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57918848bc069dff6a5338b3 | I have difficulty with communication. | I am a really shy person. I'm currently in a graduate program which requires lots of presentations, but they always make me feel stressed out and less confident. How can I get more confident? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-difficulty-with-communication | Anxiety,Stress | Frank Walker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | <p>Wow, congratulations on being in a masters program. You are in a unique place. So few have reached that level. You should give yourself a pat on the back.</p><p>Confidence is not something that comes naturally. But can and does come with practice.</p><p>Having gone through two masters programs I can sympathize with your your dilemma. </p><p>So how is the stress affecting you?</p><p>Is it serious enough to stop you from presenting or is it just "butterflies"?</p><p>There are many ways of dealing with the anxiety and stress. Much depends on how serious the stress is.</p><p>So here are a few ideas:</p><p>1. Practice in front of a mirror.</p><p>Sounds strange but the practice helps.</p><p>2. Ask some friends to listen to your presentations. </p><p>Not so much for their input as to just get used to presenting.</p><p>3. Focus on the material you are presenting. </p><p>The subject matter is what you want to get across. Step away from your nerves and get into the facts you want to present. Let the material you present be the focus. </p><p>4. Remember everyone else is just as nervous as you. </p><p>Share your fears with some of your classmates and gain support from them. Focus on a friendly face during the presentation. Be a support to them in return.</p><p>5. "Fake it, till you make it". </p><p>Yes it sounds blunt. </p><p>But sometimes that's what it takes. Even if you feel like it, you won't die.</p><p><br></p><p>So much more can be discussed with a competent counselor. Take the time to let a professional help you work through this.<br></p><p>Again you have come a long way to be in a graduate program. Congratulations you have done great work so far. It's just one step at a time, take the steps.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have difficulty with communication. <</SYS>> I am a really shy person. I'm currently in a graduate program which requires lots of presentations, but they always make me feel stressed out and less confident. How can I get more confident? [/INST] <p>Wow, congratulations on being in a masters program. You are in a unique place. So few have reached that level. You should give yourself a pat on the back.</p><p>Confidence is not something that comes naturally. But can and does come with practice.</p><p>Having gone through two masters programs I can sympathize with your your dilemma. </p><p>So how is the stress affecting you?</p><p>Is it serious enough to stop you from presenting or is it just "butterflies"?</p><p>There are many ways of dealing with the anxiety and stress. Much depends on how serious the stress is.</p><p>So here are a few ideas:</p><p>1. Practice in front of a mirror.</p><p>Sounds strange but the practice helps.</p><p>2. Ask some friends to listen to your presentations. </p><p>Not so much for their input as to just get used to presenting.</p><p>3. Focus on the material you are presenting. </p><p>The subject matter is what you want to get across. Step away from your nerves and get into the facts you want to present. Let the material you present be the focus. </p><p>4. Remember everyone else is just as nervous as you. </p><p>Share your fears with some of your classmates and gain support from them. Focus on a friendly face during the presentation. Be a support to them in return.</p><p>5. "Fake it, till you make it". </p><p>Yes it sounds blunt. </p><p>But sometimes that's what it takes. Even if you feel like it, you won't die.</p><p><br></p><p>So much more can be discussed with a competent counselor. Take the time to let a professional help you work through this.<br></p><p>Again you have come a long way to be in a graduate program. Congratulations you have done great work so far. It's just one step at a time, take the steps.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
5748604fc792dd6c7063e473 | Why do I get a weird feeling every few months or so? | I get an uncontrollable swallowing that is repetitive and then somewhat out of body feeling that lasts no more than a minute or two. It usually happens in bed at night, but I occasionally experience this during the day. I have a benign brain tumor, but the doctor said it is not associated with this. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-get-a-weird-feeling-every-few-months-or-so | Behavioral Change,Sleep Improvement | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm not entirely sure whether this relates to something in the mental health realm or if there is something else happening. I know you said that your doctor said it is not related to your physical condition, but have you tried speaking with your primary care physician? I've seen people with many different symptoms that end up being related to acid reflux or something of that nature. As far as the out of body experience, there are different stages of sleep, so if this is happening in the middle of the night and you are waking up from a dream, you may not be fully awake when it's going on. These are just some thoughts, but I think talking to your primary care physician would be a great place to start.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I get a weird feeling every few months or so? <</SYS>> I get an uncontrollable swallowing that is repetitive and then somewhat out of body feeling that lasts no more than a minute or two. It usually happens in bed at night, but I occasionally experience this during the day. I have a benign brain tumor, but the doctor said it is not associated with this. [/INST] <p>I'm not entirely sure whether this relates to something in the mental health realm or if there is something else happening. I know you said that your doctor said it is not related to your physical condition, but have you tried speaking with your primary care physician? I've seen people with many different symptoms that end up being related to acid reflux or something of that nature. As far as the out of body experience, there are different stages of sleep, so if this is happening in the middle of the night and you are waking up from a dream, you may not be fully awake when it's going on. These are just some thoughts, but I think talking to your primary care physician would be a great place to start.</p> </s> |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Elaine Alyson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elaine-alyson | <p>Most counselors are very approachable and many offer a 15 minute chat by phone to allow you to talk about your issue, and to get a feel for the counselor. If you like what you hear by phone, the next step is to set up a face-to-face meeting. Studies show that the most important element in effective therapy is that you feel a connection with your counselor. Trust your instincts and if you don't feel comfortable, let him or her know that you don't think it's a good fit. Many counselors list on websites like Psychology Today and Good Therapy. Visit these websites to learn more about therapists in your area.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does someone approach a counselor? <</SYS>> How does a person start the counseling process? [/INST] <p>Most counselors are very approachable and many offer a 15 minute chat by phone to allow you to talk about your issue, and to get a feel for the counselor. If you like what you hear by phone, the next step is to set up a face-to-face meeting. Studies show that the most important element in effective therapy is that you feel a connection with your counselor. Trust your instincts and if you don't feel comfortable, let him or her know that you don't think it's a good fit. Many counselors list on websites like Psychology Today and Good Therapy. Visit these websites to learn more about therapists in your area.</p> </s> |
575dd21e1678099351171082 | What can I do about my depression and anxiety after trying so many things? | I have terrible anxiety and depression. I've tried various therapists and pills, but nothing's helped. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-depression-and-anxiety-after-trying-so-many-things | Depression,Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Is it possible you simply didn't mix well with the particular therapists with whom you've worked? If this is possible, interview a therapist before starting therapy. Then you will be choosing a therapist who feels compatible with your way of seeing yourself and your life.</p><p>Also, therapy isn't for everyone.</p><p>Read about the different healing modalities and see if one of these speaks to your interest in feeling better.</p><p>What matters most is finding among all the legitimate healing methods, what you believe will be effective.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do about my depression and anxiety after trying so many things? <</SYS>> I have terrible anxiety and depression. I've tried various therapists and pills, but nothing's helped. [/INST] <p>Is it possible you simply didn't mix well with the particular therapists with whom you've worked? If this is possible, interview a therapist before starting therapy. Then you will be choosing a therapist who feels compatible with your way of seeing yourself and your life.</p><p>Also, therapy isn't for everyone.</p><p>Read about the different healing modalities and see if one of these speaks to your interest in feeling better.</p><p>What matters most is finding among all the legitimate healing methods, what you believe will be effective.</p> </s> |
5722358fa3d94fca1ccf8ec0 | How can I be less insecure and needy with my girlfriend? | I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-insecure-and-needy-with-my-girlfriend | Relationships | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>We humans are social beings. We learn how to BE in relationship as children. The caregiving you received (or didn't receive) set the stage for how you show up in all your adult relationships. Insecurity in relationships often has much to do with feeling unheard or unseen, perhaps feeling like you don't matter. There are many ways to rewire these relational patterns, the first step of which is taking pause and noticing that you are feeling insecure - so congrats on that because clearly you are already there! Next I'd suggest finding a relationship therapist to help you sort through your insecurities, either as a couple or individually. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less insecure and needy with my girlfriend? <</SYS>> I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it. [/INST] <p>We humans are social beings. We learn how to BE in relationship as children. The caregiving you received (or didn't receive) set the stage for how you show up in all your adult relationships. Insecurity in relationships often has much to do with feeling unheard or unseen, perhaps feeling like you don't matter. There are many ways to rewire these relational patterns, the first step of which is taking pause and noticing that you are feeling insecure - so congrats on that because clearly you are already there! Next I'd suggest finding a relationship therapist to help you sort through your insecurities, either as a couple or individually. </p> </s> |
568bc0c7e716b51523007c06 | How come I feel ugly? | I'm in my early 20s. I’ve been married once, and he cheated on me. Ever since then, I've felt ugly no matter what. I'm engaged, and I still feel ugly. I don't like to take pictures of myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-come-i-feel-ugly | Self-esteem | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Sounds as though you're taking the blame for the bad actions of your former husband.</p><p>He did an ugly action, and instead of feeling only your own emotions in response to being cheated on, you are holding his ugly behavior within you and feeling it.<br></p><p>Does this sound like a possible explanation of why your feeling of ugliness started after the cheating incident?</p><p>You may start feeling better by looking within your own heart for the full effects of having been hurt. It is possible there is more suffering within you than you've realized until now.</p><p>As you address all the emotional pain you've lived through, the feeling of ugliness may drop out all of its own. Because you'd be focused on you, not on any of the ugliness introduced into your life by your cheating ex husband.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How come I feel ugly? <</SYS>> I'm in my early 20s. I’ve been married once, and he cheated on me. Ever since then, I've felt ugly no matter what. I'm engaged, and I still feel ugly. I don't like to take pictures of myself. [/INST] <p>Sounds as though you're taking the blame for the bad actions of your former husband.</p><p>He did an ugly action, and instead of feeling only your own emotions in response to being cheated on, you are holding his ugly behavior within you and feeling it.<br></p><p>Does this sound like a possible explanation of why your feeling of ugliness started after the cheating incident?</p><p>You may start feeling better by looking within your own heart for the full effects of having been hurt. It is possible there is more suffering within you than you've realized until now.</p><p>As you address all the emotional pain you've lived through, the feeling of ugliness may drop out all of its own. Because you'd be focused on you, not on any of the ugliness introduced into your life by your cheating ex husband.</p> </s> |
557a0f0ca9732755160c6ab9 | How can I see my base doctor without my ID? | I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-see-my-base-doctor-without-my-id | Military Issues | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>You should be able to get a replacement ID card either from the Personnel Office on your local base (the actual name of this office will vary depending on which branch of the military it is). You may also be required to go to the Military Police or Security office on base to report the loss of your old ID card.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I see my base doctor without my ID? <</SYS>> I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do? [/INST] <p>You should be able to get a replacement ID card either from the Personnel Office on your local base (the actual name of this office will vary depending on which branch of the military it is). You may also be required to go to the Military Police or Security office on base to report the loss of your old ID card.</p> </s> |
575265fac792dd6c7063e5dd | My husband only has sex with me once a month or less. | I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less | Marriage,Intimacy,Human Sexuality | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Every area in a relationship, including intimacy,
experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period. Couples have to work to maintain the spark. Find a moment to talk to your husband about
your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen
to his concerns and demands as well. But
don’t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and
keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;
mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones
conmigo una vez al mes o menos. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Me
siento rechazada y frustrada. Esto no es
nuevo. El primer mes que estuvimos
juntos, teníamos sexo casi todos los días.
Luego se redujo a una vez por semana.
Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Todas las áreas
de una relación, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del
periodo de la luna de miel. Las parejas tienen
que trabajar para mantener la chispa. Encuentra
un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupación, y sugiere maneras
de reencender su vida sexual, está atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y
sugerencias al igual. No olvides que el
sexo es una de las partes más divertidas de una relación, jueguen, coqueteen,
bromeen y continúen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband only has sex with me once a month or less. <</SYS>> I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Every area in a relationship, including intimacy,
experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period. Couples have to work to maintain the spark. Find a moment to talk to your husband about
your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen
to his concerns and demands as well. But
don’t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and
keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;
mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones
conmigo una vez al mes o menos. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Me
siento rechazada y frustrada. Esto no es
nuevo. El primer mes que estuvimos
juntos, teníamos sexo casi todos los días.
Luego se redujo a una vez por semana.
Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Todas las áreas
de una relación, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del
periodo de la luna de miel. Las parejas tienen
que trabajar para mantener la chispa. Encuentra
un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupación, y sugiere maneras
de reencender su vida sexual, está atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y
sugerencias al igual. No olvides que el
sexo es una de las partes más divertidas de una relación, jueguen, coqueteen,
bromeen y continúen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.</span></p> </s> |
58acb2ef98741803743bf61c | I'm concerned about my 12 year old daughter. | I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter.
About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly.
Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-concerned-about-my-12-year-old-daughter | Parenting,Children & Adolescents | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Have you asked your daughter why she's doing the behaviors you describe?</p><p>Often the best way to find out why someone does something is to simply ask them their reason.</p><p>Her answer will give you some guidance as to next possible steps.</p><p>If she's pretending to be a fantasy figure or trying to find out how being taller feels, or walking on high heels or some other image then knowing this rules out that she has some unbearable pain in her arch which may require more practical answers such as new shoes or even indicate a medical problem.</p><p>Ask if she's noticed any change in the way she walks. </p><p>Maybe she doesn't know she's doing this and maybe she feels embarrassed to tell you she's doing something a bit odd.</p><p>Since usually 12 year olds don't color, is it new that she started coloring?</p><p>Maybe given the fact of messy handwriting, she's in a phase of pretending or reflecting on good times as a young child.</p><p>Then this becomes the topic of examination.</p><p>Does she feel insecure about being on the cusp of adolescence?</p><p>Some of these questions can be asked directly and some are for you to first decide based on what you know of your daughter, which questions and what direction to take in understanding your daughter's motivation. </p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm concerned about my 12 year old daughter. <</SYS>> I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter.
About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly.
Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help. [/INST] <p>Have you asked your daughter why she's doing the behaviors you describe?</p><p>Often the best way to find out why someone does something is to simply ask them their reason.</p><p>Her answer will give you some guidance as to next possible steps.</p><p>If she's pretending to be a fantasy figure or trying to find out how being taller feels, or walking on high heels or some other image then knowing this rules out that she has some unbearable pain in her arch which may require more practical answers such as new shoes or even indicate a medical problem.</p><p>Ask if she's noticed any change in the way she walks. </p><p>Maybe she doesn't know she's doing this and maybe she feels embarrassed to tell you she's doing something a bit odd.</p><p>Since usually 12 year olds don't color, is it new that she started coloring?</p><p>Maybe given the fact of messy handwriting, she's in a phase of pretending or reflecting on good times as a young child.</p><p>Then this becomes the topic of examination.</p><p>Does she feel insecure about being on the cusp of adolescence?</p><p>Some of these questions can be asked directly and some are for you to first decide based on what you know of your daughter, which questions and what direction to take in understanding your daughter's motivation. </p><p><br></p> </s> |
56ae9508014e2eff2b4fee5b | My partner is bored of being intimate with me. | My partner and I have had an amazing relationship and connection for over two years. We're very committed to each other and are planning a very long life together. However, he recently was very open and honest that he isn't interested in having sex with me anymore. He says this has happened in every past relationships and has ended it as a result. He knows it's because it's the "same person" feeling, but how can he get over this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-partner-is-bored-of-being-intimate-with-me | Relationships,Intimacy,Human Sexuality | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I wonder how long "anymore" will be for your boyfriend.</p><p>Since you both are planning a long life together, instead of his custom of ending relationships when he feels bored with the sex, he will be facing the situation of being in a relationship and not having sex with his partner to whom he is committed.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">What are your own views on the meaning of sex in a relationship?</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Knowing this will help you be better able to collaborate with your boyfriend on finding ways of balancing what you each would like.</span></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My partner is bored of being intimate with me. <</SYS>> My partner and I have had an amazing relationship and connection for over two years. We're very committed to each other and are planning a very long life together. However, he recently was very open and honest that he isn't interested in having sex with me anymore. He says this has happened in every past relationships and has ended it as a result. He knows it's because it's the "same person" feeling, but how can he get over this? [/INST] <p>I wonder how long "anymore" will be for your boyfriend.</p><p>Since you both are planning a long life together, instead of his custom of ending relationships when he feels bored with the sex, he will be facing the situation of being in a relationship and not having sex with his partner to whom he is committed.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">What are your own views on the meaning of sex in a relationship?</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Knowing this will help you be better able to collaborate with your boyfriend on finding ways of balancing what you each would like.</span></p><p><br></p> </s> |
557fc9c3a29507431fcd9e9e | How do I move on from my husband's cheating? | My husband cheated on me and it hurt me very bad. It was a time when my health was poor. I'm have a hard time moving on. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-from-my-husband-s-cheating | Human Sexuality,Marriage | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>How has your husband acted since then? Was he regretful? How did you find out? Did he confess? These are all things that you want to consider. Betrayal is very hard to get over so if it's taking you awhile to get over, know that this is normal.</p><p>Hopefully you're husband has been very regretful and upfront and honest with you since this happened. It may take awhile to reestablish your trust with him and he should understand this. </p><p>It's also very important to discuss WHY he cheated. You want to make sure that the reasoning behind this was not something that could arise again in the future. And if it can, there needs to be an action plan in place (i.e. being honest with how he's feeling) so that you both get a chance to rectify the situation.</p><p>If the cheating has happened more than once, you may want to reevaluate your reasoning for staying in the marriage. It would be obvious that he did not truly regret what he had done or else he wouldn't repeat the same mistake. However, if it was a single event and he has shown you and continuously shows you that he genuinely loves you and is sorry for his mistake, I would give it a try. People do make mistakes and sometimes it takes an event like this to realize what you have.</p><p>Know that it takes time and that you have the right to feel what you feel. If the relationship was a good, healthy relationship, it is worth saving. Ease back into it and be upfront with your feelings. In return, your husband should be patient and understanding of this. </p><p>Also, marriage counselors are often a good go-to as they have a great deal of experience working with marriages in similar situations. </p><p>Best of luck to you!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I move on from my husband's cheating? <</SYS>> My husband cheated on me and it hurt me very bad. It was a time when my health was poor. I'm have a hard time moving on. [/INST] <p>How has your husband acted since then? Was he regretful? How did you find out? Did he confess? These are all things that you want to consider. Betrayal is very hard to get over so if it's taking you awhile to get over, know that this is normal.</p><p>Hopefully you're husband has been very regretful and upfront and honest with you since this happened. It may take awhile to reestablish your trust with him and he should understand this. </p><p>It's also very important to discuss WHY he cheated. You want to make sure that the reasoning behind this was not something that could arise again in the future. And if it can, there needs to be an action plan in place (i.e. being honest with how he's feeling) so that you both get a chance to rectify the situation.</p><p>If the cheating has happened more than once, you may want to reevaluate your reasoning for staying in the marriage. It would be obvious that he did not truly regret what he had done or else he wouldn't repeat the same mistake. However, if it was a single event and he has shown you and continuously shows you that he genuinely loves you and is sorry for his mistake, I would give it a try. People do make mistakes and sometimes it takes an event like this to realize what you have.</p><p>Know that it takes time and that you have the right to feel what you feel. If the relationship was a good, healthy relationship, it is worth saving. Ease back into it and be upfront with your feelings. In return, your husband should be patient and understanding of this. </p><p>Also, marriage counselors are often a good go-to as they have a great deal of experience working with marriages in similar situations. </p><p>Best of luck to you!</p> </s> |
562038e4e3be3a3128a82801 | Am I going to be alone forever? | I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone. | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-going-to-be-alone-forever | Self-esteem | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm glad you're aware of how you honestly feel. Knowing one's personal truth is always the first step in finding what is necessary to be and develop.</p><p>Reflect a little more on the type of care you'd like in your life.</p><p>"Care" means anything from checking in on someone to deep, intimate connection between two people.</p><p>Knowing your own definition of "care" is the first step to know what is necessary for you to recognize what you'd like attracting.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is much easier to attract what we'd like if we are clear on what this is.</span><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I going to be alone forever? <</SYS>> I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone. [/INST] <p>I'm glad you're aware of how you honestly feel. Knowing one's personal truth is always the first step in finding what is necessary to be and develop.</p><p>Reflect a little more on the type of care you'd like in your life.</p><p>"Care" means anything from checking in on someone to deep, intimate connection between two people.</p><p>Knowing your own definition of "care" is the first step to know what is necessary for you to recognize what you'd like attracting.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is much easier to attract what we'd like if we are clear on what this is.</span><br></p> </s> |
575a1d1ac792dd6c7063e788 | Why do I feel like I always need to be in a relationship? | I have suffered many things at home and school. We never went to the doctor to diagnose depression or anything like that, but I always feel like a part of my heart is missing. I try to fill it in with objects or, in this case, a woman. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-always-need-to-be-in-a-relationship | Relationships,Behavioral Change | Jim Squire | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jim-squire | <p>There could be many reasons but often people feel validated when they are in a relationship, the need to be in a relationship can be related to a belief of unlovability which often stems from our childhood. The relationship sort of soothes this temporarily and the others interest or desire helps counteract the ingrained belief. There are many questions that may help understand why, how was your relationship with your mother (caregivers)? <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">How was your childhood etc.? </span></p><p>Many people describe having a hole or void they try and fill with material things or people but it only is a temporary fix which usually drives the person to the next relationship, or object in hopes it will be fulfilling but it never is because fulfillment is work we need to do ourselves. This journey involves finding acceptance and love for ourselves. Once we have that we don't need to look elsewhere for fulfillment.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel like I always need to be in a relationship? <</SYS>> I have suffered many things at home and school. We never went to the doctor to diagnose depression or anything like that, but I always feel like a part of my heart is missing. I try to fill it in with objects or, in this case, a woman. [/INST] <p>There could be many reasons but often people feel validated when they are in a relationship, the need to be in a relationship can be related to a belief of unlovability which often stems from our childhood. The relationship sort of soothes this temporarily and the others interest or desire helps counteract the ingrained belief. There are many questions that may help understand why, how was your relationship with your mother (caregivers)? <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">How was your childhood etc.? </span></p><p>Many people describe having a hole or void they try and fill with material things or people but it only is a temporary fix which usually drives the person to the next relationship, or object in hopes it will be fulfilling but it never is because fulfillment is work we need to do ourselves. This journey involves finding acceptance and love for ourselves. Once we have that we don't need to look elsewhere for fulfillment.</p> </s> |
56eb9b064a6d29576bd60356 | If I'm not with my boyfriend, I have emotional breakdowns. | I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He loves me a lot, and I love him. It hurts to be apart from him for so long. It hurts all over, and then I feel like it won't last. | https://counselchat.com/questions/if-i-m-not-with-my-boyfriend-i-have-emotional-breakdowns | Anxiety,Relationships,Behavioral Change | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>I would suggest that you look up the word codependency and it's characteristics. See if you relate to those characteristics. I have a feeling you have suffered some form of loss in your life that you have not dealt with properly. For some reason you are depending on your boyfriend to fill that loss. Considering working with a counseling to work through your emotions and resolve any lingering issues.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> If I'm not with my boyfriend, I have emotional breakdowns. <</SYS>> I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He loves me a lot, and I love him. It hurts to be apart from him for so long. It hurts all over, and then I feel like it won't last. [/INST] <p>I would suggest that you look up the word codependency and it's characteristics. See if you relate to those characteristics. I have a feeling you have suffered some form of loss in your life that you have not dealt with properly. For some reason you are depending on your boyfriend to fill that loss. Considering working with a counseling to work through your emotions and resolve any lingering issues.</p> </s> |
577488c4c8c3e0180cffa1f0 | How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts? | Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-out-of-my-head-and-stop-obsessive-thoughts | Behavioral Change | Elizabeth Anderson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elizabeth-anderson-3 | <p>Scary thoughts can feel overwhelming at times as well as feeling quite real. I want to acknowledge how scary they can feel, but there is hope and new skills you can learn to work with these types of thoughts. The first step in working with scary or negative thoughts is to acknowledge that they are just thoughts and we can choose to follow the scary thought streams or work with cutting them off or ignoring them. I also realize that might seem really hard to do, but here's a good way to think about the brain and how thought patterns work. Thoughts arise in the mind all the time, our brain is a thought machine. Many thoughts drift by like clouds and we don't pay any attention while other thoughts arise and they trigger us in a particulate way, i.e., scary, angry, happy, sad, and when those thoughts arise we can chose to pay more attention to the thought which can lead us down that particulate thought stream that will lead to fear and anxiety. So, how do we work or stop those scary thought streams? One new skill to implement comes from the work of Rick Hansen, he wrote the book Buddha's Brain," he teaches that we need to give more energy and attention to the positive thoughts or positive memories we hold in our mind and pay less attention to the negative thoughts. Hansen asks us to imagine the brain this way, the brain is like Velcro with negative thoughts and like teflon when it comes to positive thoughts. There are reasons that our brain works this way, but I don't have time to go into all of that in this response. So, it's just important to remember we have to work at positive thinking, actually pausing throughout the day to focus on positive feelings and memories, this will help the mind reinforce positive thought streams and help reduce negative thought streams over time. If a scary thought arises try to replace it with a happy experience for at least a couple of moments, and see if that helps reduce the negative charge connected with that scary thought. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts? <</SYS>> Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? [/INST] <p>Scary thoughts can feel overwhelming at times as well as feeling quite real. I want to acknowledge how scary they can feel, but there is hope and new skills you can learn to work with these types of thoughts. The first step in working with scary or negative thoughts is to acknowledge that they are just thoughts and we can choose to follow the scary thought streams or work with cutting them off or ignoring them. I also realize that might seem really hard to do, but here's a good way to think about the brain and how thought patterns work. Thoughts arise in the mind all the time, our brain is a thought machine. Many thoughts drift by like clouds and we don't pay any attention while other thoughts arise and they trigger us in a particulate way, i.e., scary, angry, happy, sad, and when those thoughts arise we can chose to pay more attention to the thought which can lead us down that particulate thought stream that will lead to fear and anxiety. So, how do we work or stop those scary thought streams? One new skill to implement comes from the work of Rick Hansen, he wrote the book Buddha's Brain," he teaches that we need to give more energy and attention to the positive thoughts or positive memories we hold in our mind and pay less attention to the negative thoughts. Hansen asks us to imagine the brain this way, the brain is like Velcro with negative thoughts and like teflon when it comes to positive thoughts. There are reasons that our brain works this way, but I don't have time to go into all of that in this response. So, it's just important to remember we have to work at positive thinking, actually pausing throughout the day to focus on positive feelings and memories, this will help the mind reinforce positive thought streams and help reduce negative thought streams over time. If a scary thought arises try to replace it with a happy experience for at least a couple of moments, and see if that helps reduce the negative charge connected with that scary thought. </p> </s> |
579bde2e188cd61c1684e815 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses. | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.
Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | Anxiety,Parenting,Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Have you told either of your parents that the current house rotation of where you stay, bothers you?</p><p>Since each parent has an interest to be together with you, I imagine that to some degree, each cares how you feel.</p><p>If these conversations are not getting your problem solved, then maybe your therapist can have a family session with your parents together and depending on the outcome, with you and each parent.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses. <</SYS>> I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.
Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? [/INST] <p>Have you told either of your parents that the current house rotation of where you stay, bothers you?</p><p>Since each parent has an interest to be together with you, I imagine that to some degree, each cares how you feel.</p><p>If these conversations are not getting your problem solved, then maybe your therapist can have a family session with your parents together and depending on the outcome, with you and each parent.</p> </s> |
57918848bc069dff6a5338b3 | I have difficulty with communication. | I am a really shy person. I'm currently in a graduate program which requires lots of presentations, but they always make me feel stressed out and less confident. How can I get more confident? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-difficulty-with-communication | Anxiety,Stress | Amy Nolan | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-nolan | <p>A good way to start is the language or "self talk" that is happening inside your mind. Looking at your question, when it is said that the presentations "make me feel stress" you are giving the responsibility of the stress to the presentations and taking that away from your self. The presentations cannot give or take away your stress, that's something only you can do and you can do it! What language can you change in your self talk? For example, are you saying "I can't speak in front of an audience! I'll fail?" That sounds a lot different than "I studied my butt off and if I practice speaking out loud, I can ace this presentation!" Although this is a short answer, I do believe that counseling will help you overcome these stressful feelings and bring out your inner confidence. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have difficulty with communication. <</SYS>> I am a really shy person. I'm currently in a graduate program which requires lots of presentations, but they always make me feel stressed out and less confident. How can I get more confident? [/INST] <p>A good way to start is the language or "self talk" that is happening inside your mind. Looking at your question, when it is said that the presentations "make me feel stress" you are giving the responsibility of the stress to the presentations and taking that away from your self. The presentations cannot give or take away your stress, that's something only you can do and you can do it! What language can you change in your self talk? For example, are you saying "I can't speak in front of an audience! I'll fail?" That sounds a lot different than "I studied my butt off and if I practice speaking out loud, I can ace this presentation!" Although this is a short answer, I do believe that counseling will help you overcome these stressful feelings and bring out your inner confidence. </p> </s> |
56b6e06492c6c8121977a0ad | How can I unblock my memories? | As a child, my parents injured my brother, so they went to prison. I was there when he had gotten hurt, but I can't seem to remember. I also can't remember being with them quite well. It's a blur. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-unblock-my-memories | Trauma | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Sorry to hear of having witnessed violence within your family when you were very young.</p><p>Your blocked memories are a self-protection from the enormous emotional pain and feeling de-stabilized by realizing that the people whom you expected to trust, are harmful.</p><p>Already you are at the first step, which is to know that memories exist about the disturbing events concerning your brother.</p><p>Probably the best way of finding your way back to those times, is by paying attention to all of who you are today.</p><p>The more intently and with loving interest you are able to notice yourself, you will be gradually dissolving the layers of protective thoughts about intimacy being unsafe.</p><p>Basically, you will be teaching yourself how to slowly trust yourself.</p><p>Since trust is what was violated while you were young, you will be developing a new model for trusting yourself and others.</p><p>Then, more of the memories of your painful and overwhelming times will make themselves available to you.</p><p>They are simply waiting for you to be strong and trusting enough within yourself, to tolerate them!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I unblock my memories? <</SYS>> As a child, my parents injured my brother, so they went to prison. I was there when he had gotten hurt, but I can't seem to remember. I also can't remember being with them quite well. It's a blur. [/INST] <p>Sorry to hear of having witnessed violence within your family when you were very young.</p><p>Your blocked memories are a self-protection from the enormous emotional pain and feeling de-stabilized by realizing that the people whom you expected to trust, are harmful.</p><p>Already you are at the first step, which is to know that memories exist about the disturbing events concerning your brother.</p><p>Probably the best way of finding your way back to those times, is by paying attention to all of who you are today.</p><p>The more intently and with loving interest you are able to notice yourself, you will be gradually dissolving the layers of protective thoughts about intimacy being unsafe.</p><p>Basically, you will be teaching yourself how to slowly trust yourself.</p><p>Since trust is what was violated while you were young, you will be developing a new model for trusting yourself and others.</p><p>Then, more of the memories of your painful and overwhelming times will make themselves available to you.</p><p>They are simply waiting for you to be strong and trusting enough within yourself, to tolerate them!</p> </s> |
557136aaa03de6c365f45bd5 | I need help of letting go of a man who hurt me but it’s so hard. How do I do it? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-of-letting-go-of-a-man-who-hurt-me-but-it-s-so-hard-how-do-i-do-it | Relationships | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>It is incredibly hard to let go of a relationship that was meaningful in your life. Even though you consider the relationship to be a hurtful one, I’m sure there are some aspects about it that are hard to let go of (i.e. time invested, mutual friends, positive memories, etc). So it is very understandable why it’s hard for you. </p><p><span>However, the most important piece here is that you know that this relationship is harmful. That is great that you have recognized this. Unfortunately, some men and women do not realize the damaging and hurtful situation that that they are really in.</span></p><p>Keep in mind that the longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will be until you find the RIGHT person. You are doing this to better yourself and your future. Look at it this way, being in a destructive relationship is comparable to an illness or disease. You are simply, taking the correct measures to rid you of this sickness and to get well.</p><p>It may also help to write down a list of negative aspects of the relationship and keep it close if times arise when you begin to question yourself or start to miss this person. Constant reminders of why you ended the relationship will be helpful to keep you on right track and in the right mind setting.</p><p>It will be difficult, but it’s doable. Give your chance to start on your deserved happiness now.</p><p>Best of luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I need help of letting go of a man who hurt me but it’s so hard. How do I do it? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>It is incredibly hard to let go of a relationship that was meaningful in your life. Even though you consider the relationship to be a hurtful one, I’m sure there are some aspects about it that are hard to let go of (i.e. time invested, mutual friends, positive memories, etc). So it is very understandable why it’s hard for you. </p><p><span>However, the most important piece here is that you know that this relationship is harmful. That is great that you have recognized this. Unfortunately, some men and women do not realize the damaging and hurtful situation that that they are really in.</span></p><p>Keep in mind that the longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will be until you find the RIGHT person. You are doing this to better yourself and your future. Look at it this way, being in a destructive relationship is comparable to an illness or disease. You are simply, taking the correct measures to rid you of this sickness and to get well.</p><p>It may also help to write down a list of negative aspects of the relationship and keep it close if times arise when you begin to question yourself or start to miss this person. Constant reminders of why you ended the relationship will be helpful to keep you on right track and in the right mind setting.</p><p>It will be difficult, but it’s doable. Give your chance to start on your deserved happiness now.</p><p>Best of luck!</p> </s> |
577fb7fa7fe85f1465e2009a | I want help with how to deal with my abused daughter. | She refuses to talk to me and told my mom (her grand mother) that she is remembering things from the past. I don't know what to do. My daughter blames me and swears she hates me.
My parents say I should just let my daughter live with her dad, but I don't see how I could fix things if I only see her every other weekend. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-help-with-how-to-deal-with-my-abused-daughter | Family Conflict,Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Sorry to hear about your high degree of stress.</p><p>How old is your daughter?</p><p>Who abused yours daughter?</p><p>The answers make a difference to your decision.</p><p>Obviously if the father was the abuser, then unless your ex demonstrates to you and you believe, he will not abuse her, your daughter should stay with you.</p><p>If someone other than the father was the abuser and the father has a good relationship with your daughter, then it is possible that the time away from your household will give each of you time away from arguing with one another.</p><p>What does your daughter tell you she wants?</p><p>Her wishes must be considered too.</p><p>Relationships can be fixed. Sometimes being apart helps this process because the two people each have time to reflect more deeply on what they value about the other.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want help with how to deal with my abused daughter. <</SYS>> She refuses to talk to me and told my mom (her grand mother) that she is remembering things from the past. I don't know what to do. My daughter blames me and swears she hates me.
My parents say I should just let my daughter live with her dad, but I don't see how I could fix things if I only see her every other weekend. What should I do? [/INST] <p>Sorry to hear about your high degree of stress.</p><p>How old is your daughter?</p><p>Who abused yours daughter?</p><p>The answers make a difference to your decision.</p><p>Obviously if the father was the abuser, then unless your ex demonstrates to you and you believe, he will not abuse her, your daughter should stay with you.</p><p>If someone other than the father was the abuser and the father has a good relationship with your daughter, then it is possible that the time away from your household will give each of you time away from arguing with one another.</p><p>What does your daughter tell you she wants?</p><p>Her wishes must be considered too.</p><p>Relationships can be fixed. Sometimes being apart helps this process because the two people each have time to reflect more deeply on what they value about the other.</p> </s> |
56bc606c4e568f192e1bfb74 | How can I get my fiancé to notice me again? | My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-fianc-to-notice-me-again | Relationships,Intimacy | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>Hello, </p><p>It doesn't feel good when it seems that your partner no longer cares or cares less for you, especially if your feelings have not changed. It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely. Have you tried talking to him about your concerns? I would suggest to start there. There may be several reasons for his actions, some of which may have nothing to do with how he feels for you. Learning about what is going on for him will likely answer your questions and, depending on his response, may cause some relief. </p><p>When initiating conversations about subjects that are sensitive, there are a few things that you want to remember. Tell him how you are feeling and what you are experiencing, rather than blaming him or telling him what he is doing wrong. Avoid using extreme, black and white language (i.e. always and never). For example, you may say something such as, "I feel confused that we are rarely intimate and I'm wondering if you've also noticed this change" versus "You are never intimate with me anymore." Don't be afraid to ask him questions. You deserve to know what is going on, as his behavior is effecting your well being. I like to ask open-ended questions instead of yes and no questions. It allows for more clarity and deeper explanation. Lastly, ask yourself (and possibly him) what part you play in the recent changes. Does he feel that you've been distant? Does he need something from you? Let him know that you are willing to work things out as a team. If communication attempts fail, seeing a couple's therapist can be a great benefit. Having an objective party to coach you through this difficut time can give you the support that will create lasting changes in your relationship.</p><p>Best of luck to you! <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get my fiancé to notice me again? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore. [/INST] <p>Hello, </p><p>It doesn't feel good when it seems that your partner no longer cares or cares less for you, especially if your feelings have not changed. It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely. Have you tried talking to him about your concerns? I would suggest to start there. There may be several reasons for his actions, some of which may have nothing to do with how he feels for you. Learning about what is going on for him will likely answer your questions and, depending on his response, may cause some relief. </p><p>When initiating conversations about subjects that are sensitive, there are a few things that you want to remember. Tell him how you are feeling and what you are experiencing, rather than blaming him or telling him what he is doing wrong. Avoid using extreme, black and white language (i.e. always and never). For example, you may say something such as, "I feel confused that we are rarely intimate and I'm wondering if you've also noticed this change" versus "You are never intimate with me anymore." Don't be afraid to ask him questions. You deserve to know what is going on, as his behavior is effecting your well being. I like to ask open-ended questions instead of yes and no questions. It allows for more clarity and deeper explanation. Lastly, ask yourself (and possibly him) what part you play in the recent changes. Does he feel that you've been distant? Does he need something from you? Let him know that you are willing to work things out as a team. If communication attempts fail, seeing a couple's therapist can be a great benefit. Having an objective party to coach you through this difficut time can give you the support that will create lasting changes in your relationship.</p><p>Best of luck to you! <br></p> </s> |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>Thank you for submitting this question. I think this type of situation can be common for many couples struggling with how to keep friendships with past relationships while being in a new relationship. </p><p>For me, more information is needed here...but given the information provided, the way I interpret the question is...I'm assuming your boyfriend didn't know you were going to spend the weekend with your good friend? </p><p>Working off of this assumption, I would suggest beginning an open and honest dialogue with your boyfriend about what specifically upset him? And to talk about your point of view regarding spending the weekend with him. I would also suggest talking about how you both envision your relationship when it comes to spending time with others. </p><p>If you feel like you can't have this conversation without it going off track, please consider seeing a couples therapist. They can help you begin these important conversations that can help shape and develop the relationship you and your boyfriend long for. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy <</SYS>> I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? [/INST] <p>Thank you for submitting this question. I think this type of situation can be common for many couples struggling with how to keep friendships with past relationships while being in a new relationship. </p><p>For me, more information is needed here...but given the information provided, the way I interpret the question is...I'm assuming your boyfriend didn't know you were going to spend the weekend with your good friend? </p><p>Working off of this assumption, I would suggest beginning an open and honest dialogue with your boyfriend about what specifically upset him? And to talk about your point of view regarding spending the weekend with him. I would also suggest talking about how you both envision your relationship when it comes to spending time with others. </p><p>If you feel like you can't have this conversation without it going off track, please consider seeing a couples therapist. They can help you begin these important conversations that can help shape and develop the relationship you and your boyfriend long for. </p> </s> |
55fa06471c9509fb5a04c0ff | My new husband is constantly talking to himself. | When I ask him who he is talking to, he tells me no one. But, it sounds like he is holding a conversation with someone. I have even accused him of having a secret cell phone. I ask so much, I feel like I am losing it. Is he trying to make me question my sanity, or is he talking to himself? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-new-husband-is-constantly-talking-to-himself | Relationships | Diana Johnson, MS, LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/diana-johnson-ms-lpc | <p>A rare topic & likely extremely troublesome for you... I would need to have more background information on the two of you before <span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.42857;">beginning to offer any insight. Feel free to email me.</span></p><p>I would also like to add that aside from the reality of whether or not these conversations are actually occurring, as your partner, he should be just as concerned about something that is disturbing you to this level. Partners need each others' trust and support, no matter who is right or wrong.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My new husband is constantly talking to himself. <</SYS>> When I ask him who he is talking to, he tells me no one. But, it sounds like he is holding a conversation with someone. I have even accused him of having a secret cell phone. I ask so much, I feel like I am losing it. Is he trying to make me question my sanity, or is he talking to himself? [/INST] <p>A rare topic & likely extremely troublesome for you... I would need to have more background information on the two of you before <span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.42857;">beginning to offer any insight. Feel free to email me.</span></p><p>I would also like to add that aside from the reality of whether or not these conversations are actually occurring, as your partner, he should be just as concerned about something that is disturbing you to this level. Partners need each others' trust and support, no matter who is right or wrong.</p> </s> |
575a3c47c792dd6c7063e78c | Should I get a divorce? | I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair. | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-get-a-divorce-3 | Marriage,Intimacy | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">Clearly you seem interested in</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">being other people, and you are also concerned about your husband being unfaithful online. But it seems like there is something that keeps you with your husband. And I have so many questions for you: What are you looking for outside of your marriage? Are you willing to give that up if your husband is not able to provide it? Do you want to stay together and make it work? Do you want to open the lines of communication with your husband, so you could analyze the situation together?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">I suggest attending couple’s therapy or even couple’s mediation to assess and discuss where you want to go whit your relationship. It will also help to establish healthy lines of communication, where you could express the pros and cons of the relationship, analyze if you are willing to work to stay together, or have some closure and process a separation. I provide a combination of counseling and mediation in couple's therapy, you can call 787466-5478 to make an appointment.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:107%;
font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";color:#2e74b5;mso-themecolor:accent1;="" mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="">¿Deberé divorciarme?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" color:#3b3838;mso-themecolor:background2;mso-themeshade:64;mso-ansi-language:="" es-pr"="">Le he sido infiel a mi esposo al menos diez veces en los últimos cinco años. En el trabajo pretendo que no soy casada. Recientemente se fijo, pero mentí para cubrirlo. El hablaba con mujeres por el internet, pero yo he tenido varias aventuras.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Claramente tu estas interesada en ver a otras personas, y estas preocupada de que tu esposo haya sido infiel. Pero al parecer hay algo que aun sostiene la relación. Tengo varias preguntas para ti: ¿Que estas buscando fuera de tu matrimonio? ¿Estás dispuesta a dejar lo que encuentras fuera del matrimonio, si tu esposo no puede dártelo? ¿Quieres quedarte con él y hacerlo funcionar? ¿Te gustaría abrir las líneas de comunicación con tu esposo, para que puedan analizar su relación?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Les sugiero hacer terapia de pareja o inclusive mediación, para asesar y discutir a donde quieres llegar con tu relación. También les ayudaría a re-establecer líneas de comunicación de manera que puedan expresar los pros y contras de estar juntos, ver si pueden trabajar para mejorar su matrimonio o partir amigablemente. En mi consultorio proveo una combinación de consejería de pareja y mediación, puede llamar al 787-466-5478 para una cita.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I get a divorce? <</SYS>> I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">Clearly you seem interested in</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">being other people, and you are also concerned about your husband being unfaithful online. But it seems like there is something that keeps you with your husband. And I have so many questions for you: What are you looking for outside of your marriage? Are you willing to give that up if your husband is not able to provide it? Do you want to stay together and make it work? Do you want to open the lines of communication with your husband, so you could analyze the situation together?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">I suggest attending couple’s therapy or even couple’s mediation to assess and discuss where you want to go whit your relationship. It will also help to establish healthy lines of communication, where you could express the pros and cons of the relationship, analyze if you are willing to work to stay together, or have some closure and process a separation. I provide a combination of counseling and mediation in couple's therapy, you can call 787466-5478 to make an appointment.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;line-height:107%;
font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";color:#2e74b5;mso-themecolor:accent1;="" mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="">¿Deberé divorciarme?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" color:#3b3838;mso-themecolor:background2;mso-themeshade:64;mso-ansi-language:="" es-pr"="">Le he sido infiel a mi esposo al menos diez veces en los últimos cinco años. En el trabajo pretendo que no soy casada. Recientemente se fijo, pero mentí para cubrirlo. El hablaba con mujeres por el internet, pero yo he tenido varias aventuras.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Claramente tu estas interesada en ver a otras personas, y estas preocupada de que tu esposo haya sido infiel. Pero al parecer hay algo que aun sostiene la relación. Tengo varias preguntas para ti: ¿Que estas buscando fuera de tu matrimonio? ¿Estás dispuesta a dejar lo que encuentras fuera del matrimonio, si tu esposo no puede dártelo? ¿Quieres quedarte con él y hacerlo funcionar? ¿Te gustaría abrir las líneas de comunicación con tu esposo, para que puedan analizar su relación?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Les sugiero hacer terapia de pareja o inclusive mediación, para asesar y discutir a donde quieres llegar con tu relación. También les ayudaría a re-establecer líneas de comunicación de manera que puedan expresar los pros y contras de estar juntos, ver si pueden trabajar para mejorar su matrimonio o partir amigablemente. En mi consultorio proveo una combinación de consejería de pareja y mediación, puede llamar al 787-466-5478 para una cita.</span></p> </s> |
5684bec6a377e46d7ebe2cb8 | Is it normal to blame myself for someone else's actions? | I'm a teenage girl, and my dad is an alcoholic. I hate being at home with him because he just stresses me out. He can be picking me up from basketball practice or piano lessons, and half of the time, I don't even know if he's sober or not. I refuse to get into the vehicle with him and walk home sometimes. I've either been barely sleeping or I over sleep, so I'm always tired. I live in a small town, so there's no one I can really talk to because I'm not really that close with my family. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-blame-myself-for-someone-else-s-actions | Family Conflict,Stress,Sleep Improvement | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello, and thank you for your question. You are clearly a
resourceful young person to reach out like this to find help. Good for you. I
have a few ideas and perhaps some other counselors will add some thoughts, too.
</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">First, good for you for taking care of yourself and making
really good decisions – such as not getting into the car with dad when he is
intoxicated. It is really important that you consider your safety above all
else. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">To answer your heading question, yes, it is quite common for
people to blame themselves for other people’s actions. There are various
reasons why we do this. For one thing, someone may </font><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><font face="Calibri" size="3">tell </font></i><font face="Calibri" size="3">us that their behaviors are </font><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><font face="Calibri" size="3">our </font></i><font face="Calibri" size="3">fault. And depending on things like our relationship to that
person, past experiences, and our self-esteem, we may actually start to believe
it. What is important to remember is that your parents have the responsibility
to be sure that </font><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><font face="Calibri" size="3">you</font></i><font face="Calibri" size="3"> are safe and
cared for, not the other way around. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">As for the other things you mentioned, I am concerned about both
your physical and emotional safety and well-being. It sounds like your father
has an alcohol abuse problem, and living with someone who is struggling with
addiction can be hard for anyone, let alone a teenager who is also trying to
deal with things like school. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">You may want to see if your school has a counselor or
someone you can talk to about what is going on. I will tell you that in some
states, what you have told me may be something that a counselor would have to
report to child protection services, but not necessarily. If you are concerned
about that, ask the counselor what they are obligated to report. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">If you don’t know a counselor, think about any other adult
that you would feel comfortable talking to. They may have some ideas. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Sometimes individual states have non-profit chat lines or
hotlines for teens to call if they are struggling with things. You may be able
to find something like that in your state. I do warn your about doing random
searches, not every website is good, so be careful. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">This is clearly a tough spot for you to be in, so one of the
things that I encourage you to do while searching for support is to focus on
taking care of yourself. Sometimes things like this can really bring us down and
we stop doing the things we enjoy. Try really hard not to let that happen. If
you have interests, do them. If you catch yourself thinking too hard about
things, try to find something fun to do to distract yourself. Try to take care
of yourself in other ways, such as eating well. Exercise can really help when
we get stressed. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I hope some of this was helpful. Good luck.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to blame myself for someone else's actions? <</SYS>> I'm a teenage girl, and my dad is an alcoholic. I hate being at home with him because he just stresses me out. He can be picking me up from basketball practice or piano lessons, and half of the time, I don't even know if he's sober or not. I refuse to get into the vehicle with him and walk home sometimes. I've either been barely sleeping or I over sleep, so I'm always tired. I live in a small town, so there's no one I can really talk to because I'm not really that close with my family. [/INST] <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello, and thank you for your question. You are clearly a
resourceful young person to reach out like this to find help. Good for you. I
have a few ideas and perhaps some other counselors will add some thoughts, too.
</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">First, good for you for taking care of yourself and making
really good decisions – such as not getting into the car with dad when he is
intoxicated. It is really important that you consider your safety above all
else. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">To answer your heading question, yes, it is quite common for
people to blame themselves for other people’s actions. There are various
reasons why we do this. For one thing, someone may </font><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><font face="Calibri" size="3">tell </font></i><font face="Calibri" size="3">us that their behaviors are </font><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><font face="Calibri" size="3">our </font></i><font face="Calibri" size="3">fault. And depending on things like our relationship to that
person, past experiences, and our self-esteem, we may actually start to believe
it. What is important to remember is that your parents have the responsibility
to be sure that </font><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><font face="Calibri" size="3">you</font></i><font face="Calibri" size="3"> are safe and
cared for, not the other way around. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">As for the other things you mentioned, I am concerned about both
your physical and emotional safety and well-being. It sounds like your father
has an alcohol abuse problem, and living with someone who is struggling with
addiction can be hard for anyone, let alone a teenager who is also trying to
deal with things like school. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">You may want to see if your school has a counselor or
someone you can talk to about what is going on. I will tell you that in some
states, what you have told me may be something that a counselor would have to
report to child protection services, but not necessarily. If you are concerned
about that, ask the counselor what they are obligated to report. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">If you don’t know a counselor, think about any other adult
that you would feel comfortable talking to. They may have some ideas. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Sometimes individual states have non-profit chat lines or
hotlines for teens to call if they are struggling with things. You may be able
to find something like that in your state. I do warn your about doing random
searches, not every website is good, so be careful. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">This is clearly a tough spot for you to be in, so one of the
things that I encourage you to do while searching for support is to focus on
taking care of yourself. Sometimes things like this can really bring us down and
we stop doing the things we enjoy. Try really hard not to let that happen. If
you have interests, do them. If you catch yourself thinking too hard about
things, try to find something fun to do to distract yourself. Try to take care
of yourself in other ways, such as eating well. Exercise can really help when
we get stressed. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I hope some of this was helpful. Good luck.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> </s> |
56860620e716b51523007b14 | Should I tell my kids that Santa is real after their dad told them he is not? | My ex-husband told my two adolescents that Santa doesn't exist on the day before Christmas. They are desperate to hold on to the magic of Christmas, but I don't know if it's right for me to lie to them and tell them that Santa is real. I don't want to let them down and make them lose out on those memories, but I also don't want to lose their trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-tell-my-kids-that-santa-is-real-after-their-dad-told-them-he-is-not | Parenting | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Well Boise, the cat's out of the bag now, isn't it? I love that you want to help your kids keep the magic of Christmas. They must want that too if they still believe in Santa into their teen years, which is unusual, I believe. I wonder if they had already figured it out anyway?</p><p>But they know now, and your ex had the right to tell them if he felt it was best. So it's time to explain to them what a loving and magical thing it is that parents do, and Christmas can still be magical in so many ways. Really, who says they have to stop believing in Santa? Santa is very real as a spirit of surprise, generosity and love. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I tell my kids that Santa is real after their dad told them he is not? <</SYS>> My ex-husband told my two adolescents that Santa doesn't exist on the day before Christmas. They are desperate to hold on to the magic of Christmas, but I don't know if it's right for me to lie to them and tell them that Santa is real. I don't want to let them down and make them lose out on those memories, but I also don't want to lose their trust. [/INST] <p>Well Boise, the cat's out of the bag now, isn't it? I love that you want to help your kids keep the magic of Christmas. They must want that too if they still believe in Santa into their teen years, which is unusual, I believe. I wonder if they had already figured it out anyway?</p><p>But they know now, and your ex had the right to tell them if he felt it was best. So it's time to explain to them what a loving and magical thing it is that parents do, and Christmas can still be magical in so many ways. Really, who says they have to stop believing in Santa? Santa is very real as a spirit of surprise, generosity and love. </p> </s> |
5756c49fc792dd6c7063e71f | How can I control myself and my anger? | I snap easy and push people away. I need help before I push my boyfriend away. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-myself-and-my-anger | Anger Management,Relationships | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Awareness is the first step. Now that you know that you snap and push people away, you can look into ways to control your anger. If you give yourself the time to analyze why you experience anger, you will discover that there are other feelings underneath; shame, frustration, disappointment, and fear are some of the feelings that we cover with anger when we are not ready to deal with them or don’t know how to express them. So next time you feel angry, even if you snap (with practice you will be able to identify them ahead of time), identify why you are angry, and try to express it out loud. A therapist can help you to learn assertive communication skill using examples drawn from your daily experiences.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">If you would like to engage in therapy, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;
mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo controlarme y a mi coraje?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Exploto fácilmente y alejo a las personas. Necesito ayudo antes de hacer que mi novio se aleje.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Tener conciencia de la situación es el primer paso. Ahora que sabes que explotas y alejas a las personas, puedes buscar maneras de controlar tu enojo. Si te das tiempo para analizar porque te da coraje, descubrirás que hay otras emociones escondidas, la vergüenza, la frustración, la decepción y el miedo son algunas de las emociones que cubrimos con coraje cuando no estamos listos para revelarlas, procesarlas o expresarlas. Así que la próxima vez que estés a punto de explotar, o cuando ya hayas explotado (con la practica uno aprende a identificarlas de antemano), identifica por que estas enojada e intenta expresarlo en voz alta. Un consejero te puede ayudar aprender técnicas de comunicación asertiva usando ejemplos de tu vida cotidiana.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Si te gustaría hacer terapia, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I control myself and my anger? <</SYS>> I snap easy and push people away. I need help before I push my boyfriend away. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Awareness is the first step. Now that you know that you snap and push people away, you can look into ways to control your anger. If you give yourself the time to analyze why you experience anger, you will discover that there are other feelings underneath; shame, frustration, disappointment, and fear are some of the feelings that we cover with anger when we are not ready to deal with them or don’t know how to express them. So next time you feel angry, even if you snap (with practice you will be able to identify them ahead of time), identify why you are angry, and try to express it out loud. A therapist can help you to learn assertive communication skill using examples drawn from your daily experiences.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">If you would like to engage in therapy, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;
mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo controlarme y a mi coraje?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Exploto fácilmente y alejo a las personas. Necesito ayudo antes de hacer que mi novio se aleje.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Tener conciencia de la situación es el primer paso. Ahora que sabes que explotas y alejas a las personas, puedes buscar maneras de controlar tu enojo. Si te das tiempo para analizar porque te da coraje, descubrirás que hay otras emociones escondidas, la vergüenza, la frustración, la decepción y el miedo son algunas de las emociones que cubrimos con coraje cuando no estamos listos para revelarlas, procesarlas o expresarlas. Así que la próxima vez que estés a punto de explotar, o cuando ya hayas explotado (con la practica uno aprende a identificarlas de antemano), identifica por que estas enojada e intenta expresarlo en voz alta. Un consejero te puede ayudar aprender técnicas de comunicación asertiva usando ejemplos de tu vida cotidiana.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Si te gustaría hacer terapia, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478.</span></p> </s> |
577488c4c8c3e0180cffa1f0 | How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts? | Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-out-of-my-head-and-stop-obsessive-thoughts | Behavioral Change | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry you're going through this problem of scary thoughts in your mind.</p><p>None of us are able to directly stop thoughts from coming.</p><p>What is possible is to question their value, accuracy, and believability.</p><p>Maybe if you examine the thoughts which upset you, you'll be able to feel better by understanding that the thoughts are not very relevant to your actual life.</p><p>Also, another choice of what to do with the upsetting thoughts, is to redirect them. When a stressful or frightening thought shows up in your mind, give it a happy resolution. Basically, turn the fright into something pleasant or at least bearable.</p><p><br></p><p>I hope this helps you at least a little bit!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts? <</SYS>> Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? [/INST] <p>I'm sorry you're going through this problem of scary thoughts in your mind.</p><p>None of us are able to directly stop thoughts from coming.</p><p>What is possible is to question their value, accuracy, and believability.</p><p>Maybe if you examine the thoughts which upset you, you'll be able to feel better by understanding that the thoughts are not very relevant to your actual life.</p><p>Also, another choice of what to do with the upsetting thoughts, is to redirect them. When a stressful or frightening thought shows up in your mind, give it a happy resolution. Basically, turn the fright into something pleasant or at least bearable.</p><p><br></p><p>I hope this helps you at least a little bit!</p> </s> |
56d2f2aa9471b0b41ec68e4d | Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment? | My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-healthy-to-embarrass-a-child-as-punishment | Parenting,Family Conflict | Candice Lawhorn | https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-lawhorn | <p>Absolutely not! </p><p>It is never in a child's best interest to use humiliation as punishment. This can lead to issues in the relationship between parent and child as well as the child's social relationships. Kids have a hard enough time. To then go and cause them embarrassment is unconscionable. </p><p>The entire job of a parent is to prepare their child to become a successful, healthy adult. You do this by using healthy ways to teach a child when they make a mistake. Discipline shouldn't be seen as punishment. It should be seen as a way to teach a lesson. What lesson could this possibility be teaching him? Absolutely nothing. </p><p>Meanwhile, she is most likely damaging her relationship with him and causing great distress in his school day and peer interactions. </p><p>She should be one of the people he can come to when he's hurting; not someone who causes him pain.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment? <</SYS>> My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment. [/INST] <p>Absolutely not! </p><p>It is never in a child's best interest to use humiliation as punishment. This can lead to issues in the relationship between parent and child as well as the child's social relationships. Kids have a hard enough time. To then go and cause them embarrassment is unconscionable. </p><p>The entire job of a parent is to prepare their child to become a successful, healthy adult. You do this by using healthy ways to teach a child when they make a mistake. Discipline shouldn't be seen as punishment. It should be seen as a way to teach a lesson. What lesson could this possibility be teaching him? Absolutely nothing. </p><p>Meanwhile, she is most likely damaging her relationship with him and causing great distress in his school day and peer interactions. </p><p>She should be one of the people he can come to when he's hurting; not someone who causes him pain.</p> </s> |
5744803ec792dd6c7063e3fc | How can I stop thinking so negatively about myself? | I'm depressed and recently went through a break up. It’s like every guy I like only wants me for sex. I think I'm ugly, and sometimes I just want to die. I have a son, and I got really big when I was pregnant. I have stretch marks on my stomach. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-thinking-so-negatively-about-myself | Self-esteem,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you are currently feeling as if you want to die, please call 800-273-8255 and talk to someone.</p><p>One way to work on not always thinking so negatively about yourself is to surround yourself with people who are more positive toward you. Do you have friends or family who are supportive?</p><p>Can you find one part of you that you do not think is ugly?</p><p>If your stretch marks are still bothering you, talk with a pharmacist or your primary care physician. Sometimes there are creams or lotions you can use to decrease stretch marks and they should be able to guide you in the right direction.</p><p>You mentioned mostly physical things here. I wonder if you can find one small thing each day that is going right and build from there. Perhaps your son makes you smile?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I stop thinking so negatively about myself? <</SYS>> I'm depressed and recently went through a break up. It’s like every guy I like only wants me for sex. I think I'm ugly, and sometimes I just want to die. I have a son, and I got really big when I was pregnant. I have stretch marks on my stomach. [/INST] <p>If you are currently feeling as if you want to die, please call 800-273-8255 and talk to someone.</p><p>One way to work on not always thinking so negatively about yourself is to surround yourself with people who are more positive toward you. Do you have friends or family who are supportive?</p><p>Can you find one part of you that you do not think is ugly?</p><p>If your stretch marks are still bothering you, talk with a pharmacist or your primary care physician. Sometimes there are creams or lotions you can use to decrease stretch marks and they should be able to guide you in the right direction.</p><p>You mentioned mostly physical things here. I wonder if you can find one small thing each day that is going right and build from there. Perhaps your son makes you smile?</p> </s> |
58432b4a950e2507cf23dc88 | What makes a good marriage? | What makes a healthy marriage last? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-makes-a-good-marriage | Marriage | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | A resource I think is helpful to learn more about "what makes a good marriage" and steps toward doing so is Dr. John Gottman's book: "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." <div><br></div><div>Dr. Gottman is a leader in this field and has done extensive studies with couples to determine what behaviors are key in making a marriage work and what behaviors could predict divorce. I think this book might be a good start if you're wanting to learn more about how to have a long lasting relationship. </div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What makes a good marriage? <</SYS>> What makes a healthy marriage last? [/INST] A resource I think is helpful to learn more about "what makes a good marriage" and steps toward doing so is Dr. John Gottman's book: "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." <div><br></div><div>Dr. Gottman is a leader in this field and has done extensive studies with couples to determine what behaviors are key in making a marriage work and what behaviors could predict divorce. I think this book might be a good start if you're wanting to learn more about how to have a long lasting relationship. </div> </s> |
575f873e16780993511710aa | What can I do when my family doesn't accept my sexuality? | I'm a teenage gay girl, and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too, but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too, but my family doesn't accept me, so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I have to constantly hide the real me. It hurts so much to hide the real me. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-when-my-family-doesn-t-accept-my-sexuality | LGBTQ,Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>They would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional about this, not because there's anything wrong with the real you, but because having these conversations can be difficult and you may choose to talk about your real self in different ways with different people.</p><p>Maybe you could talk about your concerns with your significant other and discuss different ways you may be able to discuss your relationship that fit with how each of you defines your love for one another.</p><p>Because you are saying openly that you are gay, and it sounds like you already identify yourself as gay, as compared to considering being transgender "soon," it may be worth considering disclosing the fact that you are gay now and disclosing the idea that you are transgender after you have worked through that yourself. I would like for you to be able to be true to yourself and show the real you. It could also be that you already know that you are transgender, but with the way that you phrased it here, I'm not certain.</p><p>Here is a link to a hotline that you may want to consider using. The Trevor Project is about helping teenagers who identify as LGBTQ: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/</p><p>Here is another national site where you may be able to find a local chapter: https://www.pflag.org/</p><p>I don't know what you mean when you said that your family will not accept you, but since you are concerned about your family's reaction, I would suggest that it may be helpful to have a therapist or some other support in place before telling your family. The decision of whether or not to wait longer to tell them is ultimately yours, but I wonder if you have a likelihood of explaining what you are experiencing in a way that would be truer to you and also perhaps easier for your family to follow if you had time to process it with supportive people first.</p><p>Please remember that you are not alone in this. There are people in the world who can and will accept you for who you are.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do when my family doesn't accept my sexuality? <</SYS>> I'm a teenage gay girl, and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too, but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too, but my family doesn't accept me, so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I have to constantly hide the real me. It hurts so much to hide the real me. What can I do? [/INST] <p>They would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional about this, not because there's anything wrong with the real you, but because having these conversations can be difficult and you may choose to talk about your real self in different ways with different people.</p><p>Maybe you could talk about your concerns with your significant other and discuss different ways you may be able to discuss your relationship that fit with how each of you defines your love for one another.</p><p>Because you are saying openly that you are gay, and it sounds like you already identify yourself as gay, as compared to considering being transgender "soon," it may be worth considering disclosing the fact that you are gay now and disclosing the idea that you are transgender after you have worked through that yourself. I would like for you to be able to be true to yourself and show the real you. It could also be that you already know that you are transgender, but with the way that you phrased it here, I'm not certain.</p><p>Here is a link to a hotline that you may want to consider using. The Trevor Project is about helping teenagers who identify as LGBTQ: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/</p><p>Here is another national site where you may be able to find a local chapter: https://www.pflag.org/</p><p>I don't know what you mean when you said that your family will not accept you, but since you are concerned about your family's reaction, I would suggest that it may be helpful to have a therapist or some other support in place before telling your family. The decision of whether or not to wait longer to tell them is ultimately yours, but I wonder if you have a likelihood of explaining what you are experiencing in a way that would be truer to you and also perhaps easier for your family to follow if you had time to process it with supportive people first.</p><p>Please remember that you are not alone in this. There are people in the world who can and will accept you for who you are.</p> </s> |
55849048e1d57a380899c160 | What do I do about a cousin who makes me feel belittled, insecure and frustrated? | Hello, I have a cousin in my family who has been making me feel belittled, insecure, and frustrated during her stay here in the city. I know she comes from a place of love, but she has always been short-fused and highly temperamental if something doesn't work out the way she planned it. I have tried my best to coordinate plans with her, but she always ends up frustrated about the lack of communication I seem to have on my part and then makes condescending comments about my character that include: inconsiderate, negative, oblivious, and self consumed.
I have tried to talk to her openly about this, but it always comes back as an attack on my character and I have never heard these comments from anyone else before. I have been thinking a lot about her comments and whether I truly am an inconsiderate person who is not thoughtful, spatially aware of surroundings/people, or positive, but in the end, I am feeling awfully hurt about how this has affected our relationship.
What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-about-a-cousin-who-makes-me-feel-belittled-insecure-and-frustrated | Family Conflict | Rebecca Duellman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-duellman | <p>Do you have a close friend or relative who's opinion you trust? Ask them for their honest feedback and if they see you like your cousin does. If they don’t see these qualities in you, then it may be your cousin’s issue and she’s taking it out on you. You can always ask her what would be the best way to communicate plans with her so you know, specifically, what she is expecting. Then if you meet these expectations and she still blames you and comments on how inconsiderate you are, it's her issue and she is not coming from a place of love.</p><p>Even if you do resemble her comments, the way it sounds like she approaches this problem is not out of love. The fact that you're introspective enough to consider your own behavior suggests the problem is not with you. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What do I do about a cousin who makes me feel belittled, insecure and frustrated? <</SYS>> Hello, I have a cousin in my family who has been making me feel belittled, insecure, and frustrated during her stay here in the city. I know she comes from a place of love, but she has always been short-fused and highly temperamental if something doesn't work out the way she planned it. I have tried my best to coordinate plans with her, but she always ends up frustrated about the lack of communication I seem to have on my part and then makes condescending comments about my character that include: inconsiderate, negative, oblivious, and self consumed.
I have tried to talk to her openly about this, but it always comes back as an attack on my character and I have never heard these comments from anyone else before. I have been thinking a lot about her comments and whether I truly am an inconsiderate person who is not thoughtful, spatially aware of surroundings/people, or positive, but in the end, I am feeling awfully hurt about how this has affected our relationship.
What can I do? [/INST] <p>Do you have a close friend or relative who's opinion you trust? Ask them for their honest feedback and if they see you like your cousin does. If they don’t see these qualities in you, then it may be your cousin’s issue and she’s taking it out on you. You can always ask her what would be the best way to communicate plans with her so you know, specifically, what she is expecting. Then if you meet these expectations and she still blames you and comments on how inconsiderate you are, it's her issue and she is not coming from a place of love.</p><p>Even if you do resemble her comments, the way it sounds like she approaches this problem is not out of love. The fact that you're introspective enough to consider your own behavior suggests the problem is not with you. </p> </s> |
561ef80fdb761a811c20a293 | My boyfriend says he needs time to think about us | I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-says-he-needs-time-to-think-about-us | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Your boyfriend may like you a lot as well.</p><p>People have different styles of reflecting on their lives, one of which is to retreat the way you describe your boyfriend doing.</p><p>One point you can consider is asking for a time frame of when he'd be ready to discuss his thoughts on your relationship.</p><p>He's entitled to retreat, as much as you're entitled to talk.</p><p>Cooperating with the other person's way of handling themselves is one aspect of relating.</p><p>Since the anti-depressants are a concern for you, consider bringing up this topic when the two of you do talk.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend says he needs time to think about us <</SYS>> I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot. [/INST] <p>Your boyfriend may like you a lot as well.</p><p>People have different styles of reflecting on their lives, one of which is to retreat the way you describe your boyfriend doing.</p><p>One point you can consider is asking for a time frame of when he'd be ready to discuss his thoughts on your relationship.</p><p>He's entitled to retreat, as much as you're entitled to talk.</p><p>Cooperating with the other person's way of handling themselves is one aspect of relating.</p><p>Since the anti-depressants are a concern for you, consider bringing up this topic when the two of you do talk.</p> </s> |
579a83eeb43cd7825e26e2ba | How to get over somebody? | Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-to-get-over-somebody | Relationship Dissolution | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>What you're most likely trying to get over is to be attracted to the qualities which you felt attracted to in the person.</p><p>The problem isn't releasing yourself from the person, per se. Letting go of a person means separating yourself from the qualities in a partner which you value.</p><p>Two possibilities exist.</p><p>Either you continue to feel strongly that the qualities in the past relationship are still meaningful and you'd like to base your next relationship on these qualities.</p><p>Or, the person had qualities which are no longer relevant or necessary in your life and this is the reason the relationship ended.</p><p>It is possible that even if you had an adequate exposure to certain qualities in someone that you simply miss the companionship of a relationship.</p><p>See if you can figure out whether you need the qualities this person gave you or whether you simply like being part of a couple.</p><p>If you like the particular qualities of your previous parter and these are still relevant to your life, you'll attract a partner who has similar qualities.</p><p>Basically people attract what they need.</p><p>The more open you are to attracting what you need in a partner, the more likely your next partner will have these qualities.</p><p>In this way, you'll get over the particular person and still have the satisfaction to be in a relationship. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How to get over somebody? <</SYS>> Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on? [/INST] <p>What you're most likely trying to get over is to be attracted to the qualities which you felt attracted to in the person.</p><p>The problem isn't releasing yourself from the person, per se. Letting go of a person means separating yourself from the qualities in a partner which you value.</p><p>Two possibilities exist.</p><p>Either you continue to feel strongly that the qualities in the past relationship are still meaningful and you'd like to base your next relationship on these qualities.</p><p>Or, the person had qualities which are no longer relevant or necessary in your life and this is the reason the relationship ended.</p><p>It is possible that even if you had an adequate exposure to certain qualities in someone that you simply miss the companionship of a relationship.</p><p>See if you can figure out whether you need the qualities this person gave you or whether you simply like being part of a couple.</p><p>If you like the particular qualities of your previous parter and these are still relevant to your life, you'll attract a partner who has similar qualities.</p><p>Basically people attract what they need.</p><p>The more open you are to attracting what you need in a partner, the more likely your next partner will have these qualities.</p><p>In this way, you'll get over the particular person and still have the satisfaction to be in a relationship. <br></p> </s> |
567e2b9ca377e46d7ebe2bb3 | Why do I feel like I’m watching my life from a window? | I never feel like myself. I can’t even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can’t remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I hate it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-watching-my-life-from-a-window | Behavioral Change,Anxiety | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | <p>What you are describing sounds like it may be a form of dissociation. Dissociation is our mind's way of disconnecting us from aspects of our experience in an attempt to protect us in overwhelming situations. It also sounds like you are noticing anxiety in certain situations. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into these experiences, learn skills for coping with anxiety and reconnecting with yourself, and alleviate these symptoms over time.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel like I’m watching my life from a window? <</SYS>> I never feel like myself. I can’t even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can’t remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I hate it. [/INST] <p>What you are describing sounds like it may be a form of dissociation. Dissociation is our mind's way of disconnecting us from aspects of our experience in an attempt to protect us in overwhelming situations. It also sounds like you are noticing anxiety in certain situations. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into these experiences, learn skills for coping with anxiety and reconnecting with yourself, and alleviate these symptoms over time.<br></p> </s> |
56f75c77b814e1ce4637192d | Can anxiety make me think I heard something about me? | When I'm around people, I sometimes think someone has made a comment to me or asked me to do something. I will be focusing on something else and then randomly think I hear something about me. I never know if it was actually said. | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-anxiety-make-me-think-i-heard-something-about-me | Anxiety,Behavioral Change | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | <p>It sounds like you are having difficulty knowing if people are saying things to you, or if you only thought someone was talking to you, and this is anxiety producing. It's understandable that it could be confusing and/or a bit scary to be unsure if people are speaking to you or not. It's hard to say exactly what is going on from just this description, but if you can work with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what is happening, get clarity about your social interactions, and develop some ways to deal with the anxiety.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can anxiety make me think I heard something about me? <</SYS>> When I'm around people, I sometimes think someone has made a comment to me or asked me to do something. I will be focusing on something else and then randomly think I hear something about me. I never know if it was actually said. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are having difficulty knowing if people are saying things to you, or if you only thought someone was talking to you, and this is anxiety producing. It's understandable that it could be confusing and/or a bit scary to be unsure if people are speaking to you or not. It's hard to say exactly what is going on from just this description, but if you can work with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what is happening, get clarity about your social interactions, and develop some ways to deal with the anxiety.<br></p> </s> |
5748d666c792dd6c7063e48d | How can I resist the urge to cut? | I stopped for a while, but I’ve started doing it again. It’s like an addiction. The more I try to stop, the more I want to do it. I’ve tried doing some of the stuff they say to do like draw, but it doesn’t work. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-resist-the-urge-to-cut-2 | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I've heard people say that they cut themselves as a way to feel relief from different emotions. You're also right that when you try to focus on just not cutting, it becomes more difficult because it's what you are focused on. While that is still something to work on, it may also be helpful to find something else you can do instead. You said drawing doesn't work for you. Sometimes more physical activities, such as doing a few jumping jacks, can be helpful. If you don't exercise, it might be something to talk with your doctor about first.</p><p>The more you can learn about what makes you want to cut, the easier it will be to find out what you could do to change that. Try talking to somebody about what you are feeling in addition to the urge to cut.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I resist the urge to cut? <</SYS>> I stopped for a while, but I’ve started doing it again. It’s like an addiction. The more I try to stop, the more I want to do it. I’ve tried doing some of the stuff they say to do like draw, but it doesn’t work. [/INST] <p>I've heard people say that they cut themselves as a way to feel relief from different emotions. You're also right that when you try to focus on just not cutting, it becomes more difficult because it's what you are focused on. While that is still something to work on, it may also be helpful to find something else you can do instead. You said drawing doesn't work for you. Sometimes more physical activities, such as doing a few jumping jacks, can be helpful. If you don't exercise, it might be something to talk with your doctor about first.</p><p>The more you can learn about what makes you want to cut, the easier it will be to find out what you could do to change that. Try talking to somebody about what you are feeling in addition to the urge to cut.</p> </s> |
572a9142aaeea25a1918b489 | I am 20 and miserable. | I have no friends, no hobbies, and no interest in anything. I get annoyed with everything and everyone. I am always tired, i can sleep 8 hrs or 12 hrs and im still tired. I don't know what to do. Is this normal? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-20-and-miserable | Depression | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. It certainly sounds like you don't like how things are going. Here are a few thoughts and ideas:</p><p>1. If you haven't seen a primary care provider in a while, you may want to. There are health conditions that can affect your mood and energy levels, even at your age. It doesn't hurt to get checked out. If they find the cause, they may be able to treat it and improve the symptoms. In addition, most primary care providers are trained to be able to manage medication for patients who have mild, moderate, and sometimes severe depression. So, don't be surprised if your primary care doctor offers to put you on an anti-depressant if they diagnose you with depression. Medication is not the only way to treat depression, but sometimes it is necessary depending on different factors.</p><p>2. You may want to consider counseling, since it is another effective way to treat depression. A counselor will help you explore the factors that may be leading to depressive symptoms in the first place. This could include thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, life experiences, and other things. </p><p>3. Finally, to answer your question about whether these feelings are "normal." These symptoms could be the sign of an underlying general health or mental health condition. It is important to remember that even if these symptoms are "abnormal" it doesn't mean that YOU are. Millions of people struggle with depression. So remember, the symptoms are the problem, not YOU. </p><p><br></p><p>Hope this helps. Be well.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am 20 and miserable. <</SYS>> I have no friends, no hobbies, and no interest in anything. I get annoyed with everything and everyone. I am always tired, i can sleep 8 hrs or 12 hrs and im still tired. I don't know what to do. Is this normal? [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. It certainly sounds like you don't like how things are going. Here are a few thoughts and ideas:</p><p>1. If you haven't seen a primary care provider in a while, you may want to. There are health conditions that can affect your mood and energy levels, even at your age. It doesn't hurt to get checked out. If they find the cause, they may be able to treat it and improve the symptoms. In addition, most primary care providers are trained to be able to manage medication for patients who have mild, moderate, and sometimes severe depression. So, don't be surprised if your primary care doctor offers to put you on an anti-depressant if they diagnose you with depression. Medication is not the only way to treat depression, but sometimes it is necessary depending on different factors.</p><p>2. You may want to consider counseling, since it is another effective way to treat depression. A counselor will help you explore the factors that may be leading to depressive symptoms in the first place. This could include thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, life experiences, and other things. </p><p>3. Finally, to answer your question about whether these feelings are "normal." These symptoms could be the sign of an underlying general health or mental health condition. It is important to remember that even if these symptoms are "abnormal" it doesn't mean that YOU are. Millions of people struggle with depression. So remember, the symptoms are the problem, not YOU. </p><p><br></p><p>Hope this helps. Be well.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
570008d738d8448168a85d94 | Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away? | My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-if-i-take-my-friend-s-pills-away | Social Relationships,Substance Abuse | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>Your friend needs to admit they have a problem. If not no matter how many pills you take they will find a way to get more. It is also a federal offense to take someone else's medication so if you did take it she could have you arrested. In other instances it can be more dangerous to take medication away than slowly tapering off of them. Like anything we put into our system our tolerance builds up and can effect us in different ways. I would listen to her and discuss why she feels that she needs to be on the medications rather than playing bad cop in this situation. Encourage her to get help and let her know you re there for her. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away? <</SYS>> My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications. [/INST] <p>Your friend needs to admit they have a problem. If not no matter how many pills you take they will find a way to get more. It is also a federal offense to take someone else's medication so if you did take it she could have you arrested. In other instances it can be more dangerous to take medication away than slowly tapering off of them. Like anything we put into our system our tolerance builds up and can effect us in different ways. I would listen to her and discuss why she feels that she needs to be on the medications rather than playing bad cop in this situation. Encourage her to get help and let her know you re there for her. </p> </s> |
56f34411466e9f5456bb48d5 | What do I do when I have anxiety attacks? | I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-when-i-have-anxiety-attacks | Anxiety | Tanairy Fernandez, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tanairy-fernandez-lmhc | <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">This is a very common question in my practice. Panic attacks typically emerge from an underlying issue (ex. Depression, low self-esteem, fears). To decrease your anxiety symptoms it’s recommended to seek treatment with a therapist who specializes in working with anxiety disorders and most importantly one with whom you feel comfortable with.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">In my practice I educate clients about their anxiety and discuss building a framework with helpful tools for decreasing anxiety:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">1. Starting a daily mindfulness practice. For example: listening to guided meditation; engaging in deep breathing exercises; yoga practice; or other positive calming activities.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">2. Understand your negative and positive thoughts. Many times we tend to focus on the potential for bad things to happen. Increase positive self-talk when feeling down or when anxious. For example: "I don't need to worry, I am calm and relaxed". </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">3. Exposure to fearful or anxious situations. This can be accomplished under the care of a mental health professional. Many times we shy away from things that make us feel uncomfortable or insecure. This may led to an increase in isolating behaviors resulting in difficulty in performing things we were once able to do. For example: leaving the house; presenting in front of others; going to social events; and having conversations with people. However, the more we expose ourselves and practice the use of our positive coping skills (ex. deep breathing) the chances of anxiety will decrease. </span></p><p><span id="docs-internal-guid-f9a4c5b0-de2f-0833-5628-44aade24bcc0"><span style="font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 121, 107); vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;">I hope this was helpful. Keep in mind, a therapist can help with guiding you through self relaxation and improvement.</span></span><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What do I do when I have anxiety attacks? <</SYS>> I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. [/INST] <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">This is a very common question in my practice. Panic attacks typically emerge from an underlying issue (ex. Depression, low self-esteem, fears). To decrease your anxiety symptoms it’s recommended to seek treatment with a therapist who specializes in working with anxiety disorders and most importantly one with whom you feel comfortable with.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">In my practice I educate clients about their anxiety and discuss building a framework with helpful tools for decreasing anxiety:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">1. Starting a daily mindfulness practice. For example: listening to guided meditation; engaging in deep breathing exercises; yoga practice; or other positive calming activities.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">2. Understand your negative and positive thoughts. Many times we tend to focus on the potential for bad things to happen. Increase positive self-talk when feeling down or when anxious. For example: "I don't need to worry, I am calm and relaxed". </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#00796b;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">3. Exposure to fearful or anxious situations. This can be accomplished under the care of a mental health professional. Many times we shy away from things that make us feel uncomfortable or insecure. This may led to an increase in isolating behaviors resulting in difficulty in performing things we were once able to do. For example: leaving the house; presenting in front of others; going to social events; and having conversations with people. However, the more we expose ourselves and practice the use of our positive coping skills (ex. deep breathing) the chances of anxiety will decrease. </span></p><p><span id="docs-internal-guid-f9a4c5b0-de2f-0833-5628-44aade24bcc0"><span style="font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 121, 107); vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;">I hope this was helpful. Keep in mind, a therapist can help with guiding you through self relaxation and improvement.</span></span><br></p> </s> |
58a34681152ba8625f4005fd | How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-3 | Stress | Kim Hollingdale | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale | Our body reacts to stress typically by breathing more shallowly, increasing our heart rate and tensing our muscles - so one thing that I find really effective is to try to do the opposite of that, which sends the signal to our mind that we are relaxed. So that means, taking slower, fuller breaths and trying to relax any areas where we might be gripping our muscles. Check out meditation apps such as 'Breathe', which can talk you through a relaxing breath exercise. I recommend using the app daily, whether you feel stressed or not, and then also using it when you re feeling particular moments of stress - that way you are practicing the skill when you feel calm(wish) and it'll be ready and able to help you when stress hits hard. | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less stressed? <</SYS>> I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? [/INST] Our body reacts to stress typically by breathing more shallowly, increasing our heart rate and tensing our muscles - so one thing that I find really effective is to try to do the opposite of that, which sends the signal to our mind that we are relaxed. So that means, taking slower, fuller breaths and trying to relax any areas where we might be gripping our muscles. Check out meditation apps such as 'Breathe', which can talk you through a relaxing breath exercise. I recommend using the app daily, whether you feel stressed or not, and then also using it when you re feeling particular moments of stress - that way you are practicing the skill when you feel calm(wish) and it'll be ready and able to help you when stress hits hard. </s> |
577d87d67fe85f1465e20058 | My fiancé's ex-husband shows up unannounced. | he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fiancé tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-fianc-s-ex-husband-shows-up-unannounced | Family Conflict,Parenting,Relationship Dissolution ,Relationships | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> The short answer to your question is "No" it's <span style="text-decoration: underline;">not</span> okay for <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone </span>to ever be doing this. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There's a lot of unanswered questions and other factors going on here that need attention. Nevertheless, d</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">on't hesitate to seek out legal counsel and/or call 911.</span></p><p> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> Ideally, your </span><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px; white-space: pre-wrap;">fiancé would be able to speak directly to her ex-husband and set reasonable boundaries that honor whatever legal agreements are in force resultant from the divorce and custody agreements. The fact that she's afraid to say anything to him about his inappropriate behavior, and that she hasn't been able to give you any reason for her fear, suggests possible factors of past abusive behaviors, entitlement, and/or co-dependence. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> I hope things work out well for all and I'm confident a skilled therapist could help all navigate how best to set boundaries and experience greater healing. </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My fiancé's ex-husband shows up unannounced. <</SYS>> he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fiancé tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this? [/INST] <p> The short answer to your question is "No" it's <span style="text-decoration: underline;">not</span> okay for <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone </span>to ever be doing this. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There's a lot of unanswered questions and other factors going on here that need attention. Nevertheless, d</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">on't hesitate to seek out legal counsel and/or call 911.</span></p><p> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> Ideally, your </span><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px; white-space: pre-wrap;">fiancé would be able to speak directly to her ex-husband and set reasonable boundaries that honor whatever legal agreements are in force resultant from the divorce and custody agreements. The fact that she's afraid to say anything to him about his inappropriate behavior, and that she hasn't been able to give you any reason for her fear, suggests possible factors of past abusive behaviors, entitlement, and/or co-dependence. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> I hope things work out well for all and I'm confident a skilled therapist could help all navigate how best to set boundaries and experience greater healing. </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> </span></p> </s> |
55f1bc18934eadd0573da77d | What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-you-do-if-your-partner-isn-t-satisfying-your-needs-sexually | Intimacy | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>Depends: What do would you like to see happen?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Depends: What do would you like to see happen?</p> </s> |
55ce1dca671338c00dd8c6dc | How do I open things up with a therapist without fearing judgment and condescension? | I have several issues that I need to work through. However, I am afraid of and do not trust therapists after a horrible experience. I'm dealing with grief and guilt over losing my sons due to drug use. I have a very complicated traumatic relationship issue that is causing me severe anxiety and fear. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-open-things-up-with-a-therapist-without-fearing-judgment-and-condescension | Grief and Loss,Trauma,Anxiety | Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-cassity-lmsw-lmac | <p>I am sorry that you had this experience. Therapy should be a healthy positive experience off g growth.</p><p> You have the right to look for certain high qualities in a therapist and finding the right one. Each therapist is bound by a code of ethics and clients should have high expectations. You are trusting them to guide, support and help you achieve the absolute best outcome and success. </p><p>You should never be or feel judged, and you should feel comfortable and feel as though your therapy process is moving along with YOUR GOALS IN MIND. <br></p><p>Speaking as a therapist, I encourage my clients to always let me know how they feel, even if they disagree with me, they also have the right to inform me if something I'm doing simply is not working for them, communication is critical in maintaining a healthy therapeutic alliance/ therapeutic relationship. <br></p><p>I'm able to offer ways of thinking and strategies to my clients they may not have thought of. Its important to listen to my clients. It's also critical for clients to feel they can share in a environment that feels safe, non judgmental and confidential.<br></p><p>Remember, you are the driver in your healing process, you should be the one in control because you know what your life struggles are. Speaking as a therapist, I'm here to guide my clients toward achieving their goals, encouraging and empowering my clients in what is meaningful to them to achieve. You should feel comfortable speaking your thoughts, my advice would look one who open hearing toy feel, even it's regarding them a therapist. That they are open to feedback.<br></p><p>With all of that being said, it will take time to trust again but remember, ask questions and communicate with the next therapist share your experience and how it made you feel and that trust and being spoken in a respectful , non judgemental and non condnscending way is critical for you. Be honest clearly state your expectations from start. </p><p> I offer free 50 minute first sessions for clients. The reason. I do this is because I feel that clients deserve opportunity observe the environment, ask me questions and have the opportunity to determine their level of comfort and decide if it's a good fit. Other therapists sometimes offer the similar, try finding one willing to offer a consultation as that could give you the opportunity to feel things out and set forth expectations.</p><p>The article below is an excellent article about what to look for in a therapist. It is worth your time reading because you are WORTH FINDING THE BEST HELP AVAILABLE! <br></p><p>This article was written based on both evidence from research and clinical experience. I would strongly encourage anyone searching for help to read this and even use it as your guide. I hope this was helpful.</p><p>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201603/10-ways-spot-good-therapist</p><p>Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I open things up with a therapist without fearing judgment and condescension? <</SYS>> I have several issues that I need to work through. However, I am afraid of and do not trust therapists after a horrible experience. I'm dealing with grief and guilt over losing my sons due to drug use. I have a very complicated traumatic relationship issue that is causing me severe anxiety and fear. [/INST] <p>I am sorry that you had this experience. Therapy should be a healthy positive experience off g growth.</p><p> You have the right to look for certain high qualities in a therapist and finding the right one. Each therapist is bound by a code of ethics and clients should have high expectations. You are trusting them to guide, support and help you achieve the absolute best outcome and success. </p><p>You should never be or feel judged, and you should feel comfortable and feel as though your therapy process is moving along with YOUR GOALS IN MIND. <br></p><p>Speaking as a therapist, I encourage my clients to always let me know how they feel, even if they disagree with me, they also have the right to inform me if something I'm doing simply is not working for them, communication is critical in maintaining a healthy therapeutic alliance/ therapeutic relationship. <br></p><p>I'm able to offer ways of thinking and strategies to my clients they may not have thought of. Its important to listen to my clients. It's also critical for clients to feel they can share in a environment that feels safe, non judgmental and confidential.<br></p><p>Remember, you are the driver in your healing process, you should be the one in control because you know what your life struggles are. Speaking as a therapist, I'm here to guide my clients toward achieving their goals, encouraging and empowering my clients in what is meaningful to them to achieve. You should feel comfortable speaking your thoughts, my advice would look one who open hearing toy feel, even it's regarding them a therapist. That they are open to feedback.<br></p><p>With all of that being said, it will take time to trust again but remember, ask questions and communicate with the next therapist share your experience and how it made you feel and that trust and being spoken in a respectful , non judgemental and non condnscending way is critical for you. Be honest clearly state your expectations from start. </p><p> I offer free 50 minute first sessions for clients. The reason. I do this is because I feel that clients deserve opportunity observe the environment, ask me questions and have the opportunity to determine their level of comfort and decide if it's a good fit. Other therapists sometimes offer the similar, try finding one willing to offer a consultation as that could give you the opportunity to feel things out and set forth expectations.</p><p>The article below is an excellent article about what to look for in a therapist. It is worth your time reading because you are WORTH FINDING THE BEST HELP AVAILABLE! <br></p><p>This article was written based on both evidence from research and clinical experience. I would strongly encourage anyone searching for help to read this and even use it as your guide. I hope this was helpful.</p><p>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201603/10-ways-spot-good-therapist</p><p>Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC</p> </s> |
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789 | What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? | I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide | Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>First I am so sorry for your loss. Most people go through the grieving process. I would get a better understanding of what that process is. Everyone has their own way of handling loss. You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? <</SYS>> I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? [/INST] <p>First I am so sorry for your loss. Most people go through the grieving process. I would get a better understanding of what that process is. Everyone has their own way of handling loss. You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better. </p> </s> |
5789b3b5c5c377c17ceeecd9 | Why do I get angry so easily? | Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-get-angry-so-easily | Anger Management | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>I don't like the word "problem". It is such a strong word. However I would say that you have an issue that needs to be addressed and controlled before it directed at the wrong person and gets totally out of control. I have found that anger management classes has been helpful for my clients. Try and see if it will help. You will be surprised at what you learn about your self.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I get angry so easily? <</SYS>> Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem? [/INST] <p>I don't like the word "problem". It is such a strong word. However I would say that you have an issue that needs to be addressed and controlled before it directed at the wrong person and gets totally out of control. I have found that anger management classes has been helpful for my clients. Try and see if it will help. You will be surprised at what you learn about your self.<br></p> </s> |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>In the best case scenario, it's a mutual discussion and decision. If not, I've had the discussion initiated both ways, by me, when I sense the client has gone has far as they want, by lack of interest in accepting or completing homework assignments, missing or cancelling appointments, usually at the last minute, lack of participation during sessions. Client initiates by asking me pointed questions about why the need for homework assignments,, by forgetting their calendar, or their checkbook :) , by suggesting that we make appointments over longer intervals (once a week to once a month, for example). I rarely have had to terminate a working relationship--that's why I don't charge for the first visit, so we know if we are a good fit before we start working together. Then I periodically ask whether the client feels we are making progress, moving in the right direction, talking about the most relevant issues etc.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling end? <</SYS>> How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? [/INST] <p>In the best case scenario, it's a mutual discussion and decision. If not, I've had the discussion initiated both ways, by me, when I sense the client has gone has far as they want, by lack of interest in accepting or completing homework assignments, missing or cancelling appointments, usually at the last minute, lack of participation during sessions. Client initiates by asking me pointed questions about why the need for homework assignments,, by forgetting their calendar, or their checkbook :) , by suggesting that we make appointments over longer intervals (once a week to once a month, for example). I rarely have had to terminate a working relationship--that's why I don't charge for the first visit, so we know if we are a good fit before we start working together. Then I periodically ask whether the client feels we are making progress, moving in the right direction, talking about the most relevant issues etc.</p> </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, feeling nervous for the first few or several sessions of therapy, is completely normal.</p><p><br></p><p>Therapy is an unusual way to have a conversation with someone. The person is an expert in recognizing and understanding dynamics of human interactions. For some people the fear is that the therapist knows more about you than you do yourself.</p><p><br></p><p>In general terms hopefully your therapist has worked with many other people who've faced problems similar to yours.</p><p>In this sense the therapist has a general idea of the basic dynamics you most likely are handling.</p><p>No therapist could possibly know your particular details and your particular areas of upset or in what ways you feel unsure of yourself.</p><p>Once you start to trust both your own right to tell your particular story and start to also feel that your therapist is listening attentively and cares what you tell the person, your nervousness will start to disappear all on its own.</p><p>Good luck in getting the most from your therapy sessions!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Yes, feeling nervous for the first few or several sessions of therapy, is completely normal.</p><p><br></p><p>Therapy is an unusual way to have a conversation with someone. The person is an expert in recognizing and understanding dynamics of human interactions. For some people the fear is that the therapist knows more about you than you do yourself.</p><p><br></p><p>In general terms hopefully your therapist has worked with many other people who've faced problems similar to yours.</p><p>In this sense the therapist has a general idea of the basic dynamics you most likely are handling.</p><p>No therapist could possibly know your particular details and your particular areas of upset or in what ways you feel unsure of yourself.</p><p>Once you start to trust both your own right to tell your particular story and start to also feel that your therapist is listening attentively and cares what you tell the person, your nervousness will start to disappear all on its own.</p><p>Good luck in getting the most from your therapy sessions!</p> </s> |
570d3d545e87cfae7322eaaa | How can I control my anxiety? | I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-my-anxiety | Anxiety,Depression | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good self-care routine. Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day. These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that affects your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts. Once basic self-care is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy. If you have difficulty initiating self-care routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process. You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication options if it’s too challenging to begin basic self-care.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:
"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#1F4E79;
mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo controlar mi ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal. Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte. Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar. También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I control my anxiety? <</SYS>> I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good self-care routine. Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day. These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that affects your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts. Once basic self-care is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy. If you have difficulty initiating self-care routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process. You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication options if it’s too challenging to begin basic self-care.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:
"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#1F4E79;
mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo controlar mi ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:
115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal. Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte. Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar. También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico. </span></p> </s> |
564aa3195e8030c4305b3113 | Could a rape that happened years ago be the cause of my anxiety? | I was raped repeatedly when I was younger. I told my parents and action was taken, but now that I’m an adult, I suffer from extreme anxiety. | https://counselchat.com/questions/could-a-rape-that-happened-years-ago-be-the-cause-of-my-anxiety | Anxiety,Trauma | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | <p>While anxiety can come about for many reasons, trauma is definitely one of the factors that makes anxiety a possibility both immediately following a traumatic event and later in life. When we have experienced such scary violations of our bodies - we may experience residual effects of fear for many years to come. This is normal, natural and in many ways helpful - at least initially. This fear is in some way a sign that your body/mind is taking good care of you - trying to keep you on your toes in order to protect you from anything terrible happening to you again. However, as it sounds like you know, anxiety feels awful and there are certainly ways of learning to reduce anxiety. In order to get the tools you need to manage anxiety and also understand where it comes from and how it works in your life, I would encourage you to seek professional help and check out <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/videos-additional-therapy-resources/">anxiety resources </a>online. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Could a rape that happened years ago be the cause of my anxiety? <</SYS>> I was raped repeatedly when I was younger. I told my parents and action was taken, but now that I’m an adult, I suffer from extreme anxiety. [/INST] <p>While anxiety can come about for many reasons, trauma is definitely one of the factors that makes anxiety a possibility both immediately following a traumatic event and later in life. When we have experienced such scary violations of our bodies - we may experience residual effects of fear for many years to come. This is normal, natural and in many ways helpful - at least initially. This fear is in some way a sign that your body/mind is taking good care of you - trying to keep you on your toes in order to protect you from anything terrible happening to you again. However, as it sounds like you know, anxiety feels awful and there are certainly ways of learning to reduce anxiety. In order to get the tools you need to manage anxiety and also understand where it comes from and how it works in your life, I would encourage you to seek professional help and check out <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/videos-additional-therapy-resources/">anxiety resources </a>online. </p> </s> |
561e8d91e88a65597bb56a8f | My companion tells me he wants nothing to do with me | Then turn right back around and say he loves me and needs me. This rollercoaster is crazy. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-companion-tells-me-he-wants-nothing-to-do-with-me | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, I agree with your view about the "rollercoaster" sounding "crazy"!</p><p>Concentrate on knowing what your reasons are for staying with this guy, given the broad facts that you state.</p><p>What are you gaining from being together and are these gains outweighing how you feel when your companion says the opposite of what he just told you?</p><p>Also, examine yourself for any fears of being alone.</p><p>Very often, people stay in detrimental relationships because of a fear that being alone will feel worse.</p><p>It may, initially feel this way after a breakup.</p><p>This is from change itself.</p><p>Eventually, stability and peace of mind return, and being alone with oneself is preferred to being taken on an emotional rollercoaster by a partner.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My companion tells me he wants nothing to do with me <</SYS>> Then turn right back around and say he loves me and needs me. This rollercoaster is crazy. [/INST] <p>Yes, I agree with your view about the "rollercoaster" sounding "crazy"!</p><p>Concentrate on knowing what your reasons are for staying with this guy, given the broad facts that you state.</p><p>What are you gaining from being together and are these gains outweighing how you feel when your companion says the opposite of what he just told you?</p><p>Also, examine yourself for any fears of being alone.</p><p>Very often, people stay in detrimental relationships because of a fear that being alone will feel worse.</p><p>It may, initially feel this way after a breakup.</p><p>This is from change itself.</p><p>Eventually, stability and peace of mind return, and being alone with oneself is preferred to being taken on an emotional rollercoaster by a partner.</p> </s> |
579766b34a3c0cef34f02ada | I want to become a better man. | I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-become-a-better-man | Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>The first step for making this sort of change is being motivated to change and it sounds like you have that, so you are already on the right track.</p><p>As far as learning how to listen, try some of these steps:</p><ul><li>Ask whether a certain time is a good time for your girlfriend to have an important conversation</li><li>If she has a subject that she would like to discuss, consider listening to her as an investigative reporter and asking questions that help you to gain more understanding of her experience. These questions usually begin with words like who, what, where, when. Questions starting with the word why can sometimes make people very uncomfortable because they may not explicitly know why they are asking for something or feeling a certain way. You can try communicating this way for just five minutes or so on until you feel as though you can restate what your girlfriend is saying and have her agree that you are recapturing the essence of what she is trying to communicate</li><li>Then you can switch so she is listening to you trying to understand your experience. You could also start by talking about something that is important to you.</li><li>Remember that stating that you follow or hear something that she is saying doesn't mean that you agree</li><li>Also, try sticking to one subject at a time. It's difficult to really understand one topic if you are on to the next within just a minute or two</li><li>Try to use the word want or wish instead of need. Saying that you need something (or if your girlfriend would say that) that is not a need for safety or something like that can make whatever you are asking for sound like an obligation. That takes away from that whole motivation to change from inside the partner who is agreeing to change or try to change</li></ul><p>Something else to try would be using some sort of timeout. Consider this:</p><ul><li>Discuss the idea of using timeout before you actually need it and before the discussion starts. Timeout is a way to give each of you a way to calm down for five, 10, 15 minutes, or maybe even an hour. When there are a lot of emotions happening, each person gets wrapped up in protecting themselves from the emotions they are feeling and can lose track of what is actually going on in the conversation as compared to what they are perceiving.</li><li>When using timeout, say to your girlfriend (or she can say to you) "I need an hour before we can go back to this." Then actually come back to the discussion.</li><li>Some people are very afraid to use this technique because in the past not talking about something right away meant that it never was returned to and was never resolved in any way. This is why the agreement is important before you need it.</li></ul><p>While it may be helpful to ask your girlfriend what it is she may want from you, it is you that would be in charge of deciding whether you want to make that change and putting it into practice.</p><p>Try to remember that part of being in a couple is holding onto your own wants, wishes, and desires while recognizing those of your partner.</p><p>As one final idea, consider spending about 15 minutes a week together where you are not problem-solving about anything, just connecting with one another.</p><p>I encourage you to see a therapist who specializes in couples if you would like some more specific ideas for what is happening within each of you and between you.</p><p>Best wishes!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to become a better man. <</SYS>> I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? [/INST] <p>The first step for making this sort of change is being motivated to change and it sounds like you have that, so you are already on the right track.</p><p>As far as learning how to listen, try some of these steps:</p><ul><li>Ask whether a certain time is a good time for your girlfriend to have an important conversation</li><li>If she has a subject that she would like to discuss, consider listening to her as an investigative reporter and asking questions that help you to gain more understanding of her experience. These questions usually begin with words like who, what, where, when. Questions starting with the word why can sometimes make people very uncomfortable because they may not explicitly know why they are asking for something or feeling a certain way. You can try communicating this way for just five minutes or so on until you feel as though you can restate what your girlfriend is saying and have her agree that you are recapturing the essence of what she is trying to communicate</li><li>Then you can switch so she is listening to you trying to understand your experience. You could also start by talking about something that is important to you.</li><li>Remember that stating that you follow or hear something that she is saying doesn't mean that you agree</li><li>Also, try sticking to one subject at a time. It's difficult to really understand one topic if you are on to the next within just a minute or two</li><li>Try to use the word want or wish instead of need. Saying that you need something (or if your girlfriend would say that) that is not a need for safety or something like that can make whatever you are asking for sound like an obligation. That takes away from that whole motivation to change from inside the partner who is agreeing to change or try to change</li></ul><p>Something else to try would be using some sort of timeout. Consider this:</p><ul><li>Discuss the idea of using timeout before you actually need it and before the discussion starts. Timeout is a way to give each of you a way to calm down for five, 10, 15 minutes, or maybe even an hour. When there are a lot of emotions happening, each person gets wrapped up in protecting themselves from the emotions they are feeling and can lose track of what is actually going on in the conversation as compared to what they are perceiving.</li><li>When using timeout, say to your girlfriend (or she can say to you) "I need an hour before we can go back to this." Then actually come back to the discussion.</li><li>Some people are very afraid to use this technique because in the past not talking about something right away meant that it never was returned to and was never resolved in any way. This is why the agreement is important before you need it.</li></ul><p>While it may be helpful to ask your girlfriend what it is she may want from you, it is you that would be in charge of deciding whether you want to make that change and putting it into practice.</p><p>Try to remember that part of being in a couple is holding onto your own wants, wishes, and desires while recognizing those of your partner.</p><p>As one final idea, consider spending about 15 minutes a week together where you are not problem-solving about anything, just connecting with one another.</p><p>I encourage you to see a therapist who specializes in couples if you would like some more specific ideas for what is happening within each of you and between you.</p><p>Best wishes!</p> </s> |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | I love this question! Some people shy away from counseling because they think since they already talk about how they feel to their relatives or friends they shouldn't need a counselor. However, if you are having a difficult time, counseling can be beneficial in helping you move forward and get your life back on track. <div><br></div><div>Counseling is not like the kind of talking we do to people we know. For one, your counselor does not have a history with you and has no expectations of how you will act and what you will do. In that way, counselors come to a session without judgement and expectation. This gives you the platform to truly explore your thoughts and feelings. A counselor can also help you understand your motivation and help you integrate your past experiences and recommend coping skills that can help you if you are feeling overwhelmed by your emotions. </div><div><br></div><div>Over time, as you work with a counselor you will get feedback and also be able to share new insights. The work you do is based on you and where you are at. Oftentimes, when we talk to friends they bring their own agenda to a conversation, and while they mean well they may offer solutions that work for them and not you. A counselor will help you uncover the solutions that work best for you and help you find the motivation to follow through with your plan.</div><div><br></div><div>Best of luck to you!</div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] I love this question! Some people shy away from counseling because they think since they already talk about how they feel to their relatives or friends they shouldn't need a counselor. However, if you are having a difficult time, counseling can be beneficial in helping you move forward and get your life back on track. <div><br></div><div>Counseling is not like the kind of talking we do to people we know. For one, your counselor does not have a history with you and has no expectations of how you will act and what you will do. In that way, counselors come to a session without judgement and expectation. This gives you the platform to truly explore your thoughts and feelings. A counselor can also help you understand your motivation and help you integrate your past experiences and recommend coping skills that can help you if you are feeling overwhelmed by your emotions. </div><div><br></div><div>Over time, as you work with a counselor you will get feedback and also be able to share new insights. The work you do is based on you and where you are at. Oftentimes, when we talk to friends they bring their own agenda to a conversation, and while they mean well they may offer solutions that work for them and not you. A counselor will help you uncover the solutions that work best for you and help you find the motivation to follow through with your plan.</div><div><br></div><div>Best of luck to you!</div> </s> |
5714466c703efcb72f718985 | Do I have bipolar disorder? | It's been like a couple of years that I've been feeling like this. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I get so sad and cry and then I feel better. But then I get upset with people so quickly, and I hurt their feelings. It's this constant rollercoaster, and it's hard. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-bipolar-disorder-2 | Behavioral Change | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Bipolar disorder is generally characterized by extreme changes in mood, ranging from mania (highs) to depression (lows). There are different types; however, so here is a website that gives you a list of symptoms for mania and depression in bipolar disorder: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression?page=2</p><p>After reviewing these symptoms, if you believe you may have bipolar disorder, then you may want to see your primary care provider or a counselor. Bipolar disorder is treatable, but for many people it requires the right medication and sometimes counseling to help people make behavior changes that are important for bipolar management. </p><p>For example, some people may not get regular sleep, but proper rest is important for bipolar management. A counselor may talk to you about this and other lifestyle changes that you may need to make. </p><p>The good news is that many people live happy, healthy, and productive lives with bipolar disorder. So, if it turns out that you do have bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that things can't get better. There is currently no "cure" for bipolar disorder, but with proper medication and lifestyle management, people can do quite well.</p><p>Hope this was helpful. Be well.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do I have bipolar disorder? <</SYS>> It's been like a couple of years that I've been feeling like this. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I get so sad and cry and then I feel better. But then I get upset with people so quickly, and I hurt their feelings. It's this constant rollercoaster, and it's hard. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Bipolar disorder is generally characterized by extreme changes in mood, ranging from mania (highs) to depression (lows). There are different types; however, so here is a website that gives you a list of symptoms for mania and depression in bipolar disorder: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression?page=2</p><p>After reviewing these symptoms, if you believe you may have bipolar disorder, then you may want to see your primary care provider or a counselor. Bipolar disorder is treatable, but for many people it requires the right medication and sometimes counseling to help people make behavior changes that are important for bipolar management. </p><p>For example, some people may not get regular sleep, but proper rest is important for bipolar management. A counselor may talk to you about this and other lifestyle changes that you may need to make. </p><p>The good news is that many people live happy, healthy, and productive lives with bipolar disorder. So, if it turns out that you do have bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that things can't get better. There is currently no "cure" for bipolar disorder, but with proper medication and lifestyle management, people can do quite well.</p><p>Hope this was helpful. Be well.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
579766b34a3c0cef34f02ada | I want to become a better man. | I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-become-a-better-man | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm glad to read about your willingness to develop new ways to invest yourself with your partner.</p><p>The easier way to fix a relationship is when both people are helped to recognize the ways the couple dynamic falls short of what each person would like.</p><p>Couples therapy is exactly this.</p><p>Still, relationships can change if one person changes since changing one part of a system will change the system itself.</p><p>Besides starting to work with a therapist on what you can do differently, reflect within yourself on the situations when problems arise between the two of you.</p><p>See if you can figure out what you wanted and what you partner wanted in that particular moment. </p><p>Was one of you trying to help the other and the person felt insulted by the suggestion of needing help?</p><p>This is only an example of how intentions are misread or not welcome by one partner from the other.</p><p>Also keep in mind there is a limit to everyone's flexibility.</p><p>Reflecting and self-awareness are the first step.</p><p>The second step is to know when you've reached the end of possibilities to change yourself and not be accepted for who you are.</p><p>This raises the question of whether the two of you are far apart in similarities in order to be happy together.</p><p>Good luck in enjoying the changes you will try to make!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to become a better man. <</SYS>> I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? [/INST] <p>I'm glad to read about your willingness to develop new ways to invest yourself with your partner.</p><p>The easier way to fix a relationship is when both people are helped to recognize the ways the couple dynamic falls short of what each person would like.</p><p>Couples therapy is exactly this.</p><p>Still, relationships can change if one person changes since changing one part of a system will change the system itself.</p><p>Besides starting to work with a therapist on what you can do differently, reflect within yourself on the situations when problems arise between the two of you.</p><p>See if you can figure out what you wanted and what you partner wanted in that particular moment. </p><p>Was one of you trying to help the other and the person felt insulted by the suggestion of needing help?</p><p>This is only an example of how intentions are misread or not welcome by one partner from the other.</p><p>Also keep in mind there is a limit to everyone's flexibility.</p><p>Reflecting and self-awareness are the first step.</p><p>The second step is to know when you've reached the end of possibilities to change yourself and not be accepted for who you are.</p><p>This raises the question of whether the two of you are far apart in similarities in order to be happy together.</p><p>Good luck in enjoying the changes you will try to make!</p> </s> |
56d49a149471b0b41ec68e7c | Can a therapist have a client admitted to an eating disorder treatment center if the client does not want to go? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-a-therapist-have-a-client-admitted-to-an-eating-disorder-treatment-center-if-the-client-does-not-want-to-go | Eating Disorders,Legal & Regulatory | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The answer varies depending on what State you are in, whether the eating disorder treatment center is part of a larger psychiatric facility, and the diagnosis which the therapist states describes your psychological and emotional condition leading to the decision to admit.</p><p>Also keep in mind that all practitioners have license to judge whether or not a person fits a category of psychological problem.</p><p>This is adds another variable to the answer of your question.</p><p>Basically, there are many variables and not one definite answer to your question.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can a therapist have a client admitted to an eating disorder treatment center if the client does not want to go? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>The answer varies depending on what State you are in, whether the eating disorder treatment center is part of a larger psychiatric facility, and the diagnosis which the therapist states describes your psychological and emotional condition leading to the decision to admit.</p><p>Also keep in mind that all practitioners have license to judge whether or not a person fits a category of psychological problem.</p><p>This is adds another variable to the answer of your question.</p><p>Basically, there are many variables and not one definite answer to your question.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
57799c9772f4321a37b64221 | Is it normal to cry during therapy? | I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-cry-during-therapy | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Allison Velez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez | <p>Lots of people do cry in session, but your therapist won't be uneasy with this. Crying is a natural response and it also releases toxins, so some might say it's necessary! Remember that you can be in charge of what you talk about in your session and if there's something that feels too uncomfortable, just say, "I'm not ready to talk about that." Your counselor wants you to feel at ease and will probably not push you right away to a very uncomfortable place. As you get to know your therapist, you will feel more relaxed and even not worry so much about how you appear to them. </p><p>It's normal to be anxious going into a new situation especially when you might not feel in control of uncomfortable emotions. Don't give up, go and put your best effort in! </p><p>Hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to cry during therapy? <</SYS>> I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? [/INST] <p>Lots of people do cry in session, but your therapist won't be uneasy with this. Crying is a natural response and it also releases toxins, so some might say it's necessary! Remember that you can be in charge of what you talk about in your session and if there's something that feels too uncomfortable, just say, "I'm not ready to talk about that." Your counselor wants you to feel at ease and will probably not push you right away to a very uncomfortable place. As you get to know your therapist, you will feel more relaxed and even not worry so much about how you appear to them. </p><p>It's normal to be anxious going into a new situation especially when you might not feel in control of uncomfortable emotions. Don't give up, go and put your best effort in! </p><p>Hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p> </s> |
56e2e783095966e22a8c1502 | How can I be more open and honest with my dad? | I avoid talking to him because he always makes me more upset. I can't be honest with him about anything because he is always rude to me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-more-open-and-honest-with-my-dad | Family Conflict | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Troy, I totally get this. It's a dilemma; you want your dad to know how he's hurting you but you don't feel safe enough to say anything to him. Your reaction is understandable; it's his responsibility as a parent to work harder than you to create that safe place for you to be open. But that's not who your dad is. Your dad is your dad, and waiting for him to change won't really help. Nothing you do can change your dad, but...there are things you can do for yourself and your relationship with him. </p><p>While your response of avoiding him is understandable, I wonder what effect it has on your dad. It's possible that he's feeling frustrated, rejected and punished by your withdrawal. You may think he knows that you're feeling hurt, but he probably doesn't. So this is the squirrel chasing its tail: your dad is rude, so your habit is to be silent, then he maybe feels abandoned and frustrated. His frustration comes out as more rudeness, which makes you want to withdraw more, and the cycle starts all over again. You can't change his part of the cycle but you can change yours.</p><p>Are you willing to take a risk? Can you be honest about how you're feeling? What's the worst thing that could happen if you said to your dad "You know why I avoid you? I stay silent because when I talk to you say rude things. So if you want me to talk, I need to know you can listen." I imagine it would come out differently because you're a few generations younger than me, but put that into your own words.</p><p>I don't know the level of your dad's 'rudeness'. If he is abusive, then a better plan is to see a therapist alone or talk to someone about this. I don't want to put you at any risk. But if you don't worry your dad will hurt you, maybe give honesty a try.</p><p>My point is that, as rude as your dad may be, checking out of a relationship by being silent is also rude. It's powerful...your silence. Your dad can't read your mind, and if you want things to be better you will need to get in that ring with him.</p><p>And, if you're both open to it, seeing a therapist together can be really helpful. :)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be more open and honest with my dad? <</SYS>> I avoid talking to him because he always makes me more upset. I can't be honest with him about anything because he is always rude to me. [/INST] <p>Hi Troy, I totally get this. It's a dilemma; you want your dad to know how he's hurting you but you don't feel safe enough to say anything to him. Your reaction is understandable; it's his responsibility as a parent to work harder than you to create that safe place for you to be open. But that's not who your dad is. Your dad is your dad, and waiting for him to change won't really help. Nothing you do can change your dad, but...there are things you can do for yourself and your relationship with him. </p><p>While your response of avoiding him is understandable, I wonder what effect it has on your dad. It's possible that he's feeling frustrated, rejected and punished by your withdrawal. You may think he knows that you're feeling hurt, but he probably doesn't. So this is the squirrel chasing its tail: your dad is rude, so your habit is to be silent, then he maybe feels abandoned and frustrated. His frustration comes out as more rudeness, which makes you want to withdraw more, and the cycle starts all over again. You can't change his part of the cycle but you can change yours.</p><p>Are you willing to take a risk? Can you be honest about how you're feeling? What's the worst thing that could happen if you said to your dad "You know why I avoid you? I stay silent because when I talk to you say rude things. So if you want me to talk, I need to know you can listen." I imagine it would come out differently because you're a few generations younger than me, but put that into your own words.</p><p>I don't know the level of your dad's 'rudeness'. If he is abusive, then a better plan is to see a therapist alone or talk to someone about this. I don't want to put you at any risk. But if you don't worry your dad will hurt you, maybe give honesty a try.</p><p>My point is that, as rude as your dad may be, checking out of a relationship by being silent is also rude. It's powerful...your silence. Your dad can't read your mind, and if you want things to be better you will need to get in that ring with him.</p><p>And, if you're both open to it, seeing a therapist together can be really helpful. :)</p> </s> |
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860 | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts | Diagnosis | Manya Khoddami | https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami | Talking to a licensed profession who can discuss this in greater depth can be best. <div>As a general information, in short, I can say that our thoughts are greatly influenced by our early life experiences. Our thoughts are processed through schemes, these are mental images or templates by which we make meaning of the world around us. While our upbringing has a great influence on the way we see and interact with the world around us as adults, However, we are not condemned to abide by them for life, in psychotherapy, you learn to change negative schemas with positive ones. Yeah, if you had less than optimal childhood you would have some sort of negative schemas that unconsciously lead to self-sabotage your efforts for success and happiness. The research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology suggests that without conscious awareness and reflective practices we tend to interact with the world by repeating old habits of mind. On the other hand, in psychotherapy you can learn helpful strategies to increase your conscious abilities to stay in control of your mind in the present moment and reduce intrusions of negative mind habits. </div><div>Yoga, meditation, and tai chi are also found to increase self-awareness and lessen the intrusions of negative self-judgment on one's psyche.</div><div><br></div><div> </div><div><div><br></div></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I stop these thoughts? <</SYS>> I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? [/INST] Talking to a licensed profession who can discuss this in greater depth can be best. <div>As a general information, in short, I can say that our thoughts are greatly influenced by our early life experiences. Our thoughts are processed through schemes, these are mental images or templates by which we make meaning of the world around us. While our upbringing has a great influence on the way we see and interact with the world around us as adults, However, we are not condemned to abide by them for life, in psychotherapy, you learn to change negative schemas with positive ones. Yeah, if you had less than optimal childhood you would have some sort of negative schemas that unconsciously lead to self-sabotage your efforts for success and happiness. The research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology suggests that without conscious awareness and reflective practices we tend to interact with the world by repeating old habits of mind. On the other hand, in psychotherapy you can learn helpful strategies to increase your conscious abilities to stay in control of your mind in the present moment and reduce intrusions of negative mind habits. </div><div>Yoga, meditation, and tai chi are also found to increase self-awareness and lessen the intrusions of negative self-judgment on one's psyche.</div><div><br></div><div> </div><div><div><br></div></div> </s> |
5718410c6720004c63d52946 | How can I deal with my posttraumatic stress disorder? | I feel angry, anxious, and depressed. The PTSD I suffer is from a past relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-posttraumatic-stress-disorder | Trauma,Depression,Anxiety | Candice Conroy, MA | https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma | If the symptoms are to the extent that they are affecting your ability to function, you may want to consider seeking treatment. PTSD, anxiety, and depression all typically respond well to treatment if provided by a trained clinician. Common types of treatment for PTSD that you may want to look into include Cognitive Processing Therapy or EMDR. The nice things about Cognitive Processing Therapy is that it is time limited and only lasts 17 sessions typically. | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I deal with my posttraumatic stress disorder? <</SYS>> I feel angry, anxious, and depressed. The PTSD I suffer is from a past relationship. [/INST] If the symptoms are to the extent that they are affecting your ability to function, you may want to consider seeking treatment. PTSD, anxiety, and depression all typically respond well to treatment if provided by a trained clinician. Common types of treatment for PTSD that you may want to look into include Cognitive Processing Therapy or EMDR. The nice things about Cognitive Processing Therapy is that it is time limited and only lasts 17 sessions typically. </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-cassity-lmsw-lmac | <p>Hello. First, I am so sorry you are experiencing these feelings. They can be intense, I will do my best to offer some suggestions or thoughts that I hope will be helpful to you. </p><p>There could be a number of things occurring. Therapy is a delicate, private decision and I would first like to commend you for the fact that you are not giving up, that you are working to figure this out, and make this work, it sounds like you are engaged and motivated to receive support from a professional, your continued dedication and motivation will take you far. </p><p>I would first start by asking if you have discussed this with your therapist, if you feel comfortable enough telling your therapist what is going on, maybe inform the therapist that that you feel nervous and shaky. I am a firm believer in open communication between the client and therapist as this builds a healthy therapeutic relationship that yields positive outcomes, if this can be obtained and well received. </p><p>This is YOUR time for healing and therapy should be a safe, supportive environment to not only process but to seek support and guidance from a professional who can help you move past the barriers. If you feel you are comfortable and able to speak to your therapist, that would be my first suggestion, is to tell he or she how you are feeling. If they know then they can help determine the potential cause and allow you to process and move forward. If this is left un resolved it will be hard for you to move forward. </p><p>If you are not comfortable discussing this with your therapist, this may be something to take into consideration and worthy of thinking about: why you are not comfortable speaking to the therapist. I understand this is difficult. If I may offer one more suggestion, breathing exercises are very beneficial. Remind yourself what you are working to achieve, close your eyes in a safe moment and breathe in and out slowly, in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth with pursed lips. Breathe in for approximately 5-10 seconds, then let it out slowly. Be sure and do this when you are in private, and feel safe environment. When you begin, I suggest putting your hand on your stomach, over your belly button to feel yourself actually taking in those deep breaths. I know it may sound kind of silly but they really work and are incredibly helpful. We often forget to breathe, especially when we are feeling anxious. </p><p>You are supported here and try taking yourself through the above thought process and breathing and practice the breathing several times a day. I hope this shaky and uneasy feeling eases. Wishing you the very best!</p><p>Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Hello. First, I am so sorry you are experiencing these feelings. They can be intense, I will do my best to offer some suggestions or thoughts that I hope will be helpful to you. </p><p>There could be a number of things occurring. Therapy is a delicate, private decision and I would first like to commend you for the fact that you are not giving up, that you are working to figure this out, and make this work, it sounds like you are engaged and motivated to receive support from a professional, your continued dedication and motivation will take you far. </p><p>I would first start by asking if you have discussed this with your therapist, if you feel comfortable enough telling your therapist what is going on, maybe inform the therapist that that you feel nervous and shaky. I am a firm believer in open communication between the client and therapist as this builds a healthy therapeutic relationship that yields positive outcomes, if this can be obtained and well received. </p><p>This is YOUR time for healing and therapy should be a safe, supportive environment to not only process but to seek support and guidance from a professional who can help you move past the barriers. If you feel you are comfortable and able to speak to your therapist, that would be my first suggestion, is to tell he or she how you are feeling. If they know then they can help determine the potential cause and allow you to process and move forward. If this is left un resolved it will be hard for you to move forward. </p><p>If you are not comfortable discussing this with your therapist, this may be something to take into consideration and worthy of thinking about: why you are not comfortable speaking to the therapist. I understand this is difficult. If I may offer one more suggestion, breathing exercises are very beneficial. Remind yourself what you are working to achieve, close your eyes in a safe moment and breathe in and out slowly, in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth with pursed lips. Breathe in for approximately 5-10 seconds, then let it out slowly. Be sure and do this when you are in private, and feel safe environment. When you begin, I suggest putting your hand on your stomach, over your belly button to feel yourself actually taking in those deep breaths. I know it may sound kind of silly but they really work and are incredibly helpful. We often forget to breathe, especially when we are feeling anxious. </p><p>You are supported here and try taking yourself through the above thought process and breathing and practice the breathing several times a day. I hope this shaky and uneasy feeling eases. Wishing you the very best!</p><p>Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
55a2c01f8b5105b6037e5f85 | How can I slow down and enjoy life? | I feel like my time is going too fast | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-slow-down-and-enjoy-life | Anxiety | Keisha Helms | https://counselchat.com/therapists/keisha-helms | <p>Thank you for reaching out! That is a great question! As an American, I can truly say that I spend way too much time on the go! It is a proven fact that Americans live in a fast paced environment compared to Europe! I often ask myself, what if I only had one day left on this Earth? What would I do? Well, that is an easy question. I would spend it with my family! Easier said than done when we are living in a tomorrow kind of World, right? Its hard to focus on the now when we are so consumed in what tomorrow shall bring.</p><p>Time management is a very important factor when learning to "live life to the fullest"! In fact, this is a required course in undergraduate college now. Everyone manages their time differently and it is up to you to decide how you would like to do this. Personally, for myself I like to keep a calendar with a to-do list. I always place my most important tasks at the top of the list. That way, if I do not get through the list, I am not stressing over the little things. When planning your day, it is important you schedule work, eat and play. A much as it is hard not to work after getting off work, it must be done. There is discipline involved in this process. If you have trouble with this, then maybe seeking out some accountability such as including a coworker to make sure you do not bring work home once your shift is over or your spouse/partner reminding you that this is a time for play and not work.</p><p>These are just some ideas that I am throwing out there. Again, everyone has their own style on time management. I hope this was helpful for you. Please don't hesitate to reach out for anything further!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I slow down and enjoy life? <</SYS>> I feel like my time is going too fast [/INST] <p>Thank you for reaching out! That is a great question! As an American, I can truly say that I spend way too much time on the go! It is a proven fact that Americans live in a fast paced environment compared to Europe! I often ask myself, what if I only had one day left on this Earth? What would I do? Well, that is an easy question. I would spend it with my family! Easier said than done when we are living in a tomorrow kind of World, right? Its hard to focus on the now when we are so consumed in what tomorrow shall bring.</p><p>Time management is a very important factor when learning to "live life to the fullest"! In fact, this is a required course in undergraduate college now. Everyone manages their time differently and it is up to you to decide how you would like to do this. Personally, for myself I like to keep a calendar with a to-do list. I always place my most important tasks at the top of the list. That way, if I do not get through the list, I am not stressing over the little things. When planning your day, it is important you schedule work, eat and play. A much as it is hard not to work after getting off work, it must be done. There is discipline involved in this process. If you have trouble with this, then maybe seeking out some accountability such as including a coworker to make sure you do not bring work home once your shift is over or your spouse/partner reminding you that this is a time for play and not work.</p><p>These are just some ideas that I am throwing out there. Again, everyone has their own style on time management. I hope this was helpful for you. Please don't hesitate to reach out for anything further!</p> </s> |
572f3e58aaeea25a1918b573 | How do I move on from almost being raped? | At a friend's house, we had some drinks and watched some television. He got up and went to bed. I felt sick. He came out to see if I was okay, and I said no. I said I wanted to go home, and he told me to come lay down. As I laid down on the bed, he started touching me. A friend called me, then I able to leave. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-from-almost-being-raped | Trauma | Sarah McIntyre | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre | <p>I am so sorry that this happened to you and am so glad that you were able to get away. Your body is yours and yours alone. I would highly recommend that you find a therapist who specializes in treating trauma in order to help you to heal from your ordeal.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I move on from almost being raped? <</SYS>> At a friend's house, we had some drinks and watched some television. He got up and went to bed. I felt sick. He came out to see if I was okay, and I said no. I said I wanted to go home, and he told me to come lay down. As I laid down on the bed, he started touching me. A friend called me, then I able to leave. [/INST] <p>I am so sorry that this happened to you and am so glad that you were able to get away. Your body is yours and yours alone. I would highly recommend that you find a therapist who specializes in treating trauma in order to help you to heal from your ordeal.</p> </s> |
567fad01a377e46d7ebe2beb | I'm worried that I will be single forever. | I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that, at this rate, I won’t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal.
Most people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-that-i-will-be-single-forever | Relationships,Self-esteem,Anxiety | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Winters, I'm so glad you wrote, because I think there are a lot of young women experiencing the exact same thing. You feel self-loathing for both being a virgin, and for being sexually active. Young women have always gotten crazy mixed messages about what they're supposed to be. They feel pressure to be pure, and they also feel pressure to be the vixen and please men sexually. But you can't be both, so you can't ever win if you buy into all that horse manure (excuse my language). </p><p>This current hook-up culture puts added pressure on girls to expect nothing more than random sexual encounters that leave you feeling empty and used; perhaps desirable in that moment but mostly worthless. The stupid part is that research tells us that young men are also impacted negatively by this cultural norm that values sex and not relationship; they feel guilt, and loneliness. </p><p>I urge you to talk to other girls and women about your feelings. My hope and prayer is that they will echo my words here.</p><p>Your value and power cannot ever be found in whether a man wants you, whether you turn his eye, or how he treats you. Your sexuality is a beautiful part of who you are, and it is to be celebrated. I love that you want to celebrate it with someone who cares. Who you are is so very much more than your sexuality. You sound like you have a lot of things going for you. Try to see all of those things when you think of yourself.</p><p>There are many more virgins out there, and many are afraid, like you, that they don't fit in. We are all different, and you don't have to be anything but who you want to be; who you are. You don't have to have any kind of sex until you're ready, and that makes you brave and smart, not weird.</p><p>You're tall and beautiful, and guys may be intimidated by that. It may take time for you to meet the right guy, but he's out there. The question is: How do you want to spend your time until he crosses your path? </p><p>I hope you talk to someone soon and find out that your feelings are normal. I wish you the best.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm worried that I will be single forever. <</SYS>> I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that, at this rate, I won’t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal.
Most people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes. [/INST] <p>Hi Winters, I'm so glad you wrote, because I think there are a lot of young women experiencing the exact same thing. You feel self-loathing for both being a virgin, and for being sexually active. Young women have always gotten crazy mixed messages about what they're supposed to be. They feel pressure to be pure, and they also feel pressure to be the vixen and please men sexually. But you can't be both, so you can't ever win if you buy into all that horse manure (excuse my language). </p><p>This current hook-up culture puts added pressure on girls to expect nothing more than random sexual encounters that leave you feeling empty and used; perhaps desirable in that moment but mostly worthless. The stupid part is that research tells us that young men are also impacted negatively by this cultural norm that values sex and not relationship; they feel guilt, and loneliness. </p><p>I urge you to talk to other girls and women about your feelings. My hope and prayer is that they will echo my words here.</p><p>Your value and power cannot ever be found in whether a man wants you, whether you turn his eye, or how he treats you. Your sexuality is a beautiful part of who you are, and it is to be celebrated. I love that you want to celebrate it with someone who cares. Who you are is so very much more than your sexuality. You sound like you have a lot of things going for you. Try to see all of those things when you think of yourself.</p><p>There are many more virgins out there, and many are afraid, like you, that they don't fit in. We are all different, and you don't have to be anything but who you want to be; who you are. You don't have to have any kind of sex until you're ready, and that makes you brave and smart, not weird.</p><p>You're tall and beautiful, and guys may be intimidated by that. It may take time for you to meet the right guy, but he's out there. The question is: How do you want to spend your time until he crosses your path? </p><p>I hope you talk to someone soon and find out that your feelings are normal. I wish you the best.</p> </s> |
56a2792820fd22722a536084 | Why am I not as comfortable around my boyfriend anymore? | I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-not-as-comfortable-around-my-boyfriend-anymore | Relationships,Behavioral Change,Anxiety | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi New Jersey,</p><p>You talk about two very big changes in your life that have happened lately; the diagnosis/anxiety, and the moving in together. That's a lot!</p><p>I love how you recognise that you been 'questioning everything'. I think anxiety's got its toe in the door and it's pushing you around, wanting some power over you. Fear and anxiety try to convince us that we need protection and that it's best to either pull away or fight. But letting anxiety control how you see your relationship isn't the answer here. I think you know that already.</p><p>You must have moved in with him for a reason, and it's appropriate now to simply trust that, to ask him for some patience, and to focus on learning to manage the anxiety rather than questioning this decision to move in. Fear is getting in the way of you trusting yourself and your decision. You can figure the anxiety piece out while living with your boyfriend.</p><p>When you're in a bit of a crisis is not the right time to make a major change. I suggest you use a therapist who works with cognitive behavioural therapy to learn to manage the anxiety, and then the relationship will likely seem more clear.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I not as comfortable around my boyfriend anymore? <</SYS>> I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way. [/INST] <p>Hi New Jersey,</p><p>You talk about two very big changes in your life that have happened lately; the diagnosis/anxiety, and the moving in together. That's a lot!</p><p>I love how you recognise that you been 'questioning everything'. I think anxiety's got its toe in the door and it's pushing you around, wanting some power over you. Fear and anxiety try to convince us that we need protection and that it's best to either pull away or fight. But letting anxiety control how you see your relationship isn't the answer here. I think you know that already.</p><p>You must have moved in with him for a reason, and it's appropriate now to simply trust that, to ask him for some patience, and to focus on learning to manage the anxiety rather than questioning this decision to move in. Fear is getting in the way of you trusting yourself and your decision. You can figure the anxiety piece out while living with your boyfriend.</p><p>When you're in a bit of a crisis is not the right time to make a major change. I suggest you use a therapist who works with cognitive behavioural therapy to learn to manage the anxiety, and then the relationship will likely seem more clear.</p> </s> |
55d0261d6ae5f72373d44185 | Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse? | I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-a-lawsuit-for-counselors-and-therapists-who-failed-to-report-a-relapse | Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory,Addiction | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>I am so sorry for your loss. Generally therapists only have a duty to report self harm to ones self or others if it is expressed to them. Often times they will not report relapses due to the fact that proper releases were not signed or patient has specifically asked them not to for fear of shaming or failure again. I understand this may not be the answer you were hoping for. I would encourage the family to seek therapy themselves for help coping with such a loss. </p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse? <</SYS>> I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report? [/INST] <p>I am so sorry for your loss. Generally therapists only have a duty to report self harm to ones self or others if it is expressed to them. Often times they will not report relapses due to the fact that proper releases were not signed or patient has specifically asked them not to for fear of shaming or failure again. I understand this may not be the answer you were hoping for. I would encourage the family to seek therapy themselves for help coping with such a loss. </p><p><br></p> </s> |
58d18b6498741803743bf7df | How can I cope with work related stress better? | I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better | Stress,Workplace Relationships | Samantha Osborne | https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne | <p>Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job. </p><p> 1. Have a ritual to begin the day: Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day</p><p>2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better. </p><p>3. Have a ritual to end the day: If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist. Take a walk. Light a candle. Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.</p><p>4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available after hours, set boundaries where you can. Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that. Have phone free meals. Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family. </p><p>5. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs. Move as much as you can. Get outside in natural sunlight. </p><p>These are just ideas/ suggestions. Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction. Best of luck! </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I cope with work related stress better? <</SYS>> I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? [/INST] <p>Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job. </p><p> 1. Have a ritual to begin the day: Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day</p><p>2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better. </p><p>3. Have a ritual to end the day: If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist. Take a walk. Light a candle. Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.</p><p>4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available after hours, set boundaries where you can. Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that. Have phone free meals. Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family. </p><p>5. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs. Move as much as you can. Get outside in natural sunlight. </p><p>These are just ideas/ suggestions. Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction. Best of luck! </p> </s> |
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c | My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do. | I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do | Family Conflict,Parenting | Kathy Hicks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kathy-hicks | <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">That is a really tough situation that a lot of young people are experiencing right now. The first thing to under is that you can’t change who your parents are and cannot change their behavior. The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your responses and actions. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You may need to keep living at home with them for the next few months or years and the best way to do this is to have a plan. The second thing is to keep in mind that their controlling behavior is most likely not about based your behavior. Controlling parents are often driven by their concept of what will keep their children safe and happy. Unfortunately this is not always accurate but keep in mind it is not a personal attack. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;">There are ways you can deal with controlling parents – and most of them require creating a plan of action.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Examples of action plans:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Decide in advance how you’ll calmly and rationally respond to your parents when you feel they’re trying to control you</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Arrange to phone a friend or trusted adult when you feel like you’re losing control</span></p><p><span id="docs-internal-guid-bfee32e6-1c9d-989d-0425-22e0a33c51f0"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Talk in person to an adult you trust. There aren’t any quick tips on how to deal with parents who want to control you; you need to find strategies that are geared to your specific family situation. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Get specific coping tips from books about family dynamics, such as:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents by Howard Halpern</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">A counselor can be a good resource and provide support and guidance about issues addressing normal growth and development during periods of transition. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do. <</SYS>> I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do? [/INST] <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">That is a really tough situation that a lot of young people are experiencing right now. The first thing to under is that you can’t change who your parents are and cannot change their behavior. The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your responses and actions. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You may need to keep living at home with them for the next few months or years and the best way to do this is to have a plan. The second thing is to keep in mind that their controlling behavior is most likely not about based your behavior. Controlling parents are often driven by their concept of what will keep their children safe and happy. Unfortunately this is not always accurate but keep in mind it is not a personal attack. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;">There are ways you can deal with controlling parents – and most of them require creating a plan of action.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Examples of action plans:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Decide in advance how you’ll calmly and rationally respond to your parents when you feel they’re trying to control you</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Arrange to phone a friend or trusted adult when you feel like you’re losing control</span></p><p><span id="docs-internal-guid-bfee32e6-1c9d-989d-0425-22e0a33c51f0"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Talk in person to an adult you trust. There aren’t any quick tips on how to deal with parents who want to control you; you need to find strategies that are geared to your specific family situation. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Get specific coping tips from books about family dynamics, such as:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents by Howard Halpern</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">A counselor can be a good resource and provide support and guidance about issues addressing normal growth and development during periods of transition. </span></p> </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Catherine Hodge | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge | <p>Yes, it is completely normal to feel anxious about therapy. Therapy often explores topics and feelings that are uncomfortable. The ultimate goal of therapy is to feel better but the process itself can be uncomfortable.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Yes, it is completely normal to feel anxious about therapy. Therapy often explores topics and feelings that are uncomfortable. The ultimate goal of therapy is to feel better but the process itself can be uncomfortable.</p> </s> |
56907b2d18f87bc857570ebd | How can I not miss my boyfriend while he's in Ireland? | My boyfriend is in Ireland for 11 days, and I am an emotional wreck. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-not-miss-my-boyfriend-while-he-s-in-ireland | Relationships | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very close. Do you typically spend most of your time together? </p><p>If so, it may be important to reflect on how you feel when you are apart. If any separation is difficult, you may need to examine why. Think about what it is that you miss and what you are anxious, upset or worried about. If you examine the causes of your distress you likely will experience some relief. </p><p> It is important to learn how to be happy when you are alone, it will only improve the way you feel when you are with your boyfriend. </p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I not miss my boyfriend while he's in Ireland? <</SYS>> My boyfriend is in Ireland for 11 days, and I am an emotional wreck. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very close. Do you typically spend most of your time together? </p><p>If so, it may be important to reflect on how you feel when you are apart. If any separation is difficult, you may need to examine why. Think about what it is that you miss and what you are anxious, upset or worried about. If you examine the causes of your distress you likely will experience some relief. </p><p> It is important to learn how to be happy when you are alone, it will only improve the way you feel when you are with your boyfriend. </p><p><br></p> </s> |
56ff46b4fa722cdf047f292a | Why am I with my husband if he is mean? | I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-with-my-husband-if-he-is-mean | Marriage | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello, and thank you for your question. Loving someone who
doesn’t respect or treat you well can be enormously difficult and painful. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Many people who find themselves in an emotionally hurtful
relationship say that it was wonderful when it first started, but that over
time their partner’s behaviors changed and they became emotionally or
physically abusive. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I want to say right away that it is not your fault in any
way if someone is abusive to you. It does not mean that you are broken or that there
is something wrong with your character if you have not left the situation.
People stay for many reasons, such as fear, finances, children, pressure from
others, and love. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Many people have had to leave their abusive partners who
they still love to preserve their own safety and regain the sense of self they
may have lost. It is a very difficult thing to do, even if you know it is the
right thing. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">The person who really needs to take a hard look at
themselves is the person doing the abusing.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">It is very common for mental and emotional abuse to wear
away at someone’s self-esteem. This can lead to other problems, like depression
and anxiety. These issues sometimes require professional support to manage,
such as a counselor or perhaps a doctor who may prescribe medication. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">A counselor may be able to help you sort through your fears
and concerns about staying or leaving. To look at things from different angles,
and to help you decide what is best for you. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">You have not said that your husband has been physically abusive
to you, but if that has been the case, then you must consider your physical
safety first. Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time.
Getting help from professionals would be critical, and I would recommend your
local domestic violence program. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Whatever you decide to do is the right thing for you. I
would encourage you to ask yourself honestly about your reasons for staying and
the barriers that may keep you from going. You do deserve to be happy and
emotionally safe. If you do not feel like you have that safety, then seeking
someone to help you sort through these things is a good plan. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I wish you well.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I with my husband if he is mean? <</SYS>> I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. [/INST] <p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Hello, and thank you for your question. Loving someone who
doesn’t respect or treat you well can be enormously difficult and painful. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Many people who find themselves in an emotionally hurtful
relationship say that it was wonderful when it first started, but that over
time their partner’s behaviors changed and they became emotionally or
physically abusive. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I want to say right away that it is not your fault in any
way if someone is abusive to you. It does not mean that you are broken or that there
is something wrong with your character if you have not left the situation.
People stay for many reasons, such as fear, finances, children, pressure from
others, and love. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Many people have had to leave their abusive partners who
they still love to preserve their own safety and regain the sense of self they
may have lost. It is a very difficult thing to do, even if you know it is the
right thing. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">The person who really needs to take a hard look at
themselves is the person doing the abusing.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">It is very common for mental and emotional abuse to wear
away at someone’s self-esteem. This can lead to other problems, like depression
and anxiety. These issues sometimes require professional support to manage,
such as a counselor or perhaps a doctor who may prescribe medication. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">A counselor may be able to help you sort through your fears
and concerns about staying or leaving. To look at things from different angles,
and to help you decide what is best for you. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">You have not said that your husband has been physically abusive
to you, but if that has been the case, then you must consider your physical
safety first. Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time.
Getting help from professionals would be critical, and I would recommend your
local domestic violence program. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Whatever you decide to do is the right thing for you. I
would encourage you to ask yourself honestly about your reasons for staying and
the barriers that may keep you from going. You do deserve to be happy and
emotionally safe. If you do not feel like you have that safety, then seeking
someone to help you sort through these things is a good plan. </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">I wish you well.</font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3">Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </font></p><p>
</p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;"><font face="Calibri" size="3"> </font></p><p>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br></p> </s> |
55d030616ae5f72373d44189 | How do I make myself happy without someone who made me happy? | How do I make myself happy without the people who made me happy? Now that they’re gone, I feel sad. It’s been two months now but I seem to be unable to stay okay and independent. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-make-myself-happy-without-someone-who-made-me-happy | Depression,Relationships | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. So, someone made you happy but is no longer around? I am sure that feels devastating. As a counselor I usually have to ponder this kind of thought because it lends itself to suggesting that happiness comes from the external, rather than the internal side of a person's life. Happiness is formed within ourselves. All the external trappings of happiness are usually quite fleeting, and temporary. Even relationships fo not last forever. If we get to a place where we are reliant and dependent on those around us to create happiness in our lives, then we lose the opportunities for us to do it ourselves. We are entirely capable of finding ways to be happy. Sometimes this entails working out issues that are holding us back from reaching a place of peace, or resolution to a specific problem.</p><p>What I would offer to you, is to find ways in which you can develop happiness for yourself. What do you like about your life as it is right now? What can you do to create change in your life to increase your happiness? These kinds of questions can be valuable to you as you seek out ways to make happiness an internal rather than an external event. Mourning the loss of a social connection (in whatever way that occurred), is part of the grieving process, but it is not permanent. It is a path to healing and moving forward. From this, you can seek out new sources of happiness. I encourage you to remember that happiness is independent of the external experience you have in the world. Happiness is an expression of the internal feelings, so that will be the source or the font of positive emotion from which you really draw. If you are lacking in happiness, then it becomes important to examine why that is, and what you can do about it to promote self-care. Seeking out a professional counselor can also be a good option as you move through the grief/loss process and examine the reasons happiness is not in greater supply.</p><p>I wish you happiness for every day of your life.</p><p>Best wishes.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I make myself happy without someone who made me happy? <</SYS>> How do I make myself happy without the people who made me happy? Now that they’re gone, I feel sad. It’s been two months now but I seem to be unable to stay okay and independent. [/INST] <p>Hello. So, someone made you happy but is no longer around? I am sure that feels devastating. As a counselor I usually have to ponder this kind of thought because it lends itself to suggesting that happiness comes from the external, rather than the internal side of a person's life. Happiness is formed within ourselves. All the external trappings of happiness are usually quite fleeting, and temporary. Even relationships fo not last forever. If we get to a place where we are reliant and dependent on those around us to create happiness in our lives, then we lose the opportunities for us to do it ourselves. We are entirely capable of finding ways to be happy. Sometimes this entails working out issues that are holding us back from reaching a place of peace, or resolution to a specific problem.</p><p>What I would offer to you, is to find ways in which you can develop happiness for yourself. What do you like about your life as it is right now? What can you do to create change in your life to increase your happiness? These kinds of questions can be valuable to you as you seek out ways to make happiness an internal rather than an external event. Mourning the loss of a social connection (in whatever way that occurred), is part of the grieving process, but it is not permanent. It is a path to healing and moving forward. From this, you can seek out new sources of happiness. I encourage you to remember that happiness is independent of the external experience you have in the world. Happiness is an expression of the internal feelings, so that will be the source or the font of positive emotion from which you really draw. If you are lacking in happiness, then it becomes important to examine why that is, and what you can do about it to promote self-care. Seeking out a professional counselor can also be a good option as you move through the grief/loss process and examine the reasons happiness is not in greater supply.</p><p>I wish you happiness for every day of your life.</p><p>Best wishes.</p> </s> |
5796b2c5bc069dff6a5339ce | Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-person-to-stop-feeling-emotions | Trauma | Laurel Fay | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laurel-fay-2 | <p>You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.</p><p>This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it .</p><p>Good luck! You can do this!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? <</SYS>> I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] <p>You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.</p><p>This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it .</p><p>Good luck! You can do this!</p> </s> |
5696bf3547d3646166253664 | How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future? | I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-having-past-traumatic-experiences-affect-my-present-and-future | Trauma,Family Conflict | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just talking about your experiences and associated feelings will alleviate some of the emotional troubles you are suffering from. Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future? <</SYS>> I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater. [/INST] <p>I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just talking about your experiences and associated feelings will alleviate some of the emotional troubles you are suffering from. Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!<br></p> </s> |
5696bf3547d3646166253664 | How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future? | I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-having-past-traumatic-experiences-affect-my-present-and-future | Trauma,Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Sorry that your growing up years in the family were so unsafe and painful.</p><p>Everyone has family legacy patterns of behavior and ways of handling emotions, handed down to them simply by living.</p><p>All of what any child observes and how they are treated within their family context, creates their foundational expectations of others.</p><p>The best way of releasing yourself form hurtful interaction patterns is by being aware of your own feelings and intuition within close relationships.</p><p>If you have a similar sense of hurt or that something is wrong, yet in a familiar way, then most likely you are in a relational pattern similar to the negative ones in your family of origin.</p><p>This realization moment is your chance to more deeply see your own original trauma and try different ways of responding to these similar key situations.</p><p>This type of work takes a lot of repeated effort because trauma is deep and childhood trauma is attached to loving ones parents.</p><p>Expect slow progress and expect more than a few tears.</p><p>If it feels overwhelming then a therapist for guidance and support would be very beneficial to the work you'd be doing within yourself.</p><p>Sending lots of good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future? <</SYS>> I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater. [/INST] <p>Sorry that your growing up years in the family were so unsafe and painful.</p><p>Everyone has family legacy patterns of behavior and ways of handling emotions, handed down to them simply by living.</p><p>All of what any child observes and how they are treated within their family context, creates their foundational expectations of others.</p><p>The best way of releasing yourself form hurtful interaction patterns is by being aware of your own feelings and intuition within close relationships.</p><p>If you have a similar sense of hurt or that something is wrong, yet in a familiar way, then most likely you are in a relational pattern similar to the negative ones in your family of origin.</p><p>This realization moment is your chance to more deeply see your own original trauma and try different ways of responding to these similar key situations.</p><p>This type of work takes a lot of repeated effort because trauma is deep and childhood trauma is attached to loving ones parents.</p><p>Expect slow progress and expect more than a few tears.</p><p>If it feels overwhelming then a therapist for guidance and support would be very beneficial to the work you'd be doing within yourself.</p><p>Sending lots of good luck!</p> </s> |
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8 | I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship | Trauma,Relationships | Janeanna Galli | https://counselchat.com/therapists/janeanna-galli | It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.<p></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship <</SYS>> I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. [/INST] It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.<p></p> </s> |
575e87241678099351171091 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | Anxiety | Lorrie Guerra | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lorrie-guerra | <p>I would suggest keeping a log of those days when you are having a hard time. Items to write would be what were you doing before you felt this way, did you eat and what, what time of day is it, how much sleep did you get that night, etc... This can help you identify any triggers. Further assessment can be made by a health care professional. It does sound like you are experiencing some symptoms of anxiety.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do I have some type of anxiety? <</SYS>> Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. [/INST] <p>I would suggest keeping a log of those days when you are having a hard time. Items to write would be what were you doing before you felt this way, did you eat and what, what time of day is it, how much sleep did you get that night, etc... This can help you identify any triggers. Further assessment can be made by a health care professional. It does sound like you are experiencing some symptoms of anxiety.<br></p> </s> |
571791ef6720004c63d5292d | My son plays alone at recess. | Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess | Parenting | Julissa Sparks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/julissa-sparks | <ul style="margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; list-style-position: inside; font-family: Opensans, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial;"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">It can be tricky to figure out if a child is truly satisfied with his lack of friendships. Parents can usually tell when their child is happy. But kids who are unhappy may be masking disappointment, perhaps acting out their feelings in an aggressive manner. Others may internalize symptoms, appearing sad or withdrawn. <br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">A parent may learn a great deal by asking the teachers questions such as whether the child works with others on group projects or if he eats lunch alone. A parent can also talk with the recess supervisor about what happens on the playground, and whether your child stays on the sidelines of play, unsure of how to join the group. <br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">Therespectfully is a difference between kids who are shy but happy and kids who feel isolated because they do not know how to make friends. Itis not necessarily that there is something wrong with that child, but they will in fact need help and suggestions for breaking into a peer group</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><span style="line-height: 21.6px; background-color: initial;"> Ask a child if there is someone he would like to have over to play. If a mom or dad can make the play dates happen, or if they hit on an activity the child truly enjoys, the young person may begin to forge friendships on their own. </span></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I encourage </span>well-meaning parents to choose words carefully. Use phrases like, "Hey, I noticed something," or "Let me help you be successful." By showing respect, parents should feel more comfortable nudging their children beyond their comfort zone.<br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">When to seek professional help.</b> When does isolation raise a red flag for long-term issues? True personality disorders are not typically diagnosed until adulthood. Still, professional counseling should be considered if the anti-social behavior is causing the child significant distress, perhaps keeping him from functioning in everyday activities. Also, parents should pay attention to how the child's social behavior changes over time such as social anxiety. </li></ul><p style="margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; font-family: Opensans, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial;">The vast majority of children who define "quality time" as time alone are perfectly happy, healthy and normal. If the child is able to nurture at least one friendship, exhibiting what experts call "social reciprocity," then parents can relax, and can cherish that child who enjoys the pleasure of his or her own company. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My son plays alone at recess. <</SYS>> Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it? [/INST] <ul style="margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; list-style-position: inside; font-family: Opensans, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial;"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">It can be tricky to figure out if a child is truly satisfied with his lack of friendships. Parents can usually tell when their child is happy. But kids who are unhappy may be masking disappointment, perhaps acting out their feelings in an aggressive manner. Others may internalize symptoms, appearing sad or withdrawn. <br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">A parent may learn a great deal by asking the teachers questions such as whether the child works with others on group projects or if he eats lunch alone. A parent can also talk with the recess supervisor about what happens on the playground, and whether your child stays on the sidelines of play, unsure of how to join the group. <br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">Therespectfully is a difference between kids who are shy but happy and kids who feel isolated because they do not know how to make friends. Itis not necessarily that there is something wrong with that child, but they will in fact need help and suggestions for breaking into a peer group</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><span style="line-height: 21.6px; background-color: initial;"> Ask a child if there is someone he would like to have over to play. If a mom or dad can make the play dates happen, or if they hit on an activity the child truly enjoys, the young person may begin to forge friendships on their own. </span></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I encourage </span>well-meaning parents to choose words carefully. Use phrases like, "Hey, I noticed something," or "Let me help you be successful." By showing respect, parents should feel more comfortable nudging their children beyond their comfort zone.<br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">When to seek professional help.</b> When does isolation raise a red flag for long-term issues? True personality disorders are not typically diagnosed until adulthood. Still, professional counseling should be considered if the anti-social behavior is causing the child significant distress, perhaps keeping him from functioning in everyday activities. Also, parents should pay attention to how the child's social behavior changes over time such as social anxiety. </li></ul><p style="margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; font-family: Opensans, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial;">The vast majority of children who define "quality time" as time alone are perfectly happy, healthy and normal. If the child is able to nurture at least one friendship, exhibiting what experts call "social reciprocity," then parents can relax, and can cherish that child who enjoys the pleasure of his or her own company. </p> </s> |
5737c4caaaeea25a1918b6e5 | How do I get over rape trauma syndrome? | I was kidnapped at fourteen and raped at gunpoint. The guy got six months. When the same thing happened with two "friends" at nineteen, I didn't even report it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-rape-trauma-syndrome | Trauma | Sarah McIntyre | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre | <p>Wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. My heart goes out to you. Please find a therapist who specializes in working with PTSD. Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems Therapy, and Somatic Experiencing are all highly effective therapies for complex interpersonal trauma. If you are interested in reading about trauma from a compassionate and scientific perspective I highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's <span style="font-style: italic;">The Body Keeps the Score</span>. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over rape trauma syndrome? <</SYS>> I was kidnapped at fourteen and raped at gunpoint. The guy got six months. When the same thing happened with two "friends" at nineteen, I didn't even report it. [/INST] <p>Wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. My heart goes out to you. Please find a therapist who specializes in working with PTSD. Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems Therapy, and Somatic Experiencing are all highly effective therapies for complex interpersonal trauma. If you are interested in reading about trauma from a compassionate and scientific perspective I highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's <span style="font-style: italic;">The Body Keeps the Score</span>. </p> </s> |
55fac14f4771cafb6fd704f7 | Is it unethical to have a relationship with a fellow counselor? | Does this go against any ethical codes? Are there legal ramifications? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-unethical-to-have-a-relationship-with-a-fellow-counselor | Workplace Relationships,Professional Ethics | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Generally, the ethical codes only prohibit relationships with clients. </p><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">There are however a few types of counselor-to-counselor relationships that are prohibited by the ethics codes. Such prohibited relationships include those between supervisors and supervisees; between professors and students; or any time the relationship might negatively impact your (or their) clients. </p><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Lastly, some workplaces have rules against dating coworkers. It would be a good idea to check if there is such a rule that applies to you. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it unethical to have a relationship with a fellow counselor? <</SYS>> Does this go against any ethical codes? Are there legal ramifications? [/INST] <p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Generally, the ethical codes only prohibit relationships with clients. </p><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">There are however a few types of counselor-to-counselor relationships that are prohibited by the ethics codes. Such prohibited relationships include those between supervisors and supervisees; between professors and students; or any time the relationship might negatively impact your (or their) clients. </p><p style="font-family: -webkit-standard; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Lastly, some workplaces have rules against dating coworkers. It would be a good idea to check if there is such a rule that applies to you. </p> </s> |
5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0 | I'm worried about my new job. | I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job | Anxiety,Career Counseling | Lola Georg | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg | <p>There are lots of things you can do, but first: Congratulations on your new job! Commuting long distances can be stressful, but there are some things you can do.</p><p>First, make sure that your seating arrangement in your car is comfortable. If you are driving long distances on a regular basis, you want to make sure that your body is in a comfortable position. Second, select some music or podcasts that work for you, rather than against you. Soothing music is good, as well as inspirational podcasts. Alternatively, listening to books can be a great way to spend the time, improve your mood, and find inspiration. Third, make sure that you have plenty of time for your commute. If the drive normally takes you 30 minutes, plan on 45 (or if it's 45 minutes, plan on an hour). This way you won't be rushed, can take your time, can focus on your driving, and if traffic is a bit backed up, you've got plenty of time to reach your destination.</p><p>Finally, if you do find yourself being anxious in a way that impedes your driving, pull over to the side of the road, take some deep breaths, and sit with your feelings. Take a deep drink of water. Consider jotting your feelings down in a journal. If its safe, get out of the car and walk around a bit, stretching you muscles and breathing in the air.</p><p>But most of all, be kind to yourself. I wish you much success in your new job.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm worried about my new job. <</SYS>> I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? [/INST] <p>There are lots of things you can do, but first: Congratulations on your new job! Commuting long distances can be stressful, but there are some things you can do.</p><p>First, make sure that your seating arrangement in your car is comfortable. If you are driving long distances on a regular basis, you want to make sure that your body is in a comfortable position. Second, select some music or podcasts that work for you, rather than against you. Soothing music is good, as well as inspirational podcasts. Alternatively, listening to books can be a great way to spend the time, improve your mood, and find inspiration. Third, make sure that you have plenty of time for your commute. If the drive normally takes you 30 minutes, plan on 45 (or if it's 45 minutes, plan on an hour). This way you won't be rushed, can take your time, can focus on your driving, and if traffic is a bit backed up, you've got plenty of time to reach your destination.</p><p>Finally, if you do find yourself being anxious in a way that impedes your driving, pull over to the side of the road, take some deep breaths, and sit with your feelings. Take a deep drink of water. Consider jotting your feelings down in a journal. If its safe, get out of the car and walk around a bit, stretching you muscles and breathing in the air.</p><p>But most of all, be kind to yourself. I wish you much success in your new job.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
55cd67469418bf6d572842be | My husband is harsh towards our son and threatened me | Tonight, my husband seemed to put our son down through an incorrect approach. His approach was perfectly wrong. I found myself defending my son. I told him that what he did was not the way to encourage our son.
Instead of watching my husband’s harsh behavior I decided to sit beside my son and, together, we worked on his science assignment in order to encourage him to study. My husband got upset and he was swearing at me. He threatened me. I knew that he was not joking. His words scared me a lot! | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-is-harsh-towards-our-son-and-threatened-me | Parenting,Anger Management,Family Conflict | Analyce Zapata-Barnes | https://counselchat.com/therapists/analyce-zapata-barnes | <p>I have had these many cases, but in situations like this.... If it does get out of hand, the police do need to be involved. Sit down and talk to your husband when he is calm and collective. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband is harsh towards our son and threatened me <</SYS>> Tonight, my husband seemed to put our son down through an incorrect approach. His approach was perfectly wrong. I found myself defending my son. I told him that what he did was not the way to encourage our son.
Instead of watching my husband’s harsh behavior I decided to sit beside my son and, together, we worked on his science assignment in order to encourage him to study. My husband got upset and he was swearing at me. He threatened me. I knew that he was not joking. His words scared me a lot! [/INST] <p>I have had these many cases, but in situations like this.... If it does get out of hand, the police do need to be involved. Sit down and talk to your husband when he is calm and collective. </p> </s> |
579d7cbc188cd61c1684e82c | How can I be less dependent on my boyfriend? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I've been really sad lately and for the past few months I've realized I'm just way too dependent on him. It makes me really upset to be so dependent on someone else, but I can't help it. I don't even know who I am without him.
How can I be less dependent on my him? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-dependent-on-my-boyfriend | Relationships | Lauren Goldstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein | <p>Recognizing that you're too dependent on your boyfriend can be a wakeup call and an excellent opportunity to work on your own personal growth and independence. It sounds like it's time to explore and develop your own interests and engage in some activities that excite and challenge you. If you have time, it could be useful to begin a new activity or class, cultivate friendships outside of your relationship with your boyfriend, and begin to reflect and meditate on ways to enhance your own personal fulfillment.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less dependent on my boyfriend? <</SYS>> My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I've been really sad lately and for the past few months I've realized I'm just way too dependent on him. It makes me really upset to be so dependent on someone else, but I can't help it. I don't even know who I am without him.
How can I be less dependent on my him? [/INST] <p>Recognizing that you're too dependent on your boyfriend can be a wakeup call and an excellent opportunity to work on your own personal growth and independence. It sounds like it's time to explore and develop your own interests and engage in some activities that excite and challenge you. If you have time, it could be useful to begin a new activity or class, cultivate friendships outside of your relationship with your boyfriend, and begin to reflect and meditate on ways to enhance your own personal fulfillment.</p> </s> |
557f812ea29507431fcd9e6f | My therapist betrayed my trust | My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-therapist-betrayed-my-trust | Professional Ethics | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Do you want this therapist to have your credit card information?</p><p>If not, then cancel the credit cards that you believe may now be accessible to this therapist.</p><p>Therapists are expected to keep very clear boundaries between the therapy work and not have other relationships, such as "friend" or "money lender" with someone who is their patient.</p><p>Therapists are never "friends" with their patients.</p><p>Letting you believe that you are the therapist's friend, is a violation of professional ethics and almost definitely, a violation of the Consumer Protection laws in your State.</p><p>Start by dropping this person as your therapist. He has broken too many ethical standards to be worthy of offering therapy.</p><p>Think over if you'd like remaining friends with this person, whom you describe as lacking integrity and stealing from you.</p><p><br></p><p>If you need help getting back money from him, then contact the police and talk to a detective about what has happened so far. The detective will advise according to the laws in your community and State, whether to file a police report, and what steps are necessary to utilize the Court system to get back your funds.</p><p>If you'd like doing future patients who may be treated to similar ways by this therapist, a favor, go online and file a complaint with the therapist's Licensing Board.</p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My therapist betrayed my trust <</SYS>> My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>Do you want this therapist to have your credit card information?</p><p>If not, then cancel the credit cards that you believe may now be accessible to this therapist.</p><p>Therapists are expected to keep very clear boundaries between the therapy work and not have other relationships, such as "friend" or "money lender" with someone who is their patient.</p><p>Therapists are never "friends" with their patients.</p><p>Letting you believe that you are the therapist's friend, is a violation of professional ethics and almost definitely, a violation of the Consumer Protection laws in your State.</p><p>Start by dropping this person as your therapist. He has broken too many ethical standards to be worthy of offering therapy.</p><p>Think over if you'd like remaining friends with this person, whom you describe as lacking integrity and stealing from you.</p><p><br></p><p>If you need help getting back money from him, then contact the police and talk to a detective about what has happened so far. The detective will advise according to the laws in your community and State, whether to file a police report, and what steps are necessary to utilize the Court system to get back your funds.</p><p>If you'd like doing future patients who may be treated to similar ways by this therapist, a favor, go online and file a complaint with the therapist's Licensing Board.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s> |
5579dca3a9732755160c6a7b | How do I get out of an abusive relationship? | I've been with my boyfriend over 3 years. He cheated on me and the woman is now pregnant. He is physically and mentally abusive towards me. I have attempted to talk with him in order to resolve our issues; however, he never wants to talk and often blames me for everything.
I’m always there when he needs my help. He tells me although I help him doesn’t mean that I am a good person. He always discredits me as a woman and it’s hurtful. I spend most day crying and feeling lonely. I am unhappy and unsure of what I need to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-out-of-an-abusive-relationship | Domestic Violence,Relationships | Jessica Dobbs | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jessica-dobbs | <p>That sounds like a very hurtful situation. Unfortunately, without a batterers intervention course or a desire to change, the abuse cycle is unlikely to stop. I do not recommend that you try to leave on your own due that being the most dangerous time when in an abusive relationship. As an abuser, his goal is to control you whether it's through mental or verbal means. I recommend that you contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. I have worked closely with Harbor House of Central Florida and know they provide housing, transportation, and any other needed resources to women leaving an abusive relationship. There is help out there and you are not alone. If you need any additional resources in your area, please don't hesitate to contact me. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get out of an abusive relationship? <</SYS>> I've been with my boyfriend over 3 years. He cheated on me and the woman is now pregnant. He is physically and mentally abusive towards me. I have attempted to talk with him in order to resolve our issues; however, he never wants to talk and often blames me for everything.
I’m always there when he needs my help. He tells me although I help him doesn’t mean that I am a good person. He always discredits me as a woman and it’s hurtful. I spend most day crying and feeling lonely. I am unhappy and unsure of what I need to do. [/INST] <p>That sounds like a very hurtful situation. Unfortunately, without a batterers intervention course or a desire to change, the abuse cycle is unlikely to stop. I do not recommend that you try to leave on your own due that being the most dangerous time when in an abusive relationship. As an abuser, his goal is to control you whether it's through mental or verbal means. I recommend that you contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. I have worked closely with Harbor House of Central Florida and know they provide housing, transportation, and any other needed resources to women leaving an abusive relationship. There is help out there and you are not alone. If you need any additional resources in your area, please don't hesitate to contact me. </p> </s> |
570924685e87cfae7322e9b4 | How long do I wait on my ex-fiancé to choose me over his ex-girlfriend? | My ex-fiancé (whom I am still seeing) left me because of the pressure from all three of his teenage daughters. They wanted him to try to work it out with their mom (his ex-girlfriend of 20 years). He and I split three months ago, but I have been seeing him pretty regularly despite the fact that he is living back with his ex-girlfriend and kids. He is "co-existing" for the kids and fighting all the time with his ex-girlfriend. His daughters don’t want their dad with me because my two boys (grown adults and on their own now) had bad reputations and issues with drugs. His daughters say it is embarrassing for him to be with me. He and I had an absolutely amazing relationship and connect on so many levels. He is getting a lot of pressure from his family and his longtime friends to "do the right thing" and stay with his ex-girlfriend for the kids. He says he wants me to wait. We were going get married last year. He bought me a $1000 dress, we had invitations made, and everything set up, but then his girls told him they'd never speak to him again if he married me. He says he’s trying to mend his relationship with them. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-long-do-i-wait-on-my-ex-fianc-to-choose-me-over-his-ex-girlfriend | Family Conflict,Relationships,Relationship Dissolution | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. It seems you are in a set of circumstances that are highly uncomfortable for you. Do you feel those circumstances are healthy? Do you find pleasure being in such a place of uncertainty? Why do you continue to be in this situation? Without meaning to appear that I might be lacking in compassion, you do have the option to leave the connection completely if the harm it is doing is more that the pleasure it brings you. Is there a benefit to being in this relationship? Do you consider this situation to be for your highest good? Is it healthy to be involved in something that is not likely healthy or perhaps could even be seen as dysfunctional? In truth, only you can decide the answers to these very important questions. I would encourage you to think of who benefits by being in this situation, and how you might be able to find happiness in other relationships that are healthier and more positive. In my clinical view based on what I read, this particular relationship does not carry the joy I am sure you want, nor the healthy interactions you would expect in a functional romantic engagement with another person.</p><p>Beating yourself up about potentially wasting all this time waiting for the other person to come around will not serve a positive purpose. It likely will only lower your self-esteem. There is a time to wait to see how things develop, and a time to move on to other experiences. You are the one to make that choice, but I would encourage you to connect with your inner higher self, for the most clear answer. Chances are, you already know the answer, you just need to embrace it. Getting in touch with a counselor in your area can also help ferret out some of the deeper issues that you might not have felt comfortable expressing here.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How long do I wait on my ex-fiancé to choose me over his ex-girlfriend? <</SYS>> My ex-fiancé (whom I am still seeing) left me because of the pressure from all three of his teenage daughters. They wanted him to try to work it out with their mom (his ex-girlfriend of 20 years). He and I split three months ago, but I have been seeing him pretty regularly despite the fact that he is living back with his ex-girlfriend and kids. He is "co-existing" for the kids and fighting all the time with his ex-girlfriend. His daughters don’t want their dad with me because my two boys (grown adults and on their own now) had bad reputations and issues with drugs. His daughters say it is embarrassing for him to be with me. He and I had an absolutely amazing relationship and connect on so many levels. He is getting a lot of pressure from his family and his longtime friends to "do the right thing" and stay with his ex-girlfriend for the kids. He says he wants me to wait. We were going get married last year. He bought me a $1000 dress, we had invitations made, and everything set up, but then his girls told him they'd never speak to him again if he married me. He says he’s trying to mend his relationship with them. [/INST] <p>Hello. It seems you are in a set of circumstances that are highly uncomfortable for you. Do you feel those circumstances are healthy? Do you find pleasure being in such a place of uncertainty? Why do you continue to be in this situation? Without meaning to appear that I might be lacking in compassion, you do have the option to leave the connection completely if the harm it is doing is more that the pleasure it brings you. Is there a benefit to being in this relationship? Do you consider this situation to be for your highest good? Is it healthy to be involved in something that is not likely healthy or perhaps could even be seen as dysfunctional? In truth, only you can decide the answers to these very important questions. I would encourage you to think of who benefits by being in this situation, and how you might be able to find happiness in other relationships that are healthier and more positive. In my clinical view based on what I read, this particular relationship does not carry the joy I am sure you want, nor the healthy interactions you would expect in a functional romantic engagement with another person.</p><p>Beating yourself up about potentially wasting all this time waiting for the other person to come around will not serve a positive purpose. It likely will only lower your self-esteem. There is a time to wait to see how things develop, and a time to move on to other experiences. You are the one to make that choice, but I would encourage you to connect with your inner higher self, for the most clear answer. Chances are, you already know the answer, you just need to embrace it. Getting in touch with a counselor in your area can also help ferret out some of the deeper issues that you might not have felt comfortable expressing here.</p> </s> |
585599b3950e2507cf23dd9a | Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility? | My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather.
I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility.
Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility? | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility | Family Conflict,Legal & Regulatory,Substance Abuse | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>Thanks for asking this question. I know it can be really difficult to deal with issues like this.</p><p>To answer your question, you might be able to get you brother some mental health help, even if he doesn't recognize that he needs it. In most states, an individual can request a mental health evaluation of a family member if that family member poses a danger to themselves or someone else, or if they are unable to take care of their own basic needs.</p><p>You can always call 911 if you are concerned about his immediate safety (for example if you find him sleeping outside in below freezing weather. As an alternative to calling 911, you might also be able to request an evaluation from an authorized mental health provider. The deatsils of who you would contact vary from state to state. Here's a link with some additional resources:</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/someone-i-know-is-in-crisis</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">He's lucky to have a brother who cares for his wellbeing as much as you do.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility? <</SYS>> My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather.
I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility.
Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility? [/INST] <p>Thanks for asking this question. I know it can be really difficult to deal with issues like this.</p><p>To answer your question, you might be able to get you brother some mental health help, even if he doesn't recognize that he needs it. In most states, an individual can request a mental health evaluation of a family member if that family member poses a danger to themselves or someone else, or if they are unable to take care of their own basic needs.</p><p>You can always call 911 if you are concerned about his immediate safety (for example if you find him sleeping outside in below freezing weather. As an alternative to calling 911, you might also be able to request an evaluation from an authorized mental health provider. The deatsils of who you would contact vary from state to state. Here's a link with some additional resources:</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/someone-i-know-is-in-crisis</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">He's lucky to have a brother who cares for his wellbeing as much as you do.</span></p> </s> |
55d7b150c724b5b66655bf77 | I had a baby about 2 months ago and I really haven't been feeling myself | I am always down and out. Could this be postpartum depression? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-had-a-baby-about-2-months-ago-and-i-really-haven-t-been-feeling-myself | Depression | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>Probably. I always tell the new parents I work with (and this is just as true for dads as it is for moms) that if you are feeling <i>off</i>, seek help. Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net) is a great place to start finding resources and locating support. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I had a baby about 2 months ago and I really haven't been feeling myself <</SYS>> I am always down and out. Could this be postpartum depression? [/INST] <p>Probably. I always tell the new parents I work with (and this is just as true for dads as it is for moms) that if you are feeling <i>off</i>, seek help. Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net) is a great place to start finding resources and locating support. </p> </s> |
56663d51f736762c333ec02f | I'm in high school, and I want to be a psychologist. | I just wanted to get to know one so I can hear about their college experience and the courses they took. I also wanted to know if they enjoy their job and how long they were in school. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-in-high-school-and-i-want-to-be-a-psychologist | Career Counseling,Professional Ethics | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | It's a great idea for you to reach out to find a psychologist to talk to if this is a field you might be interested in pursuing. <div><br></div><div>Regarding the length of schooling, it generally takes 4 years of college and an additional 4 to 7 years of graduate school to earn a doctorate degree to become a psychologist. </div><div><br></div><div>There are also other similar professions, including counseling that don't require a doctorate degree. Licensed counselors generally completed 4 years of college and an additional 2 years of graduate school. </div><div><br></div><div>If you are thinking about a career in psychology, the local APA chapter would be a good place to start to find a local psychologist to talk to. Here's a link to the NJ APA chapter:</div><div>https://www.psychologynj.org/</div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm in high school, and I want to be a psychologist. <</SYS>> I just wanted to get to know one so I can hear about their college experience and the courses they took. I also wanted to know if they enjoy their job and how long they were in school. [/INST] It's a great idea for you to reach out to find a psychologist to talk to if this is a field you might be interested in pursuing. <div><br></div><div>Regarding the length of schooling, it generally takes 4 years of college and an additional 4 to 7 years of graduate school to earn a doctorate degree to become a psychologist. </div><div><br></div><div>There are also other similar professions, including counseling that don't require a doctorate degree. Licensed counselors generally completed 4 years of college and an additional 2 years of graduate school. </div><div><br></div><div>If you are thinking about a career in psychology, the local APA chapter would be a good place to start to find a local psychologist to talk to. Here's a link to the NJ APA chapter:</div><div>https://www.psychologynj.org/</div> </s> |
568c945de716b51523007c23 | Why does the voice in my head never stop? | From the moment I wake up, I hear what I think is my voice in my head. Even now, I hear it saying every word I’m thinking. When I lay down to sleep, I think of weird and crazy things, and the voice will never stop talking. I don’t know if it’s me thinking. It never stops. I’ll lay in my bed for hours just thinking about weird stuff. I should mention that I talk to myself a lot: mostly in my head, but out loud as well. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-does-the-voice-in-my-head-never-stop | null | Mark Morris, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans | First let's make sure that the voice is not one you hear outside your head and that it is not giving you commands. If either are the case, please visit a psychiatrist for an accurate assessment.<div><br></div><div>I believe you asking for some support in order to quiet your reactive mind (also called self-talk, automatic thoughts, mind talk, etc.) When anxious, these thoughts tend to start racing. The battle inside heats up even more when you start judging the thoughts themselves. It sounds like the idea of the racing thoughts is giving you extra stress, and you have created a feedback loop. </div><div><br></div><div>In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), there are some excellent BEHAVIORAL interventions to break free. Start by doing behaviors that are distracting, fun, and healthy, such as calling a friend, going to a movie, or getting some exercise. You may also do behaviors that slow your heart rate like deep breathing and yoga. It's amazing how well slowing the body can slow the mind. There are many other behavioral techniques for calming the mind. Pick up a mindfulness meditation book for more ideas.</div><div><br></div><div>Then there is the COGNITIVE aspect of your question. This is the idea of recognizing how the thoughts are distorted and to challenge them rationally. For example, if you do some of the behaviors just mentioned and you get some benefit, your stated idea that "it never stops" may not be accurate. And your comments that the thoughts are "weird" or "crazy" are arbitrary judgments that you are making against yourself. These are examples of cognitive distortions. By challenging them, you may slow down the chatter inside your head.</div><div><br></div><div>Of course, my book LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, is filled with ideas for both behavioral and cognitive improvement. I evan have a chart (p. 57) which shows the different characteristics of the "worldly voice" and the "sacred voice" inside. Learn more about Living Yes at www.LivingYes.org. You may also want to find a qualified CBT therapist in your town by searching the top clinicians who are listed on the www.AcademyofCT.org website.</div><div><br></div><div>I hope you find peace soon. Keep breathing calmly and get some rest. ~Mark</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why does the voice in my head never stop? <</SYS>> From the moment I wake up, I hear what I think is my voice in my head. Even now, I hear it saying every word I’m thinking. When I lay down to sleep, I think of weird and crazy things, and the voice will never stop talking. I don’t know if it’s me thinking. It never stops. I’ll lay in my bed for hours just thinking about weird stuff. I should mention that I talk to myself a lot: mostly in my head, but out loud as well. [/INST] First let's make sure that the voice is not one you hear outside your head and that it is not giving you commands. If either are the case, please visit a psychiatrist for an accurate assessment.<div><br></div><div>I believe you asking for some support in order to quiet your reactive mind (also called self-talk, automatic thoughts, mind talk, etc.) When anxious, these thoughts tend to start racing. The battle inside heats up even more when you start judging the thoughts themselves. It sounds like the idea of the racing thoughts is giving you extra stress, and you have created a feedback loop. </div><div><br></div><div>In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), there are some excellent BEHAVIORAL interventions to break free. Start by doing behaviors that are distracting, fun, and healthy, such as calling a friend, going to a movie, or getting some exercise. You may also do behaviors that slow your heart rate like deep breathing and yoga. It's amazing how well slowing the body can slow the mind. There are many other behavioral techniques for calming the mind. Pick up a mindfulness meditation book for more ideas.</div><div><br></div><div>Then there is the COGNITIVE aspect of your question. This is the idea of recognizing how the thoughts are distorted and to challenge them rationally. For example, if you do some of the behaviors just mentioned and you get some benefit, your stated idea that "it never stops" may not be accurate. And your comments that the thoughts are "weird" or "crazy" are arbitrary judgments that you are making against yourself. These are examples of cognitive distortions. By challenging them, you may slow down the chatter inside your head.</div><div><br></div><div>Of course, my book LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, is filled with ideas for both behavioral and cognitive improvement. I evan have a chart (p. 57) which shows the different characteristics of the "worldly voice" and the "sacred voice" inside. Learn more about Living Yes at www.LivingYes.org. You may also want to find a qualified CBT therapist in your town by searching the top clinicians who are listed on the www.AcademyofCT.org website.</div><div><br></div><div>I hope you find peace soon. Keep breathing calmly and get some rest. ~Mark</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div> </s> |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | David Alpert | https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-alpert | <p>First of all, I am sorry that you have been missing out on your childhood. It may help you to know that many of us feel that we have missed out on our childhoods, as well, and that despite such deprivations, for many of us, our adult lives have been extraordinarily fulfilling due to our opening up to trusted adults. I recommend that you find a trustworthy adult to talk to. This may be a teacher, a coach, a school counselor, a minister, a family member, or a friend's family member. If none of these are available, try out a professional counselor, social worker, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychologist, or a psychiatrist. It is best to get a referral for such a professional from a peer who has had a positive and safe experience with a particular provider.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get people to listen? <</SYS>> I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. [/INST] <p>First of all, I am sorry that you have been missing out on your childhood. It may help you to know that many of us feel that we have missed out on our childhoods, as well, and that despite such deprivations, for many of us, our adult lives have been extraordinarily fulfilling due to our opening up to trusted adults. I recommend that you find a trustworthy adult to talk to. This may be a teacher, a coach, a school counselor, a minister, a family member, or a friend's family member. If none of these are available, try out a professional counselor, social worker, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychologist, or a psychiatrist. It is best to get a referral for such a professional from a peer who has had a positive and safe experience with a particular provider.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
56d320179471b0b41ec68e52 | I don't know if I should end my relationship or try and stick through it. | I have been dating a guy for two years. I think I love him, but I don't know any more. I am in my late teens, and I have been living with him for most of our relationship. I have been talking to a guy friend, and I feel more loved by him than my boyfriend. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-if-i-should-end-my-relationship-or-try-and-stick-through-it | Relationships,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Michigan, Relationships are so sparkly for a few years, and then things start to feel different. Most of the time, this is simply because we've pulled back from all the attachment-forming behaviours we did at the beginning. We stop talking a lot, because we have less to discover...we do less for each other and buy fewer gifts...spend less time together...all because we have already formed the love and attachment and we don't need to "fill the gas tank" as much. So, just because it feels different doesn't mean it's "gone bad".</p><p>Having said that, it seems as though you are missing something in this relationship that you need; you don't feel loved enough right now. Can you tell him? Have you told him? The strength of your relationship is more clear when people know what the expectations are. Let him know what you need, and see if he gets it. </p><p>You have choices to make and there is no wrong choice. You certainly have the right to say "this isn't feeling great anymore", or "I want to explore other relationships", and walk away. But often it's worth it to see how good something can be before you bail. </p><p>You're drawn to someone else, and this is up to you to decide how this fits with your expectations of yourself in a relationship. Your interest in this other guy is sparkly and new. Your boyfriend can't compete with that if he doesn't know you're unhappy. </p><p>For some people, being drawn to someone else is a sign they're not into their partner. For others, it's a danger alert, and it makes them want to improve their current relationship. Which one are you?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't know if I should end my relationship or try and stick through it. <</SYS>> I have been dating a guy for two years. I think I love him, but I don't know any more. I am in my late teens, and I have been living with him for most of our relationship. I have been talking to a guy friend, and I feel more loved by him than my boyfriend. [/INST] <p>Hi Michigan, Relationships are so sparkly for a few years, and then things start to feel different. Most of the time, this is simply because we've pulled back from all the attachment-forming behaviours we did at the beginning. We stop talking a lot, because we have less to discover...we do less for each other and buy fewer gifts...spend less time together...all because we have already formed the love and attachment and we don't need to "fill the gas tank" as much. So, just because it feels different doesn't mean it's "gone bad".</p><p>Having said that, it seems as though you are missing something in this relationship that you need; you don't feel loved enough right now. Can you tell him? Have you told him? The strength of your relationship is more clear when people know what the expectations are. Let him know what you need, and see if he gets it. </p><p>You have choices to make and there is no wrong choice. You certainly have the right to say "this isn't feeling great anymore", or "I want to explore other relationships", and walk away. But often it's worth it to see how good something can be before you bail. </p><p>You're drawn to someone else, and this is up to you to decide how this fits with your expectations of yourself in a relationship. Your interest in this other guy is sparkly and new. Your boyfriend can't compete with that if he doesn't know you're unhappy. </p><p>For some people, being drawn to someone else is a sign they're not into their partner. For others, it's a danger alert, and it makes them want to improve their current relationship. Which one are you?</p> </s> |
56d41d489471b0b41ec68e75 | My boyfriend is in the hospital. They won’t tell me what’s wrong and if or when he’s coming back. | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-in-the-hospital-they-won-t-tell-me-what-s-wrong-and-if-or-when-he-s-coming-back | Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>I know it can be really tough when a loved one is in the hospital and you aren't being told what is going on.</p><p>In general, both Federal and State confidentiality laws prohibit health care providers from giving out private information about patients to non-family members.</p><p>Unfortunately, you will probably just have to wait until he is released (or until you can visit him) to find out from him what is going on.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend is in the hospital. They won’t tell me what’s wrong and if or when he’s coming back. <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I know it can be really tough when a loved one is in the hospital and you aren't being told what is going on.</p><p>In general, both Federal and State confidentiality laws prohibit health care providers from giving out private information about patients to non-family members.</p><p>Unfortunately, you will probably just have to wait until he is released (or until you can visit him) to find out from him what is going on.</p> </s> |
582a2c2a950e2507cf23dc1e | Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me.
Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-get-ignored-by-people | Social Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time.</p><p>I wonder about how your friendships are in person. If you get along well with people and have effective conversations with them face-to-face, there could be some kind of technology-related problem.</p><p>Have you tried gently talking to people about how you send a message and they didn't answer? If you can phrase it in such a way that they recognize that you are asking for information and not blaming them for not answering you, that could be effective.</p><p>I'd also encourage you to consider how much this is bothering you. If it is causing a significant amount of anxiety (say, more than 5/10 if 10 is really anxious), I would suggest talking with a local therapist.</p><p>In the meantime, consider talking about this with someone you trust to whom you can get more details to get a more specific answer.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I always get ignored by people? <</SYS>> Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me.
Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? [/INST] <p>I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time.</p><p>I wonder about how your friendships are in person. If you get along well with people and have effective conversations with them face-to-face, there could be some kind of technology-related problem.</p><p>Have you tried gently talking to people about how you send a message and they didn't answer? If you can phrase it in such a way that they recognize that you are asking for information and not blaming them for not answering you, that could be effective.</p><p>I'd also encourage you to consider how much this is bothering you. If it is causing a significant amount of anxiety (say, more than 5/10 if 10 is really anxious), I would suggest talking with a local therapist.</p><p>In the meantime, consider talking about this with someone you trust to whom you can get more details to get a more specific answer.</p> </s> |
561ce62be88a65597bb56a5a | Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety | Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.
When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.
Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/thoughts-of-afterlife-causes-anxiety | Anxiety,Spirituality | Mark Morris, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans | <p>Many people generate intense anxiety with obsessive thinking. While the nature of your obsession about the afterlife and eternity appear very powerful and unique to you, the pattern of obsessing about one thing/area is common. </p><p>I suggest that you consider counseling to help you with your anxiety. If you are so inclined, there are also medications which may bring relief. Obviously, I can't diagnose you from one paragraph, so it would be wise to visit an experienced mental health professional (either a counselor or an MD in your area) to help you with disengaging from your self-destructive thoughts. </p><p>CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is a very effective counseling approach for obsessive thinking. If you'd like a see a top notch CBT therapist, visit www.AcademyofCT.org. And of course I suggest you pick up my book, LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, which includes CBT concepts and many more tools which will help with obsession and anxiety.</p><p>As for believing yourself "insane" (or "crazy") this is not a mental health term but a legal one (or a slang). So as long as you don't commit a crime, no professional can legitimately call you insane or crazy!</p><p>Take it slow! ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety <</SYS>> Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.
When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.
Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal. [/INST] <p>Many people generate intense anxiety with obsessive thinking. While the nature of your obsession about the afterlife and eternity appear very powerful and unique to you, the pattern of obsessing about one thing/area is common. </p><p>I suggest that you consider counseling to help you with your anxiety. If you are so inclined, there are also medications which may bring relief. Obviously, I can't diagnose you from one paragraph, so it would be wise to visit an experienced mental health professional (either a counselor or an MD in your area) to help you with disengaging from your self-destructive thoughts. </p><p>CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is a very effective counseling approach for obsessive thinking. If you'd like a see a top notch CBT therapist, visit www.AcademyofCT.org. And of course I suggest you pick up my book, LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, which includes CBT concepts and many more tools which will help with obsession and anxiety.</p><p>As for believing yourself "insane" (or "crazy") this is not a mental health term but a legal one (or a slang). So as long as you don't commit a crime, no professional can legitimately call you insane or crazy!</p><p>Take it slow! ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p><p><br></p> </s> |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>A lot of things affect how helpful counseling is for each person, including at least these things, but often many others:</p><ul><li>The therapeutic alliance (this refers to the bond, connection, or trust between the client and the counselor)</li><li>What the person is coming in to work on</li><li>How motivated the person is to work on what it is they would like to change</li></ul><p>Some people also ask how counseling is different from friendship. There is a similarity in the sense that hopefully both counselors and friends will listen to what you are experiencing, but that is really the end of the similarities. Some differences are:</p><ul><li>Counselors are specifically trained to phrase questions or statements in ways that help you to gain more awareness of one could be contributing to what it is that you are trying to change, both within yourself, and possibly with people around you</li><li>Counselors have experience in using lots of different types of techniques (for example, focusing on finding solutions, looking at how the present situation could relate to your past, using role-plays or examples in session to help you learn new skills or ways of looking at situations, and probably hundreds of other things)</li><li>Counselors are taught to look at what you are experiencing and ask questions about other related ideas that you may not have connected to what you are experiencing</li><li>There is a treatment plan in place (usually after the first, second, or third session) so both you and the counselor have an idea of where you would like to go with counseling (what you are hoping to change or learn) and a general idea of a plan for getting to your goals</li></ul><p>In general, I would say the following:</p><ul><li>Yes, counseling can help people who want something to be different in their lives</li><li>Counseling is most helpful when the connection between the counselor and the client is strong enough that some trust forms (in other words, not every counselor or technique is helpful for every person)</li><li>A lot of counselors will talk to you on the phone for a few minutes prior to you coming in for your first appointment to answer any general questions that you may have</li><li>If you are working with a counselor and you feel as though you are not "clicking" or connecting with one another, give it three or four sessions before you change. Trust is not happening in one hour for most of people</li><li>If you are working with a counselor and you would like to be getting more or something different out of it, tell the counselor about that because typically modalities can be changed</li><li>If you are asking this question because you would like help with a specific issue, call a local counselor and discuss it so that you could have a more specific answer about possible options for counseling</li></ul> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p>A lot of things affect how helpful counseling is for each person, including at least these things, but often many others:</p><ul><li>The therapeutic alliance (this refers to the bond, connection, or trust between the client and the counselor)</li><li>What the person is coming in to work on</li><li>How motivated the person is to work on what it is they would like to change</li></ul><p>Some people also ask how counseling is different from friendship. There is a similarity in the sense that hopefully both counselors and friends will listen to what you are experiencing, but that is really the end of the similarities. Some differences are:</p><ul><li>Counselors are specifically trained to phrase questions or statements in ways that help you to gain more awareness of one could be contributing to what it is that you are trying to change, both within yourself, and possibly with people around you</li><li>Counselors have experience in using lots of different types of techniques (for example, focusing on finding solutions, looking at how the present situation could relate to your past, using role-plays or examples in session to help you learn new skills or ways of looking at situations, and probably hundreds of other things)</li><li>Counselors are taught to look at what you are experiencing and ask questions about other related ideas that you may not have connected to what you are experiencing</li><li>There is a treatment plan in place (usually after the first, second, or third session) so both you and the counselor have an idea of where you would like to go with counseling (what you are hoping to change or learn) and a general idea of a plan for getting to your goals</li></ul><p>In general, I would say the following:</p><ul><li>Yes, counseling can help people who want something to be different in their lives</li><li>Counseling is most helpful when the connection between the counselor and the client is strong enough that some trust forms (in other words, not every counselor or technique is helpful for every person)</li><li>A lot of counselors will talk to you on the phone for a few minutes prior to you coming in for your first appointment to answer any general questions that you may have</li><li>If you are working with a counselor and you feel as though you are not "clicking" or connecting with one another, give it three or four sessions before you change. Trust is not happening in one hour for most of people</li><li>If you are working with a counselor and you would like to be getting more or something different out of it, tell the counselor about that because typically modalities can be changed</li><li>If you are asking this question because you would like help with a specific issue, call a local counselor and discuss it so that you could have a more specific answer about possible options for counseling</li></ul> </s> |
577efb897fe85f1465e20088 | I think I empathize too much. | I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least.
I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-i-empathize-too-much | Diagnosis | Miriam Dyak | https://counselchat.com/therapists/miriam-dyak | <p>Sometimes it's helps to have a name for a problem - it can make you feel less alone as in, "oh there's a name for this and other people have this experience too." On the other hand naming the problem can also make it stick around longer as in "now I have a special problem that has a special name, and that's an important part of who I am."<br><br>Bottom line, whether it's a disorder or not, you would like life to be easier and not have to be pulled so much by other people's energy and feelings. You might want to try imagining that you have a volume dial on your empathy (just like the volume dial or button on the tv) that you can gently turn down to the point where you still feel what's going on but it's not so "loud". You can also try imagining pulling your own energy back as if you were drawing your energy back home to the center of your own body and being, letting go of the other people or characters that pulled your energy out so far. This is a way create better boundaries and protect your own vulnerability. Just like on an airplane where they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping anyone else, your empathy will most likely not really help others if you allow yourself to be depleted.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I think I empathize too much. <</SYS>> I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least.
I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me? [/INST] <p>Sometimes it's helps to have a name for a problem - it can make you feel less alone as in, "oh there's a name for this and other people have this experience too." On the other hand naming the problem can also make it stick around longer as in "now I have a special problem that has a special name, and that's an important part of who I am."<br><br>Bottom line, whether it's a disorder or not, you would like life to be easier and not have to be pulled so much by other people's energy and feelings. You might want to try imagining that you have a volume dial on your empathy (just like the volume dial or button on the tv) that you can gently turn down to the point where you still feel what's going on but it's not so "loud". You can also try imagining pulling your own energy back as if you were drawing your energy back home to the center of your own body and being, letting go of the other people or characters that pulled your energy out so far. This is a way create better boundaries and protect your own vulnerability. Just like on an airplane where they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping anyone else, your empathy will most likely not really help others if you allow yourself to be depleted.</p> </s> |
57489834c792dd6c7063e47c | How can I resist the urge to cut? | When I'm sad and alone, I want to cut myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-resist-the-urge-to-cut | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Try doing something physical. If you haven't exercised before, it is a good idea to get your doctor's approval first, but this can be helpful.</p><p>The more you can find out about when you want to cut, the easier it will be to figure out what else you can do. If you are feeling sad or angry or nervous, look at what is leading up to those feelings and talk to someone about that.</p><p>You said you are alone. I would see if you can find someone that you can trust to talk with about what you are going through. This could be a parent, a friend, someone at school, a coworker, or any number of other people.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I resist the urge to cut? <</SYS>> When I'm sad and alone, I want to cut myself. [/INST] <p>Try doing something physical. If you haven't exercised before, it is a good idea to get your doctor's approval first, but this can be helpful.</p><p>The more you can find out about when you want to cut, the easier it will be to figure out what else you can do. If you are feeling sad or angry or nervous, look at what is leading up to those feelings and talk to someone about that.</p><p>You said you are alone. I would see if you can find someone that you can trust to talk with about what you are going through. This could be a parent, a friend, someone at school, a coworker, or any number of other people.</p> </s> |
55d455264eadfb434bcb5c02 | How do balance attention between my girlfriend and my dogs? | I have dog obsession disorder and I am having problems with my girlfriend because I am placing more importance to my two dogs over her. How do I get over this problem and prioritize my girlfriend over my two dogs? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-balance-attention-between-my-girlfriend-and-my-dogs | Relationships | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>Hey, dogs are cool. They adore pleasing humans and often LOVE to work on learning what you want and expect from them. Your girlfriend on the other hand, likely has her own desires and needs that she attend to before tuning into yours. You are good with dogs, that tells me that you've spent some time observing their behavior. The first step in working through this issue would be similar, start to tune into and observe your girlfriend more often... Observation is a skill when it comes to relationship building. The skills you have mastered in relating with your dogs can carry over, you will just have to relearn what behaviors you are watching. And keep in mind that also means observing yourself in relationships. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do balance attention between my girlfriend and my dogs? <</SYS>> I have dog obsession disorder and I am having problems with my girlfriend because I am placing more importance to my two dogs over her. How do I get over this problem and prioritize my girlfriend over my two dogs? [/INST] <p>Hey, dogs are cool. They adore pleasing humans and often LOVE to work on learning what you want and expect from them. Your girlfriend on the other hand, likely has her own desires and needs that she attend to before tuning into yours. You are good with dogs, that tells me that you've spent some time observing their behavior. The first step in working through this issue would be similar, start to tune into and observe your girlfriend more often... Observation is a skill when it comes to relationship building. The skills you have mastered in relating with your dogs can carry over, you will just have to relearn what behaviors you are watching. And keep in mind that also means observing yourself in relationships. </p> </s> |