to go to, and there isn't much more I can take of this. I literally physically can't do anything to escape this other than suicide. All advice so far is to hold on and let my mental get worse and worse, while my physical health doesn't get any better. Please someone say something different that will actually help. Give me a way out.

What's so wrong with me that no one stays?

Like, okay, I get it partly because I wouldn't want to be friends with me either probably? But also, I just want to know what I am doing wrong? I can be talking to people and have a great friendship with them and then they just totally... Disappear? Whenever I've reached out, we might have a very distant conversation and then that conversation stops and we just don't talk again for ages unless I contact them. And even then, it's just the same thing? So eventually I stop reaching out and they never send me anything. And this has happened multiple times with people I was very close with. What the fuck is so wrong with me that no one wants to stay? I want people to be close with or at least talk to but everytime I just end up getting hurt. Everything hurts tonight

Does anyone have any advice for someone living a very unfulfilling life at 26yo?

I'm 26yo. I've wasted a lot of my life, idc that's in the past, I'm looking to move forward and I want to start living a fulfilled life. I'd say I'm overall very unmotivated but when I'm having a good time with people and find likeminded people who I can build connections with, I feel good and that's something that motivates me. However I get easily hurt by people and everybody I meet seems to hurt me. I feel like I should be motivated by career success but I don't care. I just don't see how it matters if I grind hard & succeed financially to live a comfortable life vs just get by on the bare minimum with little effort. I'm not sure what to do. What should my goals be. I'd say naturally I want to find someone/people to love but I always get hurt and the illusion of love shatters. I'd like to have some people to spend time around but putting myself out there makes me feel like I'm some unwanted human being. I feel like I should want to create this life where I'm working towards a happy career & finding and discovering hobbies but I just don't see the point. Idk if it's depression, my mindset, fear, ect... The only thing I know is that I'd like to make small changes to find fulfillment and contentment in my life so that I can move on with this chapter of my life. Anyone have advice?

Am I depressed? *trigger warning*

I, 23 (Male) have been feeling weird FOR YEARS. I don't really know if I'm depressed or not because I have never been to therapy and probably never will because It's hella expensive from where I'm from. I don't want to self-diagnose my 'depression' because I just find that weird and wrong. I was 12 when I first harmed myself, I don't think I did it a lot but back then, I just thought I was just influenced with the whole 'emo' phase a lot of people my age then was so into. I had a few attempts growing up, and that's when I started thinking maybe I really am depressed, because even If i didn't do 'it' constantly throughout the years since I first did it, there would be days where I thought dying would just be the best option because I felt so shitty all the time. I googled the symptoms of depression as I grew older and would relate to most of it, BUT i still could not find myself to think that I am depressed since I have not even checked in with a professional. Today, I have been feeling so bad about everything, I could explain In details about my life but It won't be necessary for this post. Some days there's a reason for me to be sad, and some days I just don't know what's the root of my sadness. I would just feel like shit even though I had a great day, and I could never really point out WHY i'm sad and it frustrates me until I cry and just try to exhaust myself and sleep and hope that I feel better when I wake up. Someone, please help, I really don't know what I could do anymore. I'm losing my mind and I just want to figure out what's going on with me and I don't think I could keep playing this guessing game with myself for the rest of my life. It makes me feel so miserable. I just want to be aware of what the hell is happening with me.

What can I do when the only solution in my mind is to kill myself?

Sometimes, usually after a fight with my mom (who has mental health struggles too like bipolar)when the situation is so unfair to me (because of her mental health, she has trouble to see the « real » situation), I just when to end my life. I lived in that situation since so many years and as is it the mother, she’s right and not me. My dad can’t say anything because she will fight with him after for hours and my brother just be « the good boy » and has not problem. Anyway, I just don’t know how to avoid to just think of how to end me or just try to do it. Thank you for reading me

Having panic attacks, crying daily and having anxiety because I can’t breathe

Can’t breathe from one side of my nose 90% of the time - all day every day. Happened gradually over the years due to nose aging and shifting after a rhinoplasty when I was a lot younger. Feeling very alone and scared. Terrified of surgery and what could go wrong. And picking the right surgeon. But also can’t breathe which has declined the quality of my life. Feel stuck in catch 22 hell. Revision surgery again is worst nightmare for HSP, highly anxious, depression-prone, people-pleaser and control-freak type of person. Almost did it twice but got really bad vibes from interaction with a surgeon right before surgery so backed out. Shaken up from that negative experience. Grateful for any support, advice and stories on anyone that found the courage to do a complex and scary surgery all on their own.

Being productive while having depression

I was diagnosed earlier this year with depression due to alot of stuff. Im also in uni and it’s frustrating, ive been convincing myself to “atleast pass” the courses im taking and thats it and i let that took a toll on me. I feel so lazy, unmotivated, i sleep alot, always on my phone and only do my assignments last minute despite how hard i try to plan it beforehand. I feel pathetic and i want to change, i keep growing older and waste the whole year without actually getting anything done and help my family in any way. I want to but its so hard. Please help me out. TIA🤞

I haven’t been myself since 2020. Will I ever go back to normal or should I just give up on life?

I was a straight A college student and part time EMT. Now I’m an unemployed college dropout living at my parents’ house. I gained 40 pounds and stopped enjoying my usual activities. I feel like I go from doctor to doctor and none of them give a shit about any of this. The depression started very suddenly in January of 2021 and it’s gotten progressively worse ever since then. Things completely spiraled out of control in October because that’s when I distanced myself from all of my friends. I’ve been on 20mg lexapro for several years and I just switched to trintellix a month ago. But… Trintellix makes me feel awful. If anything, I’m worse off than I was before. I have slight brain fog constantly. I have emotions again, which is good, but they’re all negative. I’m just sad and angry 24/7. I went to the doctor again today because they said I had “minor hypothyroidism” the last few times I got blood work done. Hopefully I’ll get medicated for that. I just feel powerless. I’m like a victim of my own mind. Before this very sudden bout of depression, I was so happy and excited about life. Now it’s as if I have no future because I can’t control my depression and no one is helping me to do so. I haven’t been myself since 2020. I don’t know what to do. Side note: I started taking adderall in January and that’s when I started getting depressed. Any correlation?

Feeling frustrated/numb for no good reason?

A week ago I had an argument with someone close and it kind of escalated. We worked things out and everything is fine. The problem is that I’ve been feeling frustrated and numb ever since. I have barely any energy and am just “proud” that I get out of bed in the morning. Whenever I genuinely feel something it is a mix of anger against myself and frustration. What would you do to overcome this? At the moment I am not interested in a therapist. Not too long ago, I had bad experiences with a psychologist that caused major trust issues. Before I seek professional help, I will have to come to terms with this. Any suggestions on how to get better?

I hate myself. I’m so sad. 😔

I have been addicted, ashamed, miserable, and deeply sad for most of my life. I’m 20. If it wasn’t for addiction and self-sabotage I would be so happy. I know this because last winter I was clean for 3 months. I finally felt self love. I finally felt happy. I finally could smile. But then… I self-sabatoged.. Ever since I’ve felt horribly insecure and shameful 24/7. I constantly deny myself everything that brings me joy. I hide from the world. And I hide from my friends and family. I hate myself. And just wish I had a supportive community of people who could ACTUALLY relate to me. I’ve never met A SINGLE PERSON that can relate to me 😔

How do i force myself to go to the gym when i don't have motivation/friends to go with?

I'm always told exercise is good for people struggling with depression. but i can never bring myself to go to a gym despite owning a membership to one through my family. but i hate the idea of going to a gym alone even if i know people will generally not bother me. i also have no friends that live in the same area that i do so i couldn't go with them. is there anything i can do or do i just have to eventually force myself to go alone and have no plan on what to do.