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5733b278aaeea25a1918b66e

Is it strange that a male family member always want to play with my toddler daughter?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-strange-that-a-male-family-member-always-want-to-play-with-my-toddler-daughter

Family Conflict,Parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Without knowing the male family member's reason for always wanting to play with your toddler, yes, it is strange.</p><p>Find out if the person has a reason for his preference and what this is.</p><p>Are they studying child development in school and observing your toddler in order to write a paper?</p><p>Is your male family member very shy or doesn't care for the other people in the household and plays with your toddler as a way to avoid this?</p><p>You don't have to ask this one, simply observe and add this to what you already know about the person.</p><p>If no clear and respectable reason exists for your male family member's preference to play with your toddler, then I would definitely not allow the two of them to be alone together.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it strange that a male family member always want to play with my toddler daughter? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Without knowing the male family member's reason for always wanting to play with your toddler, yes, it is strange.</p><p>Find out if the person has a reason for his preference and what this is.</p><p>Are they studying child development in school and observing your toddler in order to write a paper?</p><p>Is your male family member very shy or doesn't care for the other people in the household and plays with your toddler as a way to avoid this?</p><p>You don't have to ask this one, simply observe and add this to what you already know about the person.</p><p>If no clear and respectable reason exists for your male family member's preference to play with your toddler, then I would definitely not allow the two of them to be alone together.</p> </s>

5667af6f1678044a13a77703

My husband works all the time and neglects his family.

My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-works-all-the-time-and-neglects-his-family

Marriage,Intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>I'm glad you're aware to expect more satisfaction from being part of a couple, than you currently describe yourself as having.</p><p>Are you and your husband able to talk about any or all of what you've written here?</p><p>His answers would be a starting point for knowing how he understands his share of your relationship and whether and how he would like making any changes.</p><p>If the two of you feel too much tension in the relationship to bring up any of the topics you write about here, then ask yourself the reason for this.</p><p>Very commonly, people are afraid to ask questions of their partner, even when feeling unhappy and that they'd like changes to the relationship.</p><p>Often, people are fearful of harsh criticism by the partner and worry that by simply stating the reasons for feeling unhappy, will mean hearing judgments against them, spoken by the partner.</p><p>It is always a good idea to utilize the services of a professional, credentialed and licensed therapist, if after trying to start a conversation on the topics you bring up here, does not go well or very far.</p><p>For all of us, the emotions in our intimate relationships are deep and powerful. &nbsp;They are not easy to handle, especially under tension and frustration.</p><p>Sending lots of good wishes for future happiness!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband works all the time and neglects his family. <</SYS>> My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights. [/INST] <p>I'm glad you're aware to expect more satisfaction from being part of a couple, than you currently describe yourself as having.</p><p>Are you and your husband able to talk about any or all of what you've written here?</p><p>His answers would be a starting point for knowing how he understands his share of your relationship and whether and how he would like making any changes.</p><p>If the two of you feel too much tension in the relationship to bring up any of the topics you write about here, then ask yourself the reason for this.</p><p>Very commonly, people are afraid to ask questions of their partner, even when feeling unhappy and that they'd like changes to the relationship.</p><p>Often, people are fearful of harsh criticism by the partner and worry that by simply stating the reasons for feeling unhappy, will mean hearing judgments against them, spoken by the partner.</p><p>It is always a good idea to utilize the services of a professional, credentialed and licensed therapist, if after trying to start a conversation on the topics you bring up here, does not go well or very far.</p><p>For all of us, the emotions in our intimate relationships are deep and powerful. &nbsp;They are not easy to handle, especially under tension and frustration.</p><p>Sending lots of good wishes for future happiness!</p> </s>

56ff46b4fa722cdf047f292a

Why am I with my husband if he is mean?

I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-with-my-husband-if-he-is-mean

Marriage

Sonya Wilson

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

<p>So many questions comes to mind when I read your words...Do you love yourself?&nbsp; What do you LOVE about him?&nbsp; What are you getting from this relationship that is good for you?&nbsp; What are you lacking in yourself that you allow yourself to be treated this way?....I can go on..</p><p><br></p><p>If you can answer these questions, maybe you will answer your own question of WHY are you with your husband or even better, WHY you ALLOW your husband to be mean, show no love, disrespect you?&nbsp; You seem to lack self-worth...seek a professional to help you with this.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I with my husband if he is mean? <</SYS>> I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. [/INST] <p>So many questions comes to mind when I read your words...Do you love yourself?&nbsp; What do you LOVE about him?&nbsp; What are you getting from this relationship that is good for you?&nbsp; What are you lacking in yourself that you allow yourself to be treated this way?....I can go on..</p><p><br></p><p>If you can answer these questions, maybe you will answer your own question of WHY are you with your husband or even better, WHY you ALLOW your husband to be mean, show no love, disrespect you?&nbsp; You seem to lack self-worth...seek a professional to help you with this.<br></p> </s>

58c61c9298741803743bf6ca

What happens in a counseling session?

After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session

Counseling Fundamentals

Elissa Gross

https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross

<p>Hi. &nbsp;This is an excellent question ! &nbsp; I think that the answer probably varies depending upon the particular therapist . &nbsp;In my work with people , once we have met and I have gotten an idea of the person'a concerns and the issues they want help with , I spend the next few sessions gathering as much history and as much information about the client's current concerns in order to formulate some ideas about what may be causing distress . &nbsp;I would then share my thoughts with the client to see if they feel I am understanding them and on the right track. &nbsp;We would then discuss the best plan to address the client's concerns . &nbsp;Usually I will suggest strategies that I think may be helpful and ask the client for feedback about whether or not they think my suggestions feel helpful . &nbsp; I always encourage clients to be really honest with me about this. &nbsp;I tell them that I would hate for them to agree to try things that they know they won't try just to avoid "hurting my feelings" or "offending me." &nbsp;I want to be helpful and while I have the expertise as far as typically helpful &nbsp;strategies, I really like to work collaboratively and have clients tell me what they do and don't like / agree with or not agree with when I share my thoughts about a treatment plan . &nbsp;We the &nbsp; work together to come up with a plan that will be helpful , but also realistic and then revise it and try new things if necessary as we go along. &nbsp; If things aren't improving , I am very happy and willing to try something new !&nbsp;</p><p>I hope this is helpful for you !&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What happens in a counseling session? <</SYS>> After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? [/INST] <p>Hi. &nbsp;This is an excellent question ! &nbsp; I think that the answer probably varies depending upon the particular therapist . &nbsp;In my work with people , once we have met and I have gotten an idea of the person'a concerns and the issues they want help with , I spend the next few sessions gathering as much history and as much information about the client's current concerns in order to formulate some ideas about what may be causing distress . &nbsp;I would then share my thoughts with the client to see if they feel I am understanding them and on the right track. &nbsp;We would then discuss the best plan to address the client's concerns . &nbsp;Usually I will suggest strategies that I think may be helpful and ask the client for feedback about whether or not they think my suggestions feel helpful . &nbsp; I always encourage clients to be really honest with me about this. &nbsp;I tell them that I would hate for them to agree to try things that they know they won't try just to avoid "hurting my feelings" or "offending me." &nbsp;I want to be helpful and while I have the expertise as far as typically helpful &nbsp;strategies, I really like to work collaboratively and have clients tell me what they do and don't like / agree with or not agree with when I share my thoughts about a treatment plan . &nbsp;We the &nbsp; work together to come up with a plan that will be helpful , but also realistic and then revise it and try new things if necessary as we go along. &nbsp; If things aren't improving , I am very happy and willing to try something new !&nbsp;</p><p>I hope this is helpful for you !&nbsp;</p> </s>

57525278c792dd6c7063e5d9

How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems?

I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-parents-that-i-think-i-have-some-mental-problems

Family Conflict,Depression,Anxiety

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">Family support is very helpful when having these symptoms. &nbsp;I suggest<span class="apple-converted-space"> looking for</span> therapist within reach (school, through your insurance&nbsp;or the community, calling 2-1-1). &nbsp;Once you schedule a session, you can inform them and invite them to come in. &nbsp; I have found trough sceptic parents, that once they give it a chance they open up to the process of learning and healing.&nbsp;</span> I also understand that parents may become overly concerned and overprotective when hearing about your symptoms, and that’s why is important to discuss them with a therapist, normalize them, understand why you experience them, and learn how they could help you. <span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#666666"=""><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181); background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">¿Cómo les digo a mis padres que yo pienso que tengo problemas mentales?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Estoy seguro que tengo depresión&nbsp; ansiedad.&nbsp; También escucho voces en mi cabeza.&nbsp; Tengo problemas para dormir también.&nbsp; Y he sido diagnosticado con déficit de atención y desorden obsesivo compulsivo.&nbsp; Me he auto flagelado y solía tener ideas suicidas.&nbsp; Como les dejo saber y les pido ayuda.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">El apoyo de la familia es muy útil cuando se experimentan los síntomas que mencionas.&nbsp; Te sugiero que busques un consejero (en la escuela, a través de tu plan médico, o en la comunidad, llamando al 2-1-1). &nbsp;Ya que tengas tu cita, invita a tus padres.&nbsp; He observado que aunque algunos padres son escépticos al principio, pero una vez le dan una oportunidad se abren al proceso de terapia y sus beneficios. También he observado que algunos padres se vuelven sobreprotectores cuando aprenden de los síntomas que sufren sus hijos, así que sería otro beneficio que aprendieran que pueden hacer para ayudarte y apoyarte.&nbsp;</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems? <</SYS>> I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy? [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">Family support is very helpful when having these symptoms. &nbsp;I suggest<span class="apple-converted-space"> looking for</span> therapist within reach (school, through your insurance&nbsp;or the community, calling 2-1-1). &nbsp;Once you schedule a session, you can inform them and invite them to come in. &nbsp; I have found trough sceptic parents, that once they give it a chance they open up to the process of learning and healing.&nbsp;</span> I also understand that parents may become overly concerned and overprotective when hearing about your symptoms, and that’s why is important to discuss them with a therapist, normalize them, understand why you experience them, and learn how they could help you. <span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#666666"=""><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181); background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">¿Cómo les digo a mis padres que yo pienso que tengo problemas mentales?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Estoy seguro que tengo depresión&nbsp; ansiedad.&nbsp; También escucho voces en mi cabeza.&nbsp; Tengo problemas para dormir también.&nbsp; Y he sido diagnosticado con déficit de atención y desorden obsesivo compulsivo.&nbsp; Me he auto flagelado y solía tener ideas suicidas.&nbsp; Como les dejo saber y les pido ayuda.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">El apoyo de la familia es muy útil cuando se experimentan los síntomas que mencionas.&nbsp; Te sugiero que busques un consejero (en la escuela, a través de tu plan médico, o en la comunidad, llamando al 2-1-1). &nbsp;Ya que tengas tu cita, invita a tus padres.&nbsp; He observado que aunque algunos padres son escépticos al principio, pero una vez le dan una oportunidad se abren al proceso de terapia y sus beneficios. También he observado que algunos padres se vuelven sobreprotectores cuando aprenden de los síntomas que sufren sus hijos, así que sería otro beneficio que aprendieran que pueden hacer para ayudarte y apoyarte.&nbsp;</span></p> </s>

5760c04716780993511710e2

Is it normal to take a parent role and feel so hurt and broken as a teenager?

I'm a teenager. My dad has been jail for the last five years. It's tough, but my mom really tries to give a normal life to my two sisters, my brother, and I. I feel like I took upon a parent role when I'm the second youngest, and I'm not stable. My mother and sisters say I'm overdramatic. I’m just so hurt, and I keep breaking down.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-take-a-parent-role-and-feel-so-hurt-and-broken-as-a-teenager

Family Conflict,Depression

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>It sounds like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders.</p><p>I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're not stable and you are breaking down. If you are crying because you're sad, that is okay. If you are crying a lot or having trouble eating or sleeping, that's different than just crying sometimes because you are sad. It may be helpful to talk with a local mental health professional in your area. They can help you to figure out what you could do differently to have the role in your family that you would like while also supporting yourself and what you want.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to take a parent role and feel so hurt and broken as a teenager? <</SYS>> I'm a teenager. My dad has been jail for the last five years. It's tough, but my mom really tries to give a normal life to my two sisters, my brother, and I. I feel like I took upon a parent role when I'm the second youngest, and I'm not stable. My mother and sisters say I'm overdramatic. I’m just so hurt, and I keep breaking down. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders.</p><p>I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're not stable and you are breaking down. If you are crying because you're sad, that is okay. If you are crying a lot or having trouble eating or sleeping, that's different than just crying sometimes because you are sad. It may be helpful to talk with a local mental health professional in your area. They can help you to figure out what you could do differently to have the role in your family that you would like while also supporting yourself and what you want.</p> </s>

579b8756188cd61c1684e80f

How can I help my girlfriend?

My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-girlfriend

Relationships,Substance Abuse,Depression

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

<p>You're probably not going to like my answer.</p><p>Your question says a lot about what YOU want rather than what she wants or what may be best for her. Sometimes, what's best for a person is the hardest thing to do, and may be completely opposite of what YOU want.</p><p>Addictions don't happen in a vacuum. If you've had any experience with addicts at all, then I'm sure you've heard the term "enabler". A lot of the times, when people think they're "helping", they're actually enabling the addict to continue their self-destructive behavior. Tough love and clear boundaries are needed in a lot of situations, but especially with addictions. Family and friends are often the biggest contributing factor to someone choosing to use/drink, continuing to do so, or relapsing back into it.</p><p>You said she recently quit. You said she is depressed. She wants to move. When a person receives counseling for addictions, they are encouraged to make changes like this. They need to break the habit, and this means removing people from their lives at times. It means moving to new locations. Anything that may trigger a relapse needs to be identified and removed. Not only that, but the addict needs to do a lot of personal reflection to figure out WHY they use/drink in the first place, and not only break the physical addiction to it, but deal with whatever is the root cause that led them to use in the first place. She may need some time alone to figure out who she is as a person, time to make some decisions for herself and do what she needs to do to be healthy.</p><p>Don't pressure her to stay. Let her have the freedom to do what she needs to do. If she stays, the decision needs to be hers and hers alone. It doesn't need to be made under pressure. That will only lead to resentment. Support her, but don't try to change her or make her do anything, especially for selfish reasons. Let her go. It sounds like she needs some time to focus on herself right now. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do the same.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my girlfriend? <</SYS>> My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay. [/INST] <p>You're probably not going to like my answer.</p><p>Your question says a lot about what YOU want rather than what she wants or what may be best for her. Sometimes, what's best for a person is the hardest thing to do, and may be completely opposite of what YOU want.</p><p>Addictions don't happen in a vacuum. If you've had any experience with addicts at all, then I'm sure you've heard the term "enabler". A lot of the times, when people think they're "helping", they're actually enabling the addict to continue their self-destructive behavior. Tough love and clear boundaries are needed in a lot of situations, but especially with addictions. Family and friends are often the biggest contributing factor to someone choosing to use/drink, continuing to do so, or relapsing back into it.</p><p>You said she recently quit. You said she is depressed. She wants to move. When a person receives counseling for addictions, they are encouraged to make changes like this. They need to break the habit, and this means removing people from their lives at times. It means moving to new locations. Anything that may trigger a relapse needs to be identified and removed. Not only that, but the addict needs to do a lot of personal reflection to figure out WHY they use/drink in the first place, and not only break the physical addiction to it, but deal with whatever is the root cause that led them to use in the first place. She may need some time alone to figure out who she is as a person, time to make some decisions for herself and do what she needs to do to be healthy.</p><p>Don't pressure her to stay. Let her have the freedom to do what she needs to do. If she stays, the decision needs to be hers and hers alone. It doesn't need to be made under pressure. That will only lead to resentment. Support her, but don't try to change her or make her do anything, especially for selfish reasons. Let her go. It sounds like she needs some time to focus on herself right now. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do the same.</p> </s>

5775c7b072f4321a37b641c2

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day.

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

Substance Abuse,Social Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Usually when someone asks if they have a problem, they believe they do have a problem!</p><p>The first step is to understand your own theory and definition as to what problem you feel you have. &nbsp;</p><p>Some possibilities are feeling unhappy in the relationship to your boyfriend, not having enough discussion between the two of you, not feeling cared about by your boyfriend, not liking your boyfriend.</p><p>Did you grow up in a family in which the grownups drank to the point of excess at the times they felt stressed?</p><p>Family modeling of how to handle problems may have left you no knowing how to handle stress except to drink to excess.</p><p>Ask yourself what it is you feel guilty of doing?</p><p>The guilt may point you in a good direction if it is your sense of self-esteem telling you to find better ways of managing your life.</p><p>Do you drink alone or together with friends?</p><p>Try defining your specific reasons for drinking because this is the first step to know how to handle the situation differently.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day. <</SYS>> I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem? [/INST] <p>Usually when someone asks if they have a problem, they believe they do have a problem!</p><p>The first step is to understand your own theory and definition as to what problem you feel you have. &nbsp;</p><p>Some possibilities are feeling unhappy in the relationship to your boyfriend, not having enough discussion between the two of you, not feeling cared about by your boyfriend, not liking your boyfriend.</p><p>Did you grow up in a family in which the grownups drank to the point of excess at the times they felt stressed?</p><p>Family modeling of how to handle problems may have left you no knowing how to handle stress except to drink to excess.</p><p>Ask yourself what it is you feel guilty of doing?</p><p>The guilt may point you in a good direction if it is your sense of self-esteem telling you to find better ways of managing your life.</p><p>Do you drink alone or together with friends?</p><p>Try defining your specific reasons for drinking because this is the first step to know how to handle the situation differently.</p> </s>

575970f2c792dd6c7063e776

My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him

I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-toddler-wants-her-daddy-to-die-when-she-s-mad-at-him

Parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Toddlers don't have the intellectual capacity to conceptualize.</p><p>Better to find out why she wants daddy to die than explain the future consequences of death to your toddler.</p><p>A person must be around 9, possibly 8 years old before absorbing the potential effects of an action taken in present time.</p><p>Pretty much your toddler demonstrated to you here age appropriate and limited understanding of the loss of a parent, by crying that you weren't able to magically make her father disappear.</p><p>Also, please pay attention and form your own opinions as to the reasons why your toddler would wish her father's death.</p><p>She may be pointing out that the father behaves in frightening or harmful ways towards her.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him <</SYS>> I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die. [/INST] <p>Toddlers don't have the intellectual capacity to conceptualize.</p><p>Better to find out why she wants daddy to die than explain the future consequences of death to your toddler.</p><p>A person must be around 9, possibly 8 years old before absorbing the potential effects of an action taken in present time.</p><p>Pretty much your toddler demonstrated to you here age appropriate and limited understanding of the loss of a parent, by crying that you weren't able to magically make her father disappear.</p><p>Also, please pay attention and form your own opinions as to the reasons why your toddler would wish her father's death.</p><p>She may be pointing out that the father behaves in frightening or harmful ways towards her.</p> </s>

56f665c4b814e1ce46371918

What are some physical signs of psychosis?

I just need to know if I'm really crazy or not.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-some-physical-signs-of-psychosis

Behavioral Change

Sonya Wilson

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

<p>Do an internet research on psychosis symptoms and see if you have several of the symptoms.&nbsp; If you do, seek a medical evaluation from your primary care physician.&nbsp; There are great medications and psychotherapy that can help you live your life to the fullest.&nbsp; There a many people who are diagnosed with psychosis and living a productive life.&nbsp; <br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are some physical signs of psychosis? <</SYS>> I just need to know if I'm really crazy or not. [/INST] <p>Do an internet research on psychosis symptoms and see if you have several of the symptoms.&nbsp; If you do, seek a medical evaluation from your primary care physician.&nbsp; There are great medications and psychotherapy that can help you live your life to the fullest.&nbsp; There a many people who are diagnosed with psychosis and living a productive life.&nbsp; <br></p> </s>

576fbf983c9e6b307a8ae5f6

What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior?

My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-marriage-and-my-wife-s-behavior

Marriage,Intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>This has to be very confusing.</p><p>I wonder if the two of you would be able to have a conversation about what it is that she would like you to know about what happened yesterday and the day before so you know what message she wanted you to get out of all of that.</p><p>I would also recommend seeing a local mental health professional. If you go yourself, you could at least discuss your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings about it. If you go together, I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in couples.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior? <</SYS>> My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business. [/INST] <p>This has to be very confusing.</p><p>I wonder if the two of you would be able to have a conversation about what it is that she would like you to know about what happened yesterday and the day before so you know what message she wanted you to get out of all of that.</p><p>I would also recommend seeing a local mental health professional. If you go yourself, you could at least discuss your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings about it. If you go together, I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in couples.</p> </s>

575a6291c792dd6c7063e796

How can I make the dreams and voices go away?

For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-dreams-and-voices-go-away

Behavioral Change

Darlene Viggiano

https://counselchat.com/therapists/darlene-viggiano

<p>Write down your nightmares and discuss them with an analyst or psychotherapist who specializes in dreams, as I do. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you are hearing voices while awake, see a doctor right away.</span></span></span>&nbsp; If the voices are strictly in your dreams, do call for therapy and talk to your caring others about what's happening.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make the dreams and voices go away? <</SYS>> For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. [/INST] <p>Write down your nightmares and discuss them with an analyst or psychotherapist who specializes in dreams, as I do. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you are hearing voices while awake, see a doctor right away.</span></span></span>&nbsp; If the voices are strictly in your dreams, do call for therapy and talk to your caring others about what's happening.<br></p> </s>

574a69d0c792dd6c7063e4f1

How do I know if my daughter has bipolar disorder?

My daughter basically freaked out out of nowhere over me saying “calm down” when she dropped her phone. Within seconds, the situation escalated to her kicking me out on the curb, saying horrifically unspeakable things, and her calling the cops on me. She seems unable to stop herself at times.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-if-my-daughter-has-bipolar-disorder

Behavioral Change

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>Bipolar disorder has a lot of different components. If this is a one-time event, it could be that your daughter had an intense moment of anger and the phrase of asking her to "calm down" may have made her feel as though you weren't understanding what she was saying. Bipolar disorder also includes feelings of depression. When this is coupled with intense anger and acting or speaking without thinking, these can be part of bipolar disorder, but that wouldn't be the whole picture of what bipolar disorder would look like. It may be helpful to track differences that you notice in your daughter's mood and any patterns related to the times of day or what seems to lead her to be upset. Patterns are very helpful in figuring out what is happening.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I know if my daughter has bipolar disorder? <</SYS>> My daughter basically freaked out out of nowhere over me saying “calm down” when she dropped her phone. Within seconds, the situation escalated to her kicking me out on the curb, saying horrifically unspeakable things, and her calling the cops on me. She seems unable to stop herself at times. [/INST] <p>Bipolar disorder has a lot of different components. If this is a one-time event, it could be that your daughter had an intense moment of anger and the phrase of asking her to "calm down" may have made her feel as though you weren't understanding what she was saying. Bipolar disorder also includes feelings of depression. When this is coupled with intense anger and acting or speaking without thinking, these can be part of bipolar disorder, but that wouldn't be the whole picture of what bipolar disorder would look like. It may be helpful to track differences that you notice in your daughter's mood and any patterns related to the times of day or what seems to lead her to be upset. Patterns are very helpful in figuring out what is happening.</p> </s>

5643cf716825db566b94b5ea

My daughter-in-law is smoking marijuana while pregnant.

My new daughter-in-law just informed me that she is smoking marijuana while pregnant because of her morning sickness. I’m in shock and I don’t know how to respond. I just lost my mom, and she was good with advice.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-in-law-is-smoking-marijuana-while-pregnant

Substance Abuse,Family Conflict

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Have you reached your own conclusions and reasons for these, regarding the topic? &nbsp;&nbsp;</p><p>When you feel confident in your own reasons for your conclusions, then obviously ask your daughter in law for some time together and tell her what you think and your reasons for opinions.</p><p>Plan for this meeting according to the type of relationship you have with your daughter in law.</p><p>Since your son will also be affected by the prenatal conditions of his child, he may also be interested in being part of this conversation.</p><p>Also, during your discussion, find out the exact ways the morning sickness affects your daughter in law.</p><p>It is possible that scheduling adjustments in routines can be made so your daughter has more time to rest or fewer responsibilities for a while until she feels better.</p><p>Maybe you and other family members can lighten her daily routines so she has more time for herself to manage her morning sickness in a less risky way.</p><p>Sending Good luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My daughter-in-law is smoking marijuana while pregnant. <</SYS>> My new daughter-in-law just informed me that she is smoking marijuana while pregnant because of her morning sickness. I’m in shock and I don’t know how to respond. I just lost my mom, and she was good with advice. [/INST] <p>Have you reached your own conclusions and reasons for these, regarding the topic? &nbsp;&nbsp;</p><p>When you feel confident in your own reasons for your conclusions, then obviously ask your daughter in law for some time together and tell her what you think and your reasons for opinions.</p><p>Plan for this meeting according to the type of relationship you have with your daughter in law.</p><p>Since your son will also be affected by the prenatal conditions of his child, he may also be interested in being part of this conversation.</p><p>Also, during your discussion, find out the exact ways the morning sickness affects your daughter in law.</p><p>It is possible that scheduling adjustments in routines can be made so your daughter has more time to rest or fewer responsibilities for a while until she feels better.</p><p>Maybe you and other family members can lighten her daily routines so she has more time for herself to manage her morning sickness in a less risky way.</p><p>Sending Good luck!</p> </s>

5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

Substance Abuse,Addiction

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>It is very good news that you realize the risks of smoking cigarettes while pregnant and are willing to stop.</p><p>Thinking about smoking is a typical and frequent reaction to being without the substance.</p><p>Be creative with what you know about yourself to distract you when this psychological urge comes up. &nbsp;</p><p>My suggestions are to imagine smoking if you find this would relieve the sense of wanting to smoke.</p><p>Or, do the opposite and remind yourself of all the good reasons to not smoke.</p><p>Also, since you're planning pregnancy then ask your partner for ideas on how to make the psychological feeling to want to smoke, feel less intense.</p><p>Another suggestion is that your partner is your texting buddy to stop smoking. &nbsp; With AA groups, a sponsor is always available for the alcoholic who feels distress about the urge to drink. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p><p>Having a trusted and caring person to tell about your problem helps in many situations. &nbsp;Maybe it will help you to stop smoking.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? <</SYS>> I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? [/INST] <p>It is very good news that you realize the risks of smoking cigarettes while pregnant and are willing to stop.</p><p>Thinking about smoking is a typical and frequent reaction to being without the substance.</p><p>Be creative with what you know about yourself to distract you when this psychological urge comes up. &nbsp;</p><p>My suggestions are to imagine smoking if you find this would relieve the sense of wanting to smoke.</p><p>Or, do the opposite and remind yourself of all the good reasons to not smoke.</p><p>Also, since you're planning pregnancy then ask your partner for ideas on how to make the psychological feeling to want to smoke, feel less intense.</p><p>Another suggestion is that your partner is your texting buddy to stop smoking. &nbsp; With AA groups, a sponsor is always available for the alcoholic who feels distress about the urge to drink. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p><p>Having a trusted and caring person to tell about your problem helps in many situations. &nbsp;Maybe it will help you to stop smoking.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck!</p> </s>

56ae889c014e2eff2b4fee56

How can I forgive myself?

Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-forgive-myself

Self-esteem

Aleisha Stewart

https://counselchat.com/therapists/aleisha-stewart

<p>Forgiveness takes time. You know what you did, and by the sounds of it you are not impressed with yourself. In my mind, this is a sign that you are a good person. You recognize that you did something that crossed your own moral code. You could have just done this thing and not felt anything - but you do feel. And that is OK. It's not supposed to feel good when you do something wrong.<br><br>Be patient with yourself. These things can take time. I suspect that you will be one of those people who slowly let go of their shame and guilt. The trick is to feel the pain but to not ignore/detach from the life that you are living right now. Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to feel joy again.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I forgive myself? <</SYS>> Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. [/INST] <p>Forgiveness takes time. You know what you did, and by the sounds of it you are not impressed with yourself. In my mind, this is a sign that you are a good person. You recognize that you did something that crossed your own moral code. You could have just done this thing and not felt anything - but you do feel. And that is OK. It's not supposed to feel good when you do something wrong.<br><br>Be patient with yourself. These things can take time. I suspect that you will be one of those people who slowly let go of their shame and guilt. The trick is to feel the pain but to not ignore/detach from the life that you are living right now. Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to feel joy again.&nbsp;</p> </s>

58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87

How does counseling help people?

Does counseling really do anything that can help people?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people

Counseling Fundamentals

Traci Lowenthal

https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2

<p>Hi! &nbsp;Great question. &nbsp;I believe counseling does help people! Of course, I am a therapist, so I would think that! :) &nbsp;Seriously - I think therapy and counseling allow us to understand ourselves, our motivations and the things that bring us happiness and discontent. &nbsp;Therapy can create opportunities to try new skills and enhance positive attributes that are already present in someone. &nbsp;I like to think of therapy as an unbiased "aerial view" of our lives. Someone outside can often help us notice things we might otherwise miss. Hope this helps!&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p>Hi! &nbsp;Great question. &nbsp;I believe counseling does help people! Of course, I am a therapist, so I would think that! :) &nbsp;Seriously - I think therapy and counseling allow us to understand ourselves, our motivations and the things that bring us happiness and discontent. &nbsp;Therapy can create opportunities to try new skills and enhance positive attributes that are already present in someone. &nbsp;I like to think of therapy as an unbiased "aerial view" of our lives. Someone outside can often help us notice things we might otherwise miss. Hope this helps!&nbsp;</p> </s>

57084d3c5e87cfae7322e9a7

How do I overcome the nightmare from the domestic violence of a past relationship?

I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years, I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat, and the dreams feel so real.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-the-nightmare-from-the-domestic-violence-of-a-past-relationship

Domestic Violence,Sleep Improvement

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. First things first, I am so glad that you are alive and very sorry that you had to endure such a terrible experience. Now, let's talk about these nightmares. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are NOT losing your mind. Many people start to think that may be the case if they are still suffering from the affects of something that happened a long time ago. That's not the case. There is no time set time for which we should be "over" something like this. </p><p>I am not sure if you received counseling after what happened to you, but that may be something to consider. Bad nightmares could be the sign of something like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which would include other symptoms like being startled easily, re-experiencing the event, or avoiding places that remind you of it. There are other symptoms, as well, so if you believe this may be something you have you may want to seek counseling. There are good treatments for PTSD. </p><p>If you cannot seek counseling&nbsp;at this time, there are some things you can do to try to manage the dreams on your own. I would encourage you to look up "sleepy hygiene" and try to make your bedtime rituals as relaxing as possible. You can also Google search "Nightmare re-scripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" and get some ideas on how you may be able to change your dreams. It may be a good idea to attend a domestic violence support group and get ideas from other survivors who no doubt have had sleep problems related to their experiences, too. </p><p><br></p><p>Hope this was helpful. Be well. </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I overcome the nightmare from the domestic violence of a past relationship? <</SYS>> I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years, I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat, and the dreams feel so real. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. First things first, I am so glad that you are alive and very sorry that you had to endure such a terrible experience. Now, let's talk about these nightmares. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are NOT losing your mind. Many people start to think that may be the case if they are still suffering from the affects of something that happened a long time ago. That's not the case. There is no time set time for which we should be "over" something like this. </p><p>I am not sure if you received counseling after what happened to you, but that may be something to consider. Bad nightmares could be the sign of something like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which would include other symptoms like being startled easily, re-experiencing the event, or avoiding places that remind you of it. There are other symptoms, as well, so if you believe this may be something you have you may want to seek counseling. There are good treatments for PTSD. </p><p>If you cannot seek counseling&nbsp;at this time, there are some things you can do to try to manage the dreams on your own. I would encourage you to look up "sleepy hygiene" and try to make your bedtime rituals as relaxing as possible. You can also Google search "Nightmare re-scripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" and get some ideas on how you may be able to change your dreams. It may be a good idea to attend a domestic violence support group and get ideas from other survivors who no doubt have had sleep problems related to their experiences, too. </p><p><br></p><p>Hope this was helpful. Be well. </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s>

570724cd2f77a225438f1650

Why do I feel worthless and tired?

I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. Everything I do is crappy. I want to cry all the time. I can't eat or sleep.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-worthless-and-tired

Depression

Samara Perez

https://counselchat.com/therapists/samara-perez

You are describing some of the most common symptoms of depression: low self esteem, difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, sad mood, feelings of hopeless and feelings of worthlessness. A full assessment/evaluation with a mental health professional is warranted to understand if indeed you meet criteria for a Major Depressive Disorder i.e.., are delressed. One thing I often tell patients is that "Do you think you are depressed?" People often answer yes or no, but many individuals respond with a question: How would I know? To that I often explain that if I stopped watching movies or better, stopped enjoying watching movies that would be a clear indication for me that I am delressed. It would be a sign that I have lost pleasure or interest in the activity that I typically enjoy most . I'll ask you to think of one activity which you really really enjoy. &nbsp;It could be anything from reading, to being with friends, to skiing to watching tv. &nbsp;I would like to now ask you if you have stopped enjoying that activity or can't find the motivation to engage in it? This is another symptom of depression: loss in pleasurable activities. The good news is that there are many effective, available treatment if you are indeed in a depression or simply, you want to modify/decrease your depressive symptoms i.e., you want to stop feeling so tired and so worthless. Treatment includes one or more of the following: psychotherapy, medication, exercise. Any one or combination of both of these can help to improve your mood. The even better news is that feeling that you are doing something wrong can diminish with appropriate treatment over time. &nbsp;I hope you find this information helpful. The most important next step is to get evaluated by a mental health professional typically a psychologist or psychiatrist, and for both you and the professional to better understand your symptoms and your mood in the context of what is going on in your life.

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel worthless and tired? <</SYS>> I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. Everything I do is crappy. I want to cry all the time. I can't eat or sleep. [/INST] You are describing some of the most common symptoms of depression: low self esteem, difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, sad mood, feelings of hopeless and feelings of worthlessness. A full assessment/evaluation with a mental health professional is warranted to understand if indeed you meet criteria for a Major Depressive Disorder i.e.., are delressed. One thing I often tell patients is that "Do you think you are depressed?" People often answer yes or no, but many individuals respond with a question: How would I know? To that I often explain that if I stopped watching movies or better, stopped enjoying watching movies that would be a clear indication for me that I am delressed. It would be a sign that I have lost pleasure or interest in the activity that I typically enjoy most . I'll ask you to think of one activity which you really really enjoy. &nbsp;It could be anything from reading, to being with friends, to skiing to watching tv. &nbsp;I would like to now ask you if you have stopped enjoying that activity or can't find the motivation to engage in it? This is another symptom of depression: loss in pleasurable activities. The good news is that there are many effective, available treatment if you are indeed in a depression or simply, you want to modify/decrease your depressive symptoms i.e., you want to stop feeling so tired and so worthless. Treatment includes one or more of the following: psychotherapy, medication, exercise. Any one or combination of both of these can help to improve your mood. The even better news is that feeling that you are doing something wrong can diminish with appropriate treatment over time. &nbsp;I hope you find this information helpful. The most important next step is to get evaluated by a mental health professional typically a psychologist or psychiatrist, and for both you and the professional to better understand your symptoms and your mood in the context of what is going on in your life. </s>

55d6bd42784e4b56070d3c70

How do I cope with "never being good enough?"

I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-never-being-good-enough

Family Conflict,Self-esteem

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: " helvetica","sans-serif""="">It sounds like you are aware of your positive traits but you&nbsp;are struggling with someone who does not acknowledge nor celebrate your efforts or achievements.&nbsp;&nbsp; It seems like that is affecting your inner voice, which allows you to accept yourself for who you are.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">My suggestion is to explore that relationship&nbsp;and decide if that person’s opinion should determine how you feel about yourself. &nbsp;&nbsp;If this is an important relationship, you could communicate to this person how the lack of positive feedback is affecting you.&nbsp; Then, work on spending more time with those who value you, and can give you praise, encouragement, and constructive criticism.&nbsp; Also, explore your religious beliefs, and what is they say about who you are as a person.&nbsp; Finally, explore with a Counselor your inner voice and try to figure out if the negative message is settling in and harming your self-esteem.&nbsp;&nbsp; Through therapy, you could learn to self-compassion and acceptance wich will help your </span>self esteem.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22.6667px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">¿Cómo manejo el sentirme que “no soy suficiente bueno”?</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#3b3838;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="">Siempre me dicen que no soy suficientemente bueno o no trato lo suficiente.&nbsp; Yo pongo el 100% en todo.&nbsp; Estoy agotado, he trabajado en todas mis relaciones, estoy muy bien en la escuela, trato bien a las personas que lo necesitan.&nbsp; Me aferro a mis creencias religiosas y dejo espacio para los errores, y aprendo de otros para no tener que cometer los mismos.&nbsp; Aun así no soy suficiente y nada de lo que hago funciona, me siento desesperanzado.&nbsp; ¿Alguna idea o sugerencia?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Al parecer estas consiente de tus características positivas, pero estás teniendo &nbsp;dificultad con alguien que no reconoce tus esfuerzos, ni logros, y eso está afectando esa voz interior que te permite aceptar quien eres.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi sugerencia es que explores esa relación y analices si la opinión de esta persona va a determinar cómo te valoras a ti mismo.&nbsp; Si es una relación valiosa, puedes comunicarle a la persona en cuestión como te afecta la falta de comentarios y opiniones positivas. &nbsp;&nbsp;Luego enfócate en pasar más tiempo con personas que te valoran, te dan halagos, te motivan y te aconsejan.&nbsp; También explora que dice tu religión sobre quién eres como persona y cuál es tu valor.&nbsp; Y por último, explora con tu Consejero si ese mensaje negativo esta afectando tu autoestima.&nbsp; A través de la terapia puedes aprender tecnicas auto compasión y aceptación que ayudaran a fortalecerte.</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I cope with "never being good enough?" <</SYS>> I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas? [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: " helvetica","sans-serif""="">It sounds like you are aware of your positive traits but you&nbsp;are struggling with someone who does not acknowledge nor celebrate your efforts or achievements.&nbsp;&nbsp; It seems like that is affecting your inner voice, which allows you to accept yourself for who you are.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">My suggestion is to explore that relationship&nbsp;and decide if that person’s opinion should determine how you feel about yourself. &nbsp;&nbsp;If this is an important relationship, you could communicate to this person how the lack of positive feedback is affecting you.&nbsp; Then, work on spending more time with those who value you, and can give you praise, encouragement, and constructive criticism.&nbsp; Also, explore your religious beliefs, and what is they say about who you are as a person.&nbsp; Finally, explore with a Counselor your inner voice and try to figure out if the negative message is settling in and harming your self-esteem.&nbsp;&nbsp; Through therapy, you could learn to self-compassion and acceptance wich will help your </span>self esteem.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22.6667px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">¿Cómo manejo el sentirme que “no soy suficiente bueno”?</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#3b3838;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="">Siempre me dicen que no soy suficientemente bueno o no trato lo suficiente.&nbsp; Yo pongo el 100% en todo.&nbsp; Estoy agotado, he trabajado en todas mis relaciones, estoy muy bien en la escuela, trato bien a las personas que lo necesitan.&nbsp; Me aferro a mis creencias religiosas y dejo espacio para los errores, y aprendo de otros para no tener que cometer los mismos.&nbsp; Aun así no soy suficiente y nada de lo que hago funciona, me siento desesperanzado.&nbsp; ¿Alguna idea o sugerencia?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Al parecer estas consiente de tus características positivas, pero estás teniendo &nbsp;dificultad con alguien que no reconoce tus esfuerzos, ni logros, y eso está afectando esa voz interior que te permite aceptar quien eres.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi sugerencia es que explores esa relación y analices si la opinión de esta persona va a determinar cómo te valoras a ti mismo.&nbsp; Si es una relación valiosa, puedes comunicarle a la persona en cuestión como te afecta la falta de comentarios y opiniones positivas. &nbsp;&nbsp;Luego enfócate en pasar más tiempo con personas que te valoran, te dan halagos, te motivan y te aconsejan.&nbsp; También explora que dice tu religión sobre quién eres como persona y cuál es tu valor.&nbsp; Y por último, explora con tu Consejero si ese mensaje negativo esta afectando tu autoestima.&nbsp; A través de la terapia puedes aprender tecnicas auto compasión y aceptación que ayudaran a fortalecerte.</span></p> </s>

58d18b6498741803743bf7df

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

Stress,Workplace Relationships

Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc

<p>Hello. Workplace stress is one of those areas of living that troubles many people who need an income to survive. The interactions between you and coworkers is a mixed bag, and sorting that out can be difficult. Also, if you are feeling under appreciated and not well paid, this can add bitterness to your lot of emotions. A few questions can be kept in mind as you work through your situation. Do you have the option of talking to your employer about your experiences and feelings with regard to your current work? Do you have local resources that you can use to find different jobs in your field? Do you have connections with employment counselors or agencies that can support you with strategies in dealing with workplace stress? These questions might cause others to bubble up, and could begin a new journey into a new field.</p><p>While still at your job, what can you do to take care of yourself? Are you taking breaks? Do you eat lunch at the office, or do you go somewhere away from the office to eat? What do you do when you have a few moments to breathe? Understanding that you can indeed find even the smallest strategies useful for self-care, can help bolster your energy and give you some support as you move through the day. Seeking the support of family and friends can be helpful as well. Knowing your personal limits and when to pull back and take a break will give you a chance to recharge your mental and physical energy, thus helping you face the demands of your job.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I cope with work related stress better? <</SYS>> I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress? [/INST] <p>Hello. Workplace stress is one of those areas of living that troubles many people who need an income to survive. The interactions between you and coworkers is a mixed bag, and sorting that out can be difficult. Also, if you are feeling under appreciated and not well paid, this can add bitterness to your lot of emotions. A few questions can be kept in mind as you work through your situation. Do you have the option of talking to your employer about your experiences and feelings with regard to your current work? Do you have local resources that you can use to find different jobs in your field? Do you have connections with employment counselors or agencies that can support you with strategies in dealing with workplace stress? These questions might cause others to bubble up, and could begin a new journey into a new field.</p><p>While still at your job, what can you do to take care of yourself? Are you taking breaks? Do you eat lunch at the office, or do you go somewhere away from the office to eat? What do you do when you have a few moments to breathe? Understanding that you can indeed find even the smallest strategies useful for self-care, can help bolster your energy and give you some support as you move through the day. Seeking the support of family and friends can be helpful as well. Knowing your personal limits and when to pull back and take a break will give you a chance to recharge your mental and physical energy, thus helping you face the demands of your job.&nbsp;</p> </s>

55816eaba29507431fcd9f2a

How do I get over anxiety, depression, and isolation?

I've have lived for sometime with depression but things have gotten a lot better, but why is it so hard to get over anxiety and social isolation?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-anxiety-depression-and-isolation

Anxiety,Depression

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

<p>The best way to handle depression and anxiety is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the depression and anxiety in the first place and then to replace these with more positive thoughts and behaviors. This is not something that anyone should just “white knuckle” and try to get through on their own with no help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety. This takes a therapist trained in CBT. </p><p>There are some things in life that you cannot change and must learn to accept. A lot of people spend time trying to change things that they have no control over. This may be the behavior of someone else in your life or it could be a situation that you cannot change, such as the recent death of a loved one, a lost relationship, or an accident or illness which has left you handicapped. In cases like this, what can change is your attitude and thoughts about the situation that you now find yourself in. One thing that is inevitable about life is that stuff happens and it is not always pleasant. Some people take these unpleasant occurrences very hard and it throws them into a deep depression. Other people seem to be able to handle life’s ups and downs and bounce back. They do this with having positive coping skills in their life. Learning new coping skills is something your therapist can help you with.</p><p>A lot of people are so focused on trying to change the things in their life that they cannot change and are ignoring the things that they can change. There are things that you can do. Here is a quote for you to consider. “You are getting almost everything that you are getting based on the choices that you have made. You will continue to get the same thing out of life until you make some changes.” Another quote I like is “You will find a way or you will find an excuse.” Don’t ever say that you have no choice. Everyone has a choice. You might not particularly like any of the choices that you are facing, but you do have choices. Not happy in a relationship? You can leave it. Hate your job? Get a new one. If it matters to you, you will find a way. Don’t sit there complaining about everything but not doing anything different or better.</p><p>Take care of yourself. Exercise is very important not only for your physical health, but for your mental health as well. Eating right and exercising will help you feel better about yourself. Also, find a meditation that works for you. There are progressive muscle relaxation exercises, visual and mental meditations, and many many more. Start making some positive changes in your life today! You can do it!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over anxiety, depression, and isolation? <</SYS>> I've have lived for sometime with depression but things have gotten a lot better, but why is it so hard to get over anxiety and social isolation? [/INST] <p>The best way to handle depression and anxiety is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the depression and anxiety in the first place and then to replace these with more positive thoughts and behaviors. This is not something that anyone should just “white knuckle” and try to get through on their own with no help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety. This takes a therapist trained in CBT. </p><p>There are some things in life that you cannot change and must learn to accept. A lot of people spend time trying to change things that they have no control over. This may be the behavior of someone else in your life or it could be a situation that you cannot change, such as the recent death of a loved one, a lost relationship, or an accident or illness which has left you handicapped. In cases like this, what can change is your attitude and thoughts about the situation that you now find yourself in. One thing that is inevitable about life is that stuff happens and it is not always pleasant. Some people take these unpleasant occurrences very hard and it throws them into a deep depression. Other people seem to be able to handle life’s ups and downs and bounce back. They do this with having positive coping skills in their life. Learning new coping skills is something your therapist can help you with.</p><p>A lot of people are so focused on trying to change the things in their life that they cannot change and are ignoring the things that they can change. There are things that you can do. Here is a quote for you to consider. “You are getting almost everything that you are getting based on the choices that you have made. You will continue to get the same thing out of life until you make some changes.” Another quote I like is “You will find a way or you will find an excuse.” Don’t ever say that you have no choice. Everyone has a choice. You might not particularly like any of the choices that you are facing, but you do have choices. Not happy in a relationship? You can leave it. Hate your job? Get a new one. If it matters to you, you will find a way. Don’t sit there complaining about everything but not doing anything different or better.</p><p>Take care of yourself. Exercise is very important not only for your physical health, but for your mental health as well. Eating right and exercising will help you feel better about yourself. Also, find a meditation that works for you. There are progressive muscle relaxation exercises, visual and mental meditations, and many many more. Start making some positive changes in your life today! You can do it!</p> </s>

588861ae152ba8625f400559

My family says I have depression.

I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression

Depression

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>The answer to the question of whether or not you're depressed, is less meaningful than what you are doing to feel strong and secure in your life.</p><p>Otherwise, people shortcut themselves to go deeper in understanding who they are and what they'd like to do with their lives, and accept "depression" as though it is their new name.</p><p>What you write sounds like classic depression.</p><p>What to do about this feeling is to get closer to yourself in an accepting way. &nbsp;</p><p>Assume that what you do in daily living is somehow necessary. &nbsp;Unless you are doing immoral or illegal actions to other people, to accept your own wishes as truth will open you to appreciate why you do what you do.</p><p>Make believe you're interesting and find out more about who you are, if you have trouble to start with thinking of yourself as worth understanding.</p><p>The more you appreciate who you are and your unique strengths, vulnerabilities and fears, the more these will dissolve by what seems on their own.</p><p>In fact they will disappear bc you are believing in yourself and your ways.</p><p>Good luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My family says I have depression. <</SYS>> I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed? [/INST] <p>The answer to the question of whether or not you're depressed, is less meaningful than what you are doing to feel strong and secure in your life.</p><p>Otherwise, people shortcut themselves to go deeper in understanding who they are and what they'd like to do with their lives, and accept "depression" as though it is their new name.</p><p>What you write sounds like classic depression.</p><p>What to do about this feeling is to get closer to yourself in an accepting way. &nbsp;</p><p>Assume that what you do in daily living is somehow necessary. &nbsp;Unless you are doing immoral or illegal actions to other people, to accept your own wishes as truth will open you to appreciate why you do what you do.</p><p>Make believe you're interesting and find out more about who you are, if you have trouble to start with thinking of yourself as worth understanding.</p><p>The more you appreciate who you are and your unique strengths, vulnerabilities and fears, the more these will dissolve by what seems on their own.</p><p>In fact they will disappear bc you are believing in yourself and your ways.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s>

572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed

My sister and my husband had an affair.

It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair

Family Conflict,Marriage

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Emotional pain is different from physical pain that way, isn't it? Even many years later, an old wound can be ripped open again by a small trigger.</p><p>You were betrayed by two people close to you. That's a complex injury. I don't know whether you're still in the marriage or not, or whether your sister is still in your life. Perhaps not, as your contact with her seems to be through watching her facebook activity.&nbsp;</p><p>I'm curious about why you're just now seeing her facebook posts again. Are you feeling more open lately to seeing how she's doing in her life? I guess if you were open to having your sister even in the periphery of your life again, you will have to figure out how to handle those triggers. If you can't, maybe consider unfollowing her or detaching from facebook for a while.&nbsp;</p><p>So your sister is happy, or she at least appears happy. Your mind might go to some unhelpful places, like "She doesn't regret the affair" (you don't know that), "She doesn't deserve happiness" (that would be a harsh judgement), or "She doesn't care that I'm hurt" (again, there's no evidence of that). Where does your mind go? It's important to identify your worst thoughts in connection to her.&nbsp;</p><p>When you have those worst thoughts identified, ask yourself "What evidence supports that thought as truth?" It's likely that either there's no evidence, or that the truth is so far from you that you can't know what she's feeling or thinking, which makes having those thoughts pretty futile.</p><p>A therapist can help you determine what emotions are being triggered here. It doesn't help you and your happiness to carry around resentment, ill wishes, or the need for revenge. Forgiveness is not about saying that something was "okay". It's about saying "It happened. I accept that I can't change it, and I don't want to carry the emotional burden around all the time". Forgiveness is putting it down. She... (trust me this is true)...she carries her own burden of shame for what she did. For you to spend time feeling angry doesn't affect her burden. It only adds to yours.&nbsp;</p><p>Can you find the tender emotion under your anger? You're hurt. Validate that hurt. Honour that hurt. Take care of that hurt. You can stay away from people who disregard your needs, and you have the power to forgive those who make mistakes out of their simple humanity if you want them in your life.&nbsp;</p><p>If you continue to struggle, please seek the help of a professional who can assist you in navigating these waters. :)</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My sister and my husband had an affair. <</SYS>> It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this? [/INST] <p>Emotional pain is different from physical pain that way, isn't it? Even many years later, an old wound can be ripped open again by a small trigger.</p><p>You were betrayed by two people close to you. That's a complex injury. I don't know whether you're still in the marriage or not, or whether your sister is still in your life. Perhaps not, as your contact with her seems to be through watching her facebook activity.&nbsp;</p><p>I'm curious about why you're just now seeing her facebook posts again. Are you feeling more open lately to seeing how she's doing in her life? I guess if you were open to having your sister even in the periphery of your life again, you will have to figure out how to handle those triggers. If you can't, maybe consider unfollowing her or detaching from facebook for a while.&nbsp;</p><p>So your sister is happy, or she at least appears happy. Your mind might go to some unhelpful places, like "She doesn't regret the affair" (you don't know that), "She doesn't deserve happiness" (that would be a harsh judgement), or "She doesn't care that I'm hurt" (again, there's no evidence of that). Where does your mind go? It's important to identify your worst thoughts in connection to her.&nbsp;</p><p>When you have those worst thoughts identified, ask yourself "What evidence supports that thought as truth?" It's likely that either there's no evidence, or that the truth is so far from you that you can't know what she's feeling or thinking, which makes having those thoughts pretty futile.</p><p>A therapist can help you determine what emotions are being triggered here. It doesn't help you and your happiness to carry around resentment, ill wishes, or the need for revenge. Forgiveness is not about saying that something was "okay". It's about saying "It happened. I accept that I can't change it, and I don't want to carry the emotional burden around all the time". Forgiveness is putting it down. She... (trust me this is true)...she carries her own burden of shame for what she did. For you to spend time feeling angry doesn't affect her burden. It only adds to yours.&nbsp;</p><p>Can you find the tender emotion under your anger? You're hurt. Validate that hurt. Honour that hurt. Take care of that hurt. You can stay away from people who disregard your needs, and you have the power to forgive those who make mistakes out of their simple humanity if you want them in your life.&nbsp;</p><p>If you continue to struggle, please seek the help of a professional who can assist you in navigating these waters. :)</p> </s>

56f8435fb814e1ce46371934

I am afraid of sex.

I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-afraid-of-sex

Human Sexuality,Intimacy

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>These fears are completely normal. Almost everyone has the same fears you do, to some degree, especially if they lack experience. Men also feel far more of these fears than you realize. That can help...to remember that we're all a little scared and looking for safety and approval.</p><p>You mention a partner, but I'm not sure if you currently have one. Having a partner you can trust with your fears and who you feel safe with is so important. When you're really confident someone cares deeply for you, this can help the fears to go away or diminish.&nbsp;</p><p>How well do you know your own body? Getting to know how you like to be touched and how different touches feel...getting acquainted with your body yourself first...this can help build sexual confidence.&nbsp;</p><p>In general, our partners care less about our fat and wrinkles than they care about how we make them feel in bed. Being a generous lover who is confident enough to put fear aside...ironically this is what makes you "good in bed". But be patient with yourself. Your confidence will grow with experience, and that doesn't have to happen until you are ready. There's not rush. :)</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am afraid of sex. <</SYS>> I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex. [/INST] <p>These fears are completely normal. Almost everyone has the same fears you do, to some degree, especially if they lack experience. Men also feel far more of these fears than you realize. That can help...to remember that we're all a little scared and looking for safety and approval.</p><p>You mention a partner, but I'm not sure if you currently have one. Having a partner you can trust with your fears and who you feel safe with is so important. When you're really confident someone cares deeply for you, this can help the fears to go away or diminish.&nbsp;</p><p>How well do you know your own body? Getting to know how you like to be touched and how different touches feel...getting acquainted with your body yourself first...this can help build sexual confidence.&nbsp;</p><p>In general, our partners care less about our fat and wrinkles than they care about how we make them feel in bed. Being a generous lover who is confident enough to put fear aside...ironically this is what makes you "good in bed". But be patient with yourself. Your confidence will grow with experience, and that doesn't have to happen until you are ready. There's not rush. :)</p> </s>

5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e

How can I best fight the winter blues?

Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues

Depression

Kim Hollingdale

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale

<p>Sometimes its quite literally the lack of sunshine that can affect our mood - in these cases it can be worth experimenting with a sun lamp, to boost your dose of vitamin D, when the sun isn't naturally out. Also consider, what is it that the change in weather, changes in your life? If for example, when its sunny you are an outdoorsy, active person and when the weather changes, you're whole activity level changes along with it, you could explore how to get some of that activity replicated indoors in the winter months.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I best fight the winter blues? <</SYS>> Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? [/INST] <p>Sometimes its quite literally the lack of sunshine that can affect our mood - in these cases it can be worth experimenting with a sun lamp, to boost your dose of vitamin D, when the sun isn't naturally out. Also consider, what is it that the change in weather, changes in your life? If for example, when its sunny you are an outdoorsy, active person and when the weather changes, you're whole activity level changes along with it, you could explore how to get some of that activity replicated indoors in the winter months.</p> </s>

575cd088c792dd6c7063e832

How do I make my relationship with my girlfriend better?

She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-make-my-relationship-with-my-girlfriend-better

Relationships,Intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>Maybe you can start with having 15 minutes per week that you know you will be spending time with each other (even if it needs to be on the phone). Because this much time could be scheduled ahead of time, at least you would know there was that time that was set aside. That may also help you to rekindle some conversations between you.</p><p>As far as your little fights, consider spending five minutes with one of you talking about one issue that is a concern and the other partner asking questions that are open-ended (cannot be answered with just yes or no) and listening as an investigative reporter to try to learn more about what the other person is experiencing. Then, once the partner who started speaking thinks the listening partner is understanding where they are coming from, switch. It's also good to restate what you think you are hearing. Then you know what each other is truly following about this. Also remember that following or understanding what someone is saying does not imply agreement, just that you are recognizing what they are saying and able to see where they are coming from.</p><p>Also consider noticing what makes you feel valued, special, loved, or appreciated. Think of the same for your girlfriend. This could be a great discussion to have as well.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I make my relationship with my girlfriend better? <</SYS>> She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how. [/INST] <p>Maybe you can start with having 15 minutes per week that you know you will be spending time with each other (even if it needs to be on the phone). Because this much time could be scheduled ahead of time, at least you would know there was that time that was set aside. That may also help you to rekindle some conversations between you.</p><p>As far as your little fights, consider spending five minutes with one of you talking about one issue that is a concern and the other partner asking questions that are open-ended (cannot be answered with just yes or no) and listening as an investigative reporter to try to learn more about what the other person is experiencing. Then, once the partner who started speaking thinks the listening partner is understanding where they are coming from, switch. It's also good to restate what you think you are hearing. Then you know what each other is truly following about this. Also remember that following or understanding what someone is saying does not imply agreement, just that you are recognizing what they are saying and able to see where they are coming from.</p><p>Also consider noticing what makes you feel valued, special, loved, or appreciated. Think of the same for your girlfriend. This could be a great discussion to have as well.</p> </s>

571791ef6720004c63d5292d

My son plays alone at recess.

Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess

Parenting

Cory Ian Shafer LPC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

<p>Humans are social creatures so this can be an alarming thing for a parent to deal with, just like adults children are not the same and some children are more social than others, if he plays alone at recess (all the time) it would worry myself as well, however recess is only one domain of life, does he have friends outside of school or daycare? Does he socialize in other situations or is it just at recess where this occurs? If this is a global problem occurring at other social times it may be indicative of something deeper going on, if perhaps it is occurring "just during recess" it could be something else altogether. I would request reports from all teachers and caregivers concerning socialization and make a choice on whether or not to evaluate further.</p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My son plays alone at recess. <</SYS>> Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it? [/INST] <p>Humans are social creatures so this can be an alarming thing for a parent to deal with, just like adults children are not the same and some children are more social than others, if he plays alone at recess (all the time) it would worry myself as well, however recess is only one domain of life, does he have friends outside of school or daycare? Does he socialize in other situations or is it just at recess where this occurs? If this is a global problem occurring at other social times it may be indicative of something deeper going on, if perhaps it is occurring "just during recess" it could be something else altogether. I would request reports from all teachers and caregivers concerning socialization and make a choice on whether or not to evaluate further.</p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p> </s>

569e5d47de405677109cb60e

How do I get over the man I had an affair with?

We got into arguments, and we would break if off but start it back up again. We clicked, or so I thought. We are both married with problems in our marriage. We never have sex; we just send a lot of pictures back and forth and talk about doing things together. His wife found out, and he lied to her and didn't even refer to it as an affair. I can't stop thinking about him. We just click. I've been married for 16 years, and I've never liked anyone other than my husband. Now I like him, and we’ll never be together.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-the-man-i-had-an-affair-with

Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy

Nat Roman

https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto

<p>If you will "never be together" and in order to maintain this affair you need to deceive both of your spouses it seems unlikely that maintaining the affair will bring anything but heartbreak for everyone involved. There is obviously something that you are getting from this that you are not getting in your marriage. Maybe this is a cue that there is work to do on your marriage to try to make it more fulfilling and if that is not possible, then maybe you want something else for your life. &nbsp;If you and your husband are willing, I would encourage you to do some therapy or counselling together. &nbsp;</p><p>You may enjoy this article to learn a little more about some factors that lead to connection or disconnection and that <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce">predict separation and divorce</a>.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over the man I had an affair with? <</SYS>> We got into arguments, and we would break if off but start it back up again. We clicked, or so I thought. We are both married with problems in our marriage. We never have sex; we just send a lot of pictures back and forth and talk about doing things together. His wife found out, and he lied to her and didn't even refer to it as an affair. I can't stop thinking about him. We just click. I've been married for 16 years, and I've never liked anyone other than my husband. Now I like him, and we’ll never be together. [/INST] <p>If you will "never be together" and in order to maintain this affair you need to deceive both of your spouses it seems unlikely that maintaining the affair will bring anything but heartbreak for everyone involved. There is obviously something that you are getting from this that you are not getting in your marriage. Maybe this is a cue that there is work to do on your marriage to try to make it more fulfilling and if that is not possible, then maybe you want something else for your life. &nbsp;If you and your husband are willing, I would encourage you to do some therapy or counselling together. &nbsp;</p><p>You may enjoy this article to learn a little more about some factors that lead to connection or disconnection and that <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce">predict separation and divorce</a>.</p> </s>

572e9afbaaeea25a1918b560

How can I move forward from my boyfriend leaving me with no explanation?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-move-forward-from-my-boyfriend-leaving-me-with-no-explanation

Relationship Dissolution

Gina Guddat

https://counselchat.com/therapists/gina-guddat

<p>Yes! You can move on from a relationship that ends abruptly with no explanation. One way you can do this is by creating your own narrative around what happened. Chances are, you were not fully getting what you wanted out of the relationship either. He just happened to be the one that called it quits first. Start by sitting down with a journal and summarizing the time line of the relationship. Include both the good and bad, the ups and downs. When you get to the finale of your &nbsp;story, you create the ending.&nbsp; Do not frame yourself as the victim. Think about what was most likely going on in his head. Usually there are clues that we might not see clearly until after the fact. Write&nbsp;about what you learned from the relationship and the&nbsp;positive growth you experienced. Be thankful that you were released from continuing any further with someone who was not meant to be your long-term partner but express gratefulness for the season and all you learned.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I move forward from my boyfriend leaving me with no explanation? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Yes! You can move on from a relationship that ends abruptly with no explanation. One way you can do this is by creating your own narrative around what happened. Chances are, you were not fully getting what you wanted out of the relationship either. He just happened to be the one that called it quits first. Start by sitting down with a journal and summarizing the time line of the relationship. Include both the good and bad, the ups and downs. When you get to the finale of your &nbsp;story, you create the ending.&nbsp; Do not frame yourself as the victim. Think about what was most likely going on in his head. Usually there are clues that we might not see clearly until after the fact. Write&nbsp;about what you learned from the relationship and the&nbsp;positive growth you experienced. Be thankful that you were released from continuing any further with someone who was not meant to be your long-term partner but express gratefulness for the season and all you learned.<br></p> </s>

56b30469c2bfe0f729d6e74e

My husband was lying about drinking again.

My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night. The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-was-lying-about-drinking-again

Addiction,Marriage,Intimacy

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

<p>It can be very frustrating being lied to. &nbsp;The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction "in the past." &nbsp;Addiction is not something that comes and goes. &nbsp;Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay. &nbsp;You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly head again. &nbsp;Some of the things that we would suggest is taking the access away. &nbsp;If the alcohol is not conveniently in the house he would have to go seek it out elsewhere. &nbsp;You can think about it in other terms. &nbsp;If chocolate cake was your favorite food and you were a diabetic, you would not have chocolate cake lying around all the time because you know you would eventually eat it. &nbsp;Remember there are no temporary addicts.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband was lying about drinking again. <</SYS>> My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night. The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard. [/INST] <p>It can be very frustrating being lied to. &nbsp;The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction "in the past." &nbsp;Addiction is not something that comes and goes. &nbsp;Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay. &nbsp;You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly head again. &nbsp;Some of the things that we would suggest is taking the access away. &nbsp;If the alcohol is not conveniently in the house he would have to go seek it out elsewhere. &nbsp;You can think about it in other terms. &nbsp;If chocolate cake was your favorite food and you were a diabetic, you would not have chocolate cake lying around all the time because you know you would eventually eat it. &nbsp;Remember there are no temporary addicts.</p> </s>

56f07288a2549bd957c94af9

A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content

I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

https://counselchat.com/questions/a-friend-of-my-child-s-father-is-sending-him-inappropriate-content

Relationships,Workplace Relationships

Karen Thacker

https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-thacker-2

<p>In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him. &nbsp;It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content <</SYS>> I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that. [/INST] <p>In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him. &nbsp;It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.</p> </s>

579e4020188cd61c1684e837

I'm very depressed?

I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed

Depression

Robert Hammel

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robert-hammel-2

<p>Sorry to hear you are feeling that way. &nbsp; &nbsp;Is there a 24-hour helpline where you are that you can call? &nbsp; Here is a website with some numbers to call: &nbsp;https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/ &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;You could talk to your family doctor and they could help you find a therapist? &nbsp; You could also use this website to find a therapist. &nbsp;https://therapists.psychologytoday.com. &nbsp;I sincerely hope you find someone to talk to. &nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm very depressed? <</SYS>> I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? [/INST] <p>Sorry to hear you are feeling that way. &nbsp; &nbsp;Is there a 24-hour helpline where you are that you can call? &nbsp; Here is a website with some numbers to call: &nbsp;https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/ &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;You could talk to your family doctor and they could help you find a therapist? &nbsp; You could also use this website to find a therapist. &nbsp;https://therapists.psychologytoday.com. &nbsp;I sincerely hope you find someone to talk to. &nbsp;</p> </s>

575236fcc792dd6c7063e5d5

How can I take care of my depression from a breakup?

I have been falling into a deep depression where I can no function during the day and night. The only time I am at peace is when I’m asleep. If I am with friends, family, at work, and mainly alone, I cannot think straight. I no longer feel like myself.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-take-care-of-my-depression-from-a-breakup

Depression,Relationship Dissolution

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:">It is common to go through a stage of adjustment after a breakup, which may include depression symptoms. I recommend practicing self-care:&nbsp; stressing on balancing your life with healthy eating, exercise, resting and looking at your spiritual life.&nbsp; These steps should assist you in giving your body and mind some balance. &nbsp;Practice cognitive reframing, this is training your brain to refocus, and stay on task.&nbsp; Meditation is a great tool to clear your mind during the day as well; there are multiple apps that help. If the problem persists a therapist could assist you in learning to focus and process those thoughts and feelings that cloud you mind.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:">¿Cómo puedo manejar la depresión después de una&nbsp;separación?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">He estado cayendo en una depresión profunda que no me permite funcionar durante el día. El único memento en el que estoy en calma es cuando duermo.&nbsp; Si estoy con mis amigos, familia, en el trabajo o a solas, no puedo pensar claramente. Ya no me siento como yo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Es común pasar por un estado de ajuste después de una separación, y este ajuste puede incluir síntomas de depresión.&nbsp; Recomiendo que practiques auto compasión: esforzarte en balancear tu vida comiendo saludable, ejercitándote, descansando y analizando tu vida espiritual.&nbsp; Estos pasos te ayudarán a balancear tu mente y cuerpo.&nbsp; También puedes practicar reenfocar tus pensamientos para mantener tu mente clara. La meditación es una buena manera de practicar el enfoque mental, y existen muchas aplicaciones que te pueden ayudar.&nbsp; Si el problema persiste tu consejero te puede ayudar a aprender técnicas de enfoque a procesar pensamientos&nbsp; o sentimientos que te estén afectando.&nbsp;</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I take care of my depression from a breakup? <</SYS>> I have been falling into a deep depression where I can no function during the day and night. The only time I am at peace is when I’m asleep. If I am with friends, family, at work, and mainly alone, I cannot think straight. I no longer feel like myself. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:">It is common to go through a stage of adjustment after a breakup, which may include depression symptoms. I recommend practicing self-care:&nbsp; stressing on balancing your life with healthy eating, exercise, resting and looking at your spiritual life.&nbsp; These steps should assist you in giving your body and mind some balance. &nbsp;Practice cognitive reframing, this is training your brain to refocus, and stay on task.&nbsp; Meditation is a great tool to clear your mind during the day as well; there are multiple apps that help. If the problem persists a therapist could assist you in learning to focus and process those thoughts and feelings that cloud you mind.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:">¿Cómo puedo manejar la depresión después de una&nbsp;separación?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">He estado cayendo en una depresión profunda que no me permite funcionar durante el día. El único memento en el que estoy en calma es cuando duermo.&nbsp; Si estoy con mis amigos, familia, en el trabajo o a solas, no puedo pensar claramente. Ya no me siento como yo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Es común pasar por un estado de ajuste después de una separación, y este ajuste puede incluir síntomas de depresión.&nbsp; Recomiendo que practiques auto compasión: esforzarte en balancear tu vida comiendo saludable, ejercitándote, descansando y analizando tu vida espiritual.&nbsp; Estos pasos te ayudarán a balancear tu mente y cuerpo.&nbsp; También puedes practicar reenfocar tus pensamientos para mantener tu mente clara. La meditación es una buena manera de practicar el enfoque mental, y existen muchas aplicaciones que te pueden ayudar.&nbsp; Si el problema persiste tu consejero te puede ayudar a aprender técnicas de enfoque a procesar pensamientos&nbsp; o sentimientos que te estén afectando.&nbsp;</span></p> </s>

5670b5124c6f6bda188fb893

How can I stop abusing alcohol?

I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-abusing-alcohol

Addiction,Substance Abuse

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Anyone who wants to change their life path, eventually will be successful in this. &nbsp;</p><p>How to stop abusing alcohol involves a few steps, most of them time consuming, with slow progress and very often with tremendous emotional pain.</p><p>The basic path is to figure out what motivates you to drink too much and be addicted to weed. &nbsp;Almost always, addictions are rooted in the person having suffered feeling deeply ignored, humiliated, shamed, invisible, nothing very pleasant, since a very young age, usually starting around 18 months.</p><p>Most often addicts are sensitive people who have been emotionally overburdened by the grownups in their family.</p><p>With no outlet for emotional expression or nurturing, the frustration goes inward until the emotional pain feels very big and without an outlet.</p><p>So, people mask and numb by substances, whether this is food, chocolate, work, alcohol, weed.</p><p>Therapy that is humanistic based, is a better fit than one which is drug oriented and diagnosis oriented.</p><p>If you'd like getting serious about knowing who you are, including any unfair treatment of you during your growing up years, you can do this.</p><p>Once you have a stronger self-respect and awareness, you would naturally avoid substances because they harm people. &nbsp;Harming oneself is the opposite of self-respect.</p><p><br></p><p>Also, about your diagnosis, it may not be true at all. &nbsp;the US healthcare system loves selling drugs to people and clinicians in agencies and clinics are encouraged to find something wrong with people in order to find a new customer who will take drugs.</p><p>See if you can find a therapist who is independent minded, and therefore free to interact therapeutically with you as a human being, not as a potential customer if they are able to label you as having something "wrong".</p><p>This simply continues the long line of being shamed by others that created the addiction problem in the first place.</p><p>Good luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I stop abusing alcohol? <</SYS>> I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. [/INST] <p>Anyone who wants to change their life path, eventually will be successful in this. &nbsp;</p><p>How to stop abusing alcohol involves a few steps, most of them time consuming, with slow progress and very often with tremendous emotional pain.</p><p>The basic path is to figure out what motivates you to drink too much and be addicted to weed. &nbsp;Almost always, addictions are rooted in the person having suffered feeling deeply ignored, humiliated, shamed, invisible, nothing very pleasant, since a very young age, usually starting around 18 months.</p><p>Most often addicts are sensitive people who have been emotionally overburdened by the grownups in their family.</p><p>With no outlet for emotional expression or nurturing, the frustration goes inward until the emotional pain feels very big and without an outlet.</p><p>So, people mask and numb by substances, whether this is food, chocolate, work, alcohol, weed.</p><p>Therapy that is humanistic based, is a better fit than one which is drug oriented and diagnosis oriented.</p><p>If you'd like getting serious about knowing who you are, including any unfair treatment of you during your growing up years, you can do this.</p><p>Once you have a stronger self-respect and awareness, you would naturally avoid substances because they harm people. &nbsp;Harming oneself is the opposite of self-respect.</p><p><br></p><p>Also, about your diagnosis, it may not be true at all. &nbsp;the US healthcare system loves selling drugs to people and clinicians in agencies and clinics are encouraged to find something wrong with people in order to find a new customer who will take drugs.</p><p>See if you can find a therapist who is independent minded, and therefore free to interact therapeutically with you as a human being, not as a potential customer if they are able to label you as having something "wrong".</p><p>This simply continues the long line of being shamed by others that created the addiction problem in the first place.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s>

58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87

How does counseling help people?

Does counseling really do anything that can help people?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people

Counseling Fundamentals

Christopher Smith

https://counselchat.com/therapists/christopher-smith

<p>There are multiple ways that counseling helps people. The most basic is that it gives you someone to talk to about and through what you are facing. It is better than a friend because this is a space for your stuff and you get to focus on what you need and don't have to worry about the other side. This is also a place where you do not have to worry about how else the other person is involved in the situation. Beyond this basic level, a counselor will have expertise they can bring in terms of how people, including you, can effectively deal with this kind of situation. The counselor may also be aware of connections that you would not otherwise see. A good counselor will also recognize if and when you need other help or support in the situation. Why wouldn't you benefit from having someone walk with you in your journey to peace and wholeness.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p>There are multiple ways that counseling helps people. The most basic is that it gives you someone to talk to about and through what you are facing. It is better than a friend because this is a space for your stuff and you get to focus on what you need and don't have to worry about the other side. This is also a place where you do not have to worry about how else the other person is involved in the situation. Beyond this basic level, a counselor will have expertise they can bring in terms of how people, including you, can effectively deal with this kind of situation. The counselor may also be aware of connections that you would not otherwise see. A good counselor will also recognize if and when you need other help or support in the situation. Why wouldn't you benefit from having someone walk with you in your journey to peace and wholeness.&nbsp;</p> </s>

561ce62be88a65597bb56a5a

Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety

Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven. When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety. Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.

https://counselchat.com/questions/thoughts-of-afterlife-causes-anxiety

Anxiety,Spirituality

Nat Roman

https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto

<p>You might be surprised how normal you are. Anxiety is incredibly common and while your particular type of existential anxiety might be unique to you - it is very difficult for most people to really comprehend what happens after we die - regardless of the religious or philosophical belief systems we hold. It is the ultimate unknown and some philosophers and psychologists believe that at the root of our day-to-day anxieties is the fear of death or fear of the unknown. &nbsp;Just as it can be really hard to comprehend the ending of life it can also be hard to comprehend an eternal existence. What these both have in common is that we are imaging a future that is ultimately unknowable and this unknown can provoke a lot of anxiety.&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/what-is-mindfulness-and-why-should-i-care">Mindfulness based practices</a> like meditation - maybe there is something like this in your religious tradition - can be very helpful in making peace with the unknown in the present moment. The more we can learn to live in the moment - the less we get hung up on anticipating outcomes for our lives that may never come true. Mindfulness practices can help you ground, be where you are , relax and regulate your nervous system so that you are able sleep and recuperate, and train your attention to focus on living the life you want to live now - rather than worrying about what happens after you die.&nbsp;</p><p>Having said all that - it can be profoundly helpful to speak with someone about your anxiety - especially when you feel haunted by it, <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/how-do-i-know-if-i-have-a-mental-illness">worry that you are crazy </a>and can't get to sleep. There are lots of good therapists out there who can help you with your anxiety.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety <</SYS>> Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven. When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety. Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal. [/INST] <p>You might be surprised how normal you are. Anxiety is incredibly common and while your particular type of existential anxiety might be unique to you - it is very difficult for most people to really comprehend what happens after we die - regardless of the religious or philosophical belief systems we hold. It is the ultimate unknown and some philosophers and psychologists believe that at the root of our day-to-day anxieties is the fear of death or fear of the unknown. &nbsp;Just as it can be really hard to comprehend the ending of life it can also be hard to comprehend an eternal existence. What these both have in common is that we are imaging a future that is ultimately unknowable and this unknown can provoke a lot of anxiety.&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/what-is-mindfulness-and-why-should-i-care">Mindfulness based practices</a> like meditation - maybe there is something like this in your religious tradition - can be very helpful in making peace with the unknown in the present moment. The more we can learn to live in the moment - the less we get hung up on anticipating outcomes for our lives that may never come true. Mindfulness practices can help you ground, be where you are , relax and regulate your nervous system so that you are able sleep and recuperate, and train your attention to focus on living the life you want to live now - rather than worrying about what happens after you die.&nbsp;</p><p>Having said all that - it can be profoundly helpful to speak with someone about your anxiety - especially when you feel haunted by it, <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/how-do-i-know-if-i-have-a-mental-illness">worry that you are crazy </a>and can't get to sleep. There are lots of good therapists out there who can help you with your anxiety.&nbsp;</p> </s>

55d923f251d5009363a6f1d0

I am bipolar and have been absolutely angry for over the last year at my daughter

She was raised by her abusive father and his wife. 30 years ago I shot and killed my rapist and was convicted in Louisiana. I lost custody of my daughter and served 5 years. When I was released, she was 5 and didn't remember me. Many many sad memories came from my having to leave her visit after visit, having to leave her in Texas to travel back to Louisiana. She doesn't remember that. I do. Over the years, I thought we had developed a close mother daughter relationship. She gave me good reason to doubt that on several occasions but especially last year. I have been cruel to her verbally and to my son who I met years after giving him up for adoption. Last night, I was angry at the world and afraid of God. I drank and cussed out a maintenance worker for not doing his job 4 months running. Now I'm not only feeling guilty for that but afraid of being evicted now. Help.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-bipolar-and-have-been-absolutely-angry-for-over-the-last-year-at-my-daughter

Parenting,Substance Abuse,Spirituality

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Was either parent abusive or violent toward you?</p><p>You sound to have suffered emotionally in your relationships since early in life.</p><p><br></p><p>One point to consider is to strive for moderation in what you offer in relationships.</p><p>A lot of what you've lived through is extreme, either as victim or perpetrator.</p><p>If you imagine that apologizing to the custodian for the way spoke to him, would calm him down, do so.</p><p>At the very least, you'll be actively resolving your guilt over cussing at him, and fear of his retaliation.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am bipolar and have been absolutely angry for over the last year at my daughter <</SYS>> She was raised by her abusive father and his wife. 30 years ago I shot and killed my rapist and was convicted in Louisiana. I lost custody of my daughter and served 5 years. When I was released, she was 5 and didn't remember me. Many many sad memories came from my having to leave her visit after visit, having to leave her in Texas to travel back to Louisiana. She doesn't remember that. I do. Over the years, I thought we had developed a close mother daughter relationship. She gave me good reason to doubt that on several occasions but especially last year. I have been cruel to her verbally and to my son who I met years after giving him up for adoption. Last night, I was angry at the world and afraid of God. I drank and cussed out a maintenance worker for not doing his job 4 months running. Now I'm not only feeling guilty for that but afraid of being evicted now. Help. [/INST] <p>Was either parent abusive or violent toward you?</p><p>You sound to have suffered emotionally in your relationships since early in life.</p><p><br></p><p>One point to consider is to strive for moderation in what you offer in relationships.</p><p>A lot of what you've lived through is extreme, either as victim or perpetrator.</p><p>If you imagine that apologizing to the custodian for the way spoke to him, would calm him down, do so.</p><p>At the very least, you'll be actively resolving your guilt over cussing at him, and fear of his retaliation.</p> </s>

571f0a0a8df811a03bc73257

I need help controlling my anger.

My long-term girlfriend broke up with me recently. She says it's because of my anger.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger

Anger Management

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger">I need help controlling my anger.</a><o:p></o:p></span></h1><p class="MsoNormal">Anger is like a blanket that contains other emotion from bursting out and serves as a shield to protect us when we are not able to manage external issues.&nbsp; &nbsp;Anger also helps us understand that there’s something wrong that needs to change.&nbsp; Once we understand that something else caused us to feel angry, then we can explore the source of anger.&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Ask yourself: Why am angry, Am I hurt, disappointed, confused, embarrassed etc.?&nbsp; Once you find the answer, explore how often that happens and what’s your reaction.&nbsp; Then explore how else you could respond or react.&nbsp; You could use I-statements as a way to communicate your true feelings to your girlfriend or whoever is involved in the scenario.&nbsp; This is a good exercise to practice with your Counselor or mental health provider because many unresolved issues may arise during this exploration, especially if you have been angry for a long time</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Also, it is important to understand the difference between anger and aggression&nbsp;and learn to manage our anger before we act on it.&nbsp; Anger is a feeling; aggression is when you act out your anger physically, verbally and psychologically.&nbsp; Find ways to vent: crying or sweating will help to release your anger, and balance the chemical response that our body creates when you become angry.&nbsp; Physical activity and meditation exercises can also provide a break when you manage strong emotions.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger"><span lang="ES-PR" style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">Necesito ayuda para</span></a></span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"> controlar mi coraje.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">El coraje es como una manta que cubre otras emociones evitando que se desborden y sirve como un escudo que nos protege cuando no podemos manejar problemas externos.&nbsp; El coraje también nos ayudo a entender que hay algo mal que debemos cambiar.&nbsp; Cuando entendemos que algo mas causo el coraje entonces podemos explorar la fuente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">Pregúntate a ti mismo: ¿Por qué tengo coraje, estoy herido, decepcionado, confundido, avergonzado, etc.?&nbsp; Ya que encuentres la respuesta, explora cuan frecuente tienes esa reacción.&nbsp; Luego explora como puedes reaccionar en otra ocasión.&nbsp; Puedes usar expresiones del Yo para comunicar tus verdaderos sentimientos a la persona envuelta en la situación.&nbsp; Esto es un buen ejercicio para practicar con tu Consejero o profesional de la salud mental ya que otros conflictos sin resolver pueden surgir durante este proceso de exploración.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">También es importante entender la diferencia entre el coraje y la agresión, y aprender a manejar el coraje antes que actuemos.&nbsp; El coraje es un sentimiento y la agresión es cuando expresas tu coraje agrediendo a alguien, física, emocional o sicológicamente.&nbsp; Encuentra maneras de desagotare, llorar o sudar te pueden ayudar en este proceso al balancear la respuesta química que crea el cuerpo cuando estamos molestos.&nbsp; El la actividad física y la meditación también pueden ayudarte a relajarte y tomar un descanso cuando manejas emociones fuertes.</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I need help controlling my anger. <</SYS>> My long-term girlfriend broke up with me recently. She says it's because of my anger. [/INST] <h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger">I need help controlling my anger.</a><o:p></o:p></span></h1><p class="MsoNormal">Anger is like a blanket that contains other emotion from bursting out and serves as a shield to protect us when we are not able to manage external issues.&nbsp; &nbsp;Anger also helps us understand that there’s something wrong that needs to change.&nbsp; Once we understand that something else caused us to feel angry, then we can explore the source of anger.&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Ask yourself: Why am angry, Am I hurt, disappointed, confused, embarrassed etc.?&nbsp; Once you find the answer, explore how often that happens and what’s your reaction.&nbsp; Then explore how else you could respond or react.&nbsp; You could use I-statements as a way to communicate your true feelings to your girlfriend or whoever is involved in the scenario.&nbsp; This is a good exercise to practice with your Counselor or mental health provider because many unresolved issues may arise during this exploration, especially if you have been angry for a long time</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Also, it is important to understand the difference between anger and aggression&nbsp;and learn to manage our anger before we act on it.&nbsp; Anger is a feeling; aggression is when you act out your anger physically, verbally and psychologically.&nbsp; Find ways to vent: crying or sweating will help to release your anger, and balance the chemical response that our body creates when you become angry.&nbsp; Physical activity and meditation exercises can also provide a break when you manage strong emotions.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger"><span lang="ES-PR" style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">Necesito ayuda para</span></a></span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"> controlar mi coraje.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">El coraje es como una manta que cubre otras emociones evitando que se desborden y sirve como un escudo que nos protege cuando no podemos manejar problemas externos.&nbsp; El coraje también nos ayudo a entender que hay algo mal que debemos cambiar.&nbsp; Cuando entendemos que algo mas causo el coraje entonces podemos explorar la fuente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">Pregúntate a ti mismo: ¿Por qué tengo coraje, estoy herido, decepcionado, confundido, avergonzado, etc.?&nbsp; Ya que encuentres la respuesta, explora cuan frecuente tienes esa reacción.&nbsp; Luego explora como puedes reaccionar en otra ocasión.&nbsp; Puedes usar expresiones del Yo para comunicar tus verdaderos sentimientos a la persona envuelta en la situación.&nbsp; Esto es un buen ejercicio para practicar con tu Consejero o profesional de la salud mental ya que otros conflictos sin resolver pueden surgir durante este proceso de exploración.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">También es importante entender la diferencia entre el coraje y la agresión, y aprender a manejar el coraje antes que actuemos.&nbsp; El coraje es un sentimiento y la agresión es cuando expresas tu coraje agrediendo a alguien, física, emocional o sicológicamente.&nbsp; Encuentra maneras de desagotare, llorar o sudar te pueden ayudar en este proceso al balancear la respuesta química que crea el cuerpo cuando estamos molestos.&nbsp; El la actividad física y la meditación también pueden ayudarte a relajarte y tomar un descanso cuando manejas emociones fuertes.</span></p> </s>

57735acab9ff751f196e8deb

I am very self conscious about my body.

On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs. I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest. How do I fix this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-very-self-conscious-about-my-body

Self-esteem,Social Relationships

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>I get how you feel; you wish your body looked different and you're embarrassed that you tried to make it look different and people may notice.&nbsp;</p><p>You don't say how old you are. It's likely that, if you are young, your body will change as you mature, but in general, we're given the bodies we're given and I'm glad to see that there may be a desire in you to accept your body the way it is. You seem to want to stop disguising it. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and every woman knows how it feels to struggle with accepting what her's looks like. Many men go through this as well, although women are more often targeted with cultural messages about how we're supposed to look.&nbsp;</p><p>Young people often believe that others are noticing and judging them. In fact, other people are far more preoccupied with who might be judging them than whatever's going on with you.&nbsp;</p><p>I suggest you wear whatever bra you want to wear, and if someone is rude enough to comment on it, you can ignore them and talk about the weather or the latest pop song that you love and they'll get the hint. But my bet is they won't even notice. :)</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am very self conscious about my body. <</SYS>> On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs. I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest. How do I fix this? [/INST] <p>I get how you feel; you wish your body looked different and you're embarrassed that you tried to make it look different and people may notice.&nbsp;</p><p>You don't say how old you are. It's likely that, if you are young, your body will change as you mature, but in general, we're given the bodies we're given and I'm glad to see that there may be a desire in you to accept your body the way it is. You seem to want to stop disguising it. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and every woman knows how it feels to struggle with accepting what her's looks like. Many men go through this as well, although women are more often targeted with cultural messages about how we're supposed to look.&nbsp;</p><p>Young people often believe that others are noticing and judging them. In fact, other people are far more preoccupied with who might be judging them than whatever's going on with you.&nbsp;</p><p>I suggest you wear whatever bra you want to wear, and if someone is rude enough to comment on it, you can ignore them and talk about the weather or the latest pop song that you love and they'll get the hint. But my bet is they won't even notice. :)</p> </s>

579b8756188cd61c1684e80f

How can I help my girlfriend?

My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-girlfriend

Relationships,Substance Abuse,Depression

Earl Lewis

https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis

You should start by speaking with her about what has her so down. Have their been some significant events in her life that have affected her? Have their been significant events in your relationship that can be affecting &nbsp;you both? If she just stopped drinking, she may be struggling to finding an alternative&nbsp;and healthier behavior. This is something the two of you can explore together. Also, if need be perhaps she can speak to a therapist to discuss her feelings about quitting alcohol. It sounds like you really care and right now she could use all the support she can get despite her pushing you away.&nbsp;

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my girlfriend? <</SYS>> My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay. [/INST] You should start by speaking with her about what has her so down. Have their been some significant events in her life that have affected her? Have their been significant events in your relationship that can be affecting &nbsp;you both? If she just stopped drinking, she may be struggling to finding an alternative&nbsp;and healthier behavior. This is something the two of you can explore together. Also, if need be perhaps she can speak to a therapist to discuss her feelings about quitting alcohol. It sounds like you really care and right now she could use all the support she can get despite her pushing you away.&nbsp; </s>

5668f62a8e6cb9fb4f71a445

Should I get a new therapist?

I have an eating disorder of binging. I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I need help with issues of abuse as a child, addiction, and abusive men. I have been in therapy for five months and get no feedback from my therapist.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-get-a-new-therapist

Professional Ethics

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi Anaheim,</p><p>Relationships with therapists have some things in common with other relationships; they work best if there is dialogue about what your hopes, thoughts, emotions and needs are. Are you letting your therapist know what your goals are? It's okay to say "I'd really like us to focus on this piece", or "I'm looking for specific direction about how to manage this part". Your therapist is wise if they ask questions that determine what your needs are, but they can't read your mind.&nbsp;</p><p>Not every therapist will be a good fit for you. I know I'm not a good fit for everyone I meet. We have different styles; some are more &nbsp;passive and focus on listening. This might be the type of therapist you have. For some people this is what they want, but maybe it's not for you. Maybe you want someone who digs at you more, asks more questions, gives you strategies, lets you know what they think... someone more active. If this is the case, it doesn't mean s/he's a bad therapist...it's just not what you're looking for.&nbsp;</p><p>Sometimes people think they can't end sessions with their therapist; they might be worried about hurt feelings. But, in the end, you don't owe your therapist anything if you feel it's not working or it's not a good match. Just move on and try someone new. Maybe ask them questions first about their style, even.&nbsp;</p><p>Best of luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I get a new therapist? <</SYS>> I have an eating disorder of binging. I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I need help with issues of abuse as a child, addiction, and abusive men. I have been in therapy for five months and get no feedback from my therapist. [/INST] <p>Hi Anaheim,</p><p>Relationships with therapists have some things in common with other relationships; they work best if there is dialogue about what your hopes, thoughts, emotions and needs are. Are you letting your therapist know what your goals are? It's okay to say "I'd really like us to focus on this piece", or "I'm looking for specific direction about how to manage this part". Your therapist is wise if they ask questions that determine what your needs are, but they can't read your mind.&nbsp;</p><p>Not every therapist will be a good fit for you. I know I'm not a good fit for everyone I meet. We have different styles; some are more &nbsp;passive and focus on listening. This might be the type of therapist you have. For some people this is what they want, but maybe it's not for you. Maybe you want someone who digs at you more, asks more questions, gives you strategies, lets you know what they think... someone more active. If this is the case, it doesn't mean s/he's a bad therapist...it's just not what you're looking for.&nbsp;</p><p>Sometimes people think they can't end sessions with their therapist; they might be worried about hurt feelings. But, in the end, you don't owe your therapist anything if you feel it's not working or it's not a good match. Just move on and try someone new. Maybe ask them questions first about their style, even.&nbsp;</p><p>Best of luck!</p> </s>

588861ae152ba8625f400559

My family says I have depression.

I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression

Depression

Victoria Haag

https://counselchat.com/therapists/victoria-haag

<p>If we were in my office together, I would offer that most likely you are feeling somewhat depressed. It's most important for me to impress that you "don't have to live like this..."&nbsp; Other helpful information: Have you experienced similar symptoms before?&nbsp; Anyone in&nbsp; your family been depressed before?&nbsp; Based on other physiological signs, like quality of sleep, appetite, energy/motivation, I would present you with some treatment options, one of which would be to consult with a medication management provider to assess your symptoms and provide additional information for you to consider.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My family says I have depression. <</SYS>> I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed? [/INST] <p>If we were in my office together, I would offer that most likely you are feeling somewhat depressed. It's most important for me to impress that you "don't have to live like this..."&nbsp; Other helpful information: Have you experienced similar symptoms before?&nbsp; Anyone in&nbsp; your family been depressed before?&nbsp; Based on other physiological signs, like quality of sleep, appetite, energy/motivation, I would present you with some treatment options, one of which would be to consult with a medication management provider to assess your symptoms and provide additional information for you to consider.<br></p> </s>

567633558e5e79ff3a20c7d8

Why do I see things that are not actually there?

It has been going on more often lately, but not all the time. It has been starting to affect my driving, among other things.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-see-things-that-are-not-actually-there

Ida Duplechin

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ida-duplechin

<p>It's important to make an appointment with a neurologist and ophthalmologist ASAP for evaluation.&nbsp;There are medical conditions that can create this effect.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I see things that are not actually there? <</SYS>> It has been going on more often lately, but not all the time. It has been starting to affect my driving, among other things. [/INST] <p>It's important to make an appointment with a neurologist and ophthalmologist ASAP for evaluation.&nbsp;There are medical conditions that can create this effect.<br></p> </s>

56ef4246a2549bd957c94ace

Why do my boyfriend and I have such trouble communicating?

We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a broken family because we can't communicate.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-my-boyfriend-and-i-have-such-trouble-communicating

Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Try having a conversation with your boyfriend about your views and wishes for the relationship, when the two of you are having a calm time. &nbsp;</p><p>A few questions I'd like to ask him is why he says he doesn't love you when the topic at hand is about a specific practical matter.</p><p>I'd also like to know what he hopes will happen from dwelling on a matter.</p><p>And, why are you swallowing your pride? &nbsp;Sooner or later this will come up on you in much bigger ways. &nbsp;Instead, try to know your own wishes that you are either not stating or are being ignored by your boyfriend.</p><p>The best way to resolve accumulated tensions is to slowly open the discussion between the two people.</p><p>It is possible to stay together forever. &nbsp;What you each need to realize, is the terms under which this would most likely take place.</p><p>Sending lots of luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do my boyfriend and I have such trouble communicating? <</SYS>> We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a broken family because we can't communicate. [/INST] <p>Try having a conversation with your boyfriend about your views and wishes for the relationship, when the two of you are having a calm time. &nbsp;</p><p>A few questions I'd like to ask him is why he says he doesn't love you when the topic at hand is about a specific practical matter.</p><p>I'd also like to know what he hopes will happen from dwelling on a matter.</p><p>And, why are you swallowing your pride? &nbsp;Sooner or later this will come up on you in much bigger ways. &nbsp;Instead, try to know your own wishes that you are either not stating or are being ignored by your boyfriend.</p><p>The best way to resolve accumulated tensions is to slowly open the discussion between the two people.</p><p>It is possible to stay together forever. &nbsp;What you each need to realize, is the terms under which this would most likely take place.</p><p>Sending lots of luck!</p> </s>

566f74a99f3a71de09b3c1bb

Why do I hate sex?

I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don’t like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-hate-sex

Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Relationships

Pamela Griggs

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-griggs

Although I am not entirely sure why you might be struggling in this area, an initial question I have is do you want to be sexually active at this time or is this something that you feel pressured into doing.? &nbsp;If you feel pressured into being sexually active by your friends or boyfriend it is understandable that you want it to be over. &nbsp;I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend to be patient with you at this time &nbsp;until you figure out what is going on. &nbsp;I encourage you to then think very deeply about what your reservations, if any, &nbsp;about being sexually active. &nbsp;Do you fear pregnancy? &nbsp;Are there problems in the relationship? &nbsp;Are you afraid of the emotional intimacy?&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>Another question that comes to mind is whether or not you have any history of sexual activity that you did not consent to that might be getting in the way. &nbsp; When these types of traumatic events occur, &nbsp;people can essentially become triggered negatively by anything that reminds them of past trauma. &nbsp;Such events can cause an aversion to sex even if there is now a loving relationship whom one wants to be sexually active with. &nbsp;If this is the case I strongly recommend individual therapy to begin working through some of these issues.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>A final area that you might explore would be whether or not you are experiencing pain with penetration. &nbsp;If so, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any type of medical issues that might be causing these problems. &nbsp;Although pain can also be associated with emotional issues, it is always good to rule out possible physical causes. &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>I hope that these ideas help to point you in the right direction. &nbsp;Take care.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I hate sex? <</SYS>> I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don’t like it because all of my friends enjoy it. [/INST] Although I am not entirely sure why you might be struggling in this area, an initial question I have is do you want to be sexually active at this time or is this something that you feel pressured into doing.? &nbsp;If you feel pressured into being sexually active by your friends or boyfriend it is understandable that you want it to be over. &nbsp;I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend to be patient with you at this time &nbsp;until you figure out what is going on. &nbsp;I encourage you to then think very deeply about what your reservations, if any, &nbsp;about being sexually active. &nbsp;Do you fear pregnancy? &nbsp;Are there problems in the relationship? &nbsp;Are you afraid of the emotional intimacy?&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>Another question that comes to mind is whether or not you have any history of sexual activity that you did not consent to that might be getting in the way. &nbsp; When these types of traumatic events occur, &nbsp;people can essentially become triggered negatively by anything that reminds them of past trauma. &nbsp;Such events can cause an aversion to sex even if there is now a loving relationship whom one wants to be sexually active with. &nbsp;If this is the case I strongly recommend individual therapy to begin working through some of these issues.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>A final area that you might explore would be whether or not you are experiencing pain with penetration. &nbsp;If so, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any type of medical issues that might be causing these problems. &nbsp;Although pain can also be associated with emotional issues, it is always good to rule out possible physical causes. &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>I hope that these ideas help to point you in the right direction. &nbsp;Take care.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div> </s>

58a3467a152ba8625f4005fb

How can I be less stressed?

I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-4

Stress

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>In case you feel some relief to know you're feeling the tone of our times.</p><p>We live with crumbling of our values which then gives rise to insecurity everywhere. &nbsp;If someone doesn't know what their values are then its difficult to do anything, and right now everyday we hear uncertainty in what used to be our basic assumptions.</p><p>You're more normal for noticing and feeling stressed than if you imagine life felt fine the way it is!</p><p>One road to take is to accept that there are no clear roads forward. &nbsp;This means to change long term goals into shorter ones.</p><p>Also, in general the more focused you can be as to your particular wishes, motivations, interests, and people about whom you care, the greater will be your sense of confidence that your personal world is as secure as it can be for right now.</p><p>And, it helps too to know that nothing lasts forever, eventually all of what is up in the air will start to land in a much more clear way.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less stressed? <</SYS>> I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? [/INST] <p>In case you feel some relief to know you're feeling the tone of our times.</p><p>We live with crumbling of our values which then gives rise to insecurity everywhere. &nbsp;If someone doesn't know what their values are then its difficult to do anything, and right now everyday we hear uncertainty in what used to be our basic assumptions.</p><p>You're more normal for noticing and feeling stressed than if you imagine life felt fine the way it is!</p><p>One road to take is to accept that there are no clear roads forward. &nbsp;This means to change long term goals into shorter ones.</p><p>Also, in general the more focused you can be as to your particular wishes, motivations, interests, and people about whom you care, the greater will be your sense of confidence that your personal world is as secure as it can be for right now.</p><p>And, it helps too to know that nothing lasts forever, eventually all of what is up in the air will start to land in a much more clear way.</p> </s>

57473f09c792dd6c7063e44b

Is it bad to fantasize about my mom?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-bad-to-fantasize-about-my-mom

Human Sexuality

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

<div>Hello, and thank you for your question. There are a couple of things I want to mention and some other colleagues may add other types of information. I want to talk about fantasies (an internal behavior not&nbsp;known by others) versus external behaviors that others can see, and your specific question about fantasizing about a parent. I am going to assume that you are meaning sexual fantasies, and I apologize if that is not your meaning. </div><div><br></div><div>It is important to remember that we may fantasize about a bunch of things that we would never do. Someone may fantasize about punching his boss right in the nose, but would never do it. And not just because of the consequences, but because they genuinely would not&nbsp;want to hurt someone in real life. It is also true that some people fantasize&nbsp;about&nbsp;things as a way to "work up" to doing the actual thing they <i>want </i>to do. You may be in one of&nbsp; these categories. </div><div><br></div><div>The specific issue of fantasizing about a mother is something&nbsp; commonly found in Sigmund Freud's theories about psychosexual development. He called it the Oedipus Complex, and&nbsp;determined it&nbsp;is generally found in early childhood development, but can&nbsp;move into adulthood.&nbsp;The reason I am sharing this with you isn't to make you a psychology major, but rather so that you will know that you are NOT the only person to have such fantasies in adulthood. </div><div><br></div><div>Something to think about is whether or not you should feel guilty about fantasies. Of course, if the answer is yes, you may find yourself feeling&nbsp;guilty a lot of the time. Or should you only concern yourself with behaviors that others can actually see or be affected by? For example, should you only be concerned if you are actually planning on ACTING on one of your fantasies toward your mother. The answer to that could certainly be yes, since someone acting on their fantasies would certainly impact someone else. </div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes our minds will have a fantasy and we recognize that it is taboo, and when that happens it is possible that we will actually fantasize about it MORE. That is also a possibility here, too. You may have had a rogue fantasy that has now&nbsp;taken root. &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div><b>The most important thing I am trying to get across to you is that there may be many reasons for these fantasies and they don't all lead to them, or you, being "bad." </b></div><div><br></div><div>If you have real concerns about what this may mean about you as a person, you may want to go to a counselor. This is especially true if you think you want to act on these fantasies and you know that would be harmful. There are many possible explanations for these fantasies and a counselor's office may be the safest place to explore them. </div><div><br></div><div>Be well.</div><div><br></div><div>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it bad to fantasize about my mom? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <div>Hello, and thank you for your question. There are a couple of things I want to mention and some other colleagues may add other types of information. I want to talk about fantasies (an internal behavior not&nbsp;known by others) versus external behaviors that others can see, and your specific question about fantasizing about a parent. I am going to assume that you are meaning sexual fantasies, and I apologize if that is not your meaning. </div><div><br></div><div>It is important to remember that we may fantasize about a bunch of things that we would never do. Someone may fantasize about punching his boss right in the nose, but would never do it. And not just because of the consequences, but because they genuinely would not&nbsp;want to hurt someone in real life. It is also true that some people fantasize&nbsp;about&nbsp;things as a way to "work up" to doing the actual thing they <i>want </i>to do. You may be in one of&nbsp; these categories. </div><div><br></div><div>The specific issue of fantasizing about a mother is something&nbsp; commonly found in Sigmund Freud's theories about psychosexual development. He called it the Oedipus Complex, and&nbsp;determined it&nbsp;is generally found in early childhood development, but can&nbsp;move into adulthood.&nbsp;The reason I am sharing this with you isn't to make you a psychology major, but rather so that you will know that you are NOT the only person to have such fantasies in adulthood. </div><div><br></div><div>Something to think about is whether or not you should feel guilty about fantasies. Of course, if the answer is yes, you may find yourself feeling&nbsp;guilty a lot of the time. Or should you only concern yourself with behaviors that others can actually see or be affected by? For example, should you only be concerned if you are actually planning on ACTING on one of your fantasies toward your mother. The answer to that could certainly be yes, since someone acting on their fantasies would certainly impact someone else. </div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes our minds will have a fantasy and we recognize that it is taboo, and when that happens it is possible that we will actually fantasize about it MORE. That is also a possibility here, too. You may have had a rogue fantasy that has now&nbsp;taken root. &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div><b>The most important thing I am trying to get across to you is that there may be many reasons for these fantasies and they don't all lead to them, or you, being "bad." </b></div><div><br></div><div>If you have real concerns about what this may mean about you as a person, you may want to go to a counselor. This is especially true if you think you want to act on these fantasies and you know that would be harmful. There are many possible explanations for these fantasies and a counselor's office may be the safest place to explore them. </div><div><br></div><div>Be well.</div><div><br></div><div>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div> </s>

57992dbeb43cd7825e26e285

I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself.

I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-sometimes-i-feel-like-i-hate-myself

Self-esteem

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>This happens slowly and can be done.</p><p>You already are at the first step of realizing that you hate yourself, not that the feelings of self-loathing are the best of what you're able to expect from life.</p><p>A way to start building confidence is to pay close attention to the way you handle interactions and make decisions.</p><p>If you start to notice what you'd like from an interaction, and afterwards, reflect on how well you handled yourself, especially with any unexpected circumstances, you'll build confidence in your ability to be good at something.</p><p>Do you know why you hate yourself?</p><p>This answer may help you address within yourself , a new type self talk which has more positives in it than what you've been accustomed to telling yourself.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself. <</SYS>> I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident? [/INST] <p>This happens slowly and can be done.</p><p>You already are at the first step of realizing that you hate yourself, not that the feelings of self-loathing are the best of what you're able to expect from life.</p><p>A way to start building confidence is to pay close attention to the way you handle interactions and make decisions.</p><p>If you start to notice what you'd like from an interaction, and afterwards, reflect on how well you handled yourself, especially with any unexpected circumstances, you'll build confidence in your ability to be good at something.</p><p>Do you know why you hate yourself?</p><p>This answer may help you address within yourself , a new type self talk which has more positives in it than what you've been accustomed to telling yourself.</p> </s>

55d0261d6ae5f72373d44185

Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse?

I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead. Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-a-lawsuit-for-counselors-and-therapists-who-failed-to-report-a-relapse

Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory,Addiction

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

<p>I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.&nbsp; This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family.&nbsp; </p><p>Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney.&nbsp; That being said, I see two competing issues here.&nbsp; On the one side is the duty of confidentiality the counselors owed&nbsp;to your relative.&nbsp; On the other side is the duty the counselors had to act reasonably to protect your relative from harm.&nbsp; Generally there is not a requiremt for substance abuse treatment centers to notify family members if an adult client relapses.</p><p>A local attorney will be able to provide more specific guidance on the legal obligtions and liabilities in this situation.</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse? <</SYS>> I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead. Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report? [/INST] <p>I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.&nbsp; This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family.&nbsp; </p><p>Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney.&nbsp; That being said, I see two competing issues here.&nbsp; On the one side is the duty of confidentiality the counselors owed&nbsp;to your relative.&nbsp; On the other side is the duty the counselors had to act reasonably to protect your relative from harm.&nbsp; Generally there is not a requiremt for substance abuse treatment centers to notify family members if an adult client relapses.</p><p>A local attorney will be able to provide more specific guidance on the legal obligtions and liabilities in this situation.</p><p><br></p> </s>

57218c3ba3d94fca1ccf8eb6

Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-married-men-to-fantasize-about-having-oral-sex-with-men

LGBTQ,Human Sexuality

Lisa Shouldice

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisa-shouldice-toronto

<p>If you feel this real for you, then it is. &nbsp;It is an incredible transition to undergo. &nbsp;There is more and awareness out there about trans now. &nbsp;Read different stories and find a support network so you do not feel alone. &nbsp;Just live your new life. &nbsp;Mom will simply have to realize this with time. &nbsp;You can gently and lovingly confront her if she continues to refer to you as a female. &nbsp;Good luck!&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>If you feel this real for you, then it is. &nbsp;It is an incredible transition to undergo. &nbsp;There is more and awareness out there about trans now. &nbsp;Read different stories and find a support network so you do not feel alone. &nbsp;Just live your new life. &nbsp;Mom will simply have to realize this with time. &nbsp;You can gently and lovingly confront her if she continues to refer to you as a female. &nbsp;Good luck!&nbsp;</p> </s>

5667af6f1678044a13a77703

My husband works all the time and neglects his family.

My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-works-all-the-time-and-neglects-his-family

Marriage,Intimacy

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi Ohio, The crazy things about situations like this is that, almost guaranteed, while your husband is out working and away from home, he feels he's doing it all for you and the kids; he believes he's loving you. He might feel like he's carrying his family on his shoulders. Your 'love language' is different...you'd rather spend time with him or talk to him...you want to feel like he's a bigger part of the family and feel connected to him. I absolutely understand that, and I support you asking for that.</p><p>He might very well miss that feeling of connectedness too, but he's likely also feeling the weight of financial responsibility. A lot of men (and women) don't talk about this but they feel it. Sometimes they feel like they can't win either way; there's pressure to earn and pressure to be home.<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">&nbsp;</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">He has needs too; he probably wants more appreciation and less blame.&nbsp;</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I urge you to talk to him about how you feel, find out how he's feeling, and use a professional to assist you if your communication styles aren't great. Right now you WANT to spend time with him and that tells me that you have a good chance of addressing this problem successfully.</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband works all the time and neglects his family. <</SYS>> My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights. [/INST] <p>Hi Ohio, The crazy things about situations like this is that, almost guaranteed, while your husband is out working and away from home, he feels he's doing it all for you and the kids; he believes he's loving you. He might feel like he's carrying his family on his shoulders. Your 'love language' is different...you'd rather spend time with him or talk to him...you want to feel like he's a bigger part of the family and feel connected to him. I absolutely understand that, and I support you asking for that.</p><p>He might very well miss that feeling of connectedness too, but he's likely also feeling the weight of financial responsibility. A lot of men (and women) don't talk about this but they feel it. Sometimes they feel like they can't win either way; there's pressure to earn and pressure to be home.<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">&nbsp;</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">He has needs too; he probably wants more appreciation and less blame.&nbsp;</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I urge you to talk to him about how you feel, find out how he's feeling, and use a professional to assist you if your communication styles aren't great. Right now you WANT to spend time with him and that tells me that you have a good chance of addressing this problem successfully.</span></p> </s>

57a15afd188cd61c1684e85e

I want to feel more comfortable around people.

My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people. How can I feel more comfortable around other people?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-feel-more-comfortable-around-people

Parenting,Relationships,Anxiety

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

<p>I would look at &nbsp;getting engaged with a support network of individuals who may also have autistic children. &nbsp;They will understand some of the things that you are experiencing at home and you may also find someone who feels that same way as you. If you have not sought professional counseling for the abusive relationship I would seek out a therapist who can help you process through it so you do not repeat similar choices in your next relationship.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to feel more comfortable around people. <</SYS>> My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people. How can I feel more comfortable around other people? [/INST] <p>I would look at &nbsp;getting engaged with a support network of individuals who may also have autistic children. &nbsp;They will understand some of the things that you are experiencing at home and you may also find someone who feels that same way as you. If you have not sought professional counseling for the abusive relationship I would seek out a therapist who can help you process through it so you do not repeat similar choices in your next relationship.&nbsp;</p> </s>

556bed15c969ba5861709df5

The Underlying Causes of Being Possessive

I am extremely possessive in my relationships and this is hurting my friendships. How can I fix my underlying issues?

https://counselchat.com/questions/the-underlying-causes-of-being-possessive

Behavioral Change,Social Relationships

Rebecca Duellman

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-duellman

<p>Hi there. It's great you are able to realize there are other issues going on with someone who feels possessive. At the root of it is fear. Fear of losing someone, fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough. All those fears can lead to low self-esteem and feeling like you have to control other people so you don't lose them. The thing is, controlling other people only pushes them away. Vicious circle, right? </p><p>What I would suggest is some cognitive therapy to change those underlying ways of thinking. You can start with this assignment. Write down all the things you think about yourself, positive and not-so-positive. Then rewrite those not-so-positive things so they are positive. For example, thinking something like, &#34;I'm too pushy&#34;, can be rewritten as, &#34;I'm assertive and I go after what I want.&#34; It can be hard to do since we tend to get &#34;stuck&#34; in our negative ways of thinking about ourselves. If you have someone you trust, you can ask for their help as well since most likely they see you differently than you see yourself.</p><p>Finding a good cognitive therapist can help you further, but if that's not an option for you right now, there are lots of self-help books and websites that are out there. You've already taken the first step, so keep moving forward.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> The Underlying Causes of Being Possessive <</SYS>> I am extremely possessive in my relationships and this is hurting my friendships. How can I fix my underlying issues? [/INST] <p>Hi there. It's great you are able to realize there are other issues going on with someone who feels possessive. At the root of it is fear. Fear of losing someone, fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough. All those fears can lead to low self-esteem and feeling like you have to control other people so you don't lose them. The thing is, controlling other people only pushes them away. Vicious circle, right? </p><p>What I would suggest is some cognitive therapy to change those underlying ways of thinking. You can start with this assignment. Write down all the things you think about yourself, positive and not-so-positive. Then rewrite those not-so-positive things so they are positive. For example, thinking something like, &#34;I'm too pushy&#34;, can be rewritten as, &#34;I'm assertive and I go after what I want.&#34; It can be hard to do since we tend to get &#34;stuck&#34; in our negative ways of thinking about ourselves. If you have someone you trust, you can ask for their help as well since most likely they see you differently than you see yourself.</p><p>Finding a good cognitive therapist can help you further, but if that's not an option for you right now, there are lots of self-help books and websites that are out there. You've already taken the first step, so keep moving forward.</p> </s>

578f39718c7fea4365aac389

I feel stuck in life. What can I do?

I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-stuck-in-life-what-can-i-do

Relationships,Family Conflict,Parenting,Stress

Marquita Johnson

https://counselchat.com/therapists/marquita-johnson

<p>I would want to know where do you put your needs? Often times we show people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. First identify how to practice good self care which can only happen when you are authentic and real about your needs and desires. You cannot pour from an empty cup and must take find the time to explore your purpose in life. It may be helpful to seek out additional support to work on your intrapersonal relationship.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel stuck in life. What can I do? <</SYS>> I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support? [/INST] <p>I would want to know where do you put your needs? Often times we show people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. First identify how to practice good self care which can only happen when you are authentic and real about your needs and desires. You cannot pour from an empty cup and must take find the time to explore your purpose in life. It may be helpful to seek out additional support to work on your intrapersonal relationship.&nbsp;</p> </s>

57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage

Viktoria Ivanova

https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova

<p>Hi there,&nbsp;</p><p>Thank you for your openness about the challenge you are experiencing in your relationship. Sexual intimacy is an important part of many people's life, but how much importance is placed on it varies from couple to couple.&nbsp;</p><p>The first step would be to have an open conversation with your husband. It's important you are both open about what you desire from sexual intimacy and how much intimacy each one of you wants. For example, asking your husband how often does he want to have sex/ week or /month. When having this conversation, it's important that you are both respectful and open with each other. The point of the conversation is to get to know each other and not to solve a problem, yet.&nbsp;</p><p>There are couples who enjoy fulfilling platonic/friendship relationships with minimal or no sex because both partners are not interested in it. If you are both on the same page - lack of sex might not be a problem.&nbsp;</p><p>If there is a difference in your sex drive and frequency of desire, I would recommend seeing a professional relationship &amp; sex therapist as a couple to help you explore your current sexual dynamic, what's creating it, what's getting in a way of connecting sexually and to&nbsp;assist you and your husband in finding creative solutions.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? <</SYS>> My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. [/INST] <p>Hi there,&nbsp;</p><p>Thank you for your openness about the challenge you are experiencing in your relationship. Sexual intimacy is an important part of many people's life, but how much importance is placed on it varies from couple to couple.&nbsp;</p><p>The first step would be to have an open conversation with your husband. It's important you are both open about what you desire from sexual intimacy and how much intimacy each one of you wants. For example, asking your husband how often does he want to have sex/ week or /month. When having this conversation, it's important that you are both respectful and open with each other. The point of the conversation is to get to know each other and not to solve a problem, yet.&nbsp;</p><p>There are couples who enjoy fulfilling platonic/friendship relationships with minimal or no sex because both partners are not interested in it. If you are both on the same page - lack of sex might not be a problem.&nbsp;</p><p>If there is a difference in your sex drive and frequency of desire, I would recommend seeing a professional relationship &amp; sex therapist as a couple to help you explore your current sexual dynamic, what's creating it, what's getting in a way of connecting sexually and to&nbsp;assist you and your husband in finding creative solutions.&nbsp;</p> </s>

575b1098c792dd6c7063e80b

My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog.

I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-apartment-manager-won-t-let-me-keep-an-emotional-support-dog

Anxiety,Depression,Legal & Regulatory

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>This is tricky because there are different types of emotional support dogs. The ones that are officially trained actually go through months of training and then are paired with someone for whom they perform specific tasks.</p><p>You may benefit from looking at the blog written by Valerie Parrott, who has an emotional support dog due to severe anxiety and panic. I will warn you that her blog is very blunt, but she is honest and she has gone through this process:&nbsp;https://thedogintheroom.wordpress.com/2016/06/20/what-makes-a-service-dog/#more-508</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog. <</SYS>> I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do? [/INST] <p>This is tricky because there are different types of emotional support dogs. The ones that are officially trained actually go through months of training and then are paired with someone for whom they perform specific tasks.</p><p>You may benefit from looking at the blog written by Valerie Parrott, who has an emotional support dog due to severe anxiety and panic. I will warn you that her blog is very blunt, but she is honest and she has gone through this process:&nbsp;https://thedogintheroom.wordpress.com/2016/06/20/what-makes-a-service-dog/#more-508</p> </s>

579aae85188cd61c1684e80c

I just feel so alone.

I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-feel-so-alone

Relationships,Social Relationships

Keith Hughes

https://counselchat.com/therapists/keith-hughes

<p>Hello there.&nbsp; Thank you for sharing your heart here.&nbsp; I want to start off by saying, in kind of an ironic way, your struggle is something many people go through, I might say quite often.&nbsp; Many feel alone with one another quite frequently.&nbsp; THe reasons for feeling alone vary much between person to person.&nbsp; In reading how you presented things, I will just respond from how this strikes me.&nbsp; Sometimes feeling alone might be the result of not completing the second half of the equation; meaning that although people "listen" it wont necessarily equate the elimination of being alone. Instead, its when&nbsp;you follow up by inquiring and listening to others that&nbsp;you &nbsp;may discover they feel and think and struggle just like you do.&nbsp;And as a result, you discover you really were never alone; when people discover common struggle and feelings, we are connected.&nbsp; Second, we as humans are sometimes feeling alone because we may be lacking some self-acceptance.&nbsp; Not fully accepting myself or situation , can be in the way of feeling the presence of others or the hearing the voice of others too.&nbsp;Or in other words, not bein&nbsp;'ok' with&nbsp;myself makes it difficult being with others. &nbsp;Third; feeling alone may be us not clear on what we are really needing from another person?&nbsp;&nbsp; </p><p>These are just some thoughts to consider.&nbsp; Aloneness feels so real; and yet it has much to do with our perspective and view of things...&nbsp; we are all alone in a crowded world until we speak and listen more closely.</p><p>Kindly</p><p>-keith hughes M.A.&nbsp; keithcounseling.com <br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I just feel so alone. <</SYS>> I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone? [/INST] <p>Hello there.&nbsp; Thank you for sharing your heart here.&nbsp; I want to start off by saying, in kind of an ironic way, your struggle is something many people go through, I might say quite often.&nbsp; Many feel alone with one another quite frequently.&nbsp; THe reasons for feeling alone vary much between person to person.&nbsp; In reading how you presented things, I will just respond from how this strikes me.&nbsp; Sometimes feeling alone might be the result of not completing the second half of the equation; meaning that although people "listen" it wont necessarily equate the elimination of being alone. Instead, its when&nbsp;you follow up by inquiring and listening to others that&nbsp;you &nbsp;may discover they feel and think and struggle just like you do.&nbsp;And as a result, you discover you really were never alone; when people discover common struggle and feelings, we are connected.&nbsp; Second, we as humans are sometimes feeling alone because we may be lacking some self-acceptance.&nbsp; Not fully accepting myself or situation , can be in the way of feeling the presence of others or the hearing the voice of others too.&nbsp;Or in other words, not bein&nbsp;'ok' with&nbsp;myself makes it difficult being with others. &nbsp;Third; feeling alone may be us not clear on what we are really needing from another person?&nbsp;&nbsp; </p><p>These are just some thoughts to consider.&nbsp; Aloneness feels so real; and yet it has much to do with our perspective and view of things...&nbsp; we are all alone in a crowded world until we speak and listen more closely.</p><p>Kindly</p><p>-keith hughes M.A.&nbsp; keithcounseling.com <br></p> </s>

57420751c792dd6c7063e3b9

How do I deal with a man who only contributes financially?

My boyfriend of eight years and father of our two children is a truck driver. He is never home and only contributes to our family financially. There is no other support given. He comes home when able, sleeps, gives money, and leaves again. I can't get him to do anything with me or the kids. He just sleeps and works.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-man-who-only-contributes-financially

Relationships,Intimacy

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;">After eight years and two children’s, people change.&nbsp; I suggest to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that although he is gone for a long time, his presence as a husband and father are required and important.&nbsp; Ask him if he will be willing to engage again and how he would like to do so.&nbsp; Many times when the dads are away, moms design a perfect routine and they feel like they will disturb it.&nbsp; Make alone time and family time for him, so you can reconnect as a couple and then as a family.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;line-height:107%; font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo trabajo con un esposo que solo contribuye económicamente?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi novio de ocho amos y padre de mis dos hijos es camionero. El nunca está en casa y solo contribuye financieramente. No provee apoyo en ninguna otra forma. El viene a casa cuando puede, duerme, provee dinero y se va otra vez. No puedo lograr que haga nada conmigo y los niños. Solo duerme y trabaja.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Después de ocho años y dos hijos las&nbsp; personas cambian.&nbsp; Te sugiero que hables con tu pareja sobre cómo te dientes, déjale saber que aunque el esta fuera la mayoría del tiempo, su presencia como pareja y padre es requerida e importante. Pregúntale si el está dispuesto a comprometerse&nbsp; ser parte activa de la familia y como lo haría. &nbsp;Muchas veces cuando los papás están afuera las mamás desarrollan rutinas que luego ellos no quieren interrumpir.&nbsp; Crea tiempo a solas para dedicarle a el para que puedan reconectar como pareja y luego como familia.&nbsp;</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with a man who only contributes financially? <</SYS>> My boyfriend of eight years and father of our two children is a truck driver. He is never home and only contributes to our family financially. There is no other support given. He comes home when able, sleeps, gives money, and leaves again. I can't get him to do anything with me or the kids. He just sleeps and works. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;">After eight years and two children’s, people change.&nbsp; I suggest to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that although he is gone for a long time, his presence as a husband and father are required and important.&nbsp; Ask him if he will be willing to engage again and how he would like to do so.&nbsp; Many times when the dads are away, moms design a perfect routine and they feel like they will disturb it.&nbsp; Make alone time and family time for him, so you can reconnect as a couple and then as a family.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;line-height:107%; font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo trabajo con un esposo que solo contribuye económicamente?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi novio de ocho amos y padre de mis dos hijos es camionero. El nunca está en casa y solo contribuye financieramente. No provee apoyo en ninguna otra forma. El viene a casa cuando puede, duerme, provee dinero y se va otra vez. No puedo lograr que haga nada conmigo y los niños. Solo duerme y trabaja.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Después de ocho años y dos hijos las&nbsp; personas cambian.&nbsp; Te sugiero que hables con tu pareja sobre cómo te dientes, déjale saber que aunque el esta fuera la mayoría del tiempo, su presencia como pareja y padre es requerida e importante. Pregúntale si el está dispuesto a comprometerse&nbsp; ser parte activa de la familia y como lo haría. &nbsp;Muchas veces cuando los papás están afuera las mamás desarrollan rutinas que luego ellos no quieren interrumpir.&nbsp; Crea tiempo a solas para dedicarle a el para que puedan reconectar como pareja y luego como familia.&nbsp;</span></p> </s>

575265fac792dd6c7063e5dd

My husband only has sex with me once a month or less.

I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less

Marriage,Intimacy,Human Sexuality

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like "I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?"</p><p>When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word "why." That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with "what makes" Instead. For example, "what made you choose not to do that?"</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband only has sex with me once a month or less. <</SYS>> I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this. [/INST] <p>This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like "I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?"</p><p>When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word "why." That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with "what makes" Instead. For example, "what made you choose not to do that?"</p> </s>

568f4cff8478ae5d2cd65d5d

Am I wrong because I don’t want to sit on the same couch my wife had sex with another man on while we were still married?

I decided to stay and work it out. I just don’t want to sit on the couch. Other than that, I have been getting over the situation. I don't feel it is fair that she expects me to sit on that couch and won’t leave me alone about it. I can move on and continue to love, laugh, and play with my wife. I just don't want to sit on that couch.

https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-wrong-because-i-don-t-want-to-sit-on-the-same-couch-my-wife-had-sex-with-another-man-on-while-we-were-still-married

Marriage

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Houston, It's normal for this kind of thing to be a trigger, so I get why you don't want to sit on it, but to keep refusing keeps the affair alive. Am I to assume that you can't afford a new one? Ideally, she buys you a new couch, but it certainly would be a gesture of love for you to do it too and it will help you both move forward.&nbsp;</p><p>t will be interesting to see if there's anything else that keeps the problem alive after the couch is long gone.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I wrong because I don’t want to sit on the same couch my wife had sex with another man on while we were still married? <</SYS>> I decided to stay and work it out. I just don’t want to sit on the couch. Other than that, I have been getting over the situation. I don't feel it is fair that she expects me to sit on that couch and won’t leave me alone about it. I can move on and continue to love, laugh, and play with my wife. I just don't want to sit on that couch. [/INST] <p>Houston, It's normal for this kind of thing to be a trigger, so I get why you don't want to sit on it, but to keep refusing keeps the affair alive. Am I to assume that you can't afford a new one? Ideally, she buys you a new couch, but it certainly would be a gesture of love for you to do it too and it will help you both move forward.&nbsp;</p><p>t will be interesting to see if there's anything else that keeps the problem alive after the couch is long gone.&nbsp;</p> </s>

57084d3c5e87cfae7322e9a7

How do I overcome the nightmare from the domestic violence of a past relationship?

I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years, I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat, and the dreams feel so real.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-the-nightmare-from-the-domestic-violence-of-a-past-relationship

Domestic Violence,Sleep Improvement

Candice Conroy, MA

https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma

<p>Nightmare are actually very common for survivors of domestic violence. If they are affecting you the the point where you feel like you need to do something, you may want to consider processing your memories of the events with a trained trauma therapist. Another good option, may be to attend a support group for survivors where you could process your memories in a safe space where others will be able to provide support and understanding for what you went through as well as encouragement for the strength it took you to get out of that relationship. You may also want to consider completing a screening or assessment to rule out post-traumatic stress disorder as well.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I overcome the nightmare from the domestic violence of a past relationship? <</SYS>> I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years, I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat, and the dreams feel so real. [/INST] <p>Nightmare are actually very common for survivors of domestic violence. If they are affecting you the the point where you feel like you need to do something, you may want to consider processing your memories of the events with a trained trauma therapist. Another good option, may be to attend a support group for survivors where you could process your memories in a safe space where others will be able to provide support and understanding for what you went through as well as encouragement for the strength it took you to get out of that relationship. You may also want to consider completing a screening or assessment to rule out post-traumatic stress disorder as well.</p> </s>

57466ce1c792dd6c7063e43c

How do I deal with my husband being mean to me?

My father is in the hospital and was diagnosed with leukemia. I have been dealing with that all day. My husband keeps getting mad at me for things that I said.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-husband-being-mean-to-me

Marriage

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>I don't know how long you have been married, but this might be a time to explain to your husband what you wish he could do for you in this moment. It could be that he is showing that he is getting mad at you because he is worried about you and it is just coming out wrong. Maybe he would be open to an honest discussion?</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with my husband being mean to me? <</SYS>> My father is in the hospital and was diagnosed with leukemia. I have been dealing with that all day. My husband keeps getting mad at me for things that I said. [/INST] <p>I don't know how long you have been married, but this might be a time to explain to your husband what you wish he could do for you in this moment. It could be that he is showing that he is getting mad at you because he is worried about you and it is just coming out wrong. Maybe he would be open to an honest discussion?</p> </s>

561ed77ddb761a811c20a28d

What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-proper-procedure-if-your-child-s-therapist-is-leaving-the-practice-to-work-elsewhere

Professional Ethics

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>There may be differences in Sate laws, and differences based on the particular license of the therapist, on this question so try googling your question for your State.</p><p>Generally, the therapist should have given you whatever the standard practice is for your State, notice in advance. &nbsp;And, the therapist was expected to tell you and write you their care plan for the child patient.</p><p>Are you the parent who is legally responsible for this child?</p><p>If not, then the therapist may have already communicated properly with whoever is the legal parent responsible for the child.&nbsp;</p><p><br></p><p>Also, insurance corporations who have contracts with particular therapists, have their own timeline standards of expecting therapists to give proper notice in advance of leaving a practice.</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>There may be differences in Sate laws, and differences based on the particular license of the therapist, on this question so try googling your question for your State.</p><p>Generally, the therapist should have given you whatever the standard practice is for your State, notice in advance. &nbsp;And, the therapist was expected to tell you and write you their care plan for the child patient.</p><p>Are you the parent who is legally responsible for this child?</p><p>If not, then the therapist may have already communicated properly with whoever is the legal parent responsible for the child.&nbsp;</p><p><br></p><p>Also, insurance corporations who have contracts with particular therapists, have their own timeline standards of expecting therapists to give proper notice in advance of leaving a practice.</p><p><br></p> </s>

5772372cb9ff751f196e8dc0

I have long spurts of depression, anxiety, and need change constantly—why?

I'm depressed often, and my mind goes a million miles a minute. Every once in a while, things are okay for a few days. After a bit, I start noticing that I am picking at my skin profusely. After roughly a week, the anxiety is back and still picking. Sometimes I find myself causing fights to have change.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-long-spurts-of-depression-anxiety-and-need-change-constantly-why

Anxiety,Depression

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are struggling. I have a few thoughts and perhaps some of my colleagues will add something else. <br></p><p>Depression and anxiety can both be chronic conditions, as you have experienced. This means that they may always require treatment in order to have some kind of relief from them. Treatment could mean medication or some kind of counseling. Some people may take medication for the rest of their lives. Some people may go to counseling at times when the depression and anxiety worsens. <br></p><p>As you mentioned, sometimes the symptoms improve for a little while, but they can also come back. When they do, it is important to talk to your medical provider if you are getting medication, and/or to go back to your counselor and talk to them about the symptoms that have returned. <br></p><p>Skin picking and some other behaviors are not uncommon for people who are experiencing something like anxiety. Many people report that they do this when they feel anxious, and some say it calms them down. It is not really a surprise that you are constantly trying to change things and even starting fights to do so. These are ways to try to avoid, escape and distract yourself from the feelings of anxiety and depression. That is a very normal thing to do. Nobody likes these feelings, and so distraction is something we naturally try in order to get rid of them. <br></p><p>The problem is that things like distraction and escape do not work as a long-term solution. In fact, they usually make things worse for many different reasons. <br></p><p>Depression and anxiety can&nbsp; be treated, but it is likely something you will need some help with. I would recommend finding a counselor who has experience with anxiety and depression. Medication can be helpful, but I still recommend counseling. The reason for this is that the medication can help with symptoms, while the counseling can address the symptoms and provide you with very helpful skills. <br></p><p>Be well,</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC <br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have long spurts of depression, anxiety, and need change constantly—why? <</SYS>> I'm depressed often, and my mind goes a million miles a minute. Every once in a while, things are okay for a few days. After a bit, I start noticing that I am picking at my skin profusely. After roughly a week, the anxiety is back and still picking. Sometimes I find myself causing fights to have change. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are struggling. I have a few thoughts and perhaps some of my colleagues will add something else. <br></p><p>Depression and anxiety can both be chronic conditions, as you have experienced. This means that they may always require treatment in order to have some kind of relief from them. Treatment could mean medication or some kind of counseling. Some people may take medication for the rest of their lives. Some people may go to counseling at times when the depression and anxiety worsens. <br></p><p>As you mentioned, sometimes the symptoms improve for a little while, but they can also come back. When they do, it is important to talk to your medical provider if you are getting medication, and/or to go back to your counselor and talk to them about the symptoms that have returned. <br></p><p>Skin picking and some other behaviors are not uncommon for people who are experiencing something like anxiety. Many people report that they do this when they feel anxious, and some say it calms them down. It is not really a surprise that you are constantly trying to change things and even starting fights to do so. These are ways to try to avoid, escape and distract yourself from the feelings of anxiety and depression. That is a very normal thing to do. Nobody likes these feelings, and so distraction is something we naturally try in order to get rid of them. <br></p><p>The problem is that things like distraction and escape do not work as a long-term solution. In fact, they usually make things worse for many different reasons. <br></p><p>Depression and anxiety can&nbsp; be treated, but it is likely something you will need some help with. I would recommend finding a counselor who has experience with anxiety and depression. Medication can be helpful, but I still recommend counseling. The reason for this is that the medication can help with symptoms, while the counseling can address the symptoms and provide you with very helpful skills. <br></p><p>Be well,</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC <br></p> </s>

57749f5bc8c3e0180cffa1f4

I feel completely alone in my marriage.

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy

James McCracken

https://counselchat.com/therapists/james-mccracken

<p>Your question highlights your pain very clearly.&nbsp;&nbsp;What you are describing is one of the most common scenarios I see in my practice with couples: One partner feels terribly lonely and unimportant in response to the other partner either turning towards other people and activities or being withdrawn and turning inward.&nbsp;My mind immediately goes to a question for you: What happens when you are feeling alone and uncared for? What do you say to yourself about you, about your spouse, and about your relationship?&nbsp; What do you do in response to these feelings? Do you ask for what you need?&nbsp; Does this lead to arguments?&nbsp; Do you stay silent or withdraw?</p><p>Very often, couples enter into negative patterns where one partner feels afraid of rejection by the other partner and so withdraws from the relationship (and is often seen as "cold and aloof" towards the relationship), and the other partner feels afraid of abandonment by the withdrawing partner and so pursues the other (and is often seen as "critical and nagging").&nbsp; Regardless of "who started it," these patterns can&nbsp;turn into infinity loops that take on a gravity of their own, and ultimately cause both partners to withdraw and dissolve the relationship.&nbsp; If both partners want to work on saving and improving the relationship, the way out of this is to learn about your emotions and patterns together so that you can slow down the pattern and stay in touch with the emotions that pull people together.&nbsp; As the patterns&nbsp;slow down, partners are better able to get more deeply in touch with their vulnerabilities, needs and longings, and ask for them to be met in such a way that doesn't leave the other partner feeling criticized, threatened, abandoned, or uncared for.</p><p>Some couples can do this without the help of a therapist.&nbsp; The book "Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a LIfetime of Love" by Sue Johnson is a self-help book based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (the most scientifically validated couples therapy that currently exists), and has been helpful to many couples that I see.&nbsp; When a therapist is needed to help partners reconnect or overcome betrayals, I recommend seeking couples therapists who are trained in a scientifically tested model of couples therapy (such as Emotionally Focused Therapy.&nbsp; You can learn more about EFT or find an EFT therapist here: <a href="http://www.iceeft.com">http://www.iceeft.com</a>).</p><p>To summarize:</p><p>Your pain is understandable and valid.&nbsp; It's telling you what you are missing and what you want.</p><p>Reconnection comes when we can listen to what our feelings are telling us, express those feelings in a safe way, and assert our wants/needs,&nbsp;while remaining open to the vulnerabilities and needs of our partner.</p><p>If you can do that on your own, and your relationship is responsive, that's fantastic!&nbsp; If you encounter challenges in resolving this yourself, consider therapy with a trained couples therapist using a model that is scientifically validated.&nbsp; <br><br></p><p>Pain means this is important!&nbsp; You and your marriage are worth the effort!<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel completely alone in my marriage. <</SYS>> I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? [/INST] <p>Your question highlights your pain very clearly.&nbsp;&nbsp;What you are describing is one of the most common scenarios I see in my practice with couples: One partner feels terribly lonely and unimportant in response to the other partner either turning towards other people and activities or being withdrawn and turning inward.&nbsp;My mind immediately goes to a question for you: What happens when you are feeling alone and uncared for? What do you say to yourself about you, about your spouse, and about your relationship?&nbsp; What do you do in response to these feelings? Do you ask for what you need?&nbsp; Does this lead to arguments?&nbsp; Do you stay silent or withdraw?</p><p>Very often, couples enter into negative patterns where one partner feels afraid of rejection by the other partner and so withdraws from the relationship (and is often seen as "cold and aloof" towards the relationship), and the other partner feels afraid of abandonment by the withdrawing partner and so pursues the other (and is often seen as "critical and nagging").&nbsp; Regardless of "who started it," these patterns can&nbsp;turn into infinity loops that take on a gravity of their own, and ultimately cause both partners to withdraw and dissolve the relationship.&nbsp; If both partners want to work on saving and improving the relationship, the way out of this is to learn about your emotions and patterns together so that you can slow down the pattern and stay in touch with the emotions that pull people together.&nbsp; As the patterns&nbsp;slow down, partners are better able to get more deeply in touch with their vulnerabilities, needs and longings, and ask for them to be met in such a way that doesn't leave the other partner feeling criticized, threatened, abandoned, or uncared for.</p><p>Some couples can do this without the help of a therapist.&nbsp; The book "Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a LIfetime of Love" by Sue Johnson is a self-help book based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (the most scientifically validated couples therapy that currently exists), and has been helpful to many couples that I see.&nbsp; When a therapist is needed to help partners reconnect or overcome betrayals, I recommend seeking couples therapists who are trained in a scientifically tested model of couples therapy (such as Emotionally Focused Therapy.&nbsp; You can learn more about EFT or find an EFT therapist here: <a href="http://www.iceeft.com">http://www.iceeft.com</a>).</p><p>To summarize:</p><p>Your pain is understandable and valid.&nbsp; It's telling you what you are missing and what you want.</p><p>Reconnection comes when we can listen to what our feelings are telling us, express those feelings in a safe way, and assert our wants/needs,&nbsp;while remaining open to the vulnerabilities and needs of our partner.</p><p>If you can do that on your own, and your relationship is responsive, that's fantastic!&nbsp; If you encounter challenges in resolving this yourself, consider therapy with a trained couples therapist using a model that is scientifically validated.&nbsp; <br><br></p><p>Pain means this is important!&nbsp; You and your marriage are worth the effort!<br></p> </s>

58c61c9298741803743bf6ca

What happens in a counseling session?

After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session

Counseling Fundamentals

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

<p>A good therapist will discuss what brought you to therapy in the first place and devise a therapy plan with you on some of the things that you may want to work on. &nbsp;The plan is not set in stone as things may arise during your therapy sessions. You also agree on how often and when you would like to meet.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What happens in a counseling session? <</SYS>> After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? [/INST] <p>A good therapist will discuss what brought you to therapy in the first place and devise a therapy plan with you on some of the things that you may want to work on. &nbsp;The plan is not set in stone as things may arise during your therapy sessions. You also agree on how often and when you would like to meet.&nbsp;</p> </s>

56ee53e7a2549bd957c94abe

How can I become more understanding?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-become-more-understanding

Social Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>I like your beautiful question!</p><p>Start by understanding yourself and your own inner knowledge of who you are and what direction your life must take in order for you to feel comfortable and fulfilled.</p><p>Understanding oneself is a life long activity, even a necessity so that you are able to sense the truth of another person.</p><p>As long as you are taking steps in the direction of self-knowing, you will gradually improve and increase the way and the range of understanding of other people and our world.</p><p>Good luck with your project!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I become more understanding? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I like your beautiful question!</p><p>Start by understanding yourself and your own inner knowledge of who you are and what direction your life must take in order for you to feel comfortable and fulfilled.</p><p>Understanding oneself is a life long activity, even a necessity so that you are able to sense the truth of another person.</p><p>As long as you are taking steps in the direction of self-knowing, you will gradually improve and increase the way and the range of understanding of other people and our world.</p><p>Good luck with your project!</p> </s>

567082c85bb022840f42baf4

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

Spirituality

Wendy Bangerter

https://counselchat.com/therapists/wendy-bangerter

Three years ago I attended a week long meditation retreat. By the fifth day I noticed I was light headed and felt very strange. I began to realize within my own being an experience of no separation. I would see others at the retreat and smile. I loved them all. I could feel the connection with this awareness I had read about but never truly understood until that moment. I remember understanding all the teachings I had learned throughout my life about a god who existed outside of me. I realized I had all these answeres within my own being and so did everyone else. I began to see everyone as not just capable but powerful loving beings. Since this experience it has been my desire for everyone to become conscious within whatever experience they wish. I do this in many ways.&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>At our studio we combine Mental Health with yoga and meditation as well as nutrition counseling to help people come to their optimal selves. To truly come into a state of "finding yourself," is to start to know and own who you are from a state of solid being. In this there is nothing new under the sun, and it is very simple. I would love to teach you and anyone interested in coming into a state of awake conciousness. &nbsp;The more awake we are the more joyful we are. I live in this state of being and demonstrate it in my daily life.&nbsp;</div>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I find myself? <</SYS>> I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. [/INST] Three years ago I attended a week long meditation retreat. By the fifth day I noticed I was light headed and felt very strange. I began to realize within my own being an experience of no separation. I would see others at the retreat and smile. I loved them all. I could feel the connection with this awareness I had read about but never truly understood until that moment. I remember understanding all the teachings I had learned throughout my life about a god who existed outside of me. I realized I had all these answeres within my own being and so did everyone else. I began to see everyone as not just capable but powerful loving beings. Since this experience it has been my desire for everyone to become conscious within whatever experience they wish. I do this in many ways.&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>At our studio we combine Mental Health with yoga and meditation as well as nutrition counseling to help people come to their optimal selves. To truly come into a state of "finding yourself," is to start to know and own who you are from a state of solid being. In this there is nothing new under the sun, and it is very simple. I would love to teach you and anyone interested in coming into a state of awake conciousness. &nbsp;The more awake we are the more joyful we are. I live in this state of being and demonstrate it in my daily life.&nbsp;</div> </s>

579aad97188cd61c1684e80a

How can I ask my boyfriend about who he's texting?

We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-ask-my-boyfriend-about-who-he-s-texting

Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>If you'd like to ask a question, then go ahead and ask!</p><p>Boyfriend/girlfriend is a close relationship and it is usually understood as an exclusive relationship. &nbsp;You're definitely entitled to know if your wishes to not have him texting another woman, are being respected.</p><p>Often people are afraid to ask because they fear the truth will hurt them.</p><p>In the short term this is definitely true.</p><p>In the long term, knowing you are getting what you want and at the very least stating your expectations to your boyfriend, will clarify for him, what is meaningful in your relationship.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I ask my boyfriend about who he's texting? <</SYS>> We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?. [/INST] <p>If you'd like to ask a question, then go ahead and ask!</p><p>Boyfriend/girlfriend is a close relationship and it is usually understood as an exclusive relationship. &nbsp;You're definitely entitled to know if your wishes to not have him texting another woman, are being respected.</p><p>Often people are afraid to ask because they fear the truth will hurt them.</p><p>In the short term this is definitely true.</p><p>In the long term, knowing you are getting what you want and at the very least stating your expectations to your boyfriend, will clarify for him, what is meaningful in your relationship.</p> </s>

56f913b4b814e1ce46371941

Why do I feel like I can never meet people's expectations?

I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-can-never-meet-people-s-expectations

Social Relationships,Self-esteem

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression? If your not sure, it may be useful for you to try to notice what people say and do in response to you, even though you perceive these attitudes within them. Additionally, working with a competent therapist may be a great way to get an answer to your question as well as developing ways to move forward with that answer and gain a sense of self-esteem and security in your relationships.<br><br>One possibility that comes to mind, of which there may be more, is that as we grow up, we often develop relational templates, or sets of expectations about how people are and will relate to us, which influence our experiences and behavior in relationships. Sometimes the templates that we develop to stay connected growing up are not particularly adaptive for adult life and can hamper our self-esteem and capacity for comfortable intimacy as an adult. You ask a great question here, and one that can be very hard to see through, given the difficulty of feeling that people think of you in this way, and I hope that you will stay curious about this and consider working with a therapist who is trained to help you discover the answer.<br><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel like I can never meet people's expectations? <</SYS>> I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me. [/INST] It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression? If your not sure, it may be useful for you to try to notice what people say and do in response to you, even though you perceive these attitudes within them. Additionally, working with a competent therapist may be a great way to get an answer to your question as well as developing ways to move forward with that answer and gain a sense of self-esteem and security in your relationships.<br><br>One possibility that comes to mind, of which there may be more, is that as we grow up, we often develop relational templates, or sets of expectations about how people are and will relate to us, which influence our experiences and behavior in relationships. Sometimes the templates that we develop to stay connected growing up are not particularly adaptive for adult life and can hamper our self-esteem and capacity for comfortable intimacy as an adult. You ask a great question here, and one that can be very hard to see through, given the difficulty of feeling that people think of you in this way, and I hope that you will stay curious about this and consider working with a therapist who is trained to help you discover the answer.<br><p><br></p> </s>

55f98139b82f58123979a0ea

I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me

He is in his late thirties and I am in my mid twenties. We have been together for about 5 months. I really like him. He says he cares about me and is willing to fight to make things right. He has been very apologetic and expressed he did it out of fear. I don't know if it's worth giving him a second chance.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-found-out-my-boyfriend-has-been-cheating-on-me

Relationships

Rebecca Wong

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

<p>Cheating is often a sign that something is amiss in the relationship. His fear may be full of information. While it's possible to repair relationships after a betrayal it's also challenging to do, especially so early in your relationship. I can't tell you if you should/shouldn't give this relationship a second chance but I will tell you to tune into your own intuition (and follow your own fears in doing so, they often are incredibly informative when we don't push them away with denial).</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me <</SYS>> He is in his late thirties and I am in my mid twenties. We have been together for about 5 months. I really like him. He says he cares about me and is willing to fight to make things right. He has been very apologetic and expressed he did it out of fear. I don't know if it's worth giving him a second chance. [/INST] <p>Cheating is often a sign that something is amiss in the relationship. His fear may be full of information. While it's possible to repair relationships after a betrayal it's also challenging to do, especially so early in your relationship. I can't tell you if you should/shouldn't give this relationship a second chance but I will tell you to tune into your own intuition (and follow your own fears in doing so, they often are incredibly informative when we don't push them away with denial).</p> </s>

56aa3e6d055046120c556c8e

My wife doesn't want to have sex.

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-doesn-t-want-to-have-sex

Marriage,Intimacy,Human Sexuality

Rebecca Wong

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

<p>I suggest seeking the support of an <a href="https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory">AASECT certified sex therapist</a>&nbsp;to help work through much of the issues you address, you simply may need some really qualified support. Also, you might be interested in watching <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?language=en">Esther Perel's ted talk on the secret to desire in a long term relationship</a>, and/or&nbsp;you might want to sign up for my own <a href="http://connectfulness.leadpages.co/rps/" target="_blank">8-part-series on Reconnecting Parent Couples</a></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My wife doesn't want to have sex. <</SYS>> My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way. [/INST] <p>I suggest seeking the support of an <a href="https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory">AASECT certified sex therapist</a>&nbsp;to help work through much of the issues you address, you simply may need some really qualified support. Also, you might be interested in watching <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?language=en">Esther Perel's ted talk on the secret to desire in a long term relationship</a>, and/or&nbsp;you might want to sign up for my own <a href="http://connectfulness.leadpages.co/rps/" target="_blank">8-part-series on Reconnecting Parent Couples</a></p> </s>

579e4020188cd61c1684e837

I'm very depressed?

I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed

Depression

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Great that you realize talking with a professional counselor about how you feel, would be helpful!</p><p>If you'd like a very fast response by phone, then google "depression hotline" for where you live. &nbsp;And, if you have a specific topic which upsets you then google around with this topic to see if there are services specific to your interest.</p><p>If you've got time to invest in looking for the best fit therapist for yourself, then google "therapy' or "therapist".</p><p>There will be many, many names which come up.</p><p>I know I sound like I work for google only it is the easiest way to find lots of information.<br></p><p>I send you good luck!</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm very depressed? <</SYS>> I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? [/INST] <p>Great that you realize talking with a professional counselor about how you feel, would be helpful!</p><p>If you'd like a very fast response by phone, then google "depression hotline" for where you live. &nbsp;And, if you have a specific topic which upsets you then google around with this topic to see if there are services specific to your interest.</p><p>If you've got time to invest in looking for the best fit therapist for yourself, then google "therapy' or "therapist".</p><p>There will be many, many names which come up.</p><p>I know I sound like I work for google only it is the easiest way to find lots of information.<br></p><p>I send you good luck!</p><p><br></p> </s>

575f646416780993511710a6

Can someone with bipolar disorder feel like they are not themselves, like an observer in their own body and not really in control?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-someone-with-bipolar-disorder-feel-like-they-are-not-themselves-like-an-observer-in-their-own-body-and-not-really-in-control

Behavioral Change

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. What you are describing sounds like dissociation, which can happen with folks who have bipolar disorder. To a certain extent, all people experience dissociation at some point, but it can become severe for some people. Dissociation takes different forms: 1. the feeling like you are detached from yourself, and 2. The feeling that you are detached from your environment. I would suggest looking up bipolar disorder and dissociation and see if these symptoms seem familiar. If so, you should consider discussing it with a mental health provider. </p><p><br></p><p>Be well,</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can someone with bipolar disorder feel like they are not themselves, like an observer in their own body and not really in control? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. What you are describing sounds like dissociation, which can happen with folks who have bipolar disorder. To a certain extent, all people experience dissociation at some point, but it can become severe for some people. Dissociation takes different forms: 1. the feeling like you are detached from yourself, and 2. The feeling that you are detached from your environment. I would suggest looking up bipolar disorder and dissociation and see if these symptoms seem familiar. If so, you should consider discussing it with a mental health provider. </p><p><br></p><p>Be well,</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </p><p><br></p> </s>

576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5

How can I avoid family members who stress me out?

My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out

Family Conflict,Stress

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Then one day when life between you and mom feels calm, tell your mom that you aren't able to listen to her complaints about your sister.</p><p>The truth exists whether or not it is acknowledged. &nbsp; Bu acknowledging what feels real and necessary in your life, you are helping your mom see what she may not like to see and what nevertheless is right in front of her.</p><p>There is no good reason or good to come of hiding your own truth about not wishing to continue listening to your mom complain.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid family members who stress me out? <</SYS>> My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] <p>Then one day when life between you and mom feels calm, tell your mom that you aren't able to listen to her complaints about your sister.</p><p>The truth exists whether or not it is acknowledged. &nbsp; Bu acknowledging what feels real and necessary in your life, you are helping your mom see what she may not like to see and what nevertheless is right in front of her.</p><p>There is no good reason or good to come of hiding your own truth about not wishing to continue listening to your mom complain.</p> </s>

576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5

How can I avoid family members who stress me out?

My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out

Family Conflict,Stress

Virginia Chow

https://counselchat.com/therapists/virginia-chow

<p>It is understandable that it's very hard for you to hear daily complaints from your mother regarding the caregiving of your niece. You cannot change your mother's feelings and responsibilities, which could create feelings of frustration and helplessness. It must be equally hard for your mother to assume full responsibility for your niece at a time where your sister cannot take care of her. This type of responsibility usually produces an enormous amount of stress and pressure because your mother and niece would both need to adapt to this new relationship, living situation, and the feeling of being "abandoned."&nbsp;</p><p>Not knowing the history of your relationship with your mother and how you respond to each other in times of need, it may be difficult to fight the right recommendation on how to deal with this situation. Nonetheless, it is not easy to have to face daily complaints and you may have to set a healthy balance between empathy and boundary setting with your mother and some personal boundaries for yourself.&nbsp;</p><p>It is likely that your mother's "complaints" may be her desperate cry for help because she does not know how to cope with stress or how to ask for the right kind of support. In this case, you could calmly and respectfully tell her the next time you hear her complain, "This must be very difficult for you because I hear the stress in your voice almost everyday. It's very hard for me to hear you feeling so overwhelmed. I feel helpless in this situation and would like to suggest that it might be helpful for you to seek some professional help and support to deal with such a big matter of importance." When empathy and understanding is communicated, recipients are usually more open because they hear and feel the caring behind it and are more likely to seek additional help.</p><p>After sharing this message of empathy and encouragement to seek help, the next step is to protect yourself by explaining to your mother where your limits are so that she understands what she can expect from you. This means that you can decide the kind of support or help you are willing to give your mother and/or niece that is within your ability to provide without feeling overwhelmed. This could involve inviting them to dinner occasionally, taking them out to see a movie or inviting your niece over to give your mother respite. You could then say to her if she complains again, "I cannot change the way you feel in this situation and I encourage you to seek professional advice about that but what I could do is .........(explain what you could do to help)."</p><p><br></p><p>www.PsychologyResource.ca</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid family members who stress me out? <</SYS>> My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] <p>It is understandable that it's very hard for you to hear daily complaints from your mother regarding the caregiving of your niece. You cannot change your mother's feelings and responsibilities, which could create feelings of frustration and helplessness. It must be equally hard for your mother to assume full responsibility for your niece at a time where your sister cannot take care of her. This type of responsibility usually produces an enormous amount of stress and pressure because your mother and niece would both need to adapt to this new relationship, living situation, and the feeling of being "abandoned."&nbsp;</p><p>Not knowing the history of your relationship with your mother and how you respond to each other in times of need, it may be difficult to fight the right recommendation on how to deal with this situation. Nonetheless, it is not easy to have to face daily complaints and you may have to set a healthy balance between empathy and boundary setting with your mother and some personal boundaries for yourself.&nbsp;</p><p>It is likely that your mother's "complaints" may be her desperate cry for help because she does not know how to cope with stress or how to ask for the right kind of support. In this case, you could calmly and respectfully tell her the next time you hear her complain, "This must be very difficult for you because I hear the stress in your voice almost everyday. It's very hard for me to hear you feeling so overwhelmed. I feel helpless in this situation and would like to suggest that it might be helpful for you to seek some professional help and support to deal with such a big matter of importance." When empathy and understanding is communicated, recipients are usually more open because they hear and feel the caring behind it and are more likely to seek additional help.</p><p>After sharing this message of empathy and encouragement to seek help, the next step is to protect yourself by explaining to your mother where your limits are so that she understands what she can expect from you. This means that you can decide the kind of support or help you are willing to give your mother and/or niece that is within your ability to provide without feeling overwhelmed. This could involve inviting them to dinner occasionally, taking them out to see a movie or inviting your niece over to give your mother respite. You could then say to her if she complains again, "I cannot change the way you feel in this situation and I encourage you to seek professional advice about that but what I could do is .........(explain what you could do to help)."</p><p><br></p><p>www.PsychologyResource.ca</p> </s>

5731753eaaeea25a1918b5fa

How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?

My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-and-depression-so-i-can-feel-normal-again

Anxiety,Depression

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">routine.&nbsp; Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.&nbsp; These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">affects</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.&nbsp; Once basic</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.&nbsp; If you have difficulty initiating</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process. &nbsp;You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">options</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">if it’s too challenging to begin basic</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="color: rgb(31, 78, 121); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 115%;">¿Cómo puedo manejar mi ansiedad y depresión para sentirme normal otra vez?</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Mi motivación se ha ido. Es difícil salir de la cama.&nbsp; No sé qué hacer.&nbsp; Soy Miserable.&nbsp; Mi ansiedad y depresión han tomado el control de mi vida.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.&nbsp; Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.&nbsp; Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.&nbsp; También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico.&nbsp;</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again? <</SYS>> My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">routine.&nbsp; Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.&nbsp; These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">affects</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.&nbsp; Once basic</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.&nbsp; If you have difficulty initiating</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process. &nbsp;You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">options</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">if it’s too challenging to begin basic</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="color: rgb(31, 78, 121); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 115%;">¿Cómo puedo manejar mi ansiedad y depresión para sentirme normal otra vez?</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Mi motivación se ha ido. Es difícil salir de la cama.&nbsp; No sé qué hacer.&nbsp; Soy Miserable.&nbsp; Mi ansiedad y depresión han tomado el control de mi vida.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.&nbsp; Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.&nbsp; Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.&nbsp; También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico.&nbsp;</span></p> </s>

58c61c9598741803743bf6cb

How does someone approach a counselor?

How does a person start the counseling process?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor

Counseling Fundamentals

Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc

<p>Hello. Counseling often begins way before the client ever actually calls the local therapist. There is often a tipping point in the internal struggle that the client experiences, where they can no longer deal with the issues on their own and thus giving the motivation to seek external help. That said, clients usually go seeking therapists based on what their insurance will cover, or what is likely to be more and more the case in the near future...what they are able to pay for out of pocket. That first phone call to a prospective counselor can often feel like torture, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Counselors are well trained to acknowledge the inherent goodness of all clients, and should be able to see and hear the sense of fear in the client of being judged or put down in some way. The counselor you select should be compassionate, caring, able to join with you on your journey to resolving your issues or concerns, and to do so without negative judgment of you as a person of worth.</p><p>Once you have found a counselor you want to work with, you would then schedule an appointment to meet. That first session is often very low key. There might be some forms for you to complete, which will help the counselor address your concerns and learn a bit more about you. The counselor will typically provide you with what we generally call in the profession a professional disclosure or practice statement. This document (which may be several pages long) usually outlines the counselor's credentials; practice rules; forms of payment; office hours; emergency contact details; and confidentiality guidelines under state and federal law, among other details. All of this benefits you as the client, so that you are well informed and can focus your attention on why you are meeting with the counselor.</p><p>In the first session, it is absolutely okay to be nervous. Here's a really big secret (which is important to keep in mind as counseling begins): Counselors are often as nervous (if not more) to meet a new client, as the client is to meet their new counselor. It's true. We as professionals are trying to put our best foot forward to impress you with our awesome counseling skills. While simultaneously hiding all the troubling unwanted issues that we ourselves have in our life too, and being worried that we might not know if we can help the client sitting in front of us. What makes it even more challenging, is that counselors are often put on a giant pedestal of perfection by clients (all while we as counselors tend to look at it like we're standing on a three legged stool). This is normal for us when seen from the eyes of the client. Counselors and clients are both human, and we both make mistakes. Coming from that place of understanding, might bring a sense of ease to both the client and the therapist as they seek to work together.&nbsp;</p><p>Part of this perception of perfection held by clients toward counselors, is that the skills of the counselor might look like they have all the answers. We honestly do not, plain and simple. Counselors come from life experiences (where they might be farther down on life's road than you); they hold completion of various forms of training; and have advanced education. Yet we are in the end, imperfect beings struggling to help imperfect people. This makes it easier to be compassionate to new clients walking through our door with the hope that we will receive that same compassion in return. Very often, we can find ourselves reflected in our clients' lives with their struggles and can become more effective at helping if we have resolved similar issues in our own life. So as you begin to seek out a therapist, try looking for one who is aware of their own life issues and is actively working on them too. Someone who can meet you where you are at emotionally and can understand your sense of your struggle that you are facing at the present moment. That counselor may be a good example for you as you enter into therapy and build your own strength, and thus begin dealing with the issues more effectively you bring up in therapy.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does someone approach a counselor? <</SYS>> How does a person start the counseling process? [/INST] <p>Hello. Counseling often begins way before the client ever actually calls the local therapist. There is often a tipping point in the internal struggle that the client experiences, where they can no longer deal with the issues on their own and thus giving the motivation to seek external help. That said, clients usually go seeking therapists based on what their insurance will cover, or what is likely to be more and more the case in the near future...what they are able to pay for out of pocket. That first phone call to a prospective counselor can often feel like torture, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Counselors are well trained to acknowledge the inherent goodness of all clients, and should be able to see and hear the sense of fear in the client of being judged or put down in some way. The counselor you select should be compassionate, caring, able to join with you on your journey to resolving your issues or concerns, and to do so without negative judgment of you as a person of worth.</p><p>Once you have found a counselor you want to work with, you would then schedule an appointment to meet. That first session is often very low key. There might be some forms for you to complete, which will help the counselor address your concerns and learn a bit more about you. The counselor will typically provide you with what we generally call in the profession a professional disclosure or practice statement. This document (which may be several pages long) usually outlines the counselor's credentials; practice rules; forms of payment; office hours; emergency contact details; and confidentiality guidelines under state and federal law, among other details. All of this benefits you as the client, so that you are well informed and can focus your attention on why you are meeting with the counselor.</p><p>In the first session, it is absolutely okay to be nervous. Here's a really big secret (which is important to keep in mind as counseling begins): Counselors are often as nervous (if not more) to meet a new client, as the client is to meet their new counselor. It's true. We as professionals are trying to put our best foot forward to impress you with our awesome counseling skills. While simultaneously hiding all the troubling unwanted issues that we ourselves have in our life too, and being worried that we might not know if we can help the client sitting in front of us. What makes it even more challenging, is that counselors are often put on a giant pedestal of perfection by clients (all while we as counselors tend to look at it like we're standing on a three legged stool). This is normal for us when seen from the eyes of the client. Counselors and clients are both human, and we both make mistakes. Coming from that place of understanding, might bring a sense of ease to both the client and the therapist as they seek to work together.&nbsp;</p><p>Part of this perception of perfection held by clients toward counselors, is that the skills of the counselor might look like they have all the answers. We honestly do not, plain and simple. Counselors come from life experiences (where they might be farther down on life's road than you); they hold completion of various forms of training; and have advanced education. Yet we are in the end, imperfect beings struggling to help imperfect people. This makes it easier to be compassionate to new clients walking through our door with the hope that we will receive that same compassion in return. Very often, we can find ourselves reflected in our clients' lives with their struggles and can become more effective at helping if we have resolved similar issues in our own life. So as you begin to seek out a therapist, try looking for one who is aware of their own life issues and is actively working on them too. Someone who can meet you where you are at emotionally and can understand your sense of your struggle that you are facing at the present moment. That counselor may be a good example for you as you enter into therapy and build your own strength, and thus begin dealing with the issues more effectively you bring up in therapy.</p> </s>

579e400d188cd61c1684e835

Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?

I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous

Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals

Robert Hammel

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robert-hammel-2

<p>For some people it's absolutely normal to feel nervous about coming to therapy. &nbsp; It's sometimes hard to share our emotions and feelings with someone --- no matter how warm and caring the therapist is. &nbsp; &nbsp; Are you comfortable with your therapist? &nbsp;Is it a good relational fit? &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Maybe this is a good thing to discuss with your specific therapist at the beginning of your next session --- maybe they can help you find some strategies or tools to make it easier? &nbsp;</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>For some people it's absolutely normal to feel nervous about coming to therapy. &nbsp; It's sometimes hard to share our emotions and feelings with someone --- no matter how warm and caring the therapist is. &nbsp; &nbsp; Are you comfortable with your therapist? &nbsp;Is it a good relational fit? &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Maybe this is a good thing to discuss with your specific therapist at the beginning of your next session --- maybe they can help you find some strategies or tools to make it easier? &nbsp;</p><p><br></p> </s>

579ed169188cd61c1684e83e

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

Human Sexuality,LGBTQ,Intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>Thanks for asking this question. I think the most important part of what you mentioned was that you do it because it makes you happy. For that reason, I would encourage you to keep doing what makes you happy.</p><p>As far as telling girls or keeping it a secret, I don't really think that it's necessarily one or the other, at least not the first time that you meet. In other words, one part of your decision-making could be whether it is something that you always want to address in the first date, or perhaps something that you address after you've known each other for a couple of meetings. The answer to that question may also change depending on who you are dating. I would imagine that each person that you are with mainly due to a different decision this was when to disclose this.&nbsp;</p><p>It sounds like this is an important part of you, so I would think that if you were going to date someone long-term, you would want them to know about the most important parts of you, including that.</p><p>I also encourage you to remember that if you meet someone who is not comfortable with this, that does not mean that there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but rather something that the other person is in some way deciding not to continue learning about or choosing to have someone they are dating like to cross-dress.</p><p>I'd also ask you to consider this: Are the people who you say this to expecting it? My guess is that the answer is probably not. Along with that, Are they going to have questions? I would imagine so.</p><p>Are you comfortable answering questions?</p><p>I wonder if you could figure out yourself or with friends (or perhaps even with a therapist) how you would answer these sorts of questions:</p><ul><li>What exactly is cross-dressing?</li><li>Does that change the gender that you're attracted to?</li><li>What does it mean to you?</li><li>Why is it important to you?</li><li>And what you want your listening person to know about you related to cross-dressing.</li></ul><p>There could even be ways that you can start the conversation by asking them to be open to listen to you and ask questions about what they are thinking before they make any quick decisions about you or the relationship.</p><p>I certainly hope that you find the right person for you. I imagine that having this conversation could be stressful, especially considering the idea that you have had some negative reactions in the past. Remember that talking this through with a therapist could be very helpful.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell a girl that I crossdress? <</SYS>> I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do? [/INST] <p>Thanks for asking this question. I think the most important part of what you mentioned was that you do it because it makes you happy. For that reason, I would encourage you to keep doing what makes you happy.</p><p>As far as telling girls or keeping it a secret, I don't really think that it's necessarily one or the other, at least not the first time that you meet. In other words, one part of your decision-making could be whether it is something that you always want to address in the first date, or perhaps something that you address after you've known each other for a couple of meetings. The answer to that question may also change depending on who you are dating. I would imagine that each person that you are with mainly due to a different decision this was when to disclose this.&nbsp;</p><p>It sounds like this is an important part of you, so I would think that if you were going to date someone long-term, you would want them to know about the most important parts of you, including that.</p><p>I also encourage you to remember that if you meet someone who is not comfortable with this, that does not mean that there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but rather something that the other person is in some way deciding not to continue learning about or choosing to have someone they are dating like to cross-dress.</p><p>I'd also ask you to consider this: Are the people who you say this to expecting it? My guess is that the answer is probably not. Along with that, Are they going to have questions? I would imagine so.</p><p>Are you comfortable answering questions?</p><p>I wonder if you could figure out yourself or with friends (or perhaps even with a therapist) how you would answer these sorts of questions:</p><ul><li>What exactly is cross-dressing?</li><li>Does that change the gender that you're attracted to?</li><li>What does it mean to you?</li><li>Why is it important to you?</li><li>And what you want your listening person to know about you related to cross-dressing.</li></ul><p>There could even be ways that you can start the conversation by asking them to be open to listen to you and ask questions about what they are thinking before they make any quick decisions about you or the relationship.</p><p>I certainly hope that you find the right person for you. I imagine that having this conversation could be stressful, especially considering the idea that you have had some negative reactions in the past. Remember that talking this through with a therapist could be very helpful.</p> </s>

58c61c7698741803743bf6c8

How does counseling end?

How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end

Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals

Catherine Hodge

https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge

<p>Counseling ends when the client has received the maximum benefit from the therapist. Even if the therapist believes the client is not making progress, the client may feel they are improving and receiving a benefit. And the therapist may see a benefit and the client does not. It is best to have ongoing dialogue with the client to determine when termination is appropriate.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling end? <</SYS>> How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? [/INST] <p>Counseling ends when the client has received the maximum benefit from the therapist. Even if the therapist believes the client is not making progress, the client may feel they are improving and receiving a benefit. And the therapist may see a benefit and the client does not. It is best to have ongoing dialogue with the client to determine when termination is appropriate.</p> </s>

57042380a9eb92e042647217

I'm depressed because I want to lose weight.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-depressed-because-i-want-to-lose-weight

Depression

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Our culture sets a very high standard on being within range of what is considered "normal" weight, that probably more people than you imagine, have faced a similar feeling of not living up to standards of how much to weigh.</p><p>Are you actually too heavy for your height and bone structure?</p><p>First be sure you're depressed about an actual weight problem and not due to failing a cultural standard that is difficult for most people to reach.</p><p>If you truly weigh more than is healthy, then figure out the reason for being depressed about losing weight.</p><p>Were you criticized by your parents when young, for all sorts of things, especially appearance?</p><p>Do you associate too much weight with self-criticism, sense of failure?</p><p>Your question here is very brief so I'm only guessing the possible areas, based on typical ideas people often have about themselves and weight.</p><p>Basically, if you view weight loss as a method of self-care, go slow and steady with it, you'll find your way!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm depressed because I want to lose weight. <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Our culture sets a very high standard on being within range of what is considered "normal" weight, that probably more people than you imagine, have faced a similar feeling of not living up to standards of how much to weigh.</p><p>Are you actually too heavy for your height and bone structure?</p><p>First be sure you're depressed about an actual weight problem and not due to failing a cultural standard that is difficult for most people to reach.</p><p>If you truly weigh more than is healthy, then figure out the reason for being depressed about losing weight.</p><p>Were you criticized by your parents when young, for all sorts of things, especially appearance?</p><p>Do you associate too much weight with self-criticism, sense of failure?</p><p>Your question here is very brief so I'm only guessing the possible areas, based on typical ideas people often have about themselves and weight.</p><p>Basically, if you view weight loss as a method of self-care, go slow and steady with it, you'll find your way!</p> </s>

58c61c7698741803743bf6c8

How does counseling end?

How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end

Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals

Anna McElearney

https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney

For a therapist, deciding to end counseling sessions or terminate working with a client is a thoughtful and intentional decision. One that is not entered into lightly.&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>While there are many considerations counselors take into account, to help answer this question, I'll offer an example of two areas that counselor's take into consideration when ending counseling sessions:<ul><li>Does the client need different or more specialized care than the current counselor can provide? This requires the counselor to determine whether referring the client to another therapist or health care provider is needed.</li><li>And, has the therapeutic relationship reached treatment goal(s)?&nbsp;</li></ul><p>While this question is specific to the counselor, I'd like to also add that <span style="font-weight: bold;">a client, at any time, can end counseling.</span></p></div>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling end? <</SYS>> How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? [/INST] For a therapist, deciding to end counseling sessions or terminate working with a client is a thoughtful and intentional decision. One that is not entered into lightly.&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>While there are many considerations counselors take into account, to help answer this question, I'll offer an example of two areas that counselor's take into consideration when ending counseling sessions:<ul><li>Does the client need different or more specialized care than the current counselor can provide? This requires the counselor to determine whether referring the client to another therapist or health care provider is needed.</li><li>And, has the therapeutic relationship reached treatment goal(s)?&nbsp;</li></ul><p>While this question is specific to the counselor, I'd like to also add that <span style="font-weight: bold;">a client, at any time, can end counseling.</span></p></div> </s>

55d24f22be3e5a49443d1961

My parents aren't letting my boyfriend and I talk or see each other while I'm pregnant

I’m a senior high school student. I’m also five months pregnant. I got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years. My parents don’t want us to communicate with each other. He can’t even come to visit my gynecologist. My mom goes to attend all of my doctor’s appointments. She’s supportive of me. I wish, though, that my boyfriend was next to me and be able to see his daughter on a sonogram, at the very least. My family does not understand that he deserves that much. I cry all the time because I feel lost and hopeless. I need guidance and I believe that you can give it to me. Am I wrong for wanting him around? Are they right for keeping him away from the appointments and not letting us communicate with each other even though we are the parents? I do everything that they ask of me. I just want him to be around. When I ask my parents to let him be here, they call me a selfish person. Please help me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-parents-aren-t-letting-my-boyfriend-and-i-talk-or-see-each-other-while-i-m-pregnant

Relationships,Parenting,Family Conflict

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>You're not wrong for wanting to be with your boyfriend of three years who is also the biological father of your child.</p><p>Do your parents object to you and your boyfriend continuing to see each other in person? &nbsp;Or, do they object only to electronic communication and don't want him involved in his child's life?</p><p>&nbsp;Ask your parents what their reason is for forbidding you to communicate with your boyfriend. &nbsp;Ask them also to understand your point of view.</p><p>Now is also a good time for you and your boyfriend to plan whether and where you will live as a family and how to financially and emotionally support one another once your baby is born.</p><p>Your mom and dad are definitely making fatherhood difficult for your boyfriend and motherhood stressful for you.</p><p>Consider bringing up the topic during your next obgyn visit. &nbsp;Your doctor may ask your mom to explain her reasons and address these.</p><p>Look online for women's resources to see if there are clinics or agencies that would help you advocate for your position in this matter.</p><p>Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy, labor and delivery!</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My parents aren't letting my boyfriend and I talk or see each other while I'm pregnant <</SYS>> I’m a senior high school student. I’m also five months pregnant. I got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years. My parents don’t want us to communicate with each other. He can’t even come to visit my gynecologist. My mom goes to attend all of my doctor’s appointments. She’s supportive of me. I wish, though, that my boyfriend was next to me and be able to see his daughter on a sonogram, at the very least. My family does not understand that he deserves that much. I cry all the time because I feel lost and hopeless. I need guidance and I believe that you can give it to me. Am I wrong for wanting him around? Are they right for keeping him away from the appointments and not letting us communicate with each other even though we are the parents? I do everything that they ask of me. I just want him to be around. When I ask my parents to let him be here, they call me a selfish person. Please help me. [/INST] <p>You're not wrong for wanting to be with your boyfriend of three years who is also the biological father of your child.</p><p>Do your parents object to you and your boyfriend continuing to see each other in person? &nbsp;Or, do they object only to electronic communication and don't want him involved in his child's life?</p><p>&nbsp;Ask your parents what their reason is for forbidding you to communicate with your boyfriend. &nbsp;Ask them also to understand your point of view.</p><p>Now is also a good time for you and your boyfriend to plan whether and where you will live as a family and how to financially and emotionally support one another once your baby is born.</p><p>Your mom and dad are definitely making fatherhood difficult for your boyfriend and motherhood stressful for you.</p><p>Consider bringing up the topic during your next obgyn visit. &nbsp;Your doctor may ask your mom to explain her reasons and address these.</p><p>Look online for women's resources to see if there are clinics or agencies that would help you advocate for your position in this matter.</p><p>Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy, labor and delivery!</p><p><br></p> </s>

570af8af5e87cfae7322e9f9

I feel like I failed myself.

My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-failed-myself

Self-esteem,Behavioral Change

Denise Zajac

https://counselchat.com/therapists/denise-zajac

<p>Hello!</p><p>I write to respond to your recent inquiry for possible increase in self-esteem and positive behavioral change regarding motivation for a new job.&nbsp;</p><p>First of all, please try to allow yourself some time for grief of the loss of your dear grandmother. It appears you were close to her in many ways and she had a great influence in your life. The grief process of anger, denial, despair and acceptance may be a part of what is keeping you feeling "stuck" in a cycle of not feeling motivated to find work at this time. &nbsp;Perhaps your mind is constantly fighting this grief? Death can be a "traumatic" experience for some people and is considered a great loss, thus the grief process may continue to be a part of your world for a time but hopefully not keep you "stuck" on a long-term basis. &nbsp;I would try to reach out to a counselor to discuss this grief process at a deeper level to discern whether her death is part of why you feel this way. &nbsp;Grief and loss can also have an effect on your self-esteem. &nbsp;Can you begin to see how this cycle is what you may be experiencing?&nbsp;</p><p>One positive I see is that you are continuing to look for a new job! &nbsp;Take time to give yourself some credit for the &nbsp;time you are spending looking for work. &nbsp;Also, I would recommend you set some short-term goals first for example, make a list of 5-10 potential new employers and send them each your resume. Then followup the next week with an email or phone call to make sure the hiring manager or human resources received your resume and have any questions. &nbsp;It is also a good idea to ask for "informational interviews" in order to get your foot in the door, so to speak.</p><p>I hope that this information is helpful to you! &nbsp;Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.</p><p><br></p><p>Warmly,</p><p>Denise</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel like I failed myself. <</SYS>> My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating. [/INST] <p>Hello!</p><p>I write to respond to your recent inquiry for possible increase in self-esteem and positive behavioral change regarding motivation for a new job.&nbsp;</p><p>First of all, please try to allow yourself some time for grief of the loss of your dear grandmother. It appears you were close to her in many ways and she had a great influence in your life. The grief process of anger, denial, despair and acceptance may be a part of what is keeping you feeling "stuck" in a cycle of not feeling motivated to find work at this time. &nbsp;Perhaps your mind is constantly fighting this grief? Death can be a "traumatic" experience for some people and is considered a great loss, thus the grief process may continue to be a part of your world for a time but hopefully not keep you "stuck" on a long-term basis. &nbsp;I would try to reach out to a counselor to discuss this grief process at a deeper level to discern whether her death is part of why you feel this way. &nbsp;Grief and loss can also have an effect on your self-esteem. &nbsp;Can you begin to see how this cycle is what you may be experiencing?&nbsp;</p><p>One positive I see is that you are continuing to look for a new job! &nbsp;Take time to give yourself some credit for the &nbsp;time you are spending looking for work. &nbsp;Also, I would recommend you set some short-term goals first for example, make a list of 5-10 potential new employers and send them each your resume. Then followup the next week with an email or phone call to make sure the hiring manager or human resources received your resume and have any questions. &nbsp;It is also a good idea to ask for "informational interviews" in order to get your foot in the door, so to speak.</p><p>I hope that this information is helpful to you! &nbsp;Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.</p><p><br></p><p>Warmly,</p><p>Denise</p> </s>

5768b834008fce8e73e1ebcd

How do I deal with my alcoholic boyfriend with a dark past?

We're in an eight year relationship. My boyfriend drinks a lot. He experienced childhood trauma. I don't know how to deal with violent outbursts.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-alcoholic-boyfriend-with-a-dark-past

Anger Management,Relationships,Substance Abuse,Addiction

Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc

<p>First, let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us.&nbsp;</p><p>Your question is brief, so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people with your boyfriend's experiences, the short, healthy answer is that you can't fix the situation and maybe not even be able to help. He needs a professional. Period.&nbsp;</p><p>What you <span style="font-style: italic;">can</span>&nbsp;do, is take care of yourself. With his background, it is not likely that he will be able to help you or take care of you in a healthy way. Your task needs to prioritize your own safety and well-being. Trauma and substance abuse are the definition of being out of control, unable to set and manage appropriate boundaries, manage his own emotions and behaviors. So your boyfriend is unlikely to be able to change in the near-term, certainly not without professional help. You might also benefit from help and support, to understand your own role in your relationship and how you can make changes in your life. I am NOT blaming you for any aspect of your boyfriend's behavior, only acknowledging that there are two people in every relationship. If you have accepted your boyfriend's drinking and violent outbursts in the past (by staying in the relationship), that is likely to perpetuate his behavior. And there isn't any way to "handle violent outbursts." They shouldn't be handled at all, and if you have to be away from your boyfriend during his outbursts in order to be emotionally and physically safe, then that may be what you will have to do.&nbsp;</p><p>We can never really change anyone else. The only person we can change is ourselves. Sometimes our behavior changes the <span style="font-style: italic;">odds</span> of another person's behaviors, but it doesn't control it. I would recommend that you work with a professional to first, <span style="font-weight: bold;">ensure your own safety above all</span>. Then make decisions about what behavior you are willing to accept or be connected to, and which you want to separate from. Whatever your boyfriend does in his life, you will be happier if you manage your own feelings, set boundaries, etc. Let me say again that you also would benefit from some good insight and support as you continue your journey.&nbsp;</p><p>Wishing you and your boyfriend healing and recovery.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with my alcoholic boyfriend with a dark past? <</SYS>> We're in an eight year relationship. My boyfriend drinks a lot. He experienced childhood trauma. I don't know how to deal with violent outbursts. [/INST] <p>First, let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us.&nbsp;</p><p>Your question is brief, so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people with your boyfriend's experiences, the short, healthy answer is that you can't fix the situation and maybe not even be able to help. He needs a professional. Period.&nbsp;</p><p>What you <span style="font-style: italic;">can</span>&nbsp;do, is take care of yourself. With his background, it is not likely that he will be able to help you or take care of you in a healthy way. Your task needs to prioritize your own safety and well-being. Trauma and substance abuse are the definition of being out of control, unable to set and manage appropriate boundaries, manage his own emotions and behaviors. So your boyfriend is unlikely to be able to change in the near-term, certainly not without professional help. You might also benefit from help and support, to understand your own role in your relationship and how you can make changes in your life. I am NOT blaming you for any aspect of your boyfriend's behavior, only acknowledging that there are two people in every relationship. If you have accepted your boyfriend's drinking and violent outbursts in the past (by staying in the relationship), that is likely to perpetuate his behavior. And there isn't any way to "handle violent outbursts." They shouldn't be handled at all, and if you have to be away from your boyfriend during his outbursts in order to be emotionally and physically safe, then that may be what you will have to do.&nbsp;</p><p>We can never really change anyone else. The only person we can change is ourselves. Sometimes our behavior changes the <span style="font-style: italic;">odds</span> of another person's behaviors, but it doesn't control it. I would recommend that you work with a professional to first, <span style="font-weight: bold;">ensure your own safety above all</span>. Then make decisions about what behavior you are willing to accept or be connected to, and which you want to separate from. Whatever your boyfriend does in his life, you will be happier if you manage your own feelings, set boundaries, etc. Let me say again that you also would benefit from some good insight and support as you continue your journey.&nbsp;</p><p>Wishing you and your boyfriend healing and recovery.&nbsp;</p> </s>

57a1ab67188cd61c1684e866

How do I stop sneaking away from home at night?

I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-sneaking-away-from-home-at-night

Children & Adolescents,Behavioral Change

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Where do you go and what is your reason to go wherever this is?</p><p>Try to understand these reasons because the answers may give you good guidance as to other ways to get what &nbsp; it is your trying to reach by sneaking from your home at night.</p><p>If for example, you're sneaking out because your parents are arguing and you feel hurt by this and want to escape hearing their arguments, then you can come up with other ways to hear less of their arguments.</p><p>If you sneak out bc your parents restrict your friends or time to socialize with your friends, and your friends are doing legal and safe behaviors, then maybe you could do some socializing online w them.</p><p>Also, I wonder the reason why either of your parents isn't aware that you leave the house. &nbsp;Do you feel your parent would offer and would you ask your parent to give their suggestions so you feel more motivated to stay home?</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I stop sneaking away from home at night? <</SYS>> I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop? [/INST] <p>Where do you go and what is your reason to go wherever this is?</p><p>Try to understand these reasons because the answers may give you good guidance as to other ways to get what &nbsp; it is your trying to reach by sneaking from your home at night.</p><p>If for example, you're sneaking out because your parents are arguing and you feel hurt by this and want to escape hearing their arguments, then you can come up with other ways to hear less of their arguments.</p><p>If you sneak out bc your parents restrict your friends or time to socialize with your friends, and your friends are doing legal and safe behaviors, then maybe you could do some socializing online w them.</p><p>Also, I wonder the reason why either of your parents isn't aware that you leave the house. &nbsp;Do you feel your parent would offer and would you ask your parent to give their suggestions so you feel more motivated to stay home?</p> </s>

574f7aacc792dd6c7063e578

How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself?

I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-overcome-an-embarrassing-mistake-and-forgive-yourself

Self-esteem

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Everybody does something or a few things in their life which looking back, the person wishes they hadn't.</p><p>The key to feeling better is to realize that as long as you learn something for the future from your mistake, then you will be doing all that any human being is capable of doing.</p><p>Your mistake sounds genuine, not that you were deliberately trying to create a stir or harm yourself or anyone.</p><p>Now that this student in your class pointed out your mistake, you will learn to notice the appearance of your swimwear.</p><p>Put in context that feeling foolish for doing something embarrassing means that overall, you generally do most activity in your life, in non-foolish ways.</p><p>The incident would only bother someone who generally is responsible. &nbsp;The mistake is a contrast with what is usual behavior for you.</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy swimsuit shopping and find a beautiful bargain!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself? <</SYS>> I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. [/INST] <p>Everybody does something or a few things in their life which looking back, the person wishes they hadn't.</p><p>The key to feeling better is to realize that as long as you learn something for the future from your mistake, then you will be doing all that any human being is capable of doing.</p><p>Your mistake sounds genuine, not that you were deliberately trying to create a stir or harm yourself or anyone.</p><p>Now that this student in your class pointed out your mistake, you will learn to notice the appearance of your swimwear.</p><p>Put in context that feeling foolish for doing something embarrassing means that overall, you generally do most activity in your life, in non-foolish ways.</p><p>The incident would only bother someone who generally is responsible. &nbsp;The mistake is a contrast with what is usual behavior for you.</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy swimsuit shopping and find a beautiful bargain!</p> </s>

55d3d0183d30679529aa1619

I'm in love with a sex offender, but my family doesn't accept him

I started dating a guy I met online. He told me that he registered sex offender but he didn't do anything. He took a plea to always register as sex offender and he did two years. That was more than two decades ago. Nothing on his record since. I always believe the past should be left in past. But my roommates, their family and my son are unforgiving. Should I forgive this man that I'm falling in love with or should I dump him? If I stay with him I will never see my family and granddaughter again.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-in-love-with-a-sex-offender-but-my-family-doesn-t-accept-him

Family Conflict,Relationships

Britta Neinast

https://counselchat.com/therapists/britta-neinast-valparaiso

<p>Thank you for your question. Trust is a huge thing in relationships and when that is broken, or perceived as being broken, it takes a long time to repair. From what you shared, it sounds like your boyfriend took steps to correct the situation and has shown to be trustworthy since. Unfortunately, no matter how much we apologize for something we did or for something others perceive we did, there will always be those with hardened hearts and will not forgive. If you feel confident in your relationship, then trust your inner wisdom. We cannot control others but only ourselves. Respect your families wishes to remain in unforgiveness while at the same time, ask them to respect your wish to believe in him and be in this relationship. Good luck to you.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm in love with a sex offender, but my family doesn't accept him <</SYS>> I started dating a guy I met online. He told me that he registered sex offender but he didn't do anything. He took a plea to always register as sex offender and he did two years. That was more than two decades ago. Nothing on his record since. I always believe the past should be left in past. But my roommates, their family and my son are unforgiving. Should I forgive this man that I'm falling in love with or should I dump him? If I stay with him I will never see my family and granddaughter again. [/INST] <p>Thank you for your question. Trust is a huge thing in relationships and when that is broken, or perceived as being broken, it takes a long time to repair. From what you shared, it sounds like your boyfriend took steps to correct the situation and has shown to be trustworthy since. Unfortunately, no matter how much we apologize for something we did or for something others perceive we did, there will always be those with hardened hearts and will not forgive. If you feel confident in your relationship, then trust your inner wisdom. We cannot control others but only ourselves. Respect your families wishes to remain in unforgiveness while at the same time, ask them to respect your wish to believe in him and be in this relationship. Good luck to you.</p> </s>

56d64fd31f8f233e09696a6c

How can I deal with my paranoia?

I'm a little paranoid. My mind does get the best of me. One night, I put chairs under all of my door knobs because I thought someone might break in. I also think a lot, which is probably the reason for the paranoia. I can't stand loud noises, like the sound of cars going by. The grocery store is too noisy, and I feel like people are looking at me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-paranoia

Anxiety

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Paranoid people don't realize they are paranoid. &nbsp;They believe their actions to be reasonable responses to potential threats.</p><p>From what you write, you are aware that your actions may be understood as extreme.</p><p>Instead of trying to fit your behavior into a negative psychological category, try seeing each of the behaviors you list here, as your own uniqueness.</p><p>This way you will become more tolerant of what very well be your natural tendencies.</p><p>If you are someone who needs a lot of time in quiet, then not liking loud noises doesn't make you paranoid, it is simply the way of who you are.</p><p>One possible way of feeling better is if you would accept the answers you've developed so far for yourself. &nbsp;They may be a little unusual compared to what we consider mainstream. &nbsp;</p><p>From what you describe, you already are dealing with what you call "paranoia".</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I deal with my paranoia? <</SYS>> I'm a little paranoid. My mind does get the best of me. One night, I put chairs under all of my door knobs because I thought someone might break in. I also think a lot, which is probably the reason for the paranoia. I can't stand loud noises, like the sound of cars going by. The grocery store is too noisy, and I feel like people are looking at me. [/INST] <p>Paranoid people don't realize they are paranoid. &nbsp;They believe their actions to be reasonable responses to potential threats.</p><p>From what you write, you are aware that your actions may be understood as extreme.</p><p>Instead of trying to fit your behavior into a negative psychological category, try seeing each of the behaviors you list here, as your own uniqueness.</p><p>This way you will become more tolerant of what very well be your natural tendencies.</p><p>If you are someone who needs a lot of time in quiet, then not liking loud noises doesn't make you paranoid, it is simply the way of who you are.</p><p>One possible way of feeling better is if you would accept the answers you've developed so far for yourself. &nbsp;They may be a little unusual compared to what we consider mainstream. &nbsp;</p><p>From what you describe, you already are dealing with what you call "paranoia".</p> </s>

576611f620c0173024ce0bc4

I have had a compulsive swallowing tic for the past 9 months—how can I get rid of it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-had-a-compulsive-swallowing-tic-for-the-past-9-months-how-can-i-get-rid-of-it

Behavioral Change

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>I don't have experience with this type of tic, but I can still give you a few general thoughts.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I would first suggest meeting with your primary care physician. They would probably be able to refer you to a specialist to see whether there is a physical cause. Sometimes there is some sort of chemical imbalance and extra communication in nerves and muscles that can be treated with medication.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm not sure about your use of the word compulsive and what exactly you meant by it, but it led me to wonder whether you feel better after you swallow and how often it happens.</span><br></p><p>It would also be helpful to see if you can recall any events or changes leading up to the time when this started for you as well as anything that makes it better or worse.</p><p>I don't know whether you are saying that it ties to anxiety or whether it is just something that happens and feels like it is out of your control.</p><p>Here is some basic information about certain types of tic disorders and under the resources section at the top, there is a link to a list of specialists:&nbsp;http://www.movementdisorders.org/MDS/About/Movement-Disorder-Overviews/Tics--Tourette-Syndrome.htm</p><p>Also, having awareness of trying not to do something can make it more difficult not to do it. For example, if I ask you not to think of pink elephants from the next five minutes, that will probably be something you think about a lot in that time frame. Working with a physician (and possibly a therapist, depending on their recommendations) about this may be helpful to you.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have had a compulsive swallowing tic for the past 9 months—how can I get rid of it? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I don't have experience with this type of tic, but I can still give you a few general thoughts.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I would first suggest meeting with your primary care physician. They would probably be able to refer you to a specialist to see whether there is a physical cause. Sometimes there is some sort of chemical imbalance and extra communication in nerves and muscles that can be treated with medication.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm not sure about your use of the word compulsive and what exactly you meant by it, but it led me to wonder whether you feel better after you swallow and how often it happens.</span><br></p><p>It would also be helpful to see if you can recall any events or changes leading up to the time when this started for you as well as anything that makes it better or worse.</p><p>I don't know whether you are saying that it ties to anxiety or whether it is just something that happens and feels like it is out of your control.</p><p>Here is some basic information about certain types of tic disorders and under the resources section at the top, there is a link to a list of specialists:&nbsp;http://www.movementdisorders.org/MDS/About/Movement-Disorder-Overviews/Tics--Tourette-Syndrome.htm</p><p>Also, having awareness of trying not to do something can make it more difficult not to do it. For example, if I ask you not to think of pink elephants from the next five minutes, that will probably be something you think about a lot in that time frame. Working with a physician (and possibly a therapist, depending on their recommendations) about this may be helpful to you.</p> </s>

561c8201e88a65597bb56a50

I'm overwhelmed and depressed

I'm unemployed just relocated. I can't get approved for a place to live because of past mistakes which follow me to this day. I'm depressed and on the verge of loosing my partner because I'm overwhelmed and have trouble functioning on a daily basis. I see no light at the end of this tunnel and need some help. I see no point in this chaos infested joke some call life.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-overwhelmed-and-depressed

Depression

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

<p>It sounds like you are feeling like things are hopeless and out of control and you're not sure what to do about it. If you can find a competent therapist to work with, together you may be able to come up with some strategies for alleviating the overwhelming distress that you are experiencing and gain some insight into what may be contributing to these challenges. Additionally, a therapist may be able to support you in getting back on your feet in regards to work, a place to live, and showing up with your partner in a way that will be more satisfying to you.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm overwhelmed and depressed <</SYS>> I'm unemployed just relocated. I can't get approved for a place to live because of past mistakes which follow me to this day. I'm depressed and on the verge of loosing my partner because I'm overwhelmed and have trouble functioning on a daily basis. I see no light at the end of this tunnel and need some help. I see no point in this chaos infested joke some call life. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are feeling like things are hopeless and out of control and you're not sure what to do about it. If you can find a competent therapist to work with, together you may be able to come up with some strategies for alleviating the overwhelming distress that you are experiencing and gain some insight into what may be contributing to these challenges. Additionally, a therapist may be able to support you in getting back on your feet in regards to work, a place to live, and showing up with your partner in a way that will be more satisfying to you.<br></p> </s>

56a91be490043ec136db8bb5

How can I get over the past in my relationship?

My boyfriend of five months expresses how much he cares for me and loves me, and I believe it. It has been one of the best relationships I have been in for a short period of time, but he has lied to me so much. He’ll tell me that he'll stop lying, and while he’s saying that, he's hiding something or lying about something. First, it was about a girl. He hid text messages and claimed she was a friend and it was a friendly conversation when it was a girl he once found interest in. Next was his ex-girlfriend. He put a fake contact name, and it was just friendly, but he lied to my face. All the time, he claims he never cheated and still expresses his love the same way and that he wants to change and do better.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-the-past-in-my-relationship

Relationships,Intimacy

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>New York, New York...it's not your boyfriend's lying that concerns me the most; it's the lies you tell yourself. Verbal expressions are easy, but it's walking the walk that's more important in the end. When someone shows you what they're capable of, you can believe them. He's capable of being manipulative and deceitful, and he even lies as he's telling you he'll stop lying.&nbsp;</p><p>What you're doing is called denial; when you see evidence of something but you choose not to believe the evidence. He might love you with his heart, but love, in the end, is a verb and is based on respectful, loving behaviours.&nbsp;</p><p>My wish is that you start by believing in what you deserve.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get over the past in my relationship? <</SYS>> My boyfriend of five months expresses how much he cares for me and loves me, and I believe it. It has been one of the best relationships I have been in for a short period of time, but he has lied to me so much. He’ll tell me that he'll stop lying, and while he’s saying that, he's hiding something or lying about something. First, it was about a girl. He hid text messages and claimed she was a friend and it was a friendly conversation when it was a girl he once found interest in. Next was his ex-girlfriend. He put a fake contact name, and it was just friendly, but he lied to my face. All the time, he claims he never cheated and still expresses his love the same way and that he wants to change and do better. [/INST] <p>New York, New York...it's not your boyfriend's lying that concerns me the most; it's the lies you tell yourself. Verbal expressions are easy, but it's walking the walk that's more important in the end. When someone shows you what they're capable of, you can believe them. He's capable of being manipulative and deceitful, and he even lies as he's telling you he'll stop lying.&nbsp;</p><p>What you're doing is called denial; when you see evidence of something but you choose not to believe the evidence. He might love you with his heart, but love, in the end, is a verb and is based on respectful, loving behaviours.&nbsp;</p><p>My wish is that you start by believing in what you deserve.&nbsp;</p> </s>

582a2c2a950e2507cf23dc1e

Why do I always get ignored by people?

Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-get-ignored-by-people

Social Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>I understand the feeling of not being liked due to not having any responses on the sites you list.</p><p>More than likely the non-response has less to do with liking you than w liking the way you write your messages.</p><p>Have you tried asking a question in your posts? &nbsp;</p><p>This would be one way to invite people to answer your post.</p><p>When you write, &nbsp;imagine yourself as the reader of the post.</p><p>If you think about the wording of a question which would motivate you to respond, then this formula will very likely be the same for many others who read your post.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I always get ignored by people? <</SYS>> Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? [/INST] <p>I understand the feeling of not being liked due to not having any responses on the sites you list.</p><p>More than likely the non-response has less to do with liking you than w liking the way you write your messages.</p><p>Have you tried asking a question in your posts? &nbsp;</p><p>This would be one way to invite people to answer your post.</p><p>When you write, &nbsp;imagine yourself as the reader of the post.</p><p>If you think about the wording of a question which would motivate you to respond, then this formula will very likely be the same for many others who read your post.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck!</p> </s>

564b83855e8030c4305b3123

How do I get my sex drive back after my rape?

I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-sex-drive-back-after-my-rape

Self-esteem,Marriage,Trauma,Intimacy

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hello Utah, thank you for writing with your question. Sexual assault or sexual abuse is a very traumatic event that affects victims in many ways. Your difficulty in feeling sexually engaged and your description of the shame and self-loathing you feel are normal responses to the rapes you experienced. A good therapist can help you to process your traumas and understand that you did nothing wrong to cause the rapes; the shame is not yours. It takes a very patient and loving partner, but you can make progress towards a healthier sexual relationship with your wife. These are issues that I cannot address more fully here other than to recommend that you seek the assistance of a qualified professional.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my sex drive back after my rape? <</SYS>> I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife. [/INST] <p>Hello Utah, thank you for writing with your question. Sexual assault or sexual abuse is a very traumatic event that affects victims in many ways. Your difficulty in feeling sexually engaged and your description of the shame and self-loathing you feel are normal responses to the rapes you experienced. A good therapist can help you to process your traumas and understand that you did nothing wrong to cause the rapes; the shame is not yours. It takes a very patient and loving partner, but you can make progress towards a healthier sexual relationship with your wife. These are issues that I cannot address more fully here other than to recommend that you seek the assistance of a qualified professional.&nbsp;</p> </s>

5749d91ec792dd6c7063e4e0

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

Parenting

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>It's hard to tell from the information that you were able to provide here, but talk with her elementary school a guidance counselor. Someone working with the school (usually a school psychologist) should be able to evaluate her to see if she needs extra help and to tell you more clearly what may be happening.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Does my daughter have a mental disability? <</SYS>> My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. [/INST] <p>It's hard to tell from the information that you were able to provide here, but talk with her elementary school a guidance counselor. Someone working with the school (usually a school psychologist) should be able to evaluate her to see if she needs extra help and to tell you more clearly what may be happening.</p> </s>

56f34411466e9f5456bb48d5

What do I do when I have anxiety attacks?

I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-when-i-have-anxiety-attacks

Anxiety

Wendy Bangerter

https://counselchat.com/therapists/wendy-bangerter

<p>Anxiety is simply your system communicating to you that you are in danger. The issue that I see in most of my clients is that they try to reason with this anxiety. You do not reason with sensory states in the body. If your system tells your in danger (your stomache feels like it is knots, your heart is beating out of your chest,) validate by just being present with it. Take your breath to it. Breath in and out of that space. Say ok, I am in danger. I always tell my clients, "a crying baby wants to be held, not told to shut up." Listen to your system, validate it like you do a child and see what happens.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What do I do when I have anxiety attacks? <</SYS>> I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. [/INST] <p>Anxiety is simply your system communicating to you that you are in danger. The issue that I see in most of my clients is that they try to reason with this anxiety. You do not reason with sensory states in the body. If your system tells your in danger (your stomache feels like it is knots, your heart is beating out of your chest,) validate by just being present with it. Take your breath to it. Breath in and out of that space. Say ok, I am in danger. I always tell my clients, "a crying baby wants to be held, not told to shut up." Listen to your system, validate it like you do a child and see what happens.&nbsp;</p> </s>

56bd08b04e568f192e1bfb84

How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time?

I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-learn-to-let-go-of-past-problems-and-live-one-day-at-a-time

Social Relationships

Sonya Wilson

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

<p>Take one day at a time!!!&nbsp; Each day do things that make you happy, moves to a positive place, focusing on the future, give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.&nbsp; Journal at the end of the day of how well you did that day in focusing on these things.&nbsp; Each day should be a step better than the previous day.&nbsp; You will have days that you didn't do as well....that is human and OK.&nbsp; Just get back on track the next day....</p><p>At the end of the week, review how well you did and give your self a grade.&nbsp; If did well, you deserve ice cream, etc.&nbsp; If not so good, OK....tell yourself next week "got to focus one day at a time".&nbsp; You can do it....it takes practice but will get better each day,&nbsp; I wish you happy days and happy future...<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time? <</SYS>> I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. [/INST] <p>Take one day at a time!!!&nbsp; Each day do things that make you happy, moves to a positive place, focusing on the future, give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.&nbsp; Journal at the end of the day of how well you did that day in focusing on these things.&nbsp; Each day should be a step better than the previous day.&nbsp; You will have days that you didn't do as well....that is human and OK.&nbsp; Just get back on track the next day....</p><p>At the end of the week, review how well you did and give your self a grade.&nbsp; If did well, you deserve ice cream, etc.&nbsp; If not so good, OK....tell yourself next week "got to focus one day at a time".&nbsp; You can do it....it takes practice but will get better each day,&nbsp; I wish you happy days and happy future...<br></p> </s>

56d7495bffed53b4492cff05

My boyfriend says he doesn't like to do things with me because we fight too much.

He owns his own business. Sometimes, he stays out all night but doesn't tell me. We have a son together, and I get to stay home with him. He says I complain too much about what he's doing. We've been together a year and a half. I got pregnant after being together for a month. We moved in together when I had my son in July. Everything was great, and then he started the staying out. He then started not spending time with either of us. I just don't know if I'm doing something wrong. We've talked and he says this is just how he is, but he wasn't like this before.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-says-he-doesn-t-like-to-do-things-with-me-because-we-fight-too-much

Relationships,Intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Congrats on the birth of your son!</p><p>Your situation sounds painful, lonely, and isolating.</p><p>And, these features are eating away at your self-confidence.</p><p>Start by believing in yourself. &nbsp;</p><p>The feelings and ideas you describe here would only be arising from within you because they are at the very least, partly true.</p><p>Ask your boyfriend if he is willing to listen and understand your point of view. &nbsp;If he does, then hopefully the two of you will more easily talk with one another about the truth of feeling overwhelmed by the quick pace of your courtship and becoming a family.</p><p>If these discussions continuously include him blaming you for having your own feelings and expecting him to more actively be a part of your and your son's life, then you'll need to start valuing your feelings and what is best for you and your son, by yourself.</p><p>I send you lots of good luck!</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend says he doesn't like to do things with me because we fight too much. <</SYS>> He owns his own business. Sometimes, he stays out all night but doesn't tell me. We have a son together, and I get to stay home with him. He says I complain too much about what he's doing. We've been together a year and a half. I got pregnant after being together for a month. We moved in together when I had my son in July. Everything was great, and then he started the staying out. He then started not spending time with either of us. I just don't know if I'm doing something wrong. We've talked and he says this is just how he is, but he wasn't like this before. [/INST] <p>Congrats on the birth of your son!</p><p>Your situation sounds painful, lonely, and isolating.</p><p>And, these features are eating away at your self-confidence.</p><p>Start by believing in yourself. &nbsp;</p><p>The feelings and ideas you describe here would only be arising from within you because they are at the very least, partly true.</p><p>Ask your boyfriend if he is willing to listen and understand your point of view. &nbsp;If he does, then hopefully the two of you will more easily talk with one another about the truth of feeling overwhelmed by the quick pace of your courtship and becoming a family.</p><p>If these discussions continuously include him blaming you for having your own feelings and expecting him to more actively be a part of your and your son's life, then you'll need to start valuing your feelings and what is best for you and your son, by yourself.</p><p>I send you lots of good luck!</p><p><br></p> </s>