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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>My husband was forced to leave me and oir three young children because of his own decisions and actions. He had a police standoff and trashed our house and all my belongings. It was bad, my lawyer says it’s the worst he has ever seen, and it was not even the worst day we have had.
The more space I get, the more I slip back into thinking that maybe he is sorry and we can have some kind of healthy coparenting situation build up. Saturday morning, his mom contacted me and gave me a list of some of his things he wanted, and said he was going to get a mutual person to drop off some of my things and pick up some of his things. I complied with 90% of the things, and found a few extras. I knew it wasn’t the end. I knew he had more of mine, and I had more of his. I thought it was the beginning of goodwill and a basic degree of communication that didn’t involve lawyers. I was goi g to allow a Christmas Eve visit despite the restraining order, and a few supervised video chats. I was being generous. I forgot I’m working with someone who doesn’t think like me.
He wrote our nanny a long text that I’m fighting him on every joint asset and dragging this out (all because I wouldn’t give him two of the items he asked for, one was in use at the time, holding drying Christmas gifts, and the other is not his, he seems to have forget the van full of items I sent with no questions). He ended up saying something like, “If she’s scared of me, she will have all of my things ready Monday and stop dragging this out.” I take this as a threat. “If you’re scared, give me my stuff.” Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe he is just frustrated, but I’m upset enough that I’m thinking of canceling the Christmas visit and canceling the video chats. Then I flip flop backwards and think that’s punishing my kids. They’re young, they miss him. Ugh. It’s so hard to know what to do[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>He signed off custody rights, the last thing he could use to control me.
My lawyer called me this morning to let me know.
I cried for 30 min, I thought I was going to cry in relieve. I felt so sad(?) Not about him, but for the life I had imagined when I married him.
I have been having flashbacks all day. It can only get better I hope.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>hi, i’m 20 years old female lesbian. i live in homophobic country, and in homophobic abusive household. my family doesn’t know about my sexuality and i don’t think i’ll ever come out to them because i’m 100% sure that they WILL ki*ll me they beat the fu*ck out of me for way less reasons (like looking at them in “disrespectful way”. i’m not allowed to get a job or even leave the house, so i’m looking for a way to make money so i can run away and live my life before they ki*ll me or make me marry some old man. any suggestions would be helpful. thank you for reading .*i can’t go to the police they don’t help or hiding in friend house*[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>How do I record the hitting without getting caught?
I know I will have to leave sooner or later. I thought I could hold on for a few more years for the sake of the kids. He is very good with our 3 year old. He patiently teaches him stuff, reads books, plays with him attentively which I can't seem to do lately. Also I just need help with him sometimes, so I can take care of the baby. I wanted our 6 month old to also experience this fun dad, but things are getting worse. I feel the slaps are getting stronger and more often turning into punches. I don't have any bruises, yet. He's still in control, I guess. But I'm genuinelly afraid of him sometimes. Esp. when he's holding a tool or sth.
The problem is I'm afraid he would take the kids. He is smarter than me. He knows how to get what he wants. He's also threatening my family. Like going to the police about my brothers "appeal in a certain illegal herb" and general threats of violence. I don't take that too seriously, cause he's always had a flair for the drama. He always exaggerates things... But I would like to leave them out of it. I already feel guilty for a whole bunch of reasons, I don't want my problem, my bad decisions, to affect them.
I'd rather leave the police out of it as well. I don't want it do get messy all around. Plus I don't have any evidence. I have a recording of one phonecall and photos of some bruises. But those could be said to have been caused by anything else. Having some solid evidence would just be the best solution. He is a smart man. He would know, that it would ruin him and that he could never get the kids.
So how do I do it? What kind of secret camera? Where do I hide it? It's hard to predict the hitting. Sometimes it's just so unexpected, casuall. And when he's actually worked up, I don't really think straight...
I want to do this smart. I want to be prepared. When I finally leave, I want to know, he can't take the kids. I want him to understand that if he wants to keep seeing them, it will be under my terms and that this is permanent.
Today was a scary day. He slapped our three year old, cause he hit the baby. I'm heartbroken. I can't allow this. He thought it was educational, to show him, how he hurt the baby. He did agree with my arguments that it was wrong in the end, but I just know, this will get worse, when the boys start acting up when older. I want to protect them and make sure I don't lose them.
Thank you.[/INST]DV report procedure/Documentation</s> | 6 | DV report procedure/Documentation |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I'm having a little bit of a freak out moment right now. My emotional abuser (with some physical and sexual elements, although less extreme than the emotional piece) is moving on with someone else. I've known about it for awhile but it seems to be getting more serious. I know he abused me but I'm so upset. I miss him and it hurts me to imagine him being physically and emotionally intimate with someone else, even though he cheated on me when we were together anyway. Idk I'm just feeling a lot of negative things. The girl seems really cool and sweet too. Someone I'd enjoy hanging out with irl and I can imagine them getting along well. I'm struggling to validate my own reality that it was even abuse, much less handle this as an extra update about the situation. One second I feel like I'm glad to be rid of him, the next I'm hurt and insanely jealous of his new girlfriend, wondering what she has that I don't.
I guess I just want to vent and hear if anybody else relates.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>My husband (m33) and I (f31) have been together for just over 8 years and married for 5. Last week in the heat of an argument he attempted to strangle me. Luckily he let go before I passed out and ran from our home before I could catch my breath. He went to stay with a trusted family member who lives about 2 hours away so I knew I wasn’t in anymore immediate danger. At first I was in shock but right away fell into my groomed routine of blaming myself for not leaving him alone and forcing conversation when he is still upset.
I couldn’t sleep all night, especially since I was trying to lay in our bed where the strangulation occurred. At about 4 AM I decided to take a chance and call the national domestic violence hotline to consult regarding my situation. The very kind and patient woman on the other line walked me through our history of abuse (mostly verbal and emotional but also some physical- primarily pushing) and help me understand that my situation was not going to improve and it was absolutely time to leave. She helped me understand the very strong correlations between strangulation and homicide and I just realized this was not some thing we were going to be able to come back from and would likely continue to escalate.
I left the next morning to stay with my brother on the other side of the state to ensure I was safe. I came back to my area and have been staying with my parents since. I am so incredibly lucky to have family support but it’s been hard to face them all when they saw these signs all along.
Yesterday my parents and I moved my stuff out of our marital home. I insured my soon to be ex would be with our trusted family member for the weekend so the move has been relatively smooth. I was able to file a police report and the officer told me he thinks there’s enough evidence for an arrest. In the beginning of the week I was really struggling with the guilt of contacting police and the possible consequences for him.
However with support of my family I was coming closer and closer to feeling comfortable with knowing that I needed to take care of myself and myself only at this point. Then yesterday when I arrived back into our home there was a note waiting for me from my soon to be ex with a half assed apology and a request to be “reasonable” with one another as we move through this separation/divorce process. Something inside me absolutely snapped and I realized just how manipulative this man was. For the first time I saw his words for exactly what they were, nothing more than a attempt to manipulate me into protecting himself instead of me. Once I was calm and no longer cursing at the world I called the police department and gave my statement with zero guilt for his consequences.
I know this journey is going to be long and painful but I truly believe I am doing the right thing for myself for the first time in a long time. I am hoping to find some support groups to help me get through this. Any suggestions/advice would be helpful.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>//TW : Abuse, Suicide, Romantic Abuse
I'm sorry if I make mistakes, English isn't my first language.
I created this account to remain anonymous (I have a main one) and I will only use it to post my story.
I am reaching out because of something a close individual of mine has been going through for too long. Let's call her H (F22). I have a lot of contextual clues to give for the story to be clear since there is a lot to say, I'm sorry about that and hope that it won't dissuade you from reading my story. First of all, we live in a muslim country.
She (H) is married to my brother that we will call K (M28), and the couple currently lives with my mother and I, we will call my mom M (F60).
My brother K is bipolar. He is now near his thirties and has no diploma, he isn't willing to try to work because he is also narcissistic and tends to believe the situation he is in is other people's fault, he is very sensible and never keeps a job because he doesn't like to have a boss. In the meanwhile, he isn't studying and relies completely on my mother M. He takes a medical treatment to stay "stable" : when he refuses to take his medication, he becomes even more toxic and it mostly falls on H's shoulders who has to take care of him while I'm at school and my mother at work. Even while "stable", he doesn't let his wife (H) work because he doesn't want other men to see her and since he stays at home all day he feels lonely without her and starts saying that he married her to get cured.
So, I will start by saying how my brother K got married with H.
DISCLAIMER : Being depressed or bipolar doesn't make anyone a bad person, and they are not the core of the problem we have with him. I am aware that how he acts is mostly part of how his personality/how he was raised by my mother M.
My brother K has always been hard to manage. Because of his narcissism, he expects special treatment from us (aka have any console he wants per example) and even if he receives it, it is never enough to him and keeps asking for more. Since I can remember (I am almost 17 and him 28) he always talked about how having a romantic relationship would cure him from his depression/bipolar disorder. While he had a few ones (with no marriage) that didn't end well, he absolutely wanted to get married so that it would settle the person with him. So my mother and my father had the idea to marry my brother K to a "docile girl" who would come from an underprivileged and religious environment, meaning that if she ever wanted to divorce the social backlash that would come from it would dissuade her. That girl ended up to be H, 20 at the time. After 2 weeks of knowing each other, of my mother making promises (that she would never lack anything would it be education or material things, that she would send them abroad after they finish their studies...), my brother assuring her that his illness is simple depression, they got engaged and the marriage papers were quickly signed.
My father was the one who was planning to pay for everything.
He died a week after they got married.
H got backlash from my own family that is pretty religious. They would say that she brings bad luck and all sorts of stupid superstitious shit. And it only went downhill from there.
My father didn't leave anything in anyone's name. In this country, heritage is distributed as written in the quran, meaning that pretty much everyone in the family gets their share with a lot of inequalities there and there (I myself being a female got half of what each of my brothers got). H then got nothing she was promised. Everything went downhill from there.
A few months later, my brother had a manic crisis. He would mistreat her, abuse her verbally and be very controlling of her, not letting her go study or work for herself. My mother M (who would also abuse her by threatening or "reminding her of her place") not wanting to deal with it anymore, found a way to rant a house for them both. Long story short, when H told M of how she would be treated (broken glass, chairs and tables being violently thrown around, how he would verbally put her down...), M didn't want to hear any of it and told H that it was her own decision to marry K. I still remember that day I was away, she called at night crying telling me that K went out at the beach and left her home after breaking a bunch of stuff. She was trying to kill herself by taking my brother's medication, and she wanted to tell me that she was grateful I stood up to defend her. She told me not to tell anyone about her tentative, but she thankfully also contacted her sisters that came on time to save her by getting her in the nearest hospital.
The doctors told us that if she got there a bit later than that, she would've been dead. Mom threw a fit and tried to hit H when visiting her, saying that H did all that to ruin her reputation and make her lose money (there isn't free healthcare in there). This all happened a year ago, and even if the abuse is still going on, H tries to endure it because she has nowhere else to go since her family isn't great either.
I post this story in hope of maybe finding associations or anything really that could help her get out of here. She can't work because of K and spends most of her days at home.
Thank you to anyone who read this far, I am truly grateful.
NOTE ASIDE : This isn't about me, so this is just a note aside if anyone would like to help me by making me aware of options to leave this family. I am almost 17 and will still be a minor when I'll get out of highschool. This whole story also had an impact on me, and I wish to leave this family ASAP. I'm trying to get a scholarship by having a good grade in my highschool diploma (idk if it's the right word, it's called BAC here). This is just to ask if anyone knows any options that could work for me.[/INST]Safety planning</s> | 7 | Safety planning |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>My abuser had his sentencing in court yesterday. I wasn’t able to get the time off from work in order to attend via Zoom like I’d wanted, but my lawyer recapped everything for me which I appreciated. He didn’t express any accountability and made excuses for all of the things he did to me, which we expected. I’d written a victim’s impact statement and they read it aloud in court, and apparently it was very powerful. He said he’d written a letter too but left it at the jail, and after hearing what I’d had to say, he was glad he didn’t bring it. My lawyer said he’d said other things too, like how he loved me and had only been taking care of me, which made me laugh out loud. You don’t give someone you love multiple black eyes and a concussion or throw their phone away and make them lose their job or choke them out multiple times. It just goes to show what our brains are capable of as far as creating coping mechanisms and making up narratives, that he would convince himself that he loved me, when left alone in a jail cell.
I appreciated all of the details from my lawyer, but the best news of all was hearing that he got the full 10 year prison sentence, which was the maximum for what he put me through. Maybe he’ll change, maybe he won’t. But this baby girl that I’m about to bring into the world won’t have to know him, and that makes me feel so at peace.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>TW: violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abuse of children, homophobia, biphobia, forced outing
I (24F) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for around 4 months now. We are both bisexual and have only dated men in the past. I developed a hunch after a few months that she had experienced something traumatic in her past, but I didn’t push the issue because I figured she would tell me when she was ready. She cannot take compliments and assumes they’re being said to make her feel better. She apologizes constantly. She never wants to be the one to make a decision and defers to whatever I want, even if I encourage her to choose something as simple as what restaurant for dinner. She’s dramatically more comfortable providing physical intimacy than receiving it, and even when she clearly wants to be intimate, she usually wants me to be the initiator. She behaves in the most loving way but is afraid to say “I love you” too soon. She shuts down well beyond standard introvert levels around new people, even though she’s talkative, goofy, and incredibly fun around people she’s comfortable with. She’s one of the kindest, most compassionate, most giving people I know, yet she is constantly terrified of accidentally “using” other people or taking advantage of me in some way. Mind you, she’s never spoken an unkind word to me, never been controlling, has a healthy support system of friends and is seeking a therapist. But she only ever seems to see the potential for the worst in herself.
So eventually, she did disclose to me what her childhood had been like. In her own words, her father was “abusive in basically every way.” He was verbally and emotionally aggressive to her, her brother, and their mother. He took his anger out by spanking the kids with a paddle to the point of bruises. And he smacked her mother across the face in front of her kids. While he has gotten “less bad” as he’s aged and hasn’t hit her mother (that GF knows of) in a long time, GF is well aware that he’s an abuser and his behavior was not okay. These are cycles she’s determined to break. Her brother, already raising a child of his own, is nothing like that.
All this information has come to a head recently as my girlfriend is not out to her parents. They think she “made a good friend” because she currently lives with them and won’t be financially equipped to move out for another few months (though her brother has offered his home if things go totally sideways.) Unfortunately her mother confronted her a few days ago and forced her to come out. It was a whole mess (family is religious/homophobic, GF and I are religious/not assholes.) Thankfully her mother realizes they cannot tell her father right now while she lives at home and still adamantly wants a relationship with her daughter. But I have no doubt that this big secret now being even closer to the surface (and her father) has been hugely triggering.
GF will not stop apologizing for having texted less frequently since the forced outing. Meanwhile, I am not mad—I am fucking proud of her. She comforted her own mother who should’ve been comforting her. She notified me what was happening and that she might be harder to reach. She involved her mother’s therapist and is seeking a therapist of her own. I wish she gave herself even half the credit she deserved. She’s incredible.
I do not need advice on the logistics—ex: her moving out, there’s a timeline and a plan in place, and a safe place to go if everything goes to shit—but I DO need advice on how to be a supportive partner. I’ve never dated someone who was a survivor of childhood domestic violence before. I care about her so much. I want her to see herself the way I see her. Brilliant, resilient, giving, caring. I realize that I can’t singlehandedly replace friends or a therapist (both of which she has access to,) but I want to be the best girlfriend possible. How do you show love to someone whose earliest memories of “love” are violence and verbal abuse? How do I make her feel safe? I have talked to my own therapist about this, but I would love to hear personally from survivors and those who love them. This girl is the best thing that’s happened to me in such a long time. I want to treat her like it.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Looking for advice I think? I have two friends who have been dating. One just came out publicly sharing that the other had been physically violent on a drunken occasion. Heartbreaking, absolutely staggering shock that I would never expect in a million years. I definitely thought these two were in it to win it, too. Now, everything is broken.
Person B, the aggressor, is a longtime dear friend who is incredibly gentle, kind, patient, and one of the most decent (historically) humans I've ever met so this was definitely shocking.
Person A, the victim, is someone I am friends with through the relationship and do really enjoy.
I feel SO bewildered, confused and sad in general bc fuck the fact that this shit happens, DV is a horrible horrendous thing. I also feel icky bc upon reaching out to Person B to see what happened but keeping it more to a 'did you break up?' question, they said that THEY feel unsafe and to stop talking to Person A.
So now my head is spinning - I'm wondering, is Person B being manipulative now, trying to get me and others on their side? How can I not believe Person A, the victim? I make it a rule to trust the victim, ALWAYS, you just have to. I can only imagine that someone who is abusive would try to hide it and/or would pin it on the other person by calling them unstable.
At this point I just don't know how to handle moving forward. I offered my support to person A in the form of listening, offering to help them move, hang out and talk, boxes, etc. If they leave town, then I'll only be in town with Person B the aggressor. Where do we go from here? I can't NOT hold someone accountable for that, but also did it happen? And again how can I deny anyone. 99% of me trusts that this happened, painstaking as it is, and that my friend must have this tragic dark side when belligerently drunk that I haven't seen before, and 1% of me wonders if Person A is telling the full truth based on the way they shared this info? But why would they make that up? What would the benefit be? I am so disturbed that my friend could do this to someone, that they could do it and then not own up to it. It's heartbreaking. PS the victim added that they also made a violent move toward their aggressor, so in their words they felt they were also at fault, but I think that is, like, textbook victim guilt where they think self defense is something to feel bad about? I really don't know but if anyone has advice for what they would do in this situation, I'll be grateful. I sincerely hope this post is not triggering in any way, my heart is with anyone who is a victim of DV <3[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>It is 💜 I’m really going through it right now and may need to get legal representation , I’ve been put in a really bad situation , and without his cooperation , of giving me back what is mine , I’ll have a real fight ahead of me either way … I’m starting to write everything on sheets of white paper gone thru about ten filling up , some of the highlights holding my hostage in my car before work unless I gave him my cell phone , I was late, insult to injury… went into my tablet that was linked to my accounts changed my passwords , and the account settings so that I couldn’t access them , took pictures that he stole off my phone sent them to himself , showed people ( I was naked and they weren’t for him nor did I know they were on there from like years ago )we live on the water , threw that tablet in the ocean , obviously never replaced it , another promise along with the last three months I’ve been paying our entire rent and every luxury like toilet paper and deodorant, never going with our anything
He’s in my opinion , a deep adderal psychosis , has visual and auditory hallucinations , what has come along with that is multiple personalities , one of them is the one that convinced me to stay and the other shines a flashlight in my eyes at night until morning talking to themselves tearing our house apart , speaking just loud enough hours straight so that , with headphones in at the loudest volume I can still hear him
He has separated parents , one of which just bought a house with 4 extra bedrooms , and the mother owns property that she’d let him like in rent free , the problem now is he flips the script , just today it’s changed a few times and he now wants the apartment since it was his originally , and his dad co-signed , yet I’ve been paying the past few months myself
This is just a portion of the pages I’ve written but I’ve been the only one working , when I would be out he’d harass me to no end , so I stopped even bothering besides work and driving my epileptic mother around , so I’ve been funding my very own personalized hell and now have no money , and he’s made promises of months to pay me , I’ve met his mother and father , the father will take care of me i know that but I feel he owes me more than just the rent I paid for us , for all that I’ve been thru and I thought I was “investing” that money.
but that’s not even everything , it floods my brain now that I deal with it but I can’t put enough emphasis on the conditioning , love-bombing, gaslighting and absolute torture and harassment , I can’t make sense of it and what to do
So I guess my question is how do I go about proving that he tortured me . I have friends who saved voicemails and texts of me crying expressing at those moments where I was and actually told someone . He’d threaten me in every which way so that I didn’t tell people it was happening . I’m very scared.[/INST]DV report procedure/Documentation</s> | 6 | DV report procedure/Documentation |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>He only laid hands on me, once, and I've never been sure whether he intended to shove me or not. I feel like he was one of those who thought of himself as a good guy and had walled off physical abuse as a thing he wouldn't do. But at the same time? The psychological abuse (at least the majority) was so very deliberate, in retrospect.
He immediately apologized profusely, said he was suicidal and said he needed to go to the hospital. So I took him. Mid-move, with my back thrown out. I had to tell him he'd shoved me. I was one reflex from cracking my head open, with how I came down. It could have been really bad and he either genuinely didn't notice shoving me or was expecting me to take it without objection.
I wonder if he knew he was abusing me. He DARVO'ed tf out of me, told me I was abusing him, then took it back because I went into full-on mouse mode.
Today, I had a package returned from the USPS, for my business. I came completely unglued. My memory is fragmented af where my ex is concerned, but for some reason I have a blip of him coming in with the mail, looking angry.[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>This is the 4th split up but needs to be the final one.
He is beset by personality disorders. I believe he has NPD with some BPD traits, ADHD plus autism.
He is obsessed by BPD & all his ex's are crazy & he has tried to pin BPD on me.
I used to live with him but after a police incident in Sept, I left & moved back to my home city an hour from him. We did get talking again & started dating but he has got more & more abusive & the relationship such as it was - was going nowhere.
He enjoys playing the victim & even now he will be saying he has been dumped by me before Xmas & what a bitch I am. It will probably be to get out of working shifts because he will be so "heart broken" - if only he actually had a heart. He has a rock instead.
He is a psychopath who hates women. He has abused all his ex's & he should never be allowed to date another woman. I reported incidents of abuse to the police but unfortunately there was insufficient evidence to prosecute him.
He has since been more abusive but it seems very hard to get anything to stick & at the very least get him arrested & cautioned. Certainly I felt the police force where I lived with him, totally let me down & failed to recognise that he was coercivelly controlling me[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>My mom likes my husband a lot,, and I'm not the kind to air dirty laundry. I've kept all this secret. .but a few days ago I told my mom that when my husband drinks he becomes an abusive asshole, and if he doesn't get help for his alcoholism and some therapy I'm leaving w the kids. All she said was "have you done counseling " . Didn't call and ask me to expand, or ask what happened. Didn't give any emotional support, Nothing. A few months ago I brought up possible separation and she immediately started saying that I was the one tearing my family apart 🙄
Then today she texted me asking about Xmas and then said "I hope you won't do anything drastic this month to cause the boys any angst". Yeah, cause living in a home with a man who becomes abusive every night if he drinks won't cause them any angst right? It's just me being dramatic.
My mom/grandmother/great grandmother were all totally dependent on men who were abusive often and I still have a lot of resentment she sat back and did nothing for us. So to have her, on top of that, basically accuse ME of being the problem makes me feel so alone..its bad enough rent is prohibitively expensive for a single mom , im not expecting any financial help, but maybe some emotional support??
I'm a mother and if I thought for a second somebody was hurting my kids in any way, I'd go psycho. I have nobody else except 2 sisters who live 3000 miles away.
Anyways, feeling crushed.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>When me and my boyfriend fight it gets bad, he gets extremely nasty and I get very upset in return. He claims my emotions run high from the beginning of the fight so that’s why he gets so nasty, I disagree. Long story short he takes my phones and deletes whatever recordings of our arguments.
I need an app that while recording, it stays recording through alarms, phone calls, it doesn’t glow red at the top (I’m on iPhone) so he doesn’t realize I’m recording even while he uses my phone.[/INST]DV report procedure/Documentation</s> | 6 | DV report procedure/Documentation |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Hi Friends,
My boyfriend hit me yesterday. Is this weird after a relationship of 11 months? I am not sure if I should give him a chance.. I've told him that I want to leave him. He drank a lot of alcohol that day while he usually never drinks. I've seen him drunk 4 times before and last time he was the total opposite, never saw him so sweet.
He hasn't mentioned this but I feel like it might have something to do with the stress. He's gay and his family is muslim, his Mum asked him quite short ago if he's gay in a rude way.. His sisters and brothers do not accept any of it either, while he has not come out and does not appear gay. He just started a new job in a field that might be bit too much for his capability's, his mum had a heart attack 2 months ago and they just found out that her cancer is back.
I don't know if there is a difference in being an abuser or abusing someone once?
I've hit my sister once and then never did it again. All the stories here sound quite quick...
I did some enquiries in places I could move to. I hope to hear back from them today.
Lol btw, just for the details... He threw all his weed away yesterday. I've always told my friends if he breaks up with me its bcs he's more in love with his weed. He smokes around 2-6 joints a day. He mentioned as well he will find a way to keep his stress levels lower: gym, yoga or speaking with the GP.
But aside from that great news, my cheek and face still hurt and my arm as well. I punched him quite hard as well. Obviously this is human instinct to protect yourself. I just wouldn't see myself starting punching him, even in a big fight. Maybe throwing a pair of socks at him or a pillow.[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>
You stare at yourself,
trance-like, in the mirror.
He’s just a man that loves you.
What is so unclear?
You’re just stressed.
Long shifts,
school,
it’s just PMS.
But you feel crazy,
and you don’t know why.
It’s so unbearable,
but you keep up the lies.
You’re not sure what’s wrong, just that no one can know.
You have to look happy.
Put on the show.
Hold his hand, smile, say nothing but hello.
But if you’re around other men,
then you must always look down.
Don’t cause an explosion.
Keep your eyes on the ground.
But he doesn’t hit you.
So everything is fine.
It must be you then.
You’ve lost your mind.
He’s not him.
He’s not the monster from which you already escaped.
He’s not threatening to kill himself.
You haven’t been raped.
He doesn’t hit you.
But he reads all your texts,
goes through your whole phone,
accuses you of cheating, and
blocks every guy you know.
But there’s letters, flowers, candles.
He showers you with love,
puts you up on a pedestal
like you’re something sent from above.
He doesn’t hit you.
He’s funny, he’s charming,
and he’s always right.
Yet you wonder how things would be
if you hadn’t met him that night.
You just need a break,
time to think, and catch your breath.
But he doesn’t agree,
and now you’re scared to death.
So you try to leave,
try to run out the door,
but he gets there first,
and falls to the floor.
Terrified, paralyzed, you’ve forgotten how to breathe.
He’s screaming, shaking, says it’s PTSD….
IT’S YOUR FAULT! YOU FUCKING BITCH!
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE!!?
He says he loves you.
But that YOU’RE destroying HIM.
A cold hearted bitch
is how he says you’ve been.
But you do everything for him.
You wake him, feed him, drive him around,
lend him money and pay his bills,
because his wallet still hasn’t been “found”.
But you leaving him, what you did to him,
it’s YOUR fault he couldn’t pay his bills.
YOU made him lose his home, his car, and
YOU’RE the reason he needs those pills.
But he doesn’t hit you.
He’s been screaming for hours,
but you’re frozen in place.
Your whole body trembles
as you search for an escape
You take a chance, make a break for it,
only to be caught by surprise.
Chained, suffocated,
by more of his lies.
He reminds you before
you can get to the door,
that without him….
you’re nothing but a fucking whore.
He doesn’t hit you.
But you wish he would.
At least then you would know
you’re not crazy, it’s him.
You’d have bruises to show.
You could tell the police,
call mom and cry.
Except you don’t have any bruises,
and he knows just how to lie.
So you lay wake all night,
feeling guilty, ashamed.
He’s not the man he was before,
and YOU are to blame.
That’s what he told you at least,
again and again.
YOU JUST KEPT LEAVING HIM!
NO MATTER HOW GOOD TO YOU HE’S BEEN!!
He’d do ANYTHING for you.
And you treat him like SHIT!
He’s said it so many times,
you have to believe it.
You get flashes sometimes,
little glimpses of how it used to be…
those blue eyes, that big smile,
and no red flags that you could see.
But you should have been more careful,
not gotten involved.
If you hadn’t been so naive,
there would be no problem to solve.
Now he doesn’t like your friends.
Says he’s looking out for you.
And convinces you to quit your job,
even though you didn’t want to.
Every minute you’re without him
he demands a full report back.
WHO you saw, WHO you spoke to.
You’ve learned to prepare for the attack
But no matter how hard you try,
you can’t do anything right.
You hate him, you want out,
but you’re too exhausted to fight
So you stay.
You suck it up
and try to fulfill all his needs,
the voice in your head
crying, “HELP ME, PLEASE!!!”
Then suddenly he gets you flowers
and your favorite ice cream,
with a letter professing his love,
so he must not be mean?
He doesn’t hit you.
So maybe he’s been right all along.
You’re making him do this.
You’re the problem, it’s your fault,
it’s YOU that’s abusive.
But if all that is true,
why does he stay?
Why does he tell you to fix him
if you’re the reason he’s not okay?
He punches himself when he’s angry.
It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
Then he tells you it’s your fault...
You never thought you’d be so traumatized at 19.
He’s gone now,
moved away without a care.
And you’re left so stressed
that you’ve lost your hair.
You get dressed, put on makeup,
and try to be who you were before.
But you just look empty, lifeless.
You’re not you anymore.
You reach out to the friends
that said they would be there.
But they say I told you so,
why did you think they would care?
Cause in this country men can kill their wives,
as long as they play ball,
disrespect and rape women
if they say they’ll build a wall.
So why would anyone care
about what he did to you?
You try to explain what he did,
but you don’t know how to.
You want the world to understand
but they’re not going to.
Because how could he be abusive...
If he didn’t hit you?[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I'm trying to help my mother leave her abuser, however her phone line is under his account (they have Verizon). Anyone know if it's possible to switch her line over to my account without involving him? She wants to keep her phone number if at all possible.
Any help is greatly appreciated[/INST]Safety planning</s> | 7 | Safety planning |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Hi, title says it all..my husband of 6 years and I had an argument and I walked out because he exploded and then I started to record as he barged out of the bedroom into the kitchen. He realized after like 40 seconds I was recording and he forcefully ripped it out of my hands and used his entire like muscle force to keep me from getting it back. Used all of his strength to keep pushing me away.
I was terrified but my FFF response is typically fight so I thought I could get it back....we are the same height and weight and I certainly dont have the strength he has.
Anyway. No bruises or anything and the recording is gone.
We have a toddler and this is the first time this has happened. I don't want to "tip him off" in any way if I gather up the courage to get my ducks in a row and leave ...but since I don't have any proof ...I can't and probably don't want an OOP because I don't want to tip him off.
Please help. I'm a sahm with OCD and PTSD which means I am super self doubtful...and terrified to make any moves.[/INST]DV report procedure/Documentation</s> | 6 | DV report procedure/Documentation |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>A friend (F27) who lives a few hours outside of the city with her kid has reached out to me (F35) recently. Her boyfriend has become very physically abusive towards her in the last months, and she is wanting to get out.
In terms of emotional support, what are things to say or not say to help her though this. Among other things, she's talked a lot about feeling guilty and conflicted for having loved/still loving this man.
I'm particularly concerned about her "forgiving and forgetting", and continuing in the abusive relationship. I want to encourage her to stick with her choice to get out, without making her feel like I'm being pushy... does that make sense? I don't want to say the wrong thing.
I've not lived through a situation like hers, and I want to make sure I offer helpful and comforting support, and I'd love some advice on the matter.[/INST]DV report procedure/Documentation</s> | 6 | DV report procedure/Documentation |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>So this particular journey starts about eight years ago when I was 15. My parents died and I went to live with my grandparents in the country. Looking back on it life was pretty good there but I hated it. I met T (he was 28 when we first met) online and it all started from there. We talked constantly and formed a relationship. When I was 16 He came down to be with me for a weekend. I felt special. He made me feel special and loved.
I got pregnant and ended up running away to be with him. My grandparents never knew I was pregnant. We moved five states away. And things got worse.
Over the years he has abused me in every way I can think of while we have had four kids together (I’m pregnant with 5 and 6). I am now 23 and he is 36.
I never really thought of leaving until the oldest was playing with her Barbie and ken dolls. Ken hit Barbie and when I asked her why her response was that is what daddy’s do.
That broke me. And I started planning to leave. He seemed to know exactly when I was planning it and would choose that time to be dad of the year and take care of one of the kids while I did my errands.
Then he got Covid. Three weeks ago. I am so thankful to say that none of us have it (me and my oldest are vaccinated). He had to go into the hospital on day five. We left. I am now in a safe place five hours away. There is only one person who knows of a way to reach me and she emailed me today. He is improving it seems.
On top of this I made a new friend with a neighbor and something weird happened. She recognized me from a missing persons report. She’s a nut about crime and missing persons stuff. I tried passing it off but she found it and sure enough it’s me. She’s now trying to get me to call the number. I don’t know what to do.
With everything going on I am starting to feel terrified. It’s bad enough that I’m not able to sleep at night jumping at every noise. I have to triple check the doors and windows. I just don’t feel safe and I don’t know what to do. Shouldn’t I feel safe now?
The kiddos are even doing good. Not one of them has asked for daddy and they will sometimes even start to play without reassurance.
Is something wrong with me? Any advice in general is welcome.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>My friend is considering leaving her abuser whom she currently lives with. They have a dog together. He technically bought her, but she does most of the dogs care. He's not abusive toward the dog at least currently, but we are concerned he would not properly care for her if he was the only adult left in the house. Besides just being lazy about the dogs care, hes gone for about 14 hours/day for work, so she would be locked up for that whole time. Is there anything we can legally do?[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Surely DV is a greater evil because it usually also involves a complete breakdown of a person psychologically. But it seems so much easier for people to break up when there’s been cheating - like there’s a tangible act of disrespect. There have been numerous incidents of psychical, emotional and physical violence in my relationship but I still haven’t left him. But if he cheated I’d feel totally justified to leave him, and sometimes I wish he would just cheat so I can leave him without feeling so much guilt. It’s funny because I thought once he bruised me I’d walk but I didn’t.[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>He just attacked me. He tried to rape me and the shoved me multiple times, grabbed my face, pushed me to the floor all while verbally assaulting me. I tried to push him out of my room so I could lock the door and he poured water all over my bed and tried to smash my phone.
All this because he says I don't sexually satisfy him often enough.
I'm hiding in my room with the door locked, and I'm terrified. I just want him to leave so badly. I hate him.
I don't know what to do next.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I have been in abusive relationship of 6 years now , 6 years of manipulation, narcissism, physical/ mental abuse, humiliation, gaslighting, threatening my life constantly, this man has changed who I am, how I feel about myself, and how I think of things, I could go on. But Wednesday this week I finally got the courage to LEAVE. I feel cowardly for doing it while he was outta town but I feel I had no choice. I’ve tried leaving him before by telling him I don’t think it’s gonna work and he got physical with me so I stayed. After years of just dealing with it and thinking it’s because of me that he’s like this trying to change myself constantly I LEFT. I packed up my things and left my own apt. I took all the precautions I needed to to lay low until time passes, I didn’t say anything to him. Just packed all his things and left them at his door at his house for his nephew to find to tell him. Sometimes saying nothing at all speaks bigger volumes. I am on edge right now praying he doesn’t come looking for me but I feel more FREE and ALIVE then I ever have in the past 6 years….thank u for listening ❤️[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>**Trigger warning
I’m out of a domestic violence relationship for many years. The physical violence stopped. I had a protection order against them. But as we share a child it’s been years of emotional abuse and verbal abuse and blame and put downs and shouting At me. I’ve tried being nice, civil friendly and everything but it always blows up. I get anxious and thrown into full panic mode each and every time. He now lets down our child too regularly. My child cries most weeks because of the turmoil. So I have decided to go back to file for another order so this person will finally shut up and leave me alone and be held accountable for his mistreatment and disrespect.
I’m not going to lie. I’m scared out of my mind- but I know it’s the right thing to do. At least I’ll have an order to keep me safe if he gets angry.
X[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>24F, i’ve never experienced anything like this in a relationship before. he (39) makes my f*k boy ex’s look like saints. we dated for a year and it took me several months to notice that he was subtly controlling my behavior by making condescending remarks and other unnecessary digs. whether it was what i ate, what i wore, even my personal opinions. but by then i was so deeply in love and almost indebted bc he had provided so much for me. (aka love bombed tf out of me). plus he was older and i wanted to impress him - he was aware of that.
i had convinced myself that he was my best friend so i told him everything about me. my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and my fears. it wasn’t long before i felt like i could not live without him in my life. not literally but i knew life would be sucky without him.
i alienated myself from everyone which wasn’t hard bc i’m already an introvert. but it makes me so sad now bc i have no support system. the one person i do have thinks i stopped talking to him months ago 😪 and every time i mention his name she is disgusted. i know it’s bc he’s hurt me so bad but now i feel like i can’t really confide in her.
he broke up with me about 3 mos ago bc he was tired of me calling him out on his toxic behavior. he called me crazy and psycho and said “and you wonder why i want to break up with you” i was devastated. even though i would call him out i was still very willing to stay with him. in fact we had talked about marriage like a week before so this completely blindsided me. keep in mind he is the only person i talk to on a daily basis. i entered into a deep depression that i didn’t even know was depression.
i quit my job. it was a terrible place but i would’ve at least stayed until i had another position if i had him motivating me. yes he was a big motivator for me. made me feel very safe and protected (i’m anxious). it just got to be too hard dealing with the people at work and this breakup. so much time at home i began eating so much and i’ve gained so much weight. i feel unattractive and refuse to be seen by anyone outside of family.
still. he found a way to put me in the friend zone and i feel like a complete fool. i looked for advice online about how to get through this but they said i needed a support system and sobbed realizing that i don’t have one. i can’t do this anymore. i am so angry with myself and him, everyday the up & down emotions, the financial ruin that’s inching closer bc i can’t find the motivation to get out of bed.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I’m so at a loss. I swing between being so scared and sad and worried about her to being angry that she’s choosing this lowlife man over her family. I know it’s not her fault and I’d do anything to help her but it’s so hard to continue being supportive when all of my offers for help are refused. I’ve done so much reading, talked to my therapist, talked to a DV advocate and logically, I know I can’t save her. That she will only leave when she makes that choice and no one can make it for her. But I’m frustrated and exhausted. All I see ahead is a long road of pain and sadness and it’s so hard to deal with - to see her addicted to this horrible person and know there isn’t anything I can do to help. How do I keep going? How can I get through to her? How do you watch someone you love get hurt over and over?[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>First time poster so sorry about the format. I just found out that my sister (30F) was head butted by her husband (30m) of 10 years. It was the first time they had gone out with friends in a while (covid) and they were both very drunk. They got into in argument and he literally head butted her, hard enough that she bled a little but not enough to knock her to the ground. She did call the cops and he got a temporary restraining order but she allowed him back in the house under the condition of not drinking. I feel sick to my stomach worrying about her but she said they’ve talked it out and that it’s the only time something like that has every happened in their 10+ years of being together. She is giving him the benefit of the doubt of it being a one time thing that will never happen again but my guy keeps thinking about how dv victims think it won’t happen again. So is it possible that it could really just have been a one time thing where there was just way too much alcohol?[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>In December my ex fractured my arm, then left, taking all the money and all my support. I put him thru school, gave him everything. He started using drugs and was randomly damaging property in our rental home and my car. It's so tough loosing everything. I feel like a complete waste of space and wonder why I would chose to keep going? There's a lot more, but I think I'll have to end now. Thanx to anyone who takes the time to read. I wish everyone a kind and compassionate day and night. x Eyegetu[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I left my narcissist ex a year ago. He didn't take it well and became extremely abusive when I left - he even tried having me arrested on false charges. I got a tempoary restraining order against him but didn't persue the permanent one because his lawyer assured me, in writing and signed by ex, that ex would leave me alone.
Ex hasn't left me alone. Several times per month (or week/day, depending on his mood) ex contacts me to try to reconcile. He is able to get around being blocked by changing his phone number, email address, etc. I only read his messages to see what kind of mood he's in and if I should worry about him that day.
He starts out nice and says things to get me back. Because I don't respond, he becomes enraged and starts scaring me with the tone of his messages. Me not responding to him makes his anger escalate. He is smart enough to only use veiled threats, nothing that could ever be used against him. Threats like, "you're going to regret this" are considered vague, and legal, by our state law.
He has never put his hands on me...yet. I honestly feel that he is the person that would commit murder/suicide as his first act of violence against me (I don't want to post full details here about a specific event involving an argument, gun, and his arrest). He has threatened suicide several (5, I think) times since I've left him (I always notify his family when he does).
He has been stalking me recently. He sent messages that mention how I look and that my tire needs air, etc. Things he would only know if he was watching me or having someone else watch me.
I've taken some precautions, I've changed the locks and told neighbors (neighbors are keeping an eye out for him). Another restraining order would only make him be more cautious and sneaky. If he wants to commit murder/suicide, the restraining order isn't going to stop him.
I legally have a gun but I'm not sure if I could use it on anyone, even to protect my own life. The only other thing I can think of is to get a security system but I really can't afford one.
Any suggestions on how I can keep myself safe?[/INST]Safety planning</s> | 7 | Safety planning |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I wasn't sure how to flair this but should also add TW: mention of physical violence.
TL;DR: husband's mental problems, drinking, and compulsive lying are worsening to a concerning degree.
Things have been increasingly worse at home over the last year and a half, turning physical in spring of this year. One thing that has always been consistent, though, is my husband's propensity to lie. About where he's going, how long he'll be gone, how much money he's making/spending, where he is when I call him... just everything.
I always knew he was lying but now I'm realizing just how effortlessly he not only makes up these lies, but I honestly think he believes them himself. I recently found out that a huge fight he started with me in October was over something he completely made up: he got drunk one day at a bar when he was supposed to be at work (not uncommon) and told me that he had called my ex-boyfriend on the phone and that they had talked for 2 hours about me being a "drug addict" (this is something he's started calling me recently, because I was prescribed several medications last year for depression/anxiety and hypothyroidism that worsened after the birth of my second child). He had me honestly freaking out and in tears; he was threatening me that if we get divorced and go to court my ex-boyfriend would be my husband's witness to my "drug addiction" (noting: I take all of my medication as prescribed and have monthly psych appointments and bloodwork done every 2 months, with checkups by my GP).
This was weighing on me until one day I saw my ex online and sent him a message asking what he had talked about with my husband. My ex said he hadn't seen or heard from my husband in years.
That's when I realized that in his drunken state, my husband had made up this entire situation about talking to my ex (this isn't the first time husband has claimed he talks to said ex about me), and the story and details he told me were so intricate my husband surely must have partly believed it himself. And I can see my husband doing that: calling someone on the phone that he knows and talking for 2 hours, then later forgetting who he was talking to so in his drunkenness, deciding he talked to my ex. He's often come home very drunk and not known who I am, so it's not hard to imagine.
I was so angry, feeling like what else has he gaslighted me with? For the last few weeks, I've been abroad with the kids, visiting my parents for the holidays and generally just to get away from him for awhile. He calls to video chat with the kids and will talk to me like nothing is wrong, as usual. The most recent lie that got me was that last week, he lost his phone "at work". His $800 phone that isn't paid off yet.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt I realized that if google locations was enabled on that phone, I could probably track it's last location. So I went into his email (which I set up; he doesn't know how to use email and only me and his friend actually monitor this account for him when he needs to be sending or receiving emails) and I noticed that he's been at the bar every day since we've been gone, at least an hour, up to 5 hours at a time. This also isn't uncommon for him except that last night on the phone he told me he was "so tired" because he's been getting up to work this really hard project he's on (he's in construction) at 6 AM every day "even on weekends" and while he's telling me this, I am literally staring at his google locations (now he has a new phone, that he spent a chunk of our rent money on) and seeing that he has been at the bar every morning from 9:30, going to his work location at 11:45 earliest, and often back to the bar in the afternoon until closing. Which means he's also spending our rent money at the bar.
And yes, I do realize that this compulsive lying is part of a mental illness; he has been diagnosed with adult ADHD but doesn't take his medication and often forgets entire days at a time, so it is really sad to watch his mind just be completely disjunct in this way. It seems like he's getting worse and of course the alcohol is confusing him more.
I used to think all these accusations he made of me were true and then for awhile I was angry I was being gaslit but now I know it's increasingly worse mental illness on his part and it's just so shocking it's sad. At the same time I've had it with trying to help him when he won't admit to himself there are even any problems.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I am new in this sub.
I think I am in denial and would like to hear if someone else has gone through similar.
I had a 6year relationship with my bf (36), I am 31. He would have rage attacks, psychiatrist thinks its either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder or both. we broke up but I have a hard time accepting that he was abusive. The violence feels mild, I know any kind of violence is violence. he would twist my wrists which hurt a lot(this happened several times), hit once with the fist on top of my head, once hit my arms and once kicked my belly. the thing is I feel like part of it was my fault because he never attacked me, we would argue and he would want to get out of the room and I stood in front of him because I wanted to talk it through, when we argued I didnt let him leave, which I know now is not right
I was afraid he would leave and not come back, because he left twice for a week and ignored me and I felt very anxious.… I ams 163cm he is 180cm so its not like I am stronger .. but now I feel like I caused these situations and also miss my ex…is this real, trauma bond, denial, dissociation, depression or what??
thank you!![/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I had to go to the preliminary this morning for my ex. He was bonded out of jail after a very violent 3.5 hour evening. He tried to make contact which was a violation of his bond so I went to the district justice and the judge revoked it. Turns out, the no contact part of his bond wasn’t in writing and the PFA was not technically in place yet since he got out on a Monday morning before I even had a chance to file for one-so the district attorney agreed to reinstate his bond, and drop the strangulation charge as long as he agreed to plea guilty to simple assault and terroristic threats with intent.
We have a three month old baby girl together (I filed for custody today, and have a 2 year PFA in place) but Christmas is coming, and I can’t help but feel so sad and so heartbroken. He was so awful and I am relieved that my kids and I don’t have to go through that anymore or walk on eggshells everyday. I know that I am missing what I imagined or hoped he could be, and that none of it was real. But it was real to ME. I loved him, and wanted a happy, healthy, loving family with him. He ruined it for all of us. I’ve never experienced emotions like this. One moment I am happy and singing in my car, excited for what life has to bring now that I am free, and the next I am wishing we could go back to the good times. I miss watching tv with him in bed at night, I miss feeling him kiss me while I was half asleep as he left for work in the AM. I miss laughing and being playful together, and his hugs.
I have met with a counselor through a DV non profit in my town, I didn’t like her much though, so I am looking for a new one. I guess I just needed to write this and vent, I am also open to advice, or even just to hear that this is normal and I’m not alone.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>As I said in my last post I would try and break up with my "abusive" boyfriend but I couldn't do it.
I went to his house and After eating lunch with him and hanging out I tried to breakup with him. I told him I wanted to talk to him about something and he said "Be very careful with your words." and he sorta looked down at me, he's taller, I got scared. I've had a little fear that he would get angry at me and hit me or force himself onto me so I hesitated and didn't tell him that I wanted to breakup. I simply said Never mind. Is there anything I could do to make it easier to breakup with him.[/INST]Safety planning</s> | 7 | Safety planning |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>It’s the first time anything physical happened. We got into a heated argument. When I saw he was quickly losing his temper and escalating, I told him to leave and take a drive to cool off. I pushed him toward the door and hit his arm. I was so afraid our daughter would hear him yelling, so I wanted him out of the house.
Instead of turning around and going out the door, he shoved me back so hard that I broke a bone.
He’s over a foot taller than me and has 60lbs on me…but I did admittedly it him in the arm first.
I’m just confused about what happened. I know I didn’t make a good choice either. But I flung across that room like a rag doll.
He wants to go to counseling. I don’t know what to do.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Hi,
I am looking for some insight, if anyone can help me.
First and foremost, I had an affair with a coworker. It was short, we ended it because we knew it wasn't sustainable, and I hated lying to my husband so I confessed to him.
I know it has been devastating to him. We are now in couples counselling, although we are just barely getting to the treatment phase. I am also in individual counselling.
Since confessing to my husband, we have had multiple escalated episodes. Most often he yells at me and swears at me. Sometimes he calls me names like "whore" and "slut". He often tells me that I don't understand what he's going through (which is most likely true). Often our son is sleeping across the hall and I tell him not to raise his voice which makes him angrier. He'll then tell me it's my fault because I had the affair and I made him so emotional. But these kinds of outbursts did happen before my affair as well, they were just much less frequent.
When he gets mad he often criticizes how I spend money, how I spend my time when I'm not working, how I keep house or don't, or that I'm tired all the time and he doesn't understand why. But it's when he's angry. When he's calm he's very sweet and supportive. But I just never know when it's going to flip.
At some point he read my journal and then became very hurt because my writings were not very sympathetic to him, and I wrote about missing my affair partner. So now he has an expectation for me to make up for what he read in my private journal by helping him "rewrite the narrative."
In our most recent argument, about a week ago, he became enraged and asked me how my coworker and I "did it." I was sitting in bed and my husband climbed on top of me and grabbed me by the shoulders yelling "Was it like this??" I pushed him off and told him to stop, but the argument kept going for a while... He said "I'm sorry for getting violent but what you did to me was an act of violence." He said I could have killed him and our son because I had been intimate with a man who is not vaccinated against COVID, and because we had unprotected sex. And look, I'm not going to try to defend my choices to have and affair and to have unprotected sex. My affair partner told me his sexual history and I took him at his word, but that doesn't justify it.
My husband often defends his actions by saying he doesn't have the skills for dealing with all the emotions, and that he's too busy with work to do any work on himself or self-care. He has a stressful job and works long hours.
I've told all of this to my therapist, and she has been alarmed by the number of red flags.... yelling, swearing, reading my private journal, criticizing me, the uncertainty, walking on eggshells, and then grabbing me. She has urged me to have a safety plan in case my son and I need to leave.
So this has all been going on for about 3 months. Like I said, our last big argument where it got physical was about a week ago. Since then he has had days where he has been able to self-regulate and not explode at me. Obviously he is apologetic. But I'm still scared. He wants to work on the marriage and move past the affair. He wants me to make an effort to right the wrongs I've done to him. But I just don't know how to feel. I know I betrayed him and broke his trust in me but I have lost my trust in him as well.
Obviously our relationship has been toxic. And having an affair is a form of abuse as well, so I know I am not the only victim in this situation. But how long do I give us to fix things? Is his abuse justified given what I've done? Some websites say that since I had an affair, I need to give up my right to privacy in order to rebuild my husband's trust in me. Does that extend to my private journal? Things seem to be getting better, granted it's only been a week, but from what I've read and been told by my therapist, abuse almost always escalates.
I've made a promise to myself to leave if he gets physically violent with me again. But besides that I am having a hard time feeling invested in this marriage. I wish I wanted to fix it, specifically for our son, but I feel like I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.
Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is so long.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I don’t know if this is self loathing. I escaped my abusive relationship 10 months ago. Since then has been mainly healing and also avoiding hoovering attempts.
Well one thing that has bothered me incredibly is when I think back to the abuse. I remember multiple times my ex was screaming at me, or blocking me from leaving with other people IN THE ROOM. They didn’t encourage the abuse it’s just… they didn’t exactly discourage it. I don’t know if I am expecting to much from these people I thought were my friends. I since the breakup have cut all ties with those friends and mutual friends.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but like…. No one even sent a freaking are you ok text? Or does he do this all the time. It’s like…. They didn’t care….. they liked him more then me Idk… I hate it[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I keep reporting my ex for violating his protective I have against him and everytime I feel like they don’t care about my situation. Like I feel like giving up and starting a new but I want to be around for my family.[/INST]Police</s> | 4 | Police |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Hi all,
I'm in the process of getting a therapist for this but I need advice for now and to vent. I was in a relationship for 3 years with this person. We broke up in 2020 but he began to display obsessive stalker behavior all throughout 2021. In January of this year he assaulted me resulting in injuries that I'm still dealing with. For the most part, I feel fine but there are some days where I miss him. Other days, I don't care what happens to him. He's in jail now and I hate to say this but I almost look forward to seeing him in court later this month. It just breaks my heart bc I only ever wanted him to heal from his traumas but everything turned out like this. My heart is also broken for me because despite him almost killing me I know I'm disrespecting myself by feeling like this. I just don't know how to cope. This is all still very fresh and he definitely manipulated and gaslit me but why! do! i! feel! like! this! How can I move on? I literally broke up with him because I fell out of love but since this incident my feelings have been all over. :/[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Yesterday my abuser from 15+ years ago died of cancer at the age of 40. Both he and I were well known musicians in our small city. Now the community is grieving his loss. I am grieving alone.
I have known he was dying for months and have been struggling to come to terms with what this means to me. Over the past few weeks, I finally told some of my close friends who knew him how he used to berate me, telling I was going to die a “poor black b\*\*\*\* on welfare” and I was at terrible musician who was jealous of his musical superiority. Recently as I have remembered him, I have had to relive in my memories how he broke into my house, forced himself upon me, put me in the head lock in public, stalked me at work, terrorized me over the phone.
I eventually prosecuted him for stalking and got a restraining order. He changed his plea to guilty after I produced recordings of voicemails he was sending hourly that oscillated between “I love you baby I can’t live without you… I’m killing myself” to “you f\*\*\*\*’ fat, crazy, dumb, whore…I am ashamed I was ever with you…” I got to choose between sentencing him to jail or batterers intervention classes. I chose the classes because I still wanted to believe he could change. His probation officer would call me every month for years to make sure he was leaving me alone.
I am ashamed to admit that, in a misguided attempt to find closure, years after his probation ended we drunkenly hooked up a few times and no violence occurred. Perhaps the dynamics changed because by that time I was much older, I had earned a degree, and was a somewhat accomplished musician and not an impoverished welfare queen as he predicted. Maybe he changed? Maybe he thought I had forgiven him then? However, I still did not trust him and I still could not forget. He then got married and we both moved away. I have now not seen or responded to him 5 years, although until about a year ago, he had had still been finding me on any obscure website I’d sign up for and send me messages like “you know you want this white d\*\*\*?” I’d ignore and block.
I was in my 20’s then and I am in my 40’s now. I have come to believe that closure is a myth that only benefits abusers. Since we both moved back to town about 2 years ago, I promised myself that I would not EVER let anyone who EVER treated ANYONE that way have access to me. After I heard the news this summer, I was at a loss of what to do. The only thing I could think to do was unblock him on Facebook. Soon thereafter, predictably, he sent me a friend request. I ldid not accept it for months until I heard he was in the end stages. I finally drunkenly wrote that I genuinely always loved him and I wished him peace.
Now I am mostly numb. The only thing I have been able to strongly feel is an occasional burst of anger when I remind myself that I DO NOT FORGIVE HIM. I am angry that I must live with these memories and the psychological damage they have done for the rest of my life. I am angry that I have to watch my community grieve in silence for a man they did not really know. But yet, I still consider him one of the most intense and passionate loves of my life. If am to do the emotional labor of forgiveness; I will do it in my own time. At least now, if I do forgive him, there is no threat of him ever hurting me again.
Thanks for listening I have no one to talk to.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Holidays have always been shitty for me. This year I planned the most beautiful sushi spread and made everything perfect and I couldn’t even eat it. I was too busy crying and being yelled at by the one who tells me he loves me. Apparently doing everything and forgetting one thing means I’m the worst. Apparently trying to fix things means I’m annoying and nagging and dumb. That night I tried to hug him and got shoved to the ground and called a dumb bitch. Hand crushed when I tried to make him see I loved him. Bruises everywhere on my hand my legs on my thighs. Left alone to cry while he slept peacefully. Next day he apologized only to hurt me again. What did I do to “make” him? Cry and feel sad because he hit me. So now I’m told he doesn’t love me or care for me or want me. Im annoying nagging stupid bratty bitch. I have never been scared of a man until now. Being told i wanna kill you and feeling him grab me is the lowest I’ve ever felt. Still I can’t leave. Why?[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I have been married for 14 years to a man who has very poor emotional regulation. He yells, swears, throws things, breaks things, has punched holes in the wall. We have four children together and every time he acts out I firmly tell him that his actions are unacceptable. I’ve told him that I don’t feel safe with him, that I don’t know who is coming through the door at the end of the day, etc. He has threatened suicide in the past (though never attempted) and has been self-harming (cutting) on and off for the past 2-3 years. He has refused therapy until very recently. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for the past year and she constantly refers to his behavior as abuse and/or domestic violence. I haven’t been comfortable with this terminology, but am slowly coming to terms with it. He is finally getting help, but I’m realizing it might be too late. The patterns of abuse have eroded any connection between us and I don’t want to stay, though I am currently for financial reasons. Is it clear to you that this type of behavior is abusive? What would you do?[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>It was a long time coming. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. I keep trying to think this is best for me and the kids but I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep never have to wake up to the truth of it.
Me and the kids move out February 12th.
That’s all. It sucks. It sucks so hard.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>This is my 2nd time attempting to make this post. In the 1st, I started to describe our relationship from the beginning and it triggered me and left the post. So here I am again ,….. ultimately, if anyone is in or has been in domestic violence housing with a child, I’m curious as to what’s the process . I’m very nervous to make the step to ask for help. I’m very prideful and no one expects to be in this position til they’re in it. He’s been verbally/ emotionally abusive for years and I’ve never had proof to provide to do anything about it til this past weekend when our argument turned physical . I have a police report and hospital documentation now. Right now, I’m trying to lay low as possible and avoid as much contact as possible to prevent another argument til I figure out what’s my next move or to get enough courage to call 211. He’s being condescending (playing nice so I can sweep this under the rug) right now cause he knows what he did , but I know this mood only lasts a couple of days before he gets moody again.[/INST]Shelters/ DV center/ Agency</s> | 1 | Shelters/ DV center/ Agency |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I am preparing for a court hearing about a permanent protective order and could use some advice. I didn't file a police report after the incident and have really no evidence beyond my testimony (my testimony is of the incident in particular and my recollection of past abusive events, but no exact dates of those events) - no witnesses (I called my mom immediately afterwards but she didn't witness anything firsthand), no bruises, no pictures (beyond a picture of a hole in the apartment wall caused by him throwing a tantrum). I have a text message from him saying "I knew you never loved me", that he sent after the incident, which made me feel like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me. We exchanged a lot of texts before the PO was filed, saying horrible things to each other, which I am afraid will be used against me in court.
I have an appointment with a pro bono attorney on Monday who will likely be representing me, but I am still really worried about not proving my case and losing. What would make a judge deny the protective order? Thanks in advance.[/INST]Legal</s> | 2 | Legal |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>So my depression this year is so much worse because of what’s going on in my life. I still feel guilty for calling the police on my husband and it saddens me that especially right now he’s in jail. At the same time I’m angry 😡 and don’t know what to do with the palpable anger I’m feeling. I’m not sleeping at all at this point and be questioned if honestly calling the law was the right thing. I miss him horribly and I know it’s irrational. I’m all over the place and it’s the holidays. I just want to crawl under a rock until it’s all over.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>It’s been almost three years since I cut contact and I’m still scared of her. She hasn’t found a way to contact me but I’m still so scared that she’ll try to ruin my life again. I’m finally in a place where I feel secure in my home, have a loving partner, a good job, but I still can’t shake this uneasy feeling that she’ll come back one day, and I don’t know how to handle that.
And I still empathize with her. I know she’s been through pain and trauma, and I just can’t get angry at her. She’s mean, manipulative, absolutely narcissistic, and she’s too smart when it comes to planning all of this. She’s used her position to threaten rape accusations, blackmail, convinced me that the people that cared about me would hate me if she said these things. Ironic thing is she helps people that have been in domestic violence, but she has used these experiences to hurt me.
I realized that I needed to leave when I almost jumped off a three story building while on the phone with her screaming at me, and in her attempt to convince me not to: she said that if I survived, she would make sure that I would be staying in the mental ward for a long time, and that scared me more than anything. She knew exactly what scared me, because she put it there in the first place when she talked about all the time, the horrors her sister went through at the ward. And it was her word against mine, who would believe me?
I feel ashamed to be a man too. I feel guilty talking about all of this. Every time I try to look online, I can’t find any resources for me as a man and I feel so selfish trying to get help. Who would believe me? She helps domestic violence victims and survivors.
I’ve been too scared to take the first step into therapy. So I’ve handled this healing process alone and I feel so angry at myself. I felt what my abuser felt when she was trying to heal from her own abuse, and I can only feel sorry for her. I just want to feel loved in times when I’m like this, and I’m struggling really badly.
I’m so scared.
I want to be heard though.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>How do I deal with a support organization helping and enabling my abuser. I had been referred to them as a victim by another agency that witnessed her abuse over a year ago, but now they won’t talk to me.
I don’t know what to do she has cranked up the abuse since they started helping her.[/INST]Shelters/ DV center/ Agency</s> | 1 | Shelters/ DV center/ Agency |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>Disclaimer: I am generally known for having a messy car.
When I left the house in the morning, I didn't know it was going to be the day I escaped. The abuse occurred the night before and I just woke up the next morning and went to work. While sitting at my desk, I had the epiphany that I wasn't going home (*my* house that *I* owned, but i digress). I didn't know where I was going to go but I knew I wasn't going home. And I knew he wasn't going to leave, getting him to leave the house is a story for a different time, but it took about a month.
Thank god, I just randomly had a ton of dry cleaning in my car. And I don't normally do dry cleaning, it was a total fluke. But there it was, most of my work clothes perfectly pressed, waiting for me to figure shit out. I didn't go home for a month, but I had clothes. I don't really don't know what I would have done without those clothes. Like most abusers, he isolated me from making friends. We had moved to a different state and I didn't have any friends or family within 600 miles.
Obviously, this wont be an option for everyone. But if you are thinking about leaving and don't want to bring attention - dry cleaning helped me for sure.
You can leave it in your car or if you know you are going to leave on a certain day you can drop the dry cleaning off early to make it just look like a chore and not like you are packing up. If he uses a dry cleaner, go to a different one in a different part of town.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I went through 6 years of abuse with my ex. His last time being physical with me I had to call the police. He ended up in jail. When he got out he wanted nothing to do with me because I assume he feels I ruined his life since he has a felony now even though I never pressed charges. Im so used to him blowing my phone up begging for me back when I leave that it’s hard for me to explain what it feels like now that he’s not. He found a new girlfriend shortly after. I’m starting to feel like it’s my fault that I’m raising our 3 toddlers alone. I’m heartbroken and regretful that I called the police that night😔. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. My safety was in question though. I couldn’t get him to calm down. Now he’s discarded me like I meant nothing to him after 6 years of putting up with all the abuse,cheating and neglect. I did everything for him. I made all the sacrifices. I Handled all the stressful moments. How could he leave ME? Before I left him? I was the victim. I was the one who should’ve left him… How did the roles reverse to where I’m the one being neglected?[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>My father is a bully.. He hit my mother and me daily.. Actually iam really afraid of him so i dont talk to him like a father and daughter. He blames us for his rude behaviour. He has destroyed all my self confidence. Now he is saying that he wont pay for my tuition fees because my way of asking is wrong what should i do[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I feel the need to scream. To let everyone in my life or who knows me know how I feel. And at the same time, I know it will not help me feel better, itll only attract attention I dont want. Because though I want to express my feelings to everyone, I dont want petty or encouragement. I want understanding. Thats not what I will get though. Add on this feeling of needing to... get my exs from my previous poly relationship to understand that I didn't intend to cheat and that sex under duress is not consensual. And having to grasp between not shaming myself for allowing it to happen and that its not my fault even though I didn't say no... and having to accept that just because someone thinks it was selfish doesnt mean I'm selfish constantly. Figuring out how to stop calling myself pathetic and meaning it. I was brought up at a time where the "men can't be raped" was still pretty strong. I mean. Stronger then it is now. My exs think I gave into impuls. Is it giving into impuls if you cry afterwords or want to die afterwords? If you feel the need to scrub yourself for hours on end in the shower and never come out? Is it giving into impuls if you have multiple nightmares about it afterwords and get severe anxiety to the point of almost puking if someone even touches you on accident? If it is then fuck. I'm a cheater...[/INST]DV knowledge</s> | 12 | DV knowledge |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>It’s been six months since I last saw my ex. I was okay for a while and accepted it but now I just want to talk to him. I know all the bad things that happened but it’s hard when I miss him this much. I’m trying to stay strong but it’s so hard[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I ended things with my bf of 4.5 years last week. After years of me asking him to get a job, to help around the house more, and to just step up, I finally had enough. I went home on my lunch break and we got into a physical argument. He had me in a chokehold at one point, and he left me with a bruise on my arm that’s still there 8 days later.. When I returned to work beet red and choking back tears the facade was over.
This week has been full of problems from locking myself out of my house, to hitting a deer, to having my ex steal my dog. I changed my front door locks, and I’m doing my best to move forward. I keep wondering if it was the right choice, but I know deep down it is. I made a note on my phone and every time I think of a messed up situation he had me in, I add it to the note. It’s the perfect way for me to remember the good times while being reminded of the bad times. I’m making this post for accountability, but also in hopes of inspiring someone else.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>You need to extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below.We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and give me the result you get, only with the name of the kind from the eight types.<</SYS>>I have been estranged from my dad's side of the family for years. Due to generational trauma my mother isn't close to her family. I am now struggling with the relationship with my mother.
I am an only child. My mum is the only person really left in my life but I'm starting to realize she is a narcassist, emotionally unavailable and very invalidating of my PTSD suffered from my childhood and abusive relationships I have got in since.
I have become spiritual and am aware that my romantic relationships are repeating my childhood patterns but I'm ready to learn because I want children but right now I have poor mental health and am choosing unworthy potential father's. I want to be a good mother, even if that means accepting I can't. I'm hoping my healing will cause me to find true, authentic love and can create my own family one day.
I have amazing friends and an amazing career and have done well for myself despite the circumstances. My question to you is:
I know the relationship I have with my mum is bad for me but the feeling of having no family makes me feel in despair. I've literally got nowhere to turn, no safety net, no practical support in life changing circumstances.
My mum has supported me by letting me stay in her house for a year but bear in mind I've collected debt from leaving the home 10 years ago. I am now 28. I moved here when I felt suicidal after surviving a narcassistic relationship. She took me in but provided no emotional support, made me question if I was the problem and has even let my ex abuser in the house.
I have so much cognitive dissonance around this situation. However seeing my friends interact with their families and how things should look like in a loving dynamic I know I don't have that. I'm concerned if I leave everyone for good I will spiral info a pit of depression which I don't think I could survive again... Or I thrive and live my best life because I trust the universes plan? Please someone offer some advice on this difficult situation.
I'm aware we should cut toxic people out no matter who they are but practically/emotionally and financially this is hard for me. I don't want to bite my nose to spite my face! Any advice/words of wisdom is encouraged.[/INST]Communication</s> | 13 | Communication |