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llama_2_finetune_train_224

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Hi, I am 31F and my bf is 37M, we have been together for 3 years. We are currently LDR due to the pandemic. He had a porn addiction in the past (which he claims to have gotten over, but I obviously have my doubts) as there has been no intimacy per say in 20 months. As far as I know there is no infidelity and he has never given me any reason to believe so, he has been very good at being transparent with his life with me. Obviously due to the lack of his sexual interest towards me (and comparing my body to exes in the past, stating the just preffered athletic body types like theirs more and had to get used to mine. Making comments about my weight, indicating I was fat when I'm not. I'm 105lbs and his exes weighed 50lbs more than me and never worked out so the athletic part is still a mystery) we have gotten into a lot of fights as my needs weren't being met. A year ago I saw he was following a lot of women he didn't know on instagram and liking their pictures. I was deeply upset because he had rejected my pictures in the past saying they make him "uncomfortable" and shows no lust towards me, but does to other women. I told him I don't believe his addiction has stopped and I found this behaviour disrespectful. He unfollowed them all and since then I thought things were ok, but a year later... I see he is adding women again for the past month he doesn't know again but not on insta, but facebook. As if he thought I wouldn't notice. They're all in different countries, very poor, living in slums by what looks like it and the most concerning part is that all of them are underage, I'm talking about 30+ girls way under 18. Also a month ago we had a big fall out where he tried to break up with me cause he says he feels "anxiety" when I text him because we fight so much, but he changed his mind 5 days later claiming he decided he does love me. A week after this incident he changed our relationship status on facebook went from public, to friends only. It was the only thing that confirmed our relationship publicly (took me a year to ask him to please change it) as he hasn't got one single picture of me on his facebook after 3 years (yet he has hundreds of pics of his exes and was with them a shorter period of time) and he would go out of his way to take pictures excluding me. I haven't brought this up with him as I was scared of another fight and being dumped on the spot again for bringing up a concern. While I don't think he is a cheater, this behaviour certainly doesn't bode well with me and is making me believe he is capable of it due to not respecting boundaries. I feel ashamed, humiliated, disrespected and worthless. He knows that it was important to me to have us showing as in a relationship on social media, he knows it is important to me he doesn't add women just cause he fancies them (it's disrespectful) and given how I have been treated it sure doesn't help my self esteem. I'm an attractive woman, I am a model. If I wasn't attractive I wouldn't be hired, but he sure is treating me like I'm not good enough. He even said I'm the most attractive woman he has ever been with. I want to bring this up with him again one last time, but the problem is that he is extremely defensive and threatens to either end the relationship on the spot so I get scared and become compliant or he screams and shouts at me and I'm scared of that happening too. I don't like that I have been keeping quiet about this for a month due to fear of his defensiveness, but I do need to communicate and talk about it. If he acts like a jerk then so be it, but I just wanna do it right and have a normal civil conversation in a curious way, heck knows maybe I'm misinterpreting things and there could be a reason to this? I don't know, is there anything I can say that would be less likely to get a defensive response and for me to stand tall? If it doesn't work obviously I will have to walk away, I just believe a conversation is necessary. Sorry for the long post and thank you to whoever read this, I appreciate you. TL;DR: Bf is following underage girls on social media and is usually very defensive if I ask any questions or have concerns about the relationship, how can communicate this to him in a calm healthy way? \Is this DV? I'm worried, I was sent here after all\

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hi, I am 31F and my bf is 37M, we have been together for 3 years. We are currently LDR due to the pandemic. He had a porn addiction in the past (which he claims to have gotten over, but I obviously have my doubts) as there has been no intimacy per say in 20 months. As far as I know there is no infidelity and he has never given me any reason to believe so, he has been very good at being transparent with his life with me. Obviously due to the lack of his sexual interest towards me (and comparing my body to exes in the past, stating the just preffered athletic body types like theirs more and had to get used to mine. Making comments about my weight, indicating I was fat when I'm not. I'm 105lbs and his exes weighed 50lbs more than me and never worked out so the athletic part is still a mystery) we have gotten into a lot of fights as my needs weren't being met. A year ago I saw he was following a lot of women he didn't know on instagram and liking their pictures. I was deeply upset because he had rejected my pictures in the past saying they make him "uncomfortable" and shows no lust towards me, but does to other women. I told him I don't believe his addiction has stopped and I found this behaviour disrespectful. He unfollowed them all and since then I thought things were ok, but a year later... I see he is adding women again for the past month he doesn't know again but not on insta, but facebook. As if he thought I wouldn't notice. They're all in different countries, very poor, living in slums by what looks like it and the most concerning part is that all of them are underage, I'm talking about 30+ girls way under 18. Also a month ago we had a big fall out where he tried to break up with me cause he says he feels "anxiety" when I text him because we fight so much, but he changed his mind 5 days later claiming he decided he does love me. A week after this incident he changed our relationship status on facebook went from public, to friends only. It was the only thing that confirmed our relationship publicly (took me a year to ask him to please change it) as he hasn't got one single picture of me on his facebook after 3 years (yet he has hundreds of pics of his exes and was with them a shorter period of time) and he would go out of his way to take pictures excluding me. I haven't brought this up with him as I was scared of another fight and being dumped on the spot again for bringing up a concern. While I don't think he is a cheater, this behaviour certainly doesn't bode well with me and is making me believe he is capable of it due to not respecting boundaries. I feel ashamed, humiliated, disrespected and worthless. He knows that it was important to me to have us showing as in a relationship on social media, he knows it is important to me he doesn't add women just cause he fancies them (it's disrespectful) and given how I have been treated it sure doesn't help my self esteem. I'm an attractive woman, I am a model. If I wasn't attractive I wouldn't be hired, but he sure is treating me like I'm not good enough. He even said I'm the most attractive woman he has ever been with. I want to bring this up with him again one last time, but the problem is that he is extremely defensive and threatens to either end the relationship on the spot so I get scared and become compliant or he screams and shouts at me and I'm scared of that happening too. I don't like that I have been keeping quiet about this for a month due to fear of his defensiveness, but I do need to communicate and talk about it. If he acts like a jerk then so be it, but I just wanna do it right and have a normal civil conversation in a curious way, heck knows maybe I'm misinterpreting things and there could be a reason to this? I don't know, is there anything I can say that would be less likely to get a defensive response and for me to stand tall? If it doesn't work obviously I will have to walk away, I just believe a conversation is necessary. Sorry for the long post and thank you to whoever read this, I appreciate you. TL;DR: Bf is following underage girls on social media and is usually very defensive if I ask any questions or have concerns about the relationship, how can communicate this to him in a calm healthy way? \Is this DV? I'm worried, I was sent here after all\ [/INST] Communication </s>

Why I feel getting hit is my fault?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Why I feel getting hit is my fault? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

im stuck in this weird place where when im with him i want him to leave i want to break up, but when we actually are broken up i can’t stomach it and just go back. then i go back and i just want to leave again and the cycle keeps going. i need advice or just any suggestions at all.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> im stuck in this weird place where when im with him i want him to leave i want to break up, but when we actually are broken up i can’t stomach it and just go back. then i go back and i just want to leave again and the cycle keeps going. i need advice or just any suggestions at all. [/INST] Communication </s>

How bad does it have to get before it's considered an abusive relationship? I see some of the stories here and I feel ashamed even wondering if what happened to me was abuse. I have been shoved and pinned down for less than a minute. These types of incidents only happened 3 times over the course of 2 years. My bf was drunk every time. I have never been hit. I dont think he would ever do that. He apologized right after every incident. How far does it have to go until it's abuse? I have never been in a relationship before this so I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm hoping he'll stop because I told him I can't stand it anymore and he promised he would. My hope is that nothing like that happens again because I don't want to be in an abusive relationship.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> How bad does it have to get before it's considered an abusive relationship? I see some of the stories here and I feel ashamed even wondering if what happened to me was abuse. I have been shoved and pinned down for less than a minute. These types of incidents only happened 3 times over the course of 2 years. My bf was drunk every time. I have never been hit. I dont think he would ever do that. He apologized right after every incident. How far does it have to go until it's abuse? I have never been in a relationship before this so I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm hoping he'll stop because I told him I can't stand it anymore and he promised he would. My hope is that nothing like that happens again because I don't want to be in an abusive relationship. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

My abuser is currently in prison waiting for his hearing. I am waiting for my no contact order to go thro. But in the mean time he is still sending me letters....aggressive letters that are intimidating and full of lies...accusing me of being the abuser and I should be in jail. Yesterday I received a horrible letter from him with roses. I'm trying to figure out what to do? Keep letters and use as evidence or send them back to sender using my stamp. I want as much evidence as possible to put him away. But I also am feeling depressed and fed up with life after reading his mean letters. Any advice on what to do with his letters?? BTW he is claiming I AM HARASSING HIM in his latest letter. Which I am not!!. He calls me from prison a hundred times a day (when they're not on covid lock down) and he writes me 2 or 3 letters a day. I don't answer his calls and I don't write him back .

DV report procedure/Documentation

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My abuser is currently in prison waiting for his hearing. I am waiting for my no contact order to go thro. But in the mean time he is still sending me letters....aggressive letters that are intimidating and full of lies...accusing me of being the abuser and I should be in jail. Yesterday I received a horrible letter from him with roses. I'm trying to figure out what to do? Keep letters and use as evidence or send them back to sender using my stamp. I want as much evidence as possible to put him away. But I also am feeling depressed and fed up with life after reading his mean letters. Any advice on what to do with his letters?? BTW he is claiming I AM HARASSING HIM in his latest letter. Which I am not!!. He calls me from prison a hundred times a day (when they're not on covid lock down) and he writes me 2 or 3 letters a day. I don't answer his calls and I don't write him back . [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s>

I called one today in my city and they have me the green light to come in. They told me they allow men even though it’s a women’s shelter which is concerning. There also seems to be a lot of rules and it’s very strict. I don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t want to stay in the abusive household.

Shelters/ DV center/ Agency

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I called one today in my city and they have me the green light to come in. They told me they allow men even though it’s a women’s shelter which is concerning. There also seems to be a lot of rules and it’s very strict. I don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t want to stay in the abusive household. [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s>

So literally just 30 min ago, he came to my room for no reason other than to attack me. He grabs a broom, hits the wall on purpose to provoke me to get up, and if I do try to close the "door", he spits on me. He then proceeds to run away. Both of my parents were here, my Mother sometimes stops him if I threaten to call the police. My father just ignores that I exist. I am financially bankrupt so my only choice is to live here or run away and be homeless. I am getting a job probably this week, and my first priority is to move out. My "door", is knobless, so he can go in and enter whenever he feels like it. My dad bought a new one but is too lazy to install it, and I have to beg him to install or or else he never does. I have no idea how to do so myself, so I am constantly threatened, and whenever he does attack he gets away with it with no problem. His build is slighly taller despite being younger so he has a wide range of attacks, my only option really is to just barricade the door, but he can just easily push through it and attack me. He has attacked my sister once and has gotten baker acted, I really don't want to do that again as it puts financial stress on my parents and then they blame me for being innocent. It's a messed up family dynamic, and I am constantly fuming with anger, which affects not only my college life but social life and everything. I am frequently outside my house for that very reason. TL;Dr: violent agressive younger sibling, and indifferent parents, vs me who does nothing to provoke them except try to get profit and ratain my sanity within my bedroom. Edit: Does anyone know a DIY trick that would allow me to have a "fake door" if it is knobless? I feel like that would be a temporary solution, not the best but better than nothing? Like for example, could I tie a string or something that would close the "door" shut? I am just brainstorming. I do not like to call the police because this is considered a "trivial" matter, and I get shit for it. I'd rather do things my own way and move out when I can.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> So literally just 30 min ago, he came to my room for no reason other than to attack me. He grabs a broom, hits the wall on purpose to provoke me to get up, and if I do try to close the "door", he spits on me. He then proceeds to run away. Both of my parents were here, my Mother sometimes stops him if I threaten to call the police. My father just ignores that I exist. I am financially bankrupt so my only choice is to live here or run away and be homeless. I am getting a job probably this week, and my first priority is to move out. My "door", is knobless, so he can go in and enter whenever he feels like it. My dad bought a new one but is too lazy to install it, and I have to beg him to install or or else he never does. I have no idea how to do so myself, so I am constantly threatened, and whenever he does attack he gets away with it with no problem. His build is slighly taller despite being younger so he has a wide range of attacks, my only option really is to just barricade the door, but he can just easily push through it and attack me. He has attacked my sister once and has gotten baker acted, I really don't want to do that again as it puts financial stress on my parents and then they blame me for being innocent. It's a messed up family dynamic, and I am constantly fuming with anger, which affects not only my college life but social life and everything. I am frequently outside my house for that very reason. TL;Dr: violent agressive younger sibling, and indifferent parents, vs me who does nothing to provoke them except try to get profit and ratain my sanity within my bedroom. Edit: Does anyone know a DIY trick that would allow me to have a "fake door" if it is knobless? I feel like that would be a temporary solution, not the best but better than nothing? Like for example, could I tie a string or something that would close the "door" shut? I am just brainstorming. I do not like to call the police because this is considered a "trivial" matter, and I get shit for it. I'd rather do things my own way and move out when I can. [/INST] Communication </s>

I'm unsure if this is the right place to ask, and I feel stupid asking the internet for help. But I can't stand it. I'll keep this short, here goes. My older sister threatens to throw things at me. And sometimes, she actually does. This has been happening since we were kids. I can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong or what makes her do it. Here is my attempt at explaining the situation: When I tell the truth, she always says I'm lying and denies that I'm being truthful. She keeps saying she's right and I'm wrong. If i speak against that or explains, she gets angry. And says that because she's older I should never talk back. I find this obnoxious. Then it suddenly escalates. She starts threatening to throw things at me if I keep "talking back" (i.e. explaining, mere sounds, even apologizing is talking back). So I shut up and let her lecture me about why I'm such a bad person and about the situation. And it doesn't stop there. After all that she asks a question, for example, "do you understand?". If i answer silence she gets angry. If i don't give her an answer she likes, she gets angry. If i do tell her what she wants to hear, then she finally stops. And expects that i will still obey her orders since im younger. Is this a normal sibling interaction? Or am i just screwed up like my sister says i am? I can delete this post if it sounds dumb.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I'm unsure if this is the right place to ask, and I feel stupid asking the internet for help. But I can't stand it. I'll keep this short, here goes. My older sister threatens to throw things at me. And sometimes, she actually does. This has been happening since we were kids. I can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong or what makes her do it. Here is my attempt at explaining the situation: When I tell the truth, she always says I'm lying and denies that I'm being truthful. She keeps saying she's right and I'm wrong. If i speak against that or explains, she gets angry. And says that because she's older I should never talk back. I find this obnoxious. Then it suddenly escalates. She starts threatening to throw things at me if I keep "talking back" (i.e. explaining, mere sounds, even apologizing is talking back). So I shut up and let her lecture me about why I'm such a bad person and about the situation. And it doesn't stop there. After all that she asks a question, for example, "do you understand?". If i answer silence she gets angry. If i don't give her an answer she likes, she gets angry. If i do tell her what she wants to hear, then she finally stops. And expects that i will still obey her orders since im younger. Is this a normal sibling interaction? Or am i just screwed up like my sister says i am? I can delete this post if it sounds dumb. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

Hello, i am new to this my ex who i have a order of protection against was arrested Thursday because he broke in my house and tried to force me to sleep with him. The DA wants me to come to there office today w my security camera footage on a hard drive. What questions should I ask them?

Legal

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hello, i am new to this my ex who i have a order of protection against was arrested Thursday because he broke in my house and tried to force me to sleep with him. The DA wants me to come to there office today w my security camera footage on a hard drive. What questions should I ask them? [/INST] Legal </s>

So I just need to vent or see if anyone else dealt with this situation. I left an abusive relationship all my friends knew it was told me I need to leave they even witnessed it. In the end I found out they were talking badly about me to my abuser and started choosing the abusers side so I eventually cut them all off because it hurt so bad to know all those people I did anything for ended up being extremely fake and choosing to stay friends with my abuser even tho they have all talked shit about each other. I have trust and abandonment iusses now with making friends and I have actually not made anymore friend do to this it is almost to years now. Why do people do that chose the abuser over the victim? It's confusing and I don't understand why? This is my first ever post on Reddit so bare with me

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> So I just need to vent or see if anyone else dealt with this situation. I left an abusive relationship all my friends knew it was told me I need to leave they even witnessed it. In the end I found out they were talking badly about me to my abuser and started choosing the abusers side so I eventually cut them all off because it hurt so bad to know all those people I did anything for ended up being extremely fake and choosing to stay friends with my abuser even tho they have all talked shit about each other. I have trust and abandonment iusses now with making friends and I have actually not made anymore friend do to this it is almost to years now. Why do people do that chose the abuser over the victim? It's confusing and I don't understand why? This is my first ever post on Reddit so bare with me [/INST] Communication </s>

My ex and I are still living together while he finds other housing with a friend he plans to live with. Today, he decided to get drunk, and since he was drunk he wanted to turn the heat up in the house. I'm the one paying the bill, so I asked him not to, and he did so anyway. I'm currently trying to save money on bills, so that worst case scenario my daughter and I can get another apartment if he decides he no longer wants to leave. He went to go play his music and so when it got hot, I turned the heat off, he saw me do it, and he used his body to push me out of the way so that he could turn the heat back on, then he proceeded to remove the thermostat from the wall so I'd have no way to change it. After this I decided the safest thing was to take our daughter into the bedroom and lock the door, especially as he was stumbling around and trying to pick her up. He started begging for a blanket and like an idiot I fell for it. He pushed his way in after telling me he was "tired of my shit" he decided to take my bed, instead of the sofa where we agreed he'd sleep, as my daughter is used to sleeping on the bed with me. Is this considered abuse? Him pushing me? He told me its not because he didn't bruise me nor did he use his hands to do it, only his body.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My ex and I are still living together while he finds other housing with a friend he plans to live with. Today, he decided to get drunk, and since he was drunk he wanted to turn the heat up in the house. I'm the one paying the bill, so I asked him not to, and he did so anyway. I'm currently trying to save money on bills, so that worst case scenario my daughter and I can get another apartment if he decides he no longer wants to leave. He went to go play his music and so when it got hot, I turned the heat off, he saw me do it, and he used his body to push me out of the way so that he could turn the heat back on, then he proceeded to remove the thermostat from the wall so I'd have no way to change it. After this I decided the safest thing was to take our daughter into the bedroom and lock the door, especially as he was stumbling around and trying to pick her up. He started begging for a blanket and like an idiot I fell for it. He pushed his way in after telling me he was "tired of my shit" he decided to take my bed, instead of the sofa where we agreed he'd sleep, as my daughter is used to sleeping on the bed with me. Is this considered abuse? Him pushing me? He told me its not because he didn't bruise me nor did he use his hands to do it, only his body. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

I am a 26F and have been married to my boyfriend of six years since a little bit more than a moth now. (We have never lived together before marriage) During this month, we had our ups and downs as I heard that this is a normal thing when you move in with someone let alone get married to them. We share bills and are fine with that we have equal responsibilities I think but I am the one who always cooks, and for him to do things as I want to I always have to repeat myself many times at a time to get heard, almost like with a kid. During this month we had two major fights, and I am starting to ask myself if it is domestic abuse or not. During the fights I always yell because he provocantes me with words he knows I can’t stand, and after I start yelling he becomes crazy, because he already told me many times that his boundary is yelling and that if I yell at him I shouldn’t expect him to behave well or talk to me respectfully. He always tries to leave when the fights get too hot and I can’t stand someone ignoring my talking and leaving after they set me on fire, I feel like I am the one who pushes his buttons too far by not letting him leave. But then when he doesn’t leave he starts hitting the walls, threatening to hit me, grabbing me very hard from the wrists and even pushing me. He threatened many times of killing me or hitting me if I don’t stop talking but I can’t stop talking when I still have things to say. He says horrible things to me like calling me crazy and threatening to kick me out or to leave and never coming back again knowing that I told him many times that I can’t stand it and it is a red line for me. One time when I tried to make him talk to me by physically trying to prevent him from getting out from the room, he accidentally hit me very hard at the face trying to leave nevertheless and I had a black eye for a few days after that I feel like I am the one who gets him to the state of hitting walls and banging things everywhere, partially by not being able to control myself and yell at him during fights so I don’t know wether or not it is domestic violence at this state or not. I can’t talk about it to friend and family because I feel like there is no coming back after that and I am scared of being the one who provoques it and the idea of telling people about it makes me feel like I am lying. I feel really desperate after fights like this occur and lost knowing that I have never experienced that with him before marriage and that his behavior towards me changed completely after marriage and that he seems to expect me to be a lot more submissive now that we are married.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I am a 26F and have been married to my boyfriend of six years since a little bit more than a moth now. (We have never lived together before marriage) During this month, we had our ups and downs as I heard that this is a normal thing when you move in with someone let alone get married to them. We share bills and are fine with that we have equal responsibilities I think but I am the one who always cooks, and for him to do things as I want to I always have to repeat myself many times at a time to get heard, almost like with a kid. During this month we had two major fights, and I am starting to ask myself if it is domestic abuse or not. During the fights I always yell because he provocantes me with words he knows I can’t stand, and after I start yelling he becomes crazy, because he already told me many times that his boundary is yelling and that if I yell at him I shouldn’t expect him to behave well or talk to me respectfully. He always tries to leave when the fights get too hot and I can’t stand someone ignoring my talking and leaving after they set me on fire, I feel like I am the one who pushes his buttons too far by not letting him leave. But then when he doesn’t leave he starts hitting the walls, threatening to hit me, grabbing me very hard from the wrists and even pushing me. He threatened many times of killing me or hitting me if I don’t stop talking but I can’t stop talking when I still have things to say. He says horrible things to me like calling me crazy and threatening to kick me out or to leave and never coming back again knowing that I told him many times that I can’t stand it and it is a red line for me. One time when I tried to make him talk to me by physically trying to prevent him from getting out from the room, he accidentally hit me very hard at the face trying to leave nevertheless and I had a black eye for a few days after that I feel like I am the one who gets him to the state of hitting walls and banging things everywhere, partially by not being able to control myself and yell at him during fights so I don’t know wether or not it is domestic violence at this state or not. I can’t talk about it to friend and family because I feel like there is no coming back after that and I am scared of being the one who provoques it and the idea of telling people about it makes me feel like I am lying. I feel really desperate after fights like this occur and lost knowing that I have never experienced that with him before marriage and that his behavior towards me changed completely after marriage and that he seems to expect me to be a lot more submissive now that we are married. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

Hello guys, I am 29. My father who is 61 constantly beats my mum even though she is a cancer patient. He never cares about what other people feel. When I raise my voice against him, he says its none of my business. He is basically a clear psychopath who is addicted to alcohol. I also suspect he is weak with women and has external affairs. Being in constant stress over the past 10 years, lead to me developing psoriasis and got me into depression. I am planning to move out of my country to study abroad and take my mum with me. Please guide on how to survive until then because he constantly beats me up too. He has even bitten me once and spit on my face. I am trying to be patient as much as possible but its wearing out. I have developed anxiety and depression because of him. Any advicetipslife lessons on how to face this situation and handling it will be much helpful to me.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hello guys, I am 29. My father who is 61 constantly beats my mum even though she is a cancer patient. He never cares about what other people feel. When I raise my voice against him, he says its none of my business. He is basically a clear psychopath who is addicted to alcohol. I also suspect he is weak with women and has external affairs. Being in constant stress over the past 10 years, lead to me developing psoriasis and got me into depression. I am planning to move out of my country to study abroad and take my mum with me. Please guide on how to survive until then because he constantly beats me up too. He has even bitten me once and spit on my face. I am trying to be patient as much as possible but its wearing out. I have developed anxiety and depression because of him. Any advicetipslife lessons on how to face this situation and handling it will be much helpful to me. [/INST] Communication </s>

Yesterday he pulled me hair out beat my face for the first time and left marks. Im never allowed to process the abuse because hes too tied up in “feeling bad” and I have to comfort him. Hes my first boyfriend we started dating when I was 16 im now 23 turing 24 soon. I have nothing to my name not true friends not true family fhat cares. His family supports his abuse to me and only care to tell him to stop because hell go to jail. Not because hes hurting another human. This is the first time im telling anyone anything. Because im on the verge of disappearing from this earth. Im scared and tired. And I feel like its all my fault. Hes even a year younger than and that makes me feel worse about the situation. I have a little sister and I feel like ill never ba able to be a good role model for her because of what I put up with. I just feel defeated. Sorry if this is a ramble or not allowed. I just need help. I have along history of being abused. Sexually from a sibling for years. Emotionally abused when I came out about the trauma.And almost immediately after that I got into the worst relationship of my life and feel like I have to stay because he financially supported me. I feel in debt.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Yesterday he pulled me hair out beat my face for the first time and left marks. Im never allowed to process the abuse because hes too tied up in “feeling bad” and I have to comfort him. Hes my first boyfriend we started dating when I was 16 im now 23 turing 24 soon. I have nothing to my name not true friends not true family fhat cares. His family supports his abuse to me and only care to tell him to stop because hell go to jail. Not because hes hurting another human. This is the first time im telling anyone anything. Because im on the verge of disappearing from this earth. Im scared and tired. And I feel like its all my fault. Hes even a year younger than and that makes me feel worse about the situation. I have a little sister and I feel like ill never ba able to be a good role model for her because of what I put up with. I just feel defeated. Sorry if this is a ramble or not allowed. I just need help. I have along history of being abused. Sexually from a sibling for years. Emotionally abused when I came out about the trauma.And almost immediately after that I got into the worst relationship of my life and feel like I have to stay because he financially supported me. I feel in debt. [/INST] Communication </s>

TL;DR: my gf has physically and verbally abused me for a long time, it’s escalated recently, and now I’m finally leaving and I’m not telling her. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave. I (M 28) am leaving my GF (F 26) tomorrow morning after 3.5 years. After speaking to 3 individual therapists myself, and working with a couple’s therapist with her I can’t take the verbal abuse anymore. I’m leaving tomorrow morning and I’m not telling her. Here are some the highlights (or low lights) of the abuse. About 7 months ago, when her grandma in another country passed, she spent the whole week drowning her sadness in liquor. She’d blacked out and at about 2 or 3 in the morning taken my keys to go driving. I tried to stand behind the car and stop her and she accelerated at me. I got in front of the car to try to get her attention and she drove forward towards me. This to cap off a week of her saying she could wait until MY grandma died so she could treat me as shitty as I was treating her. (I was physically unable to take off of work and I still tried to comfort her, but that wasn’t enough.) I had, and still do have a lot of sympathy for what she was dealing with, but I didn’t deserve that, I really tried to be a good partner. About 5 months ago she locked me out of the Airbnb we were staying at around midnight returning from seeing my friends. She was piss drunk and angry at me for trying to stop her from taking their dog outside without a leash who was notorious for trying to run away. I went to a hotel that night, and she spent the night berating me by text and voicemails. My friend came with me to get my stuff the next day, and she spent the whole time begging me not to leave, swearing she would change. I stayed away for a week and eventually caved after convincing me she would change, and somehow making it partially my fault with something else she was mad about. 3 months ago - at my parent’s house no less - she drinks herself into a stupor. She gets angry at me because I tell her to stop trying to pin me in the bathroom so she can berate me for telling her I didn’t appreciate her calling me names and berating me that night. I go to walk past her, and she punches me in the stomach, leaving a small cut where had been holding chopsticks or something. I got very angry and yelled how dare you hit me, my parents naturally over hear and try to diffuse the situation without escalation. Eventually we go to separate rooms, but she spends the night berating me about how she didn’t punch me, I’m dramatic, etc. Fast forward to the past two weeks- she spends a car ride back to my family’s house berating me, leaving a house party we were invited to with family I had in town. At my family’s house, tries to force me to have sex with her by pinning me, and then eventually storming out when I refuse, driving drunk to go back to where we were staying at the time at about 3 - 4 in the morning. This continued through the week, drinking through the week nights, berating me about something. Finally in our couple’s therapy session i bawl my eyes out telling her to fix her drinking etc, and eventually she tells me it’s my fault for drinking because I wasn’t happy or hype enough. At this point, my individual therapist had told me about the cycle of abuse, so that softened it and helped me not internalize it. Then today, after leaving brunch with a couple friend we met, she proceeds to berate me in our Uber for not making sure she brought her mask with her. I was only thinking about myself, etc. we get back and she strikes up a conversation with a random neighbor we’ve never seen, we talk like it’s all good, as the conversation dies down I suggest we go check on our dog. We walk away and then in the house she gets angry with me telling me I made her look like a fool. At this point I’d had it. I went to the room and locked the door so she couldn’t get in. She eventually came and knocked on the door and demanded I let her in. I did, but told her I had nothing to talk about with her, she said how dare you lock the door to our room, don’t ever do that again. She comes and lays in the bed and falls asleep. I’ve been packing my things since secretly, and I’m leaving for good this time. Family is picking me up early in the morning and I don’t plan to tell her. I’m finally going to stand up for myself, and I’m not coming back. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> TL;DR: my gf has physically and verbally abused me for a long time, it’s escalated recently, and now I’m finally leaving and I’m not telling her. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave. I (M 28) am leaving my GF (F 26) tomorrow morning after 3.5 years. After speaking to 3 individual therapists myself, and working with a couple’s therapist with her I can’t take the verbal abuse anymore. I’m leaving tomorrow morning and I’m not telling her. Here are some the highlights (or low lights) of the abuse. About 7 months ago, when her grandma in another country passed, she spent the whole week drowning her sadness in liquor. She’d blacked out and at about 2 or 3 in the morning taken my keys to go driving. I tried to stand behind the car and stop her and she accelerated at me. I got in front of the car to try to get her attention and she drove forward towards me. This to cap off a week of her saying she could wait until MY grandma died so she could treat me as shitty as I was treating her. (I was physically unable to take off of work and I still tried to comfort her, but that wasn’t enough.) I had, and still do have a lot of sympathy for what she was dealing with, but I didn’t deserve that, I really tried to be a good partner. About 5 months ago she locked me out of the Airbnb we were staying at around midnight returning from seeing my friends. She was piss drunk and angry at me for trying to stop her from taking their dog outside without a leash who was notorious for trying to run away. I went to a hotel that night, and she spent the night berating me by text and voicemails. My friend came with me to get my stuff the next day, and she spent the whole time begging me not to leave, swearing she would change. I stayed away for a week and eventually caved after convincing me she would change, and somehow making it partially my fault with something else she was mad about. 3 months ago - at my parent’s house no less - she drinks herself into a stupor. She gets angry at me because I tell her to stop trying to pin me in the bathroom so she can berate me for telling her I didn’t appreciate her calling me names and berating me that night. I go to walk past her, and she punches me in the stomach, leaving a small cut where had been holding chopsticks or something. I got very angry and yelled how dare you hit me, my parents naturally over hear and try to diffuse the situation without escalation. Eventually we go to separate rooms, but she spends the night berating me about how she didn’t punch me, I’m dramatic, etc. Fast forward to the past two weeks- she spends a car ride back to my family’s house berating me, leaving a house party we were invited to with family I had in town. At my family’s house, tries to force me to have sex with her by pinning me, and then eventually storming out when I refuse, driving drunk to go back to where we were staying at the time at about 3 - 4 in the morning. This continued through the week, drinking through the week nights, berating me about something. Finally in our couple’s therapy session i bawl my eyes out telling her to fix her drinking etc, and eventually she tells me it’s my fault for drinking because I wasn’t happy or hype enough. At this point, my individual therapist had told me about the cycle of abuse, so that softened it and helped me not internalize it. Then today, after leaving brunch with a couple friend we met, she proceeds to berate me in our Uber for not making sure she brought her mask with her. I was only thinking about myself, etc. we get back and she strikes up a conversation with a random neighbor we’ve never seen, we talk like it’s all good, as the conversation dies down I suggest we go check on our dog. We walk away and then in the house she gets angry with me telling me I made her look like a fool. At this point I’d had it. I went to the room and locked the door so she couldn’t get in. She eventually came and knocked on the door and demanded I let her in. I did, but told her I had nothing to talk about with her, she said how dare you lock the door to our room, don’t ever do that again. She comes and lays in the bed and falls asleep. I’ve been packing my things since secretly, and I’m leaving for good this time. Family is picking me up early in the morning and I don’t plan to tell her. I’m finally going to stand up for myself, and I’m not coming back. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave. [/INST] Communication </s>

I've left a decade long physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically abusive relationship. What does healing even look like? What wereare your goals? I understand physically healing - I have a dentist appointment to have some teeth fixedreplaced with implants. I got some hair growth serum to help with bald spots where my hair was ripped out. Etc. But what does emotional healing look like? If anyone has any tangible ideasgoals, I'd be very grateful! I just feel numb.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I've left a decade long physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically abusive relationship. What does healing even look like? What wereare your goals? I understand physically healing - I have a dentist appointment to have some teeth fixedreplaced with implants. I got some hair growth serum to help with bald spots where my hair was ripped out. Etc. But what does emotional healing look like? If anyone has any tangible ideasgoals, I'd be very grateful! I just feel numb. [/INST] Communication </s>

I made the choice to have my cat of 16 years put down last night. She was so sick and so tired. My ex-husband and I adopted her when we got engaged and moved in together. When things got bad between us she would sit on my lap and try to make me feel better. On nights when he would tear through the house destroying things and coming after me, she and I would cuddle up on the bathroom floor and hide until morning. She's very easily the reason I am here now still alive finally out of that hell. I miss her and I am grateful for her and I don't know how to keep going without her still here.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I made the choice to have my cat of 16 years put down last night. She was so sick and so tired. My ex-husband and I adopted her when we got engaged and moved in together. When things got bad between us she would sit on my lap and try to make me feel better. On nights when he would tear through the house destroying things and coming after me, she and I would cuddle up on the bathroom floor and hide until morning. She's very easily the reason I am here now still alive finally out of that hell. I miss her and I am grateful for her and I don't know how to keep going without her still here. [/INST] Communication </s>

Me (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 3 years. We have a one year old together and I am currently expecting our second. I’ve been a stay at home mom up until about two weeks ago. I started to be really drained and depressed from the pregnancy hormones and really needed a break from watching my child 247. I finally found a daycare that I love and It’s been nice because my son gets to hang out with other babies for about 4 hours everyday, while I either relax or work on other business plans. I’ve really seen a uplift in my mood since I’ve been getting a break. Yesterday, my boyfriend told me he feels as though our child getting into daycare was a waste of time and money, since I’m not working and don’t do anything but sit on social media while he’s there. I tried to explain that it was deeper than that, and even agreed to get a job if that would make more sense. We argued and I began crying because hormones I guess and frustration, he was upset I was crying an poured out the coffee he bought me. I asked why he did that and he said “because I paid for it” so in retaliation, I poured his cup out and asked him how that felt. In response he raised his hand like he was going to hit me but instead filled a cup with warm water and threw it in my face in front of our son. I was stunned but am not sure if this is a big deal. I can’t believe he would do this to me in front of our one year old. Is this the start to a relationship that’s destined to get violent?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Me (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 3 years. We have a one year old together and I am currently expecting our second. I’ve been a stay at home mom up until about two weeks ago. I started to be really drained and depressed from the pregnancy hormones and really needed a break from watching my child 247. I finally found a daycare that I love and It’s been nice because my son gets to hang out with other babies for about 4 hours everyday, while I either relax or work on other business plans. I’ve really seen a uplift in my mood since I’ve been getting a break. Yesterday, my boyfriend told me he feels as though our child getting into daycare was a waste of time and money, since I’m not working and don’t do anything but sit on social media while he’s there. I tried to explain that it was deeper than that, and even agreed to get a job if that would make more sense. We argued and I began crying because hormones I guess and frustration, he was upset I was crying an poured out the coffee he bought me. I asked why he did that and he said “because I paid for it” so in retaliation, I poured his cup out and asked him how that felt. In response he raised his hand like he was going to hit me but instead filled a cup with warm water and threw it in my face in front of our son. I was stunned but am not sure if this is a big deal. I can’t believe he would do this to me in front of our one year old. Is this the start to a relationship that’s destined to get violent? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

I think my problem right now is I have more compassion than I do sense. I love him so much, and I know he's hurting. But I also can't help but feel manipulated, I just can't get my anger to the surface. It's always pushed down by my ever-present urge to protect him and not be mean. After a week of no contact, he called me. It was an emotional conversation. He desperately wants to come home. But I can't let him, we're not good for each other. Like we're werewolves and each other's full moons. I have to protect myself and our pets. But I don't want to be heartless. I don't want to keep his dogs from him. But I can't let him come home -- we'll settle into our old ways and co-dependence. I just don't know if I have the strength to turn him down completely. He promised to go to therapy and anger management, and I hope he does. But I want him to do it for himself, not for me. Otherwise, it will never truly be him. But I still don't know if I trust him to go. It's so complicated. I want him to feel loved and protected, but I know I'm not the right person for it. I wish I could believe he could change, that this should be his wake-up call. I'm also scared that flat-out rejection will result in him hurting himself. He's proven he's capable of that. I'm hurting, I know he's hurting. Is it even possible to continue loving him at distance or is the healthiest option truly to completely cut off contact and let the chips fall where they may? Honestly, the potential outcomes keep me up at night. EDIT: He's trying to force me into making a decision and the only options are to let him come back home or he's going to pursue doctor-assisted suicide. I want him to make the choice to live and try to live a better life for himself. I can't let him come home - I don't feel safe with him here, but telling him no is (in his mind) telling him to die. I don't know what to do. I've told him a million times even if I was willing to take him back one day after I saw real change, that day wasn't today. And because, after only a week since he left, I'm not willing to confirm there's a future for us, he's not willing to do any sort of self-improvement. I regret picking up the phone again. I wasn't ready for this, and he's clearly breaking. My heart hurts for him. This rock and hard place situation has no winners.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I think my problem right now is I have more compassion than I do sense. I love him so much, and I know he's hurting. But I also can't help but feel manipulated, I just can't get my anger to the surface. It's always pushed down by my ever-present urge to protect him and not be mean. After a week of no contact, he called me. It was an emotional conversation. He desperately wants to come home. But I can't let him, we're not good for each other. Like we're werewolves and each other's full moons. I have to protect myself and our pets. But I don't want to be heartless. I don't want to keep his dogs from him. But I can't let him come home -- we'll settle into our old ways and co-dependence. I just don't know if I have the strength to turn him down completely. He promised to go to therapy and anger management, and I hope he does. But I want him to do it for himself, not for me. Otherwise, it will never truly be him. But I still don't know if I trust him to go. It's so complicated. I want him to feel loved and protected, but I know I'm not the right person for it. I wish I could believe he could change, that this should be his wake-up call. I'm also scared that flat-out rejection will result in him hurting himself. He's proven he's capable of that. I'm hurting, I know he's hurting. Is it even possible to continue loving him at distance or is the healthiest option truly to completely cut off contact and let the chips fall where they may? Honestly, the potential outcomes keep me up at night. EDIT: He's trying to force me into making a decision and the only options are to let him come back home or he's going to pursue doctor-assisted suicide. I want him to make the choice to live and try to live a better life for himself. I can't let him come home - I don't feel safe with him here, but telling him no is (in his mind) telling him to die. I don't know what to do. I've told him a million times even if I was willing to take him back one day after I saw real change, that day wasn't today. And because, after only a week since he left, I'm not willing to confirm there's a future for us, he's not willing to do any sort of self-improvement. I regret picking up the phone again. I wasn't ready for this, and he's clearly breaking. My heart hurts for him. This rock and hard place situation has no winners. [/INST] Communication </s>

I know the relationship sucked. But I miss the good parts, and the feeling of being that close to someone. So badly. I know he was a master of manipulation, but it felt like he knew me so well. We had similar taste in everything and he knew how to make me happy or how to make me feel so loved (when he wanted). I'm over him, believe me, but God do I miss the good relationship feelings. It's been so long since I felt love and passion for someone. I've been with my new boyfriend for one year. And he's great! He treats me well, we get along well... but we aren't super passionate. We don't have all the same interests, not always this insane connection (though I know that's an unrealistic expectation in a healthy relationship). I do not feel in love with him, and I feel like it's because that part of my brain has been fried. I've given it time, hoping it will grow. But it's like I hit a wall. Normally I'd think it's me just not that into him type of situation. I have every reason to love this guy and swoon over him, but I just don't. I'm happy in my relationship, but I feel like I'm not as happy as I could be.. as if undying, passionate, take a bullet for you type love will never happen for me again. Anyone else experience similar? Does it get better?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I know the relationship sucked. But I miss the good parts, and the feeling of being that close to someone. So badly. I know he was a master of manipulation, but it felt like he knew me so well. We had similar taste in everything and he knew how to make me happy or how to make me feel so loved (when he wanted). I'm over him, believe me, but God do I miss the good relationship feelings. It's been so long since I felt love and passion for someone. I've been with my new boyfriend for one year. And he's great! He treats me well, we get along well... but we aren't super passionate. We don't have all the same interests, not always this insane connection (though I know that's an unrealistic expectation in a healthy relationship). I do not feel in love with him, and I feel like it's because that part of my brain has been fried. I've given it time, hoping it will grow. But it's like I hit a wall. Normally I'd think it's me just not that into him type of situation. I have every reason to love this guy and swoon over him, but I just don't. I'm happy in my relationship, but I feel like I'm not as happy as I could be.. as if undying, passionate, take a bullet for you type love will never happen for me again. Anyone else experience similar? Does it get better? [/INST] Communication </s>

I’ve been at the DV shelter w my kids 3 weeks now. My abuser takes care of the kids while I work. I can’t completely cut him off. I’ve never been worried about him around the kids. Anyway he is trying to see me on Valentine’s Day “for 1 last time alone” I felt like it would be okay at first but I’m starting to think I probably shouldn’t because we would actually be alone. He could try to hurt me. Idk. It’s hard still being in constant contact w your abuser.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’ve been at the DV shelter w my kids 3 weeks now. My abuser takes care of the kids while I work. I can’t completely cut him off. I’ve never been worried about him around the kids. Anyway he is trying to see me on Valentine’s Day “for 1 last time alone” I felt like it would be okay at first but I’m starting to think I probably shouldn’t because we would actually be alone. He could try to hurt me. Idk. It’s hard still being in constant contact w your abuser. [/INST] Communication </s>

So I couldn’t stay while finding somewhere else to live and left last Wednesday while he was at work and am living at a cheap holiday house place with my kids. I keep getting rejected for rental properties as there is a rental crisis at the moment here, so I’m feeling a bit down. He called today and said I can have the rental we shared and he will leave, all I have to do is withdraw my DV paperwork and go back on the lease. Along with all the “I didn’t realise what I had until it’s gone, you’re beautiful, I love you” BS. I felt bad in my gut so I stayed strong and said no. And then he started yelling again. Goes to show, a leopard does not change their spots - they are only “nice” when they want to or are getting their way. Please send positive vibes my way that I can get accepted for an apartment in the next 7 days. Stay strong.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> So I couldn’t stay while finding somewhere else to live and left last Wednesday while he was at work and am living at a cheap holiday house place with my kids. I keep getting rejected for rental properties as there is a rental crisis at the moment here, so I’m feeling a bit down. He called today and said I can have the rental we shared and he will leave, all I have to do is withdraw my DV paperwork and go back on the lease. Along with all the “I didn’t realise what I had until it’s gone, you’re beautiful, I love you” BS. I felt bad in my gut so I stayed strong and said no. And then he started yelling again. Goes to show, a leopard does not change their spots - they are only “nice” when they want to or are getting their way. Please send positive vibes my way that I can get accepted for an apartment in the next 7 days. Stay strong. [/INST] Communication </s>

My ex lies for attention, either to impress people or to play the victim. He lies to rewrite history. He lies to win arguements. He lies to gaslight. And he lies to everyone without feeling bad for lying. I can only imagine that this was what is called compulsive lying. I think he sometimes repeats lies enough that he starts to believe his own lies. Does it have to be intentional to be considered abusive?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My ex lies for attention, either to impress people or to play the victim. He lies to rewrite history. He lies to win arguements. He lies to gaslight. And he lies to everyone without feeling bad for lying. I can only imagine that this was what is called compulsive lying. I think he sometimes repeats lies enough that he starts to believe his own lies. Does it have to be intentional to be considered abusive? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

Update: I read everyone's advice. Thank you so much. I packed up his essential stuff and asked him to give me some space for a few days (this gave me some wiggle-room). He begged, guilt tripped, and yelled to try to get me to reconsider, but I stood firm. He's been staying with his parents. I still have finances to disentangle and I still have all of his furniture, but he's out of the house and I feel like I can finally breathe again. original post: I'm want to kick out the guy im engaged to. He's controlling towards me wont let me work and puts me in debt, always yelling and screaming. I want to kick him out. He's not on the lease, and I think he'd be legally entitled to 60 days notice. Does anyone have advice on what I can do?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Update: I read everyone's advice. Thank you so much. I packed up his essential stuff and asked him to give me some space for a few days (this gave me some wiggle-room). He begged, guilt tripped, and yelled to try to get me to reconsider, but I stood firm. He's been staying with his parents. I still have finances to disentangle and I still have all of his furniture, but he's out of the house and I feel like I can finally breathe again. original post: I'm want to kick out the guy im engaged to. He's controlling towards me wont let me work and puts me in debt, always yelling and screaming. I want to kick him out. He's not on the lease, and I think he'd be legally entitled to 60 days notice. Does anyone have advice on what I can do? [/INST] Communication </s>

Awaiting trial, he's been in prison since April, another bail application hearing tomorrow and I know it's irrational to predict the future on the basis of a feeling, but I have a bad feeling. If he's released, I'm torn between wanting to go into DV emergency accommodation because I'm afraid he'll kill me, staying put because I hope he'll kill me or deluding myself into believing I can reboot us somehow but without all the torture this time around. I have zero people in my life. I'm going to spend Christmas alone. I don't even care about Christmas, but it's the principle of not having the option of participation. I feel so miserable I've gone back to almost believing I need him.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Awaiting trial, he's been in prison since April, another bail application hearing tomorrow and I know it's irrational to predict the future on the basis of a feeling, but I have a bad feeling. If he's released, I'm torn between wanting to go into DV emergency accommodation because I'm afraid he'll kill me, staying put because I hope he'll kill me or deluding myself into believing I can reboot us somehow but without all the torture this time around. I have zero people in my life. I'm going to spend Christmas alone. I don't even care about Christmas, but it's the principle of not having the option of participation. I feel so miserable I've gone back to almost believing I need him. [/INST] Communication </s>

The real culprit is within the walls of family law. The court system, the Children’s Division, police, etc. (&amp; it doesn’t matter what citycounty you reside - it’s all crooked)…they all perpetuate the problem. Until there’s a total overhaul of the “system”, DV will never end. It will only continue to get worse. Never forget that (&amp; never trust anyone in the system - ever).

Legal

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> The real culprit is within the walls of family law. The court system, the Children’s Division, police, etc. (&amp; it doesn’t matter what citycounty you reside - it’s all crooked)…they all perpetuate the problem. Until there’s a total overhaul of the “system”, DV will never end. It will only continue to get worse. Never forget that (&amp; never trust anyone in the system - ever). [/INST] Legal </s>

i been taking care of my grandma since her husband died in 2016, paying bills, keeping the house standing, yard and house work, food in the house, the whole 9 yards, only to be met with verbal abuse daily, i do nothing but help out around here and get nothing but disrespect in return, if i move out, she loses the house because she cant physically do it anymore, she suffered a small stroke a couple years ago and cant do numberscant pay her own bills, let alone anything else, she treats me like a personal slave, what should i do?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> i been taking care of my grandma since her husband died in 2016, paying bills, keeping the house standing, yard and house work, food in the house, the whole 9 yards, only to be met with verbal abuse daily, i do nothing but help out around here and get nothing but disrespect in return, if i move out, she loses the house because she cant physically do it anymore, she suffered a small stroke a couple years ago and cant do numberscant pay her own bills, let alone anything else, she treats me like a personal slave, what should i do? [/INST] Communication </s>

I’m really scared to go to one, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this. How bad are they? Are the people nice? Do they help with job placement? Any personal experiences are greatly appreciated, good or bad, I’m just terrified right now. Thank you.

Shelters/ DV center/ Agency

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’m really scared to go to one, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this. How bad are they? Are the people nice? Do they help with job placement? Any personal experiences are greatly appreciated, good or bad, I’m just terrified right now. Thank you. [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s>

We made it out earlier today (well I guess yesterday now). I took my 3 year old daughter to the AirBnb we rented long-termtemporarily and she stayed with the babysitter while I ran back to the old apartment and threw as many of the kids' clothes and mine in a suitcase as fast as I could, as my husband was drunk and yelling obscenities at me, trying to rip my clothes and grabbing my hair. I put the baby in the stroller, grabbed him and the suitcase and we left alone. The kids are very upset and confused, still up at 4:30am but here we are, together, safe, and away from our abuser. We did it. We made that first step, that hardest step. I never thought I could do it but I did. I am looking forward to the new, calm, safe and happier next chapter with my children. The hardest part is over.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> We made it out earlier today (well I guess yesterday now). I took my 3 year old daughter to the AirBnb we rented long-termtemporarily and she stayed with the babysitter while I ran back to the old apartment and threw as many of the kids' clothes and mine in a suitcase as fast as I could, as my husband was drunk and yelling obscenities at me, trying to rip my clothes and grabbing my hair. I put the baby in the stroller, grabbed him and the suitcase and we left alone. The kids are very upset and confused, still up at 4:30am but here we are, together, safe, and away from our abuser. We did it. We made that first step, that hardest step. I never thought I could do it but I did. I am looking forward to the new, calm, safe and happier next chapter with my children. The hardest part is over. [/INST] Communication </s>

Really feeling stuck this weekend with my ex. He's been out of the house for 6 months... This past week I found the passport of his ex girlfriend stowed away in a bag. I was able to get her contact through one of his friends I keep in touch with. She told me it "went missing" two days before her flight out of the country but that she had always suspected that he stole it. She went on to share the same abusive stories that I have. Obviously I had to tell the friend why I wanted this woman's contact information, that I found her passport. Suddenly I get a barrage of threatening emails from him this weekend. "Why am I so obsessed with him? Why can't I let it go? Why do I try so hard to ruin his reputation?" It's so hard because I'm actually trying to stay in my lane. I've been successfully no contact for a while now. I would actually love for his reputation to be destroyed, and for people to know how abusive he is. But I don't need to spread rumors for that to happen... It naturally will happen through the consequences of his actions. I honestly feel like I can't say anything to anyone about the relationship, how he's not seeing his son or paying child support, even though it's stuff I really do wish I had someone to talk to about it with.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Really feeling stuck this weekend with my ex. He's been out of the house for 6 months... This past week I found the passport of his ex girlfriend stowed away in a bag. I was able to get her contact through one of his friends I keep in touch with. She told me it "went missing" two days before her flight out of the country but that she had always suspected that he stole it. She went on to share the same abusive stories that I have. Obviously I had to tell the friend why I wanted this woman's contact information, that I found her passport. Suddenly I get a barrage of threatening emails from him this weekend. "Why am I so obsessed with him? Why can't I let it go? Why do I try so hard to ruin his reputation?" It's so hard because I'm actually trying to stay in my lane. I've been successfully no contact for a while now. I would actually love for his reputation to be destroyed, and for people to know how abusive he is. But I don't need to spread rumors for that to happen... It naturally will happen through the consequences of his actions. I honestly feel like I can't say anything to anyone about the relationship, how he's not seeing his son or paying child support, even though it's stuff I really do wish I had someone to talk to about it with. [/INST] Communication </s>

My boyfriend that I have been with for 4 years, always abuses me. I am now 20 years old and he is 24, if I do something he dosent like he will hit me. It all started of with me have social media, (instagram and snapchat) he told me that I am not allowed them platforms and I must delete them. He made me sit their and delete every single follower 1 by one, which took hours. After I removed all of the followers, that's when he made me delete the account. He slapped me in my face and pulled my hair back and said "you are only mine". I had all of my friends on those social media platforms, even long distance friends but I was not allowed to have it. I used to be so scared around him he always wanted to check my phone he wanted to check everything. Another time when he abused me, it was when I was going out on a night out with the girls, I was getting ready at my mums house and he wouldn't stop ringing my phone, he constantly kept ringing and texting me saying "I dare you to go out" "I will kill you". I did the worst mistake ever and I turned my phone off. So I went out and went to the clubs, a couple of hours in he was walking up and down the street where the clubs were looking for me, showing people a photo of me asking if "they have seen this girl". He eventually found me and I was outside smoking a cigarette on my own. He already had a car with him, he had a taxi driver, driving him about so I was drunk at this point he pulled me into the taxi and said to the taxi man "drive" I was constantly saying '"I want to get out"I was screaming saying "let me out" and the taxi man kept on driving as my partner told him to. because I continued to shout he told the taxi driver to stop, and he slapped me across my face so hard. He opens the cab door and pulled me out of it with my hair, I was on the floor and he kicked me in my side multiple times. He payed the taxi driver extra money to not say anything, the taxi driver just drove of. I tried to get up and run away but he caught up to me and beat me up on the floor. Theirs so many times where he has beat me up, I've only told you one of them so far, I am now 20 years old and I feel so depressed, so tired and unmotivated in my life. I feel like my life is pointless their is no escape. He has cut me with a knife before threatening me that if I tell the police then he will throw acid in my face. He was this control over me, what he says goes. He tells me to come back and im always running to him. Im always running back because he WONT LEAVE ME ALONE. if I block him, change my number he leaves me emails, letters, comes to my house when he knows my family aren't in. He does everything in his power to keep hold of me. Its not just physical abuse he gives me it is emotional and verbal. He has made me feel so low about my self image and I will never dare step out of my house without makeup as I feel so insecure now, I never used to really wear makeup now I have to wear it. He has punched me in my eye before, slapped me, punched me in my face and all over my body, had me on the floor and he stood on my face saying "this is where you belong" he kicks me when im on the floor and he spits on me. My worst nightmare is when he gets his belt out on me "I just scream begging him to not hurt me" but if its not his belt he will hold a knife towards me. I have a stab mark on my leg so I decided to get a tattoo to cover it up, I don't like to see it I try to forget everything he has done to me but I can't. He will never leave me alone, he will always be their.Ive realised their is so escape. If I tell the police he will get someone to do something to me I know he will. I now do not have the energy to be upset about him abusing me anymore, I feel like it is normal, I have experienced this for 4 years from being 17 years old. I have to live with this until he wants to leave me. :(

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My boyfriend that I have been with for 4 years, always abuses me. I am now 20 years old and he is 24, if I do something he dosent like he will hit me. It all started of with me have social media, (instagram and snapchat) he told me that I am not allowed them platforms and I must delete them. He made me sit their and delete every single follower 1 by one, which took hours. After I removed all of the followers, that's when he made me delete the account. He slapped me in my face and pulled my hair back and said "you are only mine". I had all of my friends on those social media platforms, even long distance friends but I was not allowed to have it. I used to be so scared around him he always wanted to check my phone he wanted to check everything. Another time when he abused me, it was when I was going out on a night out with the girls, I was getting ready at my mums house and he wouldn't stop ringing my phone, he constantly kept ringing and texting me saying "I dare you to go out" "I will kill you". I did the worst mistake ever and I turned my phone off. So I went out and went to the clubs, a couple of hours in he was walking up and down the street where the clubs were looking for me, showing people a photo of me asking if "they have seen this girl". He eventually found me and I was outside smoking a cigarette on my own. He already had a car with him, he had a taxi driver, driving him about so I was drunk at this point he pulled me into the taxi and said to the taxi man "drive" I was constantly saying '"I want to get out"I was screaming saying "let me out" and the taxi man kept on driving as my partner told him to. because I continued to shout he told the taxi driver to stop, and he slapped me across my face so hard. He opens the cab door and pulled me out of it with my hair, I was on the floor and he kicked me in my side multiple times. He payed the taxi driver extra money to not say anything, the taxi driver just drove of. I tried to get up and run away but he caught up to me and beat me up on the floor. Theirs so many times where he has beat me up, I've only told you one of them so far, I am now 20 years old and I feel so depressed, so tired and unmotivated in my life. I feel like my life is pointless their is no escape. He has cut me with a knife before threatening me that if I tell the police then he will throw acid in my face. He was this control over me, what he says goes. He tells me to come back and im always running to him. Im always running back because he WONT LEAVE ME ALONE. if I block him, change my number he leaves me emails, letters, comes to my house when he knows my family aren't in. He does everything in his power to keep hold of me. Its not just physical abuse he gives me it is emotional and verbal. He has made me feel so low about my self image and I will never dare step out of my house without makeup as I feel so insecure now, I never used to really wear makeup now I have to wear it. He has punched me in my eye before, slapped me, punched me in my face and all over my body, had me on the floor and he stood on my face saying "this is where you belong" he kicks me when im on the floor and he spits on me. My worst nightmare is when he gets his belt out on me "I just scream begging him to not hurt me" but if its not his belt he will hold a knife towards me. I have a stab mark on my leg so I decided to get a tattoo to cover it up, I don't like to see it I try to forget everything he has done to me but I can't. He will never leave me alone, he will always be their.Ive realised their is so escape. If I tell the police he will get someone to do something to me I know he will. I now do not have the energy to be upset about him abusing me anymore, I feel like it is normal, I have experienced this for 4 years from being 17 years old. I have to live with this until he wants to leave me. :( [/INST] Communication </s>

I am considering going tonight, if I can get a ride. I don't know what to expect and I'm scared. I'm autistic and the sudden change is terrifying. I don't know how to get out of the house without him noticing and if he notices he's going to have another huge breakdown and I will completely shut down. I don't know what to do. Do I just wait til tomorrow maybe? Or do I stay and try to work it out? What's it like at one of those places? What do I need to prepare for?

Shelters/ DV center/ Agency

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I am considering going tonight, if I can get a ride. I don't know what to expect and I'm scared. I'm autistic and the sudden change is terrifying. I don't know how to get out of the house without him noticing and if he notices he's going to have another huge breakdown and I will completely shut down. I don't know what to do. Do I just wait til tomorrow maybe? Or do I stay and try to work it out? What's it like at one of those places? What do I need to prepare for? [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s>

They sent me home again, and there is this void, or emptiness because I've been so isolated from all people. He is the only person I know who can help. I can barely walk, it hurts to breathe, and no matter how I lay I just can't get comfortable. And I have no one to turn to but him. He made sure that I have no friends, I haven't talked to my own children in 2 years. He keeps telling me how cold it is outside and how he will be forced to sleep under a bridge in the frigid cold. The DV shelters run at half capacity because of COVID. So all I have is a hotline, and that's no relationship. So it's easy to go back to what I know, which is him. At least then I'll have someone to talk to and help me heal. This time it was my tailbone and my ribs. I can't even use the bathroom and wipe my own 'area'. The tears just won't stop. How do you reach out to people and make friends?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> They sent me home again, and there is this void, or emptiness because I've been so isolated from all people. He is the only person I know who can help. I can barely walk, it hurts to breathe, and no matter how I lay I just can't get comfortable. And I have no one to turn to but him. He made sure that I have no friends, I haven't talked to my own children in 2 years. He keeps telling me how cold it is outside and how he will be forced to sleep under a bridge in the frigid cold. The DV shelters run at half capacity because of COVID. So all I have is a hotline, and that's no relationship. So it's easy to go back to what I know, which is him. At least then I'll have someone to talk to and help me heal. This time it was my tailbone and my ribs. I can't even use the bathroom and wipe my own 'area'. The tears just won't stop. How do you reach out to people and make friends? [/INST] Communication </s>

We come from different cultures and although I don't regard myself as a particularly culture-oriented person, my partner is very patriotic about his identity,language and culture and a die-hard fan of music from his people. This is to a point that he has zero tolerance of food or music from other ethnicities and culture and is never up to try anything new. He is abusive and violent and we are kind of going in our separate directions, at least he is. I feel cheated by myself for still have such strong feelings for him, to a point that I would readily accept him back if only he acknowledged his mistakes. Which is never happening, just to be clear. I find myself wondering if he would've treated me more human had I spoken his language, had a nice voice wherein I sang songs in his language and made food for him that he liked??? I hate to admit this but I feel like, when he does get serious about a woman after me or wants to put a ring on her, he will make sure she is from his culture and won't treat her this badly, the way he treated me, because in his head we were partners. And not spouses. I'm saying this because I have seen him flirt with woman from his culture online and he turns into the nicest man, asking them how their day was, listening to them yapping about mundane things and responding in their language. Whereas when I would talk to him about my feelings, the response I would get would be "you are talking too much" I honestly feel degraded and humiliated, because I tried my very best to make this work, giving him chances time and again to sort himself out until it dawned upon me that it boils down to his people and others. And I probably come under others. The realisation was very painful and brutal, considering I spent 6 years in an abusive relationship, only to know that in his eyes I would never get the better version of him, only because I don't come under the category of his people. And because we both use a second language( that both of us are fluent in) to communicate with each other. But I guess at the end of the day second language can never replace mother tongue. And that's that.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> We come from different cultures and although I don't regard myself as a particularly culture-oriented person, my partner is very patriotic about his identity,language and culture and a die-hard fan of music from his people. This is to a point that he has zero tolerance of food or music from other ethnicities and culture and is never up to try anything new. He is abusive and violent and we are kind of going in our separate directions, at least he is. I feel cheated by myself for still have such strong feelings for him, to a point that I would readily accept him back if only he acknowledged his mistakes. Which is never happening, just to be clear. I find myself wondering if he would've treated me more human had I spoken his language, had a nice voice wherein I sang songs in his language and made food for him that he liked??? I hate to admit this but I feel like, when he does get serious about a woman after me or wants to put a ring on her, he will make sure she is from his culture and won't treat her this badly, the way he treated me, because in his head we were partners. And not spouses. I'm saying this because I have seen him flirt with woman from his culture online and he turns into the nicest man, asking them how their day was, listening to them yapping about mundane things and responding in their language. Whereas when I would talk to him about my feelings, the response I would get would be "you are talking too much" I honestly feel degraded and humiliated, because I tried my very best to make this work, giving him chances time and again to sort himself out until it dawned upon me that it boils down to his people and others. And I probably come under others. The realisation was very painful and brutal, considering I spent 6 years in an abusive relationship, only to know that in his eyes I would never get the better version of him, only because I don't come under the category of his people. And because we both use a second language( that both of us are fluent in) to communicate with each other. But I guess at the end of the day second language can never replace mother tongue. And that's that. [/INST] Communication </s>

It's done, I've signed the paperwork for a new place, there's no going back, and I'm freaking out. I'm actually doing this. The anxiety and guilt are nearly overwhelming. How will partner get her medications? Get to doctor's appointments? Get food? Do anything? Just keep telling myself she's an adult and not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. What about the pets? I'm prepared to leave everything I have except them. But what's best for them? They're going to be upset either way; they love partner, they love me, they're going to be really upset without both of us around. Partner would never, ever hurt them, and will be destroyed if I take them. I do a lot of the work taking care of them: feed them, clean the litter box, take the dog out, clip nails, baths, but I know partner will step up to do the things. And honestly, I think they might like her a little more than me. They're used to me leaving the house, partner is almost always with them. But I do worry about her ability to provide for them, with no job and possibly no place to live. And, again, she'll be devastated, might even make trouble for me over them. I know this is the fearobligationguilt I've been programmed to feel, but damn it's strong.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> It's done, I've signed the paperwork for a new place, there's no going back, and I'm freaking out. I'm actually doing this. The anxiety and guilt are nearly overwhelming. How will partner get her medications? Get to doctor's appointments? Get food? Do anything? Just keep telling myself she's an adult and not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. What about the pets? I'm prepared to leave everything I have except them. But what's best for them? They're going to be upset either way; they love partner, they love me, they're going to be really upset without both of us around. Partner would never, ever hurt them, and will be destroyed if I take them. I do a lot of the work taking care of them: feed them, clean the litter box, take the dog out, clip nails, baths, but I know partner will step up to do the things. And honestly, I think they might like her a little more than me. They're used to me leaving the house, partner is almost always with them. But I do worry about her ability to provide for them, with no job and possibly no place to live. And, again, she'll be devastated, might even make trouble for me over them. I know this is the fearobligationguilt I've been programmed to feel, but damn it's strong. [/INST] Communication </s>

hi all. i have been in my relationship for 7 years, beginning at age 15. It is the first relationship I’ve been in. Other than outright abuse, one thing that has come from our relationship is that sex is never about my pleasure. We do what he wants, when he wants, for as long as he wants, always. He says it is my job as a woman to serve him sexually, and that no man would ever please a woman without expecting something in return. Can someone who has been in a healthy relationship tell me if this is the case? I am debating leaving, but I really can’t wrap my head around what “normal” sexual dynamics should look like. Is sex really supposed to be so currency-like? It seems so depressing if I will really never be valued besides what my body can provide. I read romance novels and they show it differently, but that might just be unrealistic.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> hi all. i have been in my relationship for 7 years, beginning at age 15. It is the first relationship I’ve been in. Other than outright abuse, one thing that has come from our relationship is that sex is never about my pleasure. We do what he wants, when he wants, for as long as he wants, always. He says it is my job as a woman to serve him sexually, and that no man would ever please a woman without expecting something in return. Can someone who has been in a healthy relationship tell me if this is the case? I am debating leaving, but I really can’t wrap my head around what “normal” sexual dynamics should look like. Is sex really supposed to be so currency-like? It seems so depressing if I will really never be valued besides what my body can provide. I read romance novels and they show it differently, but that might just be unrealistic. [/INST] Communication </s>

I’m in the process of getting things organized so I can leave my abusive husband. We have been married for 5 years and have two kids, with one on the way. I can’t help but feel so sad for him. He has no clue what’s coming. I on the other hand have had time to process everything. I know he’s going to hurt and cry and miss his kids. He needs help though and I’m tired of being continuously put down in front of my kids, degraded, and financially abused. I cry just knowing the news is going to hit him like a freight train, but I know this is what’s best for my kids and myself.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’m in the process of getting things organized so I can leave my abusive husband. We have been married for 5 years and have two kids, with one on the way. I can’t help but feel so sad for him. He has no clue what’s coming. I on the other hand have had time to process everything. I know he’s going to hurt and cry and miss his kids. He needs help though and I’m tired of being continuously put down in front of my kids, degraded, and financially abused. I cry just knowing the news is going to hit him like a freight train, but I know this is what’s best for my kids and myself. [/INST] Communication </s>

I know so many people in domestic violence situations say “it will only happen once” and stay longer than they should, but has anyone ever stayed and it ACTUALLY never happened again? Anyone ever stay with their abused and have them change and be better and have it not happen again?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I know so many people in domestic violence situations say “it will only happen once” and stay longer than they should, but has anyone ever stayed and it ACTUALLY never happened again? Anyone ever stay with their abused and have them change and be better and have it not happen again? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

I have been in a physically and mentally abusive relationship on and off for years. I finally hit my breaking point this past weekend. I had voice recorded the last time it happened so that I had proof if I needed to do something about. Of course , because it’s so normal I forgot about it. When he becomes abusive physically he will start to distance himself from me as if it is my fault that we are not getting along. I will try and try to talk through things to no Avail. Until I hit my breaking point. I have extreme anxiety of being abandoned and left alone . As he has discarded me many times. I couldn’t even handle life when he would ignore me. So I was calling and texting him while he just acted like I was crazy. Eventually , I got a call from a police officer saying I cannot call or text him anymore or he was going to press charges on me. I wasn’t shocked but it struck me in the heart just the same. I decided enough was enough and I reported the abuse that I always try to protect him from. For years and years. When he has never protected me. I have a problem with anxiety. I had a panic attack at work out of nowhere and had to leave work because of all of this. I ALWAYS think, if we can just talk about this, I won’t feel bad anymore , something we discuss will make me not feel bad anymore and I can get some kind of closure. No I went to his job ( I used to work there so it’s not uncommon) to ask to speak about this. He was acting like I came to murder him. Which I have never ever touched him before. I couldn’t believe it but also yes I could. He’s a good actor. He basically told me to fuck off or he was going to call the police on me for speaking to him. And then he did. But I had left way before that. I feel ashamed for thinking that I can make this horrible trauma feeling go away. I feel like an idiot for going to talk to him as I feel like it just makes me look like I’m the bad person here. Thank you for listening.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I have been in a physically and mentally abusive relationship on and off for years. I finally hit my breaking point this past weekend. I had voice recorded the last time it happened so that I had proof if I needed to do something about. Of course , because it’s so normal I forgot about it. When he becomes abusive physically he will start to distance himself from me as if it is my fault that we are not getting along. I will try and try to talk through things to no Avail. Until I hit my breaking point. I have extreme anxiety of being abandoned and left alone . As he has discarded me many times. I couldn’t even handle life when he would ignore me. So I was calling and texting him while he just acted like I was crazy. Eventually , I got a call from a police officer saying I cannot call or text him anymore or he was going to press charges on me. I wasn’t shocked but it struck me in the heart just the same. I decided enough was enough and I reported the abuse that I always try to protect him from. For years and years. When he has never protected me. I have a problem with anxiety. I had a panic attack at work out of nowhere and had to leave work because of all of this. I ALWAYS think, if we can just talk about this, I won’t feel bad anymore , something we discuss will make me not feel bad anymore and I can get some kind of closure. No I went to his job ( I used to work there so it’s not uncommon) to ask to speak about this. He was acting like I came to murder him. Which I have never ever touched him before. I couldn’t believe it but also yes I could. He’s a good actor. He basically told me to fuck off or he was going to call the police on me for speaking to him. And then he did. But I had left way before that. I feel ashamed for thinking that I can make this horrible trauma feeling go away. I feel like an idiot for going to talk to him as I feel like it just makes me look like I’m the bad person here. Thank you for listening. [/INST] Communication </s>

My partner had a tough childhood and doesn’t have much family. I want to get out of the relationship but I feel really guilty about it. He’s currently upset that I’m not as affectionate or nice as I used to be and that I haven’t been for a while. That’s true because things have been very difficult between us. Instead of feeling in love - I see him as a threat. Even when I try not to. I keep having flashbacks of him yelling and waving a gun around. He threatens suicide every time I bring up something I’m unhappy with. Especially if I say I want a break or to leave the relationship. He says I’m all he has and he understands why I can’t handle being with him because even his mom can’t deal with it. I don’t want to leave him without anyone to turn to but I’m unhappy and tired of living waiting for the next blow up. We’ve been together for years and I financially support both of us right now.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My partner had a tough childhood and doesn’t have much family. I want to get out of the relationship but I feel really guilty about it. He’s currently upset that I’m not as affectionate or nice as I used to be and that I haven’t been for a while. That’s true because things have been very difficult between us. Instead of feeling in love - I see him as a threat. Even when I try not to. I keep having flashbacks of him yelling and waving a gun around. He threatens suicide every time I bring up something I’m unhappy with. Especially if I say I want a break or to leave the relationship. He says I’m all he has and he understands why I can’t handle being with him because even his mom can’t deal with it. I don’t want to leave him without anyone to turn to but I’m unhappy and tired of living waiting for the next blow up. We’ve been together for years and I financially support both of us right now. [/INST] Communication </s>

I am still with my abuser - there is no physical abuse ,just verbal and emotional, he gets extremely angry to the point where it's terrifying. He's so hard to leave because my entire family loves him, they think he's amazing - anytime there's and argument between us my own family defends him. All my friends now love him too along with his own buddy's.I feel like if I leave him I'll lose all my friends, family members even said if it doesn't work out that he can still visit them (this was probs just a poor joke but it's got to me) I just don't get why everyone is so in love with him and I'm the only one afraid of him and terrified to tell anyone of the true extent of the verbal and emotional abuse.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I am still with my abuser - there is no physical abuse ,just verbal and emotional, he gets extremely angry to the point where it's terrifying. He's so hard to leave because my entire family loves him, they think he's amazing - anytime there's and argument between us my own family defends him. All my friends now love him too along with his own buddy's.I feel like if I leave him I'll lose all my friends, family members even said if it doesn't work out that he can still visit them (this was probs just a poor joke but it's got to me) I just don't get why everyone is so in love with him and I'm the only one afraid of him and terrified to tell anyone of the true extent of the verbal and emotional abuse. [/INST] Communication </s>

I've been seeing a guy for around 2 months. I see him regularly. I met him via mutual friends. At first I couldn't stand him but he was persistent and I ended up liking him. This is while I was supposed to be taking a break from datingguys. We haven't slept together but have done other stuff. We also have movie night and do cute things together like cooking, cuddling, and sexual stuff etc. &amp;#x200B; His DV related history: He has restraining order on him from previous long term girlfriend. He mentioned something about strangulation regarding the order as well. He told me it's all lies and that he never hurt her and loved her. He has court coming up for this at some point. He is being minored via ankle monitor. He basically just goes to work and then go home. &amp;#x200B; Texting too much, being possessive, jealous and not giving me space: He sometimes tells me he feels this is too full on, that we should just be friends longer, but I feel like he kind of goes back and forth. Like he told me recently "we're already kind of going out." and "I don't want you doing sexual things with anyone else." but then makes comments saying "Oh this is getting a bit full on." then he takes it back. I don't understand this. &amp;#x200B; I am not full on. I love my space. He is the one who is full on from what I've experienced so far. This makes me feel not good. Like I'm not worthy of proper relationship with him, and that it's because I'm doing something wrong. He also texts me too much sometimes and then also what seems to be guilt tripping me when I don't want to stay over his place or when I need space. &amp;#x200B; He is also jealous when I hang out with male friends even our mutual friends. He asked me if I'm having sex with one of them. I'm not. Each time I need space he asks if I'm sleeping with guys. He called me a cheap sl\t the other night, said that if I like male attention so much I should go be a prostitute, then told me I took it wrong way, that he just didn't know how to express his feelings. He also said "I don't know what you're getting up to when I'm not here. I'm not here all the time." "People have told me things about you. That's why I'm asking." I asked him who, he wouldn't say and just got angry at me for asking who, said I'm being suspicious. &amp;#x200B; I have also found myself reacting to him and being nasty back, which I know is not healthy. I told him if he's going to call me a sl\t I will go be one, which I know is immature and not healthy. I was sick of hearing it. That just made him worse and more paranoid about it. &amp;#x200B; Calling me names like bipolar and crazy, bitch, ect: He also calls me crazy and bipolar sometimes too. He asked me "If you're going to be my gf you won't be crazy right.?" I told him it's better to not actually date as we already have issues. He called me a narcissist the other day. Age difference (not sure if this matters.): I'm 29. He's 37. So he's 8 years older. Drug and alcohol use: He drinks often and sometimes smokes meth. I do not drink or do any drugs at all. &amp;#x200B; Different rulesdouble standards: He seems to have no issue flirting with other women in front of me sometimes. I don't really even react to it. He was flirting with his lawyer while seeing me, which she put a stop to straight away. She told him no. He was hitting on female friend who drove him to work. He hit on another woman other day, as well. I was there, and I assume he thought I didn't hear. I can only imagine how angry he would get if I did the same with guys. &amp;#x200B; Once his possessiveness came up that's when he asked to be exclusive. Are these red flags? The positives about him is how protective he is and he always cooks for me or buys me food. He's also sweet with my cat. When he's nice he's just a teddy bear. He was arrested the other day for not charging his ankle monitor (dv related) and the space has given me more time to think about this whole thing and how unhealthy it is. &amp;#x200B; I'm going to end this as honestly it makes me feel horrible about myself. I'll try to just not speak to him at all even though I come across him regularly. I've tried to end this before and he always makes a deal of it.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I've been seeing a guy for around 2 months. I see him regularly. I met him via mutual friends. At first I couldn't stand him but he was persistent and I ended up liking him. This is while I was supposed to be taking a break from datingguys. We haven't slept together but have done other stuff. We also have movie night and do cute things together like cooking, cuddling, and sexual stuff etc. &amp;#x200B; His DV related history: He has restraining order on him from previous long term girlfriend. He mentioned something about strangulation regarding the order as well. He told me it's all lies and that he never hurt her and loved her. He has court coming up for this at some point. He is being minored via ankle monitor. He basically just goes to work and then go home. &amp;#x200B; Texting too much, being possessive, jealous and not giving me space: He sometimes tells me he feels this is too full on, that we should just be friends longer, but I feel like he kind of goes back and forth. Like he told me recently "we're already kind of going out." and "I don't want you doing sexual things with anyone else." but then makes comments saying "Oh this is getting a bit full on." then he takes it back. I don't understand this. &amp;#x200B; I am not full on. I love my space. He is the one who is full on from what I've experienced so far. This makes me feel not good. Like I'm not worthy of proper relationship with him, and that it's because I'm doing something wrong. He also texts me too much sometimes and then also what seems to be guilt tripping me when I don't want to stay over his place or when I need space. &amp;#x200B; He is also jealous when I hang out with male friends even our mutual friends. He asked me if I'm having sex with one of them. I'm not. Each time I need space he asks if I'm sleeping with guys. He called me a cheap sl\t the other night, said that if I like male attention so much I should go be a prostitute, then told me I took it wrong way, that he just didn't know how to express his feelings. He also said "I don't know what you're getting up to when I'm not here. I'm not here all the time." "People have told me things about you. That's why I'm asking." I asked him who, he wouldn't say and just got angry at me for asking who, said I'm being suspicious. &amp;#x200B; I have also found myself reacting to him and being nasty back, which I know is not healthy. I told him if he's going to call me a sl\t I will go be one, which I know is immature and not healthy. I was sick of hearing it. That just made him worse and more paranoid about it. &amp;#x200B; Calling me names like bipolar and crazy, bitch, ect: He also calls me crazy and bipolar sometimes too. He asked me "If you're going to be my gf you won't be crazy right.?" I told him it's better to not actually date as we already have issues. He called me a narcissist the other day. Age difference (not sure if this matters.): I'm 29. He's 37. So he's 8 years older. Drug and alcohol use: He drinks often and sometimes smokes meth. I do not drink or do any drugs at all. &amp;#x200B; Different rulesdouble standards: He seems to have no issue flirting with other women in front of me sometimes. I don't really even react to it. He was flirting with his lawyer while seeing me, which she put a stop to straight away. She told him no. He was hitting on female friend who drove him to work. He hit on another woman other day, as well. I was there, and I assume he thought I didn't hear. I can only imagine how angry he would get if I did the same with guys. &amp;#x200B; Once his possessiveness came up that's when he asked to be exclusive. Are these red flags? The positives about him is how protective he is and he always cooks for me or buys me food. He's also sweet with my cat. When he's nice he's just a teddy bear. He was arrested the other day for not charging his ankle monitor (dv related) and the space has given me more time to think about this whole thing and how unhealthy it is. &amp;#x200B; I'm going to end this as honestly it makes me feel horrible about myself. I'll try to just not speak to him at all even though I come across him regularly. I've tried to end this before and he always makes a deal of it. [/INST] Communication </s>

This is my second time posting from this throwaway account. I don’t want these posts to come back on me later so I don’t post them from my true Reddit account. I posted last week about my relationship, and invite you to read that to get some context. I’m unsure if I’m posting this in the right place, because he doesn’t hit me, and I don’t mean to undermine domestic violence victims, so I will apologize in advance if I mistakenly posted in the wrong place. Basically, he’s been hiding my things from me to keep me from leaving but walks us into arguments that 1) make me want to leave and 2) when I do leave for a day or so to avoid others hearing us argue, he uses that against me later and questions my commitment. It’s all a mental game that he plays. I FINALLY found my other car key (he hid it 6 weeks ago). What ignited me to find it was when he put my other key in the washer with the sheets (I have been sleeping with my key under the pillow so he can’t take it in the middle of the night without waking me up) the key that he washed is fried and if I didn’t find the other I would be trapped. I plan on working through the rest of the week and the weekend and departing for good Monday afternoon. Yes, we can keep the peace until then. I need the time here to make sure I have all my belongings out of the house and to create a coherent plan that allows me to leave without EVER having the urge to come back or answer his calls once I’m gone. He has a history of baiting me into coming back. I guess what I’d like to know is, other than having as much cash as I can possibly gather, what else should I do before I go? I’ll have my clothes &amp; important documents. Changing my phone number isn’t an option. But I’ll gladly block him. Is there anything else I should have in order? Are there some goals I can set to make sure I avoid him for good? Is there any advice anybody could give me? Thank you guys for reading through my rant and thank you for any help that can be provided for me.

Safety planning

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> This is my second time posting from this throwaway account. I don’t want these posts to come back on me later so I don’t post them from my true Reddit account. I posted last week about my relationship, and invite you to read that to get some context. I’m unsure if I’m posting this in the right place, because he doesn’t hit me, and I don’t mean to undermine domestic violence victims, so I will apologize in advance if I mistakenly posted in the wrong place. Basically, he’s been hiding my things from me to keep me from leaving but walks us into arguments that 1) make me want to leave and 2) when I do leave for a day or so to avoid others hearing us argue, he uses that against me later and questions my commitment. It’s all a mental game that he plays. I FINALLY found my other car key (he hid it 6 weeks ago). What ignited me to find it was when he put my other key in the washer with the sheets (I have been sleeping with my key under the pillow so he can’t take it in the middle of the night without waking me up) the key that he washed is fried and if I didn’t find the other I would be trapped. I plan on working through the rest of the week and the weekend and departing for good Monday afternoon. Yes, we can keep the peace until then. I need the time here to make sure I have all my belongings out of the house and to create a coherent plan that allows me to leave without EVER having the urge to come back or answer his calls once I’m gone. He has a history of baiting me into coming back. I guess what I’d like to know is, other than having as much cash as I can possibly gather, what else should I do before I go? I’ll have my clothes &amp; important documents. Changing my phone number isn’t an option. But I’ll gladly block him. Is there anything else I should have in order? Are there some goals I can set to make sure I avoid him for good? Is there any advice anybody could give me? Thank you guys for reading through my rant and thank you for any help that can be provided for me. [/INST] Safety planning </s>

My wife swung a full tea kettle at my head multiple times. In my mind that is enough. We've been together for 12 years and have had our share of arguments, shouting matches and days-long separations, but nothing like this. The deeper issue, I feel, is exemplified by the fact that I had to leave and figure out somewhere to stay. It's been 4 days now and I just slept in a friend's garage. Tried staying with another, my only other real, friend but he came down with covid. I'm lost and angry and as sad as I've ever been even after a lifelong battle with depression. I can caveat all this with; when she started yelling at me for being distant I was calm but not nice, but that doesn't come close to rationalizing the outcome. I can also add that since the birth of our son she has experienced increasingly more severe PMDD episodes, which always lead to her yelling at me. I have tried to be understanding but other than getting on Prozac (which helped a little for a while) she has made next to no effort to mitigate these episodes, maybe 5 therapy visits and another prescription that she only took one day. It hurts to think of leaving. It hurts to think that she'll probably blame me. I'm certain that mental work has already started based on the article she sent me "help, my husband made me so mad that I hit him," which never even addresses the hitting part. And our kids are better off with me in my house, at least right now, but I feel powerless to change the situation. He have an appointment with a marriage counselor and I can't bring myself to even talk to her till then, but that's a week away. I just don't know what to do. Tl;Dr Wife tried to bash my head in and kicked me out of the house. Pretty sure she thinks it's my fault

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My wife swung a full tea kettle at my head multiple times. In my mind that is enough. We've been together for 12 years and have had our share of arguments, shouting matches and days-long separations, but nothing like this. The deeper issue, I feel, is exemplified by the fact that I had to leave and figure out somewhere to stay. It's been 4 days now and I just slept in a friend's garage. Tried staying with another, my only other real, friend but he came down with covid. I'm lost and angry and as sad as I've ever been even after a lifelong battle with depression. I can caveat all this with; when she started yelling at me for being distant I was calm but not nice, but that doesn't come close to rationalizing the outcome. I can also add that since the birth of our son she has experienced increasingly more severe PMDD episodes, which always lead to her yelling at me. I have tried to be understanding but other than getting on Prozac (which helped a little for a while) she has made next to no effort to mitigate these episodes, maybe 5 therapy visits and another prescription that she only took one day. It hurts to think of leaving. It hurts to think that she'll probably blame me. I'm certain that mental work has already started based on the article she sent me "help, my husband made me so mad that I hit him," which never even addresses the hitting part. And our kids are better off with me in my house, at least right now, but I feel powerless to change the situation. He have an appointment with a marriage counselor and I can't bring myself to even talk to her till then, but that's a week away. I just don't know what to do. Tl;Dr Wife tried to bash my head in and kicked me out of the house. Pretty sure she thinks it's my fault [/INST] Communication </s>

I’m her co worker but I can’t stand the “ I fell again” statements when it’s clear this guy hit her again. I’m sure she gets abused because of her husband’s obviously aggressive nature. I’ve talked to her about her bruises and stuff by she’s not keen on opening up. I need some advise. Update: she eventually left him and she moved to a different city. We talk regularly and she seems to be doing well.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’m her co worker but I can’t stand the “ I fell again” statements when it’s clear this guy hit her again. I’m sure she gets abused because of her husband’s obviously aggressive nature. I’ve talked to her about her bruises and stuff by she’s not keen on opening up. I need some advise. Update: she eventually left him and she moved to a different city. We talk regularly and she seems to be doing well. [/INST] Communication </s>

It’s been two years, almost three since the two incidents. I literally left to another part of the world. Yet they follow me . I’m in therapy and they’re less frequent but still present

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> It’s been two years, almost three since the two incidents. I literally left to another part of the world. Yet they follow me . I’m in therapy and they’re less frequent but still present [/INST] Communication </s>

I’ve been in a physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years now. My boyfriend started hitting me around month 3 of our relationship. The worst of which I bled for 30 minutes and required stitches on my face for. He has spit on me, kicked me in my uterus, slapped me countless times, pinched me, thrown drinks at me, hit my head against the wall and done several other things. He has broken my phone, my specs, my straightener too before. I am very sure I absolutely do not want to be with him but I’m scared he will do something and lure me in to being with him forever. I don’t have the guts to call the police because I don’t want to cause a scene. I am a medical student and so is he and I don’t really want this to affect either of our careers. For context, I am 22F and he is 25. He knows where I live but my roommates don’t know I am still involved with him because we were supposedly broken up months ago. I don’t want him to come to my house and cause a scene because he has done that in the past. And every time he lures me in saying he will send my nudes to my parents. My parents hate him and warned me not to be with him but I still was with him. If I call the authorities, my parents will find out but if I don’t he will threaten and blackmail me and lure me in &amp; then I will keep having to face this trauma. What should I do?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’ve been in a physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years now. My boyfriend started hitting me around month 3 of our relationship. The worst of which I bled for 30 minutes and required stitches on my face for. He has spit on me, kicked me in my uterus, slapped me countless times, pinched me, thrown drinks at me, hit my head against the wall and done several other things. He has broken my phone, my specs, my straightener too before. I am very sure I absolutely do not want to be with him but I’m scared he will do something and lure me in to being with him forever. I don’t have the guts to call the police because I don’t want to cause a scene. I am a medical student and so is he and I don’t really want this to affect either of our careers. For context, I am 22F and he is 25. He knows where I live but my roommates don’t know I am still involved with him because we were supposedly broken up months ago. I don’t want him to come to my house and cause a scene because he has done that in the past. And every time he lures me in saying he will send my nudes to my parents. My parents hate him and warned me not to be with him but I still was with him. If I call the authorities, my parents will find out but if I don’t he will threaten and blackmail me and lure me in &amp; then I will keep having to face this trauma. What should I do? [/INST] Communication </s>

I'm not sure if this is even actually abuse, but everywhere I've looked says it is, and it's kind of destroying me. I don't feel like I'm being abused, actually. She mistreated me in the past, but things have been fine for about two years now with no real further incidents. She has made real efforts to improve her mental health, and improve our relationship. It's gone well, except.... well, the suicide threats. We are in a long distance relationship, and periodically she will just tell me that she's going to kill herself, and then turns off her phone. I really can't tell if she's just that mentally ill, or if I'm being abused again. If I was being given ultimatums I'd be more sure, but I'm not. She just.... Usually when we fight, the fight ends because she says she is going to kill herself, then she turns off her phone and comes back in the morning. Sometimes we aren't even fighting though. Today she was complaining about the ants in her apartment, and I started trying to give her advice. She says that the advice is overwhelming her, so she is going to go kill herself, then hung up and turned off her phone. She's still gone No matter how many times she does this, it never stops sending me in to a panic. I am always terrified that this one is finally going to be it. I am powerless to do anything about it but sit by the phone for hours trying to stay calm and waiting for her to get back, sometimes crying off and on, but mostly just going into this numb third person view state. I hate this. I hate going through all the panic and pain of losing a loved one like this over and over again. It's killing me. I don't know how to explain how hard this is for me. I've lost someone to suicide before, and I have some not insignificant abandonment issues aside from that. She's posted suicide notes to her social medias, then disappeared for entire days before. Every time it's fucking devastating. I am destroyed every time it happens. And sometimes she does it because I upset her, but sometimes she does it just.... because. I didn't even do anything this time. I did nothing wrong this time, nothing that should have upset her. She didn't give me any ultimatums, or do anything controlling. She just... decided to plunge me into panic for whatever reason. It's the fact that she does this just in general that makes me so unsure if this is abuse or not. Is she just being severely mentally ill? Is she just hurting this bad? Is she doing this to hurt me?? Is that a self centered thing to ask? I just feel lost, hurt, scared and confused. I need advice. About what to do about this. About if this is even abuse at all in the first place. If it isn't, then I'm sorry for posting here. I just didn't know who else I could ask about this, I don't want anyone in our real lives to think ill of her, but I needed to ask someone. Is this an abusive behavior? Or is this just a mental health crisis? Am I being selfish about this?? Please help me

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I'm not sure if this is even actually abuse, but everywhere I've looked says it is, and it's kind of destroying me. I don't feel like I'm being abused, actually. She mistreated me in the past, but things have been fine for about two years now with no real further incidents. She has made real efforts to improve her mental health, and improve our relationship. It's gone well, except.... well, the suicide threats. We are in a long distance relationship, and periodically she will just tell me that she's going to kill herself, and then turns off her phone. I really can't tell if she's just that mentally ill, or if I'm being abused again. If I was being given ultimatums I'd be more sure, but I'm not. She just.... Usually when we fight, the fight ends because she says she is going to kill herself, then she turns off her phone and comes back in the morning. Sometimes we aren't even fighting though. Today she was complaining about the ants in her apartment, and I started trying to give her advice. She says that the advice is overwhelming her, so she is going to go kill herself, then hung up and turned off her phone. She's still gone No matter how many times she does this, it never stops sending me in to a panic. I am always terrified that this one is finally going to be it. I am powerless to do anything about it but sit by the phone for hours trying to stay calm and waiting for her to get back, sometimes crying off and on, but mostly just going into this numb third person view state. I hate this. I hate going through all the panic and pain of losing a loved one like this over and over again. It's killing me. I don't know how to explain how hard this is for me. I've lost someone to suicide before, and I have some not insignificant abandonment issues aside from that. She's posted suicide notes to her social medias, then disappeared for entire days before. Every time it's fucking devastating. I am destroyed every time it happens. And sometimes she does it because I upset her, but sometimes she does it just.... because. I didn't even do anything this time. I did nothing wrong this time, nothing that should have upset her. She didn't give me any ultimatums, or do anything controlling. She just... decided to plunge me into panic for whatever reason. It's the fact that she does this just in general that makes me so unsure if this is abuse or not. Is she just being severely mentally ill? Is she just hurting this bad? Is she doing this to hurt me?? Is that a self centered thing to ask? I just feel lost, hurt, scared and confused. I need advice. About what to do about this. About if this is even abuse at all in the first place. If it isn't, then I'm sorry for posting here. I just didn't know who else I could ask about this, I don't want anyone in our real lives to think ill of her, but I needed to ask someone. Is this an abusive behavior? Or is this just a mental health crisis? Am I being selfish about this?? Please help me [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

It’s been 3 months since I left my abuser and the holidays have taken a toll on me. I’m 24 and met him at 19 since I’ve spent every Xmas and new year with him. He was so sweet for almost 3 years and it constantly makes me question whether I was actually abused or not or if I’m over exaggerating the abuse. What if I did provoke him or push him to become that way. He would push me, talk down to me and even cut me once and he’d make me feel like I needed to apologize even when he was being mean or unreasonable but on the flip side of that he was always supportive and did everything for me. My mind knows that it was abuse so why do I keep questioning it. Why do I miss him, why am I jealous of his new life. And why does it hurt that he’s forgotten me. I feel like an idiot.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> It’s been 3 months since I left my abuser and the holidays have taken a toll on me. I’m 24 and met him at 19 since I’ve spent every Xmas and new year with him. He was so sweet for almost 3 years and it constantly makes me question whether I was actually abused or not or if I’m over exaggerating the abuse. What if I did provoke him or push him to become that way. He would push me, talk down to me and even cut me once and he’d make me feel like I needed to apologize even when he was being mean or unreasonable but on the flip side of that he was always supportive and did everything for me. My mind knows that it was abuse so why do I keep questioning it. Why do I miss him, why am I jealous of his new life. And why does it hurt that he’s forgotten me. I feel like an idiot. [/INST] Communication </s>

This is my “secret” Reddit account he didn’t know about. So hopefully I am safe to (vaguely) post about this. I just want support, reassurance from someone who’s been in my shoes.. My ex was absolutely afraid of abandonment, so I stayed for years and excused his horrible behavior. I had loved him. But. he finally snapped when I tried to leave. I’ll skip the details because I’m not really ready to talk about them. But after a very violent night, I was left with a concussion, strangulation, broken bone, and cutsbruises all over. I did everything I could to just calm him down from the start, but it was a horrible, several hour assault.. I secretly called 911 when I could, and now he’s in jail with several charges including felonies. He has also broken the protective order several times, from jail. So about 10 charges. I am scared for whenever he gets out. I think he might have killed me had I not lied and agreed to stay with him. (I am absolutely not staying with him). The forensic nurse told me I was lucky to live. he strangled me so hard I passed out and peed myself..I am hoping and praying he just leaves me alone and never talks to me again. I have been incontinent since it happened.. i have peed myself randomly and I feel so embarrassed. My head is foggy and I feel confused. I keep forgetting things- left my door wide open until a neighbor came to tell me. Don’t remember opening it. My throat hurts and it feels like I’m breathing through a straw. My body hurts. I feel so much pain and so much loneliness. I do have a great support system and advocacy. I just needed to write this out. I’m honestly nervous to have this information out on the web and will probably delete this soon. But any advice or reassurance from people who have made it through would mean a lot to me. Or just to have space to vent my inner fears and thoughts…

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> This is my “secret” Reddit account he didn’t know about. So hopefully I am safe to (vaguely) post about this. I just want support, reassurance from someone who’s been in my shoes.. My ex was absolutely afraid of abandonment, so I stayed for years and excused his horrible behavior. I had loved him. But. he finally snapped when I tried to leave. I’ll skip the details because I’m not really ready to talk about them. But after a very violent night, I was left with a concussion, strangulation, broken bone, and cutsbruises all over. I did everything I could to just calm him down from the start, but it was a horrible, several hour assault.. I secretly called 911 when I could, and now he’s in jail with several charges including felonies. He has also broken the protective order several times, from jail. So about 10 charges. I am scared for whenever he gets out. I think he might have killed me had I not lied and agreed to stay with him. (I am absolutely not staying with him). The forensic nurse told me I was lucky to live. he strangled me so hard I passed out and peed myself..I am hoping and praying he just leaves me alone and never talks to me again. I have been incontinent since it happened.. i have peed myself randomly and I feel so embarrassed. My head is foggy and I feel confused. I keep forgetting things- left my door wide open until a neighbor came to tell me. Don’t remember opening it. My throat hurts and it feels like I’m breathing through a straw. My body hurts. I feel so much pain and so much loneliness. I do have a great support system and advocacy. I just needed to write this out. I’m honestly nervous to have this information out on the web and will probably delete this soon. But any advice or reassurance from people who have made it through would mean a lot to me. Or just to have space to vent my inner fears and thoughts… [/INST] Communication </s>

I testified for over 4 hours today in a custody hearing before falling apart and getting emotional. I know I'm not supposed to get emotional on the stand, but I did. I got triggered. I got so frustrated. I broke down and cried. My ears started ringing. I had a hard time hearing questions. How do I take care of myself and recover? What self care works for such an extreme emotional response to talking about being abused and hurt in court?

Legal

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I testified for over 4 hours today in a custody hearing before falling apart and getting emotional. I know I'm not supposed to get emotional on the stand, but I did. I got triggered. I got so frustrated. I broke down and cried. My ears started ringing. I had a hard time hearing questions. How do I take care of myself and recover? What self care works for such an extreme emotional response to talking about being abused and hurt in court? [/INST] Legal </s>

I have 3 kids w my abuser I just left after 9 years. I can’t totally cut him off bc of the kids. Some days I wish I could. Recently he has been crying so much to me &amp; honestly I feel bad for him sometimes. I know he has no one else. We are super trauma bonded. Both had bad child hoods. But at the time I left I made up my mind. I wasn’t doing it to myself anymore! He proved over &amp; over he didn’t care about me or my tears! Now he cries to me, &amp; I feel heartless. Telling him you never cared when you hurt me, now your surprised I actually left ! Idk it’s hard actually having to deal with him. Sometimes I know it would be easier if I didn’t have to. Part of me feels bad. Part of me still wants to help. But he has to learn to cope without me. Idk it’s harder than I thought! (2 months free after 9 years)

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I have 3 kids w my abuser I just left after 9 years. I can’t totally cut him off bc of the kids. Some days I wish I could. Recently he has been crying so much to me &amp; honestly I feel bad for him sometimes. I know he has no one else. We are super trauma bonded. Both had bad child hoods. But at the time I left I made up my mind. I wasn’t doing it to myself anymore! He proved over &amp; over he didn’t care about me or my tears! Now he cries to me, &amp; I feel heartless. Telling him you never cared when you hurt me, now your surprised I actually left ! Idk it’s hard actually having to deal with him. Sometimes I know it would be easier if I didn’t have to. Part of me feels bad. Part of me still wants to help. But he has to learn to cope without me. Idk it’s harder than I thought! (2 months free after 9 years) [/INST] Communication </s>

I read so many times that "you can't stop abuse by changing your behavior." But in my case, my partner only gets verbally abusive and physically threatening if I do things he doesn't like (and says are "abusive"). If I just don't do those things, everything is genuinely smooth, peaceful and amicable on the surface. He doesn't randomly build up to things or get triggered by anything other than me. Given that, it is very hard for me not to think it is all my fault and he is just reacting defensively to stuff I am doing. Anyone else have a situation like this? I should add I never feel safe or supported during these "good" phases, because I am only behaving in an approved fashion because either 1-I am avoiding "provoking" his responses, or 2-I am just so emotionally burned out that I am disconnected and not engaging. This makes me think that technically a coercive framework is always "active," even when things look peaceful, and this is really what people mean when they say you "can't stop the abuse?"

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I read so many times that "you can't stop abuse by changing your behavior." But in my case, my partner only gets verbally abusive and physically threatening if I do things he doesn't like (and says are "abusive"). If I just don't do those things, everything is genuinely smooth, peaceful and amicable on the surface. He doesn't randomly build up to things or get triggered by anything other than me. Given that, it is very hard for me not to think it is all my fault and he is just reacting defensively to stuff I am doing. Anyone else have a situation like this? I should add I never feel safe or supported during these "good" phases, because I am only behaving in an approved fashion because either 1-I am avoiding "provoking" his responses, or 2-I am just so emotionally burned out that I am disconnected and not engaging. This makes me think that technically a coercive framework is always "active," even when things look peaceful, and this is really what people mean when they say you "can't stop the abuse?" [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

Hi! So, I (F28) have been in a relationship for 11 years and married for 5. My husband (M33) loses his temper really easily, but it's been getting a bit worse since a couple of years. He yells when he is angry at me and throws tantrums and recently as soon as he gets mad he hits things, like his desk or anything he has at hand, before, he just slammed stuff if he got REALLY angry from a discussion but now is so easy for him to snap. In all our time together he has only raised his hand at me twice but never hits me, I (most of the time) think he will never hurt me but he uses the spanking excuse to "hit" me when he is angry at me, you see, I like spanking and slaps on my face but sometimes he takes it out of the bedroom and I don't really like it like that. Once, when we were having a big argument I didn't want to talk anymore, he was asking me something in a really rude way and I was trying to ignore him because he was acting mean and he got so mad he spanked me really really hard and it didn't feel good, I got upset and called him out. It was a hard slap on my butt and I felt hurt, I think he did that because he is "allowed" to and he took advantage and thinks is not as bad as actually hitting my face or something. I try to not be scared of him because I think there's no reason to but I've been thinking about it a lot this days and I've read some things about it that makes me question all of this. Overall he is the kindest, nicest, most considerate husband and I feel I'll never meet someone like him but when he is angry, everything changes. I don't know if this is abuse or is this normal behavior? Are men usually like this? Is is possible he could really hurt me one day if he hasn't before? Should I be scared?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hi! So, I (F28) have been in a relationship for 11 years and married for 5. My husband (M33) loses his temper really easily, but it's been getting a bit worse since a couple of years. He yells when he is angry at me and throws tantrums and recently as soon as he gets mad he hits things, like his desk or anything he has at hand, before, he just slammed stuff if he got REALLY angry from a discussion but now is so easy for him to snap. In all our time together he has only raised his hand at me twice but never hits me, I (most of the time) think he will never hurt me but he uses the spanking excuse to "hit" me when he is angry at me, you see, I like spanking and slaps on my face but sometimes he takes it out of the bedroom and I don't really like it like that. Once, when we were having a big argument I didn't want to talk anymore, he was asking me something in a really rude way and I was trying to ignore him because he was acting mean and he got so mad he spanked me really really hard and it didn't feel good, I got upset and called him out. It was a hard slap on my butt and I felt hurt, I think he did that because he is "allowed" to and he took advantage and thinks is not as bad as actually hitting my face or something. I try to not be scared of him because I think there's no reason to but I've been thinking about it a lot this days and I've read some things about it that makes me question all of this. Overall he is the kindest, nicest, most considerate husband and I feel I'll never meet someone like him but when he is angry, everything changes. I don't know if this is abuse or is this normal behavior? Are men usually like this? Is is possible he could really hurt me one day if he hasn't before? Should I be scared? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

UPDATED POST: SATURDAY NOVEMBER 13, 2021 at 5:51 pm UPDATE HERE: I almost took my dog and left yesterday. He is angry and full of rage. I swear he has been on a warpath since July when I sold an investment property and made over $700K. He is in a jealous fury. He hasn’t hit me since August, when he hit me in the back of the neck and couldn’t walk for several days but his behavior, his attitude is getting worse every day. Since July, he has constantly, several times a week, he has called me bad, really bad names and constantly calling me fat, nasty, old. He’s been on a warpath of rage. Yesterday, I told him I was leaving (I know, I should not have told him) He was enraged. All day. I was really ready to just go. Just walk away. But I’m afraid of what he will do to me. When we first married, 2 months into our marriage he had me wrongfully arrested. I understand now. He wanted to make me afraid so when he beat on me, I wouldn’t call the police. I told him a week before our 8th wedding anniversary that I was leaving him. Well, he was on his best behavior, being kind, talking nice then, we came home from being out on our anniversary, the next day, I woke up on and I heard the Lord say the moment I opened my eyes, “He can do it again. Then take off.” That very same day, he threatened to make up lies and put me in jail again.He raised hell from Tuesday November 2 until Friday November 5 until we had a friend come in town for the weekend. Then he was perfect. Well, the moment our friend left on Monday, here comes his anger and rage. It’s non stop. He won’t even work. Today, we ate lunch at a restaurant and he really showed himself. He acted like a fool, just an embarrassment and I was cussed out all the way home. He told me he was punishing me for wanting to leave him. The past few months, The Lord gave me a revelation. Just 2 months after we were married, I heard The Lord say to me “Pray to be protected from your husband”. I realized a few weeks ago, The Lord never told me any different. It’s been 8 years.END OF UPDATE NOVEMBER 13, 2021 My husband is extremely, violently abusive.Tonight, he called me a fat, overweight bitch for the last time.Due to his pattern of abuse, he will become physically violent in the next day or so. It gets worse every time. I’ve been going through this for 9 years.Children are all grown. Money not an issue.A shelter isn’t an option, I don’t trust them and I don’t trust the police.Im thinking of getting a hotel and hiring a lawyer. He will be absolutely devastated losing me. Thoughts? How would you just disappear?How would you just leave?! UPDATE: Thursday, November 11, 2021 734pm. So many of you have given excellent advice and I want to give an update of where I am with all this: It was suggested to me here to download and read, “Why does he do that?”. I’m only half way through the book and it has been eye opening. I’m getting answers and clarification that I have desperately needed. It was such a revelation, it was like a bright spot light went off. When my husband woke up this morning , he must have sensed something different about me, without me saying a word. It’s been yet another day of him acting out, blaming me for hours on end non-stop, putting me down, attempting to convince me that I am his problem. He is angry. Very angry. While this went on all day, I remained at peace. I didn’t defend myself, I didn’t yell, I didn’t cry, I didn’t talk back. I just sat quietly, literally unmoved by his wordsactions while he blamed me, cussed me, told me I was stupid, towered over me yellingcussing or when he stood in the doorway and yelledcussed. Before, I would defend myself and talk back, I would argue with him, I would cry… So I told him that I’m not sure if we should stay married, I would give him plenty of money, a vehicle, anything he wanted from inside our home if he wanted to leave. That made him extremely angry. Big mad. (I know I should NOT have said that…) Here is a concern: I saw a look today that I haven’t seen in years. I saw a look that says “revenge“. A look that says, “I’m going to pay you back for this because I’m losing control of you“. A look that says, “violence, harm, deception“. It was the same look he gave me 9 years ago, only two months after we married, and he had me wrongfully arrested, put a restraining order against me, making up lies, abusing me yet saying he was afraid of me (he is 5 foot 10 inches, 270 pounds, solid muscle and I’m 5 foot 4 inches and 124 pounds, calling me fatobese). He left me abandoned, broke and struggling. It took a year to get through that legal and financial mess. I filed for divorce after one year, he then came running back home and yet here we are. I‘ve read every comment here. Honestly, until right now, I didn’t take serious the comments that said “Don’t tell him you are leaving” or “Don’t let him know your plans”. I wanted to think in my mind that if he knew, he would be devastated and would change. The truth is, the only thing that came out of me telling him, it made him more revengeful and even angrier. So I gave him assurance I wouldn’t leave him. And now I continue reading my book, getting more revelation, while gathering my important things, making my plans, hoping he doesn’t do something evil to me in the meantime. Like having me arrested again, crying he is a victim. I will say again, I’ve seen that evil look before. I‘m grateful this time that I have years of video and medical proof this time of his abuse. I’m never alone so I can’t call so does anyone know if you can chat with a domestic violence hotline so I can have some initial proof that can be documented, in advance, in case he tries to have me arrested again?Any other suggestion of a legal personentity I can emailchat with to send documentation to help me?I‘m thinking he would do it just to “put me in my place” and to give him some time to gather expensive items from our home to sell then take off. I’ve hidden all the jewelry but that doesn’t mean he won’t find it. One of the items is a watch I bought him for $8K. Thoughts??Advice?? &amp;#x200B;

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> UPDATED POST: SATURDAY NOVEMBER 13, 2021 at 5:51 pm UPDATE HERE: I almost took my dog and left yesterday. He is angry and full of rage. I swear he has been on a warpath since July when I sold an investment property and made over $700K. He is in a jealous fury. He hasn’t hit me since August, when he hit me in the back of the neck and couldn’t walk for several days but his behavior, his attitude is getting worse every day. Since July, he has constantly, several times a week, he has called me bad, really bad names and constantly calling me fat, nasty, old. He’s been on a warpath of rage. Yesterday, I told him I was leaving (I know, I should not have told him) He was enraged. All day. I was really ready to just go. Just walk away. But I’m afraid of what he will do to me. When we first married, 2 months into our marriage he had me wrongfully arrested. I understand now. He wanted to make me afraid so when he beat on me, I wouldn’t call the police. I told him a week before our 8th wedding anniversary that I was leaving him. Well, he was on his best behavior, being kind, talking nice then, we came home from being out on our anniversary, the next day, I woke up on and I heard the Lord say the moment I opened my eyes, “He can do it again. Then take off.” That very same day, he threatened to make up lies and put me in jail again.He raised hell from Tuesday November 2 until Friday November 5 until we had a friend come in town for the weekend. Then he was perfect. Well, the moment our friend left on Monday, here comes his anger and rage. It’s non stop. He won’t even work. Today, we ate lunch at a restaurant and he really showed himself. He acted like a fool, just an embarrassment and I was cussed out all the way home. He told me he was punishing me for wanting to leave him. The past few months, The Lord gave me a revelation. Just 2 months after we were married, I heard The Lord say to me “Pray to be protected from your husband”. I realized a few weeks ago, The Lord never told me any different. It’s been 8 years.END OF UPDATE NOVEMBER 13, 2021 My husband is extremely, violently abusive.Tonight, he called me a fat, overweight bitch for the last time.Due to his pattern of abuse, he will become physically violent in the next day or so. It gets worse every time. I’ve been going through this for 9 years.Children are all grown. Money not an issue.A shelter isn’t an option, I don’t trust them and I don’t trust the police.Im thinking of getting a hotel and hiring a lawyer. He will be absolutely devastated losing me. Thoughts? How would you just disappear?How would you just leave?! UPDATE: Thursday, November 11, 2021 734pm. So many of you have given excellent advice and I want to give an update of where I am with all this: It was suggested to me here to download and read, “Why does he do that?”. I’m only half way through the book and it has been eye opening. I’m getting answers and clarification that I have desperately needed. It was such a revelation, it was like a bright spot light went off. When my husband woke up this morning , he must have sensed something different about me, without me saying a word. It’s been yet another day of him acting out, blaming me for hours on end non-stop, putting me down, attempting to convince me that I am his problem. He is angry. Very angry. While this went on all day, I remained at peace. I didn’t defend myself, I didn’t yell, I didn’t cry, I didn’t talk back. I just sat quietly, literally unmoved by his wordsactions while he blamed me, cussed me, told me I was stupid, towered over me yellingcussing or when he stood in the doorway and yelledcussed. Before, I would defend myself and talk back, I would argue with him, I would cry… So I told him that I’m not sure if we should stay married, I would give him plenty of money, a vehicle, anything he wanted from inside our home if he wanted to leave. That made him extremely angry. Big mad. (I know I should NOT have said that…) Here is a concern: I saw a look today that I haven’t seen in years. I saw a look that says “revenge“. A look that says, “I’m going to pay you back for this because I’m losing control of you“. A look that says, “violence, harm, deception“. It was the same look he gave me 9 years ago, only two months after we married, and he had me wrongfully arrested, put a restraining order against me, making up lies, abusing me yet saying he was afraid of me (he is 5 foot 10 inches, 270 pounds, solid muscle and I’m 5 foot 4 inches and 124 pounds, calling me fatobese). He left me abandoned, broke and struggling. It took a year to get through that legal and financial mess. I filed for divorce after one year, he then came running back home and yet here we are. I‘ve read every comment here. Honestly, until right now, I didn’t take serious the comments that said “Don’t tell him you are leaving” or “Don’t let him know your plans”. I wanted to think in my mind that if he knew, he would be devastated and would change. The truth is, the only thing that came out of me telling him, it made him more revengeful and even angrier. So I gave him assurance I wouldn’t leave him. And now I continue reading my book, getting more revelation, while gathering my important things, making my plans, hoping he doesn’t do something evil to me in the meantime. Like having me arrested again, crying he is a victim. I will say again, I’ve seen that evil look before. I‘m grateful this time that I have years of video and medical proof this time of his abuse. I’m never alone so I can’t call so does anyone know if you can chat with a domestic violence hotline so I can have some initial proof that can be documented, in advance, in case he tries to have me arrested again?Any other suggestion of a legal personentity I can emailchat with to send documentation to help me?I‘m thinking he would do it just to “put me in my place” and to give him some time to gather expensive items from our home to sell then take off. I’ve hidden all the jewelry but that doesn’t mean he won’t find it. One of the items is a watch I bought him for $8K. Thoughts??Advice?? &amp;#x200B; [/INST] Communication </s>

For context…I was granted a one year restraining order 2 years ago. Last month, I asked for a second one after the abuse escalated and the controlling behavior got to a point I couldn’t even drive to work without him on FaceTime. At work. Couldn’t shit with the door shut. Couldn’t go to bed when I wanted. He has been depriving me of sleep for years. I was granted a 7 year restraining order this time. He tried to gaslight me and the judge, using my bipolar disorder against me. Said I was off my meds, that all he’s tried to do for 3 years was love me and I keep trying to leave him. The judge said she found me entirely credible and granted me that length of time. Not two weeks later, he filed a motion to appeal. Pretty sure he got the idea from YouTube. He doesn’t make a lot, his family is poor, and he spends all his money on drugs. I did respond to his motion with a picture of my face after he’d broken my nose in two places and just messed it up…I still had blood crusted on my mouth because it kept breaking open every time I opened it. I submitted the text from his mom (she never had anything to do with me except the last time I got an RO she convinced me to drop it. She did stay with us this past summer until he violently kicked her stuff down the stairs, got in her face, screamed at her, called her the c word. He’s vowed never to speak to her again-she really hasn’t had much to do with him either, so this was a violation of the RO), texts from him to my friends telling them I’m a liar and how he’s destroyed, how could I act this way after all we’ve been through. They’ve blocked him. I’m sure he’s texted many more that I don’t know about. The hearing is on the same day as his status hearing-he was mandated to batterers counseling. He was super pissed about that. I fear he’ll come after me. I actually am afraid he’s followed me home from work, although he’s been banned from here after he stormed in trying to drag me out the day I escaped with the dogs and what little I could carry. Any words of advise or positively would be welcome. I don’t want to see his face again, and now I have to. This man has said to me that he’d hit me so hard, I’d never wake up. Knocked me out several times. My dv counselor told me he’s been raping me after I told her I never wanted to be intimate with him-I would give in. If I didn’t, there would be a huge blow up. Often, there was anyways, because I wasn’t into it. He has accused me of cheating every single day. Never let me out of his sight. Ever. It has been exhausting. Tell me it’ll be ok and she’ll make it permanent. This appeal is going before the same judge that granted the 7 year RO.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> For context…I was granted a one year restraining order 2 years ago. Last month, I asked for a second one after the abuse escalated and the controlling behavior got to a point I couldn’t even drive to work without him on FaceTime. At work. Couldn’t shit with the door shut. Couldn’t go to bed when I wanted. He has been depriving me of sleep for years. I was granted a 7 year restraining order this time. He tried to gaslight me and the judge, using my bipolar disorder against me. Said I was off my meds, that all he’s tried to do for 3 years was love me and I keep trying to leave him. The judge said she found me entirely credible and granted me that length of time. Not two weeks later, he filed a motion to appeal. Pretty sure he got the idea from YouTube. He doesn’t make a lot, his family is poor, and he spends all his money on drugs. I did respond to his motion with a picture of my face after he’d broken my nose in two places and just messed it up…I still had blood crusted on my mouth because it kept breaking open every time I opened it. I submitted the text from his mom (she never had anything to do with me except the last time I got an RO she convinced me to drop it. She did stay with us this past summer until he violently kicked her stuff down the stairs, got in her face, screamed at her, called her the c word. He’s vowed never to speak to her again-she really hasn’t had much to do with him either, so this was a violation of the RO), texts from him to my friends telling them I’m a liar and how he’s destroyed, how could I act this way after all we’ve been through. They’ve blocked him. I’m sure he’s texted many more that I don’t know about. The hearing is on the same day as his status hearing-he was mandated to batterers counseling. He was super pissed about that. I fear he’ll come after me. I actually am afraid he’s followed me home from work, although he’s been banned from here after he stormed in trying to drag me out the day I escaped with the dogs and what little I could carry. Any words of advise or positively would be welcome. I don’t want to see his face again, and now I have to. This man has said to me that he’d hit me so hard, I’d never wake up. Knocked me out several times. My dv counselor told me he’s been raping me after I told her I never wanted to be intimate with him-I would give in. If I didn’t, there would be a huge blow up. Often, there was anyways, because I wasn’t into it. He has accused me of cheating every single day. Never let me out of his sight. Ever. It has been exhausting. Tell me it’ll be ok and she’ll make it permanent. This appeal is going before the same judge that granted the 7 year RO. [/INST] Communication </s>

The court system for DV victims is frightening, is it not? Particularly, for parents who are not permitted to escape their abusers. One, often used, means of abuse is the threat. So, does the threat of returning to court count? My abuser threatens police, third party, and court action if I do not respond to accusatory messages or adjust the parenting schedule (I never waiver from the parenting plan - ever). And yet, I seek zero legal help. The reason being, I'm almost sure the courtspolice would not view these threats as legitimate. Why? Well, because the institutions I'd be petitioning for help ARE the threat. And courts have to uphold the notion that they are not an entity to be feared, right? Furthermore, I've heard that the first person to pursue legal action becomes know as the "up start," the bad guy, the frowned upon. So, despite sleepless nights, fear, alienation, worry, and hours upon hours spent collecting and organizing preemptive exhibits, I take zero legal steps. I remain in a defensive position at a constant. I often hear, "Oh, just let it go. Don't worry about it. He'll never do thoes things." And I wonder "Well, how much evidence and money will I have, exactly, if I sit here and plan for nothing?" My guess is very little. So, instead, I work myself ragged in "what if" land. I swear, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Threatened with the very system that might save me from threat. Gaah, when will this end! This is a small piece of a very large puzzle: Harrassment was discussed many times in court. He was simply told not to do it. We use a communication app, the defamatory remarks continue regardless. I never respond. He currently slanders me via email (libel) to our daughter's councelor. I have no idea how this is affecting my professional relationship with this authority. Depending on the councelors experience, she'll either dismiss it outright or she'll adopt a negative view of me as a parent. The physical abuse was addressed only during the first of six or seven hearings. He was ordered a psychological evaluation but did not comply. Our hearing officer never brought it up again. He was non compliant at every hearing. Never submitted proof of therapy, firearms, refused to submit paperwork for our daughter, I could go on and on. Yes, I had legal representation throughout. He was eventually ordered one overnight with our child; very little time. But for how long? How long before he motions the court and our daughter becomes subject to more harm? She needs a father. I get it, I do, I remember the need very well. She also cries, returns home confused or passing messages, and shows me that she feels unsafe in his home. If you are in a similar position: I am so damn proud of you. You should not have to bear this weight but you do. Your beautiful kids deserve so much more. Hang tight. I'm with you. If you are being abused: If you feel trapped, confused, manipulated, degraded, worthless, depressed, frightened, anxious, isolated. If you've been pushed, yanked, tripped, restrained, pinned, blocked, hit, choked, threatened, stalked. If you've had items taken from you, hidden from you, broken in front of you, next to you, over you. DO NOT HESITATE. Get a protection order NOW! Yes, you probably love this person, you may stay with this person, but the day you leave you will thank GOD you gave yourself a means. Please. A protection order that is sought late in the game, once proceedings are underway, will be viewed as retribution. Your request will be disapproved. It will be too late. - Love Raving Mad Mommy

Childbearing

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> The court system for DV victims is frightening, is it not? Particularly, for parents who are not permitted to escape their abusers. One, often used, means of abuse is the threat. So, does the threat of returning to court count? My abuser threatens police, third party, and court action if I do not respond to accusatory messages or adjust the parenting schedule (I never waiver from the parenting plan - ever). And yet, I seek zero legal help. The reason being, I'm almost sure the courtspolice would not view these threats as legitimate. Why? Well, because the institutions I'd be petitioning for help ARE the threat. And courts have to uphold the notion that they are not an entity to be feared, right? Furthermore, I've heard that the first person to pursue legal action becomes know as the "up start," the bad guy, the frowned upon. So, despite sleepless nights, fear, alienation, worry, and hours upon hours spent collecting and organizing preemptive exhibits, I take zero legal steps. I remain in a defensive position at a constant. I often hear, "Oh, just let it go. Don't worry about it. He'll never do thoes things." And I wonder "Well, how much evidence and money will I have, exactly, if I sit here and plan for nothing?" My guess is very little. So, instead, I work myself ragged in "what if" land. I swear, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Threatened with the very system that might save me from threat. Gaah, when will this end! This is a small piece of a very large puzzle: Harrassment was discussed many times in court. He was simply told not to do it. We use a communication app, the defamatory remarks continue regardless. I never respond. He currently slanders me via email (libel) to our daughter's councelor. I have no idea how this is affecting my professional relationship with this authority. Depending on the councelors experience, she'll either dismiss it outright or she'll adopt a negative view of me as a parent. The physical abuse was addressed only during the first of six or seven hearings. He was ordered a psychological evaluation but did not comply. Our hearing officer never brought it up again. He was non compliant at every hearing. Never submitted proof of therapy, firearms, refused to submit paperwork for our daughter, I could go on and on. Yes, I had legal representation throughout. He was eventually ordered one overnight with our child; very little time. But for how long? How long before he motions the court and our daughter becomes subject to more harm? She needs a father. I get it, I do, I remember the need very well. She also cries, returns home confused or passing messages, and shows me that she feels unsafe in his home. If you are in a similar position: I am so damn proud of you. You should not have to bear this weight but you do. Your beautiful kids deserve so much more. Hang tight. I'm with you. If you are being abused: If you feel trapped, confused, manipulated, degraded, worthless, depressed, frightened, anxious, isolated. If you've been pushed, yanked, tripped, restrained, pinned, blocked, hit, choked, threatened, stalked. If you've had items taken from you, hidden from you, broken in front of you, next to you, over you. DO NOT HESITATE. Get a protection order NOW! Yes, you probably love this person, you may stay with this person, but the day you leave you will thank GOD you gave yourself a means. Please. A protection order that is sought late in the game, once proceedings are underway, will be viewed as retribution. Your request will be disapproved. It will be too late. - Love Raving Mad Mommy [/INST] Childbearing </s>

Am I the only one who feels like this? I kept the abuse a secret so long that nobody believes me except the police. A couple of months ago he fractured my skull and beat me so severely that the police were begging me to press charges. I was scared so I didn’t. Flash to last weekend where he put a piece of cloth around my neck and strangled me until I almost passed out. I couldn’t take any more. This time when asked I pressed charges. He was arrested that same day but I feel like a piece of disloyal garbage. I love him deeply but I know he’s going to kill me if things continues down the path they were on. Any advice on how I can overcome this overwhelming sense of guilt for pressing charges?

Legal

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Am I the only one who feels like this? I kept the abuse a secret so long that nobody believes me except the police. A couple of months ago he fractured my skull and beat me so severely that the police were begging me to press charges. I was scared so I didn’t. Flash to last weekend where he put a piece of cloth around my neck and strangled me until I almost passed out. I couldn’t take any more. This time when asked I pressed charges. He was arrested that same day but I feel like a piece of disloyal garbage. I love him deeply but I know he’s going to kill me if things continues down the path they were on. Any advice on how I can overcome this overwhelming sense of guilt for pressing charges? [/INST] Legal </s>

Any time my husband becomes physically or verbally abusive ,(last night I got home and for no reason at all he started acting angry and aggressive and accused me of gross sexual shit within hearing distance of out 2 kids) and I confront him later about it....he will either A) says he doesn't remember. It's so convenient how selective he is with his recollections, and he really sticks with the "I seriously don't remember that at all, it makes no sense!" Schtick. He claims that with all the times he's hit and strangled me too, just can't remember Or B) he will say "what did I do wrong? Tell me" and even tho he knows damn well what he did, ill tell him...only for him to ask AGAIN "wait, so what did I do again?" Literally minutes later. He played this game 3 times in a row last night, until I was like "I'm not doing this anymore, good night" and then he goes "see? You can't even tell me what the issue is" even though I've already told him THREE OR FOUR TIMES WITHIN THE LAST HALF HOUR. It gets me so frustrated I'm in tears, is that gaslighting or something other tactic

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Any time my husband becomes physically or verbally abusive ,(last night I got home and for no reason at all he started acting angry and aggressive and accused me of gross sexual shit within hearing distance of out 2 kids) and I confront him later about it....he will either A) says he doesn't remember. It's so convenient how selective he is with his recollections, and he really sticks with the "I seriously don't remember that at all, it makes no sense!" Schtick. He claims that with all the times he's hit and strangled me too, just can't remember Or B) he will say "what did I do wrong? Tell me" and even tho he knows damn well what he did, ill tell him...only for him to ask AGAIN "wait, so what did I do again?" Literally minutes later. He played this game 3 times in a row last night, until I was like "I'm not doing this anymore, good night" and then he goes "see? You can't even tell me what the issue is" even though I've already told him THREE OR FOUR TIMES WITHIN THE LAST HALF HOUR. It gets me so frustrated I'm in tears, is that gaslighting or something other tactic [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

My sister has been ringing me every couple of weeks to say that her husband is upsetting her, yelling during arguments, yesterday she rang me to say that she felt like she was having a breakdown and that he was going to leave her because of her mental state. I could hear him in the background saying no I'm not. Two weeks ago she stayed at my house for a couple of nights because they had a bad fight because he told her that the miscarriage she had at the start of the year was her fault for not meditating and looking after herself. I've always withheld my full opinion of her husband since I want to be supportive and let her make her own mind up but yesterday I told her that his behaviour is abusive and she needs to discuss it with her psychologist and GP who she was going to see that afternoon. She said he's not abusive he just yells because he's upset about what happened. I said it doesn't matter why he's yelling it's not acceptable it's abuse. Two weeks ago she told me that when he yells she is afraid he will hit her. They were due to start IVF after only 5 months of trying for a baby and that seemed like a colossal waste of money and a bad idea all round so I managed to talk her into delaying that. I've given her they keys to my house and have said she can go there whenever she needs. How else can I support her? Should I keep pointing out his gaslighting and abuse or am I going to alienate her?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My sister has been ringing me every couple of weeks to say that her husband is upsetting her, yelling during arguments, yesterday she rang me to say that she felt like she was having a breakdown and that he was going to leave her because of her mental state. I could hear him in the background saying no I'm not. Two weeks ago she stayed at my house for a couple of nights because they had a bad fight because he told her that the miscarriage she had at the start of the year was her fault for not meditating and looking after herself. I've always withheld my full opinion of her husband since I want to be supportive and let her make her own mind up but yesterday I told her that his behaviour is abusive and she needs to discuss it with her psychologist and GP who she was going to see that afternoon. She said he's not abusive he just yells because he's upset about what happened. I said it doesn't matter why he's yelling it's not acceptable it's abuse. Two weeks ago she told me that when he yells she is afraid he will hit her. They were due to start IVF after only 5 months of trying for a baby and that seemed like a colossal waste of money and a bad idea all round so I managed to talk her into delaying that. I've given her they keys to my house and have said she can go there whenever she needs. How else can I support her? Should I keep pointing out his gaslighting and abuse or am I going to alienate her? [/INST] Communication </s>

I’m looking for videos (YouTube etc) to watch. I’ve left my abuser, but I’m struggling to process emotions. I would like to know if you have recommendations for someone after leaving the relationship. In the aftermath so to speak. Most videos are about the escape, planning the escape or how to tell if you are a victim. I would like some sources for my current situation. Thank you everyone.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’m looking for videos (YouTube etc) to watch. I’ve left my abuser, but I’m struggling to process emotions. I would like to know if you have recommendations for someone after leaving the relationship. In the aftermath so to speak. Most videos are about the escape, planning the escape or how to tell if you are a victim. I would like some sources for my current situation. Thank you everyone. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

I’ve had a restraining order on him for almost 2 years now. He violated mine 2620, 101421, 111921 and his other ex’s RO on 101121. They sent me mail that he is being put on trial in family court for domestic violence. What should I expect in this situation with court. I’m not sure if they’re going to sentence him or what but would like some input.

Legal

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’ve had a restraining order on him for almost 2 years now. He violated mine 2620, 101421, 111921 and his other ex’s RO on 101121. They sent me mail that he is being put on trial in family court for domestic violence. What should I expect in this situation with court. I’m not sure if they’re going to sentence him or what but would like some input. [/INST] Legal </s>

My new bf and I go on vacation with his family a few weeks into the relationship - we’re all staying in a beach house with thin walls. One night, his alcoholic brother (33M) starts cussing his wife out and calling her names. We overhear him slapping her. I was horrified. My bf acted pissed, but he didn’t intervene. Neither did his parents. His brother storms out of the house to go for a night drive. Its 1AM and he’s been pounding vodka since 10AM the day before. At this point, I’m terrified. I tell my bf to go after him, and he gets up and chases him down with his car. Suffice it to say, I was disturbed. I’d never witnessed domestic violence before and I couldn’t believe how none of their immediate family members moved to intervene. What’s worse is before we started dating, my bf playfully slapped my butt so hard I screamed in shock and pain all because I was declining sex. He was irritated but he tried to play it off as a joke. He barely even knew me then and we weren’t dating! The whole situation feels like a dealbreaker but I’m not sure. What would posses a family to react this way to their sister in law getting abused? What do you think I should do? Is my bf likely to also be an abuser? TL;DR: went on vacation with my new bf and his family. One night his alcoholic brother was abusing his wife and no one in my bf’s family attempted to intervene. My bf never apologized for the situation later and it’s making me look at certain boundary crossing behaviors he’s exhibited (hitting me really hard on the butt when he barely knew me, and we weren’t dating) like he may be an abuser too.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My new bf and I go on vacation with his family a few weeks into the relationship - we’re all staying in a beach house with thin walls. One night, his alcoholic brother (33M) starts cussing his wife out and calling her names. We overhear him slapping her. I was horrified. My bf acted pissed, but he didn’t intervene. Neither did his parents. His brother storms out of the house to go for a night drive. Its 1AM and he’s been pounding vodka since 10AM the day before. At this point, I’m terrified. I tell my bf to go after him, and he gets up and chases him down with his car. Suffice it to say, I was disturbed. I’d never witnessed domestic violence before and I couldn’t believe how none of their immediate family members moved to intervene. What’s worse is before we started dating, my bf playfully slapped my butt so hard I screamed in shock and pain all because I was declining sex. He was irritated but he tried to play it off as a joke. He barely even knew me then and we weren’t dating! The whole situation feels like a dealbreaker but I’m not sure. What would posses a family to react this way to their sister in law getting abused? What do you think I should do? Is my bf likely to also be an abuser? TL;DR: went on vacation with my new bf and his family. One night his alcoholic brother was abusing his wife and no one in my bf’s family attempted to intervene. My bf never apologized for the situation later and it’s making me look at certain boundary crossing behaviors he’s exhibited (hitting me really hard on the butt when he barely knew me, and we weren’t dating) like he may be an abuser too. [/INST] Communication </s>

Plenty of people have told me that I'm the survivor in my relationship. I'm even in counseling through a program that doesn't offer services to primary aggressors. But I can't seem to bring myself to stop trying to prove I'm the aggressor. I play endless devil's advocate. For all the evidence I can provide that I am the survivor, I can always "spin" things in my head so that I'm the aggressor. I'm familiar with the DARVO thing, and my partner has always alleged either that I am the aggressor or that it is "mutual abuse" (I know, not a thing). But I just keep asking myself, "Wait, am I the one doing DARVO? Am I actually "spinning" the evidence when I believe I am not the aggressor?" Primary aggressors seem to proceed through life with extraordinary denial and confusion, truly believing they are survivors. If they can be so deeply fooled by their minds, how do I know I am not being fooled by mine? Anyone else have a hard time with this? If so, do you know why it is or was so hard for your brain to accept that you are the survivor in your case? I have read so many clarifying resources and still am confused every day.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Plenty of people have told me that I'm the survivor in my relationship. I'm even in counseling through a program that doesn't offer services to primary aggressors. But I can't seem to bring myself to stop trying to prove I'm the aggressor. I play endless devil's advocate. For all the evidence I can provide that I am the survivor, I can always "spin" things in my head so that I'm the aggressor. I'm familiar with the DARVO thing, and my partner has always alleged either that I am the aggressor or that it is "mutual abuse" (I know, not a thing). But I just keep asking myself, "Wait, am I the one doing DARVO? Am I actually "spinning" the evidence when I believe I am not the aggressor?" Primary aggressors seem to proceed through life with extraordinary denial and confusion, truly believing they are survivors. If they can be so deeply fooled by their minds, how do I know I am not being fooled by mine? Anyone else have a hard time with this? If so, do you know why it is or was so hard for your brain to accept that you are the survivor in your case? I have read so many clarifying resources and still am confused every day. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

Question about divorce lawyers. How often do you expect to hear from your lawyer? I paid the retainer in November. She submitted paperwork but it was only accepted by court in middle of December. I emailed multiple times. She didn’t get back to me. Finally I looked at court website and found case management conference scheduled for May. I emailed and begged for update and ask what does case management conference mean and she said to call. I spoke with her. She asked for info, but didn’t tell me what the terms meant. I spoke with her Jan 14. It’s Jan 30th. How long should I wait to hear from her? I get that she isn’t my therapist and I don’t need hand holding. But I am going nuts not knowing when I will get paperwork. Not knowing when this hell will be over. TLDR: paid retainer November, lawyer never answers email, the summons paperwork still hasn’t been mailed to me. Is this normal for lawyers?

Legal

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Question about divorce lawyers. How often do you expect to hear from your lawyer? I paid the retainer in November. She submitted paperwork but it was only accepted by court in middle of December. I emailed multiple times. She didn’t get back to me. Finally I looked at court website and found case management conference scheduled for May. I emailed and begged for update and ask what does case management conference mean and she said to call. I spoke with her. She asked for info, but didn’t tell me what the terms meant. I spoke with her Jan 14. It’s Jan 30th. How long should I wait to hear from her? I get that she isn’t my therapist and I don’t need hand holding. But I am going nuts not knowing when I will get paperwork. Not knowing when this hell will be over. TLDR: paid retainer November, lawyer never answers email, the summons paperwork still hasn’t been mailed to me. Is this normal for lawyers? [/INST] Legal </s>

I think that’s the reason my husband would hurt me and then when I bring it up he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about or he would say he didn’t remember him doing it.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I think that’s the reason my husband would hurt me and then when I bring it up he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about or he would say he didn’t remember him doing it. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

I’ve been in a volatile and abusive relationship for years. Psychical violence, control, and spousal rape. Oh and of course gas lighting like none of this has never happened to me. It’s been a while since things got physical. About over a year honestly. The spousal rape happens more often. We broke up for a summer and when we got back together and he found out I had slept with other people he pretty much chummed it up to me cheating and being dishonest the whole time. So to him I am a liar through out the relationship. He no longer has anger issues because you know justified behavior for being a “whore”. Last night he was drunk like drinking for about 8 hours straight drunk. He got in my face and started telling me that all I did during our relationship was choke on dick. He told me on one would take me in because no one loves me. I snapped. He was in my face and saying things like I deserved to be screamed at all night. At this point I was kicking and pushing for him to get away from me and verbally screaming this. He got directly in my face and I close fist punched him in the face. I’ve never done anything like this and I feel disgusted in myself. I know what I did was wrong. I came back to his place today and cleaned up the drunken mess for an hour. Cleaned up all his blood etc. (I don’t know if I actually made him bleed because it seems after he left he punched a bunch of walls). Leave before you do what I did. Leave before you lose yourself. Don’t stay until you have lost yourself completely.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’ve been in a volatile and abusive relationship for years. Psychical violence, control, and spousal rape. Oh and of course gas lighting like none of this has never happened to me. It’s been a while since things got physical. About over a year honestly. The spousal rape happens more often. We broke up for a summer and when we got back together and he found out I had slept with other people he pretty much chummed it up to me cheating and being dishonest the whole time. So to him I am a liar through out the relationship. He no longer has anger issues because you know justified behavior for being a “whore”. Last night he was drunk like drinking for about 8 hours straight drunk. He got in my face and started telling me that all I did during our relationship was choke on dick. He told me on one would take me in because no one loves me. I snapped. He was in my face and saying things like I deserved to be screamed at all night. At this point I was kicking and pushing for him to get away from me and verbally screaming this. He got directly in my face and I close fist punched him in the face. I’ve never done anything like this and I feel disgusted in myself. I know what I did was wrong. I came back to his place today and cleaned up the drunken mess for an hour. Cleaned up all his blood etc. (I don’t know if I actually made him bleed because it seems after he left he punched a bunch of walls). Leave before you do what I did. Leave before you lose yourself. Don’t stay until you have lost yourself completely. [/INST] Communication </s>

I have somewhat recently gotten out of a mentally and verbally abusive 2 year relationship. We did live together, and most days I feared him waking up because he was constantly in a terrible moodwould throw thingsyell at mehurt himself and blame meblame everything elseetc. I’ve moved on since then and have started seeing someone new. He’s very sweet, very respectful of my boundaries and consent, etc. Yesterday he was in a bad mood for the first time since my knowing him, and I immediately got skittish. I’d had no doubts about this guy before, but now I’m incredibly nervous, even though I’m trying to accept that moods are just part of human nature. I know many people get sullen when frustrated or loud when agitated (myself included), I just immediately go back to being stuck in the house with that behavior. I’m going to give him another chance, because I feel like I’m not being rational. Does anyone have advice, or has anyone been in something similar? EDIT: Also, we’ve been talking for about a month and seeing each other for three weeks. He knows about my ex. Should I bring up my nervousness and let him know that I prefer things to be talked outthings not to be yelled, or is it too early?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I have somewhat recently gotten out of a mentally and verbally abusive 2 year relationship. We did live together, and most days I feared him waking up because he was constantly in a terrible moodwould throw thingsyell at mehurt himself and blame meblame everything elseetc. I’ve moved on since then and have started seeing someone new. He’s very sweet, very respectful of my boundaries and consent, etc. Yesterday he was in a bad mood for the first time since my knowing him, and I immediately got skittish. I’d had no doubts about this guy before, but now I’m incredibly nervous, even though I’m trying to accept that moods are just part of human nature. I know many people get sullen when frustrated or loud when agitated (myself included), I just immediately go back to being stuck in the house with that behavior. I’m going to give him another chance, because I feel like I’m not being rational. Does anyone have advice, or has anyone been in something similar? EDIT: Also, we’ve been talking for about a month and seeing each other for three weeks. He knows about my ex. Should I bring up my nervousness and let him know that I prefer things to be talked outthings not to be yelled, or is it too early? [/INST] Communication </s>

My boyfriend (39M) and I (30F) have been together for a little over a year , I moved across the country &amp; left my home &amp; family to a totally new state to be with him barely 3 months into dating. He has a good job and has supported us financially(rent,food,going out, trips) I have depression and have been struggling to adjust wanting a career change and having a rare chance to take time off to do it - I haven’t worked since I moved here. I have paid all my subs , car payment , phone etc over this time . But he has grown to resent that even though I’m on my way to a new career now literally a week or two away from a new job - he will go off because he feels I’m “taking advantage of him” - I am not that type of person and I try my best not to ask for anything but he’s always had a short fuse or hot temper and gets overwhelmed easily and has a lot of anxiety , and I really don’t like confrontation . I grew up with a stepdad who was similar lots of yelling and it intimidates me triggers me. so I always figured I was just sensitive to our arguments . We have had several talks about being more open with me and not bottling up his feelings but that hasn’t changed much . We went out the night before thanksgiving and had drinks with friends at a bar (earlier in the day things were great we put the Xmas tree up and talked about getting a new tooth ornament because I just finished my dental assisting class) . Anyways we had a lot to drink and he seemed cranky the whole night sort of , we decided to leave the bar and he walked out about 3ft in front of me looking down at his phone. I stopped just outside the front door of the bar and our friends group caught up with us - said Uber was here and it was literally to my immediate left . He thought I was trying to leave him or “ditch” him at the bar … kept turning back to yell at me the whole ride home (even our friend was telling him to stop ) I didn’t respond to any thing he yelled . When we got back to our building our friends all went to one apt and I went to follow him because he stormed off - hoping I would be able to calm him or talk it out. I got back to the apt he continued to escalate himself - our pup does not like conflict she gets scared and shakes , I locked myself in our bathroom with the dog to try and calm her down . He tried beating down the door yelling asking me what I was doing in there - this is blurry to me I was drinking - idk why but I opened the door . He got in my face , grabbed my wrists and threw me to the ground with force . I scraped my elbow on the bed frame and as soon as I got up from the floor I went back to the closet with the dog and called 911 . Scared out of my mind he towers over me and the dog screaming in my face . The cops came 20 mins later and arrested him . He was in jail for 24 hours , he called me from jail and I told him I love him . I don’t want to press charges , we live together and I have nothing . I want us to get therapy and try to work through it . My neck has had whip lash for days my whole upper body hurts . I’m terrified to accept I’m a victim . He said the bail bond guy said I can recant or sign something to help so he doesn’t get charged and lose his job or go to jail. I should ignore calls if detectives call … I don’t want to ruin my creditability. But I don’t want to aggravate the charges , I want to work it out . But I can’t let him get away with it - and think he could ever do it again . Has anyone ever been through the process as a victim I don’t know what to expect ? I need help .

Police

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My boyfriend (39M) and I (30F) have been together for a little over a year , I moved across the country &amp; left my home &amp; family to a totally new state to be with him barely 3 months into dating. He has a good job and has supported us financially(rent,food,going out, trips) I have depression and have been struggling to adjust wanting a career change and having a rare chance to take time off to do it - I haven’t worked since I moved here. I have paid all my subs , car payment , phone etc over this time . But he has grown to resent that even though I’m on my way to a new career now literally a week or two away from a new job - he will go off because he feels I’m “taking advantage of him” - I am not that type of person and I try my best not to ask for anything but he’s always had a short fuse or hot temper and gets overwhelmed easily and has a lot of anxiety , and I really don’t like confrontation . I grew up with a stepdad who was similar lots of yelling and it intimidates me triggers me. so I always figured I was just sensitive to our arguments . We have had several talks about being more open with me and not bottling up his feelings but that hasn’t changed much . We went out the night before thanksgiving and had drinks with friends at a bar (earlier in the day things were great we put the Xmas tree up and talked about getting a new tooth ornament because I just finished my dental assisting class) . Anyways we had a lot to drink and he seemed cranky the whole night sort of , we decided to leave the bar and he walked out about 3ft in front of me looking down at his phone. I stopped just outside the front door of the bar and our friends group caught up with us - said Uber was here and it was literally to my immediate left . He thought I was trying to leave him or “ditch” him at the bar … kept turning back to yell at me the whole ride home (even our friend was telling him to stop ) I didn’t respond to any thing he yelled . When we got back to our building our friends all went to one apt and I went to follow him because he stormed off - hoping I would be able to calm him or talk it out. I got back to the apt he continued to escalate himself - our pup does not like conflict she gets scared and shakes , I locked myself in our bathroom with the dog to try and calm her down . He tried beating down the door yelling asking me what I was doing in there - this is blurry to me I was drinking - idk why but I opened the door . He got in my face , grabbed my wrists and threw me to the ground with force . I scraped my elbow on the bed frame and as soon as I got up from the floor I went back to the closet with the dog and called 911 . Scared out of my mind he towers over me and the dog screaming in my face . The cops came 20 mins later and arrested him . He was in jail for 24 hours , he called me from jail and I told him I love him . I don’t want to press charges , we live together and I have nothing . I want us to get therapy and try to work through it . My neck has had whip lash for days my whole upper body hurts . I’m terrified to accept I’m a victim . He said the bail bond guy said I can recant or sign something to help so he doesn’t get charged and lose his job or go to jail. I should ignore calls if detectives call … I don’t want to ruin my creditability. But I don’t want to aggravate the charges , I want to work it out . But I can’t let him get away with it - and think he could ever do it again . Has anyone ever been through the process as a victim I don’t know what to expect ? I need help . [/INST] Police </s>

Hope it’s okay to ask this here. I was in two separate relationships that I think may have qualified as abusive, but I’m not sure. I’m trying to work through these feelings now, being clean from hard drugs and cannabis and drinking very rarely (I have been using substances to blanket over many issues until recently) The short of it is in both relationships, I was often a shithead. Drinking too often, being lazy, not cleaning the house or taking care of my responsibilities. No excuses there, I was wrong and not a very good boyfriend in those ways. But also in both instances, I found myself frequently being screamed at, having things thrown at me, slapped punched etc. usually because I had somehow offended them, a good example was when I expressed that comments were hurtful to me and I would like them to stop. This was put calmly, and ended with such screaming and slapping police were called. I have felt rather emasculated by these relationships. I’m 6’2”, well over 250 pounds and quite strong. Both women were about 5 feet tall and under 135 pounds. I have hesitated to call it abuse, because I was never really in physical danger. But as I work through it with a clearer mind, I am realizing the damage that’s been done. Am I being a victim to avoid facing the realities of my own shortcomings? Did I perhaps push them to it, and thus must shoulder some blame? Don’t sugarcoat it, I would appreciate all input even if it’s “you’re being a pussy, get over it”.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hope it’s okay to ask this here. I was in two separate relationships that I think may have qualified as abusive, but I’m not sure. I’m trying to work through these feelings now, being clean from hard drugs and cannabis and drinking very rarely (I have been using substances to blanket over many issues until recently) The short of it is in both relationships, I was often a shithead. Drinking too often, being lazy, not cleaning the house or taking care of my responsibilities. No excuses there, I was wrong and not a very good boyfriend in those ways. But also in both instances, I found myself frequently being screamed at, having things thrown at me, slapped punched etc. usually because I had somehow offended them, a good example was when I expressed that comments were hurtful to me and I would like them to stop. This was put calmly, and ended with such screaming and slapping police were called. I have felt rather emasculated by these relationships. I’m 6’2”, well over 250 pounds and quite strong. Both women were about 5 feet tall and under 135 pounds. I have hesitated to call it abuse, because I was never really in physical danger. But as I work through it with a clearer mind, I am realizing the damage that’s been done. Am I being a victim to avoid facing the realities of my own shortcomings? Did I perhaps push them to it, and thus must shoulder some blame? Don’t sugarcoat it, I would appreciate all input even if it’s “you’re being a pussy, get over it”. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

My husband goes to court in a couple of days and I thought I was strong enough to show up for the hearing but I can’t do it. I’m not required to go to this one. This is where he will enter his plea. I’m praying he takes a deal so I don’t have to go testify. Personally I’m doing better not being able to see him and him being unable to contact me has left my life very peaceful. But when I think about seeing him in court my emotions range from guilt for putting him in this position to rage for the many things he’s done to me. The last three weeks we were together was pure unadulterated hell. I’ll just be glad when all the legal stuff is over and I can really focus on moving past the night terrors.

Legal

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My husband goes to court in a couple of days and I thought I was strong enough to show up for the hearing but I can’t do it. I’m not required to go to this one. This is where he will enter his plea. I’m praying he takes a deal so I don’t have to go testify. Personally I’m doing better not being able to see him and him being unable to contact me has left my life very peaceful. But when I think about seeing him in court my emotions range from guilt for putting him in this position to rage for the many things he’s done to me. The last three weeks we were together was pure unadulterated hell. I’ll just be glad when all the legal stuff is over and I can really focus on moving past the night terrors. [/INST] Legal </s>

After two months of around the clock care from my family, just as she was starting to improve, my sister has moved back to her house. She won't admit it to us but we know from other sources that he is living with her again. What do we do now? Just wait for it all to go to shit again? What happens if she gets pregnant to him ?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> After two months of around the clock care from my family, just as she was starting to improve, my sister has moved back to her house. She won't admit it to us but we know from other sources that he is living with her again. What do we do now? Just wait for it all to go to shit again? What happens if she gets pregnant to him ? [/INST] Communication </s>

Hi everyone. I have an interesting situation, I’m not quite sure what to do and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. Here’s some background info: Me and my ex-girlfriend have continued to communicate after separating for around 6 months. Our separation was normal, no bad blood, never had any serious issues in our relationship. I have graduated and have been working full time for 1.5 years and she is still currently in college. Things didn’t work out for her based on timing and that’s totally understandable, other life challenges happened as well with family issues bringing stress on her emotionally. The incident: My ex phoned me a few nights ago, admitting to me that the new boyfriend she has hit her drunkenly. She was bruised up pretty bad. She told me this along with him being verbally abusive. I handled it the best I could in that situation, after the fact she told me she doesn’t want to tell anyone. (her friends know and contacted me) I talked it over with her friends and they are scared for her safety. Scared that he will do it again have seen stuff happen. My feelings: I feel as if I am trapped, I don’t know what to do being in the middle of this situation. I was told by her friends that I need to tell her family but I feel I would be overstepping or inappropriate on my end. I don’t really know what to do. Can anyone provide advice? Please feel free to ask me questions if you want more info. I’m new to Reddit but I just made a throwaway to conceal my identity.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hi everyone. I have an interesting situation, I’m not quite sure what to do and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. Here’s some background info: Me and my ex-girlfriend have continued to communicate after separating for around 6 months. Our separation was normal, no bad blood, never had any serious issues in our relationship. I have graduated and have been working full time for 1.5 years and she is still currently in college. Things didn’t work out for her based on timing and that’s totally understandable, other life challenges happened as well with family issues bringing stress on her emotionally. The incident: My ex phoned me a few nights ago, admitting to me that the new boyfriend she has hit her drunkenly. She was bruised up pretty bad. She told me this along with him being verbally abusive. I handled it the best I could in that situation, after the fact she told me she doesn’t want to tell anyone. (her friends know and contacted me) I talked it over with her friends and they are scared for her safety. Scared that he will do it again have seen stuff happen. My feelings: I feel as if I am trapped, I don’t know what to do being in the middle of this situation. I was told by her friends that I need to tell her family but I feel I would be overstepping or inappropriate on my end. I don’t really know what to do. Can anyone provide advice? Please feel free to ask me questions if you want more info. I’m new to Reddit but I just made a throwaway to conceal my identity. [/INST] Communication </s>

I have two small children (under 7) and left an abusive relationship about a year ago. While the physical stuff has stopped, I’m dealing with constant, relentless emotional and mental abuse. We have 5050 custody. He’s constantly telling me I’m a bad mother, that he’s going to take me to court for a myriad of reasons, has contacted my kids teacher to berate me, etc. Something as simple as forgetting a lunch box can lead to multi-day tirades against me questioning my mental health and my fitness as a mom. There seems to be no legal recourse I can take to stop this. Have others dealt with this? How do you handle it?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I have two small children (under 7) and left an abusive relationship about a year ago. While the physical stuff has stopped, I’m dealing with constant, relentless emotional and mental abuse. We have 5050 custody. He’s constantly telling me I’m a bad mother, that he’s going to take me to court for a myriad of reasons, has contacted my kids teacher to berate me, etc. Something as simple as forgetting a lunch box can lead to multi-day tirades against me questioning my mental health and my fitness as a mom. There seems to be no legal recourse I can take to stop this. Have others dealt with this? How do you handle it? [/INST] Communication </s>

Can I get an opinion? And this is fresh so please don’t be mean because I’m sensitive and I just need to get this out of my system. Possible trigger warning physical abuse So my SO was sleeping beside me in my full size bed.. he drank tonight and sweats in his sleep when he drinks. Well he just really stunk honestly and his breath was terrible and smelled like alcohol and I could smell it. That’s a trigger for me and it really grosses me out. I tapped him and asked him to turn the other way.. no response, I didn’t wake him up I guess. So I shook him and he didn’t wake up. I shook him and talked a bit louder and he was irritated bc I woke him up but I couldn’t sleep this way and I have to wake up early for college. He kicked me but I thought maybe it was a half asleep thing. I would like to add I have new ear piercings and I couldn’t turn the other way because of them, I can’t sleep on them. Anyway he ended up turning towards me rather than the other way and I said no the other way and I told him his breath smelled like alcohol and it was making me feel sick. Well he got mad and started calling me names mumbling under his breath and didn’t move. I just asked him again “please turn the other way.” Well he ended up finally turning his back to me and then continued to just say mean things and I told him I just wanted him to face the other way so I could sleep too. He turned around and spit in my face and continued to say mean stuff . I start crying and wipe his spit off my face. Well he does it again while im crying and he’s done this before. I slapped him because I was just tired of the disrespect. Bad idea. He grabbed my head and my ear and then hit me and then punched me in my head. I’m crying and he’s like telling me to stop basically. Hard to remember. He’s like acting as if I’m crying for no reason and telling me to stop and I’m scared he’s ganna hit me again so I can’t even stop crying. I have a bump on my forehead now but no one can see it. I am just really upset and I’m scared of him. I was honestly scared to wake him up but I wanted to share the bed tonight so I didn’t think me tapping him and asking him to turn the other way would end this way. I’ve had a lot of trauma that involved alcohol and the smell upsets me sometimes. ): I don’t feel justified for slapping him I just wanted him to stop spitting on me and verbally abusing m

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Can I get an opinion? And this is fresh so please don’t be mean because I’m sensitive and I just need to get this out of my system. Possible trigger warning physical abuse So my SO was sleeping beside me in my full size bed.. he drank tonight and sweats in his sleep when he drinks. Well he just really stunk honestly and his breath was terrible and smelled like alcohol and I could smell it. That’s a trigger for me and it really grosses me out. I tapped him and asked him to turn the other way.. no response, I didn’t wake him up I guess. So I shook him and he didn’t wake up. I shook him and talked a bit louder and he was irritated bc I woke him up but I couldn’t sleep this way and I have to wake up early for college. He kicked me but I thought maybe it was a half asleep thing. I would like to add I have new ear piercings and I couldn’t turn the other way because of them, I can’t sleep on them. Anyway he ended up turning towards me rather than the other way and I said no the other way and I told him his breath smelled like alcohol and it was making me feel sick. Well he got mad and started calling me names mumbling under his breath and didn’t move. I just asked him again “please turn the other way.” Well he ended up finally turning his back to me and then continued to just say mean things and I told him I just wanted him to face the other way so I could sleep too. He turned around and spit in my face and continued to say mean stuff . I start crying and wipe his spit off my face. Well he does it again while im crying and he’s done this before. I slapped him because I was just tired of the disrespect. Bad idea. He grabbed my head and my ear and then hit me and then punched me in my head. I’m crying and he’s like telling me to stop basically. Hard to remember. He’s like acting as if I’m crying for no reason and telling me to stop and I’m scared he’s ganna hit me again so I can’t even stop crying. I have a bump on my forehead now but no one can see it. I am just really upset and I’m scared of him. I was honestly scared to wake him up but I wanted to share the bed tonight so I didn’t think me tapping him and asking him to turn the other way would end this way. I’ve had a lot of trauma that involved alcohol and the smell upsets me sometimes. ): I don’t feel justified for slapping him I just wanted him to stop spitting on me and verbally abusing m [/INST] Communication </s>

Here’s my story I’m tired of being quiet. On May 31 around 9:30 pm I 35f along with my daughter left our home barefoot, her only wearing a tshirt and underwear. After being yelled at pushed and then choked In our front yard while holding her in my arms (she had just turned 3 a month prior) he 38m claimed to have called the cops because he was worried about me taking his daughter since I was “drunk” (All this stemmed from asking him to put our daughter to bed.) I have been gone since then, but even after leaving the abuse has not stopped. In June when he was dropping off our daughter at my parents house he demanded I give him the keys to our martial home. When I refused he barged into their home rummaged through my purse yelled at me threatening me in front of everyone including our daughter. I called the sheriffs. once realizing that I was actually calling them he left and cussed at my dad on his way out. Since then he has not been allowed over. The cops came and since he had left nothing was done. The only thing they could do was file a report. On July 21 7:00 Am he claimed our daughter was sick and he could not find her medicine that I had packed for her. I stupidly believed she was sick, so i decided to drop off medicine on my way to work. He opened the door and all I heard was silence. She wasn’t awake or sick like he had claimed That day I never made it to work. I was yet again pushed, this time I was pushed against the door ( thankfully nothing was broken) yelled at. Accused of having affairs with two different married men. Accused of hacking his phone. All While being locked in a house against my will, He took my belongings. Keys, purse and phone. Some how our daughter slept through all of it until I was able to run out through the back door. Not having my keys or phone and not able to wave anyone down that drove down our road. I was unable to call the police. By the time he made it to the front porch he had Her with him as he yelled at me and accused me of making her go through this. He finally threw my keys at me and told me to leave. I went to the cowboys and called the cops, but once they were unable to do anything because I left the house! Another report was filed He still has my old phone. Since then the mental abuse and harassment has continued. Now, he has; Stated that him and his lawyer are wanting a paternity test because according to him all I have done since being married is cheat on him. Questioning If actually went to Mexico December 2017 for my grandmothers funeral. He is questioning why my family migrated to the U.S. Claiming I’m involved in a side business and that I have been forced into in. All of this because I Decided to not take anymore abuse from someone who claimed to love me. 17 years of being with someone. And this is how it ends. Everything was great as long as he got everything from me. I have lost friends and time with my family because of wanting to avoid his tantrums. And wanting to avoid even the simplest things thrown in my face as soon as he had something go wrong.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Here’s my story I’m tired of being quiet. On May 31 around 9:30 pm I 35f along with my daughter left our home barefoot, her only wearing a tshirt and underwear. After being yelled at pushed and then choked In our front yard while holding her in my arms (she had just turned 3 a month prior) he 38m claimed to have called the cops because he was worried about me taking his daughter since I was “drunk” (All this stemmed from asking him to put our daughter to bed.) I have been gone since then, but even after leaving the abuse has not stopped. In June when he was dropping off our daughter at my parents house he demanded I give him the keys to our martial home. When I refused he barged into their home rummaged through my purse yelled at me threatening me in front of everyone including our daughter. I called the sheriffs. once realizing that I was actually calling them he left and cussed at my dad on his way out. Since then he has not been allowed over. The cops came and since he had left nothing was done. The only thing they could do was file a report. On July 21 7:00 Am he claimed our daughter was sick and he could not find her medicine that I had packed for her. I stupidly believed she was sick, so i decided to drop off medicine on my way to work. He opened the door and all I heard was silence. She wasn’t awake or sick like he had claimed That day I never made it to work. I was yet again pushed, this time I was pushed against the door ( thankfully nothing was broken) yelled at. Accused of having affairs with two different married men. Accused of hacking his phone. All While being locked in a house against my will, He took my belongings. Keys, purse and phone. Some how our daughter slept through all of it until I was able to run out through the back door. Not having my keys or phone and not able to wave anyone down that drove down our road. I was unable to call the police. By the time he made it to the front porch he had Her with him as he yelled at me and accused me of making her go through this. He finally threw my keys at me and told me to leave. I went to the cowboys and called the cops, but once they were unable to do anything because I left the house! Another report was filed He still has my old phone. Since then the mental abuse and harassment has continued. Now, he has; Stated that him and his lawyer are wanting a paternity test because according to him all I have done since being married is cheat on him. Questioning If actually went to Mexico December 2017 for my grandmothers funeral. He is questioning why my family migrated to the U.S. Claiming I’m involved in a side business and that I have been forced into in. All of this because I Decided to not take anymore abuse from someone who claimed to love me. 17 years of being with someone. And this is how it ends. Everything was great as long as he got everything from me. I have lost friends and time with my family because of wanting to avoid his tantrums. And wanting to avoid even the simplest things thrown in my face as soon as he had something go wrong. [/INST] Communication </s>

My husband was forced to leave me and oir three young children because of his own decisions and actions. He had a police standoff and trashed our house and all my belongings. It was bad, my lawyer says it’s the worst he has ever seen, and it was not even the worst day we have had. The more space I get, the more I slip back into thinking that maybe he is sorry and we can have some kind of healthy coparenting situation build up. Saturday morning, his mom contacted me and gave me a list of some of his things he wanted, and said he was going to get a mutual person to drop off some of my things and pick up some of his things. I complied with 90% of the things, and found a few extras. I knew it wasn’t the end. I knew he had more of mine, and I had more of his. I thought it was the beginning of goodwill and a basic degree of communication that didn’t involve lawyers. I was goi g to allow a Christmas Eve visit despite the restraining order, and a few supervised video chats. I was being generous. I forgot I’m working with someone who doesn’t think like me. He wrote our nanny a long text that I’m fighting him on every joint asset and dragging this out (all because I wouldn’t give him two of the items he asked for, one was in use at the time, holding drying Christmas gifts, and the other is not his, he seems to have forget the van full of items I sent with no questions). He ended up saying something like, “If she’s scared of me, she will have all of my things ready Monday and stop dragging this out.” I take this as a threat. “If you’re scared, give me my stuff.” Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe he is just frustrated, but I’m upset enough that I’m thinking of canceling the Christmas visit and canceling the video chats. Then I flip flop backwards and think that’s punishing my kids. They’re young, they miss him. Ugh. It’s so hard to know what to do

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My husband was forced to leave me and oir three young children because of his own decisions and actions. He had a police standoff and trashed our house and all my belongings. It was bad, my lawyer says it’s the worst he has ever seen, and it was not even the worst day we have had. The more space I get, the more I slip back into thinking that maybe he is sorry and we can have some kind of healthy coparenting situation build up. Saturday morning, his mom contacted me and gave me a list of some of his things he wanted, and said he was going to get a mutual person to drop off some of my things and pick up some of his things. I complied with 90% of the things, and found a few extras. I knew it wasn’t the end. I knew he had more of mine, and I had more of his. I thought it was the beginning of goodwill and a basic degree of communication that didn’t involve lawyers. I was goi g to allow a Christmas Eve visit despite the restraining order, and a few supervised video chats. I was being generous. I forgot I’m working with someone who doesn’t think like me. He wrote our nanny a long text that I’m fighting him on every joint asset and dragging this out (all because I wouldn’t give him two of the items he asked for, one was in use at the time, holding drying Christmas gifts, and the other is not his, he seems to have forget the van full of items I sent with no questions). He ended up saying something like, “If she’s scared of me, she will have all of my things ready Monday and stop dragging this out.” I take this as a threat. “If you’re scared, give me my stuff.” Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe he is just frustrated, but I’m upset enough that I’m thinking of canceling the Christmas visit and canceling the video chats. Then I flip flop backwards and think that’s punishing my kids. They’re young, they miss him. Ugh. It’s so hard to know what to do [/INST] Communication </s>

He signed off custody rights, the last thing he could use to control me. My lawyer called me this morning to let me know. I cried for 30 min, I thought I was going to cry in relieve. I felt so sad(?) Not about him, but for the life I had imagined when I married him. I have been having flashbacks all day. It can only get better I hope.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> He signed off custody rights, the last thing he could use to control me. My lawyer called me this morning to let me know. I cried for 30 min, I thought I was going to cry in relieve. I felt so sad(?) Not about him, but for the life I had imagined when I married him. I have been having flashbacks all day. It can only get better I hope. [/INST] Communication </s>

hi, i’m 20 years old female lesbian. i live in homophobic country, and in homophobic abusive household. my family doesn’t know about my sexuality and i don’t think i’ll ever come out to them because i’m 100% sure that they WILL kill me they beat the fuck out of me for way less reasons (like looking at them in “disrespectful way”. i’m not allowed to get a job or even leave the house, so i’m looking for a way to make money so i can run away and live my life before they kill me or make me marry some old man. any suggestions would be helpful. thank you for reading .i can’t go to the police they don’t help or hiding in friend house

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> hi, i’m 20 years old female lesbian. i live in homophobic country, and in homophobic abusive household. my family doesn’t know about my sexuality and i don’t think i’ll ever come out to them because i’m 100% sure that they WILL kill me they beat the fuck out of me for way less reasons (like looking at them in “disrespectful way”. i’m not allowed to get a job or even leave the house, so i’m looking for a way to make money so i can run away and live my life before they kill me or make me marry some old man. any suggestions would be helpful. thank you for reading .i can’t go to the police they don’t help or hiding in friend house [/INST] Communication </s>

I'm having a little bit of a freak out moment right now. My emotional abuser (with some physical and sexual elements, although less extreme than the emotional piece) is moving on with someone else. I've known about it for awhile but it seems to be getting more serious. I know he abused me but I'm so upset. I miss him and it hurts me to imagine him being physically and emotionally intimate with someone else, even though he cheated on me when we were together anyway. Idk I'm just feeling a lot of negative things. The girl seems really cool and sweet too. Someone I'd enjoy hanging out with irl and I can imagine them getting along well. I'm struggling to validate my own reality that it was even abuse, much less handle this as an extra update about the situation. One second I feel like I'm glad to be rid of him, the next I'm hurt and insanely jealous of his new girlfriend, wondering what she has that I don't. I guess I just want to vent and hear if anybody else relates.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I'm having a little bit of a freak out moment right now. My emotional abuser (with some physical and sexual elements, although less extreme than the emotional piece) is moving on with someone else. I've known about it for awhile but it seems to be getting more serious. I know he abused me but I'm so upset. I miss him and it hurts me to imagine him being physically and emotionally intimate with someone else, even though he cheated on me when we were together anyway. Idk I'm just feeling a lot of negative things. The girl seems really cool and sweet too. Someone I'd enjoy hanging out with irl and I can imagine them getting along well. I'm struggling to validate my own reality that it was even abuse, much less handle this as an extra update about the situation. One second I feel like I'm glad to be rid of him, the next I'm hurt and insanely jealous of his new girlfriend, wondering what she has that I don't. I guess I just want to vent and hear if anybody else relates. [/INST] Communication </s>

My husband (m33) and I (f31) have been together for just over 8 years and married for 5. Last week in the heat of an argument he attempted to strangle me. Luckily he let go before I passed out and ran from our home before I could catch my breath. He went to stay with a trusted family member who lives about 2 hours away so I knew I wasn’t in anymore immediate danger. At first I was in shock but right away fell into my groomed routine of blaming myself for not leaving him alone and forcing conversation when he is still upset. I couldn’t sleep all night, especially since I was trying to lay in our bed where the strangulation occurred. At about 4 AM I decided to take a chance and call the national domestic violence hotline to consult regarding my situation. The very kind and patient woman on the other line walked me through our history of abuse (mostly verbal and emotional but also some physical- primarily pushing) and help me understand that my situation was not going to improve and it was absolutely time to leave. She helped me understand the very strong correlations between strangulation and homicide and I just realized this was not some thing we were going to be able to come back from and would likely continue to escalate. I left the next morning to stay with my brother on the other side of the state to ensure I was safe. I came back to my area and have been staying with my parents since. I am so incredibly lucky to have family support but it’s been hard to face them all when they saw these signs all along. Yesterday my parents and I moved my stuff out of our marital home. I insured my soon to be ex would be with our trusted family member for the weekend so the move has been relatively smooth. I was able to file a police report and the officer told me he thinks there’s enough evidence for an arrest. In the beginning of the week I was really struggling with the guilt of contacting police and the possible consequences for him. However with support of my family I was coming closer and closer to feeling comfortable with knowing that I needed to take care of myself and myself only at this point. Then yesterday when I arrived back into our home there was a note waiting for me from my soon to be ex with a half assed apology and a request to be “reasonable” with one another as we move through this separationdivorce process. Something inside me absolutely snapped and I realized just how manipulative this man was. For the first time I saw his words for exactly what they were, nothing more than a attempt to manipulate me into protecting himself instead of me. Once I was calm and no longer cursing at the world I called the police department and gave my statement with zero guilt for his consequences. I know this journey is going to be long and painful but I truly believe I am doing the right thing for myself for the first time in a long time. I am hoping to find some support groups to help me get through this. Any suggestionsadvice would be helpful.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My husband (m33) and I (f31) have been together for just over 8 years and married for 5. Last week in the heat of an argument he attempted to strangle me. Luckily he let go before I passed out and ran from our home before I could catch my breath. He went to stay with a trusted family member who lives about 2 hours away so I knew I wasn’t in anymore immediate danger. At first I was in shock but right away fell into my groomed routine of blaming myself for not leaving him alone and forcing conversation when he is still upset. I couldn’t sleep all night, especially since I was trying to lay in our bed where the strangulation occurred. At about 4 AM I decided to take a chance and call the national domestic violence hotline to consult regarding my situation. The very kind and patient woman on the other line walked me through our history of abuse (mostly verbal and emotional but also some physical- primarily pushing) and help me understand that my situation was not going to improve and it was absolutely time to leave. She helped me understand the very strong correlations between strangulation and homicide and I just realized this was not some thing we were going to be able to come back from and would likely continue to escalate. I left the next morning to stay with my brother on the other side of the state to ensure I was safe. I came back to my area and have been staying with my parents since. I am so incredibly lucky to have family support but it’s been hard to face them all when they saw these signs all along. Yesterday my parents and I moved my stuff out of our marital home. I insured my soon to be ex would be with our trusted family member for the weekend so the move has been relatively smooth. I was able to file a police report and the officer told me he thinks there’s enough evidence for an arrest. In the beginning of the week I was really struggling with the guilt of contacting police and the possible consequences for him. However with support of my family I was coming closer and closer to feeling comfortable with knowing that I needed to take care of myself and myself only at this point. Then yesterday when I arrived back into our home there was a note waiting for me from my soon to be ex with a half assed apology and a request to be “reasonable” with one another as we move through this separationdivorce process. Something inside me absolutely snapped and I realized just how manipulative this man was. For the first time I saw his words for exactly what they were, nothing more than a attempt to manipulate me into protecting himself instead of me. Once I was calm and no longer cursing at the world I called the police department and gave my statement with zero guilt for his consequences. I know this journey is going to be long and painful but I truly believe I am doing the right thing for myself for the first time in a long time. I am hoping to find some support groups to help me get through this. Any suggestionsadvice would be helpful. [/INST] Communication </s>

TW : Abuse, Suicide, Romantic Abuse I'm sorry if I make mistakes, English isn't my first language. I created this account to remain anonymous (I have a main one) and I will only use it to post my story. I am reaching out because of something a close individual of mine has been going through for too long. Let's call her H (F22). I have a lot of contextual clues to give for the story to be clear since there is a lot to say, I'm sorry about that and hope that it won't dissuade you from reading my story. First of all, we live in a muslim country. She (H) is married to my brother that we will call K (M28), and the couple currently lives with my mother and I, we will call my mom M (F60). My brother K is bipolar. He is now near his thirties and has no diploma, he isn't willing to try to work because he is also narcissistic and tends to believe the situation he is in is other people's fault, he is very sensible and never keeps a job because he doesn't like to have a boss. In the meanwhile, he isn't studying and relies completely on my mother M. He takes a medical treatment to stay "stable" : when he refuses to take his medication, he becomes even more toxic and it mostly falls on H's shoulders who has to take care of him while I'm at school and my mother at work. Even while "stable", he doesn't let his wife (H) work because he doesn't want other men to see her and since he stays at home all day he feels lonely without her and starts saying that he married her to get cured. So, I will start by saying how my brother K got married with H. DISCLAIMER : Being depressed or bipolar doesn't make anyone a bad person, and they are not the core of the problem we have with him. I am aware that how he acts is mostly part of how his personalityhow he was raised by my mother M. My brother K has always been hard to manage. Because of his narcissism, he expects special treatment from us (aka have any console he wants per example) and even if he receives it, it is never enough to him and keeps asking for more. Since I can remember (I am almost 17 and him 28) he always talked about how having a romantic relationship would cure him from his depressionbipolar disorder. While he had a few ones (with no marriage) that didn't end well, he absolutely wanted to get married so that it would settle the person with him. So my mother and my father had the idea to marry my brother K to a "docile girl" who would come from an underprivileged and religious environment, meaning that if she ever wanted to divorce the social backlash that would come from it would dissuade her. That girl ended up to be H, 20 at the time. After 2 weeks of knowing each other, of my mother making promises (that she would never lack anything would it be education or material things, that she would send them abroad after they finish their studies...), my brother assuring her that his illness is simple depression, they got engaged and the marriage papers were quickly signed. My father was the one who was planning to pay for everything. He died a week after they got married. H got backlash from my own family that is pretty religious. They would say that she brings bad luck and all sorts of stupid superstitious shit. And it only went downhill from there. My father didn't leave anything in anyone's name. In this country, heritage is distributed as written in the quran, meaning that pretty much everyone in the family gets their share with a lot of inequalities there and there (I myself being a female got half of what each of my brothers got). H then got nothing she was promised. Everything went downhill from there. A few months later, my brother had a manic crisis. He would mistreat her, abuse her verbally and be very controlling of her, not letting her go study or work for herself. My mother M (who would also abuse her by threatening or "reminding her of her place") not wanting to deal with it anymore, found a way to rant a house for them both. Long story short, when H told M of how she would be treated (broken glass, chairs and tables being violently thrown around, how he would verbally put her down...), M didn't want to hear any of it and told H that it was her own decision to marry K. I still remember that day I was away, she called at night crying telling me that K went out at the beach and left her home after breaking a bunch of stuff. She was trying to kill herself by taking my brother's medication, and she wanted to tell me that she was grateful I stood up to defend her. She told me not to tell anyone about her tentative, but she thankfully also contacted her sisters that came on time to save her by getting her in the nearest hospital. The doctors told us that if she got there a bit later than that, she would've been dead. Mom threw a fit and tried to hit H when visiting her, saying that H did all that to ruin her reputation and make her lose money (there isn't free healthcare in there). This all happened a year ago, and even if the abuse is still going on, H tries to endure it because she has nowhere else to go since her family isn't great either. I post this story in hope of maybe finding associations or anything really that could help her get out of here. She can't work because of K and spends most of her days at home. Thank you to anyone who read this far, I am truly grateful. NOTE ASIDE : This isn't about me, so this is just a note aside if anyone would like to help me by making me aware of options to leave this family. I am almost 17 and will still be a minor when I'll get out of highschool. This whole story also had an impact on me, and I wish to leave this family ASAP. I'm trying to get a scholarship by having a good grade in my highschool diploma (idk if it's the right word, it's called BAC here). This is just to ask if anyone knows any options that could work for me.

Safety planning

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> TW : Abuse, Suicide, Romantic Abuse I'm sorry if I make mistakes, English isn't my first language. I created this account to remain anonymous (I have a main one) and I will only use it to post my story. I am reaching out because of something a close individual of mine has been going through for too long. Let's call her H (F22). I have a lot of contextual clues to give for the story to be clear since there is a lot to say, I'm sorry about that and hope that it won't dissuade you from reading my story. First of all, we live in a muslim country. She (H) is married to my brother that we will call K (M28), and the couple currently lives with my mother and I, we will call my mom M (F60). My brother K is bipolar. He is now near his thirties and has no diploma, he isn't willing to try to work because he is also narcissistic and tends to believe the situation he is in is other people's fault, he is very sensible and never keeps a job because he doesn't like to have a boss. In the meanwhile, he isn't studying and relies completely on my mother M. He takes a medical treatment to stay "stable" : when he refuses to take his medication, he becomes even more toxic and it mostly falls on H's shoulders who has to take care of him while I'm at school and my mother at work. Even while "stable", he doesn't let his wife (H) work because he doesn't want other men to see her and since he stays at home all day he feels lonely without her and starts saying that he married her to get cured. So, I will start by saying how my brother K got married with H. DISCLAIMER : Being depressed or bipolar doesn't make anyone a bad person, and they are not the core of the problem we have with him. I am aware that how he acts is mostly part of how his personalityhow he was raised by my mother M. My brother K has always been hard to manage. Because of his narcissism, he expects special treatment from us (aka have any console he wants per example) and even if he receives it, it is never enough to him and keeps asking for more. Since I can remember (I am almost 17 and him 28) he always talked about how having a romantic relationship would cure him from his depressionbipolar disorder. While he had a few ones (with no marriage) that didn't end well, he absolutely wanted to get married so that it would settle the person with him. So my mother and my father had the idea to marry my brother K to a "docile girl" who would come from an underprivileged and religious environment, meaning that if she ever wanted to divorce the social backlash that would come from it would dissuade her. That girl ended up to be H, 20 at the time. After 2 weeks of knowing each other, of my mother making promises (that she would never lack anything would it be education or material things, that she would send them abroad after they finish their studies...), my brother assuring her that his illness is simple depression, they got engaged and the marriage papers were quickly signed. My father was the one who was planning to pay for everything. He died a week after they got married. H got backlash from my own family that is pretty religious. They would say that she brings bad luck and all sorts of stupid superstitious shit. And it only went downhill from there. My father didn't leave anything in anyone's name. In this country, heritage is distributed as written in the quran, meaning that pretty much everyone in the family gets their share with a lot of inequalities there and there (I myself being a female got half of what each of my brothers got). H then got nothing she was promised. Everything went downhill from there. A few months later, my brother had a manic crisis. He would mistreat her, abuse her verbally and be very controlling of her, not letting her go study or work for herself. My mother M (who would also abuse her by threatening or "reminding her of her place") not wanting to deal with it anymore, found a way to rant a house for them both. Long story short, when H told M of how she would be treated (broken glass, chairs and tables being violently thrown around, how he would verbally put her down...), M didn't want to hear any of it and told H that it was her own decision to marry K. I still remember that day I was away, she called at night crying telling me that K went out at the beach and left her home after breaking a bunch of stuff. She was trying to kill herself by taking my brother's medication, and she wanted to tell me that she was grateful I stood up to defend her. She told me not to tell anyone about her tentative, but she thankfully also contacted her sisters that came on time to save her by getting her in the nearest hospital. The doctors told us that if she got there a bit later than that, she would've been dead. Mom threw a fit and tried to hit H when visiting her, saying that H did all that to ruin her reputation and make her lose money (there isn't free healthcare in there). This all happened a year ago, and even if the abuse is still going on, H tries to endure it because she has nowhere else to go since her family isn't great either. I post this story in hope of maybe finding associations or anything really that could help her get out of here. She can't work because of K and spends most of her days at home. Thank you to anyone who read this far, I am truly grateful. NOTE ASIDE : This isn't about me, so this is just a note aside if anyone would like to help me by making me aware of options to leave this family. I am almost 17 and will still be a minor when I'll get out of highschool. This whole story also had an impact on me, and I wish to leave this family ASAP. I'm trying to get a scholarship by having a good grade in my highschool diploma (idk if it's the right word, it's called BAC here). This is just to ask if anyone knows any options that could work for me. [/INST] Safety planning </s>

My abuser had his sentencing in court yesterday. I wasn’t able to get the time off from work in order to attend via Zoom like I’d wanted, but my lawyer recapped everything for me which I appreciated. He didn’t express any accountability and made excuses for all of the things he did to me, which we expected. I’d written a victim’s impact statement and they read it aloud in court, and apparently it was very powerful. He said he’d written a letter too but left it at the jail, and after hearing what I’d had to say, he was glad he didn’t bring it. My lawyer said he’d said other things too, like how he loved me and had only been taking care of me, which made me laugh out loud. You don’t give someone you love multiple black eyes and a concussion or throw their phone away and make them lose their job or choke them out multiple times. It just goes to show what our brains are capable of as far as creating coping mechanisms and making up narratives, that he would convince himself that he loved me, when left alone in a jail cell. I appreciated all of the details from my lawyer, but the best news of all was hearing that he got the full 10 year prison sentence, which was the maximum for what he put me through. Maybe he’ll change, maybe he won’t. But this baby girl that I’m about to bring into the world won’t have to know him, and that makes me feel so at peace.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My abuser had his sentencing in court yesterday. I wasn’t able to get the time off from work in order to attend via Zoom like I’d wanted, but my lawyer recapped everything for me which I appreciated. He didn’t express any accountability and made excuses for all of the things he did to me, which we expected. I’d written a victim’s impact statement and they read it aloud in court, and apparently it was very powerful. He said he’d written a letter too but left it at the jail, and after hearing what I’d had to say, he was glad he didn’t bring it. My lawyer said he’d said other things too, like how he loved me and had only been taking care of me, which made me laugh out loud. You don’t give someone you love multiple black eyes and a concussion or throw their phone away and make them lose their job or choke them out multiple times. It just goes to show what our brains are capable of as far as creating coping mechanisms and making up narratives, that he would convince himself that he loved me, when left alone in a jail cell. I appreciated all of the details from my lawyer, but the best news of all was hearing that he got the full 10 year prison sentence, which was the maximum for what he put me through. Maybe he’ll change, maybe he won’t. But this baby girl that I’m about to bring into the world won’t have to know him, and that makes me feel so at peace. [/INST] Communication </s>

TW: violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abuse of children, homophobia, biphobia, forced outing I (24F) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for around 4 months now. We are both bisexual and have only dated men in the past. I developed a hunch after a few months that she had experienced something traumatic in her past, but I didn’t push the issue because I figured she would tell me when she was ready. She cannot take compliments and assumes they’re being said to make her feel better. She apologizes constantly. She never wants to be the one to make a decision and defers to whatever I want, even if I encourage her to choose something as simple as what restaurant for dinner. She’s dramatically more comfortable providing physical intimacy than receiving it, and even when she clearly wants to be intimate, she usually wants me to be the initiator. She behaves in the most loving way but is afraid to say “I love you” too soon. She shuts down well beyond standard introvert levels around new people, even though she’s talkative, goofy, and incredibly fun around people she’s comfortable with. She’s one of the kindest, most compassionate, most giving people I know, yet she is constantly terrified of accidentally “using” other people or taking advantage of me in some way. Mind you, she’s never spoken an unkind word to me, never been controlling, has a healthy support system of friends and is seeking a therapist. But she only ever seems to see the potential for the worst in herself. So eventually, she did disclose to me what her childhood had been like. In her own words, her father was “abusive in basically every way.” He was verbally and emotionally aggressive to her, her brother, and their mother. He took his anger out by spanking the kids with a paddle to the point of bruises. And he smacked her mother across the face in front of her kids. While he has gotten “less bad” as he’s aged and hasn’t hit her mother (that GF knows of) in a long time, GF is well aware that he’s an abuser and his behavior was not okay. These are cycles she’s determined to break. Her brother, already raising a child of his own, is nothing like that. All this information has come to a head recently as my girlfriend is not out to her parents. They think she “made a good friend” because she currently lives with them and won’t be financially equipped to move out for another few months (though her brother has offered his home if things go totally sideways.) Unfortunately her mother confronted her a few days ago and forced her to come out. It was a whole mess (family is religioushomophobic, GF and I are religiousnot assholes.) Thankfully her mother realizes they cannot tell her father right now while she lives at home and still adamantly wants a relationship with her daughter. But I have no doubt that this big secret now being even closer to the surface (and her father) has been hugely triggering. GF will not stop apologizing for having texted less frequently since the forced outing. Meanwhile, I am not mad—I am fucking proud of her. She comforted her own mother who should’ve been comforting her. She notified me what was happening and that she might be harder to reach. She involved her mother’s therapist and is seeking a therapist of her own. I wish she gave herself even half the credit she deserved. She’s incredible. I do not need advice on the logistics—ex: her moving out, there’s a timeline and a plan in place, and a safe place to go if everything goes to shit—but I DO need advice on how to be a supportive partner. I’ve never dated someone who was a survivor of childhood domestic violence before. I care about her so much. I want her to see herself the way I see her. Brilliant, resilient, giving, caring. I realize that I can’t singlehandedly replace friends or a therapist (both of which she has access to,) but I want to be the best girlfriend possible. How do you show love to someone whose earliest memories of “love” are violence and verbal abuse? How do I make her feel safe? I have talked to my own therapist about this, but I would love to hear personally from survivors and those who love them. This girl is the best thing that’s happened to me in such a long time. I want to treat her like it.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> TW: violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abuse of children, homophobia, biphobia, forced outing I (24F) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for around 4 months now. We are both bisexual and have only dated men in the past. I developed a hunch after a few months that she had experienced something traumatic in her past, but I didn’t push the issue because I figured she would tell me when she was ready. She cannot take compliments and assumes they’re being said to make her feel better. She apologizes constantly. She never wants to be the one to make a decision and defers to whatever I want, even if I encourage her to choose something as simple as what restaurant for dinner. She’s dramatically more comfortable providing physical intimacy than receiving it, and even when she clearly wants to be intimate, she usually wants me to be the initiator. She behaves in the most loving way but is afraid to say “I love you” too soon. She shuts down well beyond standard introvert levels around new people, even though she’s talkative, goofy, and incredibly fun around people she’s comfortable with. She’s one of the kindest, most compassionate, most giving people I know, yet she is constantly terrified of accidentally “using” other people or taking advantage of me in some way. Mind you, she’s never spoken an unkind word to me, never been controlling, has a healthy support system of friends and is seeking a therapist. But she only ever seems to see the potential for the worst in herself. So eventually, she did disclose to me what her childhood had been like. In her own words, her father was “abusive in basically every way.” He was verbally and emotionally aggressive to her, her brother, and their mother. He took his anger out by spanking the kids with a paddle to the point of bruises. And he smacked her mother across the face in front of her kids. While he has gotten “less bad” as he’s aged and hasn’t hit her mother (that GF knows of) in a long time, GF is well aware that he’s an abuser and his behavior was not okay. These are cycles she’s determined to break. Her brother, already raising a child of his own, is nothing like that. All this information has come to a head recently as my girlfriend is not out to her parents. They think she “made a good friend” because she currently lives with them and won’t be financially equipped to move out for another few months (though her brother has offered his home if things go totally sideways.) Unfortunately her mother confronted her a few days ago and forced her to come out. It was a whole mess (family is religioushomophobic, GF and I are religiousnot assholes.) Thankfully her mother realizes they cannot tell her father right now while she lives at home and still adamantly wants a relationship with her daughter. But I have no doubt that this big secret now being even closer to the surface (and her father) has been hugely triggering. GF will not stop apologizing for having texted less frequently since the forced outing. Meanwhile, I am not mad—I am fucking proud of her. She comforted her own mother who should’ve been comforting her. She notified me what was happening and that she might be harder to reach. She involved her mother’s therapist and is seeking a therapist of her own. I wish she gave herself even half the credit she deserved. She’s incredible. I do not need advice on the logistics—ex: her moving out, there’s a timeline and a plan in place, and a safe place to go if everything goes to shit—but I DO need advice on how to be a supportive partner. I’ve never dated someone who was a survivor of childhood domestic violence before. I care about her so much. I want her to see herself the way I see her. Brilliant, resilient, giving, caring. I realize that I can’t singlehandedly replace friends or a therapist (both of which she has access to,) but I want to be the best girlfriend possible. How do you show love to someone whose earliest memories of “love” are violence and verbal abuse? How do I make her feel safe? I have talked to my own therapist about this, but I would love to hear personally from survivors and those who love them. This girl is the best thing that’s happened to me in such a long time. I want to treat her like it. [/INST] Communication </s>

Looking for advice I think? I have two friends who have been dating. One just came out publicly sharing that the other had been physically violent on a drunken occasion. Heartbreaking, absolutely staggering shock that I would never expect in a million years. I definitely thought these two were in it to win it, too. Now, everything is broken. Person B, the aggressor, is a longtime dear friend who is incredibly gentle, kind, patient, and one of the most decent (historically) humans I've ever met so this was definitely shocking. Person A, the victim, is someone I am friends with through the relationship and do really enjoy. I feel SO bewildered, confused and sad in general bc fuck the fact that this shit happens, DV is a horrible horrendous thing. I also feel icky bc upon reaching out to Person B to see what happened but keeping it more to a 'did you break up?' question, they said that THEY feel unsafe and to stop talking to Person A. So now my head is spinning - I'm wondering, is Person B being manipulative now, trying to get me and others on their side? How can I not believe Person A, the victim? I make it a rule to trust the victim, ALWAYS, you just have to. I can only imagine that someone who is abusive would try to hide it andor would pin it on the other person by calling them unstable. At this point I just don't know how to handle moving forward. I offered my support to person A in the form of listening, offering to help them move, hang out and talk, boxes, etc. If they leave town, then I'll only be in town with Person B the aggressor. Where do we go from here? I can't NOT hold someone accountable for that, but also did it happen? And again how can I deny anyone. 99% of me trusts that this happened, painstaking as it is, and that my friend must have this tragic dark side when belligerently drunk that I haven't seen before, and 1% of me wonders if Person A is telling the full truth based on the way they shared this info? But why would they make that up? What would the benefit be? I am so disturbed that my friend could do this to someone, that they could do it and then not own up to it. It's heartbreaking. PS the victim added that they also made a violent move toward their aggressor, so in their words they felt they were also at fault, but I think that is, like, textbook victim guilt where they think self defense is something to feel bad about? I really don't know but if anyone has advice for what they would do in this situation, I'll be grateful. I sincerely hope this post is not triggering in any way, my heart is with anyone who is a victim of DV &lt;3

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Looking for advice I think? I have two friends who have been dating. One just came out publicly sharing that the other had been physically violent on a drunken occasion. Heartbreaking, absolutely staggering shock that I would never expect in a million years. I definitely thought these two were in it to win it, too. Now, everything is broken. Person B, the aggressor, is a longtime dear friend who is incredibly gentle, kind, patient, and one of the most decent (historically) humans I've ever met so this was definitely shocking. Person A, the victim, is someone I am friends with through the relationship and do really enjoy. I feel SO bewildered, confused and sad in general bc fuck the fact that this shit happens, DV is a horrible horrendous thing. I also feel icky bc upon reaching out to Person B to see what happened but keeping it more to a 'did you break up?' question, they said that THEY feel unsafe and to stop talking to Person A. So now my head is spinning - I'm wondering, is Person B being manipulative now, trying to get me and others on their side? How can I not believe Person A, the victim? I make it a rule to trust the victim, ALWAYS, you just have to. I can only imagine that someone who is abusive would try to hide it andor would pin it on the other person by calling them unstable. At this point I just don't know how to handle moving forward. I offered my support to person A in the form of listening, offering to help them move, hang out and talk, boxes, etc. If they leave town, then I'll only be in town with Person B the aggressor. Where do we go from here? I can't NOT hold someone accountable for that, but also did it happen? And again how can I deny anyone. 99% of me trusts that this happened, painstaking as it is, and that my friend must have this tragic dark side when belligerently drunk that I haven't seen before, and 1% of me wonders if Person A is telling the full truth based on the way they shared this info? But why would they make that up? What would the benefit be? I am so disturbed that my friend could do this to someone, that they could do it and then not own up to it. It's heartbreaking. PS the victim added that they also made a violent move toward their aggressor, so in their words they felt they were also at fault, but I think that is, like, textbook victim guilt where they think self defense is something to feel bad about? I really don't know but if anyone has advice for what they would do in this situation, I'll be grateful. I sincerely hope this post is not triggering in any way, my heart is with anyone who is a victim of DV &lt;3 [/INST] Communication </s>

He only laid hands on me, once, and I've never been sure whether he intended to shove me or not. I feel like he was one of those who thought of himself as a good guy and had walled off physical abuse as a thing he wouldn't do. But at the same time? The psychological abuse (at least the majority) was so very deliberate, in retrospect. He immediately apologized profusely, said he was suicidal and said he needed to go to the hospital. So I took him. Mid-move, with my back thrown out. I had to tell him he'd shoved me. I was one reflex from cracking my head open, with how I came down. It could have been really bad and he either genuinely didn't notice shoving me or was expecting me to take it without objection. I wonder if he knew he was abusing me. He DARVO'ed tf out of me, told me I was abusing him, then took it back because I went into full-on mouse mode. Today, I had a package returned from the USPS, for my business. I came completely unglued. My memory is fragmented af where my ex is concerned, but for some reason I have a blip of him coming in with the mail, looking angry.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> He only laid hands on me, once, and I've never been sure whether he intended to shove me or not. I feel like he was one of those who thought of himself as a good guy and had walled off physical abuse as a thing he wouldn't do. But at the same time? The psychological abuse (at least the majority) was so very deliberate, in retrospect. He immediately apologized profusely, said he was suicidal and said he needed to go to the hospital. So I took him. Mid-move, with my back thrown out. I had to tell him he'd shoved me. I was one reflex from cracking my head open, with how I came down. It could have been really bad and he either genuinely didn't notice shoving me or was expecting me to take it without objection. I wonder if he knew he was abusing me. He DARVO'ed tf out of me, told me I was abusing him, then took it back because I went into full-on mouse mode. Today, I had a package returned from the USPS, for my business. I came completely unglued. My memory is fragmented af where my ex is concerned, but for some reason I have a blip of him coming in with the mail, looking angry. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

This is the 4th split up but needs to be the final one. He is beset by personality disorders. I believe he has NPD with some BPD traits, ADHD plus autism. He is obsessed by BPD &amp; all his ex's are crazy &amp; he has tried to pin BPD on me. I used to live with him but after a police incident in Sept, I left &amp; moved back to my home city an hour from him. We did get talking again &amp; started dating but he has got more &amp; more abusive &amp; the relationship such as it was - was going nowhere. He enjoys playing the victim &amp; even now he will be saying he has been dumped by me before Xmas &amp; what a bitch I am. It will probably be to get out of working shifts because he will be so "heart broken" - if only he actually had a heart. He has a rock instead. He is a psychopath who hates women. He has abused all his ex's &amp; he should never be allowed to date another woman. I reported incidents of abuse to the police but unfortunately there was insufficient evidence to prosecute him. He has since been more abusive but it seems very hard to get anything to stick &amp; at the very least get him arrested &amp; cautioned. Certainly I felt the police force where I lived with him, totally let me down &amp; failed to recognise that he was coercivelly controlling me

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> This is the 4th split up but needs to be the final one. He is beset by personality disorders. I believe he has NPD with some BPD traits, ADHD plus autism. He is obsessed by BPD &amp; all his ex's are crazy &amp; he has tried to pin BPD on me. I used to live with him but after a police incident in Sept, I left &amp; moved back to my home city an hour from him. We did get talking again &amp; started dating but he has got more &amp; more abusive &amp; the relationship such as it was - was going nowhere. He enjoys playing the victim &amp; even now he will be saying he has been dumped by me before Xmas &amp; what a bitch I am. It will probably be to get out of working shifts because he will be so "heart broken" - if only he actually had a heart. He has a rock instead. He is a psychopath who hates women. He has abused all his ex's &amp; he should never be allowed to date another woman. I reported incidents of abuse to the police but unfortunately there was insufficient evidence to prosecute him. He has since been more abusive but it seems very hard to get anything to stick &amp; at the very least get him arrested &amp; cautioned. Certainly I felt the police force where I lived with him, totally let me down &amp; failed to recognise that he was coercivelly controlling me [/INST] Communication </s>

My mom likes my husband a lot,, and I'm not the kind to air dirty laundry. I've kept all this secret. .but a few days ago I told my mom that when my husband drinks he becomes an abusive asshole, and if he doesn't get help for his alcoholism and some therapy I'm leaving w the kids. All she said was "have you done counseling " . Didn't call and ask me to expand, or ask what happened. Didn't give any emotional support, Nothing. A few months ago I brought up possible separation and she immediately started saying that I was the one tearing my family apart Then today she texted me asking about Xmas and then said "I hope you won't do anything drastic this month to cause the boys any angst". Yeah, cause living in a home with a man who becomes abusive every night if he drinks won't cause them any angst right? It's just me being dramatic. My momgrandmothergreat grandmother were all totally dependent on men who were abusive often and I still have a lot of resentment she sat back and did nothing for us. So to have her, on top of that, basically accuse ME of being the problem makes me feel so alone..its bad enough rent is prohibitively expensive for a single mom , im not expecting any financial help, but maybe some emotional support?? I'm a mother and if I thought for a second somebody was hurting my kids in any way, I'd go psycho. I have nobody else except 2 sisters who live 3000 miles away. Anyways, feeling crushed.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My mom likes my husband a lot,, and I'm not the kind to air dirty laundry. I've kept all this secret. .but a few days ago I told my mom that when my husband drinks he becomes an abusive asshole, and if he doesn't get help for his alcoholism and some therapy I'm leaving w the kids. All she said was "have you done counseling " . Didn't call and ask me to expand, or ask what happened. Didn't give any emotional support, Nothing. A few months ago I brought up possible separation and she immediately started saying that I was the one tearing my family apart Then today she texted me asking about Xmas and then said "I hope you won't do anything drastic this month to cause the boys any angst". Yeah, cause living in a home with a man who becomes abusive every night if he drinks won't cause them any angst right? It's just me being dramatic. My momgrandmothergreat grandmother were all totally dependent on men who were abusive often and I still have a lot of resentment she sat back and did nothing for us. So to have her, on top of that, basically accuse ME of being the problem makes me feel so alone..its bad enough rent is prohibitively expensive for a single mom , im not expecting any financial help, but maybe some emotional support?? I'm a mother and if I thought for a second somebody was hurting my kids in any way, I'd go psycho. I have nobody else except 2 sisters who live 3000 miles away. Anyways, feeling crushed. [/INST] Communication </s>

Hi Friends, My boyfriend hit me yesterday. Is this weird after a relationship of 11 months? I am not sure if I should give him a chance.. I've told him that I want to leave him. He drank a lot of alcohol that day while he usually never drinks. I've seen him drunk 4 times before and last time he was the total opposite, never saw him so sweet. He hasn't mentioned this but I feel like it might have something to do with the stress. He's gay and his family is muslim, his Mum asked him quite short ago if he's gay in a rude way.. His sisters and brothers do not accept any of it either, while he has not come out and does not appear gay. He just started a new job in a field that might be bit too much for his capability's, his mum had a heart attack 2 months ago and they just found out that her cancer is back. I don't know if there is a difference in being an abuser or abusing someone once? I've hit my sister once and then never did it again. All the stories here sound quite quick... I did some enquiries in places I could move to. I hope to hear back from them today. Lol btw, just for the details... He threw all his weed away yesterday. I've always told my friends if he breaks up with me its bcs he's more in love with his weed. He smokes around 2-6 joints a day. He mentioned as well he will find a way to keep his stress levels lower: gym, yoga or speaking with the GP. But aside from that great news, my cheek and face still hurt and my arm as well. I punched him quite hard as well. Obviously this is human instinct to protect yourself. I just wouldn't see myself starting punching him, even in a big fight. Maybe throwing a pair of socks at him or a pillow.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hi Friends, My boyfriend hit me yesterday. Is this weird after a relationship of 11 months? I am not sure if I should give him a chance.. I've told him that I want to leave him. He drank a lot of alcohol that day while he usually never drinks. I've seen him drunk 4 times before and last time he was the total opposite, never saw him so sweet. He hasn't mentioned this but I feel like it might have something to do with the stress. He's gay and his family is muslim, his Mum asked him quite short ago if he's gay in a rude way.. His sisters and brothers do not accept any of it either, while he has not come out and does not appear gay. He just started a new job in a field that might be bit too much for his capability's, his mum had a heart attack 2 months ago and they just found out that her cancer is back. I don't know if there is a difference in being an abuser or abusing someone once? I've hit my sister once and then never did it again. All the stories here sound quite quick... I did some enquiries in places I could move to. I hope to hear back from them today. Lol btw, just for the details... He threw all his weed away yesterday. I've always told my friends if he breaks up with me its bcs he's more in love with his weed. He smokes around 2-6 joints a day. He mentioned as well he will find a way to keep his stress levels lower: gym, yoga or speaking with the GP. But aside from that great news, my cheek and face still hurt and my arm as well. I punched him quite hard as well. Obviously this is human instinct to protect yourself. I just wouldn't see myself starting punching him, even in a big fight. Maybe throwing a pair of socks at him or a pillow. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

You stare at yourself, trance-like, in the mirror. He’s just a man that loves you. What is so unclear? You’re just stressed. Long shifts, school, it’s just PMS. But you feel crazy, and you don’t know why. It’s so unbearable, but you keep up the lies. You’re not sure what’s wrong, just that no one can know. You have to look happy. Put on the show. Hold his hand, smile, say nothing but hello. But if you’re around other men, then you must always look down. Don’t cause an explosion. Keep your eyes on the ground. But he doesn’t hit you. So everything is fine. It must be you then. You’ve lost your mind. He’s not him. He’s not the monster from which you already escaped. He’s not threatening to kill himself. You haven’t been raped. He doesn’t hit you. But he reads all your texts, goes through your whole phone, accuses you of cheating, and blocks every guy you know. But there’s letters, flowers, candles. He showers you with love, puts you up on a pedestal like you’re something sent from above. He doesn’t hit you. He’s funny, he’s charming, and he’s always right. Yet you wonder how things would be if you hadn’t met him that night. You just need a break, time to think, and catch your breath. But he doesn’t agree, and now you’re scared to death. So you try to leave, try to run out the door, but he gets there first, and falls to the floor. Terrified, paralyzed, you’ve forgotten how to breathe. He’s screaming, shaking, says it’s PTSD…. IT’S YOUR FAULT! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE!!? He says he loves you. But that YOU’RE destroying HIM. A cold hearted bitch is how he says you’ve been. But you do everything for him. You wake him, feed him, drive him around, lend him money and pay his bills, because his wallet still hasn’t been “found”. But you leaving him, what you did to him, it’s YOUR fault he couldn’t pay his bills. YOU made him lose his home, his car, and YOU’RE the reason he needs those pills. But he doesn’t hit you. He’s been screaming for hours, but you’re frozen in place. Your whole body trembles as you search for an escape You take a chance, make a break for it, only to be caught by surprise. Chained, suffocated, by more of his lies. He reminds you before you can get to the door, that without him…. you’re nothing but a fucking whore. He doesn’t hit you. But you wish he would. At least then you would know you’re not crazy, it’s him. You’d have bruises to show. You could tell the police, call mom and cry. Except you don’t have any bruises, and he knows just how to lie. So you lay wake all night, feeling guilty, ashamed. He’s not the man he was before, and YOU are to blame. That’s what he told you at least, again and again. YOU JUST KEPT LEAVING HIM! NO MATTER HOW GOOD TO YOU HE’S BEEN!! He’d do ANYTHING for you. And you treat him like SHIT! He’s said it so many times, you have to believe it. You get flashes sometimes, little glimpses of how it used to be… those blue eyes, that big smile, and no red flags that you could see. But you should have been more careful, not gotten involved. If you hadn’t been so naive, there would be no problem to solve. Now he doesn’t like your friends. Says he’s looking out for you. And convinces you to quit your job, even though you didn’t want to. Every minute you’re without him he demands a full report back. WHO you saw, WHO you spoke to. You’ve learned to prepare for the attack But no matter how hard you try, you can’t do anything right. You hate him, you want out, but you’re too exhausted to fight So you stay. You suck it up and try to fulfill all his needs, the voice in your head crying, “HELP ME, PLEASE!!!” Then suddenly he gets you flowers and your favorite ice cream, with a letter professing his love, so he must not be mean? He doesn’t hit you. So maybe he’s been right all along. You’re making him do this. You’re the problem, it’s your fault, it’s YOU that’s abusive. But if all that is true, why does he stay? Why does he tell you to fix him if you’re the reason he’s not okay? He punches himself when he’s angry. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Then he tells you it’s your fault... You never thought you’d be so traumatized at 19. He’s gone now, moved away without a care. And you’re left so stressed that you’ve lost your hair. You get dressed, put on makeup, and try to be who you were before. But you just look empty, lifeless. You’re not you anymore. You reach out to the friends that said they would be there. But they say I told you so, why did you think they would care? Cause in this country men can kill their wives, as long as they play ball, disrespect and rape women if they say they’ll build a wall. So why would anyone care about what he did to you? You try to explain what he did, but you don’t know how to. You want the world to understand but they’re not going to. Because how could he be abusive... If he didn’t hit you?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> You stare at yourself, trance-like, in the mirror. He’s just a man that loves you. What is so unclear? You’re just stressed. Long shifts, school, it’s just PMS. But you feel crazy, and you don’t know why. It’s so unbearable, but you keep up the lies. You’re not sure what’s wrong, just that no one can know. You have to look happy. Put on the show. Hold his hand, smile, say nothing but hello. But if you’re around other men, then you must always look down. Don’t cause an explosion. Keep your eyes on the ground. But he doesn’t hit you. So everything is fine. It must be you then. You’ve lost your mind. He’s not him. He’s not the monster from which you already escaped. He’s not threatening to kill himself. You haven’t been raped. He doesn’t hit you. But he reads all your texts, goes through your whole phone, accuses you of cheating, and blocks every guy you know. But there’s letters, flowers, candles. He showers you with love, puts you up on a pedestal like you’re something sent from above. He doesn’t hit you. He’s funny, he’s charming, and he’s always right. Yet you wonder how things would be if you hadn’t met him that night. You just need a break, time to think, and catch your breath. But he doesn’t agree, and now you’re scared to death. So you try to leave, try to run out the door, but he gets there first, and falls to the floor. Terrified, paralyzed, you’ve forgotten how to breathe. He’s screaming, shaking, says it’s PTSD…. IT’S YOUR FAULT! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE!!? He says he loves you. But that YOU’RE destroying HIM. A cold hearted bitch is how he says you’ve been. But you do everything for him. You wake him, feed him, drive him around, lend him money and pay his bills, because his wallet still hasn’t been “found”. But you leaving him, what you did to him, it’s YOUR fault he couldn’t pay his bills. YOU made him lose his home, his car, and YOU’RE the reason he needs those pills. But he doesn’t hit you. He’s been screaming for hours, but you’re frozen in place. Your whole body trembles as you search for an escape You take a chance, make a break for it, only to be caught by surprise. Chained, suffocated, by more of his lies. He reminds you before you can get to the door, that without him…. you’re nothing but a fucking whore. He doesn’t hit you. But you wish he would. At least then you would know you’re not crazy, it’s him. You’d have bruises to show. You could tell the police, call mom and cry. Except you don’t have any bruises, and he knows just how to lie. So you lay wake all night, feeling guilty, ashamed. He’s not the man he was before, and YOU are to blame. That’s what he told you at least, again and again. YOU JUST KEPT LEAVING HIM! NO MATTER HOW GOOD TO YOU HE’S BEEN!! He’d do ANYTHING for you. And you treat him like SHIT! He’s said it so many times, you have to believe it. You get flashes sometimes, little glimpses of how it used to be… those blue eyes, that big smile, and no red flags that you could see. But you should have been more careful, not gotten involved. If you hadn’t been so naive, there would be no problem to solve. Now he doesn’t like your friends. Says he’s looking out for you. And convinces you to quit your job, even though you didn’t want to. Every minute you’re without him he demands a full report back. WHO you saw, WHO you spoke to. You’ve learned to prepare for the attack But no matter how hard you try, you can’t do anything right. You hate him, you want out, but you’re too exhausted to fight So you stay. You suck it up and try to fulfill all his needs, the voice in your head crying, “HELP ME, PLEASE!!!” Then suddenly he gets you flowers and your favorite ice cream, with a letter professing his love, so he must not be mean? He doesn’t hit you. So maybe he’s been right all along. You’re making him do this. You’re the problem, it’s your fault, it’s YOU that’s abusive. But if all that is true, why does he stay? Why does he tell you to fix him if you’re the reason he’s not okay? He punches himself when he’s angry. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Then he tells you it’s your fault... You never thought you’d be so traumatized at 19. He’s gone now, moved away without a care. And you’re left so stressed that you’ve lost your hair. You get dressed, put on makeup, and try to be who you were before. But you just look empty, lifeless. You’re not you anymore. You reach out to the friends that said they would be there. But they say I told you so, why did you think they would care? Cause in this country men can kill their wives, as long as they play ball, disrespect and rape women if they say they’ll build a wall. So why would anyone care about what he did to you? You try to explain what he did, but you don’t know how to. You want the world to understand but they’re not going to. Because how could he be abusive... If he didn’t hit you? [/INST] Communication </s>

I'm trying to help my mother leave her abuser, however her phone line is under his account (they have Verizon). Anyone know if it's possible to switch her line over to my account without involving him? She wants to keep her phone number if at all possible. Any help is greatly appreciated

Safety planning

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I'm trying to help my mother leave her abuser, however her phone line is under his account (they have Verizon). Anyone know if it's possible to switch her line over to my account without involving him? She wants to keep her phone number if at all possible. Any help is greatly appreciated [/INST] Safety planning </s>

Hi, title says it all..my husband of 6 years and I had an argument and I walked out because he exploded and then I started to record as he barged out of the bedroom into the kitchen. He realized after like 40 seconds I was recording and he forcefully ripped it out of my hands and used his entire like muscle force to keep me from getting it back. Used all of his strength to keep pushing me away. I was terrified but my FFF response is typically fight so I thought I could get it back....we are the same height and weight and I certainly dont have the strength he has. Anyway. No bruises or anything and the recording is gone. We have a toddler and this is the first time this has happened. I don't want to "tip him off" in any way if I gather up the courage to get my ducks in a row and leave ...but since I don't have any proof ...I can't and probably don't want an OOP because I don't want to tip him off. Please help. I'm a sahm with OCD and PTSD which means I am super self doubtful...and terrified to make any moves.

DV report procedure/Documentation

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hi, title says it all..my husband of 6 years and I had an argument and I walked out because he exploded and then I started to record as he barged out of the bedroom into the kitchen. He realized after like 40 seconds I was recording and he forcefully ripped it out of my hands and used his entire like muscle force to keep me from getting it back. Used all of his strength to keep pushing me away. I was terrified but my FFF response is typically fight so I thought I could get it back....we are the same height and weight and I certainly dont have the strength he has. Anyway. No bruises or anything and the recording is gone. We have a toddler and this is the first time this has happened. I don't want to "tip him off" in any way if I gather up the courage to get my ducks in a row and leave ...but since I don't have any proof ...I can't and probably don't want an OOP because I don't want to tip him off. Please help. I'm a sahm with OCD and PTSD which means I am super self doubtful...and terrified to make any moves. [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s>

A friend (F27) who lives a few hours outside of the city with her kid has reached out to me (F35) recently. Her boyfriend has become very physically abusive towards her in the last months, and she is wanting to get out. In terms of emotional support, what are things to say or not say to help her though this. Among other things, she's talked a lot about feeling guilty and conflicted for having lovedstill loving this man. I'm particularly concerned about her "forgiving and forgetting", and continuing in the abusive relationship. I want to encourage her to stick with her choice to get out, without making her feel like I'm being pushy... does that make sense? I don't want to say the wrong thing. I've not lived through a situation like hers, and I want to make sure I offer helpful and comforting support, and I'd love some advice on the matter.

DV report procedure/Documentation

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> A friend (F27) who lives a few hours outside of the city with her kid has reached out to me (F35) recently. Her boyfriend has become very physically abusive towards her in the last months, and she is wanting to get out. In terms of emotional support, what are things to say or not say to help her though this. Among other things, she's talked a lot about feeling guilty and conflicted for having lovedstill loving this man. I'm particularly concerned about her "forgiving and forgetting", and continuing in the abusive relationship. I want to encourage her to stick with her choice to get out, without making her feel like I'm being pushy... does that make sense? I don't want to say the wrong thing. I've not lived through a situation like hers, and I want to make sure I offer helpful and comforting support, and I'd love some advice on the matter. [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s>

So this particular journey starts about eight years ago when I was 15. My parents died and I went to live with my grandparents in the country. Looking back on it life was pretty good there but I hated it. I met T (he was 28 when we first met) online and it all started from there. We talked constantly and formed a relationship. When I was 16 He came down to be with me for a weekend. I felt special. He made me feel special and loved. I got pregnant and ended up running away to be with him. My grandparents never knew I was pregnant. We moved five states away. And things got worse. Over the years he has abused me in every way I can think of while we have had four kids together (I’m pregnant with 5 and 6). I am now 23 and he is 36. I never really thought of leaving until the oldest was playing with her Barbie and ken dolls. Ken hit Barbie and when I asked her why her response was that is what daddy’s do. That broke me. And I started planning to leave. He seemed to know exactly when I was planning it and would choose that time to be dad of the year and take care of one of the kids while I did my errands. Then he got Covid. Three weeks ago. I am so thankful to say that none of us have it (me and my oldest are vaccinated). He had to go into the hospital on day five. We left. I am now in a safe place five hours away. There is only one person who knows of a way to reach me and she emailed me today. He is improving it seems. On top of this I made a new friend with a neighbor and something weird happened. She recognized me from a missing persons report. She’s a nut about crime and missing persons stuff. I tried passing it off but she found it and sure enough it’s me. She’s now trying to get me to call the number. I don’t know what to do. With everything going on I am starting to feel terrified. It’s bad enough that I’m not able to sleep at night jumping at every noise. I have to triple check the doors and windows. I just don’t feel safe and I don’t know what to do. Shouldn’t I feel safe now? The kiddos are even doing good. Not one of them has asked for daddy and they will sometimes even start to play without reassurance. Is something wrong with me? Any advice in general is welcome.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> So this particular journey starts about eight years ago when I was 15. My parents died and I went to live with my grandparents in the country. Looking back on it life was pretty good there but I hated it. I met T (he was 28 when we first met) online and it all started from there. We talked constantly and formed a relationship. When I was 16 He came down to be with me for a weekend. I felt special. He made me feel special and loved. I got pregnant and ended up running away to be with him. My grandparents never knew I was pregnant. We moved five states away. And things got worse. Over the years he has abused me in every way I can think of while we have had four kids together (I’m pregnant with 5 and 6). I am now 23 and he is 36. I never really thought of leaving until the oldest was playing with her Barbie and ken dolls. Ken hit Barbie and when I asked her why her response was that is what daddy’s do. That broke me. And I started planning to leave. He seemed to know exactly when I was planning it and would choose that time to be dad of the year and take care of one of the kids while I did my errands. Then he got Covid. Three weeks ago. I am so thankful to say that none of us have it (me and my oldest are vaccinated). He had to go into the hospital on day five. We left. I am now in a safe place five hours away. There is only one person who knows of a way to reach me and she emailed me today. He is improving it seems. On top of this I made a new friend with a neighbor and something weird happened. She recognized me from a missing persons report. She’s a nut about crime and missing persons stuff. I tried passing it off but she found it and sure enough it’s me. She’s now trying to get me to call the number. I don’t know what to do. With everything going on I am starting to feel terrified. It’s bad enough that I’m not able to sleep at night jumping at every noise. I have to triple check the doors and windows. I just don’t feel safe and I don’t know what to do. Shouldn’t I feel safe now? The kiddos are even doing good. Not one of them has asked for daddy and they will sometimes even start to play without reassurance. Is something wrong with me? Any advice in general is welcome. [/INST] Communication </s>

My friend is considering leaving her abuser whom she currently lives with. They have a dog together. He technically bought her, but she does most of the dogs care. He's not abusive toward the dog at least currently, but we are concerned he would not properly care for her if he was the only adult left in the house. Besides just being lazy about the dogs care, hes gone for about 14 hoursday for work, so she would be locked up for that whole time. Is there anything we can legally do?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My friend is considering leaving her abuser whom she currently lives with. They have a dog together. He technically bought her, but she does most of the dogs care. He's not abusive toward the dog at least currently, but we are concerned he would not properly care for her if he was the only adult left in the house. Besides just being lazy about the dogs care, hes gone for about 14 hoursday for work, so she would be locked up for that whole time. Is there anything we can legally do? [/INST] Communication </s>

Surely DV is a greater evil because it usually also involves a complete breakdown of a person psychologically. But it seems so much easier for people to break up when there’s been cheating - like there’s a tangible act of disrespect. There have been numerous incidents of psychical, emotional and physical violence in my relationship but I still haven’t left him. But if he cheated I’d feel totally justified to leave him, and sometimes I wish he would just cheat so I can leave him without feeling so much guilt. It’s funny because I thought once he bruised me I’d walk but I didn’t.

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Surely DV is a greater evil because it usually also involves a complete breakdown of a person psychologically. But it seems so much easier for people to break up when there’s been cheating - like there’s a tangible act of disrespect. There have been numerous incidents of psychical, emotional and physical violence in my relationship but I still haven’t left him. But if he cheated I’d feel totally justified to leave him, and sometimes I wish he would just cheat so I can leave him without feeling so much guilt. It’s funny because I thought once he bruised me I’d walk but I didn’t. [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

He just attacked me. He tried to rape me and the shoved me multiple times, grabbed my face, pushed me to the floor all while verbally assaulting me. I tried to push him out of my room so I could lock the door and he poured water all over my bed and tried to smash my phone. All this because he says I don't sexually satisfy him often enough. I'm hiding in my room with the door locked, and I'm terrified. I just want him to leave so badly. I hate him. I don't know what to do next.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> He just attacked me. He tried to rape me and the shoved me multiple times, grabbed my face, pushed me to the floor all while verbally assaulting me. I tried to push him out of my room so I could lock the door and he poured water all over my bed and tried to smash my phone. All this because he says I don't sexually satisfy him often enough. I'm hiding in my room with the door locked, and I'm terrified. I just want him to leave so badly. I hate him. I don't know what to do next. [/INST] Communication </s>

I have been in abusive relationship of 6 years now , 6 years of manipulation, narcissism, physical mental abuse, humiliation, gaslighting, threatening my life constantly, this man has changed who I am, how I feel about myself, and how I think of things, I could go on. But Wednesday this week I finally got the courage to LEAVE. I feel cowardly for doing it while he was outta town but I feel I had no choice. I’ve tried leaving him before by telling him I don’t think it’s gonna work and he got physical with me so I stayed. After years of just dealing with it and thinking it’s because of me that he’s like this trying to change myself constantly I LEFT. I packed up my things and left my own apt. I took all the precautions I needed to to lay low until time passes, I didn’t say anything to him. Just packed all his things and left them at his door at his house for his nephew to find to tell him. Sometimes saying nothing at all speaks bigger volumes. I am on edge right now praying he doesn’t come looking for me but I feel more FREE and ALIVE then I ever have in the past 6 years….thank u for listening

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I have been in abusive relationship of 6 years now , 6 years of manipulation, narcissism, physical mental abuse, humiliation, gaslighting, threatening my life constantly, this man has changed who I am, how I feel about myself, and how I think of things, I could go on. But Wednesday this week I finally got the courage to LEAVE. I feel cowardly for doing it while he was outta town but I feel I had no choice. I’ve tried leaving him before by telling him I don’t think it’s gonna work and he got physical with me so I stayed. After years of just dealing with it and thinking it’s because of me that he’s like this trying to change myself constantly I LEFT. I packed up my things and left my own apt. I took all the precautions I needed to to lay low until time passes, I didn’t say anything to him. Just packed all his things and left them at his door at his house for his nephew to find to tell him. Sometimes saying nothing at all speaks bigger volumes. I am on edge right now praying he doesn’t come looking for me but I feel more FREE and ALIVE then I ever have in the past 6 years….thank u for listening [/INST] Communication </s>

Trigger warning I’m out of a domestic violence relationship for many years. The physical violence stopped. I had a protection order against them. But as we share a child it’s been years of emotional abuse and verbal abuse and blame and put downs and shouting At me. I’ve tried being nice, civil friendly and everything but it always blows up. I get anxious and thrown into full panic mode each and every time. He now lets down our child too regularly. My child cries most weeks because of the turmoil. So I have decided to go back to file for another order so this person will finally shut up and leave me alone and be held accountable for his mistreatment and disrespect. I’m not going to lie. I’m scared out of my mind- but I know it’s the right thing to do. At least I’ll have an order to keep me safe if he gets angry. X

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Trigger warning I’m out of a domestic violence relationship for many years. The physical violence stopped. I had a protection order against them. But as we share a child it’s been years of emotional abuse and verbal abuse and blame and put downs and shouting At me. I’ve tried being nice, civil friendly and everything but it always blows up. I get anxious and thrown into full panic mode each and every time. He now lets down our child too regularly. My child cries most weeks because of the turmoil. So I have decided to go back to file for another order so this person will finally shut up and leave me alone and be held accountable for his mistreatment and disrespect. I’m not going to lie. I’m scared out of my mind- but I know it’s the right thing to do. At least I’ll have an order to keep me safe if he gets angry. X [/INST] Communication </s>

24F, i’ve never experienced anything like this in a relationship before. he (39) makes my fk boy ex’s look like saints. we dated for a year and it took me several months to notice that he was subtly controlling my behavior by making condescending remarks and other unnecessary digs. whether it was what i ate, what i wore, even my personal opinions. but by then i was so deeply in love and almost indebted bc he had provided so much for me. (aka love bombed tf out of me). plus he was older and i wanted to impress him - he was aware of that. i had convinced myself that he was my best friend so i told him everything about me. my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and my fears. it wasn’t long before i felt like i could not live without him in my life. not literally but i knew life would be sucky without him. i alienated myself from everyone which wasn’t hard bc i’m already an introvert. but it makes me so sad now bc i have no support system. the one person i do have thinks i stopped talking to him months ago and every time i mention his name she is disgusted. i know it’s bc he’s hurt me so bad but now i feel like i can’t really confide in her. he broke up with me about 3 mos ago bc he was tired of me calling him out on his toxic behavior. he called me crazy and psycho and said “and you wonder why i want to break up with you” i was devastated. even though i would call him out i was still very willing to stay with him. in fact we had talked about marriage like a week before so this completely blindsided me. keep in mind he is the only person i talk to on a daily basis. i entered into a deep depression that i didn’t even know was depression. i quit my job. it was a terrible place but i would’ve at least stayed until i had another position if i had him motivating me. yes he was a big motivator for me. made me feel very safe and protected (i’m anxious). it just got to be too hard dealing with the people at work and this breakup. so much time at home i began eating so much and i’ve gained so much weight. i feel unattractive and refuse to be seen by anyone outside of family. still. he found a way to put me in the friend zone and i feel like a complete fool. i looked for advice online about how to get through this but they said i needed a support system and sobbed realizing that i don’t have one. i can’t do this anymore. i am so angry with myself and him, everyday the up &amp; down emotions, the financial ruin that’s inching closer bc i can’t find the motivation to get out of bed.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> 24F, i’ve never experienced anything like this in a relationship before. he (39) makes my fk boy ex’s look like saints. we dated for a year and it took me several months to notice that he was subtly controlling my behavior by making condescending remarks and other unnecessary digs. whether it was what i ate, what i wore, even my personal opinions. but by then i was so deeply in love and almost indebted bc he had provided so much for me. (aka love bombed tf out of me). plus he was older and i wanted to impress him - he was aware of that. i had convinced myself that he was my best friend so i told him everything about me. my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and my fears. it wasn’t long before i felt like i could not live without him in my life. not literally but i knew life would be sucky without him. i alienated myself from everyone which wasn’t hard bc i’m already an introvert. but it makes me so sad now bc i have no support system. the one person i do have thinks i stopped talking to him months ago and every time i mention his name she is disgusted. i know it’s bc he’s hurt me so bad but now i feel like i can’t really confide in her. he broke up with me about 3 mos ago bc he was tired of me calling him out on his toxic behavior. he called me crazy and psycho and said “and you wonder why i want to break up with you” i was devastated. even though i would call him out i was still very willing to stay with him. in fact we had talked about marriage like a week before so this completely blindsided me. keep in mind he is the only person i talk to on a daily basis. i entered into a deep depression that i didn’t even know was depression. i quit my job. it was a terrible place but i would’ve at least stayed until i had another position if i had him motivating me. yes he was a big motivator for me. made me feel very safe and protected (i’m anxious). it just got to be too hard dealing with the people at work and this breakup. so much time at home i began eating so much and i’ve gained so much weight. i feel unattractive and refuse to be seen by anyone outside of family. still. he found a way to put me in the friend zone and i feel like a complete fool. i looked for advice online about how to get through this but they said i needed a support system and sobbed realizing that i don’t have one. i can’t do this anymore. i am so angry with myself and him, everyday the up &amp; down emotions, the financial ruin that’s inching closer bc i can’t find the motivation to get out of bed. [/INST] Communication </s>