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Peanut Jar Mixers Development 7

Quark: Welcome, welcome, welcome. Dax: It's a little quiet in here. Quark: Oh, you just beat the rush. Let me get your order before, er, before I get swamped. Dax: I'll have a Til'amin froth. Kira: And I'll have a Worf: What was that? Quark: What was what? Oh, that? It's just my nephew and Chief O'Brien repairing some conduit. You'll get used to it. Worf: The Klingon restaurant? Dax: It would be quieter. Quark: When are you two going to be done in there? Nog: When the conduit is repaired and brought back up to safety specs. Quark: Well, hurry up, before I lose all my customers. Nog: I need to get something. Quark: What? Nog: Two root beers? O'Brien: Hyper spanner. O'Brien: Optronic coupler. O'Brien: How did you know I was going to ask for a phase decompiler? Nog: I was paying attention, sir. O'Brien: That you were, Cadet. Nog: My father says that I can learn a lot from you. He says you can fix anything. O'Brien: I'm an Engineer. That's what we do. There. Good as new. Nog: Amazing. O'Brien: Damn! O'Brien: We repaired the leak right away. The problem is worse than I thought. The entire plasma distribution manifold is shot. Sisko: Can you replicate a new one? O'Brien: No. Cardassian manifolds use a beta-matrix compositor which can't be replicated. Odo: I suppose we could contact Gul Dukat and ask if he has any spare manifold systems lying around. Sisko: I'm sure he'd jump at the chance to help us. Any other ideas? O'Brien: We could send a salvage team to the abandoned Cardassian station in the Trivas System. Sisko: Empok Nor? O'Brien: It's the same design as this station. The Cardassians pulled out about a year ago, but there's a good chance that the plasma manifold system is still operational. Sisko: What about Dominion activity in the area? O'Brien: There hasn't been any for several months. Strategically, they seem to have lost interest in that sector. Odo: But there is one problem. It's standard Cardassian procedure to booby-trap a facility before abandoning it, and a lot of the surprises they leave behind are specifically keyed to attack non-Cardassians. Sisko: Sounds like you should take a Cardassian along. O'Brien: So what did Captain Sisko do to persuade you to come along? Garak: How do you know I didn't volunteer? O'Brien: He threatened you, didn't he? Garak: Nothing so coarse. The Captain bribed me. He offered to help me procure a larger space for my workshop. The latest dressmaking equipment is surprisingly bulky. O'Brien: Well, whatever he did, I'm glad you're here. What's the matter? Garak: It's just that lately I've noticed that everyone seems to trust me. It's quite unnerving. I'm still trying to get used to it. Next thing I know, people are going to be inviting me to their homes for dinner. O'Brien: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I promise I will never have you over. Garak: I appreciate that, Chief. O'Brien: Don't mention it. Anything to return the favor. Disarming Cardassian booby traps is my least favorite kind of engineering. Garak: I can certainly understand that, but don't worry. I have some experience in that area. Boq'Ta: Booby-traps? I can't believe I let you talk me into volunteering for this. Pechetti: Well, it beats working on the waste extraction system. Besides, how often does an engineer get to wear a phaser? Stolzoff: Hate to disappoint you, Pechetti. But the only thing you'll be using that for is shooting voles. Empok Nor's been abandoned so long, they're going to be hungry. Amaro: Don't worry, you play with your wrenches, we'll watch your back. Amaro: Can I help you, Cadet? Nog: I'm reporting for duty, sir. O'Brien: Welcome aboard, Cadet. Nog: Thank you, sir. And may I say it's a privilege to be here, sir. O'Brien: You've earned it. But one more sir and I'll leave you behind. Nog: Very well, s. Chief. O'Brien: Let's get going. Next stop, Empok Nor. Garak: What are you doing? Nog: Regrouping. Garak: But you're losing. Nog: That's why I have to protect my assets. Garak: This is not a financial transaction. Protecting your assets is what got you into trouble in the first place. You have to go on the offensive. You have to attack. Nog: Your move. Garak: This is maddening. Asking a Ferengi to play a Cardassian game is like asking a Klingon to chew with his mouth closed. Kotra is not about regrouping or hoarding assets. It's about bold strategy and decisive action. Chief, would you like to take on the winner? I'd love to play Kotra against the hero of Setlik Three. O'Brien: What is that supposed to mean? Garak: Oh, we all know your distinguished war record. How you led two dozen men against the Barrica encampment and took out an entire regiment of Cardassians. If you play Kotra with half that brazenness, we'd have quite a match. O'Brien: I'm not a soldier anymore. I'm an engineer. Garak: I see. So when you and Doctor Bashir go into the holosuites for hours at a time you're just repairing them? O'Brien: What's your point, Garak? Garak: I'm just curious. Why do you and Doctor Bashir spend hours in the holosuites dressed as fighter pilots, reliving ancient battles? O'Brien: We do it for fun. It's a game. Garak: So is Kotra. And I'd love nothing more than to play against a man like you. O'Brien: Maybe some other time. Pechetti: Chief, here's the wish list you wanted. Three categories. Must Have, which includes the manifolds and the plasma recoilers. Could Use, things like EPS matrix converters and Would be Nice. Bypass displacers, polarity maximizers, that sort of thing. O'Brien: Cardassian emblems and insignias? Pechetti: A low priority, but if we happen to find some. O'Brien: This is a salvage operation, Pechetti, not an opportunity to indulge your collecting obsession. Pechetti: Right. Nog: Approaching Empok Nor, sir. O'Brien: Take us out of warp. Run a full scan. I'll take the helm. Nog: The station's main power supply and life support systems are offline. No lifesigns. O'Brien: I'll take us into transporter range. Garak: Oh, I don't think we can risk beaming aboard. There are probably pattern scramblers rigged to go off if they detect a non-Cardassian transporter signal. O'Brien: That could be messy. We'll have to dock. Landing pads are sealed. We'll have to try an upper pylon. Nog: Won't the airlock have booby-traps? Garak: You can count on it. And someone's going to have to disarm them before we dock. Nog: I volunteer, sir. Garak: The scanner in the airlock might mistake your enthusiasm as Cardassian, but not your DNA. No, I'm afraid I'm the only one who as a chance of getting through. Garak: Ah. Welcome to Empok Nor. O'Brien: Thanks for having us. Garak: Take whatever you need. My house is your house. O'Brien: All right, listen up. We're going to break up into three teams. Nog and Stolzoff, you're with me. We're going to do the Must Haves. Pechetti and Amaro, you'll do Could Use. Boq'ta and Garak, Would Be Nice. O'Brien: Garak has disabled the central security net, but there could be booby-traps anywhere. Don't move into an area until you've scanned it. If you see something that isn't right, don't touch it. Call for help. All right, let's go. Boq'Ta: It's a biogenic compound. Garak: I wonder where it came from. Follow me. Boq'Ta: These look like stasis tubes. Boq'Ta: Cardassian. He's been dead for about a year. Hey, look at this. Garak: Interesting. Boq'Ta: A regimental badge. Garak: Third Battalion, First Order, if I'm not mistaken. Boq'Ta: This is going to make Pechetti's day. Garak: Both these tubes have been activated recently. O'Brien: Coil spanner. Flux-coupler. Nog: Uh-oh. O'Brien: Flux-coupler! Nog: I left it on the runabout. I'll go get it right away, sir. I mean, Chief. Garak: Garak to O'Brien. O'Brien: Go ahead. Garak: Could you come down to the Infirmary? There's something you should see. O'Brien: On my way. Nog: That's not right. O'Brien: A runabout doesn't disengage from its docking clamps and blow up all on its own. Garak: Which leads me to believe that the former occupants of these chambers are up and about. Pechetti: If you're telling me that there are two Cardassian soldiers from the Third Battalion loose on this station, we're in trouble. Death to All. That was their motto. Garak: Three simple words, and they certainly sum up their credo nicely. Nog: Why would the Cardassians abandon the station and leave behind a few soldiers in stasis tubes? Stolzoff: Why do you think? To guard it. The tubes were probably rigged to wake them up as soon as someone came aboard. O'Brien: That's possible, but one thing's for sure. They're out there somewhere, and considering what they did to the runabout, I don't think they're too friendly. Stolzoff: Maybe they're upset because we haven't introduced ourselves. Amaro: We should find them, say hello. This thing's not working. O'Brien: Neither's mine. They must've set up a dampening field. Boq'Ta: We've got to get out of here. Let's call for help. Pechetti: How? The station's subspace transceiver was ripped out when the Cardassians evacuated. Amaro: Well, we could always try sending smoke signals. O'Brien: That's not a bad idea. The deflector grid is still relatively intact. If we could modify the field coils to emit a series of covariant pulses. Pechetti: We could use the station like an old-fashioned telegraph and tap out an SOS. O'Brien: For the pulses to be strong enough to reach Deep Space Nine, we'd have to boost power to the induction grid. Pechetti, you go down to the Habitat ring and bring the microfusion reactor back online. Stolzoff, you go with him. Boq'ta, realign the magnetic flow field in conduit G-four. Amaro will watch your back. Nog and Garak, you're with me. We'll set up the signal generator in cargo bay four. Nog: Aye, Chief. O'Brien: Use your communicators as little as possible. We don't want to give away our positions. Any questions? Let's go. Garak: I'm not convinced Stolzoff was right about our Cardassian friends. Why would anyone voluntarily seal themselves into a stasis tube, perhaps for years, just to guard an abandoned station? Even the Third Battalion isn't that fanatical. Something else is going on. O'Brien: Maybe so, but I don't intend to be here long enough to find out what it is. Garak: That's the trouble with humans. You don't know how to appreciate a good mystery. O'Brien: I love a good mystery, the kind I can read in bed, not the kind that's trying to kill me. Garak: Don't get me wrong, Chief. I want to get off this station as much as you do, but I just know if I don't figure this out it's going to nag at me for days. O'Brien: Right now, let's concentrate on finishing this signal modulator so we can get out of here. You have the whole trip home to sort out the mystery. Nog? I need your help with the phase diskriminator. Nog: On my way, Chief. Pechetti: Do you mind not aiming that at me? Stolzoff: Don't worry, the safety's on. Stolzoff: Tell me you did that. Stolzoff: On three. One, two three. Pechetti: Maybe I did activate the turbolift without realizing it. Stolzoff: I'm going up. Pechetti: Okay. Stolzoff: Pechetti! Stolzoff to O'Brien. A Cardassian O'Brien: Stolzoff? Stolzoff! Boq'Ta: The Cardassians must've surprised them. They're probably using the internal sensors to track us. O'Brien: Take it easy. We're going to get out of here, you can count on that. But we've got to stay focused. It looks like Pechetti was almost done getting the microfusion reactor back online. I'll finish that and then I'll go back down to the cargo bay. How are you doing with the conduits? Boq'Ta: I'm done. O'Brien: Good. You and Amaro get down to auxiliary control and reconfigure the pulse generator. Boq'Ta: We're going to split up? O'Brien: We have to. If we don't send out a signal, we're never going to get off this station. Boq'Ta: But Chief, what if we can't O'Brien: I need you, Boq'ta. You can do this. Amaro: Don't worry. I'll watch your back. Boq'Ta: Stolzoff was supposed to be watching Pechetti's back. Look what happened to them. O'Brien: What if I send Garak with you too? Would that make you feel better? Garak: I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I have other plans. O'Brien: What are you talking about? Garak: I don't intend to stand around waiting to be killed. O'Brien: Meaning what? Garak: Meaning, I'm going after those two Cardassian soldiers and neutralize them. Besides, all this whining is giving me a headache. Amaro: You're going to have more than a headache if you don't do what the Chief wants. O'Brien: Amaro. Garak: You'd like to shoot me, wouldn't you? You're dying to kill a Cardassian. Any Cardassian. O'Brien: Let him go. If he thinks he can neutralize the Cardassians, let him try. He'll be doing us all a favor. Garak: That's the spirit. Why don't you come with me, Chief? Kill a few Cardies. It'd be like old times. Wouldn't you like to avenge their deaths? O'Brien: No. I just want to get everyone home. Garak: You're fighting your instincts, I can see it. But the hero of Setlik Three is still inside there somewhere. O'Brien: If you're going to go, go. Nog, you go with Boq'ta and Amaro. Nog: Aye, sir. Boq'Ta: It's all right, Chief. He can stay with you. For some reason, knowing Garak's going after those Cardassians makes me feel better. Garak: Access denied. Access denied. Don't you know how to say anything else? Apparently not. Garak: Access denied. Garak: Access denied. Access denied. Access denied. How monotonous. Garak: Looking for me? Garak: That felt good. Nog: Chief, why does Garak keep bringing up Setlik Three? O'Brien: Because he wants to get under my skin. Nog: But you were a hero, weren't you? O'Brien: That doesn't mean I like thinking about what happened then. I was a soldier, Nog. Sometimes soldiers have to kill. Garak: Come now, Chief, don't be so modest. You did a lot of killing. Nog: How'd you get in here? Both doors are secure. Garak: Secure is such a relative term, wouldn't you agree? I've brought you something, if you don't mind. Garak: I'm sure Pechetti would have appreciated it more, but O'Brien: Where did you get this? Garak: From its former owner. Nog: You killed one of the soldiers? Garak: One down, one to go. By the way, I took a tissue sample from the soldier's body. The analysis was rather fascinating, in a grim sort of way. It seems the unfortunate soul had been given a massive dose of psychotropic drugs. O'Brien: Why? Garak: I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing. It wasn't to make him amicable. The drug's protein structure seems designed to amplify my people's xenophobic tendencies. My guess is that the soldiers that were left here were part of a Cardassian military experiment. The High Command was probably looking for a way to further motivate their troops. O'Brien: So they gave them a drug to make them hate anybody but Cardassians? Nog: Then why did they attack you? Garak: That's a good question. O'Brien: Maybe it's an experiment that went wrong. That's why they were left in stasis. They were uncontrollable. Garak: I'd love to stay and hypothesize all afternoon, but once I've set my mind to a task, I hate to leave it unfinished. What is it, Chief? O'Brien: You look different. Garak: How so? O'Brien: That's not the face of a tailor. Garak: I'm not a tailor. Not for the moment, anyway. Boq'Ta: You know, I once bought a suit from Garak. Turns out the sleeve was a little long. I remember being angry when I brought it in to be fixed. Amaro: Is there a point to this story? Boq'Ta: If I had known he was so dangerous, I never would've complained. You think he'll get the other Cardassian? Amaro: I hope not. I want to get him myself. Boq'Ta: I don't blame you. Amaro: Stolzoff was my friend. We were at the Academy together. Amaro: She was my sparring partner. The first time we faced off I remember thinking I ought to take it easy on her. She ended up taking me down so hard it knocked the wind out of me. That was the last time I ever pulled a punch with her. She had this one two combination, a feint to the right and a chop to the neck, faked me out every time. If that spoonhead gives me the chance, I'll just try it out on him. I think Stolzoff would have liked that. Boq'Ta: I can't get this loose. Give me the coil spanner, would you? Amaro: What does it look like? Boq'Ta: It's got two pointy things on the end. Amaro: He asked me to get a coil spanner for him. I just turned my back for a second. Garak: That's a shame. And the worst part of it is, this isn't a coil spanner. Garak: It's a flux coupler. O'Brien: That should do it. O'Brien to Boq'ta. Boq'ta, come in. Amaro, what's going on up there? Amaro: He's out there. O'Brien: Easy now. Easy. Who's out there? Amaro: Garak. He stabbed me. Nog: Chief, why would Garak do this? O'Brien: Come on. He may still be close by. Nog: It doesn't make any sense. Garak's on our side. O'Brien: Not anymore. The psychotropic drug. He must've been exposed to it. It's the only explanation. I should've seen it earlier. The way he accused Amaro of wanting to kill him. The way he insisted on going after those Cardassians. Nog: He's coming after us, isn't he? O'Brien: Yes. Nog: Maybe we can reason with him. Get him to try to understand that the drug is affecting him. O'Brien: You saw what he did to Amaro and the others. He's not going to listen to us. Nog: Then we have to finish setting up the deflector grid. We've got to get a distress signal out. O'Brien: Garak knows what we've been trying to do. He'll stop us. Nog: Don't we have to try? O'Brien: Forget it! I've already lost four crewmen trying to send out that bloody signal. Garak was right. We should've gone after those Cardassians as soon as they attacked us. You don't wait for the enemy to come to you, you go to him. Come on. We're going after Garak. Nog: You mean, to kill him? O'Brien: If that's what it takes to stop him, yes. Garak: I know you're hiding somewhere. Ah, there you are. Garak: Garak to Chief O'Brien. You'll never guess what I found. A kotra board. The Station Commander left one in his office. Garak: The pieces were scattered all over but I found the last one hiding under his desk. Garak: I can't help thinking what a perfect metaphor this game is for our present situation. Two players, two minds, two strategies. Garak: Each trying to outmaneuver the other, testing the enemy's defenses. Advancing, retreating. O'Brien: We split up. Enter Ops through the main corridor. I'll go through the Captain's office. Wait for my signal. Garak: The only difference is, in the game we're playing Garak: The stakes are life and death, which makes it so much more interesting. Garak: I haven't had this much fun in years. My heart's pounding. Garak: The blood's racing through my veins. I feel so alive. And I'd wager so you do. Garak: It looks like I've captured your last piece, Chief. If you want it back, you're going to have to take it from me. Garak: It's your move, Chief. What are you going to do? Attack? Retreat? Surrender? O'Brien: Listen to me, Garak. It's the drug. It's affecting you. You've got to fight it. Garak: Fight it? But I'm enjoying myself. This is the most exciting game I've played in years. O'Brien: It's not a game! Garak: Oh, but it is. And the best thing about it is that it brings out the player's true nature. O'Brien: Where are you, Garak? Garak: I saw the look in your eyes when I took the Ferengi away from you. You wanted to kill me. Garak: You wanted to strangle me with your bare hands. O'Brien: I just want my crewman back, that's all. Garak: You're a killer. Admit it. Garak: We both are. Behind your Federation mask of decency and benevolence, you're a predator Garak: Just like me. O'Brien: No, I'm nothing like you. Garak: Oh, but you are. You proved that on Setlik Three. How many Cardassians did you kill? Ten? Twenty? Garak: A hundred? O'Brien: I don't remember. Garak: Oh, but you remember how you felt. Garak: The Cardassians were killing your men. You had to stop them. You had to make them pay. Blood for blood. You enjoyed killing them, didn't you. You enjoyed watching the life drain from their eyes. O'Brien: All right, Garak, you want to finish this game? Fine. Let's finish it. O'Brien: You and me. Face to face. Garak: Nothing would give me greater pleasure. We'll meet on the Promenade. O'Brien: No weapons. Garak: No weapons. Garak: You have no idea how hard it is to keep from pulling this trigger. But I need you alive. Garak: They've come to cheer you on, Chief. Your loyal team. Apparently they've forgiven you for getting them all killed. Garak: My supporters may be fewer in number, but they're no less loyal. I thought we agreed no weapons. O'Brien: What's that in your hand? Garak: Well, how did this get here? But we won't be needing these, will we. Put yours down. O'Brien: You first. Garak: Put it down, or say goodbye to the Ferengi. Nog: Don't do it, Chief. Garak: He has nothing to worry about. I'm not going to shoot an unarmed man. What fun would that be? Garak: You wouldn't happen to have another one, would you? Garak: Naughty, naughty. O'Brien: Your turn. Garak: I admit I'm tempted to end this right now, But that would be depriving myself of too much enjoyment. Garak: I'm disappointed, Chief. I expected to see the bloodlust in your eyes but all I see is fear. Garak: Maybe it's true. Maybe you're not a soldier anymore. O'Brien: You're right. I'm an engineer. O'Brien: Are you okay, Nog? Nog: I'm all right, sir. Nog: Is he dead? Did you kill him? O'Brien: No. I didn't. Bashir: He should be all right in a few days. I've neutralized the psychotropic compound that was affecting his nervous system. O'Brien: He looks so peaceful. It's hard to believe he's the same man who attacked us. Bashir: In a way, he's not. The drug brought out the worst parts of him and allowed them to take over. He wasn't in control of his actions. O'Brien: Can I talk to him? Bashir: For a minute. O'Brien: I thought you might want to know that we salvaged the plasma manifold. It's being installled right now. Garak: Mission accomplished. O'Brien: I guess it didn't exactly go the way any of us expected. You know there's going to be an inquest. Garak: Yes, I've been told that. Chief, I was hoping to ask a favor. O'Brien: Don't worry. Once they know the facts Garak: It's not about that. I'd like you to express my deepest regrets to Amaro's wife. I'd talk to her myself, but I'm not sure she'd welcome that. O'Brien: I'll tell her. Garak: I'd appreciate it. O'Brien: Julian tells me the blast broke a couple of your ribs. Garak: Well, it could have been worse. If I'd been any closer to that phaser, it would have killed me. O'Brien: Don't take this the wrong way, but that was the plan. Garak: I understand. O'Brien: I'll see you around.

Bashir: Computer, download file to PADD F seven. Come on. Computer: Download complete. Bashir: Thank you. Nurse. Odo: You're up late. Bashir: Ah, yes, I've got a few things to finish up before I leave in the morning. I'm presenting a paper at a medical conference. Odo: I see. Where is it? Risa, Casperia Prime? Bashir: Casperia. How'd you guess? Odo: Well, Doctors always hold their conferences at sunny resorts. Bashir: Ours is a grim profession. Don't you think we deserve a break from all the illness and death? Odo: Well, don't forget to take plenty of sunscreen. Odo: Oh, let me guess. You dislocated your shoulder. Bashir: Not again. O'Brien: Afraid so. Bashir: You promised me that you wouldn't go kayaking again until your shoulder had a chance to heal. O'Brien: I know, but I can't stay away. It's like the river calls to me. Bashir: Yes, it's saying, stay away. Don't come near me. I'll only hurt you more! O'Brien: Ow! Much better. Bashir: It'll be tender for a few days, so go easy on it. O'Brien: Right. Bashir: If the pain gets any worse, Nurse Bandee'll give you something. O'Brien: Thanks, Julian. Have a good time on Casperia. Bashir: I'm going to a medical conference, not on a vacation. O'Brien: Whatever you say. Bashir: And if the river calls you again, listen to it and stay away. Computer: The time is oh seven hundred hours. Bashir: What? You're joking. Computer, confirm time. Computer: The time is oh seven hundred hours, eleven seconds. Bashir: Something tells me I'm going to need a lot of raktajinos today. Bashir: See you in a few days, old chum. Keep the home fires burning. Sisko: This is the Captain. All senior officers report to Operations immediately. Bashir: What now? Bashir: This better be quick. I've got a shuttle to catch. What's going on? O'Brien: Internal Affairs. Bashir: What are they doing here? O'Brien: They're not saying. Dax: If they'd called ahead, we could have thrown them a party. Kira: Yeah, well, something tells me it's not a social visit. Worf: Where's the captain? Odo: He's in there. Bashir: He doesn't look too happy. Odo: No, he doesn't. Sisko: All right, people. This is Deputy Director Sloan of Internal Affairs. He's here under the authority of the Federation Council. I expect you all to give him your full cooperation. Sloan: Starfleet Intelligence has reason to believe that there's been a security breach aboard Deep Space Nine. It appears that someone has been passing information to the Dominion. Dax: With all due respect, I think there's been some kind of mistake. Sloan: I hope you're right, Commander. I really do. But until we determine the source, we have to follow standard containment procedures and isolate all members of the senior staff. Sisko: As of now, you're all relieved of duty and confined to quarters. Kira: Confined to quarters? Sisko: I don't like it any more than you do. Sloan: You'll be contacted shortly. I'll be conducting interviews with each one of you. For the time being, you are not to discuss this matter amongst yourselves. Any questions? Bashir: How long do you think your investigation's going to take? Sloan: That's difficult to say, Doctor, but don't worry. We've already informed Starfleet Medical that you won't be attending your conference. Bashir: Oh, that's very considerate of you. Sloan: Take them to their quarters. Chandler: Would you come with me, please. Bashir: Hot buttered scones, moba jam, red leaf tea. Bashir: Please. What's the matter with this thing? All right. Bashir: Come in. Chandler: Would you please come with me, Doctor? Bashir: Ah. Yes. Certainly. Bashir: Where are we going? Chandler: To the wardroom. Director Sloan wants to ask you a few questions. Security: Stand clear! Bashir: What's going on? Chandler: Nothing you need to worry about, sir. This way. Chandler: Doctor Bashir, sir. Sloan: Thank you. Sloan: Doctor Bashir. Have a seat, please. I'm sorry you had to miss your medical conference. It couldn't be helped. In a case like this, I have to follow strict procedures. Bashir: Yes, I understand. Sloan: Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. The last time you tried to attend a medical conference you were taken prisoner by the Dominion. Bashir: An experience I wouldn't care to repeat. Sloan: I'm sure you wouldn't. Five weeks in a Dominion prison camp? I can't imagine what that must have been like. Bashir: Not pleasant. Sloan: I read your report. It made me ask myself how I would have held up under those conditions. I guess you never really know until you go through it. Bashir: I'm sure you would have been able to cope. We do what we have to to survive. Sloan: I was just reading over some of your case reports. Fascinating stuff. The work you did with those genetically enhanced patients. Very impressive. Bashir: Thank you. Sloan: Before you started working with them, Starfleet Medical described them as alienated, uncommunicative and hostile. You were the first doctor who managed to establish a dialogue with them. Bashir: Well, actually I think the fact that I'm genetically enhanced myself made them a little more open to accepting me. Sloan: You spoke their language. Bashir: Exactly. Sloan: I envy your profession. You have a positive impact on people's lives. You know, I considered becoming a doctor myself. Bashir: You have a good bedside manner. Actually, when I came in here, I half suspected that I would be interrogated under a very bright light. Sloan: Not this time. Well, I see no need to trouble you any longer. Thank you for your cooperation. Bashir: My pleasure. Sloan: Lieutenant Chandler will take you back to your quarters now. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stay there until I've finished with the rest of the interviews. Bashir: Well in that case, maybe you could send someone to take a look at my replicator. It's not working. Sloan: Actually, we took them offline. To prevent anyone from trying to replicate a communications device or a weapon. Bashir: Oh. Well, I just wanted some breakfast. Sloan: What would you like? I'll have it sent right to your quarters. Bashir: Hot buttered scones, moba jam and some red leaf tea, please. Sloan: Coming right up. Bashir: Thank you. Sloan: Doctor, one more thing. Those genetically enhanced patients of yours. Did Starfleet Medical ask you to work with them, or did you volunteer? Bashir: Oh, I volunteered. Sloan: I see. Very good. Bashir: Come in. Kagan: Here you are, sir. Bashir: Thank God. I'm famished. Cheers. Kagan: Enjoy. Bashir: Ugh. It's a little too early for gag'h. Bashir: I hope your enjoying my scones, Worf. Bashir: Miles. Sloan said we aren't supposed to be talking to each other. O'Brien: I just wanted to make sure you were all right. Bashir: I'm fine. Except I think someone's been snooping around my quarters. O'Brien: Wouldn't surprise me. Has Sloan questioned you yet? Bashir: We just finished. O'Brien: How'd it go? Bashir: It went fine. He just asked me a few routine questions. O'Brien: Believe me, it's not fine. He grilled me for over two hours. Bashir: Two hours? About what? O'Brien: About you. Bashir: You're joking. O'Brien: I only wish I were. Every single question was about you. Look, I'd better go before they trace this transmission. I just wanted to warn you to watch your back. Bashir: Miles, wait. What did he want to know about me? O'Brien: Just be careful. I think they're Bashir: Come in. Chandler: Director Sloan wants to see you. Bashir: Again? Kagan: That's right. Sloan: Did you get your breakfast, Doctor? Bashir: Yes, I did. Sloan: Good. I was going over my notes from our last conversation and there are a couple of things I'd like you to clarify. Bashir: Oh? Sloan: Do you have a problem with that? Bashir: Not at all. Sloan: Let's go back to the time you spent with the Dominion. Bashir: I wasn't with the Dominion. I was their prisoner. Sloan: You were held at Internment Camp three seven one? Bashir: That's right. Sloan: Barrack six? Bashir: Yes. Sloan: And you were there five weeks? Bashir: Thirty seven days, actually. Sloan: You're absolutely sure about that? Bashir: Yes. Sloan: And General Martok was with you in barrack six? Bashir: Correct. Sloan: He said that the Jem'Hadar removed you from the barracks. Bashir: I complained when they cut our rations, so they threw me in solitary. Sloan: I see. And did you meet with anyone during that week? Bashir: I was alone. Sloan: Are you sure about that? Bashir: Wait, let me think. Was I alone in solitary? Yes. I think I was. Sloan: You didn't meet with a Vorta? Bashir: No. Sloan: Or a changeling? Bashir: No. Sloan: So, you're telling me that you spent seven days in complete isolation? Bashir: it wasn't seven days, it was five. Five days. Sloan: Now that's odd, because General Martok said you were gone for seven days. Bashir: He's wrong. It was five. Sloan: Why would he lie about something like that? Bashir: He wasn't lying. Sloan: You can't both be right. Bashir: He must have lost count of the days. He was under a great deal of stress. Sloan: And you weren't? Bashir: Human beings are more adaptable to incarceration than Klingons. Sloan: Especially when they're genetically engineered? Bashir: Meaning what? Sloan: Let's move on to the matter of your escape from the camp. I'll quote from your own report. We constructed a transmitter using components from the barracks' life support system. We used it to contact our runabout and beam ourselves out of the camp. Forgive me, Doctor. That sounds a little hard to believe. Bashir: It's what happened. Sloan: Why would the Dominion leave your runabout orbiting the camp unattended? Bashir: They didn't think we'd be able to contact it. Sloan: Why not? They left you everything you needed to build a transmitter. Isn't it more plausible that the Dominion wanted you to escape? Bashir: Why? Why would they do that? Sloan: So that you could start working for them. Bashir: But I'm not working for them. Sloan: How can you be sure? Bashir: Excuse me? Sloan: How can you be sure you're not working for them? Are you familiar with the term engramatic dissociation? Bashir: Vaguely. Sloan: The theory holds that if a person's mind is sufficiently diskiplined, he'd be capable of compartmentalizing contradictory information, believing one thing while doing another. I think you possess that kind of mind. I think the Dominion saw that and decided to take advantage of it. I think they broke you and turned you to their cause, and then had you suppress the memory of what happened. Bashir: You're saying I'm a Dominion spy and don't even know it? Sloan: What could be more perfect? There's no chance of your getting caught because you don't even realize you're working for them. When they want to debrief you, all they do is trigger your memory. Bashir: That's ridiculous. Sloan: Doctor, I am trying to help you, but I need your cooperation. I need you to tear down the walls inside your mind and dredge up a fragment of a memory, anything about your mission, your contacts. I know it's not easy, but you've got to try. Bashir: There are no memories to dredge up. I'm not suffering from engramatic dissociation. I'm a loyal Starfleet Officer, and will not answer any more questions unless I'm formally charged and can respond with the benefit of counsel. Sloan: I've had enough of your lies, Doctor. You think you're smarter than the rest of us, don't you? You think you're smarter than the millions of brave men and women who put their lives on the line for the Federation. You want to do things the hard way, fine, but I'm going to get the truth out of you, and when I'm done I'm going to take whatever's left of you and lock it away. Guards! Sisko: Is it really necessary to drag a Starfleet Officer across the Promenade in irons? Chandler: We have our orders, sir. Kagan: Please stand aside. Kira: We'll get you out of this, Julian. Quark: I'm sure it's all a mistake. Isn't it? Bashir: Where's Odo? Chandler: In his quarters. We'll be handling security for the time being. Kagan: This way. Kagan: Too tight? Bashir: A bit. Kagan: You'll live. Bashir: So nice to see you enjoying your work. Kagan: I was with the Seventh Fleet when the Dominion attacked the Tyra system. Ninety eight of our ships were destroyed in a matter of hours. I lost a lot of friends. Bashir: I lost a lot of friends, too. Chandler: I believe that, but yours were Jem'Hadar. Chandler: You won't be needing this anymore. Step inside. Chandler: With all due respect Captain, if you would just wait in the Security office, Director Sloan should be here any minute and you can discuss your request with him Sisko: There is nothing to discuss. I want ten minutes alone with my officer, and I want them now. Chandler: Very well. Sisko: I thought you should know Odo did some checking. Sloan had a son in Starfleet. He was a transport pilot. He was killed by a Dominion patrol. Bashir: Maybe he thinks I supplied them with the information that helped them target his son's ship. Sloan: That's exactly what I think. When my son's convoy dropped out of warp to rendezvous with a Klingon bird of prey, they found three Dominion attack ships waiting for them instead. Sisko: I'm sorry for your loss. But don't you think that your son's death indicates a conflict of interest in your investigation? Sloan: I think it gives me an added incentive to go after the truth. Now what was it you wanted? Sisko: I need to talk to my Chief Medical Officer in private. Sloan: I can understand that. But security protocol require that no one talk to the prisoner without clearance from me. Sisko: Director Sloan, have you received orders from Starfleet to relieve me of my command of this station? Sloan: No, I haven't. Sisko: Well then, as long as I remain in command, I will see Doctor Bashir whenever I please. Furthermore, from now on I will sit in on all interrogation sessions to make sure his rights are observed. Do I make myself clear? Sloan: I believe so. Well, we'll see each other tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy your conversation. Bashir: I appreciate your help, sir. Sisko: We'll get this straightened out, I promise you. Sloan: Let's go back a few years to the incident at Bopak Three. According to your report, you and Chief O'Brien crash landed on the planet, where you then made contact with a group of Jem'Hadar. Bashir: We didn't make contact with them. They captured us. Sloan: If that's the case, why didn't you attempt to escape? Bashir: We didn't have a chance. Sloan: According to Chief O'Brien, you were more interested in curing the Jem'Hadar of their addiction to Ketracel White. Bashir: I'm a doctor. They were suffering from withdrawal. Sloan: They're the enemy. Genetically engineered killing machines. Bashir: They're not machines, they're sentient beings, and I couldn't just stand there and watch them die. Sloan: Why? Because you felt sympathy for them, being genetically engineered yourself? Sisko: This is irrelevant. We're talking about an incident that happened before Doctor Bashir allegedly became a Dominion agent. Sloan: It's not irrelevant, Captain. If anything, it shows that he was already sympathetic to the Dominion. But let's move on. Doctor, we spoke yesterday about a group of genetically enhanced patients that you brought to the station. Why, exactly, did you decide to work with them? Bashir: They'd been institutionalized most of their lives. I thought I might find a way to help them assimilate into society. Sloan: A laudable goal, but what I find puzzling is the way you went about it. These misfits had been sheltered from the outside world for as long as they could remember, yet you chose to bombard them with information about the war with the Dominion. Frankly, I'm surprised it didn't scare them into a deeper isolation. Bashir: I wanted to engage them, and it worked. Sloan: Is that why you convinced Starfleet Command to give them access to classified battle plans? Bashir: Starfleet was interested in hearing our ideas on how to win the war. Sloan: How to win the war? You recommended that the Federation surrender. Bashir: We were looking for ways to save as many lives as we could. Now, if you'd take the time to examine the findings Sloan: Captain, you took the time to examine the findings, didn't you? Sisko: I did. Sloan: Did you agree with them? Sisko: No. Sloan: Of course not. No loyal Starfleet officer could. Sisko: I won't deny that Doctor Bashir has made some questionable decisions in his career, but that's a long way from convincing me that he is a traitor. So far, your case is based on circumstantial evidence and speculation. Sloan: What other kind of case can I make against a man who covers his tracks so well? Sisko: That's a circular argument and you know it. Sloan: Captain, if Doctor Bashir had been involved in one or two questionable incidents, I could understand how you might be able to dismiss it, but the sheer number of incidents form a pattern of behavior that can't be ignored. I understand you want to be loyal to a man who's served under you for so long. I understand you'd be inclined to take his word over that of an outsider. But step back for a moment and think about it. This man concealed the truth about his illegal genetic enhancement for over thirty years. He lied to get his medical license. He lied to get into Starfleet. He lied to you when he came aboard this station and he's been lying to you ever since. Sisko: He did eventually come forward and tell the truth. Sloan: That's right, he did. Why? Why? What made you confess? Was it because you realized that it was your duty to be honest with your captain? Bashir: No. Sloan: Was it because you felt guilty about having lied to him for so long? Bashir: No. Sloan: Then why did you come forward? Bashir: I was found out. Sloan: And if you hadn't been found out, would you have come forward and told your captain the truth, ever? Bashir: I don't know. Sloan: I see. Bashir: Sloan was right about one thing, sir. I should have told you the truth from the beginning. Sisko: You're right, you should have. But lets put that behind us for now. Bashir: How can I defend myself against this man? Whatever I say to him, he either thinks I'm lying or repressing my memories. Sisko: I know you're not lying, Julian. Bashir: But? Sisko: But, as a doctor, isn't it in the realm of medical possibility that the Dominion did recruit you and that you have blocked it out of your memory? Bashir: Even if it is possible, it didn't happen. You don't believe me. Sisko: I don't think you're lying, Julian. It's late. Try to get some sleep. We'll talk again in the morning. Sloan: Sorry to interrupt your sleep, Doctor. It looks like you're going on a little vacation after all. Bashir: Where are you taking me? Sloan: Starbase fifty three for further questioning. Bashir: Does Captain Sisko know about this? Sloan: It's none of his concern. Not anymore. Bashir: You have no right to do this, Sloan. Sloan: Oh, but I do. Starfleet Special Order six six seven one five gives me the authority to neutralize security threats to Deep Space Nine by whatever means necessary. Doctor, you're about to spend the rest of this war in a maximum security cell. Unless you would care to put your thumbprint on this confession. We can reword it if it doesn't meet your exacting standards. Bashir: You can take that confession and throw it out of the nearest airlock. Sloan: I thought so. Take him to the shuttle. Kagan: Would you put your hands in front of you, Doctor? Sloan: He's beaming out! Stop him! Weyoun: Good evening, Doctor. Bashir: Weyoun? Weyoun: Welcome home. It would appear we got you out just in time. It's all right, you're among friends now. Did they mistreat you? I don't see any bruises. Bashir: Why did you bring me here? Weyoun: What choice did I have? Starfleet diskovered you were working for us. Bashir: I'm not working for you. I'm not a Dominion spy. Weyoun: You actually believe that, don't you? That's why you're such a good operative. Bashir: You're lying. Weyoun: Oh, here we go again. These little conversations of ours always follow the same pattern. You start out confused, then you get angry, then you deny everything until finally the walls inside your mind start to break down and you accept the truth. Bashir: What truth? That you broke me when I was in the prison camp? Weyoun: We're not barbarians. There was no torture involved. We simply helped you to see that there's no way Starfleet can defeat the Dominion. And because you didn't want billions of Federation citizens to lose their lives needlessly, you agreed to provide us with information that would help us end this war quickly. You rose above the petty question of whose side you were on and made a moral decision. It's not surprising, really. After all, you are a doctor. Bashir: You're saying that I'm a traitor. Weyoun: Traitor, hero, those are just words. Oh, your friends on Deep Space Nine may vilify you, but history will judge you to be a great man, a visionary who helped bring an end to one of the most devastating wars the galaxy has ever seen. Bashir: But I don't remember, I don't remember any of it. Weyoun: Of course not. You suppressed the memories, compartmentalized them. It's a remarkable ability, but it does make these initial conversations a bit wearing. Have something to eat. You always re-integrate better on a full stomach. Weyoun: Do you remember the first time I offered you scones back at the camp? Bashir: No. Weyoun: Concentrate. Sensory details are the key. I had you brought in from solitary. You were very hungry, but you refused to give me the satisfaction of seeing you eat. Do you remember? Bashir: I don't remember because it never happened. Weyoun: You were almost there. Try again. With a little more effort you can break through. Bashir: I am not a Dominion spy! Weyoun: I can see this is going to be one of our more difficult sessions. Bashir: I'm innocent. I don't care what you or Sloan think. Wait a minute. Why would you both be trying to convince me of the same lie? Unless you were working together. Weyoun: Please, Doctor. Listen to yourself. Bashir: Sloan's the traitor. Cardassian: Combat stations. Enemy ship approaching. Weyoun: Sisko. I'm afraid we're going to have to continue your debriefing later. Bashir: Am I glad to see you. Kira: Away team to the Defiant. We've got him. Sisko: I suppose you have a reasonable explanation for why the Dominion broke you out of that holding cell. Bashir: I understand how this must look, sir. Sisko: What did they want? Bashir: Weyoun just tried to convince me that I was his operative. I think he and Sloan are working together. Sisko: Now that's enough. You know you're not going to exonerate yourself by casting suspicions on someone else. Bashir: Well maybe he's not a traitor, maybe he's been replaced by a changeling. All I'm saying is that both he and Weyoun are trying to frame me. Worf: You have run out of excuses, Doctor. Bashir: You have to believe me. I'm innocent. Sisko: I have had enough of your lies, Doctor. Bashir: You can't just dismiss what I'm saying, because if I'm right there's no telling what kind of damage Sloan Sisko: Get him off my bridge. Kira: Let's go, Doctor. Bashir: Jadzia, you believe me, don't you? Dax: Why did you do it, Julian? Bashir: Miles? You? Bashir: Your shoulder. It's all right. O'Brien: Of course it's all right. Bashir: But you dislocated it yesterday when we were playing springball. O'Brien: So? It's better now. Bashir: You didn't hurt it playing springball. You dislocated it kayaking in a holosuite. You're not Miles. And you're not Captain Sisko. He'd at least be willing to hear me out. This isn't real. It can't be. Sloan: You're right, Doctor. None of it was real. But I am. And this isn't over. Congratulations, Doctor. It's not often that we're proven wrong. Bashir: I take it you finally believe I'm not working for the Dominion. Sloan: I'm leaning heavily in that direction. But to erase any lingering doubts, what do you say we make one final test? Bashir: I'm finished playing games with you, Sloan. Sloan: I assure you, Doctor, this is no game. Sloan: Don't be afraid. I have no intentions of hurting you. I just need to remove an implant from behind your right ear. I tell you what. Why don't you do the honors? Give it to him. Go ahead, Doctor. It's only a neuro-synaptic relay. Bashir: You've recorded my neuroelectric responses? Sloan: That's correct. And now I'd like to check the findings in order to confirm what I already believe. That you're an innocent man. Now either you remove the relay or we will. Sloan: Thank you. This'll only take a moment. Bashir: Take your time. I don't seem to be going anywhere. Sloan: I'm glad to see your sense of humor's returning. That's a very good sign. Bashir: Of what? Sloan: You're beginning to relax. We subjected you to high levels of stress to ensure accurate test results. I'm glad to say the results are in your favor. Your loyalty to the Federation appears to be above reproach. Bashir: Why do I still detect a hint of doubt in your voice? Sloan: Frankly, I would have preferred to have kept you under observation a little longer. Unfortunately, we didn't know about Chief O'Brien's injury or we would've incorporated that into the program. Bashir: So you beamed me out of my quarters into this holosuite when I was asleep. Sloan: I believe we allowed you a full hour. Bashir: No wonder I feel so tired. I suppose you find your subjects more malleable when they have been deprived of sleep. Sloan: Not a new technique, I admit, but an effective one nonetheless. Bashir: So, why don't you tell me who you are? Who you work for? Sloan: I would think it's obvious. The same people you work for. The Federation. Starfleet. Bashir: You don't expect me to believe you're with Internal Affairs, do you? Sloan: No, of course not. Internal Affairs is a competent department, but limited. Bashir: So which department are you with? Sloan: Let's just say I belong to another branch of Starfleet Intelligence. Our official designation is Section thirty one. Bashir: Never heard of it. Sloan: We keep a low profile. Works out better that way for all concerned. Bashir: And what does Section thirty one do, apart from kidnapping Starfleet officers? Sloan: We search out and identify potential dangers to the Federation. Bashir: And once identified? Sloan: We deal with them. Bashir: How? Sloan: Quietly. Bashir: So if I had been a Dominion agent, what would have happened to me? Sloan: We wouldn't be standing here having this conversation. Bashir: And Starfleet sanctions what you're doing? Sloan: We don't submit reports or ask for approval for specific operations, if that's what you mean. We're an autonomous department. Bashir: Authorized by whom? Sloan: Section thirty one was part of the original Starfleet charter. Bashir: But that was two hundred years ago. Are you telling me you've been working on your own ever since? Without specific orders? Accountable to nobody but yourselves? Sloan: You make it sound so ominous. Bashir: Isn't it? Because if what you say to me is true, you function as judge, jury and executioner, and I think that's too much power for anyone. Sloan: I admit it takes exceptional people to do what we do. People who can sublimate their own ambitions to the best interests of the Federation. People like you. Bashir: Me? Sloan: You have all the qualifications to be a very useful member of Section thirty one. Bashir: A few minutes ago, you were calling me a traitor and now you want to recruit me? Sloan: Well, you're intelligent, you're resourceful, you've always been fascinated by covert operations. Why else would you spend so much time in Quark's holosuites playing spy? Bashir: You're serious. Sloan: We're on the same team. We believe in the same principles that every other Federation citizen holds dear. Bashir: Yet you violate those principles as a matter of course. Sloan: In order to protect them. Bashir: No, I'm sorry, but the ends don't always justify the means. Sloan: Really. How many lives do you suppose you've saved in your medical career? Bashir: What has that got to do with anything? Sloan: Hundreds? Thousands? Do you suppose that those people give a damn that you lied to get into Starfleet Medical? I doubt it. We deal with threats to the Federation that jeopardize its very survival. If you knew how many lives we've saved, I think you'd agree that the ends do justify the means. I'm not afraid of bending the rules every once in a while if the situation warrants it, and I don't think you are either. Bashir: You've got the wrong man, Sloan. Sloan: I don't think so. In time, you'll come to agree with me. Bashir: Don't hold your breath. Sloan: All I ask is that when you get back to Deep Space Nine, you consider what I've said. Bashir: What if I decide to expose you? Sloan: Let's just say I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. Odo: I'll say one thing for this fellow Sloan, he's clever. He timed the Doctor's abduction to coincide with his trip to the medical conference. That way, he wasn't missed. Bashir: Yes, he's clever. Kira: We went over Julian's quarters but we couldn't find any residual transporter signatures. So either they got him off the station some other way, or they have transporter technology that we can't detect. Bashir: Captain, is there any word from Starfleet about Sloan or Section thirty one? Sisko: There's no record of a Deputy Director Sloan anywhere in Starfleet. And as for Section thirty one, that's a little more complicated. Starfleet Command doesn't acknowledge its existence, but they don't deny it either. They simply said they'd look into it and get back to me. Bashir: When? Sisko: They didn't say. Kira: That sounds like a cover up to me. Bashir: I can't believe the Federation condones this kind of activity. Odo: Personally, I find it hard to believe they wouldn't. Every other great power has a unit like Section thirty one. The Romulans have the Tal Shiar, the Cardassians had the Obsidian Order. Bashir: But what does that say about us? When push comes to shove, are we willing to sacrifice our principles in order to survive? Sisko: I wish I had an answer for you, Doctor. Kira: Maybe we should do some checking, try to track down this Sloan ourselves. Odo: That won't be easy. If he's right and Section thirty one has existed since the birth of the Federation, they've learned to cover their tracks very well. Sisko: We don't have to find them. They'll come to us. You said that Sloan tried to recruit you. Bashir: I turned him down. Sisko: He doesn't strike me as a man who takes no for an answer. And next time he asks you to join his little group, you will say yes. Odo: Well, congratulations, Doctor. Looks like you're going to get to play a spy after all. Only this time, for real.

Kira: Welcome to Deep Space Nine. I'm Major Kira. Dulmur: I'm Dulmur. Lucsly: Lucsly. Department of Temporal Investigations. Kira: We've been expecting you. Dax: I guess you boys from Temporal Investigations are always on time. Dulmur: Where's Captain Sisko? Sisko: Are you sure you don't want anything? Dulmur: Just the truth, Captain. Sisko: You'll get it. Where do you want to start? Dulmur: The beginning. Lucsly: If there is such a thing. Dulmur: Captain, why did you take the Defiant back in time? Sisko: It was an accident. Lucsly: So you're not contending it was a predestination paradox? Dulmur: A time loop. That you were meant to go back into the past? Sisko: Erm, no. Dulmur: Good. Lucsly: We hate those. So, what happened? Sisko: This may take some time. Dulmur: Is that a joke? Sisko: No. Lucsly: Good. Dulmur: We hate those too. All right, Captain. Whenever you're ready. Sisko: Two weeks ago the Cardassian Government contacted me and wanted to return an Orb to the Bajorans. Dulmur: Orb? Lucsly: They're devices of alien origin that are considered sacred objects by the Bajoran people. Sisko: Each has a unique property, like the Orb of Prophecy, or the Orb of Wisdom. The one we received from the Cardassians was the Orb of Time, although we didn't know that at first. Sisko: When the Defiant arrived at Cardassia Prime, we weren't sure if we were dealing with a genuine Orb or one of the fakes that have cropped up over the years. Sisko: I had it secured in one of the crew quarters so we could bring it back to Bajor for authentication. But before we left Cardassia, we took on a passenger. Waddle: Humans! I never thought I'd see another normal face again. Worf: This is Mister Waddle. Waddle: Barry. Call me Barry. Worf: We are taking him back to the Federation. He was trapped on Cardassia when the Klingons attacked. Waddle: I'm a merchant. I deal in gemstones, kivas and trillium mostly. May I? O'Brien: Help yourself. Waddle: You know what Cardassians drink in the morning? Fish juice. Hot fish juice. Raktajino. After six months, I was hoping the Klingons would invade. At least they know how to make coffee, even if they are foul-smelling barbarians. Sorry. O'Brien: I wouldn't take it personally, Worf. Bashir: I rather like the way you smell. O'Brien: Yeah, sort of earthy, peaty aroma. Bashir: With a touch of lilac. Sisko: With the Defiant under cloak we left Cardassian space and managed to avoid being detected by the Klingons. We were halfway home, and I was just starting to breath easy. O'Brien: Trust me. Next time you see him, just sniff the air and go 'is that lilac?' Dax: Find somebody else. I have my own ways of torturing Worf. Sisko: Don't look at me. O'Brien: I'm picking up a massive surge in chronoton radiation around Sisko: What happened? Dax: I don't know, but we've dropped out of warp. O'Brien: Sensors are coming back online. Dax: Benjamin, something's very wrong. According to the navigational computer we're over two hundred light years from our last position. O'Brien: We're decloaking! Dax: Someone's activated the transporter. Sisko: Deactivate it and get us back under cloak. O'Brien: I'm picking up another ship dead ahead. Sisko: Can you identify it? Dax: Not yet. But it's close. Very close. Sisko: Chief, I need that viewscreen. O'Brien: I think I've got it. (The static clears to reveal a starship with registration number NCC1701, no **** A B C or D) Dax: That's Sisko: The Enterprise. Dulmur: Be specific, Captain. Which Enterprise? There've been five. Lucsly: Six. Sisko: This was the first Enterprise. Constitution class. Dulmur: His ship. Lucsly: James T Kirk. Sisko: The one and only. Lucsly: Seventeen separate temporal violations. The biggest file on record. Dulmur: The man was a menace. What was the date of your arrival? Sisko: Stardate 4523.7. Dulmur: A hundred and five years, one month, and twelve days ago. Lucsly: A Friday. Dulmur: What was the Enterprise doing? Sisko: She was orbiting one of the old Deep Space stations. K-seven, near the Klingon border. Security reported that just before we were thrown back in time, someone stunned the deputy who was guarding the orb and broke into the cabin. It didn't take us long to realize who it was. Worf: His real name is Arne Darvin. He is a Klingon altered to look human. Dax: His surgeon does nice work. Odo: We're assuming that he came aboard the Defiant for the express purpose of gaining access to the Orb. O'Brien: Any idea why he brought us back to this point in time? Worf: We have a theory. This is Darvin as he appeared during that time period. At this moment he is aboard space station K-seven, posing as a Federation official. Bashir: So you're saying he's a spy? Odo: The younger Darvin's mission was to derail Federation colonization efforts by poisoning a shipment of grain which was, which is being stored aboard the station. However, eighteen hours from now, James Kirk will expose him and he will be arrested. Worf: That arrest will end his career. Klingon Intelligence will turn their back on him and he will become an outcast. Odo: From what we've been able to piece together, he spent the next hundred years eking out a meager living posing as a human merchant. Then in a final indignity, he was trapped in Cardassian space by the Klingon invasion. Sisko: Ah. Until he heard rumors about an Orb capable of taking him back in time. Bashir: So what's he planning to do? Contact his younger self and warn himself about Kirk? Dax: He could be planning to kill Kirk. Sisko: The bottom line is, we have to find Darvin and stop him before he has a chance to alter history. Do we know where he beamed to? Worf: No. He wiped the transporter logs when he beamed out. O'Brien: So he could be on the Enterprise or the station. Sisko: We'll have to search both without arousing suspicion or altering the timeline ourselves. The last thing I want is a visit from Temporal Investigations when we get home. Bashir: I suppose we ought to find a way to blend in. Bashir: Captain. Sisko: Lieutenant, actually. I didn't want to push my luck. O'Brien: Looks good on you, sir. Sisko: Thank you, Ensign. Bashir: Wait a minute, aren't you two wearing the wrong color? O'Brien: Don't you know anything about this period in time? Bashir: I'm a doctor, not an historian. Sisko: In the old days, operations officers wore red, command officers wore gold. Dax: And women wore less. Bashir: I think I'm going to like history. O'Brien: The original Enterprise used an old-style duotronic sensor array. If we wait for just the right point in the scan cycle, we can decloak the Defiant for almost three seconds without being detected. Sisko: Is that enough time to transport us aboard? O'Brien: Barely. Dax: Chief, here are the coordinates. The Captain and I will start on deck four and work our way aft. You and Julian should start on deck twenty one O'Brien: And work our way forward. Sisko: What about the station? Worf: Little of it is habitable. Most of K seven consists of storage areas and industrial fabrication facilities. Odo: It shouldn't take long to search. Security isn't as tight as it is on a starship. Sisko: Remember, try to avoid contact with people of this time period. O'Brien: We're coming up on a bandshift in the scan cycle. Sisko: Dax. Bashir: Ready? O'Brien: Deck twenty one. Deck twenty one. I said, Deck twenty one. Bashir: Maybe if you said please. O'Brien: What's wrong with this thing? Bashir: Don't look at me. I don't know anything about this time period. O'Brien: Maybe it's jammed. Help me get this wall panel off. Watley: Deck fifteen. Bashir: I won't tell anyone if you don't. Dax: They really packed them in on these old ships. Sisko: What about over there? Dax: Perfect. An auxiliary communications juncture. Sisko: I'll pretend to do repairs. You scan for Darvin. Dax: I used to have one of these. I love classic twenty third century designs. Black finish, silver highlights. Sisko: Dax. Dax: Sorry. Bartender: I don't want any more Spican flame gems. Thanks to you I already have enough Spican flame gems to me a lifetime. Jones: How sad for you, my friend. You won't find a finer stone anywhere. Waitress: What's your pleasure? Odo: I'll have a raktajino. Waitress: You're the second person today who's ordered that. What is it? Odo: Klingon coffee. The second person? Who was the first? Waitress: An older man. A human. Odo: Where is he now? Waitress: I don't know. He left about an hour ago. I think he said he'd be back. We don't have any Klingon beverages. Would you like something else? Odo: Tarkalean tea. Waitress: Okay. Jones: I have something from the far reaches of the galaxy. Surely you want Bartender: Not at your price. Uhura: Oooh. What is it? Is it alive? May I hold it? Oh, it's adorable. What is it? Bashir: Chief, you're supposed to be working O'Brien: I'm afraid to touch anything. It's all cross-circuited and patched together. I can't make heads nor tails of it. Bashir: Sounds like one of your repair jobs. Well, there's no sign of Darvin in this section. I'm going to widen the scan radius. If I can figure out how. O'Brien: Keep the scan field below twenty milliwatts, otherwise you'll set off the internal sensors. Bashir: Thank you, Chief. I was listening during the mission briefing. Engineer: What are you two doing here? Scotty told me to do this. O'Brien: Oh, you were going to do this? Engineer: It's on the duty roster. Bashir: Must have been some mix-up. Engineer: Isn't that a medical tricorder? Bashir: Yes. Yes, it is. I'm a doctor. Engineer: Why do we need a doctor to repair a power relay? Bashir: You don't, obviously. No, I'm doing a study. It has to do with work-related stress. Engineer: Oh. Bashir: Why don't you two go on? Pretend I'm not here. Engineer: So, where should we start? O'Brien: Well obviously the first thing we should do is to take this transtator here, and O'Brien: And leave it exactly it is. Bashir: The job pressure's been getting to him. Why don't you take over? All right, Ensign, I think I've seen enough. Let's get you back to Sickbay. O'Brien: Oh, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mention this to anyone. Engineer: No problem. Hope you feel better. Worf: I have completed my search of the primary habitat levels and. What is that sound? Odo: Soothing isn't it? The bartender called it a Worf: A tribble. Odo: Sit down. You're drawing attention. Worf: Where did you get that thing? Odo: From a man named Cyrano Jones. He told me tribbles like everyone, but this one doesn't seem to like you. Worf: The feeling's! The feeling's mutual. They are detestable creatures. Odo: Interesting. It's been my observation that most humanoids love soft, furry animals especially if they make pleasing sounds. Worf: They do nothing but consume food and breed. If you feed that thing more than the smallest morsel, in a few hours you'll have ten tribbles then a hundred then a thousand. Odo: Calm down. Worf: They were once considered mortal enemies of the Klingon Empire. Odo: This? A mortal enemy of the Empire? Worf: They were an ecological menace, a plague to be wiped out. Odo: Wiped out? What are you saying? Worf: Hundreds of warriors were sent to track them down throughout the galaxy. An armada obliterated the Tribbles' homeworld. By the end of the twenty third century they had been eradicated. Odo: Another glorious chapter of Klingon history. Tell me, do they still sing songs of the great tribble hunt? Dax: What should we do? Sisko: Get to battle stations. Sisko: Deck seven. Sisko: Let's see if we can find out what's going on. Sisko: Sisko to Defiant. Sisko: Sisko to Defiant. Kira: Defiant here. Sisko: Report. Kira: A Klingon D-7 battlecruiser just dropped out of warp. It's approaching the station. Sisko: Have they locked weapons? Kira: Not yet. Dax: Kira, can you identify the Klingon vessel? Kira: The IKS Gr'oth. Dax: That's Koloth's ship. Sisko: Curzon's old friend? Dax: Yes. And he isn't going to attack. I remember Koloth telling me he once traded insults with Kirk on a space station near the Federation border. He always regretted never getting the chance to face him in battle. Kira: The Klingon ship just transported two people Kira: To the station manager's office, Captain. Dax: That's Koloth. Maybe we should beam over to the station and help Odo and Worf. We know that Darvin was there a few hours ago. Sisko: I think it might be better if Chief O'Brien and Doctor Bashir go. Dax: But if we went, we might run into Koloth. Sisko: Exactly. Dax: It's not as if he would recognize me. I'd love to see him at his prime. Sisko: Dax. Major, beam the Chief and the Doctor to K-seven and fill them in. Kira: Aye, sir. Dax: It would've been fun. Sisko: Too much fun. Sisko: Dax was right about the Klingons. They were only interested in shore leave, and Captain Kirk allowed them to beam aboard the station in small groups. When the Enterprise stood down from Red Alert, we all resumed our search for Darvin. Kira: the next bandshift in the Enterprise scan cycle will be in three minutes. O'Brien: We'll be ready, Major. O'Brien out. Bashir: We should find a turbolift. Watley: Hello again. Bashir: Hello. O'Brien: Deck ten. Watley: Your flap's open. Bashir: Excuse me? Watley: On your tricorder. You're draining power. Bashir: Oh. Thank you. O'Brien: He's always doing that. Watley: You're a doctor? Bashir: Yes. Watley: I just transferred here from the Lexington last week. O'Brien: Welcome aboard. Watley: I'm coming into Sickbay tomorrow for my physical. Fifteen hundred. Lieutenant Watley. O'Brien: You realize, of course, she just using you to get to me. Bashir: Watley? That was my great grandmother's name. O'Brien: Funny. Bashir: I think she was in Starfleet. O'Brien: It's a common enough name. Bashir: But what if that was her? O'Brien: Do you realize the odds? Bashir: No one ever met my great grandfather. This could be a predestination paradox. Come on, Chief, surely you took elementary temporal mechanics at the Academy? I could be destined to fall in love with that woman and become my own great grandfather. O'Brien: You're being ridiculous. Bashir: Ridiculous? If I don't meet with her tomorrow, I may never be born. Kira: Chief, are you ready for transport? O'Brien: Are we ever. Kira: Stand by. Bashir: You saw the way she looked at me. You can't just dismiss this. O'Brien: I can try. Bashir: All right, fine. But I can't wait to get back to Deep Space Nine and see your face when you find out that I never existed. Sisko: Dax and I resumed our search for Darvin.) Dax: Benjamin, look. Chekov: Bridge to Captain Kirk. Kirk: Kirk here. Chekov: Mister Baris is waiting on channel E to speak to you, sir. Sisko: Keep working. We're a maintenance crew just doing our job. Chekov: Mister Baris is coming on. Kirk: Yes, Mister Baris. What can I do for you? Baris: Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons. Kirk: I was not aware, Mister Baris, that twelve Klingons constitutes a swarm. Baris: Captain Kirk, I consider your security measures a disgrace. In my opinion, you have taken this entire Dax: I had no idea. Sisko: What? Dax: He's so much more handsome in person. And those eyes. Sisko: Kirk had quite the reputation as a ladies' man. Dax: Not him. Spock. Baris: Free and complete access to the station to that man who just walked out of here. Sisko: Let's go. Kirk: Mister Baris, I have guards around the grain. I have guards around the Klingons. Dax: I can't believe you don't at least want to meet Captain Kirk. Sisko: That's the last thing on my mind. Dax: Oh, come on, Benjamin. Are you telling me you're not the tiniest bit interested in meeting one of the most famous men in Starfleet history? Sisko: We have a job to do. Dax: But it's, it's James Kirk! Sisko: Look, of course I want to meet him. I'd like to shake his hand, ask him about fighting the Gorn on Cestus Three, but that's not why we're here, old man. Dax: You're right. I guess the difference between you and me is I remember this time. I lived in this time and it's hard to not want to be part of it again. Bashir: Clearly we've been going about this search business all wrong, Chief. O'Brien: You're right. Why bother searching thirty decks, when you can just plonk yourself down at a bar and wait for Darvin to come to you. Odo: We have reason to believe that he'll return to this area. O'Brien: Ah, yes. The raktajino. Bashir: A vital clue that others might've missed. How fortunate it is that it has kept you stuck at this bar for the past three hours having drinks while we've been crawling through conduits. O'Brien: My God, that's him. Odo: Who? O'Brien: Kirk. Worf: Where? O'Brien: On the left, in the gold, just sitting down. Bashir: That's Kirk? Worf: It would be an honor to meet him. O'Brien: Let's buy him a drink. Odo: Gentlemen, no one's buying anyone a drink. O'Brien: He's right. We can't risk altering the timeline. Waitress: What'll it be, boys? And don't ask for raktajino. If I have to say we don't carry that one more time Odo: Who ordered raktajino? Waitress: The Klingons. Odo: Klingons? Waitress: Over there, and over there. Bashir: Those are Klingons? Waitress: All right. You boys have had enough. Odo: Mister Worf? Worf: They are Klingons, and it is a long story. O'Brien: What happened? Some kind genetic engineering? Bashir: A viral mutation? Worf: We do not discuss it with outsiders. Korax: Delusions of god-hood. Scott: Take it easy, lad. Everybody's entitled to an opinion. Korax: That's right. And if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well that's my opinion too. Scott: Don't do it, mister, and that's an order. Chekov: But you heard what he called the Captain. O'Brien: Look at the way Kirk is ignoring that Klingon. He's letting the security officer handle it. Bashir: Chief, are you sure that's Kirk? O'Brien: Absolutely. Bashir: Why is he wearing lieutenant's stripes? Odo: I think we've got bigger problems than a case of mistaken identity. Korax: Garbage scow. Half the quadrant knows it. That's why they're learning to speak Klingonese. Chekov: Mister Scott. Scott: Laddie, don't you think you should rephrase that? Korax: You're right, I should. I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away as garbage. Odo: What are you doing? Odo: It's Darvin! Dulmur: Your men could've avoided that fight, Captain. Lucsly: Regulation one fifty seven, section three, paragraph eighteen. Starfleet officers shall take all necessary precautions to minimize any participation in historical events. Sisko: All right. It was a mistake. But there were no lasting repercussions. Dulmur: How do you know that? For all we know, we could be living in an alternate timeline right now. Sisko: If my people had caused any changes in the timeline, we would have been the first to notice when we got back. Lucsly: Why do they all have to say that? Dulmur: So, your men were arrested. Sisko: That's right, but instead of being taken to the brig, they were brought in for questioning.) Kirk: I want to know who started it. Kirk: I'm waiting. Kirk: Who started the fight? O'Brien: I don't know, sir. Kirk: All right. Chekov, I know you. You started it didn't you? Chekov: No, sir. I didn't. Kirk: Well who did? Chekov: I don't know, sir. Kirk: I don't know, sir. I want to know who threw the first punch. All right, you're all confined to quarters until I find out who started it. Dismissed. Bashir: That was close. O'Brien: Me. Of all the people in the lineup, he asks me who threw the first punch. Bashir: And you lied to him. O'Brien: I lied to Captain Kirk. I wish Keiko could have been here to see it. Bashir: I'm sorry about that, little fellow. Who left you out here all alone? O'Brien: He's not alone. Odo: Welcome back, Mister Darvin. Darvin: The pleasure is all mine. Odo: Worf, hold on. I hope you realize you'll be facing some very serious charges when we get back. Darvin: You wouldn't dare put one of the greatest heroes of the Klingon Empire into the brig. Worf: You are no hero to the Empire. Darvin: I will be. I've been thinking about my statue in the Hall of Warriors. I want it to capture my essence. Our statues can be so generic sometimes, don't you think? Odo: I take it whatever your plan is, you've already set it in motion. Darvin: I see myself standing with Kirk's head in one hand and a tribble in the other. Worf: What have you done? Did you hire someone to kill him? Did you sabotage the Enterprise? Darvin: Nothing so mundane. Let's just say that Kirk's death will have a certain poetic justice to it. Sisko: He put a bomb in a tribble? Odo: It's his revenge. Originally, Kirk saw how a tribble reacted Odo: To Darvin and realized he was a Klingon. He wouldn't say us where this tribble was, but he did say that it was set go off within the hour. Sisko: It could be anywhere. Dax: Benjamin, I think we should risk going to the bridge. If we can use the internal sensors, we can scan the entire ship for explosives in a matter of seconds. Sisko: Dax and I will take care of the Enterprise. The rest of you beam over to K-seven and start searching over there. Odo: Understood. But I think Mister Worf should remain here. It seems he's allergic Odo: To tribbles. Sisko: All right. O'Brien: Captain O'Brien: I'm not sure we can get to K-Seven's internal sensors. Sisko: Then you will have to manually scan every tribble on the station. O'Brien: There must be thousands of them by now. Bashir: Hundreds of thousands. Dax: One million, seven hundred and seventy one thousand, five hundred and sixty one. That's starting with one tribble with an average litter of ten every twelve hours. After three days Sisko: Thank you. You have your orders, people. Sisko out. Kirk: Doctor McCoy, would you mind coming up to the bridge. Dax: I re-routed the sensor interface. Sisko: It worked. I'm scanning the Bridge. Nothing up here. Dax: That's a relief. When Kirk sat on that tribble, I half expected it to go off. Sisko: Nothing on the first six decks. Mccoy: Did you want to see me, Jim? Well, don't look at me. It's the tribbles who are breeding. Dax: I know him. Sisko: That must be McCoy, the ship's doctor. Dax: McCoy. McCoy. Mccoy: Well, the nearest thing I can figure out is that they're born pregnant, which seems to be quite a timesaver. Dax: Leonard McCoy. I met him when he was a student at Ol' Miss. Sisko: Who met him, Curzon? Dax: No, my host at the time was Emony. She was on Earth judging a gymnastics competition. I had a feeling he'd become a doctor. He had the hands of a surgeon. Sisko: I've scanned every deck. The bomb's not aboard the ship. Dax: Then it must be somewhere on K-seven. Odo: Odo here. Sisko: The bomb's not Sisko: On the Enterprise. It must be over there. Odo: We've only been able to get through two decks. We're running out of time. Sisko: I can send more teams from the Defiant. Odo: It's not a question of manpower, it's a question of multiplication. Odo: The tribbles are breeding so fast we can't keep up with them. Dax: Benjamin, maybe we could narrow things down a little. Presumably, Darvin put the bomb somewhere he knows Kirk Dax: Is going to be in the next half an hour. So if we stick Dax: Close to Kirk Sisko: He might lead us right to it. Odo: It's worth a try, but there's no reason for us to stop searching over here. Sisko: Keep at it Sisko: For now, Constable. Deck five. Kirk: This is my chicken sandwich and coffee. I want these things off the ship. I don't care if it takes every man we've got, I want them off the ship. Scott: Aye, they're into the machinery, all right. And they're probably in all the other food processors too. Kirk: How? Scott: Probably through one of the air vents. Spock: Captain, there are vents of that type on the space station. Kirk: And in the storage compartments. Sisko: Storage compartments. Storage compartments! Kirk: Have him meet us near the storage compartments. We're beaming down. Sisko: Most of these are dead. The grain's poisoned. Dax: I'm picking up a faint tricobalt signature. The bomb's under here somewhere. Sisko: What's that? Security: It's not working, sir. It seems to be stuck. Kirk: Here, let me try. Dax: Someone's trying to open the bay door. Dax: Benjamin, it's right here in front of us. Spock: They seem to be gorged. Baris: Gorged? Baris: On my grain? Kirk, I am going to hold you responsible. There must be thousands of them. Kirk: Hundreds of thousands. Spock: One million, seven hundred seventy one thousand, five hundred sixty one. Spock: That's assuming one tribble multiplying with an average litter of ten producing a new generation every twelve hours over a period of three days. Sisko: I found it. Sisko to Defiant. Kira: Go ahead, Captain. Sisko: I found the bomb. Sisko: Lock onto my tricorder signal and beam it into space. Kira: Acknowledged Kira: Kira to Sisko. It worked. Kirk: And as captain I want two things done. Kirk: First, find Cyrano Jones. Kirk: And second, close that door. Sisko: After the bomb was detonated, history continued uninterrupted, and thanks to the tribbles Sisko: Kirk was able to uncover the truth about Darvin. Kirk: They don't like you, Mister Darvin. I wonder why? Bones? Mccoy: Jim, this man is a Klingon. Sisko: By the time we returned to the Defiant, Major Kira had diskovered how to use the Orb to bring us back to our own time. Dulmur: And that's when you returned the present? Sisko: Well, not exactly. Before we left, I realized there was one last thing I had to do. Something I'd been thinking about ever since I saw that ship on the viewscreen. Sisko: Excuse me, Captain. Here's tomorrow's duty roster for your approval. (This is from Mirror, Mirror, and Sisko has replaced Marlena.) Kirk: Lieutenant, er, Lieutenant? Sisko: Benjamin Sisko, sir. I've been on temporary assignment here. Before I leave, I just want to say it's been an honor serving with you, sir. Kirk: All right, Lieutenant. Carry on. Sisko: Thank you, sir. Sisko: Now, if you want to put a letter of reprimand in my file for that, then go ahead. Lucsly: We'll have to review the case before making any recommendations. Dulmur: However, I don't think there was any harm done. Probably would have done the same thing myself. Dulmur: You'll be receiving our report in about a month. But based on what you've told us, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Sisko: I'm glad to hear it. Dulmur: Goodbye, Captain. Sisko: Goodbye. Lucsly: Docking port seven. Dax: It went well? Kira: Good. The Constable wants to see us on the Promenade. Odo: Did you tell them? Sisko: They didn't ask. I'm open to suggestions, people. Dax: We could build another station.

Quark: You know, Morn, there's nothing more invigorating than breakfast in a bar. Where else can you get raw slug liver first thing in the morning? Rom: What's this? Quark: What do you mean, what's this? It's puree of beetle. Rom: I didn't order it. Quark: Of course you didn't order it. You don't need to order it. You have it after work every morning. Rom: Well, I'm not having it this morning. I'd like two eggs over easy, three strips of bacon and a side of corned beef hash. Quark: What kind of breakfast is that? Rom: It's Chief O'Brien's breakfast of choice. Quark: That's the problem with working alongside humans, you pick up their disgusting habits. Bacon. Corned beef hash. What's next, Rom? Orange juice and coffee? Rom: That might be nice. Quark: I don't understand. You gave up a perfectly good job with me to work on the station's waste extraction system? Rom: A good waste extraction system is important. Imagine where we'd be without one. Quark: Of course it's important, but my point is, you're not getting the choice assignments. O'Brien's got you on the night shift, doing all the work nobody else wants to do. Rom: I like my work. Quark: You like standing all night long, knee-deep in waste, fixing some broken flow regulator, when you could be here staring at half-naked dabo girls? Rom: I have a good job. I'm proud of the work I do. And I know that one day Chief O'Brien will recognize my efforts and reward me with a position of respect and responsibility. And why? Because that's just the way things are in Engineering. Quark: I'm sorry I brought it up. Bashir: They don't look so fine now. O'Brien: I can't understand it. I been followed Keiko's instructions to the letter. Bashir: They were dry as a bone when I came by for you yesterday. I mean, I gave them water, I just don't think it wasn't enough. O'Brien: You watered them? These are Idran hybrids. Too much water rots their roots. Bashir: Oh. Molly: Mommy's going to be mad. O'Brien: I can't believe it. Keiko's gone for five days and we killed her plants. Bashir: She'll understand, won't she? After all, they're just plants. O'Brien: They're not just plants. These are her bonsai trees. She's cared for them and nurtured them, and carefully sculpted their growth for months, years. Molly: You're in trouble. O'Brien: Listen, Molly, I think you and I should both go to the airlock and welcome Mummy back. And then after we've hugged and kissed, you can tell her what happened. Molly: Not me. Bashir: Well don't look at me. O'Brien: Well you killed her plants. Bashir: We killed them. But I think you're overreacting to the situation. I mean, Keiko will forgive you. It's your birthday today, isn't it? O'Brien: So far it's one I'd like to forget. Bashir: Well, she's been away on Bajor. She's missed you. Bring her a gift. What kind of chocolates does she like? O'Brien: Tellurian mint truffles. But I still think you should be with me. Bashir: You don't need me there. I've seen you handle your wife thousands of times. Just say you're sorry and that you take full responsibility. You'll be fine. Besides, I have to be in surgery, operating. O'Brien: On who? Bashir: I'll find someone. O'Brien: It was Julian. He was trying to be helpful. He over-watered them. It's not his fault, but you know how he is. Sometimes he doesn't even know what he's doing. I'm sorry, sweetheart. We'll buy some new ones. Keiko: Forget it, Miles. They're just plants. O'Brien: Exactly. Keiko: It's not as if something happened to Molly or the baby. O'Brien: Right, right, right. Everybody's fine. No problems. Keiko: Good. What about Kira? Is she back yet? O'Brien: No, she's still with Shaakar traveling around Dahkur Province. I thought you were going to visit them. Keiko: I didn't get a chance. O'Brien: So, how were the Fire Caves? Keiko: Fine. And now it's time for me to tell you some news. I'm not Keiko. O'Brien: No? Who are you? Keiko: Listen carefully, Miles. I have taken possession of your wife's body. I will hold it hostage until you do everything I tell you do accurately, and without question. O'Brien: Everything? Keiko: If you don't do precisely what I ask, I'll kill your wife. O'Brien: Are you all right? Maybe there's been an outbreak of Rudellian brain fever on Bajor. We should go see Julian Keiko: I see I'm going to have to give you a demonstration of my sincerity. O'Brien: Keiko! Keiko! No! Keiko: No, Miles, you're not telling anyone. If you do, I'll stop her heart forever. O'Brien: If you're really in control of my wife's body, let me speak to her. Keiko: She can hear whatever you have to say. O'Brien: Not good enough. I want to talk to her. I want her to talk to me. Keiko: You're in no position to bargain, Miles. Strange, these corporeal bodies of yours. So fragile. Burst even a tiny blood vessel in the brain and every memory, every passionate emotion, gone forever. You shouldn't let me eat all of these by myself, Miles. O'Brien: I'm not hungry. Look, why don't you just tell me what you want me to do so we can get this over with. Keiko: Very well. O'Brien: But let me make one thing clear I will not do anything to jeopardize this station or the people on it. Keiko: Don't worry, Miles. All I want you to do is reconfigure some of the communication and sensor relays on the station. O'Brien: Why? Keiko: I can't tell you. O'Brien: You'll have to be patient. The communications and sensor relays are distributed throughout the entire station. Keiko: You know your wife well, Miles, but she knows you even better. I know you're just playing for time until you can get to your friends. Julian, Dax, Captain Sisko, I know they'll all want to help you. The Captain may even allow you to do what I'm asking. At least until someone figures out a way to trap me in some sort of stasis field or some other clever device you're already dreaming up. And you know what? It might work. You might be able to stop me. But I promise you one thing. If you do, Keiko will die. All I need is a split second to cause a massive brain hemorrhage and she's gone. I know this is a difficult adjustment for you to make, but we don't have a lot of time. O'Brien: What do you want me to do? Keiko: How long is this going to take? O'Brien: In order to keep the polarity shift invisible to security checks, I'll have to tap into the optronic integrator on level five. Keiko: You're the engineer. What is it, Miles? What do you want to ask me? You always tighten your brow just a tiny bit whenever you're about to ask a question. It's something only a wife would notice. O'Brien: Why Keiko? Why take control of her? Why not me? I'm the one who can do the work. It'd be more efficient. Keiko: Come in. Bashir: Hope I'm not interrupting anything. O'Brien: Yes, you are. We're busy. Keiko: Miles! Don't be so rude. Ah, Bajoran spiny basil. How thoughtful. Bashir: It's the least I can do after er Keiko: It's all right, Julian. I forgive you. Now, you are coming to the party tonight, aren't you? Bashir: I'll be here. I guess it's not a surprise anymore. Keiko: I can't believe I did that. I arranged a birthday dinner for you tonight, but I wanted it to be a surprise. O'Brien: That's okay. I don't like surprises. Bashir: Well, I'd better going. I left a patient on the operating table. I'll see you later. Keiko: Thanks, Julian. This was so sweet. Bashir: No problem. O'Brien: A party? Tonight? Keiko: It is your birthday. O'Brien: We can't have all those people here. We'll have to cancel. Keiko: And raise suspicions? It's better if the dinner goes on as planned. Besides, Keiko went to a lot of trouble to arrange it for you. Now, you'd better get back to work. You don't want to be late for your shift briefing. And I've got a lot of cooking to do. Rom: Diagnostic and repair technician junior grade Rom reporting. Whatley: Right. You're Duarte's replacement. Have a seat. Rom: I'm on the swing shift? Whatley: For a day or two. Tekoa: What's the matter with Duarte? Whatley: Sick as a vole. Rom: Is this where Duarte sits? So, what are you drinking? Whatley: Raktajino. Rom: Great. Is that what we drink on the swing shift? Whatley: You can drink anything you want. Rom: I'll have a raktajino. It's not like this on the night shift. We don't drink raktajino. We really don't drink anything. Whatley: Fascinating. O'Brien: Change of plans today, people. I need to recalibrate the optronic integrator on level five. What is it, Rom? Rom: I volunteer. I like phase-shifting reconfigurations. O'Brien: Thank you, but I'll take care of that myself. I want the rest of you to concentrate on the new inertial couplings. I want all sixty four couplings done today. Whatley, you and Tekoa cover the docking ring. Abdon and Nori, the cargo bays. Rom the upper pylons. Any questions? Good. Now, since I'll be working alone today, I'm going to be very busy. So I don't want to be interrupted by anything unimportant. Is that clear? Whatley: Yes, sir. O'Brien: Computer, locate Keiko O'Brien. Computer: Keiko O'Brien is in her quarters. O'Brien: Computer, initiate full identity scan of Keiko O'Brien and note inconsistencies with any existing medical records. Computer: Scan complete. No inconsistencies found. Identity confirmed. O'Brien: How long would it take for a level three stasis field to render Keiko O'Brien unconscious? Computer: All cognitive reflexes would cease in two point one seconds. O'Brien: Too long. Calculate the time if anesthetine gas were used. Computer: One point four seconds. O'Brien: What about a phaser set to stun? Computer: Zero point nine seconds. O'Brien: God help me. Jake: There you are, Chief. I was beginning to think you were going to miss your own party. O'Brien: I'm sorry I'm late. Had a few odds and ends to tie up. Have you seen Keiko? Bashir: Oh, she's in the bedroom, helping Molly put on different shoes. A little fashion crisis. But as usual, your wife has handled everything. You're a lucky man, Miles. Sisko: Keiko has really outdone herself this time. Take it from an old cook, q'parol is a very time-consuming dish. Molly: Happy birthday, daddy. Keiko: For All: He's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny. Keiko: Happy birthday, sweetheart. Jake: Make a wish. Keiko: Single malt Irish whiskey. Neat. Molly wanted to wear her new purple shoes for you. Doesn't she look pretty? O'Brien: Very pretty. Keiko: Now, all the food's set out on the table, so just relax with your friends and I'll pass these around. O'Brien: I want to talk to you. Keiko: Not right now, Miles. We have guests. Dax: Sorry I'm late. Keiko: Dax! I was afraid you weren't coming. Dax: I heard you were serving q'parol and how could I miss it? Sisko: What's the matter, Chief? You look a little preoccupied. Everything all right? O'Brien: There's something I forgot to tell Keiko. Would you excuse me for a moment? Sisko: Of course. Jake: Did you see any Pah-wraiths? Keiko: Pah-wraiths? Jake: In the Fire Caves. Odo was telling me the caves were haunted by some sort of weird supernatural beings. Keiko: Don't tell me you believe in wraiths? Odo: Well, I may have mentioned the Bajoran legends about creatures living in the caves, but I never said I believe in them. Keiko: Well, the only thing I saw in the caves were some beautiful and botanically fascinating fungi. Jake: Well, maybe next time you go to the Fire Caves, I could come along. I've always wanted to meet a Pah-wraith. Keiko: Maybe you will. You never know. O'Brien: I've done what you asked. Keiko: That's terrific, Miles. We'll talk later. Keiko: Miles, are you bleeding? O'Brien: No, it's nothing. Bashir: Let me take a look. O'Brien: I said I'm all right! I'm sorry. Sorry, everybody. Excuse me. Keiko: Get a hold of yourself. O'Brien: Look, I've done everything you asked me to do. Just give me back my wife. Keiko: You've done well, Miles. Keiko: But recalibrating the optronic integrator was only a test. I had to be sure I could trust you. Tomorrow the real work begins. Now it's time to get back to our guests. We don't want to raise suspicions, do we? Keiko: Is Molly asleep? O'Brien: Yes. Keiko: The q'parol was a big success. O'Brien: Look, no more tests, no more games. Just tell me what you want done. Keiko: We'll talk about it in the morning. It's late and you're working a double shift tomorrow. O'Brien: I want to talk about it now! Keiko: Miles, I make the rules. Now relax. Everything's going to be fine as long as you do what I ask. O'Brien: I'll sleep on the couch. Keiko: Don't be childish. What if Molly has one of her nightmares and comes running in? You'll sleep in bed with me, just like you always do. O'Brien: I'll be there in a minute. Keiko: Don't be too late. You've got a busy day tomorrow. O'Brien: Computer, give me the record of all Bajoran legends concerning the Pah-wraiths. Computer: There are six thousand, four hundred twenty-seven entries in the data banks that reference that subject. Please specify. Keiko: Miles. Keiko: Sleep well. Keiko: Another weakness of you corporeal lifeforms. Your need for physical intimacy. It's especially irritating in your young. O'Brien: I have to get Molly ready for school. Keiko: I'll do it. You have a big day ahead of you. O'Brien: Molly's going to sleep at the Davis' tonight and she's staying there until this is over. Keiko: Do you really think that's wise? A little girl needs her mother. Molly would be lost without hers. O'Brien: You stay away from her. Keiko: Miles, I'd never do anything to hurt your daughter, unless you forced me to. These are your instructions. Follow them precisely. O'Brien: Computer, locate Captain Sisko. Computer: Captain Sisko is in Security. Keiko: Miles! O'Brien: No! Odo: And you didn't see anyone near her before she fell? O'Brien: Nobody. But I was passing underneath the walkway and I had my back toward her. Sisko: What were you doing on the Promenade? O'Brien: What? Odo: Weren't you supposed to be working on optronic circuitry on level five? O'Brien: I was going to the Replimat for lunch. Bashir: Keiko's going to be all right. She's lucky that she landed the way that she did. It distributed the impact. Otherwise a fall from that height could easily have killed her or left her paralyzed. O'Brien: Is she conscious? Bashir: Yes, but she's still in shock. She has a broken femur and a hairline fracture of the right parietal bone. O'Brien: Can I see her? Bashir: Maybe in a couple of hours. Right now she needs to rest. O'Brien: Julian, I really need to see her now. Sisko: Doctor. Bashir: All right. But only for a few minutes. Don't excite her. O'Brien: Keiko. Keiko: You were going to tell them about me. O'Brien: How did you know? Keiko: I know everything your wife knows and she knows you. I told you we have to trust one another. You violated that trust. Now look where it's led us. O'Brien: I want my wife back, do you hear me? I want her back. Keiko: Then stop trying to fool me. How much more damage do you think this body can take? Now, no more tricks, agreed? Say it. O'Brien: Agreed. Keiko: Good. You know what you need to do. You should get back to work. O'Brien: I'll have everything completed in thirty six hours. Keiko: You have thirteen and not a minute more. O'Brien: I can't do it that fast. Keiko: You're a very resourceful man. I'm sure you can find a way, for Keiko's sake. O'Brien: You bloody Bashir: She does need to rest, Chief. Keiko: Tell Molly I'll be home soon. Tell her Mommy's fine. Don't scare her. Miles? Give me a kiss. Keiko: I'm counting on you. Bashir: She'll be back on her feet soon, I promise. O'Brien: Computer, begin a thirteen hour countdown starting now. Computer: Clock activated. Worf: Chief. I heard about Keiko's accident. How is she? O'Brien: Julian said she'll be home soon. Worf: That is good. If there is anything I can do. O'Brien: I wish there was. I really do. I'd better get going. I'm falling behind schedule. O'Brien: Computer, time remaining? Computer: Eight hours, twenty two minutes, three seconds. Rom: Chief! Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. O'Brien: Rom, what are you doing here? Rom: Reporting for my next assignment. I've completed calibration tests on the inertial coupling ports on all three upper pylons. O'Brien: Already? O'Brien: How did you finish so quickly? Rom: I just did the work. I didn't allow myself to get caught up in any of the distracting discussions the other workers engage in. Ferengi can be very focused, especially when no one bothers to talk to them. O'Brien: I see. Rom: Not that I mind. I'm used to being ignored. Is something wrong, Chief? I can work slower if you want me to. O'Brien: Rom, I need your help, and I need you to keep your mouth shut. Can I count on you? Rom: Is that a trick question? O'Brien: Rom, this is serious. Rom: You can depend on me, Chief. O'Brien: We're going to make some modifications to several of the station's systems. I don't want you to breathe a word of this to anyone. That includes Dax, Odo, Captain Sisko, Worf. Rom: They don't know? O'Brien: Of course they know. At least, some of them do. But they have to pretend that they don't. This is a top secret Starfleet operation. Rom: Culpable deniability. I understand. Don't worry about me, Chief. My lips are sealed. Nobody will get anything out of me. Not even my name. O'Brien: Rom, everybody on the station knows your name. Rom: Right. But I won't confirm it. Where do we start? O'Brien: Computer, time remaining? Computer: Six hours, forty one minutes, twenty six seconds. Dax: Chief. O'Brien: Commander, what are you doing up at this hour? Dax: I want you to have a look at something. I couldn't sleep so I got up and decided to scan the wormhole for radiometric anomalies. O'Brien: At three in the morning? Dax: I've always found anomalies to be very relaxing. It's a curse. I was using the wideband filter protocols and when I ran the primary calibrations check I found this. O'Brien: Oh, they're slightly off spec. Dax: Yes. I thought it might be a fused matrix inverter until I ran a level three diagnostic. Have a look. We'd better wake the Captain. We have a saboteur on the station. Sisko: All right, what have you got? Dax: Computer, display diagnostic. Chief? O'Brien: We've identified nine hundred and forty three tiny fluctuations in the primary communication relays and several power distribution junctions. Dax: Fluctuations that can't be attributed to anything except external intervention. Sisko: Someone's gained access to our systems and is altering them. For what purpose? O'Brien: We're working on that. At this point, it's hard to even call it sabotage. There's been no real damage. The systems are just a little off spec. So far, these alterations don't seem to pose any threat to the station. Sisko: So far. But this might be just the tip of a very large and dangerous iceberg. Is there any way to trace how this was done, and by whom? Odo: It has to be someone familiar with the station's systems. Dax: Maybe someone who worked on the station under the Cardassians. Odo: I'm running extensive security checks on all recent visitors, but so far, I haven't found anything. Dax: It could be someone who's been on the station a long time. Someone with a lot of access. Maybe even someone on the maintenance crew. Sisko: Chief? O'Brien: Yes. Sisko: Yes, what? Do you think it's someone on your staff? Crewman: Chief O'Brien, I have a call from your daughter. Sisko: Go ahead. O'Brien: Molly, honey, what is it? Molly: Hi, Daddy. Mommy told me I could call you. Keiko: I hope we didn't interrupt anything important. O'Brien: It's all right, Molly. I'm glad you called. What are you doing home? Keiko: She missed her mommy. Isn't that sweet? Molly: When are you going to come Molly: Ow! Mommy, that hurt. Keiko: Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. O'Brien: Are you all right, Molly? Keiko: She's fine, Miles. She wants to know when you'll be finished. I told her you had to work another two hours, twenty two minutes and thirteen seconds. Molly: How long is that, Daddy? O'Brien: Soon. I'll be home very soon. Keiko: Good. We both miss you. Sisko: Everything all right? O'Brien: Fine. I'm sorry about the interruption. Sisko: You were saying you thought you knew who the saboteur might be. O'Brien: I think I have an idea. Rom: Hello, Constable. Hello, Chief. Odo: What are you doing, Rom? Rom: I can't talk about it. Odo: Oh, yes you can. And you will. Odo: Coming, Chief? O'Brien: I'd better see what he's been up to here. I'll take care of those. Sisko: Has he said anything? Odo: Not much. For the first forty minutes, it was like pulling teeth even getting him to admit his name. Sisko: You think he's working alone? Odo: I don't know. Rom admits to nothing. Now he's asking to see Chief O'Brien. He won't talk to anybody else. Sisko: Then get the Chief down here. I want to know what's going on. Odo: Security to Chief O'Brien. O'Brien: Go ahead, Constable. Odo: We need you in Security right away. O'Brien: I'm still trying to figure out what Rom did to these systems. Odo: That'll have to wait. I have Captain's orders to get you down here immediately. O'Brien: On my way. Computer, time remaining? Computer: Thirty six minutes, nine seconds. O'Brien: Computer, locate maintenance technician Rom. Computer: Maintenance technician Rom is in Security holding cell number four. O'Brien: Initiate security override and scramble surveillance channels four A, B, C and D. Authorisation O'Brien seven one two. Computer: Specified security channels scrambled. O'Brien: Now, begin recalibration of gravitic sensors at access panel three seven nine as indicated. I'll be back in ten minutes. Odo: The Chief is here, Rom. Now what do you want to say? Rom: Alone. I'll only talk if we're alone. O'Brien: What is it, Rom? It's okay. I've diskonnected Odo's eavesdropping devices. Rom: I haven't told anyone anything, just like you said. O'Brien: You're a good man. Now why did you call me? I told you we're under very tight time constraints. Rom: Captain Sisko is really angry. If I didn't know he was pretending O'Brien: Rom. Rom: Don't worry, I can hold out until you say otherwise, but there is one thing I have to know. O'Brien: Go ahead. Rom: Why are we focusing a chroniton beam at the wormhole? O'Brien: What? Rom: The new frequency of the deflector grid is set to turn the station into a massive chroniton array aimed directly at the wormhole. So I just wanted to know. Why are we trying to kill the wormhole aliens? O'Brien: What are you talking about? A chroniton beam is harmless. Rom: To us, but its temporal disruption would kill a wormhole alien instantly. O'Brien: Of course. Why didn't I think of that. She has me so on edge I haven't been able to see the forest for the trees. Rom: Who's she? O'Brien: I don't have time to explain now. The question is, why would anyone want to kill the wormhole aliens? Rom: Everyone has enemies, even the Prophets. O'Brien: That's right. They're not just wormhole aliens, they're Prophets, part of Bajoran mythology just like the Pah-wraiths of the Fire Caves. So, what have those wraiths have to do with the wormhole aliens? Rom: Koss'moran. O'Brien: What? Rom: It's a Bajoran legend. From the verb kosst, meaning 'to be' and amoran 'banished'. Leeta's been telling me all about Bajoran legends. She can go on for hours. She says I'm a good listener. O'Brien: I'm sure you are. Now's the time to be a good talker. Go on. Rom: Well, according to Leeta, the Pah-wraiths used to live in the wormhole. They were part of the Celestial Temple. O'Brien: They were Prophets? Rom: False Prophets. They were cast out of the Temple, exiled to the caves where they were imprisoned in crystal fire cages and forbidden to ever return lest they face the wrath of the true Prophets. O'Brien: So if these false Prophets were to return to the Celestial Temple? Rom: I don't think they'd be welcomed. O'Brien: Unless she kills all the wormhole aliens first. Rom, I'm going to have to leave you in a tough spot. Rom: Captain Sisko, Odo, they don't know about any of this, do they? O'Brien: No. No, they don't. And I want you to help me keep it that way for a little while longer. Rom: I have to stay here and play the idiot? O'Brien: I'm afraid so. No matter what Odo asks you Rom: I'm Quark's brother. I know the role. O'Brien: Computer, time remaining? Computer: Twelve minutes, twenty two seconds. Odo: Ahem. Sorry to disturb you, Chief. A couple of things are still bothering me. Rom couldn't have done all this sabotage alone. There were too many changes for any one person to make. O'Brien: Maybe so. Right now I've got a frequency problem in the cascade feeder. Odo: I checked with the repair logs. I was hoping to match someone's movements to the locations where the alterations were made, but I couldn't do that. O'Brien: We had a matrix system failure yesterday. Those files were lost. Sorry. Odo: We've had a lot of system failures recently, haven't we, Chief? O'Brien: Really? I hadn't noticed. I've been too busy repairing things. Odo: Like the surveillance channels in the holding cells? You authorized a security override. What was wrong with them? O'Brien: The fiber optic relay was out of sync. The isolinear chip junction was Odo: Enough, Chief. You didn't cover your tracks very well. Why? O'Brien: I didn't have time. I still don't. O'Brien: Sorry, Odo. Chief O'Brien to Keiko O'Brien. Keiko: This is Keiko. O'Brien: I'm finished, but we have to move quickly. This place is going to be swarming with security. Meet me at runabout pad C now. Keiko: How did you know I'd want a runabout? O'Brien: Because I know what you're planning to do. But don't worry, I don't give a damn about the Celestial Temple, or your non-corporeal feuds. I just want my wife back. Now you still need me to pilot you to the wormhole, so let's stop wasting time. Agreed? Keiko: I'll meet you there. O'Brien: That's correct, Commander. I want to test some new magnetic constrictors on the runabout's impulse thrusters. Dax: Very well, Chief. You're cleared for departure. But before you go, there's one thing I'd like to ask you. O'Brien: What's that? Dax: Did you enjoy your birthday? O'Brien: It was full of surprises. Dax: Good. Those are always my favorites. Keiko: Hold position here. O'Brien: Computer. Initiate modifications O'Brien seven three one and enable remote comm. link. Computer: Comm. link enabled. Dax: What the hell? Keiko: Target the center of the wormhole. O'Brien: Target coordinates set. Keiko: Have us face the Temple. The blast'll last only a fraction of a second. They'll all be dead before they even see it. Keiko: Oh, you have no idea how many centuries I've waited for this. O'Brien: Let's get on with it. Keiko: Miles, you have a lot to learn about patience. Proceed. Sisko: Chief, what's going on out there? I'm ordering you to return to the station. Now! Keiko: Activate. O'Brien: Keiko? Keiko. Keiko: Miles? Sisko: Chief. You have some explaining to do. Keiko: It was more like having something coiled around inside my head. I could see and hear through it, but any time I tried to do anything, it was like being stuck in sand and squeezed. O'Brien: Yeah. Could you sense any of its thoughts? Keiko: Just feelings sometimes. Kind of a cold rage. I don't think it had any intention of leaving either one of us alive. O'Brien: You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Keiko: It feels better to talk about it. Besides, I don't want to forget how hard you fought for me. Rom: Hello, brother. Quark: You look horrible. I'm telling you, Rom, working the night shift is driving you to an early grave. Rom: I wasn't working. Quark: What do you mean you weren't working? Rom: I'm not on the night shift anymore. Quark: I knew it. O'Brien fired you. Rom: No, brother. In appreciation of my work the chief has promoted me to the day shift. He says I have a promising future in Engineering. Quark: Then why do you look so tired? Rom: I was out celebrating. Quark: With who? Rom: My crewmates. I think they like me. Quark: Do they. Rom: Especially Litana. She's always finding excuses to talk to me. Quark: Well, Rom, I'm glad things are going so well for you. Rom: No, you're not. But thanks anyway, brother. Quark: I guess you'll be wanting the Chief's Special again? Rom: Actually, no. I've diskovered that bacon doesn't agree with me. Quark: What a surprise. Rom: Instead, I'll have a short stack of pancakes, dripping with butter, side of sausage and pineapple. Quark: Pineapple? Rom: That's the breakfast of choice on the day shift. Quark: Pineapple.

Odo: So, what do you think of the O'Brien's plan to name their baby Sean? Sisko: Well, I kind of like it. Sean. Has a nice ring to it. Odo: Except that in Bajoran, Sean means swamp. Sisko: Do the O'Briens know that? Odo: I doubt it. Sisko: Someone should tell them. Odo: I nominate you. Dax: Morning. Odo: Neck bothering you again? Dax: It's just a muscle pull. Sisko: What is that, the eighth muscle pull this month? Odo: Actually, I believe Commander Dax has been treated for seven muscle pulls, two contusions, and three cracked ribs. The only person who's spent more time in the Infirmary in the past few weeks is Commander Worf. Sisko: Isn't there any way the two of you could, er, you know Dax: Make love? Sisko: Without injuring yourselves? Dax: Interspecies romance isn't without it's danger. That's part of the fun. Maybe we'll have better luck on Risa. Sisko: Risa? I thought you and Worf were taking your vacation on Earth. Dax: That was his suggestion. I changed his mind. Odo: From what I hear, Risa makes the Hoobishan Baths look like a monastery. Sisko: I hope they have a good hospital. I can't believe you actually convinced Worf to go to a pleasure planet. He must really be loosening up. Odo: I hadn't noticed it. Sisko: Come to think of it, neither have I. Dax: Oh, no, he's still the same old Worf. Worf: Prune juice, extra large. Dax: See what I mean? Worf. Worf: Captain, Constable, Commander. Sisko: Dax said you were going to Risa. Worf: Did she? Dax: It's no secret. Worf: Apparently not. Odo: You must be looking forward to it. Worf: I am looking forward to spending some time alone with Lieutenant Commander Dax. Dax: Isn't he sweet? Worf: We have much to discuss. Sisko: About what? Worf: It is a private matter. Dax: Worf's upset because I had lunch with Captain Boday. Odo: The Gallamite? Worf: His skull is transparent. Dax: And if you couldn't see his brains, would it make you feel any better? Worf: It is not proper for you to have lunch with an ex-lover while we are together. Dax: We were just talking. You have to learn to trust me a little more. Worf: I do trust you. I do not trust Captain Boday. Odo: Well, I can see it's going to be quite a trip. Sisko: The two of you have to tell us all about it when you get back. Worf: I am sure she will. Worf: I do not see why you feel the need to talk about our personal lives to other people. Dax: And I don't see why you feel the need to control my every move. And they're not other people. Benjamin and Odo are my friends. Bashir: Jadzia. Dax: Hey. Bashir: Worf. We've been looking for you. I've been thinking about this trip you're taking to Risa. Dax: He's a friend too. Leeta: Julian and I were talking it over and we'd like to come along, if that's all right. Dax: Actually, we were hoping to spend some time alone together. Bashir: Oh, you'll have it. Leeta: Oh, once we get to Risa, you won't even see us. Dax: There's no harm in sharing a runabout. Worf: I suppose not. Leeta: Oh, thank you so much. I'm going to go pack. Bashir: Commander. Worf: Do not hug me. Bashir: I promise we will keep out of your hair. Worf: Good. Because we have much to discuss. Sisko: I really wish I was going with you. Dax and I had some great times on Risa. Curzon Dax. Worf: Curzon. Of course. Sisko: Have fun. Quark: It's about time you got here. The rest of us were ready to leave an hour ago. Worf: What is he doing here? Quark: I've always wanted to go to Risa and this seemed like a perfect opportunity. Leeta: He wouldn't give me any time off unless we promised to take him with us. Bashir: I hope this isn't going to be a problem. Quark: Why should it be a problem? We're going to have a wonderful time. Now, if you don't mind, Risa awaits. Leeta: Sorry. Worf: Jadzia. Dax: I know, I know. We have much to discuss. Leeta: Let's see. That's a Tarkalean tea for you, a raktajino for you, and an extra large prune juice. Dax: Leeta, you're on vacation, not at Quark's. You don't have to serve us. Leeta: Oh, it gives me something to do. Space travel's so dull. Have you ever noticed how all the stars look the same? Quark: Excuse me, but I believe I ordered a snail juice, hand-squeezed. Leeta: Get it yourself. I'm on vacation. Quark: How much longer until we get there? Dax: Another six hours. Quark: Six hours. Worf: Tell the Ferengi to return to his cabin. Quark: You call that a cabin? It's a cot and a waste disposal unit. It's so small even I can't stand up in there. Look. I'm developing a slouch. Worf: Tell the Ferengi to return to his cabin now. Dax: Quark. Quark: What's he going to do? Turn around and take me home? Ruin everyone's vacation? Worf: Coming about. Setting course for Deep Space Nine. Quark: Okay, okay, you made your point. I'm going. But first, I have a little present for everyone. Quark: One for you, and one for you, and one for you. And none for you. Leeta: What's this? Bashir: It's a horga'hn. A Risian fertility symbol. Quark: Displaying one to the locals indicates you're seeking jamaharon. Leeta: What's jamaharon? Bashir: I'll show you later. Leeta: Oh. Look, they like each other. Quark: I think I'm going to be sick. All right, I'm going. Dax: Me too. Worf: Going? Where? Dax: I'm going to change into something more comfortable. You don't think I'm going to beam down to Risa dressed like this, do you? Leeta: That's a good idea. Bashir: When in Rome. Leeta: Oh! I can't believe we finally made it. Bashir: Well, enjoy your vacation. Leeta: We will. Quark: Time to test these babies out. Ladies. Risian 1: You seek jamaharon? Quark: I seek whatever you've got. Risian 2: All that is ours is yours. Quark: I'll take it. Dax: Aren't you uncomfortable in that uniform? Worf: Starfleet uniforms are designed for comfort in even the most extreme environments. Dax: Well, you look out of place. I mean, look around you. Isn't it beautiful? Worf: It's an artificially created paradise, maintained by the most elaborate weather control system in the Federation. In it's natural state, Risa is nothing more than a rain soaked, geologically unstable jungle. Dax: Maybe so, but the only dark cloud I see around here is you. Worf: I did not come here to admire the scenery. Dax: If you say so. I guess we should just go home. Worf: Well maybe. I would not be so hasty. Dax: I take it the scenery has improved? Worf: A few months ago, when I was commanding the Defiant on a scouting mission in the Gamma Quadrant, we encountered a protostar cluster, a swirling mass of color set against a background of glowing clouds and burning sky. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, until now. Dax: I've got to take you on vacation more often. Arandis: Dax? Is that you? Dax: Arandis. I was wondering if you were still here. Arandis: Not only am I still here, I have been promoted. I'm Chief Facilitator for the entire Temtibi Lagoon. Dax: Worf, this is Arandis. Worf: A friend of Curzon's. Dax: She and Curzon spent a lot of time together on his last trip here. Arandis: We had a wonderful time together, until I killed him. Worf: Killed him? Arandis: Death by jamaharon. I suppose there are worse ways to go. Dax: Trust me, he died happy. Arandis: He was such a sweet old man. Worf: I will take your word for it. Arandis: It's so good to see you again, Dax. Your new host is very attractive. Dax: Thank you. I'd like to think so. You haven't aged a day. Arandis: Risa's been very kind to me. Come, let me show you around. Worf: Maybe later. Arandis: Of course. All that is ours is yours. Worf: Thank you. But we have everything we need. Dax: That wasn't very nice. Worf: Why? Is there something of hers you want? Dax: Arandis was Curzon's lover, not mine. Worf: I hope you remember that. Dax: You're still angry about Captain Boday. Worf: If I am angry, it is because you do not take our relationship seriously. Dax: Worf, we just got here. Do we have to start arguing again? Worf: If you were a Klingon woman, we would already be married. Dax: In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a Klingon woman. Worf: That's no excuse. I have been loyal to you, and I expect you to be loyal to me in return. Dax: I have been loyal to you, but I'm not going to let you run my life. Worf: I'm not trying to run your life. Dax: Then I'm going to go have a big glass of icoberry juice. Worf: That is a mistake. You are allergic to icoberry juice. It makes your spots itch. Dax: But I like the taste. Worf: Fine. Have as much icoberry juice as you like. But it is still a mistake. Dax: But it is my mistake to make. Now why don't you go up to our room and put on your bathing suit so we can swim in the lagoon. Worf: As you wish. Worf: Enter. Fullerton: I hope I'm not disturbing you, Lieutenant Commander. My name is Pascal Fullerton. I'm the Chairman of the New Essentialists Movement. Worf: I'm not familiar with that organization. Fullerton: We're dedicated to restoring the moral and cultural traditions of the Federation. This is a statement of our principles. But if you'd like to hear more, we're holding a rally later this afternoon. Worf: On Risa? Fullerton: What better place? This world revels in the kind of self-indulgence that's eroding the foundations of Federation society. We intend to shut it down. Dax: I really wish you'd stop reading that. Worf: I would not dismiss Fullerton so quickly. His analysis of recent Federation history is both insightful and disturbing. Dax: What's really disturbing is that you're still wearing your uniform. Worf: It would not hurt you to read this. Leeta: Mmm. The truth is, not everyone can be a dabo girl. First of all, you have to be able to wear the clothes, and believe me, that's not easy. You have to be able to calculate odds in your head very quickly, and most importantly, you need a very supple wrist. Like this. Dabo. Dax: Worf, people have been predicting the end of the Federation since the day it was founded. Trust me, I know. Leeta: Oh, hi. Dax: Leeta, what a surprise. Leeta: Care to join us? We were just about to take a reyamilk soak. Dax: Maybe later. Worf. Worf! Worf: That was not Doctor Bashir. Dax: It's none of our business. Worf: Are you defending her actions? Dax: I am not defending anything, but it's not my business or yours. Now what do you say we go sign out a couple of floaters and take in the sights. Worf: I cannot. The Essentialists are having a rally and I plan to attend. Dax: You're kidding. You're not kidding. Dax: Don't these people have anything better to do? Worf: Perhaps you underestimate the power of Fullerton's message. Dax: The plot thickens. Dax: And you were worried about Julian. Worf: Why are he and Leeta not together? Dax: I don't know, but don't jump to conclusions. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Worf: This place is a bad influence on people. Arandis: Here for the show? Worf: I would not call it a show. Arandis: Really? I find Mister Fullerton very entertaining. Dax: He seems pretty determined to diskourage people from coming here. Arandis: Risa receives millions of visitors every year. And all of them leave happier than when they've arrived. I don't see how one man, no matter how determined, can change that. Worf: Kahless fought off an entire army at Three Turn Bridge, and he was only one man. Arandis: Fullerton and his Essentialists have been here for about a month. And no matter how many speeches he gives, the water's still warm and the wind still smells sweet. But if he's enjoying himself, who are we to diskourage him? Fullerton: That's right. Take a good look. I can only imagine what you must think of me. A middle-aged ponderous academic, sweating under the hot Risian suns, wasting his time telling you things you don't want to hear. But you know what I see when I look at you? Children. Pampered, spoiled children. For some reason the citizens of the Federation have come to believe that they are entitled to lives of ease and privilege. Bashir: I may be wrong, but didn't he just insult us? Fullerton: If you want something to eat, you get it from a replicator. If you want amusement, you go to a holosuite. And if you need protection, you call for Starfleet. But someday, someday soon, you're going to have to learn to take care of yourselves. Because if I see you as helpless children, then how do you think the Borg see you? Or the Romulans, or the Klingons or the Dominion? These empires look at the Federation and they see a prize, a prize that we have forgotten how to protect. And if we don't change our ways, they're going to take it from us. Arandis: Mister Fullerton has quite a flair for the dramatic. Bashir: Does he really believe that? Dax: I think he does. Fullerton: The way I see it, we've got two options. We can either turn our backs on childish things and re-embrace the hard work that built the Federation in the first place, or we can lie here napping in the sun, until we wake up with Jem'Hadar guns to our heads. The choice is ours. Heaven help us if we make the wrong one. Bashir: What are you talking about? Come on, Worf. This sounds like nonsense. Worf: I am merely observing that the Klingons never would have attacked if had they not believed the Federation vulnerable. Even now, since the changeling was diskovered on the Klingon High Council, most of my people continue to call for war because they think they can win. Bashir: None of this has anything to do with Risa. Worf: You cannot be certain of that. Dax: All I know is I've spent lifetimes defending the Federation, and I deserve a vacation every now and then. Leeta: Julian? Oh, there you are. I am so glad we came here. I'm having the most wonderful time. Bashir: I told you this was just what we needed. Something wrong? Dax: It's nothing. Worf: The two of you dishonor each other with your actions. Leeta: Do you know what he's talking about? Bashir: You mean, we didn't tell you why we came here? We're conducting the Rite of Separation. Leeta: It's an old Bajoran custom. When a couple separates, they spend several days celebrating their parting. It's a way to remember all the good times, and to seek out new opportunities. Bashir: A very wise and ancient culture. Leeta: You know, Julian, I don't think I've completely gotten you out of my system yet. Bashir: I know exactly what you mean. Excuse us. We have a few details to work out. Worf: Terminating a relationship should not be taken so frivolously. Dax: Not every relationship has to end like a Klingon opera. Worf: Oh, no. no. Just the ones that are important. Bolian: Stay where you are. Dax: On three. One, two Worf: Wait. Fullerton: That's enough. Well, I hope we've proved our point. Dax: The power cells are empty. Fullerton: We have no intention of harming anyone. Dax: I don't understand. Fullerton: You think you're safe here in this paradise of yours, but you're not. What if we had been Jem'Hadar or Klingons or Romulans. You'd be dead now. Even you Starfleet officers were lulled into a false sense of security. If you could be taken unaware, what chance do the rest of us have? The sad truth is the galaxy is a hostile place. Forget that, even for a moment, and you risk losing everything. Just something for you to think about while you wait for your desserts. Bolian: Demonstration's over. Move along, move along. Dax: As a Starfleet Officer, I have the authority to arrest you for what you just did. Fullerton: But that would be a waste of time. We both know the Risians won't prosecute. They don't have the courage for it. Believe me, I wish they did. Commander Worf, what did you think of our little demonstration? Worf: I cannot condone what you have done. Fullerton: Maybe not, but I do think you understand it. Dax: I don't know about you, but it's past my bedtime. Worf: We need to talk. Dax: About the Essentialists? Worf: No. About us. Dax: Oh, I suppose you have another list of things I'm doing wrong. Worf: I did not say you were doing anything wrong. It's just that some of your behavior Dax: What about my behavior? Worf: At times, you are too impulsive. You act without thinking. You have no self-control. Dax: And you think I need you to control me? Worf: Jadzia, you are my par'Machkai. And that means everything you do reflects on me. Dax: I'm sorry if I embarrass you. Worf: I just need to know that you take this relationship as seriously as I do. Dax: And I just wish you'd relax a little and let yourself enjoy what we have together. Worf, I'm not going to change who I am. Worf: Nor am I. Dax: Well, at least we agree on something. Why don't we go to bed? Worf: You go. I will be there shortly. Dax: This place looks a lot better than it did last night. I guess Risians aren't as lethargic as the Essentialists would like everyone to believe. Arandis: The Essentialists are wrong about many things. What that Mister Fullerton could use is a little jamaharon. No, a lot of jamaharon. Dax: I'd buy him a horga'hn myself if I thought held take it. Arandis: It looks like he's not the only one that could use some cheering up. Dax: I've had better vacations. Arandis: Better than Risa? Dax: I've never known a Klingon who had a tougher time enjoying himself. Arandis: That's no reason for you not to have a good time. Risa is famous for its diversions. Dax: I wish it was that simple. Arandis: It was for Curzon Dax. And I can tell there's more than a little Curzon in you. Dax: He loved this planet. Arandis: And Risa loved him. Dax: Why don't I help you clean up? Arandis: All that is ours is yours. Leeta: Our paths have grown apart. Bashir: What was one is now two. Leeta: The time of sharing is over. May the Prophets guide you toward the path of happiness. Bashir: And may they walk with you always. Quark: That's it? Leeta: That's it. Bashir: What were you expecting? Quark: I was expecting fireworks. Where's the anger, the vicious name-calling, the irrational accusations? I never would have agreed to be a witness if I knew you were going to be so civil. It's disgusting. Bashir: Personally, I think it was admirable. No incriminations, no hurt feelings. I don't think I've ever felt this good about the end of a relationship. Leeta: Oh, I agree. Now I can finally be honest about my feelings. Bashir: What does that mean? Leeta: It's just in the past few months I've been thinking a lot about another man. Quark: Let me get this straight. While you were still dating Julian here, you were having fantasies about someone else? Leeta: I'd rather not discuss it now. Bashir: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You brought it up. You might as well tell me who it is. Quark: Yes, do tell. Leeta: It's Quark: Me? Leeta: Your brother, Rom. Quark: My brother Rom? Bashir: His brother Rom? Leeta: He's so cute. And very sexy. Bashir: Cute? Quark: Sexy? BASHIR + Quark: Rom? Quark: Here. You need this more than I do. Arandis: You just close your eyes and let all the tension drain away. Doesn't the clay feel good? Dax: Wonderful. Arandis: Now pour your emotions into it. Begin to mold it. Feel the texture in your hands. Dax: I do. I feel it. I really do. Arandis: I knew you'd get it. Worf: Dax. Dax: Worf? Dax: Worf! Fullerton: I'm tired of giving speeches. It's time we took action. Bolian: We've taken action, the raid on the Solarium. Fullerton: It'll be forgotten by tomorrow. Fullerton: Mister Worf? Worf: You want to make people leave Risa. I think I know a way. Bashir: I probably would've reacted the same way Worf did. I know Arandis is Curzon's lover, not yours, but if I'd walked in on the two of you together? Well, trying to figure you out at any given time isn't easy. Quark: I like that about her. Bashir: So do I. It's the reason why I chased after her so long. Dax: Would you two please stop talking about me like I'm not here. Bashir: It's also why I stopped chasing after her. You're too much work. Dax: Worf is the one who's too much work. Quark: What you need is a Ferengi. Dax: Maybe, but what I want is Worf. Bashir: Why? Dax: Because he has the courage of a berserker cat and he has the heart of a poet. Quark: And the brain of a pigheaded idiot. Dax: Yeah, sometimes. Arandis: Jadzia. Dax: Any luck? Arandis: I'm afraid not. None of the staff can find him, but I'm sure he'll turn up. Quark: Well, no sense waiting around here for him. I say we take some floaters up into the hills and go skinny dipping in the hot springs. Bashir: I never thought I'd say this, but I'm with Quark. Dax: What was that? Quark: Great. Just what we needed. Dax: I thought it wasn't supposed to rain in this part of Risa. Arandis: It's not. Something must be wrong with the weather grid. Arandis: May I have your attention please. Obviously the weather grid is experiencing some type of malfunction, but I'm sure we'll be able to repair it soon. Fullerton: No, you won't. Dax: You're responsible for this. Fullerton: I authorized it, but it was not my idea. Worf: It was mine. Bashir: Are you serious? Dax: He's serious. Worf, what did you do? Build an uplink so you could take control of the weather grid? Worf: The grid has been deactivated. It will take three or four days to restore the system to normal operation. During that time, the inhabitants of Risa and their guests will experience the planet's natural weather cycle. Arandis: And for most of Risa that means rain, and plenty of it. Quark: But why are you doing this? Fullerton: Because Risa is an illusion created by weather control systems, industrial replicators, seismic regulators. If the Federation is going to survive, we're going to have to stop wasting our time with toys and get back to the essentials. Arandis: I'm beginning to think there's no hope for that man. Or for you either, Mister Worf. Bashir: Commander, with all due respect, are you out of your mind? Worf: I think you will find me quite rational. Quark: As rational as Klingons get, anyway. Dax: Worf, this is wrong. Worf: I disagree. If Federation citizens cannot handle a little bad weather, how will they handle a Dominion invasion? Quark: I have seen drier days on Ferenginar, and we have a hundred and seventy eight different words for rain. Right now it's glebbening out there. And that's bad. Dax: If you're so miserable, why don't you take your horga'hn and go find some company. Quark: Have you taken a good look at the Risians lately? They're even more depressed than the guests. Arandis: I'm trying to organize a game of hoverball. Would either of you like to join us? Quark: In the rain? Arandis: No, on one of the indoor courts. Quark: Indoor hoverball. That's just wrong. Dax: I'll play. Arandis: Good, that makes one. Dax: Having trouble keeping the guests happy? Arandis: I've never heard so much complaining in my life. Quark: Nobody came here to sit around in the rain. Arandis: It's not just the weather. People are starting to complain about everything. The rooms, the entertainment, the food. Dax: What's wrong with the food? Arandis: Nothing, as far as I can tell. But the guests say it just doesn't taste right. Quark: It's the humidity. It dampens the food, makes everything mushy. Trust me. There's no word for crisp on Ferenginar. Arandis: Maybe Mister Fullerton is right. Maybe we have forgotten how to deal with adversity. Bolian: According to our figures, the guest population has declined by thirty percent in the last three days. WORF And you can be sure the guests that have stayed are taking what you have to say seriously. Fullerton: It's a start. Worf: One that you can build on. Fullerton: You're leaving? Worf: I have had my fill of Risa. Fullerton: Mister Worf, you've been an inspiration to us all. Worf: Good luck. Fullerton: Thank you. Fullerton: You still have the uplink to the weather control grid? Bolian: Right here. Fullerton: By tomorrow, the weather grid will be restored to normal and no one here will remember this ever happened. But I intend to send a message they won't forget. Dax: You must be feeling pretty good right now. The weather's terrible, the guests are miserable, and more and more people are leaving Risa every day. Worf: Their response only proves my point. Dax: Oh, I see. Ruin the vacations of a few hundred thousand people to bolster the moral fiber of the Federation. Worf: I do not expect you to understand. Dax: I understand even better than you do. What you did had nothing to do with Risa, or the Essentialists, or even the Federation. It's about you and me. Worf: You give yourself far too much credit. Dax: Do I? You think I'm irresponsible, frivolous. That I care more about pleasure than I do commitment. What do you think is going on between me and Arandis? Worf: You know what I think. Dax: That's right, I do. And you know what? You're wrong. Did it occur to you to ask me about it? Or trust, just a little? Worf: A Klingon woman would not have given me grounds for suspicion. Dax: And how would you know? Curzon spent more time with Klingons than you ever did. Worf: You may have lived among my people, but you are not a Klingon. I am. Dax: Maybe so, but you're not like any other Klingon I've ever met. What happened to you, Worf? You're a paragon of Klingon honor and diskipline, but when it comes to the Klingon passion for life, the exuberance, the enjoyment of the moment, you are constantly holding yourself back. Why? Worf: That's not the issue here. Dax: I think it is. Worf: I do not wish to lose you, Jadzia. Dax: Then talk to me, please. Worf: You know from the age of seven I was raised by humans on the farmworld of Gault? It was a sparsely populated world, no more than twenty thousand inhabitants. It often seemed as though everyone knew everyone else. But one thing was for certain, everyone knew me. I was the Klingon child, the uncontrollable one. I was the biggest, the strongest, most fearless child on the entire planet. I fought hard, played hard, I did as I pleased. Dax: What changed? Worf: When I was thirteen, I was captain of my school soccer team. We had made the championships, and I was determined to win. Near the end of the second half, with the score tied, my team got a corner kick. The ball sailed up high. Both I and one of my opponents, a human boy named Mikel, leaped up to head the ball. He had position, but I was determined to score. I remember laughing with excitement as I threw myself at him. Dax: Go on. Worf: The next thing I knew, the ball was sailing into their goal. I roared with triumph and turned around to Mikel to gloat, only to find him lying on the grass bleeding. Our heads had collided when we both went up for the ball. I had not feel the impact, but I had broken his neck, and he died the next day. Dax: It was an accident. Worf: Which only makes it worse. Compared to Klingons, humans are fragile creatures. I realized at that moment to live among them I must practice restraint. Dax: That must have been difficult for you. Worf: At first. In time it became part of who I was, who I am. Dax: And you're still afraid that if you lose control Worf: Someone I care about might get hurt. Dax: That explains a lot. But you have to realize there are some things in life you can't control, and one of them is me. But what you can do is trust me. I care about you, Worf, and I would never do anything to hurt you. Worf: Nor would I do anything to hurt you. Dax: Who knows, I might have more self-control than you give me credit for. Dax: That felt like an earthquake. So did that. Worf: The Essentialists. Fullerton: You should see them all run. I think they've finally realized that the party's over. Increase the feedback in the tectonic stress regulators. Bolian: If I do, there won't be a building left standing on this part of Risa. Bolian: It might be a good idea to head to the spaceport. Or at least get out of this room. Fullerton: Very well. I think our work is done here. Worf: The uplink. Give it to me. Fullerton: Mister Worf, I suggest you all get off this planet as soon as possible. I have no wish to see you or your friends harmed. Dax: Give us the uplink or the only person who will be harmed is you. Fullerton: I thought you were one of us. Worf: Perhaps I was for a time. But I believe the Federation will survive the Dominion, the Borg and people like you. Fullerton: Mister Worf, if you walk out of here now, you'll be turning your back on the Federation. Don't you see? Over-indulgence, lack of self-control, they'll destroy everything we hold dear, and you will be responsible. Worf: You say that we have to return to traditional Federation values. Well, I agree, but one of those values is trust. It is essential that we remember that. Fullerton: Don't you walk away from me. Worf: I will do as I please. Bolian: Are you all right? Fullerton: Yes, yes. Worf: I am on vacation. Quark: Figures. The weather improves the day we leave. Leeta: I can't wait to get home. Not that I didn't enjoy myself. Quark: I'd better go find Bashir. He brought a horga'hn down to breakfast and that's the last I saw of him. Arandis: I hope the two of you enjoyed Risa and will come again. Worf: I did not think that I would be welcome. Arandis: Well, you still have a lot to learn about our people. I never got a chance to say goodbye to Curzon Dax. Dax: And you're not saying goodbye to me either. I'll be back. Arandis: And Risa will be waiting. Dax: So what do we do now? Worf: Now we watch the suns set. Dax: I have a better idea. Why don't we go swimming. Worf: I didn't bring a bathing suit. Dax: I won't tell if you don't.

Garak: If I'd known what I was walking into, I never would have gone. Dax: It was your idea to attend the conference in the first place, Garak. Garak: I thought the Bajorans would be grateful to hear someone provide them with an opposing philosophical view. Dax: Opposing view? Garak, you were trying to defend the military occupation of their world. How grateful did you think they would be? Garak: My understanding of this conference was that it was supposed to be an examination of the occupation from a dispassionate historical perspective. Instead, everyone went out of their way to dismiss virtually everything I had to say. Sisko: I thought the Bajorans bent over backwards to be polite to you, Garak. Garak: Giving me a name tag that read, 'Elim Garak, former Cardassian oppressor' was hardly polite. Dax: And what did you want it to say? Former spy? Garak: What I would have liked was less posturing and more debate. It's clear to me now that the Bajorans aren't really interested in diskovering historical truth as much as they are in promoting the myths and legends of the glorious Resistance. Dax: Well, Odo wasn't a member of the Resistance and he managed to attract a fair amount of attention. Garak: Yes, it seems you have quite a fan club on Bajor. I half expected you to be signing autographs at the end. Dax: Don't let him get to you, Odo. You should be proud of what you did during the Occupation. Odo: I've nothing to be proud of. I tried to bring order to a chaotic situation, that's all. Sisko: You need to give yourself more credit, Constable. Keeping order during the Occupation would be a tough job for anyone, but you not only did it, you did it by earning the trust of both sides. Dax: What was it the Moderator said? That you may have worked for the Cardassians, but your only master was justice. Sisko: And a legend is born. Okala: Sir, Captain Sisko's runabout is approaching the station. Worf: Very well. Clear them for docking on landing pad one. Okala: Aye, sir. Commander, something's wrong. They're not responding, and sensors show unusual EM signatures along their hull. The runabout's on auto-pilot Worf: Lifesigns? Okala: Four, very weak. Worf: Disengage the auto-pilot. Bring the runabout to within transporter range. Doctor Bashir to transporter room five. Medical Emergency. Worf: Check the aft compartment. Bashir: He's alive, but there's an excess of neural energy in his cerebral cortex. Worf: What does that mean? Bashir: I'm not sure of that. Worf: Can you revive them? Bashir: I'm not sure of that, either. Cardassian: All prisoners return to your quarters. Belar: Show some dignity. Look at you. No wonder the Cardassians think we're animals. Get up! Get up! If you're going to spend the night taking chemicals, stay off the Promenade. We don't need another cleansing today. Dax: What happened? Sisko: Not here. Garak: I couldn't agree more. Cardassian: All bio-organic materials must be disposed of according to regulations. Bashir: There's a high level of neural activity which suggests that their conscious minds are active, and yet there's no response to any external stimuli. What's the word on the runabout? Worf: We have found preliminary indications that the ship encountered a class two plasma storm which irradiated the vessel. Bashir: Computer, are current neural readings for subjects Odo, Sisko, Dax and Garak consistent with the effects of encountering a class two plasma storm? Computer: There are no recorded causal relationships between plasma storms and specified neural readings. Bashir: None? Computer, how many medical records are there on space plasma phenomena? Computer: Five thousand twenty one. Bashir: Well, it would appear that a common phenomena has had an uncommon effect on our people. Worf: Well, the runabout is still being analyzed. We should have more information soon. Bashir: Good. In the meantime I have some reading to do. Sisko: This is Terok Nor. DS Nine during the occupation. Dax: Time travel? Garak: No, it's more than that. Our clothes have changed. Odo: Could we be in a holosuite? Sisko: Computer, end program. Let's assume that's a no for the moment. Dax: Benjamin, we're not attracting any attention. Sisko: And we should be. Humans, Trills and changelings didn't just stroll through Terok Nor unnoticed. Garak: Then I should be getting some attention as well. We are in the Bajoran sector, and Cardassians weren't exactly welcome here. Sisko: I don't think they see you as a Cardassian. I'm beginning to think they don't see any of us as who we really are. Garak: The clothes we're wearing are Bajoran. They're treating us like Bajorans. Sisko: Maybe they see us as Bajorans. Any theories, old man? Dax: Some kind of cross-dimensional transfer? Our conscious minds might've been moved through time and space into the bodies of four Bajorans on Terok Nor. Garak: But then why are we still seeing each other as we really are instead of as Bajorans? Dax: I just ran out of speculation. Sisko: The last thing I remember was sitting in the runabout. Dax: There was a plasma anomaly on the sensors, and then there was this sound. Garak: No, not a sound. More like a strong vibration Sisko: I remember. Odo? Odo: I don't recall. But whatever's happened, we have to leave this place. Get off the station. Garak: Then I suggest we go directly to the authorities and explain our situation. Odo: Garak. Garak: I have knowledge of certain security codes that would be sufficient to prove that I am in fact a Cardassian, even if their eyes say otherwise. I could always say I'm an undercover operative posing as a Bajoran and Odo: Captain, the authorities on Terok Nor will not be looking for reasons to help us. They will be looking for a reason to interrogate us, and believe me, you do not want to be interrogated by the Cardassians. Sisko: I tend to agree with the Constable. If they should diskover that we're actually from the future Dax: Gul Dukat's on the second level. Sisko: Let's move on. Sisko: Odo? Who was that? Odo: I don't know. Garak: You should. It was your predecessor. Odo: My predecessor? Oh, yes. The man talking to Dukat. His name is Thrax. He was in charge of security on the Promenade before me. Dax: That means we've gone back at least nine years. Soldier: You. Come with us. Sisko: What's she done? Soldier: Nothing. Yet. Garak: Perhaps there's been some misunderstanding. If I may be so bold, you may find something which will bring you infinitely more profit than the arrest of a Bajoran woman. Soldier: Latinum? Garak: Two strips. Soldier: Where is it? Garak: Ah. But our friend is still in your custody. Sisko: Don't move. Soldier: Tempting offer. Maybe next time. This one's been selected. Dax: I'll be all right. Worf: Doctor. Bashir: Garak's septial capillaries burst at this point. The pattern of his delta waves shows some unusual activity at the same moment. The bleeding might be the result of some kind of psychosomatic response. Worf: You mean he thought he was injured? Bashir: Under certain conditions, people have been known to alter their blood pressure, lower their body temperature, even manifest a tumor as a result of psychological stimuli. Worf: Could these stimuli cause more serious injuries? Bashir: I don't think he could spontaneously break a bone, but he could certainly stop his heart or break a key blood vessel in his brain. Worf: But what is causing all of this? Bashir: At the risk of repeating myself, I just don't know. Cardassian: Step back from the gate. Sisko: He said she's been selected. What the hell does that mean? Odo: A random interrogation, forced labor relocation. It could be anything. Sisko: That's not good enough. I want to know where they've taken her. Garak: But before we can help Commander Dax, we need to find out who we are in this reality. Sisko: If we could get to a computer terminal, we could ask for a simple ID scan. Odo: Computer access was extremely limited on Terok Nor. Garak: What about a Cardassian comp-link? I took the liberty of borrowing this from the gentlemen who thought my nose needed adjustment. Odo: I see I'm going to have to add the word pickpocket to your resume. Garak: It's only a hobby. Odo: Interesting that a simple tailor should just happen to have a high-level security code. Garak: Yes, isn't it? And if my nose didn't hurt so much, I'd tell you with a fascinating story about how I came to possess it. Ah, yes. Captain, you are actually a Bajoran electronics engineer. You're thirty eight years old, you have no criminal record, your family resides in Rakantha province and your name is Ishan Chaye. Lucky me. I'm an artist. I'm fifty five, I've been arrested three times for disturbing the peace. I must be incorrigible. I also reside in Rakantha and my name is Jillur Gueta. Sisko: And the Constable? Garak: Ah, yes. His profession is Odo: I'm a bookkeeper. Forty six years old. I have a wife and two sons in Rakantha Province, and my name is Timor Landi. Garak: That's right. Sisko: How'd you know that? Odo? Quark: Congratulations, gentlemen. You get to work today. And you'll be laboring in the finest establishment on the station. My establishment. Twelve hours of work, two five minute breaks, one slip of latinum each. Let's go. Didn't you hear me? I'm offering you work. What are you waiting for? Sisko: Nothing. Just show us the way. Quark: Open it. Start by stepping through the gate that the nice man has opened for you. Very good. You three must be warp engineers. Now we're going to walk down the Promenade to the bar. Would you like me to hold your hands or can you manage it? Sisko: We'll manage. Quark: I'm so glad. Odo: How much damage would it do to the timeline if Quark were to suffer a mysterious accident? Sisko: I'm not sure. But maybe we should conduct a little experiment and find out. Dukat: Name? Dax: Leeta. Dukat: Look at me when I speak to you, Leeta. Dukat: She'll do. Dukat: Kanar. Dukat: For two. Have you ever had kanar? Dax: No. Dukat: Well, then this is an occasion. You're trembling. Despite what you may have heard, I'm a fair man, Leeta. Rest assured, you have nothing to fear from me. I did not bring you here to be abused. Dax: Then why am I here? Dukat: It may surprise you to hear this, but my position is a lonely one. I'm isolated from the people who live under my protection. I require someone to talk with. In short, a friend. Dax: You want me to be your friend? Dukat: Ironic, isn't it, that I should choose a simple Bajoran girl to share my inner thoughts with. But as you get to know me, Leeta, I think you'll find that I'm a complicated man. Dax: You're different than I imagined. Dukat: To the beginning of your education. Garak: I never knew we were such messy conquerors. I remember the occupation being a little more tidy than this. Sisko: Everything's tidy when someone else is doing the cleaning. Garak: The Bajorans were much more suited for this sort of thing than we were. Servile work is in their nature. Sisko: I'll remember to mention that to Major Kira when we get back. Garak: There are exceptions to every rule. Sisko: You all right? Odo: The smell's making me sick. Sisko: How did you know your name would be Timor Landi in this, this, whatever this is. Odo: I recognized the other two names from the security files kept during the Occupation. Timor, Ishan and Jillur were the names of three Bajorans who were accused of attempting to assassinate Gul Dukat on the Promenade. Sisko: Half the resistance tried to kill Dukat. Odo: These three were innocent. However, no one knew that at the time and Dukat wanted to make an example of them, so he had them led out onto the Promenade and publicly executed. Garak: If we're them Sisko: If we're them, we'd better find a way out of here before Dukat makes an example out of us. Thrax: Quark. I understand you had a visit from a Talavian freighter captain this morning. A Captain Livara, I believe. Quark: I had a lot of visitors this morning. It was a busy day. Thrax: I'm surprised you're being so indiskreet. Captain Livara is a known smuggler. Quark: You don't say? Such a nice, friendly man, too. I guess you can never tell what some people are really like. Thrax: Rumor has it that the Obsidian order has had him under surveillance for several months. Quark: The Obsidian Order? Thrax: Rumor also has it that they're planning on bringing in all of Livara's co-conspirators for questioning. Quark: Well, you know how rumors are. Thrax: Yes. They're usually true. So when the Order asks me for a list of all of Livara's known associates on board the station Quark: He was here for ten minutes. He wanted to unload a shipment of maraji crystals, but I wasn't interested. I can't move maraji crystals. The Cardassians don't like them and the Bajorans can't afford them, so I sent him on his way, all right? Thrax: And that's all? Quark: That's all. Thrax: I hope so. Because if I find out that you've been dealing in illegal crystals, I'll hand you over to the Order myself. Quark: Always a pleasure. Sisko: I see you're not the first man around here to keep Quark on his toes. Odo: Yes. Garak: Something's wrong. Thrax talked about a Captain Livara. Sisko: Does that name mean something to you? Garak: Livara wasn't just another smuggler. He was a Romulan spy and he didn't begin working in this sector until seven years ago. But seven years ago, Thrax wasn't on Terok Nor, you were, Odo. Odd contradiction. So I checked the date. This is seven years ago. Thrax shouldn't be here. You should be the Security Chief. Odo: None of this makes any sense, Garak. Now I suggest we concentrate on finding a way out of here. That's our priority. Sisko: I tend to agree. Garak: Well, you'll get no argument from me. But how? Sisko: We need to contact the Bajoran resistance. They might be able to get us off the station, maybe even to the Federation. Kira once told me about a prearranged signal the resistance used on Terok Nor to set up a meeting. Once we're finished here, we'll head back to the Bajoran sector and I'll make the signal. Cardassian: All recreation passes are suspended for alpha unit personnel until further notice. Garak: The Bajorans never did have a sense of style. Turn the vase over and the resistance appears. Odo: It's simple and effective. Sisko: And they did it for years, right under the Cardassian's noses. Garak: Not under my nose, Captain. Under his. Sisko: At least Dax is all right Garak: Look at him. The Commander of Terok Nor. Just another swaggering, self-important Gul with too much vanity and not enough ability. Sisko: Maybe, but he's no fool. Sisko: Are you all right? Odo: Yes. Just slipped out of my hand. Belar: You wanted a meeting? Don't look at me, eat your soup. Sisko: I didn't think you would come while Dukat was here. Belar: Everyone's watching our gentle dictator stroll the Promenade with his new girlfriend. Now, I hate soup and I have no intention of finishing this entire bowl, so whatever you want, let's hear it. Sisko: We need to get off the station. Belar: Why? Garak: Does it matter? Belar: Yes, as a matter of fact, it does. We're not a commuter service. If you're running from a dispute over chemicals or women or smuggling, you're on your own. If you've killed one of the spoonheads Garak: Spoonheads? Sisko: Garak! Belar: That's a different matter. Sisko: We're not who we seem to be. Belar: I hope not, because you seem to be wasting my time. Sisko: Let's just say we're involved with the Federation. Belar: Let me guess. You're Starfleet agents operating under cover, posing as indigent Bajorans who happen to be Sisko: Dax! Odo: Captain, no! Cardassian: Secure all exits on floor alpha. Odo: Captain, we can't stay. They'll take care of her but we must go Soldier: Don't move. Garak: You'd think they'd put us in our own cell block, instead of with the common criminals. After all, we are accused of attempting to assassinate the station commander. That deserves some respect. Sisko: Maybe they'll salute when they execute us. Thrax: Quiet down. Quiet down. Quiet. Quiet please! Quiet please! Kara Polus, Brin Tusk and Marat Kobar. Your sentence is five years hard labor. Trial to confirm this sentence will take place at seventeen hundred hours. Benten Vek, your fine has been paid and you'll be free to go within the hour. Lobo, Horis, Romara, Pelin and Gramm. You are being transferred to Cardassian authorities on Bajor for interrogation. Woman: No, no, please. Thrax: Timor, Ishan, Jillur. You came aboard the station two days ago from Rakantha Province. Yesterday you paid a visit the chemist shop and then fell asleep on the Promenade. Last night you were hired as a cleanup crew by the Ferengi, and after you were paid, you went back to the Bajoran sector and attempted to murder Gul Dukat with a chambered plasma grenade. Sisko: We were sitting at a table eating when the grenade went off. There are witnesses. Thrax: None of which have come forward. Odo: Why would the witnesses risk their lives for three strangers? They're out there, but you have to go look for them. Thrax: Epidermal scans revealed the presence of trinitrogen chloride on your hands and clothing. TNC is one of the components used in plasma grenades. Odo: TNC is also a cleaning solution, which is what we were using in Quark's. Thrax: Or you used the opportunity of working at Quarks to obtain the TNC in the first place. You all have ties to the Bajoran underground. You have three cousins who are known Resistance members. Five of your friends are suspected sympathizers. Odo: After fifty years of occupation, is there anyone left on Bajor who doesn't have some tie to the resistance? Thrax: Quiet! That may be true. But you were seen rushing toward Dukat after the explosion. Everyone else was running away. Sisko: I wanted to help my friend. She was injured in the blast. Thrax: The report of the Cardassian guard states that you were found over the body of Gul Dukat, attempting to strangle him. Garak: That's a lie. Odo: Interrogate the troops yourself, don't just take their report at face value. Thrax: I don't interrogate members of the Cardassian military. Odo: Then run a ballistic analysis of the explosion. If you examine the fragmentation dispersal pattern, you'll find that we couldn't have thrown the grenade from our position at the table. It had to have come from Thrax: Quiet! Quiet down! There is sufficient evidence for a conviction. Odo: All of which is circumstantial. Go beneath the surface. Conduct a real investigation. Thrax: This investigation is over. Your case is going before a special tribunal this afternoon. You will be informed of the sentence just before it meets. Odo: No! Wait! I need to talk to you! Let me talk to you alone for just a moment! Please, listen to me! Dukat: That's enough. Dax: How do you feel? Dukat: Better than last time. Dax: Last time? Dukat: This is the fourth assassination attempt I've survived. Dax: Maybe you should find another job. Dukat: Maybe I should. I'm glad to see you have your appetite back. Dax: I don't get to eat like this very often. Dukat: I've wanted to increase rations in the Bajoran sector for some time now, but the resistance makes it almost impossible to show any sort of kindness to your people. Dax: You really want to help my people, don't you? Dukat: Yes, of course. The Bajorans are, well, they're like my children, I suppose. And like any father, I want only what's best for them. Dax: And you still feel like that now after some of your children have tried to kill you? Dukat: Bad manners are the fault of the parent, not the child. My weakness is I'm too generous, too forgiving. My heart is too big. Dax: And so is your ego. Garak: Yes, I know I don't look Cardassian. You see, I was surgically altered to appear Bajoran. But what if genetic scans show no cardassian DNA in my cellular structure? In that case, I'll suggest Sisko: Tell me about Thrax. Odo: What do you want to know? Sisko: Something about his background. He seems unusual. Doesn't have that casual brutality I've come to expect from Cardassian security officers. What makes Thrax different? Odo: I wouldn't know. He was gone by the time I came aboard the station. Sisko: That brings up a good point. Why is he here now? Garak said that you were the security chief during this time. Odo: You're implying that I should know the answers, that I'm holding back information? Sisko: I'm saying that maybe you know more than you think you do. You lived here, on Terok Nor. You're supposed to be out there now instead of Thrax. Think, Odo. There might be some connection between you and what's happening here. Odo: I don't know! Dax: Miss me? Odo: It doesn't have to happen again Dax: Dukat's personal shuttle is in docking bay three. Sisko: What about the station defense system? Dax: I've got their computer tied up in knots. I don't think they'll be able to Thrax: Halt! Garak: A changeling? Sisko: We'll figure that out later. Dax: Here it is. Soldier: We just got the word. Your execution's been scheduled for nineteen hundred. That's two hours from now. Odo: We've got to find another way out of here. Dax: We tried that. Escape doesn't seem to be the answer. Sisko: How could Thrax be a changeling? In this time period, the Founders didn't know about the wormhole. Odo: I don't know. Garak: Putting aside the newest shape-shifter in town for the time being, how did we end up back in this cell? Odo: I don't know. Dax: Care to guess? Odo: What makes you think I have the answers? Sisko: You've been acting strangely ever since we first woke up on the Promenade. Continually distracted, depressed and agitated. Garak: And you knew the names of the people we're supposed to be. Sisko: You knew the details of their case like you were there. Garak: But you couldn't have been there because it happened before you came aboard the station. Sisko: Everything seems to lead back to you and I want to know why. Thrax: You said you wanted to see me? Odo: Yes. It's urgent. Thrax: I'm listening, but I don't have much time. Odo: You're about to make a very serious mistake. Thrax: Because you're innocent, of course. All of you. Odo: That's right, and I can prove it. Compare this attack to recent bombings on Bajor. You'll find a similarity to four incidents in Musilla Province, none of which we could have done. Thrax: That proves nothing. And under Cardassian law, the accused must prove his innocence. Since the evidence in this case is sufficient to warrant conviction, the investigation is over. Odo: Your job is to find the truth, not obtain convictions. Thrax: Truth? You want the truth? All right. The truth is that none of you would be accused, none of you would even be here if the Bajorans weren't fighting the Cardassians. It's futile. The occupation has lasted for fifty years and it will probably last another fifty. Odo: I wouldn't be too sure about that. Thrax: Why not accept it? If the Bajoran people would accept their place in history, none of this would be happening. Odo: We're talking about the attempt on Gul Dukat's life, not the socio-political ramifications of the resistance. Thrax: It's all part of the same problem. When your people resort to terrorism and violence, they're fighting against order, against stability, against the rule of law, and this must be stopped. Odo: There is more to life than the rule of law. Thrax: It has been my observation that only the guilty make that kind of statement. Odo: I didn't want to tell you this. I don't know what the consequences will be, but we're not terrorists. We're not even Bajorans. There's been a temporal displacement of some kind. We don't belong in this time. We're from the future. Thrax: I know. Odo: You know? Then what are you going to do about it? Thrax: What I am supposed to do, nothing more, nothing less. The question is, what are you going to do, Odo? Thrax: It's too late for them now. It's out of my hands. Odo: Why aren't I with them? Thrax: There were only three terrorists, Odo. You know that. Dukat: This the price for taking up arms against those who would protect you, who have only your best interests at heart. Odo: They haven't done anything. They don't belong here. Thrax: It's already happened, Odo. Odo: But this isn't what happened. It wasn't these people. Thrax: Proceed with the execution. Odo: No! I'm not going to let this happen again! Not again! Odo: You can't execute them. You don't even belong here. I do. Sisko: Constable? Odo: That's exactly how it happened seven years ago. Sisko: It was you all along. Odo: Yes. I was Chief of Security on the Promenade. I was the one who charged those men with a crime they didn't commit, and I was the one who turned them over to Dukat. Three days after the executions there was another bombing on the Promenade, identical to the one that almost killed Dukat. Timor, Ishan and Jillur were innocent. All the evidence was there. The inconsistencies in the reports of the soldiers who arrested them, a pattern of bombings, the ballistics. It was all there from the beginning but I was too busy, too concerned with maintaining order and the rule of law. I thought of myself as the outsider, the shape-shifter who cared for nothing but justice. It never occurred to me that I could fail, but I did. And I never wanted anyone to know the truth. That seven years ago, I allowed three innocent men to die. Bashir: Constable? Bashir: Whatever it is you've been through has taken its toll. Bashir: As far as I can tell, the four of you were locked into some version of the Great Link. Odo: The Link? How is that possible? I'm a solid now. Bashir: Well, it seems you're not as solid as you think. When I ran a neurochemical scan of your brain, I found residual traces of morphogenic enzymes which I've only detected before in changelings. Odo: When the plasma storm hit the runabout it activated the enzymes and initiated a telepathic response. Bashir: Your mind reached out to find other changelings to form the Link, but all it could find was Sisko, Dax and Garak. Odo: And just before the accident, I was thinking about the executions. Somehow being in the Link must have forced me to relive it, and admit the truth about what I'd done. Bashir: It would make a fascinating paper. Although I don't intend to write one. Bashir: If you have any questions, you know where to find me. Kira: When I first read your report I didn't know what to think. So I said to myself, that's all right, Nerys You're stunned. You need to let it sink in a little. But it's been two days, Odo. I still don't know what to think. Odo: I'm guilty. What more is there to say? Kira: Maybe nothing. Maybe a lot. I believed in you. A lot of people did. You were special. You were the one man who stood apart from everyone else, the one man who stood for justice. Now what? Odo: Now I'm just another imperfect solid. Kira: Okay. The Prophets know I'm not perfect. I guess the truth is that anyone who lived through the occupation had to get a little dirty. But I need to know that no other innocent people died on your watch, Odo. That this was the only time. Odo: I'm not sure. I hope so.

Sisko: Don't you think you might be overpacking? Jake: It'll close. Sisko: You don't have to take everything at once. It's not like you're moving to Bajor. One G twelve is practically right next door. Jake: I know, but I'm not moving to one G twelve. I found some great quarters over in section M. Sisko: That's all the way on the other side of the habitat ring. Jake: Dad, don't get all sentimental on me. Sisko: Wait until your son moves out on you. Jake: I don't have a son. Sisko: Ha, ha. Go ahead, Jake, make jokes. One day you'll be standing where I am, and believe me, you won't like it any more than I do. Jake: Yeah, maybe, but right now I'm standing here and I can't wait to spend my first night in my own place. Jake: See? I told you it'd close. Sisko: Now wait, wait, let me get this straight. I can visit any time I want, but I have to call first. You won't be available for breakfast or lunch, but I can count on one dinner a week. Jake: Yeah, well some weeks maybe even two. Sisko: Ah. I have raised a very generous son. You and Nog moving in together. I can remember when I didn't even want you talking to him. Jake: Yeah, well, things change. Sisko: They sure do. Rom: Come in. Rom: Oh. It's you? Quark: Who'd you think it was? Rom: Nog. Quark: How could it be Nog? His ship hasn't even docked yet. Rom: I guess I wasn't thinking. Quark: What else is new? Rom: Can I help it if I'm excited? My son is coming home. Root beer? His favorite. I don't know how to thank you, brother. Quark: Ten slips of latinum ought to do it. Rom: You think he'd mind if I had one for myself? Quark: I'd mind. Quark: My own brother drinking root beer. It's so human. Rom: Mmmm. And bubbly. Rom: That's him! That's him! Come in. Quark: Wrong again. Rom: Constable. Care for a root beer? Odo: No. But you have something I do want. Quark: Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Odo: Don't tell me. Tell the Federation Grand Jury on Inferna Prime. Rom: Federation Grand Jury? Brother, what have you done now? Quark: I haven't done anything. What do they want to talk to me for? Odo: Oh, I think you know. Quark: Odo, I have no idea what this is all about. Odo: Well then, you'll have eight days to try to guess. We leave immediately. Quark: We? Odo: I've been waiting ten years for you to get what you deserve. Now that the big moment is finally here, I wouldn't miss it for anything. Let's go. Rom: Brother. Quark: What? Rom: I'll say hi to Nog for you. Quark: So, how much longer till we reach Inferna Prime? Odo: Oh, I'd say one hundred and ninety one hours and seventeen minutes, give or take a day. Quark: In that case, we'd better find something to occupy our time. Care for a game of fizzbin? Odo: I don't play cards. Quark: I'll teach you. It's a very simple game. Odo: Let me put it another way. I don't want to play cards. And even if I did, I wouldn't want to play with you. Quark: Afraid you'd lose? You know, Odo, I used to think all your problems stemmed from the fact that you were a changeling, isolated from your own kind, forced to live among strangers who didn't understand you. You couldn't eat, you couldn't drink, you couldn't sleep, you couldn't make love. Was it any wonder you had such a bad disposition? But you're not a changeling anymore. You're one of us. Life is yours for the taking. All you have to do is reach out and grab it. But do you? No. Because solid or changeling, you're still a miserable, self-hating misanthrope. That's who you are and that's who you'll always be. Odo: I'm still not playing cards with you. Quark: Fine. Then we'll just sit here for a week in silence. What are you reading? Odo: Nothing that would interest you. Quark: Don't be so sure. Odo: Quark, give me that. Quark: What are you going to do, arrest me? He walked toward her, the wooden deck heaving to and fro beneath his booted feet. Her hands moved to the brooch at her throat. She unclasped it and the cloak fell from her shoulders, her wet skin glistening in the moonlight. Lightning flashed and heaven's thunder roared in rhythm with the beating of their hearts.' Odo: All right, enough. Quark: Odo, I take it all back. You're obviously a lot more complicated than I thought. If you like that kind of thing I might be interested in selling you my first edition of 'Vulcan Love Slave.' Odo: This is work, not recreation. Books like this give me insight into the criminal mind. It is a well known fact that a high percentage of homicides are motivated by romantic obsession. Quark: Well, no one gets killed in 'Vulcan Love Slave,' but it's still a hell of a read. Odo: Give it up, Quark. You can annoy me, bait me, question my very existence, but in the end, we both know I've won. Because when all is said and done, I'll be heading back to Deep Space Nine and you'll be spending the rest of your life in a Federation penal colony. Quark: I'm not there yet. Look, Odo, give me a chance. At least tell me what the charges are. Odo: I'm afraid I can't do that. This is a high security investigation. I'm not allowed to discuss the specifics with anyone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some reading to do. Nog: Cadet Nog reporting for duty, sir. Sisko: At ease, Cadet. Nog: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Sisko: I remember my sophomore year. Field studies Starbase one thirty seven. When I first got there I was a little apprehensive. But it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. Nog: Yes, sir. Sisko: Now, the key to field study is simple. Keep your eyes and ears open, follow orders and try not to get in the way. Nog: Yes, sir. Very good, sir. I won't let you down. Sisko: I'd like to say on a personal note, I'm glad that you and Jake are going to be roommates. Nog: Yes, sir. Sisko: I'm sure the two of you are going to have a lot of fun together. Nog: Yes, sir. Time permitting, sir. I mean, if I'm not too busy. After all I am here to work. Don't worry, sir, I'll look after him for you. Set a good example. Keep him out of trouble. Sisko: You inspire me with confidence, Cadet. Dismissed. Kira: How'd it go? Nog: I inspire him. Kira: Congratulations. Now don't let him down. Nog: You can count on me, sir. Jake: Lights! So, what do you think? Nog: I think I've died and gone to the Divine Treasury. After living in cadet barracks for the past year, this is going to be paradise. Jake: Yeah, I know what you mean. We're on our own now. No one to tell us what to do. Nog: Well, before we unpack, we should call maintenance to clean this place. Jake: They were here yesterday. Nog: If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. I'll do the cleaning on the odd numbered days, and you'll do it on the even ones. Jake: We're going to clean every day? Nog: No, just the odd and even ones. I'd better start bringing in my things. I don't want to be up too late unpacking. Jake: So what do you want to do tonight? Dom-jot? Holosuites? Nog: I wish I could. But once we eat and unpack, it'll be time for bed. Lights out at twenty two hundred. Jake: I haven't gone to bed that early since I was twelve. Nog: Go to sleep whenever you want. But don't forget, we're hitting the gym at oh four thirty. Jake: The gym? Nog: Muscles, Jake. You know, those things that're supposed to go between your bones and your skin? Jake: I've heard of them. Nog: Good. Because by the time I'm done with you, you'll have some of your very own. Quark: You're doing it again. Odo: Doing what? Quark: Smacking your lips. Odo: No I'm not. Quark: There. Don't you hear that? Odo: The only thing I've heard for the last four days is you complaining. Quark: This whole runabout is alive with annoying little noises. Listen. Odo: To what? Quark: That buzzing noise. Odo: I don't hear a thing. Quark: It started over an hour ago. Odo: If you don't like the noises in here, why don't you go into the back? Quark: Because it's even colder back there than it is up here. Odo: Quark, leave the temperature controls alone. Quark: I will, when I get it right. There it is again. Odo: What? Quark: That buzzing noise. Don't you hear it? Odo: With all this lip-smacking, how could I hear anything? Quark: Where is it coming from? Odo: Inside your head. Quark: Shhh. Odo: Bzzzzzzzzz. Quark: I said be quiet! It's coming from here. Odo: It's probably a defective anodyne circuit. Quark: Defective anodyne circuits make a hissing sound. This is a buzz. We'd better open up this hatch. Odo: If this is some kind of convoluted plot to escape. Quark: Stop being so suspicious. That's odd. The buzzing's changed pitch. Odo: It's gotten louder too. I can hear it now. What could it be? Quark: Let's find out. Quark: Don't tell me. Let me guess. Odo: It's a bomb. Quark: Next time I tell you I hear something, maybe you'll listen. Odo: Let's hope there is a next time. I'm going to get a transporter lock on this thing and beam it out of here. Quark: What if it's set to go off if someone tries to transport it? Odo: What do you suggest? We wait for it to explode? Quark: Fine. Beam it out. But at least try and channel the explosion through the transporter buffer. Odo: I hope this works. Quark: We did it. We're safe. Odo: Don't be so sure about that. Comm. system's down, navigational array's failing, environmental controls are badly damaged. We're losing atmosphere. Quark: What now? Odo: Now we find someplace to land. Quark: Land? You mean crash. Odo: It's either that or wait for our lungs to explode in the vacuum of space. I'm picking up a class-L planet on long range scanners. Quark: Barely habitable. Odo: More habitable than this thing's going to be in a few minutes. Quark: How close? Odo: Close enough. I hope. Odo: If we live through this, whoever planted that bomb is going to regret it. Quark: Believe me, you don't want to get anywhere near the Orion Syndicate. Odo: The Orion Syndicate? Is that who the Grand Jury's investigating? Quark: I thought you knew. Odo: If I knew you were involved with the Orion Syndicate, you'd be on the Defiant right now, surrounded by half my deputies. Quark: Let me guess. You pretended to know more than you did so I'd think I had nothing to hide and say something to incriminate myself. Odo: Something like that. Quark: This is all your fault. Odo: You're the one who's a member of the Orion Syndicate. Quark: I'm not a member. I just know people who know people who know some other people. And besides Quark: Will someone adjust the temperature. It's freezing in here. Odo: Actually, it's freezing out there. Quark: Out there? Oh, yeah. Now I remember. You were apologizing for almost getting us both killed. Odo: If that's how you remember it, you must've hit your head harder than I thought you did. Quark: I guess there's nothing we can do now except send out a distress signal and wait to be rescued. Odo: Good plan, except we lost the comm. system in the explosion. Quark: That's not good. Odo: It gets worse. The replicator's been destroyed. From what I can tell the local plants are poisonous. Quark: Then I guess we're stuck with field rations. Odo: That's right. One package for you. One package for me. The rest Quark: I know, I know. Destroyed in the explosion. So now what? Odo: Now we either freeze to death or starve to death. Take your pick. Nog: It's about time you woke up. I thought you were going to sleep all day. You should stretch a little before you start your workout. Jake: I think I'll pass this morning. Nog: You pass every morning. Jake: You can work out for the both of us. Nog: You don't know what you're missing. Healthy body, healthy mind. Jake: Please, Nog, no clichés before breakfast. Orange juice, extra large. A healthy way to start the day. Nog: A writer and a poet. Jake: What's this? Nog: Past Prolog. Jake: What's it doing here? Nog: I found it while I was cleaning up. Really, Jake, is it that hard to keep this place clean? Jake: You read my story? What did you think? Nog: Disposal is spelled with an i. Jake: That's it? That's all you have to say? Nog: I didn't really read it for content. I mostly corrected your spelling and grammar. Jake: You changed my words? Nog: Just a few. A preposition here, some punctuation there. Jake: You can't change a writer's words without his permission. That's sacrilege. Nog: All right. Next time, I'll let you make the changes. Jake: There won't be a next time. From now on, if you see my stories lying around here, don't read them. Don't even touch them. Just leave them right where they are. Nog: No problem. Just put them away when you're not working on them. Time to hit the shower. Duty calls. Remember, start with the lighter weights and work your way up. Odo: Quark? What are you doing back there? You need any help? Quark: You want to help? Here. Odo: I thought you were supposed to be repairing the subspace transmitter. Quark: I was. Odo: What's it doing out here? Quark: The signal booster's completely shot. Which means there's no way we can transmit a distress signal through a planetary atmosphere. Odo: I see. So you tore it out of the wall in frustration. Quark: Actually, I came up with a way to save our lives. All we have to do is haul this transmitter up to higher ground. More altitude, less atmosphere. Go high enough, and we might be able to get a signal out. Odo: How much higher do we have to go? Quark: Er, carry the seven, take the square root, times pi. I'd say that high. Quark: I'm ready when you are. Odo: Where'd you find that? Quark: In the back. It's pretty cozy. Odo: Great. Then I won't need this. I'll just get a suit for myself and we can be on our way. Quark: Don't bother. This is the only one that wasn't destroyed in the explosion. Odo: You mean there's only one survival suit left and you're going to wear it? Quark: Finders keepers. Besides, carrying this transmitter up the mountain should keep you warm. Odo: Here we go. How can it be so cold when the sun is shining? Quark: It isn't much of a sun and this isn't much of a planet. And you've got a lot of nerve complaining about being cold when you're the one wearing the jacket. Odo: Well, you agreed to take turns. Quark: Under duress. Odo: Oh, I hate this. You know, f I were still a changeling, I could've shapeshifted into a Vorian pterodactyl and flown that damn transmitter to the top of the mountain hours ago. Quark: You're the one who wanted to be a solid. Odo: I never wanted to be a solid. Quark: Oh, please. I used to see you coming into the bar, watching Morn eat, eyeing my customers as they gambled and flirted with the dabo girls, wishing you were one of them. Not to mention your platonic friendship with a certain Bajoran Major. Odo: If that's the kind of psychological insight you dispense with your drinks, it's a wonder you have any customers. Quark: Deny it all you want, but the fact is your people gave you what you wanted. You're one of us now and I finally can sit on a chair and know with absolute certainty that it isn't you. Odo: Quark? Quark! Quark: What? Odo: If you've damaged that transmitter Quark: I'm fine, thank you very much. And so's the transmitter. Odo: Here, let me help you up. Quark: No, thanks. I think I'll just lay here and freeze to death. Odo: All right, all right, you've made your point. I'll carry the transmitter for a while. Quark: And I get to wear the jacket. Odo: But I get the trousers. O'Brien: You did a good job today, Nog. You've an excellent grasp of mechanical engineering. Nog: Ferengis have a natural talent for figures, sir. O'Brien: So what's your posting tomorrow? Nog: Cargo bay six. Customs inspection. O'Brien: Ah. Well, that could be interesting. Nog: If you're planning on being a customs inspector. Jake: Hey, Nog. Nog: Not again. When I left this morning, this place was spotless. Jake: Yeah, that was nine hours ago. Nog: You can't keep our quarters clean for one day? Jake: A man's got to live, and sometimes living is messy. Nog: But it doesn't have to stay messy. I'm going to the Replimat to get something to eat and when I come back I expect to see this place straightened up. Jake: I'm working on a story right now. I'll do it in the morning. Nog: This isn't a story. It's computerized dom-jot. Jake: Sometimes when I get stuck, I play dom-jot. It clears my mind. Nog: Well while you're at it, how about clearing a path to the bedroom? Jake: I told you, I'm busy. Nog: Jake, this isn't what we agreed to. Jake: We didn't agree to anything. You've been shouting orders ever since you moved in here. I'm not in Starfleet. Nog: Lucky for you. You wouldn't last a day at the Academy. Jake: You're right. I'd die of embarrassment wearing those pajamas. Nog: I don't have to take that from an undiskiplined jerk like you. Enjoy your dom-jot. Jake: Where are you going? Nog: Anywhere but here. I'll get my things in the morning. Jake: I'll pack them for you. Nog: Don't bother. You couldn't fold a shirt if your life depended on it. Quark: What's that over there? Odo: It's just another stone. Quark: I can't believe it. I've been walking for three days and I haven't seen a single beetle. I could really go for a beetle right now. Any kind of beetle, just as long as it had a little meat on it. Odo: There are no beetles, Quark. Quark: A nice slug would do. Odo: There're no slugs, either. No slugs, no beetles, no worms, no snails. Nothing but rocks and trees and we can't eat any of it. Quark: If I collapse from hunger, you've got to carry me and the transmitter. Odo: You are not going to collapse. We're almost to the tree line. After that, we've only got a few more hours of climbing left before we can set up the transmitter. Quark: A few hours? You mean like three? Odo: More like six. Quark: I could do six. Seven might be pushing it, but six I could do. Odo: Come on. Odo: Forget about six hours. It's more like six days. Quark: Ten thousand seven hundred and fifty one. Ten thousand seven hundred and fifty two. Odo: Quark. Quark: Ten thousand seven hundred and fifty three. Odo: Quark! Quark: I just want to know how far we're going. Every step down means an extra step up. Odo: Fine. Then count to yourself. I don't want to hear it any more. Quark: Fine. But don't talk to me. It's hard keeping track. Odo: By the time the Grand Jury gets through with you, you'll be counting years instead of steps. Quark: You know what's going to make all this worthwhile? The look on your face when they let me go. Odo: Let you go? I don't think so. Quark: And you call yourself a detective. The Orion Syndicate tried to kill me. They never kill their own. They don't need to. Any one of them would take their own life before they'd testify against the Syndicate. Don't you get it? I'm not a suspect. I'm a witness. Now you made me lose count. Odo: Ten thousand seven hundred and eighty five. Quark: Thank you. Odo: Now let me get this straight. You were never a member of the Orion Syndicate? Quark: I hate to disappoint you. Odo: But you must have tried to join? Quark: I don't want to talk about it. Odo: Now, if I remember correctly, the Orion Syndicate has a membership fee. Quite a substantial one. And the Ferengi Commerce Authority did seize all your assets. Oh it's even worse than that, isn't it? You never could afford to join, could you? All those years of scheming and lying and cheating and you're still too small-time for the Orions. Well, I guess you're not as successful a businessman as you think you are. Quark: Which means you've spent the last ten years of your life trying to catch a nobody. Without little success, I might add. So you tell me, which one of us is the bigger failure. Ten thousand seven hundred and eighty eight. Ten thousand seven hundred and eight nine. Ten thousand seven hundred and ninety. Ten thousand seven hundred and ninety one. Rom: Snail juice. Extra shells. Make it a double. Captain, may I join you? Sisko: Be my guest. Rom: I wanted to ask you about Nog. You know, my son? Sisko: I think I've met him. Rom: Have you noticed anything strange about him lately? Sisko: He seems fine to me. He's just more dedicated than when he left. Rom: I've noticed. Sisko: A year at the Academy will do that to people. Rom: You think it's the Academy? Sisko: What else could it be? Rom: I was afraid he might be a changeling. So while he was asleep, I drew some blood, just to make sure. Rom: It's been eight hours. So far, so good. Sisko: Rom, he's still your son. He's just taking his duties very seriously, that's all. Rom: Nog's moved back in with me, you know. It's horrible. He put me on report the other day. Said my tool kit was untidy. That's the exact word he used. Untidy. Sisko: I wouldn't worry about it. He's just going through a phase, that's all. Rom: I was hoping living with Jake would relax him. Sisko: I'm afraid Jake's going through a phase of his own. I don't know what's so difficult about putting a dirty dish back into the replicator. Rom: Nog says Jake is a slovenly, undiskiplined, unfocused writer. Sisko: Not an unfair assessment. You know, I sometimes wish Jake had a little more of Nog's self-diskipline. Rom: And I wish Nog had Jake's ability to enjoy himself. Those two could learn a lot from each other. Sisko: If we could only get them in the same room. Odo: Quark, wake up. We've got a mountain to climb. Quark! Quark? Quark! Quark. Wake up. Wake up. Wake, wake, Quark. Quark: Stop hitting me! Odo: I thought you were dead. Quark: So you saw that as an opportunity to vent years of hostility towards me? Towards me. Towards me. Hostility. Odo: What's wrong? Quark: What? Odo: I said what's the matter. Quark: I'm deaf. I'm deaf in my right ear. I can't hear anything. Hello, hello, hello? Hello, hello, hello? Odo: Would you stop doing that? Quark: You don't understand. A one-eared Ferengi is only half a man. We've got to get out of here. My body's shutting down. It's too cold. There's not enough to eat. I'm dying. We both are. Odo: We're not dying. Here, here. You can have the rest of my rations. Quark: These aren't rations. These are crumbs. You can't climb a mountain on crumbs. Odo: Fine. I'll go by myself. Quark: You're going to leave me? Odo: What do you want me to do? Stay here and trade insults until we both starve to death? I'd rather take my chances on the mountain. Quark: Whose turn is it to carry the transmitter? Odo: Yours. Quark: Figures. Figures? Figures! Quark: I hate this transmitter and I hate this mountain and most of all I hate the Orion Syndicate for stranding us here. Odo: I think we both know who's really to blame. Quark: Don't try and blame this on me, Constable. It was your job to get me to Inferna Prime safely. Odo: You never told me the Orion Syndicate was after you. Quark: You never asked. Odo: If I had, would you have told me the truth? Or would you have lied like you lie about everything? Quark: Have I ever told you how much I hate that smug, superior attitude of yours? Odo: Have I ever told you how much I hate your endless whining, your pathetic greed and your idiotic little schemes? Quark: Well I hate Odo: What do you hate? Quark: You. Odo: Well that's fine with me, because I hate you too. You're nothing but a petty thief. Quark: You are an arrogant prude. Odo: Lecher. Quark: Freak. Odo: Fraud. Quark: Fascist. Odo: Failure. Odo: Quark? Quark: What? Odo: Are you all right? Quark: I'm fine. Odo: I'm not. My leg is broken. Quark: That should it hold together. Now we just have to get you on it. Odo: Stop looking at the leg. You'll pass out again. Quark: Not looking at it doesn't help. I still know it's there. Odo: I should be the one struggling to stay conscious. I'm the one who's in excruciating pain. Quark: Speaking of pain, this is probably going to hurt. Odo: Quark, there's no way you're going to be able to drag me up that mountain. Quark: Just watch me. Odo: Stop trying to be a hero. You'll get to the top faster if you leave me behind. Quark: Don't you get it? I'm not trying to rescue you. I'm taking you along as emergency rations. If you die, I'm going to eat you. Odo: You're joking. Quark: Waste not, want not. Comfortable? Odo: Not really. Quark: Join the club. Quark: Higher. Quark: Hold on, Odo, hold on. Hold on. Odo: Quark? Quark: It's over. Odo: What do you mean, it's over? Quark: I can't move. We'll have to set up the transmitter here. Odo: We're not high enough. You have to leave me here and go on by yourself. Quark: Don't you understand? I can't do it. I'm half frozen. I haven't eaten for days. My muscles won't work anymore. Odo? Say something. Odo: What is there to say? If we stay here, we're dead. Quark: I can't go any further. Odo: If Sisko were here, do you think he'd give up? Or Worf? Or Dax? Quark: They're not here. Odo: That's right. It's just us. Give me the transmitter. Quark: What for? Odo: Just give it to me. Quark: What are you doing? Odo: What does it look like? Quark: You'll never make it. Odo: Maybe not. Quark: You're trying to embarrass me, aren't you? You're trying to shame me into carrying that thing the rest of the way on my own. Well it's not going to work. You might as well accept the inevitable and die with dignity. That's what I'm going to do. I'm just going to lie here and die. Quark: My brother will get the bar. My nephew will be completely corrupted by the Federation and become a Starfleet captain. And my bones will lie here and freeze unsold and unmourned. Quark: Try not to break your other leg while I'm gone. Odo: I'll do my best. Odo: Good luck. Jake: Come in. Dad? I though you were going to call first. Sisko: Well, we've got a problem. Jake: What's wrong? Sisko: According to station regulations, these quarters require two occupants or more. I'm afraid you're going to have to move out. Jake: Smaller quarters. All right, if I have to. Sisko: Well, that's the problem. There are no smaller quarters available. Jake: So where do I go? Sisko: I guess back home with me. Jake: You're kidding. Sisko: Unless we can find you another roommate. Cadet! Nog: Sir, I really must protest. Sisko: Cadets don't have that privilege. Neither do you. Now, I know the two of you are very different people, but you're still friends, and somehow, some way, you'll make this work. Jake: I don't know. Nog: Neither do I. Sisko: Well I do. And I'm your Captain. And I'm your father. And what I say goes. Good day, gentlemen. Nog: Well, the place hasn't changed much, has it? Jake: I guess not. Are you going to start cleaning again? Nog: No. I've got to study. Jake: Good, because it'll take a long time to clean up this pigsty. Nog: It's not that bad. Jake: It's bad. Nog: Yeah. Jake: You want to go to the gym? Healthy body, healthy mind. Nog: I have a better idea. How about a game of dom-jot? I'll let you break. Jake: You're on. Odo: Quark? Quark! Odo: Begin recording. Chief of Security's log, final entry. It looks like Quark didn't make it. I can't say I'm surprised. You'll find his body farther up the slope. No doubt he'd want you to vacuum-desiccate his remains and auction them off. Not that they're worth much. As for myself, cremate me, stick my ashes in my bucket, and shoot me through the wormhole. I might as well end up where I began. Or better yet Bashir: Bashir to infirmary. Prepare an IV drip of poly-nutrient solution. Medic: Aye, sir. Odo: I'm alive. Bashir: Yes. I'm going to see you stay that way. Odo: Quark? Worf: We found him on top of the mountain, slumped over a subspace transmitter. Odo: You mean he made it? Dax: If it wasn't for his signal, we never would have found you. Looks like he saved both of your lives. Odo: I was afraid you'd say that. Quark: Odo? Odo? Are you awake? Odo: I am now. Quark: We survived. Odo: We did. Quark: I bet you were surprised I actually made it all the way to the top. Odo: Astounded. Quark: You remember back there when I told you I hated you, and you told me you hated me? Odo: Vividly. Quark: I just wanted you to know I meant every word of it. Odo: So did I.

Dax: That's it? Sisko: That's it. The City of B'hala, painted nearly twenty thousand years ago. Dax: Hmm. Kira: Jadzia, you're looking at the most important Bajoran icon ever painted. The only known proof that B'hala actually existed, and all you have to say is hmm. Dax: No, it's just that you both gave it such a build up I thought it would be a lot bigger. Kira: We've been trying to force the Cardassian government to return this to us since the end of the Occupation. It's good to have it back. Dax: I thought you said it was going to be returned to the State Museum in Ilvia. Sisko: It will be. Tomorrow. But I couldn't let it pass without stealing a look. Sometimes being the Emissary isn't such a bad thing. You see this? It's a Bantaca spire. Ancient Bajoran cities were built around them. They were all about eleven meters high, made from hundreds of stones carved and fitted together so tightly they didn't need mortar. Kira: It's said they mark the city's place in the cosmos. Dax: Beautiful markings. Sisko: Supposedly, they're coordinates of the lost city. But because we can't see the markings on the other two sides, they're impossible to decipher. Kira: Which is why B'hala is likely to remain lost. Sisko: Before you pack it up, have it scanned into the computer. Dax: You're going to study it? Maybe see if you can find the lost city? Kira: I was just thinking about Zocal's third prophecy. It said only someone who had been touched by the Prophets could find the ruins of B'hala. Dax: No pressure. Sisko: Computer, magnify grid C four. Sisko: It's a reflection. Magnify D two. Sisko: Computer. Process Sisko image file three seven six. Reduce in size seventy five percent. Sisko: Oh. Ah, yes. Superimpose grid D two. Reverse image and enhance. Quark: Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but Sisko: But what? Quark: It's after three in the morning. Sisko: Three, already? Quark: Time flies when you're having fun. Sisko: Quark I want you to save this program for me. Quark: What is it? Sisko: An ancient puzzle. Quark: You know, Captain, if you like puzzles I have a wide assortment of pleasure mazes. And they all come with a surprise in the center. Sisko: Never mind, Quark. I'll save the program myself. Quark: Computer, Quark to Infirmary. Medical emergency in holosuite four. Quark: You said yourself the Captain's all right. Odo: Lucky for you. Quark: Then why am I being arrested? I already told you it was an accident. A minor technical difficulty. You can't arrest somebody for a minor technical difficulty. Odo: No, but I can arrest you for negligence. Your own records show your holosuites are in desperate need of maintenance. Quark: Which is what I've been telling Chief O'Brien for the past week. I begged him to have Rom fix them, but you know what he said? Rom's too busy upgrading the sensor array. Can you believe that? Anyone can fix the sensor array but no one can fix the holosuites like that idiot brother of mine. So you see, if anyone should be arrested for negligence, it's Chief O'Brien. Odo: Tell it to the magistrate. Bashir: Well, there are no signs of any permanent neural damage, although I am reading some odd synaptic potentials. Let me ask you something, does my uniform look any brighter to you? Sisko: Yes, everything does. Colors seem more intense and shapes more focused. Bashir: It's called post-neural shock syndrome. Your neural pathways were overloaded by the plasma burst. All external stimuli are going to seem more pronounced. It's going to take a while for things to settle down though, so I'm going to put you on restricted duty for the next three days. And if you experience any other side effects such as headaches, dizziness, even nausea, let me know immediately. Sisko: Yes. Bashir: In the meantime, enjoy the show. Jake: So, did dinner meet with the Sisko stamp of approval? Sisko: Grandpa would be so proud of you. Jake: I was a little worried I overcooked the lingta roast, but I'm glad you liked it anyway. Can I get you anything else? Sisko: Oh, no, I'm fine. Jake: I guess you'll be cooking tomorrow night. Sisko: Why's that? Jake: To welcome back Kasidy Yates to the station. Maybe cook some of that jambalaya that she likes so much. Sisko: We'll see. Jake: Dad, Kasidy's spent the last six months in prison for helping the Maquis. She's paid the price for what she did. Sisko: I suppose so. Jake: I just hope you give her a chance that's all. You two had something together. Jake: Dad? Dad, what is it? Sisko: These shapes. I know what they are. Dax: Ops to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Dax: Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but I have Admiral Whatley calling from Starfleet Headquarters. Sisko: I'll take it in here. Whatley: Hello, Ben. Sisko: Admiral. Whatley: How've you been? Sisko: Never better. Whatley: Glad to hear it. I know you've been waiting for this news for a long time. I'm glad to be the one who tells you. Bajor's petition to join the Federation has been approved. Sisko: It's about time. Whatley: Congratulations, Ben. You've done a hell of a job out there. Sisko: Thank you. Whatley: And we're not the only ones who think so. The Bajorans requested that the signing ceremony take place on your station. So make sure you spruce up that floating bicycle wheel of yours. Count on me and a lot of other brass showing up for this one, Captain. cap. Quark: Computer, spotlight. Quark: Drum roll. Worf: Welcome Klingons. Quark: Not that one. Dax: I see you're prepared for anything. Quark: Never hurts. Dax: I take it you think the Federation membership is going to be good for business? Quark: Of course it is. This station is going to get busier than an Alvanian beehive. I'm expecting to do five times the volume in root beer alone. You see, it's all about foot traffic. The more people come in, the more they drink. The more they drink, the more they talk. The more they talk, the more they let slip things that I shouldn't know, And that, that always leads to latinum. Worf: Perhaps so. But there is one problem. Quark: What's that? Worf: There is an ancient Klingon proverb that says, You cannot loosen a man's tongue with root beer. Kira: It is wonderful news, Vedek Mera. I'll see you at the signing ceremony. Enjoying the celebration? Dax: As far as I'm concerned, the Federation should accept a new member every week. Worf: And you, Major? Are you celebrating? Kira: You know, five years ago I wouldn't have been. I didn't think Federation membership was right for Bajor. It hadn't been that long since the occupation and I thought it was important for us to learn to stand on our own two feet. Worf: And what changed your mind? Kira: A lot of things. My time on the station, my dealings with Starfleet, but mostly the captain. Dax: He can be very persuasive. Kira: No doubt about it. He made me a believer. Dax: Well I'll drink to that. Kira: Where is the Captain? I'd like to congratulate him. Dax: Well, he was here for a little while, but I think he went back to the holosuite. Quark: Don't worry. I fixed it. Kira: Captain. Sir? Is something wrong? Captain! Benjamin! Sisko: Major. Kira: Are you all right? Sisko: I was there. Kira: Sir? Sisko: B'hala. It was the eve of the Peldor Festival. I could hear them ringing the temple chimes. Kira: You were dreaming. Sisko: No, I was there. I could smell the burning bateret leaves, taste the incense on the wind. I was standing in front of the obelisk and as I looked up, for one moment I understood it all. B'hala, the Orbs, the occupation, the diskovery of the wormhole, the coming war with the Dominion. Kira: You could see the future as well as the past? Sisko: For one moment, I could see the pattern that held it all together. Kira: You were having a pagh'tem'far, a sacred vision. Sisko: Hell, I don't know what I had, but it felt wonderful. Kira: The Prophets chose well when they made you their Emissary. So how does it all fit together? Sisko: I wish I knew. Someone woke me up. Kira: I was worried about you. Sisko: I understand. If I found you in the middle of a pagh'tem'far, I'd be worried about you, too. O'Brien: O'Brien to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. O'Brien: Sir, I've just received word that Kai Winn is on her way to the station. She should arrive in less than two hours. Sisko: Thank you, Chief. Major Kira will greet her at the airlock. Make my apologies. Tell the Kai that I am busy today but I'll meet with her tomorrow. Make something up. Kira: Where are you going to be? Sisko: Right here. The answer is in this spire. I know it. Kira: Kai Winn. Winn: Greetings, my child. You look very sweet. Kira: Looks can be deceiving. But you don't need me to tell you that. Winn: Why isn't the Emissary here to greet me? Kira: I'm afraid Captain Sisko's busy at the moment. Winn: Still basking in the adulation of Starfleet Command. Kira: Something like that. Winn: I'm sure the Federation is very pleased with the job he's done. Kira: I thought everyone was. Winn: Well, not everyone. You know, our culture has had only five short years to recover from the occupation. Only five years of freedom. It hardly seems enough time, does it? Kira: Well, Bajor's still going to be free. Joining the Federation isn't going to change that. Winn: I see working beside Captain Sisko all these years has had quite an influence on you. Kira: I have to give you credit. You just never give up. I'm sure the Emissary will consider everything you have to say, and then Bajor's admittance can go forward unobstructed. Winn: I await the will of the Prophets. Kasidy: Hello, Ben. Sisko: Kasidy. Kasidy: Jake said I could find you here. Sisko: Something wrong? Kasidy: Er, no, not at all. I'm just a little surprised. I didn't know you'd be happy to see me. Sisko: What are you doing for the next few hours? Kasidy: I don't know. I just got here. Sisko: Why don't you come to Bajor with me? Kasidy: Right now? Sisko: I think I know where to find B'hala, the sacred lost city of Bajor. You see these markings here? They're a coordinate system keyed to mark the position of the stars at a certain time of night. You don't have the faintest idea what I'm talking about, do you? Kasidy: Not a clue. Sisko: Well, why don't you come to Bajor and I will show you. Kasidy: I'm not even sure where I'm staying yet. Sisko: You can have your old quarters, if you want them. Kasidy: They're still available? Sisko: Everything is just as you left it. I have some pull with the station's CO. Kasidy: Ben, I've missed you. Sisko: I'm glad you're back. Now what do you say we go find B'hala? Kasidy: Somehow I don't think you'll take no for an answer. Sisko: This way. Kasidy: Oh, we must be two hundred meters underground. I don't want to be negative, Ben, but this doesn't look like a lost city to me. Sisko: You're looking at twenty thousand years of sediment here. Come on, stay close. We're not far from Kasidy: Oh, what's the matter? Sisko: It's nothing. I'll be all right in a second. Julian said that headaches might be a side effect of the accident. Kasidy: Or obsessing over an ancient Bajoran city? Is that a side effect, too? Sisko: You're being negative again. Come on, it's just around the bend. Kasidy: What is it? Sisko: B'hala. Kasidy: Ben, it's a wall of stone. Sisko: But what's behind the wall? Worf: Those quarters are not appropriate for Admiral Colti. She outranks Admiral Veta. Odo: Well then we'll put her in H two, Veta in D nine, and Rifkin in K four. Worf: That will not do. Rifkin commands a starship. Protocol requires he be given equal quarters. Odo: But he's only a captain. Worf: It is naval tradition. Odo: So is keelhauling, but right now we should focus on accommodations. Don't you agree, Major? Major? Kira: Hmm? Odo: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your reverie. Kira: I was just thinking about Captain Sisko finding B'hala. Bajoran archeologists have been searching for the sacred city for ten thousand years. He found it in just a few days. Worf: Your gods have granted the Captain a powerful vision. Odo: Or else he made a very lucky guess. Kira: It's a sign. A sign from the Prophets. Odo: I wonder if the Prophets can help us find quarters for Captain Rifkin. Winn: I hope I'm not interrupting. I was wondering, could I have a word with you, Major? Kira: Of course. Good luck. Odo: I was about to say the same to you. Winn: My child, you and the Emissary are close, are you not? Kira: I consider Captain Sisko a friend. Winn: So you know his mind, how he thinks, how he reacts in certain situations Kira: I'm not really sure what you're asking. Winn: I'm asking if you think the Emissary will forgive me. Kira: Forgive you? Winn: For doubting him. He must have been aware that I never truly believed he was the Emissary. Kira: I'm sure it crossed his mind. Winn: I was wrong, I know that now. Only someone touched by the Prophets could have found B'hala. Kira: Does that mean you're not going to try to block Bajor's admittance into the Federation? Winn: I'm going follow the path the Emissary has laid out for us. Kira: I must admit I'm surprised to hear that. It takes a lot of courage to admit you're wrong. Winn: And you think I lack courage? Kira: I didn't say that. Winn: But it is what you think. Those of you who were in the Resistance, you're all the same. You think you're the only ones who fought the Cardassians, that you saved Bajor singlehandedly. Perhaps you forget, Major, the Cardassians arrested any Bajoran they found teaching the word of the Prophets. I was in a Cardassian prison camp for five years and I can remember each and every beating I suffered. And while you had your weapons to protect you, all I had was my faith and my courage. Walk with the Prophets, child. I know I will. Sisko: Hello, Admiral. Whatley: Ben. So this is the ancient city of Balla. Sisko: B'hala. Whatley: Missing for twenty thousand years and you found it. Pretty impressive. Sure as hell impressed the Bajorans. How'd you know where to look? Sisko: You might say it came to me in a vision. Whatley: I know that's what the Bajorans think. But just between you and me, what really happened? Sisko: I know it's hard to understand, but it really was a vision. For the past few days, I've had these moments of insight, flashes of understanding. Whatley: And they started after that accident. I don't know, Ben. This is a little strange. Sisko: You didn't come here to see B'hala, did you, Admiral? Whatley: No, I came to see you. I was surprised you weren't on the station when I arrived. Sisko: I'm sorry about that. Whatley: Not sorry enough to return my comm. signals. All three of them. That could get an officer in a lot of trouble. Look, Ben, I need to know that I can count on you. Now, Bajor's admission is only the beginning. Now comes the hard part. Federation council members have to be chosen, the Bajoran militia has to be absorbed into Starfleet. There are thousands of details that have to be overseen and you're our point man here. That means we need to depend on you more than ever. Sisko: Don't worry. I won't let you down. Whatley: I'm glad to here that. Now, what do you say we get back up to the station? Sisko: I can't go back to the station. Not just yet. Whatley: Why not? I'm sure the Bajorans can take it from here. Or were you thinking of digging up this entire city all by yourself? Sisko: Charlie, I just need a little more time. Whatley: For what? Sisko: For answers. There's clarity here. I wish I could explain it better, but I can't. Whatley: You're scaring me with this, Ben. Sisko: I'm a little scared too, Admiral. Whatley: All right, I'll give you some time. But I want you back on the station by zero seven hundred hours tomorrow. You're to report to Doctor Bashir for a complete physical. Sisko: I'll be there. Whatley: Good. Whatley: It's oh seven fifteen. Where the hell is he? Bashir: His runabout only docked twenty five minutes ago, sir. I'm sure he's on his way. Whatley: When he gets here, I want you to give him a full work-up. Bashir: I examined him before he left for Bajor. He didn't complain of any new symptoms, but my scans still showed the same odd synaptic potentials. I was hoping the problem would have cured itself by now. Whatley: But it hasn't. Isn't there something you can do to help? Bashir: I could try neuro-polaric induction. But that's a very serious operation, and I'd rather not do it unless it were absolutely necessary. Whatley: So in the meantime he's going to keep having visions. I knew we were headed for trouble the minute he allowed the Bajorans to call him Emissary. Bashir: He didn't have much choice. The Bajorans are deeply committed to their spirituality, not to mention incredibly stubborn. They believe that Captain Sisko is the Emissary and nothing's going to change their minds. Woman: Here he comes! Bashir: I told you held be here, sir. Sisko: There's no need to worry. The katterpod harvest will be much better this year. You don't belong here. Go home. Bashir: Captain? Whatley: What's wrong? Sisko: I'm fine. Admiral. Whatley: What is it, Ben? Sisko: Your son. You can stop worrying about him. He forgives you. Whatley: How the hell did he know that Kevin and I weren't getting along? Bashir: He's the Emissary. Bashir: That should do it. I'll have the test results in a few minutes. Whatley: Well, that wasn't so bad, was it? Kira: Captain? Sisko: Cardassia. Kira: Sir? Sisko: That's where it was going. The cloud. Whatley: What cloud? Sisko: I was on Bajor. B'hala had been rebuilt. The people were in the streets, celebrating. But then a shadow covered the sun. We looked up and saw a cloud filling the sky. It was a swarm of locusts, billions of them. They hovered over the city, the noise was deafening, but just as quickly as they came, they moved on. Now I know where they were going. Cardassia. Kira: What do you think it means? Sisko: I don't know. Kira: At least the swarm was moving away from Bajor. That's a good sign. Isn't it? Sisko: But what do these locusts represent? And why Cardassia? Whatley: You were dreaming. And dreams don't always make sense. Sisko: This was no a dream. Bashir: Captain, why didn't you tell me about these headaches of yours? Sisko: I guess I was too busy. Bashir: Well, if you'd stayed busy much longer you could have died. The area of unusual neural activity has increased another eight percent. As a result, your basal ganglia are starting to depolarize. I'm going to have to operate, try to repolarize your neural sheaths. Sisko: How will that affect my visions? Whatley: That's not really the issue here, is it? Sisko: It is to me. Doctor? Bashir: Well, there's no way to tell for sure. But I assume if I can complete the procedure, your brain activity will return to normal and the visions will stop. Sisko: Then you can't do it. Whatley: Ben, that's ridiculous. Bashir: If I don't operate, sir, you could die. Sisko: I understand that. But something is happening to me. Something extraordinary. I have to see it through. Jake: What do you mean you're not going to let Doctor Bashir operate on you? You have to. Sisko: Don't you see? These visions are gifts. I can't refuse them. Kasidy: I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Listen to yourself, Ben. Sitting there, telling us that this mystical journey of yours is more important than watching your son grow up. Jake: Dad, please think about what you're doing. These visions, they're not worth dying for. Sisko: I remember the first time I held you in my hands. You were only a few minutes old and when I looked down at your face, it was almost as if I could see your whole life stretched out in front of you. All the joys it would bring, and the bruises. It was all there, hidden in that scrunched up little face. The baby that I'm holding in my hands now is the universe itself. And I need time to study its face. Kasidy: Look at the face of your son now and then tell me you're doing the right thing. Sisko: Come in. Winn: It's time, Emissary, if you're ready. Sisko: I am. Kasidy: Ready for what? Winn: The Emissary has asked for help in his journey. I'm providing it. Jake: And you trust her? Since when? Sisko: Jake, it'll be all right. I love you. Both of you. Kira: I've never seen the Temple so crowded. Seemed like every Bajoran on the station was there to pray for the Emissary. Dax: Glad to hear it. He going to need all the help he can get if he's going to survive this. Kira: The Captain is not going to die. He is the Emissary. The Prophets will take care of him. O'Brien: With all due respect, Major, I'd rather see Julian take care of him. Kira: Chief, I know you're worried, but the Prophets are leading the Emissary on this path for a reason. Worf: Do not attempt to convince them, Major. They cannot understand. Dax: Since when did you believe in the Prophets? Worf: What I believe in is faith. Without it there can be no victory. If the Captain's faith is strong, he will prevail. Dax: That's not much to bet his life on. Kira: You're wrong. It's everything. O'Brien: I hope you're right, Major. I hope you're right. Winn: He asks for your guidance. Let him see with your eyes. Lift the veil of darkness that obscures his path. Emissary? Sisko: I'm ready. Winn: The Orb of Prophecy is very powerful. It taxs even the healthy. Are you sure you want to go through with this? Sisko: I have to. I need to bring the visions into focus, tie them together. I can't do it alone. Winn: But you're very weak. Perhaps it would be better to wait until after the signing. Sisko: I may not have time. I need to do this now. Winn: As you wish. May the Prophets reveal their wisdom to you, Emissary. Whatley: He's already an hour late. Winn: He's still consulting the Orb of Prophecy. Whatley: How long do these Orb experiences last? Winn: Minutes. Hours. Sometimes days. Whatley: Then maybe we shouldn't wait for him. Do you have any objections to proceeding without Captain Sisko? Winn: I'm sure the Emissary would want to be here, but under the circumstances. Whatley: May I have your attention. I've been looking forward to this day for many years, as I'm sure all of you have. Welcoming a new planet to the Federation is the happiest assignment an Admiral could hope for. The Federation is not just a union of planets, it's much more. Winn: Emissary! Whatley: Get him to the Infirmary. Sisko: No! I have to tell them. Winn: What is it, Emissary? Have the Prophets revealed something to you? Sisko: Locusts. They'll destroy Bajor unless it stands alone. Whatley: Ben, what the hell are you talking about? Sisko: It's too soon! Bajor must not join the Federation. If it does, it will be destroyed. Bashir: His entire central nervous system is depolarizing. We have to operate immediately. Whatley: Then what are you waiting for? Kira: Captain Sisko made it clear he didn't want surgery. Kasidy: What are you suggesting, Major? We stand around and let him die? Kira: It isn't about what I want or what you want, it's about Captain Sisko. And he told us he doesn't want anything interfering with his visions. Whatley: Major, these visions may be important, but I think we're all in agreement here that they are not as important as Captain Sisko's life. Start the procedures. Bashir: It's not that simple. Captain Sisko refused surgery and I can't go against the decision of my patient. Not without the express consent of his closest relative. Jake: I guess that means it's up to me. Dad, I know you want to see this thing to the end, but I need you. I'm sorry. Do what you have to do. Bashir: Prepare for surgery. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to leave. Nurse. Winn: Any news about the Emissary? Kira: He's still in surgery. Winn: I hope the Prophets will forgive us. We never should have allowed the Federation to interfere with the Emissary's visions. Kira: It wasn't the Federation. It was his son and he had every right to make that decision. Winn: It was a selfish act. Kira: He's an eighteen year-old boy who doesn't want to lose his father. What would you have done in his place? Winn: I would trust the Prophets. Kira: Maybe we're the ones who need to trust the Prophets. For all we know, this is part of their plan. Maybe they've told Captain Sisko everything they want him to know. Winn: Perhaps. I suppose you heard that Bajor will not join the Federation today. The Council of Ministers has voted to delay acceptance of Federation membership. Kira: You must be very pleased. Winn: I wish I were. But things are not that simple. Not anymore. Before Captain Sisko found B'hala, my path was clear. I knew who my enemies were. But now? Now nothing is certain. Kira: Makes life interesting, doesn't it? Sisko: No. No! You took them away. Bashir: We had no choice. You were dying. Sisko: I almost had it. Almost understood it all. Now it's gone. Sisko: Yes. Whatley: How are you feeling? Sisko: I'm fine, Admiral. Whatley: Look, Ben, it's not too late. You could contact the Chamber of Ministers. Tell them you were wrong. Convince them to accept Federation membership. Sisko: I can't do that. The visions may have faded, but everything I said, everything I did, still feels right. When I said that Bajor should wait before it joins the Federation, I have never felt so certain about anything in my life. Whatley: I was afraid you would say that, Ben. I could have your commission for this. Sisko: I know. Whatley: But considering how the Bajorans feel about you, if I pulled you from this post we'd probably lose Bajor forever. Sisko: Admiral, for what it's worth, I wish things had turned out differently. Whatley: So do I. Sisko: But it's not over. One day Bajor will join the Federation. That I'm sure of. Whatley: Are you speaking as a Starfleet Captain or as the Emissary of the Prophets? Sisko: Both. Whatley: In that case, I'll keep the champagne on ice. Jake: Just in time, Dad. Sisko: What's this all about? Kasidy: It's about jambalaya. Jake: We never had that welcome back dinner for Kasidy. Kasidy: Welcome back. To both of us. Ben, I can't say I understand what you've gone through. I know you feel you've lost something important and maybe you have. But believe me, you've held on to something important as well.

Latha: I am Vedek Latha Mabrin and I welcome you to the Calash Retreat. Today we begin prayer and meditation as preparation for our Days of Atonement. May the Prophets walk with us as we begin our journey. Bashir: Have you been taking your makara herbs? Kira: Absolutely. Mostly. Bashir: Kira, you have to take them. Your progesterone levels are way too low. Kira: But if I take the herbs, then the sedatives you gave me don't work. Bashir: Yes, the herbs do act as a counteragent, but I thought you said you weren't having any trouble sleeping and that you didn't need any sedatives? Kira: I don't. But Julian, those herbs taste like something that crawled out of Quark's ear. Bashir: Just take them. Kira: All right. Odo: Major, may I have a word with you? Bashir: We're finished here. Kira: Sure. Odo: I'm afraid I have bad news. One of the former members of your resistance cell has been killed on Bajor. Latha Mabrin. Kira: How? Odo: It appears a small hunter probe was hidden inside a ceremonial candle and fired a disruptor blast. Kira: Do they have any suspects? Odo: Too many. Before he became a Vedek, your friend was involved in some very questionable activities. Kira: Latha was a violent man, but then he found the Prophets, and the last time I talked to him, he'd changed, really changed. Odo: I don't doubt that, Major. But it would appear that the violence of his past finally has caught up with him. Kira: Let me know if you hear anything else. Odo: Of course. Computer: Major Kira, there is one message waiting for you. Kira: Play back message. Voice: That's one. Kira: Replay audio. Voice: That's one. Kira: Again. Voice: That's one. Voice: That's one. Odo: As you might have guessed, there's no point of origin listed in the computer log. Sisko: When did we receive this message? Kira: It came over the primary subspace antenna at thirteen forty one hours. Almost the same moment Latha was killed on Bajor. Sisko: And you think that this is a threat against all the former members of the Shakaar resistance cell? Odo: That's my working theory, but I'm not ruling anything out. Sisko: Did anyone else receive this message? Kira: Not that we know of. So obviously there's some connection to me, but I don't know what it is. I haven't even spoken to Latha in two years. Odo: I'm waiting for the preliminary crime scene report from the authorities on Bajor before I begin my own investigation. But I'd like to increase security here on the station and initiate random checks on all incoming cargo. Sisko: Agreed. Kira: I've contacted most of the surviving members of the Shakaar and warned them to take precautions, just in case. Sisko: I'm sorry about your friend. Kira: He died serving the Prophets. They'll take care of him. Sisko: I'm sure they will. Keep me informed. O'Brien: How you feeling? Kira: Fine. Exhausted. I didn't sleep much and Julian's got me back on those herbs again. O'Brien: I know. I heard you pacing all night. Kira: I'm sorry. O'Brien: Don't be. I would've gotten up and kept you company, but I figured you wanted to be alone. Kira: I couldn't stop thinking about Latha. All those fire fights and bombings he lived through just to be killed during a religious ceremony. You know, if I wasn't pregnant I would be down on Bajor right now trying to narrow down the suspects. O'Brien: You're safer on the station. Kira: That's what's driving me crazy. I'm sitting here eating breakfast while someone may be hunting down my friends. I'm a Major in the Bajoran militia. I should be down there trying to protect them. O'Brien: Right now you're needed here, protecting someone else. Kira: Yeah, right. I guess I do have my hands full at the moment. Odo: Ops to Major Kira. Kira: Go ahead, Odo. Odo: There's another incoming message for you, Major, and they refuse to give either their name or location. Kira: I'm on my way. Odo: We're having trouble tracing the signal. Sisko: They're running it through some kind of scrambler and using a phase-divergent carrier wave. Try to keep them talking. Kira: This is Major Kira Nerys. Who am I speaking to? Fala: Nerys? Is that really you? Kira: Fala? Fala: Are you alone? I don't want anyone to hear me. I think, I think someone's trying to trace my signal. Kira: Stand by. She's a friend. Her name's Trentin Fala. Sisko: One of the members of your cell? Kira: No. Odo: Then why is she hiding her location? Kira: I'd rather not talk about it here, but trust me, she's no threat to anyone. Let me talk to her alone and see what's going on. Kira: I'm alone, and no one here will trace your signal. Fala: You heard about Latha? They killed him. As he knelt in prayer, they killed him! Kira: I know. And the authorities are investigating that right now. Fala: They're going to kill me too, Nerys. They've been watching me. Kira: Who's been watching you? Fala: I don't know, but I feel it. I need to get out of here, go somewhere safe. Please, Nerys, you've got to help me. You always promised that you'd help. Kira: All right, calm down. I'll protect you. You can stay here at the station until all of this is over. Two of our officers are returning this afternoon from Starbase sixty three. I'll reroute them to Bajor and have them pick you up. Okay? Fala: Okay. Kira: Their names are Worf and Jadzia Dax. They'll contact with you within the hour. Fala: I knew I could count on you. Kira: I'll see you soon. Dax: You've been smirking ever since we left the Starbase. Worf: I do not smirk. But if I did this would be a good occasion. Dax: How was I supposed to know that Captain Ramirez was a three-time tongo champion? Worf: You might have asked before mocking him and then allowing him to up the stakes to a no-limit game. Dax: I didn't lose that much. Worf: Two bars of latinum. I hope you have it. Dax: I have it. Most of it. Worf? Worf: No. Dax: Fine. I'll borrow it from Quark. He likes me. Worf: Major Kira's friend is ready for transport. Quark may lend you the money, but remember Rule of Acquisition number one hundred and eleven. Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them. Dax: You know the Rules of Acquisition? Worf: I am a graduate of Starfleet Academy. I know many things. Dax: Energizing. Dax: There's a power surge in the buffer! Worf: Something is interfering with the integration matrix. Dax: I'm transferring her pattern to the secondary buffer. Worf: Boost the gain on the energizing coils. Dax: It won't go any higher. I'm losing her! Bashir: I'm sorry, Nerys. Kira: I'm hearing that a lot lately. Can I have a moment? Bashir: Of course. Sisko: I wish there was something I could say, Major. Kira: Just tell me it was an accident. Sisko: The Constable thinks otherwise. Odo: I believe she was killed by a remat detonator. It's a device programd to scramble a transporter beam during rematerialization. They're typically no more than two cubic millimeters in size. It could have been hidden in her clothing or injected into her skin. Worf: The device is typically used by the Romulans. However, it is sold on the black market. Kira: Why didn't the transporter security system detect the device? Dax: We're not sure. The system is programd to scan for remats, so whoever did this has a sophisticated understanding of our security protocols. Kira: And a vendetta against the Shakaar resistance cell. Sisko: I thought you said that Trentin Fala wasn't a member of the Shakaar. Kira: She wasn't, at least not officially. Fala spent the occupation cleaning floors in a Cardassian records office in Dahkur Province. She passed us information for years without anyone catching on. But she was always so afraid. Afraid that she'd be caught and executed. But she never stopped. I once told her that I thought she was braver than all of us, because she had to live with her fear every day. Even after the occupation was over, she didn't want anyone to know that she was secretly helping us. She was worried that someone would come looking for her for revenge. Sisko: Looks like her fears were well founded. Voice: That's two. That's two. That's two. That's two. That's two. Quark: Hello, Major. I was just about to call you. Kira: Quark, what is that? Quark: I just found this PADD in a shipment of Saurian brandy that I just received. It was coded for you, but somehow I accidently activated it. Kira: Give that to me. Voice: That's two. That's two. That's two That's Odo: Since she was an informant, it stands to reason that Fala was killed because she was providing information to the resistance. Information that the Shakaar used to plan an attack on a Cardassian target. The killer is probably someone who was either injured or who lost a family member or a friend in that attack. Kira: We planned dozens of attacks based on Fala's information. It could be any of them. Odo: Not any. We're dealing with an operation in which you played a prominent part. Now perhaps you could make a list of all the attacks by the Shakaar that you participated in? Kira: That's a long list. Odo: Someone is accessing the security database. Kira: Can you trace it? Odo: No. Voice: That's three. Kira: Mobara. He was in the Shakaar. Odo: Where does Mobara live? Kira: Er, Musilla Province, at the university. Engineering school. Odo: I'm sending an emergency message to the authorities in Musilla. Maybe it's not too late. Are you all right? Kira: No, I'm not all right! I haven't slept in three days, someone is killing my friends, and my back! Sorry. Odo: No apology necessary, Major. They haven't been able to contact Mobara, so they're sending a search party to the university right now. They'll let us know what happens. Major, if I may make a suggestion? Why don't you return to your quarters and rest for now? It may be several hours before they're able to make a complete search. Kira: Maybe you're right. But let me know the moment you hear something. Odo: You have my word. Kira: I'm going to lie down. Help yourself to the replicator if you're hungry. Brilgar: Thank you, Major. Kira: Don't move! Furel: Hold it! Kira: Furel? Furel: Nerys? Kira: You're lucky I didn't shoot you. Furel: I could say the same about you. What are you doing creeping around in a dark room with a phaser. Kira: I live here! Lupaza: What about him? Kira: This is Lieutenant Brilgar. He's station security. He's here to protect me. Lupaza: Oh. Sorry. Brilgar: You know these people, Major? Kira: I'm afraid so. This is Furel and Lupaza. We were in the same resistance cell. Furel: Brilgar, worry about the Brilgar: Yeah, yeah. I'll be outside if you need me. Kira: Thank you. Kira: How did you get in here? We just installled a new security system. Furel: And a pretty good one it is, too, but they have not yet invented the security system that Lupaza cannot beat. Lupaza: It took some work, but I managed to retune the transporter scrambler. Kira: You beamed in? From where? Lupaza: We stowed away aboard a transport ship making a run from Bajor. Just before it docked, I accessed the station personnel records. Furel: We beamed into the bedroom about five minutes ago. We heard somebody moving around in here. I thought it was you Lupaza: But it turned out to be a man with a phaser Furel: And I tried to tell her that we should contact you before we came. Lupaza: You did not. Kira: I should have you both thrown in the brig. But I'm glad to see you. Furel: It's good to see you. Lupaza: Go get it. Lupaza: Can I? How much longer? Kira: A couple of weeks. Lupaza: Been sneezing? Kira: Off and on. The doctor's giving me something. But before we get too deep into baby talk. I had another message today. This time it's Mobara. Furel: Dead? Kira: We don't know yet. There's a search party out right now looking for him. Lupaza: Do you have any suspects? Kira: No. Furel: When you do, you let us know. Lupaza: That's why we're here, to find out who's doing this and take care of it. Kira: I can't send you out like some assassination squad. Lupaza: You don't have to send us anywhere. Furel: You just give us the name. We'll take care of the rest. Kira: The occupation is over. We can't go around fighting private wars. Times have changed. We have got to change with it. Leave this for the authorities. Furel: Authorities. Lupaza: Maybe you feel that way now, but trust me, when you find out who killed Latha and Fala, and maybe now Mobara, you're not going to want to leave it to someone else. You're going to want him dead and you're going to want us to do it. Kira: Maybe so. But we're not at that point yet. What's in the box? Lupaza: It's for you. Kira: For me? Furel: A gift. Kira: Makara herbs. Furel: You're supposed to take them during your pregnancy. Lupaza: She knows what they're for. We thought you might have trouble getting fresh herbs on the station, so we picked them last night. Kira: Thanks. Really, thank you. Well, if you're staying, I'd better find you some quarters. Lupaza: We're staying right here where we can keep an eye on you. On both of you. Furel: We'll sleep out here. The couch is a little short, but it's probably as comfortable as our bed. Kira: Well, since Keiko's visiting her parents with Molly, I guess there's room. Furel: Hold it! Kira: It's all right! Kira: Miles, we have houseguests. Odo: They found his body about two hours ago. Or at least what was left of it. Mobara had a micro-explosive implanted just behind his right ear. Sisko: How could someone get close enough to implant something behind someone's ear and not get caught? Odo: I doubt he was ever near Mobara. The killer's shown a pattern of using remote-controlled devices. He was probably using some kind of hunter probe and injected Mobara as he slept. Sisko: What are we dealing with here, a professional assassin? Odo: Well, that was my initial thought. But a professional would never be sending anonymous messages. No, our killer is someone with a very personal stake in this. Someone who is trying to make a point to Major Kira. Sisko: And once he drives his point home? Odo: He'll try to kill her, too. Voice: That's one. That's two. That's three. Nog: It doesn't sound natural. Dax: No kidding. Nog: I mean, I know they're using some kind of scrambler to disguise the voice, but there's something else. The rhythms don't sound natural. More like a composite of words from different speeches put together. Kira: You can tell that through all that distortion? Nog: It's the lobes. The intonation and phrasing are slightly off. Dax: I made it a policy never to argue with someone's lobes. Kira: All right, let's say these are composite messages. Does that help us? Dax: Maybe. Since the first word of all three messages is the same, let's assume that it's simply been copied three times. That gives me a reference to begin screening out the electronic interference. Voice: That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. Nog: It's a female. And it's not Cardassian Kira: You're sure? All right, all right. Nog: It's Bajoran. I know that voice. Can I hear the rest of the words? Kira: That's one. That's two. That's three. Kira: It's me. He's using my voice. Dax: There's been an explosion in the habitat ring. Kira: Location? Dax: Level five, section twenty one alpha. The O'Brien's quarters. Go to Red alert. Stop all incoming and outgoing ships until further notice. Nog: Aye, sir. Dax: Dax to Infirmary. Doctor Bashir report to Habitat ring level five, section twenty one alpha. Medical emergency. Sisko: Report. Dax: There's been an explosion in O'Brien's quarters. There's a hull breach. The compartment is venting air into space. Sisko: Casualties? Dax: No word yet. I'm having trouble scanning through the debris. Odo: Where's Kira? Guard: Major! You can't go in. There's a hull breach and Kira: Get out of my way! Guard 2: Major, please. Brilgar: Major, no! You'll vent the whole corridor! Bashir: Nerys. Nerys, can you hear me? Kira: Julian. Bashir: You're in the Infirmary. Kira: The baby? Bashir: He's fine. You suffered a placental laceration and then you began to hemorrhage. But I've repaired the damage. You're going to be all right. Kira: Lupaza and Furel. They're dead, aren't they? Bashir: I'm afraid so. Kira: Miles? Bashir: He wasn't there when it happened. Kira: Did they die quickly? Bashir: Instantly. Odo: Doctor, may I? Bashir: I'll be right outside. Kira: I was thirteen when I joined the resistance. I'd been hanging around the Shakaar base camp for a couple of weeks, running errands, cleaning weapons, that kind of thing. Then one night they had an ambush planned and they were a man short, so I volunteered. But everyone thought I was too young, too small. Lupaza stuck up for me. She said I had the heart of a sinoraptor and they didn't have much choose. Furel made some kind of joke. I don't remember what it was, but I do remember that Lupaza hit him. She was always doing that. They loved each other in some way. But it was up to Shakaar and he stared at me for a long time before he decided I was big enough to carry a phaser rifle after all. So we set up the ambush up along a ridgeline that night and waited. It was so cold my hands were shaking. I was so afraid that one of them would look at me and think that I was nervous, that I kept biting my fingers to keep the blood flowing. We must have waited there three or four hours before the skimmer appeared and set down right where Furel said it would. And when that hatch opened and that first Cardassian stepped out, I just started firing. And I didn't stop till I'd diskharged the entire power cell. When it was all over, I was so relieved that I didn't let anyone down that I was almost giddy. Furel kept telling me to stop grinning, that it made me look younger, but I couldn't help it. I was one of them. I was in the Resistance. Lupaza made me this out of some of the metal from that skimmer. How were they killed? Odo: Someone attached a small hunter probe to the hull of a Talavian freighter. When the ship docked at the station, the probe detached itself and then began a visual scan of every room in the Habitat ring. Once the probe found its assigned targets, it attached itself to the window and exploded. Kira: Do you have any leads? Odo: My sources on Cardassia have given me a list of possible suspects. They all have the computer skills, the opportunity and the motive to carry out these attacks. Kira: You must have called in a lot of favors. Odo: One or two. Kira: How many people are on the list now? Odo: Twenty five. Kira: Can I see it? Odo: Not just yet. I'd like to narrow it a little. Kira: You're afraid I'm going to take the names and go charging off after them. Odo: Something like that. Kira: You're right. I probably would. Odo: I'm going to find the person that's done this. I promise you that. Kira: I know you will, Odo. Keep me informed. Odo: Absolutely. Computer: Emergency transport standing by. Enter command code authorisation. Kira: Authorisation Kira one five seven alpha. Computer: Initiating transport. Kira: Computer, initiate emergency transport program Kira two. Computer: Initiating transport. Odo: Computer, locate Major Kira. Computer: Major Kira is no longer on the station. Odo: Damn. Odo: She's obviously going after the suspects on the list, but she erased the names from my computer file when she got them so there's no way to know where she's headed. Sisko: Prepare the Defiant. I want to leave in ten minutes. See if we can pick up her ion trail. Worf: It will be difficult. Our sensor logs show that Major Kira masked her engine emissions with a polaron field. The runabout's particle Sisko: I know what the difficulties are. You have your orders. Dismissed. Worf: Aye, sir. Kira Nerys, personal log, stardate 50416.2. I've eliminated three of the suspects from Odo's list. I'm satisfied that none of them could've committed the murders. The fourth name is Silaran Prin, a Cardassian living on a planet near the DMZ. Silaran: A creature born within the comforting anonymity of darkness, awakens in the harsh truth of daylight. It squirms in the glare, afraid of the light that pins it to the chair like a needle through its heart. Its heart beats faster. Kira: Who's there? Silaran, is that you? Silaran: Panic starts to creep into its soul. Does it understand? Or is it so blinded by the light that it can think only of returning to the velvet cloak of darkness? No matter. Perhaps it is better that it doesn't realize how close death has come. But make no mistake, there is no escape. It has reached the end, and soon it will die. Kira: What's the matter, Silaran? Are you so afraid of a pregnant woman in a restraining field you have to hide in the dark? Silaran: It bares its tiny fangs, hoping for a chance to strike, to sink its teeth deep into the flesh of its tormentor. But that chance will never come. Kira: You'd better hope I don't get that chance. Silaran: And somewhere beneath the gleam of hatred in those eyes lurks the certain knowledge of its impending death. And it begins to know fear. Kira: I'm not afraid of you. I'm not some coward who's been sending anonymous messages and bombs to murder innocent people. Silaran: No, Kira! I didn't murder anyone. You did! You killed them all. Kira: There. That wasn't so hard, was it? Now we can talk. Silaran: Talk and lies won't help you. You're in the light and the light reveals the truth. And the light shows me no regret in those eyes, no compassion. Kira: You want me to feel compassion for you? You murdered five people. What compassion did you show to them? Silaran: Unrepentant. How unfortunate. I thought you might have changed, might have found a path out of the darkness. Kira: What am I supposed to be repentant for? What're you talking about? Silaran: That is part of your guilt. You did this to me. Silaran: And you don't even know who I am. Kira: So you were wounded during an attack I carried out when I was part of the resistance, and I'm supposed to feel guilty? We were at war, Silaran. Fifteen million Bajorans died during the occupation and you want me to feel sorry for you? Silaran: No, I wasn't part of your war. I was an innocent. I wasn't even in the military. You know what I did on Bajor? I was a servant. I cleaned uniforms for Gul Pirak. Kira: Gul Pirak. Commander of the weapons depot at Hathon. Silaran: I'm glad that you remember. Now, do you remember what you did? How you put a plasma charge outside his bedroom window in the middle of the night? Kira: I remember he executed fifteen Bajoran farmers because they refused to display the Cardassian banner outside their homes. Silaran: Trentin Fala showed you how to circumvent the defense system. Latha Mabrin built the plasma charge. Furel and Lupaza stood guard outside while you crept up to the house. Kira: None of us liked killing. We were fighting for our freedom against Silaran: You vaporized the entire east wing! Twelve Cardassians were killed, including Gul Pirak's entire family. Twenty three others were crippled. Don't you feel guilty? Don't you feel ashamed of what you did? Kira: None of you belonged on Bajor. It wasn't your world. For fifty years you raped our planet and you killed our people. You lived on our land and you took the food out of our mouths, and I don't care whether you held a phaser in your hand or ironed shirts for a living. You were all guilty and you were all legitimate targets! Silaran: And that's what makes you a murderer. Indiskriminate killing. No sense of morality. No thought given to the consequences of your actions. That's what makes us different. Kira: I was a soldier. You're just a bitter old man out for revenge. Silaran: I am bringing the guilty to justice. And unlike you, I take care to protect the innocent. I could have killed every monk in that cavern or everyone on the runabout, or half the population of Deep Space Nine, but I didn't. Only the guilty have died. And that is why, although though your actions have condemned you, the life of your child will be spared. Kira: What does that mean? What does that mean? Silaran: The creature's diseased mind cannot understand its plight. Its imagination is too limited to perceive the truth. It cannot be saved. But there is still hope for its child. It can be taken from the womb and raised in the light. Kira: Listen to me, Silaran. The child I'm carrying, it isn't Bajoran, it's human. It has unique medical needs. If you force me to give birth now you risk Silaran: The creature's cries grow louder, but no one can hear them. All that remains is to bring the child into the light and diskard the diseased carcass of the mother before it can infect it's offspring. Kira: You can't bring it into the light! Not yet! Doctor Bashir said if I don't have at least three more weeks Silaran: It's time. Kira: We both agree this baby's an innocent. Don't put him at risk, please, Silaran. Silaran: Don't worry. I promise that I'll take care of the child and that I'll teach him the difference between darkness and light. Kira: Wait. Please, I'm begging you. At least give me a sedative. Show some compassion. Don't just cut me open. Silaran: All right. I'll show more mercy than you have. Take a good look at my face, Kira. I want it to be the last thing you see. Silaran: The creature slept, dreaming its dark dreams and happy to be out of the light. The innocent life it held would awaken in brilliance, and never know darkness again. Odo: Are you all right? Bashir: She's fine. There's a large amount of merfadon in her system. Sisko: Merfadon? Bashir: It's a sedative, but the makara herbs she's been taking have counteracted the effect. Sisko: I take it this is our assassin? Odo: Why did he give you a sedative? Kira: He wanted to protect the innocent and separate the darkness from the light. But he didn't realize the light only shines in the dark and sometimes innocence is just an excuse for the guilty. Let's go home. Sisko: Sisko to Defiant. Crewman: Four to beam up. Energize.

Bashir: Good morning, Constable. And what can I do for you today? Odo: It's my back. Bashir: Let's take a look. Odo: It happened this morning when I got out of bed. Bashir: Hmm. Odo: I have Alvanian spine mites, don't I? Bashir: Actually Odo: I'll be in pain for the rest of my life. Bashir: Odo, you have a pinched nerve. Odo: Really? Bashir: It comes from bad posture. Odo: Me? Ridiculous. You've never seen anyone sit so straight. Bashir: Exactly. You carry yourself too rigidly. Odo: This is how I've always carried myself. Bashir: You haven't always have a spinal column. You're not a changeling anymore. Now that you're a humanoid, you have to learn to relax. Odo: That's what you said last week. Bashir: And? Odo: And it helped. That and the prune juice. Bashir: There, you see? I know what I'm talking about. Quark: Back trouble? Odo: It's none of your concern, Quark. Quark: Bad posture. Odo: Will you get out of here. Bashir: What you need is a stretching regimen. Worf's morning exercise class should be just the thing. Quark: Forget that. I've got a holosuite program that'll take care of him. Three Orion slave girls strap you Odo: Quark. Quark: Go ahead, suffer. Odo: What do you want? Quark: A Yridian I've been dealing with sold me something that might interest you. Odo: I don't think so. Quark: You don't even know what it is. Odo: I know I don't want it. Quark: In that case, can you tell me how to get in touch with the Founders? I know they'll want it. Odo: What are you talking about? Quark: It's a changeling. Or it was, anyway. Since it's dead I'll let you have it for five slips of latinum. Odo: It's not dead. Quark: In that case make it ten. Odo: It's sick. Quark: Eight and we'll call it even. Quark: It's a pleasure doing business with you. Bashir: If that is a changeling, maybe we should get it into a security field. Odo: That won't be necessary. Bashir: If it gets out of that container, it could be dangerous. Odo: It's not going anywhere, Doctor. It doesn't know how. It's just a baby. Sisko: A baby changeling? Odo: Centuries ago, my people sent a hundred of us out into the galaxy so we could learn about other races. When I was found, I looked very much like this. Sisko: You were this small? Odo: Like a humanoid child, it'll grow. Its mass will increase as its shape-shifting abilities develop. Bashir: As far as I can tell, it was exposed to a massive amount of tetryon radiation. I'm going to have to purge the isotopes with an electrophoretic diffuser. Sisko: Get on it. Are you sure it's no danger to us, Constable? Odo: When I was first diskovered, I didn't know what I was. I had no memory of where I was from. I didn't even know I had the ability to mimic other forms. Sisko: Why would the Founders send such helpless creatures out into space? Odo: To find out if the species they encountered posed any threat. What better way to gage another race than to see how it treats the weak and vulnerable? Sisko: I see your point. How long before it is able to take humanoid form? Odo: Several months. Why? Sisko: Well, there's still a lot we don't know about your people. The changelings could provide Starfleet with invaluable information about the Dominion. Odo: Well, that being the case, I'd like to be allowed to work with it, to teach it how to shape-shift. Sisko: Oh, I can't think of anyone better qualified. You might just want a little help. Maybe you should contact Doctor Mora? Odo: Mora? Why? Sisko: Well, he managed to find a way to communicate with you. He obviously knows what he's doing. Odo: Maybe so, but I'd prefer to do this alone. Sisko: It's your call. But it's always nice to have someone around to help change the diapers. Odo: I'll keep that in mind. Bashir: The purge was almost a hundred percent effective. The concentration of isotopes is nearly negligible. Odo: It certainly looks healthier. Bashir: Well, I'd better go and check on Kira. Did you hear? She's in labor. Odo: Mm-hm. Bashir: But I guess you have your own baby to think about. There is still a small degree of instability in its morphogenic matrix. I'm hoping it'll level out. I've set the computer to monitor for biomimetic fluctuations just in case. Odo: Thank you, Doctor. Bashir: Good luck. Odo: How do you feel? Better? I realize you can't understand a word I'm saying, but that doesn't matter. I know you're aware of me. You see, I was once like you. I spent months in a lab being prodded and poked by a scientist who didn't recognize I was a lifeform. He thought I was a specimen, a mystery that needed to be unraveled. He never talked to me. It didn't occur to him. I didn't know what I was, or what I was supposed to do. I was lost, alone, but it's not going to be that way with you. No, I'm not going to make the same mistakes that were made with me. Come on, I want to show you something. Keiko: I'm sorry. O'Brien: Something's wrong. Kira said this would only take about an hour. Bashir: For Bajoran women, giving birth is all about being relaxd. Keiko: He's right, Miles. That's why it's important for us to keep the rhythm. O'Brien: She's not going to relax until Shakaar gets here. I called him almost six hours ago. It takes half that time to make the trip from Bajor. Keiko: He's the First Minister of Bajor. He's a very busy man. Bashir: And so am I. I have three surgeries scheduled this afternoon. I'll try and pop by later. Kira: Y'Pora, the baby, he's moving. Y'Pora: Relax. Breathe. It won't be long now. Shakaar: Sorry I'm late. How are you? Kira: All right. Shakaar: I threw you off, didn't I? Kira: It's all right, I'll get back on track. I'm glad you're here. Odo: This is the Replimat. Humanoids come here to eat. They, we rather, need to ingest nutrients. This is my home. It's a space station. People of many different species live here together. After you've learned to take humanoid shape, I'll show you everything. You can live here too, if you want. It's a fascinating place. Worf: Constable. Why are you talking to your beverage? Odo: It's not a beverage. It's a changeling. Excuse me, Commander. Odo: There we go. Now, doesn't that feel better? Nothing like spreading yourself out after being cooped up in a jar, eh? You have no idea of the marvels that are in store for you. Do you know what you are? You're a changeling. A shape-shifter. You can be anything. A Tarkalean hawk soaring through the sky, or a Filian python burrowing deep beneath the ground. It's all yours for the taking. I was never a very good shape-shifter. If you could see the face I'm stuck with, you'd know what I mean, but I think I can be a good teacher. You'll be better than I ever was. And I promise I'll never treat you the way I was treated. Never. Mora: Odo! Odo: Doctor Mora. What are you doing here? Mora: Well, I heard about the changeling. I came to help. Remarkable. You know, it's much larger than you were. What is that, about a quarter of a liter? Odo: I suppose so. Mora: You didn't measure it? Odo: What difference does it make how large it is? Mora: It could make a great deal of difference. Size could be an indication that it's already exercised its ability to shape-shift. Odo: I thought you were on Earth, working with Starfleet on new ways to detect changeling infiltrators. Mora: Fortunately I was visiting my parents on Bajor when I got news of your find. How are you, Odo? I've been worried. Odo: Worried? Mora: I heard that your people took away your ability to shape-shift. Odo: Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine. Mora: I knew you were going to say that. You never want to give anything away even though it's all right there in your face. Well, let's get started, hmm? We have a lot of work ahead of us. Odo: Actually, Doctor Mora: I told Starfleet that I won't be coming back for a couple of weeks. Odo: That may have been premature. Mora: No, it'll take at least that long to get the changeling to respond. Odo: Don't do that! Mora: Well, I see you still have trouble controlling your temper. I was just trying to determine its mass. Odo: Doctor Mora, I understand that you want to help, but I'm going to do this alone. Mora: Alone? Odo, you don't know the first thing about teaching a changeling how to shape-shift. Odo: Well then I'll just muddle through somehow. You did. Mora: It's too warm in here. You know, a changeling's morphogenic matrix is most malleable at seventeen degrees Celsius. Odo: I used to be able to change shape in almost any temperature. Mora: That's true. But why not make it easy for the changeling. It took me weeks to figure out the optimal temperature, the humidity, even the light levels. Now don't you think that's information you could use? Odo: Well, I suppose I could take a look at your reports. Mora: Oh, feel free to, of course. Except I was never one to keep extensive records. I always wanted to move on to the next test. Odo: Oh, believe me, I remember your tests very well. Mora: Oh, so that's what this is about. You still resent the things I did to you in order to induce you to shape-shift. Well I know they weren't pleasant for you, but really, Odo, I would hope that you would get past that by now. I am disappointed. Odo: I have my own ideas about how to teach the changeling. Mora: I imagine they're less invasive. Odo: Exactly. Mora: Huh. Odo: You don't think I can do it, do you? Mora: I didn't say that. As a matter of fact, I'd be fascinated to see what you have in mind. Odo: Well, in that case, why don't you stay and observe? Mora: If you insist. Keiko: What's wrong? Kira: I don't know. It's like a cramp or something. Y'Pora: You shouldn't be feeling any pain. Well, it appears you're not going to be having the baby today. Kira: What? Y'Pora: You were in labor too long. O'Brien: I wonder why. Y'Pora: For whatever reason you weren't able to fully relax. Your system had to stop producing endorphins before they accumulated to toxic levels. Shakaar: When will she have the baby? Y'Pora: It could be a few more days, or a few more weeks. Kira: Weeks? If I don't have this baby soon, I'm going to go out of my mind. Y'Pora: If you want, you can go see Doctor Bashir and have him Kira: No, no, I want to have this baby the traditional Bajoran way. Keiko: We're a hundred percent behind you, Nerys. Right, Miles? O'Brien: Absolutely. Kira: Can you stay? Shakaar: I'll have to rearrange my schedule, but I think so. Y'Pora: Nerys, return to your quarters and rest. I'll come by and see you later. You. Be punctual next time or don't come at all. And you? Practice. Odo: This is a sphere. It's one of the most basic forms in nature. Odo: See how it rolls? Interesting, isn't it? You're in my light. Now, this won't hurt a bit. Here we are. Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Odo: Now, this is also a sphere. Feel its symmetry, the softness of its shape, the sameness. Now you try. Odo: There we are. I understand that you prefer to remain shapeless. Believe me, I remember how relaxing it could be. But you have to learn to take other forms. That's what changelings do. It can be immensely rewarding. I remember the first time Doctor Mora here coerced me into taking the shape of a cube with one of his electrostatic gadgets. Once I did it, and he turned the infernal thing off, I was perfectly content to stay a cube for hours. It was fascinating, all those right angles. Of course, he had other plans. Before I knew it, he had me spinning around in a centrifuge. Well, if you're not interested in a sphere right now, we can always try a cube. What do you think? All right, now, this is a pyramid. It's one of the most mysterious shapes in nature. Odo: Now Mister Pyramid, here comes Mister Cube. Odo: What are you doing? Mora: I'm measuring its volume. It's been here a week and it's only grown seventeen percent. After three days in my lab, you were twice that size. Odo: Well, maybe I was anxious to grow up so I could get out of there. Mora: My point is, you've made no progress. By this time I'd already gotten you to mimic half a dozen simple forms. Odo: I'm trying to gain its confidence, not teach it tricks. Mora: It's a shame you're not a changeling anymore. You could link with it and teach it everything it needs to know. Odo: You make it sound like it's my fault. Mora: It might very well be. Let's face it, Odo, your shape-shifting ability was somewhat limited. Maybe that's why your people were able to force you to take a humanoid form. Odo: That is pure speculation. Mora: Let's run a few tests and find out. Odo: Oh, you are just dying to get me into one of your contraptions, aren't you? Mora: I'm trying to help. Odo: I am not about to submit myself to another round of your experiments. Mora: Everything I did to you was for your own good. Odo: Ha! Mora: True, some of the tests that I subjected you to proved inconclusive. Odo: The vacuum chamber springs to mind. The cytoplasmic separator. Come to think of it, the protein decompiler as well. Mora: How could I know until I tried? By the Prophets, Odo, I wasn't even sure you were a lifeform. Odo: I wasn't sure about you either. Mora: Once I realized you were sentient, the Cardassians wanted to know everything about you. I was under enormous pressure to come up with results, and I did. My technique worked. The fact that you are standing here whining about it proves it. Odo: You enjoyed watching me suffer. Mora: You really believe that? How pathetic. If it wasn't for me, you'd still be sitting on a shelf somewhere, in a beaker labeled unknown sample. Odo: If it wasn't for me, you'd be a nobody. Starfleet wouldn't hire you to judge a science fair. Mora: I'm getting a little tired of standing around watching you, but I can't seem to pull myself away. I can't wait to see what next preposterous thing you're going to try. Who knows, maybe in a couple months, it may get so tired of your incessant chatter that it might actually do something. Odo: You'd love to get your hands on it, wouldn't you? You could sell tickets on the Promenade. Doctor Mora's Chamber of Horrors open for business. Right this way. Odo: Captain. Sisko: How's it going, gentlemen? Odo: Making progress, sir. Sisko: I'm glad to hear it. I was just talking with Starfleet Command. They want you to establish communication with the changeling as soon as possible. Mora: At the rate we're going, that is still a long way off. Sisko: Better not be too long, otherwise Starfleet is going to want to take over the project. Odo: Sir. Sisko: As long as you're making progress, there's nothing to worry about. Oh, by the way. Starfleet wants you to file daily reports for their review. Odo: Understood, sir. Sisko: Carry on. Mora: Now you understand the kind of pressure I was going through. I brought my old equipment from Bajor. Maybe it's time we started unpacking. Mora: Any time you're ready. Odo: Don't worry. You're going to get through this all right. Mora: Oh, no, no, no. I'm just an observer here. Mora: Odo, the changeling won't respond to anything less than six millivolts. Odo: There must be some other way. Mora: Spare the rod, spoil the child. Odo, without diskomfort the changeling will be perfectly comfortable to remain in its gelatinous state. It'll just lie there, never realizing it has the ability to mimic other forms, never living up to its potential. Odo, six millivolts is not going to hurt it. Once it realizes there's no charge in the center, the procedure will be finished. Mora: Checking to see if I'm enjoying myself? Odo: That's it. You've found it. Mora: I smiled the first time you did that. Little did I realize you'd end up hating me for it. Well, shall we move on? Odo: Why not? Shakaar: Ahem. Kira: Edon. Shakaar: How're you feeling? Kira: I'm all right. My feet are a little swollen. O'Brien: A little? They've never been this bad. Shakaar: There's a zero-grav tumbling performance on the Promenade tonight. Do you want to go? Kira: Well, maybe. O'Brien: You can't go standing around for an hour. Shakaar: Chief, would you mind leaving us alone for a minute? O'Brien: I'm almost done. Shakaar: I'll take over. Kira: I think it's time. O'Brien: You got to do it harder. Shakaar: I know what I'm doing. Kira: It's time. O'Brien: And you've to work up the legs. Kira: It's time! Odo: Now if I were you, I'd hold this shape. Otherwise you'll be in for a little shock. Odo: Wait a minute. Mora: I had to try that three times before you caught on. Odo: Actually, the first two times I didn't hold my shape on purpose. Mora: You're not serious. Odo: I suppose I didn't want to give you the satisfaction. Mora: Well someday, if you're very lucky, this changeling will give you the satisfaction of saying, thank you very much, you did so much for me. Then again, it may leave the way you did. It will announce that it's striking out on its own and you will never hear from it again. I'm going to get something to eat. Mora: I mean, the eyes! Odo: When he rose up. Mora: The eyes are incredible. Odo: For a minute there, I thought he was going to say something. Mora: Oh, put that down. We're celebrating. Odo: Oh, er, it's just that I've fallen behind in my security reports over these last few days. Mora: Well you can catch up later. Aren't you excited about what happened? Odo: Of course I'm excited. Mora: Tomorrow, we can expose the changeling to simple life-forms so it can mimic them. Some algae, some fungus. In a few more days, maybe even an invertebrate. Odo: I can't wait until I can actually communicate with it. There's so much I want it to see, so much I want to share. Mora: Well, you may get that chance sooner than you think. The changeling is developing far faster than you did. I didn't mean that as a criticism. If anything, it's a compliment. I mean, I was wrong. Your approach to communicating to the changeling was sound. I mean, don't you see? It's reaching out to you. It's curious about you. The first time you ever did anything like that was when you formed a tentacle to slap my hand away from the control panel. Odo: I remember. I wanted you to stop zapping me. Mora: You formed a connection with this changeling. That is something I was never able to do with you. Odo: That's not true. I respected you. Mora: You feared me. Odo: You didn't know what I was. You were experimenting on what looked like a lump of organic residue. That's what I'd still be if it weren't for you. Mora: You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that. I'm sorry, I know this sort of talk makes you uncomfortable. I suppose it's all my fault. If I hadn't poked and prodded you so much, you may have grown up with a less forbidding disposition. Odo: Something tells me no matter what we do to that changeling, it's going to have a more pleasant disposition than mine. It's just the way I am. Mora: I'll leave you to your work. Odo: Doctor Mora? Two glasses of champagne, please. We're celebrating. Y'Pora: The baby has turned. It's time. Awake, child. Keiko: We await you with love. Shakaar: And welcome you into the world. Shakaar: Why don't you stay there? O'Brien: I can't see from here. Shakaar: Exactly. O'Brien: It's my baby. Y'Pora: Shh. Shakaar: I think it would make Nerys uncomfortable. O'Brien: What are you talking about? She's been living in my home for the last five months. Keiko: Be quiet. Shakaar: What's that supposed to mean? O'Brien: Look, I missed Molly's birth, I am not going to miss this one. Kira: I'm trying to have a baby. I am sick of this ridiculous little competition between the two of you. Now, if one of you says one more word, you're going to have to leave. O'Brien: Fine, tell him to let me to Shakaar: Just tell him to stay where Kira: Right, that's it. Out, both of you. O'Brien: Kira. Shakaar: Nerys. Kira: Go. O'Brien: You're joking. Keiko: Does it look like she's joking? Out! O'Brien: Nice going. Shakaar: Oh, do me a favor. Next time you have a baby, leave my girlfriend out of it, huh? Quark: Comes to three hundred and twenty four. I'm going to have to start watering the drinks again Quark: Constable? Odo: Quark! Quark: What are you doing back there? Odo: What does it look like I'm doing? Quark: We're closed. Odo: Have a seat. Quark: You're in a good mood. Odo: Yes, I am. Quark: Which means you're probably about to arrest me on some trumped up charge. Odo: Not at all. I am buying you a drink. Quark: Why? Odo: Doctor Mora has gone to sleep, and I still feel like celebrating. Quark: What are you up to? Odo: I am happy, Quark. Can't you just accept that? Quark: No. It doesn't fit. If you're happy, something's very wrong in the world. The center cannot not hold. Odo: There we go. Quark: I've got it. You're getting back at me for selling you that sick changeling. Odo: Actually, I should thank you. Quark: If you want the money back, just say so. Odo: It changed my life. Here's to you, Quark. Quark: All right, all right, I confess. I don't know what I did, but I did it. Just stop. I can't take it anymore. Odo: Do you ever think about having children? Quark: Huh? Odo: You see, I never did. It seemed like too much trouble. But then fate dropped one into my lap and now I couldn't be happier. Cheers. It's strange. Over the past few months, I came to accept the fact that I'd never have any contact with my people again. They rejected me, they turned me into a humanoid. A part of me was lost forever. But that little ball of goo back in the lab changed everything. I feel as if I'm experiencing what it is to be a changeling again. And somehow, being a solid doesn't seem so bad anymore. Quark: Fill me up. Computer: Computer to Security Chief Odo. Please acknowledge. Odo: Go ahead. Computer: The lifeform being monitored is displaying biomimetic fluctuations beyond stated parameters. Odo: Have Doctor Mora meet me in the science lab. Computer: Acknowledged. Odo: What's happened? Mora: It's morphogenic matrix is destabilizing. It's dying. Bashir: Its lifesigns are fading. The radiation may have damaged its cytoplasm in a way we weren't able to detect. Odo: There must be something you can do. Mora: You might try an enzymatic induction. That might stabilize the biomimetic fluctuations. Bashir: It's worth a shot. Odo: It has to work, it has to. Mora: Odo, please, wait outside. We'll do everything we can. Kira: I feel so good. Keiko: You're doing great, Nerys. Y'Pora: Here he comes. Kira: Keiko, would you do me a favor? Keiko: Kira said you can both come back in if you promise to behave. O'Brien: After you. Shakaar: Oh, no. After you. O'Brien: Please. Keiko: Will you two get in here! You're going to miss everything. Y'Pora: That's it, Nerys. Relax. Let it come. That's right. Breathe. Keiko: Oh, look at him, Miles. O'Brien: He's beautiful. Bashir: There's nothing we could do. I'm sorry, Odo. It won't be very long now. Odo: Please, don't die. There's so much I want to show you. I was going to teach you how to become a Tarkalean hawk, remember? Mora: What happened? Where did it go? Bashir: It somehow integrated itself into Odo's body Bashir: Odo, what's wrong? Odo: It can't be. Mora: What? Shakaar: This might be a good time to take some leave and come down to Bajor. Kira: Maybe in a few weeks. Right now I feel like staying around here. Shakaar: So you can be close to the baby. He's a good-looking boy. Kira: He is, isn't he? Crewman: Shuttle four seven zero nine for Bajor now departing. Kira: You'd better go. Shakaar: I have a few minutes left. Mora: So how does it feel to be yourself again? Odo: I just wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Mora: I am sorry. If it helps, think of it as a gift. Something the changeling wanted you to have. Odo: I think I finally understand how much I meant to you and what you must have gone through when I left. Mora: You had to find your own way in the world. Odo: I should have included you in my life. Mora: You still can. Take care of yourself, Odo Odo: I thought the O'Briens were having a party. Kira: Shakaar and I stopped by. I didn't feel much like celebrating. Odo: Oh? Kira: I got into this because the O'Briens' needed my help. I never wanted a baby. But now? I just wish I could hold him in my arms and never let him go. Odo: I think I know how you feel, Nerys. Kira: Want to take a walk? Odo: Yeah.

Scene: Captain's log, stardate 50485.2. I've come to Marva Four, a planet near the Badlands, to rendezvous with an informer who claims to have information on the whereabouts of the Maquis leader and former Starfleet officer Michael Eddington. Sisko: Looking for a friend of mine. His name is Cing'ta. Sisko: Cing'ta? Eddington: Throw it on the ground. Turn around. Hello, Captain. Sisko: Eddington. Eddington: Mister Cing'ta won't be joining us. His shuttle had an accident on the way to this rendezvous. Sisko: Is he dead? Eddington: You just don't understand the Maquis, do you, Captain? We're not killers. Mister Cing'ta's accident has marooned him on a particularly nasty planet in the Badlands, but I assure you he's very much alive. Sisko: How merciful. You condemned him to a slow death. Eddington: It's more than he deserved. He was going to sell us out to you. He betrayed us. Sisko: Now there's a subject you know a lot about. Eddington: You've been on my tail for eight months and now that we're face-to-face that's all you have to say to me? Sisko: I will say the rest at your court-martial. Eddington: Tell me, Captain. What is it that bothers you more? The fact that I left Starfleet to fight for a higher cause, or the fact that it happened on your watch? Sisko: You didn't leave Starfleet. If you had, I wouldn't be here. You betrayed Starfleet. You used your position as security chief to feed the Maquis information about us. And at the same time, you misled us with false information about them. There is a word for that. Treason. Eddington: Look out there. Eddington: Those people, They were colonists on Salva Two. They had farms, and shops, and homes, and schools, and then one day the Federation signed a treaty and handed their world over to the Cardassians. Just like that. They made these people refugees overnight. Sisko: It's not that simple and you know it. These people don't have to live here like this. We've offered them resettlement. Eddington: They don't want to be resettled. They want to go home to the lives they built. How would you feel if the Federation gave your father's home to the Cardassians? Sisko: I'm not here to debate Federation policy with Eddington: I didn't tell you to turn around. Look at them, Captain. They're humans, just like you and me, and Starfleet took everything away from them. Remember that the next time you put on that uniform. There's a war out there and you're on the wrong side. Sisko: You know what I see out there, Mister Eddington? I see victims, but not of Cardassia or the Federation. Victims of you, the Maquis. You sold these people on the dream that one day they could go back to those farms, and schools, and homes, but you know they never can. And the longer you keep that hope alive, the longer these people will suffer. Go ahead, shoot me. Eddington: Someday I may take you up on that. For now, let me leave you with one piece of advice. Don't come after me. You'll regret it. Sisko: Sisko to Defiant. Eddington just beamed out. Trace his transporter signal. Kira: We've got it, Captain. He's on a Maquis raider. They're breaking orbit and heading out of the system. Sisko: Beam me aboard and lay in a pursuit course. All hands to battle stations. Kira: Aye, sir. Kira: He's headed for the Badlands, all right. Course is zero mark two one three. Sisko: Commander. Dax: Changing course now to zero mark two one three. We're on his tail, Captain. Sisko: Maximum warp. How long until we're in firing range? Worf: Twenty two minutes. Sisko: Major? Kira: Not good enough. He'll reach the plasma fields two minutes before we're in range. Sisko: We need some help. What's the position of the starship Malinche? Worf: They're on patrol in the DMZ, near the Gamma seven outpost. Sisko: Perfect. Is the new holo-communicator ready? Kira: The Chief's had it online for six hours now. I think he's eager to have someone give it a try. Sisko: Always like to please the Chief. Open a channel to Captain Sanders on the Malinche. Sanders: Are you receiving my image, Captain? Sisko: Yes. And you? Sanders: You appear to be sitting on my bridge. It may take me a while to get used to this. I'm not fond of uninvited guests. Sisko: I'll try not to overstay my welcome but at the moment I need your help. We're in pursuit of a Maquis raider headed for the Badlands. Can you intercept? Sanders: You seem pretty eager, Captain. What did this Maquis raider do? Sisko: It's not what they did, it's who's in command. Michael Eddington. Sanders: Everyone's favorite traitor. Sisko: Captain, if you don't mind. Sanders: You want him in your brig. We'll cut him off, you can grab him. Sanders out. Kira: The Malinche is moving to intercept. Sisko: Prepare to target the Maquis ship. I want to disable them but I want them alive. Worf: Understood. Sisko: Send a security detachment to the Transporter room. Have them prepared to receive prisoners. Dax: Captain, Eddington's dropped out of warp. Sisko: Go to impulse. Raise shields. Kira: What is he doing? Dax: He's changed course. Now he's headed directly for us. Worf: He has locked his weapons on us. Kira: He's no match for the Defiant. Is this some kind of suicide run? Sisko: Not Eddington. He's up to something. Let's not give him a chance to make his move. Mister Worf, fire phasers. Sisko: Report. Kira: We've got a massive computer failure. Every computer system is down. And all the backups. We're losing control over everything. Dax: Weapons, navigation, helm, propulsion. Sisko: Bridge to Engine room. Commander, get down there. Find out what's going on. Sisko: Try to route the auxiliary controls through the Eddington: Before you waste a lot of time running around trying to restore computer control, let me save you some trouble. You can't. You'll find that your memory cores are completely wiped and will have to be reprogramd from scratch. These work remarkably well. Glad we were able to procure one. Sisko: You left a cascade virus in the Defiant's computers. Eddington: Sounds simple, doesn't it? But I assure you, it took a great deal of time to devise one that wouldn't be detected by Odo or Chief O'Brien. I'm really quite proud of it. Sisko: I'll add it to the list of charges against you. Eddington: Well, as long as you're making a list, why don't you add this. Eddington: You know what your problem is, Captain? You've made this personal. It didn't have to be. It wasn't with me. I have no animosity, no harsh feelings toward you. Sisko: I wish I could say the same. Eddington: Does it really pay to risk yourself, your ship, your crew, on a personal vendetta? And would Starfleet approve? Sisko: I don't need any lectures about Starfleet from you. And no matter what happens here today it's not over between us. Eddington: I'm the one in control here, Captain. Your ship is defenseless. I could destroy you right now, but I won't. Like I said, the Maquis aren't killers. Our quarrel is with the Cardassians, not you. Leave us alone and we'll leave you alone. Cease fire. Sisko: Am I supposed to thank you? Eddington: No. I'm not going to make you grovel for your life. Unlike you, Captain, I know when to walk away. Maybe you should think about that on your long trip home. Captain's log, stardate 50488.2. The Defiant has returned to the station, but not under its own power. The starship Malinche had to tow us home. O'Brien: We've got our work cut out for us. Eddington's cascade virus disabled every memory circuit on the Defiant. We have to reload and reprogram the entire database. Sisko: How long? O'Brien: Well, if we were at a shipyard with a spacedock and a crew Sisko: We're not. How long? O'Brien: Two weeks. And that's working with three shifts round the clock. Sisko: Get started. If there's any way you can speed things up. O'Brien: I'll do what I can. Odo: I've removed two similar cascade viruses hidden on the station's main computer. By transmitting a signal, Eddington could have disabled our entire defense system. Sisko: How long until you've eliminated all of Eddington's handiwork? Odo: It's a good question. I can't guarantee we've found all of them. Eddington was DS9's chief of Starfleet security for eighteen months. He had the opportunity to infiltrate and compromise every system on the station. Sisko: Then check every system on the station. Odo: I intend to. Sir, have you ever reminded Starfleet command that they stationed Eddington here because they didn't trust me? Sisko: No. Odo: Please do. Sisko: What word do you have from Starfleet Intelligence? Worf: Two Bolian freighters have disappeared near the Badlands. They believe the Maquis are responsible. Sisko: What were the freighters carrying? Worf: Several thousand tons of selenium and rhodium nitrite. Sisko: That's not very valuable cargo. What would they want with it? Worf: Commander Dax is analyzing the possibilities. Sisko: Good. In the meantime, help Chief O'Brien get the Defiant back online. I want to get out there as soon as possible. Worf: Aye, sir. Sisko: What can I do for you, Captain? Sanders: I don't know quite how to tell you this so I'll just say it. Starfleet Command has given me a new assignment. They want me to bring in Eddington. Sisko: Oh, you mean you've been ordered to help me bring him in, don't you? Sanders: No. Your mission orders have changed. Eddington is no longer your responsibility. Sisko: Did they give you a reason? Sanders: You've been after him for eight months. Not to put too fine a point on it, but you haven't gotten the job done. Look, Captain, I understand how you feel. If one of my officers had fooled me the way Eddington fooled you, I'd take it personally, too. Bad choice of words, I didn't mean fooled. Sisko: No, you're exactly right. I was fooled. But it won't happen again. Sanders: That's not the issue. Starfleet also believes that where Eddington is concerned, you're vulnerable. He just knows you too well, Captain. So maybe it's time for someone he doesn't know to go after him. Sisko: Good hunting. Sanders: Thank you, Captain. Dax: The good news is Starfleet Intelligence is making progress breaking the Maquis communication codes. Sisko: The bad news is it won't do us any good. We're out of the game. But what the hell, right? You win some, you lose some. Dax: You always had problems with the lose some part of that. Sisko: What can I say, old man? In twenty five years of duty, I have never been taken off an assignment until now. Dax: Right. This is about being taken off the assignment. It has nothing to do with a certain ex-security officer we both know. Sisko: He worked under me for a year and a half. I saw him almost every day, read his reports, had him for dinner. I even took him to a baseball game in the holosuite once. And I never saw it. It's my job to be a good judge of character and what did I do? Not only did I not see it, I put him up for a promotion. Dax: He played his hand well. Sisko: He played me all right, and what is my excuse? Is he a changeling? No. Is he a being with seven lifetimes of experience? No. Is he a wormhole alien? No. He's just a man, like me. And he beat me! Dax: It's good. Sisko: Good? Dax: It's good you're working it out on the bag, Benjamin. Because you're going to have to let go of this one. Eddington is someone else's problem now, and you're going to have to live with that. Kira: Ops to Captain Sisko. Sisko: What is it, Major? Kira: Sir, you'd better get up here. There's news and it's about Eddington. Sisko: Report. Kira: Eddington just upped the ante. He attacked the Cardassian colony on Veloz Prime with a biogenic weapon. Sisko: What? Worf: He launched three stratospheric torpedoes at the planet and spread cobalt diselenide throughout the biosphere. Dax: A nerve agent that is harmless to most humanoids but it is deadly to Cardassians. Worf: The Cardassians are already evacuating. And Eddington has announced that the Maquis intend to reclaim the planet once they are gone. Kira: What I don't understand is where the Maquis got the materials to make a biogenic weapon. Dax: I do. I should've seen it earlier. The selenium and rhodium nitrites they hijacked can be reformulated, and with some work, synthesized to produce cobalt diselenide. Sisko: Where's the Malinche? Kira: On the other side of the Badlands. They're headed for Veloz Prime now, but by the time they get there. Sisko: Eddington will be long gone. Kira: Given the amount of chemical compounds Eddington stole, how many of these weapons will he be able to make? Sisko: Enough to poison every Cardassian colony in the DMZ. Dax: There must be something we can do. Worf, are there any other starships near Veloz Prime? Worf: The Malinche is our only ship in the sector. Kira: So unless they stop Eddington, the Maquis have turned the tide. Sisko: There is another ship in the area. It's moored at docking bay three. Sisko: Defiant. O'Brien: It's going to be tricky, Captain. Only half the systems are back online and most of those are not operating at full capacity. Sisko: What about the warp drive? O'Brien: We can go to warp six, but the inertial dampers haven't been fully repaired so don't expect a smooth ride. Dax: The weapons are also online but the targeting scanners have to be manually calibrated. We can shoot, but God knows what we'll hit. Sisko: What about communications? O'Brien: The Defiant's comm. system is fried. And I do mean fried. Dax: Well, we still have our comm. badges. O'Brien: I'm afraid not. They won't work either, not with all the interference from the unshielded EPS conduits. Dax: Well, what do we use? Cups and a long string? O'Brien: We'll have to improvise. Let me introduce you to your new comm. system. Cadet. Nog: Cadet Nog, reporting as ordered, sir. Sisko: Stand easy. O'Brien: With most of the bridge control functions offline, all orders to Engineering have to be relayed. In the interests of clarity I thought it best that those messages be relayed with one voice, Mister Academy here. I figured you'd want someone who could hear you while the bridge is exploding all around you. Nog: Exploding? Sisko: We may be going into a combat situation. Do think you're ready for that, Cadet? Nog: Sir. Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir. Sisko: I'm glad to hear it. Report to the bridge. Nog: Aye, sir. Exploding? O'Brien: Let me give you all the bad news at once, sir. We have no cloak, no transporters, no replicators, and the stabilizing gyros are at only fifty percent. So don't ask for any sharp turns, unless you want to end up doing barrel rolls. Dax: That could be fun. Sisko: Do you have any good news, Chief? O'Brien: The new holo-communicator I installled it works perfectly. Sisko: Let's be thankful for small favors. Prepare for departure. Sisko: All right, say it. Dax: What? Sisko: That I have lost all perspective. That I'm turning this into a vendetta between me and Eddington, and that I'm putting the ship, the crew and my entire career at risk, and if I had any brains at all I'd go back to my office, sit down and read Odo's crime reports. Dax: I wasn't going to say that. Sisko: But that's what you were thinking, right? Dax: No. Actually, what I was thinking is, you're becoming more like Curzon all the time. Sisko: I don't know how to take that. Dax: Consider it a compliment. And the next time I go off half-cocked on some wild-eyed adventure, think back to this moment and be a little more understanding. Worf: Recalibrate phaser banks one and two. Dax: Initialize starboard and port thrusters. Nog: Captain. Ops has cleared us for departure. Sisko: Very well. Engine Room, stand by impulse power. Nog: Engine Room, Bridge. Nog: Stand by impulse power. O'Brien: Stand by impulse power. Stand by to increase deuterium injection rate. Configure driver coils for impulse speed. Set EPS taps at level three. Sisko: Ops, seal the airlock and release docking clamps. Kira: Close exterior hatches, depressurize the airlock. Detach umbilicals, clear all moorings. Sisko: Thrusters at station keeping. Dax: Initialize deflector field. Kira: Docking clamps released. Sisko: Helm, ease us out. Dax: Port and starboard thrusters at one quarter. Bearing one eight zero mark zero. Kira: Distance from docking ring, fifty meters. Sixty, seventy, eighty. Sisko: Bring us about, old man. Dax: Hard to port. Ten degrees pitch. Minimal power to the aft thrusters. Let the momentum bring us around. Dax: Hold at five degrees pitch. Kira: We're coming around too fast. Dax: I see it. Ease off on the port thrusters. Pitch back to zero degrees. Kira: We're starting to roll. Dax: Pulse the starboard thrusters. Point five second bursts. Sisko: Engine Room. Helm control is sluggish. Re-align the navigational gyros. Nog: Engine Room, bridge. Helm control is sluggish. Re-align the navigational gyros. Dax: Port thruster, two second burst. Double pulse port thruster two second burst. Sisko: Helm, I hope you see that pylon. Dax: Bow thrusters, pitch up sixteen degrees. Full power to port thrusters. Half roll, now! Sisko: Engine Room. One quarter impulse power. Nog: Engine Room, bridge. One quarter impulse power. Sisko: Helm, lay in a course for the Badlands. Engine Room. Stand by for warp speed. Dax: Set intermix to point zero one. Initialize warp chamber on my mark. Three, two, one, mark. Kira: Warp one, sir. Sisko: Engine Room, increase speed to warp six as soon as possible. Nog: Engine Room, increase speed to warp six as soon as possible. Sir, Engine room reports we could go to warp seven. Sisko: Well done, people. Mister Worf, I think we should start running battle drills. Worf: Aye, sir. Captain's log, supplemental. After completing a series of readiness drills, we've entered the plasma fields of the Badlands and begun our search for Eddington. Dax: Steady as she goes. Watch those gyros. Worf: Check the status of torpedoes three and four. We have an energy variance reading on the plasma warheads. Transfer power Kira: Forward scanners are still not functioning. Engine room, where are those field stabilizers? Nog: Engine Room, bridge. Where are those field stabilizers? Major, Engine room reports field stabilizers should be online in fifteen minutes. Kira: I've got something. It's a small neutrino signature, bearing two one eight mark one three five. Distance approximately nine hundred kilometers. It's moving. It's a Maquis raider. Sisko: Helm, set intercept course. Engine room, three quarter impulse. Nog: Engine Room, three quarter impulse. Kira: Incoming transmission from the Maquis raider. It's Eddington. Sisko: Put him through. Well, well, Mister Eddington. Eddington: You just couldn't resist the temptation to come after me, could you, Captain. Sisko: I like to finish what I start. Eddington: Well, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed, again. You won't get me, Captain. But I do have a consolation prize for you. Actually it's more of a gift. Kira: Incoming transmission. Sending over a document. Eddington: It's a book. One of my favorites. Les Miserables. Sisko: Thank you, but I've read it. Eddington: Recently? If not, you should read it again. Pay close attention to the character of Inspector Javert, the French policeman who spends twenty years chasing a man for stealing a loaf of bread. Sound like anyone you know? Sisko: Why don't you beam over and we'll discuss it. Kira: Captain, closing on the Maquis ship. Seven hundred kilometers. Sisko: Ready weapons. Worf: Phaser banks charged. Sisko: Lock target. Worf: Locked. Sisko: It's over, Eddington. Why don't you surrender your vessel and prepare to be boarded. Eddington: It's a tempting offer, but I have other plans. Enjoy the book. Kira: Sir, the neutrino readings are dissipating. It's not a ship. It's an unmanned probe set to transmit a false warp signature. Sisko: He wanted to lure us here. Why? Kira: He's up to something outside the plasma fields. Sisko: Helm, bring us about. Get us out of here. Engines at full impulse. Nog: Engine Room, bridge. Engines to full impulse. Dax: Hard to port. Full thrusters. Course one eight zero mark zero. Nog: Sir, Chief O'Brien doesn't recommend increasing velocity through the plasma fields. Sisko: Objection noted. Now get me more speed! Nog: Engine Room, bridge. More speed. Kira: Sir, picking up a distress call. It's the starship Malinche. They've been ambushed by the Maquis. It's dead in space. Sisko: How can we help you, Captain? Sanders: Our warp core matrix compositor is fused, our navigational systems are disabled. If you could spare some micro-power relays, we should have the engines back online in a day or two. Sisko: Engine room, beam a damage control team to the Malinche. Tell them to take along a dozen micro-power relays. Sanders: Wee got a distress signal from a Cardassian freighter. Nog: Engine Room, bridge. Transport a damage control team to the Malinche with twelve micro-power relays. Sanders: They'd just been attacked by the Maquis. Suffered some casualties. Our sensors confirmed what we were being told, but when we lowered our shields to transport the wounded Sisko: The sensor readings had been faked. Sanders: There were no Cardassians on that freighter. The Maquis had rigged it with a focused particle beam that punched through our gyro shielding and we lost helm control, and by the time we got back on our feet again, three Maquis raiders came out from the plasma field. Well, it seems I couldn't get the job done either, Captain. Sisko: It's not over. Sanders: I figured you'd be going after him. We have something that might be useful to you. We intercepted a coded message from one of Eddington's raiders. Maybe you can decode it. Our computers are still down. Sisko: I appreciate it. Sanders: Do me a favor? Sisko: Of course. Sanders: Save me a seat at his court-martial. Sisko: Count on it. Sanders: Good hunting, Captain. Captain's log, supplemental. With the Defiant's computers still not fully operational, we're relying on Odo back at Deep Space Nine, to decipher the Maquis message. In the meantime, we're combing the DMZ in the hopes of a chance encounter with Eddington. But with each passing hour, our hopes are fading. Kira: Sir, incoming transmission. It's Odo. Odo: Captain. Sisko: Odo, we need some good news around here. Tell me that you have some. Odo: Possibly. I've analyzed the Maquis message. Sisko: And? Odo: It appears to be a simple Breen nursery rhyme. A heterophonic, five line verse. Quite a catchy one, too. Sisko: What's it mean? Odo: Metrical analysis shows an alternating tetrameter and pentameter structure, but the computer could find no meaningful pattern in the words. They appear to be just what they are, nonsensical phrases strung together because they rhyme. At least, to the Breen. Sisko: And the music? Odo: It's written on a Lyxian scale. I ran it through the computer too. No meaningful pattern. Sisko: So we're nowhere? Odo: I wouldn't say that. You see, I remembered something that Eddington once said to me. The best place to hide something is in plain sight. And since this is a Breen nursery rhyme Sisko: So you think that Eddington is using the music as a signal for a rendezvous in the Breen system? Odo: Or a Breen settlement like the one on Portas Five, which isn't far from the DMZ. The biogenic components of the weapons Eddington's been using are very bulky and very unstable. They need to be kept in a large, sophisticated cold storage unit. Sisko: And if anyone knows how to keep things cold, it's the Breen. Thank you, Odo. Odo: Captain. Sisko: Mister Worf, do we have a series of sensor relays near Portas Five? Worf: Yes, sir. Two class five intelligence drones. Sisko: Pull their sensor logs. I want to see who's been visiting the Breen system. Captain's log, supplemental. Odo's hunch has proven accurate. Our intelligence drones detected a Maquis freighter entering Portas Five three hours ago. The freighter was last seen headed into the Dorvan sector of the DMZ. Dax: Considering the freighter's range, velocity, and heading Eddington's next target is one of four Cardassian colonies. But these targets are unlikely. Worf: Their defense systems were recently upgraded by the Cardassians. Sisko: Eddington isn't looking for a fight. That leaves only Quatal and Panora. Worf: Quatal has a lucrative mining operation and their weapon systems are in the process of being upgraded, but they're not fully operational. Sisko: A tempting target. Dax: Not as tempting as Panora. The Maquis attacked them two months ago and most of their defense systems were severely damaged. They're almost helpless. Kira: And there are constant ion storms in that system. Good places to hide if you want to mount a surprise attack. Worf: A tactic Eddington knows well. Panora is a more logical target than Quatal. Sisko: Then Eddington will attack Quatal. Worf: Sir? Sisko: He likes being unpredictable. Dax: Approaching Quatal Prime Sisko: Slow to impulse power. Full scan. Nog: Engine Room, bridge. Slow to impulse. Kira: Activate parabolic sensor array. Initiate lateral scanners. We're too late, Captain. Eddington's detonated his weapon. The nerve agent is already spreading through the planet's atmosphere. Dax: Which means the Cardassians don't have much time to get away. Eddington's always one step ahead of us. Kira: Maybe not this time. I'm reading residual neutrino levels. Looks like one maybe two Maquis raiders behind the fourth moon. They're on the run. Sisko: Go after them. Full impulse. Nog: Engine Room, Bridge. Full impulse. Dax: Onscreen. Shields up. Charge phaser banks. Crewwoman: Aye, sir. Sisko: How long to intercept? Kira: Fifteen seconds. Sisko: Prepare to lock targets. Worf: Targeting sequence online. Sisko: Hard to port. Stick with this one, old man. Dax: Full power to aft thrusters. Kira: They've locked phasers on us. Sisko: Power to forward shields. Kira: Forward shields online. Worf: At maximum. Dax: Restabilize port and starboard Sisko: Lock target. Worf: Targeting scanners synchronized. Sisko: Fire! Sisko: Helm, bring us about. One more to go. Kira: Sir, this one's making another run for the planet. I don't get it. They've already poisoned the atmosphere. Sisko: More speed. Nog: Engine Room, bridge. More speed. Kira: They've locked phasers on one of the transport ships evacuating the Cardassians. Kira: They've disabled the transport. It's losing power. It's going down. Sisko: Can we beam the crew off? Kira: We're out of transporter range. Incoming transmission. Eddington: Well, Javert, let's see how deep your obsession with me is. You've got me. I can't outrun or outfight the Defiant. But, if you come after me you'll have to pay a price. You'll have to let all those helpless Cardassians spiral down to their deaths. The choice is yours. Sisko: How long do they have? Kira: Two minutes to impact. Eddington: Not much time. Probably take you at least a minute to get back to the planet. They're just Cardassians. Sisko: Helm, bring us about. Prepare to engage tractor beam. Worf: Initializing tractor beam. Aligning induction field. Crewwoman: Alignment complete. Dax: We've towed the transport ship out of the planet's gravitational pull. Sisko: Once our repair team is back onboard, release the tractor beam. The Cardassians can limp their way home in a day or two. Dax: Les Miserables. Sisko: You know it? Dax: I can't stand Victor Hugo. I tried reading The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but I couldn't get through it. It was so melodramatic and his heroines are so two dimensional. Sisko: Eddington compares me to one of the characters, Inspector Javert. A policeman who relentlessly pursues a man named Valjean, guilty of a trivial offense, and in the end Javert's own inflexibility destroys him. He commits suicide. Dax: You can't believe that description fits you. Eddington is just trying to get under your skin. Sisko: He did that eight months ago. What strikes me about this book is that Eddington said that it's one of his favorites. Dax: There's no accounting for taste. Sisko: Let's think about it. A Starfleet security officer is fascinated by a nineteenth century French melodrama, and now he's a leader of the Maquis, a resistance group fighting the noble battle against the evil Cardassians. Dax: It sounds like he's living out his own fantasy. Sisko: Exactly. And you know what? Les Miserables isn't about the policeman. It's about Valjean, the victim of a monstrous injustice who spends his entire life helping people, making noble sacrifices for others. That's how Eddington sees himself. He's Valjean, he's Robin Hood, he's a romantic, dashing figure, fighting the good fight against insurmountable odds. Dax: The secret life of Michael Eddington. How does it help us? Sisko: Eddington is the hero of his own story. That makes me the villain. And what is it that every hero wants to do? Dax: Kill the bad guy. Sisko: That's part of it. Heroes only kill when they have to. Eddington could have killed me back in the refugee camp or when he disabled the Defiant, but in the best melodramas the villain creates a situation where the hero is forced to sacrifice himself for the people, for the cause. One final grand gesture. Dax: What are you getting at, Benjamin? Sisko: I think it's time for me to become the villain. Sisko: Commander, prepare two quantum torpedoes. Have engineering attach a cargo pod with two hundred kilograms of trilithium to each torpedo. Worf: Yes, sir, but Sisko: But what? Worf: The extra mass of the cargo pods will make the torpedo less effective. Maquis Raiders are small and maneuverable. Sisko: I'm not planning to fire at any ships, Mister Worf. Major, what is the nearest Maquis colony. Kira: Solosos Three. Less than an hour away. Sisko: Helm, set a course for Solosos Three. Dax: Aye, sir. Sisko: Major, I want you to send the following message on all Maquis frequencies. To all the members of the Maquis resistance. This is Captain Sisko of the USS Defiant. In response to the Maquis's use of biogenic weapons in their recent attacks, I am about to take the following action. In exactly one hour, I will detonate two quantum torpedoes that will scatter trilithium resin in the atmosphere of Solosos Three. I thereby will make the planet uninhabitable to all human life for the next fifty years. I suggest evacuation plans begin immediately. What are you waiting for, people? Carry out your orders. Worf: Set torpedo targets to fifty kilometers above ground level. Crewwoman: Aye, sir. Worf: Lock. Ready, Captain. Sisko: Time? Kira: One minute left. And still no transport ship activity or any other sign that they're beginning to evacuate. Sisko: Commander Worf, prepare to fire torpedoes on my mark. Worf: Detach safeties on torpedoes one and two. Kira: Incoming message. It's Eddington. Eddington: What are you really up to, Javert? Do you expect me to believe that a decorated Starfleet officer, the pride of the service, is going to poison an entire planet? Sisko: That's exactly what I'm going to do. Eddington: You're bluffing. Sisko: Am I? Commander, launch torpedoes. Commander, I said launch torpedoes! Worf: Aye, sir. Kira: The trilithium resin is dissipating throughout the biosphere. The Maquis are scrambling their transport ships. They're starting to evacuate. Eddington: Do you realize what you've done? Sisko: I've only just begun. I'm going to eliminate every Maquis colony in the DMZ. Eddington: You're talking about turning hundreds of thousands of people into homeless refugees. Sisko: That's right. When you attacked the Malinche you proved one thing, that the Maquis have become an intolerable threat to the security of the Federation, and I am going intend to eliminate that threat. Eddington: But think about those people you saw in the caves, huddled and starving. They didn't attack the Malinche. Sisko: You should have thought about that before you attacked a Federation starship. Sisko: Helm, lay in a course for Tracken Two, warp six. Commander, prepare two more torpedoes. Nog: Engine Room, bridge. Warp six. Dax: Set course zero five zero mark one seven nine. Worf: Unlock safeties on torpedoes three and four. Eddington: Can't you see what's happening to you? You're going against everything you claim to believe in, and for what? To satisfy a personal vendetta? Sisko: You betrayed your uniform! Eddington: And you're betraying yours right now! The sad part is, you don't even realize it. I feel sorry for you, Captain. This obsession with me, look what it's cost you. Sisko: Major, shut that thing off! Commander Worf, prepare to launch torpedoes! Eddington: Wait! If you call off your attack I'll turn over all our biogenic weapons. Sisko: Not enough. Eddington: All right, Javert. I'll give you what you want. Me. Captain's log, supplemental. Resettlement efforts in the DMZ are underway. The Cardassian and Maquis colonists who were forced to abandon their homes will make new lives for themselves on the planets their counterparts evacuated. The balance in the region will be restored, though the situation remains far from stable. Odo: Captain. Commander. Welcome home. Sisko: It's good to be back. Odo: I gather your trip was productive? Sisko: Constable. Odo: This way. Dax: Benjamin, I'm curious. Your plan to poison the Maquis planets. You didn't clear it with Starfleet first, did you. Sisko: I knew I'd forgotten to do something. Dax: Big gamble. Sisko: That's what it takes to be a good villain. Dax: You know, sometimes I like it when the bad guy wins.

Scene: In memory of Derek Garth Kira: Where do you want me to put this? Odo: Wherever you can find room. Kira: I bet you can't wait to get all this put together so you can start shape-shifting around the room again. Odo: I suppose. Though I did enjoy sleeping in a bed. Kira: There's nothing to stop you from sleeping in a bed if you want to. Odo: Except that now when I'm asleep I tend to revert to my gelatinous state and slide onto the floor. No, the bed goes. I'm a changeling, not a solid. There's no use pretending otherwise. Kira: I guess we can put all this in storage. What about these PADDS? Finding and Winning your Perfect Mate by Doctor Jennings Rain? Odo: I'll take that. I thought I was going to be a humanoid for the rest of my life. There were certain things Kira: You don't have to explain, Odo. Odo: I only read the first three chapters. Kira: Maybe you should finish it. Odo: Why waste my time? Romance is for solids. Kira: You are a solid, eighteen hours a day. I'm sure there are plenty of woman on this station who would be very interested in you if you gave them a chance. Odo: I'll keep that in mind, Major. Right now I'd be satisfied just getting this room in order. Dax: Dax to Kira and Odo. Odo: Go ahead, Commander. Dax: There's something we'd like you to take a look at in Ops. Kira: We're on our way. Sisko: One of our listening posts in the Gamma Quadrant picked this up a few minutes ago. Dax: It looks like a Cardassian military code, but the computer doesn't recognize it. Kira: Oh, it's Cardassian all right. But I didn't think there were any Cardassians in the Gamma Quadrant. Sisko: None that we know of. Odo: Not Elgol-red or Fifth Order military encryption. Kira: Try courier code five nine. Odo: Strange. Most Cardassian codes use a recursive encryption algorithm, but this has a completely different coding system. Kira: Bajoran Intelligence has a lot of experience breaking Cardassian codes. Why don't you send it to them? Dax: We did, as soon as it came in. We still haven't heard from them. Odo: It might take some time. Sisko: If someone's sending coded Cardassian messages from the Gamma Quadrant, I want to know what they're saying. Now. Odo: We do have an expert in Cardassian codes living on the station. Sisko: You're right. Dax, get me Mister Garak. Bashir: It's good to see you again, Carrie. Garak: I'm sorry for the interruption. Ziyal: Well, how did it go? Garak: I'm afraid I disappointed them. I think they were hoping that message they picked up would contain the key to defeating the Dominion. You should've seen the looks on their faces when I explained to them that it was a five-year old planetary survey report. Bashir: A planetary survey report? Garak: That's the look exactly. Bashir: I would have thought you'd be a little disappointed, too. After all, it could have been from one of the survivors of the Cardassian fleet that was lost in the Gamma Quadrant. Garak: Oh, I'd given up hope of ever finding any trace of them long ago. Ziyal: Really? I never saw you as the giving up type. Garak: There comes a time when one must face reality, my dear. Those people are gone and are never coming back. Well, my young friends, I'd like to stay here and chat all day, but I have dresses to make, trousers to mend. It's a full life, if a trifle banal. And do tell Captain Sisko that I'd be more than happy to decode any Cardassian laundry lists that come across his desk. My dear. Ziyal: My father would be furious to hear me say this, but there's something about Garak I find fascinating. Bashir: Yes, he has his moments. Bashir: Going somewhere? Garak: I really must remember to stop underestimating you, Doctor. How did you know? Bashir: You mean that you were lying about the contents of the message? You said you'd given up on the Cardassian survivors who were lost in the Gamma Quadrant. Well, Ziyal was right. You're not the giving up sort. Garak: Very good, Doctor. You've come a long way from the naive young man I met five years ago. You've become distrustful and suspicious. It suits you. Bashir: I had a good teacher. What did the message really say, Garak? Garak: It was a call for help from Enabran Tain. Bashir: Tain? But you said you'd seen his ship destroyed by the Dominion. Garak: I did. But Enabran Tain was the head of the Obsidian order for twenty years. If he can survive that, he can survive anything. I have to find him, Doctor. I owe it to him. Bashir: You don't owe Tain anything. He had you exiled from Cardassia. Garak: Yes, but aside from that, we were very close. He was my mentor, and I'm not going to turn my back on him. If it'll make you feel better, you can come with me. All you have to do is come up with an excuse why you need the runabout and we could leave immediately. Bashir: So let me get this straight. You want me to lie to my commanding officer, violate Starfleet regulations, and go with you on a mission into the Gamma Quadrant which will probably get us both killed? Garak: I'm ready when you are. Bashir: In that case, let's go. To Captain's Sisko's office. Sisko: How do you know that the message isn't a fake? That it was really sent by Tain? Garak: The code sequence was personally designed by Tain and myself. No one else knows it. Now somehow he got that message out, and I have to follow it back to its source. Sisko: Did the message contain any coordinates? Garak: No. Most of it was identification code. The rest was just one word, alive, repeated over and over again. So it should be easy enough to triangulate the source. Captain, Tain might not be alone. There could be others. Troops from the Cardassian-Romulan fleet, survivors from the Dominion attack on New Bajor, and even crew members from the Federation ships that disappeared in the Gamma Quadrant. This is a mission of mercy. You can't ignore it. Sisko: I'm still not totally convinced that it's a genuine message. But I suppose there's only one way to find out. Bashir: Captain, you can't let him go. It's too dangerous. Garak: Your concern is touching, Doctor, but I assure you I can take care of myself. Sisko: Maybe you can, but you're still not going alone. Garak: Doctor, I think you've just volunteered. Sisko: Doctor Bashir isn't going anywhere. But I do have someone else in mind. Dax: I don't know what makes me angrier, That you agreed to go into the Gamma Quadrant with Garak or that I had to hear it from Sisko. Worf: I was going to tell you. Dax: When? On your way out the airlock? Worf: A Klingon warrior does not have to explain why he chooses to face danger, not even to his par'machkai. Dax: So in other words, you were afraid I'd make a scene, that I'd embarrass you. Maybe even cry. Worf: You are capable of anything. Dax: Don't worry, Worf. I won't be shedding any tears over you. Worf: Then you came to wish me a good death in battle. Dax: No. I came for these. Worf: My Klingon operas. Dax: Well, you won't be using them for the next few days. Somebody might as well enjoy them. What? Something wrong? Worf: You have a tendency to misplace things. Dax: And you're afraid that I might lose your precious operas? Worf: Yes. Dax: It's a distinct possibility. If I were you, I'd hurry back. That is, if you want to keep your collection intact. Dax: Have a glorious death. Or don't. It's up to you. Ziyal: The Gamma Quadrant? You can't go to the Gamma Quadrant. Garak: Oh, I can and I will. I have to. Ziyal: But if something were to happen to you, I don't know what I'd do. Garak: Oh, I'm sure you could find someone else to eat your meals with. Not that you'd have to. I fully intend to return. Ziyal: It's not just the meals. Garak: Yes, I know. I'm the only other Cardassian on the station. Ziyal: It's not that either. You know that. It's just that you're intelligent and cultured and kind. Garak: My dear, you're young, so I realize that you're a poor judge of character. Ziyal: Why do you always make fun of my feelings for you? Garak: Perhaps because I find them a but misguided. Ziyal: If that's what you think, why do you spend so much time with me? Garak: Because I'm exiled and alone, and a long way from home. And when I'm with you it doesn't feel so bad. Ziyal: I'm glad I could help. Garak: Ziyal, no matter what happens, no matter how bleak things may look, I promise you I will come back. You have my word. Ziyal: I believe you. Dukat: Take your hands off her! Ziyal: Father, no! Dukat: You touch my daughter again, I'll kill you. Ziyal: Father, let him go. Please. Garak: Go ahead, kill me. She'll never forgive you, you know. Quark: Gentlemen! Gentlemen. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm sure it's no excuse to act like a pair of Klingons. Dukat: I'll act as I please, Ferengi. Quark: Then you'll excuse me while I call security. I'm sure Odo will a big thrill out of having you locked up in one of his holding cells. Ziyal: Father, please. Garak: Public opinion seems to be running against you. You know, I think that actually helped my back. Quark: Let's go, Garak. I'll buy you a drink. Garak: A pleasure as always, my dear. You do have a lovely daughter. She must take after her mother. Ziyal: You're wrong about Garak, Father. He's a good man. Dukat: You have no idea how it pains me to hear you say that. It is good to see you again, Ziyal. Ziyal: It's good to see you, too, Father. What are you doing on the station? Dukat: Oh, I had a little skirmish with a Klingon battle cruiser. My ship was damaged, so I came here for repairs and to spend some time with you. And I can see we have a lot to talk about. Sisko: Remember, this is a reconnaissance mission. You are to avoid Dominion ships at all cost. I want you back in one piece. Worf: What about Garak? Sisko: I want him back too. I don't suppose I have to tell you to keep a close eye on him. Worf: At the first sign of betrayal, I will kill him. But I promise to return the body intact. Sisko: I assume that's a joke. Worf: We'll see. Worf: You want me to sponsor your application to Starfleet Academy? Garak: What do you think? Worf: I think it is a bad idea. Garak: I'd write the actual letter myself. I just need you to sign it. Worf: Find someone else. Garak: Why? Because I'm a Cardassian? You're a Klingon, Nog is a Ferengi. Starfleet Academy is a very accepting place. Worf: You are not just a Cardassian. You are a spy, an assassin and a saboteur. Garak: I know I've done some unfortunate things in the past, and I regret them. That's why I want to join Starfleet. Why I need to join Starfleet. I'm looking for a fresh start, a way to make up for all the damage I've done. I need to prove to myself that I can be better than I am, but I need your help, your support, to start me on my way to redemption. Worf: If that is how you feel, I will consider your request. Garak: That's all I ask. Frankly, I think I can be quite an asset to Starfleet. With my extensive experience I could skip the lower ranks entirely and begin my career as a Commander. Maybe you should suggest that in your letter? Tell them you'd be honored to serve under me. Worf: Do not play games with me. You have no desire to join Starfleet, do you? Garak: No, I'm afraid I don't. Worf: Then why all of this deception? Garak: Because lying is a skill like any other, and if you want to maintain a level of excellence, you have to practice constantly. Worf: Practice on someone else. Garak: Mister Worf, you're no fun at all. Worf: Good. Dukat: Major, you and I have to talk. Kira: Dukat, I've had a busy day. I just want to drink my coffee and Dukat: I left my daughter in your care. You promised me you would look after her. I trusted you. Kira: Listen, if this is about taking Ziyal to services at the Bajoran shrine. Dukat: I'm not talking about exposing her to your backward superstitions. She's half-Bajoran. That's part of her cultural heritage. I understand that. I'm talking about Garak. Kira: What about him? Dukat: She's in love with him. Kira: I wouldn't call it love. Dukat: So you've known about this all along, and you've done nothing to stop it? Kira: She was lonely. The last time I checked, he's the only other Cardassian living on the station. Dukat: The man is a heartless, cold-blooded killer. Kira: Like I said, he's a Cardassian. Your daughter is a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions. I'm not fond of Garak, and I may even think that their friendship is a mistake, but the way I see it, that's her prerogative. Dukat: You did this on purpose, didn't you? Kira: Did what? Dukat: Allowed my daughter to associate with a man you knew was my enemy. Stood by while he whispered poison in her ear. And all under the guise of doing me a favor. Kira: Dukat, let's get one thing straight. I didn't bring Ziyal to the station for you. I did it for her. Because I knew it'd be better for her to be here than being a soldier fighting in your private little war with the Klingons. Dukat: Save your excuses, Major. You've betrayed me, and I promise I won't forget it. Kira: If that's a threat, I'm not impressed. Dukat: There was a time when Bajorans took Cardassian threats very seriously. Kira: Not anymore. Dukat: Good day, Major. Kira: Good day. Garak: I don't see why these runabout replicators can't provide a more varied menu. I would like to get my hands on that fellow Earl Gray and tell him a thing or two about tea leaves. We've just dropped out of warp. Is there something wrong? Worf: We can go no further. Garak: What do you mean? Worf: My readings indicate the source of that coded signal is deep in Dominion space. I have strict orders to avoid unnecessary risk. We must turn back. Garak: Well I certainly don't want to take an unnecessary risk, but our sensors show no sign of Jem'Hadar warships in this area. Worf: True. But the likelihood of contact will increase from this point on, and my orders were very clear. Garak: But we've come all this way. To turn around without an answer it seems so un-Klingon. Worf: I am also a Starfleet officer. Garak: Why don't we go through this nebula? We can avoid detection and get light years closer to the source of the transmission. Worf: Our shields would be useless in that nebula. Garak: But so would Jem'Hadar sensors. The answer is out there, Commander. We just have to have the courage to find it. And remember, it's not just Tain we're looking for. The Maryland, the Proxima, the Sarajevo. Starfleet ships that have been lost in the Gamma Quadrant for years, and their crews, brave soldiers, warriors of the Federation unaccounted for. We owe it to them to do everything in our power to find them and bring them home. It's the honorable thing to do. Worf: You use that word, but you have no idea what it means. Garak: Maybe not, but you do. Worf: Setting course for the nebula. Garak: There's a pocket of toh-maire gas ahead. Worf: Bringing her to zero three one mark three five five. Garak: Steady as she. Now what could that be? Worf: Whatever they are, they are coming straight at us. Garak: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Garak: You still haven't lost them. Worf: I know that. Garak: There are four more Jem'Hadar ships in close pursuit, and at least two ahead of us on an intercept course. Worf: We must warn the station. There is only one reason for the Dominion to hide such a large fleet this close to the wormhole. Garak: You think they're planning to attack the Alpha Quadrant? Worf: I'm certain of it. Garak: Your message is transmitting, but it's hard to tell if it's getting through all this interference. Worf: We've got to get clear of the nebula. Garak: What happened? We've just come to a dead stop. Worf: They have us in a tractor beam. Garak: Re-polarize the hull. Try to shake us loose. Garak: Ah, are we glad to see you. Could one of you point us in the direction of the wormhole? Kira: I'm telling you, he knows exactly who I am. Kirayoshi already recognizes me. Dax: Nerys, the O'Brien's baby is less than a month old. He doesn't recognize his own fingers. Kira: He spent seven months inside my belly, listening to my heartbeat, hearing to my voice. There's a connection there. Kira: Every time I walk into the room, he smiles. Dax: It's probably gas. Kira: Thanks. You always know just the right thing to say. O'Brien: So how's my baby boy? Kira: He recognized me. O'Brien: Did he? Dax: Hold on. I'm receiving a priority one distress signal from the Gamma Quadrant. Dax to Sisko. You'd better come out here. Sisko: What is it? Dax: I've got a message from Worf, but it's badly garbled. O'Brien: Maybe I can clean it up. It says Jem'Hadar, and then some coordinates I can't make out. Build up and then Sisko: Go on, Chief. O'Brien: It ends with imminent. Sisko: Imminent? Kira: We've just lost contact with two of our listening posts in the Gamma Quadrant. Dax: The Dominion. They're coming. Sisko: Notify Starfleet Command. Put the station on Yellow Alert. Make sure everyone knows this is not a drill. Major, I want you to take the Defiant into the Gamma Quadrant. Locate Mister Worf. Find out what the hell's going on there. Kira: And if an invasion fleet is on the way? Sisko: Then get back here as soon as possible and God help us all. Garak: Ah, good. You look like the man in charge. I was just trying to explain to your colleagues here that this is all an unfortunate misunderstanding. Ikat'Ika: Cardassians are all alike. You talk too much. Worf: Let him go. Ikat'Ika: I give the orders here. Release me or die. Garak: Worf. Do as he says. Ikat'Ika: This is Internment camp three seven one. You are here because you are enemies of the Dominion. There is no release, no escape, except death. Sisko: Another listening post has gone dead, and the one closest to the wormhole is detecting an incoming ship. O'Brien: I'm picking up an increase in neutrino levels. Something's coming through. Dax: Shields fully charged. O'Brien: Weapons ready. Dax: The wormhole's opening. Sisko: On screen. O'Brien: It's the Defiant. Dax: We're being hailed. Sisko: Put it through. Major, what have you find? Kira: Trouble. Ziyal: Father, have you been waiting long? Dukat: Not long. Ziyal: You should have come into the Shrine. Dukat: No, I don't think so. Ziyal: So, where would you like to have dinner? Dukat: Forget about dinner. I want you to go to back your quarters and pack your things. There's a ship leaving for Cardassia in the morning. I want you on it. Ziyal: You're sending me to Cardassia? Dukat: I've just learned there's a Dominion fleet headed for the wormhole. This place is not safe any longer. Ziyal: Father, I'm not sure that I want to go. Dukat: Ziyal, there's nothing to discuss. I'm not going to let any harm come to you. Now, I think you'd better get ready to leave. Guard: They have been scanned. They have no weapons and their identities have been confirmed. Ikat'Ika: Very well. You will be sheltered in barracks six. You are free to move about the compound. But remember, beyond the atmospheric dome there is nothing but airless vacuum and barren rock. Leave the dome, even for an instant, and you die. Garak: We'll keep that in mind. Ikat'Ika: I've been waiting for another Klingon. Worf: General Martok. Ikat'Ika: Enough. It's over. But for you, it's just beginning. Martok: Do I know you? Worf: I am Worf, son of Mogh. Martok: Yes, I've heard of you. Garak: How long have you been here? Martok: Two years. Garak: Aren't you Klingons supposed to kill yourselves when you're taken prisoner? Worf: Not when there are still enemies to fight. Martok: Or hope of escape. If you are Worf then you must be Garak. He said you would come. Martok: There. Garak: Tain. Worf: What is wrong with him? Martok: It's his heart. Garak: Really. There are many people who'd say he doesn't have one. Martok: He was convinced that you would come. Garak: He knew I had no choice. Tain. Tain, I'm here. Tain: My message. It got through? Garak: It did. Tain: Where are the others? Garak: There are no others. Just Commander Worf and me. Tain: You allowed yourselves to be taken prisoner? I taught you better than that. Living on that station has dulled your wits. Garak: That's it? After I've come all this way, after all I've been through, that's all you have to say to me? Tain: What do you want me to say? Garak: I want you to say thank you, Elim. Your loyalty is most gratifying. I knew I could count on you. Tain: But I couldn't count on you, could I? All you've done is to doom us both. Dukat: Sorry I'm late. Kira: What's he doing here? Dukat: Captain Sisko invited me. Sisko: A Dominion invasion of the Alpha Quadrant will affect Cardassia every bit as much as it's going to affect us. Besides, we need all the help we can get. The Dominion picked a perfect time to invade. The Cardassian fleet is in shambles, the Romulans are not much better off, and between the Klingon War and the recent Borg attack, Starfleet's spread pretty thin. Kira: Then we're going to have our hands full. There're at least fifty Dominion ships headed our way. For all we know, that could be just the first wave. Dax: How soon can we expect reinforcements to get here? Sisko: At maximum warp, two days. Kira: Not soon enough. O'Brien: What help can we expect from Cardassia? Dukat: My ship and my crew are at your disposal. Bashir: One ship. Things are looking brighter. Sisko: Right now, there's no way we can beat the Dominion. Our only hope is to prevent their fleet from entering the Alpha Quadrant. Kira: You're going to destroy the wormhole? Sisko: It's always been a final option. I'd hoped to never use it. Kira: But the Celestial Temple, the Prophets SISKO Professor Kahn of the Trill Science Ministry has come up with a way to seal the wormhole without damaging it or harming the Prophets. Kira: But Bajor will be cut off from the Celestial Temple. Sisko: History has shown whenever the Prophets want to communicate with Bajor, they find a way. Kira: But Sisko: It's either that or Bajor becomes the first Dominion target. O'Brien: We'll have to remodulate the deflector grid frequencies and rig a phase-conjugate graviton beam. Sisko: You and Dax start working immediately. Dax: What about Worf? Odo: If we close the wormhole, he and Garak will be trapped in the Gamma Quadrant. Dukat: Casualties of war. Sisko: They have thirty six hours to find their way home. Let's hope they can make it. Dismissed. Martok: Before this asteroid was converted into a prison, the Dominion used to mine ultritium here. There was no dome. Each of these barracks had its own life support system embedded in the walls. Garak: And Tain was able to modify that life support system and create a subspace transmitter? Martok: Yes. There's a crawl space just behind those panels. He spent hours in there working every day for months on end. Cardassians. They're clever people. Especially that one. But in just a few days at best, he'll be dead. Worf: Then it is up to us to be clever. Romulan: They're releasing him from isolation. Martok: Good. Worf: Who? Martok: A friend. Guard: Move! Bashir: B negative, in case you were wondering. Martok: Well, it appears we are all who we seem to be. Worf: If the blood screenings can be trusted. Bashir: It's all we've got. Garak: What about the others? Have they been tested? Bashir: Everyone except that Breen. No blood. Garak: When were you brought here? Bashir: Over a month ago. I was attending a burn treatment conference on Meezan Four. I went to bed one night and woke up here. Martok: The same thing happened to me, except I was hunting saber bear out on Kang's Summit. Little did I know I was being stalked as well. And now I'm told the changeling that replaced me has caused the death of countless Klingons. It is a grave dishonor. Worf: You are not to blame. Bashir: I can only imagine what my replacement is up to on the station. Worf: We must escape and warn Captain Sisko before that changeling carries out his mission. O'Brien: Creating a precisely modulated graviton field to seal the wormhole isn't going to be as easy as Lenara thought. Dax: She was always a lot stronger on theory than execution. But we'll get it. Bashir 2: I'm sure you will. O'Brien: Julian. What are you doing up this early? Bashir 2: You've been working for sixteen hours straight. I thought you could do with some sandwiches. Dax: That's very thoughtful. O'Brien: You're a gentleman and a scholar. Bashir 2: Truer words were never spoken. Oh, if you need anything, anything at all, let me know. Dukat: Ah, it's about time. You almost missed your transport. Where's your baggage? Never mind. I'll have it sent to you. Ziyal: That won't be necessary, Father. I'm not leaving. Dukat: Ziyal, I know we haven't spent much time together, but I think you know me well enough to realize that when I give an order, I expect to be obeyed. Ziyal: I'm not one of your soldiers. Dukat: No, you're my daughter. Ziyal: I'm Tora Naprem's daughter too. I'm half Bajoran. I don't belong on Cardassia. You know I will never be accepted there. Dukat: Ziyal, you have to trust me. Things are going to change on Cardassia. Ziyal: What things? Dukat: I don't have time to explain. You're leaving now. Ziyal: I can't go. Dukat: It's him, isn't it? That despicable tailor. You don't want to leave because you're waiting for him? Ziyal: Garak promised me that he would come back. Dukat: Listen to me, Ziyal. He's never coming back. He's probably dead already, and even if he isn't, the Federation is going to seal the wormhole. Garak will be trapped on the other side. Ziyal: He made a promise and so did I. I said I would wait for him and I will. Dukat: Is a promise to an enemy of your family more important than obeying your father? So be it. Stay here if that's what you want. Stay here and be damned. Garak: I should never have come here. I should have let that monster die forgotten and alone. Bashir: Frankly, I'm glad you came. Misery loves company. Garak: All my life I've done nothing but try to please that man. I let him mold me, let him turn me into a mirror image of himself, and how did he repay me? With exile. But I forgave him. And here, in the end, I thought maybe, just maybe, he could forgive me. Bashir: From what I've seen of him over the last month, he doesn't come across as the forgiving type. Garak: I've been a fool. Let this be a lesson to you, Doctor, perhaps the most valuable one I can ever teach you. Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all. Bashir: If that's true, it's a lesson I'd rather no learn. Martok: I thought you might want to know. If you wish to speak to Tain do it now, before it's too late. Tain: Elim? Elim, is that you? Garak: It's me. Tain: Everything's gone dark. I can't see you. Are you alone? Garak: Yes. There's no one else but you and me. Tain: Surjak, Memad, Brun. They can't be trusted. They must be dealt with. Garak: I've already taken care of it. Tain: What about Gul Vorlem? Were you been able to contact him? Garak: Years ago. Tain: The Romulan ambassador? Garak: he's gone. All your enemies are dead. Tain: Good. A man shouldn't allow his enemies to outlive him. Garak: Then you can die happy. Unless you still consider me your enemy. Tain: Elim, promise me one thing. Garak: I'm listening. Tain: Don't die here. Escape. Live. Garak: Let me guess. So I can make the Dominion pay for what they've done to you. Tain: You wouldn't deny an old man his revenge, would you? Garak: I'll do as you ask on one condition. That you don't ask me this favor as a mentor, or a superior officer, but as a father asking his son. Tain: You're not my son. Garak: Father. Father, you're dying. For once in your life, speak the truth. Tain: I should have killed your mother before you were born. You have always been a weakness I can't afford. Garak: So you've told me, many times. Listen, Enabran. All I ask is that for this moment, let me be your son. Tain: Elim, remember that day in the country? You must have been almost five. Garak: How can I forget it? It was the only day. Tain: I can still see you on the back of that riding hound. You must have fallen off a dozen times but you never gave up. Garak: I remember limping home. You held my hand. Tain: I was very proud of you that day. Bashir: Garak. Garak: Gentlemen, I don't know about you, but my business here is done. Worf: Then I suggest we find a way out of here. Captain's log, supplemental. A full scale Dominion invasion appears imminent. Still, I remain confident in my crew's ability to face this crisis as they have so many others, with dedication and with courage. Kira: Our last listening post in the Gamma Quadrant just went dead. Dax: That one was right on the other side of the wormhole. Sisko: Which means the Dominion fleet is minutes away. Chief? O'Brien: Nearly ready. Dax: Worf. Bashir 2: Is a Klingon warrior. He'd understand. Kira: Neutrino levels in the wormhole are rising. Sisko: If we're going to do this, it's got to be now. O'Brien: Ready. Bashir 2: Here goes nothing. Sisko: Activate graviton emitters. Kira: May the Prophets forgive us. Dax: We're losing it. Sisko: What happened? O'Brien: Someone sabotaged the emitter array. Kira: Captain, the wormhole's opening. Sisko: Battle stations. To Be Continued...

Sisko: One of our listening posts in the Gamma Quadrant picked this up a few minutes ago. Dax: It looks like a Cardassian military code, but the computer doesn't recognize it. Garak: It was a call for help from Enabran Tain. Worf: We must warn the station. There is only one reason for the Dominion to hide such a large fleet this close to the wormhole. Garak: You think they're planning to attack the Alpha Quadrant? Sisko: There's no way we can beat the Dominion. Our only hope is to prevent their fleet from entering the Alpha Quadrant. Kira: You're going to destroy the wormhole? Dukat: You have to trust me. Things are going to change on Cardassia. Ziyal: What things? Dukat: I don't have time to explain. You're leaving now. Ziyal: I can't go. Dukat: It's him, isn't it? That despicable tailor. You don't want to leave because you're waiting for him? Ikat'Ika: This is Internment camp three seven one. You are here because you are enemies of the Dominion. Tain: You're not my son. Garak: Father, you're dying. For once in your life, speak the truth. Worf: General Martok. Martok: The changeling that replaced me has caused the death of countless Klingons. It is a grave dishonor. Bashir: I can only imagine what my replacement is up to on the station. Dax: We're losing it. Sisko: What happened? O'Brien: Someone sabotaged the emitter array. Sisko: Battle stations. And now the conclusion. Kira: Release docking clamps. Dax: Clamps released. Kira: Shields up. Power to phasers and quantum torpedoes. Dax: Weapons ready. Kira: Bring us around. Dax: Dukat's bird of prey is in position. Kira: Maintain communications blackout. Nobody fires until we have our orders from Captain Sisko. Dax: There sure are a lot of them. Kira: That'll just make it harder for us to miss. O'Brien: They're still not responding to our hails. Sisko: I think they're trying to intimidate us. O'Brien: It's working. I don't believe it. The Dominion ships are turning away from the station. They're laying in a new course. Sisko: Heading? O'Brien: Straight for Cardassia. Dax: Dukat's ship is breaking formation. He's going after the Dominion fleet. Kira: Open a channel. Dukat, stop trying to be a hero. Get back to the station. Dukat: Your concern is touching, Major, but I think you misunderstand me. I'm not attacking the Dominion fleet I'm joining it. Kira: What are you talking about? Dukat: I'm afraid I have a confession to make, Major. For the past few months, I've been conducting secret negotiations between the Dominion and Cardassia. And as of last week, Cardassia has agreed to become part of the Dominion. Kira: You can't be serious. Dukat: Goodbye, Major. You and I on the same side. It never seemed quite right, did it? Kira: Lock phasers. open fire. Dax: Too late. He's gone. Romulan: All clear. Worf: The transmitter Tain used to contact the station. Where is it? Bashir: You have to crawl through that hole and kind of slide your way up into the wall. Martok: It took him over a year to modify the old life-support system into a transmitter. Worf: How did he operate it? Martok: He wired the message and the transmission coordinates directly into the system circuitry. That way all he had to do was connect the transmitter to the power grid and let it run. Worf: Could the coordinates and the message be changed? Garak: You're planning to contact the runabout. Worf: We could activate the transporter and beam ourselves onto the ship. Bashir: And run like hell. Garak: Re-encoding the transmitter won't be easy. We'd have to reconfigure the array one circuit at a time. Bashir: Can you do it? Garak: Me? Bashir: I'm no engineer and neither is Mister Worf here. You, on the other hand, my dear Mister Garak, are a man of many hidden talents. If you can't do it, nobody can. Garak: It's nice to feel needed. Guard: All prisoners assemble immediately. I repeat. All prisoners assemble immediately. Worf: Who is that? Martok: Deyos. The Vorta who runs this camp. Ikat'Ika: No talking. Bashir: Touchy, aren't they? Deyos: All Cardassian prisoners step forward. I am pleased to announce that the hostilities between our peoples have ended. As of today, Cardassia has joined the Dominion. Therefore, you're all being sent home. Congratulations on your new status as Dominion citizens. Not you, Mister Garak. Garak: Excuse me? Deyos: You're staying. Garak: Well there must be some of misunderstanding. The last time I checked, I was a Cardassian. Deyos: But not a very popular one, I'm afraid. At least not with the head of the new Cardassian government. Garak: And who would that be? Deyos: Gul Dukat. Dukat: You might ask, should we fear joining the Dominion? And I answer you, not in the least. We should embrace the opportunity. The Dominion recognizes us for what we are. Dukat: The true leaders of the Alpha Quadrant. And now that we are joined together, equal partners in all endeavors, the only people with anything to fear will be our enemies. My oldest son's birthday is in five days. To him and to Cardassians everywhere, I make the following pledge. By the time his birthday dawns, there will not be a single Klingon alive inside Cardassian territory or a single Maquis colony left within our borders. Cardassia will be made whole. All that we have lost will be ours again, and anyone who stands in our way will be destroyed. This I vow with my life's blood. For my son, for all our sons. Dax: Somebody tell me this is a bad dream. Sisko: It's no dream. Kira: Well, I've got a vow to make too. Next time I see Dukat I'm going to kill him. Sisko: Right now we have a more immediate concern. Such as who sabotaged our graviton emitters? O'Brien: I don't know who it was, but they did a pretty thorough job. The emitters had the exact opposite effect to what we'd intended. They were supposed to collapse the wormhole's spatial matrix and close it forever. Instead, they made the matrix even more stable. Not even trilithium explosives could destroy it now. Dax: So the Dominion can send reinforcements through the wormhole whenever they want. Bashir 2: Looks like it's time for another round of blood screenings. Obviously we have a changeling infiltrator on the station. Dax: What makes you think it's a changeling? Bashir 2: That's who I'd send. Kira: I think Julian's right. Odo tells me that a Bajoran maintenance engineers has been missing ever since the Dominion fleet arrived in the Alpha Quadrant. Bashir 2: And if that was our changeling, he's either gone or assumed a new identity. Sisko: We can't afford to take any chances. I want blood screenings and phaser sweeps. If he's out there, we've got to find him. Martok: He's taking too much time. Bashir: How long has he been in there? Worf: Close to an hour. Bashir: Garak? How's it coming along? Garak: I only wish I were still a member of the Obsidian Order. This would make a wonderful interrogation chamber. Tight quarters, no air, bad lighting, random electric shocks. It's perfect. Bashir: Sounds like you're enjoying yourself. Garak: If you'd like, I'd happily trade places with you. Bashir: I suppose you could give me a crash course in Cardassian field engineering. I should be ready to take over from you in what, five or six weeks? Romulan: Visitors. Bashir: Quiet. Ikat'Ika: It's time. Worf: I am ready. Ikat'Ika: I've been looking forward to this. Worf: So have I. Bashir: Give me a hand. Bashir: Hold on, Garak. Romulan: Wait. The guards are still too close. Bashir: Just a little while longer, Garak. Worf: I thought I would be fighting Ikat'ika. Martok: I would not be so eager if I were you. This is his handiwork. Worf: He has much to answer for. Martok: His time will come. Now remember, every time you hit the ground, you must touch one of those posts or else you forfeit the match. Ikat'Ika: Today, we train against a worthy adversary. Observe, analyze, remember. Soon we will face his people in combat. The lessons you learn here will ensure victory. Victory is life. Jem'Hadar: Victory is life. Ikat'Ika: Begin. Bashir: Come on. Romulan: Clear. Garak: That was thoroughly unpleasant. Bashir: Are you all right? Garak: I am fine. It's just much hotter in there than I thought. I got a little lightheaded. Give me a minute and I'll go back in there. Bashir: No, you need more than a minute. Your pulse is racing. I don't want to think about your blood pressure. Maybe you should wait until tomorrow. Garak: Do you want to get off this hellhole or not? Bashir: You know I do. Garak: Then let me get back to work. Bashir: Rest for five minutes. And from here on in you can take a fifteen minute break every hour. Doctor's orders. Worf: Was that the best you have to offer? Ikat'Ika: He was our youngest and least experienced. I promise your next opponent will provide more of a challenge. Kira: The view's even better from upper pylon two. Ziyal: I keep hoping the wormhole will open, that Garak's runabout will come through and everything will be all right again. Kira: Maybe it will. Ziyal: My father says Garak's dead. Kira: Right now I wouldn't believe your father if he said rain was wet. Ziyal: I used to think my father was a hero. That even when he did something bad, he had a good reason. Kira: Everyone has their reasons. That's what's so frightening. People can find a way to justify any action, no matter how evil. Ziyal: You think my father is evil? Kira: I think you can't judge people by what they think or say, only by what they do. Captain's log, stardate 50564.2. A large contingent of Klingon warships has arrived from Cardassian space, but its intentions, at least for the moment, remain unclear. O'Brien: We're being hailed. Dax: It's Chancellor Gowron. He's requesting permission to dock. They've got wounded. Sisko: Permission granted. I have the feeling the Klingons' war against the Cardassians has taken a turn for the worse. Gowron: This is a dark day, not only for the Klingon Empire, but for the Alpha Quadrant itself. Sisko: So what are we going to do about it? Gowron: I will do what must be done. Fall back. Pull my forces out of Cardassian space, fortify the Klingon Empire and prepare for a fight to the death. Sisko: Maybe there's a better way. Gowron: The Khitomer Accords? The treaty between the Federation and the Klingon Empire is dead. Sisko: But we can bring it back to life again. This is the most fortified position between here and the Klingon Empire. There will be a Starfleet task force will be here soon. If you could bring your fleet here. Gowron: Then we could stand united against the Dominion. And if we do Bashir 2: We might have a chance. Gowron: Think of it. Five years ago no one had ever heard of Bajor or Deep Space Nine, and now all our hopes rest here. Where the tides of fortune take us, no man can know. Sisko: They're tricky, those tides. Martok: Five matches and five victories. You truly have the spirit of Kahless within you. Ikat'Ika: Until tomorrow. Worf: I'll be waiting! Bashir: You've got three broken ribs, maybe four. Worf: They will heal. Bashir: Not if you keep fighting, they won't. You're lucky you didn't puncture a lung. A body, even a Klingon body, can only take so much punishment. Worf: I will fight. Martok: It is the only honorable thing to do. Bashir: He'll lose. And in this condition, he might even die. Worf: Then I will die. But I will not yield. Martok: You heard him. Bandage his ribs. Garak: I'm sorry, but that's absolutely unacceptable. I'm under enough strain as it is, I can't have you quitting on me. Get a hold of yourself, Garak. After all, you haven't had one of these attacks in years. Yes, this is a tight enclosed space. Yes, there's not a lot of room to move. But a diskiplined mind does not allow itself to be sidetracked by niggling psychological disorders like claustrophobia. Besides, this isn't like Tzenketh. The walls won't collapse in on you. Your friends are near by, there's plenty of air, so there's nothing to be concerned about. Focus on the job. You're the only person who can contact the runabout. People are depending on you. Ziyal is depending on you. You promised her you'd come back, and that young lady has had quite enough disappointments in her life without you adding to them, so control yourself. You're stronger than this. A diskiplined mind Bashir: I'm afraid that's the best I can do. Does it feel any better? Worf: Much better. Bashir: You're not a very good liar, Mister Worf. Martok: What was that? Worf: It's coming from inside the wall. Bashir: Garak. Martok: How long has he been in there? Bashir: About half an hour. Garak? Garak, what is it? Martok: Tell him to stop before they hear him. Bashir: Garak, the panel's open now. You can come out. We've got to get him out of there. Bashir: Garak. Garak, you have to stop. You're making too much noise. Garak. Garak. Garak: The light. The light went out. Bashir: I know. Come on. I think you can take your break a little early. Bashir: It would appear that he suffers from an acute form of claustrophobia. It's a wonder that he lasted as long as he did. Worf: Then one of us will have to finish reconfiguring the transmitter. Bashir: And who would you suggest could do that? Exactly. Martok: If Garak can't contact the runabout, we're not going anywhere. Dax: The last of Gowron's ships have arrived. O'Brien: I'll have a repair crew get to work on them right away. Sisko: Any word from Starfleet? Dax: Admiral Gilhouly's task force is less than four light years away. Sisko: I'll feel a lot better when they get here. O'Brien: You're not the only one. Kira: Captain. Sisko: Yes, Major. Kira: I just talked to Odo. Someone overrode the security blocks on the industrial replicator on level seventeen. Sisko: Sounds like our saboteur. Did they catch him? Kira: No such luck. Dax: Do they know what he replicated? Kira: He wiped the memory core. Sisko: Tell Odo I want all security details to pull double shifts as of now. If he wants more men, have him talk to Gowron. I'm sure the Chancellor will be willing to assign some Klingon troops to guard key facilities. Kira: Klingons helping to protect Deep Space Nine. What an interesting concept. Sisko: These are interesting times, Major. Dax: Captain, incoming message. It's Gul Dukat. Sisko: In my office. Sisko: Dukat. Dukat: Please, Captain. Show a little respect. You are talking to the head of the Cardassian government. Sisko: I don't recognize that government. Dukat: Your recognition is irrelevant. Sisko: Well, if that's what you think, why are we having this conversation? Dukat: Because the fact is, Captain, I feel a certain obligation toward you. After all, I freely admit you saved my life on more than one occasion. Sisko: Don't remind me. Dukat: Oh, no, you should be glad you did. Because now I'm going to return the favor and give you a chance to save your precious Federation. All you have to do is convince them to follow Cardassia's example. Sisko: You expect us to join the Dominion? Dukat: I expect you to behave rationally. Joining the Dominion will save billions of lives and keep the Federation from fading into the mists of history. Sisko: By allowing it to exist under Dominion rule? No thank you. Dukat: I'm afraid you'll like the alternative even less. Sisko: Dukat, if you have something to say to me, say it. Dukat: Then I'll make it simple then A few days ago, I swore all Cardassia had lost would be regained. That space station you're so fond of was built by Cardassia. Sisko: Funny, I thought it was built by Bajoran slave labor. Dukat: Either surrender the station, or I'll take it by force. The choice is yours. Sisko: If you want to retake this station, Dukat, you are welcome to try. Martok: Seven battles and seven victories. What hero of legend have done as well? Worf: Heroes of legends don't ache so much. Martok: Your Federation friends have taught you modesty, but this is no time for modesty. When we return to the Klingon Empire, I will seek out Keedera himself and tell him of your glorious tale. He will write a song worthy of you. Bashir: Well, be sure to send me a copy. Martok: I'll do better than that. I can make sure that he mentions you, the healer who bound the warrior's wounds so he could fight again. Worf: Right now, the only part of the song that I wish to hear is the verse that tells of our escape. What good is defeating every Jem'Hadar soldier in this compound if it does not bring us closer to our freedom? Bashir: We have to come up with a new escape plan. Garak: That won't be necessary. The original one will work. I just have to finish what I started. After all, a verse about the Cardassian who panicked in the face of danger would ruin General Martok's song. Martok: And would be unfortunate. Garak: Now, if you'll excuse me, my dungeon awaits. Martok: There is no greater enemy than one's own fears. Worf: It takes a brave man to face them. Bashir 2: What can I do for you, Chief? O'Brien: Wasn't Lieutenant Japar brought in here? Bashir 2: The Klingon engineer? You just missed him. The plasma burns weren't as bad as they looked. O'Brien: I'd better go find him. I can't make head nor tail of the power relay systems on his bird of prey. We're never going to get all these Klingon ships up and running. Bashir 2: I have every confidence in you, Chief. O'Brien: Ah, that makes all the difference then, doesn't it. Bashir 2: How are Keiko and the kids? O'Brien: They made it safely to Bajor, but I'm worried about Molly. She's getting old enough to know when something's wrong. I think she's scared. Bashir 2: Well, it's only natural. It'll pass. Oh, by the way, I ordered two new sets of those new duridium alloy darts I told you about. They should be here next week. O'Brien: Darts? We're facing a major interstellar war and you're thinking about darts? Bashir 2: Well, life must go on. Besides, I have a feeling things are going to turn out for the best. O'Brien: I hope you're right. Quark: Your asparagus with yamok sauce. The last of my fresh asparagus, I might add. Not that I'll need to stock it anymore. Somehow I get the feeling there won't be much of a demand for human food once the Jem'Hadar have finished with this place. Ziyal: Aren't you being a little pessimistic? Quark: Am I? The Jem'Hadar don't eat, don't drink, and they don't have sex. And if that wasn't bad enough, the Founders don't eat and don't drink, and they don't have sex either. Which, between you and me, makes my financial future less than promising. Ziyal: It might not be so bad. For all we know the Vorta could be gluttonous, alcoholic sex maniacs. Quark: I never thought of that. I wonder what their favorite food is? Sisko: Good news. The Starfleet task force under Admiral Gilhouly has entered Bajoran space. Kira: Hope they know what they're in for. Worf: First they demand we come out here, then they make us wait. Martok: They are worthy fighters, but they have no sense of honor. Worf: Is there no Jem'Hadar willing to face me? Deyos: Fascinating. Even after all he's been through, the Klingon still thirsts for battle. Doesn't he ever tire of it? Ikat'Ika: I never do. Deyos: You fight because that is what you were designed to do. All that motivates him is some barbaric sense of honor. Ikat'Ika: And that is something you will never understand. Prepare yourself. I've found you a worthy opponent. Worf: Where is he? Ikat'Ika: Right in front of you. Victory is life. Worf: Today is a good day to die. Garak: Tain, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can I just want you to know you may not have been much of a father, but I really wish you were alive right now. That way you could be in here instead of me. Romulan: Jem'Hadar. Bashir: Can we get him out? Romulan: No time. Jem'Hadar: The Cardassian. Where is he? Bashir: Outside, I suppose. Jem'Hadar: He is not outside. Jem'Hadar: Move. Bashir: What do you want with him? Jem'Hadar: He is to be put to death. Guard: Sir. Jem'Hadar: If you wish to live, explain this. Kira: The Bird of Prey Y'tem is in position. O'Brien: That's everybody. Sisko: Major, Commander, report to the Defiant. Dax: Yes, sir. Sisko: Good luck. Kira: To all of us. Sisko: Deploy the runabouts. O'Brien: Runabout Yukon, prepare for departure. Runabouts Rio Grande and Volga stand by. Bashir 2: Yukon ready. Engines engaged. O'Brien: Good luck, Yukon. O'Brien: Sir, I'm picking up a large tachyon buildup, multiple vectors. Ships decloaking. Sisko: Romulans. O'Brien: They're requesting permission to join the fleet. Sisko: I'll be damned. Permission granted. Kira: Defiant to Ops. O'Brien: Go ahead, Major. Kira: Sensors have just detected Dominion and Cardassian ships entering Bajoran space. ETA ten minutes. Jem'Hadar: I'll ask you for the last time. What is this? Bashir: It's either a self-sealing stem bolt or a reverse ratcheting router, I'm just not sure. Jem'Hadar: She is next. Guard: Sir. If you'll allow me? Martok: Worf, honor has been satisfied. Stay down. Deyos: Finish this. Jem'Hadar: What do you see? Guard: I see nothing. It's dark. Romulan: My people have a saying. Never turn your back on a Breen. Garak: Doctor, would you keep the noise down? I'm trying to work in here. Bashir: Garak, how many transtator circuits have you got left? Garak: Three. Bashir: Well, work fast, because pretty soon we're going to be up to our necks in Jem'Hadar. Ikat'Ika: Enough, Klingon. You have proven your worth. Martok: Worf, you heard him. Enough. Worf: I will not yield. Deyos: What are you waiting for? End this. Ikat'Ika: It's over. Worf: It is not over. Deyos: You heard him. Ikat'Ika: I yield. Deyos: You what? Ikat'Ika: I yield. I cannot defeat this Klingon. All I can do is kill him, and that no longer holds my interest. Deyos: Shoot them both. Garak: Got it. Bashir: Take him to one of the cabins in the back. I'll be with you as soon as I can. Worf: Garak, you did well. Garak: So did you. Bashir: Take us to maximum warp. We've got to get a message to the station. O'Brien: The Dominion fleet should be in visual range. Sisko: On screen. Where are they? O'Brien: According to their warp signatures, they should be right there. Sisko: Some kind of cloaking device? O'Brien: I didn't know the Dominion had them. Sisko: Or the Cardassians, for that matter. O'Brien: I'm picking up additional warp signatures bearing one eight three mark nine seven, two four four mark one two, three oh two mark one three three. Kira: Defiant to Ops. Sisko: Go ahead. Kira: According to our sensor readings, there are Dominion ships all around us, but we can't see them or get any kind of targeting lock. Sisko: We're reading the same thing. O'Brien: They're everywhere. Dax: What are your orders, Captain? Sisko: Chief, I need targets. O'Brien: I'm trying, but I can't get anything. We may have to wait for them to open fire and then. Captain, I'm receiving a priority one message from the Gamma Quadrant. It's Doctor Bashir. Sisko: Bashir? Computer, locate Doctor Bashir. Computer: Doctor Bashir is not on the station. Sisko: What was his last known location? Computer: Doctor Bashir's last known location was runabout pad E. Sisko: Sisko to Defiant. Kira: Go ahead. Sisko: Major, you have new orders. I want you to find the Yukon and destroy it Sisko: At any cost. Is that clear? Kira: Yes, sir. Commander. Dax: The Yukon is headed straight for the Bajoran sun. Dax: Its shields are holding. Kira: How can that be? Dax: Looks like someone's been doing some modifications to the Yukon. I'm also picking up large amounts of trilithium, tekasite, and protomatter on board. Kira: A bomb. If it explodes inside the sun Dax: It could trigger a supernova. Wipe out the entire fleet, the station Kira: And Bajor. We have to use the tractor beams. Dax: We're too far away. Kira: Wanna bet? Take us to warp. Dax: Inside a solar system? Kira: If we don't, there won't be a solar system left. (Zoom and they grab the runabout, yanking it away from the sun then letting go just before it goes KaBOOM. O'Brien: The runabout's been destroyed. Sisko: If the sun had gone nova, it would have wiped out the Dominion fleet too. Chief, scan for those warp signatures again. O'Brien: Captain Sisko: They're gone, aren't they? O'Brien: All I'm reading is normal background radiation. Sisko: The warp signatures must have been faked. The Dominion's real fleet never left Cardassian space. This was all an elaborate trap, an attempt to destroy the station and Bajor and cripple the Federation and Klingon fleets without ever firing a shot. Tell our friends out there to stand down. Armageddon will have to wait for another day. Garak: Ziyal? I told you I'd be back. Ziyal: I never doubted it. O'Brien: Four weeks? Are you telling me I've been hanging around with a changeling for over a month? Bashir: And you never even suspected it wasn't me? O'Brien: No. The worst part is, the clues were right in front of me. Bashir: What clues? O'Brien: Well, for one thing, he was a lot easier to get along with. Dax: So I suppose this means you want your Klingon opera collection back. Worf: Intact. Dax: More or less. Gowron: Then it's settled. In light of the new treaty and the continued Dominion threat to the Alpha Quadrant, there will be a permanent Klingon military presence on this station. Sisko: But I choose the commander. Gowron: Agreed. Sisko: Mister Worf thinks very highly of you, General. Martok: I think very highly of him. Sisko: Then I can't think of a better man for the job, if you'll take it. Martok: I would be honored. Kira: Ops to Sisko. Sisko: Sisko here. Kira: You're receiving an incoming message. It's from Dukat. Dukat: Well, Captain, I must congratulate you. If that protomatter device had gone off inside the sun, well, the death toll would have been enormous. Sisko: And your daughter would've been one of the casualties. Dukat: Ziyal made her choice. As far as I'm concerned, she is no longer my daughter. Sisko: You know, Dukat, I thought you'd changed in the last five years. I see I was wrong. Dukat: One man's villain is another man's hero, Captain. You should see the monument they're erecting in my honor at the gateway to the Imperial Plaza. Sisko: Is that why you sold out your people to the Dominion? For a monument? Dukat: What I did I did to make Cardassia strong again. And mark my words, Captain, I succeeded. You may have escaped defeat this day but tomorrow Sisko: We will see about tomorrow. Dukat: Yes, we will.

Leeta: Okay, that's twelve spins and not a single dabo so far. The pot is growing and someone's going to be a big winner. Rom: Today's the day, brother. I'm really going to do it this time. Quark: You've been saying that for weeks. Rom: I've been waiting for the right moment. And this is it. Quark: Now? Rom: It's perfect. She's about to go on her break, and when she does, she'll come over here to say hi, to me like she always does, and that's when I'll do it. Quark: Okay, let's hear it. Rom: I, er, Leeta, would you like, maybe, to one night, soon, to maybe? Quark: Rom, you're a regular poet. Rom: I can do better. Quark: Prove it. Leeta: Hi, Rom. Rom: Hello, Leeta. Bye. Leeta: I must be doing something wrong. Quark: I don't know, Leeta. Maybe he's just not interested in you. Leeta: Well, I know he likes me. Quark: Likes you, yes. But he's an engineer, a problem solver. He needs a woman with a body and brains. Leeta: I have brains. Quark: Of course you do, honey. That's why I hired you. Now eat up and then take those brains back to the dabo wheel where the customers can get a good long look at them. Bashir: Triple twenty! He's back in the zone today. O'Brien: I never really left it. Just been giving you a chance to get even. Bashir: Thank you, but I don't need your charity. Another game? O'Brien: Maybe one. I promised Molly I'd do some coloring with her this afternoon. With all this attention focused on the baby, I don't want her to start feeling that we've forgotten about her. Bashir: A father's work is never done. O'Brien: You said it. Still, it's worth it. You should give it a try sometime. Bashir: Me? No. O'Brien: Why not? I bet you'd make a great father. Bashir: I'm not exactly the family type. Zimmerman: Doctor Bashir, I presume? Bashir: That's me. Zimmerman: I'm Louis Zimmerman, Director of Holographic Imaging and Programming at the Jupiter Research Station. And I'm here to make you immortal. Zimmerman: You're familiar, of course, with the Emergency Medical Holographic Program? Sisko: I've heard of it. It's a hologram designed to provide assistance during emergencies in Sickbay. Zimmerman: It does much more than provide assistance. Bashir: A holographic doctor can literally replace a starship's medical officer during an emergency. Zimmerman: I'm surprised you don't have one on the station. Sisko: The station facilities are Cardassian in origin. Most of our equipment is incompatible with Federation technology. Zimmerman: How unfortunate for you. In any case, the original EMH was designed for short-term use only. But now Starfleet has requested a program designed to operate as full-time doctor. Sisko: Full time? You're not talking about replacing real doctors? Zimmerman: No, no, of course not. Why is everyone so worried about holograms taking over the universe? Bashir: There are many situations where a holo-doctor could be more beneficial than a humanoid. Research outposts, subspace communication stations, long-range exploratory vessels. Zimmerman: In short, anywhere that life-support or living space is at a premium and where the primary mission does not require the doctor to leave Sickbay. Sisko: I see. And they want to model this new EMH program after Doctor Bashir. Zimmerman: Technically, it is a LMH. Long-term Medical Holographic Program. And yes, Starfleet Medical has selected Doctor Bashir to provide the template. Sisko: Who was the template for the EMH? Zimmerman: Me. It was my program after all. It only seemed logical to use myself as a model. Sisko: Of course. This must be quite an honor. Bashir: Yes, it is quite a feather in my cap, sir. Zimmerman: It is nothing less than a shot at immortality. The original EMH program will probably still be in use for decades to come. The LMH will undoubtedly last far longer than that. That is, if I can work out certain technical problems. Now, I'll need to remain here for at least three weeks. I'll need quarters, access to your main computer, a technician to installl my equipment, a high-speed data link with my lab. Sisko: Doctor, my first officer, Major Kira, will see to all your needs. Congratulations, Doctor. I know I speak for everyone on the station when I say we're really very proud of you. Bashir: Thank you, sir. Thank you. Zimmerman: Let's go. Bashir: This is a long questionnaire. Zimmerman: I pride myself on my attention to detail. Bashir: Let's see. Compare and contrast your eating habits at age five with those at ages ten, fifteen, twenty, and twenty five? Zimmerman: It will be necessary for the holo doctor to interact naturally with patients for weeks, possibly even months. The doctor will be expected to share amusing anecdotes, extend sympathy, swap dirty jokes and even have culinary opinions formed by experience. O'Brien: You mean this program is going to have all of his personal likes and dislikes? Zimmerman: That is why we bother to choose a human template in the first place. O'Brien: Wow, think of it, Julian. If this thing works, you'll be able to irritate hundreds of people you've never even met. Zimmerman: If you two could suspend your oh so amusing banter for the moment, I'd like to begin the optical parameter scans. Bashir: What do you want me to do? Zimmerman: Just stand there and look like a doctor. If you can. Leeta: Dabo! Zimmerman: We don't have anything like this on Jupiter Station. Or like her. Bashir: She's beautiful, isn't she? Zimmerman: Who is she? Bashir: Her name's Leeta. My ex-girlfriend. Zimmerman: Who broke it off? Bashir: She did. Zimmerman: Oh, I like her already. Zimmerman: I think I'll have to add her name to my list of interviews. Bashir: Interviews? Zimmerman: I'll be conducting in-depth interviews with your friends, colleagues, family members, in order to build a more rounded psychological profile for the LMH. Bashir: I see. Well, regarding my family members, would you could refrain from Odo: Excuse me for interrupting, Doctor, Doctor. The Antidean transport wishes to leave the station a day early. Their cargo is still under quarantine. If you could issue a health certificate. Bashir: Now? Odo: It would expedite matters. Bashir: All right. I'll meet you in cargo bay three in ten minutes. Odo: Thank you, Doctor. Doctor. Bashir: Well, duty calls. I wonder if you could do a favor and consider not interviewing my parents? Zimmerman: Why? Bashir: Well, to be blunt, we're not close, we haven't been for many years, and I would consider it a personal favor if you would er, sort of, leave my parents out of it. Zimmerman: I see. Well, I certainly understand. Bashir: Well, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow. Zimmerman: Note. Contact subject's parents immediately. Zimmerman: Computer, activate LMH test program one. Does it meet with your approval? Bashir: Yeah, it looks all right. Except for the eyes. They seem a little dead. They don't have that certain sparkle, that zest for life that greets me in the mirror every morning. Zimmerman: This is a test run. I can assure you that the final product will be zesty. Bashir: Does it talk? Zimmerman: Not yet. First I have to load the LMH with the basic database and software configurations of the original program. Computer, activate the EMH. Emh: Please state the nature of the medical emergency. Zimmerman: This is a level three diagnostic. Emh: I understand. Zimmerman: Diagnostics look good. Beginning data transferral. Emh: Data transferral? Am I being replaced? Zimmerman: You're being supplemented by a new long-term program. Emh: By him? Zimmerman: There. Transfer's complete. HOLO- Bashir: Please state the nature of the medical emergency. Emh: Oh, that's original. He doesn't even look old enough to be a doctor. HOLO- Bashir: If you'd like my advice, you should delete this program. Now that I'm here, why would you need an archaic piece of software like him? Emh: Archaic? Zimmerman: We can discuss this at another time. Emh: Listen. Bashir: He doesn't sound like much me. Zimmerman: I'm sorry. Too zesty for you? Bashir: Actually, he sounds more like you. Zimmerman: As I said, I've loaded the LMH with the basic EMH software package. We'll have to build a new set of algorithms based on your scintillating personality. HOLO- Bashir: I hope you're more interesting than you seem. I'd hate to be boring. Zimmerman: There may be no preventing that. But we'll see what his friends have to say. Zimmerman: What were your initial impressions of Doctor Bashir? Good and bad. Sisko: Young, eager, ambitious. He was fresh out of medical school, looking forward to his first taste of frontier medicine. Sometimes he let that natural impulse override his sense of decorum. Zimmerman: You mean he was difficult. Jake: No. But sometimes he could give you way too much information. Zimmerman: Could you elaborate on that? Kira: Sometimes he just didn't know when to shut up. Zimmerman: Are you implying that he harassed you with unwanted advances? Dax: No. But he was very persistent. Zimmerman: I see. Could you be more specific? Zimmerman: You're not being very helpful. Worf: I do not like doctors. Any doctors. Zimmerman: You can rest assured that I will keep anything you say in the strictest confidence. O'Brien: You're sure about that? I wouldn't want this to get back to Julian. Zimmerman: You have my word. O'Brien: Well, the truth is he's an extraordinary person. A real sense of honor and integrity, great sense of humor, warm, caring. You're sure he's not going to read this? Zimmerman: Positive. Leeta: So, is that all? Zimmerman: There is one other thing. Would you have dinner with me this evening? Voices: Oh, I'm not going to tell you. Well, I think you should know. Sometimes I think I'm the happiest person. Stroll along the Promenade, maybe have a little. Leeta: You want a real game, try dom-jot. If I ran this place, we'd have three dom-jot tables and two prayko alleys. And I'd make sure the customers had a lot more fun. Quark is a lot of things, but he's not fun. I'm fun. Zimmerman: I bet you are. You're a fascinating woman, Leeta. Leeta: For a dabo girl. Zimmerman: Not at all. You're charming, intelligent Zimmerman: Witty and extraordinarily beautiful. Leeta: Thank you. Rom: Excuse me. I need to talk to you. It's very important. Leeta: All right. Will you excuse me? Zimmerman: Of course. Leeta: What is it, Rom? Rom: I want to ask you if. I want to. I, oh, I wanted to ask if tomorrow morning would be good time for me to fix your replicator. Leeta: Oh. Sure. That would be fine. Rom: Okay. Tomorrow morning then. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Leeta: Thanks. Bashir: I'm a little concerned about the amount of argonite that's been seeping into the station's air supply. Sisko: Seventeen parts per million. That's well within safety margins. Bashir: Yes. But it's on the rise and I'd like to Dax: I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, but there are a couple of visitors here looking for Julian, and I thought he might want to see them right away. Sisko: Well, send them in. Bashir: Oh, my God. Amsha: Hello, Jules Bashir: Er, Captain, allow me to introduce Amsha and Richard Bashir, my parents. Sisko: I'm Captain Benjamin Sisko. Welcome to Deep Space Nine. Amsha: Thank you, Captain. It's a pleasure to finally see where Jules works. Richard: We wanted to come before, but my schedule's been so busy up until now. I'm sure you know what it's like. Sisko: All too well, I'm afraid. Dax: What is it you do, Mister Bashir? Richard: Oh, I've done many things. At the moment, I'm involved in landscape architecture, designing public spaces, parks mostly. I love the idea of working on projects that thousands of people will enjoy long after I'm gone. They're my legacy, my gift to succeeding generations. Aside from Jules here, of course. Sisko: You must be very proud of your son. Amsha: Oh, yes. Richard: He's a very gifted young man. I hope you're putting all his talents to good use, Captain. Sisko: We try. Richard: Well, sometimes you have to push him a little. It took quite a while to talk him into taking up medicine, but he did. Dax: So you're the reason he went to Medical School. Richard: That's right. He wanted to become Amsha: Perhaps we should save that until another time, Richard. I'm sure the Captain is a very busy man. Richard: Oh. Of course. Maybe after our interviews are over. Bashir: Interviews? Richard: Yes, with Doctor er, Zimmerman. Didn't he tell you? Bashir: No, he didn't. Amsha: He said it was urgent. That the two of you were working together on a very important project and that we had to come here right away. Bashir: Yes, well, why don't I see if I can find you some accommodation for this evening. Richard: Yeah. Sisko: It was a pleasure to meet you both. Dax: I hope we get a chance to see you again. I can't wait to hear some stories about Julian as a little boy. Richard: Oh Lord, there are so many. You know, from the time he was this high we knew he was destined for greatness. Bashir: The Captain, father, is a very busy man. Richard: We'll talk later. O'Brien: We're just working out a few bugs. Bashir: Chief, if you'll excuse us, I'd like a moment or two alone with Doctor Zimmerman. O'Brien: Of course. Bashir: You brought my parents to this station against my explicit wishes that you keep them out of this project. Zimmerman: I'm sorry it upsets you, but their input is Bashir: You had no right to bring them here. Zimmerman: I did not bring them here. I simply issued an invitation. Bashir: You said it was urgent. Zimmerman: It is urgent, to me. Like it or not, they're an important part of your background and I need to interview them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a delivery to make. Zimmerman: Have I caught you at a bad time? Leeta: It's never a bad time for flowers. Come on in. Could you find a place for those while I change? Zimmerman: Of course. Leeta: By the way, if you're trying to impress me, you've succeeded. Zimmerman: I spoke to some of my colleagues at the Jupiter Station this morning. It seems that the manager of our station cafe has decided to quit. Leeta: Really. Zimmerman: They're still looking for a new manager. Someone with experience in both food service and entertainment. Someone like you. Leeta: Me? Zimmerman: Yes. I've already taken the liberty of speaking to our station's commanding officer and she's amenable to the idea. The cafe is yours if you want it. Leeta: My own cafe? Oh. Sorry. Zimmerman: Not at all. Zimmerman: It's not very big. Less than half the size of Quark's. Leeta: Really? Zimmerman: But here's room for a couple of dom-jot tables. Leeta: But I've never run a restaurant or any kind of business. I barely even know how to tend bar. Zimmerman: That puts you one step ahead of our last bartender. Leeta: But where would I stay? I don't even know anybody there. Zimmerman: You know me, and I was hoping you would consider staying with me. Leeta: But Louis, I just met you. I mean, I like you Zimmerman: You see? You're warming up to me already. Given time, you might begin to feel more. Just as I do. Besides, you said you liked cerebral men, and at the risk of sounding immodest, I have a towering intellect. Come with me, Leeta, please. I promise that you won't regret it. I know I won't. Leeta: I need to think about that. Zimmerman: Take all the time you need. Amsha: Captain Sisko seems like a very nice man, Jules. Richard: Not like the captain of the transport that brought us here. I've never met a ruder, more abrasive man in my life. I tell you, when I used to run shuttles, I never would have tolerated that kind of behavior toward my passengers. Bashir: Dad, you're talking to me now. You were a third class steward for all of six months. Richard: That's right, and I was required to have daily contact with the passengers. And you can bet that if I even looked at them the wrong way, I would've been diskharged on the spot. Bashir: I thought you were. Richard: No. I resigned. Amsha: Are you still doing research, Jules? Bashir: Yes. Right now I'm working on two studies of prion replication in ganglionic cell clusters. Richard: You could've done research back on Earth. I told you that five years ago. But you insisted on taking this assignment because you wanted to work in frontier medicine. Bashir: On DS Nine, I can do both. So, you're doing landscape architecture now. Amsha: It's all he can talk about. You should see the stacks of drawings in our house. It's like living in a drafting studio. Richard: Some very important people have expressed interest in my park designs. I have some very good prospects on the horizon. Bashir: You always had good prospects, and they were always just over that horizon. Amsha: Maybe you should tell us about the interviews we're doing tomorrow, Jules. What kind of questions will they ask? Bashir: Well, Doctor Zimmerman, as I understand it, is trying to build a complete psychological profile of me. He's going to be asking you all sorts of questions. Try to keep your answers as brief and to the point as you can. You don't want to give him any openings to probe into any awkward areas. Richard: I'm sure we can handle it. Bashir: Try not to take this too lightly. He's going to be asking detailed questions about my childhood and if you're not careful Richard: You don't trust us? Amsha: He didn't say that, Richard. Richard: No, but that's what he meant, isn't it? You think we're going to slip up, say the wrong thing, get us all in trouble. Bashir: Look, I've got a lot at stake here. My whole career could be destroyed if Doctor Zimmerman gets wind of our little secret. Richard: You've got a lot at stake? Well what about us? We could go to prison, Jules. Have you ever thought about that? Bashir: Of course I've thought about that! That's why I want you to take this seriously. Richard: Oh, so now we're not taking it seriously. We're not as bright as he is. We don't have your gifted intellect so we can't see the perfectly obvious. Bashir: This is exactly why I haven't been home in three years. Amsha: Jules, please. Richard: No, let him go. He can barely stand to be in the same room with us! Leeta: I haven't made up my mind yet. I mean, this could be a big opportunity, but that's no reason to rush into anything. What do you think I should do? Rom: I, I, I don't know. Leeta: If I had a reason to stay, I'd stay. Do I have a reason to stay? Rom: I, I don't know. Leeta: Well, I guess I'd better take the job. Rom: Great. Leeta: Is that all you can say? Rom: I, I, I Leeta: You don't know. Thanks. Rom. You've been a big help. Rom: You're welcome. Bashir: Is there something I can do for you? Amsha: Your father has something he wants to say. Richard? Richard: It's a stressful time for all of us and maybe I said some things I shouldn't have. Amsha: What he's trying to say is, we would never do anything to jeopardize your career. Richard: And just so there's no misunderstanding, I give you my word that at no time in our interview with Doctor Zimmerman will we ever mention or even hint at the fact that you were genetically enhanced as a child. Amsha: Jules, you can trust us. Your father and I have kept the secret of your DNA resequencing for almost twenty five years and we're not going to let it out now. Richard: But I would just add that, despite what the authorities would like us to believe, genetic engineering is nothing to be ashamed of. You're not any less human than anyone else. In fact, you're a little more. Amsha: We didn't come here to start another fight. Let's just try to get through this, all right? Bashir: All right. Bashir: Who were those people? Bashir: I can't believe you set them up like that! O'Brien: We didn't set them up. They just happened to walk in when the program was running. Zimmerman thought it would be a idea to test the program's ability to cope with an unexpected situation. Bashir: And you let it go on? You let them stand there and make fools of themselves while the two of you sat in the back room and laughed? O'Brien: Look, I'm sorry about this. I wish it had never happened, but it has and now we've got a problem. Bashir: I don't want to talk about it. O'Brien: Julian, Zimmerman is going to file a report saying that Doctor Bashir is unsuitable for computer modeling because of his suspected genetically enhanced background. Do you know what's going to happen when that report gets back to Starfleet Medical? Bashir: There's going to be a formal investigation which will lead to my eventual dismissal from the service. O'Brien: Then it's true? You're Bashir: The word you're looking for is unnatural, meaning not from nature. Freak or monster would also be acceptable. I was six. Small for my age, a bit awkward physically, not very bright. In the first grade, while the other children were learning how to read and write and use the computer, I was still trying to tell a dog from a cat, a tree from a house. I didn't really understand what was happening. I knew that I wasn't doing as well as my classmates. There were so many concepts that they took for granted that I couldn't begin to master and I didn't know why. All I knew was that I was a great disappointment to my parents. I don't remember when they made the decision, but just before my seventh birthday we left Earth for Adigeon Prime. At first, I remember being really excited at seeing all the aliens in the hospital. Then they gave me a room and began the treatments, and my entire world began to change. O'Brien: What were the treatments? Some kind of DNA recoding? Bashir: The technical term is 'accelerated critical neural pathway formation.' Over the course of the next two months, my genetic structure was manipulated to accelerate the growth of neuronal networks in my cerebral cortex, and a whole new Julian Bashir was born. O'Brien: In what way did they change you? Bashir: Well, my mental abilities were the top priority, of course. My IQ jumped five points a day for over two weeks. Followed by improvements in my hand-eye coordination, stamina, vision, reflexes, weight, height. In the end, everything but my name was altered in some way. When we returned to Earth, we even moved to a different city, I was enrollled in a new school using falsified records my parents obtained somewhere. Instead of being the slowest learner, I was the star pupil. O'Brien: And no one ever suspected? Bashir: Oh, there's no stigma attached to success, Chief. After the treatments, I never looked back. But the truth is I'm a fraud. O'Brien: You're not a fraud. I don't care what enhancements your parents may have had done. Genetic recoding can't give you ambition, or a personality, or compassion or any of the things that make a person truly human. Bashir: Starfleet Medical won't see it that way. DNA resequencing for any reason other than repairing serious birth defects is illegal. Any genetically enhanced human being is barred from serving in Starfleet or practicing medicine. O'Brien: I don't there's been a case dealing with any of this in a hundred years. You can't be sure how they'll react. Bashir: Oh, I am sure. Once the truth comes out I'll be cashiered from the service. It's that simple. O'Brien: There must be something we can do. We can't just give up. Bashir: There is something I can do. Resign before Doctor Zimmerman files his report. O'Brien: Oh, Julian. Bashir: It's over, Miles. I always knew this could happen. Now it has. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to be alone. Rom: I should have told her how I felt. Quark: Thank the Nagus that you didn't. Remember what happened with Nog's mother? Yeah, don't want to think about her, do you. Let me refresh your memory. You signed a standard five year marriage contract with Prinadora's father because you wanted to have a child. A simple everyday business deal. But then you fell in love with your wife and wanted to extend the contract. And you were so in love that you never bothered to read the extension before signing it. So in the end, her father swindled you out of all your money. Prinadora left you for a richer man and you got stuck with Nog. Hooray for romance. Rom: Leeta is not Prinadora. Quark: She's a female, Rom. And the one constant in the universe is, females are trouble. Look, if you're lonely I've got a new holosuite program. Vulcan Love Slave part two, The Revenge. Give it a try. After a couple of hours you'll forget all about Leeta. Richard: We're not going to just take this lying down, that's for sure. I'll arrange for legal counsel. We're going to fight this all the way to the Federation Supreme Court. Bashir: We can't fight this. Richard: You'd better change that attitude right now if you want to hang on to your career. Amsha: Jules, listen to your father. He's trying to help you. Bashir: Neither of you is listening to me. I don't want to drag this through the courts. Richard: We're a little beyond worrying about your wants, Jules. We have a serious problem here. We have to stop the whining and concentrate on coming up with a new plan. Bashir: A new plan. Yes, let's come up with a new plan. That's the way we do things in this family, isn't it? We don't face our problems, we come up with new plans. Don't like your job? Well move along to the next one. Don't like the law? Well, find a way to get around it. But whatever you do, do not accept responsibility. Richard: All those gifts, all those accomplishments, and you still want to behave like a spoiled child. Well you'd better grow up right now or you're going to lose everything! Bashir: You mean you're going to lose everything. You're going to lose your only real accomplishment in this life. Me. You said before, I'm your legacy, your proud gift to the world. Well, father, your gift is about to be revealed as a fraud, just like you. Richard: I'm still your father, Jules, and I will not have you talk to me like that. Bashir: No, you used to be my father. Now, you're my architect. The man who designed a better son to replace the defective one he was given. Well, your design has a built-in flaw. It's illegal. Richard: You're so smart. You know so much that you can stand there and judge us. But you're still not smart enough to see that we saved you from a lifetime of remedial education and underachievement! Bashir: You don't know that. You didn't give me a chance. Richard: You were falling behind. Bashir: I was six years old. You decided I was a failure in the first grade. Richard: You don't understand, Jules. You never did. Bashir: No, you don't understand. I stopped calling myself Jules when I was fifteen and I'd found out what you'd done to me. I'm Julian. Richard: What difference does that make? Bashir: It makes every difference, because I'm different! Can't you see that? Jules Bashir died in that hospital because you couldn't live with the shame of having a son who didn't measure up! Amsha: That's not true! We were never ashamed of you. Never. Bashir: I'm sorry, mother, but the truth is Amsha: You don't know. You've never had a child. You don't know what it's like to watch your son. To watch him fall a little further behind every day. You know he's trying, but something's holding him back. You don't know what it's like to stay up every night worrying that maybe it's your fault. Maybe you did something wrong during the pregnancy, maybe you weren't careful enough, or maybe there's something wrong with you. Maybe you passed on a genetic defect without even knowing it. Richard: Amsha Amsha: No, this is important. You can condemn us for what we did. You can say it's illegal or immoral or whatever you want to say, but you have to understand that we didn't do it because we were ashamed, but because you were our son and we loved you. Amsha: What do you want us to do? Bashir: Nothing. I'm going to visit Captain Sisko in the morning to explain the situation to him and tender my Starfleet resignation. Amsha: Are you certain this is what you want? Bashir: Yes. I just want to leave the station quietly. Sisko: Come in, Doctor. We were just talking about you. Admiral, allow me to introduce Doctor Julian Bashir. Doctor, this is Rear Admiral Bennett, Judge Advocate General. Bashir: Admiral. Bennett: Doctor. Bashir: May I ask what's going on? Sisko: Your parents came to me this morning. They explained the situation about your genetic background. I contacted Admiral Bennett a short time ago. Bennett: We've just reached an agreement that will allow you to retain both your commission and your medical practice. Richard: I'm going to prison. Bashir: What? Richard: Two years. It's a minimum security penal colony in New Zealand. Bashir: You can't do this. Bennett: It was your father's suggestion, Doctor. He pleads guilty to illegal genetic engineering and in exchange you stay in the service. Bashir: Well, I want no part of it. I'm not going to just stand by while my father Richard: Jules. Julian. Listen to me. This is my decision. I'm the one who took you to Adigeon Prime. I'm the one who should take responsibility for it. Amsha: Let him do this, Julian. Bashir: Two years? Isn't that a bit harsh? Bennett: I don't think so. Two hundred years ago we tried to improve the species through DNA resequencing, and what did we get for our trouble? The Eugenics Wars. For every Julian Bashir that can be created, there's a Khan Singh waiting in the wings. A superhuman whose ambition and thirst for power have been enhanced along with his intellect. The law against genetic engineering provides a firewall against such men and it's my job to keep that firewall intact. I've made my offer. Do you accept? Richard: Yes. Bennett: Then report to my office at Starfleet Headquarters once you arrive on Earth. Sisko: Take your time. Amsha: Goodbye, Julian. Bashir: Goodbye, Mother. Richard: I guess I'll see you in a couple of years. Bashir: I'm sure they have visiting hours at your facility. Maybe I could Richard: That would be most welcome. Bashir: Father. Thank you. Richard: Here, just think. I may usher in a new renaissance in landscape architecture. I'll certainly have time to work on my designs. Zimmerman: Do you hear that? Leeta: What is that? Zimmerman: It's getting closer. Rom: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Wait. Zimmerman: We heard you the first time. Rom: Leeta, don't go. Leeta: Why not? Rom: Because I love you, and I want you to stay. Leeta: I love you too, Rom. Oh. Doctor, I'm sorry. Zimmerman: No, don't be. True love should always win. I'm happy for you. Really. Leeta: You're a sweet, wonderful, and brilliant man. There's someone out there for you, Doctor. I know it. Zimmerman: I don't think so. Perhaps I'm better suited to a life of solitary research. Zimmerman: and dedication to my chosen field of study. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Goodbye. Leeta: Bye. Zimmerman: Excuse me are you familiar with the ancient text known as the Kama Sutra? You remind me of an etching Crowd: Dabo! Bashir: Not my day. O'Brien: Not your week. Bashir: You know what, Chief? I never got a chance to thank you for what you said when O'Brien: Uh-uh. None of that. Especially not in the middle of a game. Ooo, yes! Bashir: Looks like it's your game again. O'Brien: What's that, five in a row? Bashir: At least. O'Brien: Wait a minute. You haven't been letting me win, have you? Bashir: What makes you think that? O'Brien: You said your hand-eye coordination had been genetically enhanced. Bashir: Well, maybe I have been letting you win a little bit. O'Brien: I don't believe it. I don't need you to patronize me. I can play at your level. Bashir: I never said you couldn't. O'Brien: Well play then. Really play. O'Brien: All right. From now on you play from over here. I play from up here. And if that doesn't work, we'll try a blindfold.

Tauvid: Computer, time. Computer: Eighteen twenty one hours. Tauvid: Can I help you? Traidy: I think so. Tauvid: What are you doing? Traidy: Where is it? Tauvid: Where is what? I don't even know what you're looking for. Traidy: Yes, you do. Well? Sorm: It's not here. Traidy: That's not good. Is it possible we have the wrong man? Sorm: It's starting to look that way. Traidy: This is very embarrassing. Now listen to me. We know why you're here, we know who you came to meet, and we know what you were going to give her. So for the last time, where is it? Tauvid: All right, I'll take you to it. Traidy: You see? It was him all along. Sorm: I thought it was on stun. Traidy: Look what you did to the carpet. Sorm: What do we do now? We don't have time to search the whole station. Traidy: We wait for the woman. She might know where he hid it Odo: You wanted to see us? Dax: Is that the new holosuite program? Bashir: Queen's Gambit. It came in this morning. O'Brien: Finally. That friend of yours promised to send it two months ago. Bashir: According to Felix, it's worth the wait. He said it's the most elaborate program he's ever designed. Dax: What parts do we get to play? Bashir: You get to play Lady Wantsomore, a beautiful socialite who's brainwashed to assassinate the Queen of England. Dax: Ooo, somebody stop me. O'Brien: What about me? Bashir: Odo plays Nigel Dunlop, a former agent who comes out of retirement to help me foil this diabolical plot. Dax: Perfect. Bashir: I play O'Brien: Julian, we know who you play. What about me? Bashir: You're Falcon, of course. O'Brien: Falcon? Again? I'm tired of being the bad guy. Dax: But you do it so well. Bashir: So, is everybody all right for Saturday? Dax: Fine. O'Brien: No problem. Bashir: Odo? Odo: What do you want me to do again? Dax: Save the Queen. Bashir: Not only that, you get to drive around in fancy automobiles, and go to posh parties and steal her away from Falcon. O'Brien: He steals my girl? Odo: Er, maybe you'd better get another Nigel Dunlop. Bashir: Are you kidding? Look at her. Odo: I'm, I'm busy on Saturday. Dax: We'll do it when you're not busy. Odo: I don't think so. I'm sorry. I never should have agreed to be a part of this in the first place. Sorry. Bashir: Well, looks like we'll have to find someone else to play Odo's part. O'Brien: I'll do it. Arissa: I've already told you, I don't want to play dabo, I don't want a holosuite, and I don't want anything to eat. Quark: Can I interest you in my collection of Risean tapestries? Odo: Why don't you leave her alone, Quark. Can't you see she's not interested? Quark: How do I know she's not interested unless I ask? Arissa: Maybe you should spend less time bothering your customers, and more time keeping an eye on your business. Quark: Don't worry, I can keep my eyes on more than one thing at a time. Arissa: Really? What about him? Arissa: He's got a graviton emitter hidden in his ring. He's manipulating the table for his friend over there. Crowd: Dabo! Odo: You're very observant. Arissa: Thanks. Odo: Are you waiting for someone? Arissa: You. Where have you been all my life? Odo: Pardon me? Arissa: Isn't that what you were hoping I'd say? Odo: It's just that you keep glancing at the door. Arissa: I'm waiting for someone. Odo: That's all I meant. Arissa: Sorry. I thought you had other things on your mind. Must be those bedroom eyes of yours. Odo: Bedroom eyes? Arissa: You probably get that all the time. Odo: Not really. If anyone bothers you again, let me know. I'm Security Chief Odo. My office is just across the Promenade. Arissa: I'll be all right. Odo: Well, I have to go. To work. In my office. Arissa: Across the Promenade. Odo: Exactly. Kira: Look at this. I was checking the contents of one of those crates. A tentacle grabbed my hand. Odo: Gagh. The Klingons have been getting regular shipments of it since the day they were posted here. Kira: I can't believe they eat that stuff. Kira: What are you doing? Odo: Nothing. Kira: What are you looking at? Odo: Well, I'm. Actually I'm. I'm never mind. Kira: What? Odo: It's embarrassing. Kira: Would you just tell me. Odo: Last night, a woman in Quark's told me I have bedroom eyes. I'm trying to see if it's true. Kira: Tell me about this woman. Odo: She thought I was trying to seduce her. It was all just a misunderstanding. Kira: If you say so. You going to see her again? Odo: I have no idea. Why? Kira: Obviously she's very perceptive. Odo: Meaning what? Kira: Meaning you should see her again. Arissa: Hello again. Odo: What's this all about? Odo: You tried to break into the station computer. Why? Arissa: My friend never showed up last night. I wanted to check the passenger manifests to find out if he came aboard. Odo: Why didn't you come to me? I could have checked the manifests for you. Arissa: When you grow up on Finnea Prime, you learn not to trust policemen. Odo: Dataport bothering you? Arissa: The security protocols protecting your computer generated some nasty feedback. Odo: I know. I designed them that way. Arissa: Nice job. I couldn't stay interfaced long enough to break past the encryption lockouts. Odo: That was the idea. Tell me, Arissa, what's a nice woman like you doing with a dataport? Arissa: They're not illegal. Odo: They ought to be. People tend to use them to access information other people don't want them to access. Arissa: I've heard that. Odo: This Idanian you were waiting for in Quark's, Tauvid Rem. What were you meeting him about? Arissa: A personal matter. Odo: Well, I suppose I could just go to his quarters and ask him. Arissa: I'd rather you didn't. It's a delicate situation. Odo: I'm listening. Arissa: Tauvid's well known for finding people. People who don't necessarily want to be found. He's helping me locate my daughter. I gave her up when she was born fifteen years ago. Odo: I see. Arissa: He told me he had information about her. That's all I know. I've been looking for her a long time. Please, let me talk to him. Odo: All right. I'll take you to him. We'll sort the rest out later. Arissa: Thank you. Arissa: Maybe he's not in. Odo: According to the access log, he's inside. Odo: It's Security. Hello? Arissa: He's not here. Odo: Oh, yes he is. What's left of him. Odo: The residue we found contains Idanian DNA. I think it's safe to assume it came from Tauvid Rem. Do you have any idea why someone would want to kill him? Arissa: No, but considering what he does for a living, he probably had dealings with all sorts of marginal characters. Maybe it was a robbery. Odo: What makes you say that? Arissa: I didn't see any personal belongings in his quarters. Did your deputies find anything? Odo: No. Arissa: Well, whatever happened, I doubt it had anything to do with me or my daughter. Odo: That depends. It's possible that someone doesn't want you to find your daughter. Arissa: Tauvid didn't give me any indication of that when we spoke. Odo: When was that? Arissa: About three days ago. I can't believe this. I was so close to finding her and now I'm going to have to start all over again. That's if you'll let me. Odo: If? Arissa: In case you'd forgotten, I'm facing charges for trying to break into your computer. Odo: Considering you weren't able to access any secured information, I've decided to drop those charges. Arissa: I appreciate that very much. Odo: You're free to go. Arissa: Thank you. You're a very kind man. Odo: I hope you find your daughter. Quark: Morn! We're closed. Quark: Go home. Odo: I'm afraid the Assay Office is closed for the evening. If you want to secure any valuables, you'll have to come back in the morning. Arissa: Thanks, I'll do that. I didn't realize I tripped an alarm. Odo: You didn't. You're good. Arissa: I still got caught. Odo: I've been following you. Arissa: I didn't know. Odo: I'm good, too. So, did you find anything in Tauvid's locker? Arissa: Would you believe me if I said no? Odo: Actually, I'd have you strip-searched. Arissa: That might be fun, but in the interest of saving time. Odo: I've never seen a data crystal quite like this. It looks like it has a phase inverter embedded inside it. It's not going to be easy to decode. Given that all it contains is information about a missing girl, Tauvid went to great lengths to secure it. Arissa: You know how Idanians are. They're a secretive race. Odo: You realize it would be a simple matter for me to have a Doctor examine you to determine if you've ever been pregnant. Arissa: You keep threatening to have me stripped down and examined. I'm trying not to read too much into that. Odo: You don't have a daughter, do you? Arissa: No. Odo: That's probably the first true statement I've heard you make. Arissa: Not quite. I meant what I said about your eyes. Odo: What's on the crystal? Arissa: I don't know, but I need to find out. Odo: Why? Arissa: Because if I don't, I'm dead. Odo: Maybe you'd better start at the beginning. Arissa: I work for a man named Draim. I see you've heard of him. Odo: He's with the Orion Syndicate. If I'm not mistaken, he specializes in blackmail and extortion. Where do you fit in with his organization? Arissa: I access computer systems and steal information for him, government data, business plans, whatever he asks for. Odo: I hope you're well paid. It's a dangerous line of work. Trigger the wrong security protocol, you could end up with permanent brain damage. Arissa: I think about that from time to time, but there's not much I can do about it. You don't quit the Orion Syndicate unless they say you can. Odo: Do you want to quit? Arissa: That's why I came to meet Tauvid. Odo: Who was he? Arissa: I don't know. Odo: Then why did you come meet him? Arissa: He told me he had information. Information I could use to break away from Draim, free and clear. Odo: What made you believe that he was telling the truth? Arissa: I don't know. I just did. I'm not even sure how he knew I wanted to get out. Odo: Did he tell you what this information was? Arissa: No. But for some reason I decided to trust him. I know this sounds insane. I guess I was desperate. Odo: Did you tell anyone you were coming here? Arissa: No, but Draim must have monitored my communications. How else could he have gotten his people here before I arrived. Odo: So you think Draim had Tauvid killed to stop you from getting this crystal? Arissa: And whoever he hired is probably still on the station. You can be sure that Draim wants to know what's on that crystal as much as I do. Odo: What are you smiling about? Arissa: Oh, I'm just picturing myself trying to explain all this to the authorities back on Finnea. Not that they'll listen. They'll just send me to prison. Odo: I'm not turning this over to the Finneans. Arissa: You're not? Odo: I'm placing you in protective custody while I have someone try to access the crystal. In the meantime, I want you to have a look at security recordings made at the airlocks. Draim was probably careful not to send anyone you'd recognize, but you never know. Arissa: Why are you doing this? Odo: Doing what? Arissa: Helping me. Odo: Why not? Arissa: You mean you're just doing it out of the kindness of your heart? Odo: I don't have a heart. Arissa: You could've fooled me. Sorm: What'd you get? Traidy: It's called hasperat. Sorm: Where is she? Traidy: She's with that changeling security chief. Sorm: Spicy. Traidy: They have the crystal. We've got to make sure she doesn't access it. Sorm: She's so pretty. I was hoping we wouldn't have to kill her. Traidy: You'll get over it. Arissa: Nice room. Odo: Don't get too used to it. You're not staying here. Odo to Security, begin transport. Odo: There. Now, if anyone was watching, they'll think you're still in the other quarters. Arissa: Good trick. I hope it works. Interesting furniture. Odo: I use these things to practice shape-shifting. Arissa: These are your quarters? Odo: I thought this would be the last place anyone would look for you. There's a bed in the other room. I was planning to stay out here so I could keep an eye on you, if that's all right. Arissa: I could use the company. Odo: I have two deputies stationed outside in the corridor, posing as a maintenance crew doing repairs. Arissa: And where are you going to sleep? Odo: I don't need a bed. I regenerate by reverting to a gelatinous state. Arissa: Sounds relaxing. Odo: It is, actually. Arissa: I'm so tired I wouldn't mind being in a gelatinous state myself. Odo: I understand you haven't been able to identify anyone from the security recordings. Arissa: No. Odo: I haven't had much luck identifying Tauvid either. It's not his real name. He took three different transports to get to the station, used a different identity each time. I've transmitted a picture of him to the Idanian authorities. I'm not sure we'll get a reply. As you said before, they're a very secretive race. Arissa: What about the crystal? Odo: Dax and Chief O'Brien are still trying to get past the encryption lockouts. Arissa: I could try to interface with it. Odo: That's not a good idea. The first time they attempted to access it, the feedback shorted out the computer. I'd hate to see what that would do to your dataport. Arissa: I can't believe what I got myself into. Walking out on Draim to meet someone I don't even know? I must have been out of my mind. Odo: You said you were desperate. Arissa: Why do you think I got involved with Draim in the first place? Odo: I know life on Finnea isn't easy, but you must have had other options. Arissa: Have you ever been there? Odo: No. Arissa: It's not like a Federation world where everything is handed to you. You know how I ended up with this? I was a netgirl. I told myself I wasn't selling my body since there was no actual contact. But I was. I let men into my mind for money. Draim was one of them. That's how we first met. Before I knew it, I was working for him. He paid me more than I'd ever seen before. I was so far removed from the consequences of what I was doing, it was easy to pretend that I wasn't hurting anyone. I'd hear things now and then. Some businessman Draim had me investigate would disappear. I tried to convince myself it had nothing to do with me. But after while I couldn't pretend anymore. I wanted out. I guess I'm finally going to get my wish. Only problem is, I'll be dead. I don't want to cry. The dead don't cry. Odo: Arissa, look at me. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. You have to trust me. Arissa: I do trust you. But you can't protect me forever. Sooner or later, Draim will get to me. I've got to find out what's on that crystal. Odo: I don't think you can count on whatever's on that crystal to get you out of this. Arissa: If that's true, then I don't have a chance. Odo: Yes, you do. If you testified against Draim, you could put him in prison for the rest of his life. You could get immunity for any past crimes you may have committed, start a new life. Arissa: Testify against Draim? I would never make it to the witness stand. Odo: I will take personal responsibility for your safety. I don't care how long it takes. If I have to ask for a leave of absence, I will. Arissa: You'd do that for me? Why? Odo: I've done things in my life I'm not proud of, too. You worked for Draim, I worked for the Cardassians. I never had the courage to walk away. You did. I admire that. Arissa: Wait a minute. You're going to have to give me a minute to get used to this. I've never been admired for anything other than the way I look. Odo: Most people can't see past the surface, especially when what they see is so beautiful. I'm, I'm sorry, I merely meant Arissa: Don't apologize. Odo: Well, I'm going to see if they've made any progress decoding the crystal. Make yourself comfortable. I'll check in on you later. Arissa: I'm not going anywhere. Bashir: Let me help you with that. Extraordinary. You just jumped out of an airplane at twenty thousand feet, and yet there's not a hair on your head out of place. Bashir: Odo. Odo: I'm sorry to interrupt. I need to talk to you. Alone. Bashir: Driver, stop the car. We'll just be a minute. Odo: Isn't that the woman I was supposed to steal away from Falcon? Bashir: Well, yes, but since you didn't show up Odo: You swept her off her feet. Bashir: Sort of. Odo: Tell me, how did you know she was interested? Bashir: Well it's that kind of program. What is this all about, Odo? You didn't come here to talk about women, did you? Ah. This is about bedroom eyes, isn't it? Odo: Who told you about her? Kira? Bashir: No. Odo: Dax. Bashir: Actually it was Miles. If people are talking, it's only because they care. You put on a good front, but anyone who really knows you can tell that you're lonely. If you're interested in this woman, you have to let her know. Odo: I can't. Bashir: Why not? Odo: What if I? What if she? Bashir: Rejects you? She might. But you can't go through life trying to avoid getting a broken heart. If you do, it'll break from loneliness anyway. So you might as well take a chance. If you don't, she'll move on and you'll never know what you might have had. And living with that is worse than having a broken heart, believe me. Bashir: We're nearly finished, darling. O'Brien: Car trouble, Mister Bashir? Hi, Odo. Odo: I should go. Thank you, Doctor. Bashir: Odo. This isn't fair, Chief. Odo and I were talking. O'Brien: Didn't anyone ever tell you, you shouldn't stop for hitchhikers. Arissa: Hello. Odo: Hello. I didn't expect to find you awake. Arissa: I couldn't sleep. Odo: If the bed isn't comfortable, I Arissa: The bed is fine. I guess you have no news for me. Odo: Chief O'Brien is going to run a quantum scan on the crystal in the morning. Arissa: I'd like to be there. I might be able to help. Odo: I'll arrange it. Arissa: I'm not in your way, am I? Odo: No. No, not at all. I, er, I usually read for an hour or two. Arissa: What are you reading? Odo: It's a detective novel. Arissa: Have you figured out who did it yet? Odo: By the third page. Arissa: Well, I should let you get back to your book. Odo: I don't really feel like reading. Perhaps we could talk for a while? Arissa: What do you want to talk about? Arissa: Tell me more. Arissa: I could swear that when we first met, your nose had a little curve right here. Odo: I tend to look a little different every day Arissa: But you always manage to make these the same. Odo: I pay special attention to my scowl. An air of stern suspicion is very important in my line of work. Arissa: What? Why are you looking at me that way? Odo: I'm just trying to figure something out. Arissa: Tell me. Maybe I can help. Odo: You're the first woman I've ever been close with. I've never been able to let down my guard. I was just wondering what makes you different. Arissa: Wait a minute. Have you never been with anyone else before? Odo: Not with a humanoid. Once, on my homeworld, I had an experience that you might consider sexual. Arissa: But you've never been with a woman before? Odo: Could you tell? Arissa: No. Odo: Good. I don't ever want to leave this room. Can we stay here forever? Arissa: I wish we could. Odo: Arissa? Everything is going to work out. Arissa: I want to believe that, but I know what the Orion Syndicate does to people who turn against them. I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. Let's just be together. Odo: All right. Arissa: Tell me more about this encounter you had on your homeworld. Odo: It was with another changeling. Our bodies became intermingled. Arissa: Sounds nice. Too bad I'm not a changeling. Odo: We shouldn't let that stop us. Dax: She spent the night in his quarters. Kira: He had her under protective custody. Dax: Come on, Nerys. He could have put her somewhere else. Kira: You know how Odo is. He likes to be thorough. Dax: It was more than that. Worf: Commander. Kira: What makes you say that? Dax: Instinct. Worf: Jadzia. Dax: What? Worf: You asked to be told when the sensor array became available. Dax: Thank you. Odo and a woman. It was bound to happen sooner or later, right? Kira: I suppose. Worf: You can begin your experiment at any time. Dax: I'm talking to Kira. Worf: You are not talking, you are gossiping. And besides, Odo is capable of taking care of himself. Dax: Don't shout across the room. If you want to gossip with us, then come down here. Sisko: Where's Odo? He asked me to arrange a conference with Starfleet Intelligence at oh eight hundred. Dax: I guess he's running late. Sisko: He's never late. Dax: He never spent the night with a woman before. Sisko: A woman? That's nice. Isn't it? Worf: Constable. Odo: Good morning. Sisko: Starfleet Intelligence is ready when you are. Dax: Did you see the look on Odo's face? I'm telling you, something happened. Traidy: I talked to Draim. The woman asked to make a deal. She gives us the crystal, Draim lets her go. Sorm: So we don't have to kill her. Traidy: Don't be stupid. As soon as we've got the crystal, she dies. Sorm: Oh. Makes sense. Odo: You can release the Talarian as soon as he's sober, but tell him to stay away from raktajino. It obviously doesn't agree with him. I'll be in science lab four. Odo: Can I help you? Idanian: You're Security Chief Odo? Odo: Yes. Idanian: I'm here about the communication you sent to the Idanian government. Odo: Go on. Idanian: Where's Arissa? Is she safe? Odo: You know her? Idanian: Better than she knows herself. Odo: What does that mean? Idanian: She's not who she seems to be. She's an intelligence agent with my government. She was sent to infiltrate Draim's organization. Odo: That's impossible. She would have told me. Idanian: She doesn't know. Odo: I don't understand. Idanian: We gave her a new identity before we sent her in. All her previous memories were removed and stored on the datacrystal. If you take me to her, I'll explain the rest. Odo: Chief, are you all right? Idanian: The datacrystal, where is it? Odo: Forget about the crystal. We have to find Arissa. Idanian: That crystal is Arissa. O'Brien: She took the crystal. I don't know where she went. Idanian: It generates a distinctive signal. We might be able to track it. Arissa: Is anyone here? Traidy: Just me. Odo: What's wrong? Idanian: I've lost it. The crystal's quantum signature starts to fade after a few minutes. Traidy: Do you have it? Arissa: Maybe. Traidy: I thought we had a deal. Your life for the crystal. Arissa: I just want to make sure that you live up to your end. Traidy: Your turn. Arissa: Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to come here with a weapon? Traidy: Indulge me. Traidy: Very smart. Traidy: Do you have any idea what's on this? Arissa: No. You're going to have to figure that out for yourself. Traidy: Oh, don't go yet. You haven't met my associate. Arissa: How are you? Sorm: Fine, thank you. Arissa: Draim and I had a deal. Traidy: He was in a very emotional state when he agreed to it. The truth is, you really hurt his feelings when you left. Sorm: He liked you. Maybe you should close your eyes. Traidy: You were supposed to secure the doors! Sorm: I did. Idanian: Don't move. Odo: Are you all right? Arissa: Yes. I just wish I knew what this is all about. Bashir: The memory transfer will take a few minutes. Sisko: How long was she undercover? Idanian: She volunteered for the operation two years ago. After we altered her memories, we placed her on Finnea. She woke up the next morning believing she was a different person. Sisko: With no memory of her former life as an intelligence agent? Idanian: That was crucial to the plan. Draim employs telepaths to scan everyone who works for him. It was the only way to get past them. We left her in place long enough to become a trusted member of Draim's organization. When we were ready to recall her, we had Tauvid make contact. We'd imprinted a trace memory designed to make her feel she could trust him. That way, she'd agree to meet. With what she knows about Draim, we're going to be able to cripple his entire organization. As soon as she's debriefed, we plan to issue the indictments. Odo: You make it sound as if it all went according to plan. She was nearly killed. Idanian: She knew the risks when she volunteered. We did everything we could to minimize them. Every stage of this operation was meticulously planned. Odo: Including what just happened in the cargo bay? Sisko: Why didn't you tell us what was going on when you found out Tauvid had been killed? Idanian: If Draim's people had monitored the transmission, it would have compromised the entire operation. We couldn't risk it. All that matters is that she's safe and that Draim is going to prison for a long time. Bashir: The transfer's complete. I'm going to take her to surgery. Odo: Yes. Odo: Arissa? That's not even your name, is it? Arissa: There's something you need to know. I'm married. I have a husband. Odo: I see. Arissa: I'm so sorry. Odo: Don't be. You didn't know. It's not your fault. I fell in love with a woman who never really existed. Arissa: She did exist. She was real. And she loved you. In a way, she still does. Odo: Will I ever see you again? Arissa: I don't know. I'll never forget you, Odo. Never.

Dax: I risk eight strips, with a purchase at six and a sale of ten. Dax: Quark, it's your move. Quark: Just a moment. I can't believe it. Dax: You beg me to play tongo with you, and then you don't pay attention to the game. Quark: I'll be right there. Dax: Let me put it another way. If you don't finish this hand, I'm going to call it a night. Quark: Okay, okay! Who'd have dreamed they'd strike feldomite on Parsion Three? The Sepian Commodities Exchange is in chaos. Everybody's selling, prices falling. Evade. Dax: Are you sure? Quark: You heard me, evade! Dax: Okay. Confront. You owe me fifteen strips of latinum. Quark: Take it. That's all I've got left. My antimonium options, my quadrotriticale futures, my powdered newt supplements all wiped out. That's it, I'm finished. Dax: It can't be as bad as all that. Quark: It can and it is. I'm up to my lobes in debt. I put the bar up as collateral to three different brokers. The loans are due in a week. If I don't come up with the latinum there'll be nothing left of me but a greasy spot on the Promenade. Quark: Here? Now? Tell him I'm gone. Gaila: If that's the best lie you can come up with, no wonder you're broke. Quark: Gaila! What a pleasant surprise. Gaila: I doubt it. A clothed female. How titillating. Dax: Isn't this the cousin that tried to kill you? Gaila: I see you've heard of me. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to my dear cousin. Alone. Quark: If you've come for your latinum you've come a long way for nothing, because that's all I can give you. Nothing. Gaila: Spare me the sad story. I'm well aware of your financial situation and I'm here to help. Quark: What are you going to do, loan me some exploding latinum? Gaila: I can understand your skepticism, but I know a way that can help the both of us. I'm offering you a job. Quark: You'd defy the FCA ban on doing business with me? Gaila: What's family for? Besides, I won't tell if you don't. Quark: You want me to sell weapons, don't you? Gaila: That's what I do. Now I know you've had reservations about entering this lucrative field. It's dangerous, it's too technical, it's not a people business. But let me tell you something, cousin. Nothing could be further from the truth. Quark: I've told you before, I can't smuggle weapons through this station. Odo would be on to me in a second. Gaila: Who said anything about bringing weapons here? Quark: Then what do you need me for? Gaila: I need you, Quark, to do the things you do best. Public relations, showing our clients a good time, providing an atmosphere conducive to closing deals. Quark: I can do that. Gaila: Of course you can. And you'll earn five percent off every sale. Quark: Ten. Gaila: You'll take five. Quark: I had no idea. Gaila: Weapons is a growth industry. In a month, all your debts will be paid. In six months, the Ferengi Commerce Authority will be begging to reinstate you. In a year, you'll have your own moon. Quark: My own moon. Gaila: Success or failure? What's it going to be, cousin? Quark: What have I got to lose? O'Brien: Come in. Jake: Morning, Chief. O'Brien: Shh. Quiet. You'll wake him. He only dropped off about an hour ago. Jake: You look terrible. O'Brien: I didn't get much sleep. He woke up every hour or two. Every time I tried to put him back in his crib he started crying again. He misses his mother. Jake: When is Professor O'Brien due back from Bajor? O'Brien: I don't know. A week, maybe two. However long it takes to get that blight under control. Jake: That long? O'Brien: On top of that, Annel had some kind of family emergency, so I'm stuck without a babysitter. Jake: Don't worry about it, Chief. Everything's going to be fine. I'll take care of Yoshi. O'Brien: Huh? Jake: Absolutely. O'Brien: You sure you're up to it? Jake: Absolutely. I've babysat Ensign Pran's hatchlings a couple of times, made sure their little wings didn't get tangled. O'Brien: Kirayoshi doesn't have wings. Jake: Even better. O'Brien: I think he's worn himself out. He should sleep now. If he wakes up, give him one of his bottles. There's diapers in the bag over there. Jake: Don't worry, Chief, I know the drill. Now go to work. You need the rest. O'Brien: I'll be fine. I went through the same thing with Molly. It's just a phase. He'll grow out of it sooner or later. Gently now. Jake: You see, no problem. O'Brien: I'll check in with you at lunch. If you need me, I'm just a comm-line away. Jake: He, he O'Brien: Give him to me. Shh. There, there, there. Shh, shh, shh. Jake: You're good. O'Brien: He feels safe with me. Give me the bag. I'm taking him with me. Jake: To work? O'Brien: What choice do I have? Gaila: Would you stop doing that! Quark: Shh. Just being careful. Odo could be anywhere or anything. Gaila: Quark, we saw him walk down the Promenade five minutes ago. Quark: He's very tricky. Gaila: There he is. Quark: Where? Gaila: How good to see you again. Hagath: The pleasure's all mine. Gaila: Quark, this is my associate, Hagath. Hagath: Quark. And my companion, Talura. Your cousin speaks very highly of you. Quark: I've always said my cousin is an excellent judge of character. Hagath: I admire confidence in a man. In fact, I demand it of my salesmen. But in business, one must be careful not to grow too confident. Quark: That can be a fatal mistake. Hagath: I believe the phrase you used to bring me here was an opportunity of a lifetime. Gaila: An accurate description. Hagath: Show me. Hagath: Very nice. Hagath: Its weight and balance appears just right. Quark: We have a wide range of targets for you to choose from. Hagath: That won't be necessary. Hagath: A perfect replica. It even pulls a little to the right, just like the real ones. Quark: These are the finest holosuites in the sector. Hagath: I believe it. Remember we sold a hundred and fifty thousand of these to the Manchovites. Gaila: And we sold another hundred thousand to the other side. Now there was a beautiful little war. Hagath: Too bad about the armistice. Gaila: Well, all good things must come to an end. Quark: You sell weapons to opposing sides? Hagath: On occasion. It's very dangerous. If either side realizes what you're doing, it could be most unpleasant. Gaila: But as they say, the riskier the road, the greater the profit. Hagath: True. Well, I'm glad I came. This solves many of our problems. Gaila: It certainly does. No actual weapons coming in or out, so we don't break any local laws. All shipping happens outside Federation space, so Starfleet can't touch us. And since all we're demonstrating are holograms, we can even show off the specialty items. Hagath: Gaila, well done. Gaila: It was all Quark's idea. Hagath: Quark. You really are a find. I'm sure we're going to accomplish great things together. Quark: I can't wait. Hagath: Just one thing. Don't cross me, Quark. Don't ever cross me. Understood? Quark: Completely. Hagath: Right. Now, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to see my quarters. Gaila: If he were a bit shorter and his teeth were a little sharper, he'd make a perfect Ferengi. Quark: Why'd you tell him this was my idea? Gaila: I want him to like you. Quark: The Breen CRM one-fourteen works equally well against moving vessels or surface emplacements. It's guaranteed to cut through reactive armor in the six to fifteen centimeter range, and shields to four point six gigajoules. Customer: It's light. Customer: Nice. Quark: The quick recharge is one of its most popular features. Customer: I'll take two thousand. Quark: It's a pleasure doing business with someone who appreciates a fine weapon. Quark: How'd I do? Hagath: You're a natural salesman. Quark: I am, aren't I? It's no different than selling sandwiches. Gaila: What did I tell you? Hagath: I always like to celebrate a job well done. To Quark. Gaila: Quark. Quark: I'm going to like doing this job. Quark: You wanted to see me? Hagath: Just a moment. Who would have thought that so much money can be made from Andarian glass beads. How did things go with the Proxcinians? Quark: He purchased seven thousand tritanium plated assault skimmers. Hagath: Good. And he'll be back for more. The Proxcinian war is just heating up. Quark: Lucky us. Hagath: I suppose you're wondering when you'll start seeing your share of the profits. Quark: It had crossed my mind. Hagath: I'm afraid it won't be soon. Quark: I don't understand. Hagath: I took the liberty of transferring your earnings directly to your creditors. You'll be happy to know they were most appreciative. Quark: I would have paid them their money. Hagath: I don't doubt your intentions, but money does strange things to people and I can't afford to have an associate distracted with financial difficulties. So, until your debt is paid, you won't be seeing any profit. Quark: And once my debts are paid? Hagath: Your earnings will be yours to do with as you will, as long as you remain solvent. Quark, do forgive me. You see, my associates are like family to me and I feel it's my duty to keep them from getting into trouble, and to shower them with affection. Go on, open it. Quark: Andarian glass beads. These must be worth Hagath: An absolute fortune. A small token of my esteem. Quark: Look! Bashir: Go ahead. Beat that, Chief! O'Brien: Come on, Yoshi. It may not seem fair forcing the good Doctor to throw from farther away, but he is genetically engineered. Bashir: Chief, don't you think you should put the baby down? O'Brien: I haven't put Yoshi down for a week. If I can carry him at work, I can carry him here. Bashir: There must be some babysitter on the station that can pacify him. O'Brien: You want to bet? Bashir: But you can't hold him forever. You've already got one bad shoulder. O'Brien: Okay. You want me to put the baby down? Fine. I'll put the baby down. O'Brien: Happy? Bashir: That's amazing. O'Brien: No, this is amazing. O'Brien: Yes. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's my throw. Quark: That's right, keep going. Ah ha. Don't stop until you see smoke. Quark: Ahhh. Come in. Odo: I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I believe you know the way to the Security Office. Quark: None of these charges are going to stick. I haven't broken any laws. I have a license to run holosuites. Odo: But you don't have a license to sell weapons, do you? Quark: I defy you to prove that I brought a single weapon onto the station. Odo: It's a mere technicality. We both know what you're doing. And I promise you, you're going to face the consequences. Sisko: Not today, he isn't. Sisko: Let him go. Odo: Let him go? Sisko: Major, tell the Constable what you told me. Kira: The Bajoran government insists that Deep Space Nine not interfere with the lawful transactions of Hagath or his associates. Hagath supplied arms to the Resistance. Without him, or people like him, we'd all be dead. The Cardassians would still be in power. We owe him. Odo: Captain! Sisko: I don't like it any more than you do. Quark: Better luck next time. Sisko: You better hope there isn't a next time, mister. I have cut you a lot of slack in the past. I even looked away once or twice when I could have come down hard on you. But those days are over. Now, we may not be able to get you for selling weapons but you so much as litter on the Promenade and I will nail you to the wall. Kira: Something to look forward to. Gaila: I'll never forget how many people told us we were making a mistake. Sell weapons to the Bajorans? Hagath: What chance do they have? Invest in a winner, sell to the Cardassians. Quark: But why did you sell weapons to the Bajorans? They couldn't have had much money. Hagath: My dear Quark, not every deal is about making money. Sometimes, you have to look at the big picture, and at times gaining a friend is more important than making profit. Gaila: I admit it's not the Ferengi way, but it's good business nonetheless. Hagath: I knew the Cardassians would eventually lose, and you know why? Quark: Because they were overly confident. Hagath: Exactly. They underestimated the Bajoran thirst for freedom. I didn't. Gaila: You want me to handle this? Hagath: No. Come in. Hagath: Ah, Farrakk. How nice of you to join us. Farrakk: What was so important that you had to see me in person? I was about to close that deal with the Verillians. Hagath: Oh really? I heard they had no longer any need of our services. Farrakk: Since when? Hagath: Since they signed an agreement with Metron Consortium. I also heard that you hadn't even opened negotiations with the Verillians. Farrakk: That's a lie. Hagath: And that instead of doing your job, you were off enjoying yourself on Risa. Farrakk: I can explain. Hagath: I don't want any explanations. I put my faith in you and you let me down. As from now, our relationship is terminated. Farrakk: Hagath, can't we just talk this over? I made a mistake. Hagath: An expensive mistake. Goodbye. Hagath: Are you still there? Hagath: Now, that was a most unpleasant experience. Shall we get back to what we were talking about? Gaila: Evening, cousin. Business always this good? Quark: I haven't had a single Starfleet customer all day. Come to think of it, nobody from the Federation has come through those doors. I must be off limits. Gaila: Quark, as long as we keep the holosuite busy, you've got nothing to worry about. Which reminds me, we have a very special client arriving next week. The Regent of Palamar. Quark: Never heard of him. Gaila: He's very, very wealthy. Quark: Can't wait to meet him. Gaila: He's also very particular about how he's treated. Quark: As well he should be. After all, he's a Regent. Gaila: I have to say, cousin, you've done well. And it couldn't have come at a better time for both of us. Quark: Why's that? Gaila: I'm thinking about stepping back, taking it easy for a change. You could take my place, run things with Hagath. You'd be earning a bigger share of the profit. Quark: Have you spoken to Hagath about that? Gaila: He likes you, Quark. Quark: And I like him. I'd also like a bigger share of the profits. Gaila: Then everyone's happy. Except for Farrakk. Quark: What about Farrakk? Gaila: Didn't you hear? His ship blew up shortly after he left the station. Warp core breach. That Hagath, what a temper. Quark: Are you saying Hagath killed him? Gaila: You heard what he said, cousin. He doesn't like to be crossed. Just make sure you don't forget that. Quark: Double snail juice, extra smooth. Good morning, Commander. Mind if I join you? Dax: Actually, I do. Quark: That's okay, I won't take it personally. Dax: Quark, I'm busy. Quark: I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed in you. I thought you, of all people, would understand. Dax: Understand what? That you've finally shown how despicable you truly are? That you don't care how many people die as long as you make a profit. Quark: Who said anything about people dying? The weapons I sell are strictly defensive. To be well armed is a deterrent to war. Don't you know anything about the balance of power? Dax: Quark, you don't really believe any of that, do you? Quark: Jadzia, there was nothing else I could do. I was drowning. The waters were closing over my head and just as my lungs were about to burst, my cousin threw me a lifeline. How could I possibly refuse? Dax: Feeling a little guilty, Quark? Quark: Guilty? Me? I don't have anything to feel guilty about. Dax: Then why come to me asking for forgiveness? Bashir: I've got good news, Chief. Your son is fine. O'Brien: Except that he cries constantly unless I'm holding him. Bashir: I've given him every imaginable test. Eyes, ears, digestive, pulmonary and nervous systems. There's nothing medically wrong with him. O'Brien: What are you telling me, my baby's just sad? Bashir: Perhaps he's become prematurely aware of life's existential isolation. O'Brien: You sure it's not a rash? Bashir: Look on the bright side. He'll probably be a great poet. There's nothing I can do for you, Chief. O'Brien: Yes, there is. Bashir: What's wrong? O'Brien: My neck. Bashir: Hold on, I'll get a neural modulator. Quark: Palamarian sea urchin, lightly sautéed in garlic and moon grass. Matopin rock fungi tossed on a bed of tartoc and seasoned with clavisoa berries. And for the main course, stuffed Wentlian condor snake. All the Regent's favorite dishes. I obtained the recipes through his palace chefs in exchange for a small gratuity. Hagath: Quark, may I ask you a question? Quark: Go ahead. Hagath: Are you trying to ruin me on purpose, or is this sheer incompetence? Quark: Ruin you? I don't want to ruin you. Hagath: Here we are, about to open negotiations with an important new client and this is the welcome you're prepared to give him? Quark: They told me he'd like it. Hagath: This? He's going to like this? Quark: Yes. Hagath: Well, he should. It's delicious. We had you going there, didn't we? Gaila: Oh, you had him, you definitely had him. Hagath: Quark, I love you. It's magnificent, all of it. Quark: So glad you approve. Hagath: Well, that's enough fun for now. The Regent will be here shortly, and tonight we are going to make some money. Regent: Nassuc was the best officer I ever had. I took her out of the ranks and made her a general. In time, she would have inherited my entire empire. And how did she pay me back? By declaring independence for her homeworld. Hagath: Betrayal. It's the one unforgivable sin. Especially when it's committed by someone you trusted implicitly. Regent: Most arms dealers wouldn't understand such considerations. They have no ideals, no passions except for lining their own pockets. I always felt you were a man of honor. You're all men of honor. Gaila: How very perceptive of you, Regent. Quark: Now, how can we help you? Regent: I want to make an example of Nassuc and her followers. I intend to eradicate her entire city. Gaila: What kind of casualties are you looking for? Regent: Seven or eight million. Hagath: We can help you there. Regent: But that's just the beginning. Over the next couple of months, I would like the death toll to rise slowly but steadily. Gaila: Can you give us a figure? Regent: About twenty million. Hagath: Now, what would be most effective? Prions? Gaila: Either that or a mutagenic retrovirus. What do you think, Quark? Quark: Twenty eight million dead? Can't we just wound some of them? Regent: I am here to buy weapons. Are you here to sell them? Hagath: Absolutely. Quark was just trying to make a little joke, but unfortunately Ferengi humor doesn't translate too well. So let's forgo any further attempts at jocularity, shall we? And get down to the business! Gaila: Quark, maybe I didn't make myself clear. I've been in the weapons business forty years. I want to retire. Quark: I don't blame you. Gaila: But I'm not going to be able to retire if my hand-picked successor can't control his conscience. Quark: The Regent is insane. Gaila: Stop being so judgmental. It's his bank account, not his mental health you should be concerned with. Quark: But twenty eight million people. That just seems wrong. Gaila: If Hagath heard you talk that way he would toss you out the nearest airlock. Look out there. Millions and millions of stars, millions upon millions of worlds. And right now, half of them are fanatically dedicated to destroying the other half. Now, do you think if one of those twinkling little lights suddenly went out, anybody would notice? Suppose I offered you ten million bars of gold pressed latinum to help turn out one of those lights, would you really tell me to keep my money? Sisko: Hello, Quark. Quark: You don't look so good. Sisko: That's because I'm dead. Jake: Way to go, Quark. I had my whole life ahead of me. Quark: I didn't do anything. Dax: You killed us all. Quark: Now hold on. You can't blame me. Kira: Deny it all you want. You're responsible. Sisko: I hope it was worth it. Dax: How much latinum did they pay you? Kira: Enough to buy a new conscience? O'Brien: Why, Quark? Why did you kill my baby? Quark: This isn't my fault. Sisko: You lose. Quark: No, no, no! Quark: What have I done? Sisko: Chief, why is the baby in the pit? O'Brien: It's kind of hard to explain, sir. Sisko: Try. O'Brien: As soon as I took him down there with me, he fell asleep. Could be the pattern of the lights, the hum of the optronic emitters, the vibrations of the ODN relays, I'm not sure. But the point is, he's not crying. Sisko: Yes. Chief, why don't you take off for a few days off until Keiko gets back? I think we can manage without you for that long. O'Brien: That won't be necessary, sir. I have the situation well in hand. Sisko: What I'm trying say is that keeping Kirayoshi in the pit is not an acceptable solution. Find another one. O'Brien: Yes, sir. Sir? Sisko: Yes, Chief? O'Brien: Could we wait till he wakes up before we move him? He only just dropped off. Sisko: Very well. And then I want him out of there. O'Brien: Yes, sir. Sisko: Don't you people have work to do? Dax: What the hell are you doing in here? Quark: I want you to have this. Dax: You broke into my quarters to give me a tongo wheel? Get out before I call Security. Quark: I'm going. Dax: And take that thing with you. Quark: I can't. It's a gift. Dax: Think you can buy back my friendship? Quark: It's not a bribe. Chances are I won't be needing it anymore. Goodbye, Dax. Dax: Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Quark: Don't you want to know where it is I'm going? Dax: Not really. Quark: What if I said it was dangerous? Quark: Figures. Doesn't matter. Where I'm going you can't follow. What I have to do, I have to do alone. One man who's had enough, who's going to stand up and say Dax: Goodbye, Quark. Quark: Nervous? The worst Hagath can do is kill you. What's one life compared to the lives of twenty eight million people? Hagath: What do you mean you can't get your hands on the mutagenic retrovirus? Quark: Our supplier sold all he had to the Minnobia for their war against the Vek. Hagath: This isn't good. I've just been telling the Regent that his shipment will be delivered within a week. He's leaving right now. He is not going to be happy, Quark. Quark: I know. He'll be stuck with twenty eight million people and no way to kill them. Hagath: I'm glad you're amused, Quark. Quark: Lucky for us, I can get hold of some Varaxian LM Seven. Hagath: Never heard of it. Quark: It's a new biogenic weapon, still in the experimental stage. Hagath: Is it effective? Quark: They'll be dropping like flies. Only trouble is, I don't know how much of it I can get. You think the Regent would be satisfied with only seventeen million people killed? Hagath: Well, seventeen million, it's better than nothing. Quark: Then what you have to do is tell him there's been a change of plans. Tell him we have something new to show him. It might take a little longer to get the results he wants, but we'll give him a twenty percent diskount. In the meantime, I'll have a sample of Varaxian LM Seven sent here and we'll arrange for a small demonstration. We'll find a planet with some low-level lifeforms on it nobody will miss. Hagath: I'll speak to the Regent, try to keep him from leaving. You make sure you get this sample here as soon as possible. Don't fail me, Quark. Quark: Believe me, I want this deal to go through more than anybody. I'm finally out of debt. These are the first profits I get to keep. Hagath: Get going. Quark: Stop looking so unhappy. The dabo tables will still be there when you get back. Gaila: But I was winning. What could be more important than that? Quark: I told you there's somebody I want you to meet. Quark: Gaila, meet General Nassuc, head of the Palamarian Freedom Brigade. Gaila: Pleased to meet you. We need to talk. Quark: Will you excuse us for just a moment? Gaila: What is that female doing on the station? Quark: I invited her. Gaila: Are you crazy? She's the Regent's mortal enemy. Does he know she's here? Does Hagath? Quark: Of course not. Gaila: You are scaring me, cousin. Quark: Relax. I know selling weapons to opposing sides is dangerous, but as you said yourself, The riskier the road. Gaila: Don't quote The Rules of Acquisition to me. If Hagath finds out we're doing this behind his back, we'll wind up as dead as Farrakk. Quark: Only if we fail, and we're not going to fail. we're going to sell Varaxian LM Seven to both the Regent and the General. Gaila: Is she interested? Quark: Oh, she jumped at the chance. She's as crazy as the Regent. Both sides will poison each other, we'll double our profits, and Hagath will be very happy. Gaila: But what if they see one another, realize what we're doing? Quark: It's a busy station. We'll keep them far apart. Just think of all that latinum. Gaila: What do you want me to do? Quark: Keep the General occupied for twenty minutes, then take her to cargo bay five. I'll meet you there. Regent: Open it. Hagath: You heard him. Quark: That's odd. Regent: What's wrong? Hagath: Nothing. Right, Quark? Quark: The code sequencer isn't working. Hagath: Then fix it. Quark: Right away. I just need to get a descrambler. And then while I'm at it, I'll get a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Hagath: Forget the champagne. Just get here as quickly as possible. Quark: Whatever you say. Hagath: He'll be back shortly. Gaila: Quark, where are you going? Quark: I'll be right back. I just have to get a descrambler. Gaila: After you. Regent: Hagath, what's she doing here? Male: It's a trap! Odo: Attention all personnel. There are reports of phaser fire in cargo bay five. Seal the area. Security: You're with me. Double time! O'Brien: Good afternoon, Commander. Worf: Chief, my schedule shows you were supposed to begin modifying the deflector array aboard the Defiant today. O'Brien: I'm sorry, sir. The Captain thought I could use a few days leave so I decided to take him up on it. Worf: To care for your son. O'Brien: Looking after a baby can be a full time job. Here, do me a favor. Just hold him for a minute. I have to get his bottle. He may cry for a bit, but it's okay, there's nothing wrong with him. Worf: Chief, I need to O'Brien: Just be a minute. Worf: What is the matter? O'Brien: The baby. He's not crying. He's not crying! O'Brien: Here. Worf: I never saw my son when he was this age. It is something I will always regret. You are a fortunate man. Chief. Chief? Sisko: You're facing some serious charges here, Quark. Incitement to riot, endangering the public safety, disregard Quark: How was I supposed to know everyone was going to start shooting? I just wanted them to cross paths so that the deal would fall through. Sisko: It fell through, all right. Hagath and Gaila barely managed to get off the station alive. Quark: I hear General Nassuc sent a purification squad after them. Sisko: I wouldn't count on seeing your former business partners again. Quark: I can live with that. Sisko: What about the Regent's death? Quark: The Regent's dead? Sisko: A purification squad caught up with him this morning. Quark: I can live with that, too. And I can think of twenty eight million other people who won't mind either. Sisko: Twenty eight million and one. Quark: So, about those charges. Surely we can come up with some sort of accommodation? Sisko: That depends. Quark: On what? Sisko: This is what it's going to cost to repair the cargo bay. Quark: That much? Sisko: That much. Quark: Well, maybe we could come up with some sort of installlment plan? Sisko: Works for me. Dax: Retreat. Quark: Acquire. Dax: Confront. Quark: Evade. Quark: The risk is at ten, with a purchase of seven and a sale of fourteen. Dax: Nice move. But then you always had a knack for getting out of tight spots. Quark: It's a gift. Now, about my tongo wheel. Dax: It's not your tongo wheel. You gave it to me, remember? Quark: I know that I gave it to you, but at the time Dax: I'm not giving it back, and that's final. Confront. Quark: Retreat.

Kira: Now remember, I want him treated like a visiting head of state. Full communications and computer access, any assistance he may need from the station's crew. Dax: You should have told us know he was coming sooner. I think we have a red carpet in storage somewhere. Kira: Dax, this is important. Tekeny Ghemor led the dissident movement against Cardassia's Central Command. And now that Dukat and the Dominion have taken over, there is no one better qualified to lead the opposition. Dax: Besides, he's practically your father. Worf: Your father? Ghemor is a Cardassian. Kira: It's a long story. Dax: The Cardassians once kidnapped Kira and surgically altered her to look like Ghemor's missing daughter. Kira: It was part of a plan to expose him as the leader of the dissident movement. Worf: Cardassian politics are very complex. Dax: I think they like it that way. Kira: Ghemor may be the only hope left for Cardassia. He deserves our help. Ghemor: That's a lot of faith to put in one man. Ghemor: I hope I won't prove too great a disappointment. Kira: Legate Ghemor. It's good to see you. Ghemor: How many times must I tell you, Nerys? If you won't call me father, Tekeny will do. Kira: Welcome to Deep Space Nine, Tekeny. This is our science officer, Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax, and our strategic operations officer, Lieutenant Commander Worf. Ghemor: That's quite a reception for an old man. Ah, I see you're wearing the bracelet I gave you. Kira: Not exactly permitted under the uniform code, but Ghemor: It looks good on you. It was a pleasure meeting both of you, but if you don't mind, I'm afraid the journey here was a little draining. Kira: Oh, I'll show you to your quarters. Worf: Major Kira, friends with a Cardassian. It seems wrong. Dax: You should've known her five years ago. Back then, I never thought she'd be friends with anyone. Kira: I've had the replicator programd with a complete Cardassian menu. You've got twenty six hour a day computer access, a private subspace comm. channel, and if there is anything else you need, you just ask me. Ghemor: I wish I had your energy. Kira: I am sorry. I just wanted you to feel at home. Ghemor: You've been very kind. Kira: I thought you should know. I checked with Bajoran Security. There are still no leads on your daughter. Ghemor: She's dead, isn't she? Kira: We don't know that. Now, if Iliana is still alive, she's been undercover on Bajor for over a decade now. It's very hard to find someone who's been hiding that long. Ghemor: I know you're trying to keep my hopes up, but it's time I faced the facts. I'm alone. You're the closest thing to family that I have left. Kira: Bajoran Security has not given up hope. Neither should you. You just have to be patient. Ghemor: I'm afraid patience is for the young. But what about you, Nerys? How is life treating you? Kira: Oh, I've got no complaints. Now, did you read the proposal I sent you? Ghemor: It was very ambitious, but I'm afraid you'll have to find another person to lead the effort. Kira: No, you are the perfect person for the job. You're still popular on Cardassia. The people respect you. They'll listen to you. Ghemor: It's not that simple. Kira: We can make it work. We'll set up a government in exile here on the station. You could make regular transmissions into Cardassia, issue corrections to their propaganda, mobilize your old friends in the dissident movement. Ghemor: Nerys, it's a good plan, but I can't help you. Kira: Why? Ghemor: I have Yarim Fel syndrome. It's terminal, Nerys. I'm dying. Bashir: I'm afraid the prognosis isn't good. The disease has already spread throughout your digestive tract, your circulatory and respiratory systems, and your cartilaginous tissue. Ghemor: How much time do I have left? Bashir: I'm not sure. There are still some treatments we can try. Hexadrin therapy or neuroregeneration procedures. Ghemor: I appreciate anything you can do. I'm sorry, Nerys. I'm afraid this isn't going the way you planned. Kira: Oh, don't worry about me. The important thing is to get you well. Sisko: Begin Captain's log, stardate O'Brien: Ops to Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. O'Brien: You've got an incoming O'Brien: Message from Cardassia. It's from Gul Dukat. O'Brien: He's demanding to speak to you. Sisko: Put him through. Dukat: Ah, Captain Sisko. Always a pleasure. Sisko: Still calling yourself Gul? I'm surprised you haven't promoted yourself back to Legate by now. Dukat: I prefer the title Gul. So much more hands-on than Legate. And less pretentious than the other alternatives, President, Emperor, First Minister, Emissary. Sisko: How about Dominion Puppet? Dukat: Captain, such comments only reveal a deep misunderstanding of the intricacies of the Dominion political system. Under our new administration, Cardassia enjoys unparalleled autonomy and Sisko: You can justify yourself later, Dukat. I'm a busy man. Dukat: Very well. We have reason to believe you have one of our citizens aboard your station. A certain Tekeny Ghemor, formerly a Legate in the Cardassian Central Command. Sisko: And if we do? Dukat: Well, we want him back. To put it mildly, he has a lot to answer for. Sisko: I will take your request under advisement. But considering the Federation doesn't recognize your government, and that Cardassia has never agreed to an extradition treaty with Bajor or the Federation, you shouldn't get your hopes up. Ghemor: What a beautiful baby you are. Yes. You must be very proud. Kira: He's Miles and Keiko's baby. I just carried him to term for them. Ghemor: Maybe you'd better? Kira: Yeah. Are you? Ghemor: It'll pass. It's silly, but I almost feel like a grandfather. After all, you're the closest thing I have to a daughter. Kira: Yoshi's the closest thing I have to a son. You'd make a terrific grandfather. Ghemor: And what about you, Nerys? Have you ever thought about having one of your own? Maybe with that Shakaar fellow of yours? Kira: You know about me and Shakaar? Ghemor: I've been keeping an eye on you. It made me feel like I still had family. Kira: What did you do, hire someone to follow me around? Ghemor: Credit an old man with some restraint. I just had people let me know when they heard anything about you. Like it or not, you're a public figure, Nerys. First officer of one of the most important military installlations in the quadrant. Your feud with Kai Winn has become already something of a legend. Did you know that you have your own section in the Cardassian Central Archives? You've made an impression on people, Nerys. A good one. You should be proud of everything you've accomplished. I am. Kira: You know, I've kept my ears open for news about you too. I was worried about you. Opposing the Cardassian government is dangerous business. Ghemor: I enjoyed it, while it lasted. I have a fondness for hopeless causes. It runs in the family. Kira: Dukat called the station. He wants you extradited to Cardassia. Ghemor: I'm not surprised. He knows that as long as I'm alive, I'm a threat to him. Kira: We won't let him get his hands on you. Ghemor: Nerys, I know more about the Cardassian government than anyone alive. Names, alliances, plots. Things that could do a lot of good in the right hands. There's a Cardassian tradition, shri-tal. The dying give their secrets to their family to use against their enemies. But I have no one left to carry my secrets. No one but you. Kira: Me? Ghemor: Be my daughter one last time, Nerys. Hear what I know and use it as you see fit. Sisko: I hate to sound callous, but we have a tremendous opportunity here. Ghemor is basically volunteering to give us more intelligence on Cardassia than we've been able to gather in five years. Kira: That's exactly what he's doing. Sisko: It's quite a responsibility he's handing you. Kira: I know. I can't help wondering if he's chosen the right person. What if I get too involved or I don't ask the right questions? Maybe I can convince Ghemor to talk to a counselor or Constable Odo. I mean, he questions people every day. Sisko: Maybe. But Ghemor just doesn't want to be debriefed. He wants someone to talk to. Someone to be with until the end. Kira: And that someone is me. Furel: Nerys! Kira: Father. Father, can you hear me? Sisko: Are you up to it? Kira: I have no choice. I'm all he's got. Bashir: If Ghemor's pain gets too severe, push this. It'll administer a small dose of triptacedrine. If you want to replenish the medication, be sure and turn this valve, diskonnect it from here, and replace it with a new supply. If you don't want to do it yourself, you can always call for a nurse to help. Kira: I can manage. Bashir: I hope you're right. Looking with someone with a terminal condition isn't easy, especially in this case where you'll be acting as Ghemor's only source of emotional support. Kira: I know what I'm getting myself into. Bashir: I'm sure you do. Well, let me know if you need anything. Kira: Tekeny. Ghemor: Nerys. Kira: No, don't try to move. Ghemor: Mouth's dry. Kira: I'll get you some water. Careful. Kira: Oh, damn it. I'm sorry. Ghemor: It's all right. You're doing fine. Maybe we should get started. Kira: Session one, stardate 50712.5. Whenever you're ready. Ghemor: Probably Dukat's most powerful enemy is Gul Trepar, the head of the Fourth Order. He's Kira: What is it? Ghemor: Button. Kira: Better? You know, maybe I can ask Doctor Bashir to get you something stronger. Ghemor: No. Anything stronger and I'd be unconscious. And you and I have a lot to talk about. Where were we? Kira: Trepar. Ghemor: Trepar. Trepar used to outrank Dukat and he's not happy to be taking orders from one of his former subordinates. Trepar's aide is a man named Glinn Borven, a political opportunist with all the loyalty of a Kira: Medic! We need a medic! What the hell's taking them so long! Taban: Nerys! Nerys, don't leave me. I was such a fool. When the Cardassians started setting fire to the village, I tried to talk to them, to reason with them. Look what they've done to me. Kira: I'm going to make them pay for this, I promise you. Taban: They burnt my garden, set fire to everything. I worked for years planting it, caring for it, and now it's gone. Kira: We'll plant another one, together, you and I. Taban: I wish I had your strength, Nerys, your confidence. I'm so afraid. Kira: Where's that damn medic? Taban: Don't go. Stay with me. The medic can wait. I don't want to be alone. Kira: The subject is asleep. I'm concluding the interview for the day. Ghemor: Cold, cold. Sisko: It's a good start. Starfleet Intelligence will be very pleased. Kira: There's more where that came from. Ghemor seems to know every politician and bureaucrat on Cardassia. Sisko: You look tired. Kira: I've been up for thirty hours straight. Sisko: You should get some rest. Bashir: Bashir to Major Kira. Kira: Go ahead. Bashir: Please report to Ghemor's quarters immediately. Bashir: He's not responding to the hexadrin therapy anymore. Ghemor: Nerys. Kira: I'm here. Ghemor: Ask me questions, Nerys. We don't have much time. Kira: You were talking about the Supreme Tribunal. Sisko: Status report. Worf: A Jem'Hadar battleship is approaching the station. Dax: Its weapons are armed and its targeting systems are active. Sisko: Red Alert. All crewmembers report to battle stations. O'Brien: They're hailing us. Sisko: On screen. Dukat: Captain Sisko. Sisko: Gul Dukat. What's the meaning of this? Dukat: You said you'd take my request for Ghemor's extradition under advisement. O'Brien: They've locked weapons on the station. Dukat: I eagerly await your decision. Dukat: Captain Sisko. Thank you for the kind invitation. This is one of my Dominion advisors, Weyoun. Sisko: We've met. I saw you die. Weyoun: That wasn't me. At least not exactly. Dukat: The Vorta are experts at cloning. Weyoun: It tends to mitigate the risk involved in so much of our work. My predecessor was the fourth incarnation of our noble progenitor. I am the fifth. Sisko: Immortality. Weyoun: Of a sort. Interested? Sisko: Dukat, you said you wanted to talk to me. Now is your chance. Dukat: Then I'll make it simple, Captain. Tekeny Ghemor is not a well man. He would be better off under the care of his own people. We want him to know he can come home. Sisko: To attend his own execution. Dukat: No, not at all. Ghemor's case has been reviewed by the new judicial system and he's been cleared of any wrongdoing. Weyoun: Dominion courts are renowned for their honesty and equanimity. Dukat: So, as you can see, there's no reason Ghemor can't return to Cardassia. Sisko: I don't think he would agree with you. Weyoun: Perhaps we should find out. Ghemor: Dukat, I have a week to live, maybe less. Do you really expect me to trade my silence for a few short days under the Cardassian sun? Dukat: It is where you belong, Ghemor. Ghemor: And it's where I'd be this very moment if you hadn't betrayed our people to the Dominion. Good day, Dukat. Weyoun: He doesn't seem to like you very much. We're going to have to do something about your public image. Kira: Gentlemen. Dukat: You haven't heard my entire offer. We do have something else I think might interest you. Your daughter, Iliana. Ghemor: Iliana? I Kira: Don't listen to him. Dukat: Your daughter is alive. I know where to find her. Ghemor: I want to believe you, Dukat, but even if I did, let's just say I don't like the company you're keeping. You and I might have come to an agreement, one Cardassian to another. But now dealing with you means dealing with them, and that makes the price too high. Kira: All right, you have your answer. Dukat: My ship will be docked here few days longer. Weyoun: In case you change your mind. Ghemor: I won't. Quark: What can I get for you, Major? A frosty Bajoran ale perhaps? Or something stronger? How about a Black Hole? Kira: Whatever. Quark: You look terrible. Not that I mind. I like my women a little rumpled. Kira: Quark, just get me my drink. Quark: I know just the thing. Warm Enyak's milk. It'll help you sleep. Kira: Come in. Dukat: Major. Sorry to disturb you. Kira: Sorry enough to leave? Dukat: Your defense of Ghemor is admirable. But did it ever occur to you, you may be fighting the wrong battle? Do you recall the massacre at the Kiessa Monastery? Kira: Kiessa. What's that got to do with Ghemor? Dukat: See for yourself. That is his official military record. You can verify anything on there with Bajoran Intelligence if you like. Kira: You are really enjoying this, aren't you? Huh? All your sick little games. Dukat: I must admit, I do get a certain perverse pleasure out of it. Read it or not, it's up to you. Kira: I promise you, Dukat, I will make you pay for all of this one day. Dukat: Maybe. But not today. Ghemor: Nerys. Kira: I'll be right there. Kira: Now what? Ghemor: I was thirsty. Kira: Just sit back. You're all tangled up. Ghemor: I'm sorry. Kira: It's a little late for that now, isn't it? Ghemor: Nerys, is something wrong? Kira: Yes there's something's wrong. You lied to me. Ghemor: About what? Kira: About everything. But let's start with Kiessa Monastery. Ghemor: Kiessa. Kira: You were there, weren't you? Ghemor: Dukat told you. Kira: The Cardassian army burned Kiessa to the ground. Seventeen monks were killed. Ghemor: But they were hiding weapons for the Resistance. Weapons that were being used to kill my friends. It was war. It was easy to despise you. But you weren't the monsters, we were. I wish I'd never joined the military, never volunteered for duty on Bajor. But I did. And I can't change that, no matter how much I might want to. Kira: So instead you hid the truth from me. Ghemor: No, Nerys. I didn't want you to hate me. Kira: It's what you deserve. Ghemor: Nerys! Weyoun: Dabo! That is dabo, isn't it? Dukat: I don't know why you insist on playing this ridiculous game. Weyoun: I like games. Dukat: Ah, Captain. Can I help you? Sisko: I thought we should talk. I realize I haven't been much of a host. Sisko: Here, have some kanar. Dukat: No, thank you. I'm not particularly thirsty right now. Sisko: I insist. Dukat: I said no thank you. I never touch Kanar on an empty stomach, Captain. It's bad for the digestion. Sisko: In this case, that's something of an understatement. Because in that bottle is enough voraxna poison to kill at least a dozen Cardassians. It was delivered to Tekeny Ghemor less than twenty minutes ago. Dukat: Fascinating. Sisko: What's wrong, Dukat? Are you afraid Ghemor's going to say something that might undermine your cozy new position? Dukat: Tread with care, Captain. You're coming dangerously close to accusing the head of the Cardassian government of attempted murder. Sisko: Is that what I'm doing? Weyoun: How delightful. The mysterious plots, the subtle innuendos, the veiled threats. It's all so entertaining. Dukat: What? Weyoun: Oh, my. That is quite toxic, isn't it? Dukat: Are you insane? Weyoun: Vorta are immune to most forms of poison. Comes in handy when you're a diplomat. Sisko: Especially when you're working with the Cardassians. You can keep the kanar, Dukat. Ghemor won't be drinking it. Odo: It's a little late for services, Major. Kira: I needed a quiet place to think. If you've got something to say to me, Constable, say it. Odo: I understand you've stopped visiting Ghemor. Kira: He lied to me. I thought he was different, but he's just like the rest of them. Odo: Is he? Really. I've seen his file, too, Major. He was nineteen when Kiessa was destroyed. He'd been in the military for less than a year and was only one of four hundred soldiers at the monastery. There's no way of knowing if he even fired a shot. Kira: He shouldn't have been there at all. Odo: This isn't about Ghemor's war record. If it really mattered, you wouldn't have waited for Dukat to hand it to you. You would have looked it up yourself. Kira: What are you trying to say? That I should go back down there? Odo: Ah. No, I wasn't saying that at all. Are you? Kira: Father? Father. Father, hold still. You'll tear your bandages. Taban: My garden. They burned my garden. Kira: I know. I know. Taban: I can hear the Prophets calling me, Nerys. I can feel my pagh slipping away. Furel: Nerys. We found them. It's a Cardassian heavy weapons unit. Third assault group, ninth order. Kira: Hold on. I'll be right back. How far? Furel: Just outside of Tempasa. Kira: I'll go with you. Furel: Are you sure? Kira: I know the area. Furel: So does Gantt. Kira: They didn't shoot Gantt's father. They shot mine. Furel: All right. Go. Kira: We found the soldiers that did this to you. I'm going to make them pay, just like I promised. Taban: The others. Let them. You don't have to go. Kira: Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I won't be long. Let's go! Kira: Come in. Bashir: I thought you should know that Ghemor's condition has deteriorated. He'll be dead within the hour. Kira: Thank you for the information, Doctor. Bashir: Is that it? Thank you for the information? Ghemor is dying. Kira: I heard you. Bashir: Major, he wants to see you. Kira: Well, I don't want to see him. Bashir: Major, please, it's almost over. There's no more questions to ask, no more work to be done. Just go to his quarters and sit with him. Kira: I said no. Don't ask me again. Bashir: Fine. You must do what you want. But I think you're making a mistake. Regardless of what Ghemor's done in the past, he doesn't deserve to die alone. Nobody does. Furel: All four mortar rounds right in the central compound. And the way they ran, it was like kicking over a mound of barrowbugs. Kira: What was the count? Furel: Five skimmers, and at least, at least fifteen Cardassian dead. Now that's not a bad day's work. We should celebrate. Kira: Yeah. They kill us, we kill them. It's nothing worth celebrating. Gantt: Nerys. Your father. Gantt: He died calling your name. Kira: Get another raiding party together. I want to hit those Cardassians again as soon as we have a chance. Furel: Would you like me to call everyone together? Have Prylar Quen say a few words? Kira: There's nothing left to say. Ghemor: I didn't think you would come. Kira: Well, for a while there, neither did I. Bashir: Cause of death was CNS failure brought on by Yarim Fel syndrome. One witness was present, a Major Kira Nerys of the Bajoran Militia. Witness's statement is attached. Major, we're done here. Kira: That's it? A quick postmortem, a statement from the witness and a little paperwork. It seems so straightforward. Bashir: It never is. Kira: He got so quiet toward the end. I could hear him whispering things. His wife's name, Iliana's, even mine. Then the pain just got too much for him and he just lay there, breathing. And at the end of every exhale, there was this pause, and I thought that's it. It's over. Then he'd force another breath, and another. I started counting them. One hundred, two hundred, three hundred. He was fought for every last second. I don't even think he knew I was there. Bashir: He knew. You gave him what he needed. He didn't die alone. Kira: Maybe he gave me something I needed. I missed my father's death by less than an hour. Did you know that? Less than an hour. I always told myself that it was bad luck, bad timing, the will of the Prophets. But the truth is, I didn't have to go when I did. I could have stayed a while longer. I saw my chance to get out and I took it. I saw so much death during the occupation, I felt so much pain. But my father, he was my strength, and I couldn't stand to see that strength slipping away. So I ran. Bashir: Just like you tried to run from Ghemor. Kira: He reminded me so much of my father. Going through it again, I just couldn't face it. Bashir: But in the end, you did. You were there for Ghemor. Kira: I owed it to him. I owed it to my father to get it right this time. Sisko: You wanted to see me? Dukat: Yes. I understand Legate Ghemor has passed away. Sisko: You must be very relieved. Dukat: Oh Captain, such cynicism does not suit you. All of Cardassia will mourn the passing of Tekeny Ghemor. He was a great man. Sisko: I'm surprised to hear you say that. Dukat: Not at all. It takes a great man to admit he's wrong, and that's what Ghemor did. I'm speaking of his last minute change of heart. His deathbed decision to embrace the new Dominion government. Sisko: That's very moving, except for one small problem. It never happened. Weyoun: As you said, it's a small problem. Dukat: I would like his body transferred to my ship. We'll take him home and bury him with full state honors. Sisko: I'm afraid that's going to be impossible. Legate Ghemor's funeral arrangements have already been taken care of.

Voices: Over this way. Dax: Who's winning the war? Quark: It's too early to tell. Dax: It's been three days. Quark: Don't remind me. They found a nest. Dax: That's good. Quark: It's not the main nest. Dax: That's not so good. I thought Chief O'Brien trapped the last vole on the station months ago. Quark: Well, obviously he missed a couple. A married couple. They breed like tribbles. Dax: But they're not as cute. Quark: They're disgusting, hairy little creatures with ravenous appetites and I want them gone. Dax: Oh, Quark. Quark: I know, I know. This is just a temporary setback. The bar will open again and I can get back to my life. Dax: I'm glad you realize that. Quark: The only trouble is, I hate my life. Quark: Come in. Rom: Hello, brother. Quark: What do you want? Rom: You have every right to be depressed, brother. Ever since you were blacklisted by the Ferengi Commerce Authority it's been one thing after another. But I have some news that's going to cheer you up. Quark: I doubt it. Rom: Trust me on this one, brother. I'm about to make you very, very happy. Quark: Really? Rom: Really. Come on in. Quark: What's she doing here? Rom: We're getting married. Quark: Oh, I wish I was dead. Rom: He's been a little depressed lately. Quark: I don't want to live. Leeta: I think you need someone to talk to, someone to pamper you. Quark: I think I need to be alone. Rom: You know who I talk to when I'm feeling a little low? Quark: Yeah, me. Rom: Not when it's something really important. Quark: Let me guess. Chief O'Brien? Rom: That's not a bad guess. Quark: Rom, just tell me who it is, then you can leave and I can go back to my brooding. Rom: There's only one person in my life who's always there for me, who's never too busy to listen, who reassures me when I'm scared, comforts me when I'm sad, and who showers me with endless love without ever asking anything in return. Leeta: I'd like to meet this person. Quark: So would I. Rom: You already know her. And she'll always be there for you, brother, with open arms. Ishka: Quark? Quark: Mother? Quark: Moogie, hold me. Rom: Of all the Bajoran Prophecies, I think my favorite is Horran's Seventh. The one that starts, He will come to the palace, carrying a chalice. Dax: Bearing no malice. Rom: Overflowing with sweet Spring wine. O'Brien: Someone's been studying the Ancient Texts. Rom: It's important to Leeta. She wants a traditional Bajoran wedding. Dax: And you've agreed to it? Oh, that's very sweet, Rom. O'Brien: Is she doing the same for you? I mean, learning to be a Ferengi woman? Memorizing the Rules of Acquisition and Dax: Not likely. Leeta's not the type of woman to quit her job, stop wearing clothes, and never go out in public again. Rom: That's okay. I just want her to be happy. Dax: That's a very enlightened attitude, Rom. O'Brien: Rom is not your traditional Ferengi male. Rom: I guess not. Dax: You're probably the least Ferengi-like Ferengi I've ever met. Rom: I guess so. Dax: Oh, that's not a bad thing, Rom. No traditional Ferengi male could ever marry a non-Ferengi and be happy. He could never trust her. Quark: So you see, Moogie, the voles aren't the real problem. They're just a symbol for everything that's gone wrong in my life. Ishka: You've had a tough year, Quark. Quark: That's an understatement. I see all these great opportunities out there and I can't do anything about them. Without a Ferengi Business License it's like I don't exist. Ishka: I understand why you felt the need to escape for a while, but why come here? Quark: I had no place else to go. Ishka: Are you sure about that? Oh, now don't give me that look. You and I both know we've never really gotten along. You disapprove of me, Quark. You always have. Moogie, stop wearing clothes. Moogie, stop earning profit. Quark: You have stopped, haven't you? I mean earning profit. Wearing clothes is bad enough, but profit. Ishka: You see what I mean? Quark: I know the two of us living under the same roof isn't going to be easy. But you're my mother and I love you. Ishka: And I love you too, Quark. But when you say living together what are we talking about? A day? A week? Two weeks? Quark: I don't know. I guess until I start feeling better. Unless, of course, you don't want me. Ishka: You're my son. How could I refuse you? Quark: Then you'll remove all that unnecessary clothing? Ishka: Don't push your luck. Where are you going? Quark: To my room. I'm exhausted. Ishka: What you need is some of your mother's cooking. Some nice, juicy tube grubs. Quark: I never liked your tube grubs. Ishka: I'll pre-chew them for you. Quark: Maybe later. Quark: Hello, room. Where's all my stuff? If she's thrown out my Marauder Mo action figures. Quark: Grand Nagus? Zek: Quark, what are you doing here? Quark: I'm visiting my mother. Zek: That's no excuse. You've been banned by the FCA. You must leave Ferenginar at once. Quark: Got to go. The Nagus, he knows I'm here. Wait a minute. What's the Nagus doing in my closet? Ishka: The Nagus? Quark: Moogie? Ishka: Zekkie! You might as well come out. Quark: Zekkie? What's going on? Ishka: The next time you visit, I'd really appreciate it if you called first. Quark: That doesn't answer my question. Zek: Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. Quark: Rule of Acquisition two oh eight. You're in trouble again, aren't you? What have you done now? Whatever it is, I had nothing to do with it. Tell him, Moogie. Tell him I'm innocent. Ishka: Relax, Quark. I'm not in any trouble. Quark: You're not? Zek: Why would she be in trouble? Quark: I don't know. I just thought since you were here. I don't know what I thought. I'm so confused. Zek: About what? It's all really quite simple. You see, Quark, your mother and I are in love. Quark: How did you two meet? Ishka: We met at the Global Tongo Championships. Zek: That's right. I was playing in the Golden Masters Division. Ishka: And I was tucked away in the sub-basement playing in the Female Division. Anyway, word leaked down to us that the Grand Nagus was having a little difficulty with his game. Zek: For some reason my purchases kept exceeding my sales. Ishka: So I wrote him a note offering some helpful pointers on to firm up his play. Zek: And they worked! I made a spectacular comeback and won the tournament for the twenty seventh year in a row. Ishka: Zekkie sent me a very nice thank you note. Before I knew it, we were corresponding regularly. Zek: Your mother's letters became the highlight of each day. It was clear we had to meet. Ishka: Imagine his surprise when he found out I was a female and your mother, no less. Zek: I almost had a stroke. But I recovered. Ishka: And we've been seeing each other ever since. Quark: Does anybody know about this? Zek: Of course no one knows. And you're going to keep it that way. Quark: My lips are sealed. Zek: They'd better be. Ishka: Jellied gree worms? Maihar'du, you are too good to me. He treats me like a queen. Zek: That's because you deserve no less. Ishka: Zekkie, they don't come sweeter than you. Quark: I don't believe it. Zek: What's that, Quark? Quark: Nothing. I've never seen you looking happier. Zek: That's because I've never felt happier. Well, my dear, time to get back to running the empire. Try not to miss me too much. Ishka: I miss you already. Zek: That's my girl. Ishka: Oh, Lobekins. Don't forget your appointment calendar. Zek: Thank you, my prize. Your mother is a rare jewel, Quark. Worship her as I do. Quark: Incredible. Ishka: Quark, if you're going to give me a hard time about this. Quark: Give you a hard time? You and the Nagus? I couldn't be happier for all of us. O'Brien: No sign of a single vole. I think we got them all. Rom: Chief, is it all right if I take a slightly longer lunch than usual? I need Leeta to sign this. O'Brien: The Waiver of Property and Profit? Rom: Ferengi females aren't allowed to own property or earn profit. The WP and P states that in the event the marriage ends, the female gives up all claim to her husband's estate. O'Brien: And you expect Leeta to agree to this? Rom: I agreed to wear the earring. So either Leeta signs this or the wedding's off. I may not be a traditional Ferengi but I'm still a Ferengi. O'Brien: It's your life, but I think you're making a big mistake. Rom: I think I'd be making a bigger mistake if I didn't. Besides, Leeta loves me. You'll see, Chief. She'll sign it. Leeta: Are you crazy? I'm not going to sign this. Rom: Why not? Leeta: Because a marriage is about sharing everything, including money. Rom: Not on Ferenginar. Leeta: We're not on Ferenginar. Rom: But I'm a Ferengi. Leeta: And I'm not. Rom: Females and finances don't mix. Rule of Acquisition ninety four. Leeta: That's a stupid rule. Rom: It's true. You're just like her. You're after my money. Leeta: Like who? Rom: My first wife. Pretending that you care about me but all the time it's my profits that you really care about. Leeta: Rom, I love you, not your latinum. Rom: Then prove it. Sign the WP and P. Leeta: Never. Rom: Then the marriage is off. Leeta: You bet it is. Zek: My dear, you reek of tube grubs. Ishka: So do you, lobekins. Zek: Are your ears tingling? Mine, too. Quark: So tell me, Nagus, how was your day? Zek: Oh, you know how it is. Arcybite ore futures are continuing to increase, and the Bolians have finally agreed to allow the Ferengi Gaming Commission to take over their gambling emporiums, and er, er, oh, I have decided to allocate extra funds for research on a new breed of Hupyrian beetles. Those little fellows are going to revolutionize the entire beetle snuff industry. Ishka: Now that's what I call a busy and productive day. Quark: No wonder the Ferengi economy is growing at a record pace. Costs are down, profits are up. Zek: And opportunity is around every corner. Ishka: Zekkie, you've done quite a job. Quark: And your people love you for it. Your business acumen, your negotiating skills, your kindness and generosity. Zek: Forget it, Quark. I'm not going to reverse the FCA's decision. They revoked your Business License and they're the one's who are going to have to reinstate it. Quark: But you're the most powerful man on Ferenginar. You can do whatever you want. Zek: True, but contracts are the very basis of our society and you broke a contract with another Ferengi. If I were to intervene on your behalf, I would be encouraging others to violate the law! And that, I will not do! Quark: Moogie, talk to him. Ishka: He makes a very good point, Quark. What you did was wrong. Quark: Thanks. I knew I could count on you. Zek: And I'd watch my tone of voice if I were you. Well, my dear, shall we take a stroll in your garden? Oh, and Quark, will you do me a favor? Help Maihar'du clear the table. He's not as young as he used to be. Brunt: Brunt, FCA. Quark: What are you doing in my closet? Brunt: Conducting official FCA business. Quark: In my closet? Brunt: I didn't want the happy couple to see me. Quark: Happy couple? Brunt: Don't play innocent with me. I know all about their perverted little love affair. Quark: I had nothing to do with it. They met playing tongo. I only found out about it today. Brunt: She's your mother, Quark, and that makes you responsible. And right now, she's endangering the very foundation of Ferengi society. I can see her, whispering in the Nagus' ear, contaminating his thoughts with her twisted, female philosophies. I'm telling you, Quark, if we don't put an end to their relationship, you're going to see clothed females walking down the streets of Ferenginar in broad daylight. If I had my way, I'd climb to the top of the Tower of Commerce and denounce your mother to the crowd below. But we must spare the Nagus even a hint of public disgrace. We've got to put an end to their relationship, but privately. Quietly. Quark: So what are you going to do? Brunt: I'm not going to do anything. You are. Quark: Me? Brunt: Who else? She's your mother and the Nagus, for reasons that elude me completely, likes you. You're in the perfect position to poison their relationship. Quark: Why should I help you? You revoked my business license. Brunt: I'll give you a new one. Quark: You've got a deal. Leck: Once again, Nagus, you have proven that you have the wisest lobes in all of Ferenginar. Zek: That's what they pay me for. Quark: I need to speak to the Nagus. It's a personal matter. Nothing for you to worry about. Zek: What do you want, Quark? Quark: I just dropped by to pay my respects. Zek: Well, in that case, pay them. Zek: Feel better? Now go. Quark: Before I do, I just want to say how proud I am that you consider my home your home. My mother is a very lucky woman. Zek: And I am a very lucky man. I guess the only one around here who isn't lucky is you, Quark. Quark: I just think it's great that she's found someone who cares for her so deeply that he can ignore all those vicious rumors about her. Zek: You mean the rumors about her earning profit? I know that whole story. The FCA made her give up every strip of latinum she made. Quark: I'm talking about the other rumors. The ones that say she hasn't given it all back. Zek: Nonsense. Quark: Of course it is. And the wildest rumor has to be about what she plans to do with her fortune. That she's going to fund a political revolution to end the male domination on Ferenginar. Zek: You mean equal rights for females? Quark: It's crazy, isn't it? I mean, so what if she wears clothing, or that she's managed to worm her way into the heart of the most influential Ferengi alive. Those aren't crimes, are they? Zek: Absolutely not. Quark: And what if she's as cunning and ruthless as any male. That doesn't mean that she's not to be trusted, does it? The important thing is that she loves you and that you're not some pawn in her plans for world domination. Zek: World domination? By a female? Quark: It's a horrifying thought. Luckily, they're just rumors. Zek: Rumors. Quark: Well, time to go. I'll see you tonight, Nagus. I know Moogie can hardly wait. Zek: For what? Quark: For you to get home. Zek: Now that he mentions it, she really has no business wearing clothes in front of her Nagus. Ishka: I should start dinner. Zekkie'll be here any minute. What do you say to some nice slug steaks? Quark: I'm not hungry. Ishka: Quark, the power cells are empty. Quark: I must've been too depressed to notice. Ishka: It's the FCA ban, isn't it? Quark: It's awful. You don't know what it's like to be denied the opportunity to earn profit. Ishka: Oh, yes I do. I know exactly what it's like. Quark: It's worse for a male. Ishka: Is it? Quark: Moogie, I'm in no mood to argue politics right now. I'm too distressed. Ishka: All right, Quark. I'll talk to the Nagus. I'll see if I can convince him to intercede on your behalf. Quark: Oh, Moogie. Ishka: You're a manipulative, self-centerd, conniver. Quark: Thank you. Ishka: Zek'll be here any minute. Quark: I'll make myself scarce. Good luck. I'm counting on you. Odo: Commander, I'm sorry if the Klingons are unhappy, but station rules are station rules. Worf: I am well aware of station rules, but General Martok is a great warrior and he has no business being in a holding cell. Odo: He threw one of his men off that crossway. Worf: That was a diskiplinary measure. Besides, K'retok was not injured. He was barely shaken up. Odo: As opposed to the Bolian Ambassador. K'retok only missed her by a centimeter. Worf: But he did miss her. Sisko: Constable, release General Martok. Odo: Sir. Sisko: Mister Worf, tell the General that this is not a Klingon space station. If he can't abide by the regulations, I'm sure Chancellor Gowron will send us someone who can. Worf: Understood. Sisko: Constable? Odo: Understood. Sisko: Do you hear that? Sisko: Rom, are you all right? Rom: I'm fine, Captain. Thanks for asking. Odo: The wedding is off. Sisko: I'm sorry. Rom: Don't be, Captain. These are tears of joy. Sisko: Carry on. Leeta: I hate him. Kira: No, you don't. Leeta: All he loves is latinum. Kira: No, he doesn't. Leeta: Canceling that wedding was the best thing that ever happened to me. Kira: No, it isn't. Leeta: I am so glad he's out of my life. Kira: No, you're not. Leeta: Major, you haven't been listening to me. Kira: Yes I have. That's how I know you love him. Quark: Moogie, I'm home. So, how'd it go? Am I reinstated? What's wrong? Did the Nagus say no? Ishka: Don't you think about anyone but yourself? Quark: Of course I do. I just think about myself first. Now tell me, what's wrong? Ishka: He left me. All I asked him was to reinstate your license, and the next thing I know he's accusing me of plotting to overthrow the government. Quark: That's ridiculous. Ishka: He said I didn't really love him, that I was just using him. That I was a scheming, profit-hungry female who couldn't keep her clothes off. Quark: The nerve. Ishka: Oh, Quark. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I don't know what he's going to do without me. Quark: Moogie, I'm sorry, but these things happen. It's probably better this way. Ishka: No, it isn't. It's a disaster, for all of us. Brunt: Brunt, FCA. Quark: I hope you've had a productive day. I certainly have. Brunt: You're smiling, Quark. Therefore, I assume you mother is not. Quark: It's hard to smile when you have a broken heart. Now, about my business license. Brunt: As of this moment, it's as valid as my own. Congratulations, Quark. You're a Ferengi again. Quark: I always was. Quark: Breakfast. Ishka: I'm not hungry. Quark: Moogie, you have to eat something. Ishka: Why? Quark: Because life goes on. There are other slugs in the sea. Ishka: You're leaving, aren't you? You're going back to Deep Space Nine. Quark: How did you know that? Ishka: You spent all morning jellying gree worms, which tells me that your conscience is bothering you. You feel guilty about leaving me alone. Well, don't. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. Quark: Okay. Then I'll go pack. Quark: Who could that be? Zek: Hello, Rom. Quark: It's Quark. Zek: Quark, that's what I said. I want to see you in the Tower of Commerce right away. Don't keep me waiting. Ishka: Why is the Nagus calling you? Quark: I have no idea. Ishka: I bet it's about me. Quark: I doubt it. But then, it could be. Either way, I'll do all I can to straighten things out between the two of you. That's a promise. Quark: You want me to be First Clerk to the Nagus? Zek: That's right, Quark. My own personal financial assistant. What do you say? Quark: Why me? Zek: Consider it a reward for saving me from that wretched mother of yours. Quark: What about my bar? Zek: You want to be a bartender all your life? I'm offering you something more. A chance to participate in the major decisions that shape this glorious financial empire of ours. Quark: Well, when you put it that way. Zek: Good. Now you can start by briefing me on today's petitioners. Quark: I need your access code. Zek: Three, seven, four, slash, one, five, five. Quark: It's not working. Zek: You must have put them in wrong. Quark: Three, seven, four, slash, one, five, five. Nope. Zek: Maybe it's one, five, four. Quark: No, that isn't it either. Zek: But I don't understand. What did I say those first numbers were? Quark: Three, seven, four. Zek: Three, seven, four. Are those right? You're confusing me. Quark: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Quark: Oh, it was a six. Zek: What was? Quark: The last number. Zek: Well isn't that what I just said? A lifetime of numbers. You can't blame me for forgetting a few. Let's get down to business who's the first petitioner? Quark: DaiMon Igel. He wants to know whether he should sell his duranium interests on the open market or on the Futures Exchange. Zek: An interesting question. Well, don't just stand there. Let's see how duranium's been doing. Quark: Over the last three trading cycles there's been an increase of seven and three quarters, a decrease of two and an eighth, and another increase of eleven and three eighths. Zek: Oh. That's a gain of eighteen points. Quark: Actually, that's seventeen. Zek: What are you talking about? Seven and three quarters minus two and one ninth is seven. Oh, who cares about duranium anyway? Quark: DaiMon Igel. Zek: DaiMon Igel? Who's he? Do I like him? Rom: Come in. Hello, Chief. O'Brien: I need that phase calibrator I lent you the other day. Rom: It's in my tool kit by the door. O'Brien: Rom, what are you doing? Rom: These are my profits, Chief. My entire fortune. It may be small but it's mine. O'Brien: Why the two piles? Rom: I'm thinking of giving this pile to Leeta. That way maybe she'll sign the WP and P. O'Brien: You're offering her a bribe? Rom: Bribes can be very effective. O'Brien: But if she signs the waiver she can't own anything, so she'd have to give it all back to you. Rom: Right. That's not going to work, is it? O'Brien: Rom, I don't think there's any way you're going to convince Leeta to sign that waiver. Rom: Have you ever looked at latinum? I mean really looked at it. It's so beautiful. Not to mention smooth to the touch. O'Brien: Do you want Leeta back or not? Rom: Latinum lasts longer than lust. Rule of Acquisition two twenty nine. O'Brien: Maybe, but lust can be a lot more fun. Now answer the question. Do you want her back or not? Rom: I'd give anything to hold her in my arms again. O'Brien: Anything? Rom: One jumja stick, please. Leeta: What flavor? Rom: Actually, I don't like jumja sticks. Leeta: Then what do you want, Rom? Rom: I want you to marry me. Leeta: I'm not signing that waiver. Rom: You don't have to, not anymore. I don't have any profit left to protect. Leeta: I don't understand. Rom: I gave all my latinum to Major Kira for the Bajoran War Orphans Fund. She kissed me. Leeta: Oh, Rom. You did that for me? Rom: I did it for us. Now we have nothing but our love. Leeta: That's all we need. That and my salary from Quark's. Bashir: Well done, Chief. Or should I call you Cupid? O'Brien: What can I say? I'm just an incurable romantic. Ishka: Quark, where have you been all day? Quark: With the Nagus. He made me his First Clerk. Ishka: I see. Well then you've had a miserable day, haven't you? Quark: The worst day of my life. How did you know? Ishka: The market exchange is down a hundred and ninety nine points. Quark: I don't know if I should tell you this but I have to tell someone. The Nagus, he isn't Ishka: I know. His memory isn't what it used to be. Did you try stroking his lobes? Quark: No, I didn't stroke his lobes! Ishka: It helps focus him. It's also not a bad idea if you repeat what you say to him. Sometimes it takes two, even three times before he'll retain it. Quark: You two weren't just lovers, you were helping him run things. You're the power behind the throne? Ishka: Well, I wouldn't go that far. I just helped him a little, guided him. A leveraged buyout here, some momentum investing there. Quark: Why didn't you tell me? If I'd known what was going on, I never would have Ishka: Never would have what? Oh, Quark. You turned Zek against me, didn't you? You filled his head with all those lies about me. Quark: I didn't know. Ishka: Who put you up to this? Quark: Who do you think? Ishka: Brunt. What did he offer you? Your business license back? Quark: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. You taught me that. Ishka: The Rules of Acquisition aren't going to help you now, Quark. Quark: A hundred and ninety nine point slide. Ishka: And that's just the beginning. Congratulations, Quark. You've not only destroyed my life and Zek's life, you may have triggered the destruction of the entire Ferengi economy. I hope it was worth it. Brunt: My, aren't we early today. But I suppose, after yesterday's fiasco, we have no alternative. A hundred and ninety nine point plummet. Haven't seen that steep a market slide since Grand Nagus Smeet. And you know what happened to him? Quark: The only Grand Nagus to be assassinated while in office. Brunt: What was the name of his First Clerk? I believe they buried them together. Quark: I'm sure we'll do better today. Brunt: No, you won't. The Market Exchange will remain closed today. The FCA Board of Liquidators has called an emergency meeting with the Grand Nagus. We have some questions to ask him. And by the time we're through you'll both be out of a job. Quark: Why are you picking on me? I've done everything you've asked, haven't I? Brunt: Everything. Brunt: Grand Nagus Brunt. Daddy will be so proud. Quark: You knew the truth about the Nagus all along, didn't you? Brunt: You mean about Zek's failing memory? Let me think. Well, you know, now that you mention it, yes, I did. Quark: That's why you wanted to destroy his relationship with my mother, not to protect him, but to expose him. Brunt: I couldn't have done it without you. I feel almost grateful. Which is why I'm going to let you keep your new business license. Now, put down those PADDS, pack your things, and scurry on back to that little bar of yours. Ishka: So how come you're still here, Quark? After all, Brunt is right. You should be back on Deep Space Nine, celebrating your victory. You've proven yourself a true Ferengi. You've betrayed friends and family for personal gain. Quark: It sounds so good when you say it. Ishka: But? Quark: I think I've been hanging around humans too long. I think I'm developing a Ishka: Conscience? Quark: It's been coming for a long time. I've fought against it, I really have. But living with those people day in and day out, being exposed to their ethics, their morality. It's like I've been brainwashed. Ishka: You poor boy. Quark: Moogie, I'm serious! Ishka: Oh, I know you are. And I know how important your problems are to you. But frankly, Quark, right now I don't give a damn about them! We've got much bigger problems to deal with. Do you want Brunt to become Nagus? Quark: Of course not. He was willing to throw our entire economy into chaos just so he could grab power. Ishka: Sounds like a true Ferengi to me. Quark: A Ferengi, maybe, but not a Nagus. A Nagus has to be better than that. His personal greed has to reflect the public's greed. Ishka: Like Zek. Quark: Exactly. Ishka: So what are we going to do about it? Zek: Did you see their faces? They thought they had me, but we showed them. I answered all their questions, didn't I? Quark: You certainly did. Zek: The state of the trade negotiations with the Breen, why I dumped our lokar bean investments, why I insisted we buy up every bit of jevonite we could get our hands on. Quark: You were brilliant. You know, for a moment there I actually thought that Brunt's head was going to explode with frustration. Zek: By the time I'm finished with him, he'll wish it had. Blam! Blam! He underestimated me. And he underestimated you, too. Quark: Me? I did nothing. Zek: Nonsense. I might have fooled those Liquidators, but I'm not fooling myself. I'm becoming forgetful. At times my memory betrays me. Quark: I hear the Vulcans have been very successful at treating memory loss. Zek: Vulcans? Never liked them. No appreciation of profit. But they do make good doctors, don't they. Make an appointment for me. I'll never forget what you did for me, Rom. Quark: It's Quark. Zek: Gotcha! I may have lost my memory, but not my sense of humor. As far as I'm concerned, you're still my First Clerk. Quark: I'm honored, oh, shrewd one, but I'm afraid your confidence in me is misplaced. Maihar'du? Zek: Quark, I must say I find your newfound modesty very annoying. I need a financial advisor, and you're it. Quark: If you insist. But first, let me introduce to you my financial advisor. Zek: Don't tell me. Ishka: Zekkie. Zek: Why'd you bring that female here? Quark: Because the Nagus deserves to have the best financial advisor there is, and that's my Moogie. All the advice I gave you today came from her. Ishka: I'm not going to lie to you, Zekkie. I believe in equal rights for females. And someday, I hope you will too. But I'd never do anything to hurt you. Zek: But what about all those rumors that Quark told me? Ishka: They were lies. Tell him, Quark. Quark: I guess I stretched the truth here and there. Zek: Quark, you're fired! Now the question is, what am I going to do with you? Ishka: Anything you want. Zek: What man could resist an offer like that? Ishka: Let's go home and I'll make dinner. Zek: No, you won't. Maihar'du will make dinner. I've got other plans for you. Ishka: Oh, Zekkie. Ishka: Quark, dinner's on the table. Quark: I'll be right there. Ishka: Leave some room. Quark: For what? Ishka: For these. Quark: Oh, my Marauder Mo action figures. I thought you'd thrown these out. Ishka: All these years I've been keeping them in storage for you. I figured you'd want to take them back to Deep Space Nine with you. Quark: I sure do. Do you have any idea how much these are worth? Ishka: Not as much as if you'd kept them in the original packaging, which is what I told you at the time. Quark: Even then you were handing out sound financial advice. Thanks, Moogie. Ishka: No. Thank you, Quark. Brunt: Brunt, FCA. Quark: But for how much longer? Brunt: Don't worry about me, Quark. I'm a survivor. So, the happy couple are back together. If the people only knew. Quark: But they don't, and you're not going to tell them. Brunt: Really? Why shouldn't I? Quark: Because the Nagus is ready for you. If you go against him you'll lose and you know it. Brunt: I hate losing. Quark: What Ferengi doesn't? Brunt: I may not be able to destroy the Nagus but you are a different story. Quark: You're going to revoke my license? I don't think the Nagus will like that. Brunt: On the contrary. I want you back in business. It gives me an opportunity to keep my eye on you, because one day you are going to make a mistake, and on that day you're going to lose more than your license. Quark: But that day is not today. Now, back in the closet where you belong. Brunt: It's not over, Quark. Quark: Don't make me come in there after you. Ishka: Quark, your tube grubs are getting warm. Quark: Coming, Moogie.

Bashir: Another three centimeters to the right and you would've severed the brachial artery. Autosuture, please. And if that had happened, you would have bled to death right there in the holosuite. Martok: The human fascination with what might have been is tiresome, doctor. The artery was not severed and I am not dead. Bashir: Oh, well, forgive me for boring you. Let me get straight to the point. You're acting like a fool. Martok: Your observation is noted. But spending two years in a Dominion prison camp has dulled my reflexes. This only proves that I need further training. Bashir: Turning off the holosuite safety protocols during a battle simulation is at best dubious. For a man with only one eye it's positively idiotic. Now, if you would consider ocular Martok: I do not want an artificial eye! Bashir: Then you must accept the fact that you have a disability and stop acting like Martok: There are limits as to how far I will indulge you, Doctor. Crewwoman: General Martok, there is a priority message for you from the Klingon High Council. Bashir: We're done here. Martok: Route the message to my quarters. Crewwoman: Acknowledged. Martok: Doctor, thank you. Bashir: If you really want to thank me, don't walk in here dripping blood anymore. It takes days to get it out of the carpet. Worf: Check it now. Nog: Still no increase in phaser relay efficiency, sir. The throughput reading is steady at one four eight point seven. Worf: Have you initialized the interface program? Nog: Yes, and then I charged the prefire chamber and recalibrated the emitter stage. This thing just doesn't work! Sir. Worf: Very well. We'll start over. Go to the Engine Room and download the operating system into the computer core, but this time do it one file at a time. Nog: Aye, sir. Nog: Good evening, General. Martok: Cadet. Worf: General. I did not expect you until twenty two hundred hours. Martok: I must cancel our appointment. I've received new orders from the High Council, a mission of some importance. I must prepare. Worf: Of course. May glory and honor follow you on your journey. Nog: Excuse me, sirs? Could I just slip by? Worf: How is the shoulder? Martok: Oh, Doctor Bashir made the necessary repairs. I told him it was a holosuite accident. He would not understand the need to draw blood in a warrior's training exercise. Worf: Few humans would. However, I do apologize again for the inconvenience. I did not intend to cause so much damage. Martok: I was the one who did not parry the blow in time. A simple, foolish mistake. One that I would not have made two years ago. Worf: Can you discuss the mission? Martok: Three days ago, the battle cruiser B'Moth began a patrol along the Cardassian border. They have not been heard from since. They are now reported as missing. Worf: It is possible she was destroyed by the Dominion. The Jem'Hadar attacked a Federation starship near the border less than a week ago. Martok: That is our assumption as well, but we must be sure. So I have been given command of a Bird of Prey, the Rotarran, to conduct a search for the B'Moth. This is the first time I will have led troops in the field since my confinement by the Dominion. Worf: It must be an exciting prospect. Martok: I tell you, Worf, without shame, there were days in that prison camp when the thought that I would never again set foot in a Klingon vessel made me weep like an old woman. Worf: I envy you the days ahead. It will be a glorious adventure. Martok: An adventure that we could share, my friend. I need someone I can trust at my side. Someone whose loyalty I can count on. Worf, son of Mogh, I ask you to join me on this mission as my friend and as my First Officer. Sisko: I told the General that I'm inclined to grant his request for your services, Commander. I can certainly understand why he wants you along. You're a fine officer. But I'm not sure why you want to go on this mission. Worf: It is a great honor to be asked to serve under General Martok. And he saved my life in the Dominion prison camp. Sisko: Oh? You didn't put that in your mission report. Worf: It was a personal matter, not something that belongs in an official report. Sisko: Go on. Worf: You know that I was forced to fight the Jem'Hadar guards in the camp. Each day they would call me to the ring and each day I would fight. But, then there came a day when I wavered. Sisko: You mean you didn't want to go back into the ring. Worf: No. I mean I considered letting them kill me. It seemed like the only way out. Just before I went into the ring, Martok turned to wish me success and then he saw what I was planning. He saw it in my eyes. It was a moment of tova'dok. Sisko: Of what? Worf: There is no human word for it. It is a moment of clarity between two warriors on the field of battle. Much is said without the need for words. In that moment, he knew what was in my mind. Once I realized that he saw my intention to give up, I could no longer go through with it. I went back into the ring and fought once more. He had given me his warrior's heart. Perhaps it is something a human cannot understand. Sisko: As of this moment you are be relieved of all Starfleet obligations and placed on detached service to the Imperial Klingon Defense Forces. Worf: Thank you, sir. Sisko: Mister Worf. Q'apla! Worf: Q'apla! Kira: The revised duty roster. Read it and weep. O'Brien: Small arms recalibration? Does that mean all the small arms on the station? Kira: Afraid so. And I need an experienced combat officer to do it. Worf has already set up the parameters. All you need to do is make sure it gets done. Bashir: I'm the new Intelligence officer? Kira: It has to be a Starfleet officer with a level four security clearance. That means either you or Dax, and I need Dax to take over as Fleet Liaison Officer. O'Brien: Beats retuning phaser rifles. Bashir: Well, I certainly hope Worf's enjoying himself while we're stuck here taking over his duties. Dax: Julian, have you ever been on a Klingon ship? If you think the Defiant is cramped and uncomfortable, try spending a week on a bird of prey. Worf isn't exactly taking a luxury cruise. O'Brien: Serving on a Klingon ship is like being with a gang of ancient sea pirates. You advance in rank by killing the people above you, so everywhere you turn you're surrounded by potential assassins. Kira: but that's crazy. How can a ship function like that? Dax: It's not quite that chaotic. The social and military hierarchy of a Klingon vessel's very strictly enforced. A subordinate can only challenge his direct superior and only under certain conditions. Bashir: What sort of conditions? Dax: Dereliction of duty, dishonorable conduct, cowardice. O'Brien: Cowardice? A Klingon? Dax: It's been known to happen. The Klingons are as diverse a people as any. Some of them are strong, and some of them are weak. Bashir: I'd say that those two definitely fall into the strong category. Kira: Trouble? Odo: Not yet. Kira: I can see why they caught your attention. O'Brien: Are they off Martok's new ship? Odo: Just docked. O'Brien: They seem quiet enough. Odo: For the moment, maybe. But do you see the one on the left wearing the necklace? Bashir: Yes. Odo: Those are neck bones. Cardassian neck bones. Dax: Decided not to wear the sash after all? Worf: Officially, there is no House of Mogh in the Empire, so I saw little point in wearing its emblem on a Klingon ship. Dax: How do you think the crew's going to feel about serving under a man without a House? Worf: How they feel is unimportant. All I require from them is obedience. DAX Spoken like an uncaring, hard-nosed, autocrat. The quintessential First Officer. Worf: I do not wish to have a lengthy goodbye. Dax: I wasn't planning on having one. Worf: Good. Worf: Jadzia. Dax: Yes. Worf: I think it would be better to part company here on the station. Dax: Oh, I'm coming with you. Worf: What? Dax: The Rotarran is short-handed and I still have four month's leave coming. I've already cleared it with Martok and Benjamin. I'm your new Science Officer. Worf: Why did you not tell me? Dax: It's more fun this way. And after getting a good look at a couple members of the Rotarran's crew, I don't think we're going to be having a lot of fun on this mission. Dax: Boo! Tavana: Ros-te-ka cha'Domak ootha Trill? Tavana: I am Tavana, Engineering Officer. Dax: I'm Jadzia Dax, Science Officer. Tavana: Dax? Are you related to the great Curzon Dax? Dax: Curzon was the last host for my symbiont. I carry his memories. Tavana: My mother met the great Curzon on the Homeworld once. She said he was very taken with her. Dax: Curzon was very taken with many people. Tavana: So was my mother. Worf: I am Worf, son of Mogh. I now take my place as First Officer. I serve the Captain, but I stand for the crew. Who brings the record of battle for this ship? Kornan: I, Kornan son of Shovak, weapons officer of the ship Rotarran, present the glorious record of our honor and hope that you may find us worthy of your leadership. Leskit: If you're looking for our victories, you won't find any. Not for the last seven months. Worf: I do not need help recognizing a list of failures. It is clear to me that none of you are worthy of my blood or my life. But I will stand for you and together we will restore honor to this ship and bring glory to the Empire. Worf: I have accepted the crew's battle records, and on their behalf I pledge you our lives and ask you that you lead us as commander of this ship. Martok: I accept your lives into my hands. De-lak DOH! Worf: Clear all moorings. Release docking clamps. Leskit: Docking clamps released. Worf: Bow thrusters ahead one half. Leskit: We have cleared the docking ring. Martok: Ahead one quarter impulse. Worf: Helmsman, plot a direct course to the last known position of the B'Moth, maximum warp. Martok: No. That would take us into the Tong Beak Nebula. I want to go around the nebula. Worf: General, that will add a full day to our journey. Martok: I'm aware of that. There are reports of the Dominion operating ships in the Nebula. I would like to avoid a fight with the Jem'Hadar. Leskit: You wish to avoid a fight? Martok: Your tone does not sit well with me, helmsman. Our mission is to find the B'Moth, not satisfy your warrior's pride. Leskit: My apologies, sir. I meant no disrespect. Worf: Then carry out your orders and lay in the course. Maximum warp. Leskit: Yes, Commander. Maximum warp. Around the Nebula. Helm ready. Martok: Mahk-cha. Worf: Qoy qeylIs puqloD. Qoy puqbe'pu'. yoHbogh matlhbogh je SuvwI' WORF + DAX + Leskit: Say'moHchu' may' 'Iw. All: maSuv manong 'ej maHoHchu'. nI'be' yInmaj 'ach wovqu'. batlh maHeghbej 'ej yo' qIjDaq vavpu'ma' DImuv. pa' reH maSuvtaHqu'. mamevQo'. maSuvtaH. ma'ov. Dax: Maybe you didn't read the crew roster, but my name is Dax, and I'm the new science officer on this garbage scow. You were in my seat. I'm glad we understand each other. Now get down to the other end where you belong. Tavana: Stewed bok-rat liver? Dax: It's not very fresh. With a little bloodwine, it might be acceptable. Leskit: There's been no bloodwine on this ship for six months. Dax: Really? Then I'm glad I brought three barrels aboard before we left Deep Space Nine. Kornan: Three barrels? Martok: Dishonorable conduct. Dereliction of duty. Inattention to orders. Unmotivated. Insufficiently aggressive. These personnel reports read like prison records. Worf: We should remember that the Rotarran has been beaten again and again by the Jem'Hadar. It is not surprising that crew morale has suffered. Martok: It's more than a case of low morale, Worf. This crew has been beaten so many times they expect defeat. And that is dangerous. Worf: They need a victory. One decisive battle against the Jem'Hadar would do much to lift their spirits. Martok: And mine. No one hungers for a victory over the Jem'Hadar more than I do. No one. But we must be cautious. We cannot risk taking this crew into combat before they're ready. Worf: They will be ready. I will see to that. Martok: I know you will, my friend. Together we will make the Rotarran an honorable ship again. A ship worthy of the Empire. You may return to your station. Tavana: The Cardassians were trapped between us and the asteroid field. It was perfect. Their power was failing, they had no other ships nearby and our weapons were fully charged. Kornan: And we were still denied a victory. Tavana: Three Jem'Hadar ships appeared from out of the asteroid field. Dax: Three to one are long odds. I'd say you did well just getting away with your ship in one piece. Leskit: Getting away is something we've become very good at. The Rotarran can run away from battle faster than any ship in the quadrant. Tavana: You never could handle your bloodwine, Leskit. You sound like a sniveling Ferengi crying about lost profit. Leskit: That's supposed to wound my pride, but Tavana has forgotten that no one serving on the Rotarran has any pride left. Dax: Does that include me? Leskit: I do not wish to insult someone who brought me wine, but one does wonder why the successor to the great Curzon Dax would consent to serve on a ship like this. Ortakin: It's no mystery. She's the parMach'kai of our new First Officer. I heard it on the space station before we left. Dax: Worf is only part of the reason I'm here. I think it is an honor to serve under General Martok. Leskit: You mean the one-eyed giant? Dax: I wouldn't let him hear you say that. Leskit: He won't. Unless Worf is not the only one you're sharing a bed this trip. Dax: On this trip, my bed is as empty as yours, Leskit. Except mine is empty by choice. Tavana: Now that is a sound I haven't heard on this ship for a long time. Kornan: It won't last. This ship is made for tears, not laughter. Dax: You're really not much fun at parties are you, Kornan? Kornan: Make your jokes. Hold off fate for another day if you can, but this ship and all the souls within its hull are cursed. Death and dishonor walk these corridors like members of the crew. Tavana: You talk too much, Kornan. Kornan: Tell me you don't believe it too. Leskit: We've cloaked. Worf: Alert status one. A Jem'Hadar patrol ship is directly ahead. Prepare for combat operations. Kornan: Now you will see. Either death or dishonor will visit us this day and there will be nothing that you or I or any of us can do about it. Martok: What are they doing here, this far from the Cardassian border? Dax: They're conducting active polaron scans of this sector. It's likely they're on some kind of reconnaissance mission. Martok: Can their scans penetrate our cloak? Dax: I'd say there's less than a three percent chance of detection. Martok: What's our weapons status? Kornan: Torpedo bays are loaded, warheads are armed. Disruptors are locked on target. Leskit: They've increased speed. They're beginning to pull away. Shall I match velocity? Martok: No. Take us back to our original course. Leskit: Forgive this unworthy officer's poor hearing, but what was your order? Martok: Take us back to our original course. Our priority is to find the B'Moth. Worf: Sir, we have them in our sights. They cannot escape Martok: No, Worf. Worf: But letting the ship go Martok: Do not question me! Is the course laid in? Leskit: Yes, Captain. I await your next command. Martok: Engage. Stand down from Alert Status. You have the bridge. Dax: Commander. Dax: That was a mistake. We shouldn't have let them go. Worf: Our orders are to find the B'Moth, not seek combat. It was a prudent decision. Dax: To hell with prudence. This isn't a Federation starship, this is a Klingon bird of prey. We could have had an easy victory, and in case you haven't noticed, this crew could use a victory. Worf: Enough. You may be my parMach'kai, but that does not give you the right Dax: I am an officer on this ship and I am trying to warn my superior that a dangerous situation is developing, and that he'd better do something about it. Worf: What do you mean, dangerous? Dax: Take a good look around you, Commander. Maybe it's just me, but I think we're in trouble. Martok: I brought you here to support me, not to undermine my authority! Worf: I am simply trying to point out that we had an opportunity to destroy an enemy ship with little risk to ourselves. Martok: Little risk. What if they had gotten off a distress call before we destroyed them? They could have given away our position, called in reinforcements. We would have spent the next three days avoiding Jem'Hadar ships instead of carrying out our mission! No, my friend, no. This was not the right time for battle. You question my judgment in this matter? Worf: No. Martok: Good. Without your support I cannot command this ship. Tell me that I have not made an mistake in making you my First Officer. Worf: You have my full support, General. Martok: I knew you would not fail me, Worf. And you can rest assured I will not fail you. Leskit: Two years I spent on the Cardassian border. Two years fighting Guls and Legates and Glinns. They were cunning enemies. Always had us chasing holo-projections and sensor ghosts. Everything was a game with them. Always had a plan within a plan within a plan leading into a trap. It was an honor to kill them. Ortakin: The Cardassians. Leskit: Ah, but you can respect a Cardassian because he fights for his people and he follows a code just like we do. But not the soldiers of the Dominion. Not the Jem'Hadar. No, they don't fight for anything. They fight because they're designed that way, because they're programd to fight. Ortakin: They have no honor. Leskit: You're right. That's why they're better than us. Dax: That's enough. You're on duty in an hour and you should Leskit: The Trill doesn't want you to know the truth, my young friend, but you deserve to know the Jem'Hadar are smarter, they're faster, and they're stronger than we are! Ortakin: How can you say these things? Dax: He's drunk, ignore him. Leskit: No! Listen! Listen and maybe learn something. The Jem'Hadar are the future! Dax: Shut up, Leskit! Leskit: You know why? Because they can break any of us. Just like they broke Martok. Dax: That's enough! Leskit: She doesn't want you to hear the truth. Martok fears them! That's why we didn't attack them! Martok fears them! Worf: Dax. Dax! What happened? Are you all right? Dax: I had to take Ortakin to surgery. Kornan almost killed him. Worf: Why? Dax: Because Leskit was drunk. Worf: I do not understand. Dax: No, you don't understand because you're too busy worrying about Martok while the crew is falling apart! Kornan needed to attack someone and he lost control. But this is only the beginning. This crew has lost half a dozen separate actions to the Jem'Hadar. The casualty list is as long as my arm. And now they're serving under a man who seems to have left behind more than just an eye in that prison camp. Worf: Do not speak of the Captain in that manner, not while I am First Officer. Dax: Look, I like Martok, but this crew needs a leader. Someone who'll remind them of their duty as soldiers of the Empire. And they need that leader right now, or I promise you they will explode. Worf: It will not come to that. I know Martok. He is a great man. He will not fail us, but we must give him time. Dax: Time may be the one thing we don't have, Worf. What happened in that mess hall could happen all over this ship. And if you think the blood looks bad on my uniform, wait until the decks are dripping with it. Dax: Commander, I'm picking up a Klingon distress call. It's very faint but I might be able to. It's the B'Moth. They were attacked by the Jem'Hadar and lost main power. Heavy casualties, at least thirty survivors. In need of assistance. Emergency power's failing. The message repeats. Worf: Location? Dax: The signal is coming from zero five five mark three four two. Distance at least seven light years. Worf: Helm, alter course to zero five five mark three four two. Leskit: Understood. Worf: I will inform the General. Engineer, you have the bridge. Tavana: I want to thank you for what you did in the mess hall. Dax: Is Ortakin your parMach'kai? Tavana: Things are coming to a head on this ship. When the fighting breaks out, stay with me. I'll protect you. Dax: I was still hoping there wasn't going to be any fighting. Tavana: Station! Station! Martok: Something is wrong here, Worf. I can feel it. If the B'Moth was attacked by the Jem'Hadar, why would there be survivors? Worf: Since we do not know any details of the battles it is difficult to speculate. Martok: We both know the Jem'Hadar do not leave a task half-finished. If they left the ship intact and part of the crew alive, they did it for a reason. Worf: There could be many explanations. The B'Moth could have inflicted heavy damage on the Jem'Hadar vessels, forcing them to withdraw. The Jem'Hadar ships could have been recalled during Martok: How is it I have only one eye, but I can see more clearly than anyone around me? They deliberately left survivors on that ship. Why? Because they want someone to try to rescue them. Oh, do not take this personally, my friend. I spent two years with the Jem'Hadar. I do not expect you to have the same insight into them that I do. They're soulless creatures, Worf, fighting for no goal, no purpose except to serve the Founders. They take no pleasure in what they do. Nothing is glorified, nothing affirmed. To the Jem'Hadar, we are nothing more than targets to be destroyed. I must not allow them to destroy us, Worf. I must not Worf: With all due respect, General, we do not know the tactical situation of the B'Moth yet. We should guard against making any premature judgments. Martok: Of course. Dismissed. Worf: Rotarran combat log. The fifty third day in the year of Kahless nine ninety nine. We have reached the Cardassian border and begun our search for the B'Moth. Martok: Helm, keep us at least five million kellicams from the border. Leskit: Understood. Dax: I think I've got something. It's hard to make out through all the interference, but the thermal signature looks like a ship. It's bearing direct to starboard at an elevation of twenty five degrees. It's coming into visual range. Worf: On screen. Tavana: The B'Moth. Dax: Confirmed. Worf: Helm, lay in a course to bring us alongside. Tavana: Bridge to Medical Ward, prepare to receive casualties. Worf: Assemble an armed boarding party in transporter room one. Make a complete search of all the habitable areas Martok: Hold! Commander Dax, what side of the border are they on? Dax: They're five hundred thousand kellicams inside Cardassian territory, sir. They must have drifted across a couple of days ago. Martok: There are probably five Jem'Hadar warships out there right now just waiting for us to cross the border. Worf: General, if they are nearby, they do not care what side of the border we are on. They will simply attack. Martok: I have explicit orders from the High Council not to enter Cardassian territory. Worf: I am certain the Council will not object under these circumstances. There are survivors still aboard the B'Moth. Martok: We do not know that. All that we know is there is an automated distress call. They could all be dead by now. Worf: And if they are not? Martok: Then there is nothing we can do for them. Tavana: General, you don't intend to just leave them there? Martok: I will not throw away the lives of this crew in a futile rescue attempt. Worf: They are Klingon warriors, we just cannot Martok: I have made my decision! We will not cross the border! From this moment, anyone who questions that, anyone, will be charged with treasonable disobedience. Worf, you have the Bridge. Worf: Stations! Stations! Dax: We can't just leave those men out there to die. Worf: No. Dax: So what are you going to do? Worf: The only thing I can do. Challenge Martok for command of this ship. Dax: I agree. But you realize he may not step aside willingly. Worf: I know. But if the General will not step aside I will have to kill him. Kornan: Martok must die. Worf: That is not your decision. Leskit: He is a coward. While he commands, he dishonors us all. Worf: I shed no tears for your dishonor, Leskit. Leskit: Today would be a bad day to die, son of Mogh. Take your Trill and go. Worf: Unlikely. Leskit: I was hoping you would say something like that. Worf: Alert status one. All hands to battle stations. We are going to rescue the B'Moth survivors. Martok: Who gave the order to? What's going on here? Worf: As First Officer, I say that you are unfit to serve as Captain. Martok: You what? Worf: You are a coward and I challenge you for command of this ship. Martok: I never would have expected this from you, Worf. Crew: Martok! Martok! Martok! Martok! Martok! Tavana: Tactical alert! Tactical alert! There is a Jem'Hadar warship bearing one eight zero mark two one five. They will be within weapons range in nine minutes. Martok: The Jem'Hadar will soon learn to regret this day. Who is with me? Dax: Sometimes I think I know why I love you. Let's go to the Medical Ward. Kornan: Shields and weapons ready. Worf: Wait. Leskit: Intercept course laid in. TAVANA + All: Qoy qeylIs puqloD. Qoy puqbe'pu'. yoHbogh matlhbogh je SuvwI' Say'moHchu' may' 'Iw. maSuv manong 'ej maHoHchu'. Martok: Mahk-Cha! All: nI'be' yInmaj 'ach wovqu'. batlh maHeghbej 'ej yo' qIjDaq vavpu'ma' DImuv. pa' reH maSuvtaHqu'. mamevQo'. maSuvtaH. ma'ov. Dax: Now, we go below. All: Qoy qeylIs puqloD. Qoy puqbe'pu'. yoHbogh matlhbogh je SuvwI' Say'moHchu' may' 'Iw. maSuv manong 'ej maHoHchu'. nI'be' yInmaj 'ach wovqu'. batlh maHeghbej 'ej yo' qIjDaq vavpu'ma' DImuv. pa' reH maSuvtaHqu'. mamevQo'. maSuvtaH. ma'ov. O'Brien: How's the Intelligence business? Bashir: Oh, I can't talk about it. All I can do is read these fascinating reports and analyzes, and analyzes of analyzes, and then keep it all to myself. Because no one else has a need to know. So I have to walk around this station feeling like I, er. You don't really care, do you? O'Brien: No. A vessel's decloaking fifteen kilometers off the station. It's the Rotarran. Kira: Martok's ship. O'Brien: Yes, sir. And there's an incoming transmission. Kira: On screen. Martok: Major, we've rescued thirty five survivors of a disabled Klingon battle cruiser. Request permission to beam them directly to your Infirmary. Kira: Permission granted, General. You're also cleared to dock at bay four. Martok: We'll need an engineering team to repair our battle damage. And one other thing. Arrange to have fifteen barrels of bloodwine waiting for us in the airlock so we can celebrate the first victory of the Rotarran over the Jem'Hadar! Martok: Worf. Worf: General. Martok: The High Council has issued a commendation for the entire crew of the Rotarran. It would seem that you were right. They view the destruction of a Jem'Hadar ship and the rescue of thirty five warriors as ample justification for crossing the Cardassian border. Your actions on the Rotarran, at the time I thought they were disloyal, but I have come to realize that your intention was to remind me of my duty as a soldier of the Empire and as a warrior. For that I am grateful. Worf: You did the same for me once. Martok: Worf. On the bridge during the fight, when you dropped your guard. How did you know I would not kill you? Worf: I did not know. Martok: I see you're still wearing the crest of the House of Mogh. Worf: Yes. Jadzia calls it a sentimental gesture. Martok: Ah. Perhaps you would consider replacing sentiment with the symbol of a new beginning. Martok: The House of Martok would be honored to welcome the Son of Mogh into our family as a warrior and a brother. WORF + Martok: Q'apla!

Scene: Captain's log, stardate 50814.2. The Defiant is returning to Deep Space Nine after a weeklong reconnaissance mission in the Gamma Quadrant. Dax: I can't wait to get home and sleep in my own bed. The bunks on this ship are so uncomfortable. Kira: You know what I could use? A weekend at the Golian Spa. Dax: Maybe you and Shakaar can slip away when we get back. Kira: We're not seeing each other anymore. Odo: When did this happen? Kira: Last week. Dax: No wonder you've been so down lately. Kira: I miss him. But last time we were on Bajor, we went to the Kenda Shrine and we asked the Prophets if we were meant to walk the same path. Dax: And? Kira: We're not. Dax: You make it sound so cut and dry. Kira: The way I see it, people are either meant to be together or they're not. Dax: I guess I'd rather believe that any relationship can work as long as both people really want it to. Odo: I'm not sure I have an opinion on the subject. Excuse me. I need to regenerate. Kira: Is he all right? Dax: You know Odo. This sort of talk makes him uncomfortable. Sisko: No, thanks. I'm trying to cut down. O'Brien: I'm making Molly a dollhouse for her birthday. Thank you. The house itself was easy, but the furniture? Even with a microlathe, I'm not sure I'm going to get it all finished in time. Kira: I guess her dolls are going to have to rough it for a while. Dax: Interesting. I'm getting some unusual readings from a nearby solar system. Worf: What kind of readings? Dax: There's some sort of energy barrier surrounding the fourth planet. Kira: It's hard to tell from the interference, but there could be lifeforms on the surface. Dax: If there are, I'd be interested to see how they've adapted to the quantum fluctuations in the barrier. O'Brien: Can't we check it out the next time we come this way? Dax: It'll be too late. At the rate the interference is intensifying, in few weeks we won't even be able to send a probe through it. Sisko: Dax. Dax: I know everyone wants to go home, but if we're going to take a look at this planet, it'll be our only chance. Sisko: Are you sure it's safe to pass through the interference? Dax: A few shield modifications and it should be smooth sailing. Sisko: All right, we'll make a quick survey. But if all we detect is some fungus, we're not beaming down. Dax: What if it's smart fungus? Kira: We're approaching the barrier. Sisko: All right, old man, take us in. Dax: Adjusting shield harmonics to compensate. O'Brien: Quantum fluctuations are intensifying. Dax: We're through. Sisko: Are you all right? Kira: I think so. Sisko: Doctor Bashir to the Bridge. Kira: Oh, no, I'm fine. O'Brien: The inertial dampers are offline, and the gyromagnetic stabilizers are depolarized. We're going to be here for a few days. Sisko: Smooth sailing. Worf: Sir, we are being hailed from the surface. There are several scattered settlements across the southern peninsula. I am reading approximately eight thousand inhabitants. They appear to be human. Sisko: On screen. Miranda: Welcome to Gaia, Captain Sisko. Sisko: You know my name. Miranda: We've been expecting you. Yedrin: It's a long story, Benjamin. Why don't you come down and we'll talk about it over some raktajino. Oh, I forgot. You're trying to cut down. Miranda: Miranda O'Brien. Yedrin: Yedrin. Yedrin Dax. Dax: What a coincidence. Sisko: Would one of you mind telling us what's going on? Miranda: This settlement was founded by the crew of a Starfleet vessel that crashed on this planet two centuries ago. I realize this is going to be hard for you to accept but that ship was the Defiant. Two days from now, when you leave here and try to pass through the energy barrier, you'll be thrown back in time two hundred years. You'll be stranded here and become the founders of this settlement. We are your descendents. Yedrin: Go ahead, Jadzia, scan me. You'll find the Dax symbiont right here. Dax: It's true. Yedrin: The symbiont has been passed down to Jadzia's descendents for three generations. I remember all of you like it was yesterday. If you scan Miranda, you'll find that her DNA is substantially similar to that of the Chief's. Dax: She's an O'Brien, all right. Miranda: And a Tannenbaum, too. O'Brien: You mean Ensign Tannenbaum? From Engineering? Yedrin: You and Rita were married ten years after the Defiant crashed. You were trapped here, Miles, two hundred years in the past. There was no going home. There was no chance of ever seeing your family again. You were the last to give up hope, but eventually you had to make a new life for yourself here. I know that face, Benjamin. You're still not convinced that we're telling you the truth. All right. If you want, I could tell you something that only Curzon would know. Do you remember that dancer that you met on Pelios station? The one who Sisko: The one? That'll do. Thank you. Gabriel: Are you the son of Mogh? Worf: I am. Gabriel: Is it true you can kill someone just by looking at them? Worf: Only when I am angry. Miranda: Why don't we go inside? You can meet some of the others later. We still have a lot to talk about. Quark: Ready for the next problem? Say you have twenty seven tessipates of land you want to plant with nice juicy yelg melons. Miranda: This is our meeting hall, which as you can see, we sometimes use as a schoolroom. Quark: If each melon needs one square kerripate to grow in, what is the total number of melons you can plant? Let me know as soon as you have an answer. Yedrin: Jadzia designed it as an educational program. She took Quark's image from the security logs of the Defiant. I've always thought that Quark would make a great math teacher. He's so good with numbers. Dax: I like your spots. Lisa: Most people don't have them because our ancestors were mostly human. My mom says they make me special. Molly: It's just genetics, Lisa. Like Torvin's ridges. Lisa: You're just jealous, Molly. O'Brien: Molly? Yedrin: Oh yes. You'll find a lot of them here. The name has been passed down through the O'Brien line. Miranda: Molly, this is your grandfather's great great great grandfather. Molly: Hello. O'Brien: Hi. How much were we, were you able to salvage from the Defiant? Yedrin: A portable generator, a replicator, a few phasers, tricorders. Things of that sort. Worf: Did anybody ever try to send out a distress signal? Yedrin: To who? It was two hundred years ago. The wormhole hadn't even been diskovered yet. There was no way back to the Alpha Quadrant. Lisa: Our ancestors decided to make this their new home. Molly: And they needed a shelter quickly before the winter came. Lisa: This is it. This is the oldest building there is. At first, everyone had to sleep here. All forty eight of them. Sisko: Forty eight? Yedrin: Um. Kira died a few weeks after the crash. The energy diskharge that struck her on the Bridge damaged her neural pathways. The Defiant didn't have the medical equipment that Julian needed to treat her. Lisa: You want to see where she was buried? Dax: Maybe later. Miranda: Girls, why don't you run along and help your parents? It's almost time for planting and there's a lot of work to be done. Lisa: Bye. Molly: Bye. Sisko: Obviously we need to get Kira back to the station for treatment as soon as we can repair the Defiant. Yedrin: Of course. Sisko: I don't quite know how to say this, but now that we know about the accident that sent the ship back in time, we should be able to avoid it. Worf: But if we do that, your timeline will collapse and everything here will cease to exist. Yedrin: Not necessarily. I have a plan, and the key is what happened to Kira on the Bridge. This energy diskharge caused a subspace doubling effect. For an instant, every molecule in her body had a corresponding quantum duplicate. There were literally two Kiras. Sisko: Go on. Yedrin: If we make certain modifications to the Defiant's systems, we should be able to amplify this doubling effect and create a quantum duplicate of the entire ship. When you encounter the temporal anomaly, the duplicate will be thrown back into the past, and the original, you, will pass through the barrier unaffected. O'Brien: So you're saying we go home, and your timeline is preserved. Yedrin: Exactly. Sisko: What do you think? Dax: It might work. Yedrin: According to the logs I retrieved from the wreckage, the Defiant encountered the anomaly thirty nine hours after it arrived in orbit. Worf: If your plan is to work, we must do the same. Yedrin: There are almost eight thousand people living on this planet. This is the only chance they have. Sisko: Dax, I want a full evaluation as soon as possible. If the plan is sound, start making the modifications immediately. Yedrin: Thank you, Benjamin. Sisko: Anything for you, old man. Bashir: Apparently the planet is crawling with Bashirs. Kira: Maybe I'll stay up here. How's Odo? Bashir: He's resting comfortably. He can't hold his shape because of the quantum fluctuations inside the barrier. Bashir: Sweet dreams, Odo. But he'll be as right as rain as soon as we leave orbit. You, on the other hand, are going to have to undergo a complete neural pathway induction as soon as we get back to the station. Kira: If you say so. I feel fine. Bashir: That's because your neural tissue hasn't begun to deteriorate yet. But rest assured, you'll be on my operating table eventually. Kira: Hey. Where are you off to? Bashir: I have to get down there, meet some of those Bashirs. Odo: Hello, Nerys. Kira: Odo? Odo: I came up from the surface as soon as I heard you were here. Kira: How are you holding your shape? I thought Odo: I learned to counter the barrier's effects a long time ago. It's good to see you. Kira: You look different. Odo: I've gotten better at shape-shifting over the years. You're as beautiful as I remember. You can't know how I've longed to hear your voice, see your smile. Kira: Odo, what's gotten into you? Odo: There's something I want you to know. Something I've wanted to tell you for two hundred years. I love you, Nerys. I've always loved you. Kira: What do you mean, you love me? Odo: Is it so hard to believe? Kira: I never knew you felt that way about me. Odo: I did everything I could to make sure you wouldn't find out. Kira: It worked. Why didn't you ever say anything? Odo: I didn't think you could possibly care for me the way I care for you. I suppose I was afraid of ruining what we had. Our friendship meant everything to me. It still does. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Kira: It's not that. I was just thinking about all the times I came to you for advice about Shakaar and Bareil. It must have been very hard for you to listen to me go on about another man. Odo: No, I can't say I enjoyed it, but I wanted to be a good friend to you. Kira: You were. Odo: Nerys, I didn't come here expecting you to throw yourself in my arms. But you're leaving here in two days. I'm never going to see you again. All I'm asking is that you spend some time with me. Gaia is a very beautiful place. I'd love to show it to you. Kira: I'd like that. Miranda: He has your eyes. Sisko: You think so? You think so? Dax: Dax to Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Dax: Good news, Benjamin. Dax: I've gone over the sensor logs from the crash. It looks like Yedrin's plan to create a duplicate Defiant is going to work. Sisko: Did you hear that? Yes. Everything's going to be all right. Yedrin: Sounds like you have your hands full down there, Benjamin. Sisko: Oh, yes, you could say that. Dax: We'll keep you posted. Bashir: Thirsty? Worf: The captain asked me to make a survey of the settlement's infrastructure so we can leave behind the appropriate supplies. Bashir: I've just been doing the same thing at the clinic. I met one of my descendents there. My great great great great granddaughter, the doctor. She made quite a fuss over me. Apparently my healing touch is something of a legend around here. Gabriel: They're here! They're here! Worf: Who? Gabriel: The Klingons! Brota: Q'apla. Worf: Q'apla. Brota: We are the Sons of Mogh. Worf: You are my descendents. Brota: Some by blood, some by choice. Our hearts are Klingon. We live as warriors, just as you taught our ancestors long ago. Gabriel: I'm going to be one of them someday. I'll ride a wild torga and go hunting, and only come to the settlement to trade furs for the things I need. Parell: When you're older, you'll have the chance to prove yourself. If you are worthy, you can take a Klingon name and live among us. Brota: The Sons of Mogh are gathering to celebrate your return. It would honor us greatly if you would feast with us tonight. Worf: I look forward to it. Brota: We'll come for you at nightfall. Bashir: Well, it would appear I'm not the only legend around here. Dax: Once the emitter array is recalibrated, we can start synchronizing the shield generators. Yedrin: Oh, good. We're ahead of schedule. Dax: What? Tell me. Yedrin: You just reminded me of something. The summer after the crash, it was so hot Jadzia cut her hair short. Worf hated it. I remember promising to grow it back in time for the wedding. Dax: We got married? Yedrin: The next fall. Benjamin performed the ceremony. I'll never forget Worf's voice as he said the vows. It was shaking. Dax: Were we happy together? Yedrin: He's a good man, Jadzia. Dax: I know. It's just, sometimes, he's so hard to get along with. Yedrin: Don't worry. You'll learn to handle him. Bashir: Did I mention she was a doctor? O'Brien: Twice. Bashir: She showed me pictures of the family going all the way back to me. You know who I ended up with after the crash? Angie Kirby. O'Brien: Who's that? Bashir: Yes, that's what I said. Apparently she transferred aboard last week, but she's gorgeous. O'Brien: Congratulations. Bashir: I think I'm going to ask her out when we get back. We obviously got along well here. So, you and Rita Tannenbaum. O'Brien: I don't want to hear about it, Julian. I have a wife and kids back home. Bashir: Sorry. I didn't mean anything. You know, I'm going to let you get back on with your work. Kira: Praying over your own grave. That's got to be a new one. Odo: If the Prophets were listening, they're probably very confused. Kira: Well, I wouldn't blame them. I've got to tell you that this whole quantum duplicate two Defiants thing has me feeling a little strange. Odo: Why? Thanks to Yedrin's plan our timeline is being preserved. You're going back to the station for the treatment you need. Kira: I know. It's just that I've always believed that we're all given one destiny, one path, and now we're using technology to get around that. I'm not sure how it makes me feel. Odo: I know exactly how it makes me feel. You can't know how much it means to me to know you're going home, Nerys. It won't change anything for me. I lost you two hundred years ago. But for the other Odo, up on the ship, it changes everything. He doesn't have to lose you. And somehow, knowing that makes me feel better. Does that make any sense? Kira: You've changed so much, Odo. I don't just mean the way you look. You used to be so closed off. Odo: I have changed. And the Odo you know will change too, if you're patient with him. Kira: Why don't we head back? Sisko: Nice catch. Dax. Dax: We need to talk. I was going over the sensor logs from the crash and I came across something odd. The quantum fluctuations in the barrier factored out to zero. The chances of that must be a billion to one. Sisko: What are you getting at? Dax: That Yedrin faked the logs. Sisko: Why would he do that? Dax: So we'd think his plan was going to work. It's not. There was never going to be a duplicate Defiant. Just one. And Yedrin wanted to make sure it went back in time. Sisko: So that history would repeat itself. Dax: If I hadn't realized what he had done, we would have ended up stranded here and Kira would have died. Dax: You betrayed us. You betrayed me! You call yourself Yedrin Dax, but I don't recognize you. Yedrin: Now that you know, what are you going to do about it? Sisko: What do you think? Yedrin: Damn it, Ben. If you don't take the Defiant back in time, the eight thousand people on this planet will cease to exist. Sisko: You think I don't care? Oh, come on, you know me better than that. What am I supposed to do, recreate the accident and deliberately maroon my crew? Yedrin: It's what would have happened. Who's to say it's not what's supposed to happen? Sisko: I'm not going to stand here and argue philosophy with you. I have a duty to protect my people. Yedrin: Look around you, Benjamin. Think of the things that you've seen since you got here. This is what your crew and their descendents will build if you let history play itself out. I'm not saying that it won't be hard at first, but they will have good lives here. Happy lives. Dax: What about Kira? If we don't get her back to the station, she'll die. Yedrin: Is one life too much to ask if it saves eight thousand? Sisko: Who are you to decide who lives or dies? Who are you to make that call? Yedrin: I have to make that call because I'm responsible for what happened here! Jadzia knows what I'm talking about. She's the one who insisted that the Defiant investigate this planet. You know as well as I do that you should have been more careful. You should have seen that the barrier was unstable when you scanned it. Dax: But I didn't. I was so bent on making some great diskovery that I missed it. Yedrin: And because of you, because of me, Kira died and forty eight people were stranded here. You don't know what it was like to live with that. For years, Benjamin, every time I looked at you all I could think of was Jake and how because of me, he would never see his father again. Eventually I had to accept the fact there was nothing I could do to change things. I couldn't bring Kira back. All I could do was look to the future, Benjamin, and make sure that we survived here no matter what. This community is my responsibility. For two centuries, I have watched it grow into something to be proud of. For generations these people have worked to make a life for themselves here. They deserve a chance to hang on to it. Sisko: I'm not denying that. I wish there was a way we could help you, but my people have the right to go home to their families. And I will not ask Kira to sacrifice her life for eight thousand people, for eight million. No one has the right to ask that. I'm sorry, old man, but there is nothing I can do. Kira: Look at them. They have no idea what's going to happen. Worf: It is for the best. They are children. They would not understand. Kira: I'm not sure I understand. Eight thousand people, Worf. They have to die because I have to go back to the station to be treated for some condition I can't even tell I have. Worf: That is not the only reason we are going back. Do not blame yourself, Major. Kira: I'm going up to the ship. Miranda: It would've been a good crop this year. Spring came so early. Gabriel: Miranda, is something wrong? Everyone's so quiet. Miranda: It's nothing you need to worry about. Parell: We came to tell you. There will be no feast tonight. Worf: I understand. This is not a time for celebration. Brota: Tomorrow we will see the sun rise again, but no one here will see it set. Worf: Join me. There is something I wish to say. It is a great honor to know that my legacy has thrived on your world for so long. I can see the Klingon heart beats strong here. Brota: You honor us with your words. We have tried to live as you taught us to. Parell: We've never plowed fields or milked chattel. We've lived as warriors, hunters. Brota: Last year, I slew a yarbear three meters tall. Your mek'leth was my only weapon. The beast maimed me, and for a time it seemed I would die from my wounds. Now I wish I had. It would have been a warrior's death. Parell: He could have taken his place among the honored dead in Sto'Vo'Kor. Worf: Perhaps he will yet. Brota: No. Ceasing to exist because my parents were never born? That is not a death worthy of Sto'Vo'Kor. Kill me, Worf. I have no enemies to fight, no glory to be won. Give me an honorable death. Parell: Don't make us wait for the end like farm animals waiting for slaughter. Worf: I will come to you tomorrow and do what you ask. Odo: Why did you want to come back here? Kira: I had to see it again so I could be sure. Odo: Sure about what? Kira: That this is where I belong. The path the Prophets laid out for me ends here. Odo: But not this time, Nerys. The Captain's taking you back to DS Nine. Kira: I can't let him do that. Not if it's going to cost eight thousand lives. No, we have to let history take its course, even if it means I have to die here. O'Brien: What? Have you lost your mind? Bashir: Kira, if we don't go back to the station you'll die within a few weeks. There's nothing I can do for you here. Kira: I know that, Julian. I've accepted it. We've got to take the Defiant back in time, otherwise we're cheating fate. O'Brien: Yeah, well, I wouldn't mind cheating fate all the way home to the station. Dax: Neither would I. But if we go home, eight thousand people are going to cease to exist. O'Brien: I don't know those people. But I have a wife and kids back home who need me. Kira: Your family will be fine, Miles. The Prophets will take care of them. O'Brien: No offense, but I don't believe in your Prophets. Worf: All Major Kira is saying is our families will survive no matter what we do. The colonists will not. If she is willing to sacrifice her life to save them, I am willing to remain here. O'Brien: That's easy for you to say. You hardly see your son. Worf: And you are afraid to face your destiny. O'Brien: We can sit here arguing destiny until we're blue in the face, but the bottom line is, nobody has the right to tell me I can't go home to my family. Sisko: I want to go home as much as you do, Chief. I'm just listening to what everyone has to say. O'Brien: So we're not actually considering this? Sisko: No, we're not. Kira: Captain. Sisko: Major, you've made your position clear. All right, people. Dismissed. Worf: By sunset this will all be gone. Dax: Taking a last look around? Sisko: Whoa. Gabriel, where are you going in such a hurry? Gabriel: To the fields. It's time for planting. Miranda: Come on, Gabriel, there isn't much time. Put some of this on your face. The sun's strong today. Yedrin: Planting day has always been important here. It brings everyone together. Somehow it feels right to see it through. Miranda: Here's one for you. Molly, take that from the bottom. Molly: Thank you. Bashir: Thank you. O'Brien: The status report you asked for, sir. The repairs are finished. The Defiant's ready to leave orbit. Molly: Aren't you going to help? O'Brien: I'm busy. Molly: You don't look busy. Sisko: She's an O'Brien, all right. Better get to it, Chief. Brota: You said there was an enemy for us to fight. Worf: They are attempting to plant their fields before the sun sets. Time is their enemy. We should help them defeat it. Brota: Bring the others. O'Brien: Ah, great. You know, I have a little girl named Molly, too. Molly: Really? Can I meet her? O'Brien: We'll see. Molly: By summer, this plant will be taller than you. After the harvested, I'll help my mother make gelm bread with it. Woman: Molly? Sisko: Is something wrong? O'Brien: We can't do it. Sisko: What? O'Brien: We can't let these people die. Yedrin: The navigational logs from the original crash. Download them into the ship's autopilot and it'll match the original trajectory. That should send the Defiant back to the right point in time. Miranda: I don't know how to thank you for what you're doing. Dax: We'd better go, Benjamin. There isn't much time. Odo: You can't do this. Kira: Please don't make it any harder than it already is. Odo: You have to go home, Nerys. You have to. Kira: This isn't about me. This is about the eight thousand people down on that planet, and their children and grandchildren. Odo: What about the children who'll never be born because the Defiant doesn't return to DS Nine? Kira: They don't exist yet. These people do. Odo: Nerys, just tell me one thing. If you'd known how I felt about you, if I'd said something years ago, do you think things might have been different? Kira: Maybe. Sisko: Has everyone had a chance to record a message to their families? O'Brien: I've downloaded the recordings into a class four probe. It'll start transmitting a location signal as soon as it clears the barrier. Sisko: Launch the probe, Chief. Kira: It's time. Sisko: Transfer helm control to autopilot. Dax: Autopilot engaged. Sisko: Raise shields. Dax: Aye, sir. Worf: We are breaking orbit. Dax: Coming around to four two mark seven. O'Brien: I'm picking up an unusual temporal signature. Kira: It's the anomaly. We're headed straight for it. Dax: Ten seconds to impact. Eight, seven, six, five, four Kira: We're veering away from the anomaly! Sisko: Try to override the autopilot. Dax: I can't. O'Brien: We're clearing the barrier. Sisko: What happened? O'Brien: Someone changed our flight plan. It wasn't me. Sisko: Scan the surface. Kira: No sign of the settlement or the inhabitants. Everything's gone. Sisko: Whoever changed our flight plan knew their way around the computer system. They bypassed our security protocols without leaving a trace. Dax: It must have been someone from the crew. Sisko: Or someone who used to be. Dax: Yedrin? But all he cared about was the settlement. What could have changed his mind? Sisko: Seeing us again. Perhaps he decided he couldn't let us go through with it. Dax: Everyone we met, they never existed. Sisko: They existed. As long as we remember them, they always will. Kira: Come in. Odo. Odo: There's something you should know. The other Odo, the one from the planet, came to Sickbay before he left the ship. Kira: Oh? Odo: He linked with me. Now I know everything that happened. Kira: The other day, when I told you about Shakaar and me not seeing each other anymore, you seemed so uncomfortable. Odo: I'd come to accept the fact that you were involved with someone else, then suddenly everything changed. Kira: I don't know what to say. I'm still trying to sort everything out. Odo: So am I. I think we both need time. There's something else the other Odo wanted you to know. He was responsible for changing the Defiant's flight plan. Kira: Why? Odo: So that you wouldn't have to die. Kira: I can't believe it. Eight thousand people! Odo: He did it for you, Nerys. He loved you. Kira: That makes it right? Odo: I don't know. He thought so. I'll see you in the morning.

Nog: Squid. My favorite human food. Mmm. Delicious, sir. Jake: Terrific as always, Dad. Sisko: I'm glad you like it. Nog: Sir, if I may say so, this sauce tastes very familiar. Sisko: Well it should. It's puree of tube grubs. Jake: Tube grubs? Sisko: I figured if Nog is willing to eat squid, it's only fair that we try tube grubs. Besides, you said it was terrific. Jake: That was before I knew what it was. Sisko: Eat. You need more meat on your bones. So, tell me, Nog. How do you like working security? Nog: It's very interesting, sir. Jake: That's not what you told me. Nog: Jake. Sisko: Something wrong? Nog: No, sir. Everything's quite satisfactory. Thank you, sir. Jake: Could've fooled me. Sisko: Cadet, if there's a problem, I want to hear about it. Nog: Well, sir, it's the Klingons, sir. Sisko: What about them? Nog: It's their attitude, sir. It's bad. Sisko: Bad? Nog: They're loud, obnoxious, and if I may say so, sir, generally intoxicated. They walk around the station like they own the place, and whenever a station security officer tries to talk to them, say to ask them to keep the noise level down on the Promenade, they ignore him. Jake: You mean they ignore you. Nog: They never look me in the eye when I try to talk to them, sir. They just stare over my head and pretend I'm not even there. I hate it when they do that. Sisko: I can see how that might be annoying. Jake: Not as annoying as listening to him complain about it all the time. Sisko: Here is what I suggest, Cadet. The next time the Klingons refuse to acknowledge your presence, do what a Klingon would do. Confront them about it. If you stand up to them, you'll earn their respect. Jake: Or get your butt kicked. One or the other. Sisko: Either way, they'll never ignore you again. Sisko: Enter. Martok: Captain, I need to speak to you. Alone. Nog: That does it. Sisko: Not now, Nog. Nog: But sir. Jake: Come on, Nog, let's go. Martok: Captain, my crew and I were patrolling the Cardassian border. We intercepted a very disturbing message. Sisko: This is a Maquis code. Martok: I was as surprised as you. I thought the Maquis were wiped out by Cardassia and their new Dominion allies, but it would appear I was mistaken. Sisko: Were you able to decode it? Rebecca: Michael, I hope you get this message. We've launched the missiles. They should reach Cardassia in thirteen days. It may not bring back our dead, but at least they'll have a lot of company. Sisko: Did you detect any missiles? Martok: No. But that proves nothing. A few months ago, the Klingon High Council decided to aid the Maquis in their fight against Cardassia. We provided them with thirty class four cloaking devices. It was our understanding they would use them on their ships. Sisko: But they could have been mounted on the missiles instead. Martok: You see the problem. Sisko: The Maquis had access to tricobalt explosives, biogenic weapons, antimatter warheads. Martok: The death toll could be in the millions. Sisko: I knew the Maquis were desperate, but I didn't believe that they would resort to something like this. Martok: A saber bear is most deadly when it is trapped with no hope of escape. Sisko: Cardassia is under Dominion protection. If millions of their citizens are killed by human terrorists, they'll demand revenge. Martok: And their Dominion allies will see that they get it. They'll launch a counterstrike against the Federation, the Klingon Empire, and the entire Alpha Quadrant. Sisko: And start a war that could destroy us all. Sisko: Report. Dax: Do the words needle in a haystack mean anything to you? Worf: We spent over fifty hours searching the Badlands for signs of the Maquis missiles, without success. Dax: We would have stayed longer, but we had a hard time avoiding the Jem'Hadar patrols. O'Brien: Let me guess. They homed in on your plasma wake. Dax: Even though we were cloaked, they were still able to track us. O'Brien: The Defiant's warp engines are too powerful. They ionize the nebular gasses in the Badlands. Dax: It's like a Ligorian mastodon moving through the forest. You may not be able to see it, but it definitely makes the leaves rustle. Sisko: I need answers, people. If those missiles do exist, they're only eleven days from their target. I want to know where they are and how to stop them. Worf: We need more information, a way to narrow our search. Sisko: I think I know someone who can help. Sisko: Eddington, wake up. Eddington: I'm dreaming, right? This is a nightmare. Sisko: This is a nightmare, all right, but you are wide awake. Eddington: I was wondering when you'd show up. I expected to see you here weeks ago. Sisko: I've been busy. Eddington: But now you're here. So enjoy yourself. Savor the moment. I know you've been wanting to gloat over my defeat for a long time. Sisko: I'm not here to gloat. Eddington: You deserve to. You won. I betrayed Starfleet by joining the Maquis. You swore you'd track me down and you did. You got your revenge. Sisko: Actually, that's what I'm here to talk to you about. Revenge. Eddington: One of my favorite topics. Sisko: I believe that was intended for you. Rebecca: Michael, I hope you get this message. We've launched the missiles. They should reach Carda Sisko: Don't you want to hear the rest of it? Eddington: Why should I? It has nothing to do with me. Michael is a very common name. Sisko: True. But somehow I think you're the right one. Eddington: Guess again. Sisko: If those missiles hit Cardassia, it could start a war. Billions of people will be killed. Eddington: If you expect me to shed a tear, you're going to be disappointed. I used up all my tears when the Dominion slaughtered the Maquis. I sat here in this cell for three days and listened to the reports as they came in. In those three days, everyone and everything I cared about was wiped out. Sisko: I heard the same reports. It was a tragedy. Eddington: Your generosity of spirit touches me. But you don't give a damn about what happened to us, and I don't give a damn about what happens to you. Sisko: You may have taken off the uniform, but you're still a Starfleet officer. And you don't want a war between the Federation and the Dominion any more than I do. Eddington: What you want and what I want doesn't really matter. There's nothing you can do to stop those missiles from hitting their targets. They're cloaked, highly maneuverable, programd to change course at random. You'll never find them. Sisko: Maybe we can't locate the missiles, but that doesn't mean we can't stop them. You must have programd in an abort code, some way to deactivate the missiles by remote. Eddington: Even if there was such a thing, you'd have to transmit it from the launch site. And I don't think you're going to find that either. No code, no launch site. I'm afraid you're out of luck, Captain. Looks like everyone's out of luck. Sisko: That's it? You're just going to lie there and do nothing. Eddington: That's what you do when you're in prison. Nothing. Just sit back and wait for the next counseling session, the next psychological evaluation, the next rehabilitation seminar. Sisko: What if I could get you out of here? Arrange a pardon in exchange for your helping me? Eddington: You like this, don't you, Ben? You like deciding the fate of others. It makes you feel important. Sisko: It's not about me. Do you want your freedom or not? Eddington: Freedom, huh? Tell me. If they did release me, where would I go? What would I do? Sisko: Anything you want. Eddington: What about bringing the Maquis back from the dead? Can I do that? Can you? Can anyone? No, I didn't think so. In that case, I'll tell you what I want. I want to lie here until the Jem'Hadar blow this place to pieces and me along with it. Quark: Careful, that hurts. Bashir: I haven't done anything yet. Quark: Well, what are you waiting for? I told you it hurts. Odo: You'll survive. Quark: Did you catch him? Odo: We caught him. Or rather I should say Major Kira caught him. Kira: I didn't really do anything. I was in the Bajoran shrine, meditating, and he burst in stark naked, and fell to his knees crying out to the Prophets for protection. Bashir: Morn, of all people. Who would have thought he'd just snap like that? Odo: Certainly not me. Which makes me wonder what could've pushed him over the edge? Quark: Why are you looking at me? I'm the victim here. He hit me with a barstool. Kira: Why did he hit you? Quark: I don't have the faintest idea. Kira: Think harder. Odo: Witnesses say you were talking to him right up to the second he went berserk. Quark: Of course I was talking to him. That's what bartenders are supposed to do, talk to their customers. Kira: What exactly was it that you were talking to him about? Quark: All I said was that the military personnel on this station were starting to look a little nervous. When they get nervous, I get nervous. Odo: And that's all you said? Quark: Basically. I might've done a little harmless theorizing. Bashir: About what? Quark: Oh, something like it was only a matter of time before the Dominion launched a full-scale assault against the Federation and when that happened the station would undoubtedly be their first target. And I might've idly suggested that there wasn't a chance in hell that any of us would get out of here alive. Odo: And that's when Morn hit you with a barstool and ran out onto the Promenade screaming, 'We're all doomed.' Quark: Some people just don't react well to stress. Ow! Dax: Ops to Major Kira. Kira: Go ahead. Dax: There's an incoming transmission from Captain Sisko. Kira: I'll be right there. Probably wants to warn us that the first wave of Jem'Hadar is on the way. Quark: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. She's joking, right? Bashir: Hold still. Sisko: My plan is to go into the Badlands, find the launch site, and deactivate those missiles. Kira: You make it sound so easy. You sure you don't want me to send the Defiant. Sisko: The Defiant would just attract unwanted attention. Kira: Maybe, but I'd feel a hell of a lot better if you weren't out there alone. Sisko: Don't worry, Major. I'm not alone. Sisko: Dinner. Eddington: What about these? Sisko: What about them? Eddington: It makes it a little difficult to eat. Sisko: You'll manage. Eddington: Replicator entrée number one oh three. Curried chicken and rice with a side order of carrots. Or at least that's what they want us to believe. But you and I both know what we're really eating. Replicated protein molecules and textured carbohydrates. Sisko: It's not that bad. Eddington: It may look like chicken, but it still tastes like replicated protein molecules to me. Sisko: If you don't want it, don't eat it. Eddington: Remember that Thanksgiving dinner you cooked for the senior staff last year? How many months did it take you to grow all those vegetables in the hydroponic garden? Every ingredient fresh, real. Though you did put too much tarragon in the stuffing. Sisko: I wasn't aware that you were a food critic. Eddington: I wasn't, until I joined the Maquis and started eating real food. Food that I'd grown with my own hands. Fresh corn, sweet as a baby's smile. And tomatoes. Do you know how hard it is to grow tomatoes? There's always too much rain or not enough. It's too hot, it's too cold. I wonder what happened to those tomato plants? Probably burned to the ground along with everything else. Sisko: If we don't stop those missiles, a lot of things are going to burn to the ground. And not just on Cardassia. Eddington: You never give up, do you, Ben? Here we are, having a pleasant conversation about food, and all you're thinking about is the mission and how to get me to cooperate. You're wasting your breath. As far as I'm concerned my life is over. I'm dead. Sisko: For a dead man, you talk a lot. Eddington: Then why didn't you leave me in prison? Sisko: Because I have a job to do and I can't do it without you. Eddington: You're going to have to. I told you when you dragged me out of my cell that I wasn't going to help you. I meant it then and I mean it now. Sisko: I am trying to prevent a war. Eddington: You're the one who set the ground rules when you came after me, Ben. You're the one who made it personal. You could've looked the other way. You could've left the Maquis alone, but you didn't do it. You hunted us, hounded us, fought us every chance you got. And in the end, you set us up for the slaughter. I expected better of you than that. So did a lot of people. People like Cal Hudson. I bet you haven't heard that name in a while. Sisko: You're right about that. Eddington: He told me the two of your were friends at the Academy. Sisko: And a long time after. Eddington: Until he joined the Maquis. Sisko: He betrayed his oath to Starfleet. Eddington: If it makes you feel any better, he paid for his sins. He was killed in a skirmish with the Cardassians. Sisko: He was a good man. Eddington: He felt the same about you. He thought you were wrong about the Maquis, but he forgave you, which is ironic considering you never forgave him. You can't forgive any of us. And not because we betrayed Starfleet or the Federation, but because we betrayed you. That's what this is all about. Your ego. Where Benjamin Sisko leads, all must follow. Sisko: Is that what you really believe? Eddington: It's the truth, isn't it? The Maquis were never much of a threat to the Federation, but we were a threat to you. We were a stain on your record and you couldn't have that. Not when you were so busy measuring yourself for an admiral's uniform. Sisko: You want to blame me for what happened to the Maquis? Fine. Go ahead, blame me. Blame Starfleet. Blame the Federation. Blame everyone except Michael Eddington. Eddington: The Maquis won its greatest victories under my leadership. Sisko: Your leadership. Your shining moment of glory. Michael Eddington gets to take off his gold uniform and play hero. That's what you always wanted, to lead troops in a glorious cause. Well, you had your chance and look where you led them. Right into their graves. Eddington: They died because I wasn't there when they needed me most. Because you put me in jail. Sisko: They died because you filled their heads with false hopes. Sold them dreams of a military victory when what they needed was a negotiated peace. Eddington: We had the Cardassians on the run. Sisko: And they ran right into the arms of the Dominion. End of story. Eddington: Not quite the end. Sisko: That's right. A few survivors of your noble crusade have decided to launch a pointless retaliatory strike against Cardassia. Eddington: It's not so pointless. If you can't have victory, sometimes you just have to settle for revenge. Sisko: Is that what you want? To be remembered as the man who helped bring about the worst war in Federation history? Eddington: Not quite the legacy I had in mind, but I can live with it. Sisko: Can you? Martok: No, no, no. You can do better than that. You're barely making contact. Again! More wine! Jake: I don't care what anyone says. That's got to hurt. Nog: They're at sixty five decibels. Loud, but not loud enough. Jake: What are you talking about? Nog: Five more decibels and they'll be legally disturbing the peace. Jake: And then what? Nog: And then I'm going to escort them to a holding cell. Jake: You're going to arrest General Martok for disturbing the peace? Nog: I am. Jake: Aren't you going to at least call for backup? Nog: Jake, you heard what your father said. They won't respect me until I stand up to them, alone. Jake: Personally, I think respect is overrated. Nog: That's it. Seventy decibels. They're mine. Nog: Whoaaa! Jake: You okay? Nog: I'm fine. Just tell me when everyone leaves. Jake: Why? Nog: Because I'm not getting up until they do. Sisko: Eddington. Eddington: Are we there yet? Sisko: Where? Eddington: That's the question, isn't it? Sisko: There's something here I want you to see. Eddington: I'll pass, thanks. Sisko: Suit yourself. Maybe it's nothing. It is hard to get an accurate sensor reading in the Badlands. But unless I'm mistaken, two Jem'Hadar warships are headed our way. Eddington: Yeah, those are Jem'Hadar warships all right. You've got a problem. Sisko: We both do. They're getting closer. One AU away. Point nine AU. You said you wanted to be blown to bits by the Jem'Hadar? Well, it looks like you're going to get your wish. Eddington: I have faith in you, Captain. You'll get us out of this. Sisko: Not me, Mister Eddington. I don't know the Badlands that well. But you do. Eddington: Where are you going? Sisko: To get a raktajino. Eddington: Now? Sisko: Throat's a little dry. One raktajino. Eddington: You're crazy. They're almost on top of us. Sisko: One thing I will say about these replicators. They sure know how to make Klingon coffee. Eddington: They're scanning us. Sisko: They should be in firing range any minute now. Eddington: Very clever, Captain, but it's not going to work. I am not going to take the helm. Sisko: Suit yourself. Eddington: That is what you're trying to do, isn't it? Sisko: I'm trying to see how serious your death wish really is. I'm betting that it doesn't even exist. Just like I'm betting you won't be able to sit back and let your friends start a war that could destroy the Alpha Quadrant. Eddington: That's an awfully big bet. Sisko: I don't think so. Point seven AU. Sisko: Can you lose them? Eddington: I plotted a spiral course around a plasma filament. It should dissipate our warp signature. Sisko: Very fancy. Eddington: You can take over now. Sisko: No, I don't think so. Eddington: Let's get one thing straight, Captain. I'll get you to the launch site and I'll help you deactivate those missiles. But then you and I are going to have it out once and for all. Sisko: You want a fight, mister? I will give you one. Eddington: I don't intend to fight you, Captain. I intend to kill you. Eddington: Captain, when I joined the Maquis, I left some personal items behind on the station. Sisko: As far as I know, all your things were put in storage. Eddington: You didn't happen to see an old Earth coin, about this big with a bird on the front? Sisko: A bird? Eddington: A loon, actually. My lucky looney. It's an old Canadian coin. Been in the family for over two hundred years. Sisko: It's probably in some locker in the Assay Office, along with the rest of your things. Eddington: I hope so. I'd hate to think I'd lost it. Sisko: Speaking of things you thought you'd lost. Eddington: There's no way those Jem'Hadar ships could have tracked us. Sisko: Obviously there is. Can we lose them again? Eddington: Dissipating our warp signature didn't work. Sisko: Don't tell me the Maquis didn't have plan B. Eddington: You're not going to like it. Sisko: Half an AU and closing. If you do have a plan, I guarantee I'll learn to love it. Eddington: We're going to have to realign the impulse flow regulators. Sisko: You mean shut down the engines? They'd be on us in a second. Eddington: Who said anything about shutting down the engines? Sisko: You're thinking about realigning the emitter while the engines are engaged? One wrong move and the flow regulators will blow up in your face. Eddington: You mean, in your face. I'll be piloting the ship. When you finish, we can use the impulse exhaust to detonate the plasma field behind us. Even if the Jem'Hadar survive the blast, the shockwave should wipe out any trace of our ion wake. Point four AU and closing. You'd better get started. Sisko: All right. But hold the ship steady. I don't want any accidents. Eddington: I'll do my best. Sisko: Hmm. Computer: Warning. Attempting to access impulse flow regulators while engines are engaged is not recommended. Sisko: Tell me something I don't know. Disengage safeties. Authorisation Sisko A four seven one. Computer: Acknowledged. Safeties disengaged. Sisko: Damn it, Eddington, I told you to hold this ship steady. Eddington: Sorry, captain. We ran into a pocket of boron gas. Sisko: Don't do it again. Eddington: You still there, Captain? Sisko: Disappointed? Eddington: Just checking. Captain, I hate to rush you Eddington: But things are going to get very unpleasant if we don't get out of here soon. Sisko: I'm aware of the problem. Eddington! Eddington: That wasn't me. They're firing at us. Sisko: In that case, let her rip. Eddington: Well, that got the adrenaline pumping. No sign of the Jem'Hadar. Looks like we lost them, Captain. Captain? Computer, locate Captain Sisko. Computer: Internal sensors are offline. Eddington: Of course they are. Sisko: I told you to keep the ship steady. Eddington: You're alive. What a pleasant surprise. Sisko: I'm sure. Now, get us to the launch site! Jake: I understand, but all I'm saying, Nog, is next time you know I have a girl over, just call me before you come home. Nog: The two of you were only talking. Jake: Well, you never know. Nog: Jake, I know your track record. You never get past talking. Jake: Now that's a scurrilous lie. Nog: Scurrilous? Is that worse than a regular lie? Jake: Look, I don't know what the big deal is. Just check before you come home, okay? Nog: Okay. And you do the same. Jake: Nog, you haven't had a date since you left the Academy. Unless you're counting holosuites. Nog: Now who's being scurrilous? Nog: I don't believe this. Jake: What's wrong? Nog: They're loitering on the Promenade in our old spot. Jake: I guess they know a good view when they see one. Nog: Jake, don't you get it? They know I'm territorial about that spot. They're purposely doing this to insult me. Jake: Nog, you are definitely getting stranger as you get older. Nog: I can't let them do this to me. Stay back, Jake. This could get ugly. Nog: All right, it's time for you to move along. Martok: We will decide when it is time to move. Nog: Station regulation eight two slash seven B clearly states that loitering on the Promenade is prohibited. Martok: Is that so? Nog: It is. Now either move or I'm going to have to place you under arrest. Martok: You are either very brave or very stupid, Ferengi. Nog: Probably a little of both. Martok: Indeed. Courage comes in all sizes. But don't tempt fate. Khi-gosH. Jake: Nog, I'm impressed. Nog: Klingons. You just have to know how to handle them. Eddington: Next stop Athos Four, a grim little fogbound piece of rock in the middle of nowhere. Sisko: What better place to hide a missile launching site? Eddington: We thought so. Sisko: The sensors aren't detecting anything. Eddington: That's the general idea. There's too much interference to detect anything, but it's there. Sisko: We'll never get a transporter through all this static. Eddington: We don't need to. There's a shuttle pad not far from the launch site. Sisko: Then take us down. Sisko: How far? Eddington: A few kilometers. This tunnel will take us most of the way. Sisko: These tunnels are man-made. Eddington: I know. I helped dig them myself. Sisko: Now where? Eddington: Give me a minute to get my bearings. It's been a while. Sisko: You hear something? Sisko: These barrels are made of duridium. That should hold them off for a while. I thought you said the Jem'Hadar would never find this place. Eddington: I didn't think they would. I was wrong. I say we rush them. In this fog, they'll have as much chance of hitting each other as hitting us. Sisko: Too risky. Eddington: You never would've made it in the Maquis with that kind of attitude. Sisko: It's not me that I'm worried about, it's you. If you get killed, there'll be no way to stop those missiles. Sisko: Take this. I'll go around and try to draw their fire. You should be able to catch them off guard when they come after me. Eddington: I can barely see two meters in front of me. How will I know what I'm aiming at? Sisko: I'll be the one holding the pipe. Eddington: Attacking two Jem'Hadar soldiers with a pipe? That's a brilliant plan. Sisko: It could be worse. Eddington: I know. It could be me holding the pipe. Sisko: Exactly. Sisko: You've got sharp eyes. Eddington: Not really. I just waited to see which of you was knocked down first, and then I shot the one still standing. Sisko: Thank you for your vote of confidence. Eddington: Now help me drag these bodies over to the well. Maybe that way the other Jem'Hadar will look for their friends and not us. Sisko: In a couple of minutes this entire settlement is going to be crawling with Jem'Hadar. I suggest you get us to the launch site now. Eddington: That way. Sisko: Are you sure? Eddington: Reasonably. Eddington: We're close. Sisko: Then let's keep moving. Sisko: Wait. Eddington: Vance. Sisko: You knew him? Eddington: He was a shuttle pilot, and a friend. Sisko: There are more. Eddington: This wasn't supposed to happen. We were winning. The Cardassian Empire was falling into chaos. The Maquis colonies were going to declare themselves an independent nation. Sisko: Eddington, listen to me. This is not the time. Eddington: It's over. Sisko: It's not over. We still have to stop those missiles. Eddington: That's all you care about? The missiles? Sisko: It's too late for us to help these people. But if we don't stop the missiles, this'll just be the beginning. Eddington: I was their leader. I was responsible for them and I failed. I failed them all. Sisko: Maybe we all failed them. Maybe we could've prevented this from happening. I don't know. It's going to take a long time and a lot of soul-searching before I find the answer, but right now we have a mission to complete. Eddington: I wish I knew for certain that killing you would make me feel better. But I suppose that can wait for another time. Eddington: That's it. Sisko: You're sure. Eddington: You want to stand here and argue about it? Come on. It looks clear. Sisko: Wait. Eddington: I'm glad one of us remembered they can do that. Eddington: No, wait. I don't want to damage any of the equipment. Let me try something. Rebecca: Michael, I wondered when you'd get here. Eddington: I came as soon as I could. Captain Sisko, I'd like you to meet Rebecca Sullivan. My wife. All right, we're getting out of here. We've got a runabout hidden at the landing site. We can still access the tunnels through the old well. Stick together. Try not to lose each other in the fog. Sisko: Wait a minute. What about disarming the missiles? Eddington: Look around you, Ben. Does this look like a launch site? Sisko: Eddington, I want the truth. Now. Rebecca: There never were any missiles, no retaliatory strike against Cardassia. It was all a ploy, a way to let Michael know that we'd made it here. Eddington: This was our fall back position. But I needed your help to evacuate these people. Sisko: What would you have done if I hadn't forced you to come with me? Eddington: I would have volunteered. You should be smiling, Ben. That Dominion counterstrike you were so worried about, it's not going to happen. Sisko: Yes, you're right. That is good news. But I still don't like being lied to. Eddington: I hope you're ready to finish what you started. Rebecca: Michael, we don't have time for this. Eddington: We'll finish this later. Rebecca: All right, you heard what Michael said. Stick together. Sisko: You should've told me the truth. If I had known the Jem'Hadar were going to be here, I would have brought more men. Eddington: The Jem'Hadar weren't supposed to be here. No one knew about this base but us. Rebecca: They landed three days ago. We tried to fight. Eddington: I know. I saw the bodies. I thought for a while there Rebecca: I didn't think I'd make it either, but they kept all the leaders alive. They were going to make a present of us to the Cardassian government. Now I guess we'll end up in a Federation prison. Eddington: No, we're not going to prison. Not if I have anything to say about it. Sisko: Right now, I suggest you concentrate on getting off this planet. We can worry about the rest later. Eddington: There's nothing to worry about. You're not going to put us in prison. Not this time. Sisko: Damn it, you never give up, do you, Mister Eddington? Eddington: Never. Sisko: Move! Eddington: Go. Whatever happens, don't stop until you get to the runabout. You, too. Rebecca: I'm staying with you. Eddington: I'll be right behind you. Now get going. Sisko: I didn't know you were married. Eddington: We held the ceremony two weeks before you captured me. Sisko: Not much of a honeymoon. I suggest we fall back now. Eddington: For once, you'll get no argument from me. Sisko: Go! Eddington: You'd better get to the runabout. Sisko: What about you? Eddington: I'd only slow you down. Just get Rebecca and the others to safety. Sisko: I'm not going to let you just Eddington: Go! Sisko: Mister Eddington, you are one stubborn, headstrong son Eddington: I told you only one of us would be coming back from this mission. Rebecca: Where's Michael? Sisko: He's not coming. Rebecca: What do you mean, he's not coming? Sisko: Rebecca, we have to go. Now. Eddington: Okay, Crenshaw, Yuen, circle around to the left. Try to hit 'em from behind. Stiles, Dimitris, watch our right flank. Right. Seems like a perfect time for a song. Wish I could think of one. Does anyone know a good song? Something rousing? Too bad. Eddington: Rebecca. Nog: Major. Kira: My earring clip. Where'd you find it? Nog: In maintenance conduit thirty three A. I guess it fell off when you were doing the deflector grid inspection. Kira: You must've searched every crawlspace in the central core. Nog: Just doing my job. Kira: And doing it with style. Nog: Glad to be of help. Martok: Cadet. Nog: General. Now that's better. Kira: What was that all about? Nog: Respect. Dax: I'll say this for him, he was a complicated man. If you ask me, Eddington couldn't have picked a better way to go, at least from his point of view. He was a romantic, and what is more romantic than a glorious death in defense of a lost cause. Sisko: He died fighting for what he believed in. I called him a traitor once, but in a way he was the most loyal man I ever met. He was a Maquis, right up to the bitter end. Dax: Is that what this is? The end of the Maquis? Sisko: Who knows? There could still be more of them out there, hiding from the Dominion, biding their time. Dax: You almost sound hopeful. Sisko: There is something attractive about a lost cause. Dax: Maybe you have more in common with Eddington than you want to admit. Sisko: Maybe. Dax: Good night, Benjamin. Get some rest.

O'Brien: Did you hear about the Tian An Men? She was reported missing last night bear the Cardassian border. Kira: That's three in the last three weeks. Bashir: At this rate we're going to run out of ships. Kira: Well that's not funny. Bashir: It wasn't meant to be. Unless Starfleet Command actually starts doing something about the Dominion threat, the situation's only going to get worse. Kira: What do you want, Julian, a war? Sisko: What I want is to talk about something else. Chief, what about Kirayoshi? Is he walking yet? O'Brien: No, not yet. No. Sisko: Odo, I understand you're going to Bajor next week. Do you plan to see Doctor Mora? Odo: Actually, I've canceled my trip. There's been a seventy five percent jump in the theft of medical supplies and food rations on DS Nine. I haven't seen such an increase since O'Brien: Since? Odo: Since just before the Cardassians were forced to abandon the station. Bashir: On that note, I think I'll turn in. O'Brien: Me, too. Thank you for dinner, Captain. It was wonderful. Sisko: It was my pleasure. Odo: Sir. Sisko: Goodnight, everyone. Sisko: Mister Worf? You've been paroled. The party's over. Worf: Thank you, sir. Goodnight. Sisko: Don't bother. I'll clean up the rest up later. I want to be alone for a while. Go on. Jake: Okay Nog: Goodnight, sir. Crewwoman: Ops to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Crewwoman: We just received a message from Bajor, Sir. Kai Winn will be coming to the station tomorrow morning and she'd like to meet with you. Sisko: Acknowledged. Nog: Thanks for the invitation, Jake. That was a lot of fun. Jake: Did you see how down my dad was? He tried to hide it, but I could tell he was depressed. Nog: He's not the only one. Look around. There's something in the air. People are scared. Jake: Yeah, but he's usually the one who tries to lift everyone's spirits. I mean, people go to him for encouragement. Where does he go when he needs it? Quark: I hope I'll be seeing the two of you tomorrow at twelve hundred hours. Nog: Why? Quark: Why? Haven't you heard? There's going to be an auction of some of the galaxy's rarest and most valuable antiquities. Here. Find something you like and make a bid with all that latinum you've got stashed under your bed. Nog: Shh! Quark: Oh, Nog. You don't really keep it under your bed? Nog: No, of course not. Jake: Where'd you get all this stuff, Quark? Quark: I'm just conducting the auction, for a modest commission. The items up for sale were all aboard an old derelict freighter that the Bajorans found adrift about a light year from here. The cargo hold was crammed with valuable items of every description. Antiques, paintings, vehicles. Nog: It's all a bunch of junk. Listen to some of this stuff. A mid twenty fourth century ceramic Romulan water basin, slightly cracked. A pair of Tellarite shoes, date unknown. A mid-twentieth century human baseball card. A Tholian pedestal of Jake: A baseball card? A mint condition nineteen fifty one Willie Mays rookie card! Nog, this is it! Nog: What do you mean? Jake: It's perfect. This is how I can cheer up my Dad. You know how much he loves baseball. He'll go nuts when he sees this. Quark: Tell him to be here at twelve hundred hours and he can bid along with everyone else. Jake: No. I'm going to bid on this. He's always doing things for me, I want to do something for him for a change. And this is it. All I have to do is get him this card. How hard can that be? Jake: Come on, Nog. Nog: No. Jake: Why not? Nog: It's my money, Jake. If you want to bid at the auction, use your own money. Jake: I'm human, I don't have any money. Nog: It's not my fault that your species decided to abandon currency-based economics in favor of some philosophy of self-enhancement. Jake: Hey, watch it. There's nothing wrong with our philosophy. We work to better ourselves and the rest of humanity. Nog: What does that mean exactly? Jake: It means. It means we don't need money. Nog: Well if you don't need money, then you certainly don't need mine. Jake: How much latinum do you have? How much? Nog: Five bars. Jake: Five bars! Nog: Look, it's taken me a lifetime to save up that much money, and I'm not going to just throw it away for some baseball card. Jake: Not even for my father, the man who made it possible for you to enter Starfleet Academy. Nog: Oh no, that's not fair. Jake: The man who believed in you when no one else would. Nog: Oh, this is so low. Jake: I can't believe you would rather keep your filthy money locked away in a box under a bed than use it to give him endless moments of happiness. Nog: Argh! All right, all right. I'll do it. Jake: That's very generous, Nog. I'm proud of you. Now let's get that money. Nog: Humans. Sisko: Come in. Sisko: Welcome back to Deep Space Nine, your Eminence. Winn: Thank you, Emissary. You may go now, child. Kira: Thank you. Winn: Why don't we take a walk? Sisko: A walk? Winn: Yes. Would you mind? Sisko: Something wrong, Eminence? Winn: No, nothing wrong, but there was a shop down there as I recall. A woman who sold Bajoran tapestries and antiques. Sisko: Ah. Kandra Vilk. Winn: Yes. Sisko: I believe she moved to a neutral world near the Coridan system about two months ago. Winn: So many people have left Deep Space Nine in the last few months. I'm sure there are times when you must feel as if you're being abandoned here. Sisko: Forgive me Eminence, but I have a very busy day ahead of me. Winn: I'm here to meet with a representative of the Dominion. Sisko: To what end? Winn: I don't know. This meeting is being held at their request. You disapprove? Sisko: I'm concerned. The Dominion is notorious for its political intrigue. Winn: I have some experience in that area as well. This is a delicate moment for Bajor. This conflict between the Federation and the Dominion could escalate into open warfare at any moment. A misstep now could result in the destruction of our world. Sisko: For once I am in complete agreement with you. You have my word I will do whatever it takes to safeguard Bajor. Winn: Walk with the Prophets. Quark: the bid is to you, sir one bar, three strips. Don't let the lady steal this fine example of post-eventualistic, pre-Matoian, bronze and triptin sculpture for such a pittance. Quark: One bar, three strips. One bar four strips, and it's all yours. An honorable addition to any Klingon household. Remember, all the proceeds from this auction go to the Bajoran War Orphans' Fund, minus a modest commission. Think of those poor, lonely children and how much your latinum will mean to them. Looks like the kids'll have to make do with one bar, three strips Sold to the blue man in the good shoes. Quark: Lot forty-eight. An Andorian chest containing a pre-Surak Vulcan bracelet, a sixth century Bajoran mandala, a twenty-third century ion transtator, a Willie Mays baseball card from Earth dated nineteen fifty one. Who'll start the bidding with one bar of gold-pressed latinum? Jake: One bar. Quark: One bar. Do I hear one bar, five strips? Quark: One bar, five strips. Do I hear one bar, ten? Nog: Don't worry. He'll drop out at two bars. Jake: How do you know that? Nog: I'm still a Ferengi. One bar, ten. Quark: One bar, ten. One, fifteen? One, fifteen. One, twenty? One, twenty. One, twenty-five? Giger: Two bars. Quark: The bid is two bars. Do I hear two bars five? Vedek, are you in? Nog: I told you. Quark: Two bars, five. Giger: Three bars. Jake: Four bars! Nog: Jake! Giger: Ten bars. Quark: The bid is ten bars of gold-pressed latinum. Is there another bid? Jake: What do we do now? Nog: Nothing. We're out of money. Quark: Jake? Do you want to make another bid? Sold to the gentleman sitting in the aisle. Quark: Lot forty nine. A rare example of a twentieth century human art form, acrylic on black velvet. This image was the inspiration for the flag of the Martian colonies in the twenty second Nog: I know you wanted that card, but we lost it, okay? So let's come up with something else to cheer up your dad. Like a new pair of shoes. Jake: Shoes? Nog: What's wrong with shoes? Jake: Nothing, except it's stupid. I want to give my dad something that'll bring a little joy into his life. Something special. I'm telling you, that baseball card is the answer. It's kismet. Nog: Kiss you? Jake: Kismet. Fate, destiny. I was meant to give that card to my father. Nog: Jake, I think you're taking this whole baseball card thing way too seriously. Jake: It's not the card, it's my dad. This is very important to me. My father has never let me down. He's always been there for me when I needed him. And right now he needs me. I don't want to let him down. Nog, please, let's get that card. Nog: All right. What do you want to do? Nog: Sir. Jake: Excuse me, sir. Could we talk to you for a minute? Giger: Who sent you? Jake: No one. Nog: We wish to discuss a business transaction. Giger: Not interested. Jake: You don't even know what it is yet. Nog: We just want to buy the baseball card. Giger: Listen to me. I haven't done anything wrong and I won't be hounded by you and your soulless minions of orthodoxy. I haven't broken any laws, except perhaps the laws of nature. So stay away from me. Habitat ring. Weyoun: Captain Sisko, I can't tell you how happy I am to see you again. Sisko: I wish I could say the same. Weyoun: How delightful. You feel comfortable enough around me to make jokes. I'm so pleased to see our relationship evolving beyond the stale adversarial stage. Sisko: No it's not. But before you twist that into a compliment, let me be blunt. I don't like the Dominion, I don't like what it stands for, and I don't like you. So let's dispense with the hollow pleasantries and stick to business. Weyoun: I can't tell you how it pains me to hear you say that, Captain. You see, I really like Deep Space Nine and I like you. And after this meeting with Kai Winn, I think you and I will be seeing a lot more of each other. Nog: Jake! Jake! He wants to see us! Jake: Who? Nog: Doctor Giger, the man who bought the baseball card. He wants us to come to his quarters, He says he's willing to make a deal. Jake: You're kidding. Nog: No. He left a message for us about an hour ago. It said to meet him at eighteen hundred hours. Jake: That's in ten minutes. Let's go! Nog: Remember let me do the talking. Jake: You? Nog: You had your chance on the Promenade. Now stand aside and let a professional handle this. Giger: Step out of the doorway, please. And don't touch anything. This is very sensitive equipment. I did some checking on you two. It turns out that you are the station commander's son and you are the nephew of the man who owns the bar. Nog: That's right. Giger: Since you are not, in fact, working for the soulless minions of orthodoxy that have hounded my work and plagued my existence, I have decided to open negotiations regarding the sale of a mint condition nineteen fifty one Willie Mays rookie card, without the original packaging or chewing gum. Nog: Excellent. We would like to open the negotiations with a bid of Giger: The card is not for sale. Jake: What? Nog: But you just said that Giger: I am willing to trade the card in exchange for the following items. Jake: Two liters of anaerobic metabolites suspended in a hydrosaline solution? A neodymium power cell? Where are we supposed to get all this stuff? Giger: Surely the station commander's son and a promising young cadet have access to a wide variety of equipment and supplies that would not be available to someone like myself. Jake: It's a very long list. It'll take some doing. Nog: Wait a minute. What are you planning to do with these things? Jake: Nog? Nog: Look, we can't start delivering equipment and medical supplies to you without knowing what you're going to do with them. Giger: Very well, young man. Let me ask you both a simple question. Do you want to die? Nog: No. Jake: Not really. Giger: Of course you don't, so why should you? Why should any of us end up as putrefying corpses in wooden boxes stuck in the ground, or vaporized into subatomic particles and vented into the cosmos like a bad case of gas? No reason that I can think of. I have devoted my life to the study of death, and do you know what I found? Death is nothing more than the result of cellular boredom. Jake: Boredom? Giger: Think about it. The cells in your body have been doing the same job, the same dull monotonous routine, every day since you were conceived. Metabolize, divide, metabolize, divide. Wouldn't you get bored? Of course you would. So at some point, the cells just say, 'that's it', and you, the unwary victim of cellular ennui, are quite literally bored to death. Nog: I never thought about it that way. Giger: Doctor Bathkin of Andros Three was the first to come up with the answer to solving the puzzle of death. Keep the cells energized. Keep them in the game by teaching them new mitochondrial tricks. Unfortunately, before he could finish his work, Doctor Bathkin died in a shuttle accident. Or so they say. And while the soulless minions of orthodoxy refuse to follow up on his important research, I could hear the clarion call of destiny ringing in my ears. And now, after fifteen years of tireless effort, after being laughed at and hounded out of the halls of the scientific establishment, after begging and scrounging for materials across half the galaxy, I have nearly completed work on this. The Cellular Regeneration and Entertainment Chamber. Jake: What does it do? Giger: I'm glad you asked. It is specially designed to transmit biogenic energy on a chromoelectric wavelength and send uplifting and entertaining messages to the nuclei of every cell in your body. Spend eight hours a day in this machine and your cells will never get bored. You will never grow old, and most important, you will never die. That is the goal of my work, nothing less than immortality itself. Jake: Excuse us for a moment. Giger: Of course. Jake: What do you think? Nog: I don't know. I'm no expert in cellular chemistry but his theory sounds a little odd to me. Jake: He had me going there for a minute, but a Cellular Entertainment Machine? Nog: He's crazy, isn't he? Jake: Completely. But he does have the baseball card. Nog: So? Jake: So that means we've got to help him. Nog: I'm not so sure this is such a good idea. Jake: Nog, I can't let my father down. Nog: Let him down? Your father doesn't even know this card exists. I don't know which of you is crazier. Jake: I'm not crazy. I'm just a little obsessed. Nog: A little? Jake: Okay, Doctor. We're in. Giger: Do you know how many germs are transmitted by a handshake? You want to kill me? Just nod if we have a deal. Him too. Jake: Hey, Chief, we need a neodynium power cell from a Cardassian phase coil inverter. You think you could help us out? O'Brien: That's an unusual piece of equipment. What do you need that for? Nog: We have to trade it for a Jake: It's kind of a secret. O'Brien: I'm sure there's an old cell lying around here somewhere, but I don't have time to scrounge around for it at the moment. Nog: What's the matter with you? Just tell him you're trying to give your father a gift. Jake: No. I want it to be a surprise. You know you can't keep a secret on this station. If I tell the Chief, he tells Keiko, Keiko tells Dax Nog: But you're not giving him any reason to help us. Okay. Let me show you a little something about incentive-based economics. Chief, may I ask you a question? Wouldn't you rather be doing something else right now? O'Brien: Almost anything. Nog: But isn't there something specific you'd rather be doing? Like going to the holosuites, maybe? O'Brien: Sure. Nog: I bet you'd rather be kayaking right now, wouldn't you? You probably haven't shot those rapids in weeks. No interruptions, no maintenance schedules. Just you and the river. O'Brien: That's what I'd be doing right now if Decker hadn't gotten sick. But I have to recalibrate all these EPS regulators so they don't interfere with the station's artificial gravity grid. Nog: What if someone else recalibrated the regulators for you? Someone like us? O'Brien: You'd do that for me? Jake: Absolutely. Nog: Don't give it a second thought. Just go shoot those rapids. O'Brien: Thanks. Thanks a lot. I owe you one. Nog: Our pleasure. And Chief? About that power cell? O'Brien: Oh, yeah. I think I know where there's one. I'll have it sent up to your quarters. Jake: Thanks, Chief. Nog: Come on. You calibrate, I'll scan. Bashir: Five liters of anaerobic metabolites suspended in hydrosaline solution? What could you possibly want with that? Nog: We can't tell you. It's a surprise for someone. Bashir: They're not going to drink it, are they? Jake: Oh, no. At least, I don't know. Is he? Bashir: I don't have time for this. Jake: Can I ask you one question? Wouldn't you rather be doing something else right now? Bashir: No. Jake: No? Bashir: No. This is the first chance I've had to get any research done on my prion project in five months. You couldn't drag me away from here. Jake: Oh. Nog: What Jake is trying to say is that you seem unhappy. Bashir: I suppose I have been feeling a little down, now that you come to mention it. Nog: Just out of curiosity. If you had to name one thing that would make you happy right now, what would it be? Bashir: I don't know. Nog: Humor me. One thing. Anything at all. Bashir: Kukalaka. Jake: Excuse me? Bashir: That's what I want. Leeta borrowed him, said he was cute, but she never brought him back. Nog: Kuka-what? Bashir: Kukalaka. You bring him to me and you'll have earned yourselves five liters of anaerobic metabolites suspended in hydrosaline solution. Jake: Done. Just one thing, Doctor. What's a Kukalaka? Winn: Weyoun has made a startling proposal. The Dominion wishes to sign a non-aggression treaty with Bajor. Sisko: They're trying to split Bajor from the Federation. Winn: Forgive me, Emissary, but you've already done that. It was your advice six months ago that kept Bajor out of the Federation. How did you put it? Bajor must stand alone. Well, we are very much alone now. Sisko: Even though you're not a member of the Federation, Starfleet is committed to the protection of your world. We're not going to stand idly by and watch the Dominion conquer Bajor. Winn: Can you promise me that you will not let one Jem'Hadar soldier set foot on Bajor? Can you promise me that you will use your entire fleet to protect our planet, even if it means sacrificing other worlds like Vulcan or Andor or Berengaria, or perhaps Earth itself? Sisko: I can't make that kind of promise. Winn: I wouldn't believe you if you did. So you see my predicament. If we ally ourselves with the Federation against the Dominion, we risk becoming the first casualty of the next war. Sisko: And if you ally yourselves with the Dominion, you risk becoming the next conquered world. Winn: A most unhappy choice. I have asked the Prophets to guide me, but they have not answered my prayers. I even consulted the Orb of Wisdom before coming here and it has told me nothing. So I come to you, Emissary. You have heard the voice of the Prophets. You were sent here to guide us through troubled times. Tell me what to do and I will do it. How can I save Bajor? Sisko: You want my advice? Then this is it. Stall. Tell Weyoun you have to consult with the Council of Ministers, or that you have to meditate on your response. Anything you want, but you have to stall for time. Winn: Time for what? Sisko: I don't know. But I do know the moment of crisis isn't here yet, and until that moment arrives we have to keep Bajor's options open. I'm aware that this is difficult for you, given our past, but this time you have to trust me. Winn: Very well, Emissary. We put ourselves in your hands. May we all walk with the Prophets. Giger: Refreshed, regenerated, mildly entertained. I still get a little bored after the first five hours. Jake: I've got half the things you wanted. Giger: Good. Good. Where's the hydrosaline solution? Jake: We should have it soon. Nog just got the bear. Don't ask. Giger: You know what that is? It's the sound of immortality. Weyoun: What's going on down there? Jake: Nog! Turn that down! Nog! I'm working out here! Nog: So am I! I have to listen to all of Worf's opera recordings and filter out the sub-harmonic distortions! Jake: Can you turn that down? I'm trying to add a little humor to Kira's speech to the Agricultural Delegation. Nog: No! I have to listen at precisely eighty two decibels because that's the volume Worf listens at! Of course, if I could've simply told him why I needed two meters of electro-plasma conduit from the Defiant, he probably would've just given it to me and things would be a lot quieter around here! Jake: We can't tell anybody, Nog! Now, listen to this for a second. Thank you for that kind introduction, and thank you for inviting me to address you here today. I've always thought it odd that the topic of water reclamation was usually treated as such a dry subject. Is that funny? Nog: No. Jake: I didn't think so either. Jake: Would you watch it with that thing. Nog: Try staying out of the way. Nog: He's probably sleeping inside his Cellular Entertainment thing again. It's not locked. Odo: No, there is no record of a Doctor Giger being assigned to those quarters. Jake: He was there, Odo. Nog: Maybe the soulless minions of orthodoxy finally caught up with him. Odo: The who? Jake: We don't know who they are, but they were after Doctor Giger's Cellular Regeneration and Entertainment Chamber. Odo: His what? Jake: It's a device used to keep the cells in your body from getting bored. You see, he was going to transmit messages to people's cells to keep them entertained so they wouldn't die off and as a result these people would live forever. Nog: Do you think he's really going to charge us with filing false reports, obstructing justice and being public nuisances? I can't have that on my Academy record. Jake: I think he was just trying to scare us. Nog, look. Nog: It's Kai Winn. Jake: Do you see who she's talking to? That's the Vedek who was bidding against us at the auction. Nog: Jake, I don't know what you're thinking, but I'm sure I'm not going to like it. Jake: Don't you see? The Vedek was bidding on that lot because there was an old Bajoran mandala in it. He must have been working for the Kai. When they lost, the Kai must have gotten angry. And we all know how dangerous she is when she's angry. Nog: What are you saying? That in order to get the mandala she kidnapped Giger? Jake: It all makes sense now. Nog: Jake, I'm really starting to worry about you. Jake: Come on. Nog: Where're we going? Jake: Let me introduce you to a new human expression. We're going to beard the lion in its den. Nog: Lions, Gigers, bears. Jake: Oh my. Weyoun: I hope you've found our talks as rewarding as I have, your Eminence. May I enquire if you plan on giving the First Minister a positive recommendation regarding the non-aggression pact? Winn: I'm afraid I cannot reveal my recommendations to the First Minister. You understand. Weyoun: Of course, of course. Forgive me for even asking. It is enough to know that you and I have found so many common interests. I feel that we are very much alike. Winn: No. We are nothing alike. Nothing at all. Winn: What is it, my children? Jake: We need to talk. Sisko: You accused the Kai of burglary and kidnapping? Jake: We didn't really accuse her of anything. Sisko: Oh, I see. You just implied it. Nog: Exactly. Sisko: Are you trying to be funny, Cadet? Because I'm not laughing. Nog: No, sir. Sisko: I want an explanation and I want it now. Nog: Well, sir, it all began in my uncle Quark's bar when we saw this list of various Jake: We were in the bar and I guess we got a little drunk. Nog: Jake! Jake: It won't do any good to lie about it, Nog. Nog: What? Captain, I would like to separate myself from Sisko: As you were, Cadet! Drunk. I see that my faith in the two of you has sadly been misplaced. You both are confined to quarters until further notice. Dismissed! Nog: What did you say that for? Jake: I didn't want him to know about the baseball card. Nog: Of course not. If you tell him about the card, he might forgive us. He might even be grateful for all the effort we've gone through just to make him happy. And we certainly wouldn't want that. Habitat ring. Jake: Once we get the card, everything'll be fine. Nog: Jake, as your friend, I think I should tell you that you're starting to go over the edge. You need some perspective on all this. You need to get away, clear your head. Nog: This isn't what I had in mind. Weyoun: Do you think I'm a fool? Let's start at the beginning. What is the nature of your relationship with Doctor Elias Giger? Jake: We barely know him. He had a baseball card that I wanted to give to my father to cheer him up. My father's the Station Commander, by the way. Weyoun: I know who your father is. Go on. Jake: That's it. We wanted the card, and so we agreed to help him get a few things for his research. We got all the equipment, but he disappeared about three hours ago and we haven't seen him since. Weyoun: Do you really expect me to believe that everything you've been doing for the last twenty two hours has been perfectly innocent? That it was merely a coincidence that Doctor Giger has been running experiments with highly charged polaric particles directly below my quarters? I suppose there's also an innocent explanation to the secret meetings you've been having with virtually the entire senior staff of Deep Space Nine, or that Kai Winn met with you immediately after leaving me? I suggest that you stop playing games with me and tell me the truth. Quickly. Jake: This is all just a misunderstanding. Nothing's going on, and we're certainly not involved in some secret plot against Giger: You betrayed me. You turned me over to these soulless minions of orthodoxy. Well, they won't diskover the secret of my work without a Giger: Fight. Weyoun: So, there are secrets after all. There shouldn't be any secrets between friends, Jake. I do want to be your friend. Nog: Do something. Jake: All right. We'll tell you the truth. Weyoun: I'm listening. Jake: We weren't supposed to divulge this, but since you left us no choice. We're working for Starfleet Intelligence. Nog: Oh, no. Jake: Forget about it, Nog. We have to tell him. We've been investigating the man whose picture is in your hand right now. Until yesterday, that man, one Willie Mays, did not exist in any historical documents. Then, in the blink of an eye, that card appeared on the station, and at that same moment a bust of Willie Mays appeared at the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York. There's only one explanation. We suspect that this man is from the future. Weyoun: A time traveler? Jake: That's right. And so far that card is the only link we have to him. We must to find out what he's planning to do in the past, or what he may have done already. We need that card. The entire future of the galaxy may depend on us tracking down Willie Mays and stopping him. Weyoun: I believe you. Nog: You do? Weyoun: Yes. That is, I believe your first story. That you're two innocent boys trying to give a gift to Captain Sisko. Jake: You are very wise. Weyoun: Which still leaves the question of what you were doing beneath my quarters. Nog: He's harmless. He's just working on a way to become immortal. Weyoun: Really? I have a background in, shall we say, creative genetics. I'd be most interested in hearing your theories. Giger: Well, it may take some time to explain. Let me ask you a simple question. Do you want to die? Nog: Excuse me? Can we go? Weyoun: Of course. Nog: Thank you. Weyoun: Aren't you forgetting something? Captain's log, stardate 50929.4. Two days ago, this station felt like a tomb. I'd never seen so many of my crew depressed at the same time. But for some reason, it now seems as though a new spirit has swept through the station, as if someone had opened a door and let a gust of fresh air blow through a musty old house. Why this is happening, frankly, is a mystery to me. After all, nothing has really changed. The Dominion is still a threat, the Cardassians are still threatening to take the station, and I can still see the clouds of war gathering on the horizon. So why do I sense a new-found optimism in the air? But maybe I'm over-thinking this. Maybe the real explanation is as simple as something my father taught me a long time ago. Even in the darkest moments, you can always find something that'll make you smile.

Rom: What do you think? Leeta: I don't know. What do you think? Rom: I like it. Don't you? Leeta: Rom, it's two handkerchiefs and a loincloth. Rom: I suppose we could lose the handkerchiefs. Leeta: Ferengi tradition or no Ferengi tradition, I am not going to be naked at my wedding. Rom: Who said anything about naked? You'll still have the loincloth. Leeta: Please show us something else. Garak: There is nothing else. I've shown you one hundred and fifty three different wedding dresses, from Tellarite modern to Risian traditional, and you've hated them all. Leeta: I liked number thirty eight. Rom: Number thirty eight? It had more layers than a Baduvian tapestry. Leeta: It was elegant. Rom: It was bulky. Ziyal: I like sixty four. Leeta: Sixty four? Rom: Eeeesh. Garak: Well, at least they agree on something. Ziyal: Why don't you just let Garak design a dress on his own? You know whatever he comes up with will be beautiful. Garak: My dear, I find your blind adoration both flattering and disturbing, but she does have a point. Quark: Leeta, that fifteen minute break you asked for was up an hour ago. Rom: Brother, what do you think of this dress? Quark: I don't want to think about it. All I know is that any marriage where the female is allowed to speak and wear clothing is doomed to failure. Your dabo table awaits. Leeta: There he is. Let's talk to him. Rom: Now? Leeta: Now, Rom. O'Brien: Keiko and the kids will be a lot safer on Earth than they are here. They've only been gone two days and I miss them already. Sisko: Still, don't you feel better knowing they're out of harm's way? I wish I could convince Jake to visit Earth for a while. Leeta: Captain, can we speak to you for a moment? Rom: If you're not too busy. Sisko: Oh. Go ahead. Rom: Would you marry me? I mean, us. I mean, would you perform our wedding ceremony? Leeta: It would be a great honor to be married by the Emissary. Rom: It's not for another two weeks, so you'll have plenty of time to get ready. Sisko: I guess I'll have to start brushing up on my Bajoran. Rom: Me, too. O'Brien: Captain. Sisko: If you'll excuse me. O'Brien: Maybe they're not coming. Sisko: That would be a nice surprise. Sisko: I'll say one thing for the Dominion, they're punctual. O'Brien: That's the fifth convoy headed to Cardassia in the last five weeks. I can only imagine how many Jem'Hadar soldiers are stationed there by now. Sisko: Too many. O'Brien: I wish they'd just attack and get it over with. Sisko: I have the feeling you're going to get your wish. Jake: Thanks for the invite, Dad. I haven't had a home-cooked meal since Sisko: Since the last time you were here. Jake: Sounds about right. So, what's for dinner? Jake: Ah. Can I get some salsa with that? Sisko: Read the headline. Jake: Bajorans continue negotiations with Dominion. Sisko: Go on. Jake: Station Commander opposes non-aggression pact. Sisko: And the byline. Jake: By Jake Sisko. Sisko: You should've warned me. Jake: I was waiting for the right moment. Sisko: The right moment was before you published the article. Jake: I know. I'm sorry. But aren't you glad I got a job? Sisko: You mean this isn't a one-time thing? Jake: Nope. I'm now an official correspondent for the Starfleet News Service. Sisko: What about your novel? Jake: I'm not giving up on it. But this way I get to see my work in print. Sisko: And apparently I get to see everything I say in print too. Jake: You're a public figure, Dad. You're the Captain of the most important space station in the entire Federation. You're news. Sisko: Don't remind me. I guess I can't stop you from doing your job. Jake: Can I quote you on that? I guess not. Kira: Yamok sauce. Who'd bother to smuggle in ten thousand wrappages of Cardassian yamok sauce? Oh. Quark. That little worm, he thinks the Cardassians are going to retake the station. Dax: He's a Ferengi. You can't blame him for hedging his bets. But it is a lot of yamok sauce. What is a yamok, anyway? Odo: What would you like me to do with it? Dax: Major? Kira: I don't care. You decide. Dax: Dump it. Odo: Very good. Dax: Would you mind telling me what's going on? Kira: What do you mean? Dax: You and Odo. You've been avoiding each other for weeks. Kira: Ah, it's a long story. Dax: Those are the best kind. Kira: Odo has feelings for me. Dax: What kind of feelings? Kira: The kind that aren't easy to talk about. Dax: Since when? Kira: Since I don't know. Years. I just found out about it last month. Dax: That explains a lot. Kira: It does? Dax: Not really. It just seemed like the right thing to say. I had no idea. Kira: Neither did I. Nog: Sixty degrees Celsius. Just the way you like it. Sir, is it true what they're saying about the Romulans? Sisko: What do they say? Nog: There were some Orion free traders in Quark's last night, and they heard from a Vulcan diplomat that the Romulans signed a non-aggression pact with the Dominion. Sisko: A lot of rumors float around at a time like this, Cadet. Just don't forget the one hundred ninetieth Rule of Acquisition. Nog: Hear all, trust nothing. Good advice, sir. Sisko: The Romulans. Sisko to Dax. Dax: Dax here. Sisko: Put me through to Starfleet Intelligence. Worf: The Romulans! I always knew they were without honor. Now they have proven it. Bashir: When did they sign the treaty? Sisko: Yesterday. O'Brien: They must be desperate to side with the Dominion. Sisko: Technically they're not siding with anyone. It's a non-aggression pact. Kira: Which means if the Dominion attacks, they just sit by and do nothing. Odo: The Romulans, the Miradorn, the Tholians. The Dominion is making impressive inroads in the Alpha Quadrant. Dax: And the Bajorans are still talking to them? Kira: My people will never sign that treaty, or any other agreement with the Dominion. O'Brien: Meanwhile, more Jem'Hadar ships come through the wormhole every week. Worf: It must stop. Sisko: It's going to stop. I've talked to Starfleet Command. They've agreed that no more Dominion ships can be allowed into the Alpha Quadrant. O'Brien: How do we keep them out? Sisko: We're going to mine the entrance to the wormhole, prevent the Dominion from bringing any more reinforcements to Cardassia. Odo: If we try to stop those convoys, it may very well start a war. Sisko: Maybe so. But one thing is certain. We're losing the peace, which means a war could be our only hope. O'Brien: What about pulse mines? We could equip them with variable geometry detonators. Dax: Not good enough. Dominion ships can wait at the mouth of the wormhole and pick them off one by one. O'Brien: What if we cloaked them? Dax: Cloaking doesn't always work against the Dominion. O'Brien: Maybe cloaked ships don't, but I'm thinking a lot smaller. Each mine no more than a meter across. Dax: Mines that small don't have a lot of power. It would take dozens of them to disable a warship. We'd run out of mines before they ran out of ships. Rom, are you here? Rom: Cloak. Small. Dozens. I heard every word. O'Brien: Well, something's wrong. You haven't touched your food. Rom: It's my stomach. Ever since Captain Sisko agreed to officiate at our wedding, I haven't had much of an appetite. O'Brien: I thought you wanted Captain Sisko to marry you. Rom: I did. But now that he's said yes, it's become so real. I'm going to get married! Dax: Not for another two weeks. And in the meantime, we have work to do. Rom: But what if Leeta turns out to be just like Nog's mother? What if I can't make her happy? What if this is the biggest mistake of my life? What if O'Brien: Rom. Rom: Self-replication. That's the only answer. Dax: Self-replication? Rom: If the mines are going to be small, we'll need a lot of them. And we'll need a way to replace them quickly if the Jem'Hadar try to blast their way through. And, uh-oh. I forgot to request new quarters. Mine are too small. Where are Leeta and I going to live? Dax: Rom, I think you're on to something. Rom: I know I am. I've measured them three times. There's nowhere to put her prayer mandala. O'Brien: We could equip each mine with a replicator unit. Dax: No matter how many the Jem'Hadar destroy, there'd always be more. O'Brien: We'll program them to swarm detonate. Twenty or thirty mines to each ship. Rom: The only problem is you'll have to wait until the entire minefield is deployed before you activate it. Otherwise the proximity sensors could cause premature detonation. Where's Leeta going to put all her clothes? I don't have enough closet space. Dax: I'd better go talk to Sisko. O'Brien: I'll go draw up some specs. Rom: I've got to go to waste extraction. Kira: What did Starfleet Command say? Worf: How many reinforcements will they be sending us? Kira: And how soon will they get here? Sisko: We're not getting any reinforcements. We'll have to make due with what we've got. Kira: What we've got isn't enough. Worf: Sir, as Strategic Operations Officer, I cannot guarantee the safety of this station if a Dominion fleet attacks. Sisko: Your concerns are noted, Commander. Kira: What's Starfleet thinking? They must have given you a reason for denying your request. Sisko: They did. Kira: And? Sisko: And I'm not at liberty to discuss it. Let's just say Starfleet's resources will be needed elsewhere. Kira: What could be more important than defending this station? Worf: That is not for us to decide. What are our orders, Captain? Sisko: Deploy the minefield and prepare for a Dominion attack. Kira: And when the attack comes? Sisko: Then we are to defend the station until the mines are in position and the field has been activated. Worf: The Defiant will be unable to raise shields or cloak while deploying the mines. She will be an easy target. Sisko: Then it's up to DS9 to defend her. If the Dominion wants to stop the Defiant, they'll have to come through us. Kira: You wanted to see me, Constable? Odo: Major, I'd like your permission to terminate all outgoing subspace communications. Kira: You really think that's necessary? Odo: This is no time for security leaks. I've prepared a number of false messages we can transmit at random intervals so there won't be any noticeable drop in our outgoing subspace traffic. Kira: I'll see what I can do. Odo: I'd appreciate that. Major, there's something you ought to know. Kira: What's that? Odo: I've been thinking about asking out you to dinner. Kira: I've been expecting something like this. Odo: I could tell. You've looked a little uncomfortable around me lately. Kira: You've looked a little uncomfortable yourself. Odo: Which is why I wanted you to know I'm not going to do it. No dinner invitations, no flowers, no attempts at changing the nature of our relationship. Until the current crisis has passed, we both need our minds to be clear, to be free of any unnecessary distractions. Kira: That's probably a good idea. So, for now, all we need to concern ourselves with is deploying the minefield, maintaining station security and preparing ourselves for a possible invasion. Odo: Well, I don't know about you, but I feel more comfortable already. Captain's log, stardate 50975.2. The next Jem'Hadar convoy is due in five days, but our efforts to mine the wormhole have already provoked a response from the Dominion, who have sent their Vorta Ambassador, Weyoun, to speak with me. Sisko: What can I do for you, Weyoun? Weyoun: Captain Sisko. I'll make this brief. We know all about the minefield. Sisko: I assumed you'd find out sooner or later. Weyoun: As I see it, you have two choices. Either you remove the mines or we will take this station from you and remove them ourselves. Sisko: I appreciate your directness. Now let me be direct with you. The mines stay. I will not allow any more Dominion reinforcements through the wormhole. Weyoun: You will not allow? Sisko: You heard me. Weyoun: I can see how that might be your first reaction. But you and I are reasonable men, and surely reasonable men can come to some sort of mutually acceptable compromise. Sisko: I didn't think the Dominion believed in compromise. Weyoun: It saddens me to see how deeply you misunderstand us. All the Dominion wants is to peacefully co-exist with its neighbors. Sisko: Then why the continued military buildup? Why the weekly convoys of troops and ships from the Gamma Quadrant? Weyoun: It's the Cardassians. Don't get me wrong. I'm pleased to call them allies, but as you know they've just been though a terrible war with the Klingons. I'm afraid it's left them somewhat jittery. So they're understandably concerned with insuring the sovereignty of their borders. And since they're now members of the Dominion, their concerns have become our concerns. Sisko: I would think by now you have more than enough ships to defend Cardassia. Weyoun: You may think that, and I may think that, but the Cardassians Sisko: Oh, yes, I know. They're jittery. Weyoun: You see our dilemma. Sisko: I'm beginning to. Weyoun: What if we agreed to limit our convoys to cargo ships, construction units, civilian aid? Things that will help them get their economy back on its feet. Did you know when we arrived, children were starving on Cardassia Prime? It was heartbreaking. Sisko: I had no idea things were so bad. Weyoun: The Cardassians are a very proud people. They don't want to admit to outsiders how dire their situation really is. So, are we agreed? You remove the mines and we restrict our convoys to medical and economic assistance. Sisko: That sounds reasonable. I'd have to discuss it with Starfleet first, of course. Weyoun: I'm sure they'll do whatever Benjamin Sisko recommends. For my part, I will personally speak to the Founders to secure our end of the bargain. Sisko: What about Gul Dukat? Weyoun: Ah. He'll be furious, at first. But we've developed a fine working relationship, and I'm sure I can help him to see the wisdom of our decision. Sisko: I will leave it in your capable hands. Weyoun: You won't be disappointed. This is a momentous day. You and I have just taken the first step towards insuring peace between our peoples. Sisko: They're going to attack. Bashir: Are you sure? Sisko: I am positive. The moment I mentioned that we weren't going to remove the mines, we both knew there'd be war. Everything else was just words, a feeble attempt to lull the other side into a false sense of security. I didn't buy it, and I'm sure Weyoun didn't either. Worf: How soon? Sisko: As soon as they can get their fleet from Cardassia. I'd say as early as tomorrow. Which means we have to finish the minefield today. Dax: We need more time. Sisko: You don't have it. Dax: We'll do all we can. Dax out. Sisko: General, take your ship and patrol the border. At the first sight of the Dominion ships Martok: I will sound the alarm. Sisko: Don't engage the enemy. Get back to the station as soon as you can. We're going to need you here. Martok: Captain, fighting at the border or fighting them here at the station makes no difference to me. Bashir: You don't think Starfleet could be persuaded to send us a few more ships? Say fifty? Sisko: I'm afraid not, Doctor. We're on our own. Bashir: In that case, I'd better go and get the Infirmary ready. Sisko: Mister Worf, see to the weapons array and issue combat assignments. Worf: Aye, sir. Sisko: Major. Kira: I'll contact the Bajoran Militia, see if they can spare a few ships. Sisko: Forget the Militia. I need you to contact the Council of Ministers. Tell them I need to meet with them immediately. Kira: As a Starfleet Captain or as the Emissary of the Prophets? Sisko: Both. Kira: That'll get their attention. Sisko: Remember the non-aggression pact the Dominion offered Bajor a few weeks ago? Kira: They're still debating it in the Council of Ministers. It'll never pass. Sisko: It'll pass if the Emissary endorses it. Kira: You want Bajor to sign a treaty with the Dominion? Why? Sisko: Major, when I came here, my orders were to protect Bajor and help your people rebuild from the Occupation. Kira: We've succeeded. Sisko: And I refuse to see everything we've accomplished torn down again. The sad truth is, Major, if there is a war now, the Federation can't guarantee the safety of Bajor. Which means Bajor must be kept out of the fighting. I don't like this any more than you do, Major, but it's Bajor's only chance for survival. Captain's log, supplemental. Bajor has signed the non-aggression pact with the Dominion. All Bajoran personnel have been ordered to evacuate the station. As someone once said, these are the times that try men's souls. Ziyal: You're sure you won't come with me? Garak: I don't think I'd be very welcome on Bajor. Ziyal: I'm not going to be very popular there, either. Garak: My dear, you're half-Bajoran, so at least half of you is going to be accepted. I'm sure that Major Kira's friends will take good care of you. Ziyal: Well, what's going to happen to you? Garak: Well, let me tell you a story. I once knew a Cardassian, a dashing, handsome young man with a promising career. But one day, through no fault of his own, he found himself exiled and alone, with nowhere to turn. But did he give up? No. He struck upon a brilliant plan. Rather than fleeing for the rest of his life, he sought shelter in the one place no one expected him to go. In a stronghold of his people's most hated enemies. There, surrounded by hostile strangers, he built a life, and there, against all odds, against the merciless logic of the Universe itself, he thrived. Ziyal: By becoming the greatest tailor in the galaxy. Garak: And the moral of the story, my dear, is to never underestimate my gift for survival. Sisko: Boray pree hadokee. Tolata impara boresh. Preeya Rom, preeya Leeta. Abrem varo atel. You may kiss the bride. Nog: Congratulations, Father! Moogie. Leeta: Thank you, Nog. Sisko: Well, if you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to. Quark: Well, that was the most pathetic excuse for a wedding ceremony I've ever seen. No bridal auction, no latinum dances, and the bride? The bride was severely overdressed. Rom: Nevertheless, you're very happy for us, aren't you, brother. Quark: Overjoyed. I give it two months. Leeta: Oh, Rom! Rom: No time for that. Nog, are Leeta's bags packed? Nog: They're already on the shuttle. Leeta: You mean, we're leaving? Rom: No. You're leaving. First Minister Shakaar was very clear. All Bajorans must leave the station for their own safety. Leeta: But what about you? Rom: My job is here with Chief O'Brien. Leeta: Then I'm not going either. Rom: You see that, Nog. We've barely finished saying our vows and we're already having our first fight. We're really married! You've got to go, Leeta. The problems of two newlyweds are but a small thread in the tapestry of galactic events. You might not understand that today, or even tomorrow, but some day you will. So get on that shuttle and don't look back. Nog, take your Moogie to the docking ring. Nog: Nice speech, Dad. Rom: I thought so. Sisko: Computer, what's the status of program Sisko one nine seven? Computer: All necessary modifications have been completed. Program Sisko one nine seven ready for implementation on your command. Nog: Ops to Captain Sisko. Sir, we're receiving a message from the Cardassian border. It's General Martok. Sisko: On screen. Nog: Aye, sir. Martok: Captain, we just detected a large force of Dominion ships headed your way. They should be there within the hour. Worf: Someone is jamming his transmission. Damar: Contact established. Dukat: Captain Sisko. I don't suppose you would like to surrender and avoid unnecessary bloodshed. Sisko: Absolutely not. Dukat: I was hoping you'd say that. Sisko: Battle stations. Sisko: How much longer? Worf: The Dominion fleet should be in weapons range in twenty minutes. Sisko: Are all the Bajorans off the station? Nog: The last transport just left. Sisko: Let's hope the Dominion honors the non-aggression pact. Cadet, put me through to the Defiant. Nog: Yes, sir. On screen. Dax: Benjamin Dax: I know what you're going to say, but we've got at least another hour of work before we can activate the minefield. Sisko: You don't have an hour, old man. The Dominion is going to be here in less than twenty minutes. You're going to be a sitting duck. Dax: Then I hope you can buy us some more time. Dax out. Dax to O'Brien. O'Brien: I know, I know. Work faster. Jake: Medical tricorder, hypospray, dermal regenerator and battlefield trauma kit. Medical tricorder, hypospray, dermal regenerator and battlefield trauma kit. Jake: That's everyone. Now what? Bashir: Now we wait until the casualties start coming in. Are you sure you're all right? Jake: I'll be fine. Besides, my father won't let me stay in Ops and I promised the Federation News Service a first-hand account of the battle. Bashir: You'll get it. Just remember, Bashir is spelled with an I. Garak: I must say, Constable, I admire your composure. You're an island of tranquility in a sea of chaos. Odo: What I am is useless. My entire staff has been evacuated to Bajor. Garak: I'm not feeling too terribly useful myself at this moment, but if it'd make you feel any better, you could always deputize me. Odo: Ha. I'm sure if the Jem'Hadar board the station, you'll make yourself useful. Garak: It's ironic. When the Klingons attacked the station, Gul Dukat and I were fighting side by side. At one point he turned his back to me, and I must to admit that, for a moment, he made a very tempting target. Odo: You'd shoot a man in the back? Garak: Well, it's the safest way, isn't it? But then I thought, 'oh, no, I can't fight all these Klingons by myself.' So I let him live. Odo: And now you regret it. Garak: Ah, my dear Constable, before this day is over everyone on this station is going to regret it. Quark: Rom, I always said you were an idiot, but I never believed it more than I do at this moment. Rom: Brother, if you want to insult me, it's going to have to wait till later. I'm busy. Quark: Busy doing what? Rom: Preparing perimeter defenses for the attack. Quark: There are dozens of engineers that could be doing that. Starfleet engineers. Humans. You should be on Bajor with your new wife. Rom: That's what Leeta said. Quark: Well, she's right. This is not your fight. Rom: It's not your fight either, but I don't see you leaving. Quark: I have to look out for my bar. Rom: And I have to look out for you. Quark: Me? Rom: You're my brother. Whatever happens, we belong together. Quark: Well, like I said, you're an idiot. Nog: On screen, Captain. Sisko: General Martok, take a defensive position near the Defiant. They have to finish deploying those mines no matter the cost. Martok: And they will. You have my word on it, Captain. Sisko: Mister Worf, activate the weapons array. Worf: Aye, sir. Kira: Captain, as a Major in the Bajoran Militia, I must officially protest Starfleet's refusal to turn over this station to my government. Sisko: Your protest is duly noted. Kira: Good. Now that that's over with, Kira Nerys reporting for duty. Damar: Weapons range in one minute. Dukat: I've been waiting for this moment for five years. Damar: First, we reclaim Terok Nor, then on to Bajor. Weyoun: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, or must I remind you the Dominion just signed a non-aggression pact with Bajor. Dukat: The Dominion might've. I never did. Weyoun: The Dominion will honor its treaty. And as a member of the Dominion, you will honor it as well. Dukat: Where the Dominion leads, I will follow. Weyoun: I never doubted it. Dukat: Attack wings one through five head for the Defiant. Remaining ships, target the station. Damar: We're within weapons range. Dukat: Well, then by all means, fire. Sisko: Mister Worf, all weapons fire at will. Nog: Enemy ships are closing on the Defiant. Sisko: Mister Worf? Worf: Got them. Damar: Sir, the station's shields are holding. Weyoun: Impossible. Federation shields have always proven useless against our weapons. Dukat: I've found it wise to never underestimate the Federation's technical skill or Captain Sisko's resourcefulness. Damar, bring us around for another pass. Dax: Chief? How much longer? O'Brien: Just another couple of minutes. O'Brien: Take us to our final set of coordinates. Dax: Helm, set course Dax: Chief, I'm going to have to take evasive Dax: Maneuvers. O'Brien: If you do, you risk setting off every mine on this ship. Dax: And if I don't, we may not have a ship left. Martok: You may continue your work, Commander. I will handle the Jem'Hadar. Dax: Who says there's never a Klingon around when you need one? Nog: Shields at thirty-five percent. Kira: They're preparing for another attack. Sisko: Mister Worf, make every shot count. Dukat: Attack wings and batteries, concentrate your fire on section seventeen of the outer docking ring. We have to penetrate their shields. Nog: We've lost main power to the shields. Worf: Switching to auxiliary power. But I do not know how long it will hold. Dax: Defiant to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Dax, go ahead. Dax: We've set the last mine. Sisko: Activate the field and return to the station. Dax: Yes, sir. Dax out. Damar: Sir, the minefields Dukat: I have eyes, Damar. Weyoun: This isn't turning out quite the way I'd planned. Dukat: It's a minor setback, Weyoun. Once we take the station, we'll be able to dismantle the minefield without interference. Weyoun: Let's both hope your confidence is justified. Dukat: Damar, signal the reserves to prepare for a final assault. Kira: The Dominion fleet is regrouping. And I'm detecting another wave of enemy ships entering Bajoran space. Worf: What are your orders, Captain? Sisko: We've done all we can here. Notify all remaining Starfleet personnel. We're evacuating the station. Man: Report to the staging area. Dax: Worf. Worf: Jadzia. You should be on the Defiant. Dax: I heard you're not coming with us. That you've been assigned to Martok's ship. Worf: It might be some time before we see each other again. Dax: Worf, we might never see each other again. Worf: This is war. We must put aside our personal feelings and focus on the task at hand. Dax: I've been through my share of wars. I know what I have to do. But before you leave, I want you to know that the answer is yes. Worf: Yes? Yes to what? Dax: Yes, I will marry you. That's what you've wanted from the very beginning, isn't it? Worf: Yes. Yes it is. Dax: Then as soon as this is over, we'll get married. And if that doesn't give you a reason to survive, I don't know what will. Sisko: When I first took command of this post, all I wanted was to be somewhere else, anywhere but here. But now, five years later, this has become my home and you have become my family. And leaving this station, leaving you, is one of the hardest things I've ever Sisko: Had to do. But this war isn't over yet. I want you to know while we were keeping the Dominion occupied, a Starfleet-Klingon task force crossed the border into Cardassia Sisko: and destroyed the Dominion shipyards on Torros Three. Your sacrifices, our sacrifices, made that victory possible. But no victory can make this moment any easier for me. And I promise I will not rest until I stand with you again, here, on this place where I belong. Sisko to Defiant. O'Brien: Standing by, sir. Sisko: One to beam aboard. O'Brien: Aye, Captain. Sisko: Are we ready? O'Brien: As soon as you give the word, sir. Sisko: Mister Garak? Garak: I'd like to come along, if you don't mind. You never know when you might need a good tailor. And the simple fact is, I have nowhere else to go. Sisko: Welcome aboard. Dax: Dax to Sisko. The Dominion fleet is coming around for another attack. Sisko: Release docking clamps. Prepare for departure. Odo: The Defiant's away. Kira: Contact the Dominion fleet. Tell them the Bajoran government welcomes them to Deep Space Nine. Odo: Message acknowledged. Kira: Good. That's the last message this station will be sending out for a while. Computer, initiate program Sisko one nine seven. Computer: Program initiated. Kira: Dukat wanted the station back, he can have it. Quark: I don't want to see a drop of root beer left in this place. Break out the kanar and find me some yamok sauce. Rom: Rom, Assistant Manager for Policy and Clientele, reporting for work, brother. Quark: What, did you think you could just walk back in here and get your old job back? Rom: Actually, I'm a spy working for Starfleet, but don't tell anyone. Quark: The Federation's more desperate than I thought. I knew one day you'd come crawling back to me. Now get to work. Rom: Yes, brother. Rom: Jake? Aren't you supposed to be on the Defiant? Jake: I changed my mind. There's a war going on and I'm a reporter. This is where I belong. Rom: But you're not safe here. Jake: The Dominion knows I'm the Emissary's son. If they hurt me they risk alienating their new friends, the Bajorans. Rom: I hope you're right. Jake: So do I. Sisko: What the hell is Jake thinking? O'Brien: Do we go back for him? Sisko: I can't risk the entire crew for one man, even though he is my son. Whether I like it or not, he is a man, capable of making his own choices. Maintain current course. Dax: Aye, Captain. We should rendezvous with the Federation task force in forty eight hours. Bashir: And then what? Nog: And then we make the Dominion sorry they ever set foot in the Alpha Quadrant. Sisko: Cadet, you took the words right out of my mouth. Damar: This is a great victory for Cardassia. Dukat: And the Dominion. Weyoun: Over fifty ships lost, our spacedocks on Torros Three destroyed. A victory perhaps, but a costly one. Dukat: We'll discuss the repercussions later. Right now, I'm going to enjoy this moment. Kira: Gentlemen. On behalf of the Bajoran government Quark: And the Promenade Merchants' Association Kira: I officially welcome you to Deep Space Nine. Dukat: You mean Terok Nor, don't you? Weyoun: Founder, we're honored by your decision to remain with us. Odo: I'm not here as a Founder. I'm the station's Chief of Security. Weyoun: Whatever you say. Nevertheless, having a god walk amongst us is most gratifying. Dukat: I agree. You, me, the Major, together again. It should be most interesting. Now if you'll excuse me. I'll be in my office. Weyoun: It would appear Captain Sisko was most efficient in disabling the station. Dukat: It can be repaired. And it will be. Weyoun: But your first priority is to dismantle that minefield. Until we can bring in reinforcements from the Gamma Quadrant, our position here is vulnerable. Dukat: I'll deal with the minefields. Weyoun: I assume Captain Sisko removed or destroyed everything of value? Dukat: Not everything. Weyoun: What is that? Dukat: A message from Sisko. Weyoun: I don't understand. Dukat: He's letting me know he'll be back.

O'Brien: More Jem'Hadar ships come through the wormhole every week. Worf: It must stop. Sisko: It's going to stop. O'Brien: How do we keep them out? Sisko: We're going to mine the entrance to the wormhole, prevent the Dominion from bringing any more reinforcements to Cardassia. Weyoun: Either you remove the mines or we will take this station from you and remove them ourselves. Sisko: Mister Worf, all weapons fire at will. Dukat: I've been waiting for this moment for five years. Nog: We've lost main power to the shields. Worf: What are your orders, Captain? Sisko: We've done all we can here. Notify all remaining Starfleet personnel. We're evacuating the station. Dax: I heard you're not coming with us. That you've been assigned to Martok's ship. Worf: It might be some time before we see each other again. Dax: Worf, we might never see each other again. Kira: Dukat wanted the station back, he can have it. And now, the continuation. Sisko: Cadet. Nog: Long range scanners show no sign of Jem'Hadar ships. Looks like they've broken off their pursuit. O'Brien: I guess they got tired of looking at our backs. Three months of bloody slaughter and what have we got to show for it? Not a damn thing. Engage, retreat, engage, retreat. Just once I would've liked to have gotten a look at their backs. Sisko: Chief, that's enough. O'Brien: Sorry, sir. Nothing a little sleep won't cure. Dax: We could all use some sleep. What has it been, seventy eight hours? Nog: Shouldn't we have heard something from the Seventh Fleet by now? Dax: I wouldn't worry just yet. The Tyra system is far enough away that it'll be a day or two before we get any message. Nog: You think they can stop the Dominion? O'Brien: Damn right they can. Somebody has to. Garak: Ah, there you are. I'd just about given up hope, Doctor. I would think that all those lunches we've shared would've entitled me to preferential treatment. Bashir: Look, I have twelve wounded officers and crewmen out there, all of whom are in a lot worse shape than you, Garak. Garak: Well, if you're trying to cheer me up, it's working. I feel better already. Bashir: What happened? Garak: I was studying some star charts for Captain Sisko during the last assault when I had a sudden and rather violent encounter with a bulkhead. Bashir: You'll live. Garak: I wish I shared your confidence. I'm sure my head will heal, but the way this war is going I wouldn't bet on any of us living to a ripe old age. Bashir: I admit the odds are not good, but they could be worse. Garak: Let me guess. You've used that genetically enhanced brain of yours to calculate our chances of survival. Bashir: It really wasn't that difficult. I simply started with a binomial Garak: I'm really not interested, Doctor. Ever since it's become public knowledge that you're genetically engineered, you've used every opportunity to show off. Bashir: I have nothing to hide anymore. I might as well use what I have. Garak: Well, what are our chances? Over fifty percent? Bashir: Thirty two point seven. Garak: I'm sorry I asked. You're certain about that figure? Bashir: Do you want me to take you through the entire set of calculations? Garak: Not really. Genetically engineered, indeed. Bashir: Excuse me? Garak: Well look at you. You act as if you haven't a care in the world. It's exactly that kind of smug, superior attitude that makes people like you so unpopular. Bashir: Are you trying to insulting me? Garak: A thirty two point seven percent chance of survival. I call that insulting. Bashir: Don't take it so personally, Garak. It's strictly a matter of mathematics. Garak: No, it's strictly a matter of our lives. You're not genetically engineered. You're a Vulcan. Bashir: If I'm a Vulcan, then how do you explain my boyish smile? Garak: Not so boyish anymore, Doctor. Dax: So where do you think Starfleet will be sending us next? Sisko: I don't know. But if I have anything to say about the matter, we'll be going right back to the front lines. Martok: Well said, Captain. And my ship will be at your side. Dax: Worf! Martok: Tell her. Dax: Tell me what? Worf: It can wait. Martok: No, it cannot. Raktajino. It's been weighing heavily on his mind. Dax: What is it, Worf? What's wrong? Worf: It is about our wedding. Dax: You're getting cold feet? Worf: You have scheduled the ritual sacrifice of the targ to occur after the wedding feast has been served. Dax: We haven't seen each other for five weeks and that's the first thing you say to me? Worf: We agreed it would be a traditional ceremony. Dax: Okay, have it your way. First we'll shed blood and then we'll feast. Worf: As it should be. Martok: He has been unable to talk about anything else for days. Dax: He's such a worrier. Sisko: Take my advice, old man. A small wedding is the way to go. Dax: You get married the way you want, and I'll get married the way I want. I'll see you later, Captain Sisko: Try not to break any bones. Martok: Now that that's settled, I'm going to take care of this. Klingons make great warriors but terrible doctors. Bashir: Captain. Martok: Just the man I wanted to see. Bashir: We've been ordered to report to Starbase three seven five for reassignment. Sisko: Something else, Doctor? Bashir: I have news of the Seventh Fleet. Sisko: Go on. Bashir: Only fourteen ships made it back to our lines. Martok: Fourteen out of a hundred and twelve. Bashir: We can't keep taking these kinds of losses, sir, not if we expect to win this Sisko: Thank you, Doctor. That will be all. Bashir: I'll take a look at that arm now. Permanent Documentation File, Dukat, SG. Each day brings reports of new victories. The war continues to go well. The enemy is retreating on almost all fronts. It's only a matter of time before the Federation collapses and Earth becomes another conquered planet under Dominion rule. All in all, it's a good time for Cardassia, and the Dominion. Weyoun: My dear Major Kira, you have no idea how it pleases me to hear you say that. Dukat, the Major has just given me the most wonderful news. Bajorans are returning to the station. Dukat: I'm well aware of it. Weyoun: Then I'm sure you share my delight in knowing that life here is returning to normal. The shops are reopening, the Promenade is abuzz with activity once again. The Habitat ring echoes with the laughter of happy children. Damar: I've doubled security patrols throughout the station. Weyoun: Are such precautions really necessary? Dukat: I've found that one can't be too careful when dealing with the Bajorans. Kira: What's wrong, Dukat? Afraid we'll take the station away from you again? Damar: You're welcome to try. Weyoun: Come now, come now, there's no need for this petty bickering. We're all friends here. Kira: Are we. Weyoun: Of course we are. And if you have any suggestions, Major, feel free to bring them to me at any time. Kira: Fine. We'd like the station's Bajoran security force reinstated. Damar: I suppose you want us to give them back their weapons as well. Kira: That's right. Dukat: The station no longer requires a Bajoran security force. Our troops can handle any problems that might arise. Kira: The Federation and Bajor always shared equal responsibility for station security. I thought you said that we would have the same arrangement with the Dominion. After all, we are all friends here, aren't we? Weyoun: Perhaps you should reconsider your decision. Dukat: The order stands. You may trust the Bajorans, but I don't. And until they earn my trust, I prefer to keep them unarmed. And if you were in my position, Major, you would do exactly the same thing. Weyoun: Perhaps it would be best to let the matter rest for a while. I'm sure in time, We'll be able to resolve all these minor problems to our mutual satisfaction. Kira: I'll remember you said that. Weyoun: I'm sure you will. One last thing. Odo. Kira: What about him? Weyoun: Is he aware that I'm doing everything I can to strengthen the bond between the Dominion and the Bajoran people? Kira: Why don't you ask him yourself? Weyoun: No, no, I wouldn't want to bother him. Good day, Major. Dukat: She's a fascinating woman, isn't she? Weyoun: I wouldn't know. But I do know we need her as an ally. Damar: The Bajorans will never be our allies. Weyoun: Out. Don't look at him. I'm telling you to leave. Now! Dukat: I find him useful. Weyoun: In the future, it might be prudent for you to include me in all decisions relating to station policy. Now, what about the wormhole? You assured me that you would be able to dismantle the minefield within a month. That was two months ago. Dukat: Well, I admit the work is proceeding more slowly than expected, but as you know, these are not ordinary mines. Every time we deactivate or destroy one of them, its neighbor replicates a new one. Weyoun: We have to take down that minefield and reopen the wormhole. Dukat: And we will. But there's no need for panic. We are winning the war. Weyoun: For the moment, yes. But to defeat the Federation, we're going to need reinforcements and new supplies of ketracel-white. Soon. Dukat: Weyoun, I said I will deal with the minefield, and I will. Quark: Good evening, gentlemen. Once again I see you're at your usual table. It's amazing how many of my customers think of Quark's as their second home. I only wish I had a holo-imager so I could preserve this warm and wonderful moment of camaraderie. Something you could hang on the wall of your barracks. Have you tried the dabo tables? I'm sure one of my lovely hostesses would be happy to teach you the game. I know. A complimentary hour in one of our state-of-the-art holosuites? Whatever your desires, I'm sure we can satisfy them. Perhaps another time. Enjoy the evening. Quark: Tough crowd. Kira: I'm telling you, Odo, Dukat has only one thing on his mind, and that's revenge. He can't stand the thought that Bajor defeated Cardassia. Odo: You think he wants to reopen the labor camps? Kira: Eventually. Odo: Well then, I suppose we should be grateful that he has Weyoun looking over his shoulder. Kira: Maybe. Weyoun's a hard one to figure out. I don't really trust him but I trust him more than Dukat. Odo: Weyoun knows that it's in the Dominion's best interest to honor its treaty with Bajor. They want to prove to the rest of the Alpha Quadrant that they're true to their word. Kira: Weyoun asked me about you. He seemed very concerned about what you thought of him. Odo: I try not to think of him. Kira: He'd be hurt to hear you said that. I'll have to mention it to him. Odo: I'm glad you can still smile. Kira: Only when I'm with you. Odo: That's kind of you to say. Kira: No, it's true. When I talk to you, things don't seem as bad. When I think of Dukat in the Captain's office, or the fact that the Federation seems to be losing this war and we're here doing nothing. Odo: I share your frustration, Major, but right now there's really nothing we can do but bide our time. It's like Captain Sisko said. Bajor must be kept out of the fighting. Kira: And who am I to argue with the Emissary. Quark: Thanks for waiting. Things have been a little busier than expected. This one's on the house. Kira: What do you want, Quark? Quark: The usual. Peace, love and understanding. Not to mention a generous profit margin, which I'm happy to say is looking more and more likely. You know, I never expected to say this, but as occupations go, this one's not so bad. Kira: No, I suppose that's true if all you're worried about is a monthly balance sheet. Quark: I'm not just concerned with profit, Major. Look around. Do you see any ghetto fences dividing the Promenade? Or exhausted Bajoran slave laborers sprawled on the ground after a grueling day in the Ore Processing Center? Do you hear the cries of starving children? I don't. Now don't get me wrong, I miss the Federation too. All I'm saying is, things could be a lot worse. Odo: I hate to say this, but he's right. The Dominion seems determined to prove that it can be a friend to Bajor. Kira: If it's such a good friend, why are no Bajoran security officers on the station? Ross: I'm glad to see you made it back in one piece, Ben. Sisko: I was lucky. We lost a lot of good people. Ross: Yes, we did. And we're going to lose a lot more before this is over. I hope you'll find this office satisfactory. Sisko: Office? I wasn't aware I'd be needing an office. I thought I was here for an assignment briefing. Ross: I'm afraid you're going to be here longer than you think, Captain. As of right now, you're no longer in command of the Defiant. Dax: Relieved of command? Why? Sisko: Admiral Ross didn't say. He did say we'll be getting our new assignment at sixteen hundred hours. Dax: Well at least the crew's staying together. We are staying together, aren't we? Sisko: You can count on it. Dax: So what do you plan on doing the next couple of hours? Sisko: I hadn't given it much thought. Dax: Maybe now would be a good time to contact your father. Sisko: Maybe. Dax: Benjamin, you haven't spoken to him for months. And Jake is his grandson. Sisko: How do I explain that I evacuated every Federation citizen off Deep Space Nine except his grandson. Dax: You'll think of something. You always do. Joseph: You did what? Sisko: Dad, it's not quite as bad as it sounds. Joseph: You mean you didn't leave my grandson at the mercy of a vicious, bloodthirsty enemy? Sisko: Well, no, I did. Joseph: Then it's certainly just as bad as it sounds. Sisko: Dad, it was not my decision. It was Jake's choice to stay behind. Joseph: Oh, so now you're going to blame this on Jake. Sisko: I'm not blaming Jake. But he's not a child anymore. He's responsible for his own actions. Joseph: I don't care who's responsible. It's wrong and I want him back. Sisko: And so do I. Joseph: You think he's all right? Sisko: I hope so. I'll bring him back, Dad. I promise. Joseph: When? Sisko: That I don't know. It might be a while. I'm about to be given new orders, and I don't know where they're going to send me. Joseph: Tell them you want to go get your son. Sisko: It's wartime. It's not up to me. I go where I'm sent. How's the restaurant doing? Joseph: All right. It's been three weeks since I've poisoned anyone. Are things really as bad as the news service claims? Sisko: Maybe worse. Joseph: Well you certainly know how to comfort a frightened old man. Sisko: You didn't raise me to be a liar. Joseph: I raised you to be a chef, for all the good it did me. You know, there's something I just don't understand. You're always telling me that space is big, that it's an endless frontier filled with infinite wonders. Sisko: It's true. Joseph: Well if that's the case, you would think it would be more than enough room to allow people to leave each other alone. Sisko: It just doesn't work that way. It should, but it doesn't. Joseph: I'd better be going. The lunch crowd's coming in. You watch yourself, Ben. And bring me back my grandson. Sisko: I will. Joseph: I love you. Sisko: I love you too. Weyoun: Hello. Jake: Excuse me, Mister Weyoun. Weyoun: Oh, please. I prefer just Weyoun. Jake: That's the kind of detail people like to know. Would this be a good time? Weyoun: For what? Jake: For the interview we talked about. You know, for the Federation News Service. Weyoun: Oh, I'm afraid that will be quite impossible. Jake: Why? Weyoun: Because I've read your previous articles and they left me with one inescapable conclusion. You are biased against the Dominion. Jake: What gave you that idea? Weyoun: You keep referring to us as the station's, quote, occupying force, unquote. Jake: What's wrong with that? Weyoun: It has a negative connotation. All your articles are filled with pejorative terminology, which is why I've been forced to withhold their transmission. Jake: Are you telling me that no one in the Federation read my reports? Weyoun: If I don't send them, they don't read them. Jake: What about freedom of the press? Weyoun: Please tell me you're not that naive. Jake: The only reason I stayed here was to report on the occupation. Weyoun: You see, there you go again. This is not an occupation. This is a Cardassian station, Jake, and I'm sure you're aware that there are no Dominion troops on Bajor. And why should there be? We have a treaty with them. They're our friends. Jake: All right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. Weyoun: If you want me to send your articles to the Federation, you're going to have to provide a more balanced perspective. Jake: I won't write Dominion propaganda. Weyoun: I would never dream of asking you to. All I want is for you to keep an open mind. Jake: All right, my mind is open. Now can we do the interview? Weyoun: All in good time. You keep writing, I'll keep reading. Let's leave it at that for now. Good day, Jake. Ross: Starfleet Intelligence has diskovered what we believe to be their main storage facility for ketracel-white in the Alpha Quadrant. Right here. Ross: Deep in Cardassian space. We need to destroy it. Bashir: Without the White to sustain them, the Jem'Hadar won't be able to function. Ross: Without the White, the Jem'Hadar will die. Dax: I won't shed any tears, not if it helps end this war. Ross: It may be our only way we can end this war, short of surrendering. Bashir: How do you expect us to infiltrate Cardassian territory without the Defiant and its cloaking abilities? Sisko: I was wondering the same thing. Ross: You won't need a cloaking device. We have something even better. Dax: It's a Jem'Hadar attack ship. Ross: It's the one you captured last year, Captain. Now you get a chance to see what it can do. Bashir: Do you even know how to fly that thing? Sisko: Not yet. But I intend to learn. Dax: Guidance matrix, check. Aft parabolic thrusters, check. Sensor feed, check. Chief. O'Brien: Reactor core, check. Induction stabilizers, check. Phaser coils, check. Dax: Nog. Nog: Resonance emitters, check. Subspace field grid, check. Signal subprocessors, check. I think. O'Brien: You think? We've been training on this ship for two weeks now. Nog: I would like to put a Jem'Hadar soldier on the Defiant and see how well he does after two weeks. These controls are very different. They take time to get used to. O'Brien: We don't have any more time. We're about to take this ship into enemy territory. We don't want any slipups. Nog: I don't intend to make any, Chief. O'Brien: Good. Nog: I still don't see why we couldn't installl a few chairs on the bridge. O'Brien: Because this ship wasn't designed for chairs. Nog: Well, my feet aren't designed to stand for long periods of time. They get tired. O'Brien: Maybe we should leave you behind. Nog: My feet might like that, but I wouldn't. O'Brien: It's not your feet that you need to worry about, it's your stomach. Have you noticed? There isn't a single food replicator anywhere on this ship. Nog: That shouldn't be a problem. Captain Sisko says there'll be plenty of field rations. O'Brien: Try eating nothing but field rations for three weeks and then tell me it isn't a problem. Dax: You want to know what is a problem? No viewscreen. Who builds a bridge without a window? Bashir: The same people who build a ship without an Infirmary. Here's a list of all the medical supplies I brought on board. They're in my quarters, for want of a better place. Dax: Don't worry, we'll try not to have any medical emergencies while you're sleeping. Bashir: I'm so glad that you find the lack of proper medical facilities amusing. But if trouble breaks out, it's not a viewscreen or a chair or even a sandwich you'll be wanting. It's a bio-bed with a surgical tissue regenerator. Dax: Maybe. But right now I would settle for a viewscreen. Nog: Or a chair. O'Brien: Or a sandwich. Sisko: All right, people. Prepare for departure. Dax: All systems ready, sir. Bashir: Garak, come to see us off? Garak: Not quite. Sisko: I invited Mister Garak to join us. Considering we're heading into Cardassian territory, I thought he might prove useful. Garak: Well, it's been known to happen. O'Brien: Pull up a chair. Nog: We're cleared for departure, sir. Sisko: Take us out, old man. Dax: Aye, Captain. Aft thrusters at one half. Sisko: Bring us about. Dax: Just wanted to make sure everyone was awake. Sisko: We are now. Just take it nice and easy, all right? Dax: I can try. Sisko: Set a course for the Cardassian border, heading zero five four mark zero nine three. Warp six. Dax: Yes, sir. Dukat: Come in. Kira: You wanted to see me? Dukat: I always want to see you, Major. And therein lies the problem. It's been three months since my return to this station and you and I have barely spent any time with one another. Oh, I know you can point out the various meetings we've attended together, but they never seem to offer us the opportunity to venture beyond station business. Kira: I don't have time for this. Dukat: Major! I haven't dismissed you yet. Kira: What do you want from me, Dukat? Dukat: Come now, Major. Have the last three months been that bad? Kira: Is that what you want? Is that why I'm here? To flatter you? To tell you know what a good job you've doing and how happy we all are to have you back? Dukat: Sarcasm doesn't become you, Major. It's your directness that I've always found most appealing. Kira: Dukat, I've got better things to do than to stand here and help you play out one of your little fantasies. Dukat: You feel I've betrayed you. Kira: Not just me, everyone. Even your own people. Dukat: Cardassia was on the edge of an abyss, Major. The war with the Klingons left us into a third-rate power. My people had lost their way. I've made them strong again. Kira: At what price? You sold Cardassia to the Dominion. Dukat: Yes, a high price, to be sure. But look what we're getting in return. The Alpha Quadrant itself. Kira: We'll see about that. Dukat: Yes, we will. Oh, I could make things very pleasant for you here, Kira. Kira: You could start by doing something about your breath. Dukat: I'm a patient man. I can wait. Kira: Wait for what? What do you think is going to happen here, Dukat? That you're going to wear me down with your charming personality? That I'm going to be swept off my feet by that insincere smile? Are you really so deluded that you actually believe that we're going to have some kind of intimate relationship? Dukat: Oh, we already do. Good day, Major. I have work to do. Bashir: There. I wish I had had more time to study the side effects of wearing that headset. Sisko: At least we know one side effect. Headaches. Bashir: Well, the headsets were designed to be worn by the Vorta and the Jem'Hadar, not humans. Garak: Captain, may I make a suggestion? Sisko: Only if you talk softly. Garak: We saw Dukat wearing one of these headsets during the attack on Deep Space Nine. Perhaps Cardassian physiology is more compatible. Sisko: Are you volunteering? Garak: I suppose I am. This ship is equipped with two of them. If I wore one, then you wouldn't have to. At least, not all the time. Bashir: I agree with Garak, Captain. The less you wear it, the better. Sisko: Garak. Garak: It's like having a viewscreen inside your brain. Nog: Sir, there's a Federation ship off our starboard bow, bearing one five seven mark zero nine five. It's the USS Centaur. Sisko: That's Charlie Reynolds' ship. Garak: I see it. Sisko: Cadet, open a channel to the Centaur. Nog: I can't. Our comm. system's down. Garak: Perhaps we should consider returning fire. Bashir: We can't do that. They're Starfleet. Garak: Well, you tell them, not us. O'Brien: We better do something. Sisko: Dax, get us across the border, maximum warp. I hope Charlie Reynolds knows better than to follow us into Dominion territory. Sisko: How long before we cross the border? Dax: We just did. Nog: The Centaur's still with us. Sisko: Charlie never did know when to quit. O'Brien: I hope he knows what he's doing. Garak: The question is, do we know what we're doing? Dax: Captain, that last hit damaged one of our guidance thrusters. Sisko: Drop us out of warp. Come about. Prepare to return fire. O'Brien: Yes, sir. Dax: The Centaur has followed us out of warp. Sisko: Target their weapons array. Avoid their engines. I don't want to leave Charlie out here stranded on the wrong side of the border. Dax: We're coming about for another pass. Sisko: Charlie likes to swing for the fences so stay in tight. Attack pattern Omega. Dax: The Centaur is going to warp. It's heading back to Federation space. Nog: Yes! Garak: Nice work, Chief. O'Brien: I didn't know I'd scored a direct hit. Dax: Maybe you didn't. I'm picking up three Jem'Hadar ships headed this way. Sisko: He must have seen them. Nog: They went right by us. Dax: Without even bothering to say hello. O'Brien: They're too busy chasing the Centaur. Bashir: You think Reynolds will outrun them? Sisko: Charlie's been in tight spots before. He'll make it. Dax: I wish we could help. Sisko: We can't. Chief, get our comm. system back online. Return to course. Warp seven. Dax: Yes, sir. Kira: You should have seen the arrogant, smug look on his face. He was in control and there was nothing that I could do about it. The war isn't over yet, but as far as Dukat is concerned, he's already won. I'd love to show him he's wrong. Odo: For the moment at least, I'm afraid he has won. Look at me. I don't know why I bother to sit here every day. I don't even have a security force to patrol the Promenade. Kira: Then ask for one. Demand that they reinstate your Bajoran deputies. Odo: Dukat will never agree to that. Kira: Forget about Dukat. Go to Weyoun. He'll listen to you. As far as he's concerned you're a god, and that gives you power. But what good is power if you're not willing to use it? Jem'Hadar: We pledge our loyalty to the Founders from now until death. Weyoun: Then receive this reward from the Founders. May it keep you strong. Dukat: You enjoy that, don't you? That constant reminder that you're their master. Weyoun: The Founders are the masters. I am merely their servant, as are the Jem'Hadar. And you. Dukat: That may be. But even amongst servants, someone has to be in charge. Weyoun: That is exactly the kind of observation I've come to expect from you, Dukat. Interesting, yet somewhat petty. Damar: Forgive the interruption, but he insisted on seeing you immediately. Weyoun: Founder, I'm honored by your visit. Is there someway I can be of service? Odo: I want my Bajoran security officers reinstated. Weyoun: Consider it done. Odo: From now on, they'll be responsible for security on the Promenade. Weyoun: I don't see any problem with that. Dukat: I do. Weyoun: This is between me and Odo. I'll thank you to keep out of it. Odo: I'll have my officers report to the armory within the hour. Weyoun: Now that I've done something for you, perhaps there's something you'd consent to do for me. Kira: A member of the station's Ruling Council. You? Odo: Along with Weyoun and Dukat. Now I'll have a voice in station policy. Kira: You're sure this is a good idea? Odo: Dukat thought it was a terrible idea. You should have seen his face when Weyoun offered me the position. Kira: Don't you see that Weyoun's using you? Your presence on the Council validates the Dominion control of the station. Odo: I thought we were using him. I know the danger, Major. I've had to walk this line before during the Cardassian occupation. I can do it again, but this time I won't be alone. I'll have you to help me. Kira: That's right, you will. Odo: Then this is a victory after all. Kira: I suppose it is. But for some reason, it just doesn't feel like one. Garak: The ship ahead just transmitted a message to the asteroid storage facility. They're requesting to be resupplied with ketracel-white. Dax: Looks like we've come to the right place. Garak: The ship beamed down a hundred and ten empty canisters. Mow the storage facility is beaming up a hundred and ten full ones. Sisko: Everything ready, Chief? O'Brien: I've got eighty three empty canisters standing by, and one not so empty. O'Brien: Ninety isotons of enriched ultritium should take out the entire storage facility and everything else within eight hundred kilometers. Sisko: Which means we have to be nine hundred kilometers away before the bomb goes off. Garak: The other ship is leaving orbit. Sisko: Dax? Dax: The entire exchange took ninety two point three seconds. Garak: I've asked for eighty four canisters of ketracel-white. Excellent. They're acknowledging my request. Sisko: Chief, set the detonator for three minutes. O'Brien: Detonator set. Bashir: Three minutes? If it takes us ninety two point three seconds to make the exchange that doesn't give us much time, sir. Sisko: That doesn't give the Jem'Hadar much time to detect the explosive either. Commander, beam down the canisters. Dax: Canisters away. Nog: I hope whoever's in charge down there hasn't taken a lunch break. Bashir: The Jem'Hadar don't eat, Nog. Nog: That's good. How do we know they're Jem'Hadar? Dax: Relax, Cadet, everything's on schedule. They've just beamed eighty four canisters of White into our cargo hold. Garak: I've acknowledged receipt and requested clearance for departure. Sisko: Good. Prepare to go to warp. Dax: Standing by. Garak: Captain, I think we have a problem. They've just raised the security net. Sisko: Repeat our request for clearance. Garak: They're not responding. Bashir: If they don't drop the net before the bomb goes off, we don't stand a chance. Dax: One minute and thirty seconds to detonation. Nog: Do you think they found the bomb? O'Brien: I doubt it. Not this fast. Bashir: Then why aren't they letting us go? Sisko: That's a good question. Garak: Captain, they're responding. They're ordering us to stand by. Sisko: For what? Garak: They're not saying. Dax: One minute fifteen seconds. Sisko: Chief, can we punch a hole in the security net? O'Brien: Sure. It'll take a couple of minutes. Sisko: We don't have a couple of minutes. What if we disable the net's power generator? Nog: The explosion will do that. Garak: Well that won't do us much good. Dax: One minute. Sisko: Maybe it will. When the generator's destroyed, the net'll come down. All we have to do is to time it so that we're moving fast enough at the moment of detonation to avoid getting caught in the explosion. Dax: But not so fast that we smash into the net before it's deactivated. O'Brien: It's tricky. Sisko: Not if we time it right. Dax: Let's see. A radial geodesic in a thirty nine Cochrane warp field contracts normal space at a rate of Bashir: We have to go to full impulse one point three seconds before the bomb detonates. Sisko: Dax? Dax: The computer agrees with Julian. Garak: Of course it does. They think alike. Dax: Turning over piloting controls to the main computer. Set. Sisko: Time? Dax: Twenty two seconds until the explosion. Nog: Twenty-two seconds. That's plenty of time. O'Brien: See, Cadet? There was nothing to worry about. O'Brien: It must've gone off early. Sisko: Dax, get us out of here! Garak: Well, not quite according to plan, but I'm sure Starfleet will be quite satisfied with the results. Sisko: I agree, Mister Garak. Well done, old man. How bad is it, Chief? O'Brien: It doesn't look good. I'm going to have to switch to auxiliary life support. Deflectors are down, guidance system's shot, and Sisko: And what? O'Brien: The core matrix is fried. We don't have warp drive. Garak: Forgive my ignorance, but if we don't have warp drive, how long is it going to take us to reach the closest Federation starbase? Sisko: A long time, Mister Garak. Garak: How long? Bashir: Seventeen years, two months, and three days. Give or take an hour.

Sisko: Sisko to Dax. Dax: Yes, Captain. Sisko: We arrive at Starbase three seven five in five minutes. Dax: I'll meet you in the transporter room. Dax out. Oh, now that's what I call really bad timing. I have to go. Worf: Jadzia, there is just one more thing Dax: As long as it's not about the wedding. Worf: When we exchange vows, you must remember to present your d'k tahg to General Martok as a formal request for him to accept you into our House. Dax: But I don't want to join his House. Worf: What? Dax: I don't want to get caught up in all those blood feuds. Every time a member of the House of Martok gets dishonored or killed, I'll have to drop whatever I'm doing and rush off on some quest for vengeance. It's boring, Worf. Worf: If you refuse, it will be a grave dishonor. General Martok will not understand. Dax: Worf, I'm joking. Worf: So you will join our House? Dax: Of course I will. Worf: I can see our lives together will not be easy. Dax: True. But they'll be fun. Martok: This is General Martok of the IKS. Rotarran, requesting permission to dock. Starfleet: General, you're cleared for docking at bay eleven. Bashir: Thank God. O'Brien: I never thought I'd miss Starfleet field rations. Give me some freeze-dried peaches, or some powdered carrots, anything so long as it isn't moving. Bashir: It's not the food, it's the singing. O'Brien: Till all hours of the night. Bashir: If I'd have to listen to another ballad about the honored dead, I'll go stark raving mad. Starfleet: Captain Sisko, Admiral Ross extends his compliments for a job well done and requests that you and your senior staff beam to his conference room for debriefing immediately. Sisko: Tell the Admiral we're on our way. Starfleet: Starbase out. Sisko: Once again, thank you for rescuing us, General. Martok: Try not to get too comfortable lounging around the starbase. We need you back in the fight. Sisko: Are you a betting man, General? Martok: One of my many pleasures. Sisko: Then a barrel of bloodwine says that I set foot on Deep Space Nine before you do. Martok: Done. Worf: General, I've just received word the reinforcements from the Vor'nak are here. Martok: Good. Look at this. Barely moving. I'd give my good eye for a plate of fresh gagh. How many replacements? Worf: Five. Martok: Five? I requested fifteen. Worf: General Tanas could only give us five. Martok: We keep falling back. The Dominion keeps pushing forward. I tell you, Worf, war is much more fun when you're winning. Defeats make my wounds ache. Ah, the replacements. Martok: I am General Martok. Welcome to the Rotarran. May you prove worthy of this ship and bring honor to her name. This is a glorious moment in the history of the Empire, a chapter that will be written with your blood. Fight well, and our people will sing your praises for a thousand years. Fail, and there will be no more songs, no more honor, no more Empire. Who among you hears the cry of the warrior calling you to glory? All: Qapla'! Worf: Who offers their life for the Empire? N'Garen: N'Garen, daughter of Tse'Dek! Katogh: Katogh, son of Ch'Pok! Koth: Koth, son of Larna! Doran: Doran, daughter of W'Mar! Alexander: Alexander Rozhenko. Worf: Alexander. Martok: Rozhenko? Of what house is Rozhenko? Alexander: Of no House, sir. My honor will be my own. Martok: Well, there will be plenty of honor for the taking on this ship. Enough for all of you. I accept your lives into my hands. Glory to you and to the Empire! Worf: Yih-Ghom-HAH! Martok: This Alexander Rozhenko, you know him? Worf: He is my son. Kira: The next thing we need is a secure way to communicate with our contacts on Bajor. Odo: The Cardassians are extremely adept at locating the source of any illicit subspace transmission. Kira: Well, we'll just have to be smarter than they are. Jake: Hi. Mind if I join you? Odo: You already have. Jake: I want in. Odo: In on what? Jake: Your resistance cell. Kira: What cell? Jake: Come on, Major. I have my sources. Odo: How reassuring. Jake: I can help. Odo: How? Jake: As a reporter, I hear things. People talk to me. Kira: About what? Jake: Major, all I'm asking for is a chance. Quark: It's time, Major. Kira: Already? Quark: Fourteen fifty seven hours. The shuttle will be docking in three minutes. Kira: I better get going. Don't want to keep him waiting. Jake: I see Gul Dukat's still having you meet him every time he returns to the station. Like I said, I hear things. Quark: Shouldn't you be wearing your dress uniform? You look lovely just the way you are. Jake: So, am I in or not? Quark: You don't want to get involved in this, but if you are looking for something to do, I could use another waiter. Dukat: Ah, Major Kira. So good to see you again. Damar: You're out of uniform, Major. Bajorans could use a lesson in respect. Dukat: Damar, please. This is a happy occasion. Let's not spoil it. I have a surprise for you. Ziyal: Nerys! KIRA Ziyal! Ziyal: I am so glad to see you. Kira: What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on Bajor. Dukat: I talked her into taking a little sabbatical from the university. Kira: Talked her into it? Ziyal: It didn't take much convincing. Why don't you and I have dinner tonight, and I'll tell you all about it. Kira: All right. Dukat: Splendid! We'll dine in my quarters at twenty two hundred hours. Kira: Wait a minute, I didn't Ziyal: I can't tell you how much I've missed you. Dukat: Come along, Ziyal. Ziyal: I'll see you tonight. Kira: All right. Worf: You sent for me, General. Martok: Orders at last. We are to escort a convoy to Donatu Five. Worf: The last three convoys that were sent there were destroyed by the Jem'Hadar. Martok: Which is why this one must get through. Worf: How many ships will form the escort? Martok: The Rotarran is all the High Council can spare. A vital mission, impossible odds and a ruthless enemy. What more could we ask for? I tell you Worf, I feel young again. Here is the briefing. Start battle drills immediately. Train them hard. Worf: By the time we join the convoy, they will have the reflexes of a Norpin falcon. Martok: I expect nothing less. Worf, one moment. Martok: We have shed blood together, escaped from a Jem'Hadar prison together. You have pledged yourself and your life to my House. Yet in all this time, you have never once mentioned that you had a son. Worf: It is a difficult subject to discuss. Martok: That much is obvious. Worf: Alexander and I were never close. His mother was only half-Klingon and was disdainful of our ways. Martok: I see. So you allowed her to raise the boy. Worf: No, General. She was killed when he was very young. He spent a short time with me aboard the Enterprise, but after that I sent him to live with my foster parents on Earth. Martok: Why? Worf: He showed no interest in becoming a warrior. It was difficult, but I learned to accept it and, in time, encouraged him to follow his own path. Martok: Then why has he joined the Klingon Defense Forces? Worf: I do not know. I have not spoken with him. Martok: This is not good, my friend. When a father and son do not speak, it means there's trouble between them. Worf: General, I prefer to handle this my own way. Martok: Then do so. Worf: Enter. Alexander: Bekk Alexander Rozhenko reporting as ordered, sir. Worf: You have grown. Alexander: So I've been told. Worf: How are your grandparents? Alexander: Your parents were in good health when I last saw them. Worf: Do they know you are here? Alexander: They weren't pleased about my decision, but when they realized I was determined to enlist they supported me as they always have. Worf: I know we have not seen each other for some time, but let us talk as father and son. Alexander: I am not here to call you father. I am here to serve the Empire. Worf: Serving the Empire was not one of your priorities when last we spoke. Alexander: As you say, that was some time ago. Worf: Did you think enlisting would please me? Alexander: Pleasing you did not enter into my decision. With all due respect, sir , does this conversation have any bearing on my duties aboard this ship? Worf: Stop pretending to be a warrior. We both know you do not belong here. You heard what I expect from the rest of the crew. Twice that I expect from you. Do we understand each other? Alexander: Perfectly. Worf: You may go. Ziyal: Come in. Nerys, you're early. I've just started the ramufta. Kira: Ziyal, I'm not having dinner with you tonight. Ziyal: Oh. It's because of my father, isn't it? Kira: That's right. Ziyal: I thought you might change your mind. I was hoping I was wrong. Kira: Ziyal, what are you doing back on the station? Ziyal: Please don't be upset with me. I know how hard you worked to arrange things for me on Bajor. I tried, I really tried. Kira: I'm not upset with you. I'm a little confused. What happened? Ziyal: It wasn't any one thing. The students at the university, everybody was polite. But then I'd see them whispering in the hallways, staring at me. I'm the daughter of Gul Dukat. My father is leading a war against the Emissary of the Prophets. I don't know what made me think I belonged there. This station is the closest thing I have to a home. You're here. My father is here. Kira: But the last time you defied him, he left you here to die. Ziyal: We talked about that. He admits he overreacted, but family loyalty is important to my father and he felt I betrayed him. Kira: You betrayed him? I think it's the other way around. Ziyal: He misses me, and I've missed him. I have to give him a chance. He's all I have except for you. I was hoping you would have dinner with us tonight because there's something special I wanted to share with both of you. But I guess that's impossible. Kira: All right, I'll be here. But I won't guarantee it's going to be any fun. Ziyal: I promise my father will behave. Alexander: Is this seat taken? Ch'Targh: Alexander Rozhenko. We were holding it just for you. Alexander: I am honored. Ch'Targh: The honor is ours. Please. Bregit lung. An excellent choice. Would you care for some grapok sauce? Alexander: No, thank you. Ch'Targh: Oh, you must try some. It brings out the flavor. Alexander: That's enough, thank you. Ch'Targh: Some bloodwine to wash it down? Alexander: Why are you laughing? Ch'Targh: Or perhaps the son of our illustrious First Officer would prefer an Earth beverage. A glass of root beer with a lump of ice cream? Alexander: Are you mocking me? Ch'Targh: Now why would I mock you, son of Worf? Alexander: I am called Rozhenko. Ch'Targh: I will call you whatever I please and you will learn to like it. Ch'Targh: Does the son of Starfleet's finest think he is too good to eat with us? Alexander: No. Have some lung. Ch'Targh: I do not like your smile. Perhaps I will cut you a new one. Ch'Targh: He fights like a Ferengi. Ch'Targh: Shakk-TAH! Ch'Targh: Your combat training has been sadly neglected, little one. I will teach you a new lesson. One you will not soon forget. Worf: Enough. Alexander: You have no right to interfere! Worf: You will both report to the medical ward immediately. And when they have finished with you, you will remain in quarters until your next watch. The rest of you, back to your stations. Now! Ch'Targh: Are you going to fight the Jem'Hadar for him as well? Ziyal: Vedek Nane taught me to focus intently on the image that I want to evoke, to allow it to fully form in my mind before I even pick up the brush. Well, what do you think? Kira: They're very good. Ziyal: You think so? Kira: They remind me of Vedek Topek's early work. Dukat: How ironic. I was about to say that they're similar in style to Nanpart Malor, the founder of the Valonnan school on Cardassia. Ziyal: The director of the Cardassian Institute of Art said the same thing. Dukat: You spoke with the director? Ziyal: I sent him some of my drawings. Dukat: You should have told me, Ziyal. I could have arranged for you to meet him in person. Ziyal: I know. I wanted to do this on my own. He said I have a real gift. The Institute is having an exhibition of new artists next month. He might want to include my work. Dukat: Wonderful! Ziyal: It's a chance to show that both Bajorans and Cardassians look at the universe the same way. That's what I want to do with my work, bring people together. I guess it sounds a little silly. Dukat: On the contrary, my dear. You're quite eloquent. Ziyal: Are you ready for dessert? Dukat: Yes. Kira: I'm not going anywhere. Ziyal: Good. Kira: I don't believe the change. I have never seen her so Dukat: Happy? Neither have I, Major. Kira: She's finally found something, a talent, a direction. Dukat: I'm reluctant to admit it but you were right to send her to Bajor. Kira: I'm glad it worked out. Dukat: We seldom see eye to eye, Major, but I know you care about my daughter, and for that, I'm grateful. Martok: There's only one thing I hate about convoy duty. It's the waiting. You'd think after all these years I'd be used to it. But nothing breaks the tension better than a tankard of warnog. Except maybe a good brawl. Worf: You heard about the fight in the mess hall. Martok: Yes, but not from my First Officer. I lost him the moment his son stepped aboard this ship. Worf: You think I acted improperly. Martok: It is not an easy thing to stand aside and watch someone injure your son. Worf: Alexander was no match for Ch'Targh. He would have killed the boy. Martok: Ch'Targh might have cut him a little and maybe broken a few bones, but nothing more. You told me Alexander never wanted to be a warrior. Clearly he has changed his mind. Worf, you are his First Officer. Teach him to survive. The Jem'Hadar will be less forgiving than Ch'Targh. Comm: Battle stations. Alert status one. Captain to the bridge. Martok: Report. Alexander: Jem'Hadar attack ship bearing one seven zero mark zero four five. Estimated weapons range in twenty two seconds. Martok: On screen. Where is it? N'Garen: I have no target on my sensors. Switching to manual. Worf: Reroute primary sensors to weapons control. Alexander: Aye, sir. The Jem'Hadar has launched two torpedoes. Worf: At us or the convoy? Alexander: At us. Impact in ten seconds. Martok: Drop cloak, raise shields. Evasive action. Alexander: Torpedoes still locked onto us. They will hit in four seconds. Three. Martok: Brace for impact. Alexander: Two, one. Worf: Reinitialize primary sensors. Alexander: Sensors reinitialized. The Jem'Hadar ship is gone! Worf: Of course it is gone. You forgot to erase the battle simulation program from the sensor display. Martok: Stand down from alert status. Resume course. Reactivate cloak. Ch'Targh: Keep a close watch. There may be more hostile simulation programs out there. Martok: Wait. He'll never make that mistake again. It's better that we should be too ready than not ready enough. Ch'Targh: At least you're keeping us on our toes. Martok: You see, they have accepted him. Worf: They have accepted him as the ship's fool. Dukat: In closing, let me emphasize again that Cardassia's gift of fifteen industrial replicators to Bajor ushers in a new age of cooperation and understanding between our two peoples. Hand in hand, we'll march into a new era of peace and prosperity as Dominion allies. Thank you, thank you. That will be all. Ah, Major Kira, may I have a word with you, please? Have you heard? The Cardassian Institute of Art has decided to exhibit three of Ziyal's drawings. Kira: Really? Oh, that's wonderful. She must be excited. Dukat: I'm hosting a celebration for her in my quarters tonight. I hope you'll join us. Kira: What time? Dukat: Twenty one thirty. Unless I'm unavoidably delayed. Kira: Ah, the busy life of an interstellar despot. Worf: This is a kar'takin, a weapon favored by the Jem'Hadar. Defend yourself. Worf: No, that is not the proper grip. The thumbs must be opposed so that twisting motions will not Alexander: I understand. Worf: Then proceed. Worf: No. Do not try to shove my blade away. Deflect it and then use your momentum to counter. Alexander: I know. Worf: Then do it. Worf: No. Do not try to fight force with force. You will lose every time. Worf: What did I tell you? Well, pick it up! If you had kept practicing what I taught you when you were a boy this would be second nature to you by now. Worf: What is wrong with you? Alexander: I knew it would be like this. Worf: Like what? Alexander: You must be pleased. Now you can tell me what a failure I am as a Klingon. Worf: Alexander Alexander: Or are you just going to send me away again? Worf: We are not playing in holosuites now. This is war. The Jem'Hadar will cut you to pieces. Alexander: Then I will be dead and you will be happy. Now leave me alone! Kira: Come in. Kira: What do you want? Damar: From Gul Dukat. For some reason he thought you would enjoy having me deliver it to you. Kira: What is it? Damar: A gift. For the party tonight. Kira: What the hell am I doing? Dukat: Come in. Ah, Major Kira, what a pleasant surprise. Come in, come in. Dukat: You don't like the dress? Kira: The dress is fine. I don't like you. Dukat: Major, that's just not true. There's a bond between us. Kira: No. Only in your mind. You're an opportunistic, power hungry dictator and I want nothing more to do with you. Dukat: Ziyal would be very disappointed to hear you say that. Kira: She'll get over it. Dukat: Please, Nerys, let's sit down, We'll talk about it. Kira: No, we won't. Dukat: Nerys. Nerys! Ziyal: Who was that? Dukat: A delivery. It's a little something for you to wear to the party tonight. Do you like it? Ziyal: It's beautiful! You can be so thoughtful. Dukat: I try. Martok: Continue. Martok: Fine blade, well balanced. But in the end, it is only as good as the warrior who wields it. Alexander: I need more practice. Martok: Tell me, Alexander Rozhenko. Why are you on my ship? Alexander: To serve the Empire, General. Martok: That is a slogan, not an answer. Say what is in your heart. Alexander: Do you ask every new crewman this question? Martok: I have no need to. I look in their faces and I know why they are here. They are Klingon warriors. They have answered the call of Kahless. Alexander: Well, so have I. Martok: Lie to yourself if you must, but not to me. You do not hear the warriors' call. I ask again, why are you here? Alexander: I'd rather not say. Martok: What? Alexander: It's a private matter. Martok: You're as tight lipped as your father. Alexander: I am nothing like him. Martok: Both stubborn, tiresome qu'vatlh. The only difference is I need him. I do not need you. Alexander: All I ask is a chance to prove myself. Martok: I just gave you one and you failed. Your father has requested that you be transferred off this ship. Alexander: He has no right. Martok: He has every right, both as your superior officer and as your father. At twenty three seventeen, you will transport to the cargo vessel Par'tok. Collect your gear. Now. Worf: You are fortunate that I am your father. If you had challenged anyone else in that manner, you would be dead right now. Alexander: If you want me off this ship you're going to have to kill me. Worf: Alexander, I do not want to hurt you. I want to help you. Alexander: By getting rid of me? All you've ever done my whole life is send me away. Worf: I am a Klingon warrior. I lead a warrior's life. That is not the path for you. You told me this yourself. And I have come to accept it. Alexander: You call yourself my father but you haven't tried to see me or talk to me in five years. I wasn't the kind of son you wanted so you pretended that you had no son. You never accepted me. You abandoned me. Martok: Battle stations. Alert status one. Alexander: Aft thruster compartment fire now contained. Shields at sixty percent. N'Garen: ELN and TRC offline. Martok: And the Jem'Hadar? Alexander: Which one, sir? Worf: The one shooting at us! Alexander: His aft shields are down to twenty-five, no twenty percent and he's losing antiprotons from his starboard nacelle. Martok: Weapons, lock onto that nacelle. Fire at will. Full pattern. N'Garen: We've lost target lock. Switching to manual. Martok: Helm, bring us to three one seven mark zero four five. Weapons, can you hit him? N'Garen: Negative. He's out of range. Alexander: We've lost internal communications. Martok: Come to course zero two zero mark seven Alexander: There's plasma venting from the primary impulse injector on deck five. Subspace transceiver array offline. Martok: Worf, get that plasma leak under control before we lose that entire deck! Martok: Status. N'Garen: Impulse injector temperature approaching critical. Injector breach imminent. Alexander: I can seal the leak. I'm of no use to you here. Ch'Targh: I will go with him. It will take at least two of us to secure the injector before it explodes. Worf: Go. Martok: Engineering, reroute all auxiliary power to the disrupters. Disengage overload suppressor. Worf, put us off the Jem'Hadar's starboard quarter. Weapons, continue to target his damaged nacelle. Martok: Helm, on my command, reduce impulse power to one third. Bring us to course three five five mark zero nine zero. Weapons, be ready for him to pass in front of us. Worf: Course laid in. N'Garen: Weapons standing by. Martok: Now. Martok: Well done. Worf: Captain. Permission to leave the bridge. Martok: Go. Stand down from alert status. N'Garen, take the helm. Worf: Report. Ch'Targh: We sealed the impulse injector, Commander. Worf: Where's my son? Ch'Targh: Trapped in that corridor, sir. After we secured the injector, I sent him in there to put away the tools and somehow he tripped the emergency lockdown. We are trying to override it now. Worf: You locked yourself in? Alexander: Yes, sir. Worf: Come. Ziyal: Nerys. You didn't come to the party last night. Kira: I'm sorry. I couldn't. I think you know why. Ziyal: Please don't ask me to choose between you. Kira: I'm not. There's no choice. He's your father. Worf: I cannot change the mistakes I have made, but from this day forward, I promise will stand with you. Alexander: We'll see if you mean It. Worf: Yes, we will. What you are about to do entails a grave obligation. Do not accept it lightly. Alexander: I understand and I accept. Worf: Good. I will teach you what you need to know to be a warrior, and you will teach me what I need to know to be a father. Come. Martok: Martok degh, to-Duj degh, bat-LEH degh, mat-LEH degh. MARTOK + Worf: Martok degh. Worf: Alexander, vih-nob dok-tog. Alexander: Mat-LEH gih-Hegh. Martok: DAH! Martok: Welcome to the House of Martok, Alexander, son of Worf.

Scene: Captain's log, supplemental. O'Brien needed three days to restore main power to our commandeered Dominion ship, but he's not going to get them. Sensors have detected two Jem'Hadar fighters heading our way, and without main power our chances of survival are slim to none. O'Brien: Try it now. Re-route the damned gyrodyne to the damned thruster array. Nog: Got it. Sisko: Garak, where are those ships now? Garak: Bearing three one zero mark two one five. Still closing. O'Brien: Nog, did you re-route the damned gyrodyne? Nog: I'm trying, but the damned thruster array won't take the input. O'Brien: Try the lateral impulse thrusters and watch your mouth. Access the auxiliary core through the starboard engineering console. Dax: I've already tried that. Still no power to weapons or shields. Sisko: Dax, there's a dark matter nebula sixty degrees above the bow. Can we reach it? Dax: Yes. But that nebula's never been charted. We don't know what's in there. Garak: The Jem'Hadar ships are entering weapons' range. Sisko: Dax, get us into the nebula. Full impulse! Sisko: Sisko to Bashir. Medical emergency. O'Brien: Helm control's gone. Bashir: Okay, all right. You'll be feeling better any second now. She's got a puncture of the right abdominal cavity. It looks as though the symbiont may have been injured. O'Brien: Sensors are gone. Impulse engines offline. In fact, everything's offline. Emergency power's holding for now. Sisko: Mister Garak, take a look outside. Garak: Just a moment. Sisko: Chief, what happened? O'Brien: I don't know. We must have been hit by some kind of gravitational spike in the Garak: Oh, no. Sisko: Mister Garak? Garak: Hold on! Limara'Son: We have established a defense perimeter around the entrance to the cavern. I have sent out two patrols to reconnoiter the shoreline in both directions. The Vorta's condition has worsened. He will die soon. Remata'Klan: What about the First and the Second? Limara'Son: I vaporized their bodies myself, and redistributed their equipment to the rest of the men. You are now the First. Remata'Klan: No. I questioned the Vorta's orders. He will not forget that. As long as he lives, I will remain Third. Limara'Son: You were right to question him. If he had not ordered us into the nebula two days ago we would not have crashed. Remata'Klan: It was not my place. Remember, Obedience Brings Victory. Limara'Son: And Victory is Life. Remata'Klan: Until we re-establish communications, we will hold this world for the Dominion. Limara'Son: And if we cannot re-establish communications? Remata'Klan: Then we will hold this world for the Dominion until we die. Garak: Cadet, this is no time to lie down on the job. Sisko: Heave! One more now. Heave! All right. How is she? Bashir: She's stable for now. Garak! I need a hand. O'Brien: Oh, no. Sisko: What? O'Brien: I don't believe it! Sisko: What? O'Brien: I tore my pants. Sisko: You tore your pants? O'Brien: Yeah, I tore my pants. I guess, I guess I'm really in trouble now, huh? Computer: The time is zero five hundred hours. (Kira gets up and dressed. The turbolift to work is full of Jem'Hadar and Cardassians. Kira: Thank you, Mavek. Keevan: This must be quite gratifying for you. But I've decided not to give you the pleasure of watching me die in this foul-smelling cavern. I intend to live. Remata'Klan: I understand. Keevan: How long until we re-establish communications? Remata'Klan: Seventh Yak'Talon estimates that it will take at least ten days before we can attempt a low-power test. Keevan: Ten days. Remata'Klan: It is time for the White. Keevan: Third Remata'Klan, can you vouch for the loyalty of your men? Remata'Klan: We pledge our loyalty to the Founders from now until death. Keevan: Then receive this reward from the Founders. May it keep you strong. Limara'Son: Only one? Remata'Klan: Keep your place. Keevan: This case of White must last until we're rescued. At least ten days, possibly more. I will ration the supply. Don't worry. I am the Vorta. I will take care of you all. Garak: Lucky for you, it ripped on the seam. O'Brien: Can you fix it? Garak: Unlucky for you, my sewing kit went down with the ship. Neeley: Maybe someone could go get it? The ship's only about five hundred meters below the surface by now. O'Brien: How long can you hold your breath, Cadet? Sisko: Madam, your pants are ready. Your boots and vest will take a little longer. While you wait, I might suggest that you browse through the hotel's gift shop. Dax: No, thank you. But I would like to lodge a complaint. This bed is as hard as a rock. Sisko: I will make a note of that. What's the prognosis? Bashir: Guarded, but good. The bleeding's stopped and I've repaired all the internal injuries. The damage to the symbiont is a little harder to diagnose. Given enough rest, I think they'll both make a full recovery. Dax: In other words, I'm going to be staring at this cave ceiling for the rest of my stay. Sisko: Lucky for you they have twenty four hour room service. Sisko: I will get you out of here, old man. I promise. Dax: I'm going to hold you to that one, Benjamin. Garak: What are you doing? Nog: Following orders. The Captain told us to scan the area for fresh water and vegetation Garak: You know precisely what I mean. You're deliberately staying behind me and I want to know why. Does this have anything to do with that unfortunate business between you and me last year? Nog: You tied me up and threatened to kill me. Garak: There were extenuating circumstances. Nog: It happened. So you can either stay in front of me or walk beside me, but I won't turn my back on you again. Garak: Cadet, there may be hope for you yet. Nog: What is it? Garak: I'm not sure but Garak: Now I'm sure. Keevan: How many others are there in your unit? Nog: Nog. Cadet Third Class. Serial Number CX dash nine three seven dash Garak: Shut up. As I tried to explain to your men, my name is Kamar and I'm a member of the Cardassian Intelligence Bureau, what used to called the Obsidian Order. A week ago, as I was performing my duties in the glorious service of the Founders, I was captured by the USS Centaur. I was held aboard one of their shuttles when we were forced Keevan: Excuse me, Mister Kamar, if that's really your name, but if you're one of our allies, why were you wearing this? Garak: Ah. I was hoping you weren't going to ask me about that. Keevan: I only have one further question for you. Is there a doctor in your unit? Garak: Yes. Nog: Garak! Keevan: Don't be too hard on him, young man. He just saved your life. Take them to a secure area. Third, I have a mission for you. I want you to find the Starfleet unit. But do not engage them. Locate them, assess their strength, and then report back to me. Remata'Klan: I understand. Keevan: No, you don't. But that's all right. It's not important that you understand, only that you carry out my instructions precisely. Remata'Klan: Obedience Brings Victory. Keevan: Yes. Yes, it does. Go. Jake: I understand that a decision's been made to send four thousand Dominion facilitators down to Bajor. Would you care to elaborate? Kira: It's only four hundred and how did you hear about that? The official announcement isn't scheduled until tomorrow. Jake: I hear things. So could you elaborate? My readers want to know what's going on. Odo: You don't have any readers. Weyoun is still blocking the transmission of your stories. Jake: For now. But what if he changes his mind? Don't you want to explain what's going on here to the outside world? Kira: Ever since the war started, Bajor's been completely cut off from all outside trade. We've had nowhere to turn for things like spare parts or medical supplies. Nowhere, except the Dominion. So a group of Facilitators is going to Bajor for a few months to provide some technical assistance. Jake: How do you respond to critics like Vedek Yassim who say that by welcoming a group of Vorta to Bajor you're taking the first step toward Dominion occupation? Odo: I have been assured that the Facilitators will be unarmed and unaccompanied by any Jem'Hadar soldiers. Jake: Odo, do you have any concerns that by joining the Ruling Council here on the station, you're validating the occupation? Odo: The Dominion doesn't need my validation. They're here and they're not leaving. Not without a fight, at least. Kira: Are you finished? Jake: Almost, almost. Will either of you be attending the demonstration tomorrow? Kira: The what? Jake: Vedek Yassim has organized a demonstration on the Promenade tomorrow afternoon to protest the Dominion occupation of the station. Odo: That's all the excuse Dukat will need to order a new security crackdown. Kira: I'll talk to Yassim. Jake: So, you're going to abolish the right to protest here on the station? Hey, I'm not trying to accuse you personally of anything. I'm just asking questions. Kira: I think this interview is over. Odo: I couldn't agree more. Jake: Wrong question, Jake. O'Brien: I might be able to hardwire one of our comm. badges into this sensor array. That would give us a crude transmitter, but no power source. Sisko: What about draining one of our phasers? O'Brien: I thought about that, but I'd need a converter to bridge the two power cells, and I can't build a converter without an ion exchange matrix. Gordon: Captain, I think we may have a problem. Garak and Nog haven't reported in yet and they're not answering my hails. Neeley: Captain, there's a group of lifeforms up on the cliffs. Range seventy five meters, elevation thirty meters. Sisko: That's where I'd be. Are they Jem'Hadar? Neeley: I think so. Sisko: Well, let's not make it easy for them. Tell the Chief to head for that large outcropping of rocks at ten o'clock. Walk, not run. Neeley: Chief, we need to make for those rocks up ahead. Limara'Son: I can't take it. Remata'Klan: Terminate fire! Terminate! Limara'Son: You have been ordered to stop firing! Remata'Klan: Your orders were clear. You were not to engage the enemy. Who fired first? Limara'Son: I did. Remata'Klan: You are reduced to Sixth. You will shroud and return to base camp. Limara'Son: I am no longer able to shroud myself. Remata'Klan: You, you. Provide suppression fire as we withdraw. Limara'Son: Understood. Remata'Klan: Withdraw! Limara'Son: Remata'Klan, I regret my disobedience. O'Brien: Are they pulling out? Sisko: Looks that way. O'Brien: Why aren't they camouflaged? Sisko: That's a good question. Let's hope the answer is something in our favor. Cease fire. Keevan: Why were my orders disobeyed? Remata'Klan: Lack of White produces anxiety among us. One man could not restrain himself when he saw the enemy. Keevan: Which man? Remata'Klan: I have dealt with the matter. Keevan: I asked for his name. Remata'Klan: He is my responsibility. Keevan: His name! Remata'Klan: I may not be First, but I am the unit leader. You can diskipline me, but only I diskipline the men. That is the order of things. Keevan: Very well. I'll leave him to you. Remata'Klan: Dismissed. Keevan: You've done well, Third. You may yet become First. Now, I have a new task for you. Yassim: The Dominion is evil, and the Prophets tell us that evil must be opposed. Kira: You'll get no argument from me there, Vedek. But protests and demonstrations aren't going to change anything. They're just going to cause trouble for everyone. Yassim: Then what would you have us do to oppose the Dominion? Kira: I don't think there's anything you or the other Vedeks can do right now. Yassim: I see. Then as a Bajoran liaison officer, what will you be doing to fight the Dominion? Kira: Fighting isn't an option. This is different than the Cardassian occupation. Yassim: Is it? The Cardassians are in control of this station. Bajoran freedoms are being curtailed one by one. And soon the first wave of alien troops will be landing on our world. Kira: We're talking about unarmed Vorta facilitators. They come in, they do their job, and they're gone. Yassim: Can't you see what is happening to you? You're becoming an apologist for them, a defender of evil. What will it take to make you act, Kira? To stop accepting them and start fighting back? Kira: Vedek, you just don't understand. Yassim: You are right. I don't. Maybe tomorrow we will both understand. Sisko: We'll set up three defensive positions. You and Ensign Gordon on the south ridge, Lieutenant Neeley near the lava tube, Bashir and I are in the dunes. Dax: I'll stay here and guard my clothes. Neeley: Neeley to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Neeley: A Jem'Hadar soldier has just approached my position, sir. He says he wants to talk to you, alone. Neeley: Sir? Sisko: I'm Captain Benjamin Sisko. Remata'Klan: Third Remata'Klan. Two members of your unit are being held at our base camp. We'll exchange them for you and your doctor. Sisko: Why do you need a doctor? Remata'Klan: The Vorta has been severely wounded. Sisko: And why me? Remata'Klan: The Vorta wishes to speak with you. Sisko: Sounds like he wants to trade two low-ranking prisoners for two more valuable ones. Would you make a deal like that? Remata'Klan: No. Sisko: Then why should I? Remata'Klan: You shouldn't. Sisko: You're not a very good negotiator, are you. Remata'Klan: I was not sent to negotiate. I was instructed only to deliver the terms. Sisko: I see. Well then, I want to talk to someone who can negotiate. I want to speak with your First. Remata'Klan: There is no First. Sisko: I take it there's no Second either. Remata'Klan: I command the unit. Sisko: Under the Vorta. It must be hard for a soldier to take orders from a Vorta. Remata'Klan: The Vorta command the Jem'Hadar. That is the order of things. Sisko: Obedience Brings Victory. I was on a mission with the Jem'Hadar once. Before the war, of course. They were good. Tough, professional. It was an honor to serve with them. But their Vorta, he was something different. Manipulative, treacherous, trusted by neither side. In the end, he was killed by the Jem'Hadar First. Surprised? Remata'Klan: Such things have been known to happen. But they are rare and only occur in units that have lost diskipline. Sisko: Oh, you mean like a unit marooned on the shores of a deserted planet? Remata'Klan: The Vorta has instructed me to give you his assurance that neither you nor your Doctor will be harmed and you'll both be free to leave at the end of your meeting. What is your response? Sisko: The word of a Vorta carries very little weight with me. Can I have your assurance that we'll be free to go, Remata'Klan? Remata'Klan: I have been ordered to let you go free after your meeting. You can be assured that I will obey that order. Sisko: Very well. We'll make the trade in one hour. Remata'Klan: Agreed. Dax: Sounded like you were actually getting through to him for a minute there. Sisko: You can't break through all that Dominion conditioning in just one conversation. Dax: Do you really think you can turn him against his Vorta? Sisko: I don't know. But there were at least seven Jem'Hadar soldiers up on that ridge this morning. Say at least two more at their base camp guarding the prisoners and their Vorta. Without Nog and Mister Garak on our side, that gives them almost a two to one advantage. Dax: I think I'd like to check out now. Sisko: So would I, old man. Remata'Klan: You may go. Garak: Now don't get too far ahead, Nog. We don't want to startle anyone. Ah, good afternoon, Captain. Doctor. Sisko: Are you two all right? Garak: Perfect. How are you? Bashir: I've felt better. Kira: Anything yet? Odo: Not yet. There are two Vedeks inside, but we've seen no indication they intend to leave the shrine. Kira: What about Yassim? Odo: She hasn't shown up. Kira: Let's hope she doesn't. The last thing I want to do is start arresting Bajoran civilians here on the Promenade. Kira: I don't think there's going to be any story here for you today, Jake. Jake: You sure? I got a message from Vedek Yassim saying the protest was starting at exactly fourteen hundred. Kira: Well, it certainly doesn't look like it. Man: What's she doing? Yassim: Evil must be opposed. Keevan: Captain Sisko, my name is Keevan. We have a lot to talk about. Bashir: Not for a while, you don't. He needs immediate surgery. Sisko: Now? Bashir: I don't think I have any choice. Bashir: I am a doctor. I'm not going to harm him. Keevan: They're not here to protect me. They've just never seen what the inside of a Vorta looks like. Computer: The time is zero five hundred hours. Kira: Thank you, Mavek. Sisko: How was the show? Remata'Klan: Informative. Keevan: Ah, I am alive. Bashir: No self-diagnoses, please. I'm the doctor here. Your internal hemorrhaging has stopped, your free collagen levels are dropping, tissue growth factors have stabilized nicely and there's a fifty percent rise in cell oxygenation. You are alive. Careful. Your insides are being held together by cellular micro-sutures and a lot of hope. Keevan: Leave us, and take your men with you. Keevan: May I have that case, please? Keevan: There are ten Jem'Hadar soldiers on this planet, Captain. Keevan: And that is the only vial of Ketracel White we have left. When it's gone, my hold over them will be broken and they'll become nothing more than senseless, violent animals. They'll kill everyone they can. Me, you, the rest of your men, and finally turn on each other. Sisko: Why are you telling us this? Keevan: I'm ordering the Jem'Hadar to attack your base camp in the morning. But I will provide you with their precise plan of attack. You should be able to kill them all. Bashir: They're your own men. Keevan: Yes. Sisko: You still haven't answered my question. Why are you doing this? Keevan: That's a communications system. It needs repair, but I'm willing to bet that you've brought one of those famed Starfleet engineers who can turn rocks into replicators. He should have a lot more success at repairing it than a Jem'Hadar suffering from withdrawal. Once you've take care of the Jem'Hadar, I'll give you the comm. system and surrender to you as a prisoner of war. Bashir: And you spend the war resting comfortably as a Starfleet POW while your men lie rotting on this planet. Keevan: I see we understand each other. I'm going to order the Jem'Hadar to attack your position tomorrow regardless of whether you agree to my terms or not. So you can either kill them or they'll kill you. Either way, they're coming. Sisko: And when they've reached this point, we'll have them in a crossfire. Gordon: They won't have a chance. Garak: That is the point. In case, you've forgotten we're in a war. O'Brien: There are rules, Garak, even in a war. Garak: Correction. Humans have rules in war. Rules that tend to make victory a little harder to achieve, in my opinion. Gordon: So we just shoot them down? Neeley: They wouldn't hesitate if the situation was reversed. Nog: But we're not the Jem'Hadar. It is our duty to Sisko: This isn't a vote. The decision's mine. And Mister Garak is right. We are at war. Given the choice between us or them, there is no choice. Let's move out. Dax: I'd say good luck, but I don't think you're going to need it. Sisko: Say it anyway, old man. I'm still hoping there's another way out of this. Dax: In that case, good luck, Benjamin. Odo: Damar has been trying to contact you for the past five hours. Kira: I keep going over it and over it in my mind, and I can't believe that I stood down there ready to use force to stop a protest against the Dominion. Me. When I was in the Resistance I despised people like me. I'm a collaborator, Odo. Odo: That's not true. You're doing exactly what Captain Sisko wanted you and the rest of Bajor to do. Remain neutral and stay out of the fighting. Kira: We used to have a saying in the Resistance. If you're not fighting them, you're helping them. Half the Alpha Quadrant is out there right now, fighting for my freedom, but not me. What am I doing? Eating a full meal every day, sleeping in a soft bed, I even write reports for the murderers who run this station. Odo: This are difficult times for everyone. Do you think it's easy for me to sit down with Dukat and Weyoun every day while they plot the destruction of the Federation? Kira: Odo, I'm not pointing a finger at you. I'm the one who told you to get more involved in the first place. No, this is about me. This is about being able get up in the morning and look in the mirror every morning and not feel nauseated by what I see. Yassim was right. I have to do something. I have to start to fight back. Odo: That would be a mistake. Active resistance will trigger a crackdown. Kira: Odo, I don't want to end up fighting you, too, but if I have to, I will. Odo: All right. But let's find a more diskreet place to plan the new resistance. Sisko: Remata'Klan! I want to talk! Remata'Klan: Agreed! Hold this position. Do not fire unless they do. Limara'Son: Understood. Sisko: There's no way out of this canyon and we have phasers locked on every one of you. Remata'Klan: It appears you have a decisive advantage. Sisko: To fight a battle under these circumstances would serve no purpose. I'm prepared to offer terms. Hear me out. I know that need more Ketracel White. My doctor can sedate your men and keep them alive until we're rescued. After that, we can put you into medical stasis until we secure a new supply. Remata'Klan: The Vorta did not give me the option to surrender. Sisko: Keevan's betrayed you! He gave us your entire plan of attack last night. Remata'Klan: It was obvious that approaching your position from this canyon was a deliberate tactical error on his part. Sisko: You knew? Remata'Klan: I suspected. Despite what Keevan may think, the Jem'Hadar are often one step ahead of the Vorta. Sisko: You can still stay one step ahead. Surrender. Remata'Klan: I have my orders. Sisko: Keevan doesn't deserve the unwavering loyalty you're giving him. Remata'Klan: He does not have to earn my loyalty, Captain. He has had it from the moment I was conceived. I am a Jem'Hadar. He is a Vorta. It is the order of things. Sisko: Do you really want to give up your life for the order of things? Remata'Klan: It is not my life to give up, Captain. And it never was. O'Brien: What did he say? Sisko: All the wrong things. Remata'Klan: Our death is glory to the Founders.) O'Brien: Captain? Keevan: You know, Captain, if I'd had just two more vials of White you never would have had a chance. Sisko: Chief, get this. Take him back to base camp and then get to work on that comm. system. O'Brien: Aye, sir. Sisko: Lieutenant Neeley. Neeley: Sir? Sisko: Form a burial detail. Neeley: Aye, sir.

Scene: Captain's log, stardate 51145.3. The Defiant has been operating out of Starbase three seven five, conducting forays into Dominion controlled space. While the missions have taken a toll on my people, they remain determined to do whatever it takes to win this war, as do I. Nog: Here you are. Sisko: Where did you get your hands on Saurian Brandy? Bashir: In the middle of a war, no less. Nog: It's a busy Starbase. I may be a Cadet, but I'm still a Ferengi. Dax: Lucky for us. O'Brien: Excuse me, Captain. The power cell from the phaser array. We used it up on the last mission. Sisko: Take a good look at this, people. It says something about this ship. It says that we will fight and we will keep on fighting until we can't fight anymore. All: Yes, sir! Sisko: You don't just throw something like this away. All: No, sir! Nog: Admiral on deck. Ross: As you were. Ben. Sisko: Admiral. Ross: Let's take a walk. Ross: What was going on in there? Sisko: Just a little ritual we fell into. Kind of helps the crew unwind. Ross: Well, they deserve it. They did a hell of a job. Sisko: Thank you, sir. But you didn't come here to tell me that, did you? Ross: No, I didn't. Ever since this war began, the Dominion's been able to outmaneuver us at every turn. No matter where we send our ships, they seem to be there waiting for us. Sisko: I've noticed that. Ross: It's enough to make you think they were smarter than we are. But they're not. They just had an edge that we didn't know about until yesterday. Starfleet Intelligence located a massive sensor array hidden on the periphery of the Argolis cluster. Damn thing's capable of monitoring ship movements over five sectors. Sisko: That's how they've managed to stay one step ahead of us. Ross: They've had an enormous tactical advantage. I want you to take it away from them. Sisko: Gladly, sir. Ross: It won't be easy. The array is heavily defended. This is the intelligence report. Look it over. I want an attack plan on my desk by oh eight hundred. Sisko: You'll have it. Rom: There he is. Kira: Damar's a creature of habit, all right. After a hard day at work, he deserves his glass of kanar. Why are the Jem'Hadar always in here, he asks himself. They don't drink, they don't eat, they don't gamble. All they do is take up space. Damar asks his bartender if he found a PADD he was working on the other day. Rom: My brother tells the truth. He hasn't seen it. Kira: Damar doesn't like that. The PADD contained a draft copy of a secret memorandum he was working on concerning the shortage of White. In it he speculates that without the drug, the Jem'Hadar will run amok, killing everyone and everything in their path. Damar recommends that if the Cardassians can't bring down the minefield and re-open the supply line from the Gamma Quadrant, they should poison the last ration of White, eliminating the Jem'Hadar before it's too late. How did you get a hold of Damar's PADD anyway? Rom: I'm good with my hands. Here we go. They've seen him. Kira: The missing PADD. Damar: Where'd you find that? Kira: Damar accuses them of stealing it. Rom: They say they found it outside their quarters, right where I left it. Damar: Have your whole race thrown off this station! Kira: I knew this was going to work. The Cardassians and Jem'Hadar can pretend to be allies, but they hate each other. Damar: Get out of my way! Rom: Ow. Jem'Hadar: That's not true! Damar: I confronted them, they attacked me. Dukat: I don't care what they did. You should never have let this situation get out of hand. Get out! Weyoun: How could Damar have been so stupid as to leave such an inflammatory document lying around for anyone to find? Dukat: Your men stole it from him. Weyoun: Jem'Hadar are not thieves. Dukat: And Damar is not a liar. Weyoun: Keep your voice down. Our men need to see that we're still allies. Smile. Dukat. Dukat: I'm smiling. Odo: Gentlemen, I suggest we get everyone out of here as soon as possible. Weyoun: Odo's right. Tell your men they're confined to quarters pending diskiplinary hearings. I'll do the same. And keep smiling. Come. Sisko: according to Intelligence, the array is capable of detecting cloaked ships as far away as two light years. By the time the Defiant goes around the Argolis Cluster, the Dominion will already know we were coming. Ross: You'll have a dozen Jem'Hadar ships on you before you even got close. Sisko: That's why we need to have the element of surprise on our side. It's the only way. Ross: What are you suggesting? Sisko: That I take the Defiant through the Argolis. Ross: You can't take a ship through there. You'd be cut to pieces by the gravimetric shear. Sisko: That's exactly what the Dominion thinks. But if we come at them from the Argolis, they wouldn't know what hit them. Ross: What makes you think you can get through? Sisko: Dax says she can navigate around the gravimetric distortions. She's studied proto-star clusters, she knows what to look for. It's a gamble, but it's one I'm willing to take. Ross: All right. Let's give it a shot. When can you leave? Sisko: As soon as we finished repairs on the Defiant. Ross: Keep me posted, Captain. Kira: You wanted to see me? Odo: Well? Don't you have something to say to me? Kira: About what happened at Quark's? It worked better than I expected. Odo: I knew you were behind it. Kira: Of course you did. We discussed it at our last resistance meeting. Odo: And I said it was a bad idea. Kira: Yes, you did. And then you walked out of the room like there was nothing left to say. But Rom and Jake stayed and we discussed it, and you know what? I decided it was a good idea. Odo: So you went ahead and did it behind my back? Kira: Why are you taking it so personally? Odo: How do you expect me to take it? I spend my days sitting on the Council with Dukat and Weyoun, doing whatever I can to make sure Bajor survives this war intact. The last thing I need is to have you running around causing mayhem. Do you have any idea what Dukat would do if he found out you were behind it? It's all the excuse he would need to throw every Bajoran off this station. Kira: The Federation is losing this war. We can't sit by and do nothing. Odo: There are limits to what we can do. Kira: I'm beginning to think you shouldn't have agreed to sit on that Council. It's as if you're so invested in making sure the station runs smoothly, you've forgotten there's a war going on. Odo: Are you questioning my loyalties, Major? Kira: I need you, Odo. The resistance needs you. Odo: Answer me. Are you questioning my loyalties? Kira: No, of course not. That's not what this is about. Founder: Hello, Odo. It's good to see you again. Leave us. I need to speak with Odo. Kira: Do you? Odo: It's all right, Nerys. I may as well hear what she has to say. Kira: Are you sure? Founder: You called her Nerys. Odo: What of it? Founder: Well, you used to call her Major. Using the name of a solid denotes intimacy. Odo: You're a long way from home. Here to keep an eye on the war effort? Founder: I'm content to leave the details of the war to the Vorta. Odo: Then what brings you to Deep Space Nine? Founder: You. I was trapped in the Alpha Quadrant when Captain Sisko mined the entrance to the wormhole. I have spent too much time with solids. I came because I felt the need to be with one of my own. Odo: Well, that's ironic, considering what happened the last time we crossed paths. Founder: You caused the death of a fellow changeling, Odo. Turning you into a solid was the only punishment severe enough for your crime. Odo: And now that I'm a changeling again, you come here as if nothing ever happened? Founder: We have forgiven you. Odo: Well, I haven't forgiven you. Founder: It is time to put the past behind us, Odo. Odo: What about the present? You're waging a war against my home. Founder: This is not your home. You belong with your own kind, as part of the Great Link. Odo: I'm quite content here, thank you. Founder: You say that because you don't know what you're capable of becoming. Perhaps if we spend some time together, you might begin to understand. Sisko: Admiral, you wanted to see me? Ross: I just got word. Captain Bennet's promotion has come through. At my recommendation, Starfleet's putting her in charge of Seventh Tactical Wing. She's one of the best adjutants I've ever had, strong grasp of strategy and an ability to see the big picture. Sisko: Sounds like it's not going to be easy to find someone to take her place. Ross: I already have. You. Sisko: Sir? Ross: I've been very impressed with you these last few weeks. I think we would make a good team. Sisko: Thank you, sir. Ross: Your new assignment is effective immediately. Sisko: Immediately, sir? What about the Argolis mission? Ross: Commander Dax will captain the Defiant. She is up to it, isn't she? Sisko: Oh, absolutely, sir. I guess I'd just gotten used to the idea of commanding the mission myself. Ross: Look over these tactical reports. I want your thoughts on the Bolian operation. We'll meet here at oh six hundred. Ben? Congratulations. Dukat: Legate Krim will be arriving in the morning. Odo: I'll have a security detail escort him to your office. Now, if that's all. Weyoun: Founder, you honor us with your presence. Founder: I understand the war is going well. Weyoun: Only because I've followed the plan the Founders laid out for me. Dukat: Welcome to Terok Nor. I'm glad we're finally getting a chance to meet. As leaders of our respective worlds, you and I will be taking our people into a future that I'm quite confident Founder: What about the minefield? Why hasn't it been deactivated? Weyoun: Yes, Dukat. This delay is intolerable. There are thousands of Jem'Hadar ships stranded on the other side of the wormhole, waiting to come through and join the war effort. Dukat: Maybe you haven't read the latest reports, but even without those ships, I'm still winning this war. Weyoun: You're winning? I assure you I'm intimately involved in all military decisions. Founder: See to it the minefield is brought down. Weyoun: Of course. We've imposed our presence on you long enough. Dukat: If you need you anything while you're here, please let me know. Founder: Do they always compete with each other like that? Odo: As a matter of fact, they do. Founder: You have to interact with them often. It must be trying for you. Odo: It hasn't been easy. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do in my quarters. Founder: May I walk with you? Odo: To become a thing, is to know a thing. Founder: To assume its form is to begin to understand its existence. Odo: You tried to teach me that when I visited our homeworld. Founder: I remember. Odo: I didn't understand what you meant by it at first, so when I returned the station, I got rid of all the furniture I used to have in my quarters and replaced it with these objects. I've assumed every shape in this room. I suppose if it weren't for you, I never would have known the simple pleasure spending time existing as a stone or a branch. Founder: I'm glad you learned something from your visit. Your arrival was a time of great joy for the Link, and your departure a time of great sadness. If only you'd stayed with us, Odo. Odo: I couldn't. Founder: You chose the solids. Odo: And I haven't regretted it. Founder: Not even a little? Odo: I do think about the Link from time to time. Founder: It's there for you. Odo: I can't. Founder: Why? Because of Kira? You still have feelings for her, don't you? But she doesn't share them. I'm sorry. Odo: Aren't you going to tell me I shouldn't waste my time with a solid? Founder: You love her. Odo: I wish I didn't. I'm so vulnerable to her. All she has to do is smile at me and I'm happy beyond reason. A minor disagreement between us and I'm devastated. It's absurd. Sometimes I wish I could reach inside myself and tear out my feelings for her. But I can't. Founder: Poor Odo. Odo: I don't want your pity. Founder: I'm not offering pity. Odo: What I need is some peace. Founder: What you need is clarity. I can give you that. Founder: Do you want me to stop? Damar: That'll be all. Kira: What are you doing here, Damar? Did Dukat demote you to security detail? Damar: What can I do for you, Major? Kira: I'm looking for Odo. Damar: Well, he's not here. Kira: Do you know where he is? Damar: Yes. Kira: That's good. It's good to know where your boss is. Damar: He's in his quarters. With the other shape-shifter. Jealous, Major? Kira: Try to stay out of trouble, Damar. You don't want to end up on sanitation duty. Odo: Come in. Kira: Odo? Odo: Nerys. Kira: I dropped by your office and Damar told me you were here with her. Odo: She was here but she's gone now. Kira: You all right? What did she want? Odo: She didn't want anything. Kira: Then what was she doing here? Odo: I know how you feel about her, Major, but there's no reason to be concerned. Kira: You don't know how much I wish I could believe that. You didn't Link with her, did you? Odo: Actually, I did. Kira: You did? What were you thinking? Odo: She didn't find out about the resistance, if that's why you're worried. Kira: It's not. Odo: The Link isn't about exchanging information. It's about merging thought and form, idea and sensation. Kira: It sounds like a perfect way to manipulate someone. Odo: She's not manipulating me. Kira: Ever since the day you two crossed paths, she has lied to you, tricked you, stood in judgment of you. I don't trust her. I don't understand how you can. Odo: I Linked with her. If she had some hidden motive, I would have sensed it. She's just trying to teach me about myself, about what I'm capable of becoming. Kira: An Intergalactic Warlord, maybe? Because that's what she is. Odo: Who knows? By Linking with her I might be able to make her understand that the Federation doesn't pose a threat to her people. Kira: You believe you can convince her to call off the war? Odo: If you could experience the Link, you'd understand the effect it has on my people. You'd realize that anything is possible. I'm only beginning to understand it all myself. I still have so many questions. Now that she's here, I have a chance to find some answers. Kira: Odo, this isn't the time to go off on some kind personal quest. There's too much at stake. After the war is over, do whatever you need to do. If you feel you need to go and join the Great Link, I'm not going to stop you. But for right now, I need you here, focused. Please promise me that you're not going to Link with her again. Not until this is over. Odo: All right. I won't. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to work. I'll see you at the resistance meeting. Dax: Are you two ever going to be finished? Nog: Just a few more minutes, Commander. O'Brien: That's Captain. It's an old naval tradition. Whoever's in command of a ship, regardless of rank, is referred to as Captain. Nog: You mean if I had to take command, I would be called Captain too? O'Brien: Cadet, by the time you took command, there'd be nobody left to call you anything. Nog: Good point. Dax: Come to take a last look around? Sisko: Not a last look, I hope. How are the repairs coming? Dax: Almost done. Sisko: I wouldn't get too comfortable in that chair, old man. When this war is over, I'm going to want my ship back. Dax: Fine. When this war is over, I'm going on a honeymoon. O'Brien: All done here, Captain. Sisko: Very good. Dax: All right. Plot a course to the Argolis Cluster and prepare to depart. Crewwoman: Aye, Captain. Dax: Benjamin? I wish you were coming with us. Sisko: You'll do fine. Quark: Pardon our appearance. We're renovating. Damar: Kanar. Damar: Not that one. The twenty seven. Quark: Twenty seven? Expensive. Damar: I can afford it on a Gul's salary. Quark: Wait a minute. You started a fight in my bar and now you're getting a promotion? What kind of way is that to run an army? Damar: Dukat wasn't happy about what happened. I had to find a way to make it up to him. Quark: I hope it was something big. Damar: Let's just say it will change the course of history. Quark: As a businessman, I'm very interested in the course of history. This one's on me. Damar: That's very kind of you, Quark, but I can't talk about it. Quark: Of course. I understand. Here, let me pour you another. Jake: There's obviously a lot of bad blood between the Cardassians and the Jem'Hadar. It wouldn't take much to get them to go at each other again. Kira: I'm not sure we want to do that. Rom: But it worked so well. Kira: What do you think, Odo? Odo: I'm not sure it's a good idea. Kira: Then we'll do something else. Jake: Major. Kira: Something that we can all agree on. Rom: Who could that be? Kira: We're just sitting here enjoying each other's company. Rom: Right. Kira: Come in. Rom: Brother, are you all right? Quark: No, I am not all right. I just shared a bottle of kanar with Damar. That rhymes. Jake: You're drunk. Quark: Of course I'm drunk. I wouldn't risk coming in here and associating myself with your little resistance cell if I wasn't drunk. Kira: Well, then maybe you'd better leave before someone sees you. Quark: I tried. I tried my best to run my establishment under this occupation. But you know what? It's no fun. I don't like Cardassians. They're mean and arrogant. And I can't stand the Jem'Hadar. They're creepy. They just stand there like statues, staring at you. That's it. I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing business with these people. I want the Federation back. I want to sell root beer again. Kira: All right, you made your point. Relax. Quark: How can I relax when there are thousands of Jem'Hadar ships are sitting on the other side of the wormhole, waiting to come through? Jake: Don't worry about it. They're stuck there. Quark: Not if what Damar told me is true. Kira: What are you talking about? Quark: He said he came up with a way to deactivate the mines. Dukat wants him to start field tests right away. Kira: Come on, Quark, think. Did Damar say anything about how he was planning to deactivate the mines? Quark: Yes. He said something about the station's defector. Odo: Defector? Kira: That's impossible. The only person on the station who knows anything about the mines work is Rom: Me. Quark: Defector. That doesn't sound right. Maybe it was deflector? Yeah, that's it. He said something about using the station's deflector array. Kira: What do you think, Rom? Rom: I'm glad it wasn't me. Kira: About the deflector array. Is there any way to use it to deactivate the mines? Rom: No. I designed the mines to be self-replicating. The only way to keep them from replacing themselves is to isolate them in an anti-graviton beam. The deflector array can't do that. Unless you reconfigure the field generators and re-focused the emitters which would turn the deflector array into one big anti-graviton beam. Quark: Why didn't you think of that when you set up the minefield? Rom: I don't know. Quark: He doesn't know. Kira: Quark. How can we disable the deflector array? Rom: All you have to do to is access the EPS feed and overload the waveguide. Kira: Let's do it. Rom: But there's no way to get to the EPS feed. It's in a secured conduit rigged with alarms. Kira: Odo, can you disable those alarms? Odo: I can take them offline for about five minutes if I run a security diagnostic. Kira: Will that give you enough time? Rom: I think so. Odo: I'll run the diagnostic as soon as I get to my office in the morning. Kira: All right. You and I will meet here. At exactly oh eight hundred, you will begin the diagnostic. Worf: Has there been any news, sir? Sisko: None. Worf: The Defiant has been gone over sixteen hours. Sisko: Mister Worf, I know this is difficult for you. Worf: Yes, sir. But I sense it is more difficult for you. The Defiant is your ship. Sisko: Dax'll bring her home. Besides, there's no way she's going to miss her own wedding. Worf: No, I suppose not. Sisko: As soon as I hear something, I'll let you know. Worf: Thank you, sir. Captain, you should get some rest. Sisko: Not tonight, Mister Worf. Not tonight. Ross: Ben? Sisko: Admiral. Ross: It's late. Sisko: I know. I was just waiting to see if there is any news. Ross: Ben, we've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. I want to nail down the details on the Bolian operation. I need you focused. Sisko: I will be. Ross: I know how you feel about your crew, but you and I are responsible for an entire tactical wing. Thousands of lives depend on the decisions we make tomorrow. You can't afford to be awake all night worrying about one ship. Sisko: Admiral, you can order me to my quarters, but there's no way I'm going to sleep. Not as long as the Defiant is out there. Ross: All right, as you wish. But you should understand one thing. With any luck, we'll be sending the Defiant on a lot of missions, and you're going to have to get used to it. Good night. Odo: Have our people always been shape-shifters, or was there a time when we were like the solids? Founder: Eons ago we were like them, limited to one form, but then we evolved. Odo: On the homeworld, are you always in the Link, or do you sometimes take solid form? Founder: We prefer the Link, but on occasion it is interesting to exist as something else. A tree perhaps, or a cloud in the sky. Odo: A cloud. How many of us are there? Founder: Oh. So many questions, Odo. Odo: I'm sorry. But there's still so much that isn't clear to me yet. Founder: If you Link with me again, everything will be made clear to you. Odo: You have to understand that the Link is very overwhelming for me. Right now, it's easier to talk. Founder: But words are so clumsy, so imprecise. Odo: Even so. Founder: As you wish. Odo: You haven't told me your name. Founder: What use would I have for a name? Odo: To differentiate yourself from the others. Founder: I don't. Odo: But you are a separate being, aren't you? Founder: In a sense. Odo: When you return to the Link, what will happen to the entity I'm talking to right now? Founder: The drop becomes the ocean. Odo: And if you choose to take solid form again? Founder: The ocean becomes a drop. Odo: Ah, yes. I think I'm beginning to understand. Founder: Then you can answer your own question. How many of us are there? Odo: One. And many. It depends on how you look at it. Founder: Very good. You are beginning to understand. But there's so much you don't know. Odo: Tell me. Founder: Words would be insufficient. Link with me again. It is the only way I can give you the understanding that you seek. Odo: I can't. Founder: Why not? Odo: I promised Kira. Founder: She is a solid. This has nothing to do with her. This is about you, about what you want. Rom: Am I early? Kira: A little. I hope there's more than just fruit in that basket. Rom: I needed a place to hide my tools. In case anybody asks, I'm making a delivery. Kira: Right. Rom: Here's your fruit! Kira: I didn't order any fruit. Oh, your brother sent this, didn't he? Rom: Er. Kira: If he is trying to win me over, tell him it's just not going to work. Better yet, I'll tell him myself. Kira: Odo should be in his office by now. Now remember, he's going to interrupt the sensor alarms at exactly eight hundred hours. Rom: I'll be ready. Kira: If there's a problem I'll contact you. Good luck with your delivery. Rom: Computer, time. Computer: Seven hundred hours fifty eight minutes. Rom: Two minutes to go. Kira: Odo! Kira to Odo. Please respond. Kira: Kira to Odo. Odo, answer me. Kira: Computer, time. Computer: Seven hundred hours fifty nine minutes. Damar: Hello, Major. Just the person I was looking for. Kira: Congratulations on your promotion, but we'll have to discuss the personnel report some other time. Damar: We'll discuss it now. Kira: I don't think so. Kira: Kira to Rom. Don't open that hatch. Rom: I already did. Kira: Get out of there! Damar: Intruder alert. Come with me. Damar: Well, well. What do we have here? Captain's log, tactical update stardate 51149.5. The Defiant has returned to Starbase three seven five after its successful attack on the Dominion sensor array. Admiral Ross and I have recommended that Commander Dax and the entire Defiant crew be cited for exceptional performance of their duties. Nog: Admiral on deck! Ross: Carry on. Dax: Nog, Saurian brandy for the brass. Bashir: Dax, could you tell Ensign Kirby how I took over the conn when Lieutenant Haj was injured? She doesn't believe me. Dax: Frankly, I'm not sure I believe it happened myself. Bashir: Sir. Sir. Ross: Congratulations, Captain. Dax: Thank you, sir. Will you excuse me a minute. Julian needs me. Ross: Certainly. Nog: Here you are. Sisko: Don't ask where he got it. Ross: Don't worry. I don't want to know. O'Brien: Here's another one, Captain. Dax: Take a good look because this says something about us. That we're willing to fight and that we'll keep on fighting until we can't fight anymore. All: Yes, sir! Dax: You don't throw something like this away. All: No, sir! Ross: They're a good crew. Sisko: The best. Ross: What do you say we get back to work? Kira: What the hell happened? Why didn't you disable that alarm? Odo: It's difficult to explain. Kira: Rom is sitting in a holding cell being interrogated! He was counting on you. I was counting on you! Odo: I know. Kira: You know? Do you realize what you just did? You just handed the Alpha Quadrant to the Dominion. Odo: I was in the Link. Kira: Are you saying you forgot? Odo: I didn't forget. It just didn't seem to matter. Kira: A lot of people are going to die. Don't you care? Odo: It has nothing to do with me. Kira: How can you say that? Odo: If you could experience the Link, you'd know why nothing else matters. Kira: The last five years, your life here, our friendship, none of that matters? Odo: It did once. I wish I could make you understand. But you can't. You're not a changeling. Kira: That's right. I'm a solid. Founder: You look troubled, Odo. Did she upset you? Odo: No, not really. Founder: Ah.

Dax: Cadet. Nog: Continuing to emit distress signals on all frequencies, sir. Dax: Chief? O'Brien: We're still venting plasma. Any ship within a hundred million kilometers will know we're here and that we're not going anywhere. Nog: We have company, Captain. Two Dominion ships heading this way, bearing one nine seven mark one three five. O'Brien: They'll have us in weapons range in twenty two seconds. Dax: Shields? Nog: Shields at thirty percent. Dax: Phaser banks? O'Brien: The entire weapons array is offline. Dax: Now we find something to hold onto. Nog: Shields are down to twenty percent. O'Brien: Now? Dax: Now. Shields up. Engines at full impulse. Power to main phasers. O'Brien: Target locked. Dax: Fire. Dax: Cadet, are there any other Dominion ships out there? Nog: None that I can see. Dax: This is the Captain speaking. All hands, stand down. Good job, people. Nog: We're being hailed by the Rotarran. Commander Worf wants to speak to you. Dax: On screen. Worf: Well done, Captain. You were a very effective decoy. Dax: How about next time we switch roles? That way I can rescue you. O'Brien: You may have to wait a while, Captain. We've just received orders from Starfleet Command. All ships in this sector are to fall back to Starbase three seven five. Dax: Fall back again. O'Brien: Engage, retreat, engage, retreat. I tell you, that's becoming our favorite tune. Bashir: Well, we'd better think of a new tune fast or the only song we're going to be singing is Hail the Conquering Dominion. Dax: I wouldn't start learning those lyrics just yet, Doctor. Worf, we'll see you at Starbase three seven five. Worf: I will be waiting. Dax: Set a course for these coordinates. Warp seven. Dax: I don't know what all you brass hats in Starfleet Command are thinking, but take it from a simple field officer, we're not going to win this war by running away from the enemy. Sisko: I know that. Dax: Benjamin, troop morale is at an all-time low. Even the Klingons are starting to wonder if we can defeat the Dominion. We need a victory, a big victory, and we need it soon. Sisko: I couldn't agree with you more. Dax: Then do something about it. Sisko: I already have. In fact, I'm presenting a plan to Starfleet Command at oh eight hundred tomorrow. Dax: What plan? Sisko: We're going to retake Deep Space Nine. Bashir: Everything seems to be perfectly normal. I'm sorry, Garak. Garak: Keep looking, Doctor. Whatever Starfleet put in there is very well hidden. O'Brien: Ridiculous! Garak: That's easy for you to say, Chief. You don't know them as well as I do. These are desperate people. Dax: Garak, you're not going to get any of us to believe that Starfleet Intelligence has implanted some kind of neural transponder in your brain to monitor your thoughts. Garak: I would have, if I were them. In fact, when I was conducting interrogations for the Obsidian Order, I did a lot worse. Bashir: I'm sure you did. Worf: They're not interrogating you, Mister Garak, they are debriefing. There is a difference. Garak: Not from where I'm sitting. Dax: Oh, I'll have a raktajino, Julian. Bashir: And a raktajino. O'Brien: Look, Garak we are at war with the Dominion. Cardassia is part of the Dominion. You are a Cardassian. And at one time, a fairly important one. Of course Starfleet Intelligence is going to press you for specifics. They need to know everything you know. Worf: Any small detail could prove extremely important. Garak: Well, take it from me, it's a lot more fun asking questions than answering them. All things considered, I'd rather be on the Defiant with all of you. O'Brien: Oh, believe me, you haven't been missing much. Dax: Hopefully, all of that's about to change. Bashir: You think Starfleet Command will approve Sisko's plan? Dax: We'll find out soon enough. He's in there presenting it now. O'Brien: Here's to retaking the castle. Bashir: And planting our flag on its battlements once again. Dax: You two spent too much time in the holosuites. Sisko: By putting together a task force comprised of elements from the Second, Fifth and Ninth fleets, I believe that we can retake Deep Space Nine, the most important piece of real estate in the quadrant. Sitak: Your plan, Captain Sisko, is not without merit. However, I remain skeptical. The Dominion will undoubtedly send a large fleet to stop you. Sisko: And it will divert their forces and slow their advance into Federation territory. Ross: As well as leave their flank vulnerable. Sisko: Which will give us a chance to be on the offensive for a change. Coburn: There's one thing that still concerns me. Sisko: What's that, Admiral? Coburn: Earth. You've left it a very tempting target. Ross: Earth will still be defended by the Third Fleet. Coburn: But what if you're wrong, and the Dominion doesn't commit its forces to protect Deep Space Nine? What if instead they launch a full-scale assault on Earth? If we follow the plan you're proposing, we'll never be able to get reinforcements there in time. Sisko: The Dominion won't attack Earth. Sitak: How can you be sure? Sisko: Because Earth isn't the key to the Alpha Quadrant. The wormhole is. And whoever controls Deep Space Nine controls the wormhole. Quark: Unbelievable. Amazing. What nerve. Morn, you do have a problem, but lucky for you the solution is simple. You're a grown man. If you don't want to attend your mother's birthday party, you don't have to. And if she keeps whining about it, just remind her there's a war on and you have things to do. Another ale? Quark: Here, it's on the house. Quark: Major, you ready? Kira: Now? Quark: Right now. Kira: All right, but I don't think it'll do any good. Quark: I keep telling myself that Odo never meant to have Rom to get arrested. It was all a mistake. Bad timing, bad luck. Kira: I thought that too, at first. Quark: I have known Odo a long time. He's not a collaborator. Kira: Then why is your brother still in a holding cell? Quark: We're here to see Odo. Jem'Hadar: The Founders are not to be disturbed. Quark: Odo will make an exception for us. Jem'Hadar: There are no exceptions. Kira: I'd like to hear that from Odo. Bajoran: I'm sorry, Major, but you're wasting your time. His orders were quite clear. He doesn't want to see anyone. Not until his guest has left. Kira: And how long has his guest been visiting? Bajoran: As far as I know, the female changeling has not left his quarters for three days. Jem'Hadar: Step away from the door, Ferengi. Kira: Hey! hey! Bajoran: Perhaps it would be best if you left. My colleague over here takes his duties very seriously. I promise to tell Odo you were here. Kira: Let's go, Quark. Founder: So, that is how solids experience intimacy. Odo: Not all solids. Humans, Bajorans. Founder: I really must thank you, Odo. Odo: For what? Founder: For giving me new insight into the solids. Odo: And what have you learned? Founder: That what they consider intimacy is only a shadow of what we experience in the Great Link. You don't agree? Odo: I didn't say that. Founder: You've done this before? Odo: Not often. Founder: But when you have, you enjoyed it? Odo: Yes. Founder: And you regret not having experienced it with Major Kira. Odo: I'd rather not discuss Major Kira. Founder: I don't see why not. When we link, your feelings for her are made very clear. Odo: Then why do you insist that we talk about it? Founder: Because talking is still very important to you. But one day it won't be. One day, the Link will be all you need. And that day is coming soon. Odo: Is it? Founder: It's amazing that you have survived this long without it. It's only now, after I've been away from the Great Link myself, that I understand how painful it must have been for you. Odo: It hasn't always been easy. Founder: Odo, you never have to be alone again. Odo: Well, I'd better be going. There's a meeting of the station's Ruling Council. Dukat and Weyoun are expecting me. Founder: That meeting was held three days ago. Odo: Three days? Three days. How could I have lost track of that much time? Founder: Does that bother you? Odo: Yes, it does. Founder: Well, don't let it. You've been living with the solids' concept of time for too long. Let them worry about their meetings, their schedules, their obligations. None of that has anything to do with you. You are a changeling. You're timeless. As am I. Weyoun: You asked to see me, Major? Kira: That's right. I Weyoun: First, tell me something. What do you think of this? Kira: It's one of Ziyal's paintings. Weyoun: I know who the artist is. Her father gave it to me. He claims it won some sort of prize on Cardassia. Kira: Gul Dukat must be very proud. Weyoun: I suppose. Is it any good? Kira: I think so. Why, don't you? Weyoun: I don't know how to judge it. You see, my people lack a sense of esthetics. Kira: That's too bad. Weyoun: I sometimes think so as well. But if esthetics were truly important, the Founders would have included it in our genetic makeup. Kira: Or they made a mistake. Weyoun: Gods don't make mistakes. Though sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to carry a tune. So, what can I do for you, Major? Kira: It's about Rom. Weyoun: Oh yes, the Ferengi saboteur. Kira: He has been in a holding cell for over a week. Weyoun: Has it really been that long? Kira: And I was hoping you would consider releasing him. Weyoun: Impossible. You can't release a man and then execute him. It makes no sense. Kira: Execute Rom? Weyoun: He committed an act of terrorism against the Dominion. Not only did he try to interfere with our efforts to take down the minefield, but, as I understand it, he was also the diabolical genius who came up with the idea of self-replicating mines in the first place. I'm afraid there's no getting around it, Major. He must be made an example so that others think twice before they act against us. Kira: He is married to a Bajoran citizen. Weyoun: I'm well aware of that. And I'm willing to believe, for now, his wife is not a co-conspirator. Otherwise, treaty or no treaty, she would share her husband's fate. I'm sorry, Major. The Dominion takes a dim view of terrorism. Your friend must pay the price for his crime. Kira: We'll see what the Bajoran government has to say about that. Weyoun: I'm afraid their pleas will fall on deaf ears. Major. Would this be more esthetically pleasing if it were blue? Rom: I'm going to die. Leeta: Stop saying that. Rom: I didn't say it, he did. Quark: What I said is, they're planning to execute you. It's not the same thing. Rom: It is to me. Leeta: Rom, we are not going to let them hurt you. Kira has gone to the Bajoran Council of Ministers. She's asking them to lodge an official protest. Rom: That's sweet, but I doubt it'll do any good. Quark: And I've talked to Grand Nagus Zek himself and he has offered to buy your freedom from the Dominion. Rom: I don't think Weyoun cares much for latinum. I'm a dead man. Quark: Will you stop upsetting Leeta? Rom: Sorry. Quark: Besides, you think your big brother will let anything happen to you? Rom: What can you do? Quark: I'm not sure. But I'll think of something. No matter what it takes, no matter what I have to do, I'm going to get you out of here. Leeta: You do that and I'll work your dabo tables for free. Quark: For how long? Leeta: An entire year. Quark: Make it two. Rom: Brother! Quark: Shh. Isn't your life worth two years? Now, sit tight and trust your older brother. Rom: But I don't want you to try to save me. Leeta: What are you talking about? They must have done something to his mind. Quark: What mind? Rom: I'm serious. Brother, you have more important things to worry about. Quark: The bar's doing fine, but thanks for caring. Rom: I'm not talking about the bar. Leeta: What could be more important than your life? Rom: Destroying the anti-graviton beam to prevent the Dominion from taking down the minefield. You've got to finish what I started. The fate of the entire Alpha Quadrant rests in your hands. Billions and billions of people are counting on you. Quark: Boy, are they going to be disappointed. Rom: Brother, you can do this. You have to do this. You will do this. Quark: What happens if I get caught? Rom: Then we'll die together. Side by side, heads held high, knowing we did our best. Leeta: Oh, Rom. Quark: But I don't want to die. Rom: If that's what's written, then that's what's written. Now get going, brother. You have a lot of work to do. Rom: So, tell me, Leeta what else is new? Have they fixed the sonic shower in our quarters yet? Kira: Ziyal. Ziyal: Nerys. I haven't seen you in weeks. Kira: Do you have a minute? Ziyal: Sit down. Kira: I need you to talk to your father for me. Ziyal: About what? Kira: Rom. Ziyal: Father. Dukat: Ah. Ziyal: I need to talk to you. Dukat: Is something wrong, my dear? Ziyal: Nothing that you can't fix. Dukat: Name it. Ziyal: I want you to free Rom. Dukat: You're joking. Ziyal: Not at all. Dukat: I can't free Rom, Ziyal. He's been sentenced to death by the Dominion. Ziyal: You can pardon him. Don't you see, Father, this is your chance to show the Bajoran people, to show Major Kira who you really are. A forgiving, compassionate man. A great man. Dukat: Tell me something, Ziyal. Were you involved in any way with the plans to sabotage this station? Ziyal: No, I wasn't involved. Dukat: You're sure of that? I can't help you unless you tell me the truth. Ziyal: I am telling you the truth. The question is, have you been telling me the truth. Dukat: About what? Ziyal: That the Bajorans are wrong about you. That you regret the horrible things you had to do during the occupation. Dukat: I do regret them, Ziyal. Deeply. Ziyal: Then this is your chance to prove it to everyone, including me. Show us that you're capable of mercy. Dukat: Rom is an enemy of the state, and enemies of the state do not deserve mercy. Ziyal: Spoken like a true Cardassian. Dukat: I am a Cardassian. And so are you. Ziyal: No, I'm not! I could never be like you. Dukat: Ziyal. Kira: You can't trust them. Quark: I trust latinum, and so do they. Five bars will buy me five Nausicaans, a fast ship and very few questions. Breaking Rom out of the holding cell will be child's play compared to the things they're used to doing. Kira: Forget about it, Quark. Freeing your brother's going to take careful, precise planning. It's not the Nausicaan way. They're thugs. They'll come strutting onto the station, look at a Jem'Hadar the wrong way and before you know it there's blood on the Promenade. Quark: Think I can get my money back? Damar: Major, a freighter loaded with Tammeron grain is due within the hour. See to it that Cargo bay five is ready to receive it. Kira: I'll take care of it. I'll have a Damar: Yes, you will. Now. That attitude of yours, Major, it won't be tolerated forever. Kira: You don't like my attitude, Damar? You're welcome to try to change it. Damar: I don't know what Dukat sees in that woman. Quark: Then you need to get your eyes examined. One kanar. Want me to leave the bottle? Damar: Maybe I should have you taste it first. Make sure it isn't poisoned. Quark: Poisoning customers is bad for business. Damar: True. But some people may place a brother's revenge above business. Quark: Not this Ferengi. Damar: You're a credit to your race, Quark. Unlike your brother, you've chosen to back the winning side. Quark: All right, are you going to tell me or do you want me to guess? Damar: Tell you what? Quark: Oh, don't be coy with me. Either someone you don't like has died or your promotion came through. Damar: It's better than that. Damar: It's about the minefield. Quark: What about it? Damar: It's coming down. Quark: Oh, I've heard that before. Damar: Remember those field tests I was telling you about? They were successful. We've begun to deactivate the mines. Quark: Well, you've got your work cut out for you. What's it going to take a couple of months? A year? Damar: One week. Quark: A week? Damar: That's right. One week, and the Alpha Quadrant is ours. Sisko: Gentlemen, this mission cannot succeed without the involvement of the Klingon Defense Forces. Worf: We agree, Captain. Chancellor Gowron does not. Sisko: Then you will have to change his mind. Martok: The Chancellor is reluctant to commit such a large fleet to a single engagement. Worf: He believes it would leave the Empire vulnerable. Sisko: Starfleet Command had the same concerns about Earth. But after careful consideration, they decided it was worth the risk. Worf: General, perhaps you should return to Kronos and make your plea in person. The Chancellor has great respect for you. If you cannot persuade him, no one can. Martok: I will go see Gowron and you will come with me. Worf: No. The Chancellor no longer considers me a friend. Martok: I know. But what could be better? An ally and an enemy both telling him the same thing. He'll have no other choice but to agree. Sisko: Gentlemen, I need those ships. Worf: And you shall have them. Kira: A week? Are you sure about that? Quark: That's what he said. Believe me, this was no idle boast. Kira: We have to stop them. Quark: And end up in a holding cell with my brother? No, thanks. If we could only get to Odo, make him see what's going on. Then maybe he could help us. Kira: Forget about Odo. First, we can't get to him. Second, even if we did he wouldn't help us. Quark: Then what we have to do is warn Starfleet. Kira: And how do you suggest we get a message to them? Quark: You're asking me? You're the terrorist, I'm just a bartender. Jake: There you are. From the look on your faces I can see you haven't had much luck getting Rom out of jail. Quark: And the news just keeps getting worse. Jake: It's not all bad. Kira: Trust us, Jake, it is. Jake: Not for me. I'm getting a message out to my Dad. Kira: How? Jake: I'm a reporter. I have my ways. Kira: Come on, Jake, this is no time for games. Kira: Morn? Jake: He's going home for his mother's birthday or something. He has an encrypted message for my Dad in one of her presents. Ross: Are you sure this is reliable? Sisko: I've known the courier for five years. I trust him. Ross: Then we have a problem. According to this, the minefield's coming down in three days. The Ninth Fleet won't be here for at least four. Sisko: Then I suggest we go without them. Ross: What about the Klingons? Sisko: Looks like we go without them too. We've run out of time, Admiral. Ross: If those Dominion reinforcements come through the wormhole we'll have lost everything. Sisko: We take the ships we have, fight our way to Deep Space Nine and destroy that anti-graviton emitter. It's our only hope. Ross: Do it. Dukat: There. Weyoun: Where? Dukat: Over there. That flash of light was the anti-graviton beam hitting a mine. Weyoun: And disabling its replication unit. Dukat: Exactly. Didn't you see it? Weyoun: I'm afraid not. Dukat: For months you've been demanding that I take down those mines and now that it's finally happening, you can't even see it? Weyoun: Weak eyes. Dukat: Excuse me? Weyoun: My people have poor eyesight. It's something we've learned to live with. Jem'Hadar, on the other hand, excellent vision. I suppose they need it more than we do. Dukat: Ah, there's another one. Weyoun: I'll have to take your word for it. Dukat: Once we disable the replication units in all the mines, we can detonate the entire minefield. And I guarantee you, weak eyes or not, that explosion you will see. Weyoun: When will you be ready to proceed? Dukat: Approximately seventy eight hours. Three more days and we can start to bring the Jem'Hadar reinforcements through the wormhole. Weyoun: Excellent. I knew you could do it, Dukat. Dukat: Did you? Weyoun: I never doubted you for a moment. Damar: Sir, I have new information on enemy fleet movements. Dukat: Go ahead. Damar: The Second Fleet has fallen back past the Kotanka System, while the Fifth Fleet has pulled out of the fighting along the Vulcan border. Both fleets have converged here, Starbase three seven five. Dukat: Isn't that where Captain Sisko is stationed? Damar: He's been made an adjutant to Admiral Ross. Weyoun: Good for him. Now why have those fleets gathered there? Damar: I'm not sure. Weyoun: You're not sure? Two large enemy fleets break off from the front lines and rendezvous at a starbase and you have no idea why? Dukat: Well, we'll have to find out, won't we? Weyoun: See that you do. Damar: He should speak to you with greater respect. Dukat: Some day, I'll let you teach him that lesson. But right now, there's something more pressing I need you to do. It's of a personal nature, a matter of some delicacy. It's about my daughter. Damar: Ziyal? Dukat: We've had a misunderstanding. I want you to go and convince her to speak with me. Damar: Sir, I really feel I would be more valuable tracking the enemy fleet. Dukat: I've given you an order, Damar. We're on the verge of a great victory, and when it comes I want my daughter at my side. Is that understood? Ziyal: I really believed my father had changed. That he wanted to be a man of peace. Kira: I think he believes that too, when it suits his purpose. Ziyal: Everything he's ever said to me has been a lie Kira: Not everything. He really does care about you. Ziyal: I don't care. I am not going back to him. You don't believe me, do you? Kira: Right now you're angry and hurt, but that's going to pass. And then you'll have to decide what to do. Damar: Ziyal, I need to speak to you. Ziyal: You and I have nothing to talk about. Damar: Maybe not, but you and your father do. He wants to see you. Ziyal: Well I don't want to see him. Kira: You heard her. Damar: Stay out of this, Major. Ziyal, listen. Your father is a great man, a man of destiny, but he also carries great burdens. He knows our alliance with the Dominion is a dangerous one. If we show any sign of weakness, our allies will turn on us. That's why we must all help him remain strong. So I ask you to be a true daughter of Cardassia and stand beside him. Ziyal: It should be obvious, even to you, Damar, that I am not a true daughter of Cardassia. Damar: What's obvious to me is that your father should have left you to rot in that Breen prison camp. But he didn't. He took pity on you and it's your duty to repay him. Now come with me. Kira: Let her go. Damar: And if I don't, what happens then? Kira: I was hoping you'd ask. Ziyal: Did you kill him? Kira: No, but I thought about it. Ziyal: What are you going to do when he wakes up? Kira: That's up to him. Ross: I just came to wish you luck. Sisko: Thank you. My father says you can never have too much good luck. Ross: Your father sounds like a wise man. Sisko: And he makes a fierce jambalaya. Ross: What's this? Sisko: Ancient Bajoran texts. Ross: The Emissary looks for guidance on the eve of battle. Sisko: Guidance, insights, loopholes. I'll take anything I can get. Ross: And what do the Prophets tell you? Sisko: That I have a long way to go before I can make any sense of their prophecies. Ross: Maybe when this war is over you can look at them closer. Sisko: That would be a change. Spend a week or two down on Bajor. Visit the Dakeen Monastery. Ross: I've never been on Bajor. I hear it's quite nice. Sisko: Nice? That hardly describes it at all. There are parts of the Eastern Province that are like Eden itself. Lush green valleys covered in wild flowers that seem to spring up overnight. Hundreds of small, crystal clear ponds interconnected by waterfalls. Ross: All right, all right, I'm convinced. I'm already planning my next R and R down there. You know, it sounds like when your assignment on Deep Space Nine is over and Bajor is welcomed into the Federation, you're going to have a tough time saying goodbye. Sisko: I don't plan to say goodbye. I plan to build a house on Bajor. Ross: And what if Starfleet assigns you to a different sector? Sisko: I will go wherever they send me, but when I go home, it will be to Bajor. Nog: Chief, I was just coming to see you. Can you believe it? They made me an Ensign. O'Brien: I hadn't realized things were going so bad. Nog: Scary, isn't it? If my classmates at the Academy could only see me now. O'Brien: They'd be surprised, would they? Nog: Amazed is more like it. O'Brien: What do they know. Nog: Anyway, I just want to say thanks for all your help. O'Brien: My help? Nog: I've learned a lot from you and not just about engineering. You've shown me what it takes to be a good soldier. O'Brien: Don't let that uniform go to your head. You've got a lot to learn yet. And you will. Congratulations, Ensign. Wear it with pride. Nog: I intend to, Chief. Nog: Captain on the Bridge. Dax: I've kept it warm for you, Ben. Sisko: Ensign, alert all ships. We're moving out. Nog: Aye, sir. Dukat: Our initial intelligence reports have been verified. The Federation fleet is on the move. Weyoun: Do we know their destination? Dukat: Yes. It appears they're headed here. Weyoun: Here? Oh. He knows we're taking down the minefield. Someone must've got a message out. Dukat: So it would seem. Weyoun: No matter. We'll crush them. Dukat: Yes. Yes, we will. But in order to do that, I'm going to have to pull a significant number of our ships off the front lines. Weyoun: Do it. Dukat: Come in. Weyoun: Once the minefield comes down we'll have more than enough ships to take their place. Dukat: I understand. One moment, please. Damar: I want your permission to arrest Major Kira. Dukat: Kira? What about Ziyal? Did you talk to her? Damar: She doesn't want to see you. When I insisted, the Major objected. Dukat: What did you do to Ziyal? Damar: I did nothing to her. Dukat: Then why did the Major attack you? You must have done something, threatened my daughter in some way. Damar, I told you to be tactful. Weyoun: Excuse me. Don't you think resolving family squabbles can wait until after we've won this war? Weak eyes, good ears. Dukat: Yes, of course. You're quite right. Weyoun: Then you're clear on what must be done. Dukat: I'm going to call back enough ships to destroy the Federation fleet and hold this station. Damar: The Federation is moving against us? Dukat: That's right. Now I want to know exactly what went on between you and Ziyal. Odo: It's odd. I've stood here countless times, and yet somehow it all looks different. Founder: It's the solids. They look small, don't they? Insignificant. Odo: It's not their fault. Founder: I'm not placing blame. Odo: They're trapped. Founder: Confined to a single shape. Odo: A single perspective. Founder: It's so limiting. Odo: I feel sorry for them. Founder: They need our guidance, Odo, not our pity. Odo: They cherish their freedom. Founder: We'll have to break them of that. Odo: Break them? Founder: In a manner of speaking. Oh, this language of the solids. It's so imprecise. Odo: What exactly do you plan to do? Founder: The solids are no longer your concern, Odo. What must be done, will be done. It's as simple as that. Weyoun: Forgive me for intruding but I have important news about the war. Founder: Why don't you return to your quarters, Odo. I'll join you there shortly. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. I promise. Weyoun: I must say, you're doing a wonderful job with Odo. Founder: Meaning what? Weyoun: Meaning that he's always posed a potential threat to our plans, but you seem to have neutralized him quite nicely. Founder: Neutralize Odo? Is that why you think I'm here? Odo is a changeling. Bringing him home, returning him to the Great Link, means more to us than the Alpha Quadrant itself. Is that clear? Weyoun: I meant no disrespect. Founder: Well of course you didn't. You are what you are, a loyal subject of the Dominion. Come, walk with me. You said you had important news. Odo: Major! Odo: Kira. Kira, wait, please. Kira: I have nothing to say to you. Odo: I understand that you're angry. Kira: Oh, you bet I am angry. Do you have any idea what's going on? Odo: Yes, somewhat. I've been occupied. Kira: Dukat is bringing down the minefield, the Federation is about to be overrun by Dominion reinforcements and Weyoun has ordered Rom's execution and you have been occupied. Odo: This is so difficult to explain. Kira: If you're going to talk me about the Link, don't bother. I'm a solid, remember? I won't understand. Odo: Nerys. I'm sorry. Kira: Sorry? That's what you wanted to tell me? You're sorry? Odo: Yes. Kira: Well let me tell you something, Odo. We are way, way past sorry. O'Brien: Sir, incoming message from the Cortez. They're still having trouble stabilizing the guidance thrusters on their port nacelle. Sisko: Tell them to drop back and make repairs. Bring up the Sarek to take its place. O'Brien: Will do. Garak: That's the eleventh ship to fall out of formation. Dax: Nice of you to keep track, Garak. Bashir: He can't help being negative. It's in his nature. Garak: On the contrary. I always hope for the best. Experience, unfortunately, has taught me to expect the worst. O'Brien: I'm picking something up. It's a large Dominion fleet bearing zero zero four mark zero zero nine. Sisko: How large? O'Brien: Twelve hundred and fifty four ships. Bashir: They outnumber us two to one. Garak: Now who's being negative. Sisko: Ensign, on screen. Maximum magnification. Nog: Aye, sir. Sisko: To all ships, this is Captain Sisko. Assume attack formation Delta two. There's an old saying, fortune favors the bold. Well, I guess we're about to find out. To Be Continued...

Sisko: The Dominion won't attack Earth. Sitak: How can you be sure? Sisko: Because Earth isn't the key to the Alpha Quadrant. The wormhole is. And whoever controls Deep Space Nine controls the wormhole. O'Brien: Target locked. Dax: Fire. Kira: Execute Rom? Weyoun: He committed an act of terrorism against the Dominion. Rom: You've got to finish what I started. The fate of the entire Alpha Quadrant rests in your hands. Quark: What happens if I get caught? Ross: If those Dominion reinforcements come through the wormhole we'll have lost everything. Sisko: We take the ships we have, fight our way to Deep Space Nine and destroy that anti-graviton emitter. It's our only hope. Kira: Dukat is bringing down the minefield, the Federation is about to be overrun by Dominion reinforcements and Weyoun has ordered Rom's execution. Odo: I'm sorry. Kira: We are way, way past sorry. O'Brien: It's a large Dominion fleet. Twelve hundred and fifty four ships. Bashir: They outnumber us two to one. Sisko: There's an old saying, fortune favors the bold. Well, I guess we're about to find out. And now the conclusion. Sisko: Sisko to all ships. Cruiser and Galaxy wings, drop to half impulse. You too, Commander. Dax: Half impulse. Garak: I feel sorry for the Klingons. They're going to miss a very interesting fight. O'Brien: I have a feeling we're going to miss having them. Sisko: Forget the Klingons. Our job is to get to Deep Space Nine and prevent the Dominion reinforcements from coming through the wormhole, and that's what we're going to do. Attack fighters, tactical pattern Theta. Concentrate your fire on the Cardassian ships, and then split off into squadrons and run like hell. Nog: Why is he only targeting the Cardassian ships? Garak: He's hoping to get them to break formation and so they'll after the Federation fighters. He knows the Jem'Hadar will stand their ground, but the Cardassians just might get angry enough to take the bait. Nog: Which would open a hole we can punch through. Garak: You're getting quite an education. Nog: Attack fighters in Theta formation. Cruiser and Galaxy wings at half impulse. Sisko: Sisko to attack fighters. Prepare to engage on my command. Crewman: Aye, sir. O'Brien: Cannon to the right of them, cannon to the left of them, cannon in front of them, volley'd and thunder'd. Bashir: Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well into the jaws of death. Into the mouth of hell rode the six hundred. Nog: Whatever it is you two are reciting, I wish you'd stop. O'Brien: Steady, Ensign. It's just a poem. Nog: It's not the poem that's bothering me. O'Brien: Stop worrying about those ships. Focus on your work. That's what I do. Bashir: You should listen to him, Ensign. He's a professional. Sisko: Attack fighters full impulse. Fire at will. O'Brien: They're not taking the bait. Sisko: Ensign, send in the second wave. Tell them to keep targeting the Cardassians. Nog: Aye, sir. Second wave on its way. Third and fourth waves on hot standby. Sisko: Mister O'Brien, have Destroyer units two and six move in closer. They need more cover fire. And tell Captains Diego and Reynolds to stay alert. They may try to outflank us. Dukat: It's very clever strategy. But I'd expect nothing less from Captain Sisko. Weyoun: The Captain is a very clever man. Dukat: You do see it, don't you? Weyoun: Of course I do. Dukat: Well then, perhaps you'd like to explain Captain Sisko's strategy to the Founder yourself. Weyoun: I could never hope to match your eloquence. Dukat: True. Sisko is trying to provoke us into opening a hole in our lines. He's determined to get here and stop us from taking down this minefield. Now I plan to give Sisko his opening and then close it on him. Weyoun: What about the minefield? Are we still on schedule? Dukat: We should be able to detonate the mines in eight hours. Founder: Good. Weyoun: Eight hours. I'll hold you to that, Dukat. Damar: I'd like to toss that smug little Vorta out the nearest airlock. And his Founder with him. Dukat: Now, now, Damar, that's no way to talk about our valued allies. Not until this war is over, anyway. Damar: Sir, there is one other thing. Dukat: Make it brief. Damar: I'm concerned about further attempts to sabotage this station. The enemy knows if they don't act soon, it'll be too late. Dukat: By enemy, I assume you're referring to Rom's associates? Damar: I doubt he was working alone when he tried to sabotage the station. He must've had help. His wife Leeta, Jake Sisko, Major Kira. Dukat: What are you proposing? Damar: That we arrest them. Keep them in custody, at least until the wormhole is reopened. Dukat: It's a wise precaution. But our Bajoran allies might object to an arrest without cause. If anyone asks, we're merely holding them for questioning. And Damar, make sure they're not harmed in any way. Major Kira is important to my daughter. And to me. Damar: Sir, about your daughter. Perhaps it would be better, for her own sake, if Ziyal were confined to quarters. Dukat: For what reason? Damar: To be perfectly honest, sir, I don't completely trust her. And neither should you. Dukat: Are you accusing my daughter of being a saboteur? Damar: I'm not accusing her of anything. But she is quite friendly with Major Kira. Dukat: That will be all, Damar. Damar: She doesn't appreciate what it means to be Cardassian or to be your daughter. Dukat: But she is my daughter. That may mean nothing to you, but it means everything to me. Leeta: I heard the Federation fleet has been ambushed. Quark: I heard two Cardassian soldiers saying the fleet was completely destroyed. Jake: Don't believe everything you hear. Kira: Jake's right. Sisko'll get here. The question is, will he get here soon enough? Quark: He's only got seven hours before they detonate the minefield and start bringing the reinforcements through the wormhole. Jake: We've got to stop them. Leeta: How? Kira: What if we cut off the power supply to the main computer? Shut down the whole station. Quark: Oh great. That would put me out of business altogether. Jake: It would also keep them from detonating the mines. Quark: Okay, so we shut down the main computer. How? Kira: A bomb. Quark: A bomb? What kind of bomb? Kira: Leave that to me. It'll be crude, but effective. Quark: The main computer is in the central core. It's too heavily guarded. You'll never be able to smuggle a bomb into there. Kira: I'll plant the bomb. All we need to do is distract the guards. Damar: In here. Secure the doors. Damar: Ah, Major, here you are. How nice of you to gather your friends for us. Kira: I'm off duty, Damar. What do you want? Damar: I want you to come with us. All three of you. Kira: Where? Damar: To the security office. We have to ask you a few questions. Jake: What kind of questions? Damar: You'll find out when we get there. Go ahead, Major, try something. Nothing would make me happier. Kira: Don't worry. It'll be all right. Damar: Of course it will. You have nothing to hide, do you? You certainly don't. Damar: I'll say this for Captain Sisko, he is persistent. That's the ninth wave of Federation fighters he's sent against us. Dukat: Well, his persistence is about to pay off. Let's give him his reward, shall we? Have a half dozen squadrons break formation and go after those fighters. Damar: Yes, sir. O'Brien: Captain, two squadrons of Cardassian attack ships are breaking formation. They're going after our fighters. Garak: They're taking the bait. We've opened a hole in their lines. Sisko: Have we? Dax: Sir, do you see those Galor class destroyers? Sisko: I see them. Bashir: It's a trap. Sisko: It is also an opportunity and we may not get another one. Ensign, have Galaxy wings nine one and nine three engage those destroyers. All other ships, head for that opening. Anyone who gets through doesn't stop until they reach Deep Space Nine. Garak: Congratulations, Captain. You wanted them angry, they're angry. Sisko: The Magellan and the Venture are supposed to be protecting our starboard flanks. They're in too tight. Ensign, tell fighter squadrons six, seven and eight to Nog: Sir, I can't get through to anybody. Communications are down. O'Brien: They're jamming our signals by generating a rotating EM pulse. Sisko: Can you clear it? O'Brien: I'm trying. Dukat: War is such thirsty work. Don't you agree? Weyoun: Perhaps if you didn't talk so much, your throat wouldn't get so dry. Dukat: Cardassians do like to talk. I suppose it can be a failing at times. Weyoun: No. Dukat: To the conquerors of the Federation. Weyoun: Aren't you being a bit premature? Dukat: I don't think so. Not with twenty eight hundred Dominion ships waiting to come through that wormhole. Weyoun: Those ships aren't going to be here for another five hours, and need I remind you a lot can happen in that amount of time. Dukat: Tell me, Weyoun, have you ever been diagnosed as anhedonic? Weyoun: You think I'm incapable of experiencing joy just because I'm cautious? Dukat: We didn't defeat the Federation by being cautious. Weyoun: We haven't defeated it yet. And even if we do, it's only the beginning. Holding on to a prize as vast as the Federation isn't going to be easy. It's going to require an enormous number of ships, a massive occupation army and constant vigilance. Dukat: I look forward to it. Weyoun: I'm sure you also looked forward to occupying Bajor and we all know what a disappointment that was. Dukat: On Bajor I merely implemented policy, I didn't make it. If I had, things would have turned out quite differently. Weyoun: If you ask me, the key to holding the Federation is Earth. If there's going to be an organized resistance against us, its birthplace will be there. Dukat: You could be right. Weyoun: Then our first step is be to eradicate its population. It's the only way. Dukat: You can't do that. Weyoun: Why not? Dukat: Because! A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place. To force them to acknowledge your greatness. Weyoun: Then you kill them? Dukat: Only if it's necessary. Weyoun: I had no idea. Dukat: Perhaps the biggest disappointment in my life is that the Bajoran people still refuse to appreciate how lucky they were to have me as their liberator. I protected them in so many ways, cared for them as if they were my own children. But to this day, is there a single statue of me on Bajor? Weyoun: I would guess not. Dukat: And you'd be right. Take Captain Sisko, an otherwise intelligent, perceptive man. Even he refuses to grant me the respect I deserve. Dukat: You find that amusing? Weyoun: Not at all. I find it fascinating. Dukat: Laugh all you want. History will prove me right. Founder: I have news, Odo. Our battle with the Federation fleet is going well. Odo: There are people out there fighting, dying. People who used to be my friends. Founder: They're solids, Odo. You must remember that. Odo: I know, but they still mean something to me. Founder: The Link means more. Odo: That's what I keep telling myself, but somehow I can't quite believe it. Founder: You asked me for clarity, Odo. I gave it to you. Now you must accept it. It's Major Kira, isn't it? You still have strong feelings for her. She doesn't deserve your loyalty, Odo. You cannot allow a solid to deny you your rightful place in the Great Link. I couldn't permit it. Odo: What are you saying? Founder: The Major has been arrested. Odo: On what charge? Founder: That hardly matters. What matters is she will be found guilty and sentenced to death. Odo: No! Founder: Her death is be your salvation. Link with me. Embrace the clarity. It is the only thing that will give you peace. Odo: No. Founder: You cannot help her, Odo. You cannot help any of the solids, no matter how much you may want to. It's too late for them. Dax: Sir, we've just lost the Sitak and the Majestic. We're on our own, Ben. O'Brien: Comm's back online. Nog: Four enemy ships directly ahead. Sisko: Evasive maneuvers, pattern Omega. We're going through. Dax: That's one down. Sisko: Can you shake the other three? Dax: I'm trying. Bashir: We've lost aft shields. Forward shields are down to fifteen percent. Garak: Wouldn't this be a good time to cloak? O'Brien: The cloaking system's fried. Sisko: Auxiliary power to weapons. We're going to fight our way out of this. Nog: It's the Klingons, sir. They're here. We're being hailed by Commander Worf. Sisko: On screen. Worf: Captain, I am sorry we were late. It was not easy to convince Chancellor Gowron to spare us any ships. Sisko: I'm just glad you could join us, Commander. O'Brien: Captain, the Klingons have broken a hole in the Dominion lines. Sisko: Dax, can you get us through? Dax: I'd love to try. Sisko: Any other ships make it? Nog: No, sir. Sisko: We only have three hours before the minefields are detonated. Set a course for Deep Space Nine. Maximum warp. Damar: The Defiant has broken through all our lines. It's on its way here. Shall I order a pursuit? Weyoun: At once. Dukat: The Defiant is no match for this station. If Sisko wants to commit suicide, I say we let him. Quark: Don't scream. I won't going to hurt you. Quark: I just have one question. Ziyal: What's that? Quark: Do you know how to make hasperat soufflé? Quark: Lunch for Major Kira. Cardassian: Major Kira has already been fed. Quark: And I can only imagine the slop you served her. What I have here is hasperat soufflé, just the way the Major likes it. Cardassian: This is a jail, not a hotel. The Major will eat what the other prisoners eat. Ziyal: Do you know who I am? Cardassian: Gul Dukat's daughter. Ziyal: That's right. Now I suggest you allow us to deliver this food. Cardassian: I can't do that. However, I will take the tray to her. After I examine it. Quark: Er, is that really necessary? Cardassian: Lift the lid. Quark: If you insist. You see? Hasperat soufflé, just as I said. Stop poking it. It's very delicate. Quark: Now you've ruined it. Rom: How much longer before they detonate the minefield? Kira: I wish you'd stop asking that. Rom: Sorry. Jake: I'd say about ninety minutes. Rom: My time grows short. Leeta: Don't say that. Rom: The only reason they haven't killed me yet is that I'm part of their victory celebration. Seven o'clock, Dukat makes a speech. Eight thirty, cake and raktajino. Eight forty five, execute the Ferengi. Quark: All right, no one move! Rom: Brother! I knew you would come. Quark: It's a surprise to me. Now, just keep calm and stay where you are. Understand? Don't move. You, open the holding cells. I said, open the holding cells. Ziyal: You just told them not to move. Quark: Right. Nobody moves except you. Now open the cells. Kira: Quark. Quark: Yes? Kira: Take down the forcefields. Quark: Forcefields? Kira: I'd kiss you, Quark, but there isn't time. We have to find a way to shut down the power to the main computer. Rom: I can do that. Leeta: Oh, Rom. Rom: That is, if we can make it to the central computer core without being killed. Kira: Right, Rom, you're with me. The rest of you, find someplace to stay out of sight. Jake: Will do. Founder: I know you're confused, Odo, but you don't have to be. All the answers you seek are in the Link. Odo: Come in. Weyoun: Forgive the intrusion, but Major Kira, the Ferengi saboteur and the rest of their terrorist group have escaped from the holding cells. For your own protection, I must ask you to come with me. Founder: I want them caught. Weyoun: They will be. But in the meantime, you'd both be safer in Ops. Founder: Very well. Odo? Odo: I'll be fine here. Founder: You're sure? Odo: Yes. Kira: Get out of here. Rom: Do you hear that? That's Bajoran phaser fire. Kira: Why would Dominion troops be using Bajoran weapons? Odo: Never underestimate the element of surprise. Odo: You have less than forty minutes to shut down the main computer. Rom: I hope that's enough time. Kira: It'll have to be. Can you keep the Dominion patrols off our backs? Odo: I'll head down to Security, create enough false alarms to keep them occupied. Any questions? Kira: I could ask why. Odo: I don't think there's time to explain it. Besides, I think you know the answer. Kira: What about the Link? Odo: The Link was paradise. But it appears I'm not ready for paradise. Good luck. Kira: You too. Sisko: Dax, what's our ETA? Dax: Eleven minutes. O'Brien: That's cutting it close. Kira: How's it going, Rom? Rom: I wish you'd stop asking that. Kira: Sorry, sorry. Rom: I'm not going to make it. Kira: All right then, concentrate on cutting off the power to the station's weapons array. Without weapons they won't be able to detonate the minefield. Rom: Not for a while anyway. Damar: Sir, the Klingons have outflanked us. Our lines are beginning to crumble. Dukat: There's nothing to worry about. In exactly four minutes, thousands of Dominion ships will come pouring through that wormhole. I just hope the Defiant gets here in time for Sisko to see it. Dax: Ben, if I were you, I'd start coming up with a plan B. Rom: Almost there. I just need to decouple the ODN relays. Damar: The last mines have been neutralized. We're ready to detonate the minefield, sir. Dukat: Fire. Rom: Done. Rom: Uh-oh. Kira: What is it? Rom: We were too late. Dax: What do we do now, Captain? Sisko: Take us into the wormhole. O'Brien: What the hell. We're only going to meet a couple of thousand Dominion ships. Dax: One ship against an entire fleet? That's a hell of a plan B. Garak: Chief, how does that poem end? O'Brien: You don't want to know. Founder: Send a message to our listening posts in the Gamma Quadrant. Tell the reinforcements that the Alpha Quadrant awaits them. Damar: Sir, the Defiant. It's heading for the wormhole. Weyoun: Destroy it. Dukat: What's wrong, Damar? Damar: Our weapons, they're offline. They've been sabotaged. Weyoun: How can that be? Dukat: Major Kira. Sisko: Full stop. Chief, divert all power to forward shields and weapons. Dax: Captain, I'm reading multiple warp signatures ahead. Sisko: On screen. Maximum magnification. Sisko: Lock phasers. Prepare to launch quantum torpedoes. Sisko: Why have you brought me here? Show yourselves. What do you want? Odo: The Sisko has returned to us. Jake: He arrives with questions. Kira: There are always questions. Sisko: I didn't ask to come here. Dukat: You desire to end the game. Sisko: What game? I don't understand. Weyoun: You seek to shed your corporeal existence. Damar: That cannot be allowed. Odo: The game must not end. Sisko: The game? You mean my life? Is that what this is about? You don't want me to die? Dukat: The game must continue. Weyoun: You are the Sisko. Sisko: Believe me, I don't want to die, but I have to do everything I can to prevent the Dominion from conquering the Alpha Quadrant. If that means sacrificing my life and the life of my crew, so be it. Jake: We do not agree. Kira: We find your reasoning flawed. Odo: Insufficient. Sisko: I'm flattered you feel that way, but it doesn't change anything. Now send me back to my ship. Sisko: This isn't what I meant. I want to return to my reality. Damar: You are the Sisko. Sisko: I am also a Starfleet captain. I have a job to do and I intend to do it. Weyoun: The Sisko is belligerent. Dukat: Aggressive. Damar: Adversarial. Sisko: You're damn right I'm adversarial. You have no right to interfere with my life. Kira: We have every right. Sisko: Fine. You want to interfere, then interfere. Do something about those Dominion reinforcements. Odo: That is a corporeal matter. Dukat: Corporeal matters do not concern us. Sisko: The hell they don't. What about Bajor? You can't tell me Bajor doesn't concern you. You've sent the Bajorans orbs and Emissaries. You've even encouraged them to create an entire religion around you. You even told me once that you were of Bajor. So don't you tell me you're not concerned with corporeal matters. I don't want to see Bajor destroyed. Neither do you. But we all know that's exactly what's going to happen if the Dominion takes over the Alpha Quadrant. You say you don't want me to sacrifice my life? Well, fine, neither do I. You want to be gods, then be gods. I need a miracle. Bajor needs a miracle. Stop those ships. Weyoun: We are of Bajor. Damar: But what of the Sisko? Odo: He is intrusive. Dukat: He tries to control the game. Jake: A penance must be exacted. Weyoun: It is agreed. Dukat: The Sisko is of Bajor, but he will find no rest there. Kira: His pagh will follow another path. Sisko: What path is that? O'Brien: Phaser banks fully charged. Nog: Forward shields at a hundred percent. O'Brien: Torpedoes ready. Targets locked. Dax: Here they come. Sisko: Fire on my command. Nog: There must be thousands of them. Garak: And half of them have locked targets on us. Sisko: Steady, people. Make every shot count. Dax: Benjamin. O'Brien: They've cloaked. Dax: I'm not picking up any neutrino emissions. Garak: Then where did they go? Sisko: Wherever they went, I don't think they're coming back. Damar: Sir, the wormhole is opening. Damar: The Defiant. Dukat: Our reinforcements must be right behind. Damar: No, sir. There's no sign of them. Weyoun: That's impossible. Check our listening posts in the Gamma Quadrant. Damar: They're not there either. Dukat: But they entered the wormhole. Where are they? Damar: I don't know. Damar: The Defiant has opened fire on us. Weyoun: Obviously. Dukat: Can you get our weapons back online? Damar: Not for a while. Sir, two hundred enemy ships have broken through our lines. They're headed this way. Weyoun: Time to start packing. Founder: Contact our forces in the Alpha Quadrant. Tell them to fall back to Cardassian territory. It appears this war is going to take longer than expected. Weyoun: We'll meet you at airlock five. Damar: Sir? Dukat: Victory was within our grasp. Damar: We have to evacuate the station, sir. Dukat: Bajor, the Federation, the Alpha Quadrant, all lost. Damar: We have to go now, sir. Dukat: Go? Damar: The Federation ships, they'll be here soon. We have to get back to Cardassia. Dukat: I have to find my daughter. Damar: I'll send someone for her. Dukat: That won't be necessary. Damar: You're wasting your time. Dukat: Promenade. Damar: She won't go with you. O'Brien: Sir, the Dominion forces are leaving the station. Sisko: Let them go. We're in no shape to stop them. Bashir: Captain, we're getting a message from the Cortez. The Dominion fleet has broken off the fight. They're in retreat. Sisko: Tell the Cortez and the rest of our fleet to rendezvous at Deep Space Nine. Computer: All Dominion personnel proceed to airlocks four, seven and twelve for evacuation. This is a first priority order. Repeat. All Dominion personnel proceed to airlocks four, seven and twelve for evacuation. Computer: This is a first priority order. Weyoun: Out of the way, out of the way. Step aside. Make way for the Founder. What about Odo? Is he coming with us? Founder: No. But he will join us one day. It's only a matter of time. Ziyal: Father! Dukat: Ah, Ziyal. Ziyal: I've been looking for you. I heard about the evacuation. Dukat: You're all I have, all I care about. Ziyal: No matter how much I try to hate you, I can't. Dukat: I couldn't live with myself if you hated me. Come, we'll talk on the way home. Ziyal: Home? Dukat: Cardassia. We have to leave here, Ziyal, before the Federation arrives. Ziyal: I'm not leaving. Dukat: These people are our enemies. Ziyal: They're not my enemies. I'm one of them. Dukat: That's not true. Ziyal: Father, I helped Major Kira and the others escape from the holding cells. Dukat: Do you know what you're saying? Ziyal: Yes, I do. I belong here. Goodbye, Father. I love you. Dukat: No! Damar: You heard her. She's a traitor. Dukat: Ziyal, it's all right, it's all right, it's all right. Ziyal, I forgive you. It's all right. Damar: We're out of time, sir. The last ship is waiting for us. Dukat: Ziyal, please hear me. I love you. I love you, Ziyal. Dukat: No! No! Ziyal. Sisko: Jake-o. Odo: Welcome back, Captain. Sisko: Good to see you, Constable. It's good to see you all. Martok: Captain, it would appear I owe you a barrel of bloodwine. Sisko: We'll drink it together. Dax: Worf! Worf: Jadzia. Dax: I guess the wedding's still on. O'Brien: Quark, are the holosuites still working? Quark: Ready and waiting, Chief. O'Brien: Julian, did you hear that? Bashir: The Battle of Britain. I'll meet you there in an hour. Rom: You've been promoted? Nog: I'm an engineer. Rom: We'll be working together. Nog: Actually, you'll be working for me. Jake: I really missed you. It's good to have you back, Dad. Sisko: So, where's Major Kira? Jake: She's in the Infirmary, with Ziyal. Kira: She loved you. Garak: I could never figure out why. I guess I never will. Dukat: We'll go back to Cardassia, Ziyal. We'll be safe there. You'll live with me. Everything will be fine. Sisko: Maybe Doctor Bashir can do something for him. Dukat: We'll both be very happy together. I know you forgive me. After all, I am your father and I forgive you. Dukat: My precious girl. Odo: Easy. Easy now. Dukat: I forgive you, too.

Scene: Captain's personal log, stardate 51247.5. It's been a week since our return to Deep Space Nine, but the mood of celebration continues. We're still at war, and the station's been designated Headquarters for the Ninth Fleet. That, plus our strategic position guarding the wormhole, makes DS Nine one of the most tempting targets in the entire quadrant. But for now at least, the war seems very far away. Sisko: Morning. Good morning. Morning, Major. Kira: Good morning, Captain. Sisko: Do you know how much I missed hearing you say that. Kira: Do you know how much I hated saying, Good morning, Dukat. Sisko: I can imagine. What's on the agenda? Kira: USS Potemkin has completed her repairs and is rejoining the fleet later today. Exeter, Sutherland and Akagi have submitted resupply requests, and there are about a thousand messages from Starfleet Command awaiting your eyes only attention. Sisko: Anything else? Kira: General Martok is waiting in your office. Sisko: Ah. I'll start with the General. Kira: Thought you would. Sisko: Have I mentioned that it's good to be home? Kira: Once or twice. Martok: You knew about this, didn't you? Sisko: I had a pretty good idea. Martok: And you did nothing to stop it? Sisko: No. In fact, I recommended you for the position myself. Allow me to offer my congratulations to the new Supreme Commander of the Ninth Fleet. Martok: Do you have any idea how much paperwork a Supreme Commander has to do? Sisko: You're welcome. May I arrange quarters for you on the station? Martok: No, I'll keep my flag aboard the Rotarran. It may be cramped, but at least I'll feel like I'm still in the war. By the way, I'd like Worf to continue functioning as my principal Intelligence Officer. Sisko: I don't see any problem with that. He's the only officer I know who can never get enough work. Martok: At least if he's busy he'll stop going on about this wedding of his. There were times aboard the Rotarran he nearly drove me mad. Until his son arrived, it was all he could talk about. Then Alexander became all he could talk about. The man is nothing if not single-minded. Sisko: I haven't met Worf's son yet. What's he like? Martok: He's a fine boy. Dedicated, eager. He has the heart of his father, but he's not the best soldier I've ever seen. Alexander: But when he ordered me to bring the system back online I thought he was still talking about the hydrostatic system, so Dax: You didn't engage the pumps while the check valves were open? Worf: He did. Alexander: I flooded the entire deck with superheated hydraulic fluid. It took me three days to clean it up, but I swear it still smells like burnt dog hair in there. Dax: Remind me to keep you away from the Defiant. You're a menace. Alexander: The Rotarran's crew actually thinks of me as a good luck charm. You know, the more mistakes I make, the safer they feel. I hope the Ya'Vang's crew feels the same way. Worf: The Ya'Vang? Alexander: I got new orders this morning. The battle cruiser Ya'Vang took heavy losses in their last engagement so most of the Rotarran's crew are being transferred there at the end of the week, including me. More bloodwine? Dax: Why not? Worf: No, not for me. Quark: Handsome young man. He must get his looks from his mother's side. Worf: What do you want? Quark: Have you had a chance to reconsider my offer? Worf: We are not getting married in this bar. The ceremony will take place on the Klingon homeworld after the war. Dax: Worf, let's do it here. This week, before Alexander leaves. Quark: Perfect. I'll handle all the arrangements. Worf: Wait. I thought we had agreed. Dax: We did, but I would hate for Alexander to miss his father's wedding. It would mean so much to him, and besides, it may be a long time before you see him again. Alexander: What's going on? Worf: Our wedding plans have changed. We are getting married here on Deep Space Nine. And I want you to be my Tawi'Yan. Dax: Sword-bearer. It's sort of like a best man. Alexander: Me? Really? Oh, that's great! Quark: I'll put that on your tab. Dax: it doesn't leave much time to make all the arrangements, but fortunately there isn't that much left to do. Worf's been planning the ceremony for the last three months. He has everything figured out, right down to the color of my shoes. Kira: No offense, Jadzia, but it seems like this wedding is all about what Worf wants. Habitat ring, section fifty one gamma. What about you? Dax: A traditional Klingon wedding with all the trimmings is something Worf's been thinking about since he was a boy. It probably has something to do with being raised by human parents. In any case, when it comes to Klingon tradition, Worf is very sentimental. Kira: Worf? Dax: All men are sentimental. They just cover it up with scowls and clenched jaws. There are times when Worf literally gets misty-eyed talking about Klingon rituals. Kira: So that's why you're letting him make the plans for the wedding? Dax: Mostly, but the truth is, I've gone through five Trill ceremonies three as a bride, two as a groom, and I'm a little bored with it. Dax: Is it my imagination, or did Odo just try and avoid us? Kira: I didn't notice. We've been avoiding each other ever since the Dominion left the station. I think we're both afraid of talking about what happened during the occupation. Dax: What do you mean? Kira: To tell you the truth, it's nothing I want to talk about right now either. Worf: Thank you for coming. As you probably know by now, Jadzia and I will be married here on the station in six days. Bashir: There's nothing more romantic than a wedding on DS Nine in springtime. O'Brien: When the neutrinos are in bloom. Worf: By tradition, the Klingon man spends the four nights before his wedding on a mental and spiritual journey. It is called Kal'Hyah, the path of clarity. And he is accompanied by his closest male friends. Martok: You cannot imagine the experience that awaits us. Four long nights filled with song and fellowship. A time of unbridled pleasures. O'Brien: Are we talking about a bachelor party? Worf: It is a similar ritual. Bashir: That's good enough for me. O'Brien: Me too. Sisko: Count me in. Worf: We will meet in the holosuite tomorrow night at twenty one hundred hours. Martok: I advise you all to get plenty of rest. Bashir: Four nights at a Klingon bachelor party. Just think of the possibilities. O'Brien: Thank God Keiko's not here. Sisko: I wonder what Dax will be doing while we're traveling down Kal'Hyah? Martok: She will be taking a different journey with my wife. Sisko: Your wife? Martok: By marrying Worf, Dax will be joining the House of Martok. Since the Mistress of a Great House must approve all marriages, Sirella will spend the next four days evaluating Jadzia. Martok: My Lady. Sirella: You've put on weight and your hair is going gray. Martok: My deterioration is proceeding apace. Sirella: I thought you would be in your grave by now. Martok: I shall endeavor to die this year, if possible. Allow me to present Captain Benjamin Sisko, Commander of Deep Space Nine. Captain, may I present the Mistress of the House of Martok, my wife and the mother of my children, Sirella, daughter of Linkasa. Sisko: Welcome to Deep Space Nine. Sirella: Thank you, Captain. Where is she? Martok: Jadzia's quarters are in the Habitat ring, section twenty five alpha. Shall I escort you? It's quite far away. Sirella: I'll find my way. If you'll excuse me. Martok: Magnificent, isn't she? Worf: Are these real var'Hama candles? Dax: Yes, Worf. I traveled to Kronos, I captured three targs in the Hamar Mountains, made the ritual sacrifice at dawn, came back to the station, asked Quark to boil their shoulders into tallow. Then I spent two days molding them into candles with my own hands. Worf: I was just asking. Dax: You were criticizing. Again. Relax. She's not going to reject a prospective daughter because the var'Hama candles in her welcoming display were replicated. Dax: Come in. Dax: Tuq son bosh mok A'Beh Sirella koh. E'Gagh vet moh. Sirella: What is he doing here? Worf: I meant no disrespect. Sirella: Then leave. Sirella: Your worthiness to join our House will now be judged according to the traditions of my family. Dax: I am prepared, my lady. Sirella: I doubt that. A Klingon woman would find it difficult to gain my favor. For an alien, it will most likely be impossible. Dax: I like a challenge. Sirella: I will not have my authority challenged by you. Dax: That's not what I meant. Sirella: If you cannot say what you mean, say nothing at all. The evaluation will begin tomorrow morning. Have the traditional meal prepared before I arrive. And in the future, if you cannot trouble yourself to make real var'Hama candles, try not to use such obvious fakes. Worf: You never told me that your wife was opposed to this marriage. Martok: Sirella is a woman of strong convictions. She believes that by bringing aliens into our families we risk losing our identity as Klingons. Worf: That is a prejudiced, xenophobic view. Martok: We are Klingons, Worf. We don't embrace other cultures, we conquer them. If someone wishes to join us, they must honor our traditions and prove themselves worthy of wearing the crest of a great House. Worf: Jadzia is worthy. Martok: Of course she is. She is an honorable woman and a formidable warrior. Worf: You should say that to Sirella. Martok: That's not such a good idea. I don't want her to think that I'm interfering in her domain. Worf: Perhaps I should speak with her. Coming from me, it would not seem like a challenge to her authority. Martok: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Worf: Why? Martok: Well, the truth is, she doesn't like you that much either. Worf: Me. Martok: Don't let that bother you I had every right to bring you into the family and she's accepted the fact that there's nothing she can do about it. Worf: How comforting. Martok: And they say that you have no sense of humor. Bashir: I could do without the heat. I can't say much for the decor either. O'Brien: Well, it can't be all fun and games. I'm sure there has to be some sort of ritual we have to go through before the party begins. There is going to be a party, isn't there? Alexander: You're asking me? I can barely say my name in Klingon. Martok: Prepare yourselves, my friends, for a journey you won't soon forget. Worf: These are Ma'Stakas. Bashir: What do we do with them? Martok: At the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, you will use them to attack Worf and Dax. O'Brien: Obviously. Don't you know anything? Worf: The tradition dates back to the wedding of Kahless and Lukara, who were nearly killed by Molor's troops moments after they were married. Until the ceremony, you should keep them with you at all times. Sisko: I trust that this combat is non-lethal? Martok: It is a symbolic attack only. Worf: The food is not to be eaten. Alexander: Then what is it for? Worf: It is here to tempt us into breaking our fast. Sisko: Fast? Worf: There are six trials we must face on the path to Kal'Hyah. This is the first, deprivation. We now begin a fast that will continue until the day of the wedding. Bashir: That's four days away. Martok: It is a short time, I know, but we must make the best of it. Sisko: What are the other five trials? Worf: Blood, pain, sacrifice, anguish and death. Bashir: Sounds like marriage all right. O'Brien: How would you know? Worf: It is time to begin. Quark: More flowers up the banister. Ferengi: We're ready with the banner, boss. Quark: Raise it. You're up early. I thought writers slept late. Jake: Not always. I sold my first book today. Quark: Really? How much did you get for it? Jake: It's just a figure of speech. The Federation News Service is going to publish a book of my stories about life on the station under Dominion rule. Quark: And they're not paying you? Jake: No. Quark: Well then, you have my sympathies and the first round of drinks is on the house. Jake: Really? Quark: No. It's a figure of speech. Jake: Look, I want to tell my Dad about the book. Is he still in the holosuite? Quark: Oh, yeah, they're still up there. Jake: What are they doing? Quark: It's a Klingon bachelor party. You're a writer, use your imagination. Bashir: Alexander? Alexander: Grandma? Bashir: Guess again. Alexander: We're still on the Bashir: The road to Kal'Hyah, day five hundred. O'Brien: Maybe we should turn down the heat, you know, for Alexander's sake. Alexander: No, it's okay. I just need some water. Bashir: Now you don't want to push yourself too hard. You know, turning down the heat might be a good idea. Martok: The whole point is to push yourself to the limits of your endurance. Alexander: I will. I want to travel the entire path to Kal'Hyah. Stoke the fire again! Worf: As you wish. Martok: Of course, we cannot expect you non-Klingons to have the same stamina as we do. If you wish to quit, no one will think any less of you. Bashir: Who said anything about quitting? Sisko: Not me. O'Brien: I like the heat. Martok: That's the spirit! Kavek ko lee ko MARTOK + Worf: Eh to che mah lo Tah oo-wah kah esh to pah deh ah re! Yah bosh-ah! Yah bosh-ah!, Yah bosh tomah! Dax: Al'Qoch mensah t'lang cho. Sirella: Again. Dax: I've done it three times already. Sirella: You continue to rush through the ceremony, your body position is poor and the placement of the braziers on their pedestals is sloppy. Dax: Do you know how heavy those things are? Sirella: A Klingon woman would not complain. Dax: You wouldn't make a Klingon woman do it three times in a row. Sirella: I wouldn't have to. She'd have done it correctly the first time. End this now, Jadzia. Go back to your own people. They will tolerate your weaknesses and your failings in a way that a Klingon family never will. In our House, you would always be an alien, an outsider. At best, you'd be an object of pity. But you'd never be accepted, never an equal, because you can never truly be one of us. Dax: Ko'ma tlang'goS ak-bay. Hava'dak croosh tovah. Ko'ma Kahless. Ko'ma Kahless. Ko'ma Kahless. Dax: But the second Dynasty ended when General K'Trelan assassinated Emperor Reclaw. For the next ten years, the Empire was ruled by a Council elected by the people. Modern-day Klingon historians refer to this as The Dark Time, but it's interesting to note that this first and only experiment in Klingon democracy actually produced several reforms that Sirella: You are straying from the saga. Dax: Am I? Sirella: Your task is to recite the complete chronicle of the women in my family. Dax: I just thought I'd provide you with a broader historical perspective along the way. Sirella: I am familiar with Klingon history. Now, return to the story of my twenty third maternal grandmother, Shenara, daughter of Emperor Reclaw in the Second Dynasty. Dax: Well, that's where we run into a little bit of a problem. You see, I did some research and when Emperor Reclaw was killed all the members of the Imperial Family were also put to death. Including Shenara. When the Third Dynasty was founded ten years later, a new group of Klingons were given the titles and the names of the original Imperial Family to create the illusion of an unbroken line. So the woman that you think of as your twenty third maternal grandmother isn't related to you at all. Your real ancestor's name was Karana, a concubine living outside the Imperial stables. Sirella: My grandmother's name was Shenara. Dax: That may be what's been passed down from generation to generation, but it has no basis in fact. But who cares about facts? The chronicle says that you have imperial blood in your veins and that's exactly what we'll telling everyone. Sirella: Continue with the saga. Dax: My pleasure. Jake: Hey, Major. Is it true Dax is having a party tomorrow night? Kira: News travels fast. Jake: Well, is it by invitation or? Kira: I'm sure you're welcome, and you can tell Nog the same goes for him too. Jake: Great. Kira: Oh, I understand congratulations are in order to our newest published author. Jake: Thank you. Jake: What was all that about? Kira: Nothing. There they go. Kira: They look so serious. Jake: It's all an act. They don't want the rest of us to know what kind of debauchery they're up to. Kira: Like what? Jake: It's a Klingon bachelor party. Use your imagination. Worf: Now begins the trial of blood. Martok: Let rivers flow from our veins. Worf: Who will be the first? Worf: I did not expect it to be you, Doctor. Bashir: Neither did I. Worf: Do not worry. The pain will last for only a moment. Kira: Isn't that great? Kira: He's unbelievable! Woman: He's something. Dax: Lieutenant Manuele Atoa from the starship Sutherland! Rom: I've never seen anything like that. Leeta: Neither have I. Rom: Let's get something to eat. Jake: A woman of many talents. Quark: It's a shame she's about to waste them all on that walking frown she calls a fiancé. She's too good for him. I've said that from the beginning. Jake: Are you jealous? Quark: There's no profit in jealousy. Jake: That's not a denial. Quark: It's not to be quoted either. Jake: Don't worry. So when did you first realize you had these feelings for Dax? Quark, wait. Bashir: Miles? O'Brien: Yeah? Bashir: It's working. I've had a vision about the future. I can see it so clearly. O'Brien: What is it? Bashir: I'm going to kill Worf. I'm going to kill Worf. That's what I'm going to do. I can see it clearly now. I'm going to kill him. Kill him. O'Brien: Kill Worf. Kill Worf. Odo: I have been getting complaints about the noise. Someone even mentioned a fight? Kira: Oh, there was a scuffle between Morn and one of the Bolians, but they worked it out. Odo: How long will this party continue? Kira: This party will continue until further notice, on the personal authority of the station's First Officer, who just happens to be me. Odo: You're in a good mood. Kira: Yeah, well, it's a good party. Odo: Well. Kira: Odo. Odo, I think we have a lot to talk about. Odo: I agree. Kira: So let's talk. Odo: Now? Kira: Don't you think we've put it off long enough? Odo: Enjoy yourselves. Kira: Let's find someplace a little quieter. Dax: Thanks for the show. Atoa: Thanks for getting me the day off. Dax: Captain Shelby owed me a favor. Actually, he owed me several. In fact, how would you like to have another two days off? Atoa: Two? What do I have to do? Dax: Not much. Just give me something fun to look at for the rest of the evening. Atoa: Anything else? Dax: I'll let you know. Sirella: You! Leave her or I'll cut your head off and hang it from my belt. Dax: I'll take care of this. You weren't invited. Sirella: It is time for the Bre'Nan ritual. Dax: I'm busy. Sirella: Busy acting like a Risian slut. Dax: I'm only going to ask you to leave once. Sirella: You will come with me now and perform the Bre'Nan ritual to my satisfaction or I will cancel your wedding. Dax: Toruk-DOH! Nog: Ladies, please! Sirella: Mok'Ta vor, kash a'VEH! Dax: Why is everyone standing around? The party's just getting started. Play something. Dax: Double raktajino, extra sweet. Atoa: What time is it? Dax: Ten thirty hours. Atoa: Come on. Dax: Wrong door. Atoa: Excuse me, sir. Worf: Jadzia, we need to Dax: You're mad. Worf: I am concerned. Dax: Yeah, well, I'm hung over. Can we talk later? Worf: We have a very serious problem. Sirella has canceled the wedding. Dax: She doesn't waste any time, does she? Worf: She said you attacked her. Dax: She pulled a knife. Worf: You are forbidden to join the House of Martok. Dax: So I won't get invited to the family picnics. I'll live. Worf: I cannot believe how you're taking this so lightly. Dax: Do you hear that? Worf: What? Dax: It sounds like voices. Kira: Hi. Dax: Hi. Odo: Is the party over? Dax: You could say that. It's ten thirty. Kira: In the morning? I'm on duty. Odo: So am I. Kira: It was a great party. Dax: Thanks. Worf: We must deal with the situation now. Dax: Stop yelling. My head hurts. Worf: You must go to Sirella and beg her forgiveness. Dax: I don't beg. Worf: You are allowing your pride blind you. Dax: Look who's talking. You want me to go crawling to some old hag just so you can have your traditional Klingon wedding. Worf: This is about more than just tradition. You and I have embarked on a spiritual journey, one that will bind us together through this life and into the next. You cannot turn back now. Dax: Maybe you're on a spiritual journey, Worf, but I just want to get married. So why don't you go back to sweating and bleeding with your friends in the holosuite and when you're done, meet me in Benjamin's office and he'll perform the ceremony. Worf: If that is your attitude, perhaps Sirella was right about you. There should be no wedding. Dax: That's fine with me. Bashir: What's going on? Quark: Haven't you heard? The wedding's off. O'Brien: Off? Why? Quark: She says it's because he's a pigheaded, stubborn man who puts tradition before everything else. He says it's because she's a frivolous, emotional woman who refuses to take him or his culture seriously. You can see the problem. O'Brien: They're both right. Quark: Exactly. Bashir: Well, there's only one thing for it. O'Brien: Dinner. Quark: I'll get the menu. Worf: Enter. Martok: Worf, you've made a grave error. Worf: Perhaps. Martok: Do you still love her? Worf: Of course. However, in this case, that may not be enough. Anyone can see that we are hopelessly mismatched. She is a Trill, I am a Klingon. She has had five marriages, this would be my first. When she is laughing, I am somber. When I am happy, she is crying. She plays tongo with the Ferengi bartender. I can barely stand him. She mocks everything, while I take everything seriously. She is nothing like the woman I thought I would marry. Martok: We are not accorded the luxury of choosing the women we fall in love with. Do you think Sirella is anything like the woman I thought that I'd marry? She is a prideful, arrogant, mercurial woman who shares my bed far too infrequently for my taste. And yet I love her deeply. We Klingons often tout our prowess in battle, our desire for honor and glory above all else. But how hollow is the sound of victory without someone to share it with. Honor gives little comfort to a man alone in his home and in his heart. Quark: One steak with mushrooms, baked potato, sour cream and chives. O'Brien: I should've had that. Quark: One double Altair sandwich, no mustard, two bowls of linguini, Bajoran shrimp and extra cheese. One loaf of mapa bread. Bashir: Quark, where's the kava juice? Quark: They're still squeezing the roots. Unless you want replicated? Bashir: We'll wait. Sisko: What do you think you're doing? O'Brien: The wedding's been called off. Sisko: It's back on. Martok: Worf is apologizing to Jadzia at this very moment. Sisko: Quark, take it all away. No food for those on the path to Kal'Hyah. Quark: No refunds for those on the path to Kal'Hyah as well. Sorry. Alexander: Father, what happened? Worf: She refused to not change her mind. The wedding is still off. Sisko: Where is she? Worf: In her quarters. Sisko: I'll go talk to her. Just keep them away from the food. Dax: Come in. Save your breath. Worf went too far and now it's over. Do you know what he wanted me to do? He wanted me to go crawling on my hands and knees to Sirella to beg her forgiveness. Beg her! Me! I was once the Federation Ambassador to the Klingon Empire. I negotiated the Khitomer Accords before Worf was even born. Sisko: Curzon negotiated the Accords. And I've got news for you, old man. You're not Curzon anymore. Dax: And what the hell is that supposed to mean? Sisko: It means that you can't expect Sirella to treat you like Curzon just because you carry his memories. To her, you're just a young woman who decided to marry into her family. If it means you have to bow down and kiss her boots, that's exactly what you have to do. And you knew that. The moment you decided to marry Worf, you knew that sooner or later you'd have to bow down and show her the respect that she's due. Dax: This is Worf's fault. Worf and his traditional Klingon wedding. Sisko: Well, he may have let this wedding business go to his head, but you are three hundred fifty six years old. Compared to you, Worf is just a kid. And if you can't abide by Klingon traditions, then you never should have let yourself fall in love with him in the first place. And you are in love with him. Dax: I wasn't looking to fall in love. I was perfectly happy by myself. I had friends, a career, adventure. Then one day this Klingon with a bad attitude walked into my life and the next thing I know, I'm getting married. After three hundred fifty six years and seven lifetimes, I still lead with my heart. Sisko: You know, that is what I have always loved about you. And I think that's why Worf loves you, too. Dax: Whatever happened to that young, callow Ensign I used to know? The one who used to turn to me for advice all the time? You know, the one with hair? Sisko: I grew up. Dax: I guess it's time I grew up, too. Sirella: With fire and steel did the gods forge the Klingon heart. So fiercely did it beat, so loud was the sound, that the gods cried out, 'On this day we have brought forth the strongest heart in all the heavens. None can stand before it without trembling at its strength.' But then the Klingon heart weakened, its steady rhythm faltered and the gods said, 'Why have you weakened so? We have made you the strongest in all of creation. And the heart said Worf: I am alone. Sirella: And the gods knew that they had erred. So they went back to their forge and brought forth another heart. Sirella: But the second heart beat stronger than the first, and the first was jealous of its power. Sirella: Fortunately, the second heart was tempered by wisdom. Dax: If we join together, no force can stop us. Sirella: And when the two hearts began to beat together, they filled the heavens with a terrible sound. For the first time, the gods knew fear. They tried to flee, but it was too late. The Klingon hearts destroyed the gods who created them and turned the heavens to ashes. To this very day, no one can oppose the beating of two Klingon hearts. Not even me. Worf, son of Mogh, does your heart beat only for this woman? Worf: Yes. Sirella: And will you swear to join with her and stand with her against all who oppose you? Worf: I swear. Sirella: Jadzia, daughter of Kela, does your heart beat only for this man? Dax: Yes. Sirella: And do you swear to join with him and stand with him against all who would oppose you? Dax: I swear. Sirella: Then let all present here today know that this man and this woman are married. Bashir: Now? Martok: Not yet. Bashir: Now? Martok: Patience. Dax: My lady. Sirella: Welcome to the House of Martok, my daughter. Martok: Now, Doctor!

Dax: What about Captain Boday? Kira: Captain Boday? You want me to bring Captain Boday to your quarters for dinner? Dax: It's just a suggestion. Kira: It's a bad suggestion. Number one, you used to go out with Captain Boday. Number two, Worf hates him. And number three, and we have discussed many times, Captain Boday has a transparent skull. Dax: And you don't like to see a man's brains. Kira: Ops. Dax: What about Doctor Trag'tok? He's intelligent, he has a good physique, and he has a very opaque cranium. Kira: True. But his eye bothers me. Dax: Which one? Kira: The middle one. Dax: Really, you are obsessed with appearances. Kira: And sometimes your taste in men frightens me. Dax: I'll make sure to tell Worf you said so. Worf: Tell me what? Dax: Don't be so nosy. You can always invite Odo. Kira: I'm not ready for that. Odo's not ready for that. Let's just forget that you brought that one up. Two raktajinos, extra strong, and a kava roll. I'm coming to dinner alone, got it? Dax: I got it. Three place settings. Kira: I'll bring the wine. O'Brien: Captain, you'd better get out here. Sisko: What is it? O'Brien: I'm showing a power buildup in the transporter buffer. Dax: Someone's attempting to beam into Ops. Sisko: From where? Dax: I don't know. There are no ships within transporter range. Kira: Are you hurt? Bareil: No, but you'll be unless you do exactly what I say. Kira: It can't be. Sisko: What do you want? Bareil: A fast ship would be nice. Sisko: Security, we have a hostage situation. Clear a path to landing pad A. Authorisation Sisko seven one green. Odo: Seven one green acknowledged, Captain. Sisko: Your runabout's waiting. Bareil: Let's go. Sisko: If you hurt her you will never leave this station, I promise you that. Bareil: Follow me and she dies. I promise you that. Bareil: Hold it. Bareil: Not the turbolift. Someone might cut the power and we'd be trapped inside. Kira: Then we walk. Bareil: Your uniform, I've never seen one like it. You're not with the Alliance, are you? Kira: There is no Alliance here. Bareil: Then I have crossed to the alternate universe. Tell you one thing, the food's better. Kira: So I take it you're running from the Alliance. Bareil: Now you know the story of my life. Kira: So once you get your ship, what then? Bareil: Believe me, wherever I end up is going to be a lot better than where I've been. Kira: I can believe that. I've spent some time in your universe. Bareil: I'll bet you were glad to leave it. Now which way? Kira: That way. Bareil: How many levels before we reach the landing pad? Kira: Fifty seven. Bareil: Oh. Kira: Here we are. Landing pad A. Bareil: Open it. Kira: I've got a better idea. Why don't you hand over that disruptor? Bareil: Oh, you've been so cooperative up to now. I'd hate to have to kill you. Kira: You're not going to kill me. Bareil: Oh, you sure of that? Kira: You're not going to kill anyone. Not with that disruptor. Power cell's cracked. Bareil: How long have you known? Kira: Since we left Ops. Bareil: Then why did you come with me? Kira: I needed the exercise. Bareil: And I have to get away. Odo: Are you all right, Major? Kira: I'm fine. Odo: The resemblance to Vedek Bareil is remarkable. Bareil: This is the cleanest interrogation chamber I've ever been in, and believe me, I've been in quite a few. Kira: I'm glad you're comfortable. Now, you mind telling me where you got hold of this? Bareil: A Terran rebel gave it to me. Kira: A multidimensional transporter device. Nice gift. Bareil: We were very close. So, when do I get to meet myself? Kira: Meaning what? Bareil: Well, this is the alternate universe, correct? Everything's the same but different. Which means there's another Bareil Antos here. Kira: There was. Bareil: Was? Kira: He's dead. Bareil: You knew him, didn't you? Then that's why you seemed to recognize me. What was he like? Kira: Does that matter? Bareil: He was someone you cared about. Major, I know I have no right to ask this but you could do me a big favor. Destroy that device. Kira: Why? Bareil: Because then they can't send me back. Kira: Sorry, I can't do that. Bareil: Please, Major. You've been there. You know what it's like. Put me in prison, in a labor camp, whatever you want. Just let me stay. Sisko: Now let me get this straight, Major. You're refusing to press charges. Kira: That's right. I don't think Bareil ever intended to hurt me. Sisko: I suppose we should just send him back where he came from. Kira: No. He doesn't want to go back to that universe and I don't blame him. Sisko: I know what you're going through, Major. When I met the other Jennifer Sisko it was very confusing, to say the least. I knew she wasn't my wife, but sometimes she would smile at me a certain way and then the light would hit her eyes, and it was my Jennifer. At least, that's what I wanted to believe. Kira: Captain, I know this man is not Vedek Bareil. He doesn't talk like him, he doesn't act like him. He's a totally different person. Sisko: But you still feel this connection with him that you can't explain, don't you? Kira: It's not a problem. Sisko: Good. Just make sure it doesn't become one. Bareil: Major. I just wanted to say thank you for putting in a good word for me. Kira: What are you going to do now? Bareil: I'm not sure. I've been reading up on your world, and it's very different from the Bajor I know. Kira: Is that where you intend to go? Bareil: Well, I'm thinking about it. Did you see that? People keep staring at me. Kira: It's because the man that you look like was loved and respected by a lot of people. He was a Vedek. Bareil: A Vedek? Kira: A religious leader. Bareil: Imagine me a religious leader Kira: Glad you find it funny. I'm going to be late for services. Bareil: Wait. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just the kind of life I've led hasn't been very spiritual. In fact, I don't think I've ever been inside a temple. Kira: Well, now's your chance. You're welcome to join me. Bareil: In there? I don't think so. Besides, if I go in there, people are going to start believing I really am Vedek Bareil. That's something I'd like to avoid. Kira: I can understand that. Kira: What are you doing here? Bareil: I figured I could use a little spiritual guidance. Kira: That's not funny. Bareil: It wasn't meant to be. I plan on making a new life for myself here. I'm going to need all the help I can get. Ossan: Tolata impara no takash. With humility and gratitude, we accept this gift. Ossan: Veshanoo yavar ha iktasho. Bareil: What's in the box? Kira: The Orb of Prophecy and Change. Bareil: Orb? Kira: A gift from the Prophets. It can foresee the future, or a possible future anyway. Bareil: Who are the Prophets? Kira: Our gods. You do have gods, don't you? Bareil: Of course we do. Kira: You don't sound too sure. Bareil: That's because I leave them alone, they leave me alone. Kira: So, what did you think? Bareil: I'm not sure. It was an interesting ceremony, but Kira: But what? Bareil: Everyone seemed to take it so seriously. Kira: What's wrong with that? Bareil: I suppose it must be nice to have that kind of faith. I've always preferred to believe in nothing. That way I'm never disappointed. Kira: That doesn't sound like much of a life. Bareil: Maybe not, but it's all mine. Anyway, I'm glad I had this chance to see you again. It was very enlightening. Thank you, Major. Kira: Bareil. Do you like Klingon food? Bareil: An hour later, the Klingon guard returns to my cell. He puts down what's supposed to be my last meal, I slip his mek'leth out of its scabbard and hide it in my shirt. That night, I used the blade to deactivate the sensor alarm, my earring to open the cell door. By the time they realized I was gone, I was halfway to the Ventar system. Dax: That's one hell of a story. Worf: And that is all it is, a story. Bareil: Excuse me? Worf: It was well told but there was no truth to any of it. Bareil: Oh, you're sure of that? Worf: You want us to believe that you stole a mek'leth from a Klingon warrior. Dax: Worf, it's not polite to accuse a guest of lying. Bareil: No, it's all right. Obviously, I was exaggerating. Dax: Would you like to do the honors? Bareil: Allow me. Bareil: I believe this is yours? Kira: What do you think now, Worf? Worf: Obviously Bareil is a better thief than I gave him credit for. More bloodwine. Bareil: Why not. Bareil: You are a lucky woman. Kira: Why is that? Bareil: You have good friends. Kira: They liked you. Bareil: You think so? Kira: Why do you sound so surprised? You must have had friends back home. Bareil: I can think of one. Kira: If you'd rather not to talk about it. Bareil: There's not much to say. She died. Kira: I'm sorry. Bareil: It's all right. Happened a long time ago. Kira: This is home. I'm sorry the evening has to end on such a sad note. Would you like to come in? Have a raktajino? Bareil: Her name was Lisea. I first saw her on the street in Ilvia. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She had the most attractive little money sack hanging from her waist. Kira: Don't tell me you stole it? Bareil: She should've known better than to carry her money so carelessly in Ilvia. It's a very dangerous place. Turns out she'd just arrived from one of the mining camps in the hills of Dahkur Province. Kira: I come from Dahkur Province, only here it's all farmland. Bareil: When I met her she was working in an Ilvian pleasure center. Kira: And you decided to take her away from all that. Bareil: I taught her how to be a thief. The funny thing is, she was so grateful. She felt I saved her life. Kira: Maybe you did. Bareil: If anyone was saved it was me. We were having dinner in a bar one night. A fight broke out. A drunken Cardassian pulled out a disruptor and started firing. We were together five years, and in all that time I never told her how much she meant to me. Kira: I know what it's like to lose someone. Bareil: When I activated that transporter device I had no idea where I'd end up. I never thought I'd be sitting here with you. Kira: Two days ago, all I wanted was to be alone. Bareil: Major. Kira: Don't you think it's time you called me Nerys? Bareil: What did you say these are called? Kira: Alvas. They grow all over Bajor. Bareil: Not my Bajor. Kira: I can't believe you're still hungry. After a big Klingon meal, I usually don't eat for two days. Bareil: Ever since I got here I can't stop eating. What is it? Kira: Nothing. Bareil: This must be very strange for you. You and I here together, me looking like him. Kira: Fortunately, you're not anything like him. Bareil: You mean he didn't eat in bed? Kira: Antos was very diskiplined. He had a strict routine he never deviated from. He only ate two meals a day. Simple food. He used to say, when you overindulge the body Bareil: You starve the soul. Kira: How did you know that? Bareil: I did a little research. Enough to know that when he died, Bajor suffered a great loss. Kira: I would've given my life to save his. But all I could do was stand there and watch his slip away. Bareil: Are you tired? Kira: Not any more. Bareil: Want to get an early breakfast? Kira: Sounds good. Bashir: My medical requisitions. Dax: Why didn't you just download them into the computer? Bashir: I don't know. Thought I might stretch my legs, see what was happening in Ops. Dax: Kira hasn't shown up yet. Bashir: Kira? Dax: You are so transparent. Bashir: What are you talking about? Worf: Your guilt is quite clear, Doctor. Bashir: Guilt? About what? About medical requisitions? Don't be ridiculous. Dax: Julian, Kira's personal life is her own. We're her friends. We should respect her privacy. Dax: Good morning, Nerys. How'd it go last night? Kira: You mean dinner? We had a great time. Why? Bashir: She means after dinner, but you don't have to answer that because we don't want to invade your privacy. Dax: But if you want to tell us about it, we'll listen. Kira: It went well. Dax: I told you. Worf: I never doubted it. Bashir: Well, I think I should be getting back to the Infirmary. Unless there are any more details forthcoming. Kira: Goodbye, Doctor. Bashir: Goodbye. Kira: Worf, any news from General Martok's scout ships? Worf: They report no Dominion activity along the border. Kira: Let's hope it stays that way. Dax: Are you seeing him tonight? Kira: At the Bajoran Shrine. Dax: That doesn't sound very romantic. Kira: He's going to have his first Orb experience. Dax: Your idea, I suppose? Kira: No, actually it was his. He's curious about Bajoran spirituality. It's a new concept for him. Dax: Well, it's not a midnight swim in the holosuites, but if it makes you happy. Bareil: So where is this Vedek? Kira: He'll be here. Now stop pacing. This is an Orb experience, not an execution. Bareil: I just don't want to disappoint anybody. Kira: That's sweet, but I'm not going to judge you. Bareil: I know that. I meant the Prophets. What do I say to them? Kira: You don't have to say or do anything. Bareil: I just stare into the Orb. Kira: Actually, it's more like the Orb stares into you. Ossan: Welcome, my child. Are you ready to proceed? Bareil: Yes. Ossan: Your pagh is strong. You are ready to face the will of the Prophets. Come. Bareil: Thank you. Not hungry. Kira: Well that's a change. Bareil: When you had your first Orb experience, did you understand it? Kira: I don't know that anyone fully understands an Orb experience. Not at first, anyway. You have to live with it for a while, absorb it. Bareil: And then? Kira: And then one day it becomes a part of you. A part of who you are. Bareil: I thought I would get a glimpse of the future. It was more than that. It changes you. There were so many images I couldn't track of them all. He was there, Vedek Bareil. We were together, talking, but it was all mixed up. I was him, he was me. It's all very confusing. Kira: I don't think we should be talking about this. Bareil: If I can't tell you about it, who can I tell? Kira: No one. An Orb experience isn't meant to be shared. Bareil: I feel as if I could sleep for days. Kira: That's a very common reaction. Why don't you get some rest. Bareil: I will. Nerys? Kira: It's all right. I'll see you tomorrow. Intendant: I was wondering when you'd get back. Bareil: What are you doing here? Intendant: I know, I'm early. But my curiosity got the better of me. Besides, the thought of you pining away for me was too much to bear. Now, tell me. How's our little plan progressing? Bareil: Couldn't be better. Right on schedule. Intendant: That's just what I was hoping to hear. Intendant: Now, tell me everything that's happened since you got here. Bareil: Later. I'm too tired. Right now all I want to do is go to bed. Intendant: Even better. Bareil: I said I was tired. Intendant: You've never been tired before. Bareil: It's been a long day. Intendant: I don't think you're pleased to see me. It's her, isn't it? The Major's gotten to you. Bareil: Don't be stupid. Intendant: Oh, I'd be very disappointed if you didn't find the Major intoxicating. I mean, after all, she is me, or the next best thing to me. So, what do you think of her? Bareil: You're crazy. Intendant: Oh, we know what I'm like. What about her? Bareil: I am not going to discuss this. Intendant: Oh, please, please. I really want to know. Bareil: She's wonderful. Intendant: I knew it. She's too good for you. We both are. I mean, you're nothing but a petty thief. Bareil: I know what I am. Intendant: That's it? That's all you have to say? Bareil: I said I was tired. Intendant: Oh? Major Kira must be very Bareil: This has nothing to do with the Major. I looked into the Orb today. Intendant: You did? How very exciting. So, how soon can we get our hands on it? Bareil: The Vedeks are holding a twenty six hour vigil in the Shrine. Now, I cannot get near the place until tomorrow night. The Orb is behind a forcefield keyed to a decryption matrix. Intendant: Which you can bypass. Bareil: That's what thieves do. Intendant: Today you're a thief, but tomorrow, once we bring our prize home, you'll be Bearer of the Orb. The holy man who unites the Bajoran people in a war against the Alliance. Bareil: Just call me Vedek Bareil. Intendant: Think of it, the wealth, the power. You'll be like a god. Bareil: You're putting a lot of faith in that Orb. Intendant: So will every other Bajoran. We're going to have such fun. I can hardly wait. You do look tired. You should get some rest. And tomorrow when you see the Major give her that from me. Sleep well. Bareil: One more. Quark: Coming right up. Bareil: What are you two staring at? Same goes for the rest of you. I am not Vedek Bareil. I just want to be left alone. Quark: You heard the man. Now leave him be. Sorry about that. People can be so rude. You know, I used to see the Vedek all the time, walking down the Promenade with Major Kira. Never came in here, though. I guess dabo wasn't his game. It's an amazing resemblance. Put you in a Vedek's robe and nobody would know the difference. Bareil: Believe me, there's a difference. Quark: But not to the paying public. Bareil: You have a business proposition for me? Spit it out. Quark: Picture this. You seated here wearing robes. A long line of Bajorans waiting patiently to pay good money just to meet Vedek Bareil, maybe touch his hand. Bareil: Like I said, I'm not Vedek Bareil. Quark: A mere technicality. You're the closest thing to Vedek Bareil they're ever going to see. Which is why they're going to love you. Bareil: I wouldn't know what to say. Quark: The less, the better. Just nod every once in a while and smile benignly. It's very simple. Later on, once you get the hang of it, you might even throw in a blessing or two. What do you think? Bareil: I've known people like you my whole life. Nasty, greedy little minds willing to do whatever it takes to make money. I know just how you think. Quark: That's because you think the same way. Bareil: I suppose I am a lot more like you than I'll ever be like Vedek Bareil. Quark: Perfect. Then we have a deal? Bareil: I'm afraid not. Quark: Why? Bareil: Because right now I don't like either one of us. Quark: It's a shame to see such a perfect opportunity go to waste. Quark: Major, any idea where they put my shipment of Saurian brandy? Kira: Over there. Quark: You heard her. Your new boyfriend came into my bar today. Kira: Did he? Quark: He's a little different, isn't he. Kira: From what? Quark: From some of your previous choices. Don't get me wrong, I had nothing against Vedek Bareil or Shakaar, but they were a little too controlled, a little too controlling. They lacked fire, excitement. But this Bareil? He's different. He's full of surprises. Kira: So I take it that you like him. Quark: Let's just say I like the idea of you with him. But let me tell you something, Major. You'd better brace yourself. You're in for a rough ride. Kira: What are you talking about? Quark: I've been a bartender for a long time. I've seen all sorts of customers. Sad ones, happy ones, complicated ones. Kira: And Bareil, where does he fit in? Quark: He's one of the tormented ones. Kira: Tormented? No, I don't think so. Quark, you've had an Orb experience. You know what it's like. Quark: He had an Orb experience? Interesting. Kira: Meaning what? Quark: After he left the bar, I saw him hanging around the Bajoran Shrine. He must've been there a couple of hours. Kira: He has a lot on his mind. He probably went there to think things over. Quark: Either that or he was figuring out a way to rob the place. What's this, a union meeting? Let's get going. Nice chatting with you, Major. I hope you two are very happy together. Intendant: Well, what do you think? Bareil: Even I'd have trouble telling you apart. Intendant: Wearing the Major's clothes, it feels so intimate. Oh, admit it. You've never found me more exciting. It's like having the best of both worlds. Bareil: Let's try to stay focused, all right? We both have jobs to do. Intendant: You're right, we'll celebrate later. Did you get the comm. badges? Oh what nimble fingers. Contact me the minute you have the Orb. Bareil: Right. Intendant: You're going to look so good wearing a crown. Intendant: Everything quiet? Security: Yes, Major. Intendant: Good. Security: I'm sorry, I need your level six authorisation code. Intendant: Oh, is that really necessary? Security: It's the new protocol. The war. Intendant: Of course. Security: Is everything all right? Intendant: I must have pulled a muscle exercising in the holosuites. It's been bothering me all day. Would you mind massaging my shoulders for me? I could make it an order. Intendant: A little harder, please. Oh, such strong hands. If only we had some warm Somata oil. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Security: I guess. Intendant: You have a lot to learn about giving a massage. Kira: What's that old saying? Once a thief? Bareil: What are you doing here? Kira: The question is, what are you doing here? Bareil: Nerys. How did you know? Kira: I didn't. You had me completely fooled. The thief in search of redemption, who could resist that? Obviously not me. Luckily, Quark didn't fall for your little act. Now step away from the altar. Bareil: I wish I could, but I can't. I've come too far. Kira: Then you came a long way for nothing. Intendant: Nerys! Oh, you look as beautiful as ever. Kira: You're just full of surprises, aren't you? Intendant: It's only fair. You had your Bareil, I have mine. Bareil: You're suppose to wait for me at the transporter pad. Intendant: Don't worry, I have the transporter keyed to this control. All I have to do is tap this key and we're on our way home. Besides, I couldn't leave without saying hello to myself. The transporter sensors showed that you weren't alone in the shrine and I was hoping it was you, Nerys. Bareil's smart but you're smarter. We really are alike, aren't we? Kira: You can't let her have the Orb. It's too dangerous. Intendant: Will you stop wasting your breath. Antos and I are a team. We're destined to do great things together. Bareil: If we're going, let's go. Kira: You don't have to do this. Intendant: Isn't that sweet? She is still trying to save your soul. Of course, you don't have one. Bareil: She's right. I'm not worth saving. Kira: You sound pretty certain of that. Intendant: Look at him. Really, look at him. It's important that you see him for what he truly is. Kira: I do. So you were just using me to get to the Orb? Is that what I'm supposed to believe? Bareil: Believe anything you want. Intendant: Please, Nerys, don't embarrass yourself. You made a mistake. You let Bareil make a fool of you. That's bad enough. Don't make it worse by denying what happened. Just accept it and move on. Kira: Why should I? It's not true. You know that as well as I do. You may have come here for the Orb, but you found something else. Intendant: And people say that I have a large ego. Tell her, Antos. Tell her how you were using her, that everything you told her was a lie. That every time you touched her all you could think about was me. Bareil: When she wakes up, I'll have a lot of explaining to do. Kira: And if you don't have the Orb, she'll kill you. Bareil: Maybe. That will certainly be her first reaction, but I've talked my way back into her good graces before. I'll be all right. Kira: I guess this is goodbye. Bareil: It's for the best. You know what I saw when I looked into that Orb? You and me, together on Bajor. We had a life, a family. Kira: What's wrong with that? Bareil: Nothing. It might even work, for a while. But eventually I'd find some way to ruin it. I'm a thief. I belong with her. Kira: Then you should go.

Jack: No. No. It's not fair. Am I alone here? Is that it? Am I the only one who sees. And what is that incessant noise? Loews: Calm down. Jack: Why? Am I talking too fast, Doctor? Having trouble keeping up? Loews: I just don't want you to get upset. Patrick: Please don't leave us here, Karen. Please. Loews: It's only for a few weeks, Patrick. Jack: You know why they brought us here, don't you? Why they carted us halfway across the quadrant? They're going to experiment on us. Loews: Stop it, Jack. Jack: They want to find out what makes our genetically engineered brains tick. They're going to cut our heads open and see what comes out! Loews: He's just trying to scare you. Don't listen to him. I told you why I brought you here, remember? To meet that doctor, Doctor Bashir? Lauren: You know, the handsome one. Loews: He was genetically enhanced when he was a boy, just like all of you. Jack: No, no. He's not like us. I never saw him at the Institute. He wasn't locked away for being too smart. He's passed himself off as normal. He's Mister Normal Starfleet man. Mister Productive Member of Society. Well, maybe we can learn to be just like him. Wear little uniforms. Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you, sir. Patrick: I don't like it here. Loews: It's going to be all right. Doctor Bashir is going to work with you for a while, that's all. Just think of it as a little vacation from the Institute. Jack: No. No. This isn't happening. Loews: It is happening, Jack, and you're going to have to try to make the best of it. Lauren: I'm going to make the best of it. See the way he's looking at me? He's in love with me already. Jack: Give me that! Patrick: I want to go home. Lauren: It's him. Jack: See that? That's what I'm going to do to your boyfriend. Loews: Give me the PADD. Jack: Sorry. Loews: You're not sorry, we both know that. You did it on purpose because you're upset. But there are better ways of dealing with being upset. Jack: I'll work on it. Loews: All right. Well, I'll see you all in a few weeks. Loews: Patrick, it's fine, it's fine. Go on. Loews: Bye, Sarina. Bashir: You all right? Loews: It's nothing. Just another run in with Jack. Like I said in my report, don't turn your back on him. Bashir: Well, we'd better get you down to the Infirmary. Lowes: I'm fine. Go on in. They're about as ready to meet you as they'll ever be. I just hope you have better luck getting through to them than I've had. Bashir: Hello? Jack: Funny. He doesn't look like a mutant. Bashir: Is that you, Jack? Jack: He knows me. He knows my name. I didn't tell him my name. Bashir: It's all right. I just read Doctor Loews's report, that's all. Jack: I knew that. Bashir: Hello, Sarina. Jack: What is he talking to her for? He read the reports. She won't answer. Didn't you read the reports? Bashir: Would anyone mind if I turned on the lights? Jack: Would anyone mind if he turned on some lights? Go ahead. We're not mole people, you know. Bashir: Computer, lights. Lauren: Hello. Bashir: Lauren. Lauren: I know what you're thinking, Julian, but I'm not that kind of girl. Jack: Bashir, was it? Rings a bell. Bashir, Bashir, Bashir, Bashir. Ah ha, got it! Fifteenth century poet Singh el Bashir. Any relation? Bashir: Yes, actually. Jack: His work was totally derivative. He was a plagiarist. You knew that. You had to know. Yet you came in here bragging about it anyway. Why? Bashir: You're the one who brought it up. Jack: What was I supposed to do, just let you get away with it? That noise! Lauren: Tell me, Doctor, what kind of enhancements did your parents have done to you? Bashir: Mental abilities, mostly. But they had my hand eye coordination, reflexes and vision improved as well. Jack: Can you do that? Bashir: I doubt it. Jack: What happened? Your parents couldn't afford the full overhaul? Lauren: He turned out all right. Jack: You're not exactly known for being very diskriminating. Lauren: I turned you down, didn't I? Jack: And you're still regretting it. The cube root of three hundred twenty nine. What is it? Bashir: Six point nine zero three. Lauren: Very good. And you didn't even use your fingers. He's a mutant, just like the rest of us. Jack: No, no, no. He is not like us. No. He passed as normal. Patrick: Is that true? Did you passed as normal? Is that true? Bashir: My genetic status was diskovered a year ago. Lauren: How'd you manage to hide it for so long? Bashir: I did my best not to exploit my abilities. Jack: So no one would suspect. Very clever. I'm impressed. That's not right. There are reasons why DNA resequencing is illegal. There are reasons why people like us are barred from serving in Starfleet. We have an advantage. Normal people can't compete. It's not fair. Bashir: Maybe you're right. Maybe I should have said something sooner. Jack: There are rules. Don't talk with your mouth full. Don't open an airlock when somebody's inside it. And don't lie about your genetic status. No, no, no. You did, you lied. And then, when you got caught, you cut a deal with Starfleet. You got yourself off the hook. Patrick: If you'd told the truth, you could have lived with us at the Institute. Jack: He's right, you know. Then they would have put you away. Bashir: They don't put people away for being genetically engineered. Jack: No, no, no, no they just won't let us do anything that's worth doing. No, no. They are afraid that people like us are going to take over. Bashir: It happened before. People like us did try and take over. Jack: Oh, no, no. I knew you were going to do that. I knew you were going to trot out the Eugenics Wars. Bashir: I'm not trotting anything out. All I'm saying is there's a reason we've been barred from certain professions. But that doesn't mean we can't be productive members of society. Jack: Here it comes. The we can still contribute speech. No. No, no, no, no. I will not forget what was done to me. I will not be part of a society that put me away for being too smart. No, no. Bashir: All right, then. Since then you have all the answers already, I'll spare you the speech. I'm having dinner with some friends. Jack: What, you think we don't eat? We eat. We're going to eat right now. Yum yum. Patrick: I'll go set the table. Jack: Don't worry about us, we'll be fine. Lauren: Thanks for scaring him off. Bashir: All I kept thinking was, there but for the grace of God go I. Dax: How do you mean? Bashir: My parents managed to find a decent doctor to perform the DNA resequencing on me. These four weren't so lucky. They all suffered unintended side effects. By the time they were five or six, their parents were forced to come forward and admit that they'd broken the law so that their children could get treatment. Sisko: Perhaps they waited too long. Bashir: There was nothing the doctors at the Institute could do for them. These cases are so rare there's no standard treatment. Kira: I can't imagine it was a very stimulating environment for them. Bashir: That's what Doctor Loews thought when she first came to the Institute. She got permission to separate them from the other residents so that she could work with them. Odo: Why did she bring them here? Bashir: She thought they might respond to meeting someone like them, who was living a normal life. She was also hoping that one day they might be able to live on their own and be productive. O'Brien: Well, let's hope they don't become too productive. Might make the rest of us look bad. Worf: It is not a laughing matter. If people like them are allowed to compete freely, then parents would feel pressured to have their children enhanced so that they could keep up. Odo: That's precisely what prompted the ban on DNA resequencing in the first place. Bashir: Giving them a chance to contribute doesn't necessarily mean sanctioning what was done to them. They didn't ask to have their DNA tampered with. They were only children. And why should they be excluded just because their parents broke the law? Sisko: You're right. It's not quite fair. But even so, it seemed like a good way to diskourage genetic tampering. O'Brien: Besides, it's not as if we're trying to exclude them from anything. We're just talking about limiting what they're allowed to do. Bashir: Like joining Starfleet. Worf: Exactly. Bashir: Are you saying that I shouldn't be allowed to wear this uniform? Worf: Well, you are an exception. Bashir: An exception. I should be used to that, I've been one all my life. First because of the DNA resequencing, and now because I've been allowed to join Starfleet. Worf: Perhaps I should not have said anything. Bashir: No, it's all right. Sisko: Well, does anyone care to speculate about what Gul Damar is going to say in his speech? O'Brien: Nothing we're going to like, I'll bet. Kira: It should be starting any minute. Dax: If he's going to announce another new battle offensive, it's going to spoil dessert. Jack: Can you hear me? Hello? Calling Doctor Bashir. Bashir: Jack. Jack: Hello? Anybody there? Kira: Did you give them access to the comm. system? Jack: Hello? Hello? Doctor Bashir? Bashir: No, they must've broken in somehow. I'd love to stay and chat about our impending doom, but Jack: I can't take it! Would you do something about that noise! Bashir: What noise? Jack: What kind of sick game are you people playing? Bashir: What are you talking about? Jack: Can't you hear it? Lauren: We complained and two very cute Engineers came by and said there was nothing wrong. Bashir: Wait. Is it a kind of a high pitched whine? Jack: Yes. Thank god! See, I told you we weren't crazy. You are a mutant. You are. Now, do something about that noise or I will snap her neck. Bashir: I called Chief O'Brien. Now let her go. Jack: Maybe I'll wait till he gets here. Bashir: If you don't let her go, I'll tell the Chief the noise went away by itself. Jack: You think I want to be doing this? I'm just making sure things get done. Jack: Unbelievable. This is the thanks I get. Bashir: Are you all right? Bashir: Come in. Miles, I wonder if you could find out what's making that noise? I know you can't hear it, but it's there. Probably a sympathetic vibration in a power coupling or something. O'Brien: What do you know? You're right. Jack: Well, why don't you fix it, dear fellow, dear fellow, well why don't you fix it before I go mad. Bashir: He's married. Lauren: Too bad. Patrick: Sounds like the plasma flow's out of sync. O'Brien: You're right. Patrick: Better realign it. O'Brien: I was thinking that. Bashir: It's about to start. O'Brien: Almost finished. There. Jack: Finally. Bashir: Much better. Thank you, Chief. Damar: Fellow citizens, these are great days for Cardassia. Together with our Dominion allies, we have given our enemies cause to fear us once more. O'Brien: Can't argue with that. Lauren: Who's he? Bashir: It's Damar, the new head of the Cardassian government. Damar: The war with the Federation accomplished of our goals. Cardassia is strong again, an empire to be feared. We are safe behind secure borders, and no one will ever dare attack us again. Jack: Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Patrick: He's sad. Lauren: Ashamed is more like it. Bashir: Why do you say that? O'Brien: Shh. Damar: From this position of strength, we are poised to take another bold step to insure our future. Peace. Lauren: Looks like a man who doesn't sleep. Damar: It is time to bring an end to this war with the Federation. It is time for us to rebuild on the foundation of strength we have laid. The sons of Cardassia shed Jack: Methought I heard a voice cry, Sleep no more! Damar does murder sleep! Patrick: He's killed someone. Lauren: Someone close to him. O'Brien: How could they know that? Damar: Their blood to defend their home. Their sacrifice must not be in vain. The peace we seek will honor their memory, and preserve the gains for which they gave their lives. I challenge the Federation to answer my call for peace. I am ready at any time to meet with its representatives to discuss how we can bring an end to hostilities. As your leader, I pledge that I will do everything in my power Jack: Pretender! You don't belong on that throne and you know it. Damar: To protect Cardassia and allow us to Patrick: Someone's making him say all this. He doesn't want to. Damar: Move forward into a new era. This I vow with my life's blood for my sons, for all our sons. Bashir: Did any of you know who Damar was before today? Jack: No, no, no, but it's obvious who he is. The Pretender who killed the king and seized the throne. Lauren: Not the king. He's still alive. Patrick: The queen, maybe, or a princess. Bashir: Yes, Ziyal. That's Gul Dukat's daughter. Jack: And now the Pretender finds himself in league with a, a Dark Knight that he can't control. O'Brien: Weyoun? Jack: It's not a bad story. Epic, really. What else can you tell us? Bashir: It was amazing. They pieced together the entire story of how Damar came to power. Weyoun is the Dark Prince, Gul Dukat is the deposed King, Damar is the Pretender to the throne, and Ziyal is the innocent Princess he murdered. And now the Pretender is wracked with guilt over what he's done. Kira: And they got all this just from watching Damar's speech? Bashir: Well, they were fascinated by the whole thing. They kept bombarding me with questions about Cardassia and the war. I've never seen them so engaged. Dax: And you want to keep them engaged. Bashir: I'd like to try. I'm just running out of material. Kira: What do you mean? Bashir: They've already gone through everything the computer has on Cardassia and the Dominion. Sisko: Roll out the red carpet. Dax: Visitors? Sisko: Starfleet has decided to listen to what Damar has to say. He and Weyoun will be arriving in the morning. I am the lucky one who gets the chance to sit across the table from them. Bashir: That's great. Kira: It's hard to believe that the Dominion really wants peace. I wouldn't be surprised if they were just stalling for time in order to regroup. Bashir: Sir, is there any chance I can get a transcript of the negotiations? Sisko: You can do better than that. The Dominion has insisted on recording the proceedings so that everyone can see that their desire for peace is sincere. Bashir: Perfect. Dax: You shouldn't have agreed to that, Benjamin. Now you'll have to be on your best behavior. Jack: So the Pretender and his Dark Knight are coming to the station? Patrick: The story's not over. Lauren: Peace talks. Could be interesting. Bashir: I'd say so. And the best part is, we're going to have ringside seats. Weyoun: Ah, Major. Kira: Welcome to Deep Space Nine. Weyoun: How nice to see you again. Kira: Can I give you a word of advice, Weyoun? Weyoun: By all means. Kira: You're welcome to play your little 'we're all friends here' act with me, but I wouldn't try it with Captain Sisko. He's not in the mood. Damar: We're on a mission of peace, Major. Maybe he should get in the mood. Damar: This is the border as it existed before hostilities broke out. This is the border we are now proposing. Weyoun: This arrangement would award disputed star systems to the side that already has effective control over them. On the balance, we're giving up more than you. Damar: As you can see Jack: Computer, freeze program. Computer. Hi. Er, listen. Go to native language mode and replay time code seven six one through seven six nine. Weyoun: Eee ja maa'na hoo'va baa'li jen'ku'rada sen'to. Jack: Got you. Did you hear that? He used the passive voice transitive. Bashir: Since when could you speak Dominionese? Jack: Since this morning. That phrasing is only used to make a request, not a statement. They are up to something. Bashir: What is it, Patrick? Did you see something? You can tell us. Patrick: They want the Kabrel system. Bashir: How do you know? Patrick: They kept avoiding it with their eyes. Bashir: You're sure? Patrick: They kept avoiding it. Jack: Told you they were up to something. Bashir: End program. Bashir: All right, they want the Kabrel system. But why? Lauren: I don't know, but they're willing to give up a lot to get it. The mizinite deposits on Holna Four alone are enough to keep their shipyards running for years. Jack: Yes, yes, yes. That's a typical Dominion strategy. They offer to give up something valuable in order to hide the fact that they want something even more valuable in the long term. See, that's how they think. Big picture. They don't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, no, no, no, they're thinking long term. They're thinking what's going to happen a year from now, a decade, a century. Yes, yes. Bashir: There must be something special about the Kabrel system. Lauren: Nothing on the first planet but some simple protozoids and trinucleic fungi. The second planet has some cormaline deposits, but they're common enough. Jack: Okay, okay, okay. Maybe there's another reason. Does it have any strategic value? Lauren: Not that I can see. They wouldn't want to build a base there. Jack: Why not? Why not? Seems perfectly suitable. Lauren: It's not an optimum situation. It's a binary system, there's a lot of ionic interference. Jack: All right, forget that. Bashir: Does this have anything to do with what we're talking about, Sarina? Can we take it? Jack: Think, think. Any evidence that Kabrel used to support an advanced civilisation? Maybe they're looking to excavate something valuable like an ancient technology. Lauren: There's no evidence of anything like that. Bashir: Any idea what this might mean? Sisko: Chemistry was never my strong suit. What is it? Bashir: It shows how you can break down tri-nucleic fungus to make yridium bicantizine, one of the active ingredients in Ketracel White. That's why the Dominion wants the Kabrel system, so that they can manufacture the drug right here in the Alpha Quadrant. According to our calculations, they'll be able to make enough White to supply the Jem'Hadar indefinitely. Sisko: I was going to recommend that the Federation accept the proposed border. It could have cost us the Alpha Quadrant. Bashir: Actually, sir, we should give them Kabrel. Sisko: Why is that? Bashir: If we don't, the Dominion will be forced to attack before their stockpile of White runs out. Here are the casualty projections. As you can see, an attack would result in devastating casualties for both sides. Sisko: You're suggesting we stall? Bashir: It'll buy us time to rebuild our defenses and bring the Romulans into the alliance. Sisko: The Romulans? Bashir: According to our analyzes, there it is, they'll vote to abandon their non-aggression pact with the Dominion at next year's plenary session. By which time, internal pressures between the Cardassians and the Dominion will have erupted, and after three years six months and twenty seven days, we predict that Sisko: Hang on a minute, Doctor. How'd you come up with all this? Two days ago you said these people were impossible to deal with, now they're turning out projections that it would take Starfleet Intelligence months to come up with. Bashir: We're mutants. I know, we're not exactly qualified for this kind of work and it could be said that it is beyond the limits of what people like us should be allowed to do. But I think if you allow me to walk you through our analyzes, you'll be impressed. Sisko: All right, Doctor. Go ahead. Bashir: Thank you, sir. The way our statistical analysis works, the farther into the future you go, the more accurate the projection. It's based on a kind of non-linear dynamics, whereby small fluctuations tend to factor out over time. The net result is Sisko: Just a minute, Doctor. Why don't we go back to the beginning and take me through this step by step, nice and easy. Bashir: Gladly, sir. Bashir: Captain Sisko said he would take our analyzes to Starfleet Command right away. Jack: Imagine that, Starfleet Command. Lauren: All those admirals. Patrick: It's a party! Bashir: It is now. Lauren: We need music. Bashir: Computer, music. Make it grand. Lauren: A waltz. Lauren: Care to dance? Lauren: Coward. Bashir: He tried. Lauren: I meant her. Bashir: Come in. Chief, what a pleasant surprise. O'Brien: I, er, I need to replace that power coupling. Bashir: Don't mind us. O'Brien: Hi. O'Brien: No, thanks. Patrick: It's a party. O'Brien: No. I need to get to work. O'Brien: I didn't mean to. It's just that I need to get this coupling replaced. Bashir: What did you do, Chief? O'Brien: Nothing. Bashir: What's the matter, Patrick? Patrick: He doesn't like me. O'Brien: Sure I do. See? Lauren: The Chief doesn't like any of us, do you Chief? O'Brien: Julian, I Jack: He's just jealous you're spending so much time with us. Lauren: His wife's away. He misses his friend. O'Brien: I do not. Lauren: It's all right, Julian, go play with your friend. We'll be fine. Bashir: You want me to play with you, do you, Chief? O'Brien: No! Lauren: Yes, you do. Bashir: Come on. Let's go to Quark's. O'Brien: I'm going to need those. Patrick: No, you don't. There's nothing wrong with that power coupling. O'Brien: Well, it's going to have to be replaced sometime. Bashir: Ready? O'Brien: Ready, yeah. O'Brien: I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was upset them. Bashir: It's all right. The only reason Patrick gets so emotional is because he likes you. O'Brien: He does? Bashir: Yeah, they all do. O'Brien: What, because I got rid of that noise? Bashir: No, no, it's not just that. They fell comfortable be around you. What was the word Jack used? Uncomplicated. O'Brien: Uncomplicated. Bashir: Oh, yes, they're amazingly insightful. They have ways of seeing things other people don't. O'Brien: And saying things other people don't. Bashir: They are pretty candid, aren't they. O'Brien: They sure are. Bashir: Funny thing is, I'm actually beginning to enjoy their company. O'Brien: Hey, what are you doing? Get back. Bashir: You know, I was thinking Starfleet Command might do all right to take them on as a team of advisors. O'Brien: Oh, I don't know. I can't imagine them in a room with a bunch of admirals, unless they're going to teach them how to dance. Bashir: We were celebrating. O'Brien: Yeah, whatever. Bashir: They really are quite brilliant, though. I mean, once we actually started working, it was incredible. We were all on the same wavelength, talking in shorthand, finishing each other's sentences. I've never had that with anyone else. O'Brien: After being with them, I can see how the rest of us must seem a little uncomplicated. Bashir: I wouldn't say that, exactly. More like slow. O'Brien: Ha, ha. Must very be frustrating for you. Bashir: I don't mind. Makes me feel superior. O'Brien: Glad to be of service. Bashir: I appreciate it. It's not always easy walking amongst the common people. O'Brien: Yes, it's probably best to keep your expectations low. O'Brien: That way we can surprise you now and then. Another game? Bashir: Sure. But do I have to stand so far back? O'Brien: I make one lucky throw and you're ready to come down to my level? Bashir: I like to win, just like the next man. O'Brien: Get back there. Come on. Bashir: I've got good news. Starfleet Command was so impressed with our analysis, they've agreed to let us have access to classified information regarding Starfleet's battle readiness. Is something wrong? Jack: We have new long term projections. You'd better take a look. Lauren: You're not going to like it Jack: Well? Bashir: Everything checks out. Lauren: I was hoping you were going to find a flaw. Bashir: No. Jack: So then you agree with our conclusion? Bashir: It's inescapable. There's no way the Federation is going to be able beat the Dominion. We have no choice. We're going to have to surrender. Sisko: Surrender to the Dominion. Not on my watch. Bashir: Sir, I understand how you feel. I don't like it any more than you do, but it's the best option. We've run dozens of different scenarios. Even if something unlikely were to happen tilting the scales in our favor, such as an anti-Dominion coup on Cardassia, we'll still lose this war. Sisko: But that doesn't mean we should just give up and roll over. Bashir: If we fight, there will be over nine hundred billion casualties. If we surrender, no one dies. Either way we're in for five generations of Dominion rule. Eventually a rebellion will form, centring on Earth. It'll spread, and within another generation, they'll succeed in conquering the Dominion. The Alpha Quadrant will unite and a new, stronger Federation will rule for thousands of years. Since we can't win this war, why don't we save as many lives as we can? I know it's difficult to accept. Sisko: I don't accept it. Your entire argument is based on a series of statistical probabilities and assumptions. Bashir: They're not just assumptions. If you want me to take you through the equations, I will. Sisko: Even if I knew with a hundred percent certainty what was going to happen, I wouldn't ask an entire generation of people to voluntarily give up their freedom. Bashir: Not even to save over nine hundred billion lives? Sisko: Surrender is not an option. Now I'm happy to hear your group's advice on how to win this war, but I don't need your advice on how to lose it. Bashir: We can't win this war. Sisko: I don't care if the odds are against us. If we're going to lose, then we're going to go down fighting so that when our descendents some day rise up against the Dominion someday, they'll know what they're made of. Bashir: With all due respect, sir, aren't you letting your pride get in your way? Sisko: All right, Doctor. You've made your recommendation. I'll pass it on to Starfleet Command. Bashir: Without add your voice to it, they'll dismiss it out of hand. Sisko: I'm counting on it. Bashir: So we go down fighting. How terribly courageous of us. Bashir: What do you think? O'Brien: It's pretty grim. Bashir: It's not just grim, it's hopeless. We can't beat them, Miles. O'Brien: No, it doesn't look like it, does it? Bashir: We have to avoid a long, drawn out war. O'Brien: You mean surrender? Bashir: I know, it's an ugly word, but facts are facts. O'Brien: I don't know, Julian. Bashir: Don't tell me you agree with the Captain. O'Brien: I suppose I do. Bashir: Is there some part of the analysis you didn't understand, because if there is I'd be happy to explain. O'Brien: I understood it perfectly. Believe it or not. Bashir: That's not what I meant. All I'm saying is that you have to look at the bigger picture. O'Brien: I'm trying. Maybe I'm too uncomplicated to see it. Bashir: I didn't say that. O'Brien: You don't have to. The way you're acting, you'd think nobody with half a brain could possibly disagree with you. Bashir: Frankly, I don't see how they can. O'Brien: I can see two possible explanations for it. Either I'm more feebleminded than you ever realized, or you're not as smart as you think you are. Voices: Dabo! Quark: Looks like your lucky day. Bashir: Please. You and I both know these games of chance are no such thing. The odds are in the house's favor. Quark: Shh. Don't say that. People are trying to have fun. Bashir: Sooner or later, no matter how perfectly I play, no matter how well I hedge my bets, I'm going to lose. Quark: Why are you trying to spoil everyone's good time? Look around, these people are enjoying themselves. Half of them know the odds are against them, but they don't care. They're here because they want to believe they can win. Is that so bad? Bashir: They're fools. Quark: Why don't you just take your winnings and call it a day? Bashir: Because I'm trying to prove a point. There is no way to win. Quark: Stop saying that. Bashir: There, you see? We're all as good as dead. Quark: Doctor, take it easy. It's just a game. Bashir: You're right. It's not as if nine hundred billion lives were at stake. Bashir: I just got word. Starfleet rejected our recommendations. Jack: I knew it. Lauren: It's kind of a relief, in a way. I mean, who wants to wave a white flag? Jack: They're the cowards! They don't have the courage to see the truth. Bashir: You may be right, but there's nothing we can do. Jack: No, no, no. We can't just take this lying down. The stakes are too high. We've got to take matters into our own hands. Patrick: How, Jack? What can we do? Bashir: We can't force Starfleet to surrender. Jack: If we can't head off the war, then there might be a way to make it a lot less bloody. Lauren: How? Jack: Look at this. Starfleet battle plans, fleet deployments. Do you know what the Dominion could do with this information? Lauren: They could take the Alpha Quadrant in a matter of weeks. Jack: With a lot fewer Federation casualties than in a drawn out war. Lauren: There wouldn't be more than two billion casualties. Jack: That's a lot better than nine hundred billion. Bashir: Wait a minute! It's one thing for us to try and avert a war, but it's quite another for us to take it on ourselves to trigger an invasion that's going to get a lot of people killed. It's not our place to decide who lives and who dies. We're not gods. Jack: Maybe not, but we're the next best thing. Bashir: Can you hear yourself? That's precisely the kind of thinking that makes people afraid of us. Jack: I don't care. I'm willing to make this decision. Bashir: It's not ours to make. We presented our case to Starfleet Command. They rejected it. Case closed. Jack: Not closed! We're going through with this. Bashir: I'm not going to be a party to treason. Jack: Call it what you want, but I am willing to do it if it means saving billions of lives. So are you with us? Bashir: No. Haven't you been listening? Jack: Fine. Lauren: So how do we contact the Dominion? Weyoun: Still at it, I see. Damar: I've been looking over Sisko's latest counter-proposal. We don't seem to be getting anywhere with him. Weyoun: Not very encouraging, is it? Damar: I don't know why you had me call for peace talks in the first place. Weyoun: My, my, how quickly you've taken to your new role. And to think only a short time ago you were nothing more than Gul Dukat's adjutant. Damar: I appreciate the faith you've shown in me. Weyoun: Then show some faith in me. Don't be like your predecessor, second guessing my every move. It should be clear to you by now that no one is irreplaceable. Now, I just received a very interesting message from an unidentified party claiming to have some information that could be very beneficial to us. Damar: What sort of information? Weyoun: I don't know but we're going to find out. Bashir: Computer. Computer, respond. Bashir: Sarina, where is everyone? Did they arrange a meeting with the Dominion? Listen, we have to stop them before it's too late. Untie me. Please, Sarina. You don't want the deaths of so many people on your hands. It's Jack, isn't it? Are you worried what he'll think? I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one's watching. I know how much you care, but if you don't let me stop them, you know what's going to happen? They're going to be arrested and charged with treason and you're never going to see any of them again. You're never going to see Jack again. Patrick: I'm Patrick. Jack: Patrick! Come on. Bashir: Hello, everyone. Patrick: He's not supposed to be here. Jack: No, no, no he's not. I don't understand. Bashir: Well, why don't we all go back to your quarters and I will explain it to you. Jack: No, we've got to do this. Lives are at stake. Lauren: Don't interfere, Julian. Jack: You have no right. Bashir: You're in enough trouble already, Jack. Don't make it any worse. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's up to you. Damar: Where are they? Weyoun: They'll be here. Damar: This is ridiculous. Sneaking into a storage bay for a secret meeting. I'm not some agent of the Obsidian Order, I'm the leader of the Cardassian Empire. Weyoun: Don't let it go to your head. You serve only at the Dominion's pleasure. Besides, I think it's exciting. Weyoun: They're here. Odo? Odo: Yes, I know. I honor you with my presence. Weyoun: We seem to have gotten ourselves lost. Odo: They're not coming. Damar: Who's not coming? Odo: I had a feeling you were going to say that. Shall I escort you to your quarters? Bashir: Captain Sisko has decided not to press charges. You won't be going to prison. Patrick: What are they going to do to us? Bashir: Nothing bad. You'll be going back to the Institute together. Jack: It doesn't matter what happens to us. Don't you realize what you've done? Bashir: I kept you from committing treason. Lauren: Are we supposed to thank you? Nine hundred billion people are going to die. Bashir: We don't know that. Jack: Didn't you sit here and go through the projections with us? Didn't you? Patrick: He was here, Jack. I remember. Bashir: Maybe our projections were wrong. Jack: How can you say that? We factored in every contingency, every variable. The equations don't lie. You. You ruined everything. Bashir: What do you make of that, Jack? Why didn't you anticipate that? Why didn't you factor her into your equation? Because you thought you knew everything, but you didn't even know what was going to happen in this room. One person derailed your plans. One person changed the course of history. Now, I don't know about you, but that makes me think that maybe, just maybe, things may not turn out the way we thought. O'Brien: I heard what happened. It was a pretty close call. Bashir: Yeah. Luckily I managed to intercept them in time. O'Brien: No, that's not what I meant. I was talking about when you had to decide whether or not to meet with the Dominion. Can't have been easy for you. I know you wanted to try to save as many lives as possible. It's probably what makes you such a good doctor. Bashir: Fortunately this doctor is also a Starfleet Officer. We thought we were so smart. We thought we could predict the future. It's my fault, not theirs. I should never have let things go so far. If I hadn't been so bent on trying to prove to the world that they had something to contribute. O'Brien: They did contribute. It seems to me we've become far too complacent about the Dominion. We may have driven them back into Cardassian space, but we've haven't beaten them yet. Bashir: We can only hope. O'Brien: Well, the odds are stacked against us. All we can do is give it our best shot. Quark: You're not going to cause any more trouble, are you? Bashir: Not this time. I'll double down. Quark: Risky. Bashir: Maybe there's a better bet, but sometimes when the odds are so stacked against you, you've just got to take a chance. Quark: I admire your courage. Crowd: Dabo! Quark: Well, what do you know. We have a winner. O'Brien: O'Brien to Bashir. Bashir: Go ahead. O'Brien: You wanted to know when a certain transport was leaving. Bashir: Oh, thanks. O'Brien: There is one problem, though. We've got some passengers that are refusing to board unless you come see them. Bashir: I didn't think you'd want to see me again. Lauren: Believe me, I wouldn't mind if our predictions turned out to be wrong. Jack's still furious, but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. Patrick: Will you come visit us? Bashir: What? Oh, yes, I'd like that. You did the right thing, you know. One of these day he'll understand that. So, you ready to go? Jack: Not so fast. There's one thing I need to know, Doctor. If we can come up with a way to beat the Dominion, will you listen? Bashir: I can't think of anything I'd like better. Jack: Good, good, good. Let's go then. Let's go. Bashir: Bashir to O'Brien. Four to beam out.

Quark: Just set them on the bar. Morn, no touching. You know what this is? Three cases of syrup of squill. Leeta: I love syrup of squill on my groatcakes, but I haven't seen a jar in over a year. Quark: No one has. Odo: Does that mean the drought on Balancar is over? Quark: There never was a drought on Balancar. It was all a ploy by their Agricultural Consortium. They've been stockpiling squill so they could drive the price up. Leeta: That's dishonest. Quark: I couldn't agree more. You see, I once did business with the nephew of the cousin of the stepsister of a friend of the secretary to the Consortium's chief accountant. Nephew, cousin, stepsister, friend. Yeah, that's right. And he told me, in passing, that the accountant had bought himself a very nice pair of Ferengi rain slippers. Odo: And if there was a drought, he wouldn't need rain slippers. Quark: My thoughts exactly. So I set up a meeting with this accountant and I told him that he either provide me with a shipment of syrup, or I would expose their deception to the entire quadrant. Tomorrow morning, we are having a special on groatcakes, topped with syrup of squill. That is, for everyone who can afford it. What are you standing around for? Get these crates in the storeroom. This stuff is worth its weight in latinum. Which reminds me of another little economic episode of mine. It happened, say, oh, eleven or twelve years ago, shortly before I came on the station Leeta: Dax, Julian! You're back! I was so worried. Dax: I told you we'd be okay. Leeta: Then why all the secrecy about your mission? O'Brien: We weren't supposed to talk about it. Bashir: But now it's okay. The mission's over, we've been debriefed. We took the Defiant behind enemy lines. O'Brien: We're the first reconnaissance mission into Cardassian space since the Dominion's retreat. The first one to make it back, anyway. Dax: And if that isn't reason to celebrate, I don't know what is. O'Brien: Three synthales. Leeta: Coming right up. Odo: Something wrong, Quark? Quark: Yes, something's wrong. A bunch of self-satisfied Starfleet officers just stole my audience. Odo: They're not just Starfleet officers, they're heroes. Let's face it, Quark, there's nothing heroic about earning profit. Quark: There is on Ferenginar. Odo: We're not on Ferenginar. Quark: The Nagus calling me now? He must have found out about the squill. I have to send him a jar. No, better make it a dozen. He loves squill. Quark: Oh, there you are. I've been looking all over the station for you. Rom: Well, you found me. Now you go hide and I'll search for you. Quark: Rom, brace yourself. I have bad news. Our mother's been taken prisoner by the Dominion. Rom: Moogie? A prisoner? Quark: It gets worse. The Nagus wants me to rescue her. Rom: You? Rescue Moogie? From the Dominion? Quark: Yeah. Rom: Uh oh. Quark: Uh oh is right. Rom: So, how do you plan on rescuing Moogie? Quark: You mean, how do we plan on rescuing Moogie. Rom: I don't recall you saying the Nagus wanted me to go along. Quark: Maybe he doesn't, but I do. Besides, Ishka's your mother too. Rom: And I love her. But I can't go with you. I'm a married man. I have responsibilities. And my responsibilities don't want me to die. Quark: I don't want to die either. So let's just concentrate on the reward the Nagus is offering. Rom: Reward? Quark: Fifty bars of gold pressed latinum. Rom: Fifty bars! Ow. Quark: Which I'm willing to share with you. Rom: An even split? Quark: Absolutely. Thirty bars for me and twenty for you. Rom: That's not even. Quark: It is when you include my finder's fee. Rom: Right. Rom: There's one thing I still don't understand. How did the Dominion get a hold of Moogie? Quark: They captured the transport ship she was on. Rom: But she's a female. They're forbidden to travel off of Ferenginar. Quark: Moogie's an exception. The Nagus gave her special dispensation to travel to Vulcan for her operation. Rom: What operation? Quark: She wanted to have her ears raised. Rom: I had no idea. Quark: That she was so vain? Rom: That the Nagus could be so generous. Quark: He certainly is. Rom: But why is he being so good to Moogie? Quark: Brother, there's something I need to tell you Rom: You mean that ten bars of latinum is an overly generous finder's fee? I already know that. Quark: It's about the Nagus and Moogie. Rom: What about them? Quark: They're lovers. Rom: No. Quark: It's been going on for over a year. Rom: No. Quark: She's his secret financial advisor. She helps him run the entire Ferengi Alliance. Rom: No! Quark: Would you stop saying that. Sisko: May I help you, gentlemen? Rom: I was following you. Quark: We must have taken a wrong turn. Sisko: It looks that way. Quark: Much better. Rom: You know, brother I've been thinking. We can't rescue Moogie from a Dominion internment center. Not alone, anyway. Quark: You're right. We're going to need help. Rom: We could put together a commando team. Gather the toughest mercenaries we can find. Nausicaans, Breen, Klingons. Quark: Shh. We don't need Nausicaans, Breen or Klingon. Rom: Humans? Quark: We'll just use Ferengi. Rom: Then we'll all die. Quark: No, we won't. Ferengi can be just as tough as Klingons. Rom: They can? Quark: Of course they can. They just need the opportunity, the training, and a couple of bars of latinum as incentive. Rom: Coming out of my share, I suppose. Quark: No, we'll split the reward with whoever joins us. All twenty bars of it. Rom: But the Nagus offered fifty. Quark: As far as anyone else is concerned, he said twenty. Rom: Twenty it is then. Quark: Now the only question is, who's our first recruit? Nog: Not me. Rom: But Nog, Moogie needs you! Quark: Not to mention your Nagus. Rom: They need you, we need you. Say you'll join us. Please. Nog: I'm a Starfleet officer. I can't go running off with you on some half baked rescue mission. I have duties to perform. Rom: But you know how to fire a phaser. Quark: Forget it, Rom. Don't beg. Too bad, though. We were going to make you Strategic Operations officer. Nog: You mean like Commander Worf? Quark: Exactly like Commander Worf. Think of it, Nog. You'll devise the tactics, come up with a plan of action. Rom: You can be the team's drill instructor. Put us through our paces. Prepare us for combat. Quark: Turn us into soldiers. Nog: That's a big job. Quark: That's why we need you. Nog: How big is the team? Quark: Right now? Quark: Now remember, Leck is not your typical Ferengi. His priorities are different than ours. Rom: I understand, brother. Quark: No you don't, but you will. Leck: I hope this is a secure channel. Quark: I followed your instructions to the letter. Leck: Very good. Who do you want eliminated? Quark: It's not that kind of job. Leck: Then why call an eliminator? Rom: What's an eliminator? Quark: Shh. I'm putting together a little rescue mission and I'd like you to be part of my team. Leck: I work alone. Quark: You'll be paid in latinum. Leck: I don't care about latinum. Rom: You're right. His priorities are different. Quark: All right, forget the latinum. I've been told you like the opportunity to test your abilities. Leck: I enjoy a challenge. Quark: Then you should know this. that the person we're going to rescue is being held by the Dominion. Leck: The Dominion? Quark: Should be quite a challenge. Quark: How the mighty have fallen. Gaila: Cousin Quark. Quark: I hear you were arrested on Thalos Six for vagrancy. Gaila: And it's all your fault. I was a thriving weapons merchant until I went into business with you. You ruined me. If I ever get out of here, cousin, I'll make you pay for what you did to me. Quark: Lower the forcefield. Now what exactly is it you're going to do to me? Gaila: I don't understand. Rom: Quark paid your fine. You're a free man. Gaila: What do I have to do in return? Quark: Earn some latinum. Gaila: Tell me more. Nog: On the bar, you will find a PADD with a schematic of a Dominion internment center. You may now examine the schematic. Leck: How can we be sure these schematics are accurate? Nog: Sir. Leck: No need to stand on formality here. Just call me Leck. Nog: No, I meant you should call me sir. Leck: Don't be ridiculous. Nog: You mean, don't be ridiculous, sir. Quark: Gentleman, please. Let's not squabble. We're a team, Nog. Rom: We're a team, sir. Quark: Stay out of this. Listen to me, Nog. Nog: That's it, I quit. Quark: You can't quit. This is not a game. Gaila: How are we supposed to get to this internment center anyway? Rom: By ship. Gaila: Do we have a ship? Quark: We'll get one. Leck: We don't have a ship? Quark: I said we'll get one. Nog: How? Quark: We'll find one. Leck: Where? Quark: I don't know. Think of it as a challenge. Rom: Liquidator Brunt. Brunt: That's ex-liquidator Brunt. Thanks to your brother, I'm no longer with the Ferengi Commerce Authority. A child, a moron, a failure and a psychopath. Quite a little team you've put together. Quark: What do you want, Brunt? Brunt: I'm here to sign up. I'm going to help you rescue your mother. Quark: What? Rom: How did you know about Moogie? Brunt: I know a lot of things. Quark: You think if you help save my mother, the Nagus will give you your old job back. Brunt: When do we leave? Quark: We're not leaving. Not with you. Rom: That's one thing we can all agree on. Leck: No one likes Liquidators. Nog: Or even ex-liquidators. Quark: The team has spoken. Gaila: Besides, there's a twenty bar reward to consider. Nog: Better to split it five ways than six. Brunt: Fine. I'll just get in my ship and leave. Leck: Did you say ship? Brunt: That's right. Why? Rom: Now we are six. Quark: Don't move! You're surrounded. Brunt: Don't shoot! I surrender! Nog: No, no, no! Computer, freeze program. Reset Jem'Hadar. Rom: I think we're getting better. Nog: No, you're not. This is the eighth run through and you haven't been able to hit a single Jem'Hadar. And you shot Moogie. Leck: I saw we weren't going to rescue her so I put her out of her misery. Gaila: Who invited him along? Brunt: Maybe we should start off with something easier. Nog: Like what? Brunt: Like ambushing a couple of Bolians. Nog: You couldn't ambush a Bolian if he was blindfolded and tied to a tree. Quark: That's enough! Get out of here, all of you. You heard me. Go. Rom: But, Brother, don't you want to keep practicing? Quark: We're wasting our time, Rom. We couldn't get anywhere near Moogie, let alone rescue her. Rom: I guess we're not cut out to be heroes after all. Quark: And to think, just a few short days ago I was sitting on top of the world. The king of squill. You should've been there, brother. It was a very delicate negotiation. It could've gone either way. But I took my time, picked my moment, then went in for the kill. It was beautiful to behold. Rom: Brother, I think we've been going about this the wrong way. We're not commandos, we're negotiators. We make deals. That's what we're good at. The Dominion has something we want, so we need to find something they want. Quark: And then we make a trade. That way, everyone goes home happy. Rom: Happy and alive. Now, what do we have to trade? Quark: Captain, I can't thank you enough for all your help. Sisko: Don't thank me, thank Major Kira. She's the one that convinced me to talk to Starfleet on your behalf. Kira: Consider it payback, Quark, for rescuing me from the Dominion. Sisko: Breaking you out of the station's holding cell is one thing. What you're planning to do is considerably more dangerous. Quark: Every negotiation has its share of danger, Captain. Sisko: If you say so. Quark: I guess it's time for me to pick up my prisoner. Kira: Just be careful you don't turn your back on him, Quark. He's not to be trusted. Quark: Neither am I. Gaila: Excuse me. Rom: Sorry. Leck: This isn't a ship, it's a closet. Brunt: You don't like it here, leave. Gaila: I'll go. That way there'll be more room for the rest of you. Besides, this isn't a rescue mission anymore, it's a simple prisoner exchange. I don't know why Quark needs any of us. Leck: Because he doesn't trust the Dominion. And neither do I. Brunt: Why would the Dominion pick a deserted Cardassian space station to make the trade? Nog: They didn't pick it, Quark did. I've been there. It's the same design as Deep Space Nine, so we know the layout. Leck: Well, you have nothing to worry about. You'll have plenty of places to run and hide. Quark: Everyone, this is Keevan. We're going to trade him for Ishka. Rom: Hi. I'm Rom. This is Nog, that's Brunt. Quark: Rom, he doesn't care. Keevan: Truer words have never been spoken. I'll advise you all to send final messages to your loved ones and make sure your wills are in order. Rom: Why? Keevan: Because the moment we leave this station, you'll have signed your death warrants. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a nap. Nog: All clear! Quark: Are you sure? Nog: Tricorder indicates no other lifeforms on the station. Nog: All right, let's head for base camp. Gaila: Base camp? Quark: He means the Infirmary. It's right over there. Nog: Come on, let's move it. On the double. Well, what are you waiting for? Quark: Two slips of latinum for the first man who makes it to the Infirmary. I mean base camp. Nog: You don't pay your soldiers to do their duty. Quark: You do if they're Ferengi. Leck: Great, another closet. Nog: We've chosen this spot for a reason. For one thing, it's a confined area with only two ways in or out. This one, and the one in there. Secondly, it's near the airlock which gives us access to our ship. And third, it's on the Promenade where the prisoner exchange will take place. Don't touch that. Rom: Some of this medical equipment is still functioning. Gaila: Anything for an upset stomach? Leck: What you need is a new backbone. Gaila: Hey, I'm a weapons dealer, not a soldier. Quark: Cousin! Nog: Sir, may I suggest we set up our defense perimeter? Quark: Good idea. How much is this going to cost me? Nog: Don't worry, no charge. Quark: Starfleet has really corrupted you, hasn't it? You could start by getting the external sensors back online. I want to know the minute a Dominion ship gets within ten million kilometers of this station. Rom: I'll set up a transport jamming signal. That way, the Dominion won't be able to beam our prisoner away without our say so. Keevan: We certainly wouldn't want that to happen, would we? Leck: You don't seem to be too happy at the prospect of being rejoining your people. Keevan: Believe me when I tell you I have nothing to be happy about. Vorta are supposed to commit suicide when they're captured. I failed to follow that rather harsh policy. Rom: They're going to execute you? Keevan: After what is surely going to be a most unpleasant debriefing. Quark: I'm sorry to hear about that, but it's not my problem. All I want is my Moogie back. Keevan: By the time the Dominion is done with you, all you'll want is a quick death. Quark: Take him in the next room and see that he stays there. Nog: We'll post a guard on him at all times. Four hour shifts. Leck: You heard him, move. Perhaps you can help me clarify something. What's the most vulnerable part of a Jem'Hadar's body? Nog: All right, you have your orders. Let's get to work. Rom: My son the soldier. Quark: They've ruined him. Quark: What was that? Nog: Who's screaming? Leck: It's Gaila! Quark: The Vorta, where is he? Gaila: I don't know. Nog: What do you mean, you don't know? Brunt: You were guarding him. Gaila: He must've slipped away while I was sleeping. Rom: Sleeping? Who said you could sleep? Gaila: I couldn't help it. I was tired. I couldn't get any rest on the ship. Quark: The ship! Nog: If Keevan gets away, we're finished. Quark: Going someplace? Keevan: Apparently not. I couldn't get the impulse engines online. Quark: That's because I had Rom disengage the induction matrix. Keevan: Then why did you bother chasing me? Quark: Because sometimes my brother gets things wrong. Quark: All right, everyone relax. No harm done. We still have our prisoner. Gaila: What's that? Nog: It's the alarm I set up. It means a Dominion ship is approaching. Quark: To the Infirmary! Nog: Let's go! Nog: Now what? Brunt: Someone turned the alarm off. Gaila: Maybe it went off by itself. Rom: Do you hear something? Gaila: Someone's out there. Brunt: One of us should go check to make sure. I nominate Quark. Quark: Me? Nog: I'll go. Jem'Hadar: Firing line, take aim. Quark: Anybody there? Nog: You could say that. Rom: I wonder what they're doing out there. Quark: Shh. Gaila: I don't hear anything. Quark: Quiet. Nog: Why are we hiding? Gaila: There are Jem'Hadar out there. Nog: Of course they're out there. We asked them to come. Brunt: He's right. Everything's going according to plan. Now all you have to do, Quark, is negotiate the prisoner exchange. Remember, be firm, strong. Gaila: But don't get them angry. Rom: Good luck, brother. Say, hi to Moogie for me. Quark: What if it's a trap? Keevan: Of course it's a trap. They're not here to negotiate. They're here to kill us all. Quark: You think? Brunt: Don't listen to him. He's just trying to save his own neck. Keevan: I'm trying to save all our necks. Yelgrun: Ferengi. Show yourself. We're here to trade. Keevan: Don't go out there. We must get back to the ship. Our only hope is to escape. Nog: We're not going anywhere, not without Moogie. Right, uncle? Quark: Right. Yelgrun: Ferengi, I don't like to be kept waiting. Quark: I'm coming. I'm coming! And you two are coming with me. Rom: I was afraid he was going to say that. Quark: Rom. Rom: Moogie! Ishka: My boys. I knew you'd come. Rom: You look beautiful. Ishka: My lobes haven't been this firm in over a century. Quark: I guess that makes this all worthwhile. Ishka: Don't you start with me, Quark. Yelgrun: What a touching and heartfelt reunion. I'm glad I was here to witness it. Now, where's Keevan? I wish to conclude this transaction. Quark: All in good time. But first, I need some assurances. Yelgrun: What kind of assurances? Quark: Well, for one thing, I don't want any Jem'Hadar soldiers on this station. Yelgrun: That would leave me in a very vulnerable position. One Vorta against six Ferengi. Quark: If it makes you feel better, these two can stay. Yelgrun: I feel safer already. Now where's Keevan? Quark: Hold on, I'm not done yet. Then you're going to tell your helmsman to head back to Dominion territory, warp nine. Yelgrun: That would leave me stranded here. Quark: For a few days. Yelgrun: I see. And by the time they return, you'll be long gone. Quark: That's the idea. Yelgrun: On the other hand, I could have my Jem'Hadar storm the Infirmary and kill you all. Rom: I like our plan better. Quark: You attack the Infirmary and Keevan will be the first to die. Yelgrun: Keevan's fate has already been sealed. Quark: Maybe. But before he dies, I'll bet you'll want to know what Dominion secrets he's revealed to the Federation. Ishka: He's got you there, Yelgrun. Yelgrun: Your people have a reputation for cunning. I see that it's well earned. Perhaps one day the Ferengi will take their place as valued members of the Dominion. Quark: Anything's possible. Yelgrun: I will begin to evacuate the Jem'Hadar at once. Quark: We can exchange the prisoners in let's say, half an hour? Yelgrun: We'll be waiting. Nog: One more thing. How do we know that's really Moogie and not a changeling? Ishka: I think that uniform is too tight on you, Nog. It's cutting off circulation to your brain. Rom: Sounds like Moogie. Nog: Only one way to find out. Yelgrun: Wait. This should be interesting. Ishka: Oww! Quark: Yeah, that's blood all right. Rom: I knew it was Moogie. Ishka: Now let's see if you're a changeling. Nog: Oww! Rom: That's no way to tell if he's a changeling. Ishka: You're right. Give me that knife. Quark: I don't think so. Family. You understand. Yelgrun: Not really. I was cloned. Rom: No parents? That explains a lot. Ishka: No parents, no sweetheart, no investment portfolio. Yelgrun: And no patience. We'll meet back here in one half hour. Don't be late. Ishka: You heard him, Quark. Rom, I'm counting on you. Remember, Moogie loves you. Rom: You should've seen my brother. He was brilliant! Nog: In a half hour we'll have Moogie back and we can all go home. Gaila: Home to the torrential rains of Ferenginar. Brunt: You know what I miss most? The rotting vegetation. Quark: Yep. Rom: And the dampness. Leck: Oh, to stand once more in those rivers of muck. Keevan: I only wish I could be there with you. Rom: I can't believe it. We're actually going to get the reward money. Fifty bars of gold pressed latinum. Brunt: Fifty bars? You said the reward was twenty. Quark: That's what Rom said, twenty. Leck: He said fifty. Rom: I thought you said you didn't care about latinum? Leck: I don't. I just don't to be cheated. Nog: Everyone calm down. Gaila: Calm down? When my dear cousin is trying to cheat me? Quark: I'm not trying to cheat anyone. Brunt: Then what about the other thirty bars? Nog: There are no other thirty bars. Are there? Rom: I, I, no, not really. Leck: He's lying. They're in it together. Brunt: You're not going to get away with this, Quark. Gaila: I come here, risk my life and for what? You've had this coming for a long time, cousin. Nog: No! Rom: Look out! Keevan: I hate Ferengi. Leck: You idiot. Rom: What are we going to do? We can't have a prisoner exchange without a prisoner. Brunt: If they find out Keevan's dead they're going to kill us. Quark: Will you stop saying that. Gaila: Maybe if we surrender, they won't hurt us. Brunt: I have a better idea. Let's sneak back to my ship and try to escape. Rom: It's a big station, easy to get lost in. If we hide, maybe they won't find us. Quark: No one's hiding and no one's escaping, and no one's surrendering. What's wrong with you people? Have you forgotten the Battle of Prexnak? Rom: Who could forget the most important battle in Ferengi history? Quark: Ten Ferengi stood alone against two hundred and seventy three Lytasians. Gaila: As I recall, all ten Ferengi were slaughtered. Quark: The point is, we Ferengi are just as tough as anybody in the galaxy. And this is our chance to prove it once and for all. Leck: Quark's right. Let's do it for Ishka. Let's do it for the Grand Nagus. Let's do it for Ferengis everywhere. Brunt: Let's do it for equal shares of fifty bars of gold pressed latinum. Quark: It always comes down to profit with you people, doesn't it. Gaila: We're Ferengi. Quark: And that's why I love you. Fifty bars it is, minus my usual finder's fee. Nog: Well, there's no doubt about it. According to these readings, this man is dead. Quark: Thank you, Doctor Nog. Nog: I just wanted to be sure. I thought maybe we could revive him but I guess not. Gaila: He's alive! Nog: No, he isn't. It's just the neural stimulator. It caused a reflexive impulse in his cerebellum. Rom: I never knew you studied medicine at the Academy. Nog: I didn't, but if you think about it, medicine isn't that different from engineering. It's all about keeping things running, fixing broken parts. Quark: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Nog: Find me more neural stimulators. Yelgrun: It's time, Ferengi. Bring out your prisoner. Nog: Stall them, Uncle. Quark: I'll try. Yelgrun: I've done as you asked. The Jem'Hadar are on their way back to Dominion territory. We are alone on the station. Quark: Wonderful. Yelgrun: Now bring out Keevan and we can conclude our business. Quark: Keevan. Right. Absolutely. Yelgrun: I'm waiting. Quark: He'll be right out. But first my brother has to run some sensor scans to make sure the Jem'Hadar have really left. Yelgrun: That is unnecessary. The Jem'Hadar are gone. Now bring me Keevan. Quark: I will, in a few minutes. Yelgrun: No, not in a few minutes, now! Or maybe you've changed your mind and you don't want your mother back. Kill her. Quark: No! Ishka: Give them what they want, Quark. Quark: I intend to. Yelgrun: Excellent. Quark: As soon as my brother completes his sensor scans. Yelgrun: And I thought the Breen were annoying. Very well, five minutes. But I will not tolerate any more delays. Ishka: Neither will I. Quark: That goes for me, too. You see, we're all in agreement. One more thing. Yelgrun: Why am I not surprised? Quark: The prisoner exchange. I'd like for it to take place outside airlock three. Yelgrun: What's wrong with the Promenade? Quark: Nothing, except my ship is docked at airlock three. You understand. Yelgrun: Only too well. But I must say your lack of trust saddens me. Quark: Ah, well, a sign of the times. Quark: Nog, you've got five minutes. Nog: All right, here we go. Yelgrun: Seventy five hundred lots of hipicate futures? Ishka: The hipicate root is very versatile. It's used in certain medicines, defractive optics, and even some beauty supplies. Here, feel how smooth my head is. Cream of hipicate. I apply it twice a day. You see, a diversified financial portfolio can mean greater profits and healthier looking skin. Yelgrun: Fascinating. I'd love to hear more, but if your son doesn't show up soon I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you. Quark: Yelgrun, you ready? Yelgrun: I've been ready for hours. Quark: On a count of three, we release our prisoners. Agreed? Yelgrun: Agreed. Quark: One, two three. Yelgrun: What have they done to him? Quark: Straighten him out, straighten him out. Nog: I'm trying. Yelgrun: Stop them! A bulkhead opens and Leck downs a Jem'Hadar with a thrown knife. Yelgrun drops to his knees, Rom shoots the other Jem'Hadar and Keevan keeps bumping.) Quark: Would you please turn him off? Nog: I can't. The transceiver is jammed. Ishka: Oh Quark, the Grand Nagus is going to be so proud of you. I know I am. Rom: Moogie. Brunt: What do we do with this one? Quark: We'll take him with us. He'll be our gift to Starfleet. They gave us a Vorta, we'll give them one. Yelgrun: Ferengi. Quark: I know, I know. You hate us. Gaila: All right you, get moving. Leck: This is the sloppiest, most amateurish operation I've ever seen. If you ever do something like this again, count me in. Quark: You'll be the first one I call. If I even think about doing something like this again, shoot me. Rom: So, Brother, how does it feel to be a hero? Quark: You tell me. Rom: It feels good? Quark: You bet it does.

Scene: Captain's log, stardate 51408.6. I've been aboard the Honshu for two days now and I still haven't spoken to him, although the doctors have assured me that he's made a full recovery. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of. Maybe I prefer to think of him as a crazy man, a broken man. He'd be less dangerous that way. As terrible as it sounds, there's a part of me that wishes he were dead. But that's a thought unworthy of a Starfleet officer. He lost an empire, he lost his daughter, and he nearly lost his mind. Whatever his crimes isn't that enough punishment for one lifetime? Dukat: I heard you were aboard. I was wondering if you'd make an appearance. Sisko: How are you? Dukat: Better. The doctors tell me I've made a remarkable recovery. Sisko: They told me the same thing. Dukat: Good. I'd hate to think they were patronizing me. So I'm a war criminal. Sisko: In the Federation, you're innocent till proven guilty. Dukat: So I'm told. Do you believe I'm guilty, Benjamin? Sisko: I haven't seen all the charges. Dukat: It's not like you to equivocate. Sisko: I'm trying to be fair. You won't be tried until the war is over. Your appearance before the special jury is just a formality. Dukat: And you'll be testifying for the prosecution. Sisko: I will tell them what I know. Dukat: Care to elaborate? Sisko: Not really. Dukat: I see. Sisko: I never got a chance to tell you how sorry I am about Ziyal. Dukat: Do I detect the fine hand of Doctor Cox at work once again? Sisko: I told him I wanted to offer my condolences. Dukat: I'm sorry. The good doctor encourages me to talk about Ziyal whenever possible, since it was her death that brought on my momentary instability. I shouldn't be so suspicious. Sisko: It's all right. Well, we should be arriving at Starbase six two one by noon tomorrow. I'll see you at the arraignment. Dukat: Benjamin. About my daughter. You and Major Kira took care of her for almost a year. I wanted to thank you for that. It was very generous. Sisko: Ziyal was a very special young woman. It was a pleasure to have her with us, even if it was only a short time. Dukat: A short time is all she ever had. Sisko: Is there anything I can get for you? Dukat: A bottle of kanar and an Orion slave girl would be nice. Sisko: I'll see what I can do. Crewman: Battle stations! Damage control teams report to level five J. Kira: It's confirmed. USS Honshu was destroyed this morning at ten thirty hours by an attack wing of Cardassian destroyers. Starfleet has picked up the distress beacons from three escape pods and one shuttlecraft, so there are survivors. Odo: The signals are coming from this area. The last reported position of the Honshu was here, which means there could be survivors in any of these adjacent star systems. O'Brien: That's a pretty large area. How many ships are in the search party? Odo: Two. The Constellation and the Defiant. Dax: Two? It could take days. Kira: With all the Dominion activity along the border, it's all Starfleet can spare at the moment. And the Defiant has another appointment. In fifty two hours you need to be at this rendezvous point outside the Badlands. You are the escort for a Federation troop convoy. Worf: It will take twelve hours just to arrive at the coordinates where the Honshu was destroyed. Kira: And twelve more to reach the Badlands, I know. But this convoy is completely unprotected. They've been using the plasma fields in the Badlands to hide their movements, and when they emerge they're helpless without the Defiant. Bashir: Can't they delay the convoy? I mean, if Captain Sisko is still alive, we have to give him every chance to Kira: I raised the same objection myself and the orders still stand. Now, every minute spent arguing here is one less minute spent searching for the captain. Worf: Prepare for immediate departure. Kira: Worf, there are over thirty thousand Federation troops in that convoy. You have fifty two hours, not one second longer. Understood? Worf: Understood. Defiant. Dukat: Benjamin, can you hear me? Sisko: Dukat? Dukat: Yes. Everything's all right, but don't try to move too quickly. The left side of your body is covered with plasma burns. Sisko: We were in the brig and the ship went to Red Alert. Dukat: We were attacked by a wing of Cardassian ships, ironically. Sisko: I was heading to Engineering. Dukat: You didn't get very far. A plasma conduit exploded before you got fifteen meters down the corridor. That's where Lieutenant McConnell and I found you when the order came to abandon ship. Sisko: Where's McConnell? Dukat: Dead. A piece of shrapnel hit him in the head just as we were carrying you into the shuttle. Sisko: Any other survivors? Dukat: I saw a few escape pods leaving the ship just before it exploded, but I had my hands full just trying to keep us in one piece. The engines were damaged from the shockwaves and I set us down here, wherever here is. But that shuttle's never going to reach orbit again. The shuttle's distress beacon was damaged, but I think I managed to repair it. Dukat: So now we have to do is wait for someone to pick up our signal. Sisko: Whose signal are you transmitting? Starfleet or the Dominion? Dukat: It's a general distress call, Benjamin. Whoever gets here first will find one comrade in arms and one prisoner. That's fair, isn't it? Sisko: Fair enough. Did you do this? Dukat: You shattered most of the bones in your arm. There was a bone regenerator in the medkit, but I'm afraid I'm not much of a doctor, so I just put on the cast. Sisko: You did plenty. Thank you. Dukat: We have enough field rations to last us a few weeks, but I'd feel better if I could locate another source of food and water. The surface is inhospitable to say the least, but I did manage to find some firewood and kindling, so there's a good chance there's edible vegetation out there. I just have to find it. Sisko: You could have left me behind. Why didn't you? Dukat: I didn't want to. I'll be back within the hour. Weyoun: What are you planning to do with him? Dukat: The Captain and I have a lot to talk about. Weyoun: Such as? Dukat: It's of a personal nature. Weyoun: I see. You're going to share your feelings of loneliness and sorrow with your longtime adversary. Doctor Cox'd be so proud. Dukat: Go away. Weyoun: You should kill him now, while you still can. Dukat: That won't be necessary. He's in no condition to challenge me. I can afford to be patient. Weyoun: You should kill him. Dukat: I don't care for your tone. Weyoun: Spare me your endless posturing. You're lucky I speak to you at all after that pathetic display back at the hospital. Dukat: That's enough. Weyoun: Oh, I see. It's a sensitive topic. I wonder what Captain Sisko would think if he'd seen you curled up in a ball, crying yourself to sleep every night? Dukat: Stop it! Weyoun: I doubt held still have the same respect for you if he'd heard you screaming and screaming and screaming like a madman till the nurses came and the doctors had to sedate you! Dukat: No! Sisko: Is that breakfast? Dukat: Possibly. Good morning. Sisko: Morning. What's it like outside? Dukat: The wind has died down and the temperature's gone up twenty degrees. I rather like it, but I think you'll be more comfortable in here where it's cooler. Sisko: Too much. Dukat: I'm doing the cooking here, thank you. Sisko: Pardon me. Dukat: You're not the only officer who learned how to cook. How are you feeling? Sisko: A little better. Dukat: Good. After last night, I was beginning to get worried. Sisko: Last night? Dukat: You don't remember? Sisko: Now that you mention it I remember waking up and I was feeling a little dizzy. Dukat: You had a bout of nausea. Not exactly a little bout. Sisko: Oh, I'm sorry. Dukat: That's all right. I've had to clean up a lot worse in my time. Once, when I was a newly minted glinn on the Kornaire, I had to help clean up a compartment where three men had gone through an explosive decompression. I didn't sleep for a week after that. Sisko: Let's change the subject. Dukat: The Emissary has spoken. Oh, come on, Benjamin. Have a sense of humor about all this. Sisko: I'm not in much of a joking mood. Dukat: Well that's a shame, because there's so much to laugh about. You don't see it, do you? Benjamin, just a few hours ago I was a prisoner on my way to trial and you were my old friend come to visit me in my cell. Now look at us. I'm free and you're a prisoner of your own battered body, and there's a good chance we'll be rescued by the Dominion. You've got to laugh at a universe that allows such radical shifts in fortune, Benjamin. Sisko: I will laugh when a Federation starship arrives and puts you back in a cell. Dukat: Whatever you say. Sisko: What? Dukat: Nothing. it's probably just the wind. Dukat: How is it? Sisko: Needs salt. There's probably some in one of the ration packs. Dukat: You know, we didn't get much of a chance to catch up before the attack. How is everyone on what I'm sure you're once again calling Deep Space Nine? Odo, Kira, Quark? Sisko: They're all fine. And no, they don't miss you. Dukat: Perhaps not. They never really did give me much of a chance. They were too busy plotting my downfall. Sisko: Pepper. If you only want me to tell you what you want to hear, just say so. Dukat: Well I hope they at least told you that my policies toward the Bajorans were most generous this time. Sisko: They told me Weyoun didn't give you much of a choice. Dukat: Major Kira knows full well I made every effort to heal the wounds between Cardassia and Bajor. Since the very beginning it was my intention to rectify the mistakes of the past and begin a new chapter in our relations. Sisko: Are you going to put that in my soup? Dukat: Well? Sisko: Better. Dukat: You're not going to give me the benefit of the doubt, are you, Benjamin? Sisko: Do you really care what I think? Dukat: Don't you care what your old friends think of you? Sisko: Dukat, we're not old friends. You saved my life and I'm grateful, but that's as far as it goes. Sisko: You keep hearing something. Are you sure there's nothing out there? Dukat: It's just the wind, I'm certain, but I'm going to double check just to make sure. Dukat: No. I won't do it. Not yet. Damar: You're wasting time. Dukat: It's my time to waste, Damar. Remember your place. Damar: I mean no disrespect, you know that. But without you the war will be lost and Cardassia will lie in ruins. Don't let this one man stand in the way of your final triumph. Dukat: I have to know that he respects me. I think I've earned it. Damar: Of course you have. He's just trying to deny you the satisfaction of hearing him say it. You know in your heart he secretly admires you. Isn't that enough? Kill him and be done with it. Damar: Think of it. The leader of Cardassia bringing the dead body of the Emissary back to the Bajoran people. They'll take it as a sign that the Prophets have abandoned them. The Shakaar government will be overthrown and the Federation position on Terok Nor will become untenable. Dukat: Very tempting thought. Dukat: You've make some good points, Damar, but there will be time for all of that later. It's all right. I know you have my best interests at heart. Sisko: I wanted to get some water out of the kit. Dukat: Ah. Here. Sisko: Thanks. Anything out there? Dukat: Hmm? No, no. Some rocks slid down the cliff. Sisko: I think something's wrong with the comm. system. Dukat: Oh? Sisko: It was beeping a second ago. It might need recalibrating. Dukat: I'll check. Everything's fine. The unit's still online. Sisko: If you open up the casing, you'll be able to run a full diagnostic. Better safe than sorry. Dukat: You're right. Dukat: Nothing to worry about. It's working fine. Sisko: That's all I wanted to know. Ship's log, supplemental. We have picked up a total of twelve Honshu survivors so far, but there is still no sign of Captain Sisko. We have less than twelve hours before we must abandon the search. Sisko: Damn. O'Brien: Commander, I'm picking up a distress signal. Dukat: Good evening. Pleasant dreams, I hope. Sisko: I don't remember. Is it still dark out? Dukat: I do apologize for bringing you to such a gloomy latitude. The nights seem to last eighteen hours, the days less than five. Sit up. Sisko: Looks like you're planning on a long stay. Dukat: No, not at all. Someone's bound to pick up our signal any time now. But I see no reason why we shouldn't be comfortable in the meantime. How's that? Sisko: Just fine, thank you. Dukat: Good. Ah, much better. You know, when I was out there in the shuttle just now, it occurred to me that the Bajorans would be very confused if they could see us here, sharing the same food, the same hardships. What do you think they would say if they knew the Emissary of the Prophets and the evil Gul Dukat were sitting here together, getting along like the two old friends that they really are? Oh, I forgot. You don't think of me as your old friend, do you, Benjamin. It's all right. There's no one here. Just the two of us. No one to impress, no one to judge what you say. We can be honest with one another. So tell me. What you really think of me? Kira: I'll tell you what I think. You're an evil, sadistic man who should've been tried as a war criminal years ago, put up against a wall and shot. Dukat: You probably agree with Major Kira, don't you, Benjamin? I am the former Prefect of Bajor. An evil man who sent thousands of Bajorans to their deaths to satisfy his own sadistic desires. Kira: Of course he agrees with me. And it was millions. Sisko: I don't think there's any point in discussing this. Dukat: I do. My name and reputation have been slandered and twisted ever since the end of the occupation of Bajor. I have been vilified by ignorant, small minded people throughout the quadrant for the past six years. I just want to know if you're one of them, Benjamin. Sisko: I wasn't there during the occupation. I didn't see all the things you had to struggle with day after day. I don't think I can pass judgment. Kira: He's just doesn't want to anger you. He really thinks you're a vicious, cold blooded killer, Dukat, and so do I. Dukat: I don't care what you think so I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself. I don't think you're being entirely honest with me, Benjamin. You're not a man who hesitates to make snap judgments when the situation calls for it. It's one of the signs of a good commander. Now I'm asking for your opinion of me and I find it hard to believe you don't have one. Sisko: All right. I think you're right. You have been judged unfairly. I've judged you unfairly. But I think you probably had good reasons for everything you did on Bajor. Dukat: Yes. Yes, that's it exactly. I had good reasons. Some of the harsher actions I took were forced on me by Central Command. I wanted to use entirely different tactics with the Bajorans. I wanted to rule with a softer hand, but my superiors didn't see it that way. Sisko: You were a soldier and you had to carry out your orders. Dukat: Precisely. Kira: You are such a fool. Dukat: Leave us alone! This doesn't concern you! Kira: He's patronizing you. You were a soldier and you had to carry out your orders. He doesn't believe that lame excuse any more than I do. Dukat: This is growing tiresome. Sisko: Dukat. Dukat! I thought you wanted to talk to me. Dukat: Yes, but Nerys won't leave well enough alone. She's always interfering, always trying to upset me. Sisko: Maybe we should just ignore her. Let's pretend that the Major's not even here. Dax: I'm picking up two humanoid lifeforms on the surface. Worf: Bridge to transporter room. Sisko: There's no reason to get upset. We're just talking. Two old soldiers talking around a campfire. Kira: I'm going to enjoy watching this. He's going to beat you, Dukat. He's going to escape and go back to DS Nine and his friends and we're all going to have a good, long laugh at your expense. Dukat: Enough! O'Brien: I've locked onto them. O'Brien: Transporter room to bridge. We have the survivors on board. Two women. O'Brien: An Ensign and a Lieutenant. Doctor Bashir is checking them now. Dukat: That must have been very uncomfortable, Benjamin. Look at that. One of the tines is missing. Now did that happened? Did you break it off? But why would you want a small thin piece of metal? Unless you needed a tool. Dukat: I see you've been busy. A little repair work while I was gone. Very thoughtful. Dax: Worf. Worf: What is it? Dax: I thought I picked up another distress signal but now it's gone. Dukat: You know, Benjamin, I thought we had established a level of trust between us, but I was wrong. If there's one thing I can't abide, it's betrayal. Worf: Our rescue effort has been delayed. If we could just have a few more hours? Kira: The troop convoy will be completely unprotected when they emerge from the plasma fields. They're under strict radio silence. No way they can acknowledge our signal even if. Sorry, Worf, but you're going to have to O'Brien: I'm sorry, Captain. There's some kind of subspace interference between us and the station. I'll keep trying. Bashir: I couldn't understand a word Kira said. Too much interference. Looks to me like we're on our own. Dax: I could understood what she was trying to say. Bashir: What about you, Chief? Did you understand? O'Brien: No, I couldn't understand a word. Dax: Well it doesn't really matter what we think. Commander Worf is captain here. Worf: We all know what Major Kira's orders were. It would be dishonorable to ignore them. Bashir: You will forgive me if I don't consider your honor to be worth Captain Sisko's life. Worf: You may leave the bridge, Doctor. Worf: Helm, lay in a course for the third planet. Dax: Aye, Captain. Dukat: You brought it on yourself, you know. Sisko: Just like all your victims. Dukat: All my victims. It always comes back to that, doesn't it? All my crimes. I'm such a monster, such an evil man. Behold Benjamin Sisko, supreme arbiter of right and wrong in the universe. A man of such high moral caliber that he can sit in judgment on all the rest of us. Sisko: What the hell do you want from me? My approval? Is that what this is all about? You want me to give you my permission to cause more suffering and death? Well, if that's what you're after, you might as well pull out that phaser and end this right now because I will never give it to you! Dukat: Good! Good, I like this. No more pretense, no games. Just you, me and the truth. Sisko: What do you know about the truth? You bend the truth into whatever shape suits you. Dukat: Judge Sisko hands down another ruling. But where's his evidence? Sisko: All right. You really want to do this? Here? Now? Dukat: Yes. Sisko: Okay. Okay, let's do it. You were Prefect of Bajor during the occupation. True or false? Dukat: True. Sisko: And you were responsible for everything that happened under your command. True or false? Dukat: True. Sisko: So that means that you are responsible for the murder of over five million Bajorans on your watch. True or false! Dukat: False. I tried to save lives during my administration. Sisko: Evidence? Dukat: Evidence? He wants evidence. By the time I became Prefect, the occupation had been going on for almost forty years, but the planet still wasn't ready for full scale colonization. Central Command wanted the situation resolved and they didn't care how it was done. I was convinced that a gentler hand was required to deal with the Bajorans. Damar: It was a noble, if misguided, vision. Dukat: So in my first official act as Prefect, I ordered all labor camp commanders to reduce their output quotas by fifty percent fifty percent. Then I reorganized the camps themselves. Child labor was abolished. Medical care was improved. Food rations were increased. At the end of one month of my administration, the death rate had dropped by twenty percent. Now how did the Bajorans react to all this? On my one month anniversary they blew up an orbital dry-dock, killing over two hundred Cardassian soldiers and workers. Kira: We didn't want a reconciliation. We wanted to destroy you. Dukat: So I had to order a response. But even then it was a carefully tempered one. I ordered two hundred suspected members of the Resistance rounded up and executed. Two hundred lives for two hundred lives. That's justice, not malevolence. Justice. Weyoun: The Dominion would never have been so generous. Dukat: But did I give up my efforts to reach out to the Bajorans? No. I tried again. And what did I get for my troubles? An assassination attempt on my own space station! Another round of executions followed once again, courtesy of the Bajoran resistance. Kira: We never wanted peace. We hated you. We hated all of you. Dukat: On and on it went, year after blood-soaked year. Time and again I would reach out with the open hand of friendship, and time and again they would slap it away. Damar: The Bajorans understand a clenched fist, not an open hand. Kira: Being reasonable only made us bolder. Weyoun: The Dominion would have killed every man, woman and child on Bajor long ago. Dukat: I hope you're listening to all this. Sisko: Oh believe me, you have my undivided attention. Now let me get this straight. You're not responsible for what happened during the occupation, the Bajorans are. Dukat: Yes, yes, exactly. Sisko: So, why do you think they didn't appreciate this rare opportunity you were offering them? Dukat: Because they were blind, ignorant fools. If only they had cooperated with us, we could have turned their world into a paradise. From the moment we arrived on Bajor, it was clear that we were the superior race. But they couldn't accept that. They wanted to be treated as equals when they most certainly were not. Militarily, technologically, culturally, we were almost a century ahead of them in every way. We did not choose to be the superior race. Fate handed us our role. And it would've been so much easier on everyone if the Bajorans had simply accepted their role. But no, day after day they clustered in their temples and prayed for deliverance, and night after night they planted bombs outside of our homes. Pride. Stubborn, unyielding pride. From the servant girl that cleaned my quarters to the condemned man toiling in a labor camp to the terrorist skulking through the hills of Dahkur Province. They all wore their pride like some twisted badge of honor. Sisko: And you hated them for it. Dukat: Of course I hated them! I hated everything about them! Their superstitions and their cries for sympathy, their treachery and their lies, their smug superiority and their stiff necked obstinacy, their earrings and their broken wrinkled noses. Sisko: You should have killed them all. Dukat: Yes! Yes! That's right, isn't it? I knew it! I've always known it! I should have killed every last one of them. I should have turned their planet into a graveyard the likes of which the galaxy had never seen! I should have killed them all. Sisko: And that is why you're not an evil man. Sisko: Do it! Dukat: I'm so glad we had this time together, Benjamin, because we won't be seeing each other for a while. I have unfinished business on Bajor. They thought I was their enemy? They don't know what it is to be my enemy, but they will. From this day forward, Bajor is dead. All of Bajor. And this time, even their Emissary won't be able to save them. Dax: It's time. Worf: Plot a course out of the system, full impulse. Once we've cleared the outer planets, head for the rendezvous coordinates, maximum warp. Dax: Course laid in. Engaging impulse engines. O'Brien: Captain. I'm picking up a signal. It's from Gul Dukat. Ship's log, stardate 51413.6. We have rescued Captain Sisko, but we did not have time to locate Gul Dukat's shuttle. We are now en route to our rendezvous with the troop convoy near the Badlands, and the Captain is recovering in sickbay. Dax: Benjamin? I've notified Starfleet of Dukat's last known position. They'll find him. Sisko: No, they won't. You know, old man, sometimes life seems so complicated. Nothing is truly good or truly evil. Everything seems to be a shade of gray. And then you spend some time with a man like Dukat and you realize that there is really such a thing as truly evil. Dax: To realize that is one thing. To do something about it is another. So what are you going to do? Sisko: I'll tell you what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to let him destroy Bajor. I fear no evil. From now on, it's him or me.

Odo: Morn, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate it if you did something about that shipment of Livanian beets you have sitting in Cargo Bay Three. It's been there for over two weeks. It's starting to rot. Odo: Morn. Quark: It's a hologram. Morn's been away on business for the last two weeks. You're slipping, Odo. You should've caught on a lot sooner. Odo: You replaced Morn with a hologram? Why? O'Brien: Evening. Bashir: Hello, Morn. Quark: That's why. People love him. He's like a mascot. Everyone who comes in here expects to see him, and if they don't, it doesn't feel like home to them. Odo: And that's not good for business. Quark: The last time he went away, my sales dropped almost five percent. Odo: Why doesn't it talk? Quark: Do you have any idea how much an interactive holoprojector costs? Besides, it's a relief not to have to listen to him go on. You know Morn. He never shuts up. I'd trade this for the real thing any day. Odo: I'm sure Morn would be very touched to hear you say that. Dax: Morn! Odo: It's just a hologram. Quark: You look like you saw a ghost. Sisko: Turn it off. Quark: Why? Sisko: We just got word. Morn's cargo ship was caught in an ion storm. Bashir: Is he all right? O'Brien: Was he rescued? Dax: He's dead. Bashir: Did you bring anything? O'Brien: Huh? Bashir: To the memorial service. O'Brien: I didn't know I was supposed to. Bashir: Well, it's Lurian custom to bring gifts of food and drink for the deceased so they have something to sustain them in the afterlife. O'Brien: Oh. Maybe I can get something in Quark's. I hate to think of the big fellow going without. Worf: Morn was an excellent sparring partner. I will miss our weekly combat in the holosuites. Dax: I can't believe he's really gone. Worf: I did not realize he was such a close friend. Dax: Well, I used to have a little crush on him. Worf: Morn? Dax: It was before we met. Besides, he wasn't interested. Worf: What do you mean, he wasn't interested? Dax: Forget I mentioned it. Kira: Is that a bottle opener? Odo: For Morn. I thought it might come in handy. Kira: Very thoughtful. Quark: This is unbelievable. Look at all these people. If you see anyone empty-handed sell them a bottle of Yridian ale. Tell them it was Morn's favorite. Bashir: Very kind of you to do this, Quark. O'Brien: I'm sure Morn would have appreciated it. Quark: It's the least I could do. I'll miss him. Sorry. O'Brien: Can I get you anything? Quark: I don't ordinarily imbibe on the job, but maybe a Yridian ale. It was Morn's favorite. O'Brien: Oh. Perfect. Quark: What are you looking at? Odo: Your respect for the dead is heart-warming. Quark: I'll have you know that Morn died without paying this month's tab. Odo: Oh, how inconsiderate of him. Quark: We're talking about a lot of money. The man had quite an appetite. You know he had two stomachs to fill. Ever watch him eat? It was a beautiful thing. Odo: Well, sometimes you don't truly appreciate what you have until it's gone. Quark: It's nice to know you're so worried about my welfare. Odo: You should be worried, too. Now that your mascot's gone, business will suffer. Quark: We'll see. You might be surprised. Worf: Jadzia. Dax: Can we please drop this? Quark: Everyone. Thank you all for coming. It means a great deal to me to see so many people cared about Morn as much as I did. I'll never forget the first time he walked in here and sat down on that very stool. It must have been almost ten years ago. He still had his hair then. I thought he was just another customer passing through. Little did I know he'd become such an important figure in my life, in all our lives. Morn was always someone we could count on for a cheerful smile and an entertaining story. Some of you might be thinking this place won't be the same without him. And it won't. But this was his home. And wherever he is, I'm sure he'd want to know that his favorite bar still echoed with the laughter of his dear friends. This was his chair and I think the greatest tribute we could ever pay him would be to make sure that it's never empty. Quark: Keep it warm. For Morn. Kira: Every now and then, Quark really surprises me. Odo: Me, too. Sisko: Excuse me, Quark. Quark: Not now. Sisko: I'm sorry to intrude, but I thought you should know. I unsealed Morn's will. He left everything to you. Quark: Me? He left everything to me? Sisko: That's right. Quark: Morn. Dear, sweet Morn. Odo: The poor fool actually believed you cared about him. Quark: I did. I was up for hours last night thinking about him. Odo: Calculating his net worth, no doubt. Quark: We spent a lot of time together, Odo. We were obviously a lot closer than I ever realized. Odo: His financial records. Quark: Is this some kind of joke? Odo: What do you mean? Quark: According to this, he was broke. Odo: No. Quark: How can that be? He paid his bar bill at the end of every month. That kind of money must have come from somewhere. Odo: Well, he did have his shipping business. Maybe all his assets are tied up in inventory? Quark: Of course. Inventory. Quark: I'll unload everything and use the profits to Pooh! What's that smell? Odo: Your inheritance. Livanian beets. Very ripe. Quark: What's in the rest of these? Odo: More beets. Quark: That's it? That's all he had? Odo: I'm afraid so. Except for the contents of his quarters. Maybe he spent all his money on furnishings and works of art. Quark: Objets d'art. Of course. Odo: Objets d'art, of course. Quark: I'll hold an auction. People will pay a premium to own something that used to be Morn's. Quark: You sure these are the right quarters? Odo: I'm sure. Quark: Figures. What's that? Odo: That, I believe, is a matador. Quark: No, that. Odo: That's Morn's bed. Quark: Morn slept in mud? Odo: I'm told it's excellent for the skin. Quark: Thanks, Morn. Just what I always wanted. Quark: What are you doing in my mud? Larell: Oh, I couldn't resist. Morny and I had so many happy times here, I just had to slip in. I'm sorry if I startled you. I heard you coming in and I thought I'd better hide. Quark: Who are you? Larell: Larell. Morn's wife. Ex-wife. Quark: Morn was married? To you? Larell: For two wonderful years. You must be Quark. Morny and I kept in touch after we were separated. He talked about you all the time. Quark: That's nice. Larell: He told me that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted you to have everything that was ever his. Quark: Everything? Larell: Everything. Quark: I'm glad you came by, because Morny didn't leave me much of anything else. Larell: I find that hard to believe. Quark: I'm as disappointed as you are. Larell: I happen to know that he had quite a substantial retirement fund. One that could make two people very comfortable. Quark: If you're partial to mud, it's comfortable all right. Larell: I'm talking about the thousand bricks of gold pressed latinum that he won in the Lissepian lottery. Quark: A thousand bricks? Larell: Now that he's gone, it's all ours. Larell: What are you doing? Quark: What do you think? I'm looking for the latinum. Larell: You must know where he kept it. Quark: I didn't even know it existed until you told me. Larell: Well, I'm sure it's somewhere on the station. Quark: How do we know he didn't spend it already? Larell: I told you, it was for his retirement. Poor Morn. He never got a chance to enjoy it. But that doesn't mean we can't. Quark: I know what you're doing. Larell: What am I doing? Quark: Just so we're clear, the latinum's mine. Larell: He may have left everything to you, but I was his wife. I could contest the will and tie you up in court for years. Quark: Maybe. Larell: But there's no reason it has to come to that. After all, a thousand bricks is plenty for both of us. Quark: It is a lot of money. Larell: And as soon as we find it, we'll take a nice long vacation together. Quark: Morn would have wanted it that way. Larell: Of course he would have. Quark: The latinum's not on the station. I looked everywhere. Evade. I even had my brother scan for it with the internal sensors. Dax: Well, at least you have the painting. Quark: Oh, forget the painting. I want that latinum. Dax: If you think it'll make you happy. Confront. Quark: Believe me, it will. This is the break I've been waiting for, and it's been a long time in coming. I want Morn's money, I need Morn's money, I deserve Morn's money. Dax: Your move. Quark: Beautiful, isn't it? And the way it picks up the light I wonder who came up with the idea of suspending liquid latinum inside worthless bits of gold? Dax: Probably somebody who got tired of making change with an eyedropper. Are you going to play or not? Quark: Where do you think Morn put it all? Dax: If you find it, are you really going to share it with this woman? Quark: I agreed to pay her ten percent so she wouldn't tie me up in court. Dax: That's a hundred bricks. Quark: What could I do? Retreat. Dax: I don't know, but there's something's I don't like about this whole thing. I don't trust this woman. Quark: Neither do I. But that doesn't mean I'm going to keep her away from my lobes. Dax: Just keep your eyes open. Don't be fooled by a pretty face. Quark: Not me. Dax: Of course not. Acquire. Quark: What a pleasant surprise. Computer, lights. Krit: Tell me, you like surprises, Quark? Quark: Only pleasant ones. Krit: I like to think I'm pleasant. You think I'm pleasant? Nahsk: Absolutely. Krit: Then I guess this qualifies as a pleasant surprise. Quark: What are you doing in my quarters? Nahsk: Waiting for you. Krit: My brother and I were business associates of Morn's. Quark: If you've come for the memorial service, it was yesterday. Nahsk: Really? Was it nice? Quark: It was lovely. Krit: I understand you inherited Morn's estate. Quark: That's right. Nahsk: We're business associates of Morn's. Quark: Your brother mentioned that. Krit: He borrowed some money from us, and we'd like the estate to repay the loan. Quark: How much money are we talking about? Krit: One thousand bricks of gold pressed latinum. Quark: I had a feeling you were going to say that. I need to see some documentation regarding this loan. Krit: We shook hands. Nahsk: We trusted Morn. Krit: And I'm sure he'd want you to honor his word. Quark: I'm sure he would. But you have to understand, Morn's assets are all tied up in various enterprises. Krit: I hope you're not saying you don't have the money. Nahsk: That wouldn't be good. Quark: All I meant was that it'll take me a little while to get it. Krit: So you do know where it is. Quark: Of course. You're not the first creditors to make a claim against his estate. Krit: We're not? Quark: Morn was expanding his business interests when he died. His resources were stretched somewhat thin. As a result, the claims against the estate are greater than its assets. Obviously you can't expect full repayment. Krit: What can we expect? Quark: A percentage. Krit: What sort of percentage? Quark: Twenty. Krit: We can't accept less than eighty. Quark: I'll make it thirty, and I'll throw in a shipment of Livanian beets. Nahsk: I don't like beets. Krit: We'll take seventy. Quark: Forty, and because I can see you both have fine taste, I'm willing to part with this. One of Morn's most treasured possession. Beautiful, isn't it? Nahsk: Very nice. Krit: We can't take less than sixty. Quark: Forty's the best I can do. Krit: Fifty. Quark: Sorry. Quark: Fifty it is. Krit: I'm glad we were able to come to an understanding. Quark: Me too. Krit: We'll be watching you, Quark. Don't try anything. Quark: Me? Don't be ridiculous. Quark: What do we have here? Quark: Computer, what is this? Computer: A claim slip for storage locker one three seven located in the station Assay Office. Quark: A storage locker! Thank you, computer. You've been very helpful. Morn, wherever you are, I love you! Quark: What do you mean I have to open it in here? Odo: Regulations. The contents of a deceased person's storage locker have to be inspected by station security. Quark: There's no such regulation. You just want to know what's inside. You are so transparent. I can't wait to see your face when your deputies wheel in my thousand bricks of latinum. Odo: Ah, here we are. Thank you. Quark: That can't be it. Odo: Storage locker one thirty seven. Quark: Well, sometimes good things come in small packages. Odo: Will that be enough to cover Morn's bar tab? Quark: It's covered. There's more where this came from. Odo: What makes you say that? Quark: Take a look. On the bottom. Recognize Morn's handwriting? Odo: The rest is in the Bank of Bolias. Quark: Account number CJ5-74-36. Odo: This wasn't in Morn's financial records. Quark: Who cares? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to contact the bank and let them know Morn's legal heir would like his latinum delivered as soon as possible. Quark: Larell. Larell: I've been looking all over for you. Quark: I'm a busy man. Larell: Not too busy to look for a certain something, I hope? Quark: Actually, I haven't had much luck with that. Larell: Sounds like you need a little motivation. Quark: Oh, I'm motivated, believe me. It's just that it's going to take some time to locate, that's all. I have an idea. Why don't you go back to wherever you come from and I'll contact you as soon as I find it. Larell: I think I'd rather wait here with you. Quark: This is not a good time for oo-mox. Larell: Why, don't you like it? Quark: It's not that, it's just that the sooner I find that certain something, the sooner we can take our little trip together. Larell: You're so diligent. Most men don't know how to defer gratification. Quark: You don't make it easy. Quark: Good morning. Level seventeen. Quark: You're good. But I'm the only one the bank's going to give the money to. CJ5-74-36. CJ5-74 Quark: This is my stop. Krit: What's your hurry? My brother has something he wants to say to you. Nahsk: I'm sorry. About the painting. Krit: He feels terrible. Quark: No hard feelings. Krit: That's nice of you to be so forgiving, Quark. Quark: Don't mention it. Krit: My brother has a nasty temper. Nahsk: I get upset. Krit: It comes out when things don't go our way. Quark: I noticed. Krit: That's why I'm hoping things start to go our way soon. Do you understand what I'm saying, Quark? Quark: I think I do, yes. Nahsk: I don't like to get upset. Quark: Don't worry, things are going to go your way soon. Krit: That's good to hear. Quark: I'll keep in touch. Nahsk: I really am sorry about the painting. Quark: CJ5-74-36. CJ5-74-36. Bank of Bolias. Hain: Making a withdrawal, Quark? Let me guess. A thousand bricks of gold pressed latinum. Put your hands on your head. Turn around. Quark: All right, how much do you want? And don't ask for the full thousand bricks, I already gave away more than half of it. Hain: Attempted bribery. That should add a few years to your sentence. Quark: What are you talking about? Hain: Let's go. Quark: Go? Where? Who are you? Hain: Lurian security. I have a signed extradition order for your arrest. As soon as your station's security chief approves it, we'll be on our way. Quark: What did I do? What's the charge? Hain: Conspiracy to intercept government property. Quark: Government property? Hain: A thousand bricks of gold pressed latinum. Quark: Wait a minute. Morn won that latinum in the Lissepian lottery. He didn't? Hain: It was his bequest from the Royal family of Luria. Quark: Why would the Royal family of Luria give Morn that kind of money? Hain: He was the Crown Prince. Quark: Morn was a prince? Hain: You didn't know? Quark: Morn was a prince? Hain: That's what I'm saying. Quark: Morn was a prince. Hain: Yes. But he renounced the throne when he came of age. Quark: Well I always knew he was an idiot. Hain: His family bequeathed him the latinum when he abdicated. Now that he's deceased, it's legally theirs again. Quark: He left it to me. Hain: That will has already been nullified. He signed an agreement to return the latinum in the event of his death. Quark: Oh. Do me a favor. Don't tell his ex-wife. I'm going to need a little oo-mox later. Hain: His ex-wife? Quark: Larell. Hain: She's here? Quark: I just saw her. Is something wrong? Hain: Quiet! Let me think. Listen and listen carefully. Larell has been trying to get her hands on the Prince's latinum for years. She's tried blackmail, extortion, I wouldn't be surprised if she was behind his death. Quark: She's always been nice to me. Hain: The Royal family would like nothing better than to see her behind bars. If you help me apprehend her, there'll be a substantial reward. Quark: What do I have to do? Hain: When are you going to see her again? Quark: She'll turn up sooner or later. If not her, then those two brothers. Hain: Brothers? Quark: They said they were Morn's business partners. They claimed he owed them money. Something tells me they were not exactly above board. Hain: Whoever these brothers are, I promise you, I won't let them get between the Royal family and its latinum. Quark: And I won't let anything get between me and my reward. Hain: Then we have an understanding. If I'm going to put these people away, I have to catch them trying to get their hands on the latinum. Call the Bank. Tell them to deliver it here. Quark: Then what? Hain: You stay out of sight and leave the rest to me. Bashir: What are you up to? O'Brien: Trying to fix this optronic relay. Bashir: Wouldn't you be better off working in a lab? O'Brien: I'm keeping Morn's chair warm. Bashir: Ah, good man. Where's Quark? I'm in the mood for one of his famous Til'amin froths. O'Brien: You'll have to settle for something else. He's in the back. And from what Broik says, he's not coming out. Bashir: Sounds like he's taking Morn's death pretty hard. O'Brien: He loved the guy. Well, I'd better go test this. Bashir: I'll take over. O'Brien: Oh. Good man. Quark: Anybody here? Quark: What a surprise. Larell: You've got to help me, Quark. Someone's following me. Quark: Who? Larell: Two men. Quark: Brothers? Larell: How should I know? Quark: That could be them. Larell: Don't answer it. Quark: Believe me, I'm not planning to. Sounds like they're trying to bypass the lock. Come on. Computer, dim the lights. Remind me to invest in a better lock. Quark: Stay here. Quark: Gentlemen. Krit: Quark. We've been looking all over for you. Quark: The latinum's on its way. It'll be here tomorrow. Krit: That's good news. We were getting worried. Krit: Expecting anyone? Quark: You never know who's going to drop by. Krit: Don't answer it. Quark: Sounds like they're coming in anyway. Nahsk: You should invest in a better lock. Krit: Whoever it is, get rid of them. We'll be over there. Quark: You'd be more comfortable in there. Nahsk: We'll be back there. Hain: Why didn't you answer the door? Quark: I dozed off. It's been one of those days. Hain: We need to talk. Quark: What would we have need to talk about? Hain: Are you all right? Quark: What makes you ask that? Hain: Well, you keep craning your neck. Krit: Well look what we have here. Quark: I'll bet the Royal family sleeps soundly knowing you're on the job. Krit: Royal family? What kind of lies you been telling him, Hain? Hain: The usual. Quark: You know each other. Hain: It's been a long time. Krit: Nine years. Nahsk: You know, it must be nine years. Hain: I see you're still a step behind everyone else. Larell: Leave him alone, Hain. Nahsk: Hey, it's Larell. Krit: I can see that. Quark: What's going on here? Larell: We're having a little reunion. We used to work together. With Morn. Quark: I guess that means he wasn't a Prince after all. And you're not a security agent. And you're not really his ex-wife. Please, please don't tell me Morn didn't have any latinum. Hain: Oh, he had latinum, all right. Quark: At least that part is true. Hain: Ever hear of the Lissepian Mother's Day heist? Quark: Who hasn't? While the whole planet was celebrating, someone broke into the Central Bank and made off with one thousand bricks of gold pressed latinum. Wait a minute. You expect me to believe that the four of you pulled that off? Nahsk: There was five of us. Morn helped. Krit: Yes, but then he ran off with the latinum. Quark: Why did you take so long to come after him? Hain: Because we knew he'd stashed it away somewhere to wait for the statute of limitations to expire. Larell: And it did, two weeks ago. Nahsk: You see, we can't be prosecuted anymore. Larell: So here we are. The latinum's en route. Maybe we should just split it up and go our separate ways. Quark: The voice of reason. Krit: Not you, us. Hain: Krit's right, we don't need him anymore. Larell: So, what do we do with him? Krit: It should look like an accident. We don't want anyone asking questions. Quark: Wait a minute. You can't kill me. I'm the only one who can take delivery of the latinum. You need my thumbprint. Nahsk: If you stand still this won't hurt as much. Hain: Wait a minute. What do you propose, Nahsk? That we walk into the cargo bay with his bloody thumb and ask for the latinum? We need him. The only question is what happens after he takes delivery? Quark: We could split the latinum five ways. That's what you would've gotten if Morn was still alive. Larell: That's true. Quark: Think of me as Morn. I can't believe I just said that. Nahsk: This isn't fair. We stole it. He had nothing to do with it. Quark: Maybe not, but the bottom line is you need me. Hain: A thousand bricks of latinum split five ways. What do you think? Krit: It's still a lot of latinum. Nahsk: That's two hundred and fifty bricks each. Quark: So, do we have a deal? Hain: All right. Quark: Okay. The Bolian transport arrives tomorrow at sixteen hundred. We'll meet at the cargo bay. Hain: We're staying together until it gets here. Quark: We are? Hain: I don't trust you, and I certainly don't trust them. Quark: I see your point. But I have a bar to run. Hain: All right. Hain: To your hospitality. Quark: Don't mention it. Larell: So this was Morn's favorite place? Quark: He used to sit right there. Nahsk: That's not very smart, sitting with your back to the door. Quark: He was the trusting type. Hain: Which one of you killed him, anyway? Krit: It wasn't us. Larell: Me neither. Quark: Don't look at me. Hain: Then it really was an accident. Larell: Poor Morny. He always had such bad luck. Hain: Get rid of him. Quark: We're closed. Odo: At this hour? Quark: Friends of Morn. We're commiserating. Odo: I see. And how long are you going to be closed? Quark: Oh, until about sixteen hundred hours tomorrow. We have a lot to commiserate about. Odo: I see. Quark: Where were we? Quark: There it is, right on time. I believe that's for me. Hain: Open it. Quark: I'll count it Quark: All right, somebody else count it. Krit: Put it down, Hain. My brother may be slow, but if you pull that trigger, he'll kill you. Nahsk: I'm not slow. Krit: Nahsk? What are you doing? Krit: We're family. Just put the gun down. Quark: Go ahead, kill each other. Odo: Security! Drop your weapons! This is your last warning. I said drop them. Larell: I surrender. Odo: Take her to a holding cell. Get the rest of them to the Infirmary. Odo: Ah, there you are. Quark: Are they gone? Odo: From now on, you'll be commiserating alone. All your friends are going to prison. Quark: For how long? Odo: Assault with intent to kill? Long enough. Quark: Then it's mine, all mine. Quark: What you're about to hear is the most beautiful sound in the galaxy. Quark: That can't be! There's no latinum in these bricks! Odo: What? Quark: Someone's extracted all the latinum. There's nothing here but worthless gold. Odo: And it's all yours. Quark: No! No! No! Odo: Quark. Quark! Quark: What? What do you want? Odo: There's someone here to see you. Quark: I thought you said they were all going to prison. Odo: You'd better sit down. Quark: Morn? Odo: Alive and well. Apparently, he faked his own death. I'll let him tell you all about it. Quark: Well? No! I don't want to hear it. Not one word. You set me up. You left the latinum to me because you knew I would do whatever it would take to get my hands on it. You figured I could keep the four of them off balance long enough for them to turn on themselves. This whole thing was a scam to get them off your back, wasn't it. Quark: I could have been killed, you know. And I thought we were friends. I have to admit, I didn't suspect for a minute. To tell you the truth, I didn't think you had it in you to pull off something like this. I just have one question for you. What happened to the latinum? Quark: Of course. Your second stomach. You've been keeping it in your second stomach all these years? That's a lot of latinum. No wonder your hair fell out. Quark: For me? That must be a hundred bricks worth. I don't know what to say. Thanks. Not that I didn't earn it after all you put me through. If you ever want to set me up again, feel free. You know, you and I should consider doing business together. Two enterprising gentlemen like us could do all right for ourselves. Take that gold dust of yours. It doesn't have to be a total loss. I hear there're some primitive cultures who consider it quite valuable.

Scene: Captain's log, stardate 51474.2. The Defiant has been ordered to investigate a rare subspace compression phenomenon recently diskovered in Federation space. This scientific assignment is a welcome change from months of combat duty against the Dominion. Three of my officers are taking a runabout into the anomaly's vortex. The runabout and it's crew will be subjected to severe spatial distortion, so we have activated a tractor beam to minimize the effect. Kira: So, how small are they? Nog: The miniaturization process won't begin until the runabout reaches the edge of the accretion disk. Kira: I see. And then they'll begin to shrink? Nog: Yes, sir. Sisko: Major, are you laughing at our investigation of this subspace anomaly? Kira: No, sir. Worf: The data collected here could provide Starfleet with the key to creating transwarp corridors through space. It could give us a substantial tactical advantage over the Dominion. Kira: It's very important research. What? I'm not laughing. Just because we are shrinking three people to the size of coffee cups. Nog: Smaller, actually. Worf: I do not see what is so humorous about being small. Nog: Neither do I. Sisko: On screen. Nog: Their visual signal's degrading, Captain. We have audio only. Sisko: Go ahead, Rubicon. Dax: We're about to enter the accretion disk. Sisko: I wish were with you, old man. Dax: I'll send you a postcard. Tell Worf I look forward to hearing his poem. I'll bet it'll be inspiring. We'll talk to you again once we've left the accretion disk and reversed the effects of the compression. Rubicon out. Sisko: Good luck, Rubicon. Nog: We've lost their signal, Captain. Sisko: Thank you, Ensign. Mister Worf. Poem? Worf: It is an ancient Klingon tradition to commemorate an important event with a poem. Jadzia asked me to compose one for this occasion. Sisko: Well, what have you got so far? Nog: They've penetrated the accretion disk. Kira: Now is it my imagination, or did the kid just cover for him? Sisko: This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Worf: They are getting smaller. Nog: Even the space within their subatomic structure is shrinking. Kira: I wonder what it feels like. O'Brien: I don't feel any smaller. Bashir: Well, believe it or not, you're about a meter tall and shrinking fast. In a few minutes, you're going to be half the size of a comm. badge. O'Brien: There's a comforting thought. Bashir: The gamma ray flux is increasing. We should close the blast shutters. Dax: Take a last look. We're on sensors from here on. O'Brien: Now you're certain we'll return to normal size once we clear the anomaly? Dax: Our probes did. You saw the data. Something wrong? O'Brien: No, I'm fine. I'm just not in love with the idea of being small. What are you smirking at? You're as small as I am. Bashir: Actually, you're sitting one point one four meters closer to the focal point of the anomaly, which means you've shrunk point zero four percent more than I have. Dax: What was that? O'Brien: The tractor beam's fluctuating. Something's wrong. Worf: The Jem'Hadar are coming around for another pass. Kira: Radiation from the vortex must have masked their warp signature. Sisko: Return fire, Mister Worf. Ensign, pull the Rubicon out of there. Worf: Phasers are offline. Kira: We're a sitting duck as long as we're tethered to the runabout. Sisko: I'm not going to leave them in there if I can help it. Mister Worf, go down to auxiliary control and target the phasers manually. Worf: Aye, sir. Nog: I'm losing the Rubicon, sir! Dax: If we're going to get out of here, I need warp power now! O'Brien: I'm on it. Sisko: Report. Kira: Shield generators and impulse engines are offline, sir. Warp engines, too. Ixtana'Rax: Surrender or you will all be killed. Dax: Chief, you okay? O'Brien: I think so. Dax: Julian? Bashir: I'm fine, but you're not. Dax: Oh, that's better. O'Brien: That was the easy part. Dax: Well, the good news is we're alive, so we must have escaped the anomaly. O'Brien: The bad news is the external sensors and the comm. system are down. I can patch around most of the damage, but it'll take time. Dax: Better add the blast shutters to your list. I can't get them open. Bashir: There you go. Good as new. Dax: I don't suppose that thing'll work on our communications system? O'Brien: I'm picking up the Defiant's transponder signal. We can home in on that. Dax: Going to one quarter impulse. Chief, either open these shutters or give me external sensors, whichever's quicker. I need to see where we're going. Ixtana'Rax: The bridge is secure. Kudak'Etan: Tactical report. Ixtana'Rax: The bridge officers are confined in the mess hall, other survivors in the cargo bay. We will have impulse power back online in thirty minutes, but it will take several hours to restore warp capability. Kudak'Etan: It must be gratifying for an Elder to end his career with a victory. I feel privileged to be here with you at such a moment. Ixtana'Rax: There is still much to do before we declare victory. Until we leave Federation space, we are vulnerable Kudak'Etan: I am First. And I have declared victory. Ixtana'Rax: It is, of course, your prerogative. Kudak'Etan: Open a channel to the Vorta. Jem'Hadar: Yes, First. Jem'Hadar: We have the boarding party. Gelnon: Ah, First. Your report? Kudak'Etan: The Defiant is ours. Gelnon: Good. Very, very good. I must admit, I was initially quite skeptical about you and the other new Jem'Hadar bred in this quadrant, but this is a most impressive debut. Wouldn't you agree, Elder? Ixtana'Rax: The takeover of the ship was competently executed. Gelnon: Do I detect a note of jealousy in your voice? I'm sure it must be difficult for you to watch a new race of Jem'Hadar beginning to supplant you and the other members of the old guard. Ixtana'Rax: I serve the Founders. If it is their will to create a new race, then that is the order of things. Gelnon: But? Ixtana'Rax: But the Jem'Hadar bred here in the Alpha Quadrant have not proven themselves superior to those from the Gamma Quadrant. At least not yet. Kudak'Etan: Not yet? It was the Alphas who made this victory possible. If it were not for us, you would never Gelnon: You two can argue about this on your own time. First, how long until you restore warp power? Kudak'Etan: I will make a complete survey of the ship and give you a report in one hour. Gelnon: Very well. I await your report. Kudak'Etan: Bring me Captain Sisko. Ixtana'Rax: I would suggest that his execution can wait until we have completed repairs to the ship. Kudak'Etan: I'm not going to execute him. Are you about to question my order, Second? Ixtana'Rax: No. Obedience brings Victory. Kudak'Etan: And Victory is Life. Kudak'Etan: Find the ship's transponder and shut it down. I don't want anyone tracking us. Jem'Hadar: Yes, First. Kudak'Etan: And get these chairs off the bridge. Kira: Thanks. That's enough. Worf: I should have foreseen this. I should have sent out reconnaissance probes to scan for enemy ships. Or a shuttle. Or recalibrated our sensors. If I had, Jadzia Nog: None of that would've done any good. The Jem'Hadar approached us from the anterior angle of the anomaly. Their warp signatures Kira: He's just trying to tell you Worf: I do not need him to tell me anything. Sisko: Everybody settle. First of all, we don't know what happened to the Rubicon. For all we know they got out of the anomaly on their own. If they did, they're headed home and in much better shape than we are. So let's hold off on analyzing our mistakes for now. Kira: If they restore warp power, we'll be analyzing them from inside a Dominion prison camp. Sisko: Restoring warp power might not be so simple for them. It took us a week just to learn how to pilot one of their ships. We might have a chance to retake the Defiant, but we can't do anything unless we can get out of this room. Suggestions? Ixtana'Rax: Captain Sisko, come with me. Sisko: Everybody sit tight. I'll be back. Bashir: We've lost the Defiant's transponder signal. Dax: Coming to full stop. O'Brien: The problem isn't at this end. They must have stopped transmitting. Dax: I can't keep flying blind, Chief. O'Brien: Try the shutters. Dax: Nice work. O'Brien: Ask and ye shall receive. O'Brien: What the hell is that? Dax: Some kind of wall? O'Brien: In the middle of nowhere? Bashir: Wait a minute, there's a symbol up there. It looks like a large black circle. Dax: Anything else? Bashir: Hold on. Chief, you're not going to like this. O'Brien: I thought you said we'd return to our normal size once we left the anomaly. Bashir: We should have. Dax: We didn't leave the anomaly by the same path at which we entered it. Bashir: So the process failed to reverse itself. O'Brien: Are you telling me that I'm going to be this bloody tall for the rest of my life? Bashir: This bloody tall, actually. But don't worry. All we have to do to regain our original size is re-enter the anomaly and follow our original trajectory back out. O'Brien: In theory. Bashir: In theory. Dax: I'll tell you what isn't a theory. We're going to need the Defiant's help to re-enter the anomaly. Bashir: With communications out, how do we get their attention? Dax: Fly up to a window and knock? O'Brien: Wait. If we're this big, that means the Rubicon is what, this big? Bashir: More or less. O'Brien: And the Defiant's aft plasma vent is this big? Dax: Are you suggesting that we take the Rubicon inside the Defiant? O'Brien: Why not? Getting past the anti-backflow valve might be tricky, but once we're inside we've a better chance of attracting someone's attention than we do sitting out here. Dax: I love it. Let's go. Lamat'Ukan: The engineering team reports that we can restart the impulse engines in twelve minutes. Kudak'Etan: Good. Captain Benjamin Sisko. The one the Bajorans call the Emissary. I am First Kudak'Etan. In a strange way, you are the reason I exist. If you had not eliminated our fleet in the wormhole, there would have been no need to breed Alpha Quadrant Jem'Hadar. Sisko: You didn't bring me here to say thank you. Kudak'Etan: No. The impulse engines sustained only minor damage in our attack, but the warp drive was severely damaged. I need your technical expertise in order to repair it. Bring Captain to the engine room so he may begin necessary repairs. Ixtana'Rax: It's a mistake. Giving him access to the engine room will only give him an opportunity to retake the ship. In fact, he's working on a plan at this very moment. Kudak'Etan: I was not aware that telepathy was a Gamma characteristic. Ixtana'Rax: I know what he's thinking because it's exactly what I would be doing in his position. You should kill him now, before he has a chance to put his plan into motion. Kudak'Etan: You are the Second. I am the First. Do not presume to tell me what to do. Sisko: I'm glad the two of you worked that out. Now, what makes you think I'm going to help you? Kudak'Etan: Your choice is to repair the warp drive or watch me execute your crew one at a time. Have Sixth Duran'Adar select one of the prisoners for execution and bring him to the bridge! Sisko: I can't do this job alone. I'm going to need some of my crew. Kudak'Etan: How many? Ixtana'Rax: I strongly suggest that you refuse this request. Sisko: You have the weapons. Are you afraid you can't handle a few unarmed prisoners? Ixtana'Rax: I won't be baited by a prisoner, and neither should you. Sisko: Okay. I'm in no hurry to reach a Dominion prison camp. if you want me to teach your men how to repair the warp drive, that's fine with me. We'll begin with primary command and control systems. That should take about six hours. Then we will move up to basic engineering theory for a class seven warp drive. Then Ixtana'Rax: Enough. Kudak'Etan: You may have the three other Bridge officers, but that is all. And I am not interested in any more of your suggestions. Now take him to the engine room. Dax: Where are we, Chief? O'Brien: We've just about reached the bi-polar flow junction, I think. Bashir: You think? O'Brien: I'm not used to seeing things from this perspective. Once we reach the flow junction we should be able to go up into the secondary warp plasma feed and then exit via the diagnostic panel. Bashir: This conduit's filthy, Chief. Don't you ever clean up in here? Dax: All right, all right. Let's not badger the Chief. O'Brien: Thank you. Bashir: I'm sorry. It was very small of me. Ixtana'Rax: Whatever it is you're planning, don't. I'll be watching you, and at the first sign of treachery I will kill all your bridge officers. Sisko: I'm a prisoner. I have no intention Ixtana'Rax: The First may be a fool, but I am not. Sisko: Then it is a pity for you that you are not the First. Ixtana'Rax: I was, until two days ago. If we had captured you while I was in command we wouldn't be having this conversation. Deck two, section five. Sisko: What happened? Ixtana'Rax: He is an Alpha, I am a Gamma. His DNA and psychological profile are specifically designed for combat in this quadrant. The Founders believe that makes him a better leader. Sisko: What do you believe? Ixtana'Rax: I believe I've given you enough information already. Kudak'Etan: We have restored impulse power, and the warp drive will be operational in five hours. Gelnon: Excellent. It's good to see my faith in you has not been misplaced. The Founders will be pleased. If you require no more assistance, I will resume our mission to Coridan. Let's hope the Federation's dilithium miners will be as surprised to see us as the Defiant's crew was. Kudak'Etan: Victory is Life. Gelnon: Indeed. Kudak'Etan: Set course for the closest Dominion outpost. Engage impulse engines. O'Brien: Uh oh. Dax: What is it? O'Brien: The magnetic plasma guides are heating up. Dax: They must have initiated the impulse prestart sequence. Bashir: What does that mean, then? Dax: It means this entire conduit is about to be filled with superheated plasma. Bashir: When you say superheated? O'Brien: If I can't find another way out of here, we'll be vaporized. Is that clear? Bashir: Crystal. O'Brien: There's a distribution manifold coming up. Take the left conduit, then make a quick right into the relays. Dax: Left, then right. Bashir: I hope you know where you're going, Chief. O'Brien: So do I. Through the relays. There's an inspection hatch coming up on the right. If we can figure out a way to open the hatch Dax: We're out of time. Bashir: What about the hatch? Dax: We'll have to open it the old-fashioned way. Bashir: Let's not do that again. Dax: No promises. So where are we, Chief? O'Brien: We should be in the engine room near, the warp core. Dax: Right. There's the core. Looks like the warp drive is offline. Bashir: Quite a mess. I wonder what happened? Ixtana'Rax: What are you doing? Kira: Realigning the dilithium articulation frame. Ixtana'Rax: Instruct him on how to complete the realignment. Kira: It'll take longer to explain, than just to do it my Ixtana'Rax: Then explain it quickly. Give him the tool. Kira: All right. Start by decoupling the lateral microbrace. Dax: That's not good. Dax: Chief, I need visual sensors as fast as you can give them to me. O'Brien: Right. Julian, give me a hand down here. O'Brien: Okay, you should have visual sensors now. The comm. system's back online. Dax: They're forcing our crew to repair the warp drive. Bashir: Why's the Captain going along with this? Dax: Good question. But if I know Benjamin, he's up to something. Can you give me a tight shot on the operations display? O'Brien: I think so. Dax: Do you see what I see? O'Brien: Very clever. Dax: Problem is, it's never going to work. O'Brien: The bridge control lockouts. Dax: The security codes are hardwired through the encryption circuitry. Bashir: Will someone please let me in on this conversation? O'Brien: The Captain's trying to take control of the ship from Engineering. Kira is the only one actually working on the warp drive, and it doesn't look like she's in any hurry to get it done. Dax: I think Worf's trying to cover their tracks. It looks like he's sending false signals through the computer system. O'Brien: Nog is the key. He's trying to override the bridge control lockout so he can release the command codes. If he can do that, the Captain can control the entire ship from the operations console. Nog's a smart kid, but it's going to take him weeks to release the codes from here. Bashir: Can we do anything to help him? O'Brien: Not from engineering. If we could get to the bridge, we could release the codes from there. Bashir: How? Dax: Wait a minute. One thing at a time. First we need to get out of the engine room without getting caught. Ixtana'Rax: Why is the Klingon working on the plasma display subsystem? Sisko: Because I told him to. Ixtana'Rax: That system has nothing to do with warp drive operation. Sisko: Maybe not on Dominion ships, but I'll need to use the display to monitor warp plasma stability. Pardon me. Kira: Until I tell you to stop. Jem'Hadar: Yes, Major. O'Brien: Now what? Dax: Now we wait until someone walks out that door. Ixtana'Rax: Sixth! Sixth: Yes, Second. Ixtana'Rax: Relieve the Klingon. Take over the repair of the display subsystem. Sixth: Immediately, Second. Ixtana'Rax: Give the Klingon another task. Sisko: Why? Ixtana'Rax: Because I said so. Kudak'Etan: Why is the warp drive not online yet? Ixtana'Rax: He's stalling. Sisko: Stalling? Your Second is the one who's slowing down the work. He countermands my orders, arbitrarily reassigns my crew. I can't get any work done in here. Kudak'Etan: You were told to watch them, not to interfere with them. Ixtana'Rax: You're playing right into his hands. Don't you see that? Kudak'Etan: Captain Sisko, you have thirty minutes to restore warp power, or I will kill her, and another of your crew every fifteen minutes until you do. And you, Second, will no longer interfere with their work. Dax: Get ready. When he activates the door sensor, we'll Bashir: Nice bit of piloting. Dax: If you liked that, you're going to love what's coming up next. Sisko: Any luck, Ensign? Nog: Not yet, sir. The system's always three steps ahead of me. Every time I get past the primary security net, the secondary always kicks me back out and the codes are all reset, and I have to start all over again. Like that. Do you have a backup plan in case this doesn't work? Sisko: Yes. I'll destroy the ship. Nog: There are still a few algorithms I haven't tried yet. Kira: Thanks. All right, I'm ready to connect the deuterium injector. Go to the plasma relay and power it up, but slowly just like I showed you. Kira: I'm about ten minutes away from initiating the prestart sequence on the warp drive. How's Nog doing? Sisko: Not good. You'll have to find another problem. Kira: Too fast! Reinitialize the system and start again, but do it at about half the speed this time. He's not stupid. He's already got the entire command and control system committed to memory. I can't keep him fooled forever. Sisko: In a battle of wits between you and him, I'll bet on you every time. Kira: What kind of odds are you giving? Lamat'Ukan: First? I've realigned the targeting sensors. There were errors in the tracking subroutines. Kudak'Etan: You were not ordered to check the targeting sensors. Lamat'Ukan: Well, I thought it a wise precaution in case we encountered an enemy ship on our way home. Kudak'Etan: Your initiative pleases me. It's a trait that the Gammas lack. Lamat'Ukan: Well, the Gammas have many flaws. Kudak'Etan: When we return from this mission there will be need for a new Second. I will recommend you to the Vorta. Lamat'Ukan: You will not be disappointed. Kudak'Etan: I'm sure that I won't. It'll be Alphas like us that determine the future of this quadrant. That will be the new order of things. O'Brien: Looks like we need another ticket into the bridge. Bashir: So how long do we wait for someone to open the door? Dax: We don't. Worf: I cannot access the autodestruct system without drawing attention. Sisko: Plant a computer virus in the warp plasma subprocessor. Set it to cause a core breach once the ship reaches warp one. Worf: Understood. O'Brien: Don't hit it too hard. It could shatter the control panel. Dax: Don't worry. I have a light touch. Bashir: Not according to Worf. What? O'Brien: Well we certainly can't release the control lock while the First has his hand on it. Dax: Can we bypass it? O'Brien: I suppose I could reroute the encryption subprocessors manually. Dax: But? O'Brien: But I'd have to leave the ship to do it. And I have to say I'm not fond of the idea. I can think of about a thousand ways a one centimeter man could get fried walking around inside a circuit housing. Bashir: Relax, Miles. You wouldn't be able go out there even if you wanted to. You wouldn't be able to breathe. The oxygen molecules outside are almost two thousand times larger than anything your hemoglobin could assimilate. You'd suffocate. O'Brien: Well, that takes care of that idea. Dax: Unless. Circuit housings are airtight. I could beam a bubble of compressed air ahead of you and it would expand to fill the housing. Bashir: It should work. The air would be thin, but you'd be able to breathe for about twenty minutes. O'Brien: And then? Bashir: You'd pass out. O'Brien: We'd pass out. You're coming with me. O'Brien: This might take longer than I thought. O'Brien: All right. If we beamed into the primary safeties junction, we should see a cluster of heuristic subprocessors next to a rectilinear expansion module. The question is, what does a rectilinear expansion module look like when you're one centimeter tall? Bashir: What? I haven't the faintest idea, but it's amazing. It's like we're in the middle of an optronic forest. O'Brien: Looks like we need to go. Julian, stop! O'Brien: That chip behind you is carrying twenty microamps of electric current. Now, that's not very much Bashir: But it's enough to fry every synapse in my tiny body. Thanks for the tip. O'Brien: All right, stay right behind me. And don't touch anything without asking. Bashir: Believe me, I won't. Lamat'Ukan: The White. Kudak'Etan: It is time. Dax: How's it coming, Chief? Bashir: We're making progress. Aren't we, Chief? O'Brien: I'm still trying to locate the security protocol interlink. Shouldn't take much longer. Dax: Well Dax: The sooner the better. Things are getting a little crowded up here. Lamat'Ukan: We pledge our loyalties to the Founders from this Kudak'Etan: Pah. We're all Alphas here. Our loyalty is demonstrated by our actions, not our words. O'Brien: All right. Now Bashir: Miles, we're lost, aren't we? O'Brien: Yes, we're lost! I can draw these circuits in my sleep. I've just never seen them from this perspective. Bashir: Disorientation is one of the effects of hypoxia, lack of oxygen. Need to focus on a landmark. There. That large isolinear chip, number five eight nine six six stroke delta. What is it? O'Brien: Julian, there are two dozen six six delta's in the asymmetric encryption circuits alone. Bashir: All right, then what's this here at it's base? O'Brien: That's a four way interlink shunt. Bashir: So that would mean that this chip is? O'Brien: I don't know. I told you, they all look the same to me. Bashir: All right, don't look at it. O'Brien: What? Bashir: Close your eyes, use your memory. Okay. There's a four way shunt at the base of a eight five nine six six stroke delta isolinear chip, which is where? O'Brien: The only four way shunt near a six six delta is at the base of the master differential relay. That's got to be it. Bashir: So the interlink we want has to be? O'Brien: That way. Sisko: We've got trouble. They're cross-checking the diagnostic protocols. Kira: Has Nog made any progress? Sisko: Not yet. Bashir: It's stuck. Bashir: Which one? O'Brien: That one. No, no, no. That one. Bashir: You sure? O'Brien: Again. Julian. O'Brien: Rubicon. Mission complete. Nog: Oh, I am good. Jem'Hadar: Come with me. Ixtana'Rax: All of you, step away from the consoles. Right now! Nog: Captain. I did it. I don't know how, but I released the command codes. Sisko: Well done. What we need now is a diversion before they go to warp. Ixtana'Rax: Silence! O'Brien: All the Defiant's command functions have been transferred to Engineering. But nothing's happening. Bashir: Maybe the Captain doesn't realize he has control of the ship yet. Dax: Or maybe he's in trouble. The First was called to the engine room a few minutes ago. Kudak'Etan: How long has the warp drive been repaired? Ixtana'Rax: At least one hour, maybe longer. Kudak'Etan: And they managed to conceal it from you? Ixtana'Rax: You ordered me not to interfere with them. Kudak'Etan: I also told you to watch them carefully. Ixtana'Rax: If we had assigned Jem'Hadar to do the repair, as I said Kudak'Etan: I am not interested in your excuses. Bring the warp drive online. Ixtana'Rax: Wait! Before we activate the warp drive we should check the entire system for possible sabotage. Kudak'Etan: That would take hours. Every minute we spend in Federation space exposes us to detection and attack. And I would hate for your last mission to end in failure, Elder. Do it. And when you have sufficient engine power available, bring us to warp four. Kira: At least we're going to take them with us. Kudak'Etan: Secure these four with the other prisoners. O'Brien: Dax, upper rail. Dax: I've got him. Dax: This guy's really starting to get on my nerves. Bashir: I have got torpedo lock. Dax: Fire! Sisko: I'm flooding all compartments except the engine room with anesthesine gas. Major, get that virus out of the computer before somebody on the bridge engages the warp drive. Kira: Aye, sir. Sisko: He should've listened to you and killed me when he had the chance. Ixtana'Rax: He was a First. They don't need to listen. Obedience brings Victory and Victory is Sisko: Mister Worf, I think your wife is here. Captain's log, supplemental. After completing repairs, we were able to return to the anomaly and successfully restore our runabout and its crew to their normal size. The surviving Jem'Hadar have been transferred to a Federation POW camp. Dax: Is that your poem? Worf: Yes. Bloodwine. Dax: Can I hear it? Worf: It is not finished yet. Dax: Please, just the first line? Worf: All right. But it is my first poem. Dax: I understand. Worf: And I have worked very hard and very long on this. Dax: I know. Worf: And I do not wish to be ridiculed. Dax: I promise. Worf: Very well. This is the story of a little ship that took a little trip. What do you think? Dax: It's, er, well, it rhymes. There's nothing on this PADD! Bashir: We were just minding our own business when suddenly, right there in front of us, was this immense Jem'Hadar. O'Brien: He looked as tall as a Seltan carnosaur. We were so close, you could see the veins throbbing in his eyeballs. We swung around and ducked behind the operations console. I knew we had to do was get our sensors back online if we were going to be any help to the Captain and the others. So I said to Julian Bashir: Is there something wrong? Odo: Are you sure you've returned to your normal size? O'Brien: Of course. Bashir: Why? Odo: Well, you both appear to be a couple of centimeters shorter than you were the last time I saw you. A changeling notices that sort of thing. Quark: I didn't want to say anything, but you do look a little on the petite side. Bashir: Infirmary. Quark: And they say you don't have a sense of humor.

Kira: The Defiant searched the area for almost six hours. We couldn't find any sign of survivors. Sisko: The Cortez was a fine ship. Kira: You knew Captain Swofford a long time. Sisko: I introduced him to his wife. Kira: Patrolling the Cardassian borders is getting more and more dangerous. You never know when you're going to run into a squadron of Jem'Hadar fighters. Sisko: I guess we popped the champagne cork too soon, hey? Everyone thought the war was over when we retook the station and pushed the Dominion back into Cardassian space. Kira: I never believed that and neither did you. Sisko: A lot of good that did the four hundred people on the Cortez. Kira: Ah, Mister Sisko. How do you like our station so far? Joseph: Well, it certainly is big. Joseph: I heard about Quentin Swofford. I'm sorry. Sisko: Look, Dad, I know I haven't been very good company the last few days. Joseph: I didn't come here to be entertained. I came to see you and Jake. Sisko: Well, you certainly picked an interesting time to take your first trip away from Earth. Joseph: Well, I figured it was now or never. Besides, I've been worried about you. Last couple of times we've talked it seemed like you were carrying the weight of the entire Alpha Quadrant on your shoulders. Sisko: Sometimes it certainly feels that way. Dad Joseph: Just say it, son. Sisko: I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know how many more friends I can lose. Every time I achieve a real victory, something like this happens and everything seems to turn to ashes. Joseph: So what do you want to do? Sisko: Maybe it's time for me to step down, let someone else make the tough calls. Joseph: I see. No one is indispensable, son. Not even you. Whatever decision you make, I'll support. Of course, if Quentin Swofford was here I'd bet he'd have a few things to say to you. Sisko: But he's not here, and that's the whole point. Joseph: I'd say you have some thinking to do, and I've got a dinner date with my grandson, so you'd better get to it. Sisko: Who was that? Sisko: Where'd he go? Joseph: Who? Sisko: The man who just walked by my door. Dax: I didn't see anyone. Sisko: I could've sworn. Kasidy: I don't know what you're so worried about, Ben. I'm not taking my ship anywhere near the Cardassian border. Sisko: I realize that, but the Dominion is getting bolder and bolder, and your freighter is no match for a Jem'Hadar attack ship. Kasidy: Ah, they've got to catch me first. Sisko: You're really not worried, are you? Kasidy: No. I'm fearless, and you know that. That's why you love me. Sisko: I think I follow that logic. Willie: Hey, Benny. Willie: Catch the game? Sisko: What? Who was that? Kasidy: Who was who? Kasidy: Ben, where are you going? Woman: Someone help him. Call an ambulance. Bashir: He's awake now. Kasidy: Ben, are you all right? Sisko: I think so. Joseph: Thank God. Jake: Hey, Dad, you scared us there for a minute. Sisko: What happened? Bashir: I don't know. I'm reading some unusual synaptic potentials. Your neural patterns are similar to those you experienced last year. Sisko: You mean when I was having those visions about Bajor? Joseph: Visions? Does this have something to do with those Prophets you're always telling me about? Kasidy: He's not going to need surgery again, is he? Bashir: I'm not sure yet, so I'd like you to remain overnight for observation. Sisko: Is that absolutely necessary? Bashir: Take a look at these readings. Vendor: Are you going to buy that or not? Personally, I don't see the attraction. Spaceships, flying saucers, men from Mars. Benny: What's wrong with men from Mars? Vendor: Nothing, except it's all make believe. Me, I like war stories. Did you see From Here to Eternity? Burt Lancaster standing there in the middle of Pearl Harbor, machine gun blazing, shooting down those Zeros. If it had been flying saucers, forget about it. So you going to buy that or not? Albert: Benny. Benny: Hello, Albert. Albert: I thought you might be going to the office. Benny: We could walk there together. Albert: Exactly. Albert: Oh, there they are. You're looking at the Galaxy, I see. Vendor: Paper here. Paper. Kay: Voila. A pitcher of plain water instantly becomes a pitcher of iced tea. Julius: Incredible. White Rose Redi Tea. What an appallling concept. Kay: Oh, H. G. Wells would've liked it. Julius: I doubt that. No self respecting Englishman would. Herbert: Pabst! Pabst! Get out here. Pabst: What's wrong now, Herb? Herbert: I'll give you one guess. Kay: The battle of the doughnuts, round twenty eight. Pabst: That's it? That's what you called me out here for, to complain about the doughnuts? Herbert: They're stale again. Pabst: Delicious. Herbert: Delicious, my eye. These are two days old and you know it. Pabst: I have been eating doughnuts my whole life. These weren't baked more than six hours ago. Herbert: That's it, I quit. I'm going over to Galaxy. Pabst: Ha! Galaxy, that rag? Herbert: I bet that rag knows the difference between a doughnut and a doorstop. Benny: Who's winning? Kay: A draw, same as always. Pabst: You want to write Galaxy, go ahead, but they're not going to pay you four cents a word for your stories. Julius: You're paying him four cents a word? Albert: Did you see where I put the er? Benny: The matches? I gave them to you. Julius: If he's getting four, Kay and I should at least get three. Herbert: For that fantasy crap you write, you're lucky to be getting two. Julius: I beg your pardon? Kay: What's that? Julius: The latest Galaxy. Kay: Benny has the new issue of Galaxy. Herbert: Let me see that. Heinlein, Bradbury, Sturgeon. Quite a lineup. Add Herbert Rossoff to them and it'd be complete. Pabst: What if I promise you fresh doughnuts tomorrow? Herbert: Why should I believe you? Pabst: I'll even throw in a couple of crullers. Herbert: Okay, I'll stay. Julius: Don't do us any favors. Pabst: Good. Now that we've finished with the old business, onto the new. Time to hand out next month's story assignments. Ritterhouse! We're waiting. Roy: Okay, friends and neighbors. Let's see what Uncle Roy has for you today. Pabst: All right, I've titled this one 'Please, Take Me With You.' Who wants it? Kay: Hmm, what do you think, Jules? Julius: I think we can do something with that. Herbert: Oh, I bet you can. I can see it now, the lonely little girl befriended by empathetic aliens who teach her how to smile. It's enough to make you go out and buy a television set. Next. Roy: This is Mister Pabst's favorite. Honeymoon on Andoras. Kay: Oh, you've got to be kidding. Roy: What? So I had too much sauerkraut on my franks that night. What can I say? Herbert: Be that as it may, that is the worst piece of garbage I have ever seen. Roy: Thank you. Herbert: I'll take it. Julius: Of course you will. You have an affinity for garbage, don't you? Herbert: The picture may be garbage, but the story? The story will be art. Pabst: All right, I haven't got a title for this one yet. Anybody got any ideas? Benny: I'll think of something. Pabst: All right, next order of business. Some of our readers have been writing in wanting to know what you people look like. Kay: Write back and tell them we look like writers. Poor, needy and incredibly attractive. Pabst: Well our publisher has a better idea. Mister Stone has decided to run a picture of you in next month's issue. Albert: Is this absolutely Pabst: Necessary? I'm afraid it is. Kay, you can sleep late that day. Kay: Of course I can. God forbid that the public ever finds out K.C. Hunter is a woman. Benny: I suppose I'm sleeping late that day, too. Pabst: It's not personal, Benny, but as far as our readers are concerned, Benny Russell is as white as they are. Let's just keep it that way. Herbert: Oh yes, if the world's not ready for a woman writer, imagine what would happen if it learned about a Negro with a typewriter. Run for the hills! It's the end of civilisation. Benny: What about W E B du Bois, Zora Neale Hurston, Langston Hughes, Ralph Ellison, Richard Wright? Did you ever heard of Native Son? Pabst: That's literature for liberals and intellectuals. The average reader's not going to spend his hard earned cash on stories written by Negroes. Herbert: Would someone please shoot me and put me out of my misery? Julius: How I long for a gun. Pabst: I'm sorry, Benny. I wish things were different, but they're not. Benny: Wishing never changed a damn thing. Pabst: Come on, Benny. It's just a photo. Benny: I'll try to remember that. Herbert: You're a dog. Pabst: All right, enough standing around. Get back to work. Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What's the hurry? Benny: That's my drawing. Ryan: Is that so? Mulkahey: Nice suit. Where'd you get it? Benny: I bought it. Can I have my drawing back? Ryan: Hey boy, I'd watch that tone of voice if I were you. Mulkahey: What are you doing around here? Benny: I work here. Ryan: Yeah? Where? Benny: In there. Ryan: What are you, the janitor? Mulkahey: Awfully well dressed for a janitor. Ryan: How do we know that picture's yours? Benny: It's the drawing of a space station. Ryan: Space station? Mulkahey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Well, get off it already. Ryan: Okay. Benny: See? It's not worth anything except to me. Ryan: I say we run him in, check him for priors. Mulkahey: Nah. We've got to be uptown in fifteen minutes. Take your drawing and get out of here. Ryan: Hey, hey. You're getting off with a warning this time. Next time, not so lucky. Now get out of here. Mulkahey: You heard him, move on. Ryan: I don't know, Kevin. Whole city's going to hell in a handbasket, huh? Mulkahey: Damn shame. Ryan: Come on. Preacher: And he said to me, 'These words are trustworthy and true.' And the Lord, God of the spirits of the Prophets, has sent his angel to show his servants what must soon take place. Praise the Lord. Open their eyes. Help them to see. Benny: Are you talking to me? Preacher: Oh, that my words were now written. Oh, that they were printed in a book. Write those words, Brother Benny. Let them see the glory of what lies ahead. Benny: Benny? How do you know my name? Preacher: Go now and write the truth that's in your heart. The truth that shall set them free! Praise be the word of the Lord. Praise to the word of the Prophets. Cassie: Hey, baby. Have a seat. The usual? Benny: How about scrambling those eggs today? Cassie: Oh my, aren't we feeling adventurous. Benny: I have just written the best story of my life. Cassie: That's great, baby. I got some good news, too. I talked to Mrs Jackson last night and she's serious about retiring in the next couple of years. I asked her about selling this place to us and she said that she would be willing. Benny: Cassie, we have been over this. I have a job. I am a writer. Cassie: And how much money have you earned doing that? Benny: I've only been working at it for a few years. Cassie: A few years? More like fifteen, if you count all those stories you wrote in the Navy. Benny: That was amateur stuff. Cassie: Oh, baby, neither one of us is getting any younger. Can't you see? This is our chance. We can make some money, we can get married. You're always talking about writing for the future. Well, look around you. This is our future. Willie: Cassie, hear the game last night? Went two for four, robbed Snider of a tater. Should have heard the crowd yelling and carrying on. Benny: Sure they were yelling. They want to know why the Giants are in fifth place. Willie: Would you please tell this fool to take his business someplace else? Cassie: Well, I've thought about it. Trouble is, if he did leave, he'd take my heart with him. Willie: Suit yourself. But if you ask me, it's a waste of a very pretty heart. Cassie: I don't think so. Benny: Strike three. You're out. Willie: That's all right, I'll get another turn at bat. How about some steak and eggs? Cassie: Coming right up. But tell me something. How come you still living uptown? I mean, s famous ballplayer like you, you can live anywhere you want. Willie: The hell I can. They can hardly get used to the idea of me playing alongside them. Living next to them? That's a whole other story. Besides, around here, when people look at me, it's 'cause they admire me. There, I'm just another colored boy who can hit a curve ball. Now, if you will excuse me, my public awaits. Willie: Ladies. Oh, hi guys. Cassie: I'll see about those eggs. Jimmy: Hey, Benny. You wanna buy a watch? Benny: How did you get that? Jimmy: I found it. Nice, huh? Benny: Jimmy, you got to turn this around or one days you're going to find yourself in some serious trouble. Jimmy: Anything I can get into, I can get out of. Benny: You keep thinking that way and watch what happens. Jimmy: Man, why you always trying to lecture me? Benny: I'm not trying to lecture you, Jimmy, I'm just trying to help. Jimmy: You want to help me, you can buy this watch. I can use the cash. Benny: Why don't you get a job? Jimmy: As what? A delivery boy or a dishwasher? No, thanks. I like being my own boss, setting my own hours. Benny: Sounds like a great life. Jimmy: Yours ain't no better. Writing stories about a bunch of white people living on the moon. Who cares about that? Benny: I'm not doing that anymore. I'm writing about us. Jimmy: What, colored people on the moon? Benny: Check out next month's issue. Jimmy: Colored people on the moon. I just might do that. But first, I'm gonna need to raise me some cash. Darlene: She's got a worm in her belly. Oh, that's disgusting. That's interesting, but that's disgusting. Albert: And you are, if you don't mind me asking, you are? Darlene: I'm Mister Pabst's new secretary. Darlene Kursky. Which one of you's wrote this? Benny: I did. Darlene: You? Benny: Surprised? Darlene: It's just it's the best thing I've read since The Puppet Masters. I read a lot of science fiction. Herbert: Bless you, my child. Kay: The world needs more people like you. Albert: The story is really, it's, how should I put it? It's very Darlene: Impressive? Albert: Yes. Herbert: It's a damn fine piece of writing is what it is. And Deep Space Nine is a very intriguing title. Julius: Very admirable. Herbert: The master of understatement. What he really means is he wishes he had half your talent. Kira: You know what, Benny? I like this Major of yours. She's a tough cookie. Kay: Science fiction needs more strong women characters. I'm always saying that, aren't I, Jules? Julius: Ad nauseam, dear. Roy: These Cardassians, I like the way you describe them, especially the neck ridges. I'm going to do some sketches for you to take a look at. Make a nice cover. Pabst: Don't waste your time. You, back to work. Darlene: Right away, Mister Pabst. Pabst: You too, Roy. Herbert: Douglas, you're not going to stand there and tell us you don't like this story. Pabst: Oh, I like it all right. It's good. It's very good. But you know I can't print it. Benny: Why not? Pabst: Oh, come on, Benny. Your hero's a Negro captain. The head of a space station, for Christ's sake. Benny: What's wrong with that? Pabst: People won't accept it. It's not believable. Herbert: And men from Mars are? Pabst: Stay out of this, Herb. Look, Benny, I'm a magazine editor, I am not a crusader. I am not here to change the world, I'm here to put out a magazine. Now, that's my job. That means I have to answer to the publisher, the national distributors, the wholesalers and none of them are going to want to put this story on the newsstand. For all we know, it could cause a race riot. Herbert: Congratulations, Douglas. That's the most imbecilic attempt to rationalize personal cowardice that I've ever heard. Kay: Uh oh, he's angry now. Pabst: Herb's been angry ever since Joseph Stalin died. Herbert: What's that supposed to mean? Pabst: You know exactly what it means. Herbert: You calling me a red? Benny: Easy, easy. Julius: Calm down, dear boy. We're writers, not Vikings. Herbert: I'm not going to stand here and let some craven fascist call me a pinko and get away with it. Albert: Douglas, what did you think of, of my story? Pabst: I loved it. You see, Albert's got the right idea. He's not interested in Negroes or whites. He writes about robots. Herbert: That's because he is a robot. No offense, Albert. Albert: I like robots. They're very efficient. Pabst: Here, write me a novella based on this picture. I'll print it in next month's issue. You do a good job, you might even get the cover. Benny: What about my story? Pabst: The way I see it, you can either burn it or you can stick it in a drawer for fifty years or however long it takes the human race to become color-blind. Benny: I want people to read it now. Pabst: Fine. You want me to print it? Make the captain white. Benny: That's not what I wrote. Pabst: It's your call. Cassie: I'm sorry they didn't buy your story, baby. Really I am. Jimmy: I told you you were wasting your time. A colored captain. The only reason they'll ever let us in space is if they need someone to shine their shoes. Ain't that right, Cassie? Cassie: I don't know, and to be honest I don't much care what happens a hundred years from now. It's today that matters. Jimmy: Well, I've got news for you. Today or a hundred years from now, it don't make a bit of difference. As far as they're concerned, we'll always be niggers. Benny: Things are going to change. They have to. Jimmy: You keep telling yourself that. Cassie: Maybe all this is happening for a reason. Benny: You mean maybe it's God's way of telling me that I should quit writing and go into the restaurant business? Cassie: Hey, it's possible. Baby, I know we can make this work for us. We could be happy. Besides, you don't have to give up writing altogether. Maybe you could write something for the Amsterdam News or some other Negro newspapers. Benny: I'm not a reporter, I'm a writer. I write fiction and the Amsterdam News is not going to publish stories about a space station four hundred years into the future. Worf: Hear the game last night? Willie: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. You don't look so good. You sick or something? Benny: Oh, no, I'm fine. Cassie: You want to lie down in the back? Benny: No, no, no, I just need some air. Cassie: Are we still on for tonight? Benny: I'll pick you up about ten. Willie: What are you doing till ten? Cassie: Whatever it is, I won't be doing it with you. Preacher: Hello, Brother Benny. Benny: You again. I don't understand what you want from me. Preacher: To follow the path of the Prophets. Walk with the Prophets, Brother Benny. Show us the way. Benny: What way? I don't know what you're talking about. Preacher: Write the words, Brother Benny. The words that will lead us out of the darkness onto the path of righteousness. Preacher: Write the words, Brother Benny. Write the words. Cassie: Hey, baby. You forgot all about our date. Benny: Our date? I'm sorry. I was working. Cassie: Ben Sisko? Isn't that your colored captain? Why are you writing another one of those stories. You couldn't sell the last one. What makes you think this one'll be any different? Benny: It probably won't be, but it doesn't matter. It's what I've got to do. Cassie: Right now, what you've got to do is eat. Benny: I'm not hungry. What time is it anyway? Cassie: It's after midnight. I should be getting home to bed. But before I go, what do you say we take a spin on the dance floor. Benny: Okay. Cassie: Mmm. Feels good, doesn't it? Benny: I could stay like this forever. Kasidy: Me, too. It's times like these that I wish we'd never heard of the Dominion. Benny: The Dominion? Cassie: What do you mean? You said something about the Dominion Kasidy: What is it, Ben? What's wrong? Benny: I don't know. I think I'm losing my mind. Cassie: Tell me. Tell me what's wrong. Benny: I'm starting to see things things from my story. It's as if I'm becoming this Captain Sisko. Cassie: Okay, baby, you just need to get some rest. It's all right, it's all right. I'm with you. I'm with you, baby. Just take it easy. Shh. Pabst: Have you lost your mind? Benny: Lately, I've been asking myself the same question. Pabst: I give you a novella to write. I even offer you a shot at the cover. Three weeks later, instead of a novella, you come back with six stories. Six sequels to a story I refused to publish in the first place. So I guess the answer to the question we've both been asking is yes, you are certifiable! Julius: I think you should print your own stories. You know, through a private publishing house. A nice, elegant, little volume. Fifty to a hundred copies. Pabst: That's a great idea. Kay: Might as well write it in chalk on the sidewalk. More people would read them that way. Albert: I've got an idea. Why not make them, you know, a dream? Benny: What's that? Albert: Just make the ending of your first story, Deep Space Nine, a dream. Benny: Would that make a difference? Pabst: That depends. Kay: On what? Pabst: On who's doing the dreaming. Kay: Well, obviously someone, er, someone without a lot of hope. A shoeshine boy, a convict, someone dreaming of a better future. Pabst: A Negro. Darlene: Yeah well, I suppose he'd have to be if he was dreaming about a Negro captain. Herbert: Hold on. Making it a dream guts the story. Pabst: Shut up, Herb. Julius: I think it makes it more poignant. Herbert: What about the other Sisko stories? You can't make them all dreams. Kay: Let him get this one published first, then he can worry about the others. Julius: What do you think, Benny? Benny: I think it's better than chalk on the sidewalk. Benny: Can I play? Hey, Jimmy, I got great news. We're headed for the stars. Jimmy: Yeah, sure, whatever. Benny: Come on, I'll buy you lunch. I'll tell you all about it. Jimmy: Later. I got some business to take care of. Benny: What kind of business? Jimmy: Big time. That's all I've got to say. Benny: Hey, hey, hey, hold it, hold it. What are you talking about? Jimmy: Don't worry about it. It's cool, man. I got it under control. I'll see you around. Willie: Bottom of seventh, I'm up again. Oh two fastball, ham, into the left field bleachers. Had to be four hundred feet. Cassie: I know all about it, Willie. I read the newspaper. Willie: Oh, but you got to admit, they don't tell like I tell it. Benny: Hey, Cassie. Willie: Hey, man, did you hear the game last night? I went two for four. Benny: Yeah, Willie, that's great. But I just hit a grand slam. They are publishing one of my Sisko stories at three cents a word. Three cents a word! Cassie: Good for you, baby. Benny: That means tonight we are celebrating. Dancing, the works. Cassie: I'll wear my red dress. Benny: You're damn right you will. Three cents a word. Three cents a word. Benny: There you are. Cassie: Oh, my poor feet. Baby, you better marry me soon. I'm not getting any younger. Benny: Yes, but you are getting more and more beautiful day by day. I'd be happy just to spend my life waiting on your beck and call. Preacher: Brother Benny. Benny: I was hoping I'd see you again. I did it. My story's getting published. Preacher: The light of the Lord is in his path. But, Brother Benny, this is only the beginning of your journey, not the ending. And the path of the Prophets sometimes leads into darkness and pain. Cassie: Benny, what is he talking about? Who are you? Preacher: I speak with the voice of the Prophets. Preacher: And in their words, hope and despair walk arm in arm. Cassie: Did you understand any of that? Cassie: Is that gunfire? Mulkahey: Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Ryan: Get back. Benny: What happened? Mulkahey: What's it to you? Benny: I know him. Ryan: Yeah? Then maybe you can explain what he was doing trying to break into this car here. Benny: Is that why you shot him? Because he was breaking into a car? Mulkahey: He had a weapon. Benny: A crowbar! Ryan: Yes, now step back. Mulkahey: Let's go. Cassie: Stop it! Stop it! Let him go! Stop it, please! Get off of me! Stop it! They're going to kill him. Look, you're going to kill him. Stop it! Cassie: I'm telling you, baby, you've been cooped up in this apartment for weeks. Going down to the office will do you good. Benny: I suppose you're right. I should be there when the first copies of this month's issue are delivered. Cassie: Absolutely. After all that work you did, you deserve to see your story in print. Just no jumping up and down with excitement. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. Benny: I will restrict myself to a proud grin. Cassie: You're not having any more of those hallucinations, are you? Benny: I'm fine. Kay: What about, It Came From Outer Space. Julius: It's a smashing title. Wish I'd thought of it. Herbert: Hey, Benny. Long time no see. Benny: Is it here? Julius: Not yet. Pabst is still at the printers. Kay: We're waiting for his return with baited breath. Albert: We heard that you were Kay: We heard they beat the hell out of you. Benny: I'm okay. Albert: Glad to see that you're, you know, up and about. Darlene: Tell him the good news, Albert. Albert: Oh, it's nothing. Kay: Nothing? He sells a novel to Gnome Press and he says it's nothing. Benny: A novel. Albert, congratulations! Albert: Thank you. Benny: Robots? Albert: What else? Julius: It's about time. Herbert: Douglas? Magazine? Pabst: There isn't any magazine. Not this month anyway. Mister Stone had the entire run pulped. Benny: He can't do that. Pabst: Oh, he can and he did. He believes, quote, this issue did not live up to our usual high standards, unquote. Benny: What's that supposed to mean? Pabst: It means he didn't like it. Which means the public will simply going to have to get along without any Incredible Tales this month. Benny: What exactly is it that he did not like? The artwork, the layout? What high standards is he talking about? Kay: Take it easy, Benny. Benny: No, it's about my story, isn't it? That's what this is all about. He didn't want to publish my story and we all know why. Because my hero is a colored man. Pabst: Hey! This magazine belongs to Mister Stone. If he doesn't want to publish this month, we don't publish this month. End of story. Benny: That doesn't make it right and you know it. Pabst: Don't tell me what I know. Besides, it's not about what's right, it's about what is. And I'm afraid I've got some more bad news for you, Benny. Mister Stone has decided that your services are no longer required here. Herbert: What! Benny: You're firing me? Pabst: I have no choice, Benny. It's his decision. Benny: Well, you can't fire me. I quit. To hell with you, and to hell with Stone. Julius: Try to stay calm, Benny. Benny: No. I'm tired of being calm. Calm never gotten me a damn thing. Pabst: I'm warning you, Benny. If you don't stop this I'm going to call the police. Benny: You go ahead! Call them! Call anybody you want. They can't do anything to me. Not anymore. And nor can any of you. I am a human being, damn it. You can deny me all you want but you cannot deny Ben Sisko. He exists! That future, that space station, all those people, they exist in here. In my mind, I created it. And every one of you know it. You read it. It's here. You hear what I'm telling you? You can pulp a story but you cannot destroy an idea. Don't you understand? That's ancient knowledge. You cannot destroy an idea. That future, I created it, and it's real. Don't you understand? It is real! I created it and it's real! It's real! Oh, God. (Benny collapses, sobbing. Ambulance Man: Easy. Ambulance Man: One, two three. Preacher: Rest easy, Brother Benny. You have walked in the path of the Prophets. There is no greater glory. Benny: Tell me, please. Who am I? Preacher: Don't you know? Benny: Tell me. Preacher: You're the dreamer and the dream. Kasidy: Ben? Ben. Sisko: How long was I out? Bashir: Only for a few minutes. Joseph: Seemed like forever to me. Bashir: That's odd. Somehow, your neural patterns have returned to normal. Jake: That's good, isn't it? Bashir: Oh, it's very good. I just don't understand how it happened. Joseph: How're you feeling, son? Sisko: I'm okay. Joseph: I'm done packing. Transport leaves at eight in the morning. Sisko: I wish you could stay longer. Joseph: I've got to get back to the restaurant. My customers have never gone this long without me. The question is, what are you going to do? Sisko: The only thing I can do. Stay here and finish the job I started. And if I fail Joseph: I have fought the good fight. I have finished the course. I have kept the faith. Sisko: I've never known you to quote from the Bible. Joseph: I'm full of surprises, aren't I? And so are you. Sounds like that dream you had helped you sort things out. Sisko: I suppose it did. But I have begun to wonder. What if it wasn't a dream? What if this life we're leading, all of this, you and me, everything. What if all this is the illusion? Joseph: That's a scary thought. Sisko: I know, I know. But maybe, just maybe, Benny isn't the dream, we are. Maybe we're nothing more than figments of his imagination. For all we know, at this very moment, somewhere far beyond all those distant stars, Benny Russell is dreaming of us.

Flith: Raimus isn't going to be happy about this. Krole: What are you going to do? Bilby: I don't know. And don't you mean what are we going to do? Krole: Raimus told you to get the merchandise. Bilby: I'll figure something out. Flith: You'd better. Bilby: I said I'll figure it out. I'm hungry. Flith: Let's have Krellan food. Bilby: No. Last time that gave me heartburn. Flith: That's because you eat too fast. Bilby: I eat when I'm hungry. And when I'm hungry, I eat fast. Flith: If you're not careful that appetite of yours is going to kill you someday. Bilby: Don't get your hopes up. Bilby: Hey, we're using that comm. booth. Go. Order some nozala sandwiches. Computer: Computer accessed. Bilby: Get them to deliver some extra vilm sauce. Krole: Who should I bill this time? Bilby: I don't care who pays for it, just so as long as it isn't us. Flith: How about the police? Krole: No, we billed them for last night's dinner. Flith: Municipal Sanitation. Do you have their account code? Krole: I will, in a minute. Bilby: Krole! O'Brien: Don't! Don't touch him. He's being spiked. Bilby: You all right? They spiked him. They spiked him over a free lunch. What's this city coming to? Krole: Look at this. Fused. O'Brien: Too bad. That's an expensive piece of hardware. Flith: What are we going to do? Bilby: Don't you mean what is Krole going to do? Krole: I can't go to Raimus and ask him to pay for a replacement. O'Brien: Well, it might not be as bad as it seems. Bilby: Are you saying you can fix it? O'Brien: It depends. Bilby: On what? O'Brien: How much you're willing to pay. Bilby: Do you know who I am? O'Brien: No. Bilby: Well if you did, you wouldn't ask that. O'Brien: All right. Who are you? Bilby: Listen, Mister? O'Brien: Connelly. Bilby: I've seen you around here these last few weeks. You're always in here, tinkering around with one piece of junk or another, which tells me that things are not going too well for you. Now, here's my advice to you. Give them to me. You take these. You bring them back tomorrow morning fixed and polished. O'Brien: Tomorrow morning it is. O'Brien: Bilby asked me to fix these for him. Chadwick: I'm impressed. I don't think anyone's managed to make contact with the Orion Syndicate so quickly. How'd you do it? O'Brien: I spiked one of his men while he was interfacing. Chadwick: That was a risky thing to do. O'Brien: Well, maybe. But I had to get noticed. I want to get this mission over with and go home. Chadwick: I realize you didn't exactly volunteer for this. Believe me, I wish we hadn't been forced to turn to someone outside Starfleet Intelligence for help. O'Brien: Me, too. Chadwick: The Syndicate killed another one of our undercover operatives last week. O'Brien: That makes five in the last year. Chadwick: We need you to find out who their informant in Starfleet is. Once you give me the name, I'll put you on the next transport home. O'Brien: So, what do you want me to do now? Chadwick: Bilby's going to check into your background. Whatever he finds will confirm that you're a fix-it man down on your luck. Stick to that cover. The Syndicate is always looking for people with your skills. If Bilby offers you more work, take it. Get as close to him as possible. O'Brien: Right. Chadwick: O'Brien. Don't take any more unnecessary risks. These are dangerous men. If they find out who you are, they'll kill you. Quark: Major, I'm sorry Odo: Excuse me, Major ODO + Odo: Go ahead. Quark: There's something wrong with Odo: I need a Kira: All right. You first, then you. Odo: I need an engineering crew to run a diagnostic on the internal security sensors. There's been an unusual number of false alarms lately. Kira: I'll have someone take a look as soon as possible. Now, Quark. Quark: There's something wrong with the fire suppression system in the bar. Every time I serve a flaming cocktail, the system engages and snuffs it out. Kira: I'll put it on the list. Quark: Please do. You have no idea what people are willing to pay for a glass of burning alcohol. Bashir: Excuse me. Major? Kira: Oh, let me guess. There's a malfunction in the Infirmary. Bashir: How did you know? Worf: Major, there is something wrong with the turbolift. Kira: I can see that. Dax: We seem to be having a lot of system glitches. Kira: It happens every time Chief O'Brien goes away. Worf: I do not understand why his staff cannot keep the station running in his absence. Quark: He must have left my idiot brother in charge. Kira: The engineering crew are doing the best they can. Dax: The problem is no one knows how the Chief keeps all this Federation and Cardassian technology working together. Quark: We've got to do something. This can't go on. Sisko: Sorry, I can't discuss the Chief's whereabouts. Bashir: I understand that, sir, but it's getting ridiculous, isn't it? How much longer are we supposed to put up with these malfunctions? Sisko: You know, I wouldn't surprise me if Major Kira or Commander Worf came in here demanding answers. But you? It's not your style. Bashir: Apparently it is. Here I am. Sisko: I'm not buying it, Doctor. You didn't come in here to complain. You came in here because you are worried about your friend and you want me to set your mind at ease. I wish I could. But if it helps, I will tell you this. The Chief can take care of himself about as well as anyone I know. Bashir: You're right about that, sir. You're right about that. Bilby: Did you fix it? Krole: Any feedback? Bilby: Feedback gives him a headache. O'Brien: No, there's no feedback. Krole: Well, we'll see, won't we? O'Brien: I told you. Bilby: Very impressive. You know, if I was a suspicious man I might ask myself how a tinkerer living in one room on Jinami Street managed to fix such a complicated piece of hardware so quickly. Flith: Good question. O'Brien: How do you know where I live? Bilby: I know a lot about you. Maybe more than you want me to. Come with me. O'Brien: Where are we going? Bilby: For a walk. Bilby: Have a seat. Not there. Bilby: Chester doesn't like people sitting in his chair. Don't touch anything. Bilby: Something wrong? O'Brien: You tell me. Bilby: Did you think I brought you here to kill you? Why would I kill somebody that can fix things for me? I guess a man that's been knocked around as much as you have is always expecting the worst, huh? O'Brien: Well, I've pretty much had to get used to the idea that I've got bad luck. Bilby: Yeah, that was a tough break on Dayos Four. Two years for dealing in stolen goods? O'Brien: I didn't know they were stolen. I guess I should've asked the guy I bought it from, huh? Bilby: Who's to say he'd have told you the truth. Take this, for example. My employer asked me to get three Klingon disruptors for him. Did the man I bought them from tell me they didn't work? No, he did not. Have a look. O'Brien: The induction coil is burned out. Bilby: Can you fix it? O'Brien: Sure. Bilby: I'm glad to hear it. It's going to make my employer very happy. O'Brien: What does he want with Klingon disruptors? Bilby: I didn't ask him. When Raimus tells you to do something, you just do it. You hungry? O'Brien: A little. Bilby: Have some cake. My wife sent it. O'Brien: No, thanks. Bilby: Go ahead. O'Brien: It's good. Bilby: Yeah, she makes it herself. This is her. These are my children. O'Brien: Oh, great. Where are they? Bilby: They're in New Sydney. I'd love to have them here on Farius, but considering the business I'm in, it's not a good idea. You got a family? O'Brien: No. Bilby: You should. It's the most important thing. I send them everything. I pay my fare to Raimus, the rest goes straight to my wife. O'Brien: Your fare? Bilby: Yeah, to Raimus, every month. That's the way it works. He's above me in the organization. You do know what organization I'm referring to, don't you. O'Brien: I think so. Bilby: Good. Krole and Flith, the gentlemen you met earlier, they're below me. O'Brien: Lucky them. Bilby: If you fix these disruptors for me, you could be lucky, too. O'Brien: That's good to know. Bilby: Don't misunderstand. I'm not promising anything. I just need to be sure I can trust you first. Have some more cake. O'Brien: No, thanks. Bilby: I thought you said you were hungry. O'Brien: I'm all right. Bilby: What's the matter? Don't you like my wife's cake? O'Brien: I didn't say that. Bilby: So answer me. Do you like my wife's cake? O'Brien: To tell you the truth, it's a little dry. Bilby: You're right. It is. Had you wondering which way to jump, didn't I? You know, Krole and Flith, they always act as if it's the best thing they ever tasted. Hey, what do you make of that, Chester? I've found me an honest man. Must be my lucky day. Chadwick: The induction coils you asked for, courtesy of the Klingon Ambassador to Farius. O'Brien: There's a Klingon Ambassador here? Gowron mustn't like him too much. Chadwick: Do you have any idea why Raimus wants these disruptors? O'Brien: No. Bilby doesn't even know. Listen, is there any way I could talk to my wife and let her know I'm all right? Chadwick: We can't risk it. I'm sorry. O'Brien: I'd better be going. Krole: Flith, go stand over there. Flith: Why? Krole: I want to see if he really fixed this. Flith: Very funny. Bilby: Contact Raimus. Tell him we have the disruptors. Good job. Flith: I'm curious about something. How did you get a hold of replacement parts? Klingon technology isn't easy to come by. O'Brien: Ah, you know, you have to know who to go to. Flith: Why don't you enlighten us in case we need to procure something else? O'Brien: I've got a better idea. Why don't you stay out of my business? Bilby: Tell us where you got the parts. We can always use a good contact. O'Brien: I can't. Bilby: Why not? O'Brien: Well, my supplier would rather remain anonymous. Bilby: I don't care about your supplier. I'm asking the question. O'Brien: I told him I wouldn't. Bilby: Where did you get the parts! O'Brien: I stole them. Bilby: You stole them? O'Brien: Yeah. From a warehouse down on Degora Street. Bilby: Why didn't you just say so? O'Brien: I thought it was better if you didn't know, you know, in case the police caught up with me. Bilby: You lied to me because you didn't want me to be implicated? O'Brien: Yeah. I'm sorry. Bilby: Did you hear that? He's willing to protect me if he gets caught. Try hard as I may, I can't imagine either of you willing to do that. Hey, you know something? I think it's time we did something about the way you look. Bilby: Now that's more like it. I think you look great, Connolly. What do you think, Krole? Krole: He looks fine. Bilby: What are you talking about? I took him to the same tailor that I use. Krole: You look fine, too. O'Brien: Nice handkerchief. Yint: I understand you've been looking for me. Bilby: That's right. Yint: I take it you're in the market for something. Bilby: Well if I was, I wouldn't buy anything from a man that sold me three useless disruptors. Yint: You know me better than that. Bilby: I thought I did. Yint: Those disruptors were working fine when I gave them to you. What happened after that, I don't know. Perhaps you dropped them? Bilby: I want my money back. Yint: You know I can't do that. You took delivery. Bilby: Let me get something straight. You're telling me there was nothing wrong with this when you sold it to me? Yint: That's correct. Bilby: Well, maybe I just don't know how to work it. Yint: That must be it. Bilby: What do you know? I figured it out. O'Brien: Bilby! Bilby: Do you know what would've happened if I'd given Raimus three useless disruptors? He'd have killed me. Yint: If you want your money back, you can have it. Bilby: Why would I want my money back? It works fine now. Bilby: No one takes me for a fool. I'll do whatever it takes to protect what I have. This life, it isn't for everyone. Sometimes I wish I could just get away from it all. But what would I do with myself? I'm too old to start over. Besides, who am I to complain? The organization's given me opportunities I never thought I'd have. Once you're part of it, once you're accepted, there's no limit to what you can do if you're smart about it. O'Brien: Smart and careful. Bilby: Glad you're paying attention. I mean, we've got people everywhere. Even on Earth. Hell, we've even got a man in Starfleet. O'Brien: Come on. Starfleet? Bilby: That's correct. Hey, would you do me a favor? Would you remind me to pick up a present for my daughter tomorrow? She's got a birthday coming up. O'Brien: Sure thing. Bilby: I want to be there. Sure hope I can make it. O'Brien: How did you get to someone in Starfleet? Bilby: It wasn't me, it was Raimus. Hey, do you want to come to New Sydney with me? Meet my family? O'Brien: If you go, yeah. How did he do it? Bilby: What's with all the questions? O'Brien: Nothing. I just find it hard to believe that someone in Starfleet could be bought. Makes me wonder if he's a double-agent. Bilby: A double-agent? Then why would he have given us the names of all their undercover operatives? Don't worry, he's the real thing. Raimus met him when he was vacationing on Risa last year. Mister Starfleet was in charge of the weather control system. Raimus offered him a very substantial amount of money to make it stop raining. O'Brien: Well, everyone has their price, I guess. Bilby: It's Krole. Raimus wants to see me. O'Brien: What, in the middle of the night? Raimus: Bilby. Bilby: Raimus. Raimus: I've brought someone here to meet you. Vorta: I hope I didn't get you gentlemen out of bed. Raimus: Bilby, who is this? Bilby: He's someone I know. Raimus: I've never seen him before. How well do you know him? Bilby: I know him. Raimus: Then it's settled. Vorta: Is that the extent of your security precautions? Raimus: Bilby witnessed for him. That's all that's necessary. Vorta: If you say so. So, this is Bilby. He seems capable enough. Raimus: I told you. Vorta: I wanted to see for myself. You procured the disruptors for us. Bilby: That's right. Vorta: We're going to ask you to do something else. Something very important. Bilby: You can count on me. Vorta: I hope so. We'll contact you when it's time. Raimus: Don't let me down. Bilby: I won't. Vorta: Raimus. Raimus: My love to your family. Bilby: Do you know what I just did for you? O'Brien: I think so. Bilby: I witnessed for you. If anything happens, I'm accountable. O'Brien: I understand. Bilby: Good. Chadwick: Nice suit. O'Brien: Bilby got it for me. Chadwick: That was generous. O'Brien: He's like that. I found out who the informer is. Bilby told me he was in charge of the weather control system on Risa about a year ago. Chadwick: It should be easy enough to figure out who that was. O'Brien: Yeah. Chadwick: Something wrong? O'Brien: Raimus brought someone to meet with Bilby. A Vorta. Chadwick: You're telling me that the Orion Syndicate is working for the Dominion? O'Brien: Opens up a lot of possibilities, doesn't it? Chadwick: None of them very pleasant. O'Brien: So do I get to go home now? Chadwick: Not until you find out what's going on. O'Brien: I was afraid you were going to say that. Krole: All right. I've accessed the bank's data files. O'Brien: I'm reading a three tier security protocol. Krole: I see it. O'Brien: It looks like an isolation matrix is protecting the data. You'll have to bypass the encryption lockouts. Krole: You make it sound so easy. O'Brien: Watch out for recursive dataloops. You don't want to get diverted into a backflow. Krole: I'm past the lockouts. O'Brien: Sweep the matrix. Give me an access point. Krole: Stand by. Go. O'Brien: Initiating data transfer. Krole: Faster. O'Brien: I'm trying. Krole: I can't hold the matrix open much longer. Flith: Hurry! O'Brien: Got it. Get us out, Krole. Faster. They're tracing you. Krole: The lockouts are closing. O'Brien: Move. Bilby: Come on! Krole: I'm out. O'Brien: We did it. Flith: Gentlemen, we just robbed the Bank of Bolias. Bilby: I was thinking about opening an account there. O'Brien: Maybe you should go with a different bank. Bilby: One with better security. Bilby: What do you think? O'Brien: Very nice, but, er Bilby: But what? O'Brien: I don't want to, you know Bilby: What do you mean, you don't want to? I brought her here for you. O'Brien: I appreciate that, but, but Bilby: But what? Don't tell me you don't like girls? O'Brien: I have a girlfriend. Bilby: Since when? O'Brien: A few days. A week. I don't know. Bilby: That's great. Why didn't you say anything? O'Brien: I don't know. It didn't come up. Bilby: Listen, I understand. But that's no reason to hurt this girl's feelings. O'Brien: Er, we've got some business to discuss so why don't you go on ahead home and I'll call you in a couple of days. Okay? O'Brien: Thanks for coming over. It was really nice to meet you. Bilby: So who is she? This new girl? O'Brien: Her name's Kimiko. Bilby: Where'd you meet her? O'Brien: She works in a flower shop. Arranging flowers. Bilby: Well, bring her by sometime. I'd like to meet her. O'Brien: Yeah, I will. Bilby: A man your age, you should settle down and have a family. It's the most important thing. O'Brien: I don't know if it's that serious yet. Bilby: You let me talk to her for three minutes, I'll let you know if she's the marrying kind. I can read people right away. What's in their hearts. You, for instance. I saw through you the first time I laid eyes on you. O'Brien: Oh, yeah? Bilby: I don't think I've ever seen anyone so alone in my entire life. I said to myself, that man, he doesn't have a friend in the quadrant. Flith and Krole, they thought you were a snake. O'Brien: Really? Bilby: But I knew better. When you came back the next day with that dataport repaired, that's when I knew we're going to do great things together. I'm about to take a step up in the organization. Raimus is giving me an opportunity and I'm going to make the best of it. Everything's changing. I can feel it. It all started when you came along. You changed my luck. O'Brien: I thought you changed mine. Bilby: I'm going to take care of you. I don't forget my friends, because friends, they're like family. Nothing's more important. Nothing. Chadwick: You're late. I was beginning to worry. O'Brien: Sorry. Chadwick: That's all right. I imagine the Dominion is keeping you busy. O'Brien: Nah, nothing's happened with that yet. I was just doing something with Bilby. Chadwick: Anything worth reporting? O'Brien: We went to the races. We came out ahead. Chadwick: Oh, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your assignment. O'Brien: Well, you told me to get close to him. He wanted to go, so I went with him. Chadwick: No need to explain. I've been under cover. O'Brien: Bilby's witnessed for me. Chadwick: Sounds like you've really got your hooks in him. O'Brien: What's going to happen to him when you pull me out? Chadwick: That's nothing that you need to think about. O'Brien: They're going to kill him, aren't they. Chadwick: Listen. Bilby chose this life. Whatever happens to him is his fault, not yours. Besides, if he's lucky we'll get to him before they do. He'll be safe in a Federation prison. Just help us build a good case against him. O'Brien: All right. Bilby: Good morning, Graife. Bilby: Raimus. I didn't know you were coming. Raimus: I can see that. Bilby: Well, let me get you something. Graife, make us a strong pot of Raimus: Bilby, not right now. This isn't a social visit. Vorta: Which one is it? Wait. Don't tell me. Let me see if I can guess. They say you can tell a traitor by looking in his eyes. Do you think that's true, Bilby? Bilby: I wouldn't know. Raimus, what's this all about? Raimus: What does it look like? Vorta: If you ask me, none of them look particularly trustworthy. Bilby: Raimus. Raimus: Not now. Bilby: But. Raimus: I said not now. Vorta: Him. Flith: I've been saying so all along. Bilby: Raimus, this is crazy. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Vorta: He was going to be my second guess. O'Brien: What did he do? Raimus: Let's just say he conducted some business on the side and neglected to pay his fare. O'Brien: I see. Raimus: It's a good thing you never witnessed for him or you'd be lying there too, Bilby. Bilby: Yeah. Vorta: Well, now that that's out of the way, shall we discuss the matter at hand? Raimus: We mentioned we might ask you to do something for us. Bilby: Yeah, whatever you need. Vorta: So accommodating. He reminds me of a Jem'Hadar. Raimus: We want you to assassinate the Klingon Ambassador to Farius. Bilby: All right. Vorta: And you'll use the disruptors you procured earlier. O'Brien: You want it to look like he was killed by a rival House? Bilby: Connelly! Vorta: It's all right. Very astute. Do you know much about political affairs? O'Brien: Not really. Vorta: Well then, allow me to enlighten you. The Ambassador has been advocating that the Klingons break off their alliance with the Federation and concentrate on defending the Empire against the Dominion. Chancellor Gowron, on the other hand, is adamantly committed to the alliance. O'Brien: You're going to make it look like Gowron ordered the assassination. Vorta: Exactly. The Ambassador will be seen as a martyr and his cause will gain strength. If all goes well, the Klingons will retreat into their own territory and then all we'll have to deal with is the Federation. O'Brien: Makes sense. Vorta: I'm glad you think so. Needless to say, it is very important that the Dominion's part in this remain secret. Raimus: If something goes wrong and you're captured, you never met our friend here. Bilby: I understand. Raimus: I knew I could count on you. Vorta: I never realized how much the Dominion and the Orion Syndicate have in common. It seems that in both organizations, loyalty is everything. Chadwick: How are they planning to get past the Embassy's security? O'Brien: Bilby asked me the same thing. I figured out a way to interrupt the power grid for a few seconds. Bilby and his men will be able to beam in before the backup generator kicks in. Chadwick: When is this supposed to happen? O'Brien: Tonight. Chadwick: I'll contact the Klingons so they can be ready for them. O'Brien: What are you talking about? If the Klingons get their hands on Bilby and his men, they'll kill them. Chadwick: That's not really our business, is it? O'Brien: You're setting them up to be murdered? Chadwick: You have things backwards. Bilby and his friends are the ones that murder people. Not us. O'Brien: Oh yeah, we just get Klingons to do it for us. Chadwick: All I'm doing is following procedures and warning our allies about a possible assassination attempt. What happens after that is not my concern. But believe me, if the Klingons go after Raimus and the Orion Syndicate, I won't shed any tears. O'Brien: I'm sure you won't. Chadwick: Miles, listen to me. You've lost perspective. You're starting to sympathize with these people. It's good that we're pulling you out. O'Brien: Pulling me out? Chadwick: We're putting you on the next transport home. Your assignment's over. O'Brien: You told me we were going to make a case against Bilby. You told me he was going to prison! Chadwick: I'm sorry. I didn't want to mislead you, but you were starting to waver. I needed to keep you on track. Come on. Let's get you home. O'Brien: Chadwick. Bilby: Here you go, Chester. Bilby: Who could that be? Bilby: Did you come to see me off? O'Brien: We need to talk. Bilby: Have to wait. I was just leaving. O'Brien: You can't go. Bilby: What are you talking about? O'Brien: Look, just trust me. You can't go. Bilby: Why not? O'Brien: It's a trap. Listen to me. The Klingons know what you're planning to do. Bilby: That's impossible. O'Brien: Someone traced my signal when I accessed the power grid. Bilby: I saw you access the grid. You cut off the trace. O'Brien: No, they just made me think I had. Bilby: You're panicking. Try not to worry so much. O'Brien: You're the one who should be worried. Do you have any idea what the Klingons will do to you when they catch you? Bilby: They're not going to catch me. O'Brien: Yes, they will! Starfleet Intelligence will warn them you're coming. Bilby: How do you know that? I suppose you work for them. O'Brien: What if I said I did. Bilby: Very good. You had me. I mean, just for a minute there I actually thought you were working for Starfleet. O'Brien: I am. Bilby: Come on, That's enough. You had me. I admit it. O'Brien: I am working for Starfleet. Bilby: That's enough! I don't want to hear it. Do you understand me? I don't want to hear it. Why'd you have to come here? Why'd you have to tell me that? O'Brien: I couldn't just let you go. The Klingons will kill you. Bilby: I'm dead already. Can't you see that? I witnessed for you. Do you have any idea what that means? O'Brien: What if I can get you off Farius, find you a place to hide? Bilby: There's no hiding from the Syndicate. You know that. O'Brien: Well then, turn yourself in. You'll be safe in prison. Bilby: No! They'd go after my family. They'd make an example of me. Raimus may leave them alone if he thinks that I died not knowing about you. O'Brien: But you can't just let them kill you. Bilby: What choice do I have? How did I let this happen? I should have known. You were too good to be true. I wanted so much to believe that my luck had changed, I didn't see it. I didn't see it. O'Brien: I never meant for this to happen. I wasn't after you. I was just trying to find out how the Syndicate compromised Starfleet. Bilby: I wasn't even your target. I suppose I'm not important enough. I've always known something like this might happen. The smart thing would be to kill you, but I guess I've already proved I'm not too smart. O'Brien: I'm sorry, Bilby. Bilby: You'll never know how little comfort that is. If it's not too much trouble, will you make sure Chester is looked after? Be good. Mind I ask you something? Back home, wherever that is, do you have a family? O'Brien: Yeah. Bilby: Good. It's the most important thing. O'Brien: I'll never forget the look on his face when he found out who I really was. Bashir: Well, you took an enormous risk by telling him. He could have killed you. O'Brien: I knew he wouldn't. Bashir: Well, all I can say is that you're lucky Chadwick decided not to put everything in his report. O'Brien: Julian, don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you. Bilby trusted me. He put his life in my hands and I killed him just as surely as if I'd pulled the trigger myself. Bashir: That's not fair and you know it. You did what you had to do. Your duty. O'Brien: Is that what I'm supposed to tell myself? Bashir: It is the truth. Look, I'm sorry that I don't have all the answers. All I know for sure is that I'm glad you're back.

Dax: Sell at twenty. Quark: Is that a joke? Dax: Do I look like I'm joking? Quark: Evade. Dax: Exchange at fifteen. Worf: She has him. O'Brien: She's down fifty strips. Worf: Not for long. O'Brien: What makes you so sure? Worf: Jadzia is playing a very deep game. Her strategy will become apparent any moment now. O'Brien: I see. You have absolutely no idea how this game is played, do you? Worf: No. But I have developed a new appreciation for it. O'Brien: Since when? Worf: Since I married a tongo player. But one thing I am certain about, she will defeat the Ferengi bartender. O'Brien: I don't know about that. Quark's on a roll. In the last month, he's won two hundred and six straight games. Worf: Would you care to make a wager on the outcome? O'Brien: I wouldn't want to bet against a man's wife. Worf: If you are afraid, I O'Brien: Name your stakes. Worf: One bottle of bloodwine against one bottle of scotch whiskey. O'Brien: Done. Dax: A sale at fifty and a purchase at one hundred. Quark: Pretty big talk for a woman who's lost fifty strips. Dax: Are you afraid I can't cover my bets? Quark: Perish the thought. I just hate to kick somebody when they're down. I'll buy at a hundred and confront. Dax: Well, if you're going to kick me, I'm going to have to kick back. Quark: Unbelievable! Worf: Eshta, par'machkai. I like my bloodwine very young and very sweet. Quark: Is he a friend of yours? Dax: Just a fan. Quark: I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint all your fans. Dax: A full consortium? O'Brien: Two hundred and seven. A single malt, preferably something from the Highlands. Worf: I will need some time. O'Brien: Oh, your credit's good. Two hundred and seven straight. Quark: Thirty six strips of gold pressed latinum. Dax: Did you just lose a bet? Worf: It is of no consequence. Dax: I'm sorry about that. Worf: I would rather lose a bet on you than win on someone else. Dax: Ooo, good response. Dax: Are you still running that drill tomorrow afternoon? Worf: I was planning to. Why? Dax: Because I wanted to recalibrate the external sensors before the nightwatch comes on duty. Worf: We should be done by sixteen hundred. Dax: I think that'll work. Oh, the Sutherland is going to be here the day after tomorrow and Worf: What were you saying? Dax: Nothing. Dax: I don't feel like talking anymore. Kira: Kira to Worf. Worf: Worf here. Kira: Sorry to bother you, Commander, but I need to see you and Jadzia in the Captain's office immediately. Worf: We're on our way. Worf: Jadzia, get up. Dax: I'm coming. Dax: Hey! Kira: We don't have a lot of time, so I'll get right to it. For the last two months, Starfleet has been receiving military intelligence from a Cardassian operative. That operative has now sent an emergency signal indicating he needs to speak to someone in a face to face conversation. In thirteen hours, he'll beam an encrypted subspace transmission to these coordinates in the Badlands. Dax: Who is the operative? Kira: Intelligence told me that his name is Lasaran, but that's all they'd say about him. They did emphasize several times that he's very important to them and we should send someone to the Badlands as soon as possible. So, with the Defiant gone and most of the runabouts off on exercises with the Ninth Fleet Dax: We just volunteered to take a trip to the Badlands. Kira: Afraid so. The Shenandoah is prepped and ready to go on landing pad A. Good luck. Dax: No. Worf: No? Dax: No. I'm not going to spend two weeks hiking across Vulcan's Forge in the middle of their summer. Worf: I thought you always wanted to see the Forge. Dax: See it, yes. Honeymoon there, no. Worf: Well, there's a mountain climbing expedition on Andor that caught my attention. Dax: Worf, my love. Let me make this very clear. I do not want to spend my honeymoon climbing, hiking, sweating, bleeding or suffering in any way. Worf: All right, what do you want? Dax: Room service. Worf: Room service? Dax: Room service. I want to be pampered. I want a staff to cater to our every whim. I want to be embarrassed by the size of our room. I want a balcony with a view that would make you want to break down and cry from the sheer beauty of it all. And I don't want to spend one moment of our honeymoon suffering from anything except guilt about our complete self-indulgence. Worf: Risa. Dax: Not this time. Welcome to Casperia Prime. The vacation capital of the Horvian Cluster. Worf: You have been planning this all along. Dax: Seemed fair. You did plan the wedding. Worf: Very well. Room service. Dax: Really? Worf: Really. Dax: Well that was easy. Worf: Did you want to fight over it? Dax: No. It's just I didn't expect you to surrender so quickly. Worf: Surrender? Dax: Bad word. Worf: Very bad. Dax: Okay. But you have to admit you've been unusually accommodating lately. Worf: What is wrong with that? Dax: Nothing. It's just unusual. Are you feeling all right? Worf: I'm a married man. I have to make certain adjustments to my lifestyle. Dax: Adjustments? Worf, you're practically easygoing. What's next, a sense of humor? Worf: I have a sense of humor. On the Enterprise, I was considered to be quite amusing. Dax: That must've been one dull ship. Worf: That is a joke. I get it. It is not funny, but I get it. Dax: I don't know if I can get used to the new you. It's kind of eerie. Worf: Your problem is you cannot accept change. Dax: I can't accept change? Worf: That is correct. Dax: Oh, you've got to be kidding. I've changed bodies six times, Worf. Worf: Yes, but you are still very set in your ways. Dax: And look who's talking. Worf: Well, I do not have to sleep on the same side of the bed every night, or brush my hair exactly fifty strokes every night, or eat the same thing for breakfast every day, or read the last page of a book before the beginning, or lift up the Dax: I get the point. I don't know how you can live with someone so monotonous. Worf: It is not easy. That was a joke. Dax: This is going to be a very, very long trip. O'Brien: Come in. Bashir: You're not dressed. O'Brien: Is it time? Bashir: Seventeen hundred on the dot. We have a holosuite for the next three hours and we're going to need every minute of it. Three British agents have disappeared in West Berlin. Now, MI5 suspect the Soviets were involved, of course, however Americans have intercepted a. Er, what are you doing with a tongo wheel? O'Brien: I'm brushing up on my game. Bashir: You play tongo? O'Brien: Sure. Well, I used to. That is, I played a game once, a long time ago with a Ferengi privateer and a Romulan mercenary. Bashir: Fascinating. Anyway, the Americans have intercepted a series of messages from Istanbul to a remote island in the South Pacific which might indicate that O'Brien: Let's play a hand. Bashir: Miles. O'Brien: Just one hand. Bashir: Why? O'Brien: I need the practice. I want to beat Quark. Bashir: Good luck. O'Brien: Luck has nothing to do with it. Tongo is a game of strategy and calculated risk. Bashir: I don't even know the rules. O'Brien: Here. Bashir: All right, let's play. O'Brien: I'll deal. Worf: Shenandoah log, stardate 51597.2. We have arrived at the designated coordinates near the Badlands and are awaiting the transmission from Lasaran. Dax: This is it. Worf: A very sophisticated encryption matrix. Dax: Whoever he is, he's good. Lasaran: Who are you? Worf: I am Commander Worf, this is Commander Dax. Starfleet Intelligence has sent us here to receive your transmission. Lasaran: A Klingon. Why did they have to send a Klingon? Dax: I'm a Trill. Does that make you feel any better? Lasaran: Are you trying to be funny? Dax: Not at all. He's the funny one. Worf: What is it you want? Lasaran: We'll get to that in a moment. First, I have something that you want badly. Information about the Founders. I know how many of them there are in the Alpha Quadrant, where they are and what they're doing. Dax: We're listening. Lasaran: I'm sure you are. Now let's talk about what I want. I want out. Now. Dax: You want to defect. Lasaran: The Vorta advisor here is getting suspicious, asking questions, making a lot of routine security checks in my section. I can't stay here any longer. Worf: Very well. We will relay your message to Starfleet Intelligence and they will arrange to bring you out. Lasaran: I can't wait for them to make arrangements. In fifteen minutes I am leaving here for the Dominion base on Soukara, and I have a feeling this is going to be the last time that they let me leave Cardassia Prime, so I need to take advantage of this opportunity. Worf: Soukara is inside Dominion controlled space. It will not be easy to make a rendezvous near that planet without being detected. Lasaran: Don't work your brain too hard, Klingon, I've taken care of everything. Three days from now, at exactly seventeen thirty hours local time, I will leave the base and walk into the jungle. It'll be at least two days before they know I'm missing. All you have to do is get me off the planet. Now, there are transporter scramblers protecting Soukara, so you can't beam me aboard your ship. You're going to have to land and meet me at a rendezvous point on foot. I'm sending you all the information you'll need to avoid the Dominion sensors on the ground. Follow my instructions, meet me at the rendezvous point and have a ship waiting. Dax: We've got the information. It looks pretty thorough. Worf: We will need time to study these plans. Lasaran: You haven't been listening. I don't have time. Once I leave here, I can't contact you again. I have to know if you're going to be there or not, and I have to know now. Worf: We will be there. Lasaran: How far I've fallen, risking my life on the word of a Klingon. Three days. Don't be late. O'Brien: All right. I'll buy at thirty with sales at thirty five. Bashir: Buy at thirty five, sell at one fifty, and index the margin at ten percent. O'Brien: Index the margin? Bashir: Miles, give it up. This just isn't your game. O'Brien: We'll see about that. Evade. Do you realize that Quark has won two hundred and seven straight games of tongo? Bashir: So? O'Brien: So someone has to beat him. Bashir: And that someone is you? O'Brien: Why not? Bashir: Well, for one thing, you can't play tongo. Confront. O'Brien: Oh damn. Bashir: Had enough? O'Brien: Not by a long shot. Bashir: Miles, at this rate it's going to take you another twenty years to be ready to take on Quark. O'Brien: One more. Bashir: Why are you so determined to beat him? O'Brien: It's the challenge. Bashir: The challenge? O'Brien: Isn't it enough? Why do you think I became an engineer? The challenge. What do you think has kept me kayaking down the same river week after week for the last seven years? The challenge. Why would I keep playing darts against someone with a genetically engineered hand-eye coordination? Bashir: The challenge. O'Brien: Exactly. I have to do something to keep my mind off the fact that Keiko's been away for six months. Hold on. Maybe I can't beat Quark, but you can. You and that genetically engineered brain of yours. Bashir: Me? I've only just learned to play the game. O'Brien: Yeah, in about ten seconds flat. We can do it, Julian. We can beat him. Bashir: We? You're talking about me. O'Brien: Yeah, well, you're good at calculation, but a little weak on strategy. I'll be your coach. Bashir: No, thank you. O'Brien: Think of it as a challenge. Bashir: That's your obsession, Miles, not mine. O'Brien: Do it for the latinum. Bashir: Nice try. O'Brien: Do it for the satisfaction of the look on Quark's face when he's beaten at a game of tongo to a lowly human. Bashir: Deal the cards. Worf: We are approaching the Soukara system. Dax: Stand by to bring us out of warp. Now. Worf: There is an asteroid field directly ahead. Dax: That's what we want. The Dominion sensor grid in this system has three gaps and they're all in that asteroid field. Dax: Want me to slow down? Worf: No. Unless you think you should? Dax: Not at all. In fact I could go faster. Worf: By all means. Dax: Ooo. A man after my own heart. Worf: Most impressive. Dax: Nothing that any three hundred year old pilot couldn't do. Worf: We are being scanned from the surface. Dax: Taking evasive maneuvers Did they get a fix on us? Worf: I do not think so. Dax: Good. We've come too long a way just to get shot down. If you take the helm, I'll scan the surface for a landing site. Dax: There's the base, the rendezvous point, and the Dominion sensor perimeter. There's a valley about twenty kilometers north of the rendezvous point. It's a long way to go on foot in the jungle, but I don't think we can risk taking the ship any closer to their sensors. Worf: Agreed. Worf: We have less than two days to reach the rendezvous point Dax: About ten kilometers a day. That shouldn't be too bad. Worf: Do not underestimate the task ahead. We still have to penetrate the sensor grid and avoid the Dominion patrols. Dax: I know. Find a man in the middle of an alien jungle, and then walk him out without getting caught. Piece of cake. Worf: Ready? Dax: After you. Dax: Okay, go to twenty five joules. Worf: Twenty five joules. Done. Dax: That's it, we're linked. Here, check my work. Worf: Dominion encryption lockouts are bypassed, tricorder linked to their sensor grid, lifesigns masked. Nicely done. Dax: Thank you. Worf: Of course, our tricorders will be useless from now on. Dax: There you go again, looking for the cloud in the silver lining. Worf: I am not complaining. I look forward to walking through the jungle without a map and no idea of what lies ahead. Dax: Well the funny thing is, you probably are. Quark: This is a Ferengi only game, gentlemen. O'Brien: You let Dax play. Quark: She's an exception. The only exception. Bashir: You're afraid I'll clean you out. Quark: I'm afraid you'll embarrass yourself and ruin the game for the rest of us. Bashir: I think I can keep up. The question is, can you keep up with me? Quark: Don't try and scare me with that genetically engineered intellect of yours, Doctor. Tongo is more than just number crunching. They have yet to create the computer that can master this game. Bashir: Then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Quark: You realize we're not playing for drinks. This is a high stakes game. O'Brien: We came to play. Quark: Gentlemen? All right. The buy in is five strips, and you're dealing. O'Brien: You better get off to a fast start. Bashir: They won't know what hit them. Bashir: Buy at three hundred, sell at three fifty. Quark: You're a quick study, Doctor, I'll give you that. Bashir: You mean quick for a human, don't you, Quark? Quark: I would never say something so distasteful during a game. Bashir: You'd wait until it was over. Quark: Of course. Evade. Dax was a quick study too. She told me it only took her two weeks to win her first match. That's practically unheard of. Bashir: Dax specializes in the unexpected. Still buying at three hundred, selling at four hundred. I'd like to index the margin at twenty percent. Quark: Interesting. She certainly did the unexpected when she married Commander Boring. Bashir: That's for sure. Quark: When they first started seeing each other, I thought this can't last. I give it two months. I'll buy at four hundred and sell at five. Bashir: I had the same thought, although to tell you the truth, I only gave it a month. Confront. Quark: She's a real heartbreaker, that one. Bashir: That she is. Quark: Leverage the buy in and sell at five fifty. You know, you go through a lot of ups and downs in my business. There are days when the profits are down and the customers are scarce and you think you'll never see another strip of latinum again. And then Jadzia comes in and flashes that smile of hers. Suddenly things don't seem so bad after all. Bashir: I know exactly what you mean exactly. You know, sometimes she walks past the Infirmary and all she has to do is wink and somehow that makes my whole day look a little brighter. O'Brien: Focus, Julian, focus. Quark: Shh. Bashir: I'll buy that five fifty and index the exchange at ten. Quark: And now she's married. Bashir: Married. Quark: Out of reach. I'm converting my reserves and selling at six hundred. You know what's really sad, what really keeps me awake at night? She's out of reach because we let her go. Bashir: I suppose so. But some things just weren't meant to be. Evade. O'Brien: Julian, are you sure you want to Quark: Chief, please. You know the rules. No coaching during a round. You're probably right. But what if that's a convenient rationalization? What if deep down in our heart of hearts we both know she's something unique, something we may never see again. A chance at true happiness and we let her slip through our fingers. What if fifty years from now we each look back and say, what a fool I was. Confront. Doctor? Bashir: Hmm? Quark: Confront. Bashir: Oh. Sorry. Full consortium. Quark: Total monopoly. Bashir: What? Quark: You seem to be out of money. Bashir: Miles? O'Brien: We're busted. Quark: Thanks for the game. Welcome back anytime. Bashir: Wait. Quark, did you really mean all that? About Dax being my one last chance for true happiness? Quark: Doctor, you don't expect me to show you all my cards, do you? O'Brien: You lost. Bashir: Whatever happened to we? O'Brien: We weren't mooning over lost love with a Ferengi holding a total monopoly. Bashir: You mean all that about Dax was meant to distract me? O'Brien: Obviously. Bashir: I can't believe I let him get to me. O'Brien: Not your fault. Genetically engineered or not, you're still human. Bashir: I guess. O'Brien: Let's go get a drink. Dax: Let's not stand on pride, shall we? Trills don't like the heat, and Klingons don't like the cold. There's no shame in admitting it. Worf: Thank you. Dax: You're welcome. So, how are you enjoying your honeymoon? Are you suffering enough? Worf: Almost. Dax: Is there anything I can get for you? Worf: More pain, less cold. Dax: I don't know why that's funny, but it is. Dax: Mating call? Worf: Five hundred meters that way. Dax: That didn't take long. Worf: Less than three hundred meters. Dax: Another happy couple. Worf: When I was a boy, my father used to take my brother and me on camping trips in the Ural mountains. Every night we would listen to the wolves howling in the distance. Nikolai was afraid of them, but I would lay in my tent for hours just listening. I remember being seized by the urge to just strip off my clothes and run into the night to live in the forest and become something wild. Dax: He must have been rejected, he's moving away. She's not happy. What? They're getting farther away, aren't they? Worf: Yes, but it's because something is coming. And it is close. Worf: Jadzia? Worf: Lie still. Dax: I think I can do that. Dax: Can I have the good news first? Worf: No vital organs were damaged. Dax: Now the bad news? Worf: The disruptor burst left an anti-coagulant in your system. Dax: So you can't stop the bleeding. Worf: No. Dax: Well, I must not have taken the whole burst. I'm not hemorrhaging that bad yet. Just keep me pumped full of painkillers and let's be on our way. Worf: Moving could make the bleeding worse. Dax: Staying here isn't an option. Someone's going to come looking for them when they don't check in. I'd rather take my chances on foot. You ready? You ready? Worf: Ready. Dax: Let's go. Worf: We are still twelve kilometers from the rendezvous point. Dax: And only twenty hours left. Well, I guess it's time we stop having so much fun and pick up the pace, huh? Oh, more plasma? No, thanks. I'm full. Worf: Your blood pressure has dropped another twenty percent. Dax: Love that bedside manner. You know, you should have been a doctor. Worf: Your bandage will need to be changed soon. Dax: I think I'd like a blue chiffon bandage this time. Maybe some rhinestones. Something with a little pizzazz. Worf: This is no joking matter. You are seriously injured and we have a great deal of terrain to cover. Dax: Just trying to lighten the mood. Worf: This is neither the time nor the place. Dax: What happened to that new Worf? You know, the one with the sense of humor? Worf: That was a mistake. Dax: What is that supposed to mean? Worf: It means if I had not been joking with you, I would not have allowed the Jem'Hadar to get so close. Dax: So this is all my fault. Worf: No. It is mine. I was trying to be something I am not. By letting down my guard, by ignoring my duty, I allowed my wife to be injured and I put the entire mission in jeopardy. It will not happen again. Dax: That's not what happened. Without our tricorders there's no way Worf: I do not wish to debate this. We have a long way to go and very little time. Dax: Fine. Let's go. Worf: Ready? Dax: Hypo. There. Good as new. Worf: I have to change your dressing. Dax: That's four bandages in two hours. That's got to be some kind of record. Oh, sorry. I forgot the new rules. Nothing funny. Got to be serious. Life and death. We've got a job to do. Worf: Jadzia, I know you are tired, but we have to cover three kilometers before nightfall. Can you do it? Dax: As long as you got those painkillers, I'll follow you through the gates of hell, sir. That was almost a smile. Worf: When this mission is over, I will smile all you want. Dax: Oh, you promise? Worf: I promise. Dax: Then let's finish the mission and get out of here. Whoa. It's all right, I can stand. Just help me get my balance. I got my balance. Maybe not. Dax: Let me guess. Things aren't looking up. Worf: There has been another drop in your blood pressure and your neural EDL readings are erratic. Dax: So what's your prescription, Doc? Worf: Surgery. At a Starbase. Dax: Can I get a second opinion? Worf, you have to go on without me and I know that. I understand. Worf: My duty requires that I complete the mission regardless of my personal feelings. Dax: Absolutely. You're a Starfleet officer. So am I. I understand. Worf: The information Lasaran has could be potentially invaluable to the war effort. Dax: You don't have to explain yourself. I'm hurt, you're not. And there's a job to do. Worf: I will be back tomorrow night. Dax: Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. Worf: I can have you in the stasis chamber on the runabout in forty five hours. Dax: No problem. Worf: I will leave the medkit. Scan yourself with the tricorder every half hour. The plasma hypospray will be set Dax: I took basic first aid. I know what I have to do. Worf, it's been a great two months, hasn't it? Worf: Yes. Jadzia, I just want to tell you how Dax: Just kiss me and go. Sisko: What's the word? Worf: She is still in surgery, but Doctor Bashir is hopeful she will make a full recovery. Sisko: Lasaran's dead. Starfleet Intelligence intercepted a transmission saying that he'd been killed trying to re-enter the base at Soukara. Could you have made the rendezvous? Worf: Yes. Sisko: Yet you turned back to save Jadzia? Worf: Yes. Sisko: Were you aware that the information that man had could have saved millions of lives? Worf: Yes. Sisko: So what happened? Worf: You may not understand. Sisko: Try me, sir. Worf: You were at my wedding. You heard the story of the first two Klingon hearts and how nothing could stand against them, and how they even destroyed the gods that created them. I have heard that story since I was a boy but I never understood it, I mean really understood it, until I was standing in the jungle with my heart pounding in my chest and I found that even I could not stand against my own heart. I had to go back and it did not matter what Starfleet thought or what the consequences were. She was my wife and I could not leave her. Sisko: As your captain, it is my duty to tell you that you made the wrong choice. I don't think Starfleet will file any formal charges. Even a secret court martial would run the risk of revealing too much about their intelligence operations. But this will go into your service record, and to be completely honest, you probably won't be offered a command on your own after this. Worf: I understand. Sisko: I have also issued new orders. You and Jadzia are not to be assigned to a mission on your own ever again. And one last thing. As a man who had a wife, if Jennifer had been lying in that clearing I wouldn't have left her either. Dax: Hey, I know you. Worf: We have met. Dax: Ah, you're joking again. That's a good sign. Did you make the rendezvous? Worf: No. I could not leave you there. Not for Lasaran, not for the mission, not for anything else. Dax: Lasaran? Worf: Dead. Dax: Are you in trouble? Worf: I have been in trouble before. Dax: I'm sorry. I should've kept going. Worf: You have nothing to be sorry about. Dax: I know how much your career means to you. Worf: You come first. Before career, before duty, before anything. I do not regret what I did. And I would do it again. Dax: I don't know what to say. Worf: You could say, thank you for saving my life. Dax: Thank you for saving my life. Worf: And you could say, I would do the same for you, Worf. Dax: Well, I'd have to think about that. My career is very important to me, you know. Worf: And you could say I love you. Dax: I love you. Worf: And I love you.

Dax: The Saratoga put in this morning. Worf: We are not having another party. Dax: I promise, not more than fifty or sixty Worf: I can see it now. Two hundred people jammed into our quarters, eating, drinking, laughing. Dax: Sounds awful. What if I promise absolutely no laughing? No, I mean it. You won't see a single smile the entire evening. It'll be the grimmest party you've ever been to. Worf: When do you want to have this party? Dax: Next week. And I was thinking maybe this evening should have a theme. Worf: What kind of theme? Dax: What if everyone came as their favorite Klingon? Bad idea. Quark: Commander, your holosuite is ready. Worf: Good. Dax: Have fun exercising. Quark: No party? Dax: I came this close. Kira: Thank you, Quark. Quark: Don't mention it, Major. Glad to be of help. Dax: Bajoran lilacs. Is there something going on between the two of you that I don't know about? Kira: Don't be disgusting. Kira: I ordered them for myself. Dax: Well that's nice. I thought you didn't like flowers. Kira: I don't. Dax: I'm confused. Kira: Jadzia, there's such a thing as privacy. Dax: Not between friends. Kira: It's my mother's birthday. She would've been sixty today, and my father always said that these were her favorite. Dax: That's a nice way to remember your mother. Kira: I wish I did remember her. I was only three when she died at the refugee center. Dax: Well, I'd bet she'd be proud of you and what you've done with your life. Kira: I'd like to think so. I've always been proud of her. My father always said she was the bravest woman he ever met. Computer: Major Kira. You have an incoming transmission. Kira: From whom? Computer: Unable to identify. Kira: Put it through. Dukat: Ah, Major, there you are. I'm sorry to wake you. Kira: What the hell do you want, Dukat? Dukat: Oh, don't bother, Major. I guarantee you won't be able to trace this transmission. Kira: Then why don't you just tell me where you are? Dukat: Because that's not why I called. I want to help you, Major, the way Captain Sisko helped me. Kira: I have no idea what you're talking about. Dukat: Captain Sisko gave me the clarity to see beyond the lies, the self-deceptions that were controlling my life. He helped me see to the truth about myself. And now I'm going to do the same for you. And what better day to do it than on your mother's birthday. Kira: Is that suppose to upset me, that you know it's my mother's birthday? Dukat: She was a striking woman, your mother. Although when we first met, she was very self-conscious about that scar along the side of her face. She used to try to cover it up with a strand of hair. Kira: Nice try, Dukat. But you never knew my mother. She died in the Dukat: Singha refugee center? I'm afraid not, Major. That was something your father told you because he couldn't bear to face the truth. Kira: What truth? Dukat: That your mother left him to be with me. Kira: You're lying. Dukat: Your mother and I were lovers almost from the moment we met, and we remained lovers until the day she died. Kira: I've had enough of this. Dukat: I see you have lilacs on your nightstand. Your mother would have been touched. She loved Bajoran lilacs. There. I told you the truth was liberating, Major. Now don't you feel better? I do. Kira: Computer, locate Cardassian occupation file, Singha refugee center. Find and display Bajoran identity profile Kira Meru. O'Brien: You're just going to have to take my word for it. The battle of the Alamo would make a hell of a holosuite program. Bashir: All right, all right, let me get this straight. There are two hundred of us trapped inside some crumbling old mission or whatever, surrounded by two thousand enemy troops, is that right? O'Brien: That's right. Bashir: Do we win? O'Brien: No, we lose. Bashir: Why do you want to play a program where we lose? O'Brien: You're missing the point. There's nothing more noble than a heroic defeat, especially against overwhelming odds. Bashir: In life, maybe, but not in the holosuite. Kira: Chief, you were suppose to have finished recalibrating those induction modulators yesterday. O'Brien: Yeah, we had a bit of a problem replacing some of the coil brackets. Kira: Save the excuses. I want it done within the hour. Doctor, is there a reason for your visit? Bashir: What? Actually, Miles and I were chatting Kira: I thought not. We're on duty here, if you don't mind. Bashir: I don't want to interfere. Kira: All right, everyone. We're not at the Replimat. We're not here to drink raktajinos and catch up on the latest gossip. Let's get to work. Kira: Odo, I've just been informed of the increased criminal activity on the Promenade. Odo: It's not as bad as it sounds, Major. We're talking about a few incidents of petty theft. I've already assigned two deputies. Kira: I'd prefer that you handle the matter yourself. Odo: If you think it's necessary. Kira: I do. And make sure that you keep me informed of your progress. Odo: Of course. Is there something else on your mind? Kira: Meaning what? Odo: Meaning I talked with Doctor Bashir. He told me that you seemed irritable. I see he's not exaggerating. Would you care to tell me what's bothering you? Kira: I appreciate the offer, Odo, but I don't think talking about it is going to help. Odo: Sounds serious. Kira: It is. Odo: Well, if you won't talk about it, perhaps you should consider doing something about it. Sisko: A transmission from Dukat? This is the first I've heard of it. Kira: That's because I didn't report it. Sisko: Why not? Kira: It was of a personal nature. I tried to trace the signal, but Sisko: What did he want? Kira: He said he knew my mother, that they were lovers. Sisko: You don't believe him, do you? Kira: He knew certain things about her. Personal things. Sisko: Well, Gul Dukat is a very resourceful man. I'm sure he knows a lot about your family, about all of our families. Kira: I keep trying to tell myself that, but I need to know. Sisko: That may not be possible. Major. Kira: There is a way. I can visit the Temple of Iponu on Bajor and consult the Orb of Time. Sisko: Excuse me? Kira: I need to know the truth. Sisko: Let me get this straight. You want to travel back in time to see if Dukat and your mother were lovers? Kira: That's right. Sisko: Major, the Federation has very strict regulations Kira: This has nothing to do with the Federation. I need your help as the Emissary, not as Starfleet captain. The Emissary can see to it that I am allowed access to the orb. After that, it's up to the Prophets. If they feel that my request is worthy, they'll send me where I need to go. If not, I've made a trip to Bajor for nothing. Sisko: And if they do send you back, what then? What makes you so sure you won't interfere with the timeline? Kira: The Prophets will be guiding me. Nothing will happen without their blessings. Please, Emissary, please, let me seek the will of the Prophets. Taban: Meru, I found Nerys. Meru: Where was she? Taban: Wandering over there, scrounging for food. Meru: Come here, sweetie, beside me. Here. Taban: That's all? It's barely half a cup. Meru: They've cut everyone's rations. Taban: It's not enough. How do they expect us to survive? Meru: The Cardassians don't care whether or not we survive. They won't be happy until we're all dead. Come here, sweetie, come here. Have some soup. Man: Excuse me. That soup. It's ours. Taban: What are you talking about? My wife stood in line all day to get it. If you think you can just Man: Just what? Meru: It's for the children. They're hungry. Man: We are all hungry. Kira: That's right, we are. And hunger can make people do stupid things. Man: Like what you're doing now? Kira: Cardassians are the enemy. We shouldn't be fighting amongst ourselves. We should be trying to help each other. Man: That's what we were doing. Helping ourselves to some soup. Kira: Hey, you want soup, you go stand in line like everyone else. Man: We may have to take orders from the spoonheads, but we don't have to take them from you. Taban: Thank you. I wish we could repay your kindness somehow, but we have so little food. Kira: That's all right. I'm not hungry. Meru: I can't remember the last time I met a Bajoran who wasn't hungry. I'm Kira Meru. Kira: I'm just glad I could help. Meru: And this is my husband, Taban. My son Reon, my son Pohl, and my daughter Nerys. Kira: They're beautiful. Nerys: Mommy, mommy. Meru: What is it, honey? What is it? Tell me. She wants to know what your name is. Kira: Me? I'm Luma Rahl. It's nice to meet you, Nerys. Basso: Attention! The new Cardassian Ore Processing Center orbiting Bajor is nearing completion. The Cardassian troops stationed there will require comfort women to make their tour of duty less stressful. Her. Child: No! Basso: From now on you'll receive extra rations of food and medicine, courtesy of our Prefect, Gul Dukat. Her. Taban: No! Basso: And her. Meru: But my children! Basso: Your children will eat better than they have any right to. Taban: Meru! Reon: Mommy! Meru: I love you. Don't let them forget me. Taban: Oh, no, no. Cardassian: I said go! Basso: Ladies, can I have your attention please. You will find food in your quarters. Eat as much as you want and make sure you get a good night's rest. You'll want to look your best tomorrow. Oh, and feel free to linger as long as you want in the sonic showers. Cardassians value cleanliness. Kira: Meru, listen to me. I know things look bad, but don't give up just yet. We'll find a way to get out of here. Meru: How? Kira: There must be a resistance cell operating here on the station. We'll contact them. They'll help us get away. Meru: I don't believe this. Meru: Fresh moba. Do you know how long it's been since I've seen fresh moba? Kira: Nice. Meru: Nice? Look at this. Katterpod beans, hasperat, veklava, a pot of deka tea. We could live on this for a year! Kira: Easy, easy. You don't want to make yourself sick. Meru: Sick from too much food? That would be a change. If only Taban and the children were here. The Cardassians said they would take care of them, so maybe they will. Kira: Don't count on it. We need to find a way to get off this station. Once we do, we'll figure out a way to free your family. Meru: Then what? Kira: We'll hide in the hills, we'll join the Resistance. Meru: I suppose that's possible. Kira: Of course it is. Till then, we just need to bide our I'm sorry. Meru: I failed to show a Cardassian soldier the proper respect. Kira: We all have scars of one kind or another. Meru: Maybe. But most aren't quite so evident. Kira: It's not so bad. Meru: Why do you keep doing that? Kira: What? Meru: Helping me. First at the refugee center and now here. Kira: I don't have many friends. Meru: Well, you have one now. Basso: Well done. I can hardly believe that you're the same women I met yesterday. In fact, you're not. Your old lives have ended. Your pasts have been erased. You have one purpose and one purpose only. To provide comfort and care to the Cardassian officers stationed here. Do that well, and you'll want for nothing. Fail, and you and your family will be sent to a labor camp. Now remember, ladies, you're all easily replaceable. Make one mistake and I won't hesitate to Dukat: Basso! That's enough. Welcome to Terok Nor. I hope your stay here will be a pleasant one. I assure you, I will do everything possible to make it so. I suspect that many of you must be feeling a bit uneasy right now. I'm well aware that among the Bajoran population there is a perception that all Cardassians are to be feared, that we are a cruel and heartless people. I hope to change that. Not with words, but with actions, in the hope that you will come to appreciate the better part of our nature. I assure you we are capable of great kindness. Meru: What of our families? Are they all right? Basso: Who said you could speak? Guards! Dukat: Stay where you are. Your families will be well taken care of. That, I promise you. Dukat: What is this? Meru: I Dukat: Basso. Basso: Forgive me, Prefect. I didn't notice the imperfection. I'll have her removed at once. Dukat: Get me a dermal regenerator. Basso: But Dukat: Now. I'm afraid to ask how you came by such a mark. Meru: It's nothing. Dukat: On the contrary, it's an unfortunate reminder of the gulf that exists between our two peoples. It must be removed immediately. Just relax. It's all right. Relax. Dukat: There. Beautiful. Carry on. Basso: Well, I'd say congratulations are in order. You've all passed your first test. Kira: Mind telling me what you're smiling about? Meru: The Prophets. I never realized they had such a sense of humor. When I was a child, I dreamed of having enough food to eat and pretty clothes to wear and now look at me. I have everything I ever wanted and I feel horrible. Kira: It is kind of funny in a horrible way. Meru: I suppose if I can survive starvation, I could survive this. After all, we Bajorans can survive anything. Gul: You! Think you can stand there hiding in a corner all night? Legate: I don't remember seeing you before. Kira: I just arrived yesterday. Legate: And I bet I know what you're thinking. You'd like nothing better than to get us all drunk so you could kill us in our sleep. Kira: Are you sure you're not part Betazoid? Legate: Come. Sit on my lap and tell me how much you hate Cardassians. You Bajoran women, you're all so bony. Kira: That's because you Cardassians eat all our food. Legate: You know, I could have you executed for that kind of insolence. Kira: And that's one of the reasons we hate you so much. Legate: Clever girl. Now pour me some more of that kanar and let's see if we can't work out our differences. Dukat: Let her go. I said, let her go. Gul: All I said to her was Dukat: I don't care what you were saying. I don't like what you were doing. Now get away from her. Are you all right? Basso, escort this woman back to her quarters and see that her privacy is respected. Basso: She will not be disturbed. Legate: I only hope you won't condemn us all for the boorish behavior of one man. Dukat: I only hope you won't condemn us all for the boorish behavior of one man. Kira: How did you know he was going to say that? Legate: Let's just say this is not the first performance I've seen of this little melodrama. That woman should consider herself fortunate. She's caught the Prefect's eye. As of now, she's off limits to the rest of us. As for you Kira: I know, I know. More kanar. Kira: Now, one foot in front of another. Legate: Don't tell me what to do. I'll put my feet wherever I want. I'm a Cardassian. Kira: Whatever you say. Just try not to stumble out of any airlocks on your way home. Legate: I'm not going home. I'm coming in with you. Kira: No you're not. You're going back to your quarters and you're going to sleep. Legate: I want comfort and I want it now. You are a comfort woman, aren't you? You're dressed like one. Kira: Don't let appearances fool you. Legate: That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble someday. Now, let's go get some sleep. Kira: I have a better idea. You go sleep in your quarters, I'll go sleep in mine, and tomorrow Legate: Tomorrow you'll be all mine to do with as I please. Kira: I can hardly wait. Kira: Meru, I'm back. I'm going to have to shower for a week to get the smell of that legate off me. Basso: I'll be sure to tell him you said that. Kira: What are you doing here? Where's Meru? Basso: Looks like you're going to have these quarters all to yourself, at least for a little while. Kira: I said where's Meru? Basso: She's moving up in the world. Your friend must have hidden talents I wasn't aware of. Our beloved Prefect has invited her to share his quarters. Kira: I want to see her. Basso: Do you? Kira: I said take me to her. Halb: So tell me, how's work going on the ore processing center? Kira: You ought to join the work detail sometime, find out for yourself. Halb: All in good time. Once the center is up and running, we'll all be slaving away down there. Halb: I have news for you. Kira: About my friend? Halb: I know why you haven't heard from her in the last few weeks. She hasn't been on the station. Kira: What are you talking about? Halb: Word has it she's been off on a little vacation with Gul Dukat. They just got back today. Why is that woman so important to you? She is nothing but a collaborator. Kira: She is not a collaborator. Halb: She's a comfort woman for the spoonheads, isn't she? Kira: So was I. Halb: For a day. But I've been watching you. You have no love for the spoonheads. Kira: Neither does my friend. Look, I told you already, I don't want to join your resistance cell. Just leave me alone. Halb: I will, I promise. But first I need for you to draw a map for me. Kira: A map of what? Halb: The Cardy side of the station. Kira: Well, like you said, I was only there one day. Halb: Anything you remember will help. Quarters, corridors, meeting rooms. Kira: Why? What are you planning? Halb: It doesn't concern you. Now are you going to help us or not? Basso: You. Follow me. Basso: You may enter. Meru: Luma. Kira: Are you all right? I've been worried about you since the night they took you. Meru: I know. I wanted to get a message to you. Kira: Has he hurt you? Meru: Who? Kira: Dukat. Meru: Hurt me? No, he hasn't hurt me. I wish I knew how to explain to you these past few weeks, make you understand. Kira: Understand what? Dukat: That I'm not the monster you think I am. Dukat: You see? I told you I'd find a big enough vase. What do you think? Meru: They're beautiful. Dukat: I don't think your friend approves of the flowers, or of me. Meru, are you sure this is the woman you want as your companion? Meru: Yes. Dukat: As you wish. The fact is, I've treated Meru with nothing but kindness and consideration. If you don't believe me, ask her. I'll be back as soon as this meeting is finished. Meru: It's true. He's very different from what I expected. Kira: Don't let that smile fool you. He's still the enemy. Meru: It's not that simple. Kira: Yes, it is. Meru, listen to me. While you're in here playing parlor games, he's busy carrying out the extermination of our people. Meru: That's not true. He's written to Central Command urging them to rethink their policy toward Bajor. Kira: I don't care if he played you a holo-recording of him on his hands and knees begging Central Command to end the occupation. It would still be a lie. Like that first night, when he saved you from that Gul? That wasn't real. He set the whole thing up to win you over. Meru: He told me. He tells me everything. You just don't know him. Kira: I don't need to know him. I know the things he's done. Look what he did to you. He took you away from your family, from your children. Meru: He's promised to help them. He's going to send them food and medical supplies. Kira: That still doesn't make it right. What about your husband? Taban loves you. How can you forget him so quickly? Meru: I have not forgotten him. What do you expect me to do? Kick and bite every time Dukat comes near me? How would that help Taban or the children? Kira: Is that what you tell yourself? That you're doing it for the children? The clothes, the food, the easy living, that you're doing it all for them? Are you that deluded? It's not for them, it's for you. You like it here. You enjoy playing house with that murderer. Don't you see what you are, what you've allowed yourself to become? You're a collaborator. Meru: A collaborator? Because I share Dukat's bed? Kira: Nom because you like sharing his bed. Because you've fallen in love with him. Meru: Where're you going? Kira: Back where I belong. Halb: It's composed of ultritium resin which means it's doubtful the Cardassian sensors will pick it up. Of course, there's always a chance. Kira: You let me worry about that. Halb: You sound like you've done this before. Kira: You'd be surprised. Halb: Remember, the bomb is set to go off three minutes after it's been activated. And once it's activated, it cannot be disarmed. So make sure you have enough time to get away. Kira: How large of a blast radius are we talking about? Halb: Twenty meters. I suggest you plant it somewhere in Dukat's quarters. Kira: I'll pick the right spot for it. Halb: What about that Bajoran mistress of his? Kira: What about her? Halb: You cannot risk telling her what you're doing, not even to save her life. Kira: Why would I do that? Like you said, she's a collaborator. She deserves whatever she gets. Basso: I'm beginning to find you very tiresome. Kira: Yeah, I don't like you much either. Now I need you to take me to see Kira Meru. Basso: I have better things to do than to shuttle you around this station. It's time you decided which side of this gate you want to be on. Kira: I have. Now take me to Kira so that I can apologize to her. Basso: Guard. A wise decision. Meru: I didn't expect to see you again. Kira: I came because I owe you an apology. The things I said, they were unfair. I'd like us to be friends again. Meru: So would I. Dukat: Whatever makes you happy, my dear. Meru: Can I get you something? Kira: Maybe later. Meru: All right. First thing we do is get you some new quarters. Something close by. Kira: Sounds good. Basso: I have a copy of that transmission you requested. Dukat: Thank you, Basso. That'll be all. Basso: What about her? Dukat: Don't concern yourself with Luma. She's not going to cause us any more trouble, are you? Kira: That's not what I'm here for. Dukat: No, it isn't. Well, Basso, you heard. Find her some quarters. Basso: Right away. Dukat: This is for you. I think you'll find it very interesting. I'll be in my study if you need me. Kira: I'll see to my quarters. Meru: Okay, Luma. Taban: Meru, I hope the Cardassians aren't lying to me and that they really will send this message to you. I know it's only been a few weeks that we've been back home, but you should see the children. It's like they've been transformed. Reon and Pohl are laughing and playing together, they've never been happier. And I swear, little Nerys must have gained five pounds. Of course, they keep asking for you. I've told them that you're still at the refugee center. I think that's best, at least for the time being. I can't believe how much I miss you. I think about you all the time. You've saved all our lives. I hope you realize that. Never forget it, not even for an instant. Every day I pray to the Prophets that you'll find some peace in this new life of yours. I believe that even in the worst of times, we can still find moments of joy and kindness. If you can find that kindness, hold on to it. And remember, no matter what happens, I love you, Meru. I'll always love you. Kira: Come on, we've got to get out of here. Meru: Why? Kira: Dukat, get out here now! Go! Dukat: What? Kira: There's a bomb. Dukat: Meru! Dukat: Get out of the way! Dukat: Meru, Meru. Kira: I've always hated collaborators. I mean, what could be worse than betraying your own people? During the occupation, if I ever had doubt about what their fate should be all I would think of my mother, how she gave her life for Bajor. She was a hero, they were traitors. It was that simple. Or so I thought. Sisko: She did what she had to do to save her family. To save you. Kira: It doesn't make it right. Sisko: Maybe not, but it was her decision to make. Kira: I did some checking. She died in a Cardassian hospital seven years after she met Dukat. Seven years. Do you know how many Bajorans died in labor camps during that time? Died, while my mother sat sipping kanar with Dukat. Sisko: Tell me something, Nerys. If you hate her that much, why did you save her life? Kira: Believe me, there's a part of me that wishes that I hadn't. But the fact is, no matter what she did, she was still my mother.

Sisko: Captain's personal log, stardate five one seven, er, five one seven four? Computer, what day is it? Computer: Stardate 51721.3. Sisko: It's only been two weeks. I need to talk about this. I have to justify what's happened, what I've done, at least to myself. I can't talk to anyone else. Not even to Dax. Maybe if I just lay it all out in my log, it'll finally make sense. I can see where it all went wrong. Where I went wrong. I suppose it started two weeks ago, Sisko: While I was posting the weekly casualty list in the wardroom. Every Friday morning for the past three months, I've posted the official list of Starfleet personnel killed, wounded or missing in the war. Sisko: It's become something of a grim ritual around here. Not a week goes by that someone doesn't find the name of a loved one, a friend or an acquaintance on that damned list. Sisko: I've grown to hate Fridays. Sisko: Who is it, Dax? Dax: Leslie Wong. Sisko: The skipper of the Cairo? Dax: She was an instructor at the Academy when I was a sophomore. Bashir: Do you know what happened to the Cairo? Sisko: Just that she disappeared on patrol in the Romulan neutral zone. I'll look into it. Dax: Don't bother. I'm sure it's the same old story. The Jem'Hadar crossed the Romulan border and caught them by surprise. It's only about the hundredth time it's happened. Bashir: I can't believe the Romulans allow them to violate their territory so brazenly. Why do they get away with it? Sisko: The Romulans have a treaty of non-aggression and friendship with the Dominion, so they're willing to turn a blind eye to almost anything in the name of friendship. Bashir: What we need is to bring the Romulans into the war on our side. With the combined forces of the Federation, the Klingons and the Romulans we could finally go on the offensive. Dax: That's the last thing the Romulans want. Think about it. They're in the perfect position. They get to sit back and watch as their biggest rivals slug it out in a long, bloody war. No one's threatening their interests. Why should they risk their necks? There's simply no reason for them to get involved in our war. No reason at all. Sisko: That was the moment I made the decision. It was like I had stepped through a door and locked it behind me. I was going to bring the Romulans into the war. Sisko: It's in their own best interest to join the war, that's the key. That's the reason the Romulans will finally take action. Not to do us any favors, but to protect themselves from the Dominion. Dax: Okay. Let's say I'm the Romulan Proconsul. From where I'm sitting, the Dominion isn't a threat to me. I have a non-aggression pact with them. They're my allies. Sisko: You're not going to put your faith in some piece of paper, are you? Dax: Not at all. I've been watching them very closely since the beginning of the war, and so far, they've kept their part of the bargain. Sisko: They're violating your territory almost every day. What kind of an ally is that? Dax: So they're crossing my backyard to give the Federation a bloody nose. I can't say that makes me very sad. Sisko: You can't be naive enough to think that the Dominion is going to stop with the Federation. When they're finished with us, they're be coming after you. Dax: That's speculation. Sisko: The Founders see it as their sacred duty to bring order to the galaxy. Their order. Do you think they'll sit idly by while you keep your chaotic empire right next to their perfect order? No. If you watch us go under, then what you're really doing is signing your own death warrant. Dax: But before I plunge my people into a conflict that will kill millions of loyal Romulan citizens, I need something more concrete than the self-serving argument of a Starfleet officer. I need proof of Dominion duplicity. Not more words, proof. Sisko: Very good, old man. You would have made a decent Romulan. Dax: I prefer the spots to the pointed ears. Sisko: Okay, you've convinced me. They're going to need evidence. But if there is evidence of a Dominion plan to attack Romulus, it's probably buried deep in the bowels of their headquarters on Cardassia Prime. Dax: Not exactly the most accessible place in the galaxy. Sisko: Not for us, maybe. But there is someone on this station who specializes in gaining access to places where he is not welcome. Garak: I must say I'm flattered, Captain. I had no idea you held such a lofty opinion of me. Your faith in my ability to retrieve classified information from my former homeland is most gratifying. Sisko: Mister Garak, let's dispense with the usual repartee and concentrate on the issue at hand. Can you do it or not? Garak: No one wants to see the Dominion destroyed more than I do, but to go to Cardassia Prime, penetrate one of the most heavily guarded facilities in the quadrant, steal top secret war plans and then return them safely to you is not just another job. It's more like a suicide mission. And that is well outside my field of expertise. Sisko: I didn't say you had to go there yourself. I have to believe that a man like you still has a few contacts at home. A colleague from the Obsidian Order, an old friend, a reliable informant. Someone who might owe you a favor. Garak: Perhaps. Sisko: Then I'd say it's time to call in a favor. Garak: It would mean calling in all my favors, Captain. To do what you're asking would use up every resource I have left on Cardassia. And it may be a very messy, very bloody business. Are you prepared for that? Sisko: I posted my fourteenth casualty list this morning. I'm already involved in a very messy, very bloody business. And the only way I can see to end it is to bring the Romulans into the war. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to accomplish that goal, but I can't do it alone. I need help. Now, are you in or out? Garak: I'm in. Sisko: My father used to say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Sisko: I laid the first stone right there. I'd committed myself. I'd pay any price, go to any lengths, because my cause was righteous. My intentions were good. In the beginning, that seemed like enough. Sisko: If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that bad news invariably comes in the middle of the night. Kira: Kira to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead, Major. Kira: We just received a priority one communication from Starfleet Command. The Dominion has invaded Betazed. Sisko: According to initial reports, the invasion force must have come from somewhere in the Calandra Sector. Dax: Did Starfleet Intelligence know anything about the buildup? Worf: No. They believed Calandra was too far from the Dominion supply lines to be a threat. Sisko: There's plenty of blame to go around. The Tenth Fleet was supposed to be protecting Betazed and its outlying colonies, but it was caught out of position on a training exercise. What's worse, Betazed's own defense systems are obsolete and undermanned. The planet was theirs in less than ten hours. Kira: With Betazed in the hands of the Jem'Hadar, the Dominion is in a position to threaten Vulcan, Andor, Tellar, Alpha Centauri. Dax: If we ever needed a new ally, it's right now. Sisko: Mister Garak, it's been three days. Have you made any progress? Garak: Well I suppose that depends on how you look at it. Sisko: This is how I look at it is. Betazed has just fallen to the Dominion and we need to get this operation underway. Garak: I share your desire for swift action, Captain. In fact, after our last conversation, I made a few diskreet inquiries among my former associates still living on Cardassia. As I anticipated, they shared my loathing for the current government and were willing to take on an assignment aimed at its destruction. Sisko: That sounds like progress to me. Garak: Doesn't it? Unfortunately, they're all dead now. Sisko: What? Garak: Yes. All killed within one day of speaking with me. I suppose that's a testament to the effectiveness of Dominion security. One should admire such efficiency. Sisko: I'm sorry. Garak: I hope you're not giving up that easily. After all, the stakes are much higher than a few dead operatives. The fate of the entire quadrant hangs in the balance. Or at least that's the case you made to me. Sisko: Do you have another plan? Garak: As a matter of fact, I do. But I suspect you won't like it. Sisko: Try me. Garak: If you want to guarantee that we obtain evidence of a Dominion plan to attack the Romulans, I suggest that we manufacture that evidence ourselves. Sisko: Maybe I should have put a stop to it right there. Maybe I should have said, thank you very much for your input, Mister Garak. I will take your suggestion under advisement, and gone back to my office and forgotten about the whole thing. But I didn't. Because in my heart, I knew what he was saying made sense. Garak: His name is Vreenak. He's been a key member of the Romulan Senate for the past fourteen years. He's Secretary of the War Plans Council, Vice Chairman of the Tal Shiar, and one of the most trusted advisors to Proconsul Neral. Sisko: He's also the man that negotiated the non-aggression pact with the Dominion. Garak: Since you're familiar with him, I'll skip the rest of his biography. What's important is that he continues to be one of the most ardently pro-Dominion voices in the Senate. If we can convince him that the Dominion is a threat, the rest of the Senate will follow. Sisko: All right, how? Garak: Ten days from now, Senator Vreenak will be making a trip to Soukara for a diplomatic meeting with Weyoun. I am certain that he can be persuaded to make a secret detour to DS Nine if he were invited by one Captain Benjamin Sisko. Sisko: How do you know he'll be visiting Soukara? Garak: There are some things I'd rather not discuss. May I continue? Sisko: Please. Garak: When Senator Vreenak arrives, you will show him a holographic recording of a secret meeting held at the highest level of the Dominion in which the planned invasion of Romulus is being discussed. You will tell the Senator that this information was obtained through various covert means at great cost to the Federation. At least ten good men lost their lives bringing it across the line, that sort of thing. He will immediately suspect it's a forgery, but you will assure him that such a thing would be impossible. You see, Senator, this is an official Cardassian transcript. It was recorded on a one time optolythic data rod used for official record keeping. These rods are manufactured only as needed on Cardassia Prime. Information can only be transcribed on them once, and then cannot be altered. Sisko: He'll want to examine it. Garak: Of course. And he will diskover to his amazement that it's completely genuine. At least, so it will appear. Sisko: But in reality? Garak: You will have handed him a genuine optolythic data rod, but it will contain one of the most perfect forgeries ever fashioned. I'm still working on obtaining the data rod, but I have located the man who will create the holorecording. Sisko: You realize I can't authorize a thing like this on my own. I'll have to clear it with Starfleet Command. Garak: Of course. But I suspect that with the fall of Betazed, they'll be ready to do whatever it takes to bring the Romulans into the war. Sisko: I'll let you know. Garak: One last thing, Captain. The man we need to forge this holoprogram is currently sitting in a Klingon prison awaiting execution. To save time and incidentally his life, I thought that perhaps you could contact Chancellor Gowron today and arrange a pardon. Sisko: What's his name? Garak: Grathon Tolar. Tolar: I cannot tell you how grateful I am, Captain. The Klingons were going to execute me tomorrow. Of course, they say that every day. It's one of the little games they like to play. Sisko: You do understand the terms of your parole? Tolar: Oh, yes. I have to promise to stay away from the Klingon Empire. That'll be tough. And I have to create some kind of a special holoprogram for you. I can hardy wait. I've never worked for Starfleet before. Sisko: Let's be very clear about this. You're not working for Starfleet. This entire matter is off the record. As far as you're concerned, you're working for me. Tolar: Oh. A personal matter. Something special for your eyes only. Something with, perhaps, five or six Orion slave girls and Sisko: Mister Tolar, I suggest you go wait in your quarters. Mister Garak will provide you with all the information you need. Tolar: Garak is here? Sisko: That's right. Tolar: Oh. Oh. Well, that's different. I'll wait in my quarters. Sisko: Why I didn't listen to the voice in the back of my mind telling me not to believe a word he said, I'll never know. Sisko: But it didn't take long for me to come face to face with the fact that I'd made a mistake. Odo: Odo to the Captain. Sisko: Go ahead, Constable. Odo: I'm sorry to disturb you, but do you know a man named Grathon Tolar? Sisko: Yes. Why do you ask? Odo: Because he just tried to kill Quark. Bashir: Sit still, Quark. You'll be fine. Odo: All right, keep an eye on him. Sisko: What happened? Odo: As I understand it, Mister Tolar over there came in about two hours ago and ordered a bottle of Whelan Bitters. Fifteen minutes later, he ordered a second bottle, then a third. Halfway through his fourth bottle he decided to dance with M'Pella. She was otherwise engaged running the dabo wheel and declined his invitation. He decided to force the issue. A brief struggle ensued and Quark, in an uncharacteristic display of chivalry, attempted to intervene, so Tolar stabbed him. Normally, he'd be sitting in a holding cell, but he claims he's a friend of yours. Sisko: He's no friend of mine, but he is working for me. It's an extremely sensitive matter concerning Federation security. I can't have any record of him being on the station. Odo: I see. I am certainly aware of the need for special security measures during wartime, but as a matter of law, if Quark chooses to press charges against Tolar, I have no choice but to make an arrest. Sisko: May I speak to Quark. Sisko: How is he? Quark: How do I look? I'm a man who just had a brush with death. Bashir: He'll be fine. His ribs deflected the knife from his major organs. The bleeding was superficial. Quark: Superficial? Do you know how much this shirt cost? Sisko: Will you excuse us for a moment, Doctor? Bashir: I'll check on you tomorrow. Sisko: Do you intend to press charges? Quark: You bet I do. Sisko: What will it take, er, to, er, convince you otherwise? Quark: Are you offering me a bribe? I knew it. Captain, I've always liked you. I suspected that somewhere deep down in your heart of hearts there was a tiny bit of Ferengi just waiting to get out. Sisko: What's your price? Quark: Well, let's start with replacing my clothes and M'Pella's clothes. Sisko: All right. Quark: I'm not finished. I think I should be compensated for the loss of business I suffered today, which I calculate as no less than five bars of gold pressed latinum. Sisko: Done. Quark: I'm also having a problem with station security. They're holding some cargo containers which I've been waiting for because of some missing import license or something. Sisko: I'll handle it. Anything else? Quark: No. I think we can call it a bribe. And thank you, Captain. Thank you for restoring my faith in the ninety eighth Rule of Acquisition. Every man has his price. Sisko: That was my first moment of real doubt, when I started to wonder if this whole thing was a mistake. So then I went back to my office and there was a new casualty list waiting for me. People are dying out there every day. Entire worlds are struggling for their freedom and here I am still worrying about the finer points of morality. No, I had to keep my eye on the ball. Win the war, stop the bloodshed. Those were the priorities! Sisko: So I pushed on. And every time another doubt appeared before me, I just found another way to shove it aside. Garak: Mind if I join you? Sisko: Be my guest. Sisko: Ops. Garak: Hold. The less I'm seen parading through Ops, the better. Sisko: I couldn't agree more. Garak: You seem angry. Sisko: Who's watching Tolar? Garak: I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force the door open, it may explode. Sisko: I hope that's just an impression. Garak: It's best not to dwell on such minutiae. In any case, we have far more important matters to discuss. I've located a gentleman willing to sell us a genuine optolythic data rod. Sisko: How do you know it's genuine? Garak: I trust the source, but rest assured I will confirm the rod's authenticity before I make payment. Which brings me to you. Sisko: How much does he want? Garak: I'm afraid he's not interested in latinum. The gentleman in question has requested to be compensated with two hundred liters of biomimetic gel. Sisko: What? Garak: I don't know why, exactly. One would assume it has something to do with genetic experimentation. Sisko: Offer him something else. Garak: Believe me, I wouldn't be relaying this request if I thought he'd take anything else. Sisko: Biomimetic gel is strictly controlled by the Federation and not for sale at any price. Find someone else who's willing sell us a rod. Garak: I wasn't exaggerating when I told you about the near impossibility of obtaining a genuine Cardassian data rod. It's something of a minor miracle that I was able to locate this one source, I'm virtually certain I won't find another. I'm afraid we either give him what he wants or forget the whole enterprise. Sisko: Then let's forget about it. Ops. Hold. Two hundred liters is out of the question. There's not that much gel in the entire sector. Garak: I believe the quantity is open to negotiation. Sisko: Ops. Bashir: Captain, biomimetic gel is an extremely dangerous compound, as you know. I can't release it without at least some idea of where it's going. In the wrong hands, it could be used to make biogenic weapons, or for illegal replication experiments, or to develop organic explosives Sisko: Perhaps I didn't make myself clear, Doctor. This is not a request, it's an order. You will package eighty five liters of biomimetic gel for interstellar transport and deliver them to cargo bay three. Is that understood? Bashir: Yes. I'd like this order in writing, please, sir. Sisko: I thought you might. Bashir: You should know that I shall note this in my log and file an official protest with Starfleet Medical. Sisko: That is your right. But I want the gel by the end of the day. Dismissed. Weyoun: The Founders have decided to implement stage two ahead of schedule. Damar: The invasion of Romulus? It's too soon. We're engaged in heavy fighting all along the border with the Federation. The Klingons are preparing to go on the offensive and Weyoun: Fortunately, the Founders have better vision than you do. They can see the opportunities before us even when you cannot. Consider. The Romulans don't expect an attack from Cardassia. The bulk of the Romulan fleet is still deployed along the Neutral Zone with the Federation. The Founders estimate that we could be on Romulus itself in less than three weeks. Damar: Three weeks? I heard the same kind of estimates before we attacked the Federation. Weyoun: Those plans were ruined by the incompetency of your predecessor. Damar: Gul Dukat is a great man. Weyoun: Gul Dukat is a preening egotist and a fool. We offered him unchallenged control of the Alpha Quadrant and all he could think about was his daughter. Now, shall we get back to the business at hand? Garak: That's it. Freeze program. That's all the new material. The rest of the program plays exactly as you saw it before. What do you think? Sisko: It's better. They seem more real. Garak: Yes, and all I had to do was add a little petty bickering and mutual loathing. Tolar: So, you are happy? Sisko: It's satisfactory. Garak: You may record the program onto the data rod now. Sisko: I've received a message. Senator Vreenak is on the way. Garak: Excellent. Tolar: Done. Who gets it? Garak: Just put it in the case. Tolar: Well. It has been a pleasure doing business with you, gentlemen. Call me again if you ever need Sisko: You're not going anywhere. Tolar: What? What do you mean? Sisko: I mean you're not leaving until your work is accepted by our client. Tolar: That isn't fair. You can't keep me here against my will! I haven't done anything wrong. We had an agreement. Sisko: I'm making a new agreement. If that program passes inspection, you walk free, but if there's even the slightest flaw, the I will send you back to that Klingon prison and tell Gowron to take his time while he executes you. Tolar: All right. It will pass. You'll see. It will pass. Garak: I sincerely hope so. Now why don't you go back to your quarters. I'll be along shortly to say hello. Sisko: Maybe I was under more pressure than I realized. Maybe it really was starting to get to me. But I was off the hook. Starfleet Command had given the plan their blessing and I thought that would make things easier. But I was the one who had to make it happen. I was the one who had to look Senator Vreenak in his eye and convince him that a lie was the truth. Garak: So while you're entertaining the Senator in the wardroom, I'll take the opportunity to make a quick search of his ship's database. Sisko: For what? Garak: For any intelligence information he may have picked up on the Dominion in Soukara. Sisko: What if you get caught? Garak: Oh, I think that's highly unlikely. I doubt the senator will be traveling with more than four bodyguards at the most. Two will stand watch outside the wardroom and two will stay in the landing bay. I assure you, they'll never know I was even near their ship. Sisko: Just make sure you don't get caught. Sisko: Report. Worf: Sections fifty two Baker through sixty two Baker have been secured. I have posted armed guards at every entry points and I have personally scanned all compartments for signs of surveillance equipment. Sisko: Very good, Commander. Maintain current security measures until further notice. No one is to enter this area except for Mister Garak and myself. Worf: Aye, sir. Garak: Always a pleasure to see you, Mister Worf. Kira: Ops to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead, Major. Kira: We've just received the coded subspace signal you were waiting for. Should I reply? Sisko: No reply, Major. Sisko out. Garak: I'll take my leave of you now, Captain. Oh, and one last thing. Vreenak believes he's on the winning side, so until you can prove otherwise, you may have to put up with a certain acerbic attitude. Sisko: Mister Garak, after having spent a week with you, I have developed a very, very thick skin. Garak: Good luck. Sisko: Welcome aboard, Senator. I'm Captain Benjamin Sisko. Vreenak: So, you're the Commander of Deep Space Nine, and the Emissary to the Prophets, decorated combat officer, widower, father, mentor, and oh yes, the man who started the war with the Dominion. Somehow I thought you'd be taller. Sisko: Sorry to disappoint you. Vreenak: To be honest, my opinion of Starfleet officers is so low that you'd have to work very hard indeed to disappoint me. Sisko: If you'll come with me, I'll show you to your quarters. Vreenak: I look forward to seeing your station, while it's still here, that is. The way the war's going with the Federation, it may not be around much longer. Vreenak: A fair approximation. Somewhat lacking in aroma. Real kali-fal should forcibly open one's sinuses well before the first sip. Sisko: We don't have much experience in replicating Romulan beverages. Of course, all of that would change if we became allies instead of cold warriors. Vreenak: You are persistent, Captain, I'll grant you that, but dogged determination isn't enough to change the reality of your situation. Time is definitely not on your side. The Dominion shipyards are working at one hundred percent capacity. Yours are still being rebuilt. The Dominion is breeding legions of Jem'Hadar soldiers every day. You're experiencing a manpower shortage. But most important, the Dominion is resolved to win the war at any cost. You and I both know the Federation has already put out peace feelers. Now, in all candor, if you were in my position, which side would you choose? Sisko: I'd pick the side most likely to leave us in peace when the dust settles. Maybe you're right. Maybe the Dominion will win in the end. Then the Founders will control what we now call Cardassia, the Klingon Empire and the Federation. So, instead of facing three separate opponents with three separate agendas, you'll find yourselves facing the same opponent on every side. There's a word for that. Surrounded. Vreenak: It really is a good replica. The aroma's starting to grow on me. For a moment there I almost forgot that it wasn't the real thing, but only for a moment. You make some very good points, Captain, but it's still all speculation and theory. Nothing that would warrant abrogating our treaty and plunging the Empire into war. Sisko: What if I told you that the Dominion is planning a sneak attack on the Romulan Empire at this very moment? Vreenak: I'd want proof. Weyoun: And with the Cardassian Fourth Order protecting their flank, the Twenty third Jem'Hadar division will begin its thrust across the Glintara Sector. They should begin the invasion of Romulus itself on the following day. Once we've taken the homeworld, organized resistance will crumble when outlying systems and colonies begin looking out for themselves. Consolidation of the entire Empire will take three months at most. Damar: What if the Romulan fleet reacts faster than you're anticipating? What if they pull all of their forces away from the Federation border at the first sign of our attack? Weyoun: I place my faith in the Founders. They say that the Romulans are not ready for war and will not react fast enough once it begins. Now, do you wish to dispute their judgment? Damar: No, of course not. I serve the Founders. Weyoun: As do we all. Meeting adjourned. Vreenak: I'd like to examine that data rod. Sisko: So all I could do was wait and see how masterful Tolar's forgery really was. So I waited. Tried to catch up on my paperwork. But I found it very difficult to focus on criminal activity reports, or cargo manifests, do I went back to pacing and staring out of the window. I'm not an impatient man. I'm not one to agonize over decisions once they're made. I got that from my father. He always says worry and doubt are the greatest enemies of a great chef. The soufflé will either rise or it won't. There's not a damn thing you can do about it, so you might as well just sit back and wait and see what happens. But this time the cost of failure was so high I found it difficult to follow his advice. Sisko: If Vreenak diskovered that the data rod was a forgery, if he realized that we were trying to trick them into war, it could push the Romulans even farther into the enemy camp. They could start to openly help the Dominion. If worse came to worst, they could actually join the war against us. I had the distinct feeling that victory or defeat would be decided in the next few minutes. Vreenak: It's a fake! Sisko: So it blew up in my face. And all the lies and the compromises, the inner doubts and rationalizations, all for nothing. Vreenak was furious. I can't say I blamed him. I'd have reacted the same way. After telling me in no uncertain terms that he would expose this vile deception to the entire Alpha Quadrant, he got back in his shuttle and headed home. There didn't seem to be anything more to do. Sisko: So I went back to work. Two days later, I got the news. Bashir: No one for me today. Dax: I had one. Maria Tatalia, wounded in action. Bashir: Friend? Dax: Friend of a friend. I actually only met her once. I don't think she'd remember me. Bashir: A friend of a friend between the two of us. Well, I know it sounds a bit strange, but I'd say we're off to a pretty good start today. Worf: Captain, we just received word from Starfleet Intelligence that a Romulan shuttlecraft carrying a high ranking senator has just been destroyed. Sisko: Which Senator? Worf: Senator Vreenak. He was returning to Romulus from a diplomatic mission to Soukara when his shuttle exploded. The Tal Shiar are investigating, but preliminary report points to sabotage. They believe that the Dominion is responsible. Dax: The Dominion assassinated a Romulan Senator. Bashir: On a diplomatic mission. Worf: That changes everything. It could even bring the Romulans into the war. Sisko: Excuse me. Sisko: Get up. You killed him. Garak: That's right. Sisko: That's what you planned to do all along, isn't it. You knew the data rod wouldn't hold up to scrutiny. You just wanted to get him on the station so you could plant a bomb on his shuttle. Garak: It wasn't quite that simple. I did have hopes that the rod would somehow pass inspection, but I suspected that Tolar may not have been up to the task. Sisko: And what about Tolar? Did you kill him too? Garak: Think of them both as tragic victims of war. Garak: If you can allow your anger to subside for a moment, you'll see that they did not die in vain. The Romulans will enter the war. Sisko: There's no guarantee of that. Garak: Oh, but I think that there is. You see, when the Tal Shiar finishes examining the wreckage of Vreenak's shuttle, they'll find the burnt remnants of a Cardassian optolythic data rod which somehow miraculously survived the explosion. After painstaking forensic examination, they'll diskover that the rod contains a recording of a high level Dominion meeting at which the invasion of Romulus was being planned. Sisko: And then they'll diskover that it is a fraud! Garak: No, I don't think they will, because any imperfections in the forgery will appear to be a result of the explosion. So, with a seemingly legitimate rod in one hand and a dead senator in the other, I ask you, Captain, what conclusion would you draw? Sisko: That Vreenak obtained the rod on Soukara and that the Dominion killed him to prevent him from returning to Romulus with it. Garak: Precisely. And the more the Dominion protests their innocence, the more the Romulans will believe they're guilty because it's exactly what the Romulans would have done in their place. That's why you came to me, isn't it, Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren't capable of doing. Well, it worked. And you'll get what you want, a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant and all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don't know about you, but I'd call that a bargain. Sisko: At oh eight hundred hours, station time, the Romulan Empire formally declared war against the Dominion. They have already struck fifteen bases along the Cardassian border. So, this is a huge victory for the good guys. This may even be the turning point of the entire war. There's even a 'Welcome to the Fight' party tonight in the wardroom. So I lied, I cheated, I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men. I am an accessory to murder. But most damning thing of all, I think I can live with it. And if I had to do it all over again, I would. Garak was right about one thing. A guilty conscience is a small price to pay for the safety of the Alpha Quadrant, so I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it. I can live with it. Computer, erase that entire personal log.

Vic: Thank you. Hey, it's been four hundred years but that little number still works for me. Bashir: Isn't he terrific? Worf: I prefer Klingon opera. Bashir: Come on, I'll introduce you. Kira: To a hologram? Odo: Doctor, is this really necessary? Bashir: Trust me, he's no ordinary hologram. Vic. You're terrific. Great. Vic: Thanks, Doc. O'Brien: Wonderful. Kira: Very nice. Vic: I know what you're thinking. He has pretty sweet pipes for a light bulb. Dax: Light bulb? Vic: That's what I am, right? A collection of photons and forcefields. You know, your basic heuristic, fully interactive hologram. O'Brien: He knows he's a hologram? Bashir: Felix designed him that way. He thought it gave him the right attitude for the era. Vic: If you're going to work Vegas in the sixties, you'd better know the score. otherwise, you're going to look like a Clyde. Kira: A Clyde? Vic: A Harvey, you know. Worf: Harvey? Vic: A square. You know what a square is, right? O'Brien: It's one side of a cube. Vic: Well, I guess that answers my question. Where are your manners, Julian? Aren't you going to introduce me to your entourage? Bashir: I am so sorry. Commanders Dax and Worf, this is Vic Fontaine. Vic: How long you kids been married? Worf: How did you know we were married? Vic: When you sing in as many joints as I have, you become a student of the human heart. Don't beat yourself up, pallie. Just because you miss your wife, doesn't mean you've gone blind. O'Brien: What's that supposed to mean? Vic: It means there's a lot of very attractive ladies in the room and it's all right to look at them as long as you don't touch. O'Brien: He's good. Vic: And as for you two. Odo: Yes? Vic: Never mind. Forget I brought it up. You have time for another song? Bashir: Oh no, we've got to split, Vic. Vic: Well, you know where to find me. By the way, this is a high class joint. That means coat and ties for the gents, dresses for the ladies. You guys look like a trapeze act. Bashir: Catch you later, baby. O'Brien: Come on, Julian. You told him about Keiko. Bashir: I didn't say a word. So, why don't we all meet here tomorrow night at twenty one hundred? We can listen to Vic's whole set, then maybe hit the casinos, play a little blackjack, roulette. Dax: We'll be there. Right? Worf: I still prefer Klingon operas. Kira: Well count me out. I'm leaving for Bajor in the morning. Dax: Oh, that's right. I forgot. Say hi to Shakaar for me. Sorry. I forgot. Pretend you didn't hear that. She doesn't want anyone to know that she's visiting the First Minister. Bashir: Business or pleasure? Kira: Now you see what you started? Dax: I said I was sorry. Bashir: So, what do you think? O'Brien: About what? Bashir: About Vic. Clever, isn't he? O'Brien: Too clever. Bashir: I tell you, I owe the man, Miles. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be dating Ensign Walker. O'Brien: What are you talking about? Bashir: She turned down three dinner invitations. I talked to Vic, he gave me a few pointers and voila. O'Brien: Julian, are you telling me that you discussed your love life with a hologram? Bashir: He's not an ordinary hologram, Miles. He knows about life, love, women. O'Brien: Three things you know nothing about. Bashir: Now that's a little unfair. O'Brien: Well then, why are you asking for advice from a light bulb? Quark: I don't know why you're so surprised. What did you expect was going to happen? Odo: I wasn't expecting anything. Quark: I see. How long has it been since Shakaar and Major Kira broke up? Odo: I don't know. About a year. Quark: It's been over a year. You've had plenty of time to arrange a merger with Kira. But in all that time, have you even tried to open negotiations? No. Odo: It's not that simple. Quark: Odo, the woman waited a year for you to make an offer, any kind of an offer. Face it, you've had plenty of opportunities and you've let them all slip away. Odo: Who asked for your opinion? Quark: You did. I came here to talk about a missing shipment of groat clusters. You're the one that started talking about the Major. You want my advice? Odo: No. Quark: Make it easy on both of us. Forget all about her. Odo: Is that the best you can do? Quark: I'd like to see someone do better. Odo: So would I. Quark: You're not exactly the most lovable person in the galaxy. You're not even the most lovable person in this sector, or on the station. Or even in this room. You're cold, rigid, remote. Can I leave now? Odo: Please do. Wait. Quark: Odo, make up your mind. Odo: I need a favor from you. It's about Doctor Bashir's new holosuite program. Quark: You're up late, Doctor. Bashir: Yeah, can't sleep. Feeling a bit tense, actually. Quark: I've got just the thing. One Warp Core Breach coming right up. Quark: A few sips of this and you'll be relaxd for the next three days. Bashir: I'm not that tense, Quark. Look, I think I'll just go up to the holosuite for a bit and Quark: The holosuite? Bashir: Yes. If you could hand me my new program Quark: Sorry, Doctor, all the holosuites are in use. Bashir: At this hour? Quark: It's been that kind of a night. I'm afraid there won't be one available for the rest of this evening. Bashir: That's unfortunate. Maybe I'll go wake up Miles, play a little tongo. Vic: I remember back in must've been fifty eight, I was playing the Sands. One night, Frank and Dean dropped by. We ended up taking over one of the blackjack tables. Between the three of us, we must've dropped fifteen big ones and believe me, back then that wasn't chump change. So, Frank goes over to the pit boss. What was his name? Odo: Look, Mister Fontaine, I Vic: Vic. Odo: Vic. These stories are all very interesting, but I didn't come here to reminisce about your past. Yesterday, when my friends and I were here, you seemed to know things. Vic: I've been around the block a couple of times. Odo: You seem to know specific things. For instance, Dax and Worf are married, the Chief missed his wife. Vic: You don't have to be an Einstein to clue into any of that. Odo: At one point, you were going to make an observation about Major Kira and myself. Vic: I thought about it but I didn't want to embarrass anyone you know, give away any secrets. Odo: Exactly what secrets are you talking about? Vic: C'mon, do I really have to connect the dots? You're crazy about the broad but you're afraid to do anything about it. And she? Well, you know. Odo: No. Go on. Vic: It's the oldest story in the book. She thinks of you as a friend. Odo: I wouldn't call that a secret. Vic: But women have been known to change their minds. You just have to give them a reason. Odo: You make it sound so easy. Vic: That's because it's not that hard. The girl already likes you. That means you're halfway home. Odo: She's aware of my feelings toward her, but the truth is she prefers Shakaar. Vic: Who? Odo: The First Minister of Bajor. He's a leader, a hero, a man with great charisma. Vic: I don't care if he's JFK. It's not the other guy you have to worry about, it's you. Odo: Me? Vic: That's right. I mean, for starters you've got to lose this whole Nanook of the North thing. Odo: I don't understand. Vic: Well, you've got about as much personality as an icicle. Cool is one thing, but you're frozen solid. Odo: You think I have no emotions. Believe me, I do. I just don't always show them. Vic: And therein lies the problem. Come with me. Odo: Where to? Vic: Look, pallie, if you want to win the girl, we got to thaw you out a little bit. You know, turn up the heat, get those emotions you claim to have bubbling to the surface. It's time to have some fun. Odo: What does fun have to do with Major Kira? Vic: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. First, let's lose those threads. I mean, here's nothing like a tuxedo to make you feel like a million bucks. Odo: You mean something like this? Vic: Very sharp. After you. Odo: Oh, I don't sing. Vic: Glad to hear it. I don't need the competition. What I do need is someone to handle the black and whites. My piano player just threw ten sevens in a row at the craps table and took off for Reno. So have a seat, my friend, the crowd's getting restless. Odo: What crowd? Vic: That one. Vic: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Vic Fontaine. And tonight is going to be a gas. Hit it, Nanook. Odo: No, I don't play the piano. Vic: You want to bet? Vic: Stay with me, pallie. Odo: You don't need me. The piano's doing all the work. Vic: That's not the point. You've got to sell it. Style, baby, style. Make 'em believe. Odo: Style. Odo: No, it's nothing. Cool! Vic: Bottoms up. Odo: No, I don't drink. Vic: Why am I not surprised? It's not real booze. You're in a holosuite, remember? How'd you like being in the spotlight? Odo: Very bright. Vic: That's all you've got to say? Odo: The lights kept me from seeing the audience. I suppose that's why I wasn't nervous. Vic: Nothing to be nervous about. You were too busy having fun. Odo: I suppose I was. I'm just grateful none of my friends saw me. Vic: There you go, tensing up again. Look at you. I mean, you're standing there like a statue. I mean, the only things you're going to attract are pigeons. Sit down. Relax. Take a couple of deep breaths. You do that and everything you want will come to you. Odo: That's all it takes? Vic: Try it. Go on. Vic: See? Odo: Are you expecting someone? Vic: Let's find out. Ginger: Surprise! Vic: Well for crying out loud. What are you two lovely ladies doing here? Melissa: You invited us, remember? Vic: Oh, that's right. Come on in. Odo, we've got company. Ginger: Look, it's the piano player. We saw you perform tonight. Melissa thinks you're adorable. Melissa: Would you mind if I looked at your hands? Vic: Show her your hands. Melissa: I knew it. They're so artistic. Ginger: You know, I once played on the same bill with Liberace. He has the sweetest dimples. Melissa: Are you classically trained? Odo: No, actually I. Vic taught me everything I know. Melissa: Is he a good student? Vic: Head of his class. Melissa: Maybe I can help you get your diploma. Vic: All right, ladies. The night is young and I have a table waiting for us at the Dunes. Ginger: We're going to see Shecky? Melissa: Shecky. Odo: Shecky who? Melissa: Oh, you didn't tell me he had a sense of humor. Ginger: He plays the piano and he's funny. Kind of like Victor Borge. Odo: Who? Melissa: I think I'm in love. Vic: After you, ladies. Odo: I don't think Vic: What are you worried about? Melissa's a very nice girl. Odo: Oh, I'm sure she is. It's just she's not Kira. Vic: Tell me something, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? Odo: I have no idea. Vic: Practice, practice, practice. Get it? Odo: No. Vic: Think of this evening as a trial run. Trust me, you're going to do great. Odo: Captain, here's the report on that smuggling ring you requested. Should I forward the information to the Zevian authorities? Sisko: I'll let you know in a minute. Odo: No, no, they can't take that away from me. The way your smile just beams. Odo: Yes, Captain? Sisko: Oh, don't stop on my account. Odo: Stop what? Sisko: You were singing. Odo: I was singing? Sisko: No, no, they can't take that away from me. Odo: You're right. I was singing. They can't take that away from me. SISKO + Odo: We may never, never meet again on that bumpy road to love. Crewman: Dax. Dax: Julian. Bashir: Morning. Dax: Ops. I wonder, should you ask Kira about Shakaar or should I? Bashir: Why don't you do the honors. But you'll have to wait. She's staying on Bajor for two more days. Dax: She and Shakaar must be having a good time. Bashir: That'd be my guess. Dax: Poor Odo. Bashir: Odo? What's he got to do with it? Dax: Not a thing. That's the problem. Quark: Have fun. Vic: Thank you. Thank you for that kind applause. Keep clapping. There's a fly buzzing the room and one of you is bound to nail him. Why the long face, buddy boy? Odo: You still haven't told me what I'm supposed to do about Kira and Shakaar. Vic: Shakaar? Forget about that fink. I'll bet he doesn't look half as good in a tux as you do. Odo: What difference does that make? Vic: You've been coming here every night for a week. Have I steered you wrong? Odo: No. Vic: Then trust your Uncle Vic. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special surprise for you tonight. If this babe doesn't raise your temperature, you'd better check the obituary column, because chances are you're in it, pallie. Let's have a nice warm round of applause for Miss Lola Crystal. Vic: Remind you of anyone? Vic: Don't look now, but I think she likes you. Vic: A toast. As Georgie Jessel once said, 'To whatever makes you happy.' Lola: My thoughts exactly. Vic: I'm going to turn in. You two lovebirds can live without me, I trust? Lola: We'll manage. Odo: You have a beautiful voice. Lola: And you have beautiful hands. Odo: So I've been told. Lola: They feel good, too. Odo: So do you. I've been waiting to hold you like this for as long as I can remember. Lola: We just met tonight. Odo: I must have a short memory. Lola: You're funny. Odo: Kind of like Victor Borge? Lola: How'd you know? Odo: I can't. I can't do this. Lola: Why not? Odo: I'm sorry, it has nothing to do with you. Vic! Vic! Vic: What's wrong? Odo: This isn't working. Vic: I thought you two were getting along just fine. Odo: Of course we are. You programd her to find me irresistible. I could read her a criminal activities report, she'd think it was poetry. Vic: You want me to reprogram her, make her play hard to get? Odo: She's nothing like Kira. Lola: Who's Kira? Vic: Of course she's not Kira. She's a hologram. Lola: A what? Vic: Sweetheart, please. Stay out of this. Do you know how difficult it was for me to get a holographic image of Major Kira? Lucky for you, Julian used her image in one of his spy programs, though it did take me an hour to get rid of the Russian accent. Odo: Look, I appreciate what you've done for me, but I'm afraid it's all been in vain. I may be Romeo in the holosuite, but I know the first time I see the real Kira, I'm going to turn back into Nanook of the North. Vic: At least you're starting to talk the talk. Odo: I was hoping for a bit more than that. Vic: Wait. Wait a minute. You can't give up now. Odo: I'm sorry, but I am tired of discussing my feelings with a hologram. Lola: You're a hologram too? Kira: Odo, hello. Odo: Major. Kira: Anything interesting happen while I was gone? Odo: Interesting? No, no, nothing at all. As a matter of fact, it's been rather dull. Kira: I'm sorry to hear that. Odo: Well, I'd better get back to work. Vic: Hey, doll face. You asleep? Kira: How the hell did you get in here? Vic: I'm performing next door for Dax and Worf. I'm between sets, so I transferred my matrix from that holosuite to this one. Now, I don't have much time. Kira: What do you want? Vic: We have to talk. Kira: About what? Vic: Odo, what else? Kira: Odo. Vic: Come on, Major, don't be coy. We both know he's nuts about you. Kira: He told you that? Vic: He tells me everything. We've been spending a lot of time together. Kira: Odo spending time in a holosuite? Vic: And loving it. Kira: I'm sorry. That's just not the Odo I know. Vic: Which tells you what? You don't know him as well as you think you do. He's not the same stick in the mud anymore. The cat can swing. Kira: Are we're talking about the same Odo? Vic: The one and only. But let me tell you, the only chick he wants to swing with is you. Kira: I take it that's a good thing. Vic: It's love, baby. Nothing better than that. Kira: How did you get in here again? Vic: Don't try to change the subject. We're talking about you and Odo. Kira: No, that's what you're talking about. I'm trying to meditate. Vic: And I don't mean to interrupt. Kira: Good. Then leave. Vic: Talk about your cranky aliens. You two really are made for each other. Which is why you've got to come to the holosuite tonight. Kira: What for? Vic: So you and Odo can have dinner together. Kira: If Odo wants to have dinner with me, then why doesn't he ask me himself? Vic: Because I'm asking you for him, and neither one of us will take no for an answer. Kira: Then I better say yes. Vic: Crazy. Vic: Odo? Can you hear me? Odo: Vic? What are you doing on the comm. line? Vic: I need to talk to you. I want you to come to the holosuite tonight. Odo: Why? Vic: I've done a complete overhaul on the Lola hologram or should I say the Kira hologram? I'm telling you, Odo, you're going to think she's the real thing. She walks like Kira, she talks like Kira. Odo: Really? How did you manage to accomplish that? Vic: I don't have time to explain now. I'll see you tonight, nine o'clock. That's twenty one hundred to you. Odo: I know. Vic: I'll see you then, pallie. Vic: I believe you two know each other. Odo: You look lovely. Kira: Thank you. So do you. Vic: Mademoiselle. I'll be your server this evening. I'll try not to spill anything. To begin, a little Dom Perignon fifty five and some oysters Rockefeller. To be followed by Caesar salad, chateaubriand, and cherries jubilee. Kira: This is all very interesting, but don't you feel a little silly being here in a holosuite? Odo: A bit. Vic: Let me know when you're ready for the salad. Odo: Bon appétit. It's French, an Earth language. It means enjoy your meal. Kira: I didn't know you spoke French. Odo: I don't. It's something I learned from Vic. French is ze language of love. Kira: Vic's a fountain of information. Odo: He's certainly a man of many talents. But we're really not here to talk about Vic, are we? Kira: I'm certainly not. Odo: I always wondered what this would be like. Kira: The two of us having dinner together? Odo: It's certainly not the way I pictured it would be. Kira: It is a bit unusual. Odo: Is something wrong? You haven't touched your food. Kira: No, it looks delicious. I'm not hungry. The truth is, I'm a little nervous. Odo: You? Nervous? Kira: A bit. It is our first date, right? Odo: Right. Well, there's nothing wrong with being a little nervous as long it doesn't get in the way. Kira: Of what? Odo: Of enjoying yourself. Kira: I thought the only thing you enjoy is your work. Odo: How'd you know that? Kira: You told me yourself. Odo: Well done, Vic. Kira: Vic? Odo: Never mind. I do enjoy my work, but I'm afraid I've used it as an excuse to avoid the rest of my life. Kira: I know the feeling. Kira: It's a pretty song. Odo: It is, isn't it? You're sure you're not hungry? Kira: Sure. What do we do now? Odo: Only one thing we can do. Dance with me. Kira: I'm not sure I know how to dance to this kind of music. Odo: Just stay close. Kira: Sorry. Odo: No, that's good. Kira: I had no idea you could dance. Odo: It's amazing what you can learn in a holosuite. Kira: I can't believe we're having our first date in a holosuite. I understand that you wouldn't feel comfortable at Quark's, but I know one or two out of the way restaurants on the station. Odo: I don't think that's possible. Kira: Are you embarrassed to be seen with me? Odo: No, no, I meant it would be difficult for you to leave the holosuite. Kira: Why? Odo: It's complicated. Kira: Complicated to leave a holosuite? You make it sound like I'm a hologram. Odo: Aren't you? Kira: Is that what you think? Odo: Maybe you'd better tell her. Vic: There's nothing to tell. I'm good, pallie, but I'm not that good. You've been dancing with the real McCoy. Odo: You tricked me. Kira: And me. Vic: Hey, I brought you two lovebirds together. That was the whole idea, wasn't it? Odo: Nerys. Kira. Major. Vic: Don't say it. Computer end program. Vic: Odo? Are you there? Odo: I have nothing to say to you. Vic: Look, I know you think I sold you down the river. Odo: You lied to me. Vic: It was for your own good. It was time for you to stop playing around with holograms and start playing around with the real thing. Odo: You should have told me it was really Kira. Vic: Would you have shown up if I had? I don't hear an answer, pallie. If you think about it, there's not much to be mad about. I saw the way she looked at you while the two of you were dancing. The lady digs you big time. Odo: She digs Shakaar. I can only imagine what she thinks of me. I kept insisting she was a hologram. Vic: Odo, listen to me. Odo: No, I'm done listening to you. Computer, end transmission. Dax: Are you going to tell me what's wrong? Kira: Oh, there's nothing's wrong. Have you ever had a moment of pure clarity? A moment where the truth just seems to leap up and grab you by the throat? Dax: I bet this has something to do with your visit with Shakaar. Kira: This has nothing to do with Shakaar. Now tell me, have you ever had a moment like that? Dax: One or two. Of course, that's over a span of seven lifetimes. Kira: Only two moments of clarity in seven lifetimes? Dax: Nerys, total clarity is a very rare thing. Kira: I guess so. Dax: And when it comes to you, it's important that you act on it, because believe me, confusion and doubt will take over before you know it. Odo: Check this out. Kira: You're absolutely right. It makes perfect sense. Dax: Don't tell me you're having another moment of clarity? Kira: That's two in two days. Dax: That's amazing. Kira: Odo, wait. Odo: Major, if you don't mind, I'd like to forget all about the last night. Kira: No, I don't think that's a good idea. We need to talk about what happened. Odo: Very well. We can meet in my office in an hour. Kira: No, let's discuss it over dinner. Odo: Dinner? Kira: You can choose the restaurant. Anywhere but a holosuite. Odo: What about Shakaar? Do you think he'll approve? Kira: I don't care if he approves or not. Shakaar and I are friends. That's all, friends. The First Minister asked me to update him on the war with the Dominion. My visit was strictly business. Now, are we going to have dinner together or not? Odo: And if we do, then what? Kira: I don't know. Maybe we could go dancing. Odo: And after that I suppose you'll expect me to kiss you. Kira: Well, it's possible. Odo: Then who needs dinner? Why don't I get it over with and kiss you right now? Kira: Well why don't you? Kira: You're right. Who needs dinner? Vic: Cos I've got you under my skin. Cos I've got you under my skin. Vic: Here in Vegas, there's only one way to make sure you don't lose any money. The moment you step off the plane, you walk right into the propellers. See you in a few minutes, folks. Odo. Hey, long time no see. Odo: Well, I've been busy. Vic: So I hear. Julian tells me that you and the Major are quite an item. Odo: Well, for the moment. Who knows how long it'll last. Vic: That's my Odo. Always ready to turn victory into defeat. Odo: I wanted to thank you for all your help. Vic: Anytime, pallie, anytime. Hey, you feel like sitting in on a number? Odo: Some other time. Vic: Say hi to the Major for me. Vic: Hey, do me a favor? Leave the program running for a few minutes after you leave. I feel like singing. Odo: Whatever makes you happy.

Sisko: The Dominion has solidified its hold on the Kalandra Sector. They're trying to establish a supply line running through Betazoid space into the Argolis Cluster. Worf: If they succeed, they will be able to launch an attack against Vulcan. Sisko: Starfleet's going to try to cut them off near the Tibor Nebula. The Seventh Fleet will be engaging the enemy in the morning. Dax: The Seventh Fleet is still at half-strength. They took heavy losses at Sybaron. Sisko: Well let's just hope they can get the job done. On a happier note, I do have a bit of good news. Bashir: That makes a welcome change. Sisko: The Romulans have forced the Dominion to retreat from the Benzite system. Odo: That is good news. The question is, will the Romulans be willing to leave Benzar after the war is over? Once they capture territory, they very rarely give it up. Sisko: Right now, we need to concentrate on beating the Dominion. We'll worry about the Romulans later. As some of you already know, Major Kira, Jake and I will be leaving for Bajor at twenty two hundred. Dax: There's a war on. This is no time for a vacation. Kira: The archeologists excavating B'hala have found something they want the Emissary to see. Sisko: We'll be returning tomorrow night. That's all, people. Kira: Will the Romulans leave Benzar? You love to bring up the worst-case scenario in these meetings, don't you? Odo: Somebody has to. Besides, everyone expects me to be dour and suspicious. I don't want to disappoint them. Kira: If they only knew the real you. Odo: That is the real me. At least as far as everyone else is concerned. Koral: I can't tell you how pleased we are by your visit, Emissary. Sisko: Glad to be here, Ranjen. Koral: Oh, there's no need to keep calling me Ranjen. I'm a simple monk. My order is quite informal. Sisko: You've certainly been busy. The last time I visited the ruins, none of these tunnels had been cut yet. Koral: It's been a great deal of work, but we do it gladly. Excavating the Holy City is a privilege. Our efforts are an expression of our faith in the Prophets and in the Emissary. Sisko: It's very inspiring to see. Kira: Something wrong, Jake? Jake: No. It's just that Dad seems to be taking his role as Emissary very seriously these days. Kira: You say that like you think it's a bad thing. Jake: You have to admit, I mean, it's a long way to come to see some old ruins. Kira: They may have found some very important religious artifacts in these old ruins. Jake: Yeah, I hope so, otherwise I don't have a story. Kira: Hey, try to look like you're enjoying yourself. Your father needs this. It's good for him not to have to think about the Dominion for a few hours. Koral: Oh, don't let the bats bother you. Kira: Don't worry, they rarely bite. Jake: Rarely? Koral: We're directly below the Temple of B'hala. These walls predate the ancient city by ten thousand years. Jake: Who built this place? Koral: We don't know much about the original inhabitants, but it appears they abandoned this site some twenty five thousand years ago. Over time, sediment buried the ruins. Jake: And then B'hala was built on top of them. Koral: Precisely. In here. Koral: It's over thirty thousand years old. Sisko: These inscriptions. They look like ancient Bajoran, but I can't quite make it out. Koral: Neither can we, though we've been able to piece together a few of the translations. The syntax is unusual, but all forms of Bajoran share certain root ideograms. You may recognize this one. Sisko: Welcome. Koral: Here's where it gets interesting. Koral: I see you recognize it. Jake: What? I don't. Kira: It says, Welcome, Emissary. Koral: Now you know why I asked you here. Koral: The Sisko has come. Kira: The circle is complete. Jake: The reckoning must begin. Sisko: The reckoning? Kira: Much will depend on the Sisko. Koral: He is corporeal. Jake: Limited. Kira: He is the Sisko. He will not waver. Jake: He is of Bajor. Kira: He will bring the reckoning. Sisko: What is it you expect of me? Koral: It will be the end. Jake: Or the beginning. Sisko: I don't understand. Kira: The Sisko will know. Jake: Dad, are you okay? Sisko: Yeah, right. The Prophets. They were here. They spoke to me. Koral: You had a vision, Emissary? We saw nothing. Kira: What did they say? Sisko: They mentioned something about a reckoning. Is that part of some prophecy? Koral: Not one that I know of. Jake: Let's get out of here. Sisko: It's all right, Jake. We'll be leaving soon. I have got to find out what these inscriptions say. Koral: I wish we could translate them more quickly, but we don't have the resources. Sisko: Fortunately, we do. Dax: I had a pretty good idea what this was the minute I laid eyes on it. That confirms it. It's a slab of stone with some writing on it. Sisko: Dax. Dax: What do you want me to say, Benjamin? I'm not picking up any residual energy readings, certainly nothing that would explain how it threw you across the room. Sisko: I want you to translate the inscriptions. Dax: I was afraid you were going to say that. Sisko: The Ranjen's translation program. It's not complete, but at least it's a start. Good luck. Priest: Services are about to begin. Captain, services are about to begin. Worf: Ops to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Worf: We just received a communication from Bajor. Worf: Kai Winn is on her way to the station. Sisko: Welcome to Deep Space Nine, your Eminence. Winn: Thank you, Emissary. Sisko: What brings you to the station? Winn: I should think that would be clear. You removed an artifact from an archeological site without consulting the Vedek Assembly. Sisko: I meant no disrespect. Winn: You can understand how we would be sensitive to such matters. During the occupation, the Cardassians plundered Bajor's historical treasures as if it were their right. I never imagined that you would behave in the same manner. Sisko: I assure you that the artifact will be returned as soon as I've finished studying it. Winn: I was not aware that you had expertise in Bajoran history. Sisko: I don't. Winn: Then why not leave the artifact in the hands of those who do? There are scholars on Bajor who have devoted their lives to the study of such things. Sisko: I understand, but I brought it here because I believe that's what the Prophets want. Winn: I see. Then I take it this has something to do with your vision? Sisko: Exactly. Winn: Forgive me. I didn't realize that the Prophets told you to bring the relic here. Sisko: Well, they didn't. Not in so many words. Winn: I see. Then exactly what did they say? Sisko: It's difficult to explain. The Prophets aren't always clear. Winn: Since they have never spoken to me, I'll have to take your word for it. Sisko: All I know is, for now it belongs here. Winn: Who am I to argue with the Emissary of the Prophets? Sisko: And then she contacted Starfleet and lodged a formal protest. Dax: Is that why Admiral Ross wanted to talk to you? Well, how'd it go? Sisko: He told me to stop meddling in Bajoran affairs and return the damn tablet. Dax: You know how Starfleet feels about this Emissary thing. It makes them very uncomfortable that you've allowed the Bajorans to view you as a religious icon. It used to make you uncomfortable, too. Sisko: Not anymore. I guess the Prophets have spoken to me one too many times. Dax: I remember when you used to call them wormhole Aliens. Sisko: Wormhole aliens or Prophets, it really doesn't matter. The fact is, they exist out of time, and over the centuries they've given the Bajorans glimpses of the future. Glimpses that the Bajorans have written down to help them guide succeeding generations. If whatever is written here can help me avoid mistakes, can help me make the right decisions, then I'd be a fool to ignore it. Dax: Fair enough. But if you don't mind, I'm going to continue to think of them as wormhole aliens. Sisko: All I know is that they have a relationship with Bajor that stretches back over a thousand years. They care about what happens to the Bajorans. They proved that when they kept the Dominion fleet from coming through the wormhole. Dax: Didn't you have to talk them into it? Didn't they say they would exact some kind of penance for helping you? Sisko: Yes, but they listened, and they saved Bajor and the rest of the Alpha Quadrant. Now they're asking me for something in return. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm not going to return the tablet until I do. It's the key. I can feel it. Dax: I hope you're wrong about that, Benjamin. Sisko: What have you got? Dax: The computer has translated part of the inscription. It probably lacks the eloquence of the original passage, but you'll get the gist of it. Here it is in modern Bajoran. Sisko: The time of reckoning is at hand. The Prophets will weep. Their sorrow will consume the Gateway to the Temple. Dax: Tell me I'm wrong, but isn't the Gateway to the Temple Deep Space Nine? Worf: I was just telling you what the translation said. I did not say I believed it. Bashir: Well, I'm not worried. If you look hard enough, you'll find a Bajoran prophecy for just about anything. The Ancient Texts are a tangle of vague contradictions. Odo: This one is anything but vague, and Bajoran prophecies have an odd way of coming true. Bashir: Don't say me you believe in this stuff, too? Quark: Odo believes in preparing for the worst. Odo: True. Quark: He's as bad as the Bajorans. Business hasn't been this slow since the Dominion was here. You know, I feel I have a civic duty to do something about all this doom and gloom, which is why I want to tell you that I've extended happy hour. Bashir: Extended it? Quark: From now on, every hour is happy hour. At least until business picks up. Eat, drink and be merry. Bashir: For tomorrow we die. Odo: So, what does the Captain say about this? Worf: He's reserving judgment until the computer has finished the translation. Bashir: Who knows? The rest of the tablet probably says go to Quark's. It's happy hour. Quark: I like the way you think, Doctor. Bashir: Oh, this is ridiculous. Nothing's going to happen. Someday we're going to look back on this and laugh. Odo: What was that? Bashir: How did that Prophecy go again? Kira: You don't have to do this, you know. Odo: Don't have to do what? Kira: Sit here, watch me eat. Odo: I don't mind. In fact, I rather enjoy it. You eat with such gusto. Most of the time. Kira: Not today. I just wish that we knew more about the reckoning. It'd give us a better idea of what the Prophets want from us. Odo: It seems to me that if the Prophets want the Bajoran people to follow a given path, they should provide more specific directions. Kira: It doesn't work like that. Odo: Maybe it should. Kira: The Kai would say that you lack faith. Odo: And you would agree. Kira: I just don't know how people make it through the day without it. Odo: We manage. Besides, I do have faith in some things. Kira: Such as? Odo: You. Kira: I'll try not to disappoint you. Winn: No doubt you've heard the latest news from Bajor. Sisko: About the flooding in Rakantha Province, yes. Winn: There was also an earthquake in the Kendra Valley last night. This morning a tornado struck Tamulna. Sisko: Our sensors indicate that Bajor has been affected by the instability of the wormhole. Winn: How comforting. Tell me, do your sensors have an explanation for the instability itself? Sisko: No. Winn: Then I'll give you one. You've angered the Prophets by taking the tablet from Bajor. As the spiritual leader of the Bajoran people, I'm asking you to return it. Sisko: And as Emissary of the Prophets, I will ask you to give me more time to study it. I believe it is the will of the Prophets. Winn: Well I disagree. This is a formal request from the First Minister for you to turn over the relic to me. Sisko: You must have been very persuasive. This is the first time you and Shakaar have agreed on anything. Winn: If you deny his request, I promise you it will damage relations between Bajor and the Federation. Sisko: The tablet will be on its way to Bajor on the morning transport. Winn: As will I. Dax: You're sending it back? And I was just starting to have fun. Sisko: You're not off the hook, old man. I need these inscriptions translated. Dax: I can work off the holo-recordings I took yesterday. Sisko: Have you made any more progress? Good news or bad? Dax: That depends. Sisko: On what? Dax: What this ideogram means. The computer has given me two possibilities. Sisko: They are? Dax: During the reckoning, the Bajorans will either suffer horribly or eat fruit. Sisko: Eat fruit? Dax: Given the tone of the rest of the inscriptions, I would bet on horrible suffering. Sisko: What else do you have? Dax: You'll love this. It's about you. Once the reckoning begins, the Emissary will Sisko: Go on. Dax: I was hoping you could tell me. The rest of the inscription's damaged. Sisko: That figures. Dax: Oh, I wish the wormhole would stop doing that. Sisko: So do I. Keep at it, old man. Dax: Just do me one favor. If you talk to the Prophets again, ask for a dictionary. Please. Sisko: I'll see what I can do. Dax: Thank you. Kira: Captain, I have a message for you from General Martok. Sisko: Go ahead. Kira: He's dispatched three Klingon attack cruisers to bolster the defense perimeter around the Dorala System. Sisko: Good. I just hope they can hold out until Starfleet sends in reinforcements. Kira: The Klingons will hold out. Martok will see to it. Long day? Sisko: They seem to get longer. Kira: You'll feel better in the morning. Once the Kai is off the station. Sisko: She may be the spiritual leader of millions of Bajorans, but she is not an easy woman to like. Kira: Well, if it's any comfort, I don't think she likes you either. Sisko: I've known that for a while. I guess I should have consulted her before I brought the artifact up to the station. Kira: She would've tried to stop you. Sisko: Ah. That's why I didn't ask her. Kira: In a way, I feel sorry for her. She spends her whole life in service to the Prophets. Then one day, after years of self-sacrifice and commitment, she's gets her reward. She's elected Kai. It should have been the greatest moment of her life. Sisko: But my being the Emissary spoiled it for her. Kira: The Kai has always been the spiritual leader of Bajor, but Winn has to share that role with you. And to make matters worse, you're an outsider, a non-Bajoran. That's something she can never forgive you for. Sisko: I guess that's why she made such an issue of the whole thing. Kira: She's jealous of you and of your relationship with the Prophets. I'm a little envious myself. Sisko: Why? Kira: You speak with the Prophets. They listen to you. That's a rare gift. Sisko: It's certainly nothing I asked for. Kira: I guess that's why I don't resent you, but the Kai does. Sisko: I'll keep that in mind. Kira: Is something wrong, Eminence? Winn: What makes you say that, child? Kira: You seem troubled. Winn: Not at all. I am quite relieved the Emissary has decided to do the right thing. Kira: You didn't leave him much choice, did you. Winn: I suppose you think I enjoyed forcing his hand. I assure you I did not. I wish the situation had been resolved more amicably. Perhaps the next time we have a disagreement, he'll consider my wishes more thoughtfully. Kira: The next time? You're anticipating more disagreements? Winn: I merely meant to express my hope that in the future, we can work together for the good of Bajor. Kira: Of course. After all, you are on the same side, aren't you? Winn: Naturally. We both serve the Prophets. There is no higher calling. Sisko: Yes. Jake-o. Jake: You're up late. Sisko: So are you. What's on your mind? Jake: I don't know. I guess I just wanted to see if you're all right. Sisko: I'm fine. Since when did you become a worrier? Jake: I don't know. It's this Emissary stuff. It scares me a little. Twice now, twice in one year, Doctor Bashir's called me down to the Infirmary to tell me something was wrong with you. And there you were, lying unconscious on a biobed, having visions or something. And all I could do was stand there and wonder if you were going to wake up. Sisko: I know it hasn't been easy, Jake. Jake: I don't want it to happen again. Sisko: You know, I didn't ask to be the Emissary. But for better or worse, I guess that's what I am. Except for being your dad. Sisko: Why do you always have to be so damn mysterious? Answer me. I am tired of your riddles. If you need me to do something, say so. Dax: Let me guess. You accidentally knocked it over. Sisko: Not exactly. Dax: I didn't think so. Odo: So what did happen? Sisko: I just had this uncontrollable urge to smash the tablet. Dax: Oh, I get those urges all the time. Of course, I never act on them. I'm not reading any residual energy signatures. Sisko: That's impossible. Check the station's internal sensors. Odo: Nothing. Sisko: I tell you, I saw something. Odo: We believe you, Captain. Sisko: Oh, please, Constable, don't patronize me. Sisko: Sisko to Ops. Report. Worf: We just experienced a stationwide power drain. We are attempting to determine the source. Sisko: Keep me informed. Worf: Aye, Sir. Odo: It's possible the power drain is related to this energy diskharge you saw. Dax: I'm starting to think the same thing. Dax: Benjamin, you're not getting another urge, are you? Sisko: No. I've done what I needed to do. I know this might sound strange, but I think the Prophets wanted me to shatter the tablet. Dax: Try explaining that to Kai Winn. Winn: I can't believe that you'd be so petty as to destroy the artifact rather than turn it over to me. Sisko: That's not why I did it. Winn: You expect me to believe that the Prophets wanted you to destroy a priceless piece of Bajor's history? Sisko: That's exactly what you have to believe. Winn: And why would they do that? Sisko: I wish I had an answer for you. Winn: Well I'm sure you'll come up with something. Sisko: You and I haven't always seen things eye to eye, but we have one thing in common. We both believe that the Prophets have a plan for Bajor. Sometimes it's not easy to see the path they've laid out for us. Right now, I don't know what they want from me, but I'm willing to take a leap of faith and trust that they're guiding me, and I'm asking you to take that leap with me. Winn: There's no need for a leap of faith, Emissary. The Prophets have made it quite clear. Two thirds of the Rakantha wheat harvest has been destroyed by floods. Earthquakes have devastated Kendra Province, leaving hundreds homeless. Bajorans are suffering because of you. They're paying the price for your act of sacrilege. Odo: Odo to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Odo: You'd better come down to the Promenade, sir. Sisko: Is there a problem? Odo: I'll let you be the judge of that. Odo: I think we've found the source of the power fluctuations. When I tried to talk to her, she ignored me. Kira: You are the Sisko. Sisko: Keep your hands off your weapons. It's a Prophet. Why have you taken this woman's body? Kira: This vessel is willing. The reckoning. It is time. Sisko: The reckoning, what is it? Kira: The end. Or the beginning. Sisko: I don't understand. Kira: I await Kosst Amojan. Winn: The Evil One. A Pah-wraith banished from the Celestial Temple. Sisko: You're saying a Pah-wraith will take corporeal form as well? Kira: The battle will be joined. Sisko: This battle, is it to be fought here? Kira: Bajor will be reborn. Winn: Shabren's Fifth Prophecy. The rebirth. If the Evil One is destroyed, it will bring a thousand years of peace. The Golden Age of Bajor. Sisko: If it is destroyed? Winn: Who will prevail is not known. Sisko: What do you want from me? Am I supposed to help you in some way? Kira: The Sisko has completed his task. Winn: Forgive my blindness. Winn: Prophet, hear me. I am the Kai of Bajor. I offer myself to you as your humble servant, Kira: I await their vessel. Winn: Speak to me. Tell me what I should do. Sisko: We're evacuating. Bashir: You can't be serious. Sisko: This battle could destroy the station. Dax: Then don't let it be fought here. Sisko: I don't have any choice. Dax: Yes, you do. We can flood the Promenade with chroniton radiation. Winn: Are you that suggesting we kill a Prophet? Sisko: I won't do that. Bashir: You don't have to. If you ramp up the chroniton levels slowly, it'll give the wormhole alien a chance to leave Kira's body without getting hurt. Dax: We have everything rigged and ready to go. Just say the word. Sisko: No. Dax: Benjamin. Worf: Deep Space Nine is critical to the defense of the Federation. We cannot risk destroying it. Sisko: When the Dominion fleet was about to come through the wormhole, I asked the Prophets for their help. They gave it to me. Now they're asking for my help. They need to fight this battle here, now. I'm not going to jeopardize my crew, but I'm not going to stand in the way of the Prophets either. Bashir: What if the Prophets lose? Are you willing to sacrifice Kira? Sisko: The Prophet said she was willing to be their instrument. Worf: And you believe that? Odo: I do. I know how important her faith is to her and I have no doubt that she would allow the Prophets to use her as their instrument. Sisko: I'll notify Starfleet that we're abandoning the station. Begin the evacuation immediately. Odo: Hurry along now, hurry along. Worf: Is this transport full? Odo: There's room. I'm going to check the Promenade for stragglers. Worf: Odo, you should have helped us persuade the Captain to end this. Odo: I had to respect Kira's wishes. Worf: If it were Dax, I am not sure I could have done the same. Odo: Just be grateful you didn't have to make that choice. Worf: For your sake, I hope the Prophets are victorious. Odo: They will be, if Kira has anything to do with it. Worf: Come on. Sisko: Report. Dax: We expect to be down to a skeleton crew within the hour. Sisko: Very well. Dax: What did Starfleet have to say? Sisko: I managed to convince them that we couldn't afford to defy the Prophets. Worf: They are the only thing that's keeping the Dominion from coming through the wormhole. Dax: The only problem is, there's no guarantee the Prophets will win this battle. Odo: Odo to Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead, Constable. Odo: Captain, there's a group of Bajorans on the Promenade who are refusing to leave. Winn: Teradak embah ihsehelm ran embrah. All: Daram tameen. Winn: Teradak ihsehelm ran embrah. All: Daram tameen. Odo: The last transports are standing by. Winn: Teradak ihsehelm ran embrah. All: Daram tameen. Sisko: Eminence. Winn: Emissary. Sisko: These people have to go. Winn: We are offering prayers for the Prophet's victory. Sisko: The Prophets will hear your prayers wherever you are. It isn't safe here. Winn: Then why are you still here, Emissary? The Prophet told you your task was done. Sisko: I am Captain of this station and I will do everything in my power to save it. Now, are you going to tell these people to go, or shall I? Winn: My children, the Prophets have heard your prayers. You must go. Sisko: Take them to the transports. Odo: All right, this way. Winn: Congratulations, Emissary. Thanks to you, the Prophets' victory is at hand. Sisko: I hope you're right. Winn: Where is your faith, Emissary? You don't think the Evil One will be victorious, do you? Rest assured, the Golden Age is upon us. The Prophets and the people will be as one. Think of it. There will be no need for Vedeks or Kais or even Emissaries. Kira: Kosst Amojan has chosen its vessel. Jake: Let it begin. Sisko: Leave my son and take me instead. Jake: Your Emissary offers himself to us. His faith wavers. Winn: Emissary, we must go. Dax: Benjamin! Worf is standing by in Ops. He can trigger the chroniton generator at your command. You can still end this, Ben. Sisko: No, I've got to play this thing out. Dax: That is your son out there! Sisko: Don't you think I know that? The Prophets will protect him. Dax: They're trying to kill him. Sisko: No, they're trying to destroy the Pah-wraith. The Prophets will not let anything happen to him. Dax: How do you know that? Sisko: I know. Dax: We've got to get out of here. According to the sensors, the energy building between them could explode any second. Sisko: I'm not going to leave Jake here. Winn: We must go, Emissary. Dax: Benjamin. Sisko: Get out of here. Get off the station, both of you! That's an order. Winn: Come, child. We must go. Dax: Dax to Worf. Worf: Go ahead. Dax: Go on ahead. Airlock eight is down to the right. Man: This way. Move quickly. Let's go. Come on. Man: Hurry up. Dax: It's okay, it's okay. Kira: No! Computer: Chroniton levels at thirty seven percent and rising. Winn: May the Prophets forgive me. Sisko: Jake. Captain's log, supplemental. The station's population has returned and repairs are underway. Major Kira has recovered from her experience but my son is still in the Infirmary. Sisko: Jake? Bashir: He'll be laid up for a few days, but he'll all right. Sisko: May I see him? Bashir: Oh, yes. Sisko: Jake. Jake: Dad. Sisko: How are you feeling? Jake: Could be worse. Sisko: You'll be up and about in no time. I don't know what to say. Jake: Say you're happy to see me. Sisko: You know I am. Jake, I wish I. I want to explain what happened, but I'm not sure that I can. Jake: You don't have to explain. When the Pah-wraith was inside me, I could feel its hatred and I knew that no matter what, it couldn't be allowed to win. Even if it meant I had to die. You did the right thing. Odo: How was the prayer service? Kira: To tell you the truth, I didn't pay that much attention. I'm still trying to make sense of everything that happened. Of all the people on this station, the Prophets chose me. I'm not sure I know why I deserve that honor. Odo: Perhaps that's why you were chosen. You have faith and humility. Kira: I heard that you told the Captain that I was willing to give my life to serve the Prophets. I appreciate that you respect my beliefs. Odo: Just the same, I wouldn't have minded if the Prophets had chosen someone else. Kira: I have to go. I'll drop by Security after I take the Kai to her shuttle. Winn: The Emissary couldn't escort me himself? Kira: He's with his son. Winn: I would think he'd want to thank me. Kira: For what? Winn: I prevented the destruction of this station. I saved the Emissary's life and the life of his son. Kira: Don't pretend you did it for the Captain. Winn: I did it for Bajor. If you haven't heard, the floodwaters have receded and the earthquakes have stopped. Kira: And you're going to take the credit for that? Winn: I take it as a sign I did the right thing. Kira: You defied the will of the Prophets, and you did it because you couldn't stand the fact that a human, an infidel, had a stronger faith than you. The Emissary was willing to sacrifice his own son to serve the Prophets. Winn: My faith is as pure as the Emissary's. Kira: I think you're confusing faith with ambition. Winn: I'm not confusing anything, child. You are. The Prophets chose you as their instrument. That doesn't mean you can speak for them. Kira: Because of your interference, the reckoning was stopped. The Evil still exists, And I'm not sure if even the Prophets know what that will mean for Bajor.

Woman: Can I have some service please? How long does it take? I've been waiting forever. Man: Quark, this isn't what I wanted. Odo: Having a bad day? Quark: Like you care. Fizz, froth, flip, finial, foam and flare. What's going on at that table, anyway? Odo: I take it there's a problem with your drink replicator? Quark: A problem? No. Can't be. If there were a problem, I would have submitted an emergency maintenance request this morning. And if I had done that, Chief O'Brien would have assured me that Rom would fix it right away. Then, of course, Rom would have then promised me that Nog would fix it before the end of the day. And since this is the end of the day and there is no Nog in sight, we can only draw one conclusion. That I don't have a problem. Dax: Is your drink replicator broken? Quark: You're quick today. Dax: Do you want me to fix it or not? Quark: You? Dax: That's right. Nog had a chance to take a trip to Ferenginar and I told him that I would cover for him while he was away. Quark: Why? Dax: Because he did a favor for me last week, so I owe him. Quark: But that's work for a mechanic, a repairman, a lowly engineer. Dax: I'll tell Chief O'Brien you said that. Quark: A Supernova and a silven surprise. She can't do this. Odo: Why not? Quark: It's not right. She's above this sort of thing. Those hands weren't meant to be poking around inside a filthy drink replicator. Quark: They were meant for higher pursuits. Odo: You're in love. Quark: That is the most ridiculous thing you've said this last year. Odo: Really? Quark: Really. Odo: It must kill you that she's married to Worf. Quark: I don't know what you're talking about. And since you're not going to order something, would you please step aside so that I can do my job. Odo: Of course. By the way, that's not a Silven surprise, it's a Silken sunrise. Jake: Is that it? Nog: That's right. Jake: Can I see it? Nog: No. Jake: Nog. Nog: No. It's an official diplomatic message from the Federation Council to the Grand Nagus. It's for his eyes only. Jake: Yeah, but you know what's in it. Nog: Maybe. Jake: It's a proposal for an alliance, isn't it? I mean, the Federation sends the only Ferengi in Starfleet to personally deliver a diplomatic message to the Grand Nagus? Something big is up. Nog: You told me you weren't coming on this trip as a reporter. Jake: I'm not. I came to see Ferenginar. I've heard a lot about it. I can't wait to see all the rain and the muck Nog: Good. Because while I'm delivering the message to the Grand Nagus, you'll have plenty of time to play tourist. Starbase: Shenandoah, this is Starbase two five seven. You've been cleared to leave our defense perimeter. Remain at one half impulse until you've passed the outer marker. Nog: Acknowledged. Jake: I don't get to see the Nagus? Nog: Now why would you want to see the Nagus? Jake: My father told me to say hello and to give the Nagus his best wishes. Nog: You're going to have to do better than that. Jake: And because I told the editor of the Federation News Service that I could get an exclusive interview with Zek. Nog: Jake, you promised me you weren't coming along as a reporter! Jake: I didn't promise, okay? I just sort of, you know. Okay, I promised, but this could be a really big story, Nog. The people have a right to know! Nog: Forget it. You're not getting anywhere near the Grand Nagus. I have no further comments. Jake: What's it? Nog: I'm not sure. I'm having trouble with our long range scanners. Looks like our sensors are being jammed. Nog: Uh oh. Nog: Hang on! Jake: Where did they come from? Nog: I don't know, but it looks like they're heading for the starbase. Jake: We're not sticking around are we? Nog: Not in a runabout we're not. We're no match for a wing of Jem'Hadar fighters. Nog: See if you can open a channel to Deep Space Nine. Jake: Something's wrong. I think they're jamming our comm. system. Now why would they do that? Nog: Because one of them's turned around and now he's coming after us. Jake: You do realize you're taking us deeper and deeper into Dominion held space. Nog: We don't have much choice. Every time I try to change course, they gain on us. Jake: They're gaining on us anyway. We might as well try and head for the Federation. If we keep going in this direction, we'll run into Cardassia Prime, and that won't be much fun at all. Computer: Warning. We are within range of enemy weapons. Jake: Thanks for the warning. Nog: All right. When I go to impulse, raise the forward shields and transfer auxiliary power to the phasers. Jake: We're dropping out of warp? Nog: If we have to fight, I'd rather do it at impulse. At least we'd have an edge in maneuverability. Jake: You're a Ferengi, why don't you try making a deal or something? Nog: It doesn't seem they're very interested in talking. Stand by. Here they come. Jake: Shields down thirty percent! Nog: I see it. Jake: We're losing main power! Nog: Keep the weapons online. Everything else is expendable, including life support. Jake: There's another ship coming in, bearing one seven zero mark two one five. Nog: Jem'Hadar or Cardassian? Jake: It's er, it's the Defiant! Nog: What? Nog: It's not the Defiant. This ship's registry number is NCC seven four two one zero. USS Valiant. Jake: Valiant? Great name. I hope they tear that Jem'Hadar ship apart piece by Nog: Jake! Jake! Collins: Are you all right, sir? Jake: Yes. It's nothing serious, Cadet er, Chief? Collins: Acting Chief Petty Officer Dorian Collins. The Captain's asked me to escort you both to the bridge. If you'll follow me? Farris: Main power holding. Auxiliary power on standby. Shields holding at eighty four percent. Watters: Helm, bring us about to course two one five mark three one zero. Shepard: Two one five mark three one zero, aye sir. Watters: Set quantum torpedo warheads to maximum yield, full spread. Farris: Maximum yield, full spread, aye sir. Watters: Helm, initiate attack pattern sierra four. Shepard: Sierra four, aye, sir. Farris: Shields now at seventy eight percent. Watters: Transfer auxiliary power to shields. Nog: This is Red Squad. Jake: Red Squad? Nog: It was a group of elite cadets at the Academy. They were the best of the best. Red Squad received special training, special quarters, special everything. Jake: They have their own ship? Nog: I've heard of Cadets getting command of a runabout or a shuttle, but not a starship. Watters: Fire! Watters: As you were. This is the Captain. Stand down from Red Alert. All stations submit damage and casualty reports to the first officer. Glad to see you made it in one piece. I'm Tim Watters, Commanding Officer. Welcome aboard. Nog: Thank you. Sir? Watters: Sir, is correct, ensign. I was given a battlefield commission and command of this vessel by the late Captain Ramirez. Using that authority, I have commissioned and promoted other members of Red Squad as needed. Nog: I see. Well. I'm Ensign Nog and this is Jake Sisko. We're from Deep Space Nine. Watters: Sisko? You're Benjamin Sisko's son. Jake: That's right. Watters: I've heard a lot about your father. I see you're not following in his footsteps. Jake: No. I'm a reporter. Watters: You should really get that looked at. Chief? Collins: Sir. Watters: Escort Mister Sisko to Sickbay. Collins: Aye, Captain. This way, sir. Farris: Preliminary damage report, sir. Watters: Oh, thank you. Ensign Nog, Commander Karen Farris, our first officer. Nog: Commander. Farris: Ensign. Sir, the Engine Room also reports that we still have power spikes cropping up all through the deuterium injector startup routine. Watters: I thought we had that under control. Farris: I did too, sir. Nog: Have you recalibrated the lateral impulse control system? Farris: No. What does that have to do with the injectors? Nog: Well, the impulse system shares some of the same power relays used in the injector startup routine. Watters: We'll try it. Mister Nog, why don't you wait in my ready room. Nog: Yes, sir. Collins: The training cruise was supposed to last three months. We had seven regular officers and a crew of thirty five cadets. The plan was for the cadets to run the ship while the officers observed and critiqued our performance. Jake: So this was a training ship. Like the other one, the, er, the Republic. Collins: Not quite. The Republic's an old ship. I don't think she's left the Terran system in fifty years. The Valiant's a state of the art warship. Our mission was to circumnavigate the entire Federation before returning home. Jake: The entire Federation? With a ship of cadets? Collins: Not just cadets, Mister Sisko. Watters: We were transiting the Kepla Sector when the war broke out. As you probably know, a Dominion invasion force swept through that sector on the first day. Nog: So you were caught behind enemy lines. Watters: Correct. We were trying to make our way back to Federation held space when we encountered a Cardassian battle cruiser near El Gatark. That was our first taste of combat. In the first fifteen minutes, four regular officers were killed. Three others were critically wounded including Captain Ramirez. Nog: Is that when you took command? Watters: No. When I got to the bridge, the Captain was in pretty bad shape, but he was lucid and he refused to go to Sickbay. We had lost main power and we were adrift, but the Cardassian cruiser was no better off. So it was a race against the clock. The ship that got main power back online first would have a decisive advantage. The Captain, he was amazing. He directed the entire damage control effort with a punctured lung and massive internal injuries. He was a great man. Nog: And he won the race. Watters: We got weapons and impulse engines back online in three hours. And then we destroyed that Cardie ship. The next day, just before he died, the Captain ordered me to take command of the Valiant. Nog: It's unbelievable. You've spent eight months behind enemy lines. Watters: I didn't do it alone. The crew deserves the real credit. We have cadets here as young as seventeen who are doing the jobs of officers twice their age. But we're also seriously undermanned. I could use another officer. Nog: I'd be happy to do whatever I can, sir. Watters: I see you're familiar with the operations of a class seven warp drive. Nog: Very familiar, sir. The Defiant has an identical engine. Watters: Excellent. As of this moment, you are Chief Engineer. Congratulations. Nog: Chief Engineer? Watters: With rank of Lieutenant Commander. Your first assignment is to figure out why we can't go above warp three point two. Mister Parton believes it's Nog: Excuse me, sir. I, I don't think I'm ready for this. Watters: None of us were ready for the responsibility thrust upon us, Commander. But each of us found a way to rise to the occasion, do the job that had to be done. Ready or not, you are Chief Engineer. You can do this, Mister Nog. Just have faith in yourself, faith in your shipmates, and everything will be fine. Nog: Yes, sir. I will, sir. Watters: Good man. That's what I want to hear. Now if you can just fix our warp drive problems, we can get on with our mission. Nog: Our mission? I don't understand. Watters: My orders are to collect technical data on a new Dominion battleship operating in this sector. We keep picking up their comm. traffic, so we know they're in the area, but because we can't go faster than warp three point two, we're unable to get within sensor range. Nog: And Starfleet knows you're in command of the Valiant. Watters: No. We've had to maintain strict radio silence ever since the war began. The orders were addressed to Captain Ramirez, but since he's dead, the mission's now mine. Make no mistake, I will carry out that mission. Or die trying. Dismissed. Collins: Coffee? Jake: Raktajino, please. Collins: Here you go. Jake: Thanks. So, where are you from? Collins: Me? Tycho City. Jake: Oh, a Lunar Schooner. Collins: I haven't heard that in a long time. Jake: I picked it up from my granddad. Of course, he still calls Luna the moon like it's the only one or something. Collins: Well, nobody who's ever lived on the moon calls it Luna, either. That's just something they say on Earth. Jake: So what's it like? Collins: You're from Earth aren't you? You've never been to the moon? Jake: Just never got around to it. Tell me about it. Collins: Well, people say it's so barren and harsh, but it's not. it's beautiful. I mean Tycho City's just a city, but outside where the gravity is still low and there's no air. You know, the sun only comes up once a month on the moon. Every lunar morning, my father and I would put on suits, hike out across the Sea of Clouds. We'd stop at this collection of boulders on the western rim and just wait for the sun to come up. Dawn is so shocking on the moon. One minute you're in the darkest night you can imagine, and the next instant, the sun lifts up and this glorious, pure light just explodes across the surface. I felt like I met God every morning. I'm on duty. Excuse me. Watters: What's your solution, Commander? Nog: I've taken the safeties off the plasma intercooler, the flux moderator and the pressure control system. That should solve the problem. Farris: You do realize you're violating about fifty safety regulations? Nog: Yes, sir, I do. But I also know that Chief O'Brien made the same changes to the Defiant. She never had a problem. Farris: I don't know, Captain. This seems kind of risky to me. Watters: Mister Parton? Parton: After spending seven months plodding along at warp three point two, I'm willing to try anything, sir. Watters: Watters to Bridge. Prepare for warp speed. Shepard: Aye, sir. Watters: All right, Mister Nog. Take us to warp four. Collins: Can I help you, sir? Watters: No. No, I've got it. Any problems with Sisko's arm? Collins: No, sir. Watters: You got a problem, Chief? Collins: No, sir. Watters: Have you been crying? Collins: A little. Watters: About what? Collins: I was just thinking about home. Watters: Come in. Chief, I think you can go now. Collins: Thank you, sir. Farris: Well, Mister Sisko. It sounds like you and the Chief had quite a conversation this afternoon. Home and family and the glories of dawn on the moon. Does that just about cover it? Jake: That's about it. What's going on? Farris: What's going on, Mister Sisko, in case you haven't noticed, is that we are in the middle of a war. We can't afford to have young cadets thinking about mommy and daddy when they need to be concentrating on their duties. Jake: All I did was ask about her home. Farris: All you did was plunge a member of this crew into emotional turmoil. Watters: Jake. May I call you Jake? You're a reporter. Your job is to watch the way events unfold, not participate in them. Right now, you need to stand back. Take a look at where you are and what's going on around you. You're right in the middle of a great story. Maybe one of the greatest stories in the entire Dominion War. This ship is special, Jake. This crew is special. And whatever fates guide this universe, they've have chosen us to achieve some purpose in this conflict. I know that. Just as surely as I know your presence on this ship is no coincidence. You're here to write the story, to tell people of the Valiant and her crew. Don't interfere with the story, Jake. Don't become a part of it. Just let it unfold around you. Observe, listen, and then write it down. May I have your word you'll stay away from Chief Collins? Jake: Okay. Watters: Thank you, Jake. You're dismissed. Farris: I'm not sure we can trust him. Watters: We'll keep an eye on him. Farris: What about Mister Nog? Watters: Mister Nog wears the uniform. He'll do his duty. All right, that'll be all, Commander. I'll see you at eighteen hundred hours. Farris: Yes, sir. Captain, are you all right? Watters: Yes. Why? Farris: I heard you were on the bridge during the midwatch again last night. You haven't been getting much sleep lately, sir. Watters: None of us have, Commander. Farris: No, sir. I suppose not. Watters: Thank you for your concern, Karen, but I'm fine. Really. Farris: Yes, sir. I'm sorry I even brought it up. Watters: That's all right. Jake: Where've you been? Nog: Engine Room. I solved their warp problem. Jake: What's that? Nog: My Red Squad insignia. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, this would be my new rank. Lieutenant Commander Nog, Chief Engineer. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Jake: You joined the crew? Nog: Something wrong with that? Jake: It's a little fast. We just got here and Watters puts you in charge of the Engine Room? Nog: Captain Watters is used to making quick decisions. He felt I was the right man for the job, so he promoted me. Farris: Red Alert. All hands to battle stations. I repeat, all hands to battle stations. Shepard: Range, one point three two light years. Speed, warp four point seven. Nog: What's going on? Farris: We've found our battleship. Shepard: Their course is one seven zero mark one three five. Speed warp three point nine seven. Crewwoman: Bridge to phaser control, you've got a spike in your 3L subsystem. Take care of it. Crewwoman 2: Sensors show a drop in gamma radiation. Farris: Phaser reserve is losing power. Nog: I'll reroute it through the auxiliary power interface. Shepard: They've changed course. Watters: Any sign they've detected us? Farris: Negative. I think we're still outside their sensor range. Watters: Maintain your distance, helm. Match their course and speed. Shepard: Aye, sir. Watters: Prepare a class three probe for launch. Farris: Aye, sir. Jake: What happens now? Nog: We're going to launch a sensor probe to scan the battleship. That way, the Valiant won't be picked up on their scanners. Jake: Won't they detect the probe? Nog: Class three probes are designed to be virtually undetectable. There's almost no chance of it being spotted. Jake: Almost? Farris: I don't remember anyone inviting you to the bridge. Captain's log, stardate 51825.4. We've been shadowing the Dominion battleship for three hours. The data our probe has gathered so far has not only been interesting but it may have given us a golden opportunity to strike a blow for the Federation. Shepard: Attention on deck! Watters: Stand at ease. It's been a long eight months. A lot of hard work, a lot of sacrifice. Now we've accomplished our mission. We found the battleship and obtained a complete scan without being detected, and we're free to go home. But that ship out there is a direct threat to every Federation outpost and colony within fifty light years. That ship must be destroyed. It can be destroyed. Commander? Farris: We've found a flaw in the design of their antimatter storage system. The primary support braces are made of viterium. Watters: It's a very strong, very resilient metal alloy which just happens to become extremely unstable when exposed to delta radiation. Farris: A single torpedo rigged with a radiogenic warhead could reduce those braces to the consistency of wet pasta. Watters: And as a result, the entire antimatter storage system would tear itself apart. Commander Nog, you don't seem convinced. Nog: Well, sir, in order to rig a torpedo to yield a delta radiation burst I'll have to remove most of the guidance systems. We'll have to target it manually. Farris: We've trained for that possibility. It shouldn't be a problem. Nog: We'll also have to get very close to the target. Watters: How close? Nog: Within three hundred meters. Watters: It's dangerous, there's no disputing that. And no one would think any less of us if we just turn around and go home. But that means that some other ship with some other crew would be asked to finish the job that we started. I think we can do it. I think we should do it. Jake: Can I say something? Farris: You are not a member of this crew. Watters: Let him speak. Jake: You all probably know who my father is. Benjamin Sisko. So you know I'm not exaggerating when I say that he's considered to be one of the best combat officers in the fleet. And I'm telling you right now that even with the entire crew of the Defiant with him, my father would never try to pull off something like this. And if he can't do it, it can't be done. Watters: We're Red Squad and we can do anything. All: Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Red Squad! Jake: This is suicide. Nog: No, it's not. Jake: Nog, listen to me. We're in way over our heads here. Now someone told me that ship out there is twice the size of a Galaxy class starship and three times as strong. Nog: That's accurate. Jake: And you really think we can go up against a ship like that? Nog: I think that Captain Watters Jake: Oh, really? Well, did you know that Watters has been taking cordafin stimulants for the past two months? Nog: Where did you hear that? Jake: Dorian told me. Nog: You were ordered to stay away from her! Jake: Will you forget about obeying orders for just a minute! Watters: Watters to Shepard. Please report to my Ready room, Lieutenant. Nog: That's not the way we do things in Starfleet. Jake: I can't believe you're buying everything that Watters is selling. Nog: He's not selling anything. He's reminding us of our duty. Jake: I feel like I'm having a conversation with one of the bulkheads. Nog: You don't understand because you've never put on one of these uniforms. You don't know anything about sacrifice or honor or duty or any of the things that make up a soldier's life. I'm part of something larger than myself. All you care about is you. Jake: That's right. All I care about is Jake Sisko and whether or not he's going to be killed by a bunch of delusional fanatics looking for martyrdom. Nog: Get out. Jake: I don't even know who you are anymore. Nog: I'm the Chief Engineer of the starship Valiant. Jake: I'll have them put that on your tombstone. Shepard: Mister Sisko. I'm afraid you'll have to miss all the fun. You're going to spend the rest of this mission in the brig. Farris: All decks report ready, sir. Watters: This is the Captain. We are about to engage the enemy. For eight months, I've told you to stay focused on one thing. Your duty. But now I want you to step back from your duty. Watters: Take a look around. And I don't mean look at the walls. I want you to look at this moment Watters: In your life. Take it in. Appreciate the fact that you are on this ship, with this group of people, at this point in history. Watters: But understand one thing above all else. Watters: This moment will never come again. Hold on to it. Savor it far as long as you can. You're Starfleet, you're Red Squad. Watters: And you're the best. Now, let's get that battleship and we can all go home. Captain out. Take us to warp six, Mister Nog. Nog: Warp six, aye. Farris: They've spotted us. They're dropping out of warp. Watters: Helm, go to impulse. Shepard: Aye, sir. Farris: We are in visual range. Watters: On screen. Watters: Lay in a strafing course along their superstructure and make it close. That way they won't get a weapons lock on us. I want to scrape some of the paint off their hull, Lieutenant. Shepard: Aye, sir. Watters: Raise shields, charge phasers. Fire at any targets of opportunity as we pass. Farris: Aye, sir. Watters: Torpedo status? Nog: Torpedoes ready, sir. Farris: Defense system, ready. Shepard: Helm ready. Watters: All right, Mister Shepard. Take us in. Farris: Shields holding. Shepard: Course stable. Watters: Fire at will! Watters: Helm, hard about! Tactical, get a target lock on those braces! Nog: Impulse engines at full thrust. Farris: They're trying to jam our sensors. Watters: Mister Nog, initiate countermeasures. Nog: I'm on it! Farris: I've acquired the target. Torpedoes locked. Watters: Full power to the forward shields. Helm, plot an escape course down the z axis. Shepard: Ready. Watters: Engage. Shepard: They're turning to port. Watters: Match them, helm. Keep us on track. Shepard: Aye, sir. Collins: Hull breach on deck two. Emergency forcefields are in place. Farris: Steady our course, helm. I can't maintain targeting lock. Watters: Karen, it's all yours. Fire when ready. Farris: Understood. Just a little closer. Shepard: We're losing our port shields. Farris: Steady as she goes. Torpedoes away! Watters: Aft view, on screen. Watters: Did we miss the target? Farris: No, sir. It was a direct hit. It just, it didn't work. Shepard: Orders, Captain? Watters: Lay in a new course one two seven mark three Collins: Hull breach on deck two. Deck three, deck four. Farris: Evasive maneuvers! Bring us about to course one two seven mark three two zero. Shepard: I've lost helm control. Nog: Main power's offline! I'm rerouting the Collins: Auxiliary power's offline. But I still have phaser control. Shall I return fire? Sir? Nog: No, it's over. Collins: The Captain wanted us to Nog: The Captain is dead, Chief. They're all dead. The ship is lost. There's no need for us to die here too. Computer: Abandon ship. Abandon ship. This is not a drill. All hands proceed to emergency escape pods. Jake: Help! Somebody let me out of here! Help! Nog: Jake! Jake! Jake: What happened? Nog: We failed. (The first two are shot down. Two more set off then Valiant goes KaBOOM destroying one of them. Number four heads off.) Kira: Captain, I'm picking up a Starfleet distress signal, bearing three one eight mark zero zero five. Range, ten light years. Worf: That location is inside Dominion held space. Sisko: Can you identify the ship sending the distress call? Kira: Looks like it's from an escape pod. USS Valiant. Worf: The Valiant was reported lost over eight months ago. It could be a Dominion ruse to lure us into their territory. Sisko: Then again it may be genuine. We have to find out. Cloak the ship and lay in a course. Kira: Aye, sir. Sisko: We scanned the area for any other escape pods, but it doesn't look like anyone else made it. Jake: It was a long shot. I just thought maybe Sisko: How is she, Doctor? Bashir: I've managed to repair her fractured skull, and with a little rest she should be fine. Sisko: And Nog? Bashir: Oh, a few bumps and bruises, but he's going to be fine as well. Jake: Can I talk to him? Bashir: I don't see why not. Jake: Are you okay? Nog: Yeah. You going to write a story about all this? Jake: Probably. Nog: What are you going to say? Jake: What do you think I should say? Nog: That it was a good ship with a good crew that made a mistake. We let ourselves blindly follow Captain Watters and he led us over a cliff. Collins: That's not true. Captain Watters was a great man. Jake: Dorian, he got everyone killed. Collins: If he failed it's because we failed him. Nog: Put that in your story too. Let people read it and decide for themselves. Nog: He may have been a hero. He may even have been a great man. But in the end he was a bad captain.

Quark: I am truly impressed. And I'm not easily impressed. In all my years as proprietor of Quark's Bar, Grill, Gaming House and Holosuite Arcade, I have never seen such a glowing employee performance report. I mean, look at this. In three months, no customer has filed a single complaint against you. You haven't spilled a drink, mixed up a food order or short-changed a bill. Aluura: I take my job very seriously. Quark: And yet you always manage to wear a friendly smile. Aluura: That's because I like my work. I'm happy to be here. Quark: And it shows. The customers love you. Your fellow dabo girls love you. Even the Ferengi waiters sing your praises. And you know why? Because you're nice. Aluura: I try to be. Quark: You're nice to the customers. You're nice to the dabo girls. You're nice to the Ferengi waiters. You're nice to everyone. Almost everyone. Aluura: You mean I've offended someone? Quark: Look closely, Aluura. Can't you see the pain in my eyes? Aluura: But I'm always nice to you. Quark: I think you could be nicer. Aluura: How much nicer? Aluura: Oo-mox for Fun and Profit? Quark: It's a quick read. Aluura: Oh. You want me to be nice. Quark: Let's face it. The customers, the dabo girls, the Ferengi waiters, they didn't hire you. And they can't fire you. Aluura: You wouldn't. Would you? Quark: Read the book. Rom: Brother. We need to talk. Quark: Go away. I'm in the middle of a meeting. Rom: But it's important. Quark: So is this meeting. Rom: It's about our mother. Quark: How many times have I told you not to mention Moogie when I'm working. Rom: Sorry. But I tried contacting her this morning and I couldn't get through. Quark: She's probably off visiting the Grand Nagus. Rom: I tried the Tower of Commerce. There was no answer there either. Quark: They're probably on vacation. Now leave me alone. I'm trying to concentrate. Rom: Brother, you don't understand. I can't get a hold of anyone on Ferenginar. Not Cousin Gaila, not Lek. I tell you, something's very wrong. Quark: All right. We will continue this later. In the meantime, you have some reading to do. Rom: Hello, Aluura. She's so nice. Quark: We'll see. Sisko: A Dominion invasion of Ferenginar? Rom: Think of the terrible repercussions to the Alpha Quadrant. Worf: I cannot think of any. Kira: How could the Dominion invade Ferenginar without first conquering the surrounding systems like Clarus and Irtok? Rom: Brother, did you hear that? They've captured Irtok as well. Kira: That's not what I said. Worf: There are no reports of Dominion activity anywhere near that sector. Quark: Why can't we get through to Ferenginar? Rom: Moogie, the Nagus, Cousin Gaila. They're all dead. Quark: We don't know that, Rom. But something is definitely wrong on Ferenginar. Sisko: We'll see what we can find out. Dax: Captain, a Ferengi ship is approaching the station requesting permission to dock. It's Grand Nagus Zek. And your mother's with him. Rom: They're alive! Nice work. Zek: Quark! Rom! It's good to see you, boys. Quark: It's good to see you too, Nagus. Zek: Come along, my dear. Rom: Moogie! I was so worried. Ishka: You're a good son. Quark: I was worried, too. Ishka: And you're a good liar. Rom: Moogie, do you think it's a good idea to be wearing clothes in public? Quark: He's right. What if one of my Ferengi waiters sees you? Ishka: I hope they do. Tell them, Zekkie. Zek: No, you go right ahead, my dear. Ishka: It should really come from you. Quark: Would somebody please tell me what's going on? Ishka: It's one of those good news bad news type of things. Give them the good news first. Zek: If you insist. Three days ago, I added a new amendment to the Ferengi Bill of Opportunities giving females the right to wear clothes. Rom: In public? Ishka: Anywhere we want. Quark: That can't be the good news. If Ferengi females can wear clothes in public, then they can leave their homes. If they can leave their homes, they can go to work. If they can go to work, they can make profit. Ishka: What's the matter, Quark? Afraid of a little competition? Quark: You're sure that's the good news? Rom: It sounds good to me. Ishka: Oh, now you see why I like him best. Zek: Face it, Quark. It's good business. For thousands of years, Ferenginar has allowed a valuable resource to go to waste. Quark: Females? A valuable resource? Zek: They make up fifty three point five percent of the population and contribute virtually nothing to gross planetary income. I say it's time they started pulling their own weight. Quark: Better tell me the bad news. It might cheer me up. Ishka: I doubt it. Zek: The moment fully clothed females started appearing on the streets of Ferenginar, financial chaos erupted all over the planet. Rom: That explains the communications blackout. Zek: There was so much buying and selling throughout the Alliance that the entire planetary communications grid shut down. Quark: If there's trouble on Ferenginar, what are you doing here? Zek: I've been deposed. I'm no longer Grand Nagus. Quark: Then who is? Ishka: Who do you think? Quark: Brunt. Rom: Grand Nagus Brunt? Zek: Acting Grand Nagus Brunt. Rom: Brother, we're in trouble now. Brunt hates us. Ishka: Well, don't start panicking. The Ferengi Commerce Authority hasn't confirmed him yet. Zek: And they won't for three more days. Boys, together we're going to reconquer an empire or die in the attempt. Ishka: What lovely quarters you have, Quark. Small, but lovely. Zek: As of this moment, I declare this site to be the headquarters of the sole legitimate government of Ferenginar. Quark: I still can't believe it. Brunt is the new Nagus? Zek: Acting Nagus. Quark: For three more days. Then it becomes official. Zek: I'm not worried. I have a secret weapon. Your mother. Now here's the plan. One, we contact every FCA Commissioner and invite them to the station for a meeting. Two, Ishka runs the meeting. Quark: Oh, they'll love that. Zek: Maybe not at first, but she'll win them over. Using her vast financial knowledge and her keen instinct for profit, she'll prove once and for all that allowing females to wear clothing is the first step toward a healthier and more prosperous Ferengi economy. And three. What was three again, my dear? Ishka: The FCA Commissioners reinstate you as Nagus. Zek: And who can ask for a happier ending than that. Ishka: But that's only the beginning, lobekins. I predict that one day, a female will enter the Tower of Commerce, climb the forty flights of stairs to the Chamber of Opportunity, and take her rightful place as Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance. Quark: Don't look at me. It was your amendment. Rom: Nagus, you remember my son, Nog, don't you? He's the first Ferengi to join Starfleet. Zek: I'll try not to hold that against him. Rom: And this is my wife, Leeta. Leeta: I've heard so much about you. Zek: Would you like to hear more? Ishka: Remember, she's Rom's wife. Zek: Meaning what? Ishka: Meaning she's broke. Zek: She doesn't look broke to me. Ishka: Zekkie. Zek: Just having a little harmless fun, my sweet. Now Quark, you and your brother get rid of some of this furniture. And you, get three subspace transceivers off my ship and set them up in here. And where's my beetle snuff? Zek: Grand Nagus Brunt. Quark: Good afternoon, I'm calling on behalf of Grand Nagus Zek. Rom: The Nagus summons you to a meeting here on Deep Space Nine. Nog: He's counting on your support. Quark: You'll be presented with some very interesting financial data. Rom: There's profit to be earned. Nog: And the Nagus wants you to share in these lucrative opportunities. Rom: Yes, I'm talking about the Grand Nagus. Quark: No, not Brunt. Nog: Grand Nagus Zek. Quark: Who said he was dead? Rom: Wait. Don't end the transmission. Nog: Hello? Hello? Where'd he go? Quark: I know all about the ninety fourth Rule of Acquisition. Nog: I know. Females and finances don't mix. But that can be interpreted in many different ways. Quark: Hello? Hello? Rom: That's not a very nice thing to say about the Nagus. Quark: I beg your pardon? Nog: There's no need to be insulting. Rom: Hello? Hello? Quark: That female happens to be my mother! Hello? Zek: Are you sure you contacted every Commissioner on this list? Quark: All four hundred and thirty two of them. Zek: And you could only convince one of them to attend the meeting? Rom: Maybe if we made some follow up calls. Zek: I helped every one of those people earn a fortune, and this is how they repay me? Nog: What a bunch of ingrates. Ishka: Well, the news isn't all bad. The Commissioner who's agreed to come. It's Nilva. Quark: The Chairman of Slug-o-Cola. Ishka: He's a very powerful and influential voice within the FCA. Zek: Unfortunately, he's a influential voice for the status quo. Rom: I don't think Slug-o-Cola has changed it's advertising slogan in three hundred years. Drink Slug-o-Cola. All: The slimiest cola in the galaxy. Quark: Why would Nilva agree to come to the meeting? Ishka: I don't know. But if I can convince him to support Zek, other Commissioners will follow. Zek: Well, it's a start, at least. Ishka: See? I told you it was too early to panic. Brunt: Care to place a wager on that? Rom: Grand Nagus Brunt. Zek: Acting Grand Nagus Brunt. Ishka: Now you can panic. Brunt: I'll take an Eelwasser. No ice. Zek: What are you doing here, Brunt? Brunt: That's Grand Nagus Brunt. Ishka: Acting Grand Nagus. Brunt: Would someone please tell that female to take off those clothes. It's disgusting. Ishka: Get used to it, limp lobes. This is the future. Brunt: Over my dead body. Zek: If that's what it takes. Rom: I don't suppose you're here to reminisce about the time you helped my brother and me rescue Moogie from the Dominion. Brunt: You're right. That's not why I'm here. Though I find it ironic that helping to rescue your mother was the first step on my road to becoming Nagus. Ishka: Don't remind me. Zek: I never should have given you your job back with the FCA. Brunt: But you did. And as a Liquidator, I was able to bribe my way back into a position of power. Rom: That is ironic. Brunt: Face it, Zek, it's over. You're finished. Bankrupt. I'm going to liquidate you. Cancel that Eelwasser and get me a Slug-o-Cola instead. On second thought, I'll just wait till Chairman Nilva gets here. I'm sure he'll be happy to provide his new Nagus with all the Slug-o-Cola I can drink. Rom: How did you know Nilva was coming here? Brunt: Because it's my business to know. Go on, have your little meeting. Whatever you offer Nilva, I'll double it. Quark: That's it. Get out of my bar. Brunt: You dare threaten your Nagus? Quark: Acting Nagus. You may liquidate us tomorrow, but right now this is still my establishment. Now get out before I kick you out. Brunt: I'm going to make you a pauper. Uri'lash, we're leaving. Say goodbye to these poor people. Quark: Out. Zek: My boy, I'm proud of you. Ishka: So am I. Rom: Me too. Quark: I just kicked the Grand Nagus out of my bar. All: Acting Grand Nagus. Quark: Whatever. I need to lie down. Ishka: You busy, Quark? Quark: Busy? Me? Nah. I'm just lying here wondering if it's not too late for me to start a new life somewhere. Ishka: Oh, Quark, there's nothing wrong with your life. Quark: I'm sorry. I stand corrected. Ishka: You're overreacting. Quark: Whatever you say. Ishka: Reminds me of when you were a lobeling. You were always such a miserable child. Quark: Moogie, leave me alone. Ishka: I'm your mother, I can't leave you alone. Quark: Try. Ishka: Come on, on your feet. Zekkie's waiting for you in the bar. Quark: Now what? Ishka: He feels like playing a game of tongo. Quark: We're all facing banishment from Ferengi society and he wants to play tongo? Ishka: He wants to play tongo, I want to have a late night snack, you want to lie here feeling sorry for yourself. We all deal with stress in different ways. Any fresh tube grubs around? Quark: How can you eat at a time like this? Ishka: It's simple. You put one end of the tube grub between your front teeth, and you suck 'em right up. Quark: You want tube grubs? Fine. Enjoy. Ishka: These are minced. I wanted fresh. Quark: You know, this is all your fault. Ishka: It's my fault you don't have fresh tube grubs? Quark: I'm not talking about tube grubs. I'm talking about Ferengi females wearing clothes and earning profit. I'm talking about Grand Nagus Brunt. Ishka: Acting Grand Nagus Brunt. Quark: You're not fooling me, Moogie. You've been plotting this all along. Ever since you met Zek, you've been working on him, manipulating him, whispering things in his ear. Things like equality for females. Ishka: What's wrong with that? Quark: I'll tell you what's wrong with that. You've ruined Zek's life, your life, Rom's life. Ishka: As if you cared about any of us. It's your life you're worried about. Quark: You bet I'm worried. Nobody else seems to care what happens to me. You come here to my station, take over my quarters, make me a part of your subversive schemes. Ishka: What's the matter, Quark? Are you afraid you picked the wrong side? You can always go crawling to Brunt, beg his forgiveness. Quark: I don't want anything to do with Brunt. I want my old Nagus back. Ishka: Do you. Quark: I want Zek to be the way he used to be, before he met you, before you twisted his thinking with your feminine wiles. Ishka: Before he met me, Zek was a lonely, unhappy man. Quark: But he was rich. He was the most powerful Ferengi alive. Now what is he? A puppet. And you're the one pulling the strings, making him dance to your evil, feminist tune. You're the worst thing that ever happened to Zek. You're the worst thing that ever happened to me. In fact, you're the worst thing that ever happened to the entire Ferengi Alliance. Ishka: Maybe I am, but at least I'm not like you. A selfish, spineless, ungrateful Quark: Don't forget miserable. Ishka: Miserable excuse for a son! Quark: Is that the best you can do? Ishka: I haven't even begun. You should be ashamed of yourself. Why, you are nothing but a. Why, you are, you Quark: Go ahead. Say it. Ishka: You're a Quark: I'm still waiting. Ishka: You're a. You're a. You're a Quark: A what! Quark: Moogie. Moogie? Moogie! Moogie. Moogie. Moogie! Rom: Moogie, please don't die. Quark: She's not going to die. She's going to get better. Zek: I hope so, for my sake, for her sake, for the sake of the entire Ferengi Alliance. And most of all I hope she gets better for your sake, Quark. Because if she doesn't Quark: What did I do? Zek: That's exactly the question I keep asking myself. What did you do to her? Quark: I told you. She said she was hungry. I gave her some tube grubs. She thanked me, and then she collapsed. I wish you'd stop making me relive it. Rom: Are you sure you didn't do or say anything that might have upset her? Quark: I don't want to talk about it anymore. Zek: What's wrong, Quark? Your conscience bothering you? Quark: I haven't done anything wrong! Bashir: That's not what your mother says. Rom: Doctor, how's Moogie? Quark: Will she live? Bashir: Oh yes, she'll live. She needed a new heart and it's functioning normally. But she's going to need a few days complete rest. And she'll need to be kept far away from him. Zek: And why is that, Doctor? Bashir: I'm not sure exactly. All I do know is that she keeps repeating the same phrase over and over. It's all Quark's fault. It's all Quark's fault. Quark: I wonder what she means by that? Quark: And then I accused her of being the worst thing that ever happened to the Ferengi Alliance and she clutched her chest and collapsed. Moogie and I argue all the time. It's our way of showing affection. Zek: Well, if you ask me, Quark, the worst thing that ever happened to the Ferengi Alliance is you. Quark: I'm sorry. Rom: Well I suppose we should contact Nilva and tell him the meeting has to be postponed. Zek: We can't postpone the meeting! In two days, the FCA is going to confirm Brunt as the new Grand Nagus. Rom: Boy, when things go wrong. Brunt: The only thing to do is get down on your knees and beg for mercy. Who knows? You might find me in a charitable mood. Zek: By the time I get through with you, you're the one who's going to need charity. Brunt: Such brave words, yet so empty. I was very relieved to hear your mother is going to be all right. Of course, it doesn't do you much good. Nilva will be arriving tonight expecting to meet a brilliant Ferengi female. Do you know any? I mean, besides Ishka? I certainly don't. Brunt: How pitiful. One day you're the Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance, and the next you're nothing but a common barroom brawler. You see what happens when you put your faith in a female? Rom: What about Leeta? Quark: What about her? Rom: Maybe she can meet with Nilva. She handles my finances and she's a female. Zek: And a very beautiful one at that. But Nilva's expecting to meet with a Ferengi female. Quark: We'll never get one here in time. Rom: We're doomed. Zek: No, we're not. You think if Ishka were here she'd give up? Rom: If she were here, we wouldn't have a problem. Zek: That's not my point. Your mother would never accept defeat. If she couldn't find another female, she'd, she'd, she'd Rom: She'd what? Zek: She'd make one. Quark: You mean a hologram? Zek: Better than a hologram. Quark: What could be better than a hologram? Zek: You. Rom: Doctor Bashir certainly did a wonderful job on you. I'd call the operation a complete success. Leeta: It must have been a very delicate procedure. Quark: Tell me about it. Leeta: There. Quark: Well, how do I look? Leeta: You look nice. Quark: Nice? That's all? Rom: Very nice. Zek: You may look like a female but you have to do something about that voice. Quark: I'm trying! I mean, I'm trying. Zek: Well, try harder. Leeta: And stop looking down. Quark: I need to see what I look like. Someone get me a mirror. Rom: You see, brother? You look lovely. Leeta: There go his hormones. Rom: You mean, her hormones. Quark: Take it away, take it away. I'm sorry. I just feel so different. Leeta: Would you stop staring at your chest. Quark: I'm not staring at my chest, I'm staring at my hips. Aren't they too big? Zek: Your hips are fine. Now let's get down to business. These are your mother's notes for her meeting with Nilva. Study them carefully. Quark: Female apparel for a new source of latinum for a new Ferenginar. Hypicate cream for smooth skin and healthier profits. All these facts and figures. They're too much for me to remember. Zek: Oh, nonsense. You just need a little time to practice your presentation. Leeta: And while you're at it, we need to practice your walk. Quark: What's wrong with my walk? Leeta: You're lumbering. Quark: This is never going to work. Rom: Don't cry, Brother. Here, let me show you. Watch carefully. You see? It's more of a glide. Leeta: That's good. Rom: And when you sit, make sure your knees are touching. And don't forget to relax your shoulders, but keep your bottom tight. Rom: What? Quark: He's the one who should be wearing the dress. Rom: Why me? Leeta: You're so adorable, and complicated. Quark: Maybe it's not too late. Come on, brother, I'll take you to Doctor Bashir. Zek: Forget it, Quark. Rom may make a better female than you, but when it comes to business, you're the better Ferengi. Quark: Looks like your stupidity has saved you again. Rom: It comes in handy sometimes. Quark: I can do this. Its only one meeting. I can be a female for one meeting, can't I? Leeta: Not if you're lumbering. Quark: I'll conduct the meeting sitting down. Rom: Tighten your bottom. Zek: I think you're doing wonderfully, my dear. I'm proud of you. I'm sorry. You know, you may walk like a man, but you make a very attractive female. Confusing, isn't it? Quark: Not to me. Nog: He's here. He's on the station. Zek: Who is? Nog: Nilva. Quark: But he's not supposed to arrive until tomorrow. Zek: That Nilva, he's a tricky one. But he makes a good cola. Rom: What do we do? Quark: I can't meet Nilva now, I'm still lumbering. Nog: You look very nice. Zek: Nog, I want you to escort the chairman to his quarters. Tell him I'll meet him for dinner tonight. Nog: What if he asks about Ishka? Zek: Tell him that Ishka is sick, but that tomorrow he'll be meeting with my other female financial advisor, er, er, Lumba. Nog: Right. Quark: Lumba? Zek: You'd better start memorizing those notes. Leeta: First, we need to practice your walking. Rom: And your sitting. Zek: And you'd better work on that voice. Quark: Any other comments? Zek: Has anyone ever told you that you have lovely eyes? Nilva: Here, have a Slug-o-Cola. Nog: Thank you. Welcome to Deep Space Nine, Chairman Nilva. Nilva: You drink Slug-o-Cola, don't you? Nog: The slimiest cola in the galaxy? Doesn't everybody? Nilva: Good boy. Now, take me to Zek. Nog: Zek wanted me to take you to Nilva: Don't argue with me. Drink your cola and lead the way. Nog: You're sure you don't want to stop by your quarters and freshen up? Nilva: Not before I meet this female advisor of Zek's. Brunt: Nilva! How nice to see you again. Nilva: Grand Nagus Brunt. Nog: Acting Grand Nagus Brunt. Nilva: Well, I had a feeling I might find you here. Brunt: I thought after your meeting with Zek, we could have a little chat. Nilva: Oh of course. But I've really come to meet this Ishka female. Brunt: Haven't you heard? Ishka's in the Infirmary. She's in no position to meet anyone. Nog: Which is why you'll be meeting with another one of Zek's financial advisors. Her name is Lumba. Brunt: Never heard of her. Nilva: Oh, Zek has two female advisors? Brunt: I didn't know there were two Ferengi females on the station. Nilva: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go meet this other female. Nog: You're sure you wouldn't like me to show you around the station first? Nilva: I want to meet Lumba. Brunt: Lumba? Leeta: Let's try it again. Quark: My name is Lumba. You must be Chairman Nilva. Zek has told me so much about you. Ow. Leeta: What's wrong now? Quark: It's these earrings. They're killing me. Do I have to wear them? Rom: No woman is complete without earrings. Why does everyone keep looking at me? Quark: I'm going to bed. Zek: Now? Quark: I'm exhausted. If I don't get any sleep I'll never make it through tomorrow's meeting. Leeta: Who could that be? Rom: Come in. Zek: Nilva! Nilva: Zek. Here, have a Slug-o-Cola. Don't worry, I brought enough for everyone. Nog: He insisted on seeing you immediately. Nilva: Why, you must be Lunga. Quark: Lumba. Nilva: Oh, a clothed Ferengi female. And with your approval, no less. Either you've been inhaling too much beetle snuff or you're the greatest visionary ever to sit atop the Tower of Commerce. Zek: Well, why don't you and I have dinner tonight and try to figure it out. We can go to Quark's and get some nice, juicy snail steaks. You can meet with Lumba tomorrow. Nilva: I'm afraid that's not possible. You see, I have to leave first thing in the morning. I'm due back on Ferenginar for an important stockholders meeting. Oh, but those snail steaks do sound tempting. I know. Why don't I have dinner with Lumba? Quark: With me? Zek: Won't you feel uncomfortable being seen in public with a clothed female? Nilva: Well of course I will, but you and I have made a lot of latinum together over the years. That should be worth some small diskomfort. But Lumba better be all you claim she is, or I'll have to liquidate you myself. Let's eat. Rom: Have fun. Nilva: Two snail steaks, lightly seared. Now, tell me something. Doesn't wearing all those clothes make you feel like a deviant? Quark: Not really. And I'll tell you why. Because under all these clothes, I know I'm totally naked. Nilva: I'll try to remember that. Now, you'd better explain to me how allowing females to wear clothing is going to make me richer than I already am. Quark: I was hoping you were going to ask me that. You see this dress I'm wearing? Have you any idea how much it would sell for on Ferenginar? Leeta: Would someone please tell me what they're saying. ZEK+ROM+ Nog: Shh. Nilva: Let me see if I understand. Giving females the right to wear clothes allows them to have pockets. Once they have pockets, they're going to want to fill them with latinum. Quark: Which means they're going to need jobs. Nilva: And once they start earning latinum, they're going to want to spend it. Quark: Which means Ferenginar will be expanding its work force and its consumer base at the same time. Nilva: There will be plenty of profit for everyone. Quark: When it comes to profit, I'm your girl. And I'm sure you could use some extra latinum. Nilva: Meaning what? Quark: I read the beverage trades. Sales of Slug-o-Cola have flattened out and Eelwasser had a very impressive third quarter. Nilva: They were lucky, that's all. Quark: I know a way you can increase sales of Slug-o-Cola by fifty to sixty percent. Nilva: I'm all ears. Quark: Target the new female consumer. Make Slug-o-Cola her drink. Nilva: Nothing's stopping her from drinking it now. Quark: But you're not encouraging her either. The slimiest cola in the galaxy. That kind of slogan doesn't appeal to women. Nilva: Well, what would? Quark: Let me see. Slug-o-Cola contains forty three percent live algae, right? Nilva: In every bottle. Quark: Well, how about something like, Drink Slug-o-Cola and keep your teeth a sparkling shade of green. Nilva: Oh, Zek was right about you. You're very intelligent. Quark: For a female? Nilva: I think it's time for dessert now. Quark: Good idea. I thought we were going to have dessert? Nilva: Oh, we are. In my quarters. Nilva: I never ever thought I'd find a clothed female so enticing. Quark: Enticing? Me? Don't be silly. Nilva: It's so good to finally be alone. Without all those people staring at us. Nilva: Although I must admit, I did find it someone stimulating. Quark: Maybe a little too stimulating. Nilva: Can I help it if my lobes burn for you? If you don't believe me, just touch them. Touch them. Quark: I'll take your word for it. Nilva: You said you'd do anything for me. Quark: I lied. Nilva: Come to me, my little love slave. Quark: Stay away! Stay away! Nilva: Marry me! Quark: I don't think your wife would approve. Nilva: Who cares? She hasn't touched my lobes in months. Quark: I can tell. Nilva: Oh, I need you. Quark: What you need is a cold shower. Nilva: What a good idea. Why, you can scrub my back. Quark: What if Nilva: Yes? Quark: I told you Nilva: Yes? Quark: I hate Slug-o-Cola. Nilva: So do I. Nilva: Oh, you torture me. Quark: Stay away. Nilva: Stay away or what? Quark: Or I'll jump. Nilva: I'll catch you. Brunt: Let go of that man! Quark: I'm trying. Nilva: Would you please leave. You're making Lumba nervous. Brunt: His name's not Lumba, it's Quark, and he's a male. Nilva: A male? Brunt: How pitiful. Zek must be truly desperate. Nilva: Is this true? You're a man? Quark: Do I look like a man? Brunt: Nice try, Quark, but it's not going to work. He's the station's bartender. Quark: Don't listen to him, hot lobes. I'm as female as they come and I'll prove it to you. Quark: Well? Nilva: Well, I'm not sure. Quark: Oh, all right. Quark: Now are you sure? Nilva: Oh, completely. Brunt: I tell you that is not a female. Nilva: Well, she's close enough for me. Come, my dear. Let's go tell Zek that I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he remains Grand Nagus. Brunt: But why? Nilva: Because that's what Lumba wants. Brunt: His name's Quark! Odo: Interesting ring. Quark: It was a gift. Poor Nilva. Such a lovely man, but so lonely. Odo: Really? Quark: There was a sweetness to him, and also a strength. Sometimes he'd get this little glint in his eye. You know what I mean. Odo: Not really, but I'm glad you had a pleasant evening. Quark: You're mocking me, aren't you? Odo: And you're being a little overly sensitive. Quark: I've only been a male again for six hours. My hormones must still be out of balance. My emotions are raging out of control. Odo: Is there anything I can do? Quark: Would you mind giving me a hug? Odo: A hug? Quark: Just a small one. Quark: Thank you. Zek: I hope we're not interrupting anything. Odo: Excuse me. Zek: We just wanted to say goodbye before we go back to Ferenginar. Ishka: Where the rivers run with muck and the streets are swarming with happy females. Zek: And where, if all goes according to plan, the FCA commissioners will once again proclaim me Grand Nagus. Rom: That would be nice, but Brunt's going to fight you at every turn. Zek: I wouldn't have it any other way. Ishka: I'm glad we have Nilva on our side. And we have you to thank for that, Quark. Quark: Will you forgive me, Moogie? Ishka: Of course I do. You may be a lousy son, but you made a wonderful daughter. I hope the experience taught you something. Quark: It made me more compassionate, more empathetic, more nurturing. I feel like I'm trapped in my worst nightmare. Zek: Don't worry. I'm sure it won't last. You'll be back to your old self in no time. Rom: You are so lucky. No man ever gave me a ring. Aluura: Quark? Quark: Aluura. Aluura: I read the book. Quark: What book? Aluura: You know, Oo-mox for Fun and Quark: You shouldn't be wasting your time reading that kind of trash. Aluura: But you told me to. Quark: Forget what I told you. It was wrong and I apologize. You are a wonderful employee and I'm lucky to have you working for me. In fact, as of today, I'm giving you a raise. Another two slips of latinum a week. Aluura: Really? Quark: It's the least I can do. Aluura: That's too bad. Quark: All right, make it three. Aluura: No, it's not that. Quark: Then what? Aluura: It's just that Oo-mox sounded like fun. The tympanic tickle, the eustachian tube rub, the auditory nerve nibble. But if that's the way you feel about it. Quark: That is exactly the way I feel about it. Quark: What am I saying? Aluura? Wait.

Molly: Wake up, it's time to go. Keiko: Hi, honey. Molly: It's almost seven. Time to get ready. O'Brien: Time to get ready for what? Molly: The picnic! O'Brien: What picnic? Is that today? Molly: Yes. Don't you remember? O'Brien: Oh, well, we'd better get going then. Molly: I'm going to wear my blue jumper. Keiko: Oh, good idea, sweetie. O'Brien: I can't believe how much she's grown since I saw her last. Keiko: Look who's talking. O'Brien: What? Keiko: What have you been eating since we've been gone? O'Brien: The usual. Keiko: Well, say goodbye to the usual. I'm back and you're going to start eating right. O'Brien: Can't it wait until after the picnic? Keiko: No. Molly: Mommy, can you help me put this on? Keiko: Of course, sweetie. O'Brien: Where's the sunscreen? Keiko: I've already packed it. Molly: This is where we're going, Yoshi. See? Molly: Last time we went to Golana, you were inside Mommy's tummy. O'Brien: Better get down to the airlock. The shuttle leaves in twenty minutes. Molly: Can we bring Chester? Keiko: I don't think that would a good idea, sweetie. O'Brien: He might get lost. Keiko: On second thought. All right, let's go. Molly: Come on, Lupi. O'Brien: No sausages? Molly: I know what I'm going to be when I grow up. O'Brien: You do? Molly: Mm hm. I'm going to be an exobologist. O'Brien: An exobologist? What's that? Molly: Someone who studies animals from other planets. Keiko: Like Chester. Molly: Daddy, if you send us away again, can we take Chester? O'Brien: Honey, I'm not going to send you away again. Molly: You're not? O'Brien: No, I'm not. I only did it because it wasn't safe for you to be on the station. Molly: I know. O'Brien: We're never going to be apart again. Molly: Promise? O'Brien: I promise. Molly: You want to see me do some cartwheels? O'Brien: You bet. O'Brien: Wow. Keiko: Yay, good one. O'Brien: And what about you, little fellow? What do you say? O'Brien: I couldn't have said it better myself. Real sunshine, fresh air, you and the kids. Life doesn't get any better than this. Keiko: That was a pretty big promise you made, Miles, just a second ago. O'Brien: I meant it. Keiko: What if the war heats up again and the station isn't safe anymore? O'Brien: I'll put in for a transfer. I never want us to be apart again. Keiko: Molly? O'Brien: Molly? Molly! O'Brien: Molly! Molly! Keiko: Molly? Molly: Daddy, help! Keiko: Molly! Molly: Daddy, help! O'Brien: Molly, I'm coming. Molly: Daddy! O'Brien: Hold on, Molly. Hold on. Daddy's coming. Come on. Molly: Daddy, help. O'Brien: Take my hand. Come on, just take my hand. Kira: Keiko. Kira: Have you figured out what this thing is yet? Dax: It's some sort of time portal. From the chroniton signature, we think it sent Molly about three hundred years into the past. Kira: I wonder what this place was like three centuries ago. Dax: Odo contacted the Bajoran Archeological Institute to see what he could find out. Kira: How do we get Molly back? Dax: Well, first we have to find a way to reactivate the portal. It's been abandoned a long time and it was destabilized when Molly fell through. The problem is, we're not sure how this technology works. Kira: Well, something tells me the Chief isn't going to stop until he figures it out. Dax: Something tells me you're right. Kira: Assuming you can get this back online, what then? Dax: We punch a transport scanning beam through the portal and then we try to lock on to Molly's DNA signature. Kira: And pull her back into the present. Dax: That's the idea. O'Brien: Oh, bollocks! Keiko: It's all right, sweetie. Shh, it's all right. O'Brien: Maybe you should take him up to the Defiant. It might be too cold in here for him. Keiko: I'm not going anywhere. Kira: I'll take him. Come on. O'Brien: It's going to be all right, Yoshi. It's going to be all right. Keiko: You're okay, sweetie. Kira: Come on. O'Brien: Give me a hand here. Okay. Kira: Yes, yes I know. Odo: You're very good with him. Kira: He knows me. I had him inside of me for five months. Oh, I know. I think I might want to have one of my own someday. Odo: According to the archeologists I talked to, the portal was built by a civilization that vanished two thousand years ago. Which means if Molly survived the fall, she would have found herself all alone. Kira: You're saying that the planet was uninhabited three hundred years ago? Odo: The first Bajoran colonists didn't arrive till the turn of the century. Kira: An eight year old girl stranded alone on a deserted planet. Poor Molly. Odo: With any luck, the Chief will be able to beam her out a few minutes after she fell. She'll hardly know she was gone. Keiko: Miles, I'm getting scared. You've been at it all day. Just tell me you're getting closer. O'Brien: I think I've found a way to modulate the temporal field generators. If it works, Molly'll be home in a few hours. Keiko: She's just been looking forward to coming out here ever since I told her we were coming back to the station. Where's our baby? O'Brien: Shh. Dear, come on, come on. We're going to get her back. Everything's going to be all right Dax: Dax to O'Brien. O'Brien: Go ahead. Dax: The power convertor you asked me to reconfigure? It's ready to go online. Keiko: What? What does that mean? O'Brien: It means Molly's coming home. Come on. O'Brien: Transporter interface link. Dax: Synchronized. O'Brien: DNA acquisition sensors. Bashir: Locked in. Dax: We're as ready as we're ever going to be, Chief. O'Brien: Okay, let's do it. Dax: The field's destabilizing. O'Brien: We're losing power. Dax: Temporal field established. Bashir: We've got a DNA lock. It's her. Keiko: Molly? O'Brien: It's all right. There's no need to be afraid. Bashir: Well, there's no doubt about it. The DNA sequences match. This is definitely Molly. My readings suggest that she's eighteen years old. O'Brien: We pulled her out ten years too late. Bashir: It's a miracle you managed to get her back at all, Miles. Keiko: Maybe if you tried again you could pull her out when she was still a little girl. Bashir: If you do that, there'll be no one to grow up and become this Molly. You'd be erasing her existence. O'Brien: Yes, but we'll have our Molly back. Keiko: Miles, this is our Molly. Just because we missed the last ten years of her life doesn't give us the right to take those ten years away from her. Bashir: She's been deprived of human contact for a long time. It's not going to be easy for her to reassimilate. Her language skills are rusty. In fact, you two are the best hope we have of helping her recover them. Keiko: She doesn't remember us. O'Brien: She was so scared I doubt she even got a good look at us. Bashir: It's possible that she's blocked out all memories of her earlier life in order to cope with her isolation. Keiko: So what do we do? Bashir: I'm going to keep her under sedation until we get back to Deep Space Nine. I've asked Captain Sisko to create a safe environment for her. He's having one of the cargo bays converted. I want you two to be there with her when she wakes up. Keiko: What happens then? Bashir: A case like this, there are no rules. We'll just have to feel our way through the process. Dax: Hi. We have a little visitor. Come here. Worf: And what exactly is this infant doing in my home? Dax: Well, I offered to watch him so that the O'Briens could spend time with Molly. Worf: I thought you said you were going to be working tonight. Dax: I was going to run a spectral scan of that comet that's passing through the Denorias belt. But if I did that, who'd watch you? Worf: Me. Dax: That's all right. I want to stay with him. Worf: Jadzia, you have been waiting for this comet to come into sensor range for weeks. Dax: There'll be other comets. Worf: Go. I will take care of Yoshi. Dax: Worf, that's very sweet, but let's face it. You're not very good with babies. Worf: I raised Alexander. Dax: That's different. He was four years old when he moved in with you. You didn't have to change diapers. Babies are a handful. I should know, I've had nine of them. Worf: I know. Five as a mother, four as a father. I can handle a fourteen month old child. Dax: I didn't say you can't. Worf: Fine. Go run your sensor scans. Dax: You're holding him wrong. Worf: Leave us. Dax: All right, all right. I'm leaving. Worf: AbomBhay mish! AbomBhay mish! Keiko: Hello, Molly. O'Brien: It's all right, Molly. We're not going to hurt you. O'Brien: Would you like something to eat? I bet you're hungry. Golana melon. Mmm, it's delicious. It's for you. O'Brien: It's good, isn't it? Keiko: Hi, Molly. Remember me? Mommy. Keiko: What is she doing? O'Brien: I think she's trying to figure out who we are. Maybe she remembers looking up at us when she was little. Molly 2: Ma. Ma. O'Brien: That's right. Mommy and Daddy. Molly 2: Ma. Ma. O'Brien: Show it to her. Keiko: I brought you something. It's Lupi. She used to sleep right next to you on your pillow every night. She's missed you. Go on, take her. Keiko: You remember Lupi, don't you? O'Brien: This is a ball, Molly. Keiko: May I have the ball? Keiko: Would you like the ball, Molly? O'Brien: Molly, give me the ball. Keiko: Julian said it would take a while. O'Brien: Yeah, well I hope she catches on soon. We're running out. Keiko: This is a ball, Molly. O'Brien: Would you like the ball? I'll give you the ball, then you give me the ball, huh? O'Brien: Give me the ball, Molly. Molly, give me the ball. Please? O'Brien: Yes, that's it! Keiko: Good girl! O'Brien: That's it. That's my girl. That's my Molly. Dax: Is he all right? Worf: He is fine. He just will not go to sleep. Dax: Did you change him? Worf: I changed him. Dax: Did you feed him? Worf: I fed him. Dax: Did you read him a story? Worf: I read him a story. Dax: Did you sing to him? Worf: Until my throat was raw. Dax: Sounds like you tried everything. I'll take over from here. Worf: That is not necessary. Dax: Worf, you're exhausted. Get some sleep. Worf: No. I am a Klingon warrior and a Starfleet officer. I have piloted starships through Dominion minefields. I have stood in battle against Kelvans twice my size. I courted and won the heart of the magnificent Jadzia Dax. If I can do these things, I can make this child go to sleep. Dax: Talk about losing perspective. Listen to yourself. Why is this baby-sitting thing so important all of a sudden? Worf: It is not important to me. It is important to you. Dax: What are you talking about? Worf: You are judging me on my fitness to be a parent. Don't deny it, Jadzia. I can see it in your eyes. I have proven myself to be a worthy husband to you, but you are not convinced I would be a good parent to your children. Dax: Who said anything about having children? Worf: Go to sleep. I have work to do. Keiko: Sorry I'm late. O'Brien: Oh, hi. She went to sleep a couple of hours ago. Keiko: How does she keep from falling? O'Brien: You got me. Keiko: Dax said she'll look after Yoshi until your shift's over. O'Brien: Good. I've fallen behind on my repair schedule the last couple of days. Keiko: Miles. Keiko: Do you want the brush, Molly? You can have it. O'Brien: More and more when I look at her, I can see the little girl she used to be. Bashir: Has she spoken yet? O'Brien: No, but I can tell she understands what we're saying. Bashir: Has she responded to her name? O'Brien: Oh, absolutely. Look at this. Bashir: Interesting. O'Brien: She drew it. Not bad, eh? Bashir: She's anthropomorphised the landscape. O'Brien: Yeah, she loves to draw. Oh, did I tell you? She began eating with a spoon. At this rate, she'll be reading and writing in a few weeks. Bashir: Well, just be careful not to push her too hard. If she gets frustrated, she might withdraw and relapse into her old behavior patterns. O'Brien: Ah, don't worry. I'm not going to push her. I don't have to. She's doing fine on her own. Worf: Waq Kor do goH Ya. Gung gung gung. Bashir: Gung gung gung? Worf: I was instructing your son in hehh DUHPP. Bashir: Hehh DUHPP? Worf: It's a Klingon exercise designed to teach children hand eye coordination, so they will grow to become warriors. Bashir: Oh, I get it. The rattle is like the baby's first bat'leth kind of thing. O'Brien: How'd he do? Worf: He acquitted himself well. O'Brien: Thanks for watching him. Bashir: Oh, Worf, you might want to leave the rattle just in case Yoshi wants to practice his hehh DUHPPing. Keiko: Molly, come on. Molly, Molly please. O'Brien: What's going on? Keiko: She's been like this for over an hour. O'Brien: I'll try to calm her down. Keiko: I have to go. I have to pick up Yoshi and take him home. Molly 2: Ho muh. O'Brien: Did you hear that? Molly 2: Home. Keiko: Molly? What are you trying to say? Molly 2: Home. O'Brien: Home? Molly 2: Home. Molly. Keiko: That's right. Molly. Molly 2: Molly home. O'Brien: You want us to take you home with us? Molly 2: Daddy home Molly. Keiko: All right, we'll take you home. Molly 2: Mommy home Molly. O'Brien: Mommy and Daddy are going to take you home. Yes. O'Brien: Home, Molly. This is home. Molly 2: Starry stars. Keiko: They're pretty, aren't they? Molly 2: Home? O'Brien: That's right. Would you like to see your room? Keiko: Molly, Molly. Molly 2: Home! Molly 2: Home. O'Brien: No, this is your home. Molly 2: Home. Keiko: Miles. O'Brien: Look, I know. You lived there a long time, but this is home too. Molly 2: Molly home. Keiko: I know, sweetie. We can't go there right now. O'Brien: Maybe we can. Keiko: Look, Miles, she's so happy. O'Brien: She has no idea it's a holosuite. Keiko: It must be confusing to her. One minute she's on a space station, the next minute she's running around outside. O'Brien: Well there's no reason we can't take her here for an hour or two every day. I'll talk to Quark about scheduling some regular time. Molly 2: Mummy, Mummy, Daddy. O'Brien: That's my girl! O'Brien: I'll be right back. Keiko: Okay. Ooo, look at this. Quark: Sorry to interrupt, Chief, but your time is up. These gentlemen have a reservation. O'Brien: I'll pay for their time if they can wait another half hour. Quark: They seem to have their hearts set on some afternoon carnage now. O'Brien: All right. Give me a minute. Quark: Let me buy you gentlemen a drink. Keiko: Oh, pretty Molly. O'Brien: Molly, honey, we've got to go. Molly. O'Brien: Computer, end program. We'll come back tomorrow. Molly 2: Home! Keiko: We have to go, honey. O'Brien: It's okay, it's okay. Keiko: Sweetie, we'll come back another day. I promise. Quark: I'm sorry, little lady. O'Brien: Molly! O'Brien: Molly! Odo: On stun. Keiko: Molly! Odo: Odo to Doctor Bashir. We have a medical emergency in Quark's. Sisko: The Tarkalean she attacked is recovering in the Infirmary. Doctor Bashir tells me he should be on his feet in a few days. Odo: He's filed charges against her. Assault with a deadly weapon. O'Brien: She wasn't trying to hurt him, she was just trying to get away. Odo: I tried to tell him that but he wasn't interested in hearing excuses. As far as he's concerned, she's dangerous and should be incarcerated. O'Brien: Incarcerated? Sisko: I've talked to the Federation magistrate and explained the situation. She wants Molly taken to a special care center on Dalvos Prime for evaluation. O'Brien: They're going to keep her there, aren't they? Sisko: We might be looking at a long term situation, yes. But it's the best facility of its kind. O'Brien: Molly belongs with Keiko and me. If she's going to make a connection with anybody it's going to be us, not some therapist she doesn't even know. Sisko: I'm sorry, Chief. I wish there were another way. O'Brien: Captain, please. Don't let them take her away. Bashir: Her body's flooded with adrenalin. I'm not sure how long she can tolerate being confined like this. It might send her into shock. We have to find a way to calm her down. O'Brien: Molly. Molly. Molly 2: Daddy, home. O'Brien: Molly, don't. O'Brien: No! Keiko: Miles! O'Brien: Turn it off, damn it! O'Brien: Molly, Molly. Molly 2: Home. Keiko: What are we going to do? Bashir: It won't do any good to keep sedating her like this. The bottom line is, she needs open spaces and plenty of it. O'Brien: She's not going to get that at a special care center. Bashir: I'll talk to the Captain about putting her back in a holosuite for the time being. O'Brien: But what happens when they put her on a transport? What happens then? Dax: Oh, what a day. I can't wait to get out of my uniform. Where's Kirayoshi? I thought you were going to watch him this afternoon. Worf, what's wrong? Bashir: Kirayoshi took a little fall. Dax: Is he all right? Bashir: Oh, yes. Just a small bump on the forehead. Happens all the time, children his age. A little sleep, he'll be as right as rain. Dax: Thanks. Bashir: Well, I've got to get back to the Infirmary. Dax: You want to tell me what happened? Worf: We were playing. I was pretending to be a grint hound and chased him. He was laughing so hard he did not look to see where he was going and fell against the edge of the table. Dax: It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. Worf: I was too rough with him. I was careless. You were right to question my fitness as a father. Dax: Worf, I never questioned your fitness as a father. Don't put words into my mouth. Worf: I failed Alexander, I failed Kirayoshi, and I would have failed our children as well. Dax: Where are you going? Worf: I should not be here when he wakes up. Dax: Worf. Worf: Jadzia, I'm sorry I've failed to prove myself to you. Keiko: We've got to do something. We can't let them take her away. O'Brien: We don't have any choice. We just have to hope Molly can adjust. Keiko: How can you say that? How can you just give up? You're planning something. O'Brien: What are you talking about? Keiko: Miles, I've known you a long time. You are planning something and you want to keep me out if it. O'Brien: The less you know, the better. Keiko: Why? O'Brien: Because there's going to be consequences. Keiko: So we'll face them together. She's my daughter too. O'Brien: Keiko, listen to me. Keiko: Don't argue with me. I am as stubborn as you. Now, what are we going to do? O'Brien: We're going to steal a runabout and take Molly back to Golana. Keiko: But that's the first place they'll look for her. They'll find her, unless. Unless we send her back through the portal into the past. O'Brien: Yeah. Once she's through we can destroy it. That way no one will ever find her. Keiko: But we'll never see her again. O'Brien: I wish there were some other way. Golana's been her home for ten years. She knows how to survive there. She'll be all right. O'Brien: How is she? Pinar: Doctor Bashir said she'd be unconscious for a few more hours. We'll transfer her to a holosuite before she wakes up. O'Brien: There are no holosuites available. Odo said we should move her back to the cargo bay. Pinar: He didn't mention it to me. O'Brien: Well, check the log. He said he made a note of it. O'Brien: Did you get everything? Keiko: It's all in here. Jones: Chief. Jones to Security. I've found them. Jones: They were trying to steal a runabout. Odo: Find out if Deputy Pinar has regained consciousness. I'm going to need his statement. O'Brien: Odo, please let us go. Keiko: If you put her back in a holding cell, she'll die. Odo: I'm disappointed in you, Chief. If anyone could break a prisoner out of a holding cell and get them off the station, I'd have thought it would have been you. Odo: On your way. Keiko: Thank you. Keiko: Thank you. Odo: Go. Keiko: There's a knife and a blanket. Molly 2: Lupi. Keiko: Yes, that's right, sweetie. O'Brien: Everything's ready to go. I've recalibrated the temporal field generator. We should be able to put her back at the same point in time when we took her out. Molly, honey, Can I show you something? O'Brien: You're going home now, Molly. Home is right through there. Molly 2: Home? Keiko: Mommy loves you, sweetie. O'Brien: I love you, too. Go on, honey. Home. Molly 2: Stars. Your home. O'Brien: That's right. When you look up at the stars, that's where we'll be, watching you. Go on, honey. Molly 2: Molly loves you. Molly 2: Molly? Molly: I want my mommy and daddy. Molly 2: There. Molly 2: Mommy, Daddy there. Molly 2: Molly home. Keiko: Molly? Molly: Mommy. O'Brien: Oh, look at you. You okay? Dax: Hi. You can come in, he's gone. I dropped him off at the O'Briens a few minutes ago. Oh, you should've seen his face when he saw his sister again. Worf: Did you apologize to them for me? Dax: Yes, and they said not to worry about it. It isn't the first time he's bumped his head. They invited us for dinner tonight to thank us for watching him. Worf: What did you tell them? Dax: Well, I told them that we had a holosuite reservation, and that I'd check you. By the way, what does gung gung gung mean? Worf: Why do you ask? Dax: Well, it was the strangest thing. I was taking Yoshi home and he kept shaking his rattle, saying gung gung gung. Worf: He did? Dax: He seemed to get a bit kick out of it. So what does it mean? Worf: That is between Yoshi and me. Dax: Oh, I see. Well, you made a big impression on him. Maybe you're not as bad with children as you thought. Worf: Or as you thought. Dax: All right, maybe I had my doubts. But I've never been happier to be proven wrong. Oh, we'd better get going if we're going to make that holosuite reservation. Worf: Holosuite? And insult the O'Briens? Dax: We wouldn't want to do that. Worf: He really said gung gung gung? Dax: Over and over again. O'Brien: The Captain's volunteered to represent me at the hearing. Keiko: If anyone can make Starfleet understand what you did, it's him. Molly: Mommy? Keiko: Yes, sweetie? Molly: The girl who found me, can I see her again? Keiko: Not for a while, honey. Molly: She was so nice. O'Brien: According to Dax, the recalibration didn't hold, so the portal sent her back to the same point in time it sent little Molly. Keiko: I wonder if she realized that the little girl she was looking at was herself. O'Brien: I hope so. And I hope she realized that in a way she was going home too. Molly: Look. It's where we had the picnic. Molly: Don't you like it? O'Brien: It's beautiful. Keiko: Ah, sweetie, it's lovely, just lovely.

Odo: All right, these barstools will have to be removed. Quark: Do you know how much they cost? Odo: No, and I can't say I'm interested in learning. Station regulation twenty five sixty two, paragraph four. All furniture intended for use on the Promenade must not pose a danger to public safety. Quark: What danger? Odo: Without a back on the stool, Morn could tumble from his perch at any moment, shattering his upper vertebrae or puncturing three or four of his lungs. Quark: Nonsense. His body weight is perfectly distributed across the seat. He's also better able to enjoy the view of the lovely dabo girls than he was before. And should he require another drink he need only spin back. Odo: Which points out another danger. Vertigo. Quark: This isn't going to give anybody vertigo. Odo: Your appeal has been heard and rejected. I want the barstools removed by the end of the day. Now, it's come to my attention that your dabo wheel is in violation of station regulation forty seven twenty one, which states Kira: Odo? Odo: Nerys. Kira: You busy? Odo: Not at all. Kira: Then can I interest you in some lunch? Odo: Where shall we go? Kira: I was thinking about the Klingon restaurant. I haven't been there for ages and I have a craving for broiled krada legs. Jake: Too bad about the barstools. I kind of liked them. Quark: Did you notice how he changed the minute she walked in the room? Jake: They're in love. Quark: And what's love? Jake: Well, it's a Quark: Love's a distraction. And a distracted policeman is an opportunity. Captain's log, stardate 51948.3. With the safe arrival of convoy PQ One in the Vegan System, our escort duties are now complete and I've set course for home. Kasidy: Well, my first and hopefully last, mission report for Starfleet Command. You know, when I first agreed to be convoy liaison officer, I thought sure, why not? I know most of the freighter captains in the convoy, should be a piece of cake. I didn't know I'd be making twenty log entries a day and filling out formal reports every night. Sisko: Looks like you did a pretty good job. Kasidy: Well, if you're going to do something, do it right. That's what my father used to say. Sisko: Every father says that. Even I say that. Kasidy: That's why you're a good parent. You know all the clichés by heart. Well, hello stranger. Haven't seen you in days. Bashir: I've been filling out reports for Starfleet Medical. Kasidy: I knew there was a reason why I didn't join Starfleet. I couldn't do this paperwork. Bashir: Smart. Kasidy: There was a time when you couldn't get him to shut up. Sisko: I think I like him better this way. Kasidy: That's mean. Sisko: I was just kidding. Kasidy: No, you weren't. Worf: Worf to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Sisko here. Worf: Sir, can you come to the bridge? We have picked up a distress call. Sisko: On my way. Worf: We have been unable to establish two way communication so far, but we have determined that the signal is coming from somewhere in the Rutharian sector. Sisko: Let's hear it, Chief. Lisa: and Commander Gatsby is dead too. I didn't see any other escape pods leave before the ship was destroyed so I may be the only survivor. My pod was torn open on impact and the rain is pouring in. I'll take the radio and a survival kit with me, but the environmental suits were damaged in the crash, so I'll have to rough it. This is an L class world and the atmosphere is barely breathable out there. Repeat. This is a general distress call. I am a citizen of the United Federation of Planets and a Starfleet officer. If you can hear me, please respond. My government will reward you for any assistance you can offer, and most of all, you'll be my personal heroes. Repeat. This is a general Sisko: That's enough. How long will it take us to reach her? Worf: At maximum warp, six days. Sisko: Any other ships closer to that sector? Worf: No, sir. Sisko: Mister Worf, turn us around and set a course for the Rutharian sector. Worf: Aye, sir. Sisko: Chief, I want you to establish a two way comm. link with this woman. And when you do, tell her, tell her her heroes are on the way. Captain's log, supplemental. The marooned Starfleet officer, whose name we've learned is Lisa, continues to transmit her call for help, but so far Chief O'Brien has been unable to establish two way communications. Bashir: How's it going? O'Brien: Slow. For some reason, she's transmitting on a rotating subspace frequency. I'm having a problem finding a way to send a return signal. Lisa: Barely edible. Bashir: Do you have to keep that on all the time? O'Brien: No, not really, but she is all alone. The least I can do is try and listen to her. Lisa: This is a general distress call Bashir: She doesn't know you're listening, Miles. You're not comforting her by keeping the channels open and driving yourself crazy. O'Brien: It doesn't bother me. Sometimes it feels like she's actually talking to me. Lisa: or any assistance you can offer. O'Brien: It's true. Especially when she starts talking about her family or her home. She reminds me of my cousin. Lisa: Oh, no. I don't believe it. It's raining again. How can there be so much water and so little life out there? Bashir: I think I'll leave you two alone. Lisa: I'm really starting to hate this place. Lisa: Repeat. This is a general distress call. Hello? Is anyone paying attention? I know you're out there. I know you can hear me. So just answer me. Tell me you're on your way. Tell me I'm going to be rescued. Tell me I'm not going to die alone. Quark: I hope you're satisfied. I'm sure nothing gives you more pleasure than stifling my creativity. Odo: Only you would consider barstools to be a form of artistic expression. Quark: Oh yeah? Let's see how creative you are. Have you picked out the Major's gift yet? Odo: Gift? Quark: For this Saturday. You do know what Saturday is, right? Odo: Saturday? Quark: Yes. It's the one month anniversary of your first date with Major Kira. Odo: Oh. I suppose it is. Quark: And you haven't picked out a gift. Odo: Why should I? Quark: The man's experienced unrequited love for the better part of three years and now that he finally has her, he wants to know why he should celebrate their anniversary. Odo: Whatever you're trying to sell me, it won't work. Quark: You think I'm going to get involved? No, thank you. The last thing I want to deal with is a panicked lover looking for a gift at the last minute. There's a whole Promenade of shopkeepers out there if you want to buy a gift. Odo: A one month anniversary gift. Did you ever heard of anything so ridiculous? Jake: Okay, so now you have him looking for a gift. What are you up to? Quark: I tell you, you write it down, the next thing I know I'm in a holding cell. Jake: I won't write a word, I promise. This is just character research. Quark: Right. Jake: Quark, listen. I'm working on a crime novel but I've hit a wall in my writing. It's not truthful anymore. Phony, artificial. I'm having trouble creating real, flesh and blood characters, especially nefarious ones. If you could just let me just watch and listen as you pull off whatever it is you're going to pull off, it could really help me out. You could give me insight. I could even model my lead character after you. Quark: Lesson number one. No one involved in an extralegal activity thinks of themselves as nefarious. Jake: Sorry. Quark: I'm a businessman, okay? Now, if you're interested in learning more about my business, I think that could be arranged. Jake: Great. Quark: But nothing you see or hear turns up in print. And none of it, none of it gets back to your father, understand? Jake: Completely. Lisa: So there is a sun after all. Of course, now that the sun's up, I can see how truly ugly my new little home is. There's nothing out there but dirt, some rocks, some more dirt and some more rocks. Kasidy: Chief? Can I ask you a personal question? O'Brien: Sure. Kasidy: Are you uncomfortable having me aboard the Defiant? O'Brien: No. Why should I be? Kasidy: I'm a civilian. Isn't it awkward having me aboard a warship? O'Brien: We've had civilians aboard before. It doesn't bother me. Kasidy: I was afraid you were going to say that. Lisa: I can hear you! O'Brien: I'm sorry? Lisa: Hello? Kasidy: Don't worry about it. O'Brien: Hold on a minute. Lisa: This is Lisa Cusak receiving your transmission. Can you hear me? Hello? Hello? I could hear you two talking! Can you hear me? O'Brien: Yes! Yes, we can hear you! Lisa: Thank God!! Whoever you are, I love you! Lisa: My name's Lisa Cusak. Until a couple of days ago, I was the commanding officer of the Olympia. Sisko: The Olympia. Lisa: We left the Federation over eight years ago for a long range exploration of the Beta Quadrant. Sisko: What happened to your ship, Captain? Lisa: We were finally heading home, if you can believe that, then we picked up some strange energy readings in a nearby star system, and I decided to stop and investigate. We found an energy barrier around the fourth planet that was unlike anything we'd ever seen, and when we probed it with our scanners it triggered a quantum reaction. There was an enormous surge of metrion radiation that disabled our engines. The next thing I knew, we were spiraling in toward the surface. I gave the order to abandon ship and the last thing I remember is a console exploding in my face. I woke up in an escape pod on the surface and I've spent the last day and a half sitting in this cave trying to raise someone on subspace. Bashir: Captain, Doctor Bashir, Chief Medical Officer. Your message said that you were on a L class planet. Are you sure? Lisa: Positive. And to answer your next question, yes, I've been giving myself fifteen cc's of triox every four hours to compensate for the excess carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Just like it says in my medical tricorder. Bashir: How much triox do you have left? Lisa: One hundred and fifty milliliters. Bashir: Will you to decrease the dosage, Captain, to eight cc's every six hours. We need to stretch your supply as long as possible. Kasidy: What happens when she runs out of the drug? Lisa: That's a good question, Doctor. What happens then? Bashir: You will begin to experience the effects of hypoxia. But before that happens, the triox compound will have strengthened your cardiopulmonary system, allowing you to better withstand the effects. Lisa: Better withstand the effects. In other words, I'm going to be gasping for air and turning different shades of blue by the time you get here. Bashir: Yes, I'm afraid so. Lisa: Thanks for brightening my day. Kasidy: Is there anything we can do? Lisa: There is, actually. I can't sleep. I think the injections are keeping me awake and I haven't had anyone to talk to for two days. Sisko: We'll be able to help you with that, Captain. I'll have one of my officers stay on the comm. line with you at all times. Lisa: And order them to enjoy it, too. Sisko: Done. Lisa: So, who's first? Sisko: I think I'd better start. Lisa: Sounds good to me. Sisko: A lot has happened since you left, Captain. Sisko: The Second Fleet hit the Dominion forces occupying Betazed three times in the last month, but they keep sending in reinforcements and fortifying their positions on the surface so we find it Lisa: Okay, okay, that's it. Please, no more war news. You're depressing me. Sisko: Oh, sorry. Lisa: No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you and me and everyone in the Federation. I can't believe we're at war. Let's change the subject. How about some good news. Tell me there's still something to look forward to when I get home. Tell me people still fall in love and get married and raise families. Sisko: They do. Lisa: Good. And what about you? Are you married? Sisko: No. Lisa: Seeing anyone? I mean I hate to pry, but I'd like to think that there's still something positive in the life of a starship captain these days. Sisko: I am seeing someone. Lisa: Now we're talking. Tell me about her. What's her name? Sisko: Kasidy Yates. Lisa: Kasidy? Is she the same Kasidy I spoke to earlier? Sisko: That's her. Lisa: She one of your officers? Sisko: No, civilian. Freighter captain. Lisa: Uh, oh. Sounds like you're having problems. Sisko: Why would you say something like that? Lisa: There's no joy in that voice of yours, Ben. In fact, the tension level went up when you said her name. You sounded more relaxd when you were telling me about the war. Ben, are you still there? Sisko: Yes. Yes, I'm still here. You just caught me off guard, a little. Lisa: I can tell. You know, back when I was a junior officer, I dated a civilian for six years. Want to hear about it? Sure you do. Why? Because it's a funny story and one of us needs to cheer up. So we met on Andor. I was assigned to the Federation Embassy as an attaché and he was working in the Andorian Agricultural Ministry. Now at first I didn't want anything to do with him. He kept pointing his antennae at me whenever I walked through his office and I found that sort of rude. Quark: Excuse me, coming through. Excuse me. Excuse me. Odo? Odo: Well, this is it. Quark: Can I see it? Quark: Oh, very nice. The Major's going to love it. How are going to give it to her? What sort of evening do you have planned? Odo: I don't have anything planned. Quark: Fortunately for you, there's still time. Pick one. Odo: A holosuite program? Quark: It's your anniversary. You have to do something special. Odo: I bought her a gift. Quark: Have it your way, but if it was me and I had found true love after a lifetime of searching, every month would be worth celebrating. Odo: All right. Let me look at those programs. Come on. Quark: Looks like the Constable's going to be busy Saturday night. I guess that means he won't be following me around the station, or watching the airlocks for wanted criminals, or monitoring the cargo bays for illegal transactions. Jake: He has deputies. Quark: Deputies I can handle. With Odo out of the way my biggest problem will be deciding what to do with all the money I'm about to make! Lisa: Both my sisters are teachers. I don't know how they can do it. Personally, I can't stand children. Bashir: Ah ha. Lisa: I know, I know everyone loves children. Not me. Bashir: Yeah. Lisa: What about you? You like children? Bashir: Oh yeah. Lisa: Really? Bashir: Yeah. Lisa: You know, Doctor, I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, you're not really paying attention to. Wait a minute. What's that? There's something moving out there. It's getting closer. Bashir: What? Lisa: Stay back. No, don't hurt me. Bashir: Captain, what's going on? Lisa: Please, stay back. No, don't! No! Bashir: Captain Cusak, can you hear me? Hello? Hello? God. Voice: She's gone. Bashir: Who is this? What have you done? Voice: I have eaten her. Bashir: What? Voice: I've eaten her! What difference does it make to you? You weren't even listening to her! Bashir: You have my sincere apologies. I was carried away with my work. Lisa: I'm a patient, aren't I? Doesn't that make me part of your work? Bashir: You're right. You're absolutely right. I don't know what I was thinking. You now have my complete attention. Lisa: Well, I've got news for you, Doc. I'm all talked out. It's time for you to cheer up one of your patients and take her mind off her impending doom. Bashir: You're not doomed. Lisa: I feel better already. See how easy that was? Now keep going. Bashir: Oh, what should I talk about? Lisa: How did they let you out of medical school with this kind of bedside manner? Are you sure you're a doctor? Bashir: I graduated second in my class in fact. Lisa: Oh, and we're especially proud of that, aren't we? Bashir: I get the feeling it's going to take me some hours to crawl out of this rather sizeable hole I've dug for myself. Lisa: Not at all. It'll take you days. Quark: You have my personal assurance they're high quality crystals. And you won't get them at this price anywhere else in the quadrant. Quark: Five days, cargo bay three. See you then. Odo: I'll take this one. Quark: Ah. Paris, Nineteen twenty eight. Nice choice. Say what you will about humans today, their past was certainly romantic. Odo: Book us four hours starting at twenty one hundred on Sunday night. Quark: You mean Saturday. Odo: I mean Sunday. Quark: But Saturday's the anniversary of your first date. Odo: Yes, but our first date ended badly. It's not something I want to commemorate, so I've decided to celebrate the anniversary of our first kiss. Quark: Your first kiss? Odo: Romantic, isn't it? Quark: Come on. Come on. Jake: What's going on? Quark: My partner. I can't get him on the channel. He's changed his comm. system protocols. Jake: Already? You just talked to him. Quark: He's a wanted man, Jake. He has to be very careful about how often he uses subspace. The authorities might try and trace his signal. I have no way of contacting him until he gets here Saturday night. Jake: Can't you just explain to him that he'll have to wait a day. Quark: Haven't you been paying attention? If he even sets foot on the station while Odo's on duty, we'll both be in a holding cell faster than you can say criminal conspiracy. Jake: What are you going to do? Quark: I think my best option is panic. O'Brien: When the fighting first broke out, I thought to myself, all right, O'Brien, you've done this before. Keep your head down, focus on the job, you'll get through this just like you did in the last war. But this war's different. Maybe I'm different. I have this growing sense of isolation. I see people, I talk to them, I laugh with them, and. But part of me is always saying they may not be here tomorrow. Don't get too close. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be putting this all on your shoulders, Captain. Lisa: No, no, it's all right, Miles. I don't mind. It sounds like you really need to talk with someone about this. O'Brien: I'm sure it's the last thing you need to hear. I should be cheering you up. Lisa: Forget about me. You're the one who needs cheering up. O'Brien: Now there's a sad state of affairs. Lisa: Look, you've seen a lot of combat in the last year. That's a heavy burden to carry around. O'Brien: You sure you're a Captain, not a counselor? Lisa: Oh, I'm sure. I'll let you in on a little secret, Miles. I dislike the whole concept of a ship's counselor. O'Brien: Me, too. I mean, I like some of them personally, but Lisa: But sometimes they just get in the way. O'Brien: That's exactly how I feel. But saying it out loud is almost heresy. And there's this assumption nowadays that only someone with a diploma can listen to your problems or give you advice. Lisa: Sometimes all you need are good friends. O'Brien: Exactly. Lisa: So where are they? O'Brien: Excuse me? Lisa: Where are your friends, Miles? Why aren't they helping you through this? O'Brien: Well, we, er, I haven't spoken to them about any of this. You know, it's not the kind of thing you talk about. Lisa: Well, if you can't talk to your friends and you can't talk to your wife, you know who that leaves? O'BRIEN + Lisa: A ship's counselor. Bashir: Excuse me, but it's eighteen hundred hours. O'Brien: Already? Bashir: Afraid so. O'Brien: But we're still talking. Lisa: Boys, boys, don't fight over me. Lisa: Miles, I'll talk to you in the morning. Think about what I said. O'Brien: All right. And I will. Good night, Captain. Lisa: Good night. Lisa: Well, Julian, don't let me keep you from your work. I know how busy you are. Bashir: No work tonight. Lisa: Oh, so you've decided to spend your valuable time conversing with your patient again. That's three days in a row. You must be swamped with paperwork by now. I feel awful keeping you from your duties like this. Bashir: I managed to catch up with all my paperwork this afternoon, thank you very much. Lisa: Let me guess. Thanks to your amazing, genetically engineered brain, you not only did your work, you did the work of ten other doctors at the same time. Bashir: Well, you've answered the next question I was going to ask you, which is, how are you feeling? I can hear that you're in your usual acerbic good mood. Lisa: Wrong again, my superhuman friend. As a matter of fact I'm not feeling well at all. Bashir: Tell me. Lisa: The last injection didn't do the trick. I feel this heavy weight on my chest. It's getting harder to breathe and every time I move my head, the cave starts spinning. Sisko: Come in. Sisko: What is it? Bashir: Captain Cusak's run out of triox. She's beginning to feel the effects of CO2 poisoning. Sisko: Already? I thought she had at least a day's worth of injections. Bashir: So did I, but it apparently the last vial was tainted somehow, probably in the crash. Sisko: How long does she have? Bashir: No more than two days. Sisko: That's not good. We're still three days away. Bashir: We need more speed. O'Brien: Speed's not the problem. I could increase the warp plasma ninety seven gigahertz. That would increase our velocity to warp nine point five and save us almost a full day. Worf: The problem on the Defiant is how to maintain structural integrity when we go above warp nine. O'Brien: Exactly. At those kinds of speed the ship literally starts tearing herself apart. Sisko: Is there any way to strengthen the structural integrity field? O'Brien: Not without bleeding power from some other source. Sisko: Such as? O'Brien: The phaser reserves. Worf: That would be unwise. If we empty the defense reserve, we could find ourselves at an extreme disadvantage should we encounter a Dominion ship. Bashir: We're a long way from the front lines out here, Worf. The chances of meeting a Dominion ship are negligible. Worf: We should not take that risk. Bashir: She'll die if we do not get to her faster. Sisko: Use the phaser reserve, Chief. Give us all the speed you can. O'Brien: Aye, sir. Thank you, sir. Kasidy: How's it going? Sisko: We're increasing speed. The Captain's condition is worsening. Kasidy: I see. Is there anything I can do? Sisko: I don't think so. Kasidy: Well. I guess I'll see you later. Sisko: Right. Kasidy: Right. Sisko: Are you sure you want to hear about this? Lisa: Trust me Ben, I'd much rather be worrying about your love life than about my own problems right now. Sisko: Well, when Kasidy came to the bridge last night, all I wanted her to do was leave. And I couldn't tell you why. Lisa: She doesn't belong there Ben, that's why. She doesn't belong in that part of your life and you know it. Off duty, I'm sure Kasidy is exactly what you need. But on the Defiant, she's a random element, a piece that doesn't fit anywhere in the puzzle. Sisko: She was the Convoy Liaison Officer on our last mission, and a damned good one too. Lisa: This isn't about her. This is about you. You're having trouble doing your job when she's on the Defiant and that's a problem. It's also affecting your relationship, and that's another problem. Don't take it so hard. So you can't mix your personal life and your professional life. Most people can't. I certainly can't. I once served on the same starbase as my sister. Oh, what a nightmare that was. Sisko: I looking forward to meeting you, Lisa. And I know I'm not the only one around here who feels the same way. Lisa: If you ask me, everyone on that ship could use some R and R. Quark: Beautiful, aren't they? Jake: Gorgeous. Quark: Do you know how much I was going to get for these? Almost two hundred bars. Jake: That's a lot. Quark: No kidding that's a lot. Now, they're just a crate full of junk. Jake: You know there's still a chance that Odo won't find out about any of this. Quark: No, he'll find out. Odo would love nothing more than to see me in jail. And after all I did for him. Jake: Like what? Quark: Like helping him find true love. That's right. If it wasn't for me, he and Major Kira would've never gotten together in the first place. I was there for him during all the heartache and lonely nights when he was wallowing in misery because she was still seeing Shakaar. I told him to make his move. I told him not to give up. I was there for him. And what did I get out of it? Nothing. He still spies on me, he still bothers me about minor infractions of the law, and he still can't wait for the opportunity to send me to prison. I should have remembered the two hundred and eighty fifth Rule of Acquisition. No good deed ever goes unpunished. Quark: To failure. Jake: I'm not drinking to that. Quark: Jake, in ten minutes my business partner's ship will dock. In fifteen minutes, Odo will arrest him. In twenty minutes, my name will come up, and in twenty five minutes Odo will walk in here with a warrant. I think you should humor me on this one. Odo: Quark. I'd like that holosuite now after all. Quark: You would? Odo: That's right. It turns out Nerys agrees with you. She wants to celebrate the anniversary of our first date, not our first kiss, so here we are. Is the holosuite still available? Quark: It's, er, it's all yours. Odo: The program? Quark: Odo, have a good time. Odo: Thank you, Quark. I'm sure we will. Quark: I don't believe it. Jake: Neither do I. Quark: I'm going to win this one, Jake. You know what the best part is? I beat Odo. I finally beat him. Jake, I did it. I beat him. Kira: Well, he looks happy. Odo: He should be. He's about to make his biggest profit of the year. Kira: I don't know, Odo. You sure you want to let him get away with smuggling Denevan crystals? Odo: I owe him one, so he'll get this one. But just this one. Kira: Why is it every time I think I have you figured out you do something to surprise me? Like tonight. Where did you get the idea to celebrate our one month anniversary in Paris? Odo: Well, some mysteries are better left unsolved. Sisko: I want a complete scan of that barrier, but use passive sensors only, gentlemen. An active scan is what triggered the destruction of the Olympia. O'Brien: Aye, sir. Worf: It appears to be an exogenic field generated by the unstable elements in the planet's core. Bashir: Captain Cusak just lost consciousness. She's in the last stages of CO2 poisoning. If she's got any chance at all, we have to get her to Sickbay in the next forty five minutes. O'Brien: Captain, there's no way the Defiant can penetrate the barrier. The energy's composed of subspace metrion radiation. If we get anywhere near it, the dilithium matrix in the warp core will collapse and we'll be pulled down onto the planet surface just like the Olympia. Sisko: Options? Bashir: Could we beam through it? O'Brien: No. We can't get close enough to the barrier to initiate transport. Sisko: What about a shuttle pod? Their impulse engines don't use antimatter. Worf: It is unlikely that a shuttle could withstand the gravimetric stresses that are within the barrier. Bashir: Unlikely, but not impossible. Sisko: I didn't come all this way to give up. I'll take the risk. Doctor, Mister O'Brien, you're with me. Mister Worf, you have the bridge. Worf: Aye, sir. Sisko: Sisko to Defiant. We're preparing to enter the barrier. Worf: Acknowledged. Good luck, Captain. Sisko: Thank you, Commander. O'Brien: Shields down to seventy three percent. Sisko: Primary power grid offline. Switching to backups. O'Brien: Shields at fifty percent. Sisko: We're losing the navigational computer. Bashir: Secondary navcomp online. O'Brien: We're coming out of it. Sisko: Damage report. O'Brien: Some buckling in the starboard hull plating but otherwise, we're fine. Sisko: Scan the planet, Doctor. Bashir: I'm not showing any lifesign. Wait, I've found the crash site and the cave. Sisko: Is there somewhere we can set down nearby? Bashir: Yes. O'Brien: How are we for time? Bashir: It's going to be tight. We've to get her in the shuttle and back on the ship in twenty minutes. Bashir: Still no life readings. Sisko: This has to be the only direction she could have been headed in. Bashir: Over here. Bashir: It was a human female. Fifty one years of age at the time of death. Cause of death, carbon dioxide poisoning. Sisko: It can't be Lisa. That woman's been dead for years. Bashir: Three years and two months. But all the evidence fits. Age, rank, the way she died. Sisko: If she's been dead for three years, how has she been talking to us? O'Brien: It must have something to do with the energy barrier. When her subspace radio signal passed through the metrion radiation in the barrier, the signal somehow time shifted into the future. Bashir: Then when you sent the return signal? O'Brien: It went through the barrier and traveled back in time in the same way. Sisko: We've been talking to someone from the past? Bashir: So what do we do now? O'Brien: We should bury her. Sisko: No, not here. Not alone in this cave. We'll take her back with us. Give her a proper burial among friends. Dax: It's called an Irish wake. It's a way to memorialize a death and celebrate life at the same time. Worf: What are we supposed to do? Dax: Well, drink, sing songs, laugh, cry, talk about the deceased. Worf: It sounds almost Klingon. Sisko: Hey. Kasidy: Hey, yourself. Sisko: When this is over, I want to talk to you about something. Something that's been on my mind. Kasidy: Okay. Is it about me? Sisko: Well, it's about me, actually. Kasidy: Ah, that's a relief. Sisko: I want to try to explain about my behavior lately. Kasidy: Sounds good to me. But we'll talk about it over dinner. You cook. Sisko: That's a deal. Bashir: I just wanted to say that although I only spoke with her for a very short time, I really admired Lisa Cusak. I cared about her and I'll miss her. And another thing. Contrary to public opinion, I am not the arrogant, self absorbed, god like doctor that I appear to be on occasion. Why don't I hear anybody objecting to that statement? O'Brien: Well, I will if you insist. Bashir: I insist. O'Brien: Then I object. Bashir: Thank you, Miles Edward O'Brien. No, I have a heart, and I really care about all of you, even if sometimes it would appear that I care more about my work. To the woman that taught me that it is sometimes necessary to say these things. Lisa Cusak. All: To Lisa. O'Brien: I never shook her hand and I never saw her face, but she made me laugh and she made me weep. She was all by herself and I was surrounded by my friends, yet I felt more alone than she did. We've grown apart, the lot of us. We didn't mean for it to happen but it did. The war changed us, pulled us apart. Lisa Cusak was my friend. But you are also my friends, and I want my friends in my life because someday we're going to wake up and we're going to find that someone is missing from this circle, and on that day we're going to mourn, and we shouldn't have to mourn alone. To Lisa and the sweet sound of her voice.

Sahgi: Peldor joi, Emissary. Sisko: Peldor joi to you, too. Well, it looks like the festival was a big success. Kira: Oh, everyone seemed to enjoy it. Thank you, Captain. Sisko: For what? Kira: For insisting that the festival take place in spite of the fact that we're in the middle of a war. Sisko: War or no war, we have a lot to be grateful for, and we must remember that. Kira: Yes, we must. Shouldn't you be heading over to the wardroom for the ceremony? Sisko: On my way. Let's go. Sahgi: Come on, you guys. Mommy, look. Isn't it pretty? Odo: Captain. Nerys, I've been looking for you. Kira: Yeah, well I don't really feel like talking to you right now. Odo: Don't you want to hear my side of the story? Kira: No. Odo: Somebody has to maintain order on the Promenade. Kira: You arrested a Vedek. Odo: I'd hardly call it an arrest. He wasn't in the holding cell for more than an hour. Besides, he broke the law. Fundraising on the Promenade without a license is strictly forbidden. Station regulation fifteen twenty six, paragraph seven. Kira: Vedek Solis was raising funds for Bajoran flood victims. Odo: A very worthy cause. Nevertheless, station regulations are quite clear. Kira: I don't care about station regulations. Odo: Is that the Orb of Contemplation? Kira: Goodbye, Odo. Ross: To Captain Benjamin Lafayette Sisko, in recognition of your remarkable leadership and meritorious conduct against the enemy, and in particular for personal acts of bravery displayed during the battle to retake Deep Space Nine, Starfleet Command is proud to present you the Christopher Pike Medal of Valor. Congratulations, Ben. Sisko: Thank you, Admiral. Dax: To think I knew him when he was just a callow youth. O'Brien: Oh, I bet even then he showed signs of greatness. Jake: I'm proud of you, Dad. Ross: Now if you would all excuse us, I'd like a word with the Captain. Ross: Good news, Ben. Starfleet Command has decided we've been waging a defensive war long enough. They figure we're never going to win this thing unless we take the fight into Dominion territory. Now, I know. I know you've been saying that since the Romulans opened a second front with the Dominion. It took a while, but your message finally got through. Sisko: When do we go? Ross: That all depends on you. Sisko: Me? Ross: That's right, Ben. Starfleet has chosen you to plan the invasion of Cardassia. Bashir: Oh, finally. I've been waiting twenty minutes for you two to get out of that holosuite. Dax: I'm sorry, Julian. We lost track of time. Bashir: Doing what? You were supposed to be up there exercising. I don't see any sweat. Where are all the bruises, the broken bones, the blood? Worf: We were talking. Quark: For an hour and forty five minutes? Worf: It is a private matter. Dax: We're thinking about having a baby. Worf: It was a private matter. Kira: Kira to Worf. Report to Ops immediately. Worf: Acknowledged. Dax: Well you two are awfully quiet. Bashir: Look, I don't want to dampen your spirits, Jadzia, but I told you before you were married that from a medical point of view it wouldn't be easy for a Trill and a Klingon to have a child. Quark: And I'm worried the kid'll end up looking like his father. Dax: Well I hope she does. Bashir: A baby? Quark: It's bad enough she married that Klingon psychopath. Bashir: A baby. Do you have any idea what that means? Quark: That their marriage is going to last a lot longer than we thought. Sisko: Five squadrons of Jem'Hadar attack ships. At the moment, that's the entire Dominion fleet protecting the Chin'toka system. Martok: Only five squadrons. It appears you've found the weak spot we've been looking for. Sisko: Now all we have to do is to convince the Romulans to join us. Martok: That will not be an easy task. They're an arrogant and untrustworthy people. Ross: Without their help, we have little chance of success. Martok: We will succeed! Mark my words. By this time next year, the three of us will drink bloodwine in the halls of Cardassia's Central Command. Damar: You're worrying about nothing. Weyoun: Am I? It's a mistake to underestimate our enemy, Damar. You're spreading our forces too thinly. Damar: Until we find a way to bring reinforcements from the Gamma Quadrant, we have to make due with what we have. Besides, we needed new ships on the Romulan front, so I sent them. Weyoun: And in doing so, you left the Chin'toka system vulnerable. Damar: Not as vulnerable as you think. We don't need starships to protect Chin'toka. Not anymore. These are our new unmanned orbital weapon platforms. Their hulls are protected by regenerative forcefields and their arsenals consist of a thousand plasma torpedoes. Weyoun: I like them. Damar: I thought you would. I've already ordered their deployment. Glinn: Legate Damar, excuse the interruption but we have a problem. Damar: What kind of a problem? Dukat: Me. Well, isn't anyone going to welcome me home? Weyoun: Heroes get welcomed home, Dukat, not failures. Or have you forgotten that under your leadership the Dominion nearly lost this war? Dukat: As I recall, Weyoun, you were standing right by my side agreeing with every decision I made. Damar: If you're here because of what happened to your daughter. Dukat: Damar, you disappoint me. I would have thought you, of all people, would be glad to see your old mentor. I don't hold you responsible for Ziyal's death. You may have fired the phaser, but it was Benjamin Sisko who forced your hand. And that's why I'm here. The time has come for me to take my revenge against the good captain. Weyoun: We're in the middle of a life and death struggle for control of the entire Alpha Quadrant, and all you care about is quenching your petty thirst for revenge. You haven't changed a bit, have you? Dukat: On the contrary, I'm a new man. I no longer have a need for conquest or power. I'm far beyond all that. I exist in a state of complete clarity. A clarity I intend to share with the universe. Weyoun: You're right, Dukat, you have changed. You've gone from being a self important egotist to a self deluded madman. I hardly call that an improvement. I don't have time for this. Remove him. Damar: Wait. Why did you come? Dukat: Isn't that obvious? To give you what you desire above all else. The Alpha Quadrant. All I need is a certain Bajoran artifact. One of the many the Cardassians appropriated during the occupation. Weyoun: And how is this artifact going to help us? Dukat: Let's just say it will make it possible for Dominion reinforcements to come through that wormhole and destroy Captain Sisko and the Federation once and for all. Letant: Really, Captain, I see no reason why I should sit here and allow this Klingon jackal to call me a coward. Martok: Apparently, this jackal has more courage than the entire Romulan Senate. Letant: You see my point? Worf: General, you must try to remain calm. Martok: This is not the time for calm. It's time to strike the enemy and strike them hard. Sisko: We found their weak point. Now we need to exploit it. Martok: But this p'tagh would rather sit home and count his dead. Letant: If we invade Cardassia now, all we'll do is count our dead. Sisko: Gentlemen, please. We're allies, remember that. Martok: What good is an ally who'll stab you in the back? Letant: Notice the primitive rage in his eye, the uncontrolled brutality. Klingons can be quite entertaining, can't they? Every Romulan zoo should have a pair. Sisko: Sit down, General! Save your anger for the Dominion. Senator, you've studied our invasion plans. Letant: Yes, I have. And I continue to find them premature. Let the Dominion continue to send its fleets against us and we will annihilate them one by one. Ross: And they'll continue to rebuild their ships and send more. Worf: The Dominion breed Jem'Hadar faster than we can destroy them. Sisko: The only way to achieve a lasting victory is to demolish their shipyards, their weapon plants, to force them to retreat deeper and deeper into their own territory until our ships can surround their headquarters on Cardassia Prime and they will have no choice but to surrender. I know it won't be easy. I know that we will pay a heavy price for every system we take from them. But in the end, that's the only way to drive the Dominion out of the Alpha Quadrant, and that is a goal we all share. Klingons, humans and Romulans. Bashir: That was great, Vic. Vic: It's not one of the most requested songs in my repertoire, but I'm glad you liked it. So, why the long face, pallie? Bashir: It's a long story, friend. Vic: This wouldn't be about Dax's baby, would it? Quark: What is he, a telepath? Vic: No, I'm a hologram. Bashir: Yeah, a very smart one. Vic: It's simple. You take one beautiful, happily married filly, add the possibility of her giving birth to a foal, and what's that leave you? A couple of lovesick stallions that never got out of the starting gate. Quark: You have any idea what he's talking about? Vic: Hey, I've got news for you guys. It's time to move onto greener pastures. Bashir: It's tough to lose a woman like Dax. Vic: I hate to break it to you, pallie, but you lost her a long time ago. You both did. But lucky for you, space is big. There are a lot of other nice girls out there, with or without spots. Capisce? Quark: That's it? That's supposed to cheer us up? Vic: The truth shall set you free. Quark: You feel any better? Bashir: A little. How about you? Quark: I guess. Vic: Good, because you were starting to depress the band. Bashir: Well, thanks, Vic. We appreciate the advice. Quark: I like this place. I may drop by more often. Vic: Anytime, pallie, anytime. Vic: Nice guys, but absolutely clueless. Jake: So, when do we leave? Sisko: We? Jake: I'm a journalist, Dad. Remember? Sisko: That may be true, but you're not going, Jake. Jake: But, Dad, we're talking about the invasion of Cardassia. A savage thrust into the very heart of the Dominion. That's not how I would write it. Sisko: That's a relief. But you're still not going, son. Jake: I have to go. It's my job. Now if you don't want me on the Defiant, fine. I'll go with General Martok. Get the story from a Klingon perspective. Sisko: All right, Jake, the Defiant it is. Jake: So when do we leave? Sisko: Just keep your bags packed. Jake: Yes, sir. Jake: Don't worry, Dad. We'll watch out for each other. Worf: The Sisko is of Bajor. Martok: It is where he belongs. Ross: It is where he is meant to be. Sisko: Are you telling me not to go to Cardassia? Ross: The Sisko is of Bajor. Martok: It is dangerous to walk a different path. Sisko: Dangerous? In what way? Ross: The Sisko must not leave the chosen path. Worf: The Sisko is of Bajor. Letant: It is where he belongs. Sisko: Why is it dangerous to leave? And how will it affect Bajor? You have to tell me. Ross: The Cardassians call them orbital weapon platforms. Intelligence reports indicate the Dominion has placed hundreds of them throughout the Chin'toka system. Sisko: Are they operational? Ross: No, not yet. Martok: How much time do we have before they are? Ross: Two, maybe three days. Letant: So, it would appear that your weak spot is about to become much stronger. Martok: Leave it to a Romulan to run at the first sign of trouble. Letant: And leave it to a Klingon to leap to the wrong conclusion. The Romulan Empire has agreed to join the invasion of Cardassia and we live up to our agreements. The only question is, can the invasion be launched before the defensive grid is activated? Martok: We'll have to leave first thing in the morning. Ross: Then it's settled. Good luck, gentlemen. Good luck to us all. Letant: Romulans don't believe in luck. Martok: All the better. It leaves more for the rest of us. Ross: You've been quiet, Ben. Those weapon platforms have you worried? Sisko: It's not about that, sir. It's about the Prophets, the wormhole aliens. They spoke to me last night. Ross: I hope they gave the mission their blessing. Sisko: They told me not to go to Cardassia. That I should stay here. Ross: Did they give you a reason? Sisko: Nothing concrete. Just that it's too dangerous. Ross: In what way? Dangerous to you, to the mission, to Bajor? Sisko: I'm not sure. Ross: What is it you're telling me, Ben? You want permission to stay behind? Sisko: It's not about what I want. It's about what the Prophets want. Ross: That's not a good enough answer, not from a Starfleet captain. Sisko: The Prophets don't see me as a Starfleet captain. They see me as their Emissary. Ross: That's the problem, isn't it? For the past six years you've tried to be both, and up to now I've been patient. I've indulged you, I've gone out on a limb for you many times, but this is it. You've got to make a decision. You are either the Emissary or a Starfleet captain. You can't be both. Sisko: I'll be on the Defiant bridge at oh five hundred. Damar: A combined fleet at Deep Space Nine? Weyoun: Composed of Federation, Klingon and Romulan ships. Damar: You think they'll head for the Chin'toka system? Weyoun: I would. Damar: Well then, we have nothing to worry about. The weapon platforms will be operational in time to greet them. Weyoun: That's a very comforting thought, if it's accurate. Damar: I'll make sure that it is. Dukat: Gentlemen. I hope I'm not interrupting. Weyoun: What is it now, Dukat? Dukat: I've found it. Behold, the key to victory. Dukat: Oh, I see you remain skeptical. Well, you won't be for long. Over the past few months, I've immersed myself in the study of the Bajoran Ancient Texts. Dukat: And I've come to realize that the wormhole is much more than the gateway to the Gamma Quadrant. It's the Temple of the Prophets. It's from there that they smile benevolently down on Bajor. It's from there that they protect that world and its people. The sad truth is, we wasted our time fighting the Bajorans when we should've been fighting their gods. Damar: How do you fight a god? Dukat: I'll show you. You see, we have an ally we never knew we had. You may want to step back. Dorrah tolka bretri pah'rahn, meedor. Dorrah tolka ullkess pah'rahn. Damar: Dukat! Dukat: Your concern is touching, but unnecessary. Kira: Busy? Odo: A little. Kira: I'm leaving with the task force first thing in the morning. Odo: I heard. Kira: And? Odo: And I'm sorry I arrested him. I was simply trying to do my duty, but I can see how it might have seemed excessive. Kira: What are you talking about? Odo: Vedek Solis. That's why you're here, isn't it? Kira: No, but now I know why you've been avoiding me for the past few days. Odo: I haven't been avoiding you. I've been helping you to avoid me. Kira: Why would I want to do that? Odo: Because you don't want us to be together anymore? Kira: Is that what you've been thinking? Odo, we had an argument. People have them all the time. Look at Dax and Worf. They love each other, but they fight all the time. Odo: Are you saying that you love me? Kira: Don't change the subject. Odo: Which is? Kira: I don't even know anymore. Odo: But you're no longer angry at me? Kira: No. But you were wrong to arrest the Vedek. Odo: I see. Kira: And I thought that we could spend my last night on the station together. Odo: That's a wonderful idea. Kira: Then I will see you later. Odo: I look forward to that. Kira: Good. Odo: You know, Nerys, observing humanoid relationships and being in one are very different things. Kira: Like night and day. O'Brien: If you ask me, it's an ungodly hour to go to war. You can quote me on that. Jake: I will. O'Brien: Oh, Jadzia? Will you look in on Keiko and the kids while I'm gone? Dax: You can count on it. O'Brien: And try to keep Julian out of trouble. Dax: Now that's pushing. Sisko: It's your station, old man. Dax: I'll take good care of her. Dax: Give my best to the Jem'Hadar. Oh, I'll do that. I said a prayer at the shrine last night for the two of you. Dax: About having a baby? Kira: The Prophets can be helpful in such matters. Dax: I hope they're listening. Dax: Did you hear that? We have the Prophets on our side. Worf: According to Doctor Bashir, we need all the help we can get. Dax: Just remember, when you get back, we have a lot of work to do. Worf: I don't consider that work. Dax: I wish I was going with you. Worf: You are. In here. Dax: I love it when you get romantic. Nog: Captain on the Bridge. Sisko: As you were. O'Brien: You got here early. Garak: This is a momentous occasion. It's not every day I embark on a journey to liberate my homeworld. O'Brien: That's one way to put it. Martok: This is General Martok to all ships. Assume tactical formation. We are moving out. Sisko: Take us to Cardassia, Mister Nog. Nog: Aye, sir. Damar: The enemy fleet is approaching the Chin'toka system. Weyoun: What's the status of our weapon platforms? Damar: Still offline. Weyoun: It pains me to say this, but you Cardassians are proving to be quite a disappointment. Damar: I'll remind you that you said that. O'Brien: Looks like we're in luck, Captain. The defensive grid's still offline. Kira: Jem'Hadar fighters approaching, bearing zero five nine mark zero three one. Nog: They must know they don't stand a chance against a fleet this size. Worf: That will not matter to the Jem'Hadar. Sisko: Sit down, Jake. Jake: All right. Martok: Martok to Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Martok: My attack wing is closest to those Jem'Hadar fighters. Preparing to engage. Sisko: Good luck, General. Nog: I always thought the Jem'Hadar were crazy. Garak: There's method to their madness. They're inflicting considerable damage on the Klingons. Worf: And buying time to get their weapon platforms operational. Sisko: Sisko to Martok. Martok: The Jem'Hadar have managed to cripple or destroy fifteen of my ships. Sisko: Do you need any assistance? Martok: That won't be necessary. Commence firing on the weapon platforms. Damar: I believe you owe me an apology. Weyoun: I believe you're right. Damar: Now, if Dukat can get our reinforcements through the wormhole Weyoun: I'm not sure how much faith I have in this, what did he call it? Damar: A Pah wraith. Weyoun: Pah wraiths and Prophets. All this talk of gods strikes me as nothing more than superstitious nonsense. Damar: You believe that the Founders are gods, don't you? Weyoun: That's different. Damar: In what way? Weyoun: The Founders are gods. Worf: We are unable to penetrate their forcefields. Garak: Captain, I've just noticed something odd about those platforms. Sisko: Don't keep it to yourself, Mister Garak. Garak: Not one of them seem to have a power generator on board. O'Brien: He's right. Each one seems to be getting its power from a central source. Kira: We've got to find that source and destroy it. Sisko: Chief? O'Brien: I'm on it. Bashir: According to the DNA scans I did this morning, the ovarian resequencing enzymes I gave you appear to be working. Dax: You mean Worf and I can have a baby? Bashir: It certainly looks that way. I must say, I didn't expect such positive results so early. It's quite amazing, actually. Dax: Oh, thank you, Julian. Bashir: It's all part of being a doctor. Dax: Oh no, it's more than that. You're a good friend. You always have been. Bashir: And I always will be. Dax: I'd better get back to work. But first I'm going to stop by the Bajoran shrine. Bashir: What for? Dax: Kira said a prayer for me and Worf last night. She told the Prophets how much we wanted a baby. Bashir: I'd say they'd been listening. That is, if you believe in Prophets. Dax: Oh, well I do today. Dax: I'm not sure if I'm doing this correctly. I don't come here a lot. And to be perfectly honest, I feel more comfortable thinking of you as wormhole # aliens, but Kira believes you're much more than that. Maybe she's right, I don't know. But if you are Prophets, and you're listening, I just want to say Dax: Dukat. Jake: Dad, what is it? Kira: Captain? Sisko: I'm not sure. I think I felt the Prophets reaching out to me. Something's wrong. O'Brien: Sir, I found it. There's a subspace power generator on a small moon orbiting the far planet. It's transmitting energy to the weapon platforms. Captain? Kira: Take us there, Mister Nog. Nog: Aye, sir. Kira: Get him back to his quarters. Don't worry, Captain. We'll get the job done. Dukat: I know this is small comfort, but I never intended you any harm. Nog: Approaching the target. Kira: On screen. Worf: Target locked. Kira: Fire. Worf: We are unable to penetrate the moon's defensive grid. O'Brien: Sir, I have an idea. Kira: Go ahead. O'Brien: Maybe we can't destroy that power generator, but I bet those weapon platforms could. Kira: Why would they fire on their own power source? Garak: We'd have to fool the platforms' targeting systems into thinking the generator's an enemy ship. O'Brien: We can use our deflector array to imprint a Federation warp signature on the generator's energy matrix. Worf: It is worth a try. Kira: Evasive maneuvers, Mister Nog. Pattern Theta. O'Brien: Induction stabilizers set. Booster modulators synchronized. Ready to activate deflector. Kira: Do it. Nog: Yes! We did it! Martok: Martok to the Defiant. Kira: Go ahead, General. Martok: Well done, Major. We will begin transporting ground troops to both planets immediately. O'Brien: Major, we're receiving a priority one transmission from Deep Space Nine. It's from Julian. Weyoun: This is a disaster. Federation soldiers have landed on Cardassian soil and now you're telling me the wormhole is gone and with it any chance of getting reinforcements from the Gamma Quadrant. Dukat: I'm well aware things didn't turn out quite the way I planned, but I assure you we still achieved a great victory. Weyoun: Forgive me if I don't share your euphoria. Dukat: Well you should. The Bajoran people have been cut off from their gods, perhaps forever. Damar: How does that help us? Dukat: Because Sisko has been cut off from the Prophets as well. And without the Prophets, he's just another Starfleet captain. Weyoun: And that's supposed to make me feel better? Dukat: Oh, believe me, it will. Crowd: Emissary, Emissary. Sahgi: Emissary! My mother says all the Orbs are dark, that the Prophets have abandoned us. You have to find them, Emissary. You have to ask them to come back. Sisko: I will try. Bashir: I managed to save the Dax symbiont. We have to get it to Trill as soon as possible. There was nothing I could do for Jadzia. Dax: I'm sorry. Worf: Save your strength. Dax: Our baby would have been so beautiful. Worf: neH taH Kronos. Hegh bat'lhqu Hoch nej maH. neH taH Kronos. yay je bat'lh manob Hegh. Sisko: The funeral service is due to begin in a few minutes, Jadzia but I need to talk to you one last time. When I first met you, you told me that my relationship with Jadzia Dax wouldn't be any different than the one I had with Curzon Dax. Things didn't work out that way. I had a hell of a lot of fun with both of you, but Curzon was my mentor. You, you were my friend and I am going to miss you. I should have listened to the Prophets and not gone to Cardassia. Then maybe you'd still be alive. Damn it! Why aren't you still here, Jadzia? I need you to help me sort things out. Something's happened to the Prophets, something that's made them turn their backs on Bajor and I'm responsible. And I don't know what to do about it, how to make it right again. I've failed as the Emissary, and for the first time in my life I've failed in my duty as a Starfleet officer. I need time to think, clear my head, but I can't do it here. Not on the station, not now. I need to get away and find a way to figure out how to make things right again. I have to make things right again, Jadzia. I have to. Sisko: The station's all yours, Major. Kira: She'll be here when you get back. Bashir: This leave of absence you're taking, sir. How long do you think you'll be gone? Sisko: I don't know exactly. Odo: We'll be waiting. O'Brien: Good luck, sir. Sisko: Thanks, Chief. My thanks to all of you. Let's go home, Jake. Landing pad C. Kira: I was afraid of that. He's not sure he's coming back. Odo: What makes you say that? Kira: His baseball. He took it with him. Jake: Dad Grandpa's ready to close up the restaurant. He wants to know when you're coming in. Sisko: In a little while.

Ross: Starfleet has chosen you to plan the invasion of Cardassia. Bashir: I managed to save the Dax symbiont. There was nothing I could do for Jadzia. Weyoun: Federation soldiers have landed on Cardassian soil and now you're telling me the wormhole is gone and with it any chance of getting reinforcements from the Gamma Quadrant. Sisko: Why aren't you still here, Jadzia? I need you to help me sort things out. Something's happened to the Prophets, something that's made them turn their backs on Bajor and I'm responsible. And I don't know what to do about it, how to make it right again. I've failed as the Emissary, and for the first time in my life I've failed in my duty as a Starfleet officer. Sisko: The station's all yours, Major. Kira: She'll be here when you get back. Sisko: Let's go home, Jake. And now, the continuation. Odo: Colonel. Kira: I wish you'd stop doing that. Odo: Doing what? Kira: Calling me by my rank. I was promoted two months ago. Besides, it sounds so formal. Odo: Well, has Admiral Ross, or should I say Bill, arrived yet? Kira: The admiral's ship is due in three hours, and I wish I knew what he wanted to talk to me about. Odo: Maybe he's bringing good news. We could certainly use it. Kira: Yeah, well don't get your hopes up. There was something about the tone of his voice. Odo: Something ominous? Kira: Something pleasant. It was like he was going out of his way to be nice. Odo: I see. Kira: Well, whatever he wants to tell me, he knows I'm not going to like it. Odo: How can you be so sure? Kira: It comes with the job. No, I'm serious. Sitting in the Captain's chair, having that kind of responsibility, it focuses you. Odo: Well, I'll take your word for it. Kira: How long have they been there? Odo: Three days. Kira: I remember when the cult of the Pah wraiths was a joke. Now those red armbands are appearing all over Bajor. It's like everyone's gone crazy. Odo: A lot of people feel abandoned by the Prophets. Kira: Believe me, I know how they feel. That's no excuse to turn to hate and fear. Odo: In times of trouble, some people find comfort in hate and fear. If you'd like, I can charge them with loitering and have them removed from the station. Kira: Oh, what good would that do? I keep thinking if the Emissary were here, things might be different. Odo: I would have thought we would have heard from Captain Sisko by now. Kira: Not a word in three months. Odo: Nerys. I realize that things may seem bleak at the moment, but there's always hope. Kira: When did you turn into an optimist? Odo: Must have been that day in front of Quark's, when we kissed for the first time. Kira: That was some kiss, wasn't it? Odo: Changed my life. O'Brien: Gentlemen, we are home. Bashir: There should be a law against convoy duty lasting more than ten days. Nog: I'll say one thing for guarding convoys, it's usually a lot safer than being on the front lines. Worf: Is that the reason you joined Starfleet, Ensign? To be safe? Nog: I didn't mean that the way it sounded, sir. Worf: In wartime, it is the duty of every soldier fight. Nog: Yes, sir. Worf: The invasion of Cardassia has ground to a halt while our casualties continue to mount. It is a time for warriors to do great deeds, to triumph in glorious battle, not waste away protecting a shipment of stembolts. Nog: I hope Commander Worf doesn't think I'm afraid to fight. O'Brien: Relax, don't take it so personally. Worf is just going through a bad time at the moment. Bashir: I think he needs to focus on something other than Jadzia, and I hate to admit it but a little combat duty just might do the trick. O'Brien: Pretty soon the Defiant will be going into battle, Worf will be happy and the rest of us will be miserable. Nog: It's not that I'm afraid to fight, I just don't want to die. I wish Captain Sisko were here. O'Brien: So do I, Ensign. So do I. Joseph: If I were you, I'd order the crawfish etoufee. And if it's good enough for you, it's good enough for him. I think table five is ready to order. Jake: He's been at that piano since seven o'clock this morning. Joseph: Customers seem to like it. Jake: Grandpa. Joseph: Look, I'm worried too, but he's got something to work out. Best we leave him alone. Jake: We've left him alone for three months. He said he came here to figure out a way to contact the Prophets, to make things right. So far he hasn't even left the restaurant. Jake: Dad? What's wrong? Dad? Sisko: I had a vision from the Prophets. I was on Tiree, in the desert, digging in the sand, and I uncovered a face. The face of a woman. Jake: And? Sisko: And that's all. Jake: Who was she? Sisko: I've never seen her before, but now I know why I came back here, Jake. I have to find her. I have to. Ross: Colonel, I really don't see anything for you to be concerned about. I've met Senator Cretak and found her to be very cooperative. Kira: For a Romulan. Ross: Cretak's a strong supporter of the Alliance and we're going to need that kind of support if we're going to win this war. Kira: I wouldn't care if the Romulans were the only thing standing between us and total annihilation. I would still think twice before allowing them to establish a military presence here on the station. Ross: We're just talking about a few offices for the senator and her staff. Kira: And a contingent of personal guards. Ross: A dozen people at most. Besides, it's just a temporary arrangement until the end of the war. Kira: And when will that be? Ross: Let's get one thing straight, Colonel. I came here as a courtesy to you. This decision has already been made. Kira: And I have to live with it. Ross: That's right. You've done a fine job taking over for Captain Sisko. Kira: I'm just keeping his seat warm. Ross: You still think he's coming back? Kira: Don't you? Ross: I'll be in touch. Damar: As you can see, we've halted the Klingon advance against Monac Four. We estimate their casualties to be at least thirty percent. Weyoun: They should've been higher. Nevertheless, congratulations, Damar. The enemy remains bottled up in the Chin'toka system and that's where they'll stay until we destroy them. Damar: I'd offer you a glass, but I know how much you dislike kanar. Weyoun: I'm beginning to think you like it too much. Damar: I wouldn't trust a Cardassian that didn't enjoy a glass of kanar every once in a while. Weyoun: Tell me, Damar, when you're alone, do you even bother with a glass, or do you just drink that swill directly from the bottle? Damar: Depends on my mood. And right now, I feel like celebrating. We owe Gul Dukat a debt of gratitude. Weyoun: Unfortunately, I agree. Somehow, releasing that Pah wraith into the wormhole has shifted the momentum of the war into our favor. Damar: Do you ever wonder what goes on? Inside the wormhole, I mean. Weyoun: Not really. Damar: The Prophets and the Pah wraiths locked in some form of celestial battle. It's fascinating. Weyoun: I never realized you had such a vivid imagination. Damar: There's a lot about me you don't know. Weyoun: Just remember, too much imagination can be dangerous. Jake: Dad, Grandpa and I are going to Armstrong Park to listen to some music. You want to come? Sisko: You two go ahead. Jake: What's that? Sisko: The woman in my vision. I don't want to forget her face. I'll see you in the morning. Jake: Hey, I've seen her before. Sisko: Where? Jake: In a photograph. I'll be right back. Jake: Here she is. I knew it. It's her, isn't it? Sisko: She's with Grandpa. I don't understand. Who is she? Jake: Why don't you ask Grandpa? Joseph: Ask me what? Sisko: This woman. Joseph: Where'd you get that? Jake: I found it last week when I was cleaning out the storage room. I meant to ask you about it. Sisko: So who is she, Dad? Joseph: No one at all, you hear me? She's no one at all. Vic: Hey, pallie, where you been keeping yourself? Worf: Convoy duty. Vic: Doesn't sound very exciting. Worf: It was not. Vic: Well, if you're looking for some action, you've come to the right place. What do you say we hit the craps tables, huh? Or maybe some blackjack to get the blood pumping? Worf: Sing the song. Vic: I don't think that's such a good idea. Worf: Sing the song. Vic: C'mon, pallie, why rub salt in an open wound? Worf: You are a hologram. You are programd to do as I say. Sing the song. Vic: It's your dime. Park it right there. And don't say I didn't warn you. Which reminds me of a story Joey once told me Worf: Sing! Vic: Son of a gun, I think he means it. Hey, you heard the man. Cretak: This monitor is still offline. I want it operational within the hour. I hope all the chairs on this station aren't this uncomfortable. Kira: I'm afraid they are. But don't worry, you'll get used to them. Cretak: I'm sure I will. You must be Colonel Kira. Kira: I'm sorry I wasn't at the airlock to greet you when you arrived, but I was Cretak: No need to explain, Colonel. You must be quite busy. Kira: I hope you find your accommodations satisfactory. Other than the chairs, of course. Cretak: I'm sure we'll be quite comfortable here. I trust that won't be a problem for you. Kira: Meaning what? Cretak: My people have a reputation for arrogance. I'm afraid it's well earned. Kira: But you're different. Or so Admiral Ross tells me. Cretak: The admiral and I have a good working relationship. I hope to have a similar one with you. Kira: I'd like nothing more. Cretak: Then I look forward to working with you toward our common goal, the destruction of the Dominion. Bashir: Worf did this? Vic: With his own two hands. And it's not the first time he's busted up the joint. I don't care how much he threatens me, that's the last time I ever sing 'All the Way.' If he wants to hear it again, let him buy a Sinatra album. Bashir: All the Way. That was Jadzia's favorite song. I'm sorry, Vic, but you're going to have to forgive him. He's having a hard time accepting her death. Quark: So am I, but you don't see me busting up the joint. Bashir: She wasn't your wife. Quark: She should have been. Bashir: There is something wrong. Vic: That's what I've been telling you. Bashir: Klingons usually have a shorter mourning period than humans. They accept death more readily than we do. Vic: Well, something is driving Worf cuckoo. Your buddy needs to get some serious help and soon. The band is threatening to quit. Quark: They can't quit. They're holograms. Vic: They don't know that. Bashir: I'll see what I can do. Vic: Hang in there, pallie. Bashir: I'll try, but I think Jadzia's death has made us all a little cuckoo. Sisko: Dad? Joseph: You should be in bed. Sisko: Not until you tell me what I need to know. Joseph: I already told you. She's no one. Sisko: You're going to have to do better than that. Joseph: Leave it be, Ben. Sisko: I can't. I saw her. The vision the Prophets sent me. She was the woman in the desert. Joseph: That's impossible. Sisko: I'm telling you, I saw her. Joseph: You couldn't have. Sisko: Dad, please. Who is she? Joseph: I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about it. Sisko: Dad. Joseph: No! Sisko: You have to tell me. I need to know who she is! Joseph: Her name was Sarah. I met her in June of '31. It was in Jackson Square. She was, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Two months later, we were married. Sisko: Married? You had a wife before Mum? Joseph: It's a little bit more complicated than that, Ben. You see, Sarah was your mother. Joseph: Sarah and I were married for two years. She seemed very happy. I certainly was. Two days after your first birthday, she disappeared. Sisko: What do you mean she disappeared? Joseph: She left me. Sisko: Why? Joseph: I've asked myself that question a thousand times. I never did come up with the answer. Sisko: And you never found out what happened to her? Joseph: It took me three years, but I found out. She was living in Australia working as a holo-photographer. Sisko: Well, I have to speak with her. Joseph: You can't. Sisko: Damn it, Dad, I have to. Joseph: She's dead. She died in a hovercraft accident about a month before I tracked her down. I loved that woman and she loved me. I know she did. Sisko: Why didn't you tell me about her? Joseph: I wanted to, many times. But you were so young when she left. Sisko: I grew up. Joseph: I thought that might make it easier, but it didn't. Sisko: That's no excuse. Joseph: I know. I'm sorry. But you see, you and your stepmother were so close. She made you laugh like nobody else, and I didn't want anything to get in the way of that. Sisko: I loved Momma. Nothing would've changed that. Joseph: She said the same thing. Sisko: You should have listened to her. Joseph: Life is full of choices. You make them and hope for the best. Sometimes you're right, and sometimes you're not. I made a mistake. Sisko: Yeah, you did. Joseph: I still don't understand why the Prophets would send you a vision of Sarah. Sisko: I came back here to clear my head, to try to figure out what to do next. Maybe learning the truth about my mother is the first step of this journey. Joseph: Well, from here on out, I hope the Prophets keep their noses out of my business. Sisko: Are there any other secrets I should know about? Joseph: Just my gumbo recipe, but I'm taking that to my grave. Cretak: Colonel, I was just coming to see you. What is it? Kira: Nothing. I just never thought I'd see a Romulan eating a jumja stick. Cretak: I was curious. Kira: And? Cretak: It has a distinct flavor. Kira: Personally, I can't stand them. Too sweet. Cretak: Then you should try a Romulan osol twist. Very tart. Kira: I'll do that. Cretak: I wanted to let you know that a squadron of warbirds will be arriving at the station tomorrow morning for refitting. Kira: I'll tell Chief O'Brien to start replicating Romulan system modules. Cretak: Excellent. I had no idea Bajorans were so efficient. Kira: Coming from a Romulan, that's quite a compliment. Cretak: Oh, one more thing. It's about Bajor's fourth moon. Kira: Derna? Cretak: It's uninhabited, correct? Kira: Last time I checked. Cretak: Do you think your government would allow us to set up a hospital facility there? Too many of our wounded are dying on the long journey back to Romulus. Kira: I'll ask the Council of Ministers. Cretak: I'd appreciate anything you can do. Bashir: You've got to get him talking. But whatever you do, don't mention Jadzia. Let him do that. O'Brien: I don't think Worf wants to talk about her. Bashir: He may not want to but he needs to, I think. Given the right circumstances, he will. O'Brien: Well, we have one circumstance in our favor. Twenty three oh one. A very good year for bloodwine. Bashir: I'll let you do your work. You sure one bottle's going to be enough? O'Brien: Good bye, Julian. Worf: Chief. O'Brien: Can I come in? Worf: Why? O'Brien: Well, because it's been a long time since we shared one of these. O'Brien: Got any glasses? Worf: None that are clean. O'Brien: Oh well, who needs glasses, hey? Cheers. Mmm. Warm the cockles. Worf: Very smooth. Good night, Chief. O'Brien: Hold on. You call that a visit? Worf: I enjoyed it. O'Brien: Come on, Worf. I came to talk. Worf: About what? O'Brien: Anything you want. Old friends, the Enterprise. Remember what's his name, Lieutenant Barclay? Worf: Who can forget him? O'Brien: Those holosuite programs of his. Worf: The Three Musketeers. O'Brien: Geordi waving that sword around. O'Brien: Ah, that's better. Quark: So, what did you find out? O'Brien: That you should never try to match drinks with a Klingon. Quark: Yeah, yeah, but what did you and Worf talk about? Bashir: Why do you care? Quark: Because some day that crazy Klingon may get tired of smashing up a holosuite bar and decide to come down here and smash up a real one. Bashir: What did you talk about? O'Brien: A lot of things. His son, Alexander. Growing up in Russia. The proper way to eat gagh. Quark: What does any of that have to do with Jadzia? O'Brien: Nothing. It wasn't until about oh four hundred, when we were polishing off the third bottle of bloodwine that he even mentioned Jadzia. You know, this could be a little sweeter. Bashir: Miles, what did he say about her? O'Brien: She's not in Sto-vo-kor. Quark: You mean Klingon heaven? What would she be doing there? She wasn't a Klingon. O'Brien: As far as Worf is concerned, she was. She did join the House of Martok. Bashir: Then what makes him think she's not in Sto-vo-kor? O'Brien: For one thing, she never ate the heart of one of her enemies. Quark: She always was a little squeamish. O'Brien: And secondly, she didn't die in glorious battle. Quark: You mean being murdered by a Pah wraith in cold blood doesn't count? O'Brien: Do you want to know what's bothering Worf or not? Bashir: There's more? O'Brien: Apparently there is a way for Worf to ensure that Jadzia gets into Sto-vo-kor. He has to win a great battle in her name. Quark: I could let him beat me at tongo. O'Brien: Not good enough. Unless he has to carve his way through a hundred Jem'Hadar to get to the table. Quark: Why does everything with Klingons have to involve bloodshed? Bashir: No wonder he's been so frustrated with convoy duty. Maybe we should talk to Admiral Ross. O'Brien: Oh, yeah, I can see it now. Admiral, could you please send the Defiant on the most dangerous mission you can think of? Jadzia needs to get into Sto-vo-kor. Quark: Sounds good to me. Bashir: Then you ask him. O'Brien: What about General Martok? He's due to arrive on the station tomorrow morning. Bashir: Good thinking. Who better than a Klingon to help a Klingon? Joseph: Beautiful night, isn't it? Sisko: I'm sure you're right. Joseph: You thinking about Sarah? Sisko: Actually, I was thinking about Jadzia. She always used to be here to help me sort things out. I miss her. Joseph: I know you do. I came out to give you this. It was Sarah's. I want you to have it. I think she would have, too. Sisko: Thanks, Dad. Joseph: There's some kind of writing on the back. Joseph: What's the matter? Sisko: This writing. It's ancient Bajoran. Joseph: What does it say? Sisko: I don't know. But I intend to find out. Joseph: I still don't understand why Sarah would have a locket with Bajoran writing on it. I don't recall her ever mentioning Bajor to me. Jake: Maybe she didn't know it was Bajoran. Maybe it was a gift from someone. Sisko: Finally, some progress. Joseph: What is it? Sisko: The inscription. It says Orb of the Emissary. Jake: I never knew there was an Orb of the Emissary. Sisko: I've never heard of it either. At least, there's no mention of it in the Bajoran Ancient Texts. Joseph: Sounds like you've reached a dead end. Sisko: Not necessarily. What if the Orb does exist? What if it didn't go dark like all the others when the wormhole disappeared? Jake: If you can find it, maybe you can find a way to contact the Prophets. Sisko: Oh, I'm going to find it. Joseph: But it could be anywhere. Where do you begin to look? Sisko: Tiree. Jake: Why there? Sisko: Because that's where I was in the vision the Prophets sent me. Cretak: Are these the latest casualty reports? Kira: From the Dominion counterattack in the Chin'toka system. I'm afraid that your people took the brunt of the assault. Cretak: What matters is that we held our position. As for our casualties, at least we now have the hospital complex on Derna to care for the wounded. And we have you to thank, Colonel. Kira: Oh, no. All I did was put in your request to the Council of Ministers. They made the decision. Cretak: Under your advisement, I'm sure. All of Romulus owes you a debt of gratitude. Kira: I'll keep that in mind. Odo: Do you have a moment? Kira: I do for you. Odo: This morning, a Starfleet transport filled with wounded was denied permission to dock at the Romulan hospital complex on Derna. Kira: Well, the hospital may not be equipped to treat other species. Odo: I thought the same thing myself, until I noticed that most of the wounded were Vulcans. Vulcans and Romulans share a common physiology. Kira: And a mutual distrust of one another. That doesn't change just because they're allies against the Dominion. Odo: True. But how do you explain these sensor readings? Kira: High concentrations of trilithium isotopes. Odo: Which indicates the presence of Romulan plasma torpedoes. Kira: I'll look into it. Martok: Defend yourself, Worf. Martok: So, how do you like convoy duty? Worf: I don't. Martok: Good. I was afraid you might be getting soft. I need a first officer for a dangerous mission. Worf: How dangerous? Martok: Dangerous enough to assure Jadzia a place in Sto-vo-kor. Worf: In that case, you have found your first officer. Martok: Excellent. It will be a great victory. Worf: I will make sure of it. Jake: How many clams do you think you've cleaned since we got here? Sisko: A lot. That was going to be my last batch, but then I got to thinking. Maybe I'll take a couple of sacks along with me tomorrow on the runabout, give me something to do on the way to Tiree. Jake: You're kidding, right? Sisko: Jake, if I never see another clam Both: It'll be too soon. Sisko: Can I help you? Bajoran: Emissary, I've come a long way to see you. This moment is sacred, one that will be long remembered. Meeh rak Dorah Pah wran. Ee toi Velah slah. Pah wran amar. Pah wran Evak to. Sisko: That's ancient Bajoran. Bajoran: The Emissary is wise. Sisko: Thank you, but right now the Emissary has to get back to work. Bajoran: Your work is finished. The Orb you are seeking, the Orb of the Emissary? Sisko: What did you say? Bajoran: You're never going to find it. Jake: Grandpa! Grandpa! Joseph: Today's special is shrimp creole. Ah, actually, it's barbecued shrimp. Joseph: Excuse me. Where were you? They told me you were released from the hospital two hours ago. Sisko: I had to give a report to Starfleet Security. Joseph: And the Bajoran that attacked you, who was he? Sisko: He was a member of a cult that worships the Pah wraiths. They believe that the disappearance of the Prophets will herald a new era for Bajor. Joseph: I don't suppose I can talk you out of going to Tiree. Sisko: If you're worried about the cult Joseph: I figure you can handle them. But if the cult knows you're looking for the Orb of the Emissary, chances are the Pah wraiths do as well. And that does worry me. O'Brien: Well, here's to Worf and the success of his mission. Bashir: Qapla'. Quark: I don't see why you two are so happy. An entire Klingon fleet failed to destroy the Dominion shipyards at Monac Four. What makes you think one ship will do any better? Bashir: The element of surprise? Quark: If you ask me, it's not a mission, it's suicide. Bashir: You're beginning to depress me, Quark. Quark: Why? You're not going. O'Brien: You can't be serious. Bashir: I've never been more serious in my life. I'm going to help Jadzia get into Sto-vo-kor. Quark: What makes you think she wants to spend eternity there? I know I certainly wouldn't. Imagine what it must be like, hoards of rampaging Klingons fighting and singing, sweating and belching. Bashir: Sounds like this place on a Saturday night. Quark: Would you want to spend eternity here? O'Brien: That's a good point. What if Jadzia would prefer to go to, you know, wherever it is that Trills go when their time is up. Bashir: Miles, you don't understand. You weren't as close to her as I was. This gives me a chance to honor her memory and I'm going to take it. And that, my friend, is my final word on the subject. O'Brien: You know what this means, don't you? Bashir: Yes. That I'm risking my life for a very dubious cause. O'Brien: No, it means I'm going to risk my life for a friend who's risking his life for a very dubious cause. Quark: You're going with him? O'Brien: Well somebody has to make sure he comes back in one piece. Bashir: Miles, I don't know what to say. I'm touched. Quark: You're both touched. You want to get Jadzia into Sto-vo-kor? Fine, fine, I'm all for it. But can't you do something more sensible? Make a donation in her name or bribe someone? Bashir: It doesn't work that way, Quark. O'Brien: Be nice if it did. Ross: Third fleet has requested two more attack wings of Romulan warbirds. Cretak: That shouldn't be a problem. Ross: Now, if we Kira: Senator, I have a message for you from the Bajoran Council of Ministers. Ross: We're in the middle of a meeting here, Colonel. Kira: Sorry, sir, this can't wait. Cretak: Apparently, we're no longer welcome on Derna. Ross: They want to close down the hospital? Kira: The hospital isn't the problem. Ross: Then what is? Kira: The seven thousand plasma torpedoes the Romulans have secretly deployed there. Ross: Is this true, Senator? Cretak: The weapons are for defensive purposes only. Kira: Well my government doesn't agree. You're to begin an immediate evacuation. Cretak: I'm afraid that's impossible. Ross: Let's try to stay calm. I'm sure we can reach some sort of compromise. Kira: Not this time, Admiral. My government considers the Romulan presence on Derna to be a direct threat to Bajor. Cretak: This is ridiculous. I regret not informing your government about our weapon emplacements, but I didn't think it was necessary. We're your ally. Kira: Then remove the weapons. Cretak: That would leave the hospital unprotected. Kira: Bajor will guarantee its safety. Cretak: I'm afraid that's not acceptable. Kira: Either you remove those weapons, or we will. Damar: See that Gul Yaltar of the Third Order receives this immediately. Weyoun: Have you heard? The Romulans have taken over a Bajoran moon and heavily fortified it. Damar: My guess is that the Bajorans aren't happy about that. Weyoun: Would you be? This is the sort of unfortunate situation that could destroy an alliance. Damar: That would be a pity. Weyoun: Romulans. They're so predictably treacherous. Sisko: What's going on? Why is the restaurant closed? Joseph: I am going on vacation. To Tiree. Jake: We're coming with you, Dad. Sisko: Are you both lost your minds? Joseph: Apparently it runs in the family. Sisko: You've obviously already packed your bags. Jake: Yes. I even brought my toothbrush. Joseph: Oh, nothing I hate more than turning away a customer. Joseph: I'm sorry, we're closed. Ezri: That's all right, Mister Sisko, I'm not hungry. I'm here to see Ben. Joseph: Oh, you're in luck. Five more minutes and he'd have been gone. Ezri: Hello, Benjamin. Sisko: Do I know you? Ezri: It's me. Dax.

Bashir: I managed to save the Dax symbiont. There was nothing I could do for Jadzia. Weyoun: Federation soldiers have landed on Cardassian soil and now you're telling me the wormhole is gone and with it any chance of getting reinforcements from the Gamma Quadrant. Sisko: The station's all yours, Major. Let's go home, Jake. Martok: I need a first officer for a dangerous mission. Worf: How dangerous? Martok: Dangerous enough to assure Jadzia a place in Sto-vo-kor. Sisko: I had a vision from the Prophets. I was on Tiree, in the desert, and I uncovered a face. The face of a woman. Sisko: You had a wife before Mum? Joseph: Sarah was your mother. Kira: You're to begin an immediate evacuation. Cretak: I'm afraid that's impossible. Kira: Either you remove those weapons, or we will. Ezri: Hello, Benjamin. Sisko: Do I know you? Ezri: It's me. Dax. And now, the continuation. Sisko: Dax? I can't believe it. Ezri: I can hardly believe it myself. But I'm Dax. I mean, I'm not Jadzia Dax. I'm Ezri Dax. But I have all of Jadzia's memories. Not to mention Lela's, Tobin's, Emony's, Audrid's, Joran's, Curzon's. Am I forgetting anyone? Sisko: Torias. Ezri: Right. You're probably asking yourself who is this person? How did she get the symbiont? Do I even want another Dax in my life? Does she always talk this much? These are all very good questions and I wish I had good answers for you. Sisko: The answers can wait. Right now, I'm just glad to see you. Ezri: Really? That is so nice of you to say. I'm not usually this emotional. It must be the Emony in me. At least I think it's Emony Hi, Jake. Jake: Hi. Ezri: You seem taller. Or am I shorter? You know, none of this was my idea. I never wanted to be joined. Jake: Then how did you get the symbiont? Ezri: It was an accident. Joseph: Some accident. Ezri: I was on the Destiny when they brought the Dax symbiont aboard to be taken back to Trill. Halfway through the trip, the symbiont took a turn for the worse and needed to be placed in a host immediately. Sisko: And you were the only Trill on board. Ezri: I laid down on that operating table one person and I woke up a completely different person. Well, I should say eight different people. I was not prepared for this at all. I mean, you're supposed to get years of training and preparation before you get joined, and all I got was a fifteen minute lecture from the ship's surgeon and he wasn't even a Trill. Sisko: I'm starting to see the problem. Please. Ezri: You don't how much better I feel just being here with you, Ben. Sisko: What about the Symbiosis Institute? Weren't they able to do anything for you? Ezri: I did meet with the Evaluation Board several times. Sisko: And? Ezri: They gave me some books to read, some counseling, but once a host and symbiont are joined, there's really not very much they can do. My parents, my friends, my crewmates, it's like they don't even know me anymore. Which is understandable since I hardly even know myself. That's why I took a leave of absence to come here. I knew that if there is anyone who can help me through this, it would be you. Sisko: I'll do all I can, but the truth is, we're leaving for Tiree. Ezri: Fine. I'll come with you. Jake: You don't even know why we're going. Ezri: It doesn't matter. When do we leave? Sisko: Today. Ezri: Great. It'll be just like old times. Except different. Worf: Jadzia Dax Vond Shoo vwee Dun Mahh kekh HuhKo Vahm Jeh Yin Moj Mah Mukh. Sto-vo-kor Pah Dahkh tin Baht leh el eegh cha yay moj. Quark: Quark, son of Keldar. Did I come at a bad time? O'Brien: What's he doing here? Quark: Same thing you are. I'm volunteering for this mission. Martok: Why? You're a bartender, not a warrior. Quark: True, but I loved Jadzia as much as anyone in this room. With maybe one or two exceptions. And I am willing to pledge my life to see that she gets into Sto-vo-kor. Martok: Perhaps there is some Klingon in you after all. Quark: I wouldn't go that far. So why all the cutlery? Martok: We shed our blood to prove we are not frightened of death. Quark: Can't you just take my word for it? Quark: Oww! That hurts. O'Brien: It's supposed to hurt. Worf: YuWee modge. Baht leh modge. Yay Dodge. Ezri: This is so embarrassing. Sisko: Don't worry, it's not your fault. Ezri: I'm a trained Starfleet officer. I've no business getting space sick. But ever since I was given the symbiont, warp speed does make me a little queasy. Jake: A little queasy? Joseph: The main thing is the control panel's all cleaned up, so if one of you would like to get back into the pilot's seat, it would sure make me feel better. Not that I don't trust the computer. Jake: You just prefer the human touch. Joseph: Do you need to lie down? Ezri: No, I'm fine, really. Joseph: Well, it's time for my nap. Jake: You're sure you're okay? Ezri: But I just wish I could stop thinking about Torias. Jake: Torias Dax? He was one of the previous hosts, wasn't he? Ezri: He died in a shuttle accident. I still remember the last few seconds before the crash. Maybe I don't belong in Starfleet anymore. Aren't you glad you brought me along? Jake: Actually, I am. My dad seems a lot happier ever since you showed up. Ezri: One iced raktajino. I know you've been worried about your father, Jake, but he's going to be all right. Jake: What makes you so sure? Ezri: Because I've known him a long time. Besides, it's my job to know these things. I'm a ship's counselor. Well, actually, an assistant ship's counselor. Jake: You're a therapist? Ezri: Is it that surprising? Jake: A little. Ezri: You know, I wasn't always this confused. Before I was joined I was considered to be a very promising young officer. That is horrible. I hate raktajino. Jake: Then why'd you order it? Ezri: Because Curzon liked it. Jake: So did Jadzia. Ezri: Well, I don't. I have to learn to control some of these urges. Ross: I want you to know, Colonel, that I'm as outraged as you are. The Romulans have no business placing weapons on Derna. Kira: I'm glad we're in agreement. What are we going to do about it? Ross: The Federation has already sent a formal protest to the Romulan Senate condemning their actions. Kira: Well that's a start. What happens next? Ross: They've already sent a protest of our protest. Politics. Kira: You still haven't answered my question. Ross: I don't know, Colonel. Eventually, the Romulans will remove the weapons. Kira: When? Are we talking about days, weeks, months? Ross: I don't know but it will happen. Kira: Now you sound like a politician, Admiral. Ross: Maybe so. But facts are facts, Colonel. And there's no way the Bajorans can drive the Romulans off Derna, not without help anyway, and the Federation isn't going to provide that help. Not now. Is that clear? Kira: We're just not as important to the war effort as the Romulans. Ross: That's a harsh way to put it. Kira: The truth often is. Ross: Colonel, I would like to help you, but my hands are tied. Kira: Well, luckily, mine aren't. Ross: Meaning what? Kira: Our scans show that the weapons aren't fully operational yet. They're still missing launch sequencers. I'm going to make sure that those sequencers never reach Derna. Ross: How? Kira: I'm going to set up a blockade. Ross: If you do that, Colonel, you'll have a fight on your hands. A fight you can't win. Sisko: We're entering orbit. Prepare to beam down. Jake: Why don't we use the ship's scanners to find the Orb? Ezri: There's too much ionization in the atmosphere. It'll interfere with our sensors. Sisko: You sure you don't want to stay here and wait for us? Joseph: And miss all the excitement? Not a chance. Sisko: All right. Well sure you're carrying plenty of water packs. That goes for both of you, too. It's dry down there. Nurse: Doctor Wykoff, please report to Isolation Ward Four. Doctor Wykoff, please report to Isolation Ward Four. Sisko: Did you hear that? Ezri: Hear what? Sisko: Forget it. Ezri: If there is an Orb buried around here, my tricorder's not picking it up. Sisko: I know it's out there someplace. That's why the Prophets sent me here. Ezri: Did they give you any hint which way to go? Sisko: That way. Jake: The Prophets have spoken. Ezri: I hope he heard them right. O'Brien: Once we're close enough, we can fire an EM pulse at the sun. Quark: The sun? I thought we were trying to destroy a shipyard. O'Brien: We are. Quark: Do you understand what he's talking about? Bashir: Always. Quark: Fine, then you explain it. Worf: We are going to fly toward the molten heart of the sun, so close that our ship will glow like a flaming comet. Bashir: Hopefully not that close. O'Brien: Just close enough to trigger a solar plasma ejection. The explosion should be enough to incinerate everything within a hundred million kilometers. Martok: Including the shipyard. Worf: It will be a glorious firestorm that will illuminate the gates of Sto-vo-kor itself and provide a fitting welcome for Jadzia. Quark: The things we do for love. Did you see that? O'Brien: See what? Quark: The way he glared at me. Bashir: He always glares at you. Quark: Well I'm sick of it. We're risking our lives to help Jadzia get into Sto-vo-kor. The very least Worf could do is show us some appreciation. Is it so hard to say thank you? Bashir: Thank you. Quark: Nice try, Doctor, but I want to hear it from him. O'Brien: Don't do this, Quark. Quark: Do what? All I'm asking for is two little words. Worf: Be quiet. Quark: That's two words all right. Just not the two I was hoping for. Worf: Why should I feel any gratitude toward you? I owe you nothing. You are not here to help Jadzia get into Sto-vo-kor. You are here because you wish to convince yourselves that you were worthy of her. But the truth is, none of you could ever hope to be worthy of her or even understand the kind of woman she was. It is you who should be thanking me, Ferengi, for allowing you to come on this mission and pay honor to her memory. Ezri: Think we're getting close? Sisko: I have no idea. Ezri: But we're headed in the right direction? Sisko: I hope so. Ezri: Audrid loved to walk. Of course, she preferred the woods. Nice shady glens, cool breezes, cold streams. Sisko: Dax, what are you trying to say? Ezri: We've been keeping a pretty fast pace. It might be a good idea to give your father and Jake a chance to rest. Sisko: If anyone wants to take a break, they can go back to the runabout. Ezri: I think we should stick together. Sisko: Hey, Dad? How're you doing back there? Joseph: Never better. Damar: It's only a matter of time until we break through enemy lines. When that happens, we can drive the Federation Romulan Alliance out of Cardassian territory. A bit more kanar? Siana: Please. Damar: To victory. On all fronts. Weyoun: Damar, have you Damar: Weyoun, this is Siana. We met at the dinner last night honoring Legate Hovas. Weyoun: Damar, you and I have things to discuss. Things that your guest doesn't want to hear. Damar: And why is that? Weyoun: Because if she does, I'll be forced to have her executed. Siana: I really should be going. Damar: Until tonight. Weyoun: What a pleasant woman. Now, it's imperative we increase production at the Monac shipyard. We need more assault ships to retake the Chin'toka system. Damar, are you listening to me? Damar: Increase production. Yes, I heard you. By how much? Weyoun: Fifteen percent would be ideal. Damar: That won't be easy. Weyoun: Oh, I'm sure you'll find a way. You're very resourceful. Odo: A blockade? How many ships are we talking about? Kira: Twelve impulse ships. That's all the Council of Ministers could spare right now. Odo: And how effective do you think those twelve ships are going to be against even one Romulan warbird? Kira: You sound like Admiral Ross. Odo: Well, I was hoping our relationship was going to be a long and happy one, but I suppose I'm willing to settle for short and exciting. Kira: What's that supposed to mean? Odo: I take it you're going to be commanding the blockade? Kira: That's right. Odo: Then I'm going to be there with you. Kira: You don't have to do that. Odo: Yes, I do. Kira: Well, I wouldn't start writing our epitaphs just yet. Odo: All right, I'll wait until the first wave of Romulan ships decide to run the blockade. Kira: Don't worry, I've no intention of getting into a firefight with a squadron of Romulan warbirds. Odo: You mean you're bluffing? Kira: If the Romulans fire on us, they jeopardize their Alliance with the Federation, and I'm hoping that's a risk they don't want to take. Odo: And I'm hoping they don't call your bluff. Jake: Grandpa, you sure you don't want to go back up to the runabout? Joseph: We started this together and we'll finish it together. I owe it to Ben. Jake: I got you. Jake: Let's go. Nurse: Doctor Wykoff, please come to Isolation Ward Four immediately. To Isolation Ward Four. Doctor Wykoff. Doctor Wykoff. Please come to Isolation Ward Four immediately. Ezri: Benjamin? Benjamin. Is this it? Sisko: I think so. Ezri: You're not sure? Ben, that's not good enough. Ben. Ezri: Are you listening to me? Sisko: There. Ezri: Where? Sisko: That's where we start digging. Ezri: Why there? I wasn't even aiming at anything. Ben, maybe my memories are playing tricks on me but have you gotten stranger? Kira: Ship's log, stardate 52152.6. We've set up a blockade around Derna. So far, no Romulan ships have tried to challenge us. Kira: Kiss Me Deadly. Interesting title. Odo: And the book isn't bad either. I think you'll enjoy it. Kira: I'm sure I will, but is this really the right time to start reading a book? Odo: Maybe not, but I know how much you hate all this waiting and Mike Hammer has certain qualities I think you'll appreciate. Kira: Such as? Odo: He's as tough as they come and he hates waiting almost as much as you do. Kira: Oh, I like him already. Crewman: Colonel, there's a priority one transmission from Deep Space Nine. It's Admiral Ross. Kira: Put him through. Ross: Colonel Senator Cretak has just informed me that fourteen Romulan warbirds are on their way to Derna. Cretak: They'll be arriving in eight hours with much needed medical supplies for the hospital complex. Kira: Since when did the Romulans start using warbirds to deliver medical supplies? Cretak: We want to make sure they arrive safely. Kira: Well, if they try to get through the blockade, they're not going to make it at all. Ross: That kind of talk isn't going to help matters, Colonel. I'd think you'd want to avoid a confrontation, not provoke one. Kira: I wouldn't call those Romulan ships a peace offering. Ross: I wasn't exactly happy to hear about that either, but we only have a few hours to reach some kind of a compromise. After that, people are going to start dying. Kira: You can talk about compromise all you want. Any ship attempting to break through that blockade will be fired on. Cretak: Colonel, do you seriously believe that your antiquated collection of impulse ships stand a chance against our warbirds? Kira: We'll find out soon enough, won't we? End transmission. How'd I do? Odo: Mike Hammer would have been proud. Cretak: You're concerned. Ross: Aren't you? Cretak: Not really. The Colonel is brave woman, but she's not stupid. She's bluffing. Jake: Right over there in the shade. Ezri: Here. Jake: There you go, Grandpa. Nurse: Doctor Wykoff, please come to Isolation Ward Four. Doctor Wykoff to Isolation Ward Four. Sisko: I wish he'd get there. Ezri: Who? Sisko: Doctor Wykoff. They're waiting for him in the isolation ward. Ezri: You have definitely gotten stranger. Martok: What about me, Worf? Would you rather I hadn't come on this mission either? Worf: That is not what I am saying. With you, it is different. You are a Klingon and Jadzia was a member of your House. Martok: And these men were her friends. They honor her with their presence. Quark: I don't believe it. Gagh for breakfast, gagh for lunch, gagh for dinner. Am I the only one who thinks Klingon menus need to have more variety? O'Brien: You want to complain about the gagh, that's fine with me. But don't complain about it when we're in the mess hall sitting at a table surrounded by a dozen Klingons. Quark: All right, all right, I get the point. Bashir: Good. Quark: But I'm telling you, I think some of those Klingons agreed with me. Bashir: Look, Worf, if this has anything to do with what just happened in the mess hall. Worf: No, no, it does not. Quark: What's the matter? Come up with a few more insults to throw at us? Worf: I wish to apologize. Quark: I'm listening. Worf: I know Jadzia meant a great deal to all of you, and you meant a great deal to her. Many times, when we discussed our day, she would repeat something amusing that you had told her, or describe in endless details the intricacies of some new scheme of yours. She often talked about all of you. It seemed as though that even when we were alone, one of you was always with us. Quark: I get it. You were jealous because she liked us better than you. Bashir: Quark, would you please keep quiet. Worf: She was my wife, my par'machkai. I did not like having to share her affections. O'Brien: That's why you didn't want us on this mission with you. You wanted to get her into Sto-vo-kor without our help. Worf: I wanted it to be my gift to her. Quark: Go on. Worf: There is nothing more to say. Except that I am pleased you're here. O'Brien: I have never heard Worf apologize to anyone. Quark: I don't know about you, but I was hoping for something a little more intriguing. Bashir: Such as? Quark: You know, like Jadzia used to call my name out when she slept, or wanted to name her first child after me. Martok: Chief. The Monac shipyard. O'Brien: Impressive. Martok: Display our target. Quark: How close do we have to get to that? Martok: Too close. Worf: Perfect. Jake: What is it, Dad? Have you found something? Sisko: Stay back. Sisko: The Orb of the Emissary. Ezri: What are you going to do? Sisko: Open it. Wykoff: Mister Russell. Wykoff: Mister Russell, put it down. Ezri: Benjamin what's wrong? Benjamin. Wykoff: I said, put down the pencil. Put it down, Mister Russell. Benny: But I haven't finished my story yet. Captain Sisko has found the Orb of the Emissary. But he hasn't opened it yet. Wykoff: Mister Russell, you promised not to write on the walls. Benny: No one will give me any paper. Wykoff: I thought we agreed that you weren't going to write at all. That you needed to rest. Benny: No, I don't need to rest. I need to tell my stories. Wykoff: You were doing so well, Benny. Making real progress. We were all so proud of you. Benny: I need to go home. I don't belong here. Wykoff: We're going to send you home as soon as you're well. Benny: I'm fine. Wykoff: But you're not fine. People who are fine don't write on walls. Benny: Then get me a typewriter. Wykoff: You're not listening. The stories have got to stop, Benny. They're too dangerous. Benny: Too dangerous to whom? Wykoff: To you. This world you've created, this Deep Space Nine. Captain Sisko and Kira and the others. None of it is real. Benny: Oh, it is to me. If I don't finish my story, if Captain Sisko doesn't open the Orb box, then he cannot contact the Prophets. Wykoff: It doesn't matter, Benny. The Prophets don't exist either. They're all figments of your imagination. Get rid of them. It's the only way that you're going to get well. Now give me the pencil, Benny. Benny: But my story! Wykoff: It's over. Just let it go. Ezri: Benjamin, what are you waiting for? Open it. That's why we're here, right? Jake: He can't hear you. Ezri: Jake! Jake, are you all right? Jake: Yeah. Kira: Ship's log, supplemental. Senator Cretak said that the Romulan warbirds would be here in eight hours. She was wrong. They're two hours early. Odo: They'll be in weapons range in eight minutes. Kira: Open a channel. Crewman: Go ahead. Kira: This is Colonel Kira of the Bajoran Militia. Any ship traveling within transporter range of Derna will be considered hostile and fired upon. Odo: They're not responding. Kira: Kira to all Bajoran ships. Prepare to engage. Crewman: Sir, Admiral Ross is asking to speak to you. Kira: Put him through. Ross: Colonel, I'm appealing to you one last time to end this blockade. Kira: You know I can't do that, Admiral. Cretak: Be aware that I'm authorized to use whatever force is necessary to see that our medical supplies reach their destination. However, I'm also authorized to seek a negotiated settlement. Kira: My government has made its position quite clear. There are to be no negotiations as long as there are Romulan weapons on Derna. Ross: Damn it, Colonel. If you open fire on those ships, we all lose. The only way to beat the Dominion is to keep our Alliance intact. Cretak: Besides, I would hate to see you throw your life away. Kira: Your concern is touching, Senator. But I'm not dead yet. End transmission. Odo: At least not for another six minutes. Ross: You still think she's going to back down? Cretak: She has to, because I won't. Quark: Take me out of the oven, Moogie. I'm cooked. O'Brien: General, I've found it. A magnetic instability near the sun's equator. Bashir: Excellent. Now, let's trigger that solar ejection and get out of here. O'Brien: I'm afraid it's not that simple. We have to make sure the ejection has the right trajectory to destroy the shipyard. Martok: Well, how do we do that? Worf: We have to get closer. Much closer. O'Brien: He's right. Quark: Sto-vo-kor, here we come. Wykoff: Take it, Benny. Benny: What for? Wykoff: I'm offering you an opportunity few people ever get. You can wipe away all your mistakes. Benny: You want me to paint over my story? Wykoff: They're only words. Meaningless words that no one cares about. Get rid of them and you can walk out of here a free man. Wykoff: Go ahead. Save yourself. Ezri: Ben? Sisko: Got to cover it up. Bury it. Ezri: Ben, what are you doing? Wykoff: It's for your own good, Benny. Wipe away the words. Destroy them before they destroy you. Ezri: Ben, stop. Odo: The Romulans have powered their weapons. I think they're calling your bluff. Kira: Auxiliary power to forward shields. Kira to all ships. Hold your positions. Odo: Nerys, if you're going to end this, I suggest you do it now. Ross: Time to fold, Colonel. O'Brien: Damn it. We're ready, General. Martok: Decloak and prepare to fire on Worf's command. Worf: Fire! Martok: It didn't work. Quark: Oh well, we tried. Time to go. Worf: No. Not until we complete our mission. O'Brien: We'll have to increase the magnetic gradient. I'll recalibrate the deflector. Bashir: We might not have time. There are three Jem'Hadar ships are approaching bearing zero zero five mark one nine zero. Martok: I suggest you work quickly, Chief. Ezri: No! Sisko: Get out of my way. Ezri: Ben, you came here to find the Prophets, remember? Sisko: Move! Ezri: No, listen to me. You promised Jadzia you would make things right. Well now is your chance. Open the box, Ben. Wykoff: No! Scene: (Sisko watches the energy shoots past DS9 and WHOOSH! the wormhole reopens.) Odo: Do we stand down, Colonel? Crewman: Sir, we're getting a transmission from Deep Space Nine. The wormhole. It's back! Kira: On screen. Odo: Nerys? Kira: Open a channel to all Bajoran ships. Hold your position and prepare to fire on my command. Lock targets. Crewman: Targets locked. Kira: Still glad you came along? Odo: I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Cretak: I'm afraid the Colonel has run out of time. Martok: Well, Worf, did I not promise you a glorious battle? Worf: It is everything I hoped for. O'Brien: EM pulse ready, General. Quark: Then what are you waiting for? Fire! Martok: By all means, Chief. Fire! Bashir: It's working. Quark: Great. Now can we leave? Worf: Full impulse. Martok: Qapla'! Quark: I hope Jadzia appreciates all this. Bashir: I'm sure she does. Worf: Lohm Ict lihj. posh Machh lodge Sto-vo-kor Jadzia Dax pailodge pah dock Lih Dun. Shoo vwee vahm baht leh paolodge. Pailodge Poh Hokh Vahd Sto-vo-kor. Odo: Nerys, they're pulling back. Crewman: Colonel, Admiral Ross would like to speak with you. Kira: Put him through. Ross: You can blink now, Colonel. You've won. Senator Cretak has agreed to remove the weapons from Derna. Kira: What changed her mind? Ross: I told her if she didn't remove them, I would. Kira: And what changed your mind? Ross: You did. Remind me never to play poker with you. Sisko: Show yourselves. I've come to speak with you. Sarah: The Sisko has completed his task. Sisko: Sarah? Sarah: The Kosst Amojan no longer threatens us. Sisko: You mean the Pah wraith? It's no longer in the wormhole? Sarah: I have cast it out. Sisko: Is that why the Prophets sent me to Tiree? To release you from the Orb? Sarah: The Kosst Amojan tried to stop you with a false vision. But you did not waver. You fulfillled your destiny. Sisko: My destiny? You talk as if my life was over. Sarah: The Sisko must still face many tasks. Sisko: I don't suppose you'll tell me what they are. Sarah: The Emissary is corporeal. Linear. Sisko: Linear or not, I need some answers. Sarah: The Sisko is intrusive. Sisko: Are you Sarah Sisko? Are you my mother? Sarah: Sarah Sisko was corporeal. For a time, I shared her existence. Sisko: You took over her body, made sure she married my father so that she'd give birth to me. Sarah: The Sisko is necessary. Sisko: And once you didn't need her anymore, you left her. No wonder she walked out on my father. She didn't chose him, you did. Sarah: The Sisko would prefer different answers. Sisko: What you're telling me isn't easy to accept. You arranged my birth. I exist because of you? Sarah: The Sisko's path is a difficult one. Sisko: But why me? Why did it have to be me? Sarah: Because it could be no one else. Ezri: Benjamin? That must have been some Orb experience. Sisko: I'll tell you about it someday. Worf: Welcome back, Captain. O'Brien: We missed you, sir. Kira: Thank you for bringing the Prophets back to us. Sisko: I heard you've all been pretty busy yourselves. Ezri: Odo! Nerys! Julian! It's so good to see you. Worf, we need to talk. Bashir: Who's that? Jake: It's Dax. Worf: Dax? Jake: That's right, Ezri Dax. Incredible, isn't it? Worf: It cannot be. Quark: She's so much shorter. Odo: Just when you thought things couldn't get more interesting.

Ezri: It's funny. Before yesterday, I'd never set foot on this station but it's as familiar to me as the back of my hand. Isn't that odd? Ezri: You have no idea who I am, do you? Ezri: I didn't think so. Thanks for listening anyway.. Ezri: I was killed here. I mean, Jadzia was. Kira: I try not to think about that. If I did, I'm not sure that I could come back here. Ezri: It's a strange sensation, dying. No matter how many times it happens to you, you never get used to it. It must be a little diskoncerting for you, knowing that I have Jadzia's memories. No wonder you're uncomfortable. Kira: It's a lot to get used to. Ezri: Tell me about it. Well, I'll let you get to your prayers. Ezri: Bloodwine. Quark: That's the good stuff. Same vintage I served when you and Worf got married. Ezri: It smells awful. Quark: It used to be your favorite. Ezri: I used to be right handed, too. A lot of things have changed since I was joined. Quark: I can imagine. Seven lifetimes worth of memories would mix up anyone. Or is it eight? Ezri: Who knows anymore? Quark: It'll be a lot easier once you get settled in. Have you picked out your quarters yet? Ezri: I'm not staying. I'm going back to the Destiny to be an assistant counselor. Quark: You're a therapist? Ezri: Why does everyone sound so surprised when they hear that? Quark: Oh, it's just you're so young. Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Why not stay for a while and get to know your old friends again. Ezri: I don't want to force things. People need time to get over losing Jadzia. You know something, Quark? Besides Benjamin, you're the only one of Jadzia's friends who doesn't seem uncomfortable around me. Quark: She and I were close, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't be close too. Remember all those late night tongo games? Ezri: Who could forget? Wait a minute. You owe me ten slips of latinum from our last game. Quark: I don't think so. Ezri: I won with a Full Consortium. I remember. Quark: Your memory's playing tricks on you. Ezri: Don't say that, Quark. I'm confused enough as it is. Quark: Look who's here. Quark: I bet the two of you have a lot to talk about. Sisko: Come in. Sisko: Dax. Ezri: Are you alone? Sisko: Why are you sneaking in this way? Ezri: I didn't want to go through Ops in case Worf was there. We bumped into each other last night in Quark's. Sisko: It didn't go well, I take it? You weren't expecting him to accept you right away, were you? Ezri: Of course not. But he wouldn't even talk to me. Sisko: Perhaps he was just trying to respect your customs. He knows that the joined Trill aren't supposed to get involved with people who were married to their previous hosts. Ezri: But that doesn't mean we can't talk to each other. Worf knows that. Sisko: Are you sure? Ezri: I told him all about Trill traditions. Jadzia did. We discussed them. They discussed them. Sisko: I understand. Ezri: These pronouns are going to drive me crazy. Ezri: Look at him, Benjamin. He's in pain. Sisko: How can you tell? Ezri: I was his wife. I can tell. I don't want to put him through any more heartache than he's already going through. It's a good thing I'm going back to the Destiny. Sisko: You're still planning on leaving. Ezri: I can't stay. I couldn't do that to him. Besides, I think it might be easier for me on the Destiny. There are too many memories here. Sisko: I'm going to miss you, old man. Ezri: I'm going to miss you too, Benjamin. Bashir: If you feel that strongly, Miles, you can be Crockett. I'll be Travis. Odo: And who am I going to be again? Bashir: General Santa Anna. Odo: Santa Anna. Bashir: When can our costumes be ready? Bashir: Garak? Garak: Hmm? Bashir: Our holosuite costumes. When can they be ready? Garak: Oh, I'm afraid you're going to have to find them from somewhere else. The shop's closed. O'Brien: Still? Garak: Well, Starfleet Intelligence is keeping me quite busy these days. Bashir: What if we let you be Crockett? O'Brien: Hey. Garak: Even if I was interested, I don't have the time. Do you have any idea how long it takes to decode a Cardassian military transmission? I mean, I invented some of the basic encryption protocols when I was with the Obsidian Order, but it still takes me several days to decipher the simplest sentence. Bashir: You've got to take a break sometime. Garak: Well I intend to. Just as soon as the Dominion is driven off Cardassia. Must you stand so close? Bashir: That was a bit harsh. Garak: Well, I don't like people looming over me. I have to get back to work. Thank you for your company, gentlemen. Odo: Starfleet intercepted another Cardassian military transmission. Are you all right? Garak? Garak: I can't breathe. Odo: Garak! Odo to the Infirmary. We have a medical emergency. Garak. Odo: He had a claustrophobic attack in his shop. Sisko: His shop? I don't understand. That's a good sized space. Garak: I know. I've been claustrophobic for as long as I can remember, but lately it seems to have gotten worse. Rooms that I once found completely tolerable now suddenly feel alarmingly cramped. Bashir: I wish I had an explanation, but I don't. He checks out fine. Garak: Well, I don't feel fine. Would you gentlemen mind terribly if we continued this conversation on the Promenade? Odo: Better? Garak: A little. Sisko: Mister Garak, as much as I appreciate with your situation, I'm not sure why you asked to see me. Garak: I was hoping you'd be kind enough to express my regrets to Starfleet Intelligence. When I get this way, my concentration isn't what it should be. I'm afraid I won't be decoding any transmissions for a while. Sisko: Can I tell them when to expect you back on the job? Garak: I wish I could say. Believe me, I'm not happy about this either. I want to see an end to this war just as much as you. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hem some pants. For some reason, sewing seems to calm me down. Odo: Sewing? Sisko: We can't afford to lose Mister Garak right now. Is there anything you can do for him? Bashir: To be blunt, our friend Garak needs to have his head examined. Ezri: Me? You want me to work with Garak? Sisko: You're a counselor, aren't you? Ezri: Assistant counselor. I'm still in training. Sisko: Oh, come on, Dax. What are you going to learn in the next few months that you haven't already learned in the last three hundred years? Ezri: Oh, how to keep from breaking into tears for no reason. How to resist the urge to stand on my head. Things like that. Sisko: Why are you standing on your head, by the way? Ezri: Emony used to do it. Sisko: The gymnast? Ezri: She found it relaxing. Sisko: Do you? Ezri: Actually, it's giving me a headache. Ezri: Why can't Julian work with Garak? Sisko: Julian's a good doctor, but he's no counselor. Not even an assistant counselor. And besides, he doesn't have eight lifetimes worth of experience under his belt. Ezri: I bet he doesn't stand on his head for no reason, either. Sisko: That's a good point. Come on, old man, you can do this. Ezri: All right, I'll try. I just wish I had as much confidence in me as you do. Quark: So what do you think? Bashir: About what? Quark: About her. Bashir: About who? Quark: Dax. Bashir: Oh, Ezri. She seems nice. Quark: Meaning what? Bashir: Meaning nice. Quark: Oh, come on, Doctor. I know the way you felt about Jadzia. Bashir: She's not Jadzia. Quark: She's the next best thing. So, are you interested? Bashir: Sounds to me like you're the one who's interested, Quark. Quark: It's not every day you get a second chance with a woman. Bashir: It's not the same woman. Quark: She's still Dax, isn't she? Bashir: More or less. Quark: Well, that's good enough for me. Ready for a little competition? Bashir: You're insane. Quark: And you are going to lose. Ezri: Am I interrupting? Garak: Ah. You must be Ezri Dax. The Captain told me that you'd be dropping by to counsel me. Ezri: Is that all right? Garak: Oh, it all depends on what it involves. I'm a very private person. Ezri: I understand. So is it helping? The sewing. Is it making you feel better? Garak: Thankfully, yes. Ezri: You're lucky, nothing helps me. Garak: Are you claustrophobic too? Ezri: Why would you say that? Garak: You just said Ezri: No, I get spacesick. Ever since I was joined. I'm very sensitive to motion. I can even feel the station spinning. Garak: Really? Ezri: It's because of what happened to Torias. He was killed in a shuttle accident. Garak: But why would that make you spacesick? Ezri: Because I blame myself for what happened. Garak: You were piloting? Ezri: Yes. No. Depends on how you look at it. Torias was my fifth host. Didn't I say that? Garak: No. Ezri: Well, he was. And I think the reason that his death has stayed with me for so long is because I just can't seem to forgive him for getting himself killed. Garak: But you said it was an accident. So if he's not to blame, then you're not to blame, either. Ezri: I know. But somehow I can't help but punish myself for it. Garak: By getting spacesick. Ezri: Exactly. Garak: Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds to me as if you're the one that needs to see a counselor. Ezri: You're probably right. But I didn't come here to talk about myself, I came to talk about you. Garak: So you did. Ezri: Do you remember anything traumatic happening to you when you were young. Something involving getting trapped in a confined space. Garak: If I had been that careless, my father would have left me there to teach me a lesson. Ezri: Sounds like he was strict. Garak: He didn't get to be the head of the Obsidian Order without a sense of diskipline. Ezri: Did he diskipline you? Garak: He punished me when I misbehaved. What father wouldn't? Ezri: Tobin. Garak: My second host. He could not bring himself to diskipline his children, no matter what they did. But that's another story. How did you say that your father punished you? Garak: He'd lock me in a closet. Ezri: Why didn't you mention that when I asked if you'd ever been trapped in a confined space. Garak: I wasn't trapped. I knew he'd let me out as soon as I learned my lesson. Ezri: Learned your lesson? Did you think you deserved to be locked in that closet? Garak: I could be very stubborn. Ezri: You blame yourself. Just like I blame myself for that shuttle accident. Maybe you get claustrophobic for the same reason that I get spacesick. We're both punishing ourselves for things that weren't our fault. That's it. Don't you see? We both have to let go of all this misplaced guilt. Garak: And if we do, our problems will simply disappear? Ezri: Not overnight, but it's a step in the right direction. Garak: Well, I'll certainly give your advice some thought. Ezri: Me too. Are you all right? Garak: To tell the truth, I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic. Ezri: Probably because we've been talking about it. Actually, I'm starting to feel a little spacesick myself. Garak: If it's all the same to you, I think I'll go back to my sewing. Ezri: Good idea. Garak: Thank you for stopping by. Ezri: My pleasure. Ezri: Hello, Worf. Worf: Ensign. Ezri: Ensign? That's all you have to say to me? Worf: What more is there to say? Ezri: I was your wife. Worf: You are not Jadzia. Jadzia died and went to Sto-vo-kor. I do not know you. Nor do I wish to know you. Ezri: Come in. Sisko: Dax? Ezri: Do you think the Chief could adjust the inertial dampers so the station would spin a little slower? Sisko: I don't know. Why? Ezri: Never mind. To what do I owe the pleasure? Sisko: I'm not going to say I told you so, but Garak stopped by Odo's office this morning to pick up the latest Cardassian transmissions for decoding. Ezri: Really? Sisko: It looks like Garak's claustrophobia is under control. Ezri: I guess our talk helped him. Sisko: I told you so. Ezri: I thought you said you weren't going to say that. Sisko: I couldn't resist. Sisko: Are you all right? Ezri: I talked with Worf. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Sisko: Perhaps I should have a talk with him. Ezri: Absolutely not. You intimidate him. Sisko: Me? Ezri: Don't tell him I told you. Sisko: I intimidate Worf, huh? Ezri: You like that, don't you? Sisko: Of course not. Ezri: Come on. I've been a man, I know. Sisko: Look, we're not talking about me and Worf, we're talking about you and Worf. Now, I sympathize with what he's going through, but as far as I'm concerned, you have as much right to be here as he does. Ezri: What are you getting at, Benjamin? Sisko: The war certainly has not been good for morale around here. I've been thinking the station could use a good counselor. I can't think of anyone better suited for the job. Ezri: Thanks for saying that. But even if Worf wasn't an issue, I'm still just an assistant counselor. Sisko: I took the liberty of talking to Starfleet Medical. They're willing to waive the rest of your training and give you a commission as a full counselor with the rank of lieutenant. Ezri: How'd you talk them into that? Sisko: I asked them what they thought you might learn in the next few months Ezri: That I haven't already learned in the last three hundred years. Sisko: They saw my point. I hope you do, too. Ezri: It means a lot to me that you want me to stay, but I can't. Sisko: Because of Worf? Ezri: Mostly. Sisko: Well, you just say the word and I will intimidate him for you. Ezri: Idanian spice pudding. No, cancel that. I'll have a kilm steak, rare. No, Tobin was a vegetarian. Give me Bashir: Two Fanalian toddies, hot. Ezri: How'd you know? Bashir: Lucky guess. Care to join me? Ezri: Sure. Bashir: So here we are. Ezri: What was that? Bashir: What was what? Ezri: That look. Bashir: This might be the last thing you want to hear, but you have Jadzia's eyes. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Ezri: Don't flirt with me, Julian. Please. Bashir: I'm not. Ezri: I remember the way you used to flirt with Jadzia. Bashir: It was just an observation. Ezri: Good. Because I'm not like her. She knew how to handle it. Actually, she quite enjoyed it. Bashir: Really? Ezri: You didn't know? Bashir: I always suspected. Ezri: You can be very charming. You want to know something? If Worf hadn't come along, it would have been you. Ezri: You really miss her, don't you? Bashir: Yes, I suppose I always will. But somehow, talking to you seems to help. Talpet: Deputy Talpet to Doctor Bashir. Bashir: Go ahead. Talpet: We have a medical emergency in airlock seven. It's Garak, sir. Bashir: I'm on my way. Bashir: Garak! What's he doing in there? Ezri: Garak, open the door. Garak: Let me out! Let me out! Ezri: Breathe in, and out. In and out. Better? It's beautiful, isn't it? Look at that sky. It just goes on and on. Garak: But it doesn't. It's an illusion. There's a holosuite wall not ten meters in front of us. Ezri: But you can't see it. Garak: I can feel it. Ezri: We could call up another program. Garak: I can't believe the way I humiliated myself back there. I just wanted to get out. I couldn't breathe. Ezri: If you were looking for fresh air, you sure were knocking on the wrong door. Garak: I have to get this situation under control. If I don't, I'm going to be forced to leave the station, and then where will I go? I can't go back to Cardassia. I doubt if I'd be welcome on Bajor. Ezri: You're not going to have to leave the station. I'll talk to Quark and tell him to leave this holosuite available to you twenty six hours a day. So the next time you feel like jumping out the nearest airlock, come here instead. It's going to be all right. We're going to get this under control. I promise. Garak: If you don't mind, I'd like to sit here and be alone for a while. Ezri: I'll come and check in on you later. Bashir: Hold still. I think I've got something. Quark: I knew it. Never get a tympanic tickle from an amateur. Bashir: Tympanic tickle? Quark: It's Bashir: Never mind. I don't want to know. Hold still. I'm going to get you some antibiotics. Worf: We need to talk. Bashir: About what? Worf: Do not toy with me, Doctor. I know how you felt about Jadzia. Bashir: That was a long time ago. Worf: I saw you with her. Bashir: Jadzia? Worf: You know who I'm talking about. Bashir: No, you've got it all wrong. Worf: Stay away from her. Bashir: Now wait just a minute. You have no right to tell me who I can be friends with. Worf: If you dishonor Jadzia's memory, you will regret it. And that goes for you too, Ferengi. Quark: What did I do? Ezri: Garak? I thought you were going to stay in the holosuite for a while. Garak: I got tired of staring at a fake landscape, pretending I was outside. No, no, no, work is the answer. My father always used to say that people should throw themselves into their work. Do your chores, Elim. I told you to do your chores. Ezri: And if you didn't? What would he do to you? Garak: Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't start. Spare me your insipid psychobabble. I'm not some quivering neurotic who feels sorry for himself because his daddy wasn't nice. You couldn't begin to understand me. Ezri: I'd like to try. Garak: Oh, I'm sure you would. You'd like nothing more than to pry into my personal affairs. Well, I'm not interested in dissecting my childhood. I only want to save my people from the Dominion. I don't need someone to walk in here and hold my hand. I want someone to help me get back to work. And you, my dear, aren't up to this task. I mean, look at you. You're pathetic. A confused child trying to live up to a legacy left by her predecessors. You're not worthy of the name Dax. I knew Jadzia. She was vital, alive. She owned herself. And you? You don't even know who you are. How dare you presume to help me? You can't even help yourself. Now get out of here before I say something unkind. Sisko: What's this all about? Ezri: What does it look like? I'm resigning from Starfleet. Sisko: Why? Ezri: Because I can't do my job. Garak was right. How can I help other people when I can't even help myself? Sisko: I know this has been a hard time for you, old man, but you see Ezri: Don't call me that! I'm not the old man. I'm not Curzon. Or Jadzia. Sisko: No, you're Ezri. Ezri Dax. And you've been given eight lifetimes worth of experience. Now I know this is confusing for you right now, but in time you'll see it's a wonderful gift. Ezri: It's a gift I don't deserve. Sisko: If that's the way you feel, then go back to Trill. Talk to the Symbiosis Commission. Maybe you can convince them to take the symbiont out of you. Ezri: I wish they could. But removing the symbiont would kill me, you know that. Sisko: Well, if you're leaving Starfleet, you'll have to find something to do. Let's see. Maybe you could be one of the people who takes care of the symbiont pools? It's quiet in those caves. No one around. No one expecting great things from you. You could spend the rest of your life underground, in the dark, stirring mud. Eighty or ninety years of that might be just what you need. And as for Dax? That symbiont had eight amazing lives. So what if the ninth was a waste. Ezri: Stop it, Benjamin. I thought you of all people would understand. Sisko: I do understand. And you were right. You don't deserve the Dax symbiont. Quite frankly, you don't deserve to wear that uniform. I'll pass this on to Starfleet Command. Dismissed. Worf: Enter. Worf: Oh, no. Not again. O'Brien: Compliments of Doctor Bashir. Worf: He sent you? O'Brien: No, that was my idea. Now, if you want to skip the drinking and get right down to the talking, I'm game. Worf: What do you wish to discuss? O'Brien: Julian swears there's nothing going on between him and Ezri. There's no reason for you to be jealous. Worf: This has nothing to do with jealousy! I know that Doctor Bashir cared for Jadzia, but this woman is not Jadzia, and treating her as if she were dishonors her memory. O'Brien: Wrong. Treating Ezri like a stranger dishonors Jadzia's memory. Worf: It doesn't make sense. She is not Jadzia, yet she is. How can I honor the memory of the woman I loved when she is not really dead? O'Brien: I don't have an answer for you, Worf. Let me ask you this. How do you think Jadzia would wanted you to treat Ezri? Worf: There's no way to know. O'Brien: Yes, there is. And the person who can tell you is the person you've been avoiding ever since she got here. Garak: Well, I didn't think you'd darken my doorstep again. Ezri: I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I wish I'd been able to help you. Garak: So do I. Ezri: Well, you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore. I'll be leaving in the morning. Garak: Yes, I'd heard that the Destiny was going to arrive tomorrow. Ezri: They're putting in for supplies before they head to the front. But I won't be going with them. I've decided to go back to Trill. Garak: How nice for you. Ezri: Actually, the Destiny's going to be joining the Seventh Fleet at Kalandra. Garak: Kalandra? Ezri: Those transmissions you decoded last week must have convinced Starfleet that it's a good place to launch a new offensive. Garak: Yes, the transmissions did indicate that it was somewhat vulnerable. Ezri: If the offensive goes well, Starfleet will have you to thank for it. Garak: That's most gratifying. Ezri: I just thought you should know. Ezri: Are you all right? Garak: Yes, of course I'm all right. That's very good news about Kalandra. Ezri: Let's just hope it goes well. The Cardassians will put up a strong fight. Garak: Oh, indeed they will. But in the end, they'll lose. Ezri: How can you be so sure? Garak: Because they won't be expecting an attack. Because they have no idea that I broke their code. All those Cardassians are going to die because of me. Ezri: I suppose that's one way of looking at it. Garak: What other way is there? Ezri: That by helping to end the war, you'll be saving lives. Garak: Saving lives? And what lives would I be saving? Human? Klingon? Romulan? Ezri: And Cardassian. Garak: No, not Cardassians. They're going to fight to the bitter end. The Dominion will see to that. Don't you understand? Don't you see? I wanted to believe that I was helping my people, liberating them, but all I've done is to pave the way for their annihilation. I'm a traitor! I've betrayed every Ezri: Dax to Infirmary, I need a medical team. Ezri: How are you feeling? Garak: Well I'm breathing much better now. Ezri: At least we found out what's been triggering these claustrophobic attacks you've been having. Garak: You know, when I first agreed to help Starfleet, I was convinced it was the right thing to do. I didn't allow myself to doubt it, even for an instant. I never realized how much it was gnawing at me. I suppose I was looking for a way out and the claustrophobia gave me an excuse to stop fighting my people. Ezri: Now that you know that, what are you going to do? Garak: Get back to work. What else can I do? The Dominion must be stopped. Even if it does mean the destruction of Cardassia. Ezri: The Captain will be glad to hear that you're back on the job. Garak: Well, he has you to thank for it. And so do I. And what about you? Are you still planning to go back to Trill? Ezri: No. I'm going to stay in Starfleet. Garak: I'm sure the Captain will be glad to hear that as well. Ezri: The Captain! Sisko: What now? Ezri: It's my request to be reinstated into Starfleet. Sisko: I can't send this to Starfleet Command. Ezri: Why not? Sisko: Because I never submitted your resignation. Ezri: I had a feeling you didn't mean all those things you said to me. You were just trying to rattle my cage. Sisko: You've done it to me often enough. I'm glad it worked. Mister Garak has asked that the latest Cardassian transmissions be sent to the Infirmary. Well done. Ezri: Thanks. Somehow I thought you'd be happier that I was staying in Starfleet. Sisko: I'd be happier if you would stay here at DS Nine. Ezri: Me, too. But you know I can't. Sisko: I hope Captain Raymer knows how lucky she is. She's getting one hell of a counselor. Ezri: Yes? Worf: May I come in? Ezri: Of course. Worf: I understand that you are leaving in the morning. Ezri: That's right. Worf: I am not certain that I have treated you the way that Jadzia would have wanted. Ezri: You'll get no argument from me there. Worf: I loved her with all my heart. Ezri: And she loved you. Worf: Part of me is glad to know that she is not gone forever. But in some ways it would be easier if she were. Ezri: I know. Worf: I have heard that the Captain offered you a position as station counselor. I would not want you to decline on my account. Ezri: Worf, I can't stay. I couldn't do that to you. Worf: Do you wish to stay? Ezri: Very much. Worf: Then do. Jadzia would not have wanted you to leave because of me. Ezri: Thank you. Worf: It will be a long time before I can accept what has happened. Until then Ezri: You need your breathing room. I understand. Sisko: Congratulations, Lieutenant. I want you to take a good look around. You have just agreed to take responsibility for the mental health of everyone in this room. You have your work cut out for you. Bashir: Well, I'm glad they made you a lieutenant. It would have been hard taking advice from an ensign. O'Brien: Since when did you take advice from anyone? Odo: Why don't you join us for dinner tonight? Ezri: I don't want to put you out. Kira: Oh, no, please come. It'll take the pressure off me. All he does is sit there and counts how many times I chew. Ezri: I'll be there. Jake: She is cute. Sisko: She's also about three hundred years too old for you. Quark: I took the liberty of putting together a plate for you. Ezri: Thanks, Quark. Worf isn't here, is he? Quark: Good question. Excuse me. Garak: It's quite a nice turnout. Congratulations. Ezri: I hope it isn't too crowded for you. Garak: Oh, not at all.

Kira: Kira to Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead, Colonel. Kira: Captain Solok of the Starship T'Kumbra is here to see you. Sisko: Send him in. Sisko: Welcome to Deep Space Nine, Captain. Solok: Your welcome is acknowledged. Sisko: Have a seat. It's been a long time. Solok: Ten years, two months, five days. Sisko: You mean you don't know it to the minute? Solok: Of course I do. But humans are often irked by such precision. Especially the more emotional humans. Our repair list. I understand you were recently honored with the Christopher Pike Medal for Valor. Congratulations. Sisko: Thank you. And congratulations to you. I heard you received your Medal last month. Solok: My second, actually. The T'Kumbra has been in combat for over six months. Spending time behind the lines will be a welcome change. Sisko: This isn't exactly a safe harbor. We have seen our share of action. Solok: Of course you have. Sisko: We can upgrade your inertial dampers by the end of the day, but to begin to overhaul your warp core would take at least a week. Solok: That is most inefficient. Sisko: War's an inefficient business. Solok: A somewhat unprofessional attitude. However, I have come to expect a lack of professionalism and efficiency on starbases run by human officers. Sisko: You're welcome to take your ship to a Vulcan station. I think there's one about fifty light years away. If you're planning to stay here with us behind the lines, my Chief of Operations will see to your requests. Solok: Very well. There is another matter not listed on the formal report. I need use of a holosuite. The T'Kumbra holodecks are currently under repair. Sisko: To arrange holosuite time you have to go through Quark. He owns the only ones on the station. Solok: Then I will speak to Quark. I have created a special program for my senior staff and they are quite eager to resume using it. Sisko: Really? Solok: Yes. In fact, you may find the program of some interest. It is based on an Earth game. Sisko: And what game would that be? Sisko: Colonel, assemble the senior staff in the wardroom. Now. Sisko: As you probably know, the Starship T'Kumbra is docked at our station. What you may not know is that their Captain considers his crew, an all Vulcan crew by the way, to be the finest in the fleet. I happen to think the people sitting at this table comprise the finest crew in the quadrant. Ezri: You're not going to get much of an argument from this group. Sisko: I didn't think so. Which is why when their Captain challenged us to a contest of courage, teamwork and sacrifice, I accepted on your behalf. Worf: We will destroy them. Sisko: I was hoping for that reaction. Bashir: So, when is this clash of the titans? Sisko: Two weeks, in holosuite five. Kira: What's the contest? Sisko: Baseball. Kira: Chapter twenty five. The infield fly rule is invoked in instances where, with both first base and second base occupied, or with first, second and third base occupied Worf: What if there is a runner at home? Nog: There's never a runner at home. Kira: Okay. And fewer than two outs, the batter hits a high fly. Worf: Fly. The term for a batted ball while it is in the air. Kira: Oh, right. Er, fewer than two out, the batter hits a high fly which in the judgment of the umpire can readily be caught by an infielder or the pitcher or catcher inside fair ground. The batter is then called out regardless of whether the ball is subsequently caught or not. Nog: That seems simple enough. Kira: An attempt to bunt, however, under the conditions noted above, which results in a fair fly shall not be regarded an infield fly. What's a bunt? Bashir: A bunt. A ball which has been deliberately tapped into the area between the pitcher and the catcher by the batter in order to force the fielding side to throw out the batter and allow a runner to advance. Ezri: Right. Chief, what's a grand slam? O'Brien: Er, a home run hit when the bases are crowded. Ezri: Right, except it's bases loaded. Now, what's a Fancy Dan? O'Brien: A what? Bashir: You're making that up. Ezri: I most certainly am not. Leeta: Hi. Jake told us about the game against the Vulcans. It sounds really exciting. Ezri: You should come watch. Bashir: Fancy Dan. A fielder who puts an extra flourish on his movements while making a play in hopes of gaining the approval of the spectators. Leeta: Actually we were thinking of doing more than watching. Rom: If we can. That is, if there's still room for other potential players to possibly try and Leeta: We want to try out. Rom: Nog always talks about how Captain Sisko and Jake play baseball and how it brings them closer together. Since Nog and I haven't seen much of each other lately, I thought this might be a good way of spending some time together. Leeta: And I decided to make it a complete family outing. Ezri: That is so sweet. Leeta: Isn't it? Quark: Idiotic, is what it is. You're going to make a fool out of yourself. Rom: I will not. Quark: And you can barely spin a dabo wheel, much less kick a ball around a field. Leeta: Shows how much you know. You don't kick the ball. Do you? Quark: You won't make the team. Rom: At least we're trying out. What about you? Quark: I don't have the slightest interest in this human game. Leeta: You know why? Jake said it's a game that takes heart, and you sold yours a long time ago. Come on, Rom. Quark: What time are tryouts? O'Brien: Thirteen hundred. Holosuite four. Sisko: Hey, hey! All right. Yes. First day of practice! And it's an exciting time. Am I right? All: Oh, yeah. Sisko: Yeah, there we go, there we go! That's the spirit! Now, first let me introduce you to our pitcher and our secret weapon, Jake The Slider Sisko. Bashir: Good luck, Jake. Worf: Very nice. Sisko: Now, all of the other positions are open for tryouts. Every one of you here today has seen at least one baseball game with me in a holosuite. Now I know it looks simple. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. But it is not that easy. It's a difficult game. It was a difficult game to play even for seasoned professionals who spent their lifetime practicing, and now we have less than two weeks to build a team and face the opponent. Now, I know what some of you are thinking. How can we beat the Logicians? They're all Vulcans. They're stronger and faster than any one of us, except for Worf and our genetically enhanced doctor. But there is more to baseball than physical strength. It's about courage, and it's also about faith, and it is also about heart. And if there's one thing our Vulcan friends lack, it's heart. I think we can beat them. I know we can beat them. Jake: Yeah. Sisko: We are going to beat them. Am I right? All: Yeah. Sisko: I can't hear you. All: Yeah. Yes, sir! Sisko: I can't hear you. Are we going to beat the Vulcans? All: Yes, sir! Sisko: All right then, let's play some baseball! First I want you to pair off. Spread yourselves about ten meters apart and play some catch. Just a little throw and catch, nice and easy. Ezri: You almost had it. Bashir: Don't throw it to her. You've got to throw it to someone who's looking at you. O'Brien: Oh, come on, Quark. Jake: This is going to be two long, hard weeks. Sisko: Jake, I don't care how hard and these two weeks are, but I'm not going to lose to Solok in a baseball game. We're going to win. Odo: Umpire? Sisko: That's right. Will you do it? Odo: Well, wouldn't a holographic umpire be more accurate? Sisko: I don't want a computer program calling a baseball game. That's something Solok would do. I want a real person behind the plate, not just some collection of photons and magnetic fields. I also want a person who can be completely impartial, and I can't think of anyone I'd trust more. Odo: Well, that's very flattering. Sisko: It's the truth. Will you do it? Odo: All right. Sisko: Outstanding. Here are the rules. If you have any questions, I'll be with the team in the Infirmary. Odo: The Infirmary? Sisko: We had a few problems at practice today. Remember, the game is in less than two weeks, so you better start to work on your moves. Odo: My moves? Ezri: I can't believe this. I used to be an athlete. At least I remember being an athlete. My third host Emony was an Olympic gymnast. I keep expecting my legs to react like hers did, but I fell all over myself. It's like I don't know my own body anymore. Quark: I don't know what you're complaining about. At least you didn't require major surgery. Kira: Knitting together a couple of bones is not major surgery, Quark. Quark: It is if the bones are in the back of your skull. I hope you've learned your lesson. Rom: Always look behind you before swinging a bat. Sisko: So, how are my casualties doing? Kira: We'll live. Ezri: If you believe Julian. Personally, I'm not sure I'm going to make it. Sisko: That's the spirit, old man. Don't lose your sense of humor. Jake: How's the shoulder, Chief? Bashir: He's out, I'm afraid. His rotator cuff was badly torn. Sisko: Can't you repair the damage? I need him on third and he's anchoring the second half of the lineup. Bashir: I've repaired the rotator cuff, but the ligaments need time to knit together with the clavicular joint. I can't let him to play. Sisko: Damn! O'Brien: I'm sorry, sir. I was really looking forward to the game. Sisko: Well, there's an old saying. Those who can't, coach. As for now, you are batting, pitching and first base coach. O'Brien: Great. Which one was first base? Sisko: We'll go over that again later. All right, practice tomorrow morning at oh seven thirty. Don't be late. O'Brien: We'll be there. Bashir: Well, excuse me, I still have to realign Worf's zygomatic bone. Rom: Tell him I'm sorry. Jake: We can move Ezri over to third Sisko: No, no, no. I need her in center. Oh, I know who we can get. I'll have to pull a some strings, but I think I can do it. Jake: Who? Sisko: Welcome home. Kasidy: Oh, music to my ears. Does this mean you missed me? Sisko: Like a piece of my heart was missing. Kasidy: Sweet words and flowers too? Are you feeling all right? Sisko: Now that you're back, I feel outstanding. Kasidy: I could get used to this. Sisko: Well, you should. Are you going to be here long? Kasidy: As a matter of fact, my next three cargo runs have been reassigned. Sisko: Really. Kasidy: Bureaucrats. Who knows why they do anything? Sisko: Who knows? Kasidy: So, what are we going to do with all my time off? Sisko: I have a few ideas. Kasidy: I bet you do. Sisko: So tell me, how's your throwing arm holding up? Sisko: There you go, Kas! That's what I'm talking about. All right, heads up, people. There's a runner on first and one away. Rom: I got it! I got it! I got it! Sisko: How many is that? Nog: Today? I think he's missed ten. Sisko: Damn. All right, batting practice. Leeta: What's he doing here? Sisko: He's scouting us. Worf: If he is taking the time to conduct reconnaissance, he must be worried. Sisko: He should be. Next week on this field, that man is going to get a painful lesson in humility. Nog: Batter up! Rom: Today I'm going to hit the ball. You just watch. Sisko: All right, Rom, remember what we talked about. Keep your eye on the ball. Follow the ball from the pitcher's hand all the way to the bat. Leeta: Oh. Rom: Sorry. Leeta: You can do it! Bashir: Hang in there, Rom! Sisko: All right, Rom.) Rom: Uh oh. Sorry. Sisko: That's it. You're done. Rom: I'll do better tomorrow, Captain. Sisko: No, you won't. You are finished, gone, off the team. Nog: Sir, can't you give him another chance? Sisko: Is anyone talking to you, Ensign? Rom: I can't play? Sisko: That's the smartest thing you've said all week. You can't play! Now get your gear. Get out of here! Worf, you're up! Rom: Captain Sisko hates me. Leeta: He doesn't hate you, Rom. Quark: Sisko was just blowing off steam. He'll get over it. Nog: That's right. I'll go talk with him in the morning. Maybe he'll change his mind. Rom: No! I don't want him to kick you off the team too. Nog: I don't care about the team. If you can't play, I won't either. Leeta: Oh, that goes for me too. Quark: And me. O'Brien: And us. Ezri: Benjamin was way out of line today, Rom. O'Brien: Yeah, this game is supposed to be fun, not a life or death struggle. Bashir: So we've decided to quit unless he reinstates you immediately. Rom: No! Please! Kira: Rom, we're on your side. Rom: I don't want to make the team like this. I had my chance but I wasn't good enough. Let's face it, the Captain's right. I'm hopeless. I don't deserve to be on the team. You play. You've earned it. Nog: Playing baseball doesn't mean anything to me. Rom: But it should. You're good at it. So are you, and I want to see you play. I want to see all of you play. I want to see our team beat the Vulcans, even if I'm only watching from the, the er Nog: The stands? Rom: Right. Please? Kira: If that's the way you feel about it. Leeta: Rom, there are moments when I know exactly why I married you. Bashir: What are you eating? O'Brien: I'm not eating, I'm chewing. Bashir: Chewing what? O'Brien: Gum. It's traditional. I had the replicator create me some. Bashir: They just chewed it? O'Brien: No, they infused the gum with flavor. Bashir: What did you infuse it with? O'Brien: Scotch. Here, try some. Bashir: Mmmm. Sisko: All right, you got a runner on first, you got a runner on second, one away. Ground ball hit to the second baseman. Kira, what do you do? Kira: I go for the double play, unless the runner on third is already on his way home, in which case Kasidy: Okay, relax. Keep your weight on the balls of your feet. Back elbow up. Yeah, good. Quark: Faster! Come on, come on! Faster! Come on. Faster. Oh, yeah, good. Ezri: I got it! Bashir: Mine! Bashir: Well don't look at me. You called it. I was out of position! Ezri: That was yours all the way! Oh, come on, Julian! Odo: Safe! Odo: Safe! You're out! You're out! Kasidy: Oh, that's quite a knot. Your back is like a minefield of bruised muscles. Sisko: Yeah, you tell me something I don't know. Kasidy: Okay. You're lifting your foot at the plate. Sisko: What? Kasidy: Okay, take a swing. Kasidy: Stop! Right there. Look. You're lifting your foot in the backswing. It's been messing up your whole rhythm. Not that bad. I know that look. It's the 'I'd really like to smash something but she'll think I'm crazy' look. Well, don't let me stop you. They're your quarters. Smash away if it'll make you feel better. Sisko: The only way I'll feel better is to beat Solok tomorrow. Kasidy: So, do I get to hear the Solok story now? And before you say no you'd better consider the fact that if you don't tell me, you won't have a third baseman. Sisko: We were in the same class at the Academy. One weekend I was with some friends at a bar off campus, the Launching Pad. and Solok came in with some Vulcan cadets. He said they were doing research on illogical human bonding rituals. We didn't take kindly to that. Kasidy: And you'd had a few drinks Sisko: One or two. We got into a debate. Solok said that Vulcans were naturally superior to humans and other emotionally handicapped species. Of course I took the opposite position. So there I am, drunk and debating logic versus emotion with a smug and very sober Vulcan. Well, to make a long story short, I decided the best way to prove that humans were every bit the equal of Vulcans was to challenge him to a wrestling match. Kasidy: Wrestling? Sisko: All I wanted to do was to wipe that arrogant look off his face, so in the heat of the moment I challenged him. Kasidy: And? Sisko: I ended up in the Infirmary with a separated shoulder, two cracked ribs and a very bruised ego. Kasidy: Oh, Ben, I don't mean to laugh, but what did you expect? A Vulcan has three times the strength of a human. Sisko: And they're faster too. But you're right. I got what I deserved. And if it had ended right there, it would have been fine. But it didn't. Solok took every opportunity to remind me of the match. He used to point me out whenever I walked across the campus. In fact he wrote five psychology papers about our match. I became the living embodiment of why Vulcans were inherently superior to humans. Kasidy: You don't mean he was gloating? A Vulcan? Sisko: That's exactly what I mean. He may have hidden it beneath that Vulcan calm, but he loved every minute of it. And you'd think that once we graduated it would have stopped, but it didn't. Over the years, Solok wrote over a dozen papers on Vulcan human comparative profiles and in the beginning of every paper is an analysis of that damned wrestling match! Kasidy: And now he comes to your station and announces that he's put together a baseball team. Sisko: He doesn't care about baseball. All he wants to do is rub my nose in it one more time. But now he is using my game. My game! Kasidy: You should tell that to the Niners. They don't understand why you're so caught up in this. Sisko: Oh, no. I'd rather they think I'm just caught up in some baseball game than pursuing an adolescent rivalry. Kasidy: Just tell them the truth. They'll understand. They need to know how personal this is to you. Sisko: Oh, no. No. I mean it. And you can't tell them either. I want you to promise me. Kasidy: All right, I promise. Kasidy: He made me promise not to tell you, so you have to keep this under your hats. Ezri: Curzon and Jadzia always wondered why Benjamin hated Solok but he'd never talk about it. Kasidy: Well, he's embarrassed. He's calling it an adolescent rivalry, but Solok's the one that's kept this thing going. O'Brien: And now he's trying to beat the Captain at his own game. Worf: It is a dishonorable motive. Nog: I'm beginning to hate him myself. Quark: So, what are we going to do about it? Kira: I'll tell you what we do. We go out there tomorrow and we put that Vulcan in his place. We win it for the Captain. Bashir: And for all our emotionally handicapped races. O'Brien: Now there's something worth fighting for. Right? Kasidy: Niners. All: Niners! O'Brien: Okay, Niners, let's go, let's go, come on. Show these guys. Sisko: Let's dispense with the crowd. My team has never played in front of people before. Solok: If you wish. Computer, eliminate the spectators. Odo: Play ball! Odo: Batter up! Sisko: All right, Niners, let's hear some chatter. Kasidy: Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter. Leeta: Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter. Worf: Death to the opposition. Kasidy: Strike him out. Sisko: Lucky swing. All right. Nog: Hey, don't worry, you'll get the next one. Okay? Okay? Jake: Okay. Nog: All right. Sisko: All right. You're making mental errors out there. Stupid mistakes! You have to start thinking about what you're doing. Colonel, you have to charge the ball, don't wait for it to come to you. Ezri, you're playing too deep. They rattled you. Jake: Yeah. They're pretty good. Sisko: What are you talking about, they're pretty good? You'd better stop admiring them and start striking them out! Odo: Batter up. Sisko: Let's play ball. Odo: Strike three. Odo: Strike three. Odo: Strike three. Sisko: Let's go. (In the fourth, the scoreboard reads - Logicians 4 1 1 1 - 7 runs, 9 hits, 0 errors. Niners 0 0 0 0 - 0 runs, 2 hits, 3 errors.) Odo: Out! Kira: You want to try that again? Sisko: Hey, hey, hey. Colonel, stay cool! Don't do anything to get yourself thrown out. Kira: I wouldn't dream of it, Captain. You're out, by the way. Sisko: Play ball. Nog: Was that slide at second legal? Kasidy: Afraid so. Bashir: Doesn't seem very sporting. Jake: These guys are playing to win. Sporting doesn't enter into it. Odo: Safe! Sisko: It's about time! Odo: Strike one. Sisko: If you're not there, let it go, all right? Don't reach for it. Odo: Ball one. Sisko: Hey, now. Good eye, Worf, good eye. Odo: Ball two. Sisko: Remember what we talked about. Keep your eye on the ball. Odo: Foul ball. Strike two. Sisko: Big stick. Good eye, Worf. Good eye. Odo: Ball three. Worf: Time. Odo: Time. Odo: Let's go, batter. Worf: Do not rush me. Odo: Strike three! Worf: What? What are you talking about? That ball was at least half a meter! How could you call it a strike! Reverse the call! Reverse the call! Sisko: That was low and outside. Worf: That was clearly outside. Sisko: What the hell were you looking about? You can't tell me that ball was over the plate. What were you doing, regenerating? Odo: It caught the outside corner. Worf: The outside corner? Sisko: Outside corner, my foot. That was a ball and you know it. We have two men on! Two men on! Two men on! Odo: Gentlemen, you are trying my patience. Sisko: No way, no way. You stole the run from us. You stole it just as if you'd reached up and tore it off the scoreboard! Odo: You. You're out of here! Sisko: What? Odo: No player shall at any time make contact with the umpire in any manner. The prescribed penalty for the violation is immediate ejection from the game. Rule number four point zero six, subsection a, paragraph four. Look it up, but do it in the stands. You're gone. Sisko: It was a ball. It was no strike. I know it was a ball. Bashir: Chief? O'Brien: What? Bashir: I think that means you're in charge now. O'Brien: You're right. What are you standing around for? You never seen a man thrown out of a game? Come on, get your gloves and get on that field. Let's go! Come on. Quark, wake up, you're in right. Julian, you're on second, Leeta, you're in left. Come on, let's go, let's go! We got a game to play. Come on, move it. Odo: Play ball. Ball one. Odo: Strike one. Leeta: Grab it, Ezri. Sisko: All right! Ezri: Yeah. Bashir: Now that is a Fancy Dan! Rom: All right! Odo: Batter up. Kasidy: Home, Worf! Bring it home! Nog: What's wrong? O'Brien: He didn't touch home, Nog. Nog: Is that true? What do I do? Worf: Find him and kill him! O'Brien: Just tag him out! Jake, cover home! Nog: Which one? Sisko: Tag 'em all! Jake: Come on, Nog. Hurry up! Rom: No. Tag the next one. Nog: Jake! Odo: You're out! O'Brien: Yay! Nog, well done. Nog: Great catch. Sisko: He's out. Did you see that? That's what I love about this game. You never know what's going to happen next. Every situation is different. Rom: It looks like a lot of fun. Sisko: Rom, come here. Let's go. Rom: Where're we going? (9th innings, Logicians 10 runs, 14 hits, 0 errors. Niners 0 runs, 6 hits, 4 errors). Odo: Safe. Sisko: Chief? Chief, Chief, call time out. O'Brien: Why? Sisko: You're making a substitution. O'Brien: What? O'Brien: Time! Odo: Time! O'Brien: You're up, Rom. Quark: Oh, you've got to be kidding. We've got a man on third. We could score. O'Brien: Sit down, Quark. Go ahead, Rom. Leeta: You can do it. Nog: All right, Dad. Come on, you can do it. Kasidy: Okay, let's play ball. Sisko: Computer. All: Come on, Rom. Announcer: Your attention, please. Now pinch hitting for Jake Sisko, number thirteen Rom. Nog: Come on, Dad you can do it. I hope. Odo: Strike one. Nog: Come on, Dad. Leeta: You can do it. Come on, Rom. Odo: Strike two! Leeta: It's okay, Rom. O'Brien: Julian. What was that thing called, you know, when you just tap the ball down the baseline? Bashir: A bunt? O'Brien: That's it, a bunt. We've to give him the sign. Rom! Rom: What? What? All: Go! Odo: Safe! Ezri: Rom, you did it! Solok: Umpire, this is completely improper. The game is not over. Odo: You're gone! Sisko: Hey, Jake that was a hell of a game! A hell of a game! Jake: I gave up ten runs. Sisko: They're Vulcans. If they were humans you'd have held them to just two or three. Jake: When you put it that way. Sisko: Yes. Now, pardon me. I owe you an apology. Rom: No. Unless you really want to. Sisko: I'm sorry. Rom: Apology accepted. Sisko: If you have some time one day, maybe you can teach me how to bunt. Rom: Sure. What's a bunt? Nog: That's my dad. Solok: I fail to see why you are celebrating. The Ferengi's bunt was an accident. And you still lost the game. Sisko: You are absolutely right. And I couldn't be happier. Quark, a round of drinks for the house on my tab. Quark: I'm way ahead of you, Captain. Solok: You are attempting to manufacture a triumph where none exists. Kasidy: I'd say he succeeded. Bashir: To manufactured triumphs. Sisko: Manufactured triumph. Hear, hear! Niners: Hear, hear! Solok: This is a typical human reaction, based on emotionalism and illogic. Sisko: Did I hear irritation in that voice? Solok: Certainly not. Bashir: That sounded positively defensive to me. O'Brien: With a hint of anger. Quark: And just a touch of jealousy. Kasidy: And a lot of bitterness. Ezri: Are you always this emotional? Solok: I refuse to engage in this human game of taunting. Ezri: Human? Did I forget to wear my spots today? Quark: All that intelligence and he still doesn't know what a human looks like. Kira: Captain. Here's something else for your desk. Sisko: Well, will you look at that. Would you like to sign it? Sisko: No.

Bashir: Miles. Fancy a drink? O'Brien: I can't. Keiko and the kids are waiting on me for dinner. Next Thursday. Book a holosuite. They're going to Bajor. Kira: Hi, Julian. Bashir: Hi. You going to Vic's? Kira: Yes. Bashir: Mind if I join you? Odo: Actually, we were looking forward to spending an evening alone. Bashir: Great. Well, have a great time. I understand. Bashir: Cheeky virus. You've gone and mutated on me. Well, you can run, but you can't hide. Lights. Nog: Nog to Doctor Bashir. Bashir: Go ahead. Nog: You're needed in the Infirmary, sir. Bashir: It's three in the morning. Isn't Doctor Girani on duty? Nog: Not anymore. Admiral Patrick threw her out. Bashir: Admiral who? Nog: He wants to see you immediately, sir. Bashir: On my way. Bashir: What's going on, Ensign? Nog: Sir, Admiral Patrick and his staff just arrived on the Farragut. Bashir: What happened to Doctor Girani? Nog: The Admiral said she was asking too many stupid questions. Bashir: Doctor Bashir reporting as ordered. Patrick: Finally. (It's our trio from Statistical Probabilities in Starfleet uniforms.) Bashir: Patrick! Jack: That's Admiral Patrick. Lauren: Mind your manners, Doctor. Bashir: What are you doing here? Patrick: That's a stupid question. Bashir: Where did you get these uniforms? Patrick: That's a stupid question, too. Nog: Please excuse the doctor, sir. He just woke up. Bashir: They're not Starfleet officers, Nog. Nog: They're not? Jack: We're mutants. Lauren: Genetically engineered mutants. Can't you tell? Bashir: Does anyone at the Institute know you're missing? Patrick: That's a stupid question. Bashir: Will you stop saying that! Jack: Why are you so upset? You wanted Sarina brought here. Well, here she is! Bashir: I was considering bringing Sarina here for treatment when I was ready. But I still have to modify my surgical equipment before I can begin the procedure. Jack: Well don't worry, we'll help you. And when we're through with Sarina, she will be just like us. Bashir: Do you have any idea how much trouble you could get into for impersonating Starfleet officers? Patrick: Jack, you didn't say anything about us getting in trouble. Jack: We didn't get caught, did we? Bashir: Didn't anybody question you? Jack: Of course. But when they did, Patrick would say Patrick: That's a stupid Lauren: You'd be surprised how well it works. Nog: I'll say. Patrick: What are they going to do to us? Bashir: Oh, it's all right. I'll find a way to straighten this out. Somehow. Hello, Sarina. Remember me? Jack: Of course she remembers you. She's not an idiot. Lauren: She's just a little cataleptic. Patrick: Are you really going to be able to make her better? Bashir: I'm going to do everything I can. I promise. Sisko: They posed as an Admiral and his staff. If you want me to convince Starfleet not to press charges, you're going to have to give me a damn good reason. Bashir: They wanted to bring Sarina here so that I could help her. They meant well. Sisko: They meant well? That's the same excuse you gave me when they were caught trying to pass military secrets to the Dominion. Bashir: They were trying to save lives by Sisko: Doctor, I appreciate that you feel a connection to them because you're genetically engineered yourself, but they have displayed a consistent disregard for the rules that the rest of society lives by. Bashir: Maybe that's because they're not allowed to live in society. Sisko: We are not here to debate Federation policy toward the genetically enhanced. We are here to discuss what to do about these people now that they're aboard. Bashir: Of course. Well, with your permission, sir, I would like to proceed with Sarina's treatment. Sisko: Well, I take it the Institute has given the approval to move forward? Bashir: A copy of the medical protocols I submitted. Doctor Loews, Sarina's legal guardian, has given her consent. Sisko: It appears that this procedure's never been done before. Bashir: There's no guarantee that it'll work, of course, but if it does it could change everything for her. There's no reason to think that she's suffering from the same type of behavioral disorders as Jack and the others. Her problem is that she's trapped inside her own mind. This could free her. There are still a few technical issues that I have to work on, but I feel confident that I can iron them all out. Sisko: You've put in a lot of time on this, haven't you? Bashir: I owe it to her, sir. I could have ended up the same way as Sarina, but I was lucky. My DNA re sequencing didn't have any unintended side effects. Sisko: All right, Doctor. I'll take care of Starfleet, you take care of Sarina. Bashir: Thank you, sir. Sisko: I'll arrange to have the rest of the people sent back to the Institute. Bashir: Actually, I was hoping you'd allow let them to stay on for a while. Sisko: For what reason? Bashir: Sarina's spent the last fifteen years with them. Now, assuming the procedure works and she comes out of her isolation, I think it would be helpful to have some familiar faces around. Sisko: Well, we'll arrange for quarters to be set up in a cargo bay. Bashir: I appreciate it. Sisko: Just make sure they stay there. I don't want them to get out and cause trouble like they did the last time. Bashir: I'll see that it doesn't happen again. Sisko: I'll hold you to that. One thing more. Get them out of those uniforms. Bashir: Aye, sir. Lauren: There. Don't you look pretty? Jack: Why are we doing this, anyway? Patrick: Keep going. Jack: Here? Patrick: A little to the left. Patrick: That's not where it was last time. Jack: Oh, what difference does it make? Lauren: He's right. Jack: Fine. How's that? Patrick: Much better. Patrick: Here he is. Jack: Well, well? What did the Captain say? Bashir: All systems are go. Jack: See? See? I told you it was a good idea to bring her here. Patrick: That's right, Jack. I remember. Jack: So, when do we operate? Bashir: We? Jack: You're going to need some help. Lauren: Oh, so you're a surgeon now? Jack: How hard can it be? Bashir: Thanks for the offer, but Jack: Oh, I get it. You want to take all the credit. Bashir: It's not about credit, it's about what's best for Sarina, I think. Jack: Fine. I'm busy anyway. New project. Bashir: Oh, glad to hear it. What are you working on? Jack: Wouldn't you like to know? Bashir: Well, I'll leave you to it. But do me a favor and change out of those uniforms. Sarina? I'd like to take you to the Infirmary and run a few tests. Is that all right? Lauren: She's afraid it's going to hurt. Bashir: It won't hurt. I promise. Lauren: You're in good hands. Very good hands. Don't get your hopes up, Julian. It's over between the two of us. I have a new man in my life. That gorgeous little Ferengi. Bashir: Nog? Lauren: Jealous? That's so sweet. Patrick: Hurry back. Bashir: Sarina's cerebral cortex was genetically enhanced in order to accelerate the rate at which she can process information. Now, the only problem is, her visual and auditory systems can't channel the stimuli into the cortex fast enough. So because they're out of sync, she can't focus on what's going on around her. O'Brien: Well, is there any way to get her sensory processes up to speed? Bashir: I need to stimulate the growth of new synapses in the thalamus. Which means I have to manipulate neural proteins at a subatomic level. O'Brien: Then you've got a problem. This is the most advanced neurocortical probe made, and it's not nearly that accurate. Bashir: Now you know why I asked you down here. O'Brien: I wish I could help you, Julian, but at resolutions that small, quantum fluctuations are impossible to control. And I can't make this thing any more accurate. Bashir: How can you say that before you've even tried it? O'Brien: I'm sorry, Julian. It can't be done. I'm sorry. Bashir: Well sorry just isn't good enough, Miles. This is Sarina's only chance at living a normal life. O'Brien: Julian, I can't break the laws of physics. Nobody can. Jack: Your friend was right. You can't break the laws of physics. All: But you can bend them! Jack: We recalibrated the imaging diodes. It is so accurate that you could clip the wings of an angel dancing on the head of a pin. If you wanted to. Bashir: Anything? Bashir: Sarina? Now just how am I supposed to know you understand me if you don't give me some sign? Anything. it doesn't matter how small. Bashir: It's been five days now, and she's as unresponsive as she was before the procedure. Ezri: I know you're disappointed, Julian, but you did everything that you could. Bashir: Well, it wasn't enough. Ezri: I'm sorry. Obviously you want to punish yourself. Do you want help? Because I'm really good at punishing myself. Let's see. If I were you, I'd be kicking myself for making promises I couldn't keep. For getting people's hopes up. For being arrogant enough to think that I could help Sarina even though dozens of other doctors have failed. Should I keep going? Bashir: No, that just about covers it. Thanks. Ezri: Glad I could help. What is it? Bashir: I'm not sure. Bashir: Excuse me. Sarina? What are you looking at? Sarina: Everything. You heard me. I thought something and you heard it. Bashir: Sarina, you spoke. Bashir: Sarina, come and sit down. I need to run a few tests. Ezri: What is it? Sarina: Listen. It's nice. Bashir: You're right. I hadn't noticed that before. That's a little odd. Her norepinephrine levels are slightly elevated. Ezri: What's causing it? Bashir: I'm not sure. Sarina: It's probably due to limbic overcompensation. The levels should drop when the new thalamic connections stabilize. Bashir: You're right, I think. Sarina: I was listening when you were telling the nurses about the procedure. I kept thinking that I wanted to thank you for what you were trying to do for me, and now I finally can. Thank you. Patrick: Did you move this? Jack: Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Lauren: Would you leave him alone. Patrick, it's where it's supposed to be. Patrick: Oh. Sarina: Hello, everyone. Patrick: Did you hear what she said? Did you hear that? Lauren: I don't think I've heard a more beautiful sound in my life. Jack: It was my idea to bring you here. Patrick: We missed you. Lauren: You look so different. Jack: Aren't you going to thank me? Patrick: Did the surgery hurt? Sarina: There's so much I want to say to all of you. Jack: Why are you talking like that? Lauren: Quiet. Jack: There's so much I want to say to all of you. There's so much I want to say to all of you. Bashir: Jack! Sarina: No, he's right. I can hear the way I sound. Bashir: Don't worry, it's only temporary. It just takes a little practice. Jack: Practice! Ah, practice. Good idea. Listen to this, Sarina. Do ray mi fa so la ti do. Sarina: Do ray mi fa so la ti do. Jack: Are you tone deaf? Lauren: You're the one who's tone deaf. Do ray mi fa so la ti do. Sarina: Do ray mi fa so la ti do. Lauren: Much better. Jack: Do ray mi fa so la ti. Lauren: Do ray mi fa so la ti. Sarina: Do ray mi fa so la ti. Patrick: Do. Jack: Let's improvise. Lauren. Lauren: Do ray me do ray me. Jack: Do ray me do ray me. Lauren: Fa mi ray Patrick: Fa mi ray do. Sarina: Do ray me do ray me fa Lauren: Do ray me do ray me fa. Patrick: Fa me ray do. Jack: Fa me ray do. Jack: Molto allegro. Bashir: It was amazing. Within a few minutes, Sarina's voice just took off. That kind of improvement usually takes weeks of speech therapy. O'Brien: That is amazing. Julian Bashir: So she was exhausted. I took her back to the Infirmary. I needed to monitor her neural activity anyway while she sleeps. But I still can't get over that transformation. Yesterday, she was silent as a stone. Today, she's singing and laughing. You should've seen her, Miles. O'Brien: How could I? I've been sitting here all night. Bashir: Is it Thursday? O'Brien: Why I else would I be sitting here all night? Bashir: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. O'Brien: It's all right. Morn caught me up on how his seventeen brothers and sisters are doing. I'd better head off. I've got an early start in the morning. Bashir: I'm sorry about the mix-up, Miles. O'Brien: It's all right. I'm happy for her. I'm happy for both of you. Bashir: Sarina, what are you doing here? How did you get in? Sarina: It wasn't hard. Your access code only has six digits. Bashir: Is something wrong? Sarina: I couldn't sleep. Bashir: My nurse could have given you something. Sarina: I don't want to sleep. Bashir: Why not? Sarina: What if I wake up the way I was? What if I can't Bashir: It's not going to happen. Your life's going to be different now. Your future is full of possibilities. You know, you're going to be doing things that you haven't even dreamed of. There's really no reason to be afraid. Sarina? Sarina: Good morning. Bashir: Morning. Sarina: You didn't account for the L two codon. Bashir: What? Sarina: That's why the virus mutated. You need to target the RNA transcriptor. Hungry? Bashir: The L two codon. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? Sarina, you're amazing. I've been working on this for months. Sarina: You would've seen it sooner or later. Bashir: I don't know about that. Thank you. Sarina: I'm glad I could do something for you. You've done so much for me. Nurse: Infirmary to Doctor Bashir. Bashir: Go ahead. Nurse: Doctor Girani's asking for your assistance in surgery, sir. Bashir: I'm on my way. Well, it looks like I'm going to be tied up for the next few hours. What would you like to do in the meantime? Would you like a tour of the station? I can ask Ezri to show you around. Sarina: That's all right. I think I'll go see Jack and the others. Bashir: All right. I'll have someone take you to the cargo bay. And when I'm finished with surgery, I'll join you there. Sarina: Oh, wait. You need your breakfast. Bashir: Thank you. Jack: The fact is that the universe is going to stop expanding and it is going to collapse in on itself. We've got to do something before it's too late. Patrick: How much time do we have left? Jack: Sixty trillion years, seventy at the most. Patrick: Oh, no. Lauren: Isn't Nog handsome? Jack: What are you doing? We are running out of time! Jack: Sarina, thank God! Nobody else around here ever listens to me. Sarina: What is it, Jack? What's wrong? Jack: There's too much matter. The universe is too heavy for its own good. Lauren: You need to lighten the load. Jack: Yes, yes, yes, exactly. We have to find some way to decrease the mass. Sarina: Of the entire universe? Jack: That's the whole point. Sarina: Is that possible? Patrick: That's what we're trying to figure out, Sarina. Lauren: What if we found a way to manipulate subspace? Jack: Change the cosmological constant. Patrick: That would do the trick. Sarina: You can't change the cosmological constant. Jack: You know something, Sarina? We are trying to save existence as we know it, and all you can do is criticize! Sarina: I'm sorry. Jack: Thank you. Now, where were we? Patrick: Manipulating subspace. Jack: Right. Right. Jack: Doctor! Glad you're here. Bashir: Is she all right? Jack: Sarina, are you all right? She's fine. Listen, you have to talk to Starfleet for us. We need subspace field generators, lots of them. Bashir: Can we talk about it later? Jack: Later? There isn't going to be a later, later. Now, once we get the field generators Bashir: Sarina? Sarina: Hi. Bashir: Is something wrong? Sarina: No. They're used to my being quiet. It's easier this way. Lauren: Could be very messy. Bashir: Some of my friends want to get together a little later on at Quark's, and I was wondering if you'd like to come along. Sarina: Me? Bashir: Do you want to? Jack: When should we be ready? Bashir: Er. Lauren: Oh, we're not invited, Jack. Just her. Jack: Figures. Patrick: That doesn't seem fair. Lauren: It's all right. Come on, Sarina. Let's get you dressed. Lauren: Sorry to keep you waiting. Come on out. Come on. Lauren: Am I good, or am I good? Sarina: Look at all the people. Ezri: There they are. O'Brien: I didn't remember her being so Odo: Beautiful? Bashir: Everyone, this is Sarina. Sarina, this is everyone. Odo: Odo. Kira: Nerys. O'Brien: I'm Miles. Sarina: I remember you. You're Julian's best friend. O'Brien: Well, we get on all right. Bashir: For the most part. Sarina: Why are you pretending that it's not true? Ezri: Because they're men. And men have trouble expressing their feelings. Sarina: You don't. Kira: Oh, are you kidding? Odo never talks about his feelings. Sarina: He took your hand. He's showing you his feelings. Odo: Thank you. O'Brien: Julian, why don't you show everybody how much you love me and order the next round. Bashir: Hey, Broik. Sarina: I liked your friends. All of them. If I had to find someone to replace Atlas and hold up the world, it'd be Miles. He'd do it with a smile, too. And Kira, she never doubts herself, which is what Odo finds so fascinating because he doubts everything but her. Bashir: What about Ezri? Sarina: The day she realizes she's more than just the sum of her parts, she's really going to be something. Bashir: I can't believe you saw all that after just a few hours with them. I'm going to have to start putting on my poker face. Sarina: Too late. You've already given yourself away. Bashir: Is that right? And how would you describe me? Sarina: Compassionate. Brilliant. Lonely. Bashir: Well, two out of three isn't bad. Sarina: Which two? Bashir: Now that would be telling. I'm glad you liked my friends. I know they liked you. Sarina: I felt so comfortable around them. I didn't have to worry that someone was going to throw a tantrum, or break into tears all of a sudden. Bashir: They only usually do that at staff meetings. Sarina: Jack's always talking about how we're better than normal people. He says that's why they keep us locked up. But he's wrong. He couldn't get by in the real world. He'd get himself into too much trouble. So would Lauren and Patrick. Bashir: That's why they belong in the Institute. In fact, Doctor Loews wants me to get them back there as soon as possible. Sarina: I'm not going with them, am I. Bashir: You don't belong there. Not anymore. Sarina: Do they know? Bashir: Not yet. Sarina: They've been like a family to me for as long as I can remember. Bashir: I know how much you care about them. Sarina: As difficult as they can be sometimes, I'm going to miss them. We had our own little world, just the four of us. So, what's a genetically enhanced girl supposed to do when she wakes up from a long sleep? Point to one of those little specks of light out there, pack her bag, and go make a life for herself? Bashir: Why does she have to go anywhere at all? Bashir: Sarina isn't going back to the Institute with you. Patrick: She's not? Bashir: No. She's staying here. Lauren: Oh really? Huh. How nice for you. Bashir: I've arranged for her to have her own quarters. Patrick: We're never going to see her again. Jack: You have no right to do this. No right! Bashir: Look, I know you're going to miss her, but it's the best thing for Sarina. Jack: We did not help you so you could take her away from us! Bashir: Stop thinking about yourself for a second, Jack, and think about her. Face it. She doesn't belong with you anymore. Jack: Why? Because we're not normal? Because we're crazy? Bashir: Oh, Jack. Patrick: Couldn't you make us normal like you did for Sarina, and then we could all stay together. Lauren: Go on, Julian. Tell him. There's nothing you can do for us. We're too far gone. Jack: Oh, who wants to be normal anyway? We're better than they are. You don't see any of them trying to save the universe from collapsing, do you? Let's get back to work. Bashir: Well, they took it rather hard. Sarina: I should go talk to them. Bashir: In the morning. Give them a little time to get used to the idea. Come on, I've got just the thing to cheer you up. All: Dabo! O'Brien: She's unbelievable! Bashir: Tell him how you do it. Go on. Sarina: It has to do with a series of binomial equations and probability factors. Bashir: Explain how you track the dependent variables. Sarina: It's really not that interesting. All: Dabo! Quark: Well, hasn't this been fun. Why not take a seat and top off the evening with a lovely bottle of spring wine? Sarina: Should we? Bashir: He's just wants you to stop playing so he doesn't lose any more money. Quark: Did I mention that the wine was on the house? Ezri: Julian, let's sit down. Bashir: But she's winning. Sarina: I've played enough. Quark: This way. This way. Excuse me please. Excuse me. Ezri, over here. All: Dabo! Bashir: Sarina? This way. Sarina: Julian, would you mind if we left? Bashir: I'm sorry. I thought you were having a good time. Sarina: Oh, I was. But there was so much commotion. Maybe I'm just tired. Bashir: I'll tell you what. Tomorrow night why don't we have a nice quiet dinner in my quarters. I have a week's leave coming up. I thought we might go to Risa together, get away from all the distractions around here, spend a little time alone. Sarina: All right. Bashir: I'll let you get some rest then. Bashir: She's wonderful, Miles. I've never met anyone like her. She's brilliant, sweet, everything's new to her. Being with her is so refreshing. She takes such delight in what she's experiencing. It makes me appreciate things I usually take for granted. O'Brien: Like hot coffee? Bashir: Like coffee. Music. The way the stars shine. O'Brien: What is wrong with this thing? Bashir: Are you listening to me? O'Brien: Yes. Yeah. Coffee, music, stars. Bashir: Well, don't you have anything to say? O'Brien: As a matter of fact, I do, Julian. I haven't seen you like this for a long time, and I'm really happy for you. But don't you think it's all happening a little fast? Bashir: We're genetically engineered. We do everything fast. O'Brien: Julian, she's your patient. Bashir: Not anymore. I've asked Doctor Girani to take over her care. Miles, I don't think you understand what this means to me. All these years I've had to hide the fact that my DNA had been resequenced. I'd listen to people talk about the genetically engineered, saying they were all misfits. I used to fantasize about meeting someone who was like me, who could live a normal life. But it never happened. Until Sarina. Don't you see? She's the woman I've been waiting for all my life. O'Brien: Good luck. Bashir: Computer, music. Something romantic. Bashir: Computer, locate Sarina Douglas. Computer: Sarina Douglas is in her quarters on the Habitat ring corridor H six section twenty seven epsilon. Bashir: Sarina, it's me. Computer, override door locks. Authorization Bashir delta five seven alpha. Bashir: I've been waiting in my quarters for you. Sarina? Is something wrong? Sarina. Bashir: Apparently the thalamic pathways I generated are still functioning, but Doctor Girani's not detected any neural activity in them. Ezri: Do you have any idea what's wrong? Bashir: Not a clue. It's as if she were just slipping away and there's nothing I can do but wait and hope she pulls out of it. Girani: You can go in now. Bashir: Sarina? Don't be afraid. Everything's going to be all right. I'm not going to give up on you. Ever. Bashir: I don't know what's wrong with her. I need your help. Jack: Why should we help you? You just want to steal her away from us. Bashir: Look at her. Do you really want her to spend the rest of her life like this? I've been trying to find a way to reach her, but I can't. Maybe there isn't one. All I'm asking is that you try. The three of you know her better than anyone else. Please. I don't want to lose her. Lauren: All right, Julian. Leave her here with us for a while. We'll see what we can do. Bashir: Thank you. Jack: Are you sure? Patrick: I'm sure. Lauren: We have to tell him. Jack: Why? This way we can all stay together. Lauren: Let's go. Jack: This way. Lauren: That way. Patrick: I think we passed it. Officer: Can I help you? Patrick: That's a stupid question. Bashir: Come in. Lauren: We have to talk to you. Bashir: About Sarina? Jack: Tell him. Patrick: She can still talk, it's just that she's afraid to. Bashir: I don't understand. What's she afraid of? Lauren: We don't know. Jack: But we think it has something to do with you. Bashir: I'm going to go talk to her. Stay here. Bashir: Sarina, talk to me. Please. I know you can. What's wrong? Is it me? If it is, don't be afraid. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it right because I love you. I want us to be together. Tell me, do you love me? Sarina: I don't know. I don't even understand what love is. I don't understand anything. Bashir: Sarina. Sarina: What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to feel? Tell me. I want to make you happy. I owe you everything. Bashir: Shh. No, you don't owe me. You don't owe me anything. Sarina: I'm sorry. I wish I could be the woman you want me to be. Bashir: Shh. O'Brien: Morning. Is she gone? Bashir: Her shuttle leaves in a few minutes. O'Brien: What about the others? Bashir: They left for the Institute this morning. O'Brien: I understand you've arranged a position for Sarina at the Corgal Research Center. Bashir: Yeah, an internship. She's going to work under one of the scientists there, live with his family. O'Brien: You okay? Bashir: How could I have been so blind? What was I thinking trying to move things along so fast? She needed time. I didn't give it to her. I came this close to driving her back inside herself. I'm supposed to be a doctor. I'm supposed to put my patient's needs above my own. O'Brien: You didn't want to be lonely anymore. Nobody does. I have to go to work. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Keiko's making tempura. Bashir: No thanks. Bashir: So here you are, on your way to one of those tiny little specks of light out there. Sarina: I guess that's what a genetically enhanced girl should do when she wakes up from her sleep. Go make a life for herself. I'm going to miss you. Bashir: I'm going to miss you. Sarina: You won't forget me? Bashir: Forget you? Never. Computer: Final boarding call. Sarina: Well, I'd better go.

Kira: A little lower. Lower. Lower. Odo: How's that? Odo: I hope this taught you a lesson. Kira: What's that? Odo: Never play springball against a changeling. Kira: Just for that, next time I'm not going to let you win a single game. Odo: Then you'd better work on your backhand. Kira: Right now, all I want to do is sleep for two or three days. Odo: Go right ahead, I should be back by the time you wake up. Kira: Back? From where? Odo: I received a coded message from Gul Russol this morning. Kira: Gul Russol? I thought he was executed when Cardassia joined the Dominion. Odo: So did I, but apparently we were wrong. The message says he wants to meet with me. Kira: Why? Odo: I don't know, but he's my most reliable Cardassian informant. Kira: You mean he was. What if Russol is dead and this is just a trap? Odo: I've thought about that, but I have to be sure. I owe him that much. Kira: Want me to come with you? Odo: Russol insists I come alone. Don't worry, Nerys. I'll be careful. Kira: Worried? Ha. This just gives me more time to work on my backhand. Quark: Chief, how much longer is the Promenade going to be closed? My bar is empty, my waiters are bored and I'm losing money. O'Brien: Leave me alone, Quark or I'll feed you to one of those plasma conductors. Quark: Are you threatening me? Nog: We're working as fast as we can. Quark: As spokesman for the Promenade Merchant's Association, I'm going to file an official protest with Captain Sisko. Sisko: Put it in writing, Quark. Quark: I'll go find a PADD. Sisko: So, how much longer, Chief? O'Brien: Well, we should be through here by the end of the day, sir. Sisko: Oh, I'm not talking about the Promenade, I'm talking about the Defiant. When is the gravity net going to be repaired? The last time I stepped onto the bridge, I felt ten kilos heavier. O'Brien: I'm afraid it's going to take some time. Sisko: How much time? O'Brien: About three weeks. We have to replace the graviton stabilizer. Sisko: You have three days. I'm going to take the Defiant back out on patrol and I don't want my crew getting queasy because the gravity keeps fluctuating. O'Brien: But sir, the sector quartermaster said it would take three weeks to get us a new stabilizer. Sisko: That is your problem, Chief. Now, I'm leaving for Bajor for a conference and I want that stabilizer replaced by the time I get back. Do I make myself clear? O'Brien: Yes, sir. Nog: I don't want to sound negative, but I don't see how you're going to get the Defiant ready in three days. O'Brien: Neither do I. Nog: This quartermaster you've been dealing with, what's his name? O'Brien: Chief, Chief, Chief Willoughby. Nog: I mean his first name. O'Brien: I don't know. Nog: Is he married? O'Brien: Married? What does that have to do with getting us a graviton stabilizer? Nog: Everything. This Chief Willoughby must get hundreds of supply requisitions every day. He can't possibly fill them all, so he puts everyone on a waiting list. O'Brien: I know how he feels. I do the same thing. Nog: Well, the secret is getting him to put you at the top of that list. The best way to do that is to form a relationship with him. Get to know the name of his wife, his children, find out what he likes to eat O'Brien: I don't have time to form a relationship with Willoughby. Nog: I do. I can get you that stabilizer, Chief. O'Brien: In three days? Nog: Leave everything to me. O'Brien: All right, butt don't do anything I wouldn't do. Nog: Chief, I can't operate under those kinds of restrictions. O'Brien: At least promise me you won't do anything to get us court-martialed. Nog: I'll try. O'Brien: Nog! Nog: Just kidding, Chief. Odo: Russol? Russol. Weyoun: I'm afraid he couldn't be here. Odo: Weyoun. Weyoun: Founder. It is an honor to stand in your presence once again. Odo: Where's Gul Russol? Weyoun: I'm afraid the Cardassian Central Command had him put to death almost a year ago. I regret having to deceive you, but it was the only way I could think of to get you here. Odo: Well, I'm here. What do you want? Weyoun: To serve you. I no longer consider myself a member of the Dominion. Odo: You're defecting? Weyoun: Do with me as you wish. I place my fate entirely in your hands. Weyoun: You don't believe me, do you? Odo: I believe Gul Russol is dead. You say you're defecting from the Dominion. Why? Weyoun: Founder, please. Odo: I've told you before I'm not a Founder. Weyoun: As you wish. Odo, I'll tell you everything you want to know but first, we really should get aboard your runabout. The Jem'Hadar are already hunting for me and if I'm found Odo: You haven't answered my question. Why did you decide to defect? Weyoun: I realized my place is with you. Odo: You can do better than that. Weyoun: Then let's just say I left Cardassia because my life was in danger. Odo: From whom? Weyoun: Everyone. Odo: Aren't you being a little paranoid? Weyoun: Of course I'm paranoid. Everyone's trying to kill me. Odo: Why? Weyoun: Because this war with the Federation was supposed to have been won months ago. Odo: Well, things don't always turn out as planned. Weyoun: Quite true. And when things go wrong, someone has to take the blame. And this time, it's me. Now we really should be going. Think about it, Odo. The information I possess could help the Federation win this war. Odo: And you're willing to share that information? Weyoun: All you have to do is ask. Odo: We've heard rumors that the Dominion has established a new Ketracel White storage facility somewhere in Sector five zero seven. Weyoun: The facility's located in the Pelosa system. I can supply you with the exact coordinates. Odo: Odo to the Rio Grande. Two to beam up. Odo: Sit here where I can keep an eye on you. Weyoun: If it makes you feel better. But you should know I would never harm a god. Odo: I'm not a god, I'm a security officer. As far as I'm concerned, you're just another prisoner. Weyoun: You have no idea how much it hurts me to hear you say that. Nog: I spoke to Edgar. O'Brien: Edgar who? Nog: Your new best friend, Chief Edgar Willoughby. He wanted me to thank you for that bottle of Gamzian wine you sent him. O'Brien: I didn't send him any wine. Nog: I took the liberty of sending it for you. By the way, his wife's name is Cynthia. They have a daughter, Melissa, age eight and a son, Edgar junior, aged five. O'Brien: Did you get the stabilizer? Nog: Not quite. O'Brien: What do you mean, not quite? Nog: Unfortunately, he's out of stabilizers and won't be getting a new shipment for another week. O'Brien: That's it. I'm doomed. Nog: Not necessarily. Eddie told me the USS Sentinel has an extra stabilizer. O'Brien: What makes you think they're going to give it to us? Nog: I didn't say they were going to give it to us. But they might be willing to trade for it. O'Brien: Trade? For what? Nog: Depends on what they need and what we have. O'Brien: Well, I suppose it doesn't hurt to try. But remember, be diskreet. Nog: Rule of Acquisition one sixty eight, whisper your way to success. O'Brien: Words to live by. Nog: Chief, one more thing. I need your authorisation code. O'Brien: What for? Nog: The shipping orders. O'Brien: Bring them to me and I'll authorize them. Nog: I just thought it would save time. When did you say the Captain was going to be back? Nog: Stop looking so worried, Chief. I've got it all under control. O'Brien: I sure hope so. Odo: I wish you'd stop doing that. Weyoun: Doing what? Odo: Staring at me. Weyoun: Was I? I didn't mean to. Odo: You've been doing it for the last ten hours. Weyoun: I'm sorry. It's just such an honor to be sitting here with a security officer. Odo: We're being hailed. Weyoun: Don't respond. Odo: It's a Cardassian transmission. Weyoun: Scramble the comm. frequencies so they can't lock onto us. Odo: I'm trying. Weyoun7: Founder. It's an honor to speak with you once again. You look surprised to see me, Odo. Odo: I'm well aware the Vorta are all clones, but I'm not sure the universe is ready for two Weyouns. Weyoun7: I couldn't agree more. Odo: So which of you is the Weyoun I've had the misfortune of dealing with over the past few years? Weyoun: Actually, neither of us. Weyoun7: That was Weyoun Five. Our illustrious predecessor was killed a month ago. Weyoun: And I had the honor of replacing him. Weyoun7: What a sad day that was Weyoun7: For the Dominion. Weyoun Five was a great man. A true patriot. His death in a transporter accident was most unfortunate. Weyoun: And still under investigation. Damar: A very thorough investigation that has found no evidence of foul play. Odo: Interesting, So if you're Weyoun Six, you must be Seven. Damar: Clones. Keeping track of them is a full time job. Odo: And why were you activated if he's still alive? Weyoun7: Normally I wouldn't have been, but when a clone is found to be defective Weyoun: I'm not defective! Weyoun7: Of course Weyoun7: You are. What other explanation is there for your behavior? Leaving your post. Defecting to the enemy. Weyoun: Are you calling Odo your enemy? Weyoun7: Absolutely not. Weyoun7: I was referring to the Federation, as you're well aware. Damar: Enough bickering. Order him to trigger his implant. Weyoun7: I was getting to that. Odo: What implant? Weyoun: Like all Vorta, I have a termination implant in my brain stem. Weyoun7: Prove your loyalty to the Founders. Activate it. Weyoun: The only Founder I'm loyal to is Odo, and he wants me alive. Damar: I told you it was a waste of time to try to reason with him. You're a dead man, whether you activate that implant or not. That ship will never make it back to Deep Space Nine. Weyoun7: Founder, there's really no need for you to be involved in this petty dispute. If you'll just hold your position until one of our ships can reach you Odo: I have no intention of releasing my prisoner to you. Weyoun7: If you don't, I can't be responsible for the consequences. Weyoun: That's an empty threat. He wouldn't dare harm a Founder. Damar: Maybe he won't, but I will. Think it over, Shape shifter. One of our attack ships is on the way. Weyoun: Forgive me, Odo I should've told you the truth about myself. Odo: Well, it's not too late to start. Why did you defect? Weyoun: It's simple really. From the moment I was activated, I felt this war was wrong. Please don't misunderstand me, I still worship the Founders, but I believe their obsession with conquering the Alpha Quadrant is misguided. It's time they learned to live in peace with the Solids. I know it's not my place to question the Founders. Maybe Weyoun Seven is right. I am defective. Odo: On the contrary. What you're saying about the war, about the Founders, makes perfect sense. Weyoun: I want to thank you, Odo, for the way you stood up for me, protected me. Odo: Well don't let it go to your head. I'd do the same for any prisoner. Weyoun: Of course you would. You're a god. Weyoun7: To think a Weyoun could be capable of such treachery. Damar: I knew there was something wrong with him from the moment we met. He lacked your appetite for cruelty. Weyoun7: He's a disgrace to me and all Vorta. Though I suppose he can't be held completely responsible for his behavior. The Vorta cloning process is a very delicate one. Every once in a while a clone is found to be defective. It's never happened to a Weyoun before, but it does happen. And speaking of treachery, there is still the little matter of the death of Weyoun Five. Damar: You really believe I had something to do with that? Weyoun7: You were supposed to be on that transporter pad with him. Damar: I was called away. An urgent meeting with the Central Command. Weyoun7: How convenient. Damar: I always was lucky. Are you sure I can't interest you in a glass of kanar? Weyoun7: I'm afraid our problems won't be washed away quite that easily. Damar: I don't know what you're so concerned about. Odo couldn't possibly hope to outrun a Jem'Hadar attack ship. Weyoun7: But what if he refuses to hand over his prisoner? Damar: Then he'll die. Weyoun7: He will not. We can't kill a Founder. I forbid it. Damar: Unless we stop them, Odo is going to take your predecessor back to the Federation, where he will undoubtedly reveal all he knows, all you know, about our strategic operations. You know what that means, don't you? Weyoun7: It means we could lose the war. Damar: That's right. And I will not allow that to happen. Cardassia has risked too much, suffered too much. I will not stand by and let all of our plans, all of our dreams for the future, end in defeat just to spare the life of one Shape shifter. Weyoun7: I don't believe the Jem'Hadar would want to fire on Odo, even if they were ordered to. Damar: They don't need to know he's on board. You simply order them to destroy the runabout. Weyoun7: I suppose it could work. But if the Founders ever found out that we were responsible for Odo's death. Damar: Who's going to tell them? Weyoun7: Odo doesn't even consider himself a Founder. Damar: Then we agree. The runabout must be destroyed. Excellent. Now I really think you should try a little kanar. O'Brien: Morning, Lieutenant. Ezri: I'd make myself scarce if I were you. O'Brien: Why? Kira: Chief! In here now. Ezri: I tried to warn you. Kira: Do you mind explaining this? O'Brien: Where's the Captain's desk? Kira: Oh, you don't know? This is your authorisation code, isn't it? O'Brien: Nog. Kira: What about him? O'Brien: Well, he must have traded the Captain's desk for the graviton stabilizer. Kira: Excuse me? O'Brien: Don't worry, Colonel. I will get the desk back. Kira: You're damn right you will. The Captain is returning from Bajor in two days, and when he does, I want his desk sitting right here where it belongs. Nog: Don't worry, Chief. I didn't give away the Captain's desk. I just loaned it to someone. O'Brien: Who? Nog: Al Lorenzo. O'Brien: Who's Al Lorenzo? Nog: The Chief of Operations on Decos Prime. O'Brien: What does he want with the Captain's desk? Nog: He wants to take a picture of it. O'Brien: Why? Nog: He likes to collect holophotos of himself sitting behind the desks of famous Starfleet captains. Usually he just sneaks into their offices, but with the war on it's been hard for him to get away. O'Brien: Ha. Well that makes sense. Nog: He's got quite a collection. Captain DeSoto's desk, Captain Picard's desk. O'Brien: Okay, fine. So once he has his picture, he's going to send us the graviton stabilizer? Nog: No. He's giving us an induction modulator. O'Brien: But we don't need an induction modulator. Nog: But the USS Musashi does. O'Brien: Ah. So the Musashi's going to send us the stabilizer. Nog: No, they're giving us a phaser emitter. O'Brien: We don't need a phaser emitter. Nog: I know, but the USS Sentinel does, and they have the extra stabilizer. O'Brien: And they're willing to give it up for a phaser emitter? Nog: That's the rumor. O'Brien: Rumor? You've made all of these deals based on a rumor? Nog: From a very reliable source. O'Brien: But what if it turns out not to be true? Nog: You have to have faith, Chief. O'Brien: In a rumor? Nog: No, in the Great Material Continuum. O'Brien: Who are they? Nog: It's not a they, it's the force that binds the universe together. O'Brien: I must have missed that class in Engineering School. Nog: On Ferenginar, we learn about the Continuum while we still have our first set of ears. O'Brien: This is no time for Ferengi fairy tales. Nog: The Continuum is real. You see, there are millions upon millions of worlds in the universe, each one filled with too much of one thing and not enough of another. And the Great Continuum flows through them all like a mighty river, from have to want and back again. And if we navigate the Continuum with skill and grace, our ship will be filled with everything our hearts desire. O'Brien: Right now, I'd settle for a stabilizer and the Captain's desk. Nog: The river will provide. O'Brien: If it doesn't sink us first. Weyoun: Odo? Odo: What's wrong? Weyoun: I think I was dreaming. Odo: Sounded more like a nightmare. Weyoun: I was on Earth, Starfleet Headquarters. I was supposed to report for my debriefing, but I couldn't find the right office. Then I started calling your name, but you didn't answer. And then suddenly I was being chased by some Jem'Hadar. Or were they Klingons? Silly, isn't it? Odo: Not at all. It isn't easy to turn your back on your own people. Believe me, I know. Weyoun: Odo, do you think Starfleet would allow you to conduct my debriefing? Odo: Possibly. Weyoun: It would make it much easier. Weyoun: What is it? Odo: Trouble. Weyoun: I can't believe they're firing on us. Odo: Trust me, they are. Weyoun: But the Jem'Hadar would never obey an order to harm a Founder. Odo: Maybe they finally got it through their head that I'm not a Founder. Weyoun: Or they don't know who they're firing at. We've got to let them know you're on board. Odo: They're jamming all the frequencies. I can't get through. Weyoun: They've been ordered not to communicate with us. Odo: Damar said he was determined not to let us get back to the station. Weyoun: See if you can get above them. Odo: Why? Weyoun: I'll explain later. Just do it. Odo: What now? Weyoun: Lock phasers on their dorsal field junction. Their shields are weakest there. Odo: Well, congratulations. You just saved our lives. Weyoun: And murdered loyal servants of the Dominion. May the Founders forgive me. Odo: Has it ever occurred to you that the reason you believe the Founders are gods is because that's what they want you to believe? That they built that into your genetic code? Weyoun: Of course they did. That's what gods do. After all, why be a god if there's no one to worship you? O'Brien: Rom, where's Nog? Rom: I don't know, Chief. Nog left the station a couple of hours ago in a runabout. O'Brien: Who gave him permission to use a runabout? Rom: You did. O'Brien: I never should've given him my authorisation code. Did he say when he'd be back? Rom: Not to me. O'Brien: How could he do this to me? How could he leave me adrift, mid-river without a paddle? Rom: What river would that be? O'Brien: You know, the Great Material Continuum. Rom: Oh. That river. It can be very treacherous. O'Brien: Tell me about it. I suppose the good news is with Nog gone, nothing else can go missing. Martok: Where are my cases of bloodwine! Worf: I do not know, General. But I promise you I will find out. Damar: I don't understand it. How could a runabout destroy a Jem'Hadar fighter? Weyoun7: Isn't it obvious? My predecessor must have helped Odo get past the ship's defenses. Damar: Then how do we stop them? Weyoun7: How else? Send more ships. Send a whole battalion if necessary, from our base at Olmerak. Damar: Consider it done. Weyoun7: Remember to tell them to fire on sight. Founder: Fire at whom? Weyoun7: Founder, how may I serve you? Founder: By answering my question. Damar: We spotted a Federation runabout spying on our base in the Olmerak system. Founder: Surely one ship shouldn't be much of a threat. Weyoun7: We'll have it destroyed within the hour. Damar: Are you feeling all right? Founder: Why do you ask? Damar: Your face. Founder: I'm fine. But from now on, I want the temperature in these rooms lowered by fifteen degrees. I do not share the Cardassians' love of heat. Weyoun7: Nor do I. Lower the temperature. Damar: As you wish. Weyoun7: Is there anything else I can do for you? Founder: Have you located Weyoun Six? Weyoun7: It's only a matter of time. Founder: So you keep saying. Weyoun7: I assure you, Founder. He will be dealt with. Damar: Did you notice her face? How parched it looked? Weyoun7: You heard her. These rooms are too hot. Damar: I wonder. I'm telling you she's not well. Weyoun7: She's not the Founder you should be worried about. Contact Olmerak and order those ships to intercept the runabout. Weyoun: That was filling. Odo: I would hope so. You sampled the replicator's entire menu. Weyoun: I enjoyed the different textures. Odo: You mean tastes, don't you? Weyoun: Not at all. The Vorta sense of taste is quite limited. About the only foods we really enjoy are kava nuts and rippleberries. Odo: Ah. I take it this is also a result of your genetic programming? Weyoun: It's the Founders' way of making sure we remember our past. You must know the story of how the Founders created the Vorta? Odo: No, but I have the feeling you're going to tell me all about it. Weyoun: The Vorta used to be quite different from what we are today. We were forest dwellers. Small, timid, ape-like creatures living in hollowed out trees. Odo: Eating nuts and berries. Weyoun: And living in fear of the many predators that would hunt us for food. One day, a wounded changeling came stumbling through the forest fleeing from a mob of angry solids. Odo: Why were they chasing him? Weyoun: What does it matter? Solids have always feared and distrusted shape-shifters, you know that. Well, a family of Vorta hid the changeling from his pursuers. And in return for saving his life, the changeling promised the Vorta that one day we would be transformed into powerful beings. That we would become an important part of a great new empire that would stretch across the Galaxy. Odo: And the changeling kept his word. Weyoun: That's right. Imagine, Odo. My people were once little more than apes, and look at us now. Look at what you've done for us. Odo: If the story were true, it would at least prove that my people are capable of generosity and kindness. Weyoun: You care about your people very much, don't you, Odo? In spite of all that's happened between you. Odo: Maybe I do, but that doesn't change the fact that they're responsible for a war that's killed millions. Weyoun: Odo, there's something you need to know. A sickness has spread throughout the Great Link. The Founders are dying. I was summoned to a meeting by the female changeling. She wanted to discuss troop deployments with me, and suddenly her hands began to shrivel. It lasted only a second or two, but over the last few weeks, it's happened a number of times. It's like she's withering. Odo: And you're sure the other changelings are also infected? Weyoun: She said the entire Link is suffering from the disease. Odo: Everyone but me. Weyoun: If they're unable to find a cure, you'll be the last of your kind. Odo: Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Weyoun: Because I knew how much it would hurt you. I'm sorry to bring you such sad news. But at least you're not infected. The Dominion will survive. Odo: Meaning what? Weyoun: Think about it, Odo. You have an opportunity to rectify the mistakes your people have made. To build a new Dominion based on cooperation, not conquest. On peace, not war. A new order under your leadership. Odo: And what's your role going to be in this new order? Weyoun: Whatever you want it to be. I wish only to serve you. Odo: All right, and you can start by telling me how one runabout is going to survive an assault by four Jem'Hadar ships. Weyoun: I'm sure you'll think of something. Odo: There's a Kuiper Belt not far from here. We might be able to hide among the comet fragments. But we don't have much time. They're closing fast. Weyoun: These comet fragments are nothing but huge chunks of ice. The Jem'Hadar will have no trouble finding us. Odo: Not if we become the ice. Odo: Well, with the power off and the runabout in thermal contact with the ice, we won't generate enough of an energy signature for their sensors to read. Weyoun: We become the ice. Only a god could think of such a thing. Odo: Well let's just hope the Jem'Hadar give up their search before we freeze to death. Weyoun: My faith will keep me warm. Odo: Perhaps. But in an hour you may want to trade in that faith for a thermal blanket. O'Brien: What do you think? Bashir: It's white. O'Brien: I know it's white. I'm going to paint it. Bashir: It's the wrong shape, it's the wrong height, the wrong width. Other than that, it's perfect. The Captain will never suspect you switched desks on him. O'Brien: Julian, I need help, not sarcasm. Bashir: I'm afraid Nog's the only one who can help you now. O'Brien: If he gets back to the station before the Captain does. Bashir: Maybe he's not coming back. Maybe he'd decided to make a run for it. Kira: That isn't the Captain's desk. Bashir: He's going to paint it. Kira: Get it out of here. Kira: Can I help you, General? Martok: No. But he can. O'Brien: Bloodwine? Martok: Sixteen cases, sent to me by my wife. Now where are they? O'Brien: How should I know? Worf: You authorized their removal. That is your authorisation code, is it not? O'Brien: Nog. Martok: Chief, I want that bloodwine back here by tomorrow. Understood? Weyoun: Odo, when you said you were cutting power to all systems did that include life support? Odo: I'm afraid so. Weyoun: Ah. That explains it. Odo: Explains what? Weyoun: Why I'm having trouble breathing. Odo: We should have enough oxygen left for another three hours. Of course, by then we'll have probably frozen to death. Weyoun: But you can't die. You have to survive to rebuild the Dominion. Weyoun: They've found us. Weyoun: What do we do now? Odo: We can't stay here. Weyoun: You're not going to try to outrun those ships, are you? Odo: What choice do we have? Weyoun: We're on fire. Odo: There's an extinguisher behind you. What are you waiting for? Weyoun: I live only to serve you. Odo: What are you doing? Why'd you activate the comm. system? Weyoun: All right, call off those ships. Weyoun7: Why should I? Weyoun: Because you don't need them anymore. Weyoun Six places his index finger behind his ear and his thumb under his chin, then applies pressure. He collapses. Weyoun: I'm glad to see you've come to your senses. Odo: What have you done? Weyoun7: I've saved your life and the Dominion's as well. Weyoun: He's activated his termination implant and proven himself to be a worthy Vorta at last. Weyoun7: I obey the Founders in all things. Now call off those ships! Damar: We don't know what he told Odo. He may have revealed important tactical Weyoun7: That's a risk we'll just have to take. I've ordered the Jem'Hadar to break off the attack. I see your runabout has suffered some battle damage. Will you require Weyoun7: Any further assistance? Odo: I think you've done enough. Weyoun7: I sincerely regret any inconvenience we may have caused you, Odo. Please have a safe and pleasant journey back to Deep Space Nine. Weyoun: They say voluntary termination is quick and painless. I'm afraid it's not true. Odo: I'll get you a pain suppressor. Weyoun: That won't be necessary but there is one thing you can do for me. Odo: What's that? Weyoun: Give me your blessing. Odo: I can't. Weyoun: Please, Odo. Tell me that I haven't failed, that I've served you well. Odo: You have. And for that you have my gratitude, and my blessing. Bashir: Miles, the Captain's back. O'Brien: I know. He sent for me. Bashir: Good luck. O'Brien: Thanks. Sisko: Ah, Chief. O'Brien: Captain, your desk Sisko: Yes, it looks nice, doesn't it? I came in this morning and found Ensign Nog polishing it. Nog: It was looking a little dull. Sisko: Well, here is the maintenance request from the Gettysburg. It should be docking here later today. That'll be all. O'Brien: Yes, sir. Sisko: Oh, about the stabilizer. O'Brien: Captain, I can explain. Sisko: Don't bother. Ensign Nog told me you were able to get hold of one this morning. O'Brien: I was? I mean I was. Sisko: How long before you can have it online? O'Brien: Er, eight hours. Sisko: I plan to take the Defiant out on patrol in two. O'Brien: Two it is, sir. O'Brien: I don't know how you did it, Nog Nog: I never lost faith in the Great Material Continuum. O'Brien: Like you say, the river will provide. Martok: Chief! O'Brien: The waters just got choppy again. Martok: I wanted you to have this. Consider it an apology. O'Brien: You found the bloodwine. Worf: Not exactly. Ensign Nog returned from his trip with sixteen cases of twenty three oh nine. A very good year. Martok: An even better vintage than the one my wife sent me. O'Brien: Well, I'm glad you approve. Nog: And remember, anytime you're shopping for wines or spirits, my cousin Gant is the man to see. Worf: We will keep that in mind. O'Brien: Your cousin Gant? Nog: Just another sailor on the Great River. By the way, Gant mentioned that he's got ten cases of Saurian brandy. It's the Captain's favorite, you know. O'Brien: Level Five. What does he want for them? Odo: I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face when he died. He seemed so content. Kira: The last thing he saw was one of his gods smiling at him. If you ask me, he was a lucky man. Odo: Nerys, please. Kira: No, listen to me. I know to Starfleet the Prophets are nothing more than wormhole aliens, but to me they're gods. I can't prove it, but then again, I don't have tom because my faith in them is enough. Just as Weyoun's faith in you was enough for him. Odo: Well, now it appears that the Vorta may have to learn to get along without their gods. Kira: I'm sorry. You're worried about your people. Odo: The changelings are dying and I can't help them. They're the enemy. Kira: A very dangerous enemy, now more than ever, because they're also desperate. This isn't easy for you, but you have to remember they started this war, not you. Odo: That's true. But I know now that whichever side wins, one thing is certain. I'm going to lose.

O'Brien: Come on. Santa Anna didn't care about the rules of war. If he'd executed Davy Crockett at the Alamo he would have considered it a point of pride. Bashir: All right. Put it this way. In eighteen thirty six Davy Crockett was what, forty nine? Quite old for the standards of the time. His days as an Indian fighter were well behind him. He was just an ex-Congressman, all reputation. Now this is not a man who was about to fight till his last breath, Miles. The situation was hopeless, he was out of ammunition, the Mexican army was swarming the Alamo's battlements. He would have surrendered. It's as logical as that. Simple. O'Brien: I'm not saying it couldn't have happened. I'm just saying there's no proof. Worf: You are both wrong. The only real question is whether you believe in the legend of Davy Crockett or not. If you do, then there should be no doubt in your mind that he died the death of a hero. If you do not believe in the legend, then he was just a man and it does not matter how he died. Bashir: Well, I guess that settles that. O'Brien: I guess so. Worf: Enter. Kor? Kor: Nuq'nuh, Worf. It's good to see you, my friend. Worf: I welcome you to my home. May I offer you some refreshment? Kor: I would be honored to share a bottle of bloodwine with the Son of Mogh. I heard the news about Jadzia. Worf: She died a warrior. Kor: I expected nothing less. To absent comrades. Twenty three oh nine. Very good. Worf: Sit. Kor: The war goes well for you, Worf? A long list of victories to your credit, I trust? Worf: I have been fortunate. Kor: The way of the warrior is not a humble path. Show some pride in your accomplishments! You've earned it. Worf: I will try. And does the war go well for you, Kor? Kor: No, Worf. It does not go well for me. It seems my services are not required in the present conflict. Worf: But you are Kor, a Dahar Master, the man who held the Korma Pass against T'nag. Your reputation alone should have assured you a command. Kor: I also have a reputation for a certain ruthless quality toward those who would stand in my way. Mind you, it is not entirely undeserved. In truth, I rather enjoy being feared by my fellow officers. However, there's a price to be paid for such singled-minded devotion to one's ambition. I made enemies. Perhaps more than were necessary. I have no influence left in the Empire. Even as our entire race grapples with the Dominion there's no place for an old man with too many enemies and not enough friends. That's why I've come here tonight. It is not easy for me to beg you for help, but I have nowhere else to turn. Help me fight again, Worf. Help me end my life as I've lived it. As a warrior. Martok: How many more reports does the High Council require? Darok: As many as last time. And Starfleet is still waiting for your signature on these repair requests. Martok: There will come a day, Darok, when your services as my aide may no longer be required. Darok: I look forward to that day with great anticipation. Until then Martok: Ah, Worf, good to see you. Thank you, Darok. Martok: It's a pity Captain Sisko frowns on summary executions. What can I do for you? Worf: Kor, the Dahar Master, came to see me last night. He has been unable to find a command and I Martok: Tell me you're not going to ask me to give that man a ship! Worf: Well, I had hoped that Martok: Then your hopes are in vain. That man is not welcome in my house and I will certainly not have him commanding a ship in my fleet. Worf: General, Kor is a friend and I have already Martok: Not another word! Do you hear? Not a word! Now get out of here before I forget we are brothers. Martok: I plan to attack the Trelka Five starbase, then push deeper into Cardassian territory. I'll hit the Manora shipyards, the Jem'Hadar breeding facility on Sheva Two, the supply depots in the Borias Cluster. Sisko: It would take half the Ninth Fleet just to destroy Trelka Five. Martok: I don't intend to destroy the base, just damage it. Throw them off balance and then move on to the next target. Imagine the chaos we'll cause once we're in behind their lines. Sisko: A cavalry raid. Ancient Earth soldiers mounted on horseback. They had the speed to charge behind enemy lines to stir up trouble, and the mobility to keep from being caught. How many ships will you take? Martok: Five birds of prey. Battle cruisers are too slow, too unwieldy for a mission like this. Sisko: Do you want to take the Defiant? Martok: Perhaps the Defiant should remain here, just in case the Jem'Hadar try their own cavalry raid. But it may be prudent for the Defiant and a dozen or so other starships to be waiting for us when we return. Sisko: You mean you might be bringing company back with you? Martok: I'm sure you'll be ready to welcome them. Sisko: With phasers charged. Kolana: Our disruptor targeting sensors need to be replaced as well as our guidance system relays. Martok: Make a note of that for Chief O'Brien. He should give the Ch'Tang first priority. So, if you have something to ask me do it now before Darok buries me under more paperwork. Worf: I wish to speak with you about Kor. Now I know that you have strong feelings about this Martok: Clear the bridge! Martok: I did not expect to hear anything further on this subject from you. Worf: And I did not expect to be forbidden to speak with you on any subject. Have I become a shuVak to be ordered about like Darok? Martok: No, of course not. Very well. Talk and be done with it. Worf: Kor came to see me, asking my help as a friend. He is an old man with no family and no influence left in the Empire. He asked nothing except for the chance to fight and die as a Klingon warrior. I told him I would speak with you about finding him a command in the fleet. Martok: I would not give that man the gnawed bones of my last meal, much less command of a ship. Worf: But why? There is no blood feud between our Houses, and Kor has said he has not even met you. Martok: You can wound a man without ever seeing his face. When I was a boy, my family still lived in the lowlands of Ketha Province. We had very little, but it didn't matter. We were a family of warriors. Fifteen generations had served as soldiers of the Empire, but my father had higher hopes for me. He wanted his son to become an officer. It took a great deal of effort, but eventually he found someone willing to sponsor me. I passed my entrance exam on my first attempt and all that remained was final approval by the oversight council. A simple formality. My application was rejected by one member of that council. Kor. Worf: Why? Martok: Why? Kor's family descends from the Imperial Court itself. Kor is of the blood, born to rule by the divine will of Kahless! And what was I? A boy from the Ketha lowlands. He could not bear the thought of someone like me joining the elite officer ranks. And so, to my father's embarrassment and my everlasting shame, my application was denied. And with the mark of Kor on my record I could not join even as a common soldier. I spent five years as a civilian laborer aboard General ShiVang's flagship. Then, as fortune would have it, the Romulans made a foolhardy attempt to board our ship. I earned a battlefield commission. Unfortunately, my father did not live to see that glorious day. And if Kor had had his way, I would still be a civilian on that ship, cleaning the officers' mess. Worf: I understand. But I must tell you that using my own authority, I appointed Kor an officer in the Ninth Fleet. Martok: Made him an officer, just like that. That's the difference between his name and mine. His opens doors, mine closes them. Worf: I did not anticipate that Martok: It's done. Your apology is not sought. But know this, Worf. Kor is your responsibility. I want nothing to do with him. Kor: Do you remember breaking into the Duke's harem on Renavi? Ezri: How could I forget that? That is one of Curzon's favorite memories. Hi. Worf: Hello. Kor: Come and join us, my friend. Ezri: I am on duty. I'll see you later. It's good to see you again, Kor. Kor: Still the same old Dax, and yet not. Worf: General Martok will not give you a command. Kor: Kesh! Worf: He says that you struck his name from an officers list because his family comes from the Ketha lowlands. Kor: Did I? I don't recall. Of course, there were so many officer lists. I suppose it's possible. Worf: It is an unworthy reason to bar a man from serving the Empire. Kor: Worf, you've been living among this democratic rabble for too long. I know your bloodline. We both come from noble Houses. Among our people that still counts for something. If Martok is a true Klingon, he should appreciate that. Worf: He does not. Kor: Did he revoke my commission? Worf: No. You will serve aboard the Ch'Tang as Third Officer. Kor: Third? Oh, well, no matter. I've overcome greater obstacles. Thank you, Worf. You're a true friend. Worf: You will report aboard at oh seven hundred. And stay out of Martok's way. Kor: He will not even know I am there. Worf. What was the name of the ship? Worf: The Ch'Tang. Kor: Ch'Tang! Of course. I'll see you there. Kolana: All decks report ready. Defense systems online. Engine room standing by. Transporter room reports that our last crewmembers have beamed aboard. Martok: Very well. Signal the squadron. Prepare to get underway. Stand by to cloak. Worf: Aye, sir. Martok: Helm, set course three two five, mark zero zero three. Full impulse till we clear the outer marker, then go to Kor: Third Officer Kor reporting for duty. Synon: The Dahar Master. Worf: Take your station. Martok: Return to your duties or I'll find a crew that can! Helmsman! I gave you an order. Synon: Chah Veh! Darok: Kor, here, on our ship. Martok: Don't you have something to do? Darok: No. Martok: Then find something. Darok: It's an honor to have you aboard. Kor: Thank you very much. Kolana: Welcome, Dahar Master. Kira: So what did Kor say when he met you? Ezri: The usual. I have the same conversation over and over again. Everyone's shocked at first, then they start scanning my face for signs of the person they knew as Dax. It can't be. Is it really you? Oh, I do see a little Jadzia in the eyes, a little Curzon in the smile. Kira: Isn't there a period of adjustment that joined Trills have to go through where people are comparing them to previous hosts? I'm sure it'll pass. Ezri: You're right. The last five Dax hosts went through this. That wasn't bad. You'd make a pretty good counselor. You want to trade jobs? Kira: Oh, yeah, people would love bringing their problems to me. You dreamed about what? You're crazy. Now get out of my office. Next patient! Ezri: Funny you should mention dreams. Ever since my conversation with Kor, I've had the most intense dreams about him. Kira: Like what? Ezri: Being on a Klingon bridge together, going off into battle, drinking bloodwine, which still makes me gag by the way, singing songs. A part of me wants to be out there with him now. I hope he's all right. I mean, I know I'm sort of contradicting what I just said about wanting to set myself apart from my previous hosts, but the memories I have of being with him are so vivid, I can't bear the thought of losing him. I'd give almost anything for the chance to be together one more time. The two of us, side by side, just like it used to be. Kira: Do you need something? Quark: No. Nothing. Ezri: So, what's your professional opinion? Kira: You're crazy. Ezri: Next patient! Odo: What's the matter with you? Someone forget to leave a tip? Quark: It's Ezri. She, she, I can't even say it. Odo: Try. Quark: She wants to get back together with Worf. Martok: And before the Cardassians realized we were even there, we destroyed the entire camp and the relay station! Kolana: To General Martok, victor of Felton Prime! All: Qapla'! Kolana: Let me have the honor to welcome the Dahar Master to the humble mess hall of the Ch'Tang. Kor: Sit, sit. You do me too much honor. On this voyage I am but the Third Officer. I expect no special treatment. Worf: Have you settled on an attack plan for the starbase on Trelka Five? Martok: I'm going to send the Malpara and Ning'tao in ahead of the rest of the squadron. They'll make a single strafing run on the base and then head out of the system. When the enemy sends out their repair crews to assess the damage, then the rest of the squadron will decloak. With any luck, we'll catch them not only unprepared but with their entire damage control effort underway. Kor: Excellent! An excellent plan, General. Martok: I'm glad you approve. Kor: Of course. It's the same tactic Kang and I used against the Federation in the battle of Caleb Four. Kolana: You were at Caleb Four? Darok: Of course he was! Forgive the ignorance of these children. Kor: I was a young officer once. I know how irrelevant the past can seem. Kolana: We would be honored if you would tell us about Caleb Four. Darok: Tell the tale. Synon: Yes, tell us! Kor: Well, there's not much to tell really. The battle was over almost before the Federation knew it had begun. I commanded the first division from the Klothos, one of the old D Five cruisers. Kang commanded the second division. Now, you must remember that in those days, the cloaking device was a new piece of technology. There were only a handful of engineers in the Imperial Fleet who knew how to operate them. Before we left Chronos, I spent three days in the engine room taking the device apart with my bare hands and then putting it back together again. Now this would come in handy later in the battle, as you'll see. Worf: It is not the fault of the crew. They are not used to serving with a legendary figure like Kor. Kolana: Bridge to General Martok. Martok: Yes? Kolana: We are approaching Trelka Five. Martok: Set defense condition one. Kolana: Defense Condition One. All hands to battle stations. Repeat, all hands to battle stations. Kor: I'm supposed to be somewhere. Synon: Dahar Master. Kor: Where are you going, Lieutenant? Synon: To the bridge. We're approaching Trelka Five. Kor: The bridge! Synon: Are you all right? Kor: Of course. What are you waiting for? Report to your station! Synon: Chah Veh! Kor: Concentrate. Kolana: Their shields are down to sixty five percent. Three Cardassian cruisers are in spacedock, orbiting the far side of the planet. Two of them are getting underway. The Malpara and the Ning'tao have completed their attack. Kolana: The Malpara is gone. No survivors. Ning'tao is heading out of the system. The Cardassians are pursuing. Martok: Leaving their base unprotected. Helm, take us in. Bring us to a hover three hundred meters above the base. Stand by to decloak on my command. Synon: Holding at three hundred meters. Martok: Scan the base. Kolana: They've dispatched damage control teams. Two defense batteries are out and they've just dropped their primary shield grid. Martok: Decloak the ship and open fire. Kolana: Shields are down to eighty five percent! Worf: Reroute emergency power to the secondary shield emitters. Martok: Fire torpedoes! Helm, lay in an escape course. Synon: Aye, sir! Kor: Continue firing! Target their primary reactors! Kolana: Chah Veh! Kor: And bring us around for another pass! Synon: Coming about! Martok: No, only one pass. Leave the system! Kor: Do not worry, my friend. All is well. Martok: You old fool. Kolana: The Orantho reports their captain and first officer are dead. They have a hull breach on their port quarter. Kor: Instruct them to continue firing, and open a channel to Kang. Kolana: To Kang? Kor: Tell him we've succeeded, and that the Federation outpost on Caleb Four will be taken within an hour! Kolana: Sir, Kang has been dead for years. Kor: Prepare a boarding party. We're going to take the base. Synon: But sir, they have a garrison of ten thousand! Martok: By the hand of Kahless, get us out of here! Kor: Victory is ours. The Federation will rue the day they dared to challenge the might of the Klingon Empire. We will take Caleb Four and raise our banner over the smoking ruins of their outpost. Worf: Escape course. Now! Martok: Engage cloaks. Kolana: Orantho and Slivin have cloaked. No pursuit from Trelka Five. Martok: No time to waste. Proceed, proceed to the rendezvous then on to the Manora shipyards. Warp seven. Worf: Medical team to the bridge. Martok: Worf, get that man out of here. Ezri: Hi. I think I'm in the mood for Quark: Wait. I have something to say. Now, you may think this is none of my business, but someone has to speak up and I've decided that someone is me. So here it is. I'll just say it. Ezri: Okay. Quark: You're making a mistake by pursuing another relationship with Worf. Ezri: Excuse me? Quark: You heard me. I know how Jadzia felt about Worf, but that was her life, not yours. You're Ezri Dax. You need to give yourself a chance to explore other relationships. You're young and beautiful and full of life. Why go after a man who's only a memory to you? I've had my problems with Worf, I'll admit that, but this is not about me or my feelings. This is about you. Worf has done nothing and I mean nothing to deserve you. Shouldn't you try and find someone who's willing to win your heart, not just inherit it? You deserve better. There. I've said my piece. Ezri: Can I say something now? I'm not interested in having another relationship with Worf. I care about him and I probably always will, but he's moved on with his life and so have I. Quark: Oh. Well, good. Ezri: And I'd also like to say that what you just did was one of the kindest, dearest and for you, one of the most embarrassing things that I have ever heard. You're a real sweetheart. Can I order now? A Moscow mule. Quark: Coming right up. Quark: Did you hear that? She called me sweetheart. Jake: Yeah. So? Quark: She loves me. Jake: What? Quark: Sweetheart. Jake: You're certifiable, you do realize that? Quark: She loves me. Martok: And find out what is wrong with the Ning'tao. I know Captain Lurkan is young, but he must realize the importance the importance of keeping formation. I've been thinking about our next objective. Perhaps we should go after a bigger target, something more threatening to our forces. Now, what about the base on Caleb Four? Darok: If you'll excuse me, I have duties to attend to. Martok: Your duties are right here. Someone was just telling me about the defenses on Caleb Four. Who was that? Synon: I believe it was our Third Officer, General. Martok: That's right. Third officer! Tell us about Caleb Four. Is it manned by Jem'Hadar or Cardassian troops? Kolana: I thought it was a Federation outpost. Martok: But how can that be? The Federation is our ally. Surely Kor is aware of that. Synon: Perhaps he's confused. Martok: Confused? The Dahar Master? Surely not. We must be the ones who are confused. Enlighten us. Who mans the base on Caleb Four? Dominion or Federation? Kolana: I think he's forgotten. Synon: I think he's asleep. Martok: Stop it, both of you. Don't you have any respect for one of the greatest heroes of the Empire? He's thinking it over. Give him time. The last son of the House of Kor should not be rushed. Kolana: How long should we wait? Synon: Perhaps we should ask Kang. Martok: Well, say something, old man. Or have you lost your tongue as well as your mind? Kor: Savor the fruit of life, my young friends. It has a sweet taste when it 'is fresh from the vine. But don't live too long. The taste turns bitter after a time. Worf: The new personnel roster. Martok: You've removed Kor from active duty. Worf: I saw no other choice. Martok: Still, you're his friend. It must have been difficult for you. Worf: A friend would not have put him in that position in the first place. Martok: I've hated his name for almost thirty years. I've dreamt of the moment when I would finally see him stripped of his rank and title, when he would suddenly find himself without a friend in the world, without the power of his birthright. Well, I've had that moment now. And I took no joy from it. Have you thought about what will become of him when we return to Deep Space Nine? Worf: I plan to speak with Chancellor Gowron to try and find Kor some assignment on the homeworld. Martok: I'll have a word with Gowron as well. Kolana: Bridge to General Martok. Martok: Yes? Kolana: Pardon the interruption, sir. Our sensors have detected a large body of enemy ships. Martok: On my way. Martok: Where are they? Kolana: Their warp signatures are bearing directly astern. They're Jem'Hadar fighters and they appear to be pursuing us. Martok: How can that be? Worf: The lead ship is using some kind of long range tachyon scanner to penetrate our cloaks. Synon: Does the Dominion possess such a device? Martok: They do now. Worf: How many ships? Kolana: I've identified ten vessels so far, and they're gaining on us. Worf: How long before we are within their weapons range? Kolana: Two hours, twelve minutes. Martok: Helm, have you located the Defiant? Synon: Yes, sir. They're waiting for us in the Kalandra sector, with seven Federation starships. It will take us three hours, forty five minutes to reach them. Worf: If the Jem'Hadar could be forced to drop out of warp for only ten minutes, they would not have time to catch up with us before we rendezvous with the Defiant. Martok: A fine theory, but how do we execute it? Worf: We could disrupt their warp fields with an inverse graviton burst. It would force them to drop to impulse until the gravitons dissipated. Kolana: We would need to generate a massive burst to disrupt the warp fields of a fleet that size. Worf: A single bird of prey could do it by diverting warp power to the main deflector. Martok: How long would that delay them? Kolana: They could reinitialize their warp cores in less than two minutes. Worf: If I could engage them in battle while they're still at impulse, that would delay them even longer. I know I could do it. Martok: What do you mean, you could do it? Worf: The Orantho's Captain and First Officer are dead, and the Slivin's deflector is damaged. It cannot generate a graviton burst. And the Ning'tao's Captain is too young and inexperienced. I am the logical choice. Martok: But Worf, this means that you'd be sacrificing the entire crew of the Ning'tao. Worf: I have thought about that. We could beam most of the crew over before I take command. I would only need six volunteers. Martok: Signal the Ning'tao. Tell them to prepare for a change in command. Kor: Yes? Kor: I am not hungry. Darok: The food is for me. I haven't eaten in hours. Men of our generation never stood on ceremony. We ate when we were hungry, we fought when we were angered. Oh, I miss the simplicity of those days. Kor: I miss a great deal about those days. Darok: The warriors on this ship, they don't know what they've missed. But such is the way with children. They often let the promise of the future obscure the glories of the past. Kor: Is there a point to this nostalgic indulgence? Darok: Only that they are children. Even Martok who, for all his flaws, is a great man, even Martok is but a child compared to you or me. They are quick to judge and slow to forgive. They still have much to learn. We are being pursued by a Jem'Hadar fleet. Worf believes he can stop them with a single ship. Kor: How? Darok: It's a good plan, but it has one flaw. It depends entirely on Worf successfully engaging the whole enemy fleet, if only for a short time. Kor: It can be done. The key is to confuse their sensors in the opening moments with a spread of torpedoes. Darok: Perhaps. But it would take a man with three times his experience to accomplish such a feat. And such a man would have to be certain of his abilities. Kor: Such a man would not take the job unless he were certain. Darok: It has been an honor serving with you, Kor, son of Rynar. Kor: Worf! Leaving for the Ning'tao, I take it? Worf: Yes. Kor: I wanted to wish you well. I look forward to seeing you at the gates to Sto'Vo'Kor. Worf: As do I. Kor: Do you have any message you want me to convey to Jadzia? Kor: When I reach the halls of the hallowed dead, I will find your beloved and remind her that her husband is a noble warrior, and that he still loves no one but her. Goodbye, my friend. Live well. Kor: Long live the Empire! Martok: On the bridge? Darok: If they succeed, you can drink to their courage, and if they fail, you can still drink to their courage. Kolana: The Ning'tao is closing on the enemy. She's initiated the graviton burst. Their warp fields are destabilizing, They're dropping to impulse. Martok: By Kahless's hand, how many? Kolana: All of them. The Ning'tao has dropped out of warp. She's engaging the enemy. Martok: Die well, Worf. Worf: Today was not my day to die. Martok: Worf! But then who? Kor! Worf: He surprised me outside the transporter room with a hypospray. Martok: I hope that old fool understands what he's doing. How goes the battle? Kolana: We're approaching the limit of our sensor range, but it appears that the enemy formation has collapsed. The Ning'tao is maneuvering rapidly. She's taking heavy fire from the Jem'Hadar. I've lost contact. Martok: One ship against ten. It doesn't seem possible. Worf: He will succeed. He is Kor, the Dahar Master. Kolana: He's done it. The Jem'Hadar are out of time. They can no longer overtake us before we reach the Defiant. Martok: How? How did that pompous old man hold off an entire Jem'Hadar fleet with only one ship? Worf: Does it matter? Martok: Darok, give me that bottle. Martok: To Kor. A Dahar Master and noble warrior to the end. Darok: Mi' qul qar'a, 'ej Do' QI'la'. Kolana: QI'do' Sum, garI' do' QI'la. ALL except Martok: Sutem pa' rI' tlho' Mara' 'e' qor. rI'qa' rI'qa' rI'qa' DaSo' pa gareh QI' ro'qa' ro'qa' ro'qa' ro'qa.

Rom: So, what do you think? Vic: Not bad, but the lady is a tramp, not a scamp. Rom: Tramp, right. So, do I get the gig? Vic: Sorry, pallie. Rom: But Doctor Bashir said you're looking for an opening act and I love to sing. Vic: I can tell. But two singers on the same bill, that's a one way ticket to Deadsville. I need someone to warm up the audience for me. You know, a comic. Rom: A comic? Vic: A comedian. Someone who can make people laugh. Rom: I can do that. My brother tells me people are always laughing at me. Vic: Well, that may be true, but this is a holosuite program, capisce? Rom: So? Vic: So you're not a hologram. Rom: Life can be so unfair. Bashir: Vic, you got a minute? Rom: Forget it. He's not hiring. Bashir: What's wrong with him? Vic: Showbiz. It can break your heart. So what can I do for you, pallie? Bashir: Did you get a chance to make those audio recordings for me? Vic: All your favorite hits. Bashir: That's great. Thanks, Vic. Vic: My pleasure. These songs are four hundred years old. You sure the troops on the front lines want to hear them? Bashir: The songs may be old, but when you sing them, they sound brand new. Vic: Hey, when you put it that way, I wish I was going on the supply run with you. I could make some personal appearances. Sing a few songs, tell a few jokes. You know, put together a regular USO show. Bashir: I'm afraid there are no holosuites where we're going. Vic: Rom's right. Life can be unfair. You know, pallie, sometimes being a hologram can be a real pain in the asometric photons. Bashir: I'll see you when I get back. Vic: You know where to find me. Odo: I thought I might find you here. The new security protocols you requested. Sisko: I think that's what I'm going to remember most about this war. Looking through casualty reports. Sometimes it feels like that's all I do. Stare at the names of the dead. When the war started, I read every name. I felt it was the least I could do to honor their sacrifices. But now the names have begun to blur together. Odo: Well, that's understandable. Sisko: Maybe. Kira: Ops to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Kira: The Defiant is ready for departure. Sisko: On my way. Quark: Why me? Why did he have to send me? I'm like a son to him. Ezri: Quark, you're mumbling again. Quark: I'm sorry. It's just not fair. I have responsibilities of my own. Customers who depend on me. Ezri: But the Grand Nagus picked you for this assignment. Quark: Some assignment. A fact finding mission to the front lines. Zek's already inundated with Starfleet intelligence reports. What can I tell him that he doesn't know? Ezri: Maybe he wants to hear things from a Ferengi perspective. Quark: Then let him ask Nog. Ezri: The Nagus trusts you. Quark: What are you trying to do, cheer me up? Ezri: It's my job. Remember the thirty fourth Rule of Acquisition. War is good for business. Quark: Only from a distance. The closer you are to the front lines, the less profitable it gets. Quark: What is that? Ezri: Stay here. Quark: Wait. Don't leave. Worf: This is no time to be wandering the corridors. Quark: I thought the Chin'toka system was in Federation hands. Worf: It is, but the Dominion is determined to take back their territory. The whole system's a battleground. Quark: Thank you. I should probably write this down. Sisko: Mister O'Brien, keep an eye out for more Jem'Hadar ships. O'Brien: Aye, sir. Nog: What are you doing here, uncle? Quark: I'm, er, visiting. Nog: I'm working. Sisko: Quark, is there something we can do for you? Quark: Not really. I just came by to say hello to my nephew. Sisko: All right, you've just said hello. Quark: Anybody here who'd like to join me in the mess hall for a raktajino? Sisko: Quark! Quark: I'm just leaving. Nog: Sir, I assure you that won't happen again. Ezri: Nog, your uncle's just a little nervous. He's not used to being in a combat situation. Nog: That's no excuse. Bashir: Captain, the supplies are ready for transport. Worf: AR five five eight has acknowledged your message. They are expecting you. Sisko: Away team, you're with me. Mister Worf, she's all yours. Worf: Aye, sir. Quark: Not much to look at, is it? Sisko: Those are Federation phasers. Hold your fire! I'm Captain Benjamin Sisko of the USS Defiant. Larkin: You heard him! Cease fire, damn it! Sisko: We're coming out. Larkin: Who told you to open fire? Vargas: I saw movement. I thought it was the Jem'Hadar. Larkin: They look like Jem'Hadar to you? I gave the word to hold your fire. That Starfleet officers were beaming down with supplies. Vargas: Well nobody told me. Larkin: Sorry, Captain. A little breakdown in communications. Sisko: No harm was done. Where's Captain Loomis? Larkin: He was killed ten days ago. So was Commander Parker. Sisko: Who's in command? Larkin: I am. Lieutenant Nadia Larkin. Sisko: Ben Sisko. Where do you want your supplies? Larkin: Vargas can show you. Vargas: Supplies. That's great. Don't they know we need to get off this rock? Reese: Take it easy, Vargas. Vargas: Take it easy? I would love to take it easy. Get me out of this vole hole and I promise you for the rest of my life all I'll do is take it easy! According to Starfleet regulations we're suppose to be rotated off the front lines after ninety days. Ninety days! We've been stuck on this rock for five months, Captain. Take it easy. Larkin: Welcome to paradise, Captain. Larkin: There it is. The only reason anyone gives a damn about this place. It's the largest Dominion communications array in the sector. Sisko: If we can figure out how it works, we should be able to tap into their entire comm. system. Larkin: One thing's for sure, they're determined to get it back. Sisko: We can't let that happen. Larkin: I know our orders, Captain. But maybe Starfleet Command isn't aware of our situation. We've been holding this place for five months. That's five months of fighting off repeated Jem'Hadar attempts to get it back. When we landed here, there was a hundred and fifty of us. We're down to forty three. Sisko: I appreciate what you've gone through, and I will make sure that Starfleet understands your situation. But from what I hear, our forces are spread pretty thin in this system. Chances are, you're going to be stuck here for a while longer. Larkin: Lucky us. Kellin: Someone hand me a duonetic coupler. Thanks. Ezri: Your frequency diskriminator seems to be drifting. You might want to reset it. Kellin: You an engineer? Ezri: No, but Tobin, one of my previous hosts, was. Kellin: Close enough. Grab a microdyne coupler and start recalibrating that transtator. Quark: Nog, shouldn't you be helping Doctor Bashir unload the supplies? Nog: We're pretty much finished. Quark: Good. The sooner we get out of here, the better. Nog: That soldier over there. You see his necklace? Those are Ketracel white tubes. Quark: So? Nog: You know how he got them? Quark: Mail order? Nog: He took them off the bodies of dead Jem'Hadar. Jem'Hadar that he killed. It's his way of keeping score. Quark: And you find that impressive? Nog: Isn't it? Quark: I don't think so. Take a look around you, Nog. This isn't the Starfleet you know. Nog: Sure it is. It's just that these people have been through a lot. They've been holed up here for a long time, seen two thirds of their unit killed, but they haven't surrendered. Do you know why? Because they're heroes. Quark: Maybe, but I still don't want you anywhere near them. Let me tell you something about humans, nephew. They're a wonderful, friendly people as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time, and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people will become as nasty and as violent as the most bloodthirsty Klingon. You don't believe me? Look at those faces. Look in their eyes. You know I'm right, don't you? Well? Aren't you going to say something? Nog: I feel sorry for the Jem'Hadar. Bashir: This is twenty cc's of numinol tetraminothen. That'll take care of the fever and the chest congestion. And this will get rid of the dermal irritation on your back. Better? Vargas: Are you kidding? I haven't felt this good since the day I landed on this rock. Bashir: Good. Now I'd like to take a look at this arm. Vargas: What the hell are you doing? You keep your hands off this bandage. Bashir: I need to treat your wound. Vargas: Nobody touches this bandage. Is that understood? Bashir: Why is that? Vargas: I asked you if you understood. Bashir: Yes. Vargas: McGreevey put this bandage on me. He ripped up his own uniform to make it. Bashir: He sounds like a good friend. Vargas: He was a jerk. I couldn't stand the guy. He wouldn't shut up. Yap, yap, yap, yap. He thought he was the world's greatest authority on everything. I know, he's dead and I should have more respect, but God I hated him. One moment he's tying the bandage around my arm, talking his head off, and the next minute he's lying flat on his back with a hole in his chest. And I just sat there and I looked at him. That was so great. He was so quiet. One time in his life he's quiet. Bashir: I still need to treat your wound. Sisko: I think you've set up a solid defense perimeter, but you need to tighten this flank. Bashir: Captain, can I have a minute? Bashir: These people's physical and mental health is precarious at best. They need more than a few food replicators and medical supplies. They need to be shipped out of here. Sisko: I understand, but right now there's nothing I can do about that. Larkin: Damn it! Nog: I saw it happen. He was walking along Sisko: You must've swept the compound for anti-personnel mines. Larkin: A hundred times. It doesn't help, not with Houdinis. Bashir: Houdinis? Reese: Find one and you disappear. Larkin: They hide in subspace and appear at random. Vargas: You can walk by the same spot a hundred times and nothing happens. And then bang. Reese: You're wasting your breath, Vargas. It's not the Captain's problem. He's leaving. Sisko: I wish I could tell you that things were going to get easier for you. Larkin: Don't worry about us, Captain. Worf: Defiant to Captain Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Worf: Sir, we're being attacked by two Jem'Hadar ships. We have locked on your coordinates. Are you ready for transport? Sisko: Stand by, Mister Worf. O'Brien: Captain, sensors show O'Brien: Jem'Hadar troops landing nine kilometers from your position. Worf: Sir, we must beam you aboard now. We have to break orbit. Sisko: Take evasive action, Mister Worf. We're staying here. Worf: Captain, I must ask you to reconsider I do not know when we'll be able to come back for you. Sisko: You have your orders, Commander. Worf: Aye, sir. Good luck. Sisko: What are you looking at? We have work to do. Larkin: Yes, sir. You heard the Captain. Sir, what are your orders? Sisko: There's only one order, Lieutenant. We hold. Sisko: We need to find out how many Jem'Hadar troops landed and where they are. Larkin: Well, you're not going to learn anything with a tricorder. We jam their sensors, they jam ours. That's how it works. Except they have an advantage. They know where we are. Sisko: But that's all they know. They don't know our defense positions or how many of us there are. Larkin: All things considered, I'd still rather be in their shoes. Sisko: Hear anything, Ensign? Nog: Plenty. I can hear Vargas's stomach grumbling and Ezri tuning a phase amplifier with a coil spanner in the communications bunker. Sisko: What about the Jem'Hadar? Nog: Not a sound. If they're out there, they're very quiet. Reese: They're out there. Sisko: Keep your ears open, Ensign. Nog: I will, sir. Sisko: See anything? Nog: That knife you're working on. It's not Starfleet issue. Can I see it? Reese: You're supposed to be listening for the Jem'Hadar. Nog: I know. Reese: Then shut up and listen. Larkin: Here they come. Reese: There's something wrong. They're not firing. Sisko: Hold your fire! Vargas: Where'd they go? Sisko: They weren't here to begin with. Reese: Holograms. Nog: I don't understand. Sisko: It was a way for them to see what they were up against, determine our numbers. Reese: And pinpoint our positions. Larkin: Without risking any casualties. Smart. Vargas: They're smart all right and we're as good as dead! Sisko: Not yet we aren't. Quark: Is it over? Sisko: For now. But next time they won't send holograms. Larkin: Get a stretcher. Let's get him to the infirmary. Man: Right away. Ezri: Does that mean we stop working on the communications array? Sisko: They'll have to get along without you for a while. We have to find the Houdinis and disarm them. Ezri: I'm all for that. These mines are a nasty piece of engineering. Kellin: They're also impossible to detect. I'm sorry, Captain, but I'm an engineer, not a magician. Sisko: Larkin says you like a challenge. Kellin: I thought I did. But after banging my head against that communications array for the last few of months, I'm not so sure anymore. Ezri: He's just being modest, Captain. Chief O'Brien would be proud to have him on his crew. Sisko: I can't think of higher praise. Kellin: Now what? Ezri: Now we get to pull a rabbit out of our hat. Quark: Here. You need to keep your strength up. Nog: Thanks, uncle, but I can get my own food. Quark: What's the matter? Afraid of looking weak in front of the humans? Nog: I want to earn their respect, if that's what you mean. Quark: At the price of your soul? Look at you. You hold that phaser rifle as if it were made of pure latinum. Nog: We're in the middle of a war and this rifle can keep me alive. I'm a Starfleet officer. Quark: You're a Ferengi and I wish you'd start acting like one. Nog: You mean hiding under a rock every time trouble starts? Quark: I'll tell you one thing, nephew. If the Federation had listened to the Ferengi Alliance there never would have been a war. Nog: Because we would have surrendered a long time ago. Quark: No, we would have reached an accommodation. We would have sat across the negotiation table and hammered out a peace treaty. One that both sides could lived with. Nog: You make it sound so simple. Quark: Rule of Acquisition one twenty five. You can't make a deal if you're dead. Sisko: Nog. I'm sending you, Larkin and Reese out on a scouting patrol. Nog: Yes, sir. Sisko: I need to know what I'm up against. How many Jem'Hadar are out there, where they're camped, and what kind of weapons they have with them. Nog: When do we leave? Larkin: Right away. Quark: Hold on a minute. Why Nog, when you have all these veterans to choose from? Reese: No one asked your opinion. Sisko: Our tricorders aren't working. Nog: But my hearing is. Sisko: Exactly. Nog: You can count on me, sir. I'll find the Jem'Hadar. Larkin: Let's go. Quark: Nog, wait a minute. Sisko: He has his orders, Quark. Quark: That is so easy for you to say, but I bet you wouldn't send Jake out there. Sisko: Jake is not a Starfleet officer. Kellin: You did it. Ezri: Actually, I'm not sure it was me. It could've been Tobin or Jadzia. Kellin: It doesn't matter. The point is you managed to cut through the jamming signals. Ezri: Unfortunately, I can't extend its range past a hundred meters. Kellin: That's enough to scan the entire compound. Now the question is, how do we calibrate the tricorder to locate the mines in subspace? Ezri: Maybe we should try cross linking the optronic and isodyne relays. Kellin: You sure you're not an engineer? Ezri: In nine lives I've been a little of everything. Kellin: Doesn't that get confusing? Ezri: You have no idea. Kellin: Really. Ezri: I'll give you an example. This is my first time on the front lines. Kellin: You're talking about Ezri now. Ezri: Right. But Torias, Curzon, and Jadzia, they were in battle many times, and I can remember what that felt like. I remember the fear, and the anger, and the adrenaline surge. Kellin: Having someone else's memories of being in combat is one thing. Living through it yourself is another. Ezri: I suppose I'm going to find out. Kellin: You'll do fine. Larkin: This is close enough, Nog. Nog: What is it? What's going on? Larkin: It's time to go. Reese: Right. Larkin: Let's go. Vargas: Someone's coming. Reese: Don't shoot. It's me, Reese! Sisko: Stretcher! Quark: Nog! What happened? Reese: Jem'Hadar patrol. Sisko: Larkin? Reese: She's dead. Sisko: Damn. Reese: The Ferengi found the encampment. It's three kilometers south of here. Sisko: How many troops? Reese: Two columns. Vargas: How are we going to be able to hold off two columns? Sisko: We'll have to even out the odds. Reese: Any ideas? Sisko: I'm working on it. Reese: Captain. The kid did all right. Quark: The doctor doesn't want anybody in there. Sisko: Well how's Nog? Quark: It's a little late for you to care about that, isn't it? Sisko: Quark. Quark: He's going to lose his leg. Does that answer your question? Quark: Now what happens? You will be able to replace the leg, won't you? Bashir: As soon as we can get him to a hospital, he can be fitted with a biosynthetic limb. Unfortunately, there may be complications. Quark: What's that supposed to mean? Bashir: Nog suffered severe thermal damage to his femoral motor nerves. I'm not sure they'll be able to stimulate artificial muscle tissue. In fact, there's no way to know until after the operation has been performed. I have to get inside. Quark: We've got to get Nog to a hospital. Sisko: We will, as soon as we can. Quark: That's not good enough. Sisko: I'm sorry. Quark: Sorry? If you really cared about Nog you would never have sent him out on that patrol. Sisko: Now you listen to me, Quark, because I'm only going to say this one time. I care about Nog and every soldier under my command. Understood? Every single one. Nog: Captain. Sisko: At ease, Ensign. Nog: I'm sorry, sir. Sisko: About what? Nog: About Larkin. I led her right into a trap. Sisko: You found the Jem'Hadar camp. Nog: I heard them coming, but it was too late. There was all this phaser fire and I went down, and before I could Sisko: Nog, listen to me. You followed orders. You did what you were trained to do. I'm proud of you. Nog: Thank you, sir. Nog: It doesn't hurt. You'd think it would, but it doesn't. Sisko: I'm glad. Nog: I'm going to be fine. Captain. The communications array. It's worth it, right? Sisko: I hope to God it is. Ezri: Benjamin, sorry to interrupt. We're ready. Sisko: Remember, no one moves until I say so. Go ahead, Lieutenant. Kellin: Now all we have to do is figure out how to disarm them. Sisko: We're not going to disarm them. We're going to use them. Reese: This is their camp. This is ours. There are mountains to the east and west which means they have to come through this ravine to get to us. Sisko: Then that's where we'll relocate the mines. Kellin: Moving them shouldn't be too difficult. Delicate, but not difficult. Sisko: I also want you to reprogram them so that they're triggered by movement. Reese: Make sure it's lots of movement. We want that ravine full of Jem'Hadar when those Houdinis start to go off. Kellin: I think we can manage that. Reese: That should take out a third of their forces. Sisko: What's the matter, old man? Don't you think it'll work? Ezri: It's not that. It's just that a few hours ago, we thought of these mines as the kind of ruthless weapon only the Dominion would use. But now Reese: They've become a whole lot friendlier. Sisko: Sooner or later, the Jem'Hadar are going to come through those barricades and when they do, the fewer there are, the better our chances of survival. You have your orders. Reese: Power packs. Vargas: Did you hear that? Ezri: I didn't hear anything. Reese: Relax. When they get here, you'll know it. Reese: Power packs. Kellin: Sorry. My thumb got a little nervous. Sisko: I know how you feel. Kellin: I wonder if the Jem'Hadar get jittery before a battle. Sisko: I wouldn't count on it. Vargas: What the hell is that? Ezri: Shh. Listen. Ezri: Your idea? Bashir: Yeah. I thought we could all use some Vic Fontaine right about now. Ezri: How's Nog? Bashir: There isn't much I can do for him until I get back to the station. I take it you were able to move the mines? Ezri: Put it this way, I wouldn't go for a stroll through that ravine tonight. Bashir: I wasn't planning on it. Then again, I wasn't planning on being here. Vargas: I can see you've done that before. Bashir: Too many times. Funny. I joined Starfleet to save lives. Vargas: Maybe they're not coming. Maybe they're turning back. Maybe we got them all. Sisko: Fire! Ezri: Kellin? Kellin? Reese: You alive? Captain, are you with us? Sisko: I think so. Sisko: We held. Reese: Those were our orders, sir. Worf: Captain. Sisko: Yes, Mister Worf. Worf: The USS Veracruz has entered orbit. They are beaming down troop replacements and an engineering crew. Sisko: What about our people? Worf: Doctor Bashir is aboard the Veracruz with Nog and the rest of the wounded. They will be taken to a hospital on Starbase three seven one. Sisko: Good. I'll return to the Defiant shortly. Worf: This was a great victory. One worthy of story and song. Sisko: It cost enough. Reese: Children. Sisko: Not for long. Ready? Reese: Let's go. Sisko: Sisko to Defiant. Three to beam up. Kira: Sir, the latest casualty reports have just been posted. Sisko: How many this time? Kira: Including the troops lost at AR five five eight, seventeen hundred and thirty. Sisko: Seventeen hundred thirty. Kira: That's a lot of names. Sisko: They're not just names. It's important we remember that. We have to remember.

Quark: What can I get for you? Ezri: A Til'amin froth for me. Bashir: Romulan ale, Quark. Odo: A glass of springwine. Quark: Since when do you drink springwine, or anything else, for that matter? Odo: It's for Kira. She should be getting out of services any minute now. Bashir: Well, here she is. Odo: How was it? Kira: Beautiful. Ranjen Telna gave a very moving sermon. Ezri: What was it about? Kira: About how important it is to forgive the people who've wronged you. Odo: Two hours on forgiveness? Bashir: It's a complicated subject, Odo. Kira: What's wrong? Odo: Nothing. It's just that you spend so much time in services that sometimes it makes me wish I were a believer so that we could go together. Ezri: That's so sweet. Kira: I would love for you to come with me, but I don't think you'll get much out of it if you don't believe in the Prophets. Odo: Perhaps if I had an Orb experience? Kira: It doesn't work like that. Faith has to come first. Odo: That's too bad. I have a feeling it must be very comforting to believe in something more powerful than yourself. Bashir: If you really feel that way, there are other faiths. Ezri: Would it bother you if Odo believed in Klingon religion? Kira: Not if he got something out of it. Bashir: He'd get to eat the hearts of his enemies. Ezri: And go to Sto'Vo'Kor when he dies. Bashir: You can go on a vision quest. Odo: But then I wouldn't get to go to services with Kira, would I. That's the whole point. Ezri: That really is so sweet. Kira: Yes. Vedek Fala. Fala: Nerys. Kira: What a surprise. What are you doing here? Fala: Well, I came to see you. Kira: Well come in, sit down. Let me get you some tea. When I contacted the University they told you were on a spiritual retreat. Fala: Ah, you know me, always searching for answers. Kira: That's what makes you different from all the other vedeks I known. To you, faith is a journey. Fala: Thank you. And one that never ends. Oh, you're a Colonel now. It seems like only yesterday you were just a little girl, squirming in your chair during instruction. Kira: Chair? We didn't have any chairs at the camp. We sat on the floor. Fala: Which was good for diskipline and made me seem more imposing. Kira: Oh, as if you needed the help. Nerys, what are the three keys to enlightenment? Fala: And the answer? Kira: Charity, humility and faith. Fala: You remember. Kira: You were a good teacher. Without you, I'm not sure I would have survived that camp. Fala: I brought you something. Kira: What is it? Brin: Welcome to Empok Nor. Kira: Empok Nor? That's impossible. Brin: I know it's a long way from Deep Space Nine, but this transponder allowed us to beam you here. Kira: Those red armbands. You're members of the Pah wraith cult? Brin: We worship the True Prophets, yes. Kira: Why did you bring me here? Brin: That is a question best answered by the Master. Kira: And who exactly is the Master? Dukat: I am. Kira: Dukat. You? You're the leader of the Pah wraith cult? Dukat: I'm sure you have many questions, Nerys, and I intend to answer them all. Leave us, please. First of all, let me apologize for bringing you here without your permission. Kira: Oh, it's all right, I always wanted to see Empok Nor. Is the Dominion aware that you've set up a temple here? Dukat: Oh, this station has been abandoned a long time. There's no reason why they'd object to us putting it to use. Your hair. You changed it. Kira: Your ear. You pierced it. Dukat: A symbol of the Covenant I've made with my new family. Kira: Your new family. Well, it makes sense that these people would choose you as their leader. They worship evil. Dukat: The Pah wraiths are not what you think, Nerys, and neither am I. Let me ask you something. Have you ever wondered why the Prophets stood by and did nothing when Cardassia took over Bajor? Have you ever asked yourself how they could allow your people to suffer as they did? Kira: The Prophets have a plan for us. It's not always easy to see what it is. Dukat: Even as you speak those words, you must know how hollow they sound. No, there's a much better explanation. One that makes perfect sense. The Prophets are not the true gods of Bajor, the Pah wraiths are. They were cast from the Celestial Temple because they wanted to take an active role in Bajoran life. Their only crime was that they cared about your people. But they were not allowed to help you because they'd lost the battle for heaven and were forced to flee. Kira: So I guess the ancient texts just had it all wrong, then. Dukat: Oh, come now, Nerys. You know as well as I do that history is written by the victors. But rest assured, there will be another chapter. The Pah wraiths are determined to reclaim their place in heaven. Kira: And how would you know that? Dukat: They speak to me in visions. I am their Emissary. Kira: I don't know whether you believe what you're saying, or if you're faking it, or if you're just insane. Dukat: I have touched by the hand of a god. I'm a changed man. Oh, I admit that when I first allowed myself to become a vessel for the Pah wraith, it was purely out of self-serving reasons. All I wanted was to help it enter the wormhole so it could force the Prophets out. It was nothing more than a way to exact vengeance on Sisko. But I had no idea the effect it would have on me. It was only inside of me for a very short time, but it opened my heart. Kira: Would that be before or after you killed Jadzia? Dukat: That was most unfortunate, but it couldn't be helped. The Celestial Temple itself was at stake and she was in the way. Ah, Nerys, Nerys. I wish I had the words to describe what it was like to have the Pah wraith within me. I could feel its love, for me and for the Bajoran people. It made me realize I still have a role to play in Bajor's destiny. Kira: You mean besides overseeing an occupation that killed tens of millions? Dukat: You have no idea how much it pains me to know that I caused so much suffering. But I am not responsible for the occupation, the Prophets are. Kira: You have no right to say that. Dukat: They abandoned Bajor. I was simply walking the path they laid out for me. Now I walk with the true Prophets. I'm building a community here, Nerys. I brought these people to Empok Nor so that we could purify ourselves in preparation for the day the Pah wraiths reclaim the Celestial Temple. Kira: And what's supposed to happen when that day comes? Dukat: The Pah wraiths have a plan. When the time is right, they will reveal it to me. Kira: Something tells me their plan involves you being ruler of Bajor again. Dukat: You're still so full of anger toward me. I can only hope that one day you'll let it go. I brought you here because I want you to be a part of our community. I want you to share in the love these people have for one other. In the love they have for me. Kira: Oh, they don't love you. You have some kind of a hold over them, but they don't love you. Dukat: Nerys, open your heart to me. We're bound together by destiny. You belong at my side. Sisko: Chief. When did you realize she was missing? Odo: This morning. She usually comes by my office before going to Ops. Sisko: Did you check the entry log? Odo: She had a visitor sometime after nineteen hundred hours. Whoever it was only stayed about ten minutes. Sisko: Anything, Mister Worf? Worf: According to the Ops report, only one ship has left the station since last night. The morning transport to Bajor. Kira was not aboard. O'Brien: Sir, I'm picking up traces of tachyon energy. Odo: A transporter beam? O'Brien: With a Dominion signature. Odo: Any chance of tracing it? O'Brien: Afraid not. The signal's already dissipated. Sisko: Their transporters operate over longer distances than ours. What's their maximum range? Worf: If the homing transponder was in place, up to three light years. O'Brien: There was a homing transponder, all right. It was wrapped in this. Odo: Three light years. For all we know, she could be deep inside Dominion space by now. Kira: I had a feeling you'd turn up sooner or later. Fala: I know you're angry with me. Kira: Angry? I feel sorry for you. Letting yourself be duped by Dukat into joining this cult. Fala: I was a member of this cult, as you call it, long before Dukat. I came to it toward the end of the occupation. It's helped me make sense of the suffering we all had to endure. Kira: In the camp, you kept us together. It was your faith in the Prophets that got us through. How could you of all people would turn your back on them? Fala: They turned their backs on us long ago. Kira: The path the Prophets laid out for us isn't always easy, but that's no reason to turn to hate and fear. Fala: Hate and fear. You know how often I've heard those words used to describe us? Nothing could be further from the truth. Kira: The Pah wraith cult tried to kill the Emissary. Fala: Dukat had nothing to do with that. The boy who attacked Captain Sisko was acting out of his own misguided beliefs. We're a peaceful people. Kira: Then prove it. Let me go. Fala: Nerys, the Master brought you here because he cares about your spiritual well being. Kira: The Master. He's using you. He's taking your beliefs and twisting them to suit his own purpose. Fala: You're so stubborn. That's always been your problem. Kira: Your problem is you're too trusting. Fala: When Dukat first came to us, I didn't want to accept him. But I came to realize the Pah wraiths had taken this man of evil and washed him clean. What could be more wondrous than that? Kira: How can you forget all the friends we lost during the occupation? How can you forget all the millions Dukat murdered? Fala: You disappoint me, Nerys. Of all the things I tried to teach you, the most important is the need to forgive. Kira: Some things can't be forgiven. Fala: Let me show you how we live. I want you to see the community we're building here so you'll know you have nothing to fear from Dukat, or from us. Fala: Only one of the fusion generators is operational, so we don't have power for things like replicators. Kira: Where do you get your food? Fala: We've turned several of the lower levels into hydroponic bays. Kira: What about things like medical supplies? Do you bring them from Bajor? Fala: We have a few cargo shuttles. We're well aware that you may try and leave us, so you should know that the docking bays are being guarded, as is the transporter we used to bring you here. Kira: As long as we're on the subject, am I free to move around, talk to people? Fala: Of course. It's the Master's hope that you will come to see this as your home. Mika, this is Nerys. Mika: Welcome. Kira: You're getting close. Mika: It could be any time now. Fala: Mika and her husband have the honor of being the first to receive the Master's blessing to bear children. Kira: You have to get permission from Dukat to have a baby? Fala: Vows of abstinence are part of our covenant with him. Exceptions are granted only when he sees that a husband and wife have demonstrated a true spiritual bond. Kira: Oh, I see. Fala: But you don't approve. In ancient times, Bajorans understood the value of denying worldly pleasures. Ironic, isn't it, that a Cardassian would be the one to lead us back to the old ways? Kira: Especially a Cardassian whose appetite for worldly pleasures is legendary. Fala: That was a long time ago, before he felt the kiss of the Pah wraith. Kira: That was some kiss. Fala: Striking, isn't it? Benyan is Mika's husband. Kira: Oh, congratulations. I understand it isn't easy to get permission to have a baby. Benyan: The Master told us you wouldn't approve of our ways. He said we should be patient with you. Kira: Don't go out of your way. Benyan: I don't understand why he brought you here. Fala: Benyan. Kira: No, it's all right. Benyan: We all work very hard for what we have. We don't need you or anyone else to approve of us. Kira: Fair enough. Benyan: Don't misunderstand. I hope you come to feel the love of the Pah wraiths. But if you don't, it's your loss. No offense. Kira: None taken. In fact, I've always found that when people try to convince others of their beliefs it's because they're really just trying to convince themselves. Benyan: I know what I believe. Kira: And that's what scares me. No offense. All: ba'ja kor'ek, no'la ba'lani, pah'nom ko'se plusso ma'kora. Ba'ja kor'ek, no'la ba'lani, pah'nom ko'se plusso ma'kora. Dukat: Kosst no'valt Amojan, my children. All: Kosst no'valt Amojan. Dukat: Let us open our hearts and pray. All: Ba'ja kor'ek, no'la ba'lani, pah'nom ko'se plusso ma'kora. Ba'ja kor'ek, no'la ba'lani, pah'nom ko'se plusso ma'kora. Kira: Don't. Dukat. Stay where you are. The rest of you get down on the floor. I said down on the floor! Kira: Step aside. Benyan: No. Fala: Enough, Nerys, unless you're willing to kill us all. Dukat: Now do you understand how much they love me? Dukat: Careful, no sudden moves. Dukat: I removed it so I could tend to your bruise. I had a meal prepared for you. Come now, Nerys, you haven't eaten anything since you arrived. I know what you're thinking. But really, what good would it do to try to kill me? Even if you succeeded, it wouldn't get you off Empok Nor. You'd only make a martyr of me. Kira: You're right. I don't want anything to happen to you. Not until your followers have a chance to see what a fraud you are. Dukat: I love these people, Nerys. And they love me. I should think that after what just happened in the temple, you'd realize that. Kira: It always comes back to that, doesn't it, Dukat? Your desperate need to win the love of the Bajoran people. You just never understood why we didn't appreciate you. Dukat: If it hadn't been for me, the occupation would've been much worse. Kira: And you want a thank you? You were working people to death in the ore processing center, but that didn't stop you from strutting around Terok Nor, picking out Bajoran women to take to your bed and actually believing that they wanted to be there. Dukat: Your mother did want to be there. Kira: You took her away from her children. She did what she had to so that we could survive. Dukat: She loved me. Kira: Maybe she convinced herself that she did, which is a very different thing. Dukat: Perhaps you're right. And if I did indeed cause your mother any pain, I deeply regret it. Just as I regret many things I did in those years. That's why I'm so glad the Pah wraiths have given me an opportunity to redeem myself in the eyes of your people. Kira: How? By recreating some kind of idealized version of the occupation? Because that's what you've done here. You have your station back, Bajorans to serve your every whim. And the best part is, this time they really do love you. As misguided as that is, they love you. Dukat: I'm so glad you're here, Nerys. You embody everything I admire most about the Bajoran people. Your passion, your spirit. I can see now why the Pah wraiths want you at my side. Kira: And why's that? Dukat: Because if I can open your heart to them, then surely I can open the heart of any Bajoran. Your anger is a challenge. I welcome it. Because in the end, it will only help me better serve the Pah wraiths. Dukat: Yes. Brin: It's Mika. She's gone into labor. Dukat: Come, Nerys. I want you to be a witness at this blessed event. Dukat: Ah, this is a great day for us, Benyan. You should be honored to have fathered the first child born to our community. Benyan: I only hope that Mika and I can live up to the faith you've shown in us. Dukat: I have no doubt that you will. Your family will be the first of many. Think of it. Someday, Empok Nor will ring with the laughter of children. Fala: You don't approve, Nerys. Kira: Not of children being raised to follow the Pah wraiths. You can bet that I don't approve. Fala: This is a special moment. I'm not going to ruin it by arguing with you. You believe the Prophets are the true gods of Bajor, I believe the Pah wraiths are. Let's just leave it at that. Kira: I'd be happy to. There's just one thing. We can't both be right. Dukat: The Pah wraiths! They've sent us a sign. My children, good news. Something wondrous has happened. This infant, born of the love between Benyan and Mika, was transformed in her womb into a living symbol of the covenant I made with you. Oh, what a blessed day this is. There can no longer be any doubt that the Pah wraiths are smiling upon us. Let us give thanks and praise. All: Ka'li bor'ek, no'ma ten'su, fah jah nori bentu'sa. Ka'li bor'ek, no'ma ten'su, fah jah nori bentu'sa. Ka'li bor'ek, no'ma ten'su, fah jah nori bentu'sa. Ka'li bor'ek, Kira: Fala, I don't understand this. You're an intelligent man. How can you believe Dukat's story? It's obvious he's the child's father. Fala: What's obvious is you hate him so much, you can't even entertain the possibility that a miracle has occurred. Kira: Are you so blind that you will just believe anything he says? Fala: I have faith. I would think you'd understand what that means. Nerys, is it beyond the realm of possibility that the Pah wraiths have sent us this child as a sign? They have powers beyond our understanding. Your Prophets made an entire fleet of Dominion ships vanish into thin air. What's one child compared to a miracle like that? Kira: You know to know what the miracle is? That Mika didn't breaking into tears in front of her husband. She was terrified he wasn't going to believe Dukat's little performance. I could see it in her eyes. Fala: You saw what you wanted to see. Kira: If you believe that this really is a miracle, then you'll let me talk to the happy couple. What's wrong? Afraid of finding out the truth? Fala: I know the truth. I just don't want you making unfounded accusations. Kira: I'll be diskreet. Fala: It's coming along nicely. Kira: Maybe you should make one of the children half Cardassian. To commemorate what happened. Benyan: If I'd known, I would have. Kira: It must be quite an honor to be part of such a miraculous event. Benyan: It is. Kira: Obviously Dukat did the right thing in giving his permission for you to have a baby. Benyan: We prayed together many times. He wanted to be sure. Kira: Did you ever pray with him alone? Benyan: Yes. Kira: Did Mika? Benyan: Yes. Fala: Nerys, let's let Benyan get back to work. Kira: I want to find Mika. Fala: When we do, I trust you'll be more diskreet than you were with Benyan. Mika: I'm sorry. Dukat: Why didn't you tell me the baby was mine? Mika: I didn't know. I was hoping it wasn't. Dukat: Mika, I'm so sorry about what happened that night. I was weak and you were so beautiful. Mika: I've forgiven you. You know that. Dukat: Have you told anyone? Mika: No. Dukat: Not even Benyan? Mika: He wants to believe it was a miracle, but I know he has doubts. If he ever asks me, I don't know if I can lie to him. Kira: Thank you. He said Mika went this way. Dukat: Don't worry. Everything is going to be all right. Wait here until I'm gone, then go back to you quarters and pray for strength. Kira: Mika? Mika? Kira: Mika. Midwife: You got to her just in time. Dukat: How is she? Midwife: The depressurization caused swelling in her meningeal tissues. I'm going to keep her sedated until morning. Dukat: But she will recover? Midwife: She'll be fine. Dukat: Brin. Seal the docking ring. Check all the airlocks. Let's make sure we never have another accident like this again. Kira: An accident? What happened, Dukat? Was Mika going to tell everyone that you're the father of her child? Fala: Kira. Kira: Is that why you tried to kill her? Fala: Enough. Dukat: Fala, it's all right. Nerys is obviously upset. She doesn't know what she's saying. Kira: Mika isn't going to lie for you anymore. Dukat: Take her to her quarters. She needs to rest. Kira: Keep him away from her. Dukat: Let us pray for Mika's recovery. Ka'la mo'sek, teru benso, Kosst Amojan Dukat: I failed you. Forgive my weakness. Forgive me for letting temptation obscure the path you've laid out for me. When Mika awakes, and I pray she does, your children will learn the truth. They will turn away from me. They will turn away from you. The covenant will be broken. Don't let that happen. Tell me what to do. Please. Please. Midwife: It's not time for services. Benyan: I'll stay with her if you want to go. Midwife: No. You go. Dukat: Kosst no'valt Amojan, my children. All: Kosst no'valt Amojan. Dukat: Tonight, as I prayed, the Pah wraiths sent me a vision. They told me it would be the last I'd ever receive from them. There's a reason. A wondrous reason. My children, the Pah wraiths have asked us to join them Dukat: In their Holy quest to reclaim the Celestial Temple. To become warriors in this great battle Dukat: We must transform ourselves. Dukat: Our corporeal bodies are not suitable for the task, so we must leave them behind. In a few hours, at the beginning of a new day, we will gather together here for the last time. We will shed the flesh that ties us to this world and deliver ourselves Dukat: Into the waiting arms of the Pah wraiths. Fala: Ka'li bor'ek, no'ma ten'su, fah jah nori bentu'sa. All: Ka'li bor'ek, no'ma ten'su, fah jah nori bentu'sa. All: Ka'li bor'ek, no'ma ten'su, fah jah nori bentu'sa. Ka'li bor'ek, no'ma ten'su, fah jah nori bentu'sa. Dukat: I've sent a message to Deep Space Nine. They should be able to get someone here for you within a day or so. Kira: I know you're desperate to keep your followers from turning against you. I'm not surprised you'd kill them. But I can't believe you'd be willing to die yourself. Dukat: You just don't understand, Nerys. The Pah wraiths are calling me home. You should be happy. Kira: Happy? Fifty people are going to die. Dukat: I assure you, our deaths will be painless. Dukat: Promazine. Developed by the Obsidian Order for its operatives to use in case of capture. Not only is death swift, but it reduces the body to dust within hours, making it unidentifiable to the enemy. Dust. That's all that will remain of my passage through this misbegotten universe, Nerys. But it doesn't bother me because I know I'm going to be with the Pah wraiths. Kira: You really believe that. Dukat: Goodbye, Nerys. Dukat: My children, the time has come for us to leave this world behind us. Dukat: As we embark on this journey, our hearts are not heavy, but joyful. Because we know we'll be together in the holy light of the Pah wraiths. Dukat: This is a great day for us. We have proven ourselves worthy of the Pah wraiths Dukat: And they are calling us home. This is the means of our deliverance. Dukat: Kosst no'valt Amojan, my children. All: Kosst no'valt Amojan. Dukat: Be not afraid. I love you all. Kira: Dukat! Man: Stop her! Kira: Don't you see why he's doing this? He doesn't want you to find out the truth! Fala: Are you all right? Everyone, please. Let us not allow anything to disturb this holy moment. Kira: What's wrong, Dukat? Take it. They're all the same, aren't they? Dukat: My children, listen to me. Kira: Tell them, Dukat. Tell them you never had any intention of dying with them. Dukat: My time here is not finished. The Pah wraiths want me to continue bringing others into their light. Benyan: This is his child. That's why you tried to kill Mika. Dukat: The Pah wraiths have forgiven my sins. They've given me their absolution. Who are you to presume they're wrong? Who are you to judge me? Then it's done. Our covenant is broken. Dukat: None of you will ever know the love of the Pah wraiths. None of you! Benyan: False gods! Kira: Fala, no! Why? Fala: Faith, Nerys. Faith. Odo: I'm sorry about Vedek Fala. Kira: I keep going over what he said when he died and I don't know if he was trying to tell me if he never lost his faith or that he felt betrayed by it. Odo: I suppose you'll never know. But one thing is certain. These people have been betrayed and now they have to find a way to pick up the pieces and move on. Kira: I thought Dukat was just claiming to share their faith because he wanted them to love him. But it was more than that. He's changed. Odo: If you hadn't stopped him, he would've killed them all, and no one would have known his body wasn't among the remains. That sounds like the same old Dukat to me. Kira: I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think Dukat convinced himself that he was doing what the Pah wraiths wanted. Odo: Who knows? Maybe he was. Kira: Either way, he believes. And that makes him more dangerous than ever.

Rom: What if I say something dumb? Something that makes him uncomfortable? Ezri: Like what? Rom: Like how's your new leg? Ezri: I think he's probably expecting a few questions. Rom: I just don't want to say the wrong thing. Leeta: You'll be fine. But maybe I shouldn't be there when he arrives. Ezri: Why? Leeta: Well, when he was in the hospital, he didn't answer any of my letters. That's okay. I'm only his stepmother. But he's going through something so personal maybe he only wants his real family around. Rom: You are real family. Ezri: That's right. And you should both just relax. Yes, Nog has lost a leg and that's a traumatic experience, but nothing you do or say or do is going to be worse than what he's already gone through. Just be happy to see him and tell him you love him. For today, that'll be enough. Kira: They've docked. Sisko: Colonel, are you sure this is the right transport? Kira: I checked the passenger list this morning. He definitely boarded at Leeta: Here he comes. Nog! Kira: Welcome back, Nog. Ezri: Welcome back. Rom: Hello. Leeta: Welcome home, Nog. Nog: Thank you. It's good to be back. My orders, Captain. Sisko: Medical leave? How could that be? O'Brien: Sounds like an excuse to loaf around while the rest of us work. Bashir: Hard work and plenty of it, that's what I prescribe. Odo: Captain, maybe he forged those orders. Sisko: I'm afraid they're genuine. Ensign Nog has no duties until further notice. Except to attend a welcome home party in the wardroom. Nog: If it's all the same to you, sir, I'm rather tired. I'd rather just go to my quarters. Is that all right? Ezri: Absolutely. We can celebrate once you've settled in. Nog: Great. Jake: I can carry your bag. Nog: I've got it. Well, if you'll all excuse me. Ezri: And Julian and Miles have become even more obsessed with their Alamo program, if you can believe it. I half expect Miles to start wearing a coonskin cap to work. You see, Davy Crockett wore this cap made of a raccoon skin and Nog: I know the program. Ezri: Oh. Well, I think we've covered just about everything you missed while you were away. Is there anything you want to talk about? Nog: Not particularly. Here it comes. Ezri: What? Nog: The cane problem. You're about to ask me why I need to walk with the cane since Doctor Benbasset told you my biosynthetic leg works perfectly. He also told you the problem's all in my head. That I'm crazy. Ezri: He didn't say that. Nog: It's what he thinks. Ezri: Forget what he thinks. What do you think? Why do you need the cane? Nog: My leg hurts. And if I put my full weight on it, it hurts more. So I have to limp. And that means I need to walk with a cane. Ezri: Sounds reasonable to me. Nog: Good. Look, can I be perfectly honest with you? I've spent the last three weeks talking about my feelings with the counselors on Starbase two three five and to tell you the truth, I'm a little sick of it. I just want to be left alone for a while. Ezri: I understand. I think we've done enough for today. I'll see you tomorrow. Nog: Computer what time is it? Computer: The time is nine thirty two hours. Sisko: Jake says he's sleeping over eighteen hours a day and Julian says he's missed his last two physical therapy appointments. Ezri: And his counseling sessions have been going nowhere. In his words, he's sick of talking about his feelings. I can't say I blame him. He's been under constant psychiatric care for almost two months now. Sisko: What should do we do? Ezri: I'm not sure. For now, I think our best bet is to simply watch and wait. Sisko: Not my first choice. Ezri: I know. But sometimes a patient can help guide his own treatment. Let's see what Nog does next. Jake: Nog, I am trying to be understanding and I want to be your friend, but enough is enough. You've been playing that same stupid song for three days. I can't take it anymore. Aren't you going to say anything? You've barely said three words to me since you came home. Nog: Maybe I don't have anything to say. Jake: I'm trying to help you here, Nog, but you're not making it easy. Nog: You want to help me? Fine. Leave me alone. Jake: All right. Okay. But if you want to hear that song again, go rent a holosuite. Computer: Program is running. You may enter when ready. Vic: Hi there, pallie. It's good to see you. Vic Fontaine. Nog: I know. I'm Nog. Vic: You're Rom's kid, right? Nog: Right. Vic: He's really proud of you. He's always in here bragging about his son, the soldier boy. Nog: Yeah. Vic: What can I do for you? Nog: I want to hear 'I'll Be Seeing You'. Vic: Sure thing, kiddo. Any other requests? Nog: No. Just 'I'll Be Seeing You.' Vic: Sounds like a special tune. Nog: It is. It helped me once when I was unhappy. Vic: What more can you ask from a song? I'll be seeing you, from the top. Nog: Doctor? Bashir: Yes? Nog: What is that? Bashir: It's a song that I had Vic Fontaine record for me. Nog: Vic? Bashir: Yes, he's a character in a holosuite program of mine. I thought it might take our minds off our troubles. Is it bothering you? Nog: No. It's kind of nice. Vic: Thank you. Take five, fellas. Okay, kid, I know fifteen different arrangements of that tune and you've heard 'em all. Now, which one's your favorite? Nog: The first. Vic: Somehow, I knew you were going to say that. So let me guess. Julian played it for you, right? Nog: Right. Vic: If I had him as a publicist, I'd be bigger than Elvis. Nog: Who? Vic: Never mind. So, how's the new leg? Nog: You know about that? Vic: People talk. Nog: If you really want to know, it hurts. Vic: Can they give you something for that? Nog: No. They say it's all in my head. According to my tricorder, the pain receptors in your leg aren't being stimulated, Nog. You must be imagining it. I don't care what they say. It hurts all the time. Vic: I believe you. Nog: You're the only one. Vic: So what else can I do for you? Sing it again? Nog: No. Vic: Good. To tell you the truth, I was starting to get a little sick of it myself. How about something else? Nog: No. I just want to go to bed. Vic: Okay, kid. Catch you later, huh? Nog: Yeah. Vic: Something wrong? Nog: I don't want to go back to my quarters. Actually, I don't want to go back to my life. Vic, where do you live? In the program, I mean. Do you have a house or? Vic: I have a suite here in the hotel. Nog: Do you have an extra room? Vic: Sure. You want to stay with me tonight? Nog: Maybe more than just tonight. Officially, I'm on medical leave, and according to regulations I can choose my rehabilitation facility. Vic: You want to choose a holosuite program for your rehab? Nog: Why not? Vic: Okay, kid. If that's the way you want it, from now on you're staying with me. Nog: Great. Vic: Crazy. Rom: My son is insane. Ezri: Rom. Rom: He's a one-legged crazy man! Ezri: He is not crazy. Sisko: But he is living in a holosuite. Ezri: At first, it struck me as a little peculiar. But after I thought it over, I began to think that this might be a good sign after all. Quark: How can hiding in one of Julian's adolescent programs be a good sign? Bashir: Hey. Jake: It could be worse. He could be hiding in the Alamo program. Leeta: Or that ridiculous secret agent program. Bashir: Hey. Rom: Or that stupid Viking program. Bashir: Hey! Sisko: All right. Are you sure this is in Nog's best interest? Ezri: No, I'm not sure. But I think Nog might be subconsciously trying to seek out his own form of therapy. Jake: I'm sorry, but moving into a holosuite isn't my idea of therapy. Ezri: Okay, it sounds a little odd. Quark: It sounds ridiculous. Bashir: Not really. I'm inclined to agree with Ezri on this one. The mind has a strong natural instinct for survival. Now, for whatever reason, Nog's mind has chosen to take shelter in the world of Vic Fontaine. Ezri: I think we should wait and see how this plays out. Sisko: Then someone should talk to Vic, make him aware of Nog's emotional and physical condition. Ezri: I'll do it. Quark: And who's going to pay for all this holosuite time? I guess I am. Sisko: And it's very generous of you. Keep me informed. Vic: I get it. He's got some healing to do. I could spot that the moment he walked in here. Ezri: Great. Do you have any questions? Vic: You sure he doesn't need the cane, because he's pretty sure he does. Ezri: I'm positive. It's a psychological need, not a physical one. Vic: Well, then I have got some ideas on how to wean him off the stick. Ezri: Okay, but don't push it. Vic: Do I seem pushy to you? Ezri: No. Well, you know how to reach me if you have any problems. Vic: I got your number. Ladd: So you're Jack Wilson. Palance: What's that mean to you, Shane. Vic: Hey, kid. Ladd: I've heard about you. Nog: Hey, Vic. Have you seen this movie? Vic: Oh, yeah. Palance: What have you heard, Shane? Ladd: I've heard that you're a low down Yankee liar. Dewilde: Shane, look out! Vic: From these books I can't tell if I'm rich as Rockefeller or as poor as a church mouse. Nog: It's not real money, Vic. Don't worry about it. Vic: Hey, it's real to me, kid. Nog: I can have the computer put some money in your account. Vic: No, thanks. I'll figure it out. Ladd: I got to be going on. Dewilde: Why, Shane? Nog: Didn't he just get shot a minute ago? Vic: Yeah. He took one in the arm. Nog: He's not bleeding. He's not even in pain. Vic: Noggles, take it easy. It's only a movie. Dewilde: Shane! Come back! Nog: I like The Searchers better. Vic: Yeah, who doesn't? Oh, son of a gun. I got to get ready for the show. Nog: Show? I thought we were hanging in. Vic: Hanging out. And we are, except I have a gig to do. Nog: Cancel it. Vic: I can't do that. Nog: Why not? Vic: It would be unprofessional. Besides, performing is my life. It's what I do. I got to get out there and swing otherwise I'm just another clyde in a tux. You coming to the show? Nog: Sure. Vic: Good. Then may I suggest you carry something with a little more style. Vic: Now this is a cane. It's a replica of the one Errol Flynn used to have, only his was a little taller. Nog: It's beautiful. It reminds me of the Grand Nagus's staff. Vic: And it has a little secret. Push that button at the back of the head. Nog: Great. But what's it for? Vic: You never know when a lady's going to need a light. Now be careful with that stick, it's fragile. It might not hold your whole weight. Nog: Actually, I don't need to put my whole weight on it. Vic: Good. Now let's get dressed. Nog: Tuxedoes? Vic: You're catching on. Jake: Hi there. Nog, let me introduce you to Man: Down in the front! Jake: Sorry. Nog, this is Kesha. Kesha, Nog. Kesha: Nice to meet you. Nog: Welcome to Las Vegas. Kesha: Thanks. Vic: Thank you, thank you. You're too kind. I guess that's the response you get when you pack the house with relatives. Jake: So, what have you been doing? Nog: Hanging out. Kesha: Out of what? Nog: It's an expression. Jake: There's a lot of old Earth slang in this program. Right, Daddy-o? Nog: Right. Jake: Why don't I get us some drinks? Kesha, what'll you have? Kesha: A makara fizz. Nog: They don't serve that here. Kesha: Oh. Well, what are you having? Nog: Martini. Two olives. Kesha: I'll have the same. Jake: Okay. I'll be right back. Kesha: Jake says you're going to be the first Ferengi captain in Starfleet. Nog: We'll see. Kesha: He also says you're quite a hero. Nog: I'm not a hero. Kesha: Don't be so modest. Jake's not the only one. Everyone on the station Nog: I said, I'm not a hero. Kesha: Okay. Nog: Which one? Kesha: What? Nog: That's what you're wondering, right? Which leg is it? Kesha: No, I wasn't wondering about that Nog: About what? Kesha: About your, you know. Nog: My new leg? Can't you say it? Kesha: No. Yes. I mean, I'm not trying to say anything Nog: Then maybe you should just keep quiet. Jake: Okay, here we go. Three martinis. Kesha: I think we should leave, Jake. Nog: Sounds like a good idea. Jake: What's going on? Kesha: It's all my fault. I didn't mean to stare. Jake: At what? Nog: What do you think? Jake: Oh. Kesha: I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Nog. Nog: Wonderful. Goodbye. Jake: Hold on. She said she was sorry. Nog: I heard her. Now you can go. Jake: Nog, what's wrong with you? Nog: I said get out. Jake: Nog. Nog: Let me put it another way. Vic: Hey, hey, hey. Break it up. You all right? Jake: Yeah, I'm fine. Vic: And you, take a hike. Nog: What? Vic: You heard me. You don't come into my club and start hitting customers. Now get out before I throw you out. Vic: You're still up? Nog: I couldn't sleep. Vic: Do you mind? What a night. Nog: I'm sorry about what happened. Vic: Don't apologize to me. I'm not the one you belted. Nog: I'll settle things with Jake. Vic: And his girl. Nog: Absolutely. Can I go back to the club tomorrow night? Vic: I can't have you hitting the customers. It's not good for business. Nog: I promise it'll never happen again. Vic: What got into you, anyway? Nog: I don't know. She started calling me a hero and things just of went downhill from there. Vic: She called you a hero? And for that you slugged your best friend? Remind me never to give you a compliments. You know, I'm beat. That's never happened to me. Nog: What? Vic: Being tired. My program's never run this long. Usually people come in, they ask for a song or two, sometimes a night on the town, but I never have to put in a full day. Nog: Maybe you should go to bed. Vic: I got work to do. If I don't get these books in order, Uncle Sam's going to come down on me like a ton of bricks. Nog: Sounds like my uncle. Is there anything I can do? Vic: You know anything about bookkeeping? Nog: I'm a Ferengi. It's in our blood. Vic: Be my guest. Nog: Where's your computer? Vic: Right here. It's nineteen sixty two. What do you want from me? Nog: It's all right. I can do it this way. Vic: I'm going to hit the sack. Nog: Can I ask you a question, Vic? Vic: Sure. Nog: When you sleep, do you dream? Vic: Goodnight, kid. Nog: Goodnight, Vic. Vic: but this time he's switched all the robes in the steam room. So when Dino goes to pick up his robe, he doesn't realize that across the back, Frank has printed in big bold letters. I'll finish the story later. Hi, doll face. Ezri: Hi. Where's Nog? Vic: Up in the room, still working on the receipts from sixty one. That's kid's a hell of an accountant. He said the government owes me money. Can you believe that? Ezri: I need to talk to him. Vic: Can it wait? Ezri: I'm afraid not. Vic: It's about that thing with Jake, right? Is he pressing charges? Ezri: No. But I do think that it's time for Nog to leave the holosuite. Vic: Wait a minute, wait a minute. You know, he likes it here. He's making progress. Okay, he lost his cool, but I don't think that'll happen again. Ezri: Vic, he can't hide in here forever. He has to face reality sometime. Vic: The kid's had too much reality lately, if you ask me. He's lost a leg, he's watched good friends die. Like you said, we shouldn't push him. He needs time to heal. Ezri: No offense, but you're just a hologram and I am his counselor. I outrank you and I feel that it's time for him to go. Vic: He's on medical leave. And according to Starfleet regulations, he can spend it wherever he chooses. Ezri: How do you know that? Nog: I told him. And if you try to force me to leave, I'll resign my commission. Ezri: Wait a minute. Let's slow down here. No one's talking about forcing anyone to do anything. Nog: Good. Because Vic and I have big plans. Vic: We do? Nog: I've been going over your books, and this place is a latinum mine and you don't even know it. In my opinion, it's time to expand the business. Ezri: Nog, this is a holosuite. Nog: Of course it's a holosuite. That doesn't mean we can't build a new casino. Vic: A new casino? How much money do I have? Nog: If you'll excuse us, Counselor, we have business to conduct. Nog: Go easy on the garnishes. People order a drink, they don't want a fruit bowl in their glass. We'll talk about this later. Waitress: Good evening. Nog: I'll take care of them. Hey, long time, no see. Rom: Hi. Leeta: Oh, Nog! Nog: Right this way. Leeta: So, how are you? Nog: Couldn't be better. Business is booming. We're making money hand over fist. I can hardly keep up with all the profits. Rom: Those are holographic profits, right? Nog: Yeah. So, what's new with you? Leeta: Well, Rom got a promotion. Rom: Maintenance Engineer, First Class. Nog: That's great! Congratulations, Dad! Rom: Thanks. Nog: We should celebrate. We'll close the lounge, have a private party. Leeta: Actually, Chief O'Brien threw him a party last night. Nog: Oh. Leeta: It was a spur of the moment thing. No invitations or anything. Nog: Don't worry about it. I probably couldn't have gotten away. Last night was really busy. Oh. A big player just walked in. Excuse me a minute. I need to go schmooze. Rom: Okay. See you later. Leeta: Bye. Vic: Hey, I hope you're still talking to me. Ezri: Of course I am. I got to hand it to you, Vic, you've done a great job with him. He seems like a new man. Vic: He just needed a little time, that's all. Ezri: Heals all wounds, right? Giving him that cane was a great idea. I haven't seen him limp in days. Vic: It gets better. Yesterday we drove out to see the architect who's designing the new casino. I saw him actually run up a flight of stairs. Ezri: No kidding. Vic: Would I kid a kidder? Ezri: So, what's next for you two? Vic: We don't break ground on the casino for about a week, so I thought we'd fly up to Tahoe for a couple of days. Sammy's going to be performing at the Cal Neva and I thought I'd introduce the kid to him. Ezri: Sammy's a friend of yours? Vic: We're tight. Ezri: I see. You're going to get Sammy convince him that it's time to leave the holosuite? Vic: Well, no. Ezri: Forget it. I should know better by now than to ask you to give away your secrets. You probably have the whole thing all mapped out. I mean, what am I thinking? That this new casino is anything more than a ploy? That you'd actually let him live out the rest of his life in a holosuite? Vic: No, of course not, I mean. The casino's just a ploy, like you said, you know. Ezri: They'll be so glad to have him back. Vic: Yeah. He is better, isn't he. Ezri: It's like you said. He just needed a break from reality. Now all that's left is to decide when he's ready to go back. But I'll leave that up to you. See you around. Vic: See you. Nog: Great set tonight, Vic. Vic: Thanks. Lot of familiar faces in the crowd. Did I see Rom and Leeta out there? Nog: They came for a while. What do you think about moving the crap tables over to the south wing and expanding the slot machines out into here? Vic: Good idea. I'll think it over. Nog: But we're supposed to meet with the architect tomorrow morning. Vic: Not anymore. It's time for you to go, kid. Nog: Go where? Vic: You know where. It's time to end the program. Nog: But we've got work to do. We have a casino to build. Vic: No, we don't. This is just a fantasy. It's not real. Nog: It's real to me and it's real to you, and don't say it isn't. I know better. Vic: You're right, it's very real to me. But I'm a hologram, Nog. I'm not a person. Until you came along, I'd never been on for more than six or seven hours straight. Nog: I know. And now you're running all the time. Isn't it great? Vic: It's incredible. Since you've been here, I've slept in a bed every night, gone to work every day, had time to read the paper, play cards with the boys. I've had a life. And I have to tell you, it's a precious thing. I had no idea how much it means to just live. Now I'm going to return the favor and give you your life back. Nog: But I don't want that life anymore, Vic. I'm perfectly happy here. Vic: What here? There is no here. Don't you get it? This is nowhere. It's an illusion and so am I. In fact, the only thing in this entire program that is not an illusion is you. Nog: Okay. You're right. But I'm not ready to go back yet. I need more time. So let's just sleep on this and talk about it tomorrow. Vic: Kid, I hate to do this to you, but you're not giving me any choice. Computer Nog: No, don't! Vic: End program. O'Brien: Oh. Hi, Nog. Nog: Chief. Something wrong? O'Brien: No, no. I was running a diagnostic in Ops and I noticed a magnetic flux anomaly in the holosuite transilluminator circuits. I didn't realize it was you. Nog: Sorry. I'm just having trouble getting the Las Vegas program to run. O'Brien: You know, Vic's matrix is a little different than your standard photokinetic hologram. He can turn himself off. And if he doesn't want to appear, he doesn't appear. Nog: You mean he has free will? O'Brien: I'm an engineer, not a philosopher. All I know is that when Vic turns himself off, he's off, and ripping out the guts of the holosuite isn't going to change that. Anything else I can do for you? Nog: No. O'Brien: Oh, we, er, we all miss you in Ops. Nog: Yeah. Vic: So, now that the Chief's told you I'm smarter than the average bear, will you stop messing around with my holosuite? Nog: If you'll turn the program back on. Vic: What is it I'm not making clear to you, Charlie? You got to go. Nog: Don't you get it? I can't go out there. Vic: Why not? Nog: I'm scared, okay? I'm scared. When the war began, I wasn't happy or anything, but I was eager. I wanted to test myself. I wanted to prove I had what it took to be a soldier. And I saw a lot of combat. I saw a lot of people get hurt. I saw a lot of people die, but I didn't think anything was going to happen to me. And then suddenly Doctor Bashir is telling me he has to cut my leg off. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. If I can get shot, if I can lose my leg, anything could happen to me, Vic. I could die tomorrow. I don't know if I'm ready to face that. If I stay here, at least I know what the future is going to be like. Vic: You stay here, you're going to die. Not all at once, but little by little. Eventually you'll become as hollow as I am. Nog: You don't seem hollow to me. Vic: Compared to you, I'm hollow as a snare drum. Look, kid, I don't know what's going to happen to you out there. All I can tell you is that you've got to play the cards life deals you. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but at least you're in the game. Vic: Crazy. Rom: He seemed happy. Leeta: And he's stopped limping. Quark: You're joking. Leeta: No. He's a new man. You should go see him. Quark: I don't think I'll need to. Nog: Hi. Rom: Hi. Leeta: Are you okay? Nog: No. But I will be. Nog: Computer, run program Bashir sixty two. Vic: Hi, kid. Hey, nice threads. Nog: Thanks. Vic: You back at work? Nog: Limited duty. Just a couple of hours a day. Vic: How's it feel? Nog: Different. I feel older. Vic: Happens to the best of us. Nog: I want to thank you for all that you did for me. Vic: That's not necessary. You did something for me too. You gave me a chance to see what it's like to have a life. Nog: Well you're going to have that chance again. I've made arrangements with my uncle Quark to keep your program running twenty six hours a day from now on. Vic: What? Nog: It's my gift to you. Vic: Kid, I don't know what to say. Nog: Just put it there, pallie, and tell me you'll always save me a seat up front. Vic: It's a deal. And you can take that to the bank. Nog: Got to go. I'm buying Jake and Kesha dinner tonight. Vic: Hey. Try not to overturn the furniture. Nog: I'll try. Vic: Twenty six hours a day. I've got the world on a string, Sitting on a rainbow. Got the string around my finger. Vic: What a world, what a life. I'm in love.

Odo: By the way, your gagh has arrived. Ezri: My what? Oh, no. Odo: Oh yes, and it's waiting for you in cargo bay two. Kira: Your gagh? Ezri: Jadzia ordered it. She was planning a party for Martok's birthday next week. Kira: How much gagh did she order? Odo: Fifty one cases. Ezri: Each containing a different variety. Kira: There are varieties of gagh? Ezri: Oh, yes. I can remember what each one tastes like, and the way they feel when you swallow them. Torgud gagh wiggles. Filden gagh squirms. Meshta gagh jumps. Bashir: Are you all right? Kira: Are you all right? Bashir: Me? Kira: Well, you've barely said three words. Something on your mind? Bashir: Oh, no. I just can't wait to see Miles, that's all. Kira: Oh, let me guess. You have a holosuite appointment? Defending the Alamo again? Bashir: You know me too well. Kira: When does his transport arrive? Bashir: Half an hour. Ezri: Bithool gagh has feet. Flush it out the airlock. All of it. Odo: Environmental regulations. Kira: Why don't you just give it to Martok? Ezri: He'd insist on sharing it with me as a point of honor. Wistan gagh is packed in targ blood. I have to go now. See you later. Bashir: I think I'd better go too. Odo: Give my regards to Santa Anna. Sisko: What? Bashir: Miles asked me not to say anything, but I haven't heard from him in three days and since he wasn't on this morning's transport, I think something might have happened to him. Sisko: He told me he was going home to visit his father. Bashir: He may have implied that he was going to visit his father, but he didn't actually say Sisko: Doctor, please. Bashir: Yes, sir. Sisko: So where is he? Bashir: The last message I received from him said that he was still in New Sydney, and that he was following up on some promising leads. Sisko: He's not a detective. He's an engineer. He is my Chief Engineer and now he's missing! So, who is this woman he's supposed to be looking for. Bashir: She's the widow of Liam Bilby. Sisko: Bilby, Bilby. The man he befriended during that undercover operation last year? Bashir: Yes, sir. Miles still feels responsible for his death and has been in touch with his widow ever since. And when she dropped out of sight three weeks ago he got worried and decided to go find her. Sisko: And now they're both missing. Perfect. Bashir: In his defense sir, he did try and go through the official channels, but the authorities on New Sydney weren't very cooperative, to say the least, and since it isn't a Federation world, Starfleet doesn't have any jurisdiction. Sisko: So he decided to turn into a one man police force. Bashir: Yes, sir. Sisko: New Sydney. It's in the Sappora System, right? Bashir: Right. Sisko: I want a written report, detailing everything you know about this woman, O'Brien's plan to find her, and everything else you neglected to mention to me. Bashir: Aye, sir. May I ask what you're going to do? Sisko: No, you may not, and I want that report on my desk within the hour. Sisko: And since your family still lives in the Sappora System, I thought they might have a few contacts on New Sydney. Ezri: I'm sure they do. My mother's one of the more important business leaders in the system. Sisko: Your personnel file says she owns the fifth largest pergium mining facility in the entire sector. Ezri: Actually, it's the sixth now. The Ferengi diskovered a large deposit on Timor Two a few years ago. My mother nearly had a heart attack when she found out we'd been knocked out of the top five. Sisko: Please. Do you think she'd be willing to intervene with the local authorities to look into what happened to the Chief? Ezri: Oh, I'm sure she would. Sisko: That's the first good news I've heard all day. Something wrong? Ezri: No. Yes. I don't know. I haven't talked to my mother in almost six months. Sisko: Oh. Ezri: The last time I saw her was just after I was joined. She came to visit me on Trill and I was still a little confused. When she walked into my room, I put on a big smile, looked her straight in the eye and said, 'Hi, Mom, it's me, Curzon. Things kinda went downhill from there. Sisko: I'm sure she understood what you were going through. You weren't prepared to be joined. She couldn't blame you for being confused. Ezri: She didn't. Not really. But she did want me to come home to recuperate, and we had a disagreement. Sisko: Not for the first time? Ezri: No, not for the first time. Sisko: If there was any other way, I wouldn't ask you to do this. Ezri: No, that's all right. I mean, my family problems aren't as important as finding the Chief. I'll call my mother right away. Sisko: Thanks, old man. Ezri: Anytime. Yanas: We've been worried about you. Ezri: I'm all right. Really. And I'm a lot more sure of who I am than the last time you saw me. Yanas: Well that's a relief. I'd hate to have to start calling you Curzon. Ezri: I've been promoted. Yanas: Oh? Ezri: Lieutenant junior grade Ezri Dax at your service. Yanas: Ezri Dax. Ezri: The symbiont name always replaces the family name of the new host. It's traditional. Yanas: Of course it is. I haven't been away from Trill that long. The important thing is you're doing well. Ezri: Mother, I'm calling because I need your help. One of our officers, Miles O'Brien, went to New Sydney three weeks ago and now he's missing. Captain Sisko was wondering if maybe you could Yanas: I'll do everything I can. Ezri: Thank you. Yanas: Now. When are you coming home? Ezri: I'm not sure when I can get away. Yanas: Ezri, you haven't been home in three years. Ezri: I know, but with the war on and everything Yanas: Ezri Tigan. Dax. You tell your commanding officer that your mother is a very difficult woman, and that she refuses to help look for Mister O'Brien unless you're allowed to return home right away. Ezri: Mother, no. Please don't put me in this Yanas: Ezri, goodbye. I'll see you when you get here. Bashir: Here. Use twenty milligrams at the first sign of spacesickness. If you don't, you'll regret it. Ezri: So will the other passengers. Bashir: Everything Starfleet knows on Bilby and his widow. Ezri: Where's your report? Bashir: Oh, it's in there. It's the one with Captain Sisko's bootprints all over it. Ezri: Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be out of the doghouse by the time I get back. Bashir: I hope so. Bashir: Would it help if I said that as someone who isn't especially close to his parents, I sympathize. Ezri: I'm about to present my family with a whole new Ezri. And to tell you the truth, they didn't really know what to make of the old one. But thanks for trying, Julian. I'll let you know as soon as I find out anything about Miles. Bashir: Well, have a safe trip. Norvo: Zee! Ezri: Norvo. Norvo: I cannot believe you're really here. Ezri: Neither can I. Norvo: You cut your hair. Ezri: Oh, yeah. It kept getting in my eyes. Do you like it? Norvo: It'll take a some getting used to. Ezri: I think you've just summed up my entire visit. Is this yours? Norvo: Mom insisted on hanging it in here. I hate it. Ezri: Why? Norvo: Well, the composition is puerile and obvious. The colors belong on a child's toy and the technique is laughable. Ezri: But other than that Norvo: It's perfect. Janel: Welcome home, little girl. Ezri: Hi, Janel. Janel: Do I have to take a sonic shower before I get a hug? Ezri: It's good to see you. Janel: You too. What happened here? Norvo: She cut it. I think it brings out her eyes, gives her more of a classic look. Janel: It's cute. Mom's on her way. She said to give you the preliminary police report on your friend. Ezri: Have they found out anything? Janel: Not yet. Janel: But they have a few leads. I hope you appreciate all the trouble she's going to. She called in a lot of favors from the New Sydney police. Ezri: Of course I appreciate it. Norvo: So how long are you staying? Ezri: I'm not sure yet. Janel: She's not going to be here a minute longer than she has to. You know that. Ezri: We're in the middle of a war, Janel. I have responsibilities back on DS Nine. Janel: There's always something. Ezri: Hello, Mother. Yanas: I hate your hair. Have you eaten? Ezri: No, not yet. Yanas: Good. Because I've got Korella working on a very special dinner. Have you taken care of Lorkin? Janel: I was just going to contact him. Yanas: I want him paid and gone before dinner's ready. Janel: Yes, ma'am. Yanas: And what about that third quarter review I asked you for? Norvo: I'm still working on it. Yanas: You've been working on it for a week now. Norvo: I miscalculated some of the revenues. I have to redo them. Yanas: I know you don't like doing the bookkeeping, but I really need that review as soon as possible, all right? Good. I want to show you the new solarium. I had these tiles all brought in from Andoria and then hand painted by a very charming old man I met on a trip to the Hovarian cluster. Janel: Have Mister Lorkin report to the main house. Man: Yes, sir. Norvo: Why are you getting rid of Lorkin? Janel: That broken waveguide in fourteen three A is going to cost us a thousand bars of latinum a day. Mother thinks it's a result of sloppy maintenance. Norvo: What do you think? Janel: I think a brand new waveguide doesn't just break. Norvo: You mean Bokar was behind it? Janel: He's trying to send us a message. The Orion Syndicate doesn't take no for an answer. Norvo: Maybe we should tell Mother. Janel: No. I can deal with Bokar. Norvo: I don't know. Janel: Relax. Everything's going to be all right. Ezri: Jadzia considered Kira one of her best friends, and I'm starting to think of her the same way. We spend a lot of time together. Janel: She didn't have any trouble adjusting to having a new Dax in her life? Ezri: Well, no more than anyone else. I don't really think any of them were expecting another Dax to walk into their lives. Norvo: Did any of them wonder if you Yanas: Whatever happened to that young man you were interested in on the Destiny? Lieutenant, er, something? Ezri: Brinner Finok. Yanas: Yes. Ezri: He was an Ensign. I did talk to him after I was joined, once. I don't think we're really right for each other anymore. He reminds me too much of my son Gran. It makes me a little uncomfortable being around him now. Sorry. Audrid's son Gran. I'm still sorting out my pronouns. Norvo: I'm sure all joined Trills go through this. Ezri: No, just me. Nothing simple for Ezri. There's times when the computer asks me to identify myself and I have to think about what to say. Or worse yet, there're days when I wake up and I don't even know if I'm a man or a woman until I pull back the covers. I also have an unfortunate tendency to ramble. Yanas: Don't be embarrassed, dear. It's not your fault. You should've gone through years of training to receive a symbiont. It wasn't fair of them to join you to Dax just because you happened to be the only Trill on board. It's no surprise to me you're having trouble sorting out eight lifetimes of memories and experiences. Ezri: It can be a little overwhelming at times. Yanas: I'm sure. But don't you worry. We'll take care of you, won't we? Norvo: Absolutely. Janel: Of course. Ezri: That's nice to know. But I think I've got things under control now. Yanas: Ezri, you always were too proud for your own good. Norvo: Come in, Zee. Ezri: How'd you know it was me? Norvo: No one else would bother with the chime. Ezri: Hmm. I see some things never change. Norvo: Here, have a seat. Ezri: How many of these are yours? Norvo: All the bad ones. Ezri: When did you become such a harsh critic of your work? Norvo: Just being realistic. It's amateurish. I know that. It says so right there. Saurian brandy? Ezri: Sure. Norvo: Oh. I should probably get a clean one. Ezri: I don't care. Norvo, this doesn't mean that Norvo: To my sister. A shining angel in a dark sky. Ezri: All right. The Andorian Academy rejected your application. That doesn't mean your work is amateurish. There are other art schools. Norvo: It's the best. Ezri: So? You shouldn't just quit. Norvo: I'm not very good, Zee. I never was. All this, it's an indulgence. Just like my other hobbies, poetry, music. I can't concentrate. My mind wanders. I don't have the diskipline it takes to succeed. Ezri: Those are Mother's words. I know because I've heard them too. She wasn't right about me and she's not right about you, either. Norvo: I'm fine with the way things have turned out, really. Besides, they need me here. Ezri: To do what, the family bookkeeping? Norvo, you could do so much more. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just want you to know that I still believe in you. Norvo: Thanks. Thank you. Ezri: Good night. Norvo: Good night. Yanas: I hope you're satisfied. Have you seen Norvo today? Ezri: No. Yanas: Well maybe you should. He's lying in bed with a hangover. When I woke up this morning I found him passed out in the entry room. Evidently he spent most of the night doing this. You think it's funny? Ezri: I think it's funny you think he did this because of me. He's not happy here, Mother. Can't you see that? Yanas: That's nonsense. Ezri: Mother, he's defacing his own artwork. Work that you insisted on displaying even after he objected. Yanas: I'm proud of him. I'm trying to encourage him. Ezri: But what you've done is made him feel trapped and powerless. Yanas: You've barely spent one night in this house and you think you can analyze our entire family? You don't know your brother anymore, Ezri. He's is a fragile young man who needs to be cared for. Ezri: He is a grown man who needs his freedom. You're smothering him. Yanas: How dare you come in here and tell me how to be a mother! What do you know about raising children? Ezri: Actually I have three, no, four lifetimes worth of memories about raising children. Yanas: I have worked and sacrificed for each one of you for over thirty years. Yanas: Not now! Janel: Sorry to interrupt, but Ezri: Miles! O'Brien: Ezri? What are you doing here? Ezri: This is my home. This is where I live. My mother. Yanas: I'm pleased to meet you, Mister O'Brien. Can you? Fuchida: He wasn't very friendly when we located him. O'Brien: Neither were you. Janel: If you'll excuse me, we're having a problem with the drill down in twenty four B. Ezri: Did you do this to him? Fuchida: Just the one on the jaw. The rest he got thanks to the Orion Syndicate. Ezri: Did you find anything on Bilby's wife? O'Brien: I found her. She's dead. O'Brien: Thanks. The DNA scan confirmed that the body was Morica's. She'd been dead at least six weeks. Ezri: Do you have any idea of cause of death? Fuchida: No. O'Brien: The cause of death was the Orion Syndicate. Fuchida: There's no evidence of that. It could have been an accident. O'Brien: Oh yeah. She accidently hit herself in the head and accidently threw herself in the river, huh? Fuchida: We pull a dozen bodies a month out of that river. You think they're all Syndicate murders? O'Brien: If they're anything like this, yes. And if you hadn't interfered, I might have proved she was murdered. Fuchida: If we hadn't interfered, you'd be dead. When your mother called us, we already had word that a Starfleet Intelligence operative was trying to infiltrate the Syndicate. It didn't take long to realize that it was your friend. We found him being beaten up by a pair of Nausicaans. O'Brien: They were just trying to scare me. Ezri: Why? O'Brien: Exactly! Why were they trying to scare me? Because I had found the body of Morica Bilby and they didn't want me to trace the murder back to them. Fuchida: The Syndicate would never kill the widow of an operative. The only thing holding them together is this loyalty they show to operatives and their families. O'Brien: They may not be as loyal as you think. Fuchida: Mrs Tigan, please contact us if there's anything else we can do for you. Yanas: Thank you. I will. Yanas: Ezri, why don't you show Mister O'Brien to one of out guest rooms. Let him clean up and have something to eat. O'Brien: Thanks. O'Brien: So that tip led me to the river. I searched the south bank for about three hours before I found her. The organic solvents in the water had partially decomposed the body, but it was her. Ezri: I'm sorry, Chief. I wish there was something more I could do. O'Brien: Maybe you could put in a good word for me with Captain Sisko. Ezri: It may take a lot of good words, but I'll talk to him. Yanas: Mister O'Brien, how are you feeling? O'Brien: Fine, thank you. I've eaten enough for a week. Yanas: Glad to hear it. I understand that you're an engineer. O'Brien: That's right. Janel: He's not a mining engineer. Yanas: We have a problem with a trans-sonic drill that no one on my staff seems capable of fixing, and I would appreciate it very much if you would be kind enough to take a look at it. Ezri: Now? Mother, he needs some rest. Yanas: How much rest do you require, Mister O'Brien? O'Brien: Actually, I feel fine Yanas: Thank you. I'll see you at dinner. Ezri: I'm sorry about this. Our mother's a force of nature. O'Brien: It's all right. It'll be good to get my hands on a problem I can solve for a change. Lead on. Norvo: Good morning. Ezri: Good afternoon. Norvo: Oh. Mother is not going to be happy about this. Ezri: Don't worry. You're out of the line of fire for the moment. She's too busy torturing Janel and Miles. Norvo: Miles? Oh, your friend. They found him? Ezri: He's fine. Norvo: Great. That's great, Zee. Does that mean you're leaving? Ezri: Not right away. Let's talk about you. More specifically, about what you did last night. Norvo: What can I say? When I get drunk, I become an art critic. Ezri: Do you regret what you did? Norvo: Not really. I never liked those pieces anyway. Ezri: So, what are you feeling? Norvo: I'm feeling like I don't want to be analyzed by my sister. Ezri: Sorry. It's what I do. Norvo: The situation is not that complex, Zee. I am wallowing in self pity and acting out my frustrations by throwing tantrums. Ezri: All right, Doctor Norvo. If that's your diagnosis, what's your prescription? Norvo: Mother disapproves of suicide. All that blood on the carpets. Ezri: Not funny. Norvo: Best I can do with a hangover. Ezri: Norvo, what would happen if you left with me tomorrow? Norvo: What do you mean? Ezri: I mean, what would happen if you went back to Deep Space Nine with me? Norvo: Mother would go insane. Ezri: Forget about her for the moment. Norvo: I can't just pick up and leave. Ezri: Well, it doesn't have to be a permanent move. Think of it as a vacation, a break from all of this. Some time to clear your head, that's all. Norvo: I don't know if I can leave all this on Janel's shoulders. Ezri: Janel can handle it. Norvo: It's not that simple. There are some things going on that are complicated. Ezri: Like what? Norvo: Things with the company. Ezri: No offense, Norvo, but you're not exactly holding the company together. Mother can pay a real accountant to do the work she's given you. Norvo: I don't know, Zee. Ezri: Well think about it. O'Brien: You're right. The problem's definitely in the secondary input transtator. Janel: But the transtator checks out perfectly. O'Brien: I'm sure it does, but it's the wrong transtator for this drill. Janel: What? O'Brien: You need a fifty two J, this is a fifty two L. Janel: It says fifty two J. O'Brien: I know. But it's definitely an L. It must've been accidently mislabeled. Janel: Or deliberately. Bokar: Another equipment failure? Perhaps if you hadn't dismissed Mister Lorkin, this wouldn't have happened. Janel: He was dismissed on my Mother's personal order. Bokar: Then we'll have to find a way of changing her mind, won't we. Who's your new mechanic, Janel? Janel: This is Mister O'Brien. He's a friend of the family. Bokar: That wouldn't be Chief O'Brien, would it? O'Brien: How did you know that? Bokar: I have several friends in the New Sydney Police. I heard they recently rescued a Starfleet Chief named O'Brien from an unpleasant situation. O'Brien: That's me. I don't believe I caught your name. Bokar: Thadial Bokar. I'm a commodities broker, attempting to establish business ties with the illustrious Tigan family. Janel: Will you excuse us for a moment, Chief? Mister Bokar and I have some business to discuss. Thank you for your help. I'll have a new transtator installled right away. O'Brien: Glad to do it. Janel: Sabotaging our drills isn't going to convince me to do more business with the Orion Syndicate. Bokar: We'll argue about that later. We have more immediate concerns. O'Brien is with Starfleet Intelligence. Janel: No, he isn't. He works with my sister on Deep Space Nine. Bokar: That may be what he wants you to think. But why was he on New Sydney trying to infiltrate the Syndicate? Janel: He was looking for some woman. Bokar: Some woman. Do you know the name of this woman? Janel: No. Bokar: Well I do. Her name was Morica Bilby. Janel: What? Bokar: Now, of course, I haven't heard from Morica Bilby in quite some time. Tumor has it that she's dead, but I wouldn't know anything about that. What I do know is that Chief O'Brien should leave this system, quickly, before something happens to him. Janel: So, you're not leaving until tomorrow? O'Brien: Probably. It really depends on Ezri. Janel: Why? O'Brien: Well, she's my superior officer. I go when she goes. Besides, I'm not looking forward to seeing Captain Sisko. He has a boot with my name on it. Janel: This isn't a good time for guests. There's a lot of work to do. The quicker you're on your way, the better. O'Brien: Your brother seems eager to get rid of us. Ezri: Oh, don't mind him. He's been under a lot of pressure. O'Brien: Do you know a man named Thadial Bokar? Says he's a commodities broker. Ezri: No. But I make it a point to know as little as possible about the family business. Why? O'Brien: Well, he came to the mine to talk with Janel while I was working on the drill. There was something about him reminded me of when I was working undercover with the Orion Syndicate. You know, something about the way they dealt with civilians. Ezri: You think this Mister Bokar is a member of the Syndicate? O'Brien: It's just a feeling. A pretty strong feeling. Ezri: We should tell Janel. O'Brien: I think Janel already knows. I know I'm not offering you any hard evidence here, Lieutenant, but your brother seems like a man who's being pressured by the Syndicate. He's experiencing sudden equipment breakdowns, work stoppages, mysterious accidents. That's the way the Syndicate extorts money from legitimate companies. 'Do business with us or we'll ruin you.' Ezri: Janel is not someone who is easily intimidated. And my mother? She would burn this place to the ground before she did business with the Syndicate. O'Brien: Well, there's one way to find out. Do you have access to the company's financial records? Yanas: What would you do on Deep Space Nine? Norvo: Take a vacation. Clear my head. Yanas: Clear your head of what? Norvo: I don't know. Yanas: Then why do you need a vacation? Norvo: I guess I don't, really. I just. But it'd be nice to spend some time with Ezri Yanas: You're spending time with her right now, aren't you? Norvo: Yes. Janel: We're ready to open twenty five beta. Yanas: I'll be right there. Norvo, this is a very bad time for you to take a vacation. We have far too much work to do. Have you finished the review? Norvo: Almost. Yanas: Well then, maybe you should get to it. Norvo: Yes, ma'am. Yanas: Let's go. Ezri: Now I remember why I never went into the family business. All these contracts and invoices, balance sheets and shipping orders. I feel like I'm trapped in some kind of Ferengi nightmare. What? What is it? O'Brien: I don't know. What's going on here? Ezri: What do you mean? O'Brien: Did you come here to find me or to prevent me finding out the truth? Ezri: I don't know what you're talking about, so maybe you should just tell me, Chief. O'Brien: The connection between the Orion Syndicate and your family is Morica Bilby. She was on the company's payroll when she died. Did you know about this? Ezri: No. Of course not. O'Brien: Someone in your family did, and since they didn't mention it they obviously don't want us to know. Ezri: Are you suggesting O'Brien: I'm not suggesting anything, but you have to face the possibility that somebody in your family may have been involved in her death. O'Brien: There. Nine months ago, Morica Bilby shows up on the payroll as a shipping consultant. Ezri: Five bars of latinum a week for services rendered. What services? There's no cross reference. No indication of what she was doing for the company. O'Brien: Whatever it was, she must have been good at the job. Look here. Her salary increases to ten bars a week, then twenty, then thirty. Ezri: The last payment entry was six weeks ago. O'Brien: The day before she was killed. Who's in charge of the payroll? Ezri: My mother, ultimately. But she's turned over most of the day to day operations to Janel, and Norvo's been doing the bookkeeping. Any one of them could know about Morica's payments. Or all of them. O'Brien: Lieutenant, we have to show this to the authorities on New Sydney. Ezri: Not yet. Not until I find out what's happened. That's an order. O'Brien: Yes, sir. Yanas: Why was this woman on our payroll? Janel: We were returning a favor. Yanas: To whom? Janel: To the Orion Syndicate. Yanas: And what favor did they do for us? Janel: Remember when the Ferengis opened up the Timor Two mine and there was a ten point drop in the price of pergium? Well, that came at a bad moment. We were overextended on some loans, our cash reserves were depleted, and a Jem'Hadar raid destroyed an entire shipment before it reached the refinery on Rigel Four. Ezri: So you turned to the Syndicate? Janel: They came to me! They offered us a way out and I took it. I did what I had to do. And I don't remember you asking a lot of questions when our cash problems were resolved overnight. Yanas: Because I trusted you. Obviously it was a mistake. Ezri: What about Morica? Janel: About a month after Bokar arranged the loan, he came to me and said it was time to return the favor. There was a woman who needed a job with a salary, but without any actual work involved. He said she was the widow of one of their associates and they needed to take care of her. I didn't feel like I was in a position to say no. So I started making the payments. No one would've been the wiser if Norvo had altered the payroll records like I asked him. Yanas: You dragged your little brother into this? Janel: You're the one who says there's nothing more important than the company. Well, that's all I was thinking about. The company. You dumped it in my lap and I saved it, so don't start complaining now. if it weren't for me, we would have been finished. Yanas: Don't you rationalize what you've done. Ezri: All right! All right! We can talk about who saved what later. Right now, we have to concentrate on what happened to Morica. The payroll records show a steady increase in her payments. Why? Janel: She wasn't happy with her salary. She said the Syndicate had promised her a comfortable living and she wasn't comfortable on what we were paying her. Ezri: How did she die? Janel: I don't know. Yanas: Janel, if you have anything to do with this, now is the time to speak. Janel: What are you saying? That I had her killed? Yanas: I'm asking. Norvo: Mother, he wouldn't have killed her. Yanas: You stay out of this. Listen to me. I will get you the very best solicitor on New Sydney, but you must tell me the truth. Janel: I didn't kill her. Yanas: Oh, Janel, why don't I believe you? Why don't I believe that this woman just happened to die at the exact moment she was pressuring you for more money? Norvo: Why won't you listen to him? He didn't do it. Janel: I may not have shed any tears when I found out she was dead, but I didn't kill her. Yanas: Then who did? Janel: The police said it was an accident! Ezri: Norvo, you don't know what happened to Morica, do you? Norvo: I'm the idiot brother. How would I know? Ezri: Tell me you don't know anything about this. Norvo: I tried to reason with her, but she was very angry. Angry at the Syndicate, angry at us. Even angry at her husband for getting himself killed. I didn't go there to kill her, Zee. I really didn't. But she wouldn't listen to me. She started yelling, said that our family was just as bad as the Syndicate. That we were all liars and cheats. And then suddenly I realized that if she were dead all of our problems would go away. Yanas: Oh, Norvo. Norvo: I took care of it. You always said that I was too weak to handle the tough ones. I'm not. I proved it. I handled a problem that you couldn't. I handled it. Janel: I need to inspect the ore samples from fifty three C. We have to make a decision on whether to open up a new Ezri: Janel, forget about the mine. It doesn't matter. I want you to listen to me. After Norvo's trial is over, you need to go. Janel: Go where? Ezri: It doesn't matter. Just go. Find another life for yourself. Trust me. You'll be happier. Ezri: They've taken Norvo. I'm going to stay on New Sydney for the trial and then I'm going to head back to Deep Space Nine. Yanas: This isn't my fault, is it, Ezri? I didn't do this, did I? O'Brien: Mind if I join you? When'd you get back? Ezri: Last night. Norvo was sentenced to thirty years. O'Brien: I wish I could say I'm sorry, but considering what he did he got off easy. Ezri: I understand why you feel that way. But you didn't know him, Miles. Norvo was very gifted. When we were young he had so much potential. Norvo was always the one that we all thought would be something special. And I don't know what happened. I don't know how my brother turned into. You know, I guess I just spent so many years dreaming of ways to get out of that house that I didn't see what was really going on inside, what was happening to Norvo. The endless humiliation, the constant drumbeat of criticism, the way his heart was carved up into little pieces. I should have seen it. I should have tried to stop it. O'Brien: You can't blame yourself. You're not responsible for that. Ezri: But I am, don't you see? I should have gone home a long time ago.

Scene: In memory of Jerome Bixby Quark: Have you ever seen anything so disgusting? The way he's undressing her with his eyes. And look at his hands. Odo: What about his hands? Quark: His gestures. They're obscene. You should arrest him. Odo: You're joking. Quark: He's pitiful. Doesn't he realize she loves me? Odo: I don't think he does. To be honest, I don't think she does either. Quark: Thanks for your support. Rom: Brother! I just talked to Moogie. She says Grand Nagus Zek has disappeared. Quark: What do you mean, disappeared? Rom: He left her a note saying he was going on a business safari to open new territories for financial exploitation. Quark: That's our Nagus. Rom: He said he'd be back in five days. That was twelve days ago! Quark: Twelve? Odo: Has he done this before? Rom: Not for this long. Moogie did some checking. No one's heard from him. He could be hurt or even dead. We have to do something! Quark: He probably stopped off on Risa. You know, for a little rest and relaxation. Rom: Risa? With all those gorgeous women? He wouldn't do that to Moogie. Quark: Have you looked at our mother lately? She's not getting any younger. Now do us both a favor and stop worrying about Zek. He'll show up. Rom: Are you sure? Quark: Goodbye, Rom. Goodbye. Where'd Ezri go? Odo: Oh, she slipped out the back with Bashir. Quark: They left together? Odo: I think they were holding hands. Quark: Oh. Quark: Blessed Exchequer, whose greed is eternal. Allow this humble bribe to open your ears and hear this plea from your most devout debtor. Continue to bless my bar with a steady stream of thirsty customers whose pockets are lined with latinum, and whose skills at dabo are shaky at best. And while you're at it, see if you can do something about Doctor Bashir. Don't hurt him or anything, just get him off the station for a couple of months. Oh, and one other thing. I opened negotiations with Ezri three months ago, but I can't seem to close the deal. Anything you can do to help Quark: Come in. Ezri. Ezri: Anyone else here? Quark: Just you and me. Ezri: Is that the bedroom? Quark: I owe you. Does it have to be so rough the first time? Ezri: I don't know what you think is going on here, but think again. Quark: Don't tell me. This is some new kind of therapy? Am I suppose to start talking about my childhood or something? Ezri: I hope not. Quark: Good, because I'd rather talk about us. Dax, Dax, you're the most fascinating woman I've ever met. I love you. There. I said it! Ezri: My name's not Dax. Quark: Oh, I get it. Your clothes, the knife, this aggressive attitude. It's all role playing. Call me Shmun. Ezri: Shmun? Quark: Yeah. And I'll call you T'lana. You know, from 'Vulcan Love Slave' Volume Three. Ezri: You're a very confused man, aren't you? If your friend Zek is depending on you, he's in a lot more trouble than he thinks. Quark: Zek? What does he have to do with any of this? Ezri: I'll let him explain. Zek: Hello, Quark. It's me, your Grand Nagus. You'll never guess where I am. Quark: Risa? Zek: If you said Risa, guess again. I'm in the alternate universe! Quark: You're not my Dax. You're from over there. Ezri: You're catching on. Zek: You're probably wondering how I got here well, you're going to have to keep on wondering, because I don't have time to tell you. You see, I'm in a bit of trouble. I'm being held prisoner by the Alliance and I'm going to need you to help me regain my freedom. The Regent said he would send me home in exchange for a ship's cloaking device. They don't have them in this universe. I wish I'd known that before I got here. I could've saved myself a lot of aggravation and made a nice profit at the same time. However, my fate is in your hands, Quark. I need a cloaking device and I need it now. You're the only one I can count on. If you do this for me I promise I'll be eternally grateful. And don't forget to tell your mother I love her. Goodbye. Quark: He should've gone to Risa. Ezri: The Regent wants the cloaking device in three days. Quark: That's not much time. Cloaking technology isn't that easy to come by. Ezri: You'll find a way. Quark: And if I don't? Ezri: The Nagus will die. Rom: Anyone out there? Quark: Not that I can see. Rom: Then let's do it. Quark: All right, together now. Now lift! Rom: It's heavy. Quark: Oh, I noticed. Quark: Watch the steps. Rom: I see them, brother. I told you cloaking the cloaking device was a good idea. Quark: Brilliant. But couldn't you have done something about its weight? Rom: No. But if it makes you feel any better, the cloaking device on the Defiant is a lot heavier. Quark: Tell it to my hernia. Rom: You know what's bothering me? It seems wrong to be stealing a cloaking device for the Alliance. Quark: We're not stealing it for them, we're stealing it to save Zek. Rom: But what about this other Ezri? She's a Trill. Quark: So? Rom: So, shouldn't she be with the rebels fighting against the Alliance? Quark: Be sure to point that out when you meet her. Just don't forget, she carries a knife. Shh. Someone's coming. Set it down, quick. Quark: Act normal. Martok: I'm telling you, Captain, we have to find a way to expand our lines beyond the Kalandra system. Sisko: I agree. If we don't move soon, the ionic storms will isolate our position. Martok: And allow the Dominion to flank us. Sisko: Something wrong, gentlemen? Quark: It's the bulkhead. Martok: What about it? Quark: Rom's thinking of painting his quarters this color. Sisko: They're already that color. Quark: I told you! Rom: No wonder I like it. It's a very soothing shade of gray. Sisko: I'm glad you approve. Martok: Captain. Sisko: Hmm? Carry on. Sisko: I'll talk to Admiral Ross. Martok: I'll talk to Chancellor Gowron as well. Rom: They're headed for the Klingon ship. What if they diskover the cloaking device is missing? Quark: Let's get out of here. Where is it? Rom: I'm not sure. Quark: Well, find it. Quark: Oww! Rom: Good job, brother. But I wouldn't touch those induction coils if I were you. Quark: Thanks for the warning. Rom: Up we go. Quark: Come on. Ezri's waiting for us in cargo bay fourteen. Quark: One Klingon cloaking device, as requested. Ezri: As soon as I bring that to the Regent, he'll release Zek. Quark: Then what happens? Ezri: Then you get him back. Would you stop doing that? Rom: Doing what? Ezri: Staring at me. Rom: Sorry. But you look just like our Ezri, except you're a lot taller. Quark: What are you talking about? She's exactly the same height. Rom: I don't think so Quark: Don't be an idiot. I'm telling you they're identical, I think. Ezri: Do I have to throw you off this transport pad? Rom: One thing's for sure, their personalities aren't identical. How do we know the Regent will keep his word and send Zek back to us? Ezri: You don't. But there's not much you can do about it, is there? Rom: Yes, there is. Brother, I think we should go with her. Ezri: I don't think you'll like it too much on the other side. Quark: That, I believe. But my idiot brother is right. We're coming with you. Martok: Ferengi! I'll have you hanging by your ears. Quark: Well, what are we waiting for? Rom: It didn't work. Ezri: Yes it did. We're on Terok Nor. Rom: It looks like Deep Space Nine to me. Quark: I suppose a cargo bay is a cargo bay, no matter what universe you're in. Rom: But this is an alternate universe. Shouldn't everything be different? Quark: It's different enough. Remember what Captain Sisko once told us? In this universe, we're both dead. Rom: That's so sad. I would've liked to meet myself. Ezri: We'd better get moving. I've got a ship waiting for us at landing pad C. Rom: What's the rush? Ezri: This is a rebel base and we're working for the Alliance. Rom: Vic? Vic: I thought you two were dead. Rom: We are! Quark: You're not a hologram. Vic: A what? Bashir: Throw put down your phasers, Fontaine! Vic: I'll see you in hell first. Quark: I can't believe it. Julian just shot Vic Fontaine. Rom: I thought Vic was his favorite singer. No wonder they call it the alternate universe. Bashir: You, behind the crates come out. You can come out now. Ezri: Do as he says. Bashir: Well, well, well. Look who we have here. Quark: I'll bet you're surprised to see us, but I can explain. Bashir: You worthless piece of space trash. Quark: Don't hurt her! Rom: Hey! You're supposed to be the good guys. Rom: My mistake. O'Brien: I'm sorry, Rom. That cloaking device of yours is now the property of the Terran Resistance Forces. Rom: But you don't understand. You have to give us back the cloaking device. We need it to rescue the Nagus. Bashir: That's not who you should be worried about right now. Do you know what we do to Alliance sympathizers? O'Brien: Give it a rest, Julian. Bashir: I'll give it a rest just as soon as these three get what's coming to them. Rom: I don't know about you, but I like our Bashir better. O'Brien: You have to forgive him. He's had a rough go of it lately. He lost a close friend in a skirmish with Alliance troops. Bashir: This has nothing to do with Jadzia. Do you know what would happen to us if the Alliance got hold of a cloaking device? O'Brien: It wouldn't be pretty. Bashir: They'd wipe us out in a matter of weeks. Besides, there's nothing I loathe more than traitors. Ezri: I'm not a traitor. O'Brien: She's right. You have to believe in something before you can betray it. Ezri: I believe in getting paid for my work, and you still owe me for the last job I did for you. O'Brien: We're fighting for our freedom here, for our very lives. All you care about is money? Ezri: Like you said, you have to have something to believe in. Bashir: Let me ram those words down her throat. O'Brien: You're forgetting something, Julian. The Alliance didn't get the cloaking device, we did. And that gives us the edge. And we have these gentlemen to thank for it. Bashir: So what do you want to do? Give them medals? O'Brien: I don't think their Captain Sisko would be too pleased to know they were over here interfering in our affairs. Rom: That's why we didn't tell him. O'Brien: I thought as much. I say we send them back to where they belong. Let Sisko deal with them. Quark: We can't go back. Not without Zek. O'Brien: The way I see it, you've got two choices. You can either head back to where you came from or you can head for Alliance territory and try to rescue your friend without the cloaking device. You have till morning to decide. Bashir: Either way, you're staying with us. Rom: Tough break. Ezri: I'll live. Quark: You sure? Ezri: Don't worry about me. Smiley's right about one thing. If you're found in Alliance territory without the cloaking device, you're dead. Quark: Are you suggesting we should go back home? Ezri: It's the smart move. Quark: Do we look smart to you? Zek: You have such nimble fingers, my dear. Kira: How many times have I heard that? Zek: I don't think I could survive this incarceration without them. Kira: I'm glad to be of help. Zek: I only wish I could return the favor. After all, you've been suffering here for a lot longer than I have. Kira: It hasn't been too bad. I always find a way of amusing myself. And besides, when your people give the Regent the cloaking device, we'll both be free. Zek: If Quark and Rom don't screw things up. Kira: Have a seat, big boy. You said your people could deliver the cloaking device. You guaranteed it! Zek: Well, so I said, and so they shall. Kira: Then we have nothing to worry about. Oh, so fragile. Zek: That's quite a temper you have, my dear. Kira: It's one of my best features. Now, where were we? Zek: Mind going back to tugging at my ear hairs? Kira: Your wish is my command. Quark: We have to find a way out of here. Ezri: And then? Quark: And then we get our hands on the cloaking device and finish what we started. Ezri: All right. Let's say you manage to save this Grand Nagus of yours. Then what? Quark: Then we go home. And never come back here again. Ezri: That's it? Quark: Isn't it enough? Ezri: Quark, don't play dumb with me. You're risking your life for him. There has to be a reason for it. Quark: He's the Nagus. The man my mother loves. Not to mention, he's the head of the Ferengi Alliance. Ezri: In other words, he's rich. Quark: They don't come any richer. Ezri: I see. How much are you expecting to get out of him? Quark: Knowing the Nagus, I'd say a pat on the head and a fistful of empty promises. Ezri: I don't understand. Quark: There's nothing to understand. He's my Nagus. And when your Nagus gets in trouble, you're supposed to do something about it. Ezri: Why? Quark: I don't know. Loyalty? Ezri: You're kidding me, right? You're doing this out of loyalty? Quark: Would you stop looking at me like that? You're making me feel like an idiot. Ezri: I hope so. Rom: Brother! I just realized something. Ezri: This should be good. Rom: This is suppose to be an alternate universe, but their Captain O'Brien seems as nice as our Chief O'Brien. Quark: So? Rom: Don't you see? It doesn't make any sense. It's not alternate. Quark: Go back to sleep, Rom. Rom: Right. But it's all very confusing. Rom: What was that? Quark: How would I know? Rom: Brother, look out! It's Brunt! Quark: I don't think it's our Brunt. Ezri: What took you so long? Brunt: Sorry. Been a little busy. I had to break into the cargo bay, steal back the cloaking device you lost and get it onto our ship. And on top of that Ezri: Okay. Quit your complaining and get us out of here. Brunt: I'm working on it. Brunt: You two must be hungry. I've got food and drink waiting for you on the ship. Rom: He's so nice. Quark: Scary, isn't it? Quark: What was that? Ezri: Brunt modified the dilithium matrix to maximize the output. Quark: He did, did he? Ezri: He's a very good engineer. Rom: He's also a very good cook. These fried tube grubs are delicious. Quark: Better hope he didn't poison them. Rom: Maybe in our universe he'd do something like that, but not over here. Over here, everything's alternate. So he's a nice guy. Which means the tube grubs here should be poisonous, because they're not poisonous on our side. But if Brunt gave us poisonous tube grubs it would mean he wasn't as nice as we think he is. But he has to be nice because our Brunt isn't. Quark: Rom, you're driving me crazy. Rom: It's not me, brother, it's this alternate universe. It just doesn't make any sense. Brunt: More tube grubs? Rom: Yes, please. No. Yes! Quark: Oh, no. Brunt: In case you get hungry. I put a cup of hot tea by your bunk. You should get some rest. Ezri: It has been a long day. Rom: You're telling me. Ezri: We're not due to rendezvous with the Regent's ship for another forty six hours. Brunt: I'll wake you long before that. Brunt: I'd like to see the look on Bashir's face when he diskovers we've stolen back the cloaking device. Quark: You think he and Smiley will come after us? Brunt: Oh, they can't let the Regent get his hands on that technology. Quark: Sounds like your sympathies are with the rebels. Brunt: I hate the Alliance. Quark: Then why help them get the cloaking device? Brunt: Ezri and I are partners. More than that. She's the closest friend I've ever had. Quark: And how close is that? Brunt: Not as close as I'd like. Quark: Too bad. Brunt: I'm not her type. And I don't think you are either. Quark: What makes you say that? Brunt: Let's just say that when it comes to men, she's very particular. Worf: Interesting. My sinuses are clear for the first time in years. See if this Ferengi has any more of this beetle snuff. Garak: Certainly. But first, my Regent, I must talk to you about the Intendant. It's taken us over two years to track down that treacherous wench. We should eliminate her and be done with it. Worf: I will deal with the Intendant in my own way and in my own time. But first, I want that cloaking device! Garak: Yes. Worf: Think of it. With a fleet of cloaked ships I will be able to crush the rebellion once and for all. Garak: And then we can kill the Intendant. Worf: We will see. Rom: Big ship. Quark: How do we know we can trust the Regent? Once he has the cloaking device, there's nothing to stop him from killing us all. Brunt: It's a little late to back out now, Quark. Ezri: By bringing him the cloaking device, you've proven yourself useful. Believe me, the Regent never gets rid of anyone he finds useful. Quark: I hope you're right. Rom: Me, too. Worf: You. Come here. Your Regent needs you. Worf: Nice fit. Garak: Our visitors from the other universe have arrived, and I'm happy to report they have not come empty handed. Rom: Look who the Regent is! Quark: So? Rom: So who's president of the Federation, Gul Dukat? Quark: They don't have a Federation here. Worf: Is there a problem, Ferengi? Quark: Just ignore him. Now, if you'll give us the Nagus, we'll be on our way and you can go on with your plans for mass destruction, genocide and all those other good things. Worf: Victory is finally in my grasp. I want this operational within the hour. Garak: And it will be so, exalted one. Quark: We have a deal, right? Worf: Do we? Quark: Tell him. Kira: Yes, my dear, why don't you tell him. I knew you wouldn't disappoint me. Rom: Uh oh. Quark: You're not going to give us the Nagus, are you. You. You knew about this all along. Ezri: What can I say? I'm loyal to my friends. Kira: Isn't she just the best? Garak: I don't understand. You're letting her go? Worf: She earned it. Having them bring us the cloaking device was her idea. Get rid of these two. Brunt: Is that really necessary? They could come in handy. Garak: If the Regent wants your opinion, he'll ask for it. Worf: Do not kill them just yet. Garak: But your magnificence Worf: You heard me. Lock them up. Garak: Let's go. Quark: I hope you two are very happy together. Kira: We will be. Rom: Our Ezri would never betray us, which means Quark: Oh, don't start with that again. Zek: Rom, you're not going to tell your mother about the Intendant and me, are you? Rom: It would break her heart. Zek: In a million pieces. You see, she worships me, and I worship her right back. Besides, this is all your fault. If it weren't for you, I never would have been able to get to this universe. Remember the last time you came home to visit your mother? Well, one night while you were sleeping, I got up to get a bite to eat. And there, on the kitchen table, was a Starfleet PADD. Rom: My engineering notebook? With the schematics for the multi-dimensional transporter that Chief O'Brien gave me to study. You stole it! Zek: I'm your Nagus. You have no secrets from me. Quark: I still don't understand why you'd want to come here in the first place. Zek: Simple, really. I came to find new financial opportunities for the Ferengi people. Rom: In the alternate universe? Zek: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time/ Quark: Right now, it would be a good idea for us to find a way out of here. Brunt: I just don't feel right about this. Quark and Rom deserve better. Ezri: Forget about them, all right? Brunt: That's just it. I can't. I like them and so do you. Ezri: Don't tell me who I like. Brunt: Talk to the Intendant. She listens to you. Tell her the Ferengi kept their part of the bargain. We should do the same. Kira: What a novel idea. Now I can't recall the last time I kept my word. Brunt: Maybe now's a good time to start. Ezri: Forget it, Brunt. Brunt: No, not this time. Kira: It's all right. Let him talk, my dear. He obviously feels very passionately about this, and you know how responsive I am to passion. Go on. Brunt: What do we gain from their deaths? Nothing. On the other hand, if we let them live, they may come in handy. Kira: I never thought of that. Brunt: The Regent will give them to you. All you have to do is ask. Kira: Maybe, but why waste a favor on those two little trolls? No, I'm afraid I don't much care for your suggestion. And as a matter of fact, I don't much like for you either. Ezri: No! Kira: He was going to betray me. I could see it in his eyes. You wouldn't do that to me, would you? Would you? Oh, no, of course you wouldn't. I've suffered so many disappointments in my life. Brunt, Sisko, Bareil, the list goes on and on. Dispose of that, will you? It depresses me. Ezri: It's your mess. You clean it up. Kira: She's not afraid of anyone, is she? Not even me. Helmsman: Regent, long range sensors have detected an enemy ship. It's the Defiant. Worf: Excellent. It is time to test the cloaking device. Garak: I'm afraid it's not yet operational. Worf: And why is that? Garak: Well, it's a very complicated piece of equipment. Ezri: One of the Ferengi seemed to know how it worked. Worf: Then why is he not here? Ezri: I'll get him. Rom: Getting the cloaking device online? That's simple. Ezri: Good. Lower the forcefield. Quark: Hold on a second. Why should we help the Regent, or you for that matter? Ezri: I'm trying to save your lives. Zek: That's a very worthy goal. Quark: Since when do you care about what happens to us? Ezri: All right, forget it. Rom: I don't want to forget it. I'm sorry, brother. Maybe you want to die in this crazy, mixed up universe, but I don't. Zek: Neither do I! Lower the forcefield. Quark: I suppose we have nothing to lose. Ezri: Where do you think you're going? Quark: With him. He needs my help. Ezri: You're a bartender, Quark. What are you going to do? Mix him a drink? Rom: Don't worry, brother. I'm not thirsty. Ezri: I don't expect you to believe this, but I am trying to help you. Quark: You're right, I don't believe you. Rom: Isodine coupler. Does this look like an isodine coupler to you? I don't see how anything gets fixed around here. Garak: I'd advise you to watch your tone of voice, Ferengi! Rom: Or what? You won't let me installl the cloaking device? Garak: I'm sorry if I've upset you. Now would you please get back to work. Rom: Don't mind if I do. Worf: Really? Kira: Absolutely. Worf: I have never tried that before. Kira: Few men have, but I think you'll find it very stimulating. Worf: What do you expect in return? Kira: Terok Nor, of course? Worf: I was planning on destroying that station. Kira: Plans can be changed. Worf: I will consider it. Kira: What more can I ask? Rom: Er, Mister Regent? Worf: What is it? Rom: Your cloak is ready. Worf: Ah. Garak: I'll take over from here. Garak: It's working. Ezri: Well done. Kira: You mean no one can see us? How deliciously deceitful. Worf: Are you certain you know how to operate the device? Garak: Well, what I don't know, I always can learn. Rom: It's pretty simple, once you understand the basics. Now, what about my brother and the Nagus? Worf: Do we have any further use for them? Garak: Not that I can think of. Worf: Then get rid of them. Rom: You mean we're going home? Garak: No, he means you're going to die. Rom: That settles it. I'm never helping you again. Kira: Or anyone else, for that matter. Garak: Come along now. Rom: I'm really beginning to hate this universe. Garak: What we have here, gentlemen, is ten cc's of concentrated Ulcartic virus. It's very deadly and quite painful. It elevates the temperature of your body, heating your internal organs until they literally boil. I was hoping to use this on the Intendant, but I suppose I'll have to settle for the four of you. Now, who would like to go first? I'm waiting. Quark: Why don't you give us a couple of days to think it over and we'll get back to you. Garak: All right then, I'll pick. Let's see. Quark: What an amateur. Garak: Excuse me? Quark: I mean compared to our Garak. Now that man knows how to conduct an interrogation. Garak: I'm not interrogating anyone. Zek: Why not? Did it ever occur to you that we may know things that you could use to your advantage? Garak: Like what? Rom: We're not going to tell you. Not unless you interrogate us. Garak: I don't have time for this. I want to be on the bridge when we destroy the Defiant. Zek: In our universe, work comes before pleasure. Quark: Our Garak would have us hanging by our toenails by now, telling him all our secrets. Garak: What secrets? Rom: That's for us to know and you to find out. Quark: If you were smart, you'd cross over to our universe and get some pointers from our Garak. When it comes to torture, assassination and sabotage, you could learn a lot from him. Garak: I know all there is to know about sabotage. Rom: That's not what we hear. O'Brien: Something's wrong. We should have caught that Ferengi ship long ago. Bashir: We'll find them. O'Brien: For all we know, the Regent may already have the cloaking device. In fact, he might have us in his sights right now and we wouldn't even know it. Bashir: Don't start getting paranoid, Smiley. Even if the Regent has the cloaking device, chances are it isn't functional yet. O'Brien: I hope you're right. Worf: They have no idea that we are behind them. Kira: There's nothing I enjoy better than a good ambush. Worf: It is time. Garak: I don't understand. Is this Garak of yours an assassin or a tailor? Quark: Assassin. Rom: Tailor. Zek: Both. Garak: Never mind. I have to be back to the bridge. Now, who's first? Worf: Drop the cloak. Bashir: I hate it when you're right Smiley: Evasive action. Now! Worf: Fire! Garak: What was that? Rom: Sabotage, what else? Helmsman: We've experienced primary systems failure. Kira: That Ferengi! He did this! Helmsman: I'm unable to get anything back online. Garak: You taught me something about sabotage. Now I'm going to teach you something about pain. Quark: How much is this going to cost us? Ezri: I'm not doing this for money. Quark: Then why? Ezri: Do you want to get out of here or not? Zek: Of course we do. Ezri: Then stop asking questions and let's go. Bashir: They're not coming after us. O'Brien: Why not? Bashir: They can't. Their power grid's offline. O'Brien: Then what do you say we give the Regent a proper greeting? Bashir: Reversing course. Worf: We must raise shields. Helmsman: We can't. Kira: I don't know how much more of this the hull can withstand. Helmsman: Captain O'Brien would like to have a word with you. O'Brien: That's a nice ship you have, Regent. I'd hate to see it destroyed. Bashir: But of course, if you insist. Worf: What are your terms? O'Brien: Oh, a simple unconditional surrender should do the trick. Kira: I'm afraid you've run out of options. Worf: Victory is yours. O'Brien: Prepare to be boarded. Worf: I have been betrayed. I knew I should have killed those two Ferengi the moment they came aboard. Kira: What a surprise. I've been looking everywhere for you. Ezri: Here I am. Kira: Is that really necessary? Ezri: I was about to ask you the same question. Kira: Ah, that's better. You and I have to get to one of the escape shuttles. Ezri: You go. I'm staying here. Kira: You can't be serious. Ezri: You shouldn't have killed Brunt. Kira: Isn't it a little late to be developing a conscience? Ezri: I hope not. Zek: Brunt's dead? Rom: Sorry, wrong Brunt. Quark: We're not going to let her get away, are we? Ezri: I owe her that much. Zek: Oh, let her go. There's something about that woman I find intoxicating. Rom: Glad to be going home? Zek: You bet I am. But that doesn't mean I won't be coming back. Rom: Here? What for? Zek: There's a fortune to be made in the alternate universe. I can feel it in my lobes. Quark: Well, don't expect us to come chasing after you again. Zek: Oh, no, I won't. Next time, I'll bring you along with me. Ezri: In that case, I won't bother saying goodbye. Quark: You know, coming back isn't such a bad idea, if I knew I could see you again. Ezri: I'm not going anywhere. Quark: I should stick around a couple of days. You could show me the station. Ezri: I don't think that's such a good idea. Quark: I could help you work on that conscience of yours. Ezri: I think I can take it from here. Leeta: Excuse me. Rom: Leeta? Leeta: Do I know you? Rom: We're married. Leeta: I don't think so. You're Ezri, right? Captain Smiley wants me to debrief you. Ezri: Must be my lucky day. Zek: This is quite a fascinating place, don't you agree? Rom: I want to go home. Quark: Me, too.

Bashir: Listen up. Listen up. To Lieutenant Hector Ilario, living proof that Starfleet Academy produces the finest fighter pilots in the galaxy. O'Brien: Hear, hear. Bashir: I haven't finished. Kira: Don't ruin it, Julian. That was just what a toast should be. Short and to the point. Ilario: I wouldn't mind hearing a little more. Ezri: Now, now. Modesty above all. Bashir: This is no time to be modesty. This man, this youth, this mere pup still wet behind the ears. Ilario: I'm twenty two. Bashir: I was speaking metaphorically. This inspired cherub masterfully piloted the Defiant into battle against a half dozen Jem'Hadar attack ships, and once all the smoke had cleared, only one ship remained intact, and that, ladies and gentlemen, was the USS Defiant. O'Brien: The kid's a born helmsman. Bashir: And so say all of us. All: Hear, hear. Ilario: Thanks. I'm just glad to be here. O'Brien: It's the best posting in the galaxy. Bashir: If there's anything you want, anything at all, just ask. Ilario: Well, there is one thing. O'Brien: Name it. Ilario: Next time you two go to the holosuite, I'd like to come along. O'Brien: Sorry. Bashir: Can't be done. O'Brien: No, it's out of the question. Bashir: It's impossible. Kira: Don't take it personally. They're very serious about their leisure activities. Bashir: It's a good way to relieve stress. O'Brien: Yeah, I highly recommend it. Bashir: Just not with us. O'Brien: No. You know, when you have a holosuite visit, it's sort of a personal experience. Bashir: He's very particular about anybody seeing him in his coonskin cap. You understand. Ilario: I suppose. Quark: Gentlemen, your holosuite is ready. Bashir: Terrific. Now if there's anything else you need? O'Brien: Just let us know. Ilario: Have you ever gone to the holosuite with them? Kira: Me? Never. Ezri: I know when I'm not wanted. Ilario: To the class of seventy two. Another round? EZRI + Kira: No. Ilario: Time to go? Kira: It was time to go about an hour ago. Ilario: Okay. Kira: Okay, we'll get you home. Ezri: I'll take him. His quarters are on my way. Kira: Sure. Ezri: He won't be the first drunken Ensign I've escorted home. Someday remind me to tell you about a bar on Bolarus and a certain young Mister Sisko. This way. Ilario: I never had real Saurian brandy before. It's Captain Sisko's favorite. Ezri: Kind of sneaks up on you, doesn't it? Ilario: Speaking of sneaking up on you. Here we are. Home sweet home. Ezri: Are you all right? Do you want some raktajino? Ilario: I'm fine. I'm fine. I wish they could have been there. Ilario: They would have loved it. See me fly the Defiant into battle. It was incredible. Ezri: I should get going. Make sure you get some sleep. Ilario: You know something, Lieutenant? You're very beautiful. Ezri: And you're very drunk. Ilario: True enough. But in the morning, I'll be sober and you'll still be beautiful. Ezri: Good night, Ilario. Ilario: Good night, Lieutenant. Computer: The time is oh six hundred hours. The time is oh six hundred hours and ten seconds. Ezri: Yeah, yeah. I'm up. Ezri: Fanalian tea. Hot. Man: I don't know. Full security alert. Man 2: Yes, sir. Ezri: What happened? Odo: Lieutenant Ilario has been killed. Ezri: Killed? How? Bashir: It appears someone shot him. (After the opening titles, Sisko has arrived and O'Brien is doing the CSI tricorder thing.) Odo: He was killed by what appears to have been some kind of chemically propelled projectile weapon. Sisko: A gun? Odo: Doctor Bashir recovered a single tritanium bullet from Ilario's chest. Bashir: He was shot through the heart. O'Brien: You don't see one of those every day. Odo: No one uses projectile weapons anymore. Sisko: You said this is tritanium, right? Odo: That's correct. Sisko: Chief, did you ever hear of a TR one one six rifle? O'Brien: It was a prototype. Developed by Starfleet Security to operate in energy dampening fields or radiogenic environments. Sisko: That's right. Anywhere where a normal phaser would be useless. If I'm not mistaken, the TR one one six rifle fired a chemically propelled tritanium bullet. Odo: You say a prototype. Were they ever mass produced? O'Brien: No. Starfleet abandoned the TR one one six in favor of regenerative phasers. Sisko: That doesn't mean the killer couldn't have gotten hold of the rifle's replication patterns. O'Brien: But only Starfleet officers have access to those files. Sisko: Disturbing thought, isn't it? Bashir: Starfleet officers do not go around murdering other officers. Odo: Not usually, anyway. O'Brien: Hold on a minute. That's odd. According to these readings, the bullet only traveled eight or nine centimeters. Sisko: Then the killer must have fired at point blank range. Odo: I don't think so. There are no powder burns on the body. Bashir: What are powder burns? Odo: At close range, chemically propelled weapons leave residual combustion products on the skin and clothing of the victims. Sisko: How did you know that? Odo: I read twentieth century crime novels. Raymond Chandler, Mike Hammer, that sort of thing. Sisko: So, if the killer did fire from close range, why aren't there any powder burns? O'Brien: I don't know. Odo: But we'll find out. Ezri: What was the time of death? Bashir: Oh three seventeen. Ezri: That's only ten minutes after I left. Sisko: Was he alone? Ezri: I didn't see anyone, but I wasn't here for very long. Sisko: What do we know about Ilario, outside of his service record? Odo: Not a great deal. He's only been on the station for ten days. Ezri: As far as I could tell, he was intelligent, dedicated, eager to please. Everyone liked him. Sisko: Not everyone. I want to know everything there is to know about him. Who his friends were, if he made any enemies. I also want increased security throughout the station. Odo: Yes, sir. Sisko: And Constable Odo: You want whoever did this caught. I understand, Captain. Bashir: Ilario once told me he came from a big family. Three brothers and two sisters. O'Brien: I thought it was two brothers and three sisters. Bashir: I don't think so. O'Brien: You sure? Bashir: Are you? Ezri: Don't look at me. We never discussed his family. Mostly he talked about the Academy and about the two of you. Bashir: Us? Ezri: He really admired both of you. Bashir: We should have let him come to the holosuite with us. O'Brien: You're right, we should've. Ezri: I just wish I hadn't left his quarters so quickly. Maybe he'd still be alive. Bashir: Or you'd be dead right there with him. Ezri: Odo will catch whoever did this, won't he? Bashir: If anyone can. O'Brien: We really should've let him come to the holosuite with us. Bashir: Ezri. Ezri: Shouldn't you be in bed? Bashir: I was about to ask you the same question. Ezri: I just couldn't sleep. Bashir: Me neither. You mustn't blame yourself, you know, for Ilario's death. Ezri: I don't, not really. Bashir: Then what is it? Ezri: It's just knowing that he was murdered. Bashir: It's difficult to accept. The whole concept of someone killing another person in cold blood, it's almost incomprehensible, isn't it? Ezri: Not to me. Bashir: Meaning what? Ezri: Meaning that I know exactly what it feels like. To feel the urge, the need, to take a life. Bashir: You're talking about Joran. Ezri: He killed three people. He was a host to the Dax symbiont, just like me. Bashir: He was nothing like you. Ezri: I try not to think about it. Jadzia felt the same way. She tried to bury his memories as deeply as she could. But they're still there. The victims. What they looked like. Bashir: They weren't your victims. Ezri: I know. But then something like this happens. Just the thought of someone like him being here right now. Bashir: You really should get some rest. Ezri: You're right. Even if it does mean lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling for a few more hours. Goodnight, Julian. Bashir: Good night. Odo: Save your complaints for the magistrate. Ezri: Is this the one we've been looking for? Odo: Ilario's killer. Quite a clever one at that. Ezri: Why? Why did you do it? Ilario: You tell me, Counselor. Ezri: But you're dead. Ilario: Don't tell me, tell him. Odo: I'm sorry, Lieutenant. There's nothing more annoying than a corpse with a mind of its own. Ezri: What? (Ezri's hands are covered in blood. Suddenly she is in - Ezri: Dax to Security. Odo? Kira? Anyone there? Security, please answer me. Joran! Joran: You recognize me. How nice. Ezri: What do you want? Joran: Respect. Understanding. Love. Joran: I wish you'd stop being afraid of me. It's not like we're strangers. That worm in your belly used to be mine. Which means I'm part of you. Ezri: Joran. Joran: And you're part of me. Ezri: I'm nothing like you. Joran: Is that so? You want to find out who killed Ilario, don't you? Then what are you waiting for? Perform the Rite of Emergence and just ask for my help, and then we can get to work. Ezri: I don't want your help. Joran: Maybe not, but you need it. Ezri: You murdered three people. I don't want anything to do with you. Now me leave me alone! Joran: How can I? There's nowhere else for me to go. I'm within you, Ezri. All the time. Use me. Ezri: No! Joran: I can help. I know how he thinks. We can catch him, Ezri, you and me together. And then we'll make him pay. Sisko: Sisko to Dax. Report to Habitat Ring, level J seventeen. Ezri: What is it, Ben? Sisko: There's been another murder. Sisko: Report. Odo: Lieutenant Commander Greta Vanderweg. Science Officer. Human, age thirty seven. Twelve years of service, the last three here on Deep Space Nine. Bashir: Cause of death, tritanium bullet fired at close range. No powder burns. Sisko: Did Ilario and Vanderweg know each other? Odo: I'll look into to it, but it's doubtful. Ilario was only here for ten days, seven of them he was on the Defiant. Sisko: But why Ilario? And why Vanderweg? Did someone have a personal grudge against either one of them? Or is someone just killing our officers at random? Bashir: I still can't believe anyone in Starfleet could be doing this. Odo: There are over nine hundred Starfleet officers posted on the station. Sisko: Odo, we have to narrow the field of suspects. Odo: Sir. Sisko: How well did you do in forensic psychology at the Academy? Ezri: It wasn't my favorite subject. Sisko: We have to find out why the killer's doing this. Ezri: I'll do my best. O'Brien: I wonder why he chose a TR one one six? Bashir: Instead of a phaser? O'Brien: Yeah. I mean, why use a rifle if you're going to shoot somebody from close range? Bashir: I don't know. He or she may have originally intended to kill their victims from a great distance, so they replicated a long-range weapon. Or they had some special connection to this particular rifle. A fetish or psychological obsession, perhaps? O'Brien: I suppose so. Bashir: Did you ever read that biography I gave you on Davy Crockett last month? O'Brien: No. But I'll get to it. Bashir: There was this fascinating section about the mythology that grew up around Crockett and his rifle. There was this notion that a man could have a special relationship with a weapon. Some frontiersmen even went so far as to give their rifles names, female ones at that, thus changing the relationship between owner and object to something resembling man and woman. O'Brien: Maybe I'll start calling my tricorder Sally. Bashir: There's some great tall tales in that book. There's one particular story where Crockett was supposed to have put up a target against a tree and arranged a series of tin frying pans nearby in a complicated pattern. The idea was that he was going to shoot a bullet at one of these pans which would then ricochet to another and then to another and then to another and then to another. O'Brien: Wait a minute. That's it. Displaced targeting. That's how he did it. Bashir: Who? O'Brien: The killer. He set up an alternate bullet trajectory, one that didn't require a direct line of sight between him and the victim. Julian, you're a genius. Bashir: Don't thank me, thank Davy Crockett. Ezri: What do you think? Odo: Nice melon. Ezri: But what does it have to do with us? Odo: I have no idea. All I know is that Chief O'Brien wanted me to bring you here. He said he had something to show us. O'Brien: O'Brien to Science Lab. Odo: Go ahead, Chief. O'Brien: Are you ready? Ezri: For what? O'Brien: You'll see. First put on those goggles that are on the counter in front of you. Now take a step back away from the melon. A little further. I've only done this a couple of times. Ezri: How's this? O'Brien: Good. O'Brien: Wow. Odo: Are you all right? Ezri: Better than that melon. O'Brien: It worked! I was able to fire a bullet into that melon while standing outside in the corridor. Ezri: You fired through the wall? Odo: I don't see any bullet holes. O'Brien: I attached a micro transporter to this TR one one six. When I fired, the bullet was beamed into this room a few centimeters away from the melon. Odo: Where it continued its trajectory. So if the killer used a similar transporter device, that would explain the lack of powder burns on the victims. O'Brien: And by using an exographic targeting sensor, he was able to scan through the bulkheads. Odo: So he could have been firing from anywhere on the station. Can you trace the bullet's transporter signatures back to where the killer was when he fired? O'Brien: I'm afraid not. The signature is too weak. Odo: It's an ingenious weapon. Ezri: Whoever he is, he's smart. Ezri: Nothing. No connection. Ezri: Who's there? Who is it? Quark? Is that you? Ezri: This isn't funny. Ezri: Worf! Worf: It is late. You should be in your quarters. Ezri: Were you following me? Worf: It is dangerous for you to be wandering the Promenade alone. Ezri: You were worried about me? Worf: There is a killer on the station. You have no right to endanger yourself this way. Ezri: You were worried about me. Thank you, Worf. That's sweet. Worf: You are a fellow officer. I would have the same concern for Chief O'Brien or Doctor Bashir. Ezri: Of course. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Worf: Then we understand each other. Ezri: Perfectly. Worf: How is the investigation coming? Ezri: Slowly. Worf: If I can assist you in any way? Ezri: I appreciate it, but you can't, really. Nobody can. Actually, that's not true. There is someone who could help, but I don't want to ask him, Worf: Why? Ezri: It's complicated. Worf: Nevertheless, if he can help? Ezri: It wouldn't be pleasant. Worf: Perhaps not, but I am certain that you will do whatever is necessary to complete your task. Ezri: And how do you know that? Worf: You are Dax. It is your way. Ezri: I'nora, ja'kala vok 'za Ezri. Zhian'tara rek pora'al Zheem Dax tanas rhem Joran. 'za Ezri tanas rhem Joran. Come on, Joran. Don't make me beg. Joran tanas rhem. Vok Ezri, Joran tanas rhem. Joran: You won't regret this, Ezri. Joran: I promise. Joran, the forgotten host. The outcast. Ezri: The murderer. Joran: I'm sure you never thought that little character trait would prove useful. Ezri: It seems so strange separating you from the others, seeing you standing there. Joran: But I'm not really standing here, am I? It's all in your mind. At least now I know you're listening me. I've been ignored for far too long. Curzon and Jadzia didn't quite know what to do with me. Ezri: They buried your memories as deep within them as possible. Joran: That was a mistake. I have so much to offer. Ezri: We'll see about that. Now, let's get to work. We have a killer to catch. Joran: Where should we begin? Ezri: I want to know how he thinks. Joran: Then we'll start with his choice of weapons. Ezri: We already know how he modified the TR one one six. Joran: But you haven't held it in your hands, have you? You haven't looked through its tracking display, picked a target, felt the power as you lock its sensors on your unsuspecting prey. If you want to catch a killer, Ezri, you have to learn to think like one. Joran: Handsome weapon. Ezri: If you say so. Joran: Even you have to admire the esthetic qualities inherent in its design. It conveys a sense of danger, of power. Just looking from the trigger to the muzzle conjures up images of death. Take it down. Joran: I meant hold it in your hands. Ezri: Why? Joran: Because I want you to feel what the killer felt. This isn't going to work if you fight me. Ezri: I'm holding the gun. Joran: Stop placating me. You wanted my help? Now do as I say. Put on the targeting display. Joran: Now, hold the weapon as if you're going to use it. Feels good, doesn't it? Ezri: I've held a rifle before. Joran: You mean in combat? It's not the same thing. That kind of killing's too random, too chaotic. This is more controlled. You can savor the moment. Now, tell me, what do you see? Ezri: I'm moving through different levels of the docking ring. Joran: He didn't kill anyone in the docking ring. Remember, you're trying to put yourself in his mind. Move to the habitat ring. Ezri: I'm there. In one of the corridors. Joran: Good. Our killer is a hunter. So start hunting. Ezri: I see a Bajoran Deputy. Joran: You don't want to be in the corridors. Look in the quarters. Ezri: No one's here. Ezri: A male Starfleet officer. An engineer, about thirty five. Joran: Good. We have a victim. You have him in your sights. How do you feel? Truth now. Ezri: Powerful. In control Joran: That's good. That's what the killer's feeling. Ezri: I'm not angry or excited. Joran: You're calm, relaxd. Ezri: Detached. Joran: Now you're getting it. You do your killing from a distance. You're cold, methodical. Maybe you're a scientist or a doctor? Ezri: Maybe. But why kill like this? Why not choose a victim on the Promenade or in Quark's? Joran: If you want to know the answer, pull the trigger and find out. Don't think about it, do it! Do it! Ezri: No! Joran: Ezri, the gun isn't loaded. Ezri: Then why did you tell me to pull the trigger? Joran: Do you want to know what the killer feels or don't you? Joran: I'm sorry, Ezri. I didn't mean to push you so far. Ezri: I'm not a murderer. I'm not you. Joran: Maybe not, but you have my memories. You remember what it was like. The excitement, the passion, the looks on their faces as they realized we were the last thing they'd ever see. Ezri: That has nothing to do with me. You're the killer. Quark: Ezri? I think you need a vacation. You're talking to yourself. Ezri: I'm just thinking out loud. Joran: I don't know what you see in this Ferengi. He's repulsive. Quark: Can I get you a drink or something to eat? Joran: No, we don't have time. We have work to do. Ezri: No, thanks. I'm not hungry, really. Quark: Well, when you are, you know where to come. Joran: How I'd love to slip a knife between his ribs. Ezri: I have a better idea. Let's get back to work. The sooner we find our killer, the sooner you and I can part company. Joran: I thought we were having fun together. Ezri: Think again. Joran: I suppose I'll have to make myself more endearing. Now, I suggest we visit the victims' quarters to see what answers we can find there. Ezri: What are we looking for? Joran: Clues, what else? Ezri: We don't even know if the killer ever set foot in here. Joran: Both victims were in their quarters when they were killed. Is that a coincidence or a connection? Ezri: I don't know. Joran: Think about it. Look around. And remember, whatever you see is what the killer saw. What do we know about these classmates of Ilario's? Ezri: Odo checked with Starfleet Command. The one on the left was killed in combat five weeks ago. The one in the middle is stationed on the USS Truman. The Truman hasn't come anywhere near Deep Space Nine in months. Joran: Pity. Keep looking. Joran: Greta was quite a packrat, wasn't she? Ezri: She was here a long time. This was home. Joran: A monument to bad taste. Just an observation. Ezri: Vanderweg's husband is a micropaleontologist on Mora Five. She was married, Ilario was single. She was on Deep Space Nine for three years, he just got here. She was a mature woman, he was practically a kid. Besides the uniform, they had absolutely nothing in common. Which means they could have just been chosen at random. And if that's the case, then we're wasting our time. Joran: You're thinking about giving up, aren't you? Ezri: I didn't say that. Joran: You don't have to. You have failure written all over you. Ezri: I'm sorry to disappoint you. Joran: It's not the lack of clues that's keeping you from finding the killer, it's you. Ezri: Me? Joran: You're holding back, Ezri. You refuse to see with his eyes, feel with his hands, think with his mind. Ezri: You want to turn me into a killer, make me like you. Joran: You are me. Ezri: You want me to kill someone? What do you say I start with you. Joran: That's the spirit. Security: Hold it! Stop him! Ezri: They've found him! Security: Stop that man! Joran: A weapon. Over there. Yes. Yes, do it. Do it! Odo: That's enough! Sisko: You mind explaining this? I'm told that if Odo hadn't stopped you, you'd have stabbed Ensign Bertram. Ezri: I was trying to stop him from getting away, all right? He hit me, I reacted. I guess I overreacted. Sisko: I'd say so. Joran: He could be a little more appreciative, don't you think? Ezri: I'm sorry things get out of hand, but Bertram killed two people. Sisko: Bertram didn't kill anyone. Ezri: Then why was the Security team chasing him? Sisko: Because a month ago, he accessed the replicator patterns on TR one one six without authorisation. Joran: Sounds guilty to me. Ezri: Why would he replicate a rifle unless he was going to use it? Sisko: Because he collects weapons. Federation, Klingon, and Cardassian. Joran: What a coincidence. Ezri: That doesn't rule him out as a suspect. Sisko: True. But the fact that he was on Bajor when the first murder occurred does. You've been under a lot of stress lately, so Ezri: Ben, please don't give up on me. I can find this murderer. I know I can. I just need more time. Joran: I don't know what you and Jadzia and Curzon all see in that man. He's so insufferable, so Starfleet. I'm surprised the killer hasn't targeted him. I'm joking of course. But he did come perilously close to derailing our investigation. Joran: And you have to take some of the blame for that. Ezri: What did I do? Joran: It's what you didn't do, really. You should have told him about me. Ezri: You're kidding. One word about you and he'd have pulled me off the case. Joran: Well then, I guess I'll have to remain your little secret and be glad that you're still in his good graces. Not that it matters, really. We would have continued on without Sisko's blessing. Right? Joran: What are you doing? Ezri: What does it look like? I'nora, ja'kala vok. Joran: Do you really think you can get rid of me this easily? Ezri: Zheem Dax nah sass eye ahn Joran: Don't you realize we've made Dax whole again? Ezri: D'za oo bah zheest. Joran: Don't back away now. Ezri: Joran rhee jehr hey dah. Joran rhee jehr hey dah. Joran: You won't catch the killer without me. Odo: Odo to Lieutenant Dax. Report to the habitat ring on H forty three. Ezri: I'm on my way. Odo: Petty Officer Zim Brott. Bolian. Five years of service on Deep Space Nine. Ezri: I knew him. Or at least Jadzia did. He has a wife and co-husband on Bolarus. O'Brien: So much for the theory that our killer only targets humans. Bashir: Captain. Sisko: The bullet pierced his heart? Bashir: At close range. Joran: Why am I not surprised. Joran: What happens if we don't catch him? Will he keep shooting Starfleet officers till there are none left on the station? How could anyone be so happy with such unattractive children? Ezri: What did you say? Joran: This photo. Ezri: That's it. It's the pictures! He's laughing! Ezri: She's laughing. Ezri: That's what the victims have in common. Pictures of laughing faces. Joran: A killer who hates laughter. Who hates emotion. Ezri: A Vulcan. Joran: All Vulcans distrust emotions, but they don't go around killing people for smiling. Ezri: This one does. Something happened to him, something so emotionally painful it's making him lose control. When he looks through the targeting sensor and sees those pictures, the laughter seems to mock him. Joran: You're thinking like he thinks. Good, Ezri. Ezri: Computer. How many Vulcan Starfleet Officers are on the station? Computer: There are forty eight Vulcans serving on Deep Space Nine. Joran: Now all we have to do is eliminate forty seven of them. Ezri: I should tell Odo. Joran: Not until we have proof. Ezri: Then let's get some. Ezri: We still have twenty eight suspects. Vulcans who have suffered a personal loss of some kind. Joran: We've narrowed the field. Ezri: Not by enough. Ezri: There's one thing I don't understand. If he hates laughter, then why doesn't he seek out his victims in Quark's or in a holosuite? Joran: Maybe it's not just the laughter. Ezri: You're right. Maybe it has something to do with the way the photograph freezes the emotion, making it seem like the laughter is going to last forever. Ezri: Level twelve, central core. Joran: So, what do we do now? Ezri: We go back over our list of suspects, see if we can't narrow it down. Then proof or no proof, we give the list to Odo. Vulcan: Habitat ring, level K fifty five. Ezri: What are you doing? Vulcan: Are you addressing me? Ezri: Sorry. Never mind. Joran: It's him, Ezri. I know it is. We've found our killer. I'm telling you, he's the one we're looking for. Look in his eyes! Ezri: By the way, I'm Counselor Dax. Vulcan: I know. Joran: What are you doing? He's getting away. Ezri: We need proof. Something I can take to Odo. Joran: And while you're looking for that proof, what do you think the Vulcan will be doing? Let me tell you. He's going to pick another victim. Ezri: Science Officer Chu'lak. Age ninety seven. Assigned to Deep Space Nine three months ago. Before that, he served aboard the USS Grissom. Joran: Why was he transferred? Ezri: The Grissom was destroyed by the Jem'Hadar in the battle of Ricktor Prime. He was one of only six crewmen to survive. Joran: Six survivors out of a crew of twelve hundred and fifty. Ezri: He served on that ship for ten years. Those people who were killed were his colleagues, his friends. Joran: That's a painful loss, even for a Vulcan. Ezri: That doesn't make him a killer. Joran: But your instincts tell you that he is. Listen to your instincts. Listen to me. It's him. Ezri: Computer. Locate Science Officer Chu'lak. Computer: Lieutenant Chu'lak is in his quarters. Joran: Seeking out his next victim. Ezri: Computer. Where are Chu'lak's quarters? Computer: Habitat ring, level D twelve. Joran: My thought exactly. What do you see? Ezri: He's studying something on his computer console. Joran: Studying what? Joran: What is it? Ezri: Me. My service record. Joran: He knows we suspect him. Ezri: He's going into the next room. Joran: What's he doing? Ezri: He's back. He's carrying something. Joran: It's a rifle, isn't it. Isn't it? Ezri: Yes. Joran: Shoot him. Joran: Don't think about it, just do it. Joran: Kill him! Joran: Congratulations. Joran: I'm proud of you. Joran: Go ahead. Finish what you started. Ezri: Tell me. Why did you do it? Vulcan: Because logic demanded it. Joran: What are you waiting for? He deserves to die. You know that. Follow your instincts. Ezri: Dax to Infirmary. I need an Emergency Medical team. Habitat ring D twelve. Bashir: On our way. Ezri: Try not to look so disappointed. Ezri: Chzui vok Ezri sheyhal bashar. I'nora ja'kala vok. Joran: I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed our time together. Ezri: Zheem Dax nah sass eye ahn. D'za oo bah zheest. Joran rhee jehr hey dah Joran: You won't be able to forget me or bury me as deeply as Curzon or Jadzia did. Ezri: I know. Joran: I'm part of you now. As much as Audrid, Torias, any of them. Ezri: I'll have to be careful. Tu Dax noh zhian 'vok j'zui. Ezri: Joran rhem tanas Ezri.

O'Brien: How long was I asleep? Odo: Almost two hours. O'Brien: You dropped out of warp. We must be close to home. Odo: We entered the Bajoran system a few minutes ago. O'Brien: What's that? Odo: The shopkeeper I bought it from called it a knick-knack. O'Brien: I didn't know you collected knick-knacks. Odo: It's a present for Kira. O'Brien: Oh. Odo: You don't think she'll like it? O'Brien: I'm sure she'll like it. It's just I didn't get anything for Keiko. Odo: Well, the conference kept you pretty busy. O'Brien: You found time to get something. O'Brien: Not chocolates as well? Odo: Rigelian chocolates. Her favorite. O'Brien: I'll buy them from you. Odo: I beg your pardon? O'Brien: I'll buy them from you. Oh come on, Odo, you don't have to give her two presents. You've only been gone a day. Odo: I'm sorry, Miles, but the answer is no. O'Brien: There's something behind us. Odo: It's gaining on us fast. O'Brien: You think it's friendly? Odo: I hope so. O'Brien: It's certainly taken an interest in us. O'Brien: Uh oh. Odo: It's gone. O'Brien: What? Odo: According to the sensors, there's nothing out there. O'Brien: Where'd it go? Odo: It's a changeling. O'Brien: Stay where you are or I'll fire. Laas: You. You are a metamorph? Odo: I'm a changeling, yes. Laas: Tell the monoform to put down its weapon. Odo: Why did you board our ship? Laas: Because I sensed you were here. I had to see if it was true, if I'd finally found another metamorph. Odo: You've never met another shape-shifter? Laas: I've been trying to find others of my kind for a long time. O'Brien: I told you to stay where you are. How do we know he's not a Founder? Odo: He's not. He's one of the hundred. Laas: The hundred? Odo: Over the centuries, our people sent out one hundred infant changelings out into the galaxy. We were to learn about other species, and eventually return home to share what we'd experienced. Laas: That would explain why I was alone on Varala. I didn't even know what I was at first, or that I could assume other forms. Odo: I was the same way. O'Brien: I hate to interrupt, but shouldn't we get him in a containment field until we're sure he's telling the truth? Laas: I will allow myself to be taken prisoner to show my good faith, but only if you vouch for my safety. I do not trust humanoids. Sisko: So, where is he now? Odo: In a holding cell. Captain, he's not a threat to us. He's just a changeling who's traveled a long way to find out where he came from. Sisko: You believe his story? Odo: Yes, sir, I do. Sisko: How can we be sure he's not a Founder? Odo: If he were a Founder, he'd be infected with the same disease that's afflicting the entire Link. I asked Doctor Bashir to scan him. His morphogenic matrix is as stable as mine. Sir, with your permission, I'd like to release him. Sisko: Well, Constable, I'm sure you can appreciate why I'd have reservations about that. We're still at war with your people. The Founders have deceived us before. Odo: I realize that, sir, but he is not a Founder. He's one of the hundred, I'm sure of it. Sir, I'm asking you to trust me on this. Sisko: All right, Constable. I'll release him into your custody. Odo: Thank you, sir. Odo: When I found out our people were the leaders of the Dominion, I realized I had no place with them. This war they're fighting is wrong. Laas: I can understand their distrust of humanoids, but why try to conquer them? Better to avoid them altogether. Odo: You don't much care for humanoids. Laas: I know from experience they don't much care for changelings. Odo: I think you'll find the people here are different. Laas: Oh? Odo: They accepted me. Laas: Have they? Is that why you've stayed? Odo: I told you, I want no part of the Founders. Laas: But what about the hundred that were sent out? Haven't you tried to find any of them? Odo: No. It's a huge galaxy. They could be anywhere. Laas: I found you. Odo: I have a life here. I have friends. Laas: When did you first assume humanoid form? Odo: A little over thirty years ago. Laas: So that's it. It's all still so new to you. I spent the first part of my life living among humanoids, as well. Odo: How long ago was that? Laas: Over two hundred years. I must have been sent out earlier than you. Odo: Or it could be that I was adrift for a long time before I was found. Laas: Either way, it would explain why you've chosen to stay here. I too was fascinated by humanoid life in the beginning. Odo: But you lost interest. Laas: I found it limiting. The Varalans never accepted me as one of them, and I was never really able to fully mimic their appearance. Odo: Faces aren't easy. Laas: No. And humanoids are not very tolerant of difference. Odo: Some of them are. There are dozens of species on this station. They tolerate each other's differences very well. Laas: He has bumps on his forehead. She has a wrinkled nose. But they're basically alike. They're bipeds that eat, sleep, breathe. You and I are nothing like them. Odo: We're changelings. We can be like them when we choose. Laas: I choose to be like them as little as possible. That's where we differ. Odo: Let me show you where you'll be staying. Odo: You haven't told me your name. Laas: The Varalans called me Laas. In their language it means changeable. Not very imaginative, is it? Odo: At least it's appropriate. My name means unknown sample. The scientist who found me didn't know what I was. Odo: These are my quarters. I'll be staying somewhere else. Feel free to shape shift as you please. Some of these forms are quite interesting. Laas: This hasn't been used in some time. Odo: I've been busy. Laas: Who is this? Odo: Her name is Kira. Laas: Ah. I had a mate once. Odo: Oh? Laas: On Varala. Not long after I first assumed humanoid form. Odo: And? What happened? Laas: We couldn't have children. That was important to her. Is it something that matters to this Kira? Odo: We've never discussed it. Laas: Neither did we, at first. Do our people reproduce? Odo: It's more complicated than that. In our natural state, we don't exist as separate entities. Laas: I don't understand. Odo: Our people spend most of their time in the Link. Laas: The Link? Odo: It involves a melding into one, a merging of thought and form, idea and sensation. Laas: You're speaking in riddles. Odo: It's difficult to explain. Laas: Then don't. Show me. Odo: Of course. Odo: Take it. Laas: For the first time in my life I understand how I was meant to exist. You've given up a great deal to stay here. Odo: Yes. Yes, I have. But I won't have anything to do with the Founders and their war. Laas: Odo, we Linked. I know the truth. You stayed here because of Kira. If it weren't for her, you'd be with our people. War or no war, you would be a Founder. Kira: Hi. Odo: Hello, Nerys. Kira: I can't believe it. Another changeling. What's he like? Odo: He's complicated. Kira: Like you. Are you all right? Odo: I'm fine. Kira: You seem far away. Odo: We Linked. Kira: I see. Odo: There's nothing to worry about. He's not a Founder. He's not trying to lure me to the Dominion. The Link is part of what we are. It comes as naturally to us as talking does to humanoids. Kira: It's a little more personal than talking, isn't it? Odo: I suppose. Kira: So, do I get to meet him? Odo: If you like. Kira: I would. Odo: Then I'll arrange it. Kira: Here they are. Odo: This is Laas. Kira: Nerys. Bashir: Julian. Ezri: Ezri. O'Brien: Miles. Laas: We've met. O'Brien: Look, I'm sorry. We didn't know who you were at first. You gave us quite a scare when you rammed the runabout. Ezri: I've always wondered how it would feel to be able to fly through space like that. Laas: It's a shame you're incapable of ever experiencing it. Ezri: Guess so. Kira: Tell us about Varala. Bashir: No Federation ship's ever been there. Laas: It's just the same as any other planet overrun with humanoids. Cities and farms everywhere, other lifeforms displaced from their habitats. Once I migrated to the southern continent with a herd of volg. When we returned to our breeding grounds the following summer, they had been fenced off. The herd died out within two generations. It's always that way where humanoids thrive. They disrupt the natural balance. Quark: Who ordered the vilm steak? Bashir: Ah. You'd better keep that warm. Quark: Whatever you say. Laas: The truth is, I prefer the so-called primitive lifeforms. They exist as they were meant to, by following their instincts. No words get in the way, no lies, no deceptions. O'Brien: We're not the ones who can disguise ourselves as anything we want. Odo: Meaning? Laas: Meaning shape-shifters are not to be trusted. O'Brien: I trust Odo. Laas: Of course you trust Odo. Look at him. You've convinced him that he is as limited as you are. Odo: Laas. Ezri: You've seen through our evil plan. Bashir: Foiled again. Kira: It's not funny. Laas: No, I'm very worried for him. Kira: Odo can take care of himself. Odo: Thank you, Colonel. Well, this has been interesting. If you'll excuse us, Colonel, Counselor, Doctor, Chief. Laas. 0'Brien: Nice to see you again. Odo: This way. Odo: Was it really necessary to insult my friends? Laas: I was merely speaking my mind. Odo: You could call it that. Laas: Humanoids are such tragic creatures. They've lost the ability to take joy from simply existing, and yet they haven't evolved to the next level where consciousness exists independent of form. Odo: You're certainly not afraid to make grand generalizations. Laas: I've been many things in my time, Odo. I speak from experience. Enough talk. Link with me. Odo: Here? Laas: Why not? Odo: I don't think that's a good idea. Laas: Are you embarrassed? Odo: No. Laas: You don't want to do anything to remind them that you're not truly a humanoid. Odo: I don't go out of my way to point it out, no. Laas: Why not? Are you afraid they will reject you? Odo: I don't like to confront people with something that might make them uncomfortable. Laas: So you deny your true nature in order to fit in. Odo: You're reading too much into it. Laas: Before I came here, when was the last time you assumed another form? You can't even remember. You've been pretending to be a humanoid for so long, it doesn't even occur to you that you can be anything else. Odo: That's not true. I've been involved with other things lately. Laas: Like what? Courting Kira? She can't even Link with you. Odo: Leave her out of this. Laas: It won't last. Odo: The fact that your relationship failed doesn't mean that mine will. Laas: True. And if you're very lucky, you can watch her grow old and die. Odo: I think you should stay out of my affairs. Laas: I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I made. You're wasting your time trying to be a humanoid. You're limiting yourself. Let's leave here, Odo. Let's find the others. A hundred were sent away and they're out there somewhere. If we can find even a few of them, we can form a new Link. Think of it, Odo. We can exist the way we were meant to. As changelings. Kira: I can't believe he actually thought you'd just drop everything and leave with him. Odo: He just can't understand why I want to stay here. Kira: How did he take it when you said no? You did say no, didn't you? Odo: I told him I'd think about it. I didn't want to dismiss it out of hand. He would have taken offense. Why do you look at me like that? Kira: It just bothers me that he thinks you're not happy here. It makes me think he knows something that I don't. Odo: What makes you say that? Kira: He Linked with you. Something about that gave him the impression that you might want to leave here. Odo: It's just wishful thinking on his part. The thought of the two of us going off together looking for the others, exploring the galaxy as changelings, it's very alluring. To him. Kira: Sounds like it's alluring to you, too. Odo: I'm happy here. Kira: I'm sorry I can't Link with you. Odo: It doesn't matter, Nerys. I love you. Odo: Computer, activate fire suppression sys Laas? I need to talk to you. Laas: You didn't realize it was me. Did you even know we could exist as fire? I didn't think so. No matter. Once we're away from here, I'll teach you to become things you've never even dreamed of. Odo: I'm not leaving. I'm staying here. Laas: Why? So you can keep pretending to be one of them? Odo: I'm sorry if you're disappointed. Laas: I'll survive. And when I find some of the others, I'll send for you. You'll change your mind. You'll join us. Odo: It could take a long time for you find another changeling. Laas: Is that supposed to diskourage me? Odo: All I'm saying is you don't have to leave right away. I wouldn't mind the company of another changeling. I'm sure you wouldn't mind either. Laas: All right, Odo, I won't abandon you to these monoforms. As a favor to you, I'll stay a while. Odo: You might as well. If you can't get along with me, what makes you think you can get along with any other changeling? Laas: Just remember, I have no interest in monoforms, even if they are your friends. Odo: After what happened at Quark's, I don't think you have to worry about an overcrowded social schedule. Laas: Good. O'Brien: Great. The environmental system's out again. Bashir: There goes our holosuite reservation. O'Brien: I'd better go see what the problem is. Odo: Don't bother, Chief. There's nothing wrong with the environmental system. O'Brien: Where's this fog coming from? Odo: It's not fog, it's Laas. O'Brien: Laas? Bashir: What's he doing? Odo: Being fog, what's it look like? O'Brien: Can't he be fog somewhere else? Bashir: Or at night, when no one's around? Odo: He's not hurting anyone. O'Brien: Still. It's creepy. Bashir: Careful, Miles. He might hear you. O'Brien: Good. Odo: Laas. Laas. Odo: Congratulations. You managed to disrupt the entire Promenade. Laas: I was just relaxing. Odo: If you want to relax, do it in private. Laas: Did I embarrass you? Klingon: Ka'vek! What is this Founder doing here? Odo: He's not a Founder. Now move along. Klingon: Don't change form in my presence again. Laas: I change form where I please. Look at him. Look at the hate in his eyes. Odo: Laas. Klingon: Your hands are stained with the blood of Klingon warriors. Laas: But then, the stench would still be on them. Klingon: P'tak! Laas: Mine's bigger. Klingon: Ke'chaw! Klingon: No! Sisko: Doctor Bashir wasn't able to save the Klingon's life. General Martok has asked that Laas be detained until the Magistrate can determine jurisdiction. Odo: Jurisdiction? Sisko: The Klingons want to extradite him. Odo: That's ridiculous. He killed that Klingon in self-defense. Worf: That is in dispute. Odo: He was about to draw his disruptor. Worf: According to the other Klingon, he was reaching for his dagger. Sisko: Are you saying that's not true? Odo: It all happened too fast. But their intentions were obvious. One of them put a knife in his chest. Sisko: The Klingons are arguing that since Laas knew he couldn't be harmed by a knife, that he wasn't justified in responding with deadly force. Odo: Since when do Klingons resort to legal quibbling? They get involved in fights all the time. They never file charges. It isn't honorable. Sisko: In this case, the Klingons are exercising their rights under the law. Odo: Sir, they are only doing this because they distrust changelings. Worf: He should not have provoked them. Odo: Provoked them? They attacked Laas. Sisko: They claim that he surrounded them menacingly. Odo: They felt menaced by fog? Sisko: They weren't the only ones. There are twelve other people who filed complaints. Odo: Is it a crime to shape-shift on the Promenade? Sisko: It's not a crime, but obviously it's not a good idea. Odo: You're going to allow the Klingons extradite him knowing they won't give him a fair trial. Sisko: That's not my decision. It's up to the Magistrate. Odo: But you'd just as soon be rid of him. You never wanted him on the station in the first place. I practically had to beg you to let him out of that holding cell. Sisko: That's quite enough, Constable. Now, Martok has expressed concerns about our security arrangements. Odo: Meaning? Sisko: He's not sure it's appropriate that you should be in charge of the prisoner. Odo: May I ask why? Sisko: Because you were a witness to the alleged crime. Odo: That's a relief. For a moment I thought you were going to say it's because I'm a changeling. Quark: Odo. I heard about your friend. Rumor has it the Klingons want to put him on trial. Odo: They're the ones who should be put on trial. If they'd attacked anyone other than a changeling, they would be. Quark: You're probably right. That fog episode certainly didn't help matters. Odo: Laas was only doing what comes naturally to us. Quark: You never pulled a stunt like that. You're smart enough to know that people don't want to be reminded that you're different. Who wants to see somebody turn into goo? I hope you don't do that around Kira. Odo: Why shouldn't I? Quark: If she's anything like me, she'd rather you didn't. Don't you get it, Odo? We humanoids are a product of millions of years of evolution. Our ancestors learned the hard way that what you don't know might kill you. They wouldn't have survived if they hadn't have jumped back when they encountered a snake coiled in the muck. And now millions of years later, that instinct is still there. It's genetic. Our tolerance to other lifeforms doesn't extend beyond the two arm, two leg variety. I hate to break this to you, but when you're in your natural state, you're more than our poor old genes can handle. Odo: So what are you saying, Quark? That the Klingons couldn't help what they did because of their genes? Quark: I'm not trying to excuse what they did. I'm only telling you why it happened. Watch your step, Odo. We're at war with your people. This is no time for a changeling pride demonstration on the Promenade. Deputy: Constable. Odo: I'd like to have a few minutes alone with the prisoner. Deputy: Sorry, sir. I have my orders. Odo: I don't know what to say. Laas: You could say you were wrong. You could say the people here are no different than any other humanoids. Odo: Hopefully this will all get straightened out at your hearing. Laas: I am sure it will be fair and impartial. Odo: Just tell them exactly what happened. Laas: My word against a humanoid's? Whom do you think this Magistrate is going to believe? Odo: I shouldn't have convinced you to stay. If I had just let you go, none of this would have happened. Laas: My only consolation is that this may finally make you understand that you don't belong here. You saw the hatred in that Klingon's eyes. Perhaps now you'll recognize it when you see it hiding in the faces of your so-called friends. They tolerate you, Odo, because you emulate them. What higher flattery is there? I, who can be anything, choose to be like you. But even when you make yourself in their image, they know you are not truly one of them. They know that what you appear to be does not reflect what you really are. It's only a mask. What lies underneath is alien to them, and so they fear it. And that fear can turn to hate in the blink of an eye. Odo: They're going to extradite him. Kira: You don't know that. Odo: Yes, I do. And no one is going to do anything to stop it. Kira: There's not much anyone can do. Odo: If he weren't a changeling, the Captain would find a way to intervene. Kira: Odo, that's unfair. Odo: Is it? Kira: You're starting to sound like Laas. Odo: Maybe that's because I'm starting to see things more clearly now. Kira: What is that supposed to mean? Odo: Look at me, Nerys. What do you see? Kira: I see you. Odo: No. No, this is just a form I've borrowed. I could just as easily be someone else or something else. Kira: I know that. But this is what you have always chosen to be. A man. A good and honest man. A man I fell in love with. Are you trying to tell me that he never really existed? Odo: I don't know. I care about you more than anyone I've ever known. These last few months have been the happiest of my life. But even so, part of me wishes that Laas and I were out there right now searching for the others, existing as changelings. Because that's what I am. Not a humanoid. I'm a changeling. Kira: Well then maybe you're right. Maybe you do belong out there. Deputy: Can I help you, Colonel? Kira: I need to talk to the prisoner. Alone. Deputy: Aye, sir. Kira: Go to the third planet in the Koralis system. You'll find an orbital tether running down to an abandoned mining complex. I'll tell Odo to meet you there. Laas: Is this some kind of a trick? Kira: Do you want to get out of here or not? Kira: That vent will lead you through some conduits to an airlock. Laas: Why? Kira: I love him. Sisko: Escaped? How did he get through the containment field? Kira: I can't explain it. All I can tell you is what I saw. He turned himself into some kind of plasma energy and forced his way through. Before I could stop him, he had disappeared into the air vent. Worf: According to the operations log, one of the airlocks was activated shortly after that. Sisko: If he left the station, why didn't our sensors detect him? Worf: A Corvallen freighter was leaving at about the same time. He must have shadowed it to keep from being spotted. Kira: He could be anywhere by now. Sisko: General Martok is not going to be happy about this Worf: By fleeing, the changeling has demonstrated his guilt. Odo: Either that, or his lack of faith in our justice system. Worf: He must be apprehended and brought to trial. Sisko: Mister Worf, have all available runabouts begin a sector wide search. Worf: Aye, sir. Odo: Good luck Sisko: Constable, I know it's a long shot, but I'm sure you can agree we should do everything we can to find him. Odo: Of course. Sisko: Dismissed. Odo: Level Nine. Kira: You didn't hide it very well. That you're glad he escaped. Odo: I should have known he'd be able to escape. What's a forcefield to a changeling with his abilities? Kira: You said you wished you were out there with him. Well, it's not too late. Odo: I don't understand. Kira: He's waiting for you at an abandoned mine on Koralis Three. Odo: You helped him escape. Kira: I don't want you to stay here out of some sense of obligation. Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for. Odo: Laas? Laas: I knew you would come. This is a new beginning for us, Odo. A new beginning for our people. You and I are about to embark on the adventure of our lives. What's wrong? Odo: I'm not going with you. Laas: Why are you here? Odo: I've came to say goodbye. Laas: Don't be a fool. What are you holding on to? Kira? Even she knows that this is what's best for you. Why else would she have helped me to escape? Odo: You really don't know, do you? You don't have any idea what it means to love someone enough to let them go. Laas: She let you go so that you could find out where you belong. Odo: I know where I belong. Laas, humanoids are not the petty, limited creatures you perceive them to be. What Nerys did should prove that even to you. Laas: Love conquers all, is that it? Odo: I'm sorry you can't understand. You've done many things, been many things, but you've never known love. Laas: Compared to the Link, it is a pale shadow, a feeble attempt to compensate for the isolation that monoforms feel because they are trapped within themselves. Odo: Maybe the fact that it's not easy is what makes it worthwhile. Laas: Odo, the Founders are dying. This could be your last chance to exist the way you were meant to. Don't throw it away. Odo: You'd better go. They're looking for you. Good luck. Laas: And to you, Odo. You'll need it more than I. Kira: Watch over him. Help him find his way. Kira: Yes. Kira: I didn't think I'd see you again. Odo: I couldn't go. Kira: If I ever made you feel that you can't be yourself with me, I'm sorry. I want to know you the way you really are.

Kira: All right, next item. Item seven. warbird repair and maintenance. Senator? Cretak: Repairs on our ships have continually been delayed in favor of Klingon and Federation vessels. The Dividices and the Genorex have been waiting almost three weeks while more than a dozen Klingon ships have been given first priority. O'Brien: I make up the repair schedule according to my assessment of which ships have the greatest need. Cretak: Odd that the Klingons seem to always have the greatest need. Worf: They are usually more damaged because Klingon warships are relentless in pressing home their attack. Cretak: Reckless would be another way of putting it. Worf: The fight must be taken to the enemy. We cannot win this war if Kira: All right. We're not here to debate combat tactics. Chief, how soon can you have those warbirds into a docking bay? O'Brien: Well, I suppose I could bring them in tomorrow. That would mean delaying repairs to the Hornet and the Rotarran. Somebody's going to have to explain to General Martok why his flagship was bumped. Kira: Worf, you just volunteered for that assignment. Odo: This brings up the question of shore leave. At the moment, we have the crews from two Klingon ships on the station. I'd rather not have that many Klingons and Romulans on the Promenade at the same time. Cretak: We'll forgo shore leave until the Klingons depart. Our soldiers are professionals. They're here to fight, not to get drunk in Quark's. Kira: All right, that's it for today then. Same time next week? Oh sorry, Senator, you'll be attending that conference on Romulus, won't you? Cretak: Yes. But SubCommander Velal will be here in my place. Kira: Fine. Have a safe trip. Cretak: Thank you. Garak: Ah, yes, Romulus. How well I remember it. You'll find the predominant color to be gray. The buildings, the clothes, the people. Did you know that the Romulan heart itself is gray? It's true. And altogether appropriate for such an unimaginative race. Bashir: I take it you didn't enjoy your brief stint on Romulus. You were posing as a gardener, weren't you? Garak: It was one of the few instances where my cover was more enjoyable than the actual assignment. Bashir: What was the assignment, anyway? Garak: I'm afraid I can't talk about that. Back to the subject at hand. What will your role be at this conference? Bashir: Well, I'll be giving a talk on Dominion biogenic weapons, chairing a seminar on Ketracel white, and attending a meeting on a proposal to transfer twenty five Federation hospital ships over to Romulan control. Garak: How dull. Bashir: Sorry to disappoint you. Admiral Ross and his staff will be discussing the exciting military issues. Garak: I see. I trust that Starfleet Intelligence will be sending someone along to make good use of this opportunity. Bashir: What do you mean? Garak: Isn't it obvious? This is a golden opportunity to gather intelligence on Romulan intentions and military capabilities. Bashir: They're our allies, Garak. And with any luck, this could be the beginning of a entirely new friendship between our peoples. Garak: The eternal optimist. Bashir: Guilty as charged. Garak: How sad. I must tell you I'm disappointed hearing you mouthing the usual platitudes of peace and friendship regarding an implacable foe like the Romulans. But, I live in hope that one day you'll come to see this universe for what it truly is, rather than what you'd wish it to be. Bashir: Well, I shall endeavor to become more cynical with each passing day, look gift horses squarely in the mouth and find clouds in every silver lining. Garak: If only you meant it. Bashir: Lights. Bashir: Sloan. Sloan: Hello, Doctor. It's good to see you. I hope you're well rested. Section Thirty one has an assignment for you. Bashir: You're taking quite a risk. I could have a security team here in thirty seconds. Sloan: I suspect you'd be unable to communicate with anyone outside this room. Bashir: I could scream for help. Sloan: Possible, but uncharacteristic. Screaming for help, that's too undignified for you. But don't let me stop you. I enjoy being wrong. Bashir: What do you want? Sloan: I told you. You have an assignment. Bashir: I don't work for you. Sloan: You passed the test. You were accepted into the organization. Bashir: I didn't ask to be accepted. Sloan: You were, nevertheless. And now it's time to go to work. Sloan: I'm sure you're dying to know what your mission is, but you won't give me the satisfaction of admitting it. So, I'll just tell you. Bashir: Lucky me. Sloan: Section Thirty one is extremely interested in this conference of yours. However, the Tal'Shiar will be handling the security arrangements, so we have virtually no chance of using any technical assets to gather intelligence. As a result, we'll be forced to rely on organic assets, like you. Your mission is to gather data on the Romulan leadership. In essence, we want you to take the pulse of their government. No pun intended. Bashir: You want me to spy on an ally. Sloan: To evaluate an ally. And a temporary ally at that. I say that because when the war is over, the following will happen in short order. The Dominion will be forced back to the Gamma Quadrant, the Cardassian Empire will be occupied, the Klingon Empire will spend the next ten years recovering from the war and won't pose a serious threat to anyone. That leaves two powers to vie for control of the quadrant, the Federation and the Romulans. Bashir: This war isn't over and you're already planning for the next. Sloan: Well put. I hope your report is equally succinct. Bashir: How many times do I have to tell you, Sloan? I don't work for you. Sloan: You will. It's in your nature. You are a man who loves secrets. Medical, personal, fictional. I am a man of secrets. You want to know what I know, and the only way to do that is to accept the assignment. Ezri: Whoa! Easy, Julian! What's going on? Bashir: Odo's checked all the security logs. There's no indication of how Sloan got aboard or where he went. Sisko: Can't say I'm surprised. From what we've seen of them, Section Thirty one is very meticulous in covering their tracks. I had a conversation with Admiral Ross this afternoon. He and I both agree that the Romulan conference is too important to cancel. Bashir: What about me? Sisko: Starfleet Command has promised to send the expert on Dominion biogenic weapons and Ketracel white to the conference. Since that's you, you go. And we want you to carry out your assignment. Make a few diskreet observations on the Romulan leadership and then wait for Sloan to contact you again. Bashir: Somehow, I don't think giving Sloan any information is a good idea. Sisko: That was my instinct as well, but after talking to Ross I think we might have an opportunity here we can turn to our advantage. Officially, Starfleet Command has said that they are appallled at the very notion that an organization like Section Thirty one might exist, and that they plan to get to the bottom of this entire business. Bashir: And unofficially? Sisko: They have quietly pushed the investigation aside, which means either they don't take Section Thirty one seriously or someone at Starfleet Command is protecting them. Either way, we now have a chance to get someone inside and I think I want to take it. Bashir: So you want me to play along, pretend that I've decided to work for Sloan after all? Sisko: Exactly. When he contacts you to find out what you learned at the conference, make it seem like you've reluctantly come around to his way of thinking. Let him believe that he has seduced you into helping him. Bashir: That shouldn't be too difficult. Sloan thinks I'm already so tempted that I can barely can see straight. Well, listen, I'd better packed. The Bellerophon leaves in three hours. Sisko: One more thing, Doctor. Remember this isn't a game. Section Thirty one is very dangerous. If Sloan suspects that you are really working for us. Bashir: I understand. Sisko: Good hunting. Cretak: A glass of Romulan ale, Doctor? Bashir: Thank you, Senator. Ross: The trading embargo has been officially lifted, if you were wondering. Bashir: It hadn't crossed my mind, actually. Ross: To one of the many benefits of the Alliance. Bashir: Need a medical team, sir? Ross: No, thank you. Cretak: Don't tell me this is your first glass of Romulan ale. Ross: Well, it was illegal. Cretak: That never stopped most of your colleagues. Ross: I know. I was probably one of the few officers in the fleet who didn't indulge occasionally. Cretak: Would you like something else? Ross: No, no, I'll manage. Bashir: That's the spirit, sir. Never say die. Cretak: What an odd expression. What does it mean? Sloan: It's a line from an old Earth poem. Forgive me for interrupting. I couldn't help overhearing and etymology is one of my hobbies. The phrase 'never say die' is originally from a nineteenth century poem based on Shakespeare's 'Merchant of Venice.' Now, it's since passed into the vernacular as an exhortation never to give up, no matter the cost. Cretak: Interesting. Sloan: Wendell Greer, Assistant Director, UFP Department of Cartography. Ross: It's a pleasure. Admiral William Ross. Senator Cretak. Sloan: Admiral. Senator. Ross: And Doctor Julian Bashir. Sloan: Ah. The physician from Deep Space Nine. I was hoping to meet you. I have so many questions about the Bajoran sector, the navigational anomalies, the transport patterns. Could you spare a moment? Unless I'm interrupting? Ross: Not at all. Sloan: Try to play your cards a little closer to your vest, Doctor. You're lucky they didn't see that look of shock on your face. Bashir: If you've managed to attach yourself to this delegation, why do you need me? Sloan: All in due time. Now you have a lot of work do before we arrive at Romulus. There's a PADD in your quarters. Read it. I'll join you at twenty two hundred. Ross: Well, Mister Greer certainly has his ducks in a row. According to the Department of Cartography, he's been a low level bureaucrat for almost fifteen years. Bashir: That doesn't surprise me he has a solid cover story, sir. But I think it's too dangerous to allow him to participate in the conference or even set foot on Romulus. We don't know what he's up to. Ross: On the other hand, if we move against him now, we lose any hope of penetrating Section Thirty one. His access at this conference will be limited to a few low level briefings and seminars. It shouldn't be hard keeping tabs on him. If Sloan's here it suggests more important than a simple intelligence gathering mission. He's up to something and it's imperative that we know what that something is. We go forward. Bashir: Next. Bashir: Neral. Formerly Proconsul and now Praetor of the Romulan Star Empire. Neral's ascension to the top post was confirmed by the Continuing Committee a little over a year ago. His immediate family was killed in a Klingon raid approximately twenty five years ago. His interests include sociology and archeology. His favorite food is Delvan pudding and his pet set'leth's name is Pensho. Sloan: Very good. Total recall is a useful attribute for an operative. (Next, the familiar sneering features of John Fleck.) Bashir: Koval. Chairman of the Tal'Shiar. Section Thirty one believes that he was involved in the death of Vice Admiral Fujisaki last year, but there's no proof. Sloan: The proof is buried somewhere in Koval's personal database, which puts it out of our reach for now. But believe me, Doctor, the Deputy Chief of Starfleet Intelligence doesn't just die of food poisoning. I have to give him credit though. It was a textbook operation. No sign of foul play, and certainly no sign of Romulan involvement. It was very tidy. Koval's political status? Bashir: Ambiguous. He hasn't been elevated to the Continuing Committee, which is usually a given for the head of the Tal'Shiar. His nomination's probably being held up because of his opposition to the Federation Alliance, which is supported by the majority on the Committee. Sloan: Which, in turn, opens the door for your friend, Senator Cretak. She's an advocate of the alliance and she's been lobbying for this open seat. There is another rumor about Koval which is not contained in his file. We've heard he's ill. Something called Tuvan Syndrome. Bashir: I'm familiar with it. It's a neurological disease which affects mainly Romulans, Vulcans and Rigelians. It's degenerative and incurable at present. Sloan: If Koval is ill, he'll try to hide it. It's a weakness, and one that could hamper his chances of being appointed to the Committee. Bashir: Is that what I'm here for? A diagnosis? What's the matter Sloan, doesn't Section Thirty one have its own doctors? Sloan: Our physicians weren't genetically enhanced. They need equipment to make a diagnosis. Equipment that the Romulans won't permit at this conference. Bashir: I'm incapable of making a diagnosis by simply looking at a man. Sloan: Your genetically enhanced friends determined that Gul Damar killed a woman just by watching him give a political speech. I'm sure you can do better than that. Bashir: You're going to make a move against Koval, aren't you? You're going to find a way to use his illness to keep him off the Committee. I suppose it would be naive of me to point out that interfering in the internal affairs of a sovereign power is explicitly forbidden by the Federation charter. Sloan: Without confirming or denying your speculation, I will say that if Koval comes to power, it'll be a disaster for the Federation. He'll argue for the Romulans to abrogate the alliance and negotiate a separate peace with the Dominion. And I don't think I need to tell you what that would do to the course of the war. Bashir: You can't justify that by manipulating a Sloan: Let's make a deal, doctor. I'll spare you the ends justify the means speech and you spare me the we must do what's right speech. You and I are not going to see eye to eye on this subject, so I suggest we stop discussing it. Our mission is reconnaissance. You're not going to be called upon to do anything other than that. Now why don't you get some rest. We'll be in orbit of Romulus by oh six hundred and you will need to have your wits about you. Barman: Here you are sir. Koval: Doctor Julian Bashir? Bashir: Yes. Koval: I understand you were the officer who first identified the biogenic weapon known as the Quickening. Bashir: That's right. On Boranis Three, in the Gamma Quadrant. I don't believe we've been introduced. Koval: Koval. Bashir: Ah. It's a pleasure to meet you. Koval: Why? Bashir: Well, you've got me there. It's just a simple form of expression, I suppose. Koval: And like most human expressions, completely devoid of meaning. Can the Dominion's Quickening virus be replicated? Bashir: We've had a little difficulty in recreating the exact RNA sequence of the virus, which why we've been unable to develop a vaccine. However, there are alternate methods of making vaccines which Koval: I'm not interested in the vaccine, I'm interested in the virus. Do you know how to introduce the Quickening into a population? Bashir: Basically. Koval: Good. I look forward to hearing your lecture. Cretak: You're going to make a very fine operative, Doctor. Bashir: I beg your pardon? Cretak: The Chairman of the Tal'Shiar rarely speaks with anyone in public, much less someone wearing that uniform. Starfleet Intelligence should recruit you immediately. Bashir: What makes you think I'm not working for them already? Cretak: Somehow, it wouldn't surprise me if half the people in this room turned out to be operatives. Bashir: You are joking? Cretak: It may be impolitic to say this, but there are those who believe the alliance is merely a momentary truce. Bashir: Are you one of them? Cretak: I could ask you the same thing. Bashir: Well in my case it's a firm no. But you've answered my question with a question. Cretak: I try not to predict the future. Bashir: What about Chairman Koval? Cretak: You tell me. You just spoke with him. That's more than I've done in six months. Bashir: I take it you two don't get along? Cretak: We have different views. Bashir: Which are? Cretak: State secrets. Bashir: Naturally. Bashir: This is an adult female inhabitant of Boranis Three. The markings on the face are typical of a humanoid who's been infected by the disease, but who has not yet entered the terminal stage. Bashir: In this next photograph, you can tell by the necrotic nature of the lesions the patient has indeed entered the terminal stage of the disease. This is also marked by an increase in leukocyte production. Romulan: Thank you, Doctor. Starfleet: Excellent. Bashir: Thank you. Sloan: Very enlightening. You almost made it comprehensible. Bashir: Next time I'll do the lecture with hand puppets just for you. Starfleet 2: Thank you very much. Sloan: I'm glad to see you still have your sense of humor. I trust you noticed who was sitting in the front row. Bashir: Yes. He came to see me this morning between sessions. He wanted to know more about the Quickening. Specifically, if I knew how to replicate the virus and how to introduce it into a population. Sloan: What did you think of his health? Bashir: Didn't you hear what I just said? Sloan: I heard you. Koval wants to get his hands on the Quickening. That's not news to me that the head of the Tal'Shiar is interested in biogenic weapons. Pull your head out of the sand, and take a look around, Doctor. These are not nice people we're dealing with here. Now answer my question. Bashir: His eyelids were slightly displaced. He had a noticeable weakness in the facial muscles, possibly the result of compromised neuromuscular function. And his respiration was somewhat irregular. Sloan: Bottom line? Bashir: He may have Tuvan Syndrome, but if he does, it's in the very early stages. Sloan: How long does he have? Bashir: If his case fits the profile, he will start experiencing a loss of motor skills in ten to fifteen years, with a life expectancy in the twenty to twenty five year range. Sloan: Are there any instances in which the disease accelerates without warning? Bashir: It happens, but in less than five percent of the cases. Sloan: Is there anything that could trigger the acceleration? Bashir: You know, I don't know what you're asking me. Sloan: Never mind. Thank you, Doctor. You've been very helpful. Ross: This is unbelievable. Let's put aside for the moment that he's contemplating the murder of a high ranking official. What in the hell makes him think that the next head of the Tal'Shiar would be any better than Koval? Bashir: Sloan's more concerned with who gets the empty seat on the Continuing Committee. He's hoping that Cretak gets that. Ross: I sort of agree with him there. Cretak, for all her abrasiveness, is at least a patriot. Bashir: What makes her any different from Koval? Ross: If you saw the reports from Starfleet Intelligence that I see, you would never ask that question. Koval would like nothing better than to see the Romulan banner waving over Earth. Believe me, Doctor. Chairman Koval is not someone we want at the Praetor's right hand. I'll have Sloan confined to his quarters immediately, but that may not solve our problem. Bashir: Sir? Ross: Has it occurred to you that you and Sloan may not be the only ones here working for Section Thirty one? For all we know, he has a confederate somewhere in the delegation. Bashir: Sloan did say that our mission would be strictly reconnaissance and that we wouldn't be called upon to do anything else. That could suggest another operative. Someone whose mission isn't limited to reconnaissance. Ross: If that's true, it could be anyone. Even a member of the Bellerophon crew. Bashir: Or a Romulan. Ross: What? Bashir: Sir, I believe Sloan has an accomplice here, on Romulus. Ross: What makes you say that? Bashir: Two things. First, Sloan has too much information on the inner workings of their government, too many insights into their political process. Second, Sloan's plan is to kill Koval while making it appear to be an accelerated case of Tuvan Syndrome. Now the only way to do that would be to expose Koval to a short burst of nadion radiation. The simplest plan would be to maneuver him near a phaser relay and surreptitiously irradiate him. Now since I doubt very much that Sloan is going to have a chance to do that, it stands to reason someone else is going to have to. Ross: A Romulan. Bashir: Exactly. Sir, Sloan may have already got things underway. We have to warn them. Ross: And how am I supposed to explain Section Thirty one to the Romulans? All hell would break loose if they hear that there's a rogue Federation agency is running around plotting assassinations. It could bring the Alliance down. Besides, all we have is speculation at this point. Bashir: Admiral Ross: The answer is no. After I have Sloan arrested, I'll break radio silence and inform Starfleet Command of the situation. Your orders are to sit tight and do nothing until you hear from me. Bashir: Aye, sir. Hickam: I don't know. Jepella said she went in to deliver a report and found him slumped over his desk. Wheeler: Do they have any idea what happened? Hickam: Doctor Frame said it looked like an aneurysm, but they're still running tests. Wheeler: An aneurysm. I saw the Admiral this morning. He looked fine. Hickam: They say that's the way it happens. Bashir: Which admiral are you talking about? Hickam: Admiral Ross, sir. He collapsed at his desk. Bashir: Where is he? Wheeler: Sickbay. Sloan: Hey. Bashir: I can't trust anyone aboard the Bellerophon and I can't contact DS Nine. For security reasons there's been a communications blackout. Senator, I have no one else to turn to. I need your help. Cretak: To do what? Bashir: I have reason to believe that Sloan has an accomplice within the Romulan government. Someone who's going to help him carry out this assassination. Cretak: Koval has been saying that there's a traitor in the Senate, someone working for Starfleet Intelligence Bashir: Section Thirty one isn't part of Starfleet Intelligence. Cretak: They are Federation citizens working to advance your interests. That makes them your responsibility. Bashir: You're absolutely right. That's why I'm doing everything I can to stop them. I'm trying to convince Sloan that Koval doesn't have Tuvan Syndrome. But he may have already asked his accomplice to proceed. So if we want to be sure to stop this assassination we have to find Sloan's Romulan accomplice. Cretak: And you expect me to find this traitor? Bashir: Sloan said something about Koval having a personal database. It stands to reason that it contains a list of potential suspects. Is there any possible way you can get me a copy of this database so that I can run an analysis of Cretak: You are asking me to hand over secret documents! Bashir: I'm asking you to put aside three centuries of mistrust between our peoples and help me stop a murder. Senator, if we can't reach out and bridge the gulf that is between us, if we can't trust each other, a man will die and we will be partially responsible. I need your help. Please. Sloan: You wanted to see me, Doctor? Bashir: Yes. I'm not convinced that Koval is suffering from Tuvan Syndrome. His symptoms could be the result of any number of different health problems. Sloan: You didn't say that before. Bashir: I'm not an expert on Romulan physiology. Most of my knowledge of Tuvan Syndrome comes from studies done on Vulcan patients. Sloan: I thought Vulcans and Romulans were virtually identical. Bashir: Yes, but there are some important genetic differences. And the more I study the available data on Romulan physiology, the less sure I am that my diagnosis was correct. Sloan: How could you find out for sure? Bashir: The best way would be to do an examination, but I hardly think he'll agree to that. Sloan: What if you obtained a sample of his skin cells? Could you run an analysis? Bashir: Probably. But how do you propose Sloan: We'll treat your palm with a microcellular adhesive. The next time you shake his hand, you'll get your sample. Bashir: All right. Bashir: Mister Chairman? What a pleasure to see you again. Bashir: I'd be happy to resume our discussion on the Quickening before this conference is adjourned. Koval: I believe you answered all my questions, Doctor. Bashir: Well then, I'm glad to have been able to help. Koval: Doctor. I would like to have a word with you on another matter, in private. Bashir: Of course. I believe the lecture hall is empty. Koval: We have other more comfortable facilities available. If you please. Koval: Sit down. I can assure you that you will be sitting in that chair one way or the other, Doctor. Koval: Now we'll have our private talk. Bashir: What shall we talk about? Koval: Why you're really on Romulus, who you're working for and, of course, who's helping you. Don't worry. I won't waste your time with pointless questions. Koval: This can be painful or not. That's up to you, Doctor. Either way, I will know what you know. Koval: It appears that your brain's neurocellular structure is not susceptible to our scanning techniques, evidently a result of the genetic enhancements made to your parietal cortex. Bashir: Sorry. Koval: I do have other methods at my disposal, but it would save everyone a great deal of trouble if you would simply tell me what I want to know. Bashir: You haven't asked me any questions yet. Koval: I think you know what I'm interested in. Who are you working for? Why are you here? Bring him. Neral: Doctor Julian Bashir, you are appearing before the Continuing Committee of the Romulan People. Any statements will be made part of the official record. Senator Cretak is charged with attempting to access a Tal'Shiar database without proper authorisation. The Senator has told the Committee a remarkable story. Since you're a key figure in her story, we are most eager to hear your version of the events. Bashir: What I am about to say may be shocking. It may even damage the relations between our two peoples, but it's the truth. A few days ago, I became aware of a plot to assassinate Chairman Koval. It was conceived of by a man known to me only as Sloan. He works for an organization called Section Thirty one. They see themselves as protecting the interests of the Federation, although they have absolutely no official standing. Once I realized what Sloan was attempting to do, I contacted Senator Cretak in order to enlist her aid in stopping him. Neral: Why her? Bashir: I had no one else to turn to. I was unable to contact Deep Space Nine and I couldn't trust anyone aboard the Bellerophon. Neral: But you felt that you could trust a Romulan Senator? Bashir: Yes. For all our differences, I do respect her. Neral: Continue. Bashir: For reasons that are extremely complicated, I came to believe that there's a traitor in your government working for Section Thirty one. I asked the Senator to obtain the database so that we could expose this person and prevent the assassination. Neral: Senator Cretak, why didn't you come to me with this information? Cretak: I was afraid that if word of this plot got out, it would destroy the Alliance. I decided to keep my own counsel. I regret that decision. Neral: As well you should, Kimara. Koval: It's an interesting story. But it's not the whole story. if I may be permitted to bring in another witness? Bring in prisoner five two seven. Koval: Praetor, this is the man known as Sloan. Unlike the Doctor, his mind is quite susceptible to our data retrieval methods. Under questioning, he has confirmed much of what the Doctor and the Senator have told you, with one important exception. There is no Section Thirty one. Sloan, in fact, works for Starfleet Intelligence. Far from being the master of a rogue agency, he is simply one of many operatives in the employ of the Federation. He's had a long career, most of which is still unknown to us. However, there is one interesting element that we do know. He was the protégé of the late Vice Admiral Fujisaki. Sloan did not take the death of his mentor well. He came to believe he was murdered by the Tal'Shiar. In his eyes, the assassination of a Starfleet admiral was stepping over the line. Isn't that the phrase? After Fujisaki's death, he was confronted with a dilemma. How could he seek vengeance without violating the Federation laws? His answer was to invent Section Thirty one, a rogue organization that answered to no one. If they killed the head of the Tal'Shiar, Starfleet Intelligence would be held blameless. As the Committee knows, I have been diagnosed with Tuvan Syndrome. Sloan became aware of my condition and hoped to make my death look like a sudden acceleration of the disease. To do that, he needed a doctor. Sloan arranged to recruit Doctor Bashir into Section Thirty one. After that, Sloan bided his time, and waited for an opportunity to present itself. He found one when he learned of this conference. He then arranged for Bashir to be invited. Everything was going perfectly, but then he made a fatal mistake. He decided to come to Romulus himself. He was unaware that his identity had become known to us. Once we recognized him in the delegation, we knew immediately that an intelligence operation was underway. What I don't understand is why? Why did you come here and take the risk of being diskovered? Sloan: I had to make sure nothing went wrong. And I wanted to watch you die. Koval: You broke the cardinal rule of our profession. You allowed business to become personal. Neral: So there was an assassination plan? Koval: Most definitely. As to the involvement of the Doctor and the Senator, Doctor Bashir may have intended to kill me, or he may have intended to save me. There is no way to know for certain. As for Senator Cretak, we all know she's an ambitious woman. It is entirely possible she would welcome my death, especially if it meant her being elevated to the Continuing Committee in my place. Cretak: That is a lie, Koval. I was trying to save your life. Koval: Then you're simply a fool. You let a Starfleet Intelligence officer manipulate you into committing an act of treason. Neral: It is the finding of this Committee that Senator Cretak has conspired to commit treason against the State. Sentence to be determined at a later date. Doctor Bashir will be returned to the Bellerophon. Mister Sloan is remanded to the custody of the Tal'Shiar for further interrogation. Sloan: No! Ross: Come in. Bashir: Admiral. Ross: Doctor. Bashir: Feeling better, sir? Ross: Much. Doctor Frame tells me that I should take it easy for a few days, but paperwork waits for no man. What can I do for you? Bashir: I have a question. Where's Sloan? Ross: Sloan's dead. Bashir: Admiral, where's Sloan? Ross: If we're going to have this discussion, then it's off the record. Ross: Before I answer your question, answer mine. How did you know? Bashir: The man Koval described was not the same man who recruited me into Section Thirty one. Anyone clever enough to pull the wool so completely over my eyes wouldn't have been caught by the Romulans so easily. There had to be another explanation. And then I remembered that you were the one who planted the idea in my head that Sloan had an accomplice. You were the one who didn't want to tell the Romulans that there was an assassination plot. You were the one who issued the orders preventing me from contacting Deep Space Nine. And when the time came to arrest Sloan, you conveniently had an aneurysm, leaving me alone with no one to turn to anyone for help except Cretak. And as I realized your involvement, the rest began to fall into place. Where is he? Ross: I don't know. Bashir: But he's alive, isn't he? Ross: He was supposed to be beamed away a split second before the phaser beam hit him. Whether it worked or not, I couldn't say. Bashir: How long has Koval been working for Starfleet? Ross: He's been providing the Federation with critical military intelligence for over a year. When he started working with Section Thirty one I don't know. Bashir: But in any case, we have our mole, working for us at the top levels of Romulan government. Good for us. And what about your friend Senator Cretak? What's going to happen to her? Ross: Dismissed from the Senate, definitely. Imprisoned, most likely. Bashir: Executed? Ross: I hope not. Bashir: You set her up! She was an innocent woman and you let Sloan destroy her! Why? She believed in the Alliance. She was on our side. Ross: No, she wasn't. I told you before, Julian, she's a patriot. Which means if it served the interests of the Romulans to negotiate a separate peace with the Dominion, Cretak would push that option. And believe me, the Dominion would like nothing better than to make a deal with the Romulans right now. Bashir: So Koval becomes your guarantee that that does not happen. As a man who was nearly killed for his anti-Federation activities, his recommendation to stay in the war becomes all the more convincing. Ross: That's the general idea. Bashir: And how long have you worked for Section Thirty One? Ross: I don't. Bashir: Oh. Just a temporary alliance, is it? Ross: Something like that. Bashir: You don't see anything wrong with what happened, do you. Ross: I don't like it. But I've spent the last year and a half of my life ordering young men and young women to die. I like that even less. Bashir: That's a glib answer and a cheap way to avoid the fact that you've trampled on the very thing that those men and women are out there dying to protect! Does that not mean anything to you? Ross: Inter arma enim silent leges. Bashir: In time of war, the law falls silent. Cicero. So is that what we have become? A twenty fourth century Rome driven by nothing more than the certainty that Caesar can do no wrong! Ross: This conversation never happened. Ross: You're dismissed. Sloan: Good evening. Bashir: Are you expecting applause? Have you come to take a bow? Sloan: I just wanted to say thank you. Bashir: For what? Allowing you to manipulate me so completely? Sloan: For being a decent human being. That's why we selected you in the first place, Doctor. We needed somebody who wanted to play the game, but who would only go so far. When the time came, you stood your ground. You did the right thing. You reached out to an enemy, you told her the truth, you tried to stop a murder. The Federation needs men like you, Doctor. Men of conscience, men of principle, men who can sleep at night. You're also the reason Section Thirty one exists. Someone has to protect men like you from a universe that doesn't share your sense of right and wrong. Bashir: Should I feel sorry for you? Should I be weeping over the burden you're forced to carry in order to protect the rest of us? Sloan: It is an honor to know you, Doctor. Goodnight. Bashir: Bashir to Security. Odo: Odo here. Bashir: Never mind. My mistake.

Vic: Sure I remember the Alamo. Bashir: See? Told you he would. Vic: Laurence Harvey, Richard Widmark and John Wayne as Davy Crockett. Great battle scenes, nice sets, but way too long. O'Brien: We're not talking about a movie. Bashir: No, we're talking about our holosuite program. Vic: Oh, that Alamo. What about it? Bashir: Well, we've got holosuite four reserved for an hour and we were wondering whether you'd like to join us. Vic: Look fellas, I'm touched by the offer, but I don't know. O'Brien: We can transfer your matrix to the Alamo program. Bashir: You've got to leave of Vegas sometimes, right? Vic: True, but I'm afraid I have to say no. Bashir: Why? Vic: I don't look good in buckskin. Tell you what I'll do though. How about a little tune to get you into a Texas state of mind. Fellas, Alamo. Standing around by the Alamo. Walking around in San Antonio. Looking around for a new kind of love. Vic: Baby I'm lonesome tonight. History abounds by the famous fort. Man: Get him off! Man: Come on, step down, ya hack. Oh, honey. Show me, show me! Vic: What the hell? Bashir: What is all this? Vic: Don't ask me. O'Brien: Maybe there's a pointer fault in the holosuite's parameter file. Frankie: Well, look who's here. The pretty boy singer himself. Vic: Frankie Eyes. What are you doing in Vegas? Frankie: What happened to 'Hello, Frankie, long time no see. Make yourself at home. Can I get you anything?' You believe this guy? Cicci: No manners. Frankie: Were you born in a barn or something? Bashir: This gentleman a friend of yours? Vic: We know each other. Frankie: We're a long way from South Philly, ain't we, Vic? Vic: So, are you here on business or pleasure? Frankie: Let's just say I'm here to stay, while you, Vicky boy, are about to take a powder. Vic: I'm not going anywhere. Frankie: I got news for you, pal. I just bought this hotel. You're history. Vic: You can't fire me. I have a contract. Frankie: And you can paper your walls with it. You're finished in this town, Vic. Vic: You're blackballing me? Frankie: As of this moment, you couldn't get a job as a singing busboy. Now are you going to walk out of here, or do you have to be carried out? Makes no difference to me. O'Brien: Let me handle this. Computer. Delete characters Frankie Eyes and I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Cicci: Cicci. O'Brien: And Cicci from the holosuite's program. Cicci: What's a holosuites? Frankie: Beats me. Bashir: They're still here, Chief. O'Brien: Computer, freeze program. There must be a little problem in the character deletion algorithm. Cicci: I'll show you the door. Vic: Make that a big problem. Frankie: What's it going to be, pallie? Vic: I guess I start packing. Frankie: Smart boy. All right, Cicci, come on. Let's check out my casino. Bashir: So what do we do now? Vic: Nothing we can do. Frankie's a made man, capisce? Bashir: I'm not talking about Frankie, I'm talking about fixing the entire program. O'Brien: Well, we could shut it down manually and reset it. But that would wipe Vic's memory. He'd forget everything that's happened since we first activated him. Vic: Oh, hold on, pallie. Nobody's wiping my memory. Bashir: Of course not. There must be some other way. O'Brien: I wish I knew what it was. Bashir: Better talk to Felix. After all, he was the one who designed this program. Vic: You do that. O'Brien: In the meantime, you stay out of the way of Frankie Eyes. Vic: You'll get no argument from me. Nog: I'll tell you one thing, if this Frankie Eyes hurts Vic in any way, he's going to have to answer to me. Worf: I do not understand how you could feel such loyalty for a hologram. Nog: He's not just a hologram, he's my friend. O'Brien: Don't you like Vic? Worf: As a singer, I find him entertaining. But beyond that, I neither like him nor dislike him. He is a hologram, and therefore he does not exist. Kira: He does for me. Bashir: I just talked to Felix. I know what's been affecting Vic's program. It's a jack in the box. Nog: A what? O'Brien: A jack in the box. It's a children's toy on Earth. You wind it up and a figure jumps out and goes Boo! Bashir: Except this type of jack in the box is different. Nog: It doesn't go Boo? Bashir: No, this surprise is buried deep in the holosuite program. O'Brien: It's meant to shake things up, you know? Make things interesting. Nog: I wasn't bored. Were you? Kira: Not at all. I liked Vic's the way it was. Bashir: According to Felix, if we get rid of Frankie Eyes, everything resets back to the way it was. Kira: That's good to know. Nog: So how do we get rid of Frankie Eyes? Bashir: That's up to us. But Felix did warn me the program is period specific. O'Brien: In other words, if we shoot him, we have to use a forty five automatic and not a phaser. Bashir: We can't shoot Frankie, it's too dangerous. O'Brien: The mob could retaliate against Vic. Bashir: If anything happens to Vic, his matrix will be eliminated from the program. Permanently. Nog: The news just keeps getting better, doesn't it? Sisko: What news? Kira: Oh, nothing, sir. We're talking about a holosuite program. Bashir: Vic Fontaine's hotel's just been bought by gangsters. Sisko: I see. When do you plan on to going back to work? O'Brien: Right away, sir. Nog: Whatever you decide to do, Chief, count me in. I owe Vic. I thought losing my leg was the end of my Starfleet career. He taught me otherwise. Kira: He changed my life, too. And Odo's. Bashir: Now all we need is a plan. Kasidy: Your daddy would be proud. Sisko: My daddy taught me everything I know. Kasidy: How nice. Sisko: So, how was your day? Kasidy: It's getting better. Sisko: Something happen? Kasidy: It's Vic. Sisko: Vic? Kasidy: Vic Fontaine. A gangster named Frankie Eyes took over his lounge. The whole place has changed and no one's sure how to change it back. What? Sisko: Nothing. Kasidy: I guess this sounds pretty silly to you. Sisko: A little. Kasidy: You have to understand, Vic isn't just another holosuite program. He's more like a friend. Sisko: Kasidy, can we talk about something else? Kasidy: Sure. How come you've never been to Vic's? Sisko: Does it matter? You like going there and I don't. Let's leave it at that. Kasidy: I was only asking. Sisko: And I gave you my answer. Kasidy: There are times when I just can't figure you out. Sisko: Well, maybe that's part of the attraction. Kasidy: Believe that if you want to. Vic: Who is it? O'Brien: It's Miles and Julian. Vic: Just a minute. Vic: You wouldn't happen to have an ice pack on you, would you? Vic: Hey, pallie, whose side are you on? Bashir: I'm sorry, but you have three bruised ribs here and your left wrist is sprained. The good news is your skull is still in one piece. Bashir: Thanks. Vic: I feel better already. A jack in the box. I can't believe Felix would do that to me. Bashir: Oh, don't take it personally. He was just trying to do me a favor by not letting things get too boring. Vic: I thought that was my job. Bashir: Oh, and you're great at it. You know we love ya. O'Brien: So, you going to tell us what happened? Vic: I slipped in the bathtub. O'Brien: And knocked over this furniture looking for a bandage, right? Vic: Something like that. Frankie sent Tony Cicci to pay me a little visit. He wanted to remind me not to take too long packing. O'Brien: What is it with you and Frankie? Vic: It goes back to the old neighborhood when we were kids. I used to beat him at stickball. Bashir: And? Vic: And nothing. We've been rivals ever since. O'Brien: That Felix, huh. When he designs a holosuite program, he doesn't fool around. Vic: Tell me about it. Bashir: Now you should get some rest. Maybe take a little vacation. Vic: A vacation? Did you guys take a vacation when the Dominion took over DS Nine? O'Brien: It's not the same thing. Vic: It is to me. This is my life, remember? I don't run at the first sign of trouble. Bashir: We're not asking you to run anywhere. We just want you to stay out of sight while we come up with a plan. Vic: What plan? O'Brien: How to get rid of Frankie Eyes. Bashir: Odo and Kira are down in the lounge right now. Vic: Doing what? O'Brien: Checking up on Frankie. We need to find his weak spot. Vic: I hope you know what you're getting me into. If you guys screw up, I'm the one who winds up buried in the desert. Kira: Let me guess, you'll look around here while I check out the casino? Odo: Oh. Er. If you'd prefer, I'll go and Kira: Enjoy yourself. Just remember, we have a job to do. Odo: Of course. Cicci: Then I drive him out to the woods. Badda bing badda bang. Three in back of the head, that's the end of little Paulie. So what do you think Frankie says when I report back in? Little Paulie? Nah, I told you to pop Big Paulie! That's the problem with our business, too many guys named Paulie. Kira: Hit me. I'm done. Frankie: Not so fast. What kind of card is that to give such a pretty lady. Hit her again. Kira: Isn't that against the rules? Frankie: Don't worry about it. Double your bet. Frankie: Twenty six? What's wrong with you? Again. You're starting to aggravate me, pal. Twenty one, finally. Pay the lady. Dealer: Yes, sir. Frankie: If I were you, I'd quit while I was ahead. The name's Frank Chalmers, but everyone calls me Frankie Eyes. Kira: Why's that? Frankie: Because I don't miss a trick. Kira: You're very sure of yourself. Frankie: Doubt is for losers. Kira: And quite a philosopher. Frankie: Well, I'm thinking of writing a book. Kira: What's the title? Frankie: Well, maybe you can help me think one up. Kira: My talents lie in other directions. Frankie: Good title. Mind if I use it? Kira: I'd say you already paid for it. Frankie: So what do you say we hit the roulette table and see if I can't buy Chapter One. Cicci: Hey, Max, Max, come over here. I want you to see this. Cicci: Can you believe it? He did it again. Buddy, I've been hanging out in bars for twenty years. I ain't never seen a stunt like that. Odo: There's nothing to it, really. Cicci: Hear that? The guy's the eighth wonder of the world and he says there's nothing to it. So where you from again? Odo: Bajor. Cicci: That's in Jersey, right? Odo: Right. Cicci: Max, Max, another round for my friend here. Odo: Turns out Frankie Eyes was sent to Vegas by a man named Carl Zeemo. Vic: Looks like Frankie's moving up in the world. Kira: You know Mister Zeemo? Vic: Been around forever. Likes to pretend he's a sweet old man, but he's meaner than a junkyard dog. It's is all starting to make sense. I knew Frankie didn't have the money to buy a hotel. Ezri: But Zeemo does. Vic: More than enough. This is going to be a pretty sweet deal for him. The casino's bringing in about a million bucks a month. Cash. And out of that, Zeemo expects to be sent a couple of hundred grand. Odo: That would be the skim. Vic: Right off the top. Tax free. Frankie's got nothing to worry about. All he's got to do is send Mister Zeemo his cut. Kira: According to Frankie, Mister Zeemo's coming into town in about six days to pick up his first payment. He's never been to Vegas and he wants to look over his newest acquisition. O'Brien: What would happen to Frankie if he didn't give Zeemo his skim? Vic: Frankie's not that dumb. Bashir: Miles, are you thinking what I'm thinking? O'Brien: That depends on what you're thinking. Bashir: All we have to do is see to it that Mister Zeemo doesn't sees a penny of that money. Ezri: Are you talking about robbing the casino? O'Brien: That's what I was thinking. Kasidy: Isn't that dangerous? Vic: Stealing from the mob? You bet it is. You get caught and I kiss the world goodbye. O'Brien: Then the trick is not to get caught. Vic: You guys are nuts, you know that? Besides, the money's kept in a safe. Nog: What kind of safe? Vic: I don't know. It's in the countroom and there's a guard outside the door twenty four hours a day. And even if you did get past him, there's still that little problem of the two countmen inside. Kira: I'll get a look at the safe. Bashir: We'll figure out a way to take out the guard. Kasidy: And the countmen. Ezri: And anything else that comes along. O'Brien: Then we're agreed? Bashir: Absolutely. Kira: I'm in. Odo: Me, too. Kasidy: Sure. Ezri: Okay. Nog: Let's do it. Vic: Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You're going to knock over the casino and swipe a cool million from the mob? O'Brien: Vic, you want your lounge back or not? Vic: Deal me in. Frankie: Have you ever seen a prettier shade of green? Kira: Looks like you had a profitable night. Frankie: And the night's not over. Kira: Is this for me or am I just keeping it warm for you? Frankie: It's all yours, baby. And there's more where that came from. Kira: I'll take your word for it. Frankie: What are you looking at? Al: Nothing. Frankie: Just keep counting. After you, sweetheart. Kasidy: Are you sure you didn't go to high school in Asheville, North Carolina? Guard: Yeah, I'm positive. Kasidy: That's funny. You look just like the captain of our football team. I had such a crush on him. Guard: Well, actually, I did play a little football. Kasidy: I knew it. You have the body of an athlete. Cicci: You call this a cheesesteak? I wouldn't feed this to my parole officer. Odo: Excuse me, Cicci. Could I have a word with you? Cicci: Just a second, please. Now I want a cheesesteak and I don't care if you got to fly to Philadelphia to get me one. Cicci: A guy can starve to death in this town. Odo: Ezri, this is Tony Cicci. Ezri: Nice to meet you. Cicci: The pleasure is all mine. Odo: Ezri's new in town. She needs a job. Ezri: I'm a very good waitress. Cicci: Ah. You wouldn't happen to have a slice of pizza on you? Ezri: No, but I could go the kitchen and get you one. Cicci: That chef wouldn't know a good pizza if it hit him right in the face. Consider yourself gainfully employed. Ezri: Really? That's wonderful. Odo: Thanks, Cicci. I owe you one. Cicci: Ah, don't mention it, Stretch. Maybe one of these days you'll show me the Cicci: I don't believe it. Vic: Take it easy, pallie. Take it easy. I'm not looking for trouble. Cicci: That's a relief. Vic: I'm here to see Frankie. I want to try to work things out with him. You know, let bygones be bygones. Vic: Frankie, I'm dying here. The Sands, the Dunes, the DI, no one will even return my call. Frankie: Tell me something I don't know. Vic: There's got to be a way for us to bury the hatchet. Frankie: I already did. In your head. Vic: Frankie you want me to beg? I'll beg. Give me a chance to make things right. I know people, people with dough. High rollers. I could bring 'em into the casino. Frankie: What? You want to be my shill? Vic: I'm talking about people who can drop ten, twenty, thirty big ones a night. Kira: Give him what he wants, Frankie. I can't take much more of his whining. Frankie: Bring in a couple of players, then we'll talk. Vic: That's all I ask. Let me buy you a drink. Frankie: I don't drink with losers. Come on, dollface. Let's warm up the poker table. Cicci: Welcome back. Sisko: You're in charge of what? Kasidy: Of distracting the guard so that we can sneak someone into the countroom. Sisko: Kasidy, I can't believe you're involved in this thing. The whole thing is ridiculous. Kasidy: I guess that means you're not going to wish me luck. Sisko: And you're telling me that virtually my entire senior staff is a part of this nonsense? Kasidy: You're supposed to help your friends when they're in trouble. And Vic, hologram or not, is in trouble. Not that I'd expect you to care. Sisko: Look, this is not about Vic Fontaine. Kasidy: Then what is your problem? Sisko: You want to know? You really want to know what my problem is? I'll tell you. Las Vegas nineteen sixty two, that's my problem. In nineteen sixty two, black people weren't very welcome there. Oh, sure they could be performers or janitors, but customers? Never. Kasidy: Maybe that's the way it was in the real Vegas, but that is not the way it is at Vic's. I have never felt uncomfortable there and neither has Jake. Sisko: But don't you see, that's the lie. In nineteen sixty two, the Civil Rights movement was still in its infancy. It wasn't an easy time for our people and I'm not going to pretend that it was. Kasidy: Baby, I know that Vic's isn't a totally accurate representation of the way things were, but it isn't meant to be. It shows us the way things could have been. The way they should've been. Sisko: We cannot ignore the truth about the past. Kasidy: Going to Vic's isn't going to make us forget who we are or where we came from. What it does is it reminds us that we're no longer bound by any limitations, except the ones we impose on ourselves. Kasidy: What about Worf? Kira: Oh, he'll never agree to it. Ezri: There's always Quark. Odo: I'm not sure he'd help. He thinks of you as his competition. Nog: I'll get it. O'Brien: Better get this out of sight. Ezri: There's one little problem. We're still one man short. Bashir: We need a high roller with Vic at the craps table. Someone to gather a crowd, keep attention away from the countroom. O'Brien: Otherwise the whole plan falls apart. Sisko: And we certainly can't let that happen. Now, exactly what do you need me to do? Vic: Let's go over it one more time. Nog: Do we have to? Everyone knows what they have to do, right? Ezri: It's all pretty simple really. Vic: Hey, far be it from me to tell Starfleet officers how to do their jobs. O'Brien: Robbing casinos isn't part of any Starfleet job description I've ever read. Kira: We can't afford to make any mistakes. Sisko: And we're not going to. Take us through it again. Vic: You got it, pallie. It all begins with you. Vic: Keeping Frankie Eyes away from the casino and the countroom. Vic: Meanwhile, the Captain and I will be laying down some heavy bread over at the craps table. Enough to draw a crowd. Sisko: Where are we going to get that kind of money? Vic: I put a little away for a rainy day. Now each night, at precisely eleven forty five. Sisko: Al, one of the countmen, takes a break to call home. Sisko: He never varies his routine. He's gone for eight minutes every night. Vic: During those six minutes, Howard, the other countman, has a martini brought in. Ezri: That's where I come in. But first, I make a stop at poker table three where I hand a drink to Julian. Bashir: And I slip a few drops of ipecac into Howard's. Ezri: After which, I continue on to the countroom. Ezri: I set the tray down and leave. Vic: Once Ezri's out of the countroom Kasidy: I go running up to the guard and tell him Chief O'Brien has stolen my chips. Vic: Do whatever you need to do to keep him distracted. And don't be afraid to turn on the waterworks. And Chief, you play innocent. O'Brien: I am innocent! I've never seen this woman before in my life. Vic: That's the ticket. Now remember, the two of you have to keep that guard away from the door for at least two minutes. Bashir: Once he takes a sip of his drink, Howard'll come flying out of that countroom at warp speed. Nog: Which is where I come in. Vic: You and those fabulous Ferengi ears of yours. Nog: And once I've opened the safe. Odo: you'll need someplace to put all that money. Vic: You're going to be surprised how much a million bucks weighs. Odo: I think I can handle it. Vic: When you walk into the casino, don't talk to anyone. Don't even look at anyone. And whatever you do, don't run. Just head for the exit and dump the cash in the garbage cans outside. With no money, there's no skim to give to Mister Zeemo, and old Frankie becomes yesterday's news. Bashir: And everything returns to normal Bashir: And we pop open the champagne. Vic: Music to my ears, pallie. Sisko: Eight minutes. That's how long we have to get into the countroom, open the safe, grab the money, and then get out again. Bashir: I bet we do it in five. Nog: When do we pull off the caper? Kasidy: The sooner, the better. Ezri: Zeemo's due in two days. Sisko: Then we have no choice. We go tomorrow night. Vic: Hey. Crazy. O'Brien: That was fast. Bashir: It has to be. Ezri: Two minutes, fourteen seconds. Nog: I've got to do a lot better than that. Ezri: Right. Nog: Go. Kasidy: Better finish getting dressed. It's almost time. Quark: I'm telling you, Morn. Something's going on in Vic's that we don't know about. Frankie: Looking good, as usual, dollface. Kira: I'm glad you like what you see. Frankie: I only wish I could see more. Kira: Well you know what they say, good things come to those who wait. Frankie: Who are they and how much of you have they seen? Kira: I never kiss and tell. Frankie: I bet you don't. Kasidy: Oh, nineteen. Let's if see you can beat that. Kasidy: Twenty three. You're busted. Bashir: Vodka martini. Stirred, not shaken. Ezri: Right away, sir. Roulette: Winner seventeen black. Sisko: Ten thousand. Croupier: Good luck to you, sir. Make your bets. High low bets. Vic: A hundred dollars? Sisko: Too much? Vic: You're supposed to be a high roller, so start rolling. Make it two thousand. Sisko: Two thousand. Frankie: What do you say we blow some of my money at the crap table? Kira: Maybe later. Right now, I want you to buy me a drink. We can play footsies under the table. Frankie: Footsies? I guess that's a start. Vic: We have lift off. Ezri: Oh, I'm so sorry. Bashir: Don't worry about it. You're too kind. Croupier: Coming out now, new shooter. Sisko: Here's where things get interesting. Come on, seven. Ezri: You're not Howard. Countman: He's out with the flu. Ezri: Oh. This drink must be yours, then. Countman: I'm not thirsty. Ezri: But Countman: Hey, you're making me lose count. Ezri: Sorry. You mind if I drink that? I've been on my feet for hours and I could really use a little pick me up. Countman: That's about the saddest story I ever heard. Croupier: Place your bets. Sisko: Let it ride, let it ride. Kasidy: You have to help me. That man. That man right there. He stole a stack of my chips. Guard: Hey, you! Stop right there! O'Brien: Who, me? Guard: The lady says you stole her chips. O'Brien: I did no such thing. Kasidy: Liar! I'm telling you, he took them. You're a thief! O'Brien: And you're drunk, Kasidy: I am not. Guard: Hey, hey, let's just calm down, okay? Kasidy: Not until I get my money! O'Brien: What money? Kasidy: The money you stole. O'Brien: I told you, I never touched your money. Kasidy: Liar. Nog: Uh oh. Odo: What do you mean, uh oh. We don't have time for uh oh. Nog: This safe. It has an auto-relock tumbler. Kira didn't mention anything about an auto-relock tumbler. Odo: Well she obviously didn't know about it. Nog: We're not going to have enough time. Odo: Keep working. Frankie: This is the hand that shook the hand of Bugsy Siegel, the man that built Las Vegas. I'm telling you, he was a visionary. And is there even one statue of the guy in this town? Kira: There's no justice. Frankie: You can say that again. Sure you don't want to play the tables for a while? Kira: I'm perfectly content right here. Frankie: Who am I to argue with a lady? Kasidy: What are you standing around for? Arrest him! I told you he took two hundred dollars worth of chips from me. O'Brien: How come I've only got five bucks on me? Kasidy: Don't believe him. O'Brien: I'm telling you. This broad ain't playing with a full deck. Kasidy: And just what is that supposed to mean? O'Brien: What do you think it means? Sisko: Beginner's luck. For the dealers. Vic: Six minutes. Sisko: I wonder what's taking them so long. Al: I've got to go. I'm running late. This Frankie Frankie: You in some kind of hurry? Kira: Me? Frankie: You keep staring at that watch. Kira: Really? I hadn't noticed. Frankie: And your drink. You haven't touched it. Kira: Oh, well, the night is young. I've got to pace myself. Frankie: Pace yourself? For what? Cicci: Frankie, there's someone here to see you. Frankie: I'm busy. Zeemo: You don't look busy. Frankie: Mister Zeemo. We weren't expecting you until tomorrow. Zeemo: I'm early. Any problem with that? Frankie: No, not at all. Sit down, have a drink. Zeemo: We'll have a drink later. Where's the er, where's the countroom. Frankie: Follow me. Kira: Mister Zeemo. It's a great honor to meet you. Zeemo: I know. Kira: Frankie has told me so much about you. Zeemo: Frankie. Frankie: Yeah. Zeemo: The money, Frankie. Frankie: Right this way. Zeemo: Let's go. Come on. Odo: Nog, it's been eight minutes. We're running out of time. Bashir: I fold. Excuse me. Your name's Al, right? Al: Who wants to know? Bashir: Frankie Eyes. Al: Frankie Eyes? Bashir: He's waiting for you out back. Al: For what? I didn't do nothing. Bashir: Then you have nothing to worry about. Vic: You gotta be kidding me Sisko: Now what? Zeemo! Vic: He's a day early. Keep playing, I'll try to stall them. Vic: Nina? Nina, is that you? Zeemo: Who's this? Frankie: Nobody. Hey, Vic, take a walk. Vic: Where you been keeping yourself, baby? Blonde: Do I know you? Vic: Do you know me? Don't you remember that week in Miami? Ever see what she looks like in a bikini? Oh, mamma mia. Zeemo: When were you in Miami? Blonde: I don't know what he's talking about. Vic: Who's this? Your grandpa? Zeemo: Frankie. Frankie: Cicci! Cicci: Now you've done it. Frankie: Bury him. So long, sucker. Zeemo: Frankie, I'm waiting for the money. Frankie: Yes, all right. Right this way. Sisko: Tonight everyone's a winner. Zeemo: What's this? What's going on? Nog: Piece of cake. O'Brien: Can I go now? Kasidy: You aren't going anywhere! Don't let him leave. Guard: Charlie, over here. Take this gentleman to security. Kasidy: But I wanted you to handle this. Guard: I'm afraid I can't leave my post. Charlie, strip search. O'Brien: Strip search? Guard: There, there, it's not worth all that. Kasidy: I needed that money to buy a gift for my mother. Zeemo: Funny way to run a casino. Kira: What are you waiting for, Frankie? Why don't you show Mister Zeemo to the countroom. Zeemo: Well you heard the lady. Frankie: I'm telling you, Mister Zeemo, buying this casino was the smartest move you ever made. We're making money hand over fist. Frankie: I just hope you brought a big enough briefcase. Zeemo: Where's my money? Vic: Now that's more like it. Odo: Say goodbye to Frankie Eyes. Kira: You can tell Felix that we shut the lid on his jack in the box. Bashir: With pleasure. Vic: Ladies and gentlemen, the bubbly's on me. Bashir: Thanks. Vic. Odo: Hear, hear. Bashir: Where've you been? O'Brien: I don't want to talk about it. Vic: The next time you two fight the battle of the Alamo, count me in. Coonskin cap and all. Bashir: You got it, pallie. Vic: To the best friends a hologram ever had. Bashir: Hear, hear. O'Brien: Cheers. Vic: I owe you, big time. Bashir: Cheers, Vic. Ezri: Cheers. Vic: Okay, fellas, let's do it. Captain? You'll join me? Kira: What? Vic and Sisko sing 'The Best is Yet to Come'. Nice.)

Sisko: There are a few wild moba trees here, and a creek that runs through the meadows and into the forest. Sisko: Nice spot, huh? Kasidy: Bajor, right? Sisko: The Kendra province, just south of the Yolja river. I was there the other day. Kasidy: I thought you went to a conference in Rakantha. Sisko: I did. But afterwards Vedek Oram wanted me to visit his monastery. We took a transport across the mountains. The sun was just going down and the entire valley was shimmering in the light. And I said to myself, this is the place. This is where I'm going to build my house. Kasidy: I've heard you talk that way before. Sisko: Oh, no, this is not just talk. As of this morning, all of this land belongs to me. Kasidy: You're serious. Sisko: Twelve hecapates. I'm going to start building as soon as the war is over. We'll have a place that we can visit any time we want. Kasidy: Sounds good to me. Sisko: Maybe someday I'll retire here. Kasidy: I could see you now, sitting in your rocking chair, watching the sunset over the mountains every night, wondering where you put your teeth. Sisko: Just like my great-great grandfather, in the glass next to the chair. Kasidy: It's funny how thing's turn out, isn't it? Sisko: What do you mean? Kasidy: Did you ever think that you would become so attached to Bajor that you'd want to spend the rest of your life there? Sisko: It wasn't part of the master plan, if that's what you mean. But from the moment I set foot on this station, nothing has turned out the way I imagined it. This was supposed to be just a temporary assignment, but it has become much more than that. I guess I was meant to come here. You see, it's almost like my Kasidy: Destiny. Sisko: Destiny, yes. Kasidy: I guess when your mother turns out to be part prophet or part wormhole alien or whatever it is you want to call her, words like destiny begin to mean something. Sisko: When I look at the picture of this woman with my father, I think to myself, yes, that's Sarah, my mother. But she's not just a woman, she's more than that. And when I look at myself in the mirror Kasidy: You don't just see a man. You see more than that. Sisko: Does it bother you? Kasidy: Do I act like it bothers me? Sisko: You're not answering my question. Kasidy: I guess when you first told me about Sarah, I was a little surprised. Sisko: More than a little. Kasidy: All right, I was very surprised. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized what an amazing thing it was. Is. Sisko: I'm glad you think so. Kasidy: I do. And, part prophet or not, you're still my Benjamin and I love you. Ezri: I bumped into Captain Boday the other night. O'Brien: Captain Boday? Bashir: The Gallamite. Jadzia dated him. O'Brien: Oh. The toothy smile and the transparent skull? Bashir: That's him. O'Brien: What's he doing on the station? Ezri: The Gallamites are supplying duranium for the war effort. Bashir: Personally, I don't know what Jadzia ever saw in that man. O'Brien: Well, his brains. Bashir: Did he know who you were? Ezri: Not at first. Bashir: But when he found out, I bet he laid on the charm. Ezri: You could say that. Bashir: The man's insufferable. He's opinionated and arrogant. Ezri: And charming. Bashir: If you say so. O'Brien: Something wrong? Kira: We just got word from the Klingons. The Rotarran and the Koraga were ambushed by a Dominion patrol near the Badlands. Ezri: Worf was commanding the Koraga. Kira: It didn't make it. The Rotarran recovered six escape pods. Worf wasn't aboard any of them. Quark: Heard anything from the Defiant? Ezri: I talked to Benjamin this morning. He said that according to the Koraga's crew, Worf was the last one to leave the bridge. No one knows if he made it to the escape pod. Quark: My money says he did. We haven't seen the last of that crazy Klingon. Ezri: They've been searching for three days. Quark: They'll find him. It's just going to take a while. You know what it's like in the Badlands, there's a lot of sensor interference. Ezri: I should have gone with them. Quark: And what would you be able to do that they can't? Ezri: Probably nothing, but it would be easier than just sitting here waiting. Quark: He'll be back before you know it. Ezri: You really think so? Quark: Absolutely. The night before he went on patrol, he brought the Koraga's crew in here and bought them three barrels of bloodwine. Ezri: And? Quark: And he didn't pay the tab. Do you really think he'd go to Sto'Vo'Kor owing me money? Ezri: He doesn't even like you. Quark: Exactly. He couldn't enjoy the afterlife knowing I had something on him. Ezri: Thanks, Quark. Crewman: Ops to Lieutenant Dax. Ezri: Go ahead. Crewman: You have an incoming transmission from the Defiant. Ezri: Patch it through. What is it, Benjamin? Sisko: I'm afraid we're going to have to call off the search. Ezri: You're giving up? Sisko: We don't have any choice. There are a dozen Jem'Hadar ships closing on our position. Ezri: But what if he's out there somewhere? Sisko: Let's face it, the odds aren't good. We don't even know if he made it off the Koraga. I'm sorry. Damar: The Defiant is returning to Federation space. I'm ordering our ships to pursue. Weyoun: No. Divert them to the So'na outpost on Devos Two. Damar: Why? Weyoun: We need their to help protect the new Ketracel white facility. The Federation has been made aware of its location. Damar: Can't the So'na protect it? Weyoun: Are you questioning my orders? That would be foolish. I wonder what the Defiant was doing out there? Damar: Looking for survivors from the Koraga. Weyoun: For that long? Damar: Our adversaries don't view their soldiers as expendable. They're not bred in hatcheries like the Jem'Hadar. Weyoun: If you have something to say, Damar, say it. Damar: Do you have any idea the casualties Cardassia has taken? There's not a single family that hasn't lost someone in this war. Weyoun: Their sacrifices won't be in vain. We will be victorious. Weyoun: A bit early, isn't it? Even for you. Damar: Just something to warm the bones. It's freezing in here. Weyoun: The Founder prefers it that way. Damar: I don't see why we should suffer. She hasn't been in here for days. Weyoun: Feel free to dress warmly. Damar: I wonder what she does in her quarters all day? She didn't look well the last time I saw her. I hope she's not ill. Weyoun: How can a god be ill? Damar: Maybe she's not a god. Weyoun: Whether you believe the Founders are gods or not is irrelevant. All they require from you is obedience. Now. The Founder wants a subspace comm. link installled in her quarters. Damar: I'll see to it. Weyoun: A secure channel, separately encoded and isolated from the main communication array. Damar: Why all the secrecy? Who's she going to be talking to? Weyoun: That doesn't concern you. Damar: No, of course it doesn't. Ezri: Computer, override locking mechanism. Computer: Authorisation? Ezri: Authorisation Dax nine seven four alpha three. Computer: Confirmed. Worf: This bat'leth belonged to my father. I would like you to have it, Jadzia. Go. I will take care of Yoshi. Jadzia: Worf, that's very sweet, but let's face it, you're not good with babies. Worf: I am a Klingon warrior. I have stood in battle against Kelvans twice my size. I courted and won the heart of the magnificent Jadzia Dax. If I can do these things, I can make this child go to sleep. You come first. Before career, before duty, before anything. Jadzia: I love you. Worf: And I love you. Jadzia: Worf, we may never see each other again. But before you leave, I want you to know that the answer is yes. Worf: Yes? Yes to what? Jadzia: Yes, I will marry you. Worf: You must go to Sirella and beg her forgiveness. Jadzia: I don't beg. Sirella: Jadzia, daughter of Kela, does your heart beat only for this man? Jadzia: Yes. Sirella: And do you swear to join with him and stand with him against all who would oppose you? Jadzia: I swear. Sirella: And do you swear to join with him and stand with him against all who would oppose you? Ezri: I swear. Sisko: Colonel. Kira: Captain, we have a problem. It's Ezri. She's gone. Sisko: Gone? Kira: There's a runabout missing. O'Brien: She must've gotten it into her head to go looking for Worf. Bashir: What could she be thinking? Sisko: She's a Dax. Sometimes they don't think. They just do. Ezri: I'm not spacesick, I'm not spacesick, I'm not. Ezri: Uh oh. Sisko: Sisko to Ganda. Ganda, respond. Ezri: Ganda here. Tshh. I'm not reading you very well. There's tshh interference. Sisko: Dax, turn that ship around and get back here. Ezri: What was that, Benjamin? Ezri: Tshh. Sisko: Cut it out, old man. I'm not buying it. Ezri: Tshh. Tshh. Sisko: I gave you an order, Lieutenant. Ezri: Don't worry, sir. I'll find him. Kira: We can send the Defiant to bring her back. Sisko: No. Let her go. Kira: Captain? Sisko: Send her a copy of the Defiant's sensor logs. There's no sense in her searching the area we did. Kira: Aye, sir. Odo: Sir, do you think there's any chance she'll be able to find him? Sisko: I wish I could say yes. Odo: Then may I ask why you're letting her do this? Sisko: Because she needs to. And because she'd never forgive me if I stopped her. Ezri: Computer, show me the position of the Koraga at the time it was attacked. Ezri: Which escape pods were recovered? Computer: The six starboard pods were recovered. Ezri: Why none from the port side? Computer: Unknown. Ezri: Assuming someone made it to the port escape pod closest to the bridge, calculate its trajectory. Computer, take us to the coordinates where it would have entered the Badlands. Computer: Acknowledged. Ezri: Computer, cut all engines. Computer: Warning. Without maneuvering thrusters, the ship may be swept into areas of plasma flare activity. Ezri: I know. But with any luck, the currents will take us to the same place they took Worf. Cut the engines. Kasidy: Ben, what are you doing up? Sisko: I couldn't sleep. Kasidy: Oh, it's coming along. Sisko: I thought if I did some work, it'd take my mind off things. Kasidy: If Worf is out there, she'll find him. Sisko: So, what do you think? Kasidy: It's going to be beautiful. Sisko: These windows face south, toward the valley. Kasidy: It'll be a nice view. Sisko: Did you know there's a running stream on the property, and the soil is perfect for growing kava. I could make my own springwine. Kasidy: The Emissary's Special Reserve. Could be a big seller. Sisko: I can't decide whether I should open up this wall or keep the kitchen separate. Kasidy: Open it up. Who wants to be locked away cooking when you've got guests over? Sisko: A man needs to concentrate in the kitchen. You can't have people coming in and sticking their fingers in your pots. Kasidy: It's your house. Sisko: I want it to be our house. Let's get married. Kasidy: Do you mean it? Sisko: I love you. Sisko: Does that mean yes? Kasidy: What do you think? Sisko: If you want to play hard to get. Ah ha. Kasidy: What a beautiful ring. Sisko: Kasidy Yates, will you marry me? Kasidy: Yes. Yes, Mister Sisko. I will. Computer: Warning. Plasma flow activity ahead. Ezri: You're not kidding. Computer: Re establishing engine control is recommended. Ezri: No, let's sit tight. Our only hope of finding that escape pod is to follow the currents. Transfer all available power to the shields. Computer: Acknowledged. Ezri: Computer, hold position. Activate a tractor beam and lock onto that pod. Ezri: Worf. Worf: Ezri. Ezri: You're hurt. Worf: It is nothing. Worf: You are alone. Ezri: The Defiant was forced to call off its search because of the Jem'Hadar. Worf: Why would Captain Sisko risk sending a runabout to look for me? Ezri: He didn't. I came without his permission. You're a fellow officer. I would've done the same for Kira or Julian. Worf: Of course. Worf: I will do it myself. Ezri: I'll contact the station and tell them we're on our way back. Weyoun: Founder, it is an honor to be summoned to your presence. I trust the new communications system meets your needs? Founder: It's adequate. Weyoun: I'm glad. If I can be of any further assistance. Founder: When the time comes. The vaccine. How is it progressing? Weyoun: I regret that it failed to stabilize the latest sample you provided. Founder: I see. Weyoun: I have a team of Vorta doctors working night and day to find a cure. Founder: Have them document their efforts and then eliminate them. Weyoun: Founder? Founder: Activate their clones and order them to continue their predecessors' work. Perhaps a fresh perspective will speed matters along. Weyoun: Of course. Founder: The Cardassians. What have you told them? Weyoun: They know nothing. Founder: Good. The sickness that has infected the Great Link is none of their concern. They may be our allies, but they are not to be trusted. We must not show weakness. Weyoun: This unfortunate malady will soon be behind us. I won't rest until a cure is found. Founder: See that you don't. Weyoun: We'll require another sample. Founder: Very well. Founder: You may go now. Sisko: So you approve? Jake: Approve? I'm the one who set you up with Kasidy in the first place. Sisko: Yes, so you did. Jake: Practically had to twist your arm. A freighter captain? You want me to go out with a freighter captain? Sisko: Ah, well, you have to admit, the job description conjures up a certain image. Jake: You shouldn't have doubted me. I knew from the first time I met her that she was the woman for you. Sisko: If you're going to take credit, you're also going to have to take on responsibilities. Jake: Like what? Sisko: Like being my best man. Jake: Are you serious? Sisko: Absolutely. Jake: I mean, are you sure you don't want to ask Grandpa or Dax? Sisko: No. No. So what do you say? Jake: I'm honored. Best man, huh? Sisko: Yes. Jake: That means I get to plan the bachelor party. Ezri: What are you doing? Worf: I am realigning the inertial stabilizers. Ezri: But didn't you just do that a few hours ago? Worf: I want to make sure the systems are running at optimal efficiency. Ezri: Right. So, what was it like being in that escape pod for so long? Worf: Quiet. Ezri: What'd you do to spend the time? Worf: Nothing. Ezri: Nothing? I bet the acoustics in there were pretty good. What'd you sing? Klingon opera? Worf: I did not sing. Ezri: Which one? Shevok'tah gish? Worf: No. Gav'ot toh'va. Ezri: Ambitious. The solos are for a tenor. Worf: As you said, the acoustics were favorable. Ezri: I remember the first night that you played that for Jadzia. I'm sorry. Worf: No need to apologize. Though I would prefer we not discuss her. Ezri: I understand. What about Alexander? Worf: What about him? Ezri: Is it all right if I ask about the son of Worf? I hear he's been made Weapons Officer of the Ya'Vang. Worf: They were shorthanded. Ezri: You make it sound like he didn't deserve it. Worf: That was not my intention. Ezri: Are you ever going to ease up on him? Worf: My relationship with Alexander is not your concern. Ezri: That's funny, because on our wedding night you told me that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned our wedding night. I mean, Jadzia's wedding night. This is ridiculous. We can't have a conversation if you refuse to talk about the things that we have in common. Worf: Perhaps we should not have a conversation. Ezri: You have been avoiding me for the past six months now. Worf: I did not ask you to come aboard the station. Ezri: I would have left, but you told me to stay! Worf: And I am beginning to regret it. Ezri: If it wasn't for me, you'd still be drifting around in an escape pod singing Klingon opera. Worf: Sensors are detecting two ships closing on our position. Ezri: They're Jem'Hadar fighters. Worf: I'm dropping out of warp. Ezri: Is that a good idea? Worf: We cannot outrun them. The Goralis system is nearby. We might be able to lose them there. Ezri: They're coming in behind us. Worf: Transfer auxiliary power to aft shields. Ezri: Shields are down to thirty percent. Worf: I am taking us into the atmosphere. Their ships are not designed for sub-orbital flight. Worf: They are pulling away. Ezri: Glad to hear it, but that last hit took out our starboard thrusters. Worf: We are losing altitude. Ezri: I can't compensate. Worf: We must abandon ship. Worf: Energize. Ezri: That was a good call. Worf: We may be here several days. I will reconnoiter the area. Set up a comm. link and try to contact the station. Ezri: Right. Where's the comm. unit? You didn't take one? Worf: I thought you did. Ezri: No. Worf: Now we have no way of contacting the station. Ezri: Thanks for spelling it out for me. Look on the bright side. We'll have plenty of time to talk. Sisko: No, I know. What do you say we have Bill Ross to perform the ceremony? Kasidy: My mother would prefer for her daughter to be married by a minister. But an Admiral's the next best thing. Sisko: That's good. I'll talk to him. Kasidy: About the guest list. I wanted to keep it small, just family and friends. Sisko: That's fine by me. There's only room for thirty or forty people in the wardroom. Kasidy: That just leaves the menu. Sisko: You mind if I ask Quark to do the catering? Kasidy: Just make sure he doesn't overcharge us. Sisko: I'll make sure I can cut a deal. Kasidy, what else do we need to talk about? I have the feeling we're forgetting something. Kasidy: You tell me. You're the one who's been married before. Sisko: That's just it. It felt a lot more complicated before. Kasidy: People get carried away with weddings. I just want it to be nice and simple. Sahgi: Excuse me, Emissary. Sisko: Hello, Sahgi. Sahgi: I wanted to congratulate both of you. Kasidy: Well, aren't you sweet. Sisko: Thank you. Kasidy: Who told you we were getting married? Sahgi: Everybody's talking about it. Can I be one of your dais bearers? Kasidy: My what, honey? Sahgi: For the bridal procession. I know you can only choose fifty one girls, but it would be such an honor for me. Kasidy: Well, er Sahgi: People are saying it's going to be the biggest wedding Bajor's ever seen. Kasidy: They are? Sahgi: The Emissary's getting married. Kasidy: Ben? Sisko: Kasidy, I think this is going to be a little more complicated than we thought. Damar: What I wouldn't give to wipe the smirk off that little Vorta's face. Damar: Still, power does have its privileges. Damar: Dukat. Dukat: Leave us. Damar: Does Weyoun know you're here? Dukat: I see he still has you under his thumb. Damar: My concern is for you. The last time you saw him, you made certain promises. Promises you weren't able to keep. Dukat: I may have failed to reopen the wormhole, but I assure you I have no regrets. You see, I've come to know the love of the Pah wraiths. Damar: You almost sound as if you believe it. Dukat: I do. Damar: What brings you here? Dukat: I've come to see you, old friend. I need your help. Damar: I'm afraid you have an exaggerated sense of my importance. Dukat: Damar. Damar: But I'll do what I can. Dukat: I knew you would. Worf: Dinner. Ezri: Why'd you have to kill a defenseless animal. We have plenty of field rations. Worf: I have been eating field rations for six days. I am sick of field rations. Ezri: So you traipsed off into the jungle and phasered yourself something to eat. Worf: I did not use a phaser. I used this. Ezri: Oh, well that makes it all the more sporting. Worf: It took me hours to track this animal. And while doing so, I could have easily been attacked by a predator myself. Ezri: Oh, spare me the one with nature speech. Worf: I killed it and now I am going to eat it. If you do not want any, then have some more field rations. Ezri: Fine. Worf: Jadzia would have understood. Ezri: Oh, I thought we weren't supposed to talk about her. Worf: I was merely making an observation. Have you been able to boost the comm. badge signal? Ezri: Not enough to get a message back to the station. I'll bet Jadzia would've been able to do it. I was merely making an observation. Worf: Perhaps we should both refrain from making observations. Ezri: You're right. Let's just go about our business and exchange as few words as possible. What is it about men? They either don't talk at all, like you, or they talk too much, like Boday. Worf: Boday? The Gallamite? Ezri: We had dinner on the station before I left. Worf: I see. If he talks so much, why would you have dinner with him? Ezri: He's interesting. And he's got a good sense of humor. Worf: Tell me. Did Jadzia, did she and Boday? Ezri: I don't have to answer that question. Worf: She did. Ezri: Worf, she didn't even know you back then. Worf: I do not wish to hear your excuses. Ezri: My excuses? I'm not the one who slept with him. Worf: You had dinner with him. Ezri: Who are you angry with? Me or Jadzia? Worf: Both. Ezri: You know what? You're crazy. Worf: You could make anyone crazy. Ezri: Don't turn your back. Talk to me, you coward. Worf: Do not call me a coward. Ezri: I can't believe I'm stuck here with you. Worf: Perhaps you would rather be on the station with Captain Boday, you sli'vak. Worf: Ezri? Ezri: Where are we? Worf: I am not certain. Worf: Why would the Breen take us prisoner? We are not at war with them. Ezri: What were they doing on Goralis? That's a long way from Breen space. Ow. Worf: You must have gotten hurt when they stunned us. Ezri: Actually, I think it happened last night. Worf: You do not regret what happened last night, do you? Ezri: Why do you say that? Worf: Jadzia explained to me that joined Trill are not supposed to become involved with anyone they were intimate with in a previous life. Ezri: I bet you've broken a few Klingon rules in your time. Ezri: What's that? Worf: We must be on a Breen ship. Weyoun: The Federation has pulled the Sixth Fleet from the Bolian front. What do you suppose they're planning? Damar. Damar: Yes? Weyoun: What's wrong with you? You're distracted. Damar: Am I? Weyoun: You've been pacing back and forth all morning. Damar: Just trying to keep warm. Cardassian: Legate Damar, please report to your quarters. Damar: Acknowledged. Excuse me. Weyoun: If you think I don't know what you're up to, you're a bigger fool than Dukat. Damar: Dukat? Weyoun: He used to entertain lady friends as well. Damar: Guilty as charged. Dukat: That surgeon you recommended does excellent work. What do you think? Damar: Let's hope she does as well when it comes time to reverse the procedure. Dukat: Believe me, Damar, I have no desire to be a Bajoran the rest of my life. But for now, I'm afraid it's necessary. Sisko: Personal log, stardate 52576.2. Dax and Worf are four days overdue. Dominion activity at their last known position has prevented us from sending a search team. For the time being, there's nothing to do but wait and hope that they're all right. Sisko: Why have you brought me here? Show yourselves. Sarah: You are the Sisko. Sisko: Sarah? Sarah: You must accept your destiny. Sarah: Your path is a difficult one. She can not share it with you. Sisko: Are you talking about Kasidy? Sarah: She cannot walk the same path. Sisko: You don't understand. I love her. We're going to be married. Sarah: That is not your destiny. Sisko: My destiny is my own. I'm a man. I have the right to live my life without your interference. Sarah: I gave you life. Sisko: Sarah Sisko was my mother, not you. Sarah: I shared her existence, guided her to your father. So that you would be born. Sarah: You must walk the path alone. Sisko: You're not listening to me. I want to spend my life with her. Sarah: If you do, you will know nothing but sorrow. Sisko: You don't care about how I feel. All that matters to you is that I do what you want. Sarah: You are the Sisko. You are part of me. Sisko: If that's true, if you really do care about me, if you consider me your son, then let me have this. Sarah: It is not for you to have. There are many tasks still ahead of you. Accept your fate. Your greatest trial is about to begin. Don't be afraid. Sarah: All will be as it should be. Sisko: Mother. Sarah: Stay on the path, Benjamin.

Kira: The Rotarran and the Koraga were ambushed by a Dominion patrol near the Badlands. Ezri: Worf was commanding the Koraga. Kira: It didn't make it. Sisko: Let's get married. Kasidy: Do you mean it? Sisko: I love you. Damar: Does Weyoun know you're here? Dukat: I see he still has you under his thumb. Kira: We have a problem. It's Ezri. There's a runabout missing. O'Brien: She must've gotten it into her head to go looking for Worf. Ezri: They're coming in behind us. Founder: The vaccine. How is it progressing? Weyoun: I regret that it failed to stabilize the latest sample you provided. Ezri: I can't believe I'm stuck here with you. Worf: Perhaps you would rather be on the station with Captain Boday. Dukat: That surgeon you recommended does excellent work. What do you think? Sarah: Your path is a difficult one. She can not share it with you. Sisko: I want to spend my life with her. Sarah: If you do, you will know nothing but sorrow. And now, the continuation. Jake: Did they tell you why you can't marry Kasidy? Sisko: The Prophets didn't say that I can't, they just said that I shouldn't. Jake: It's the same thing. I don't see why it's any of their business. Sisko: Everything I do is their business. Jake: Have you told Kasidy? Sisko: No, she's on a cargo run. She won't be back for a couple of days. Jake: And when she gets back, what are you going to tell her? That some Prophet who says that she's your mother, Sarah, told you not to marry her? Sisko: Jake, you're not making me feel better. Kira: Captain Sisko, Kai Winn is here to see you. Sisko: Send her in. We'll talk later. Winn: Emissary, congratulations. Sisko: Eminence. Winn: I'm so happy for you. This wedding is a momentous event for Bajor. I want to be sure the proceedings reflect its importance, so I've come to assist in the preparations. Sisko: That's very kind of you, but I'm not sure that it's necessary. Winn: Well, you don't have to thank me. I'm glad to do it. I understand you've asked Vedek Telna to perform the ceremony. Perhaps you thought I would be unavailable, but since I'm here, I think you'll agree that it would be more appropriate for me to do it. I'll talk to Vedek Telna, and I'm sure he'd be willing to step aside. Well, these are joyful days indeed. You've given the Prophets reason to smile. Is there something wrong, Emissary? You seem troubled. Sisko: The Prophets came to me in a vision. Winn: I see. Sisko: They warned me that I was going to have to face a great trial. Winn: Did they say what it would be? Sisko: I'm afraid not. The Prophets don't always make themselves clear. Winn: I wouldn't know, as they've never spoken to me directly. In any case, you have always been willing to do whatever it is they ask. Well, I pray that they'll give you the strength to face your trial. I sense you're going to need it. Emissary. Sisko: Eminence. Kira: May I show you to your quarters? Winn: Well, thank you, my child. Solbor: Her pagh is strong. Winn: Solbor? Kira: She will serve us well. Winn: Prophets. I have waited so long for you to speak to me. How can I serve you? Sisko: The Sisko has faltered. You must bring the Restoration. Winn: The Restoration? Solbor: Bajor's fate rests with you. Winn: Tell me what to do. Kira: The Guide will reveal the way. Winn: What Guide? Sisko: He will come to you. Winn: How will I know him? Solbor: He will have the wisdom of the land. Winn: Of the land? I don't understand. Kira: Only you can bring the Restoration. Sisko: Bajor's fate rests with you. Kira: Eminence, are you all right? What happened? Winn: The Prophets. They spoke to me. Worf: They will be feeding us soon. If we could position ourselves on both sides of the door, we might be able to disarm the first Breen that comes through. Ezri: Worf, face it. The 'guard, my cellmate is ill' trick didn't work. Neither did your 'I'll make a tool and short circuit the door' idea. Worf: We must not give up. The first duty of every captured officer is to attempt escape. Ezri: What's the special today? Algae paste. My favorite. Ezri: I wonder what the Breen look like under those helmets? Worf: They say no one has ever seen one and lived to speak of it. Ezri: Maybe they're all furry. It's supposed to be very cold on Breen. Worf: One thing is certain. Ezri: They're horrible cooks? Worf: They are dangerous. They do not tolerate incursions into their space. During the Second Empire, Chancellor Mow'ga sent a fleet of Klingon ships to conquer their homeworld, and they were never heard from again. We have been traveling for three days. We could be in Breen space by now. Ezri: Well, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that they saw our shuttle crash and decided to take us back to Deep Space Nine. Worf: You are being humorous. Ezri: Not very, I guess. Worf: Jadzia also used humor to lift her spirits. Ezri: You didn't laugh very much at her jokes, either. Worf: You are a lot like her. Ezri: In some ways. Worf: I thought that I had lost her forever, but you and I will have many years together. Weyoun: Damar. Damar! Damar: What are you doing here? Weyoun: Since you're ignoring your comm. system, I decided to wake you myself. Damar: I worked late last night. Weyoun: Yes, I can see that. Get yourself cleaned up. We're leaving this afternoon. Damar: Where are we going? Weyoun: You needn't concern yourself with that. Damar: Why didn't you tell me that before? I have things to attend to. Weyoun: You mean your business with Dukat? Did you really think I didn't know he was here? Masquerading as a Bajoran. What's he up to this time? Damar: He wouldn't say. Weyoun: Yet you helped him all the same. Such loyalty. It would be impressive if it wasn't so misplaced. Dukat: Have you arranged my transportation? Damar: And your identity documents. Dukat: Good I knew I could count on you. You don't look well. Damar: I'm fine. Dukat: What happened to that brave officer I served with? The one who stood at my side while we fought the entire Klingon Empire with a single ship? Damar: Those were simpler times. Dukat: Those days might be gone, but the man I served with isn't. He's still within you. Reach in and grab hold of him, Damar. Cardassia needs a leader. Damar: You were its leader once. You could be again. Dukat: The Pah wraiths have shown me that I have different destiny. Good luck, old friend. Damar: And to you. Kasidy: Bajorans consider it good luck for a bride to wear a Navatan shawl. What's the matter? You don't like it? Sisko: It's lovely. Kasidy: Then why the long face? Sisko: We need to talk. Kasidy: Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to like this? Sisko: There's something I haven't told you. A few days ago, one of the Prophets came to me in a vision. It was Sarah. Kasidy: Your mother? What did she want? Sisko: She said the path that I was meant to walk is for me alone. That you can't walk it with me. Kasidy: Why? Sisko: She said I would know nothing but sorrow if I ignored her warning. Kasidy: That almost sounds like a threat. Sisko: No, it wasn't anything like that. She was worried for me. Like a mother would be. Kasidy: What are you going to do? Sisko: Kasidy, the Prophets see things that we can't. If she was that concerned, it must be for a good reason. Kasidy: You're not answering my question. Sisko: Kasidy, I love you and I want to be with you. Kasidy: Then be with me, Ben. Sisko: I can't. I can't go against the Prophets. Kasidy, please, try and understand. Ezri: No! No, no. No! Worf: Ezri! Ezri: No! Worf: It is all right. You were having a bad dream. Ezri: Where are we? Worf: We're still aboard the Breen ship. Ezri: They were chasing me in an ice cave. I was so cold I could barely breathe. Worf: Shh. It is over now. Ezri: I couldn't get away from them. Every time I looked back they were right behind me. And then one of them grabbed me with this huge claw. Worf: The Breen do not have claws. Ezri: How do you know? Besides, it was a dream. Dreams are full of things that don't make sense. Worf: That is why it is best to ignore them. Ezri: How can you say that? Dreams contain valuable insights. Things that don't seem to make sense are actually the key to what your unconscious is trying to tell you. Anyway, I got away from him, but there was nowhere to run. And just when I thought he was about to kill me, he reached up and took off his helmet. Worf: And? Ezri: And it was Julian. Worf: Doctor Bashir? Ezri: Isn't that strange? I wonder what it meant? Worf: Doctor Bashir is a Breen. Ezri: Very funny. The cave could symbolize the womb. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me that I need to confront emotions that I've repressed since birth. But which one? I've been born nine times. Worf: This is ridiculous. Ezri: I'm a counselor. Analyzing dreams is part of my job. Worf: Jadzia never talked about her dreams. Ezri: Well, I'm not Jadzia, am I? Ezri: Where are you taking him? Winn: Have mercy upon your humble supplicant, and make me worthy of your great task. Grant me the strength not to fail you. Solbor: Eminence? Winn: Yes? Solbor: There's a man here who requests an audience with you. Winn: Show him in. Solbor: This is Anjohl Tennan, from Relliketh. Winn: Welcome, my son. Dukat: Thank you for seeing me, Eminence. Winn: How can I help you? Dukat: I've come to ask your blessing, so that I may have prosperity in the coming season. Winn: What is it you do? Dukat: I'm just a simple man of the land. Winn: Of the land? Dukat: I'm a farmer. I grow moba and Winn: Your pagh is strong, Anjohl. I've been waiting for you. Dukat: Oh here, let me help you. It's not right that a Ranjen should be serving a common farmer. Winn: Please, sit. You're our guest. Dukat: If I told my neighbors I was having tea with the Kai, they'd never believe me. Winn: Thank you, Solbor. Dukat: Thank you. Winn: Tell me about yourself, Anjohl. You came here to pray for prosperity. Have things been difficult for you? Dukat: Yes. Rogath blight destroyed my entire crop last year. Winn: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Dukat: Most of the farms in Relliketh fell victim to it. Winn: And the land shall be poisoned by a great evil. It's from the ancient texts. Talnot's Prophecy of the Final Days. Dukat: I see. Winn: Well, tell me more about this blight. Dukat: Unfortunately the only way to eradicate it is to burn your fields at the first sign of contamination. Winn: Go on. Dukat: Then you must let your land lie fallow for a whole season to allow for the restoration of the soil. Winn: Restoration? Dukat: The following year, the fields will be fertile again. Winn: The poison must be purged away so the land can be reborn. Dukat: Eminence? Winn: Do you pray to the Prophets, Anjohl? Dukat: Every day. Winn: And have they ever answered you, in a vision, or in your dreams? Dukat: Oh, there have been times when I've thought I could feel their presence. But spoken to me? No. Surely they'd reserve such a blessing for someone like you. Winn: You are right. They have spoken to me, and they told me they were going to send you here. Dukat: Me? Winn: You've been blessed, Anjohl. They've anointed you to be my guide. Dukat: I don't understand. Winn: You are to help me bring about the Restoration of Bajor. Dukat: But surely the Prophets would have chosen someone more worthy than I? Winn: You should have more faith in yourself, Anjohl. And in the Prophets. Dukat: Of course. Winn: But rest assured, they'll reveal what they want from us, and together we will walk the path they've laid out. Kira: The bottom line is, the Chief won't be able to get to it for a few days. Sisko: Not good enough. I told General Martok his ships would be repaired by tomorrow. Kira: We have engineering crews working twenty six hours a day. We're doing the best we can. Sisko: I know you are. It's just that things are a little complicated for me now. Kira: I can imagine. Sisko: Nerys, the Prophets came to me and told me that Kasidy and I are not meant to walk the same path. Kira: Oh, I see. Well, that explains that. I'm sorry. But the Prophets wouldn't ask you to do something like that without a reason. Sisko: You would think they would tell me what it is. Kira: It doesn't work like that, and you know that. Well, what they're asking you to do isn't easy, but they've never led you down the wrong path. Sisko: Not so far. There's always a first time. To them I'm The Sisko, an instrument to carry out their wishes, but they forget that I am also human, with dreams and wishes of my own. They say that marrying Kasidy is a mistake. Maybe it is, but it's my mistake to make. Kira: I wouldn't go against the Prophets. You're doing the right thing. Weyoun: Founder. Founder: When do we reach the rendezvous coordinates? Weyoun: Approximately thirty six hours. May I say your plan is brilliant. I'm confident that it will turn the war in our favor. Founder: Let's hope that you're right. Weyoun: Founder? Founder: About Damar. I trust he won't be a problem? Weyoun: I'm sure he'll have concerns, but you needn't worry about that. I'll deal with him when the time comes. Founder: See that you do. I find him most trying. Weyoun: I'll have the temperature lowered. You'll be more comfortable. Worf: Fight them! Sto'Vo'Kor! Ezri: Worf. Worf: No! No! I will not dishonor her memory. Ezri: What have they done to you? Worf: Alexander! Ezri: Worf, wake up. Please. Worf: Ezri. Ezri: Where did they take you? Worf: An interrogation chamber. They used some kind of cortical implant to probe my memory. Ezri: I wonder what they were trying to find out? Worf: I do not know. I lost consciousness. Ezri: That's probably a good thing. Worf: I should have tried harder to resist them. Ezri: Careful. Worf: These Breen are without honor. Ezri: Worf, sit down please. Have something to eat. Worf: This is intolerable! They have us caged up like animals! Ezri: Stop it. Worf: A Klingon would rather die than be held captive! Ezri: What are you going to do? Kill yourself and leave me here alone? Worf: This is no time for your jokes! Ezri: It's no time for Klingon chest-thumping either. Ezri: Stop it! Winn: More springwine? Dukat: Yes. It's extraordinary. I've never tasted anything like this. Winn: It's a rare vintage from before the occupation. I was going to give this bottle to the Emissary as a wedding gift. Dukat: Well, I'm honored that you would choose to share it with me. Winn: Well, I doubt that he would have been able to appreciate it as much, not being a Bajoran. Dukat: I suppose not. The Prophets may have chosen to speak through him, but he's not really one of us, is he? Winn: No. No, he isn't. Dukat: There are times when I wonder if he truly understands our people. Still, it's not for me to question why the Prophets chose him as their Emissary. Winn: You forget the Prophets chose you to be my guide. You must speak your mind freely, Anjohl. Dukat: The Emissary didn't suffer through the occupation. He has no idea what the Cardassians did to us. Those years left many scars on Bajor's soul. So, how can he help heal what he could never comprehend? Winn: I have often asked myself the same question. Dukat: I survived the occupation purely by chance. Winn: Tell me. When the Resistance destroyed the Cardassian outpost in Relliketh, Gul Dukat ordered a hundred Bajorans rounded up. His intention was to send us to the capital for public execution. Winn: A hundred from Relliketh. When did that occur? Dukat: Just before the great famine. By sheer luck, my transport was rerouted to a labor camp. I learned years later that the dispatcher had misread the orders. Winn: His name was Prenar. And he didn't misread the orders. Dukat: How could you know that? Winn: I was a Ranjen at that time. I convinced the Vedek who led my order that we needed to take a more active role in the Resistance. He allowed me to remove some gemstones from our tabernacle. I used those to bribe various Cardassians in exchange for some small acts of leniency. Prenar was one of them. I paid him to reroute the transport from Relliketh. Dukat: You saved my life. Even then our fates were linked. Sisko: Yes. Quark: Sorry to interrupt, but I have something for you. The, er, the item that you ordered. Quark: Terellian diamonds aren't that easy to come by, especially with this war on. Needless to say, it was non-refundable. Sisko: Thank you, Quark. Quark: It seems a shame to let something so beautiful go to waste. Ezri: I'm going to help you through this, Garak. I'm not just saying this because I'm your sister. You have a gift. No more algae paste. I'm not like you. I'm not like you, Joran, I'm not a murderer. Worf: Shh. It's all right. Ezri: I was your wife. Why don't you talk to me? I love you. Kiss me. Kiss me, Julian. Winn: Yes? Solbor: Forgive me for disturbing you at this hour, Eminence, but Anjohl is here and he insists on seeing you. Winn: I'll be right there. Dukat: Eminence. I hope I didn't wake you. Winn: It's all right. You may go, Solbor. Solbor: As you wish. Dukat: Something wondrous has happened. I talked with my brother in Relliketh. He told me that this morning, when he went out to inspect the fields, he found moba saplings sprouting from the soil. But it's impossible. We only planted last week. Tell me, could it be a sign? Winn: Yes, it is a sign. A sign from the Prophets. They're telling you that your farm will thrive under your brother's care. They don't want you to go back to Relliketh. They want you at my side. Dukat: Then this is where I'll stay, Eminence. Winn: Adami. Dukat: Adami. What a beautiful name. Winn: It's all right. The Prophets brought us together. Kasidy: That's the last of it. Tell Kilby to start the final departure check. Man: Yes, ma'am. Sisko: I made a mistake. I don't care what the Prophets want. I want to marry you. We'll worry about the rest later. Kasidy: Ben, don't do this to me, not if you're going to change your mind again. Sisko: I won't. I love you. Okay, let's go. Kasidy: Where? Sisko: Where do you think? O'Brien: Didn't think you were going to make it. Bashir: I only heard about it twenty minutes ago. Quark: Me, too and I'm the caterer. I can't work under these conditions. Bashir: Too bad Ezri and Worf couldn't be here. O'Brien: Well, they probably got held up picking out a wedding gift. Quark: Something for you, Nog? Odo: Usually, when we come to events like this, you're the one who has to remind me to smile. I wonder why they decided not to have a Bajoran ceremony? I hope the Prophets forgive them. Kira: So do I. Jake: You look beautiful. Kasidy: Thank you. Odo: Well done, Nog. Nog: Considering I only had a few minutes to practice. Ross: One of the most pleasant duties of a senior officer is the privilege of joining two people together in matrimony. Today I have the honor to unite Kasidy Danielle Yates and Benjamin Lafayette Sisko in marriage. Kasidy, do you accept this man as your husband, to love and cherish above all others, until death separates you? Kasidy: I do. Ross: Benjamin, do you accept this woman as your wife, to love and cherish her above all others, until death separates you? Sisko: I do. Ross: These rings are a symbol your love for each other, and your promise to abide by the vows you've made today. Kasidy: With this ring, I thee wed. Sisko: With this ring Sarah: This is not meant to be, Benjamin. Sisko: I've made my decision. Sarah: Your trial is at hand. You must be strong. Sisko: Kasidy gives me strength. Why can't you understand that? Sarah: If you do this, you will know only sorrow. Sisko: You shared my mother's existence. You must have some idea what love is. You should know that I will never be happy without Kasidy. Sarah: Your path is a difficult one. Sarah: I cannot change what is to come. Sisko: I know. Sarah: Be careful, my son. Ross: Ben? Sisko: With this ring, I thee wed. Ross: By the power invested in me by the United Federation of Planets, I pronounce you husband and wife. Damar: I need to talk to you. Weyoun: Oh? Damar: I demand to know where we are going. Weyoun: Of course. In fact, I was just coming to your quarters to discuss the matter. Damar: Were you? Weyoun: I've kept you in the dark too long, Damar, and for that I apologize. You are the leader of Cardassia and you deserve to know everything we're doing. And I have a feeling you're going to be very pleased. Ezri: Would you stop that? What's wrong? You haven't said a word to me in hours. Worf: I should not have trusted you with my heart. Ezri: What is that supposed to mean? Worf: You dishonor me and yourself. Ezri: I must've missed something when I was gone. Worf: How long have you had these feelings for him? Ezri: For who? Worf: Doctor Bashir! Ezri: What? Worf: When the Breen brought you back, you spoke his name. Ezri: I did? Worf: Yes. You said that you loved him. Ezri: Julian? I said I loved with Julian? Worf: Do not try to deny it. Ezri: Worf, look, I admit that I find him to be charming. And obviously he is an attractive man. But I'm not Worf: You are in love with him! Ezri: I am not! Worf: Then why do you dream about him? Ezri: You're the one that said dreams don't mean anything. Worf: I should have known. Jadzia had feelings for him as well. Ezri: Would you stop comparing me to her! Weyoun: We meet at last. Weyoun: Gifts? How thoughtful. You should be honored. You're witnessing an historic moment. The birth of the alliance between the Dominion and the Breen. Changes everything doesn't it?

Worf: This is intolerable! They have us caged up like animals! Ezri: Stop it! Weyoun: We meet at last. Weyoun: Gifts? How thoughtful. You should be honored. You're witnessing an historic moment. The birth of the alliance between the Dominion and the Breen. And now, the continuation. Weyoun: We will secure the prisoners below. They will share a cell. They may wish to physically comfort each other during the long trip back to Cardassia. I find inter-species mating rituals fascinating to watch. Damar: Interesting device. Weyoun: I am so sorry. Where are my manners? Allow me to introduce Legate Damar, head of the Cardassian Union. Thot Gor. Damar: Thot. that's the equivalent of a legate, isn't it? Damar: What did he say? Weyoun: He says you need to get your universal translator adjusted. Damar: I would have, if I'd known we were meeting with the Breen. Founder: It is a distinct pleasure to finally meet you. Founder: Thank you. If our face to face talks are as productive as our subspace communications have been, I'm sure we'll sign the treaty documents within a few days. Damar: I haven't even seen this treaty. Weyoun: We'll discuss it later. Founder: The alliance between the Breen Confederacy and the Dominion will end the destructive war that has torn this quadrant apart. With the Breen at our side, the Federation will not be able to stand against us. They'll be erased from the face of the galaxy. Damar: This is outrageous! Have you read this treaty? Weyoun: Parts of it. Damar: There's a reference to territorial concessions that the Cardassians are to make to the Breen, but it doesn't say what those concessions are. Weyoun: Oh, you needn't worry about that. It's all been itemized in a secret protocol between the Dominion and the Breen. All that is required of you is sign the document as the acknowledged leader of the Cardassian Union. Damar: I want to see this protocol. Weyoun: It wouldn't be much of a secret then, would it? Damar: You expect me to agree to territorial concessions when I haven't even seen what they are? Weyoun: Damar, you are missing the point. We need the Breen to win this war. When it's over, there will be more than enough territories available to compensate Cardassia for the loss of a few minor planets. Damar: There are no minor planets in the Cardassian Union. Weyoun: Do you know what I think you should do? Talk to Thot Gor. Express your concerns. He's very reasonable and quite personable once you get to know him. Damar: I don't trust him or his people. The Founders should never have agreed to give away Cardassian territory without my consent! Weyoun: I'm sorry, I think I misunderstood you. It sounded as if you were implying that Cardassian territory doesn't belong to the Founders. Surely that isn't what you meant? Damar: No. Of course not. Weyoun: Oh good. I look forward to receiving the signed documents from you within the hour. Is there something else? Damar: The Klingons have attacked Septimus Three. Weyoun: I'm aware of that. Damar: Are you also aware that they've landed fifteen divisions? The Cardassian troops will never survive without reinforcements. Weyoun: I assure you the Septimus Three situation will be dealt with. We will not allow your brave soldiers to perish in vain. You have my word. Martok: Septimus Three will fall within the week. The Cardassian Eleventh Order. It's a reserve unit. Old men and walking wounded. They don't stand a chance. Sisko: I think you're right. Martok: But enough about the war with the Dominion. I want to hear about the war at home. You just married that freighter captain, didn't you? Sisko: Yes. Martok: Then war has broken out, whether you know it or not. A long, grueling, intoxicating war. I remember the day my beloved Sirella moved into my home. I had a pet targ. Had him since I was a boy. A filthy, mangy beast, but in his bony breast beat the heart of a warrior. Of course, Sirella loathed him. Well, to make a long story short, while she was supervising the unloading of her bags, Sirella accidently left the front door open, and my faithful targ, ever ready to follow the call of the wild, tottered outside on his frail legs and disappeared into the forest. I never laid eyes on him again. Sisko: Lady Sirella draws the first blood. Martok: You see my point. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade Sirella for all the targs on Kronos. And over the course of our marriage I've won more than my fair share of the battles between us. But in the end, I know she will win the war. Sisko: I'll keep that in mind. Winn: You ate all the milaberries. Dukat: Well then, have Solbor bring us more. Winn: And give him another chance to frown disapprovingly? Dukat: The good Ranjen doesn't much care for me, does he? Winn: You'd think he'd be pleased to see his Kai so happy. Dukat: Are you happy, Adami? Winn: More than I've ever been in my life. The Prophets are smiling on us. They've not only brought us together, but they've given us a great task, the Restoration of Bajor. Dukat: Our world will be reborn. And you will be its leader. Winn: It's a sacred responsibility. Dukat: Yes. Winn: I pray that I'll have the strength to do what the Prophets are asking of me. Dukat: I will be at your side. We won't fail them. But the Restoration will not come without struggle. There will be those who will stand in our way. Winn: It is not allowed to interfere with the will of the Prophets. Dukat: Even those who claim to speak in their name. Winn: The Emissary. Dukat: In your vision, the Prophets said he'd faltered. Winn: I can only hope that he doesn't choose to oppose them. Their love is strong, but so is their wrath. Ezri: I hate to say it, but this is doing wonders for my back. Worf: I doubt that is what our captors had in mind. Ezri: Probably not. Worf: We must get back to the station and warn Starfleet about the Breen. Ezri: You're right. There's just a few problems. We're on a Jem'Hadar ship heading in the wrong direction, hanging upside down and Worf: And what? Ezri: I think I'm getting spacesick. Sisko: Well, welcome home, Mrs Sisko. Kasidy: Thank you, Mister Sisko. Sisko: So, how was your cargo run? Kasidy: Interesting. It seems my Bajoran crewmembers have decided that serving under the wife of the Emissary is a little different than serving under his girlfriend. I've known some of those people for ten years or more and suddenly they're asking me for advice about their children, their wives, their husbands, their spiritual relationship with the Prophets. Sisko: Welcome to the club. Which reminds me. Every spring, the Emissary holds a little ceremony to bless the women on the station who want to be mothers. Kasidy: What does this have to do with me? Sisko: There's been a request made. Several, in fact, that the new wife of the Emissary perform the ceremony this year. This week, actually. Kasidy: No. Sisko: Kasidy. Kasidy: No. I've got to draw the line somewhere. I married you. I didn't convert. And I'm not going to start acting like I suddenly believe in the Prophets. Sisko: I wouldn't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Kasidy: Good. Then it's settled. I'm going to go take a sonic shower. Sisko: Take your time. Dinner won't be ready for another fifteen minutes. Sisko: And so the battle begins. Ezri: Let me try. Worf: No. You lack the necessary strength. Ezri: And your fingers are too fat. Worf: Ow. Ezri: Would you just Worf: Wait, I've got it. Ezri: Ow. Worf: Quiet. Ezri: Ow! Worf: Are you hurt? Ezri: Yes, I'm hurt. You just cut my finger and made me hit my head! Worf: It was an accident. Ezri: I still don't see how getting a pin out of a bunk is going to help us escape. Worf: If you would stop interfering and allow me to remove the pin, I would show you. Let me look at your head. Ezri: No, thank you. The last time you touched me, things got a little out of control. Worf: You are right about that. I was seduced and betrayed. Ezri: Seduced? I seduced you? Worf: At least we agree on that point. Ezri: What? Worf: You desired a physical relationship with me from the very start. That much was obvious. Ezri: You have the biggest ego of any man I've ever known. Worf: Considering how many men you have known, that is quite a statement. Ezri: Am I supposed to be embarrassed because Jadzia had a few lovers before you? Worf: A few? Ezri: You're right. It was more than a few. It was dozens. Hundreds. In fact, I don't think there was anyone aboard DS Nine who wasn't her lover! Weyoun: Let me take this opportunity to welcome you both to Cardassia Prime. I trust you've been well-treated for so far? I've been looking over the information you supplied to the Breen during your interrogation, and the results are a bit confusing, as mental probes so often are. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sifting through the data and clarifying certain issues for us. Ezri: You can't be serious. Weyoun: I'm always serious. You see, if you don't do as I ask, I'll have to hand you over to Legate Damar and you know how ruthless the Cardassians can be. Damar: It is my duty to inform you that you will be turned over to a Cardassian Tribunal where you will be tried as war criminals. Ezri: War criminals? What are the charges? Damar: That is not necessary for you to know. All you need to know is that you will be found guilty and executed. Weyoun: However, if you should decide to help us in our search for a quick end to this miserable war, your sentence will be reduced to life imprisonment. Ezri: If you want to end the war why don't you convince the Founders to surrender? Weyoun: You know, my dear it would be such a shame for you to die without the good Doctor Bashir knowing how you felt about him. Damar: Wait! Damar: Overconfidence. The hallmark of the Weyouns. Maybe the Founders should eliminate that from your genetic recipe next time. They'll just make another copy of him, you know. You should've killed me. There's only one Damar. Worf: I will keep that in mind. Damar: I'm sure you will. Consider his offer, Klingon. You die in two days. Pick that up and let's go. Dukat: There you are. Winn: Who are you? Dukat: What do you mean? Winn: I mean, who are you, Anjohl Tennan? I want to know everything about your family, your childhood. Dukat: It would bore you. Winn: Not at all. What might seem trivial to you matters a great deal to me. I need to know more about this guide the Prophets have sent me. This simple farmer, this man who shares my bed. Sisko: We are of Bajor. Kira: We await the Restoration. Winn: I am ready. I have met the Guide. You need only tell me what to do. I give myself to the Prophets in all things. Solbor: She does not understand. Odo: She is fearful. Sisko: There is no other path. She is the chosen one. She must embrace us. Winn: I will. I swear it. Give me a chance. Please. Sisko: Give us your allegiance Kai Winn Adami. Solbor: Restore us to our rightful place in the Celestial Temple. Odo: Reject the false Prophets. Kira: Walk our path and embrace your own destiny. Sisko: Feel our love. The love of the Pah wraiths. Winn: No! No! Dukat: What is it? What's happened? Winn: They, they came to me. A vision. Dukat: Blessed be the Prophets. Winn: No! They weren't the Prophets. They were Dukat: They were what? Winn: The Pah wraiths. Find Solbor. Tell him go to the Shrine and bring me the Orb. I must bare my soul to the Prophets and beg their forgiveness. Dukat: Eminence, are you sure that's wise? What do the Prophets Winn: Go! Bring me the Orb! Damar: Well hello. Weyoun: I'm glad to see you find the death of my predecessor so amusing. Damar: Oh, you misjudge me. I miss him deeply. Here. Let's drink to Weyoun Seven. Weyoun: When will the prisoners be executed? Damar: When the trial is completed. Legal protocol must be observed. Weyoun: When? Damar: The execution is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, fourteen hundred hours. Weyoun: Have they agreed to cooperate? Damar: No. Maybe you should talk to Worf again. Weyoun: Ah. Welcome to our command center. Weyoun: Of course. Go right ahead. Damar: Absolutely not! That database is classified Weyoun: What Legate Damar means to say is that our entire database is open to you. Feel free to examine it at your leisure. Damar: Surely you don't mean that. Weyoun: On the contrary, I'm quite sincere. Damar: They don't need to know everything about our military operations in order to help us. Weyoun: The decision was made by the Founder herself. The Founder's also decided that from now on your military recommendations will be submitted to Thot Gor, and he will pass it on to her. Damar: I will not! Weyoun: I trust that was simply an unguarded emotional outburst, so I will ignore it this time. Make plans to do exactly as the Founder instructed or you can schedule an execution for yourself as well. Ezri: Ready. Worf: Leave me! Ezri: Oh, shut up. Worf: You never listen Ezri: Look who's talking. O'Brien: Do you have to do that? Quark: I do it every day at this time. O'Brien: I know, but there's something morbid about it. Quark: Morbid? That implies she's not coming back. O'Brien: I wasn't implying anything of the kind. Quark: One of these days Ezri's going to come walking through those doors again, and this drink is going to be sitting right here waiting for her when she does. O'Brien: Yeah, well, in the meantime, all you're doing is reminding us that she's missing. Quark: No one's forcing you to sit here. Bashir: It was the Badlands. O'Brien: What? Bashir: What? O'Brien: You said something about the Badlands. Bashir: Oh, Worf. If his escape pod hadn't drifted into the Badlands, the Defiant would have picked him up and Ezri wouldn't have had to go looking for him. Quark: I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but I wish the Defiant had found that lumbering Klingon oaf. O'Brien: Well we can't do anything to change what's happened, we just have to hope for the best. Bashir: Funny, I was just starting to. O'Brien: Starting to what? Bashir: I don't know. But there was something, something about her, wasn't there? Something that made me happy, anyway. She was this old soul and yet so young at heart, and, and, I don't know what I'm saying. Winn: Where is he? Dukat: He'll be here any moment. He said there were certain security precautions that had to be observed before the Orb was allowed to leave the Shrine. May I ask what you're planning? Winn: No, you may not. This is far beyond your ability to comprehend, Anjohl. Winn: Come in. Solbor: The Orb of Prophecy. Winn: Place it on the table and then go. Solbor: How may I serve you? Winn: You are not required here, thank you. Dukat: There's nothing to fear. Winn: Of course not. I am the Kai. The Prophets will make everything clear to me. Winn: Something's wrong. Dukat: What? Winn: There's nothing. The Prophets show me nothing. They won't speak to me. Winn: They have forsaken me because I have been in communion with the evil ones. Dukat: Adami, I know this may be hard to hear, but you must listen. I've hidden something from you. I didn't come here by chance. I had a vision. The true gods of Bajor came to me and asked me to serve them. Winn: The true gods? Dukat: The Pah wraiths. They led me to you. Winn: No. Dukat: They're not evil. They care about Bajor. Winn: No! Dukat: They want to make Bajor strong. Winn: Heretic! Dukat: Listen to me. Winn: Get away! Dukat: Enough! The Prophets have done nothing for you. During the occupation, they turned their backs and let our people suffer. Winn: Let me go. Dukat: You've sacrificed everything for them, and how have they rewarded you? They've appointed an alien Emissary. They've rejected you at every turn. Even now they won't speak to you. Winn: Solbor! Dukat: Shh. Listen to me, please. The Pah wraiths will give you everything you've ever dreamt of. The power, the adoration of your people. In spite of your protestations of humility, that's what you really want. Admit it. Stop pretending to be something you're not. Take what they're offering you. Winn: Get out! Dukat: Go. Crawl back to your Prophets. Beg their forgiveness. Live the rest of your life in Sisko's shadow. Winn: I'll do anything you ask. You need only give the word. Have you nothing to say to me? Am I so offensive to your eyes that I don't exist for you any more? There must be something I can do to prove to you that I'm still worthy of your love. Kira: Go ahead. Winn: This is Kai Winn. I need to speak with you. Would you come to my quarters? Kira: Of course. Solbor: Colonel Kira to see you, Eminence. Winn: Come in, my child. Please sit down. Thank you for seeing me at such a late hour. Kira: What can I do for you? Winn: I have often sensed that you don't approve of how I conducted myself as Kai, that you believe I put my own political interests ahead of the spiritual well being of our people. I wish I could disagree with that assessment. I have strayed from the path the Prophets laid down for me. Kira: Eminence. Winn: You don't know. You don't know. Kira: Eminence, when you told me that the Prophets had spoken to you, I prayed that they would open your heart, that they would change you. Winn: I want to change. I'd do anything to earn their forgiveness, nut I'm afraid it's too late. Kira: It's never too late. The worst of us can be redeemed. Winn: How? Kira: I'm not a Vedek, but it seems to me that you have to set aside the things that led you astray. Ambition, jealousy. Winn: Oh yes, I have given in to the temptations of power. Kira: Turn away from temptation. Winn: Yes. Kira: Give yourself over to the Prophets. Winn: I'll do whatever it takes to make myself worthy in their eyes. Kira: Everything will change once you step down as Kai. You'll see. Winn: Step down? I don't understand. Why would I do that? Bajor needs me. Kira: Eminence, being in power is what led you on the wrong path. Winn: I've resolved to change. Don't you see? Once I have regained the Prophets' trust, I'll be better able to serve them if I remain Kai. If the Prophets wanted me to step down, surely they would have told me so. Kira: They don't always use words to make their wishes known. Sometimes they speak to us by touching our hearts, but only you would know if they had done that. Winn: But Bajor needs me. Kira: Goodnight, Eminence. Weyoun: Oh, Damar, there you are. I want you to hear this. Thot Gor had an interesting observation regarding our forces along the Romulan border. In his view, we have failed to take advantage of several weaknesses in their defenses. Damar: Is that so. Weyoun: For instance, Romulan colony in the Unroth system is ripe for attack. Their long range sensor array is being repaired Damar: Septimus Three has fallen. Weyoun: Excuse me? Damar: Septimus Three. An entire Cardassian Order has been wiped out. Five hundred thousand men! Weyoun: Oh, yes. A great tragedy. Damar: You promised reinforcements. Weyoun: I promised nothing of the kind. I said the situation would be dealt with, and it was. Damar: By leaving them to be slaughtered by the Klingons. Weyoun: If you will calm down and listen, I will explain. The sacrifice made by the Eleventh Order will not be in vain. They forced the Klingons to commit worthwhile valuable troops and resources to capture a strategically worthless planet. Weyoun: I'm glad you agree. Damar: Well, I don't. You condemned a half million loyal Cardassians Weyoun: If they were truly loyal Cardassian, then they died willingly for the Dominion. There can be no greater sacrifice. Damar: How many more sacrifices will my people be asked to make? Weyoun: Your people, Damar? We are all one with the Dominion. Vorta, Cardassian, Jem'Hadar, the Breen. Weyoun: We all serve the Founders and we will all make whatever sacrifices they deem necessary. Thot Gor, would you mind reiterating your plan for the Unroth System? I seem to have lost my train of thought. Weyoun: Yes, I know. It's become increasingly difficult to get a full day's work out of him. Ezri: The Dax symbiont has lived for over three hundred years. Experienced eight lifetimes. And now it's all going to end with an execution on Cardassia. Ezri Tigan's contribution to the Dax legacy will be to end it. Worf: There is no honor in self pity. Ezri: You know, Worf, I have had just about enough of your little Klingon aphorisms. The only reason I came on this mission was to save your miserable life, so the least you could do is stop acting like such a self righteous targ. Worf: Your motives for rescuing me were not honorable. Ezri: Do you really think that I would disobey orders and risk my life so I could seduce you? I hate to burst your bubble, Worf, but it wasn't that good. Worf: Always the barb, always the joke. Ezri: There was a time when you found my sense of humor to be one of my more endearing qualities. Worf: That was Jadzia, not you. Ezri: Are you angry at me for something that I did or because I'm not Jadzia? Let's cut right to the heart of the matter. Do you love me? Me? Ezri? Worf: You are trying to turn this around and make it about me. Ezri: Answer the question. Do you love me? Worf: I have made my feelings clear back on Goralis Three. Ezri: What is it, Worf? Could it be that you're feeling just a little guilty because you don't have the same feelings for me that you did for Jadzia? If that's true, maybe we both made a mistake back on Goralis. So maybe we both should be forgiven. Worf: This night would be better spent preparing ourselves for the next life, instead of rehashing the mistakes of this one. Worf: You are right. Ezri: What? Worf: I said you are right. I do not love you as I loved Jadzia. Ezri: There's no crime in that. Worf: I dishonored myself. I know how often I use that word. Maybe too often. But in this case, it is appropriate. Ezri: Go on. From the first moment you came on the station, I knew you were not Jadzia, and yet I knew that there was a part of Jadzia still alive within you. On Goralis, I allowed myself to see her instead of you. Ezri: I felt the same way. A part of me, the part that was your wife, wanted very much to be close to you. Worf: I realize Jadzia saw physical love very differently than I do. To her it could mean many things, but to me it is a deeply spiritual act. When I made love to you, my motives were not spiritual. It was an unworthy impulse. Ezri: Worf, we're not gods or prophets. We're people. We make mistakes. There is one other thing I want you to know. I honestly didn't realize how I felt about Julian. I would have never hidden something like that from you. Worf: I believe you. And I do not hold any malice toward you or Doctor Bashir. Ezri: That's good to know. Friends? Worf: And more. Ezri: And more. Worf: It appears all we have left to do is to be executed. Ezri: Sounds like a lazy day to me. Damar: It's time. Damar: There's a Cardassian patrol ship sitting in launch bay three A, two levels above us. Its computer has all the necessary information to get you past our security checkpoints. Ezri: Why are you doing this? Damar: I want you to give a message to the Federation. Tell them they have an ally on Cardassia. Worf: Why should we trust you? Damar: You can either trust me or you can stay here and be executed. Ezri: I vote for option one. Weyoun: Escaped? How could this have happened? Damar: You're the one that put the Jem'Hadar in charge of the detention area. Weyoun: Thank you for reminding me. Weyoun: No, I assure you this is not typical of our security procedures. The Founder. She wishes to see me. She has to be told about this. Damar: Oh, I'm sure she'll understand. But if she doesn't, I look forward to meeting Weyoun Nine. Solbor: Eminence, Anjohl is here. He claims you called for him. Winn: Show him in. Solbor: As you wish. Winn: I remember the first time I saw the Gate of the Celestial Temple. I was on the Promenade. When it burst into view, this whirlpool of color and light, the people around me were in awe. They said they could feel the love of the Prophets washing over them. Do you know what I felt, Anjohl? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But I smiled and pretended I did because it was expected of me. I've never admitted that to anyone. Dukat: I can understand why. Winn: They've never spoken to me. Never offered me guidance. Never trusted me with the fruits of their wisdom. And now, I'm supposed to step down as Kai in order to be blessed by them? No. I have worked too hard, waited too long to give it all up now. Dukat: You shouldn't have to. Merciful gods don't ask their children to make such sacrifices. Winn: The Prophets have turned their backs on me. After all I've done for them, all the pain I've endured for them. Dukat: They are not worthy of you, Adami. Winn: I'm a patient woman. But I have run out of patience. I will no longer serve gods who give me nothing in return. I'm ready to walk the path the Pah wraiths have laid out for me. Dukat: I'll walk with you, and no one will be able to stand against us. Winn: Those who dare to try, the Federation and its Vedek puppets, the false gods and their precious Emissary, they'll all be swept aside like dead leaves before an angry wind.

O'Brien: Hey! Welcome! Well, I for one never doubted you'd be back. Bashir: Neither did I. O'Brien: Don't believe him. He was Mister Doom and Gloom the entire time you were gone. Bashir: Well, I must admit I was a bit concerned. O'Brien: We were all concerned. Your well being was a constant source of conversation and speculation. Ezri: You see, I told you they'd miss us. So, who won the betting pool? Bashir: Morn. He managed to guess the day when you'd be back. Only missed the time of your arrival by two hours. O'Brien: He's amazing. Bashir: I don't know how he does it. Sisko: Mister Worf. Worf: Captain. Ezri: I know what you're going to say, and the answer is yes, I did leave the station without your permission, and yes, I lost a runabout, but Sisko: We'll evaluate your actions later, old man. Right now I'd like to know everything you've learned about this Breen Dominion alliance. Worf: I'm afraid we have very little information to share with you, Captain. Ezri: Weyoun and the others were more interested in asking questions than they were answering them. Sisko: Why do you think Damar decided to help you escape? Ezri: I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing. He hates Weyoun. Worf: The Cardassians are a proud people, but the Dominion treats them like second class citizens. Ezri: I think Damar is worried that this new alliance with the Breen is going to weaken Cardassia's status with the Dominion even more. But whatever his reasons, we owe him our lives. Sisko: Maybe one day you'll be able to return the favor. Doctor, I'd like a complete medical workup on both of them. Bashir: I can't tell you how glad I am to see you again. Er, both, both, both of you. Kira: Kira to Sisko. Sisko: Go ahead. Kira: We just received a priority one transmission from Starfleet Command. The Breen have attacked Earth. Sisko: I had a lot of friends in those buildings. Starfleet was able to destroy most of the Breen attack force, but by then most of the damage had been done. Martok: We must give the enemy credit. To launch an attack against Starfleet Headquarters. Even my people never attempted that. We've learned one thing about the Breen today, Captain. They're a race of warriors. Sisko: That's about all we know. Our intelligence reports are sketchy at best. Martok: Captain, every species has its weakness. They're no exception. Sisko: Let's hope you're right. But whatever the weakness is, we'd better find it soon. Weyoun: There. Do you see that? The news from Earth keeps getting better. The Federation casualty report are being revised upward once again. Weyoun: Well put. The casualties are merely a bonus. What matters is that we have struck fear into the hearts of our enemy and made them feel weak and vulnerable. General, please congratulate your troops for us. They've done a superb job. Don't you agree, Damar? Damar: Superb. Damar: It's unfortunate that so few of your ships survived the assault. Weyoun: Leave it to you, Damar, to point out the one cloud in the sky. Weyoun: My thought exactly. It is a very small price for such an important victory. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must make my report to the Founder. Damar: By the way, in case Weyoun has neglected to mention it, the Dominion once sang Cardassia's praises as well. Damar: It's really quite simple. They expected the war to be over long ago. It's not. For that, they blame us. Now, if the war isn't ended soon, they'll shift the blame to you. Damar: Maybe so, but win or lose, I wouldn't turn my back on Weyoun if I were you. Sisko: Kasidy, what happened? Kasidy: That's what I'm trying to find out. Sisko: What are you doing? You don't cook. Kasidy: I know. I was just making sure. Sisko: My peppers? Kasidy: I know how you like roasted peppers in your casserole. Sisko: It took me three months to grow them. No one touches my peppers. Kasidy: I'm so sorry. With all the bad news about Earth I wanted to do something nice for you. But from now on, you wear the apron in the family. Sisko: That's a good idea. Kasidy: I'm glad you're not mad. I wouldn't want anything to ruin our last few nights together. Sisko: Our last few nights together? Kasidy: My cargo run. I leave early next week. Sisko: No, you're not going anywhere. It's too dangerous. Kasidy: Ben, the Breen attacked Earth. That's not exactly next door. Sisko: We don't know where they're going to attack next. I would feel if you were closer to me. Kasidy: Well, that's sweet. But I'm going anyway. Sisko: I can't talk you out of it? Kasidy: Not a chance. Damar: Enter. Rusot: The information you requested. Damar: Excellent. Sit down. Rusot: I'm not sure it's wise for me to stay. What if the Vorta decides to pay you a visit? Damar: And what if he does? He'll see me conferring with one of my officers. There's nothing suspicious about that. Rusot: It doesn't seem right all, this plotting and secrecy. What are we? Romulans? Damar: No, we're Cardassians. But right now, Cardassia is an occupied territory. And to defeat an occupying army takes careful planning and secrecy. Rusot: Can we really hope to defeat the Dominion? With the Breen on their side, they're stronger than ever. Damar: But we will be fighting to win back our homes and our freedom, and that will make us even stronger. Rusot: I remember the day I heard the news that Cardassia had joined the Dominion. Like everyone else, I rejoiced. We were going to be rulers of the entire Alpha Quadrant. Instead, we're a conquered people, servants in our own land. Damar: All that will soon end. Now, are you sure we can trust these officers? Rusot: And the troops under their command. Still, it's not a very long list, is it? Damar: It'll get longer. With a victory or two all Cardassia will rise up with us. Rusot: We'll need to know the exact location of the Dominion weapon emplacements on Rondac Three. Damar: Leave that to me. Now, I want you to get a message to every one of these officers. Solbor: Regarding your scheduled retreat to the Calash monastery? Winn: Cancel it. Solbor: Very good. Now, about your appearance before the Vedek Assembly. Winn: Cancel that too. Solbor: Cancel an appearance before the Vedek Assembly? Winn: Just do it. Cancel everything. Solbor: As you wish. May I ask what exactly you will be doing? Winn: You certainly may not. But if you must know, I'll be devoting most of my time to study and meditation. Solbor: I see. Dukat: Solbor, I'll have my breakfast on the balcony this morning. Eminence, is there anything you would like? Winn: I'm not hungry. Dukat: But you really should eat. After all, Bajor is only as strong as its Kai. Winn: I said I'm not hungry. Do as he asks. And please, write a note to the Vedeks expressing my apologies for having to postpone our meeting. Solbor: I'll see to it immediately. Dukat: What a tiresome little man. Winn: Sometimes I think you forget your place, Anjohl. Dukat: Oh, forgive me if I've offended you in any way. I am but a moon made warm by the light of your sun. Winn: I hope you're a better farmer than you are a poet. Dukat: Something is wrong. Tell me, what's bothering you? Winn: Everything! The prayers, the rituals, these robes. I can't keep pretending I follow the path of the Prophets. Dukat: You won't have to. The Pah wraiths are waiting to embrace you. Winn: So you keep saying, but when is that going to happen? Dukat: As soon as we release them from the fire caves. Winn: Release them? But the prophecies. Dukat: What about them? Winn: They warn that the release of the Pah wraiths will mean the end of Bajor. Dukat: The old Bajor, perhaps. But from its ashes a new Bajor will arise and the Restoration will begin. Winn: Who will be left to see it? Dukat: Those the gods find worthy. It will be the dawn of paradise. And you, Adami, are destined to rule it. Winn: You're sure of that? Dukat: It is meant to be. Winn: And what will become of you? Dukat: I will be at your side for as long as you need me. But first, we have to release the Pah wraiths. Winn: How do we do that? Dukat: The answer is in the text of the Kosst Amojan. Winn: Oh. It is forbidden for anyone to open that book. Dukat: Yes. Anyone except the Kai. Winn: It is said to contain great evil. Dukat: You have nothing to fear. I'll be right there with you. Winn: Did I say I was afraid? Bashir: Right here. This palisade in the south wall. If only we could make this part of the compound less vulnerable. O'Brien: What are you talking about? The south wall isn't the problem. They came over the north wall, by Travis's position. Bashir: I know where they came over, Miles. I am Travis, remember? And I say we strengthen the south wall, the north wall, and any other place that helps us keep the enemy out. O'Brien: But then it wouldn't be the battle of the Alamo, would it. Bashir: I don't care. I just want to win, once. O'Brien: Be Santa Anna. He wins every time. Bashir: What if we put cannons along the long barracks like this? O'Brien: Hey, hey, what do you think you're doing? Do you know how long it took me to build this thing? Quark: I don't believe the two of you. Your homeworld has been attacked, the Breen have joined forces with the Dominion, and here you are calmly playing games. Bashir: Haven't you ever heard of grace under pressure, Quark? Quark: Shouldn't you be doing something more productive? O'Brien: I just spent fourteen hours recalibrating the station's weapons array. Bashir: And I just did a complete run through of the emergency support team protocols. Quark: So, you do expect an attack on the station? Bashir: Anything's possible. What about a moat? O'Brien: A moat? Around the Alamo? Bashir: Yes, here, look, we could widen this stream, maybe make it a little deeper. Quark: I say we build a moat around the station. Worf: He is a child. Ezri: Miles does have a certain cherubic quality. Worf: I was talking about Doctor Bashir, and you know it. Are you certain he's the one? Ezri: I'm not certain about anything. But he is handsome. Worf: You deserve more than handsome. He gets excited playing with toys. Ezri: He knows how to have a good time. Besides, it's not exactly a toy. You heard the Chief. He spent hours making that. Worf: I see it is hopeless to try to reason with you. Ezri: I know. Maybe I am in love with him. Do you think I should tell him how I feel? Worf: If it will make you happy, yes. Ezri: You're a good friend, Worf. Worf: I know. They are wasting their time. No matter how much planning they do, there is no way that they can defend that mission against an enemy that numbers in the thousands. Not without more men. Ezri: You know, if you want to go down there and help them. Just a thought. Weyoun: Damar. You're up early. Damar: Am I? Weyoun: Yes, you are. Or you haven't been to bed yet. Damar: Actually, I had a very restful sleep. Weyoun: Did you? How nice. Damar: I had no idea the Breen could mobilize such a large fleet so quickly. Weyoun: Our new allies are full of surprises, aren't they? You know those refrigeration suits they wear? Damar: What about them? Weyoun: I'm sure you've read the intelligence reports that say that their homeworld is a frozen wasteland. Well, it's not. The climate on their planet is quite comfortable. Damar: Then why do they wear refrigeration suits? Weyoun: They won't say. You see what I mean? They're full of surprises. There's something different about you today, Damar. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's almost as if you're only half dressed. Damar: What are you talking about? Weyoun: You don't have a bottle in your hand. Damar: Don't you have anything better to do than to stand here and Weyoun: You've regained your confidence. Damar: I wasn't aware that I'd lost it. Weyoun: Come now, Damar, you thought you'd backed the wrong side. You thought the Dominion was going to lose this war and drag Cardassia down with it. Damar: I must admit, things were looking rather grim. Weyoun: Perhaps, for a moment or two, but that's no excuse to lose faith in oneself or one's allies. But now it's as if you've groped your way through a dark tunnel and stepped back out into the light once again. You know what that light's told you? That the Dominion will prevail. That the Federation will be conquered and a new era of peace and prosperity will blanket the Alpha Quadrant. Damar: You know me so well. Weyoun: Really, Damar, I hope you won't allow that Cardassian sized ego of yours to spoil our victory. And I do mean our victory. Yours, mine. Damar: And the Breen. Weyoun: Yes, and the Breen. Damar: We're just one big, happy family, aren't we? Weyoun: I like it so much better when we agree, don't you? Solbor: The text of the Kosst Amojan, as you requested Winn: Very good. Well? Put it on my desk. Solbor: Eminence, may I speak frankly? Winn: If you must. Solbor: This book has not been removed from the archives, not for seven hundred years. Winn: Your point being? Solbor: The knowledge it contains about the Pah wraiths, it is said to be very dangerous. Winn: Knowledge is never dangerous in the right hands. Solbor: There is an old saying. He who studies evil, is studied by evil. Winn: I will keep that in mind. Now give me the book. Dukat: Your concern for her Eminence is appreciated and acknowledged. Nevertheless, you must do as she says. I will see to it that no harm comes to her. Winn: There. That should make you feel better. Solbor: I wish it could. But this man. One day he comes onto Deep Space Nine and the next, he's become your closest advisor. What do we know of him? Where did he come from? What does he want? Dukat: I want only to serve the Kai. Solbor: This is his idea, isn't it? To study this hateful book. Winn: Anjohl was sent to me by the Prophets. That's all I need to know, and that's all anyone needs to know. Dukat: I have no idea why I was chosen. But who are we to question the ways of the Prophets? Winn: Perhaps you should go to the Temple and ask the Prophets forgiveness for questioning their wisdom. Dukat: Solbor does not approve of me. Winn: He has served me well for many years. Dukat: And he may serve you well for many more if the Pah wraiths find him worthy. Well? Aren't you going to open it? The Pah wraiths are not evil, but they are powerful. And they're willing to share their power with you. The question is, do you want it? Dukat: Yes. Dukat: This can't be. This is a trick. Winn: It's not a trick. Dukat: Then Solbor brought the wrong book. Winn: He doesn't make those kinds of mistakes. The words are here. They're just hidden, that's all. It's up to us to find them. Odo: These are the new security protocols you requested. Sisko: Very good. Odo: Although frankly I'm not sure how effective they'll be against the Breen. Sisko: Neither am I. I just hope we don't have to find out. Kasidy: Benjamin! Do you mind explaining this? Sisko: Constable, do you mind if we use your office a moment? Odo: Not at all. Sisko: Well, it looks like the Bajoran Freight and Shipping Authority wants you to take a vacation. Kasidy: A month's paid vacation? This is your doing, isn't it? Let me guess. The Emissary asked for a little favor. Sisko: I never once mentioned the word Emissary. Kasidy: But you did arrange this! Sisko: I'm just trying to keep you out of harm's way. Is that such a terrible thing for a husband to do? Kasidy: I told you, I don't need or want that kind of protection. I want you to call whoever you called and have them put me back on the active list. Sisko: Kasidy, it's only for a month. Kasidy: I don't care if it's only for a day. How would you like it if I called Admiral Ross and said, oh do me a favor. Please don't send my husband on any dangerous missions this month. Sisko: Look, that's not the same thing. Kasidy: It is from where I'm standing. My job is just as important to me as your job is to you. Sisko: I know that. Odo: What's so funny? Quark: Marriage. It changes everything. If you're not careful that could be you and Kira. Solbor: Here are the other volumes you wanted. Winn: Thank you, Solbor. You can go now. Solbor: Eminence. I must inform you that the archivists are very concerned. Dukat: You heard the Kai. Leave us. Solbor: They're wondering why you need to consult so many of these dark texts. Winn: You may tell them that their Kai works for the good of Bajor. Now leave me. I have work to do. Winn: Why are you still here? Dukat: What would you like me to do? Winn: Go away. Dukat: I don't understand. Winn: I must concentrate. Dukat: But your Eminence. Winn: Not another word. Dukat: Very well. Kasidy: They're beautiful. Sisko: Then you forgive me? Kasidy: Ah. That depends. Have you talked to Bajoran Freight and Shipping? Sisko: You're back on the active list. Kasidy: Then I forgive you. But from here on in Sisko: I'm not to interfere with your work unless you tell me to. Or it's absolutely necessary. I'm just joking. Kasidy: You'd better be. Sisko: What's that for? Kasidy: The flowers. And for being big enough to admit when you're wrong. Sisko: Ah, that must be Quark with the necklace. Kasidy: The necklace? Sisko: Just in case the flowers didn't work. Ross: Ben, the Breen have launched a counteroffensive against our forces in the Chin'toka system. Sisko: Have they broken through? Ross: In two places. Sisko: When do I leave? Nog: This is bad. Very bad. Kira: You say that every time we take the Defiant into battle. Nog: Impulse manifold purged and clear. If we lose the Chin'toka system, we lose our only foothold in the Dominion territory. I think that qualifies as bad. Kira: We haven't lost it yet. Initiating impulse pre-start sequence. Nog: Microfusion generators online. But the Breen, they seem unstoppable. First Earth, now Chin'toka. Worf: Ensign, no one is unstoppable. Collimate the nadion emitters. Nog: Collimation sequence in progress. Bashir: What more can I say, Miles, but I'm sorry. O'Brien: Dilithium matrix is aligned and calibrated. Just be a bit more careful. That's all I ask. Kira: Opening antimatter injector ports. Trouble in paradise? Bashir: It was nothing. Emergency life support and damage control systems standing by. O'Brien: I wouldn't call it nothing. Ezri: Autonomous guidance system initialized and active. O'Brien: He lost Travis. Kira: Sounds serious. Verify astrometric database. Bashir: Miles built this Alamo model, replete with little figures. Quite spectacular, actually. Datasets loaded and verified. Anyway, he was showing it to me in Quark's when we, rather I, misplaced Colonel Travis. Nog: Phaser safeties engaged. Can't you make another one? O'Brien: What, so he can lose it again? Field stabilizers online. Kira: That's what happens when you share your toys. Synchronizing warp plasma flow. O'Brien: It's not a toy. It's a model, built to scale. Bashir: He really did a fantastic job. O'Brien: Nacelles holding at pre-warp threshold. Bashir: Miles, look. Worf: He plays with toys. Ezri: It's a model. Worf: With little figures. Nog: Captain on the bridge. Sisko: Commander. Worf: The weapons array is online. Phasers are fully charged. Quantum torpedo launchers are loaded and standing by. Sisko: Colonel, set a course to rendezvous with the Federation assault fleet. Kira: Course set. Sisko: Take us out. Kira: Airlocks are sealed. Releasing docking clamps. Dukat: Where are you going with those? Solbor: I'm returning these books to the archives. Dukat: On who's authority? Solbor: I believe her Eminence has finished. Dukat: Put them back. Solbor: How dare you use that tone with me Dukat: I'll put them back. Dukat: Wake up, my love. There's work to be done. Winn: Anjohl? I must have dozed off. Dukat: You're tired. It's understandable. Winn: I haven't made much progress. Dukat: You'll find the answers we're looking for. It's just a matter of time. Winn: I'm so glad you're here. Dukat: I'll see that you're brought something to eat. Rusot: According to the latest battle reports, it looks as if the Dominion is going to retake Chin'toka. Damar: A few months ago, the thought of the Federation being driven from Cardassian soil would have been a cause for celebration. But the Dominion victories are no longer our victories. Damar: Now, are our troops in position? Rusot: They're awaiting your command. Damar: Excellent. We attack in seven hours. Rusot: We're going to lose many fine soldiers. Damar: At least they will be dying for Cardassia, and not the Dominion. Weyoun: The Federation reinforcements are approaching Chin'toka. Founder: The more of them, the better. Weyoun: Founder, it concerns me to have you this close to the front. Founder: Your concern is noted. But this is one battle I intend to see first hand. Weyoun: Yes, it should be quite gratifying. Voice: Attack wings three and nine have reached the line of deployment. Voice 2: Federation fighter squadrons seven and ten break into sections and stand by to begin reconnaissance. Martok: Units assume positions. Attack to contact. O'Brien: Sir, they've locked weapons on us. Sisko: All auxiliary power to forward shields. Colonel, attack pattern Delta. Kira: Aye, sir. Sisko: Mister Worf, quantum torpedoes. Worf: Target locked. Sisko: Fire! Worf: Target locked. Launchers one and two standing by. Sisko: Fire. O'Brien: What the hell's? Kira: We've lost power to the helm. Ezri: The comm's out. Worf: So are weapons. Bashir: Primary computer systems are off line. Kira: Manual controls are frozen. Sisko: Chief? O'Brien: I can't get anything back online. Somehow they're draining all our power. Nog: The fire suppression system's offline. Worf: Use the manual extinguishers. Nog: I'm on it. Ezri: We're venting plasma coolant from over eight separate EPS ruptures. The air's becoming toxic, Captain. O'Brien: Sir, the ablative armor is starting to buckle. Worf: We have hull breaches on decks three and four. O'Brien: Without power for the emergency forcefields, there's no way to seal them. Sisko: Abandon ship. You heard me. Everyone get to the escape pods now! O'Brien: Captain. Sisko: She's a fine ship. O'Brien: No one'll argue with that. But like you say, it's time to go. Weyoun: Poor Captain Sisko. I believe he was quite fond of that ship. Founder, I'm happy to report that the Chin'toka System is ours once again. Founder: A step in the right direction. Send my compliments to the Breen. Weyoun: I'm certain that will please them greatly. Founder: Really? I have no idea what would please the Breen nor do I care, as long as they fight and win. I will not tolerate defeat any longer. Weyoun: Nor will I. All those escape pods. So small, so vulnerable. I'll order their destruction immediately. Founder: No. Let them return to the Federation. Those pods are filled with frightened, demoralized troops. Weyoun: Troops that will spread fear throughout the Federation with tales of what happened here today. The Founder is wise. Dukat: There. Now, don't you feel better? Winn: Much. Thank you, Anjohl. Dukat: I'm here to serve you any way I can. Solbor: Get away from her! Dukat: What? Solbor: Eminence, that man is not Anjohl Tennan. Winn: What are you talking about? Solbor: Anjohl Tennan died nine years ago in the labor camp at Batal. I warned you not to trust him. I had a sample of his DNA sequenced. He's not even a Bajoran. He's a Cardassian. Dukat: We were brought together for a cause, a great cause. Our destinies are linked. Solbor: Don't listen to him. Look at him. Don't you recognize the face of your enemy? It's Gul Dukat. Winn: Oh, it can't be. Solbor: He lied to you. Used you. Winn: It's not true! Solbor: I don't know why you wanted to do this, for what evil purpose, but it's not going to work! Dukat: He doesn't understand, Adami. He couldn't possibly understand the love of the Pah wraiths. Solbor: The love of the Pah wraiths? You're trying to release them. That's why you wanted the text of the Kosst Amojan. Winn: Solbor, listen to me. All I want is to bring about the Restoration. Solbor: You betrayed the Prophets. You betrayed us all! Winn: Try to understand. The Pah wraiths, they are the true gods. Solbor: You must be stopped. Winn: Solbor, I beg you. No! Dukat: It's going to be all right. Winn: Don't touch me. My life is over. The Pah wraiths sent you to destroy me. Dukat: On the contrary. They sent me to save you. Winn: Lies. Nothing but Cardassian lies. To think I let you touch me. The book. I must destroy it! Dukat: There, you see? The Pah wraiths have judged you and found you worthy. Their secrets are now your secrets to do with as you please. Take their gift and use it. Seize the power they're offering you! Winn: What about Solbor? Dukat: I'll take care of the body. Sisko: The Defiant was the finest ship I ever commanded. There'll never be another one like her. Ross: It may take a little while, Ben, but I'll get you another ship, I promise you that. I just wish I knew how we were going to neutralize the Breen energy dissipaters. Sisko: We need to buy some time. Ross: Time may be the one thing we don't have. Kira: Captain. We're monitoring a transmission from Cardassian space. I think you're going to find it interesting. Damar: And so two years ago, our government signed a treaty with the Dominion. In it, the Dominion promised to extend Cardassia's influence throughout the Alpha Quadrant. In exchange, we pledged ourselves to join the war against the Federation and its allies. Cardassians have never been afraid of war. A fact we've proven time and again over these past two years. Seven million of our brave soldiers have given their lives to fulfilll our part of the agreement. And what has the Dominion done in return? Nothing. Damar: We've gained no new territories. In fact, our influence throughout the quadrant has diminished. And to make matters worse, we're no longer masters in our own home. Travel anywhere in Cardassia and what do you find? Jem'Hadar Damar: Vorta and now Breen. Damar: Instead of the invaders, we have become the invaded. Our allies have conquered us without firing a shot. Well, no longer. This morning, detachments of the Cardassian First, Third, and Ninth Orders attacked Dominion outposts on Rondac Three. Damar: This assault marks the first step toward the liberation of our homeland Sisko: Colonel, see if you can get confirmation on that. Damar: From the true oppressors of the Alpha Quadrant. Damar: I call upon Cardassians everywhere. Resist! Resist today. Resist tomorrow! Resist till the last Dominion soldier has been driven Damar: From our soil. Weyoun: It's confirmed. Our cloning facility on Rondac Three have been destroyed. I could be the last Weyoun. That's why he picked that target. Founder: I want Damar and the rest of these traitors found and eliminated. Weyoun: I'll see to it immediately. Weyoun: I don't care how many Cardassians you have to kill. Find Damar. Is that clear? Weyoun: I'm going to hold you to that. Kira: Captain, our listening posts have confirmed the attack on Rondac. Ross: Damar may have just bought us some precious time, if the Dominion doesn't track him down too quickly. Sisko: We need to find a way to help him. Legate Damar may be the key to saving the Alpha Quadrant.

O'Brien: Basically we stumbled onto it by accident. At Chin'toka, our entire fleet was disabled when the Breen engaged their energy dampening weapon. Three hundred and eleven ships, Federation, Romulan, and Klingon, all lost power. Sisko: But one didn't. A Bird of Prey called the Ki'tang. Ross: Why? What was different about the Ki'tang? O'Brien: We're not really sure. The only thing we can figure is that just prior to the engagement, their Chief Engineer adjusted the tritium intermix to compensate for a containment problem in the warp core. Martok: I've ordered every ship in the Klingon fleet to adjust its reactor the same way. Romulan: Our vessels are of a different design. Can this technique be adapted to protect them as well? Sisko: Unfortunately, no. Your ships are still vulnerable, and so are ours. O'Brien: I've sent everything we know about the Breen weapon to the Romulan Ministry of Science and to Starfleet Engineering, but realistically, it's going take be a while before they can figure out a way to protect our ships. Sisko: Thank you, Mister O'Brien. Ross: Well, gentlemen, it seems as if the Klingon fleet is the only thing that stands between us and the Dominion. Romulan: What have we come to? Martok: By tomorrow, we'll have fifteen hundred Klingon vessels ready for deployment. Romulan: With the Breen, the Cardassians and the Jem'Hadar, you're still outnumbered twenty to one. Martok: I am aware of that, General. Sisko: Obviously the Klingons can't go head to head with the Dominion, but they may be able to keep them distracted. Martok: We'll operate in small battle groups, going in under cloak, engaging the enemy, and trying to provoke them into pursuit. Sisko: With any luck, they'll be able to keep the Dominion off balance and prevent them from launching an offensive. Romulan: For how long? They can't keep them at bay forever. Sisko: No, they can't. But fortunately we're not the only ones the Dominion has to contend with right now. Ross: Damar's resistance movement. Romulan: What's left of them. Half his troops were killed in their assault on Rondac. Sisko: They may have failed to capture Rondac, but their attack sent a message to the Cardassian people. If the rebels can show them that they have a chance of succeeding, their support will grow. Romulan: Does the rebellion have a chance of succeeding? Sisko: Yes, but they have to adjust their tactics. Concentrate on small scale hit and run attacks, sabotaging key facilities. Ross: Damar's a by the book soldier. Does he have any experience waging this kind of campaign? Sisko: No, he doesn't. Which is why we have to send him someone who does. Kira: You want me to go behind enemy lines and teach a bunch of Cardassians how to be resistance fighters? Sisko: I'm aware of the irony. But the tactics you used to drive the Cardassians off Bajor are exactly what the situation calls for. Kira: But to work with Damar? When he killed Ziyal, he murdered an innocent girl that I considered a part of my family. Sisko: You're going to have to put your personal feelings aside. Whether you like Damar or not is irrelevant. We need him. The Dominion knows they have to stop his rebellion before it spreads, and it's up to you to see that they don't. It's as simple as that. Kira: Yes, sir. I understand that Damar and his men went into hiding after the attack on Rondac. Any idea how to locate them? Sisko: I suggest you talk to Mister Garak about that. Kira: Garak? Sisko: He still has contacts on Cardassia. If I were you, I'd ask him to join your team. He could be useful. Kira: Damar and Garak. It should be an interesting mission. Bashir: It's very difficult to keep a supply of synthetic organs on hand in a battlefield situation. You never know how many livers you're going to need, or how many hearts. Odo: I can imagine. But what does that have to do with me? Bashir: Well, the Holy Grail of organ replacement is to be able to find a way to inject the patient with undifferentiated tissue so that can become whatever organ is needed. The only problem is Odo: Doctor, get to the point. Bashir: I need to borrow a cup of goo. Odo: Excuse me? Bashir: Please? I'll give it back. You see, I need to study your morphogenic matrix so that I can synthesize organic tissue that can change form the way your cells do. Odo: To use for organ replacement. Bashir: Exactly. Odo: Can't you just scan me or something? Bashir: I need a sample. It's for a good cause. Odo: All right, Doctor. Bashir: Just a tad more. Thank you. Odo: I'm going to want that back as soon as Kira and I return from our mission. Bashir: Oh, you're going with her? Odo: She thought I might be useful. Bashir: When do you leave? Odo: As soon as Garak can locate Damar. Winn: I'm very concerned. It's not like Solbor to disappear this way. Please do whatever it takes to find him. Security: Yes, Eminence. Dukat: Well done. I almost believed you myself. Winn: How like a Cardassian to find amusement in an old man's death. You don't know how much I regret having to kill him. Dukat: He was going to expose us. No one can be allowed to stand in our way. Winn: Remember your place, Dukat. Dukat: I thought my place was in your bed. Winn: That was before I knew who you were. Dukat: Adami, I'm not the same man I was during the occupation. The Pah wraiths have changed me. Winn: But they can't change what you did. Do you really think I could let myself be touched by a man whose hands are stained with the blood of my people? Dukat: When we so release the Pah wraiths from the fire caves, your hands will be stained as well. Winn: The Pah wraiths will spare those whom they find worthy. The rest are of no consequence. Dukat: You've been studying that for days. Perhaps I could help? Winn: The text of the Kosst Amojan is for my eyes alone. Dukat: Well, have you learned what we have to do to release the Pah wraiths? Winn: Only that it's not a simple matter. Leave me. I've had enough of your distractions. Ross: When is Gowron's ship due to arrive? Sisko: In the morning. Ross: Martok seems a little nervous about the ceremony. Sisko: Chancellor Gowron is traveling all the way from Kronos to induct him into the Order of Kahless. I'd be nervous, too. Sisko: Come in. Kira: Good news. Garak was able to contact Damar. Garak: He's provided us with his location and has requested assistance as soon as possible. Kira: So with your permission, I'd like to depart first thing tomorrow. Sisko: By all means. Garak: There is one other thing. Sisko: Yes, Mister Garak? Garak: Damar expressed concern when I told him that Colonel Kira would be leading this mission. Kira: Well if he wants to defeat the Dominion he's going to have to put his personal feelings aside. Garak: He's certainly willing to do that. He knows the value of your skills. Damar is concerned that his men will see your uniform as an affront. We Cardassians are a proud people. Losing Bajor to a ragtag band of terrorists, no offense, was a humiliation. Simply put, taking on a Bajoran officer as an advisor would undermine his authority. Ross: I'm sorry, Colonel. We'll have to find someone else to head up the mission. Sisko: No, sir. Colonel Kira is the best person for the job. There's another way around this problem. Odo: I don't know. Odo: Do you really think it'll make a difference to the Cardassians that you've been given a Starfleet commission? You're still a Bajoran. Kira: A Bajoran with the authority to speak on behalf of the Federation. Garak: You realize you're going to have to do something about your uniform as well? Odo: I was afraid you were going to say that. Well? Garak: It's a little drab. Odo: This is how I appeared when I worked for the Cardassians. Garak: Ah, well, it should put them at ease, anyway. I wonder if Doctor Bashir could help us with that nose of yours? Kira: I'm only willing to go so far. Damar's men are just going to have to get used to the idea of having me around. Garak: Oh, they'll tolerate you, to a point. If I were you, I'd watch my back. I'll see you in the morning. Rusot: You see the problem. Damar: Our food supplies are running low. Rusot: We'll have to cut back on rations until we get hold of some food replicators. Damar: When I spoke to Garak, I told him to bring some. Rusot: Federation food replicators? Damar: We're in no position to turn down help, no matter where it comes from. Rusot: Taking help from the Federation is bad enough, but having to take it from that Bajoran terrorist. Damar: Kira Nerys has certain skills she's willing to teach us. Skills we need if we're going to defeat the Dominion. Rusot: I can't believe what I'm hearing. When we were stationed on Terok Nor, you used spent hours telling me how much you despised her. Damar: I did hate her. But that's a luxury I can no longer afford and neither can you. I need your support in this, my friend. Sisko: General, Mister Worf. Sisko: Welcome to Deep Space Nine, Chancellor. Gowron: It's been too long, Captain. Sisko: You know Admiral Ross. Ross: We met at Khitomer. Gowron: Admiral, of course. Martok The man I came to honor! The son of Mogh. Worf: Chancellor. Gowron: They say you've made him part of your House. Martok: It's true. Gowron: Then what is past is past. If Martok considers you his brother, that's all I need to know. Come! I've brought a barrel of the finest bloodwine and it must be drunk tonight! Martok: The vintage. Twenty three oh nine, I take it? Sisko: I guess we're not invited. Bashir: Anyway, I finally tracked her down to Quark's and I asked her flat out, 'Ezri, why are you avoiding me?' She was just about to answer when I got called away. O'Brien: I haven't noticed her avoiding you. Are you sure you're not imagining things? Bashir: Our paths haven't crossed in days. O'Brien: Well, it's a big station. The truth is, you want to spend time with her, so it seems that she's never around. Bashir: There's something going on, and I'm going to find out what it is when she gets here. I told her I'd like to discuss the results of her last medical exam. O'Brien: Isn't that unethical, or something? Bashir: Well. O'Brien: Is that Odo? Bashir: Part of him, anyway. O'Brien: Oh, never mind. I don't want to know. Bashir: Computer, begin a morphogenic enzyme analysis. Ezri: Hi. Bashir: Ezri. O'Brien: Hi. Ezri: You wanted to see me? Bashir: Yes. Come on in. O'Brien: It was good running into you. I haven't seen you in days. Bashir: So. Ezri: You said something about my test results? Bashir: Of course. Here it is. You know, we never finished our conversation the other day. Ezri: Our conversation? Bashir: Yes, in Quark's. You were telling me why you were avoiding me. Ezri: Well, I guess now is as good a time as any. Well, it goes back to when Worf and I were held prisoner by the Breen. We spent a lot of time together. Bashir: Naturally. Ezri: And you can imagine that it would bring up all sorts of old feelings. Bashir: Sure. Ezri: And, well, one thing led to another, and Bashir: Ezri, you don't have to say any more. Ezri: But I want to. Bashir: No, really. I wish you both all the happiness in the world. Ezri: Who? Bashir: You and Worf. Ezri: No, Julian, that's not Bashir: Ezri, there's no need to explain. Ezri: No, you don't understand. What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm in love with Bashir: Oh, my God. Ezri: What? Julian, what's wrong? Bashir: I was running a scan on the sample you left when I noticed something unusual. Odo: Unusual in what way? Bashir: The disease that's killing your people. You're infected. My guess is you became infected the last time you Linked with the Female Shape shifter. Kira: Are you sure about this? He doesn't have any symptoms. Bashir: So far. But from what I can tell, the virus is replicating quickly and it may not be long before symptoms start to surface. Kira: We have to get you back to the station. Odo: No. We have a mission to accomplish. I intend to see it through. Kira: Odo. Bashir: It's all right. At this point there's not much I can do. But I feel confident that's going to change. Odo: What do you mean? Bashir: I'm running a series of tests on the sample that you left me, and I've ask Starfleet Medical to send the results from the tests they ran on you a few years ago. By comparing the results, I might be able to figure out how the virus works, and that may well lead to a cure. Kira: Thank you, Julian. Odo: We should be crossing into Dominion space in just a few minutes. Garak: I'd better scan for enemy patrols. Dukat: What have you been keeping from me, my sweet? What dark secrets? Winn: Dukat? Dukat: Adami, help me. Winn: You fool! Dukat: I can't see. Winn: I warned you. The text of the Kosst Amojan is for my eyes alone. Gowron: Today we honor our brother Martok in the manner Kahless taught us. Martok: I accept this honor in the name of the House of Martok and I ask only to be allowed to continue to serve the Empire. Klingons: Martok, Martok. Sisko: We're next. Klingons: Martok, Martok, Martok. Ross: You're kidding. Klingons: Martok, Martok. Sisko: I wish I were. Klingons: Martok, Martok. Worf: You have done well. Martok: Thank you for the help, my friend. Ross: It still stings Sisko: That's what the bloodwine's for. Congratulations, General. Gowron: Martok! How does it feel to be the most famous warrior in the Empire? Martok: I am grateful for the opportunity to serve. Gowron: And you've served well. But you've borne the burden of this war for a long time. Martok: I do it gladly. And I'll keep on fighting until the victory is ours. Gowron: No, my friend. I can't ask you to carry this weight forever. It's time for me to take a more active role in this war. As of today, I'm assuming direct command of our forces. Martok: Chancellor, I don't understand. Are you unsatisfied with the way I have performed my duties? Gowron: Would I have given you the Star of Kahless if I was not satisfied? You should be happy you're a warrior again. No more meetings, no more reports to file. You'll be out there, savoring the heat of battle. I envy you. I intend to see an end to this war and soon. The Dominion will rue the day they heard my name! Bashir: No, I don't want to talk to Lieutenant Douglas. I've already talked to Lieutenant Douglas. I need a copy of these test results. My patient's life is at stake. Weldon: I wish I could help, but as I said, the files you requested are classified. Bashir: Why would Odo's medical records be classified? Weldon: They are. That's all I know. Bashir: I want to talk to your supervising officer. Weldon: You did. Lieutenant Douglas. Bashir: Then I want to talk to her supervising officer, Ensign. Weldon: I'll patch you through, but he's going to tell you the same thing. Hilliard: Commander Hilliard here. Bashir: Ah, Commander. I was hoping you could sort out this situation for me. I realize that the files I requested are classified, but given the circumstances, I was hoping you would be able to understand the need for some expediency. Hilliard: Of course. You wouldn't mind answering a few questions? Bashir: Of course not, if it's necessary. Hilliard: Now you've requested Security Chief Odo's medical records from Stardate? Bashir: Four nine four one nine, sir. Hilliard: And you state that he has contracted the morphogenic virus that's infected the Founders. Bashir: Correct. Hilliard: How did he contract it? Bashir: Presumably when he Linked with one of them, sir. Hilliard: You're saying that he's been in contact with the enemy? Bashir: Yes, but not recently. It happened over a year ago. Hilliard: I assume that you've done your own scans of Odo over the years? Bashir: Of course. Hilliard: Then why do you need ours? Bashir: To use as a point of comparison in hopes of finding a cure, sir. Hilliard: A cure? Bashir: That's right. Is there anything else, sir? Hilliard: No. No, that pretty much covers it. Bashir: Good. So when can I expect to receive a copy of these files? Hilliard: I'm afraid those files are classified. Bashir: But I thought you just asked me all these questions in order to clear me to receive them. Hilliard: No, no, you misunderstood. I can't release those files to anyone that doesn't have Sigma Nine Clearance. Bashir: Listen, I don't give a damn about Sigma Nine clearance! All I care about is finding a cure for this disease! Hilliard: I fail to see why you're so determined to cure a disease that infects our enemy. We're at war, Doctor. Bashir: The Founders have nothing to do with it. Odo's life is at stake. Hilliard: Odo, who by your own admission has been known to consort with the enemy. Bashir: Sir, you have to understand the circumstances. Hilliard: I don't care about the circumstances. If you find a cure, there's a good chance it'll fall into Dominion hands. That's a risk that Starfleet Medical is not willing to take. Request for the files is denied. Now if I were you, I'd drop this matter, otherwise I'll have to refer it to Starfleet Security. O'Brien: Sounds like a typical bureaucrat flexing his muscles. Bashir: No, it was more than that. He practically accused me of being a traitor. He made it sound like I was in league with the Dominion just because I wanted to help Odo. O'Brien: Maybe the attack on Starfleet Headquarters has him spooked. You know, guys like Hilliard are used to sitting behind their desks, not under them. Bashir: If only I could get a hold of that file. Maybe the Captain could request it? O'Brien: Does he have Sigma Nine clearance, whatever that is? Bashir: For Odo's sake, we'd better hope so. Damar: Welcome to the headquarters of the Cardassian Liberation Front. It's been a long time. Kira: Yes, it has. Rusot: Did you bring the supplies we requested? Odo: Food replicators, weapons. I think you'll find everything you asked for. Damar: Excellent. The Cardassian people won't forget the Federation's generosity. Garak: How nice. And now that the formalities are over with, let's try to remember that our enemy is the Dominion, and not each other. Rusot: I don't need to be reminded of who my enemies are. Kira: A Resistance organization is structured into cells, autonomous groups of ten to twenty people. That way if anyone gets captured, their ability to compromise the organization is limited. They can't be forced to name names that they don't know. Garak: The Obsidian Order worked the same way. Kira: We have to decentralize your operation. Having all your men in one place is just too risky. Rusot: If we scatter our resources, we won't be able to defend ourselves against a Dominion assault. Kira: And if you stay in one place, they can wipe out your entire Resistance movement in one attack. Smaller groups are safer. They're harder to track down. Damar: I'll have my men investigate possible locations for other bases. Kira: Good. Now, Odo and Garak have been looking over your intelligence reports and they came up with a list of vulnerable facilities for us to target. Odo: The weapons depot on Adarak Prime is protected by only a single garrison and there's a weakness in their perimeter defenses. A small group could infiltrate the compound and Rusot: Adarak Prime is defended by a Cardassian garrison. Odo: That's correct. Seskal: You expect us to attack our own people? Kira: If necessary, yes. Rusot: That's out of the question. Damar: I agree. We'll limit ourselves to targets defended by the Jem'Hadar and the Breen. Kira: Believe me, I understand how you feel. During the occupation, I didn't want to attack any facility that had a Bajoran working in it. But I did it. Because they were collaborators. They were working with the enemy. Rusot: We're not Bajorans. We don't kill our own. Kira: Well then you might as well just give up right now. Because the minute that the Dominion realizes that you will not attack your own people, they will station a Cardassian at every base they have. Odo: She's right. The Founders won't hesitate to play your own people against you. Kira: Anyone who's not fighting with you, is fighting against you. Damar: You were saying the Adarak perimeter defenses are vulnerable. Rusot: Damar. Damar: Not another word, Rusot. Continue. Odo: We would need to disable the garrison's security protocols. Garak: I believe that's where I step in. Bashir: I'd loved to have seen Hilliard's face when he realized Captain Sisko had Sigma Nine clearance. O'Brien: So, is the file worth all the trouble you had to go through? Bashir: There's more data here than I expected. Starfleet Medical certainly were thorough. O'Brien: By the way, what happened with you and Ezri? Bashir: Don't ask. O'Brien: Go on. Bashir: Actually, she got involved with Worf. O'Brien: What? She told you that? Bashir: Well, not in so many words. O'Brien: Julian, I had a drink with Worf the other day. He told me that he and Ezri were just friends. You must have misunderstood her. Bashir: I suppose it's possible. I mean, she didn't exactly come out and say it. O'Brien: Well did you at least find out why she's been avoiding you? Bashir: No. That's odd. O'Brien: What? Bashir: The dispersal pattern in this resonance scan. I've seen it before. O'Brien: What do you mean? Bashir: When I first came to the station, I had to familiarize myself with Odo's physiology. Doctor Mora was kind enough to share his data with me. This looks like the scan he did when he first found Odo. O'Brien: Are you sure? There's a lot of numbers there. Bashir: I saw it with my own eyes not seven years ago. O'Brien: You really are genetically enhanced, aren't you. Bashir: According to the date, this scan was done when Odo was at Starfleet Medical. O'Brien: Two different scans can't have exactly the same dispersal pattern? Bashir: It's impossible. Someone took Mora's results and built up a phony medical workup around them. This isn't Odo's file. They sent a fake. O'Brien: I can't believe Starfleet Medical would actually make up a fake file just to throw you off. Bashir: You're right. It isn't something Starfleet Medical would do. O'Brien: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Bashir: Section Thirty One. O'Brien: An organization that's prepared to do whatever it takes to protect the Federation wouldn't even blink at doing something like this. Bashir: They don't want me to find a cure. They're afraid the Founders will get hold of it. O'Brien: And to keep that from happening, they're willing to let Odo die. Martok: First he gives me a medal, then he takes over my command. It makes no sense. Worf: Our people have come to see you as a savior of the Empire. That is something Gowron cannot tolerate. He wants to be its savior. Martok: What's he afraid of? That I'm going to challenge his position? I have no interest in politics. I'm a soldier. By the hand of Kahless. I've earned my position. I've risen through the ranks, fought countless battles. What has he done? Schemed and plotted his way to power. Worf: His military experience is limited. He is not half the tactician you are. Martok: Many brave warriors have given their lives in this war. Whatever Gowron's motives are, it is our duty to help him defeat the Dominion. We owe it to our fallen comrades. Worf: I am honored to be part of your House. Martok: Well, I had better gather my things. This office belongs to Gowron now. Odo: How's the food? Kira: Replicated. Seskal: Are you going to ask him or not? Garak: I wouldn't recommend it. Seskal: It's a legitimate question, Garak. Garak: Maybe. I just don't think it's a proper subject for discussion, not if we're all supposed to be getting along. Seskal: Well, if you won't ask him, I will. Odo, when you were the Head of Security on Terok Nor, what did you think was going to happen to the Bajoran prisoners you arrested? Kira: You don't have to answer that. Rusot: Why not? It's a legitimate question. Kira: If you want to provoke an argument. Garak: Just as I said. Odo: I expected that my prisoners would be dealt with justly, but I soon came to realize that Cardassians had little interest in justice. Seskal: Ah. Well then, why didn't you resign in protest? Kira: What are you getting at? Odo: Nerys, don't. Rusot: I believe you've struck a nerve. Apparently, Commander Kira doesn't like to be reminded that her lover collaborated with her enemies. Kira: Odo wasn't a collaborator. Rusot: I suppose that depends on your definition of collaborator. Odo: Nerys, it isn't worth it. Garak: Odo's right, Commander. Kira: I guess we have a difference of opinion. Garak: You don't know how lucky you are. Rusot: Oh? Why's that? Garak: She would have killed you. Rusot: I only wish she had tried. Odo: I'm glad we're in agreement. Kira: You want to knock over some supplies, be my guest. Odo: You did the right thing, Nerys. The Dominion is our enemy, not Rusot. Kira: I don't need you to remind me of that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just so hot in here. Odo: Cardassians do love the heat. Kira: I don't. I'm going to go see if I can find a cooling unit. Odo: I'll come with you. Kira: It's all right. I promise I won't hit anyone. Odo: I'll hold you to that. Kira: You're not going to believe this. Odo: Believe what? Kira: Damar actually had a cooling unit waiting for us. What's wrong? Odo: Nothing. I was just worried that you might have had another run in with Rusot. Kira: Don't worry. I'm going to keep a cool head. Assuming of course I can get this thing to work. Dukat: Adami? Are you there? Winn: I'm here. I spoke with the doctor. She said she can find nothing wrong with your eyes. Dukat: Then she's incompetent! A Cardassian doctor would've cured me by now. Winn: You still don't understand, do you? The Pah wraiths have taken your sight in punishment for your arrogance. Only they can give it back to you. Dukat: I meant them no disrespect. I only wanted to study the book to see if I could help you learn how to release them. Winn: You wanted to see if you could do it without me. Well, you can't. Dukat: Pray with me, Adami. Help me earn the Pah wraiths' forgiveness. Winn: I'm afraid you'll have to do that on your own. Door. Deputy Bodan will show you out. Dukat: Show me out? I don't understand. Winn: You need a lesson in humility. I'm going to see that you get it. Dukat: By putting me out on the street? Winn: You'll find the Bajoran people are very kind. A blind beggar will elicit their sympathies, I'm certain. And with any luck, you'll earn enough to eat and perhaps even enough for shelter each night. Dukat: You're not serious. Winn: You may return when you've proved yourself worthy and your sight has been restored. Bodan. Dukat: Adami, listen. Adami! Adami listen to me, please! Adami! Gowron: You see? Gowron: Enter. Come in, come in. I've been studying the strategic situation. I want to share my thoughts with you. Martok: Of course. Gowron: Come. The Dominion is deploying their fleet in preparation for a final offensive. They're destroying our ships one by one. Worf: We must hold the line until the Federation and Romulan fleets become operational again. Gowron: No. Don't you see? That's exactly what the enemy is expecting. The time to act is now. Martok: What are you proposing, Chancellor? Gowron: We're going on the offensive. Starting tomorrow, I'm sending sorties deep into enemy territory to strike at the very heart of the Dominion! Martok: But we are barely holding the line as it is. Worf: We need every ship we have to defend the border. Gowron: What's wrong with you two? Don't you understand? We must seize the day! Martok: We are outnumbered twenty to one. Gowron: What of it? The element of surprise will be on our side. Martok: Chancellor, in my opinion Gowron: Did I ask your opinion? Trust me, my friends. I can see it all so clearly. While our allies sit and do nothing, the Klingon Empire will score the final triumph over the Dominion. We'll be the saviors of the Alpha Quadrant. The glory will be ours and ours alone. O'Brien: I don't know, Julian. If Section Thirty One is involved in this, maybe we should tell the Captain. Bashir: We've been over this, Miles. If we tell him, he'll have to report it to Starfleet Command. Thirty One'll certainly get wind of it and once they realize we figured out the files are fake, they'll take steps to make sure we don't find a cure. O'Brien: I see your point. What steps do you think they might take? Bashir: Believe me, we don't want to find out. Quark: Excuse me, gentlemen. O'Brien: Is that coffee? Quark: I figured you were probably working on a way to help Odo. I thought this is the least I could do. Bashir: How did you know Odo was ill? Quark: I hear things. O'Brien: Yeah, well keep it under your hat, will you? Quark: Why? O'Brien: Just do it. Quark: All right, all right. Do you still want the coffee? O'Brien: Odo would be touched if he knew you were doing this. Quark: You're not going to tell him, are you? O'Brien: It'll be our little secret. Quark: Good luck. O'Brien: Here you go. Bashir: Hang on, hang on, I'm just trying to figure out when Odo became infected. I analyzed the sample he left and mapped out the life cycle of the virus. I'm programming the computer to calculate just how long it took for the virus to achieve its present level of concentration. O'Brien: That makes sense. According to that, he was infected over two years ago? Bashir: More than that. I just don't understand. I assumed he became infected when he Linked with the female shape-shifter. O'Brien: But if it happened that long ago, how come he hasn't shown any symptoms before? Bashir: Good question. Got it. Stardate four nine four one nine. O'Brien: Almost three years ago. Bashir: Wait a minute. Four nine four one nine. That's the day that Odo was at Starfleet Medical. O'Brien: You sure? Bashir: Yes. My god. No wonder Hilliard wouldn't let me see the file. Section Thirty one must have created the virus, infected Odo, and then used him as a carrier. O'Brien: So that when he Linked with another changeling, he'd pass it on, and eventually the entire race would be infected. Bashir: Thirty one isn't just trying to stop us from finding a cure. They're trying to cover up the fact that they set out to commit genocide. O'Brien: Well if they gave Odo this disease, then they must have a cure. Bashir: We have to find a way to get our hands on that cure. O'Brien: Before Thirty One gets their hands on us.

Kira: There. Right there. The explosion began at the intercooler matrix, and your men were supposed to plant the bomb here, at the secondary plasma relay. Rusot: What difference does that make? The ship was destroyed. Garak: The intercooler was the obvious choice for sabotage. Their security checks could have found the bomb and disarmed it before the ship left orbit. Rusot: But they didn't find it. Kira: That isn't the point. Your men ignored their instructions and their training. Damar: Let us not lose sight of the fact that the mission was a success. Kira: It was a success because the Jem'Hadar security slipped up and we got lucky. Don't use those men again for anything other than routine reconnaissance. Rusot: They're five of my best men! Bronok is one of the most experienced Garak: You've been told before. No names. Kira: Every cell has to be insulated from the cell above and the cell below. If I know the names of your men and I am captured Rusot: Yes. I've heard the lecture. Kira: Well then, you shouldn't have to be reminded. Damar: It's been a long day. Why don't we take a break. Rusot: Good idea. The air in here is getting stale. Kira: Are you going to do something about him? Damar: I am. I'm giving him my support. Kira: All right. Garak: This does not bode well. Kira: Odo. Odo: The raid on the Tevak shipyard was successful. I penetrated the Operations Center, disabled the security protocols. The rest of the team sabotaged the dilithium storage bunkers. An hour after we left, the entire facility was vaporized. Kira: You should get some rest Odo: That sounds good to me. Kira: Anyone in the bunkroom? Garak: No. Kira: Okay, it's all yours. Odo: All right. Kira: Odo. Good work. Odo: Thank you. Odo: It's just like you to come sneaking in here without warning. Garak: My approach may have been quiet, but I assure you, I had no intention of sneaking up on you. My apologies. If I may ask? Odo: Why have I deteriorated so rapidly? I've been assuming dozens of different forms over the past few weeks. Changing shape seems to accelerate the progress of the disease. Garak: Perhaps you should stop. Odo: And do what? Lie here waiting to die? I came to work and work is what I'm going to do. Garak: I take it Commander Kira is unaware of your true condition? Odo: That's right. And I prefer that it stays that way. Garak: I won't breathe a word. Odo: See that you don't. She has enough on her mind without worrying about me. And I don't want her Garak: Pity? Odo: Is there a reason you came in here? Garak: We have need of a contact on Kelvas Five. I remember you telling me that you knew several Odo: I may have a few names for you. I'll have to give it some thought. Garak: Odo, I hope you know how much I Odo: If I don't want pity from the woman I love, why would I want it from you? O'Brien: Morning. Bashir: What time is it? O'Brien: Oh six thirty. Another all nighter? That's four in a row. You can't keep this up. Bashir: I'm beginning to agree with you, and to add insult to injury, I'm not getting anywhere. My DNA integration theory's a blind alley. O'Brien: So where does that leave you? Bashir: Back on square one. Whoever engineered this shape-shifter virus certainly did a good job of covering their tracks. O'Brien: Julian, it's time to face facts. You're not going to pull a rabbit out of your medkit. Even the Founders themselves couldn't find a cure and they had the resources of the entire Dominion at their command. Now, I know you don't want to hear this, but the only way we're going to find a cure is to track down whoever created this thing in the first place. Bashir: Miles O'Brien: We have got to find a way to get inside Section Thirty One. Bashir: We've tried that. We've tried and we tried and all we managed to do was to waste two weeks chasing phantoms from here to Vulcan. You want to face facts? Face this fact. Section Thirty one have managed to stay in the shadows for over three hundred years. They're not going to suddenly come scurrying into the light just because Miles O'Brien and Julian Bashir are on the case! O'Brien: Which is why I still say we should take this to Captain Sisko and let him contact Starfleet Intelligence. Maybe they can Bashir: All that will do is alert Section Thirty One to that fact that we're onto them. And you know what they'll do? They'll go deeper into hiding. probably send someone here to destroy whatever headway I've made. No. No more cloak and dagger games. Science is the answer here. Every puzzle has a solution, every disease a cure. It's just a matter of finding it. Now, if you'll kindly get the hell out of here, I have work to do. Gowron: Martok's attack on Avenal Seven was a disgrace. He had the advantage of surprise. The Dominion wasn't expecting us to take the offensive so soon after the Breen entered the war. Avenal should have been an easy victory for him, but instead he's handed us a shameful defeat. Sisko: General Martok and I both advised you against attacking a world so deep inside Dominion territory. He was outnumbered six to one at Avenal. Gowron: Six to one. A good commander finds ways to beat the odds, not hide behind them. Sisko: He didn't hide behind anything. He fought harder and longer than I would have in his place. Have you read Worf's after-action report? Seven Klingon ships destroyed. Five others severely damaged. General Martok himself in critical condition in the Rotarran Sickbay. Gowron: He's expected to survive. Sisko: That's not the point! This whole operation was a waste of resources, men and equipment. The blame lies with the man who ordered the mission in the first place, not with the man who tried to carry it out. Gowron: That's one of the things I like about you, Captain. Your loyalty to your friends. Sisko: This has nothing to do with loyalty. Gowron: Of course not. In any case, you needn't worry. Martok's a popular general with the troops and that counts for something. I won't relieve him of command. Yet. Weyoun: As you can see, the Klingon raid on Avenal was easily broken up. Founder: I am less concerned about this Klingon attack than I am the Cardassian rebellion. We cannot fight the combined military forces of the Federation, the Klingons and the Romulans, and face a full-scale uprising behind the lines. Weyoun: I completely agree. However, the situation is well in hand. We still have control over the Cardassian military, while Damar has only a handful of terrorists at his disposal. I can assure you both that this rebellion poses no threat. Founder: You are correct. And you also assured us that Damar would never turn against the Dominion. Weyoun: That was an error, to be sure, but an understandable one. No one could have foreseen that Damar would become a terrorist. The concept is antithetical to the very nature of Cardassians. They respect authority. They value the rule of law and the security of order, which is exactly what the Dominion offers them. Founder: Exactly. If our cloning facilities were operational, I would eliminate this Weyoun immediately. Damar must pay the price for his treason. Redouble your efforts to find his wife and children. Then I want you to begin interrogating Cardassian teachers, scientists, local officials. The population must understand in no uncertain terms that dissent will not be tolerated. Then I want you to begin putting Cardassian civilians in and around Dominion military installlations. If Damar destroys another shipyard, he will have to kill a great many of his countrymen as well. This will help turn the people against him. Weyoun: An excellent plan. Founder: Your opinion was not solicited. Thot Pran, the sooner we can regain the offensive on the front lines, the better. The installlation of the Breen weapons aboard Dominion ships must be accelerated. Please issue the appropriate orders to your engineers. Founder: How long before our cloning facilities are operational again? Weyoun: Not for several days, perhaps even weeks. Founder: Ah. Well, keep me informed. Garak: And according to our new contact on Kelvas Five, the Breen will begin to installl their energy dampening weapons aboard Jem'Hadar fighters within a week. Damar: Has the Federation made any progress in counteracting these weapons? Kira: No. They're still having trouble understanding the underlying technology. Damar: Well, why aren't the Klingon ships affected by these Breen weapons? Kira: We don't know that yet either. But if we could supply the Federation with one, it would give them a chance to come up with a countermeasure. Garak: I had the same thought. Rusot: Our priority should be to free Cardassia from the Dominion, not do Starfleet's dirty work. Damar: We're all in this together. By helping Starfleet, we're helping ourselves. Kira: There's a Cardassian repair facility in the Kelvas system, right? Garak: Yes. I take it you have something in mind? Kira: It won't be easy, but if we can get onto the bridge. All right. We'll take a five man team. The four of us, plus Odo. Garak, I'm going to need everything you have on the Kelvas facility. Is something wrong? Garak: Possibly. May I have a few words with the commander? Kira: What's on your mind? Garak: It's about taking Odo on this mission. I'm afraid there's no easy way of putting it. He's been hiding the true extent of his illness from you for some time now. His condition has severely deteriorated. And the more he changes form, the worse it gets. Kira: I know. Garak: You do? Kira: I love him, Garak. You think I really wouldn't notice? Garak: Why the pretense? Kira: Because I also know that he doesn't want me to find out about it. He wants to put up a brave front and protect me from the truth. Well, fine. If that's what makes this easier for him, if that gives him one last shred of dignity to hold onto, then I'll go on ignoring what's happening to him until the very end. Anything else? Garak: No. Kira: All right. We will need a Cardassian shuttle with the latest security protocols and a schematic of the Sisko: Sisko to Worf. Worf: Worf here. Sisko: I'd like to see you in my office, Commander. Worf: On my way. Sisko: How's Martok? Worf: Doctor Bashir says he will make a full recovery. Sisko: I'm glad to hear that. Mister Worf, we've got a serious problem on our hands. Worf: Gowron. Sisko: He seems hell bent on continuing these offensives regardless of the cost. Worf: He is a stubborn and arrogant man. Sisko: That may be true, but I hope he's not a fool. He's risking the entire defense posture. Why can't he see that? Worf: I suspect the Chancellor cannot see anything at the moment except for one man. Sisko: You mean Martok? Worf: The Chancellor sees him as a political threat. These attacks against the Dominion are designed to humiliate the General in the eyes of the Empire. To force him to endure defeat after defeat. Sisko: Are you telling me that this is a political vendetta? Worf: It would not be the first time that a Klingon Chancellor put his own interests ahead of the greater good. Sisko: Something has to be done. Worf: Agreed. And I do have a solution. But it will not be easy. Sisko: Do whatever it takes, Mister Worf. Those Klingon ships out there are the only thing between us and the Breen. Gowron is risking the safety of the entire Alpha Quadrant and he has to stop. Worf: Understood. Rusot: My men have secured the shuttle. They'll meet us at those coordinates. Kira: Good. Rusot: Are you enjoying yourself? Getting Cardassians to do your bidding must give you great pleasure. Kira: I'm a little busy right now, Rusot. Why don't you find someone else to play with. Rusot: You may have fooled Damar into believing that you're here to fight the Dominion, but I know why you're really here. Kira: Oh, this should be good. Rusot: You killed hundreds of Cardassians during the occupation and now you're getting a chance to do it again. That's why you're here, isn't it? To hang a few more Cardassian neckbones from your belt? Admit it, Kira. You won't be satisfied until every one of us is dead. Kira: Oh, I don't have time for this. Kira: Don't you ever touch me again. Rusot: I guess I hit a nerve Kira: No, this is hitting a nerve. Stop pushing me or I'll make you realize just how many nerves you have in that miserable body. Rusot: When this is all over and the Dominion is defeated Kira: You won't have any trouble finding me. Garak: Oh, you'll have to do something about him long before that, Commander. Kira: Thanks for all your help. Garak: You seemed to have things well under control. Kira: Did I? Garak: Despite his statement to the contrary, Rusot will not wait until the end of the war to make his move. I suggest you don't wait either. Kill him before he kills you. Martok: Challenge Gowron? In the middle of a war? It's treasonous. Worf: Gowron is leading us all to ruin. It is your duty to challenge him to protect the Empire. Martok: You would have me protect the Empire by breaking my oath, by spilling the blood of a Klingon brother while an enemy stands at our door? Where is the honor in that? Worf: He is sacrificing our troops for his own petty reasons. Where is the honor in that? Martok: The troops are his to command. It is not our place to question him unless he acts with cowardice and there is no proof of that. Worf: You are not listening. Martok: I've heard every word that you have said. You want me to become Chancellor. Me. Tell me Worf, how do you think the members of the High Council will react when they're asked to follow a common man from the Ketha Lowlands? A man without a drop of noble blood in his veins? Worf: Kahless himself was not high-born. Martok: Kahless was divine. Worf: Your name is revered throughout the Empire. If you seize the leadership, every warrior from here to Kronos would swear an oath to you. And with that kind of support, the High Council will have no choice but to accept you as Chancellor. Martok: You begin to sound like a Romulan. Worf: You know I am right. Martok: I am a loyal soldier of the Empire. I would rather die than dishonor my uniform by raising a hand to my Chancellor in a time of war. I would bring shame to everything that I've fought to protect, everything that I believe in. Worf: General. Martok: My decision is made. We will not speak of this again. Odo: You're staring again. Kira: Sorry. I'm just worried about you. Odo: Well don't. It may be a long time before the first symptoms manifest themselves, and by then I'm sure Doctor Bashir will have found the cure. Kira: Right. Could you take the helm? I'm going to get a raktajino. Kira: What's wrong? Garak: One of our listening posts picked up a message. The Dominion has succeeded in locating Damar's family. Damar: They're dead. They weren't a part of this rebellion. The Dominion knew that, the Founder knew that. Weyoun knew that. To kill her and my son. The casual brutality of it. A waste of life. What kind of state tolerates the murder of innocent women and children? What kind of people give those orders? Kira: Yeah, Damar, what kind of people give those orders? Kira: Oh, that was stupid. Garak: Not at all. Damar has a certain romanticism about the past. He could use a dose of cold water. Kira: I could have picked a better time. Garak: If he's the man to lead a new Cardassia, if he's the man we hope him to be, then the pain of this news made him more receptive to what you said, not less. Odo: We're approaching the rendezvous point. Odo: The shuttle is here. Rusot: Right on time. Just as I promised. Damar: Damar to shuttle. Lower your shields and we'll beam aboard. Man: Acknowledged. Damar: Let's go. Worf: And in truth, I understand his position. It is the duty of every soldier to support their leaders in time of war. Asking Martok to stand against Gowron was a foolish error. Ezri: So what are you going to do? Worf: Try to convince Gowron to diskontinue these attacks. You have said very little. Ezri: Look, I'm just not sure that I should be giving you advice on what to do in this situation. It's a Klingon matter. Worf: You are still a member of the House of Martok. Ezri: This is the first that I've heard of it. Worf: The General and I talked about it weeks ago. He likes you. And he considers you an honorable woman, a worthy successor to Jadzia, and so do I. Ezri: That's very sweet of him. Worf: Sweet? Ezri: Not a very Klingon word, is it? Worf: No. Ezri: It's very honorable. Worf: Better, albeit a little obvious. Now, tell me what you think. Ezri: Okay. But I'm not sure you're going to like it. Worf: Tell me. Ezri: I think that the situation with Gowron is a symptom of a bigger problem. The Klingon Empire is dying. And I think it deserves to die. Worf: You are right. I do not like it. Ezri: Don't get me wrong, I'm very touched that you still consider me to be a member of the House of Martok, but I tend to look at the Empire with a little more skepticism than Curzon or Jadzia did. I see a society that is in deep denial about itself. We're talking about a warrior culture that prides itself on maintaining centuries old traditions of honor and integrity, but in reality it's willing to accept corruption at the highest levels. Worf: You are overstating your case. Ezri: Am I? Who was the last leader of the High Council that you respected? Has there even been one? And how many times have you had to cover up the crimes of Klingon leaders because you were told it was for the good of the Empire? I know this sounds harsh, but the truth is, you have been willing to accept a government that you know is corrupt. Gowron's just the latest example. Worf, you are the most honorable and decent man I've ever met, and if you're willing to tolerate men like Gowron, then what hope is there for the Empire? Garak: We have a prisoner for the Vorta who commands of this ship. Vornar: Everything seems to be in order. But you'll have to leave your weapons here. Garak: Why? Vornar: New orders from Dominion Headquarters. No armed Cardassians allowed aboard Jem'Hadar vessels. Garak: Sounds like they don't trust us anymore. Vornar: So it would seem. I'm sorry, but those are the orders. Garak: It's not your fault. Do as he says. The three of us should be able to handle one Bajoran woman. Vornar: Take them to the bridge. Vornar: Good luck, Legate Damar. Luaran: We'll run the first test firing in two hours, fourteen minutes. Agreed. Coordinate it with Central Operations. What's this? Garak: We have a prisoner. Luaran: I can see that. Why are you bringing her to me? Garak: This is Commander Rota, the deputy intelligence officer for this entire sector. I would think that you'd be interested in interrogating her. Luaran: I wasn't informed of this. Garak: Perhaps you haven't received the report yet. It's not surprising. We only took the commander prisoner yesterday. We were under a communications blackout Luaran: Let me see your orders. Garak: Of course. Luaran: Founder. You honor us with your presence. I had no idea you were in this sector. Founder: My movements are none of your concern. Luaran: No. Founder: Have you begun the interrogation of this prisoner? Luaran: Not yet. Founder: Good. I will conduct the questioning myself. Luaran: As you wish. Founder: Ah. I see the upgraded plasma rifles have been distributed. May I inspect it? Founder: A-ha. An excellent weapon. What do you think? Kira: Secure those hatches. Odo: It wasn't necessary to kill them all. Garak: We can't afford to be burdened by prisoners. Kira: We'll argue about this later. Prepare to flood all decks below the bridge with neurazine gas. Bring the warp drive online. Lay in a course for the Federation. Garak: Commander. They haven't finished installling the Breen weapon. We can't leave. Odo: How long until they finish installling the weapon? Rusot: We can't wait! Kira: We're not leaving without that weapon. Garak: There are three, no, four Breen working in the engine room. Judging from the diagnostics, I'd say it'll take them thirty to forty five minutes to complete their work. Rusot: We don't have that much time. Kira: Yes, we do. No one even knows we're on the bridge. All we have to do is sit tight, give the standard replies to any inquiries and wait for the Breen to do their work. Rusot: Damar, this is insane. She'll get us all killed. Garak: There's an incoming message. They want to speak to the Vorta. Kira: Disable the visual feed. What was her name? Come on! Garak: I'm looking. Ah. Her name was Luaran. Kira: This is Luaran. No, I can't see you either. We're experiencing difficulties with our comm. system. What do you want? Just a moment. They want the status report on our navigational array. Odo: I've got it. Kira: That data is coming to you. Excellent. We'll be repairing our comm. system for at least the next hour. I'll contact you when we're finished. Luaran out. Rusot: What if they didn't believe you? Kira: Then we're dead. O'Brien: Hey. Bashir: Hey. O'Brien: Keiko whipped you up some crab rolls. She, we thought you might be hungry. Bashir: Thanks. To both of you. Er, about the other day. O'Brien: Oh, forget it. How's the work going? Bashir: I'm still firmly entrenched in square one. O'Brien: Mind if I ask you a question about Thirty One? Bashir: Go ahead. O'Brien: Well, if you were to find the cure and they got to know about it, what do you think they'd do? Bashir: Well, I imagine they'd be very concerned. The very existence of a cure would jeopardize their plan to eradicate the Founders. It wouldn't surprised me if Sloan or another operative turned up here on the station to destroy my work. What are you getting at? O'Brien: I think you should send a message to Starfleet Medical saying that you have found the cure. Bashir: You're trying to lure someone from Section Thirty One? O'Brien: Yeah. That's right. Bashir: What happens when this operative gets here? O'Brien: We capture him. Then we figure out a way to get some information out of him. Bashir: He may not know anything about the disease. O'Brien: Maybe not, but I bet he knows who does. What do you think? Bashir: I think it's a plan. A very good plan. When did you get so devious? O'Brien: I've been hanging around you too long. Let's just hope this works and we can cure Odo. That's all I care about. Bashir: Me too, Miles. Gowron: Our next target, Sarpedion Five. Martok: Sarpedion is the headquarters of the entire Twelfth Order. Gowron: Yes. You'll take fifteen Vorcha class battle cruisers in first to soften their defenses. Then General Chu'vok Martok: Chancellor, that world is one of the most heavily fortified positions in the entire Cardassian Empire. Fifteen battle cruisers will barely scratch their defenses. Gowron: If you lack the courage to fight an uphill battle, then perhaps you should retire to your bed. Martok: I will fight any battle, anywhere, for the Empire. Gowron: Spoken like a true warrior. After Martok has softened their defenses. Worf: No. We cannot attack Sarpedion. Gowron: I decide what can and cannot be done. Worf: You rule without wisdom and without honor. The warriors that are gathered here will not say this to you, but I will. You are squandering our ships and our lives on a petty act of vengeance. Gowron: I should have known better than to trust you again. If you were a true Klingon, I would kill you where you stand. Fortunately for you, that child's uniform shields you from your rightful fate. Worf: What I say now, I say as a member of the House of Martok, not a Starfleet officer. You have dishonored yourself and the Empire and you are not worthy to lead the Council. Gowron: There can be only one answer to that. Martok: Worf, this is madness. Gowron: You will not have this day. Martok: Hail Worf. Leader of the Empire! Worf! Worf! Worf! All: Worf! Worf! Worf! Worf! Worf: Wait. Hear me. Hear me! What I have done was for the Empire. A new day must dawn for our people. I am not the man to usher in that day. But there is a man here who can. Martok: Worf, I do not seek the leadership. Worf: Kahless said, 'Great men do not seek power, they have power thrust upon them'. Worf: Hail, Martok! Leader of the Empire! Leader of destiny. Kira: How much longer? Garak: I'm not certain. It appears they're having problems connecting the secondary relays. Kira: Odo, are you all right? Odo: Yes. Don't worry, I'm Odo: I'm sorry. Kira: There's nothing to be sorry about. Just stay with me, Odo, stay with me. We're going to get out of here, all right? Just hang on a little while longer. Rusot: It's over. Kira: Shut up, Rusot. Rusot: The shape shifter is useless. The whole plan is coming apart. We have to get out of here now! Kira: Go back to your post. Rusot: No. No more. We're leaving now! Garak: That would be unwise. Rusot: You're still a Cardassian, Garak. You're not going to kill one of your own people for a Bajoran woman. Garak: How little you understand me. Damar: Put your weapons down, both of you! Rusot: You want her dead too, Damar. I know you do. But you're the leader of the rebellion and don't want to kill someone wearing a Starfleet uniform. Let me do it for you. Damar: They've finished installling the dampening weapon. Kira: Then let's all get the hell out of here. Rusot: Not you. Garak: I'm still here, Rusot. Rusot: Damar, shoot him. We can kill them both and keep the Breen weapon for ourselves. I believe in you, Damar. I know you're the right man to restore the Empire we loyally served. The Empire we loved. Together we can lead our people to greatness again. Just aim and fire. Damar: He was my friend. But his Cardassia's dead, and it won't be coming back. Kira: Flood all compartments with the gas. Clear all moorings. Bow thrusters ahead full. Garak: We've cleared their defense perimeter. Kira: Take the helm. Odo: You're probably angry. Kira: Why? Odo: I hid my true condition. Kira: Odo, I've known all along. But it's not over. Julian's probably working on a cure right now and Odo: Nerys. Nerys, don't. Just stay here with me.

Scene: Chief Medical Officer's log, stardate 52645.7. Colonel Kira, Garak and Odo have returned to the station for treatment. Despite my best efforts, I have yet to make any progress toward finding a cure for Odo's disease. Odo: How long do I have? Bashir: I can't be sure. Odo: You can make an educated guess. Bashir: I could, but first I'd like to talk about slowing down the progress of the disease with a series of nadion bursts. Odo: I want a time frame, Doctor. Bashir: A week. Maybe two with the nadion therapy. Odo: Thank you. Now I want to see Kira. Bashir: Let me emphasize, Odo, that I haven't given up hope and it's very important that you don't give up either. Odo: Understood. Now please, let me see Kira. Kira: How do you feel? Odo: Better. This contraption of Julian's seems to alleviate the pain. Kira: Good. Odo: You should be going soon. Kira: I'm not going anywhere. Damar and Garak can lead the rebellion without me. Odo: Damar needs someone who's actually fought with a resistance movement. That's you, not Garak. Kira: I'm not leaving until I know that you Odo: I want you to leave. Kira: Why? Odo: You watched Bariel die in this very room and I know how that's haunted you. I don't want your last memory of me to be witnessing my death. Kira: Isn't that my choice? Odo: Maybe it is. And maybe I'm being selfish telling you all the things I want, but I don't want the last thing I see to be pain in your eyes. Kira: You'd be surprised how well I can hide my feelings when I need to. Odo: Not from me. You have to go, Nerys. Kira: All right. Odo: I can't be a very pleasant sight. Kira: I don't care how you look. Kira: I've got so much to say. I don't know where to begin. Odo: Just say you love me. That's all I've ever cared about. Kira: I love you, Odo. Odo: I love you, Nerys. O'Brien: After I finished the tests I forwarded the schematics of the Breen weapon to Starfleet Engineering. They should have a preliminary report Kira: Garak and I should be getting underway. Garak: The Commander is correct. We have to evade several Jem'Hadar patrols in order to reach Damar's base. If we wait too long, they may alter their patrol routes. Sisko: Chief, is there anything else before they go? O'Brien: No, sir. I think we have all the data we need. Sisko: Well, then. Good hunting to you both. Kira: Thank you, sir. Julian. Bashir: I'll do everything I can. Sisko: Doctor, is there anything I can do to help? Any additional resources you might want from Starfleet Medical? Bashir: No, thank you. sir. I have everything I need. O'Brien: Sir, we should inform you that research is not the only avenue we've been pursuing. Bashir: Miles. O'Brien: He needs to know. Sisko: Whatever's going on, I want to know it right now. Bashir: We're trying to lure someone from Section Thirty One here to the station. Sisko: Section Thirty One? What do they have to do with this? O'Brien: We believe that they are responsible for infecting Odo in the first place. Sisko: What? Bashir: We believe that he became infected three years ago when he underwent medical examination at Starfleet Headquarters. O'Brien: Evidently, Section Thirty One hoped that Odo would transmit the disease to the other Founders when he linked with them. Sisko: Genocide. Committed by people who call themselves Federation citizens. Why didn't you come to me earlier with this? O'Brien: Sir, we felt that Bashir: Miles wanted to tell you, sir, but I ordered him not to. It's my fault. Sisko: I'm still waiting for an answer to my question. Bashir: We have no proof. Besides I knew that if we told you what we suspected, you'd feel obliged to inform Starfleet Command. And once you did that, Section Thirty One would realize that we were onto them and go even deeper into hiding. Sisko: What difference did that make? Bashir: There came a point when I had to admit that my research was going nowhere. I couldn't find a cure here in the lab. So Miles and I decided to look for one within Section Thirty One itself. So a few days ago I sent a false message to Starfleet Medical informing them that I had indeed found a cure. O'Brien: The idea is that when Thirty One hears about it, they'll want to destroy Julian's research in order to prevent it falling into the hands of the Dominion. Sisko: So you're trying to lure one of their operatives to the station. Okay, let's say it works. What then? Bashir: We capture him or her, find out everything they know about the disease, who's involved, and maybe even where to find the cure. Sisko: How do you propose to do that? They're not going to be very cooperative. Bashir: I managed to get my hands on a Romulan memory scanner, sir. Sisko: Oh. Since they're illegal in the Federation, I'll assume that's another reason you didn't come to me. Bashir: Yes, sir. Sisko: Well, setting aside all the legal and ethical issues involved, I still think this is a pretty long shot. Bashir: I do too. But I'm afraid it's the only shot Odo has. O'Brien: Can't sleep? Bashir: No. O'Brien: How'd you get in? Bashir: The lock isn't that complex. What are you doing up? O'Brien: Oh, I was running another power test on the Breen weapon. Bashir: I was trying to read, but I kept reading the same page over and over again. O'Brien: What were you reading? Bashir: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. O'Brien: Tale of Two Cities. My mother's favorite book. Bashir: I was enjoying it too, except tonight my mind was elsewhere. O'Brien: Odo? Bashir: Section Thirty One I kept thinking just how many people had to be involved in the conspiracy to infect him with the disease. Computer experts, doctors, security officers, admirals, clerks. In the end, I came up with at least seventy three people. O'Brien: For a minute there I thought you were going to say seventy thousand. Bashir: This organization, this thing that's slithered its way into the heart of the Federation, has to be destroyed. O'Brien: You won't get any argument from me on that. But for now, the focus has to be Odo. Finding him a cure, that has to be our priority. Bashir: All right. O'Brien: I've had enough. Have you? Bashir: Sure. Let's sleep lightly tonight. Section Thirty One may still fall for the trap and show up. O'Brien: I'll be ready. Bashir: Lights. Sloan: Hello, Doctor. Bashir: I didn't think I'd ever see you again. Sloan: I have another assignment for you. Bashir: Really? What a coincidence, because I have an assignment for you. Sloan: I take it I'm supposed to feel shocked and humbled by your ingenuity. Bashir: Frankly, I don't care how you feel. Bashir to O'Brien. O'Brien: Yeah? Bashir: Mister Sloan is here. I have him in the containment field. O'Brien: I'm on my way. Bashir: Good. Bashir out. Sloan: What do you want, Doctor? Bashir: Why, the same thing you want. The cure to Odo's disease. Sloan: What are you talking about? You already have the cure. No. No, you don't. Your message to Starfleet Medical was just bait. Bashir: Which I'm happy to see you swallowed. Sloan: Well, you've got me. What good do you think is going to come of this? Turning me over to Starfleet Security will be a waste of time. You don't have a shred of evidence. Bashir: Oh, I'm not interested in turning you over to anyone. Sloan: What? Bashir: Hello again. Sloan: Shooting an unarmed man? That's a little ungallant, isn't it? Bashir: Somehow I didn't expect you to come here of your own volition. Sloan: You're probably right. Hello, Chief. How's the family? Everyone okay at home? O'Brien: What's that supposed to mean? Sloan: Nothing. I'd just hate to see anything happen to them. Bashir: Don't listen to him, Chief. He's just playing games with you. Sloan: That's easy for him to say. He doesn't have a wife and children to worry about. Trust me, Chief, if something were to happen to me Bashir: What? They'll be killed? I'm disappointed in you, Sloan. You don't usually wield such a blunt instrument. Sloan: So, am I supposed to guess what's going on or do I have to lay here in terror waiting for you to tell me? Bashir: I told you what's going on. I'm going to find a cure for Odo's disease and you're going to help me. Sloan: What makes you think I know anything about it? Bashir: You came here because you thought I'd diskovered a cure and you wanted to destroy it. But first you'd have to find it in my lab. And in order to do that you'd have to know exactly what it was you were looking for. Sloan: You call that reasoning? If I wanted to eliminate your work, all I'd have to do is destroy your lab. Bashir: Oh, no, no, no, Sloan. That would be too sloppy. You like surgical precision. You came here to destroy the cure, so somewhere in that brain of yours is the information that I want. Sloan: You really expect me to tell you? Bashir: No. I expect you to resist to the bitter end. O'Brien: We're ready. Bashir: Remember these? Romulan mind probes. They're not the most pleasant of devices, but they're very efficient. Sloan: They're also illegal in the Federation. Bashir: Oh, I hope you can appreciate the irony of that statement. Sloan: I'm telling you I don't know anything about the cure. Bashir: Then I won't find anything, will I? Sloan: If Sisko finds out what you're doing O'Brien: The Captain already knows what we're doing. And he's given us his full support. Sloan: Julian, I'm sorry about Odo, but I can't let you have the cure. I can't take a chance it'll fall into the hands of the Founders. Bashir: I'm afraid the choice is no longer yours. Sloan: I misread you. I thought you were just a misguided idealist. But you're a dangerous man. People like you would destroy the Federation if given a chance. Fortunately there are people like me who will die to protect it. Bashir: Damn! O'Brien: What's going on? Bashir: He's trying to kill himself. He's activated a neuro-depolarizing device in his brain. I have to stabilize him before he does irreversible damage. O'Brien: If he dies Bashir: The cure for Odo dies with him. O'Brien: What's the verdict? Bashir: Well, he's stable for now. But the neuro-depolarizer did damage his brain. Even on full life support, his higher cortical functions will fail within the next hour. O'Brien: He committed suicide just to prevent us finding the cure. Bashir: We had him cornered and he knew it. He just couldn't let one of Section Thirty One's darkest secrets get away from him. The frustrating thing is the cure's still in there somewhere. O'Brien: Julian, this might sound a bit morbid, but what if you were to use your Romulan mental probes now? Bashir: His memory pathways have been scrambled, probably to prevent someone from doing just that. There must be some way to retrieve that data. O'Brien: Maybe we should just let him die in peace. Bashir: Miles, I need a multitronic engrammatic interpreter. O'Brien: Or maybe I'll find you a multitronic engrammatic interpreter. O'Brien: This is crazy. Bashir: Oh, it'll work. O'Brien: You have me re-routing so many power relays and transfer coils I can't guarantee any of this will work without running a series of diagnostics. Bashir: I've already done the diagnostics, Miles, in my head. Bashir: The neural interface will then provide a basic pattern to my hippocampal nuclei. O'Brien: I give up. You've explained it to me three times and I still don't get it. Bashir: You just have to trust me, Chief. I know what I'm doing. O'Brien: But even if you can link minds with Sloan, how are you going to find the cure? Bashir: The entire experience will be processed into images and sounds that my conscious mind can comprehend. In essence, I will see the neuronal pathways in Sloan's brain as literal pathways or streets or corridors or something. O'Brien: Oh, so you're just going to wander around these streets looking for a little box labeled The Cure? Bashir: As strange as it sounds, it may be just that simple. Or it may be a good deal more surrealistic. I may wind up in memories of Sloan's childhood. O'Brien: Will he be, you know, aware of what you're doing? Bashir: I won't know that till I'm in there. We don't know what the conscious mind can perceive this close to brain death. O'Brien: How will you get out? Bashir: One of the advantages to being genetically enhanced is the ability to control my own vital signs. When I find a cure and I want to get out, I'll send my hypothalamus a signal to raise my blood pressure forty percent, and the equipment will automatically break the link. O'Brien: What if you get disoriented or lost in some nightmare of Sloan's and he dies while you're still in there? Bashir: Worst case scenario, I die with him I suppose. But I think that's a manageable risk. O'Brien: I'm going with you. Bashir: What? O'Brien: You heard me. And it's not open to debate. If you're determined to go on this lunatic mission inside Sloan's head, then somebody with an ounce of sanity has to be with you. Bashir: You just want to come because you don't want Captain Sisko to find out what we're doing. O'Brien: There's that too. Bashir: I'd better get another bed. O'Brien: How long have we got? Bashir: Sloan's brain's going to die in about forty three minutes. We have that long to get in, find the cure and get out. The analyzer's online. Are you ready? O'Brien: No. But let's do it anyway. O'Brien: Julian? Bashir: Miles. O'Brien: Why are we in a turbolift? Bashir: I'm not sure. O'Brien: I don't remember getting in here. Bashir: We're in Sloan's mind. Remember? O'Brien: Sloan. But we're really still in the lab. Bashir: Yes. This turbolift is just an abstraction. O'Brien: Then where are we going? Bashir: I don't know, but we're not wasting any time getting there. Bashir: Aren't you glad you came along? O'Brien: I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Bashir: So what do you think? O'Brien: I think we've stopped. Bashir: Are you sure? O'Brien: Either that or we're falling very, very slowly. Bashir: You mean we can let go? O'Brien: I don't see why not. Well? Bashir: Well what? You first. O'Brien: Oh, no. This little trip wasn't my idea. Bashir: All right, we'll let go together. O'Brien: On the count of three. BASHIR + O'Brien: One, two, three. Bashir: See? Nothing to worry about. O'Brien: I wasn't worried. O'Brien: What how? Bashir: Good question. Sloan: Doctor. Chief O'Brien. Welcome. I can't tell you how happy I am to see you. Bashir: Well, we're glad you're happy, Sloan. Now tell us how to cure Odo and we can all be happy. Sloan: Believe me, Doctor, nothing would give me greater pleasure. But first, there are a few people I'd like you to meet. O'Brien: Look, Sloan, we're a little pressed for time. Sloan: But you just arrived. Ah, I see. You're afraid that if I die while you're still in here you'll die, too. Yes, well we can't let that happen, can we. We'd better hurry. Bashir: We're not going anywhere till you give us the cure. Sloan: All right. If you insist. It's a simple nucleotide marking sequence. Radodine, lide-what's-anine, ninoranphew, tardanine. O'Brien: Would you mind repeating that? Sloan: Lide-what's-anine, ninoranphew, tardanine. Bashir: We're not playing games, Sloan. Sloan: Believe me, I want to tell you everything you need to know. Bashir: Then tell us. Sloan: I can't. Lide-what's-anine, ninoranphew, tardanine. You see? I suppose there's some part of me that doesn't want you to know. Well not until you come to the wardroom. O'Brien: Maybe we should do as he says. Sloan: I don't blame you for being suspicious, but if you want the cure, you're going to have to trust me. And the clock is ticking. O'Brien: He's right about that. Sloan: Follow me. Sloan: Relax, Doctor. I'm the one dying, not you. O'Brien: Why Deep Space Nine? Sloan: Excuse me? O'Brien: I'm just wondering why the inside of your head looks like our space station? Sloan: I wanted you to feel at home. Comfortable. Bashir: Why? Sloan: I thought it was the decent thing to do. Sloan: Everyone, if I could have your attention, please. Now that we're all here I hope you'll forgive me if I take a moment and say a few words. As I stand here, reunited with my friends and my family for one last time, I want you, the people I love, to know just how sorry I am for all the pain that I've caused you. I dedicated my life to the preservation and the protection of the Federation. This duty, which I carried out to the best of my ability, took precedence over everything else. My parents, my wife, my children. I lived in a world of secrets, of sabotage and deceit. I spent so much time erasing my movements, covering my tracks, that now that I look back at my life, I find nothing. It's as if I never really existed. I cheated you all out of being in my life. And what's more, I cheated myself as well. Now I know a simple apology won't change that. Still, I feel the need to apologize anyway. No tears, please. My death isn't a tragedy, it's a celebration. In death, I can finally step out of the shadows and prove to myself that I existed. That I lived. Jessica: That was beautiful, Luther. Sloan: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet my wife, Jessica. This is Doctor Bashir and Chief O'Brien. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here. Jessica: I'd like to thank you for all you've done for Luther, and me. Frankly, being married to him was a living hell. But thanks to you, that's all changed. O'Brien: Congratulations. Sloan: Doctor, you've been a beacon of light to me. You're living proof that ideology is a poor substitute for kindness and decency, and that at the end of the day, it's our actions, not our beliefs, that define who we are. What we are. Bashir: Yes. And thank you. I'm very glad to have been helpful. But if you don't mind? Sloan: You want me to tell you how to cure Odo. Gladly, Doctor. My dear, I need that PADD I gave you for safekeeping. Jessica: Oh, yes. I think I have it here. Sloan: Thanks, muffin. Here you go, Doctor. Sloan: I'm sorry, Doctor, but I can't let you have that. O'Brien: Julian. Bashir: Don't look at me for explanations. O'Brien: I knew it. Bashir: Knew what? O'Brien: That this wasn't going to be easy. Sisko: Do you mind telling me what going on here? Ezri: I have no idea. The Chief was supposed to come fix my sonic shower this morning, but he never showed up. I asked the computer where he was, and when I came in, this is what I found. Have any idea who this is? Sisko: Sloan. He works for Section Thirty One. Ezri: Then I'd guess this isn't some kind of obscure meditation therapy. Sisko: Definitely not. Sisko to Infirmary. Man: Infirmary. Sisko: Send a medical team to Science Lab four right away. Man: Aye, sir. O'Brien: I wish I knew how long we've been in here. Bashir: Twenty three minutes and eleven seconds. O'Brien: Show off. Bashir: That leaves us less than twenty minutes to find a cure and get out. O'Brien: Locked. All locked. Sloan could be hiding in any one of these rooms. Or he could've taken that turn off we passed. Bashir: What's your point, Miles? O'Brien: We're not going to find him unless he wants to be found. It's his playing field. Agent: You two, stop right there. Bashir: Now what? Agent: You're in a restricted area. O'Brien: I thought we were in the cerebellum. Bashir: We're looking for Sloan. Agent: Mister Sloan's not available at the moment. Bashir: Damn it. We don't have time for this. We need to speak to Sloan! O'Brien: You shot him! Bashir: That really hurt. Agent: He was a threat to the Federation. O'Brien: You all right? Bashir: Do I look all right? O'Brien: It doesn't make sense. I mean, if none of this is real, why does it hurt so much? Bashir: Sloan's mind must be sending sensory stimuli into ours, causing us to experience pain, just as we would had we really been shot. Of course, that's just a theory. O'Brien: Oh. That makes sense. Maybe this is a good time for you to get us out of here. Bashir: I can't. O'Brien: What do you mean, you can't? Bashir: I just tried the hypothalamic feedback loop. I must be too weak. O'Brien: What do you mean you're too weak? Julian, we have to get out of here! Bashir: I know that. But I've been shot. At least my body thinks I have. O'Brien: Ha. I don't believe this. Bashir: I'm sorry. O'Brien: So, this is it? Bashir: It does look that way. O'Brien: I should've left a note for Keiko to let her what we were planning. Bashir: Why worry her? O'Brien: No, I want her and the kids to understand why I had to do this. Bashir: She'll understand. She'll know you did it for me. O'Brien: That's what'll upset her the most. She always said I liked you more than I liked her. Bashir: That's ridiculous. O'Brien: Right. Yeah. Bashir: Well maybe you do, a bit more. O'Brien: What? Are you crazy? She's my wife. I love her. Bashir: Of course you love her. She's your wife. O'Brien: Yeah. Bashir: I'm just saying maybe you like me a bit more, that's all. O'Brien: I do not. Bashir: You spend more time with me. O'Brien: We work together. Bashir: We have more in common. O'Brien: Julian, you are starting to annoy me. Bashir: Darts, racquetball, Vic's lounge, the Alamo. Need I go on? O'Brien: I love my wife. Bashir: And I love Ezri. Passionately. O'Brien: You do? Bashir: Yes. O'Brien: Have you told her? Bashir: Not yet. But I will. O'Brien: Oh, yeah? When? Bashir: When I'm ready. It's just that I like you a bit more. See? There, I've admitted it. O'Brien: Yeah, well, I love my wife. Bashir: What's that? O'Brien: It's the tunnel! Bashir: What tunnel? O'Brien: You know, the tunnel to the Great Beyond! Bashir: It is. I must say I'm a bit disappointed. I expected it to be more elaborate. O'Brien: No. No, no, no. Come on, we can't just sit here waiting for death. Come on. On your feet, man. Come on, come on. Let's check one more door. Bashir: What's the point? O'Brien: The point is to do our duty right up until the end. Bashir: Like Travis and Crockett. O'Brien: One more door. Worf: Doctor Bashir is regaining consciousness, Captain. Bashir: How's Miles? O'Brien: I'm fine. Sisko: Did you find the information you were looking for? Bashir: No, I'm afraid not. I'm going to have to go back in. Sisko: Sloan is dying. We can't risk losing you as well. Bashir: He can't die. Not yet! Get me cordrazine. Ten milligrams. Nurse: His alpha waves are attenuating. Bashir: Cortical stimulator. You're not getting away from me that easily, Sloan. Increase the resonance frequency, ten percent. Nurse: His neurosynaptic activity is failing. Bashir: I can see that. Fifteen milligrams neurotropan. Come on, Sloan. Come on back. Nurse: Complete neural failure. Bashir: No! Worf: Doctor, he is dead. Doctor. O'Brien: It's over, Julian. He's gone. Bashir: And so's any hope of curing Odo. Bashir: I'm sorry, Odo. I wish I had better news. Odo: I understand, Doctor. You've done everything you could, more than I would've thought possible and I appreciate it. Bashir: Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? Odo: Thank you, but right now I'd simply like to be alone. Bashir: Of course. O'Brien: How'd he take it? Bashir: You know. Better than I would've. O'Brien: I need some sleep. So do you. Look, Julian Bashir: No. I know, I know. I did all I could. But it's small comfort, isn't it. Bashir: It was the best of times. O'Brien: It was the worst of times. It's the first line of the book. Bashir: That's right. So why is it there on page two hundred and ninety four? O'Brien: Must be a misprint. The book starts over again. Bashir: It can't be. Ezri loaned it to me. And before that it was Jadzia's and I know for a fact that she read it. O'Brien: You and Ezri are exchanging books? Bashir: Oh, forget about that. Don't you see what's going on? O'Brien: Yes, she's playing a practical joke on you. Bashir: No, she isn't. It's Sloan. We're still inside his mind. O'Brien: What are you talking about? These are my quarters. Keiko's asleep in that room. Bashir: No, she isn't. Sloan is drawing on our memories, making us think we're back on the station. That's why the book's incomplete, because I haven't finished reading it. O'Brien: And because you don't know what happens after page two ninety four? Bashir: He couldn't fill in the rest of the story. O'Brien: He's trying to stop us finding the cure. Bashir: We must have been close to finding it. O'Brien: That door we were about to open when we woke up. The cure must be in there. O'Brien: What's going on? Bashir: Sloan's dying. His mind's shutting down. We haven't got much time. Bashir: This is it! O'Brien: Are you sure? Bashir: I can tell. Bashir: Sloan? Sloan: Welcome to Section Thirty One, gentlemen. Bashir: You know exactly why we're here. Sloan: You don't really expect me to help you. Sloan: You sure you want to throw that one away? Bashir: I'm collecting medical information, not surveillance reports. Sloan: It's not just any report. That's on Jaresh-Inyo. Bashir: Former President Inyo? Sloan: The one and only. Bashir: My God. Thirty One had a man in his cabinet. O'Brien: Don't let him distract you. Sloan: Just one of the little nuggets lying around in this once tidy room. You'd be amazed at what you could find. Bashir: Current operations on Kronos. Chancellor Martok would love to get his hands on this. O'Brien: Julian, look at this. Bashir: Radodine, lidestolinine, asporanine, adenine. That's it. O'Brien: I think it's time we got out of here. Bashir: Hold on a moment. O'Brien: What for? Bashir: These files, they contain all of Sloan's memories on Section Thirty One. With this information we can destroy the entire organization. O'Brien: That'll have to wait. Sloan: It's not that simple, Chief. There is no building, no room like this in the real world. Section Thirty One has no headquarters. These files, they exist only in the minds of a very select group of people, and I happen to be one of them. If you really want to destroy Section Thirty One, it's now or never. Bashir: He's right. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. We can't pass it up. O'Brien: Julian! Bashir: What? O'Brien: Listen to me. He wants us to die with him. If we die, Odo dies too! Sloan: All my secrets are yours for the taking, Doctor. If you want them badly enough. O'Brien: Odo needs you, Julian. He's counting on you. Sloan: You're making a terrible mistake, Doctor. Bashir: I don't think so. Ezri: Julian, are you with us? Bashir: Ezri, you look beautiful. Sisko: Did you locate the cure? Bashir: I think so, but there's only one way to know for sure. Sloan? Sisko: He died about two minutes ago. He almost took you with him. O'Brien: Hey, Julian, next time you take a trip inside someone's mind, you're going on your own. Bashir: Right. Bashir: I should warn you, you may feel some diskomfort. Odo: If you mean it's going to be painful, just say so. Bashir: It's going to be painful. Odo: All right then. Go ahead. O'Brien: So when will Odo be up and around again? Bashir: His morphogenic matrix needs a little time to heal, but he should be his old self again in a couple of days. O'Brien: Ah-ha. Here we go. O'Brien: I knew Quark was hoarding a bottle of the good stuff. Bashir: This is older than I am. O'Brien: What? I'm drinking with a child. Bashir: To aging, gracefully. O'Brien: Very funny. To Odo. Bashir: Wow. O'Brien: Wow is right. Tell me something. If you'd had more time to read the data in Sloan's mind, do you think we would have brought down Section Thirty One? Bashir: We'll never know now, will we. But one thing's for sure. Sloan knew he had the perfect bait, that I wouldn't be able to resist it. There was one thing he failed to consider. O'Brien: What's that? Bashir: You. To Miles Edward O'Brien. O'Brien: To friendship. I'd better get home. Keiko's holding dinner for me. Bashir: This late? O'Brien: Yeah, well, she's a hell of a woman. Bashir: That's why you love her. O'Brien: That's right. That's why I love her. You want to come? Bashir: Sure.

Sisko: Anything yet? O'Brien: She'll be here any minute. Running a little late. Sisko: This is no way to start a relationship. Bashir: Hi, Ezri. Ezri: So, how's Odo? Bashir: Oh, his body shows no signs of the changeling disease. I believe he's cured. Ezri: Oh, that's great. Bashir: Yes. In fact I'm going to diskharge him this afternoon. Ezri: That's, that's really great. Bashir: Yeah. O'Brien: I don't get it. He's interested, she's interested. What's the problem? Worf: He is an overgrown child and she is very confused. O'Brien: It could still work. She's here. Sisko: On screen. Ezri: I didn't know we were getting another Defiant class ship. Sisko: That's what happens when you miss staff meetings. O'Brien: Looks just like her. Sisko: Let's hope she fights like her. Ross: All hands, attention to orders. From Starfleet Headquarters, Office of the Admiralty, to Captain Benjamin L. Sisko. As of this date, you are requested and required to take command of USS Sao Paulo. Signed, Vice Admiral William J. Ross, Stardate 52861.3. Computer, transfer all command codes to Captain Sisko. Computer: Command codes transferred. Sisko: I relieve you, sir. Ross: I stand relieved. She's all yours, Ben. You've got a fine ship here. Sisko: She has some big shoes to fill. Bashir: I hate the carpet. I do. Ross: Oh, by the way, there's something else on that PADD that might interest you. Sisko: Special dispensation from the Chief of Starfleet Operations to change the name from Sao Paulo to Defiant. O'Brien: Yeah, the Breen are going to be in for a surprise when they train their energy dampening weapon on this beauty, huh? Worf: The shield generators have been completely reconfigured. O'Brien: Let's go look. Bashir: You know what, I want to check out my sickbay. Ezri: Well, I'll let you two get acquainted. Sisko: Hello, ship. Garak: Cardassia. It's as beautiful as I remembered. Damar: It won't be beautiful to my eyes until the Dominion is gone. Seskal: Orbital traffic control is asking for our security clearance. Garak: I'll handle it. Kira: We're taking a big risk coming here. I hope it's worth it. Damar: Gul Revok and Legate Goris are ready to bring their troops over to our side. That's over a half a million men. If we can convince Gul Seltan to join us as well, we'll have another hundred thousand. I think that is worth the risk. Kira: And you're sure you want me around? Damar: Before they join us, they'll want assurances that the Federation will support them. Garak: We've been cleared for standard orbit. Damar: Do you have transport coordinates? Seskal: Yes. The transporter room is standing by. Damar: The bridge is yours, Seskal. Seskal: Good luck. Voices: There he is! Is that all of them? Yes, sir! Check the other side of the cave. Inform the First that we have killed all the traitors. Yes, sir Garak: How did they know? Revok: What do we have here? I told them I could lure them here for you. Damar: Gul Revok. He betrayed us. Kira: Kira to Seskal. Get us out of here. Seskal: We're under attack! I can't lower the shields. Lock disruptors and return fire! Transfer the auxiliary power to Kira: Seskal? Seskal? Seskal? Seskal, do you read me? Garak: I don't think they're up there anymore. Kira: We've got to get out of here. Damar, do you know any place we can go? Damar: Everyone I know on Cardassia has either been arrested or killed. Garak: I think I know someone who might take us in. That is, if we can get to the capital. Kira: We can't stay here. Mila: If you don't mind hiding in a basement, I guess I don't mind having you down here. I don't hear from you for years, and then you show up on my doorstep with these people. Garak: I do apologize for the intrusion, but you're the only person on Cardassia I could trust. Mila: Well don't blame me if you don't have any friends left. Well now, where's that light switch. Garak: It's smaller than I remember. I grew up in this house. Did I mention that? Damar: I thought you said Enabran Tain used to live here. Mila: Tain was Garak's father. Garak: He was unable to acknowledge it publicly because he was head of the Obsidian Order. Mila was our housekeeper and most trusted confidante. Mila: I was never much of a cook, but I knew how to keep a secret. Kira: We need to contact the other resistance cells and warn them about Revok. Is there any way you can get us a comm. unit? Garak: If it's not too much of an imposition. Mila: You shouldn't be involved in this. Damar: We're attempting to free our people. Do you want to live under the Dominion for the rest of your life? Mila: I'm an old woman. I'm long past caring about such things. But I'll get you your comm. unit. Garak: Mila. Thank you. I promise we won't stay long. Mila: Well, you might as well make yourselves useful. This place hasn't been cleaned in years. Kira: You heard the lady. Garak: The glamor of being a revolutionary. Bashir: Well, everything checks out fine. I'm certifying you fit for duty. Odo: Finally. The last time I spoke with Kira, she wanted to know when I'd be rejoining her. Bashir: Odo, there is something you need to know. When I first diskovered that you'd become infected with the morphogenic virus, I assumed you'd contracted it from the Founders. Odo: Didn't I? Bashir: No. The fact is, it was you who transmitted the disease to them. Odo: But how did I get it? Bashir: You were deliberately infected. Odo: By whom? Bashir: Section Thirty One. They used you as a carrier, hoping you would pass on the disease to the Founders. I'm sure you were never meant to develop symptoms. Odo: I don't care whether they meant to kill me or not. The reality is the Federation set out to destroy my people. Bashir: Section Thirty One aren't part of the Federation> They're a rogue organization that Odo: Don't split hairs with me, Doctor. They used me as an instrument to try to commit genocide. Now we may be at war with the Founders, but that's no excuse. Bashir: I completely agree. Odo: And what does Starfleet intend to do about it? Sisko: The Federation Council considered giving the Founders the cure, then they decided against it. Odo: Then they're abetting genocide. Sisko: I don't condone what Section Thirty One did, but the Founders started this war, not us. Giving them the cure would strengthen their hand. We can't do that. Not when there are still millions of men and women out there putting their lives on the line every day. Odo: Well, I can see there's no point protesting. The decision's been made. Sisko: Odo, I wish I didn't have to say this, but I need to know you're not going to take matters into your own hands. Odo: You have my word. Sisko: That's all I needed to hear. Odo: Interesting, isn't it? The Federation claims to abhor Section Thirty One's tactics, but when they need the dirty work done, they look the other way. It's a tidy little arrangement, wouldn't you say? Rom: Go ahead. What have you got to lose? Leeta: Our jobs. M'Pella: Let's do it. At this point, I don't care if he fires me. Rom: That's the spirit. Remember, ask for ten percent, but settle for fifteen. Leeta: Okay. M'Pella: Quark, we have something to say. Quark: Then say it. Leeta: We don't think we should have to give you twenty percent of our tips. Quark: Uh hmm. Leeta: We think ten percent is more than fair and we're not going back to work until this is settled. Quark: Ten percent? Broik: Quark, there's an incoming transmission from Ferenginar. It's the Grand Nagus! Quark: I'll take it in the back. Leeta: Well? Quark: I'll think about it. Rom: What'd he say? Leeta: He's going to think about it! Zek: Is that you, ? Quark: It's me. Zek: I can barely see you. Quark: It's the static. Zek: Sorry about the static. It's raining here. Quark: It's always raining there. Zek: Not this kind of rain. There was an accident at the power plant. The contractor used substandard relays, the greedy bastard. There's a toxic electrostatic cloud hanging over the city. What a frigging mess. Quark: So, to what do I owe the pleasure? Zek: The pressure? That's an ungrateful thing . I'm not pressuring you. Quark: No, the pleasure. Zek: You're not making any sense. Now shut up and listen. I'm retiring. Your mother and I are moving to Risa to enjoy our old age and do a lot of , if you know what I mean. Quark: Good for you, I guess. Zek: I'll be coming to Deep Space Nine to name my successor. Quark: Why here? Zek: Why do you think? Quark: To get away from the rain? Zek: No, my boy. I've chosen you to succeed me. You're going to be the new Grand Nagus! Congratulations, ! Ezri: Whoa! Bashir: Oh, sorry. Ezri: I'm sorry. Bashir: I'm sorry, really. Hi. Ezri: Hi. Bashir: Your lunch? Ezri: It's that time. Bashir: This is ridiculous. Ezri: I know. Bashir: Listen, I've been meaning to tell you Ezri: I have a confession. You go first. Bashir: No, it's all right. Ezri: No, really, Julian. You go first. Bashir: Okay. You know how much I value our friendship. Bashir: Well, lately I've been wondering if maybe we could be Ezri: Something more? Bashir: Yes. Exactly. Ezri: I've been wondering the same thing. Bashir: Oh, I thought it was just me. Ezri: Me too. Bashir: That's why I've been so awkward around you. Ezri: I've been trying to tell you, but every time I just couldn't get the words out. Bashir: I know. What is that? I mean, I'm not usually like this. If I find someone attractive, I just, I just tell them. I don't play these ridiculous games. Ezri: Neither do I. You know why we might be holding back? The friendship. Bashir: You're right. Why jeopardize our friendship by trying to turn this into something else? Ezri: I've made that mistake before. Bashir: Yes, and once you cross the line Ezri: You can never go back. Bashir: And if it doesn't work out, you can never be friends again. Ezri: I can't bear the thought of losing you as a friend. Bashir: Neither can I. So that's that. Ezri: We've figured it out. You know, it takes a certain maturity to not be swept away by the romantic fantasy. Bashir: That's right. Why let physical attraction overcome good sense? Ezri: Chemistry isn't everything. Bashir: Absolutely not. We're adults. Ezri: I think we should be proud of ourselves. Bashir: So do I. I feel much better. Friends? Ezri: Friends. Quark: Just think. This time next week I'll be living in the Nagal Residence. Nog: They say even the waste extraction fixtures are plated with latinum. Quark: That's right. Oh, the first thing I'm going to do is rip them out and replace them with solid latinum fixtures. Leeta: That's a little indulgent, don't you think? Quark: Of course, that's the point. A Nagus has to lead by example. My greed has to be a shining light to everyone. A testament to the rewards of avarice. M'Pella: I hope you're not going to be lonely in that great, big Nagal Residence. Quark: I've got a room picked out for you already, my dear. With a view of the Tower of Commerce. And there'll be a place for my dear brother, my brave nephew, my lovely sister-in-law. Rom: Liquidator Brunt. Quark: Not him. Rom: No, he's here. Quark: What brings you this time, Brunt? Brunt: Ferenginar is rife with rumors. They say the Grand Nagus is coming to DS Nine to name his successor. Quark: For once, the rumors are right. Brunt: I see. Brunt: A thousand congratulations, my Nagus! Nog: He's not Nagus yet. Brunt: It's never too early to suck up to the boss. Quark: I think I'm going to like being Nagus. Don't stop. Weyoun: And thanks to the heroic efforts of Gul Revok, Damar was lured to Cardassia to meet with five other traitors. But his co-conspirators were killed before they could begin plotting against the people of Cardassia. And Damar himself was killed while trying to penetrate our defense perimeters in a stolen Dominion vessel. Kira: At least they're not looking for us. Weyoun: I'm also pleased to report that just hours ago, acting on information obtained by our intelligence operatives, our brave troops began a coordinated assault on Damar's terrorist bases. From Atbar Prime to Regulak Four, from Simperia to Quinor Seven, our forces have eliminated a total of eighteen rebel bases. Damar: All eighteen. Weyoun: With the rebellion crushed, nothing can impede our march to final victory. Truly, this is a great day for the Dominion. Damar: How could they have compromised our entire organization? We took every precaution, encrypted every transmission, screened every recruit Kira: It doesn't matter how they did it! It's done! Now, we've got to find a way to get off Cardassia. Garak, can we use that thing to contact the Federation? Garak: With a signal that strong the Dominion would trace our location in a matter of seconds. Kira: Well, we've got to do something! We are not spending the rest of the war in this cellar, are we! Are we? Quark: Financial advisor? I don't know. Brunt: I do have lots of connections on Ferenginar. Quark: I don't need your connections. As Nagus, people will be lining up to do business with me. You missed a spot. Brunt: I'm sure there must be something I can do to change your mind. Quark: Possibly. Brunt: Would forty bricks of gold pressed latinum do the trick? Quark: No. But seventy would. Brunt: Fifty. Quark: Sixty. Brunt: Done. If you'll sign this. Quark: What is it? Brunt: A receipt. Quark: For a bribe? Brunt: Surely you're aware of the new regulation making all bribes tax deductible. Quark: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you just use the T word? Brunt: You mean tax? Quark: Are you telling me there are T's on Ferenginar? Brunt: You haven't been keeping up with the latest reforms, have you? Zek instituted progressive income tax three months ago. Quark: You call that a reform? Taxs go against the very spirit of free enterprise. That's why they call it free. Brunt: The government needed revenues to fund the new social programs. Wage subsidies for the poor, retirement benefits for the aged, health care for Quark: Stop, stop, stop! I had no idea things had gotten so bad. This is all Moogie's fault. She's been polluting Zek's mind with notions of equality and compassion. Whatever happened to survival of the fittest? Whatever happened to the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer? Whatever happened to pure, unadulterated greed? Brunt: Things change. Quark: And they're going to change back. The first thing I'm going to do is eliminate these so called reforms, before Ferenginar ends up looking like a Federation planet. Brunt: Oh, I'm not sure the Congress of Economic Advisors will approve. Quark: I don't care who they are or what they are. As Nagus, I can do what I want. Brunt: Not anymore. All regulations proposed by the Nagus have to be ratified by the Congress before they become law. You'll still be a powerful man. I wouldn't be sucking up to you otherwise. Quark: Blessed Exchequer, forgive us. Tour children have gone astray. Mila: If only they could see you now. Garak: Who? Mila: People in the street. Everyone's talking about Damar and his rebels. Kira: What are they saying? How stupid we were for walking into a Dominion trap? Damar: How arrogant we were to think we could beat them in the first place? Garak: How glad they are that we're dead? Mila: Actually, they don't really believe you are dead. Oh, you should hear the stories. Damar is alive. My cousin saw him on Kelvas Prime. He faked his own death. He is plotting a new offensive from his secret mountain hideaway. Garak: You never told me you had a secret mountain hideaway. Damar: I was going to surprise you. Kira: I wonder why they refuse to believe you're dead? Damar: Oh, they've been lied to so often, they don't trust anything the Dominion says. Kira: What if it's more than that? What if we had more of an impact than we realized? What if we turned you into a legend? Damar: Some legend. Kira: Don't you see? People want to believe in you. We can use that. Yes, the organized resistance is gone, but there's an entire civilian population out there that is fed up with living under the occupation. And if Damar, the man they couldn't kill, tells the people of Cardassia to rise up against the Dominion Garak: Then we might have a revolution on our hands. Mila: Or you might really get yourselves killed. Damar: Anything's better than rotting in this cellar. How do we begin? Kira: Where's the closest Jem'Hadar barracks? Founder: Come in. Weyoun: Allow me to present Gul, no, I'm sorry, Legate Broca, the new leader of the Cardassian Union. Broca: I serve the Founders in all things. Founder: Your service is noted. Broca: Thot Pran, I look forward to working with you and the Breen Confederacy. Weyoun: Your first task will be to make a formal address to the Cardassian people, assuring them that the Dominion has their best interests at Founder: That can wait. Weyoun: But it can wait. Founder: Now that the rebellion has been crushed, it is time to turn our attention to strategic matters. The enemy has devised a countermeasure to our energy-dampening weapons. Therefore we must alter our tactics. We're falling back. Founder: No, I don't mean surrender. Weyoun: Perish the thought. The Dominion has never surrendered in battles since its founding ten thousand years ago. Founder: I am ordering our troops to retreat to Cardassian space. We will establish a new line of defense along this perimeter. With less territory to defend, we can concentrate our troops and hold off any attack if the enemy attacks at all. Weyoun: The Federation is by its very nature timid. When they see we've pulled back, their first impulse will be to leave us alone. Broca: But what about the Klingons and the Romulans and I meant no disrespect. I was simply asking a question. Weyoun: Without the Federation, the others are no threat to us. Founder: Once the new perimeter is established, we will redouble our shipbuilding efforts and increase production of Jem'Hadar troops. Retreat may prolong the war, but in the end, we will emerge stronger, and in a far better position to take the Alpha Quadrant once and for all. Quark: Did you know this Congress of Economic Meddlers actually passed legislation making monopolies illegal? What's the point of being in business if you can't corner the market and gouge your customers? Rom: There's something to be said for keeping prices down by ensuring healthy competition. So what are you going to do with the bar? Quark: You can't even dump industrial waste anymore because it might harm the natural habitat. I'm supposed to start worrying about animals now? Look how they live, wallowing in dirt, sleeping in trees. That's not natural. Rom: I suppose you could argue that Ferenginar's biodiversity is a precious resource that belongs to everyone. So, what are you going to do with the bar? Quark: And don't even get me started about this whole labor rights thing. What have we come to if you can't demand sexual favors from people in your employ? Rom: Unharassed workers are productive workers. So, what are you going to do with the bar? Quark: Sell it. What would I want with it anymore? Rom: I'll give you five thousand bars of latinum and not one slip more. Quark: That's reasonable. Rom: It is? Quark: I'm telling you, Rom, our people have lost their way. Rom: I just happen to have a contract right here. Quark: I read a report that over forty percent of the population no longer believes that you have to buy your way into the Divine Treasury when you die. Rom: Can I have your thumbprint here, please? Quark: They don't teach children the Rules of Acquisition anymore. Rom: And another print here. Quark: There's a disease spreading through Ferengi society. It's making us soft. Rom: The five thousand has been transferred to your account. It was a pleasure doing business with you. Quark: Five thousand? Rom: I thought you were going to hold me up for at least eight. Quark: I didn't even haggle with you. Rom: I know. It really threw me off. Quark: What's wrong with me? Rom: Don't worry, brother. You're going to be so rich, what's a few thousand bars of latinum? Quark: I've been infected, too. I haven't raised prices in months. I've even been considering letting the dabo girls keep most of their tips. I've gone soft! Rom: I kind of like you better this way. Quark: I don't. And I'm going to do something about it. This disease has got to be stopped before it destroys everything Ferenginar stands for. If Zek wants me to be Nagus, he's going to have to let me do things my way. Or else, I'll turn down the job! Rom: Are you serious? Quark: You bet I am. Rom: But being Nagus will make you rich. Quark: I don't care. I won't preside over the demise of Ferengi civilisation. Not me. The line has to be drawn here. This far and no further! Kira: He's been in there too long. Something's wrong. Jem'Hadar: You there. Stop. Let me see your work order. Garak: But I showed it to you on the way in. Jem'Hadar: This has not been approved by the First. Garak: Ah. Yes. I can explain that. Damar: How much time? Kira: The detonator only had a three minute delay. The bomb could go off any second now. Damar: Come on, Garak. Kira: We have to do something. Garak: I don't know why you're making such a fuss over this. I have a busy repair schedule and I can't stand here all night arguing with Jem'Hadar: You will wait here until the First arrives. Garak: And how long will that be? Jem'Hadar: You will wait. Damar: You! Jem'Hadar! Who are you to treat a Cardassian citizen like that? Jem'Hadar: It's him. Damar. Hold him here. Surrender yourself or die. Damar: I choose neither. Damar: Get back! Get back! Lonar: It's Damar. It's Damar! He's alive! Damar: Citizens of Cardassia, hear me! The Dominion told you that the Rebellion has been crushed. What you have seen here today proves that that is yet another lie. Our fight for freedom continues, but it will take place here, in the streets. I call on Cardassians everywhere to rise up. Rise up and join me. I need you to be my army. If we stand together, nothing can oppose us. Freedom is ours for the taking! Garak: Freedom! Lonar: Freedom! Crowd: Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Bashir: Good morning. Ezri: Good morning. Ezri: What are you smiling at? Bashir: You know, I was thinking. If it hadn't been for our little talk the other day, we'd probably be just standing here staring at our shoes. Ezri: Not a chance. I'd have turned and walked the other way as soon as I saw you. Bashir: I'm glad we've put it all behind us. Ezri: Me too. Bashir: Excuse me. O'Brien: I guess they worked it out. Brunt: It always brings a tear to my eye to see a Nagus pass his staff to his successor. It's a privilege to witness such a historic moment. Quark: Just wait and see. It's going to be more historic than you think. Leeta: They're here! Zek: There you are, my boy! I have something for you. Quark: Not so fast, Zek. We need to talk. Ishka: I knew you were going to make this difficult. Zek: My mind is made up, Quark. Whining and complaining won't do anything. Quark: I won't have anything to do with you're doing to our once proud civilisation. A man can only be pushed so far. If you want me to be Nagus, you're going to have to let me do things my way. Ishka: Who wants you to be Nagus? Zek: Out of the way, Quark. Congratulations, Rom. You're going to make a fine Nagus. Rom: I am? Zek: What's wrong? You seemed so happy when I talked to you the other day. Rom: I did? Quark: That was me! Zek: You? Ew. I thought I was talking to Rom. It must've been all the static. Glad we cleared that up. Quark: This is insane. You actually want Rom to be Nagus? Ishka: It was my idea. Quark: Figures. He's an idiot. Ishka: You've always underestimated your brother. Zek: Shh. A new Ferenginar needs a new kind of Nagus. A kinder, gentler Nagus. And that's you, my boy. It's a great responsibility to stand at the bow of the Ferengi ship of state. A Nagus has to navigate the waters of the Great Material Continuum, avoid the shoals of bankruptcy and seek the strong winds of prosperity. Rom: I'll do the best I can. Brunt: May I be the first to offer my congratulations. Leeta: Oh, Rom! Nog: Way to go, Dad! Quark: All right, you want Rom? You can have him. In fact, you deserve him. He's perfect for this new worker's paradise of yours! He can save the environment and levy all the taxs he wants. Zek: He's not taking it very well. Quark: In fact, as far as I'm concerned, the Ferenginar that I knew doesn't exist anymore. No, I take that back. It will exist. Right here in this bar. This establishment will be the last outpost of what made Ferenginar great. The unrelenting lust for profit. Broik, water the drinks! M'Pella, rig the dabo table! Rom, I want to buy back the bar. Rom: That's all right, brother, I'll give it to you. Quark: I suppose you're going to let me keep the five thousand bars of latinum too. Rom: You're my brother. Quark: And you're an idiot. But I love you. Congratulations. You're the perfect Nagus for this new Ferenginar. Zek: Are you sure we picked the right brother? Ishka: Come, my dear. Risa's waiting. Zek: Good luck, kid. You're going to need it. Ishka: I'm proud of you, son. Let's go, Zekkie. Rom: You know, I could use a financial advisor. Quark: No kidding. But it's not going to be me. This Ferengi belongs right here. Brunt: I know someone who's available Rom: Forget it! Quark: Not so hasty. Let him give you a pedicure first. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to work. There's money to be made. Brunt: How can I serve you, my Rom: Wow. Ross: According to our intelligence reports, the Dominion has withdrawn completely from Klingon, Federation and Romulan space. They seem to be forming a new defensive perimeter within Cardassian territory. Velal: They must know we've developed a countermeasure to the Breen weapon. Sisko: That would be my guess. Martok: There are advantages to falling back. They shorten their own supply lines while forcing us to lengthen ours. Ross: And with a smaller perimeter they're less vulnerable to hit and run attacks. It would take a major offensive to break through their lines. Velal: At a cost of thousands of ships. The wiser course would be to simply contain them within their perimeter. Sisko: That's what they're hoping we'll do, give them time to rebuild their forces. Martok: He's right. We have them on the defensive. We should hit them with everything we've got. Ross: Break through that line would be a very ugly, very bloody job. Sisko: If we do nothing, the Dominion could sit behind that perimeter for the next five years rearming themselves. And when they're ready to come out, God help us all. Martok: The Klingon Empire votes to attack now before they have time to recover. Ross: Considering the alternatives, I'm afraid I have to concur. Velal: Very well. Sisko: Then it's settled. We attack. Sisko: You're up late. You were waiting for me? What's wrong? Kasidy: I'm pregnant. Sisko: Are you sure? Kasidy: Of course I'm sure. Sisko: Oh, baby, I didn't mean. A baby. You and me. Wow. Kasidy: Surprise. Sisko: Surprise is right. How did? You? Kasidy: One of us Sisko: One of us Kasidy: Forgot our injection last month. Sisko: Julian reminded me of that. It's just that the way things been going on Kasidy: You don't have to apologize. Sisko: I'm not. Are you kidding? This, this is wonderful. Kasidy: I'm glad you think so. Sisko: But you don't? Kasidy: I just keep thinking about the Prophets. They warned you that marrying me would bring you sorrow. Sisko: Kasidy, we have been through this. Kasidy: I know we have. And I know that we said we wouldn't let the Prophets run our lives. But that was, that was before this. What if they were trying to tell you something? That something may happen to my baby? Sisko: Shh. Nothing is going to happen to our baby. Kasidy: Are you sure? Sisko: I am the Emissary of the Prophets and I know that nothing is going to happen. Everything is going to be all right. Kasidy: I hope you're right. Sisko: We're going to have a baby. Kasidy: A baby.

Computer: Doctor Bashir. The time is oh five hundred. Bashir: Yeah, all right. Ezri: Julian. Bashir: Yes. Ezri: We have to get up. Bashir: Are you sure? Ezri: It's a big day. Bashir: It was a big night. It cleared up a lot of unanswered questions. Ezri: Such as? Bashir: Such as just how far these spots really go down. Ezri: I suppose you'll want to tell Miles. Bashir: Why would I want to do that? Ezri: Because you tell him everything. Bashir: True, but you know what? In this case, I'm going to make an exception. Ezri: Good. Oh, we really should get up. We don't want the Defiant leaving without us. Bashir: You know, I've never been into battle with someone I've slept with before. Ezri: There's a first time for everything. Bashir: Now that we're finally together, it'd be such a shame if something happened to one of us. Ezri: Let's make a pact. We both come home alive. Bashir: You've got yourself a deal. Ezri: I'm holding you to that. O'Brien: Oh, and don't forget Kirayoshi has his checkup at oh nine hundred tomorrow. Keiko: I've already confirmed the appointment with Nurse Bandee. One more bite O'Brien: And don't stay up too late writing that paper on, what those trees are called? Keiko: Arfillian Ficus and they're not trees, they're shrubs. O'Brien: Yeah, well, try to get some sleep. Oh, and Keiko: Honey, we'll be fine. Stop worrying. O'Brien: Right. Molly. Please don't touch that. Molly: I let you play with my toys. O'Brien: Yeah, but you see, this isn't a toy. This is a model. Keiko: Maybe it belongs in a museum then. O'Brien: I suppose I could give it to Julian. Keiko: Sounds good to me. Speaking of Julian. Have you told him about Starfleet's offer yet? O'Brien: No, not yet. Molly: I knew it. O'Brien: What's that supposed to mean? Molly: We're not going back to Earth. O'Brien: Of course we are. Daddy's going to teach at the Academy, when the war's over. Molly: Then why haven't you told Julian? Keiko: Out of the mouth of babes. O'Brien: I'll tell him, you know, when I think he's ready to hear it. Sisko: How's that? Kasidy: Oh, it's doing wonders for my head, but it's my stomach that's bothering me. Sisko: Well, if it will help, morning sickness ends after the first trimester. Kasidy: Oh, that's two more months. I don't think I'm going to make it. Sisko: You're going to make it. Kasidy: Ben? Promise me something. Promise that you'll come home to us. Sisko: I promise. Kasidy: I don't believe it Sisko: I said I promise. Kasidy: No, it's not Sisko: Come in. Jake: Hey. I thought I'd walk you to the Defiant. Sisko: I'd like that. Jake: How's Kas? Kasidy: Reports of my death have been exaggerated. But not by much. Jake: Isn't there something she can take to make her feel better? Sisko: She doesn't like taking medication unless it's absolutely necessary. Jake: Sounds necessary to me. Kasidy: Waiting for you to leave only makes me feel worse. If you're going to go, just go. Sisko: You're sure I can't get you anything? Kasidy: Just hurry up and come back home. Odo: Mind if I walk with you, Commander? Worf: Not at all. Captain Sisko informed me that you would be joining us on the mission. I hope that when we reach Cardassia, we find Colonel Kira alive and well. Odo: So do I, Commander. So do I. Nog: Captain on the Bridge. Sisko: All right people, what do you say we end this war? O'Brien: Sounds good to me. Sisko: Ensign, I believe you know the way to Cardassia. Nog: If I get lost, I'll just follow the ship in front of us. Weyoun: The Federation invasion fleet has left Deep Space Nine. It will reach the Cardassian border by tomorrow night. Founder: Our brave Jem'Hadar soldiers have a motto. Victory is Life. Founder: I'm glad you're familiar with it. Because today, those words have meaning for us all. The outcome of this battle will determine the outcome of the war. Either we destroy their invasion forces or they destroy us. There is no other option. Founder: Fight well today, and Romulus will be yours to do with as you wish. Founder: Yes, yes and Earth too. Founder: I assure you, the pleasure is all mine. Founder: Is something bothering you? Weyoun: Apparently, I was under the mistaken impression that all Federation territories would fall under my jurisdiction, including Earth. Founder: And so they shall. Weyoun: But you promised the Breen. Founder: I would promise the Breen the entire Alpha Quadrant if I thought it would help win this war. Weyoun: The Founder is wise in all things. Broca: Founder. I've heard a disturbing rumor about the traitor Damar. Weyoun: What about him? Broca: He may be alive. Founder: Is this possible? Weyoun: I don't see how. We destroyed his ship, his rebel bases. Founder: But his body was never found. Broca: They say he's here on Cardassia Prime. In the capital, no less. Founder: Look into this matter. Weyoun: If Damar is alive Broca: He won't be for long. Jem'Hadar: Halt. Step forward. Slowly. Garak: I'm sorry, have we done something wrong? We're new to the city and I'm afraid we're lost. Jem'Hadar: Quiet! You are Legate Damar. Garak: I told you you looked like him. I can't tell you how many times my cousin has been mistaken for that traitor. Jem'Hadar: He will be taken to Dominion Headquarters. You will die here. Jem'Hadar: I do not understand you. Garak: I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but what are you doing here? Kira: Watching your backs. Damar: I thought we decided it would be safer if you stayed out of sight. Kira: That's what the helmet's for. You should be wearing one too. Every Jem'Hadar and Breen soldier on Cardassia is looking for you. Damar: If I'm going to lead this revolt, I can't do it hiding in a cellar. It was necessary for me to attend the gathering tonight. Kira: Well, fill me in later. If anyone stops us, you're my prisoners. Garak: But the vote was unanimous. The work disruptions begin tomorrow. Damar: Power, communication and transportation facilities throughout Cardassia will be sabotaged. Garak: The Dominion fleet will be cut off from all ground support. Kira: That way, they'll have to face the invasion force on their own. Damar: And once the Dominion is crushed Mila: All Cardassia will be free again. Oh, when you were a small boy, I was worried about you. Always getting in trouble. So secretive, so full of deceit. Who would have thought those distasteful characteristics would be turned to virtues. More tea? Garak: You're too kind. Sisko: Do you hear that, Chief? O'Brien: Sounds like the Doppler compensators are out of phase. Sisko: Ensign, how's she handling? Nog: She's not quite as smooth as the old Defiant, sir. Feels a bit sluggish. Sisko: Chief? O'Brien: I'm on it. O'Brien to Engineering. Engineer: Engineering. O'Brien: Recalibrate the inertial dampers and check the plasma flow regulators while you're at it. Engineer: Right away, Chief. O'Brien: You'd think someone would have come up with a better inertial control system. Bashir: What's that, Miles? O'Brien: I said I wish you'd wipe that grin off your face. You're not the first person to fall in love, you know. Bashir: I thought you'd be happy for me. O'Brien: I am happy for you. O'Brien to Engineering. Engineer: Engineering. O'Brien: Now try re-aligning the induction coils. Engineer: Will do. Ezri: You're sure you're not angry? Worf: Why should I be angry? I have been asking you to tell the doctor how you feel about him for the past month. Ezri: Well, now that he knows how I feel. Worf: I am happy for you. Ezri: That's a relief. Worf: But I am going to kill him. Ezri: You're kidding, right? Worf: And Jadzia said I did not have a sense of humor. O'Brien: Julian, there's something I need to talk to you about. Bashir: You're getting pressure from Keiko, aren't you? O'Brien: How did you know? Bashir: It's a big decision. I'm surprised it didn't come up sooner. O'Brien: Actually, we've been talking about it for quite a while. Bashir: Well, you can stop talking about it. We'll move the Alamo into my quarters. Nog: I could still use a little more equalization on the torque buffers. O'Brien: Right. I'll try to compensate with the impulse response filters. Bashir: That way, your quarters won't be so cluttered and you can still use it whenever you want. O'Brien: I wasn't talking about the Alamo model. Besides, it's too big for your quarters. Bashir: You let me worry about that. So, what were you talking about? O'Brien: Oh, it's nothing that can't wait. Is that any better, Nog? Nog: Torque buffers are stable. Sisko: I wish she were here, too, Constable. Odo: If we only knew where Kira was. If we could only be sure that she was all right. Sisko: The Colonel's a survivor. Odo: This war, Captain. It has to end. Sisko: And it will. Soon. One way or the other. Sisko: Mother? Sarah: The Emissary's task is nearing completion. Sisko: Are you talking about the war? Sarah: You have walked the path the Prophets laid out for you, Benjamin. Do not falter now. Sisko: I don't intend to. Sarah: Know this, my son. Your journey's end lies not before you, but behind you. Odo: Captain? Captain? Sisko: The Prophets came to me in a vision Odo: I take it they weren't bringing good news. Sisko: I'm not sure. Only time will tell. Dukat: Hello, Adami. Winn: You're back. Dukat: Is that all you have to say to me? Winn: I see the Pah wraiths have restored your sight. Dukat: Yes, they've forgiven me. I was hoping you could find it in your heart to do the same. Winn: I don't forgive war criminals. To think I took Gul Dukat to my bed. One of the most hated men in Bajoran history. Dukat: I've told you how much I regret my actions during the occupation. Winn: Of course you do. Dukat: Have you learned how to release the Pah wraiths? Winn: The secrets of the Kosst Amojan have been revealed to me, yes. Dukat: Then why haven't you gone to the Fire Caves and freed them? Winn: I was waiting for you. Dukat: Then you do forgive me. Winn: I need your help, Dukat. It's as simple as that. Dukat: All you have to do is ask. Together we will release the Pah wraiths so they can lay claim to the Celestial Temple and destroy the Prophets. Winn: And their Emissary. Dukat: No, no, no. Benjamin Sisko will be dealt with by me and me alone. Winn: Assuming he survives the invasion of Cardassia. Dukat: Oh, he'll survive. But I promise you, he'll wish he hadn't. Vic: You going to sit there all night, Quark? Quark: Got any threes? Vic: Go fish. Vic: Don't tell me you're quitting? Quark: It's just not my game. Vic: Want to try pinochle again? How about rummy, or gin rummy? Five card stud? Canasta? Quark: How about some tongo? Vic: Did they play tongo in Las Vegas in nineteen sixty two? Quark: How could they? It's a Ferengi game. Vic: Which is why my holographic program can't create it. Quark: I know, I know, this place is period specific. For a hologram, you're not very accommodating. Vic: Oh, is that why you dropped by? To insult me? Quark: I dropped by because I had nothing else to do. My bar hasn't had half a dozen customers all day. Everyone's off fighting this stupid war. Vic: It's not easy staying behind, is it? Knowing that your friends are out there risking their lives. Quark: They think they have it rough? They should try leading my life for a day. The hospitality industry isn't for the faint-hearted. Vic: A bartender's life is a lonely one. Quark: That's true, but few people understand that. They think it's one big, happy party. They forget that the person giving the party never has any fun. He's too busy making sure everybody else is having fun. All I do all day long is give, give, give. Vic: Bartending is a very noble profession. You do it well, under some very difficult circumstances, I might add. You should be proud. Quark: You think so? Vic: I know so, pallie. Quark: I just hope Nog and the rest of those heroic idiots come back in one piece. Ginger: There you are. Vic, sweetie, are you ready? Jimmy and Peter are about to go on. Vic: Sorry, pallie, got to run. Durante and Lawford are at the Sands. Can't miss that. Quark: I thought you said a bartender's life was a lonely one? Vic: It is. But I'm not a bartender. Quark: Go fish. Dukat: Is it really necessary to rest so often? Winn: You don't need to wait for me. Go on ahead. Wander aimlessly through these caves for the rest of your miserable life. Dukat: I'm in no hurry. During the occupation, my people found the Bajorans' fear of these caves amusing. And yet we never took the time to visit them. And now, here I am. It's ironic, isn't it? Winn: I don't care. Dukat: Excuse me? I just meant Winn: I'm sure you have many interesting anecdotes about the occupation, but I don't have any desire to hear them. Dukat: I meant no disrespect, Adami. Winn: And stop calling me Adami. That privilege is no longer yours. Dukat: How should I address you then? Winn: From now on, you will address me as Eminence. Is that clear? Dukat: Perfectly. Eminence. Founder: I see your point. But for two millennia the Jem'Hadar have been the Dominion's first line of defense. It would damage their morale to have to take a back seat to the Breen. Founder: Very well. In the spirit of our new alliance, I will inform the Jem'Hadar that the Breen forces will stand alongside them. Founder: I'm glad that pleases you. Weyoun: I think we have a problem. Weyoun: Our lines are spread too thin, especially here, at the center. We need to despatch reinforcements immediately. Founder: Do you agree? Founder: Notify the Jem'Hadar. Order them to reinforce the center of their lines. Founder: Now what? Computer: Emergency power engaged. Broca: Founder, I'm relieved to see that you're all right. Weyoun: Long range communications are down. I can't contact the Jem'Hadar. Weyoun: Of course I'll keep trying. Founder: What caused the power failure? Broca: I'm afraid it was sabotage. Weyoun: Almost every Dominion installlation on Cardassia Prime has suffered damage. Founder: Damar. Broca: We captured some of the terrorists, but they're not soldiers. They're ordinary citizens. Founder: Are you telling me the Cardassian people are rising up against us? Broca: I'm sure it's only a small number of malcontents. Founder: But we have no way of knowing that, do we? Weyoun: Founder, may I make a suggestion? Founder: Yes, I am sure that Broca would be very happy to hear what you have to say. Weyoun: If the Cardassian people are responsible for these acts of terrorism, if Damar and his fanatics have turned them against us, then it's the people who should be punished. Founder: Now what do you say to that? Broca: Severely punished. Founder: Well I'm glad we all agree. See to it. Damar: It's been twenty four minutes. Kira: Not bad. Garak: If the Dominion hasn't been able to restore power to the capital, then the entire planet must be in chaos. Damar: I hope so. Mila: I'm afraid I was only able to find two more lightsticks. There's more about the house somewhere but I just couldn't Garak: Just stop dawdling and give them to me. Mila: How well I remember that tone of voice. It reminds me of the demanding and inconsiderate boy you used to be. Garak: I haven't changed much, have I? Damar: This will send a clear message to the Dominion. The Cardassian people will fight to regain their freedom. Kira: I hope they realize their fight is just beginning. We're going to have to hit the enemy again and harder this time. Garak: That won't be easy. They will have tightened their security. Kira: That doesn't matter. We can't lose our momentum. Damar: The Commander is right. We cannot rest until Cardassia's free. And when it is, we'll have you to thank for it. Without you, this rebellion would have died in its infancy. Garak: Ironic, isn't it? The savior of Cardassia a former Bajoran terrorist. Kira: Don't canonize me just yet. Damar: It's been twenty six and a half minutes. Let's see what the Dominion has to say for itself. Weyoun: Citizens of Cardassia. This latest wave of vandalism directed against your Dominion allies must stop. Garak: I wouldn't count on it. Weyoun: We know these disgraceful acts of sabotage were carried out by a mere handful of extremists. But these radicals must come to realize that their disobedience will not be tolerated. That you, the Cardassian people, will suffer the consequences of their cowardly actions. Which is why I must inform you a few moments ago, Dominion troops reduced Lakarian City to ashes. There were no survivors. Two million men, women and children gone in a matter of moments. For each act of sabotage committed against the Dominion, another Cardassian city will be destroyed. I implore you not to let that happen. Let us return to the spirit of friendship and cooperation between our peoples, so that together, we can defeat our common enemies, the Federation, the Klingons, the Romulans and all the others that stand against us. Thank you. Damar: I should've killed that Vorta jackal when I had the chance. Kira: You want another one? We'll attack Dominion Headquarters. Garak: Chop off a snake's head and the body will die. Kira: Exactly. Damar, for the past two years you've practically lived in that building. Damar: If you're asking me if I know a way in, the answer is no. Not without a valid security protocol. Kira: We'll use force. We're going to need some kind of explosives. Garak: I'll get right on it. Mila: What you're proposing is suicide. Garak: If you don't have anything positive to say, Mila. Mila: All right, I'll prepare some food. Nobody should die on an empty stomach. Ezri: Sir, Chancellor Martok would like to speak to you and Admiral Ross. Sisko: Put them through. Martok: Gentlemen, a magnificent victory lies before us. Ross: I trust those are prophetic words, Chancellor. Martok: They are. And I've not forgotten the promise I made to both of you. Sisko: That the three of us would share a bottle of bloodwine on Cardassia Prime. Martok: A bottle? I brought a barrel of twenty three oh nine. There is no finer vintage. Ross: Then I'll meet you two on Cardassia. Martok: We'll see who gets there first. Nog: The Chancellor makes victory sound easy. Sisko: He knows it won't be. Sisko to all hands. Prepare to engage the enemy. Nog: I'll say one thing for the Breen. They know how to pilot their ships. Sisko: So do you, Ensign. O'Brien: Stay with him. Nog: I'm trying. He's slippery. Sisko: Mister Worf? Worf: Unable to lock target. Odo: We have two Jem'Hadar ships coming aft of us, bearing one three six mark four. Sisko: Evasive action, pattern Delta. Nog: Hang on. Sisko: Well done, Ensign. Nog: But I lost the Breen ship we were after. Sisko: I wouldn't be too worried about it. There are plenty more to choose from. Mila: You've hardly touched your meal. No wonder you're not looking well. Garak: I'm not looking well because I live in a cellar. Mila: Well, so does Legate Damar. Garak: And what about him? Mila: Well, he's finished everything on his plate. Which explains why he is such a fine, handsome figure of a man. Garak: I'm afraid I don't follow you. Kira: I do. Mila, I believe you're falling in love. Mila: Oh, I'm old enough to be his mother. Damar: Nonsense. Mila: Politicians. Garak: Who could that be? Mila: I'll go see. Mila: May I help you? Damar: What's taking her so long? Garak: I don't know. Garak: Mila! Kira: Garak! Garak, get out of there! Bashir: I can't look away for a second. O'Brien: Just fix the shoulder. O'Brien: Careful! Bashir: Sit still or you'll end up with one arm shorter than the other. O'Brien: You'd do anything to beat me at darts. Bashir: I haven't lost a game to you in months. O'Brien: I'm going to miss our games, Julian. Bashir: What are you talking about? You're going to be fine O'Brien: I'm leaving DS Nine, Julian. I'm moving back to Earth. Bashir: Why? O'Brien: I've been offered a position at Starfleet Academy. Professor of Engineering. Bashir: When? O'Brien: When the war's over. Bashir: Oh. I see. O'Brien: Somebody has to teach you officers the difference between a warp matrix flux capacitor and a self sealing stembolt. Bashir: Of course. Ezri: Captain, Admiral Ross for you. Sisko: On screen. Ross: The Romulan flagship's been destroyed. Their entire line is collapsing. Sisko: We'll try to help. Ross: With what? Ben, we're losing too many ships. We've got to find a way to turn the Dominion's left flank. Sisko: It's too well protected, but their lines are spread pretty thin in the middle. Ross: You help the Romulans. Martok and I'll hit the center. Sisko: On my way. Dax, have attack wings sixty four and sixty five follow us. Ezri: Aye, sir. Founder: What's taking so long? Weyoun: Our engineers have assured me that our long range communications will be restored momentarily. Founder: But you have been saying that for hours. And meantime, there's no way of contacting our ships. No way of knowing how the battle is progressing. Broca: Founder, our troops have captured the traitor Damar. Founder: Finally, some good news. Broca: And there's more. Colonel Kira and Garak have been apprehended with him. Weyoun: Even better. Shall I have them brought here? Founder: What for? Have them executed immediately. Weyoun: With pleasure. Jem'Hadar: Understood. It will be done at once. On your feet. Kira: Why? Jem'Hadar: We prefer our prisoners to be standing when they die. Garak: Does anyone have any last words? Damar: You may kill us, but Cardassia will never Jem'Hadar: Enough. Final words are not permitted. Garak: How disappointing. Jem'Hadar: Ready weapons. On my mark. Ekoor: That's for Lakarian City. Legate Damar, I pledge my life to free Cardassia from the Dominion. Damar: With men like you on our side, how can we fail? Nog: Jem'Hadar ship off the port bow. Worf: Shields are down to sixty percent. Bashir: Miles, this is no good. I'm going to have to get you to Sickbay. O'Brien: I'm kind of busy right now. Bashir: That's an order. O'Brien: Look, Julian. Sisko: You heard him, Chief. O'Brien: Yes, sir. Nog: Another Jem'Hadar to port. Worf: Transferring auxiliary power to port shields. Sisko: Dax, we need some support from our attack fighters. Ezri: Aye, sir. Nog: Breen ship off the starboard aft. Ezri: Sir, most of our fighters are either destroyed or under attack themselves. Sisko: Ensign, get us out of here. Nog: I'm trying, sir. Odo: Sir, the Cardassians. They're attacking the other Dominion ships. Ezri: They've switched sides. Nog: Yes! Sisko: The timing couldn't be better. Come about and head for the center of their lines. This is our chance to punch through. Nog: Aye, sir. Weyoun: Founder, our long range communications are back online. Founder: It's about time. Weyoun: I don't believe it. Founder: What now? Weyoun: The Cardassian fleet has turned against us. Founder: Have our forces pull back and regroup at Cardassia Prime. Weyoun: But we'll be totally surrounded. Founder: There will be no more running. Founder: We should have rid ourself of the Cardassians at the first sign of rebellion. Broca: If I could talk to the rebels, get them to change their minds. Weyoun: Perhaps you could reawaken their patriotic spirit? Broca: Exactly. Weyoun: On the other hand, they're just as likely to convince you to betray us. Broca: Me, betray you? Never! Founder: That's right. We are not going to give you that opportunity. Broca: Wait! You're making a terrible mistake. Founder: I don't think so. Broca: But I've done everything you've asked! I tell you I'm loyal. I believe in the Dominion! No! Wait! No! Weyoun: I won't miss him. Founder: I want the Cardassians exterminated. Weyoun: Which ones? Founder: All of them. The entire population. Weyoun: That will take some time. Founder: Then I suggest that you begin at once. Worf: Captain, the Dominion forces are retreating toward Cardassia Prime. Ezri: Sir, Admiral Ross and Chancellor Martok would like to talk to you. Sisko: On screen. Ross: I never thought I'd say this, but thank god for the Cardassians. Martok: As I predicted, the day is ours. Sisko: Not yet it isn't. Ross: Ben, we've driven the Dominion back into Cardassia Prime. We can keep them bottled up there indefinitely. Sisko: What if they use this time to rebuild their fleet? Martok: He's right. The Dominion has displayed an ability to build ships at an impressive rate. We should continue the attack. Ross: At what cost? We've already lost a third of our fleet. Martok: And we must see to it that those soldiers did not die in vain. Sisko: Admiral, with the Cardassians joining us, we have an opportunity to put an end to this war once and for all. Ross: All right, gentlemen. We press on. Martok: My friends, songs will be sung about this day. Sisko: All right, people. You heard the orders. Let's finish what we started. Dukat: Let me guess. We're here. Winn: We've reached the end of one journey and stand ready to begin another. What's the matter, Dukat? You look disappointed. Dukat: Well, this may sound naive, but I was expecting to see fire. They are called the fire caves. Winn: And with good reason. Winn: Lano ka'la bo'shar lanu no'vala, pahrom carana mokado ba'jah. Ko'se nusso ma'kora kajani. Lano ka'la Kosst Amojan. Winn: Is that better? Ekoor: According to this map, it's a long way from the cargo door to the briefing room. Kira: Well, that could be a problem if we get trapped in the corridor. Kira: What the hell? Garak: It's the Jem'Hadar. They're leveling the city building by building. Kira: All right, we have to go now. Damar: Once we get inside the complex, we stop at nothing until we capture the changeling. Ekoor: Let it be done! Cardassian: We're with you! Damar: For Cardassia. Cardassians: For Cardassia! Kira: Garak. Garak: All during the years of my exile I imagined what it would be like to come home. I even thought of living in this house again with Mila. But now she's dead, and this house is about to be reduced to a pile of rubble. My Cardassia's gone. Kira: Then fight for a new Cardassia. Garak: I have an even better reason, Commander. Revenge. Kira: That works too. Winn: Oh. I rid myself of the Prophets and shed a lifetime of hypocrisy. Dukat: I've never seen you look so radiant. Winn: I feel like a young woman waiting for my lover to sweep me away. Dukat: Do you give yourself willingly to the Pah wraiths? Winn: With all my heart. Dukat: Then call to them. Winn: Bring me the book. Meek rak dorrah Pah wran Yelim cha ono Kosst Amojan shay ta hel ter rah no'vala de ram Sisko: Sisko to Bashir. Report. Bashir: Three dead, eight wounded, four of them critically. Sisko: Doctor, I need every able-bodied crewman at their post. Bashir: I won't keep anybody here a second longer than I have to, sir. Bashir: Put him over here, will you. Nog: She did pretty well for a first date, don't you think, Captain? Sisko: I'd say she did fine, Ensign. Mister Worf? Worf: Sir, phaser banks are fully charged, but we are down to forty five quantum torpedoes. Sisko: That'll have to do. How are you holding up, old man? Ezri: All things considered, I think I'd rather be on Risa. Sisko: Well, that makes two of us. Odo: Have you seen these reports, Captain? The Dominion has begun destroying Cardassian cities. Millions of people are dying. Nog: Captain, we're approaching the Dominion defense perimeter. Sisko: Well, let's see what they have waiting for us. On screen. Sisko: Now we know. Garak: We have a problem. Kira: Just one? Garak: I'm afraid it's a rather large problem. The cargo door is made of neutronium. Kira: Then the explosives we brought aren't even going to make a dent. Garak: You see the problem. Ekoor: What do we do? Damar: I don't know, but I'm through hiding in basements. I fail to see what is so funny, Garak. Garak: Isn't it obvious? Here we are, ready to storm the castle, willing to sacrifice our lives in a noble effort to slay the Dominion beast in its lair and we can't even get inside the gate. Kira: Maybe we could go to the door and ask the Jem'Hadar to let us in. Damar: Or just have them send the shape-shifter out to us. Garak: As I said, we have a problem. Founder: But I've come to depend on having you here at my side. Founder: Your advice to the Dominion has proven invaluable Founder: Very well. If you feel the situation on the front lines demands your presence, I will not stand in your way. Knowing that you'll be leading our troops into battle is very reassuring. Weyoun: I still can't help but wonder. Founder: Wonder what? Weyoun: What's under that helmet? Founder: A braver man than you. Though I do find the shrillness of his voice very tiresome. Weyoun: Founder, what's wrong? Founder: I'm dying, that's what's wrong. Weyoun: Perhaps you should rest for a while. Revert to your natural state. Founder: I haven't been able to change form in weeks. It's ironic, isn't it, that I should die as a Solid. Weyoun: You're not going to die. You're a god. Founder: My loyal Weyoun. The only solid I have ever trusted. Weyoun: I live only to serve you. Founder: And you have served me well. I don't mind dying. It's knowing that my entire race is dying of the same illness and there is nothing I can do about it. Weyoun: I would give my life to save yours. Founder: If only it were that simple. Damar: What if I give myself up? Pretend to be your prisoner. Kira: They'd kill you on sight. Garak: And us along with you. Ekoor: The cargo door. Broca: You're making a terrible mistake. I'm not a traitor! Please, just let me speak to the Founder. No, wait! Damar: No! Ekoor: For Cardassia! Garak: Fall back, fall back. Damar: Keep Garak: He's dead. Kira: Remember his orders. We stop for nothing. Garak: For Cardassia! Cardassians: For Cardassia! Weyoun: We have a security breach. Founder: The guards will deal with it. Is there a problem? Weyoun: The guards. There're only a handful left in the building. I sent the rest to help eradicate the Cardassians. Weyoun: You two, get out there and see that no one gets through that door. You, stay here. In case they fail. Ross: We'll launch a three pronged attack. The Romulans and our new Cardassian allies will engage the Jem'Hadar forces. The Klingons will target the Breen and the Federation will take on the orbital weapon platforms. Any questions? Sisko: When do we go? Ross: As soon as everyone's in position. Martok: It will be a glorious battle. Ross: But a costly one. Estimates project our casualties to be as high as forty percent. There's no telling how much higher they'll go once we send in our ground forces. Sisko: The Dominion is beaten and they know it, but they're going to make us pay for every kilometer of the planet. Ross: Yes, they will. Sisko: Let's get on with it. Ross: Godspeed, everyone. Martok: Qapla! Weyoun: Founder, perhaps we should consider finding a safer location. Founder: And just where would that be? Weyoun: Well, Colonel Kira. What a pleasant surprise. Kira: The pleasure's all mine. Ekoor: The Federation fleet has surrounded the planet. Kira: I want you to contact the Jem'Hadar and the Breen, and you order their ships to stand down. Garak: And order their troops on Cardassia to do the same. Founder: I will do no such thing. Weyoun: Tell me, where's my old friend Damar? Garak: Damar's dead. Weyoun: What a pity. Garak: He died trying to free Cardassia. Weyoun: What's left of it. Founder: I wish you hadn't done that. That was Weyoun's last clone. Garak: I was hoping you'd say that. Kira: This war's over. You lost. Founder: Have I? I think you'll find that neither the Jem'Hadar or the Breen will agree with that assessment. They will fight to the last man. Kira: And what will that accomplish? Founder: Isn't it obvious? You may win this war, Commander, but I promise you, when it is over, you will have lost so many ships, so many lives, that your victory will taste as bitter as defeat. Sisko: We're glad to find you in one piece, Commander. Odo: Very glad. Sisko: What's your status? Kira: Only three of us made it to the briefing room. Odo: What about Damar? Kira: He's dead. Sisko: Is your position secure? Kira: I don't think the Jem'Hadar will attack. They won't risk endangering the Founder. She's in pretty bad shape. She just sits at her desk, deteriorating. Worf: If she dies before ordering the Jem'Hadar to surrender Sisko: Then they will fight to the last man. Odo: Captain, I should beam down there. The Founder will speak to me. I can reason with her. Sisko: You haven't had much success with her in the past. Odo: It's worth a try. Think of the lives it could save. Sisko: Very well. Commander, tell the Founder that Odo is going to pay her a visit. Winn: Tarna pur ono ull kess pah ran. Lano ka'la bo'shar lanu. Winn: After you. Dukat: I'm honored. Dukat: Now you. Dukat: Why? Winn: The Pah wraiths demand a sacrifice. Someone worthy of them. Who better than you? Dukat: No! Winn: I offer you this life as nourishment to feed your hunger, to fuel the fires that will set you free. Kosst Amojan, I am yours now and forever. Odo: Nerys. Kira: It's been a while. Odo: Yes. Kira: Watch yourself. I don't trust her. Odo: But you trust me. Kira: Of course. Odo: That's all I need to know. Garak: Constable. Odo: Garak. Founder: You're looking well, Odo. Odo: Thank you for seeing me. Founder: It's always good to see you. But I have no intention of surrendering my forces. It would be a sign of weakness on my part. An invitation to the solids to cross into the Gamma Quadrant and destroy the Great Link. Odo: Believe me, I'm well aware that the Federation has its flaws, but a desire for conquest isn't one of them. Founder: And what of the Klingons and the Romulans? Can you make that claim for them too? Odo: The Klingon and Romulan Empires are in no shape to wage a war against anyone. Besides, the Federation wouldn't allow it. Founder: The Dominion has spent the last two years trying to destroy the Federation, and now you're asking me to put our fate in their hands? Odo: Yes. Founder: I can't do that, Odo. I don't have your faith in the solids. Odo: Perhaps I can change your mind. Link with me. Kira: Odo, what are you doing? Founder: I'm afraid I can't Link with you, Odo. My disease prevents me from changing form. Odo: If we Link, I believe I can cure you. Garak: That's a very bad idea, Constable. Kira: I agree. Odo: Nerys, I know what I'm doing. Please, take my hand. Founder: And if you cure me, what will you ask in return? Odo: All I ask is that you Link with me. Garak: I'm warning you, Odo. Odo: Nerys. Kira: Garak, put down your weapon. Garak: I don't think so. Kira: I said, put it down. Garak: Move aside, Odo. Odo: That won't be necessary. Will it? Founder: If you will stand aside, I'll order the Jem'Hadar to cease fire. Garak: I suggest we secure her in a containment field. Odo: Don't worry, Garak. She won't try to escape. She's agreed to stand trial and accept responsibility for what she's done. Kira: I would have thought she'd insist on going back to the Gamma Quadrant to cure her people. Odo: There's no need for that. I'm going in her place. Kira: For how long? Odo: Nerys, it's time I rejoined the Great Link. Martok: This is a moment worth savoring. To victory, hard fought and well earned. Martok: What's wrong? Sisko: Suddenly I'm not thirsty. Ross: Neither am I. Martok: Before you waste too many tears, remember, these are Cardassians lying dead at your feet. Bajorans would call this poetic justice. Sisko: That doesn't mean I have to drink a toast over their bodies. Martok: Humans. Pah. Ka DiJaQ. Bashir: Eight hundred million dead. Garak: And casualty reports still coming in. Well, aren't you going to congratulate me, Doctor? My exile is now officially over. I've returned home. Or rather, to what's left of it. Bashir: Listen, I know that this must seem bleak Garak: Some may say that we've gotten just what we deserved. After all, we're not entirely innocent, are we? And I'm not just speaking of the Bajoran occupation. No, our whole history is one of arrogant aggression. We've collaborated with the Dominion, betrayed the entire Alpha Quadrant. Oh, no, no. There's no doubt about it. We're guilty as charged. Bashir: You and I both know that the Cardassians are a strong people. They'll survive. Cardassia will survive. Garak: Please, Doctor. Spare me your insufferable Federation optimism. Of course it will survive, but as not the Cardassia I knew. We had a rich and ancient culture. Our literature, music, art were second to none. And now, so much of it is lost. So many of our best people, our most gifted minds. Bashir: I'm sorry, Garak. I didn't mean Garak: Oh, it's quite all right, Doctor. You've been such a good friend. I'm going to miss our lunches together. Bashir: I'm sure we'll see each other again. Garak: I'd like to think so, but one can never say. We live in uncertain times. Founder: The war between the Dominion and the Federation Alliance is now over. Ross: Four hundred years ago, a victorious general spoke the following words at the end of another costly war. Today the guns are silent. A great tragedy has ended. We have known the bitterness of defeat and the exultation of triumph. From both we have learned there can be no going back. We must go forward to preserve in peace what we've won in war. Founder: It's up to you now, Odo. Ezri: You're coming to Vic's tonight, right? Worf: I will be there, but I will not dance. Ezri: Who's asking? Sisko: Commander Worf. Worf: Captain. Sisko: Can you spare a moment? Worf: Yes, sir. Martok: We've been discussing your plans for the future. Worf: I was not aware I had any plans. Ross: Commander, how would you feel about being named Federation Ambassador to Kronos? Worf: I am not a diplomat. Martok: And I am not a politician. But sometimes fate plays cruel tricks on us, Worf. Come. Kronos needs you. And what's more, I need you. Ezri: You helped him become Chancellor. You can't very well turn your back on him now. Worf: Well my first loyalty is to you, Captain. Sisko: Thank you, Mister Worf. I'll probably regret this in the morning, but if it's what you want, then by all means. Worf: It has been a great honor serving with you, sir. Sisko: The honor is mine. Worf: I accept. Martok: Excellent. An Ambassador who'll go targ hunting with me. Well, perhaps being Chancellor won't be so bad after all. Ezri: Congratulations, Worf. Kira: When will you be going? Odo: Soon. Kira: You could come back, you know, once you've cured your people. Odo: I could. Kira: But you're not going to do that. Odo: Nerys. You know my feelings for you will never change, but I have to do this. My people need me. They need to know what I know, to learn what I've learned from living among solids. It's the only way they'll ever learn to trust you. Kira: You don't have to justify your decision, Odo. There's just one thing. Odo: Anything. Kira: I'd like to take you back to your homeworld. Odo: I'd like that. I'd like that very much. Vic: Hey, pallie. If you're here for another game of 'go fish,' I'm a little busy right now. Quark: Actually, I'm here for the end of the war goodbye to Chief O'Brien goodbye to Odo goodbye to Worf party. Vic: At the bar. Bashir: No, seriously, Miles, I envy you. Going back to Earth, a chance to enjoy paradise again. Jake: Any idea where you're going to live? O'Brien: No. Keiko and I are still mulling over a few possibilities. Worf: Have you ever considered Minsk? O'Brien: I don't think that's on our list. Sisko: New Orleans is a gorgeous city. Kasidy: I've heard great things about Paris. Worf: Minsk. Ezri: Jadzia loved Rio. Odo: You've certainly got a lot of choices. O'Brien: Yeah. Too many. Worf: Minsk. Bashir: Wherever you decide to go, I'm sure that you and Keiko will be very happy. O'Brien: Listen, Julian, I know Earth isn't exactly around the corner, but I still expect you to visit. Bashir: I intend to. O'Brien: Yeah, you and me taking a little trip to Texas. Bashir: Standing side by side in front of the Alamo. O'Brien: The real Alamo. You see? It's going to be great. Bashir: Absolutely. Quark: I don't see how great it would be. Earth's nothing more than a rotating ball of boredom. If you ask me, you'd be better off staying here. And that goes for you and Worf as well. Kira: Don't tell me you're getting sentimental, Quark. Quark: Me? Not a chance. I just don't like change. Sisko: You'd better get used to it. Things are going to be pretty different around here now. To the best crew any captain ever had. This may be the last time we're all together, but no matter what the future holds, no matter how far we travel, a part of us, a very important part, will always remain here on Deep Space Nine. O'Brien: Hear, hear. Bashir: Cheers. Vic: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight is a very special night for some friends of mine. They've been together a long time. But like the man said, nothing lasts forever. So, gang, this one's from the heart. Winn: Dorra tolka bre tri pah wran. Kosst Amojan, come to me! I await you. Winn: No! Kasidy: Ben, what's wrong? Sisko: I understand now. Kasidy: Understand what? Sisko: What I have to do. What I was meant to do. Kasidy, I have to go. Kasidy: Go where? Sisko: To Bajor. To the fire caves. Kasidy: I'll go with you. Sisko: No, I have to do this alone. Dukat: Did you really think the Pah wraiths would choose you to be their Emissary? Soon the Pah wraiths will burn across Bajor, the Celestial Temple, the Alpha Quadrant. Can you picture it? A entire universe set in flames, to burn for all eternity. The Prophets have sent me a gift. Their beloved Emissary, sent forth like an avenging angel to slay the demon. Sisko: I should have known the demon would be you. Dukat: Go on. Kill me if you can. Dukat: You'll have to do better than that, Captain. Dukat: This is too easy. That's it. Come closer. That's it. Dukat: Now bow to me. I said bow. Sisko: You are pathetic. Dukat: Then why are you the one on your knees? Sisko: First the Dominion, now the Pah wraith. You have a talent for picking the losing side. Dukat: Benjamin, please. We've known each other too long. And since this is the last time we will ever be together, let's try to speak honestly. We've both had victories and our defeats. Now it's time to resolve our differences and face the ultimate truth. I've won, Benjamin. You've lost. Sisko: The Pah wraith will never conquer anything. Not Bajor. Not the Celestial Temple. And certainly not the Alpha Quadrant. Dukat: And who's going to stop us? Sisko: I am. Dukat: You can't even stand up. Winn: Then I'll stop you. Dukat: Are you still here? Winn: Emissary, the book! Dukat: Farewell, Adami. Sisko: Sarah? Are you here? What happened? Sarah: The Emissary has completed his task. Sisko: But the Pah wraiths. Sarah: You've returned them to their prison within the fire caves. Sisko: The book was the key, wasn't it? Sarah: To a door that can never be opened again. Sisko: And Dukat? Is he dead? Sarah: He's where he belongs, with the Pah wraiths. Your time of trial has ended. You need to rest now. Sisko: I intend to. As soon as I return to Deep Space Nine. Sarah: That won't be necessary. You're with us now. Ezri: We found the Captain's runabout orbiting Bajor. Worf: But when we scanned the fire caves, there was no sign of him. Bashir: Tarkalian tea. Soothing. Ezri: Better keep it coming. Jake: You're not calling off the search yet, are you? Odo: Not until we find your father. Jake: What about the Kendra Province, where he bought that land. Maybe he went there for some reason. Worf: Colonel Kira and Chief O'Brien have completed another scan of the planet. As far as they can tell, he is not there. Kasidy: Something's happened to Ben. Something bad. I can feel it. The Prophets warned us. Kasidy: Hello? Is anyone here? Ben? Is that you? Sisko: Kasidy. Kasidy: Oh, Ben! I've been so worried about you. Where are we? Sisko: The Celestial Temple. Kasidy: This is scaring me. Let's go home. Sisko: I can't. Not now. Kasidy: Why not? Oh, God. This is it, isn't it? The sorrow that the Prophets warned us about. Sisko: It's difficult to explain. It's not linear. Kasidy: What isn't? Sisko: My life, my destiny. The Prophets saved me, Kasidy. I'm their Emissary and they still have a great deal for me to do. But first, there is much to learn. Things only the Prophets can teach me. Kasidy: When will you be back? Sisko: It's hard to say. Maybe a year, maybe yesterday. But I will be back. Kasidy: And I will be waiting. Jake: Kas, can you hear me? You seemed pretty far away for a second. Kasidy: I was talking to your father. Scene: (Jake takes a model chair from the house that Sisko built, and remembers when his dad told him they were going to DS9, the hugs, the laughter, the solar- wind powered spaceship.) Kira: You sure you want to leave without saying goodbye? Odo: I'm sure. I've never been good at goodbyes. Kira: There are going to be a lot of people that are disappointed. Odo: If they don't know how I feel about them now, a few parting words won't make the difference. Quark: Ah ha! I knew it! When I saw the two of you slip out, I said to myself, that no good, misanthropic, cantankerous, changeling is trying to sneak off the station without anyone noticing. Odo: That was the idea. Quark: Well, it's not going to happen. Odo: Apparently not. Quark: So, now that I'm here, is there something you want to say to me? Odo: Such as? Quark: Such as, 'Goodbye, you certainly were a worthy adversary.' Or maybe something with the words mutual respect in it. Odo: No. Quark: No? What do you mean no? Odo: I mean no. I have nothing I want to say to you. Quark: You're telling me that after all these years, after all we've been through, you're not even going to say goodbye to me? Odo: That's right. Nerys, I'll be on the runabout. Huh. Kira: Don't take it hard, Quark. Quark: Hard? What are you talking about? That man loves me. Couldn't you see? It was written all over his back. Kira: The Link. It's so different. Odo: They're dying. Kira: You should go to them. Odo: Nerys, please tell everyone I'll miss them. Kira: Even Quark? Odo: Even Quark. But most of all Kira: I know. Kira: Odo. Odo: You always said I looked good in a tuxedo. Kira: You do. Odo: Then this is the way I want you to remember me. Kira: I'll never forget you. Odo: Goodbye, Nerys. Nog: The duty roster, Colonel. Kira: Nice work. Congratulations on your promotion, Lieutenant. Nog: Thank you, sir. I guess putting me in for promotion was one of Captain Sisko's last official acts. Kira: I'm sure he's very proud of you, Nog. Nog: I'd like to think so, sir. Kira: Now about the cargo inventories. Nog: I'll get right on it. Bashir: You know, the thing of it is, the apoptosis is really just part of the normal cardiac renewal process. What do you think? Ezri: I think that after dinner tonight, we should go to Quark's, spend some time in a holosuite. Bashir: Oh. I'd like a trip to Vegas. Ezri: Actually, I was thinking about the Alamo. Bashir: We can't go there. Ezri: Why not? Bashir: Because that's what Miles and I did. But I do have a new program. The Battle of Thermopylae. Do you know it? Well, it's about a force of Spartans led by King Leonidas, who defend a mountain pass against a vast army of Persians. Ezri: What happens then? Bashir: For two days, the Spartans lead a heroic struggle. Ezri: Until they're wiped out. Bashir: Yes. How'd you know? Ezri: Lucky guess. I take it we'll be the Spartans? Bashir: Fighting to the last man. Ezri: Just like the Alamo. Bashir: Exactly. Ezri: Have you talked to a counselor about these annihilation fantasies? Bashir: Do you think I should? Ezri: I'll set up a session for you tomorrow. Bashir: What about tonight? Ezri: Tonight we defend the pass. Quark: Don't worry, it's guaranteed to grow hair within a week. Though if you ask me, that dome of yours is hairy enough. Besides, hasn't there been enough change around here already? Kira: Quark! You mind explaining this? Quark: Oh. That's this week's betting pool. Kira: You're taking bets on who's going to be the new Kai? Quark: It's a wide open field. Just between you and me, the smart money is on Vedek Ungtae. Kira: Well just between you and me, all bets are off. Quark: What are you talking about? Kira: As of this moment, betting pools of any kind are illegal on this station. I catch someone placing a bet, I put you in a holding cell for fifteen days. Is that clear? Quark: Fifteen days! Can I bring my own pillow? Kira: Quark. Quark: It's clear. It's clear. Kira: It better be. Quark: It's like I said. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Monica Geller: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! Chandler Bing: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? Phoebe Buffay: Wait, does he eat chalk? Phoebe Buffay: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! Monica Geller: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex. Chandler Bing: Sounds like a date to me. Chandler Bing: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked. Everyone: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. Chandler Bing: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. Joey Tribbiani: Instead of...? Chandler Bing: That's right. Joey Tribbiani: Never had that dream. Phoebe Buffay: No. Chandler Bing: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica Geller: And they weren't looking at you before?! Chandler Bing: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me! Ross Geller: Hi. Joey Tribbiani: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. Monica Geller: Are you okay, sweetie? Ross Geller: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck... Chandler Bing: Cookie? Monica Geller: Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey Tribbiani: Ohh. Monica Geller: Let me get you some coffee. Ross Geller: Thanks. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! Oh! Ross Geller: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? Phoebe Buffay: Fine! Be murky! Ross Geller: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy. Monica Geller: No you don't. Ross Geller: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me! Joey Tribbiani: And you never knew she was a lesbian... Ross Geller: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know? Chandler Bing: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... Did I say that out loud? Ross Geller: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well. Monica Geller: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number? Ross Geller: Sorry. Joey Tribbiani: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? Joey Tribbiani: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones! Ross Geller: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again! Chandler Bing: And I just want a million dollars! Monica Geller: Rachel?! Rachel Green: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are! Waitress: Can I get you some coffee? Monica Geller: De-caff. Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross? Rachel Green: Hi, sure! Ross Geller: Hi. Monica Geller: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? Rachel Green: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city. Monica Geller: Who wasn't invited to the wedding. Rachel Green: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... Monica Geller: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it. Chandler Bing: Tuna or egg salad? Decide! Ross Geller: I'll have whatever Christine is having. Rachel Green: Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me! Phoebe Buffay: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler Bing: Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey Tribbiani: I say push her down the stairs. Rachel Green: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy! Ross Geller: You can see where he'd have trouble. Rachel Green: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica. Monica Geller: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica... Rachel Green: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!! Monica Geller: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things... Phoebe Buffay: Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few... Rachel Green: I'm all better now. Phoebe Buffay: I helped! Monica Geller: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing. Joey Tribbiani: And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot. Monica Geller: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day! Joey Tribbiani: What, like there's a rule or something? Chandler Bing: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound. Paul the Wine Guy: It's, uh, it's Paul. Monica Geller: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in! Joey Tribbiani: Who's Paul? Ross Geller: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul? Monica Geller: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy? Ross Geller: He finally asked you out? Monica Geller: Yes! Chandler Bing: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment. Monica Geller: Rach, wait, I can cancel... Rachel Green: Please, no, go, that'd be fine! Monica Geller: Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay? Ross Geller: That'd be good... Monica Geller: Really? Ross Geller: No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy! Phoebe Buffay: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? Monica Geller: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. ... everybody, everybody, this is Paul. Everyone: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey! Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it? Monica Geller: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just-I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah... Ross Geller: A wandering? Monica Geller: Change! Okay, sit down. Two seconds. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Paul! Paul the Wine Guy: Yeah? Joey Tribbiani: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red. Monica Geller: Shut up, Joey! Ross Geller: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight? Rachel Green: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing! Ross Geller: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture. Chandler Bing: Yes, and we're very excited about it. Rachel Green: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day. Ross Geller: Okay, sure. Joey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to. Phoebe Buffay: Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- Thank you. La-la-la-la...ohhh! Ross Geller: I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs. Joey Tribbiani: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here. Chandler Bing: It's a beautiful thing. Joey Tribbiani: What's this? Chandler Bing: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket. Joey Tribbiani: Which goes where? Chandler Bing: I have no idea. Joey Tribbiani: Done with the bookcase! Chandler Bing: All finished! Ross Geller: This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known. Joey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here. Chandler Bing: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun. Joey Tribbiani: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get? Ross Geller: You guys. Chandler Bing: Oh, God. Joey Tribbiani: You got screwed. Chandler Bing: Oh my God! Monica Geller: Oh my God! Paul the Wine Guy: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get? Monica Geller: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it? Paul the Wine Guy: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her- Monica Geller: -leg? Paul the Wine Guy: That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch. Monica Geller: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel. Paul the Wine Guy: Ooh, steer clear of you. Monica Geller: That's right. Rachel Green: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... Ross Geller: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced! Joey Tribbiani: Shut up! Chandler Bing: You must stop! Ross Geller: That only took me an hour. Chandler Bing: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point! Ross Geller: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her... Joey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon! Ross Geller: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny. Chandler Bing: Stay out of my freezer! Paul the Wine Guy: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh... Monica Geller: What?... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles? Paul the Wine Guy: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation. Monica Geller: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date? Paul the Wine Guy: Isn't there? Monica Geller: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say? Paul the Wine Guy: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. ...Sexually. Monica Geller: Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry... Paul the Wine Guy: It's okay... Monica Geller: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long? Paul the Wine Guy: Two years. Monica Geller: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch! Paul the Wine Guy: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date? Monica Geller: ...Yeah. Yeah, I do. Priest On Tv: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony. Rachel Green: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference! Ross Geller: Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you? Joey Tribbiani: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea-Angela-Andrea... Oh man, Chandler Bing: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats. Joey Tribbiani: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. Ross Geller: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? Rachel Green: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life. Chandler Bing: That is amazing. Joey Tribbiani: Congratulations. Rachel Green: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do. Chandler Bing: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do. Joey Tribbiani: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... Although actually I'm really not that hungry... Monica Geller: Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here. Everyone: Morning. Good morning. Paul the Wine Guy: Morning. Joey Tribbiani: Morning, Paul. Rachel Green: Hello, Paul. Chandler Bing: Hi, Paul, is it? Paul the Wine Guy: Thank you! Thank you so much! Monica Geller: Stop! Paul the Wine Guy: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness. Monica Geller: We'll talk later. Paul the Wine Guy: Yeah. Thank you. Joey Tribbiani: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date? Monica Geller: Shut up, and put my table back. Everyone: Okayyy! Chandler Bing: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference... Rachel Green: So, like, you guys all have jobs? Monica Geller: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I'm an actor. Rachel Green: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything? Joey Tribbiani: I doubt it. Mostly regional work. Monica Geller: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park. Joey Tribbiani: Look, it was a job all right? Chandler Bing: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.' Joey Tribbiani: I will not take this abuse. Chandler Bing: You're right, I'm sorry. "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..." Joey Tribbiani: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? Monica Geller: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling. Rachel Green: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth. Monica Geller: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco? Rachel Green: Oh, yeah. Monica Geller: Well, it's like that. With feelings. Rachel Green: Oh wow. Are you in trouble. Monica Geller: Big time! Rachel Green: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used. Monica Geller: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work. Rachel Green: Oh, look, wish me luck! Monica Geller: What for? Rachel Green: I'm gonna go get one of those job things. Franny: Hey, Monica! Monica Geller: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida? Franny: You had sex, didn't you? Monica Geller: How do you do that? Franny: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who? Monica Geller: You know Paul? Franny: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul. Monica Geller: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul? Franny: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years. Joey Tribbiani: Of course it was a line! Monica Geller: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that? Ross Geller: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'. Monica Geller: I hate men! I hate men! Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe. Monica Geller: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? Phoebe Buffay: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. Monica Geller: I just thought he was nice, y'know? Joey Tribbiani: I can't believe you didn't know it was a line! Rachel Green: Guess what? Ross Geller: You got a job? Rachel Green: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. Chandler Bing: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat. Rachel Green: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off! Chandler Bing: Oh, how well you know me... Rachel Green: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots! Monica Geller: How'd you pay for them? Rachel Green: Uh, credit card. Monica Geller: And who pays for that? Rachel Green: Um... my... father. Rachel Green: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want. Monica Geller: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life. Rachel Green: I know that. That's why I was getting married. Phoebe Buffay: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time. Rachel Green: Thank you. Phoebe Buffay: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. Ross Geller: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'... Monica Geller: All right, you ready? Rachel Green: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this! Monica Geller: You can, I know you can! Rachel Green: I don't think so. Ross Geller: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! Ross Geller: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,... Everyone: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... Rachel Green: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture... Monica Geller: Rachel! That was a library card! Everyone: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.. Chandler Bing: Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream. Monica Geller: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it! Monica Geller: Well, that's it You gonna crash on the couch? Ross Geller: No. No, I gotta go home sometime. Monica Geller: You be okay? Ross Geller: Yeah. Rachel Green: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. What? Monica Geller: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody. Ross Geller: Mmm. Oh, no- Rachel Green: Sorry- Ross Geller: No no no, go- Rachel Green: No, you have it, really, I don't want it- Ross Geller: Split it? Rachel Green: Okay. Ross Geller: Okay. You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you. Rachel Green: I knew. Ross Geller: You did! Oh... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother. Rachel Green: I did. Ross Geller: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe? Rachel Green: Yeah, maybe... Ross Geller: Okay... okay, maybe I will... Rachel Green: Goodnight. Ross Geller: Goodnight. Monica Geller: See ya... Waitwait, what's with you? Ross Geller: I just grabbed a spoon. Joey Tribbiani: I can't believe what I'm hearing here. Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe what I'm hearing here... Monica Geller: What? I-I said you had a- Phoebe Buffay: What I said you had... Monica Geller: Would you stop? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, was I doing it again? Everyone: Yes! Monica Geller: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya. Ross Geller: There's an image. Rachel Green: Would anybody like more coffee? Chandler Bing: Did you make it, or are you just serving it? Rachel Green: I'm just serving it. Everyone: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee. Chandler Bing: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. Customer: Ahh, miss? More coffee? Rachel Green: Ugh. Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? Go ahead. Thank you. Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas. Chandler Bing: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-

Monica Geller: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, right!...Y'serious? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah! Rachel Green: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. Monica Geller: Absolutely. Chandler Bing: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. Ross Geller: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket. Chandler Bing: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake. Rachel Green: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone. Joey Tribbiani: ...Are we still talking about sex? Ross Geller: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry? Marsha: Well, she has issues. Ross Geller: Does she. Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet! Ross Geller: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See? Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife? Ross Geller: No. No. Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi! Ross Geller: Okay, okay, yes, it is. How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age. Ross Geller: Hi. Carol Willick: So. Ross Geller: You look great. I, uh... I hate that. Carol Willick: Sorry. You look good too. Ross Geller: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh... Carol Willick: A lesbian? Ross Geller: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family? Carol Willick: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh- Ross Geller: Why- why are you here, Carol? Carol Willick: I'm pregnant. Ross Geller: Pregnant?! Chandler Bing: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding. Phoebe Buffay: ...Then I've already seen this one! Monica Geller: Are you through with that? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down. Monica Geller: Whose little ball of paper is this?! Chandler Bing: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... ...now I wish I was dead. Phoebe Buffay: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- -but, it's fine! Monica Geller: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have. Chandler Bing: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow. Phoebe Buffay: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come. Monica Geller: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. Chandler Bing: Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew! Monica Geller: What? Chandler Bing: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster! Everyone: Eeaagh! Rachel Green: Has anybody seen my engagement ring? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's beautiful. Rachel Green: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God... Phoebe Buffay: No, look, don't touch that! Rachel Green: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder... Monica Geller: Easy Rach, we'll find it. Won't we! Joey Tribbiani: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last? Phoebe Buffay: Doy! Probably right before she lost it! Chandler Bing: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days... Rachel Green: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with... Chandler Bing: ...Dinah? Rachel Green: Ohhhhh, don't be mad... Monica Geller: You didn't. Rachel Green: Oh, I am sorry... Monica Geller: I gave you one job! Rachel Green: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! Chandler Bing: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne... Monica Geller: I just... can't do it. Chandler Bing: Boys? We're going in. Ross Geller: ...Hi. Monica Geller: Wow. That is not a happy hi. Ross Geller: Carol's pregnant. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! I found it! Monica Geller: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-... Ross Geller: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. Chandler Bing: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon? Rachel Green: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing? Ross Geller: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me. Phoebe Buffay: She is so great! I miss her. Monica Geller: What does she mean by 'involved'? Chandler Bing: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done. Ross Geller: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow. Rachel Green: So what are you gonna do? Ross Geller: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father. Joey Tribbiani: ...Well, this is still ruined, right? Judy Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. Mmm! What's that curry taste? Monica Geller: Curry. Judy Geller: Mmmm! Ross Geller: I- I think they're great! I, I really do. Ross Geller: Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she? Judy Geller: They all had a thing for him. Ross Geller: Aw, Mom... Monica Geller: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me? Judy Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant- Monica Geller: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant. Judy Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... Monica Geller: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please? Ross Geller: Yeah. Judy Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's... easy. Monica Geller: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me. Judy Geller: What that Rachel did to her life... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well. Ross Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money! Judy Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar... Monica Geller: What's that supposed to mean? Judy Geller: Nothing! It's an expression. Monica Geller: No it's not. Ross Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles... Ross Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. Ross Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem. Monica Geller: So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks? Ross Geller: Okay! Okay. Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby. Judy Geller: And you knew about this?! Joey Tribbiani: Your folks are really that bad, huh? Ross Geller: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done. Monica Geller: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- -I'd want yours. Ross Geller: Must pee. Phoebe Buffay: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins. Rachel Green: You're twins? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type. Chandler Bing: What does she do? Phoebe Buffay: She's a waitress. Rachel Green: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. Monica Geller: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this. Chandler Bing: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred. Rachel Green: The lights, please.. Ross Geller: ...How long was I in there? Rachel Green: I'm just cleaning up. Ross Geller: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help? Rachel Green: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! Ross Geller: Anyway.. um.. So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow? Rachel Green: Oh.. a little.. Ross Geller: Mm-hmm.. Rachel Green: A lot. Ross Geller: Mm. Rachel Green: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped? Ross Geller: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN... Rachel Green: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated? Ross Geller: Got me. Rachel Green: Remember when we were in high school together? Ross Geller: Yeah. Rachel Green: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? ..Ross? Ross Geller: Yes, yes! Rachel Green: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. Ross Geller: Me either... Ross Geller: Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway. Susan Bunch: Hi. Carol Willick: Ross, you remember Susan. Ross Geller: How could I forget? Susan Bunch: Ross. Ross Geller: Hello, Susan. Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...? Carol Willick: Dr. Oberman. Ross Geller: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he- Susan Bunch: She. Ross Geller: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation? Carol Willick: Yes, and she's very supportive. Ross Geller: Okay, that's great. No, I'm- Oh. Carol Willick: Thanks. Ross Geller: Quack, quack.. Carol Willick: Ross? That opens my cervix. Rachel Green: Barry? Barry Farber: C'mon in. Rachel Green: Are you sure? Barry Farber: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours. Robbie: Huh?! Barry Farber: So, how ya doin? Rachel Green: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great! Barry Farber: Yeah, well.. Bernice: Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging. Barry Farber: Be right there. Be back in a sec. Rachel Green: I dumped him. Robbie: Okay. Ross Geller: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made? Carol Willick: Give me a 'for instance'. Ross Geller: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name? Carol Willick: Marlon- Ross Geller: Marlon?! Carol Willick: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl. Ross Geller: ...As in Mouse? Carol Willick: As in my grandmother. Ross Geller: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia? Carol Willick: Julia.. Susan Bunch: We agreed on Minnie. Ross Geller: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..? Barry Farber: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to? Rachel Green: Oh, not much. I-I got a job. Barry Farber: Oh, that's great. Rachel Green: Why are- why are you so tanned? Barry Farber: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba. Rachel Green: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone? Barry Farber: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt. Robbie: Me?! Barry Farber: No! I went with Mindy. Rachel Green: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?! Barry Farber: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now. Rachel Green: Oh! Well, um.. You've got plugs! Barry Farber: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet. Rachel Green: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye! Barry Farber: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you. Rachel Green: Okay.. Barry Farber: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist. Rachel Green: Wow. Barry Farber: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit. Rachel Green: What? Robbie: Me. Rachel Green: Anyway, um, I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me. Barry Farber: Well, thank you for giving it back. Robbie: Hello?! Susan Bunch: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen? Ross Geller: Helen Geller? I don't think so. Carol Willick: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller. Ross Geller: Thank you! Carol Willick: No, I mean it's not Geller. Ross Geller: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick? Carol Willick: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch. Ross Geller: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title? Susan Bunch: It's my baby too. Ross Geller: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm. Susan Bunch: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is! Carol Willick: All right, you two, stop it! Ross Geller: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too. Carol Willick: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse. Ross Geller: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch. Susan Bunch: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way! Ross Geller: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do- Dr. Oberman: Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea? Everyone: Yeah. Yeah. A little. Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. Uh, lie back.. Ross Geller: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now. Ross Geller: Oh my God. Susan Bunch: Look at that. Carol Willick: I know. Ross Geller: Well? Isn't that amazing? Joey Tribbiani: What are we supposed to be seeing here? Chandler Bing: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise. Phoebe Buffay: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato. Ross Geller: Then don't do that, alright? Phoebe Buffay: Okay! Ross Geller: Monica. Whaddya think? Monica Geller: Mm-hmm. Ross Geller: Wh- are you welling up? Monica Geller: No. Ross Geller: You are, you're welling up. Monica Geller: Am not! Ross Geller: You're gonna be an aunt. Monica Geller: Oh shut up! Rachel Green: Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.

Phoebe Buffay: Hi guys! Everyone: Hey, Pheebs! Hi! Ross Geller: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go? Phoebe Buffay: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!' Everyone: Ohh. Ouch. Rachel Green: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right? Monica Geller: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'. Rachel Green: Since when? Joey Tribbiani: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'. Chandler Bing: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'. Phoebe Buffay: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'. Rachel Green: And everybody knows this? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Cushions the blow. Chandler Bing: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm. Ross Geller: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm. Monica Geller: Uh, Ross. Ross Geller: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- ...Oh my God, Chi Chi! Chandler Bing: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?" Joey Tribbiani: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die." Chandler Bing: Hey, that was really good! Joey Tribbiani: Thanks! Let's keep going. Chandler Bing: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?" Joey Tribbiani: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke." Chandler Bing: "Smoke away." Chandler Bing: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone. Joey Tribbiani: What? Chandler Bing: Relax your hand! Chandler Bing: Not so much! Joey Tribbiani: Whoah! Chandler Bing: Hey! Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Chandler Bing: Alright, now try taking a puff. Chandler Bing: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me. Joey Tribbiani: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette. Chandler Bing: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here. Chandler Bing: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete. Joey Tribbiani: Y'miss it? Chandler Bing: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. Oh.. my.. God. Monica Geller: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger. Joey Tribbiani: That's ridiculous! Ross Geller: Can I use.. either thumb? Rachel Green: Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this! Everyone: Yeah. Yeah, excellent. Rachel Green: Good for me! Joey Tribbiani: Y'okay, Phoebe? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank. Monica Geller: What did they do to you? Phoebe Buffay: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT- Ross Geller: Easy. Phoebe Buffay: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account. Chandler Bing: Oh, Satan's minions at work again... Phoebe Buffay: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them. Joey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? Keep it! Phoebe Buffay: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing. Rachel Green: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping! Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'... Monica Geller: We're with you. We got it. Phoebe Buffay: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt. Rachel Green: Chandler, what are you doing? Monica Geller: Hey. Whaddya doing? Everyone: Oh! Oh, God! Ross Geller: What is this?! Chandler Bing: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years! Chandler Bing: And this- is my reward! Ross Geller: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit. Chandler Bing: Okay, so this time I won't quit! Everyone: Ohhh! Put it out! Chandler Bing: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now! Monica Geller: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date. Rachel Green: This Alan again? How's it goin'? Monica Geller: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun. Joey Tribbiani: So when do we get to meet the guy? Monica Geller: Let's see, today's Monday... Never. Everyone: Oh, come on! Come on! Monica Geller: No. Not after what happened with Steve. Chandler Bing: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry. Monica Geller: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out. Rachel Green: Well, then can we meet him? Monica Geller: Nope. Schhorry. Monica Geller: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd. Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you. Monica Geller: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked. Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy.. Joey Tribbiani: Let it go, Ross. Ross Geller: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi. Monica Geller: Do you all promise? Everyone: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good! Monica Geller: Chandler? Do you promise to be good? Joey Tribbiani: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside! Ross Geller: Hey, Pheebs. Phoebe Buffay: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone! Rachel Green: What bank is this? Monica Geller: Hey. It's him. Who is it? Alan: It's Alan. Joey Tribbiani: Chandler! He's here! Monica Geller: Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how much you all like me. Monica Geller: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan. Alan: Hi. Everyone: Hi, Alan. Alan: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh! Monica Geller: Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm? Monica Geller: C'mon! Ross Geller: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him. Everyone: Loved him! Yeah! He's great! Monica Geller: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with? Everyone: Yeah! Rachel Green: And did you notice...? The Guys: Yeah. Joey Tribbiani: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked. Phoebe Buffay: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe! Ross Geller: ...What shoe? Phoebe Buffay: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...' Ross Geller: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured. Rachel Green: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it. Monica Geller: Really! Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhoff impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? Ross Geller: You know what I like most about him, though? Everyone: What? Ross Geller: The way he makes me feel about myself. Everyone: Yeah... Monica Geller: Hi.. how was the game? Ross Geller: Well.. Everyone: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes! Monica Geller: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible? Joey Tribbiani: Alan. Ross Geller: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-... Rachel Green: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team. Chandler Bing: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball.. Monica Geller: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes.. Ross Geller: What? Monica Geller: ..I dunno, a little too Alan? Rachel Green: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan. Ross Geller: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore. Chandler Bing: I personally could have a gallon of Alan. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, Lizzie. Lizzy: Hey, Weird Girl. Phoebe Buffay: I brought you alphabet soup. Lizzy: Did you pick out the vowels? Phoebe Buffay: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you. Lizzy: Saltines? Phoebe Buffay: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone? Lizzy: What? Oh my God, there's really money in here. Phoebe Buffay: I know. Lizzy: Weird Girl, what are you doing? Phoebe Buffay: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it. Lizzy: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, that's fine, no. Lizzy: Would you like my tin-foil hat? Phoebe Buffay: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks. Lizzy: Please, let me do something. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay? Lizzy: Okay. Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Lizzy: Keep the change. Sure you don't wanna pretzel? Phoebe Buffay: No, I'm fine. Lizzy: See ya. Phoebe Buffay: Huh! Ross Geller: A thumb?! Everyone: Eww! Phoebe Buffay: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker! Chandler Bing: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five? Phoebe Buffay: Does, um, anyone wanna see? Everyone: Nooo! Everyone: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out! Rachel Green: It's worse than the thumb! Chandler Bing: Hey, this is so unfair! Monica Geller: Oh, why is it unfair? Chandler Bing: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this? Joey Tribbiani: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody? Rachel Green: Well, I-I could live without it. Joey Tribbiani: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair? Ross Geller: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, "you do, do you"? Ross Geller: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly. Rachel Green: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered. Rachel Green: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on. Monica Geller: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like? Paula: No. Monica Geller: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like. Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through! Monica Geller: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing. Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him! Monica Geller: I know.. it's gonna be really hard. Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it. Monica Geller: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about. Joey Tribbiani: Do you have any respect for your body? Ross Geller: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself? Chandler Bing: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it. Rachel Green: Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you. Chandler Bing: Really? He does? Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! Rachel Green: God, he's good. Ross Geller: If only he were a woman. Rachel Green: Yeah. Chandler Bing: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too. Ross Geller: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. Monica Geller: Hey. Where's Joey? Chandler Bing: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong? Rachel Green: I think he's across the hall. Monica Geller: Thanks. Ross Geller: There y'go. Chandler Bing: Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now. Ross Geller: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs? Phoebe Buffay: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart? Ross Geller: Hey, I might! Phoebe Buffay: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb. Everyone: You're kidding. Oh my God. Phoebe Buffay: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?! Joey Tribbiani: What's going on? Monica Geller: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together. Joey Tribbiani: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear.. Rachel Green: Uh, Joey.. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, God! Monica Geller: Okay.. Everyone: Oh! That was Lambchop! Monica Geller: Please, guys, we have to talk. Phoebe Buffay: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not. Monica Geller: Alright, we have to talk. Phoebe Buffay: There it is! Monica Geller: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan. Ross Geller: Is there somebody else? Monica Geller: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change. Rachel Green: We didn't change.. Joey Tribbiani: So that's it? It's over? Just like that? Phoebe Buffay: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I- Monica Geller: Look, I- I could go on pretending- Joey Tribbiani: Okay! Monica Geller: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you! Ross Geller: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were. Monica Geller: I'm sorry.. Chandler Bing: Oh, she's sorry! I feel better! Rachel Green: I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family- Monica Geller: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans. Everyone: Oh, yeah! Right! Monica Geller: Are you guys gonna be okay? Ross Geller: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time. Monica Geller: I understand. Alan: Wow. Monica Geller: I'm, I'm really sorry. Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved. Monica Geller: Relieved? Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends. Rachel Green: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun. Ross Geller: Yeah. He could row like a viking. Monica Geller: Hi. Everyone: Mmm. Ross Geller: So how'd it go? Monica Geller: Oh, y'know.. Phoebe Buffay: Did he mention us? Monica Geller: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. Ross Geller: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. Chandler Bing: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes. Everyone: No no no! Chandler Bing: I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke! Phoebe Buffay: If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars! Chandler Bing: Yeah, alright.

Monica Geller: Alright. Phoebe? Phoebe Buffay: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs! Ross Geller: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you? Chandler Bing: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever. Rachel Green: See, there's always one guy. "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." Everyone: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy. Monica Geller: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent? Joey Tribbiani: Probably kill myself! Monica Geller: ..Excuse me? Joey Tribbiani: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live! Ross Geller: Joey, uh- OMnipotent. Joey Tribbiani: You are? Ross, I'm sorry.. Monica Geller: How does she do that? Ross Geller: I cannot sleep in a public place. Monica Geller: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful. Phoebe Buffay: Oh! What what what! ...Hi. Ross Geller: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again. Monica Geller: What's going on with you? Phoebe Buffay: I got no sleep last night! Ross Geller: Why? Phoebe Buffay: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are! Monica Geller: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me tonight. Phoebe Buffay: Thanks. Joey Tribbiani: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here. Chandler Bing: You got waaaay too much free time. Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you. Chandler Bing: Happy birthday, pal! Joey Tribbiani: We love you, man. Ross Geller: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago. Joey Tribbiani: So? Ross Geller: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date? Chandler Bing: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty." Ross Geller: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth? Monica Geller: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember. Ross Geller: Ohhh. Joey Tribbiani: What's wrong with the twentieth? Chandler Bing: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone? Ross Geller: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover. Joey Tribbiani: The hell with hockey, let's all do that! Chandler Bing: C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, Huh? Huh? Huh? Ross Geller: What are you doing? Chandler Bing: I have no idea. Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, Ross! Ross Geller: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger? Chandler Bing: You got it. Rachel Green: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me! Phoebe Buffay: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed. Monica Geller: Wow, you worked in a mine? Phoebe Buffay: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why? Rachel Green: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that. Chandler Bing: Oh, this is not that bad. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job. Ross Geller: You can totally, totally live on this. Monica Geller: Yeah, yeah. Ross Geller: Oh, by the way, great service tonight. Everyone: Oh! Yeah! Guys: Hockey! Hockey! Hockey. Leslie: Rachel? Rachel Green: Oh my God! Monica Geller: I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom. Rachel Green: What are you guys doing here? Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true! Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play. Rachel Green: Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it! Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex. Rachel Green: So what's going on with you? Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. Phoebe Buffay: Look, look, I have elbows! Chandler Bing: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! Joey Tribbiani: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! Chandler Bing: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes. Ross Geller: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- Sorry. Sorry. Joey Tribbiani: What? Ross Geller: Peach pit. Chandler Bing: Yes, Bunny? Ross Geller: Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had- Joey Tribbiani: -Peaches? Ross Geller: Actually, nectarines, but basically... Chandler Bing: Could've been a peach. Ross Geller: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the- -the bus stop... I'm fine. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! What? Thought we were trying to find stuff. Rachel Green: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt! Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar! Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second. Rachel Green: Okay. Joanne: When are you coming home? Rachel Green: What? Guys, I'm not. Joanne: C'mon, this is us. Rachel Green: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job- Kiki: Waitressing? Rachel Green: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies. Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies. Monica Geller: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? Rachel Green: What's that? Monica Geller: Weeeell, it's rum, and- Rachel Green: Okay. Monica Geller: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister... Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy! Monica Geller: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people. Rachel Green: Oh, God, ask them what they want. Monica Geller: Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on. Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account. Rachel Green: But I haven't used my card in weeks! Monica Geller: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay. Rachel Green: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay? Monica Geller: Uh- Rachel has left the building, can you call back? Rachel Green: Alright, c'mon! Let's play Twister! Ross Geller: Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh. Chandler Bing: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans? Ross Geller: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost... Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit. Monica Geller: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this amazing independence thing! Rachel Green: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what? Phoebe Buffay: You are just like Jack. Rachel Green: ...Jack from downstairs? Phoebe Buffay: No, Jack and the Beanstalk. Monica Geller: Ah, the other Jack. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village.. Rachel Green: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him- Phoebe Buffay: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow. Rachel Green: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like... Phoebe Buffay: Floopy? Rachel Green: Yeah. Monica Geller: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, like that's a word. Rachel Green: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come together? Monica Geller: ...Pheebs? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, well... 'cause... you just... I don't like this question. Rachel Green: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans? Ross Geller: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal! Chandler Bing: See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks. Ross Geller: Pass it! Pass it! Chandler Bing: He's open! Everyone: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Chandler Bing: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing! Chandler Bing: 'Scuse me. Receptionist: It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied. Chandler Bing: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. Receptionist: Hold on. Fill these out, sit over there. Ross Geller: Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented. Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn. Joey Tribbiani: Well, how long do you think it'll be? Receptionist: Any minute now. Ross Geller: Hey, this- Heyy... Rachel Green: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down. Monica Geller: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. Pizza Guy: Pizza guy! Rachel Green: Thank God. Food. Monica Geller: Phoebe? Phoebe Buffay: What? Monica Geller: Do you have a plan? Phoebe Buffay: I don't even have a 'pl'. Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion? Rachel Green: No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese. Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me! Monica Geller: Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead! Monica Geller: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks? Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right. Monica Geller: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit? Phoebe Buffay: And-and a power tie? Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel. Monica Geller: Oh God. Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back? Monica Geller: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! Rachel Green: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus? Phoebe Buffay: Big Bird's friend. Monica Geller: I see pizza! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! Rachel Green: Hello? Who are we spying on? Monica Geller: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt? Rachel Green: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him! Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman. Monica Geller: Please tell me it's his mother. Phoebe Buffay: Definitely not his mother. Monica Geller: Oh, no... Phoebe Buffay: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- Hey, that's not for you, bitch! Chandler Bing: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. Ba-! Monica Geller: Light still out? Rachel Green: Yeah. Monica Geller: Oh. Maybe they're- napping. Rachel Green: Oh please, they're having sex. Rachel Green: So, whaddya think George is like? Monica Geller: I think he's shy. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah? Monica Geller: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal. Ross Geller: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow. Chandler Bing: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please? Joey Tribbiani: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that. Ross Geller: Look, it's just a little more complicated... Chandler Bing: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women? Ross Geller: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you... Chandler Bing: Then what? Ross Geller: My first time with Carol was... Joey Tribbiani: What? Ross Geller: It was my first time. Joey Tribbiani: With Carol? Oh. Chandler Bing: So in your whole life, you've only been with one oh. Joey Tribbiani: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight! Monica Geller: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much? Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Monica Geller: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah! Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley. Monica Geller: What?! You slept with Jason? Phoebe Buffay: You'd already broken up. Rachel Green: How long? Phoebe Buffay: A couple hours. Monica Geller: Oh, that's nice! Rachel Green: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me. Monica Geller: Excuse me?! Rachel Green: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? She was a big girl. Monica Geller: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade! Rachel Green: I was laughing! You made me laugh! Phoebe Buffay: There he is! There he is! Monica Geller: Where? Phoebe Buffay: Right- where we've been looking all night! Rachel Green: He is so cute! Monica Geller: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel! Everyone: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the wowww. Joey Tribbiani: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman? Chandler Bing: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic... Joey Tribbiani: Really? Chandler Bing: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. Both: Hey, buddy. Ross Geller: Hi. Receptionist: Oh, that's attractive. Chandler Bing: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight. Ross Geller: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck? Joey Tribbiani: Oh, ah- the kid has it. Ross Geller: The kid...? Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck. Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. Chandler Bing: You gotta do it, man. Ross Geller: Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever can't do it. Listen, uh- gimme back my puck. Kid: No. Ross Geller: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme! Kid: No! No! Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER! Ross Geller: GIVE ME MY PUCK!! Ross Geller: ...Now that was fun. Ross Geller: Okay, Monica: Right foot red. Monica Geller: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo. Chandler Bing: Thanks. Ross Geller: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. Good. Chandler Bing: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people. Rachel Green: Oh, okay. Will you take my place? Chandler Bing: Alright. Yes, this is Rachel. Rachel Green: Nooo! Hello? Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really. Ross Geller: Green. To the green. Rachel Green: I've got magic beans. Never-never mind. Chandler Bing: To the left, to the left- aww! Rachel Green: Ohhh... I'm fine.

Monica Geller: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal. Ross Geller: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right? Rachel Green: Come on! You guys can pee standing up. Chandler Bing: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that. Joey Tribbiani: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care. Ross Geller: Multiple orgasms! Chandler Bing: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night! Joey Tribbiani: No plans, huh? Chandler Bing: Not a one. Ross Geller: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice? Chandler Bing: Oh, right, right, shut up. Monica Geller: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it. Chandler Bing: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note. Joey Tribbiani: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling. Phoebe Buffay: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you. Chandler Bing: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her. Phoebe Buffay: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony. Ross Geller: Tony? Monica Geller: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know. Rachel Green: Does anybody want anything else? Ross Geller: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. Nothing, just, just, I'm fine. Phoebe Buffay: What's the matter? Why so scrunchy? Rachel Green: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible. Ross Geller: That guy, he burns me up. Rachel Green: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady. Chandler Bing: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that. Monica Geller: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" thing again? Rachel Green: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own". Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Angela Delveccio: Hi, Joey. Joey Tribbiani: My god, Angela. Monica Geller: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her. Phoebe Buffay: Are you gonna go over there? Joey Tribbiani: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. Hey, Angela. Angela Delveccio: Joey. Joey Tribbiani: You look good. Angela Delveccio: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs. Joey Tribbiani: You don't say. Ross Geller: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing tonight? Rachel Green: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama. Ross Geller: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too? Rachel Green: Who? Ross Geller: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here? Rachel Green: Don't you have a laundry room in your building? Ross Geller: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish? Rachel Green: Sure. Angela Delveccio: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now. Joey Tribbiani: Bob? Who the hell's Bob? Angela Delveccio: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob... Joey Tribbiani: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too. Angela Delveccio: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, so guess what? Joey Tribbiani: What? Angela Delveccio: We're just friends. Joey Tribbiani: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends? Angela Delveccio: What four of us? Joey Tribbiani: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica. Joey Tribbiani: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you. Monica Geller: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet. Joey Tribbiani: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is... Monica Geller: Oh, god help us. Joey Tribbiani: What? Monica Geller: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww! Joey Tribbiani: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me. Monica Geller: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls. Joey Tribbiani: I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please? Ross Geller: Ok, bye. Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel. Chandler Bing: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through? Ross Geller: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal. Chandler Bing: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date. Ross Geller: Nuh-uh. Chandler Bing: Yuh-huh. Ross Geller: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up some wine, what? Chandler Bing: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwearyou want it to be dirty? Ross Geller: No. Chandler Bing: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener? Ross Geller: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way. Chandler Bing: There you go. Monica Geller: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short? Joey Tribbiani: Yep. Monica Geller: Which? Joey Tribbiani: Which what? Monica Geller: You've never met Bob, have you? Joey Tribbiani: No, but he's... Monica Geller: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly... Angela Delveccio: Hey, Joey. Monica Geller: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now. Chandler Bing: Where are they? Where are they? Phoebe Buffay: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us. Chandler Bing: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies. Phoebe Buffay: Eww, I don't wanna do that. Chandler Bing: Here we go. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, have a good break-up. Chandler Bing: Hey, Janice. Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day. Chandler Bing: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please? Janice Litman Goralnik: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping... ... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you... Chandler Bing: What? Janice Litman Goralnik: What? Chandler Bing: What... did you get me there? Janice Litman Goralnik: I got you...these. Chandler Bing: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet. Janice Litman Goralnik: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want. Chandler Bing: That's great. Chandler Bing: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte? Janice Litman Goralnik: No, no, I'm still working on mine. Chandler Bing: That's it? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, it was really hard. Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, you weren't there. Woman: Comin' through. Move, move. Rachel Green: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine. Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not. Rachel Green: But I saved it. I put my basket on top. Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds. Rachel Green: What? Woman: No suds, no save. Ok? Ross Geller: What's goin' on? Rachel Green: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my machine. Ross Geller: Was your basket on top? Rachel Green: Yeah, but, there were no suds. Ross Geller: So? Rachel Green: Well, you know, no suds, no save. Ross Geller: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. That's my friend's machine. Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it. Ross Geller: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it. Ross Geller: All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. Ok, let's do laundry. Rachel Green: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup. Ross Geller: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent. Rachel Green: What's that? Ross Geller: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough. Ross Geller: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those? Rachel Green: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants? Ross Geller: Rach, have you never done this before? Rachel Green: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin. Ross Geller: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things. Rachel Green: Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates? Ross Geller: Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment call. Monica Geller: He is so cute. So, where did you guys grow up? Angela Delveccio: Brooklyn Heights. Bob: Cleveland. Monica Geller: How, how did that happen? Joey Tribbiani: Oh my god. Monica Geller: What? Joey Tribbiani: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not. Joey Tribbiani: So, you and Angela, huh? Bob: Yep. Pretty much. Joey Tribbiani: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel. Bob: Huh, I never really noticed. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it. Bob: Monica, Monica is great. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually. Monica Geller: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific. Angela Delveccio: Yeah, isn't he? Monica Geller: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight. Angela Delveccio: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed. Monica Geller: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity. Angela Delveccio: Huh. That's nice. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed. Chandler Bing: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice. Janice Litman Goralnik: All right. Well, there you go. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Rachel Green: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do. Ross Geller: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross... Uh-oh. Rachel Green: What uh-oh? Ross Geller: Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh. Rachel Green: Ross, what's the matter? Ross Geller: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done. Rachel Green: Come on, show me. Ross Geller: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink. Rachel Green: Oh, everything's pink. Ross Geller: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone. Rachel Green: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry! Monica Geller: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please? Monica Geller: Oh my god. Joey Tribbiani: What? Monica Geller: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia. Joey Tribbiani: Come on, they're close. Monica Geller: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross. Monica Geller: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it'snot really true, is it? Joey Tribbiani: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean... Monica Geller: Oh my god, what were you thinking? Joey Tribbiani: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little. Monica Geller: Oh! Joey Tribbiani: Ow! Monica Geller: I'm outta here. Joey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you. Monica Geller: Really? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up. Monica Geller: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story. Joey Tribbiani: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here. Chandler Bing: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, ... boom. Janice Litman Goralnik: Ow! Chandler Bing: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok? Janice Litman Goralnik: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be right back. Chandler Bing: I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world. Phoebe Buffay: Oh my god. How many of those have you had? Chandler Bing: Oh, I don't know, a million? Phoebe Buffay: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la. Chandler Bing: I'm fine. Phoebe Buffay: All right. Chandler Bing: I'm not fine. Here she comes. Phoebe Buffay: Wait here. Breathe. Chandler Bing: How do you do that? Phoebe Buffay: It's like a gift. Chandler Bing: We should always always break up together. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'd like that. Ross Geller: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part. Rachel Green: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now. Rachel Green: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart. Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now come on, get outta my way. Rachel Green: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this is our cart. Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it. Rachel Green: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules! Woman: Let go! Rachel Green: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it! Rachel Green: Yes! Did you see that? Ross Geller: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen. Rachel Green: I could not have done this without you. Ross Geller: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? I'm fine, I'm fine. Rachel Green: Are you sure? Ross Geller: No. Rachel Green: Oh, are you sure you're ok? Ross Geller: Yeah. Rachel Green: Does it still hurt? Ross Geller: Yeah. Phoebe Buffay: What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this. Monica Geller: Hi. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, how'd it go? Joey Tribbiani: Excellent. Monica Geller: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves. Ross Geller: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way. Monica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry. Rachel Green: Where's Chandler? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, he needed some time to grieve. Chandler Bing: I'm free! I'm free! Phoebe Buffay: That oughta do it.

Rachel Green: Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting! Chandler Bing: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom... Phoebe Buffay: The exclamation point in the title scares me. Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud! Ross Geller: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen. Joey Tribbiani: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. Joey Tribbiani: All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang... Rachel Green: God. I feel violated. Monica Geller: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do? Chandler Bing: Ross, ten o'clock. Ross Geller: Is it? Feels like two. Chandler Bing: No, ten o'clock. Ross Geller: What? Chandler Bing: There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock! Ross Geller: Oh. Hel-lo! Chandler Bing: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men! Monica Geller: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone. Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.' Rachel Green: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it! Chandler Bing: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here. Ross Geller: He could never get a woman like that in a million years. Chandler Bing: Thank you, buddy. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys. Monica Geller: You could do that! Chandler Bing: Y'think? Everyone: Yeah! Chandler Bing: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue... Ross Geller: C'mon! C'mon! Chandler Bing: Here goes. Aurora: ...Yes? Chandler Bing: Hi... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh... ...hi. Aurora: Yes, you said that. Chandler Bing: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. Aurora: Chandler? Everyone: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard! Joey Tribbiani: Whadja think? Everyone: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard! Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head. Everyone: Saw your head. Saw your head. Chandler Bing: She said yes!! She said yes!! Awful play, man. Whoah. Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. Rachel Green: What is it? Joey Tribbiani: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me! Phoebe Buffay: Based on this play? ...Based on this play! Chandler Bing: Hey, kids. Everyone: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line. Chandler Bing: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went. Monica Geller: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'? Chandler Bing: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army... Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories. Chandler Bing: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it. Chandler Bing: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less. Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon. Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is? Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick. Joey Tribbiani: Who's Rick? Chandler Bing: Who's Rick? Aurora: My husband. Everyone: Ooooohhh. Chandler Bing: Oh, so you're divorced? Aurora: No. Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully? Aurora: No, I'm still married. Chandler Bing: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket? Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan. Chandler Bing: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan? Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend. Everyone: What?! Chandler Bing: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend? Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual. Chandler Bing: ...Hm. Monica Geller: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out. Chandler Bing: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story? Monica Geller: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this? Chandler Bing: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy? Ross Geller: No, of course not! ...Yeah, yeah, it is. Monica Geller: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else? Joey Tribbiani: I couldn't do it. Monica Geller: Good for you, Joey. Joey Tribbiani: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is. Ross Geller: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking- Ross Geller: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know. Monica Geller: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us! Everyone: Yeah! C'mon! Ross Geller: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey- Rachel Green: Tah-daaah! Chandler Bing: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that. Rachel Green: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for. Ross Geller: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask. Rachel Green: Well, whaddya think? Everyone: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific! Monica Geller: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman. Everyone: Uh-oh... Monica Geller: How-how did that happen? Rachel Green: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table. Monica Geller: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while. Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman. Chandler Bing: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out. Monica Geller: You guys, I am not that bad! Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Monica Geller: That is so unfair! Ross Geller: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy! Monica Geller: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook. Ross Geller: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away. Monica Geller: Why not? Ross Geller: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice. Monica Geller: I could do that. Rachel Green: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout. Monica Geller: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder. Chandler Bing: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood... Monica Geller: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I? Ross Geller: Monica? You're Mom. Phoebe Buffay: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Joey Tribbiani: Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! That was my agent. My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie! Everyone: Oh my God! Whoah! Monica Geller: Well, what's the part? Joey Tribbiani: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!" Phoebe Buffay: Seriously, what-what's the part? Joey Tribbiani: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!" Ross Geller: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part? Joey Tribbiani: ...I'm his Rachel Green: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what? Joey Tribbiani: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica Geller: Oh my God. Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler Bing: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into showbusiness. Joey Tribbiani: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross Geller: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening? Monica Geller: Alright, alright, alright... Joey Tribbiani: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer. Monica Geller: For what? Joey Tribbiani: Whaddya think? Today's the big day! Monica Geller: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there. Joey Tribbiani: Thank you! Chandler Bing: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone. Monica Geller: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there! Chandler Bing: C'mon, we're roommates! My eyes!! My eyes!! Monica Geller: I warned you... Rachel Green: Who is being loud? Chandler Bing: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast. Monica Geller: Oh, you got the whole night, huh? Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know.. Rachel Green: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment? Chandler Bing: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? Monica Geller: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that. Director: ...Dammit, hire the girl! Okay, everybody ready? Joey Tribbiani: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity. Director: Lose the robe. Joey Tribbiani: Me? Director: That would work. Joey Tribbiani: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. And the robe is lost. Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working .. and... action. Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing? Joey Tribbiani: Well, I'm- I'm showering. Director: No, that was clenching. Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here. Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action...and cut. What was that? Joey Tribbiani: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask... Chandler Bing: God, I love these fingers... Aurora: Thank you. Chandler Bing: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are. Aurora: Oh my God, I'm late. Chandler Bing: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go.. Aurora: Okay. Chandler Bing: Don't go. Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to. Chandler Bing: Too bad, she's leaving. Aurora: I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me. Chandler Bing: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick. Aurora: It's not Rick. Chandler Bing: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you! Aurora: No, it's-it's Andrew. Chandler Bing: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is? Aurora: He's... new. Chandler Bing: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself? Aurora: No, that's not exactly what I was.. Chandler Bing: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us. Aurora: So what do you want? Chandler Bing: You. Aurora: You have me! Chandler Bing: Nono, just you. Aurora: Whaddyou mean? Chandler Bing: Lose the other guys. Aurora: ...Like, ...all of them? Chandler Bing: C'mon, we're great together, why not? Aurora: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too. Chandler Bing: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!' Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to? Chandler Bing: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish... Aurora: Which one? Chandler Bing: ...The second guy. Aurora: Well, call me if you change your mind. Chandler Bing: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips. Ross Geller: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this again? Everyone: Hey! Monica Geller: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie? Joey Tribbiani: Nope. Ross Geller: No? What happened, big guy? Chandler Bing: "Big guy?" Ross Geller: It felt like a 'big guy' moment. Joey Tribbiani: I got fired. Everyone: Oh! Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and... Rachel Green: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell. Joey Tribbiani: My mom will. Chandler Bing: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that. Joey Tribbiani: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it! Monica Geller: Maybe this wasn't your shot. Ross Geller: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..? Joey Tribbiani: Hard to tell, I was naked. Phoebe Buffay: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah? That's so nice! Monica Geller: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys. Everyone: Night. Rachel Green: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here? Monica Geller: Uh-huh! Rachel Green: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner? Monica Geller: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever. Ross Geller: She is a kook. Monica Geller: If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help!

Rachel Green: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay. Phoebe Buffay: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. OK, thank you very much. Chandler Bing: Oh, great. This is just... Rachel Green: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out! Monica Geller: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on. Rachel Green: Wow, you guys, this is big. Monica Geller: Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. Phoebe Buffay: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. What's my number? Phoebe Buffay: Well, I never call me. Chandler Bing: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre. Jill Goodacre: Hi Mom, it's Jill. Chandler Bing: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot! Jill Goodacre: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule. Chandler Bing: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule. Jill Goodacre: I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don't know, some guy. Chandler Bing: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy. Joey Tribbiani: Hi everyone. Ross Geller: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani. Joey Tribbiani: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone. Phoebe Buffay: Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles. Rachel Green: That had to hurt! Chandler Bing: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile! Chandler Bing: There you go! Chandler Bing: You're definitely scaring here. Jill Goodacre: Would you like to call somebody? Chandler Bing: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. Monica Geller: Hello? Chandler Bing: Hey, it's me. Monica Geller: It's Chandler! Are you OK? Chandler Bing: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr. Monica Geller: What? Chandler Bing: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr! Monica Geller: I have no idea what you just said. Chandler Bing: Put Joey on the phone. Joey Tribbiani: What's up man? Chandler Bing: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR. Joey Tribbiani: Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! Chandler, listen. Chandler Bing: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind. Rachel Green: Alright, somebody. Monica Geller: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table. Everyone: Whoooaa! Ross Geller: That's my sister. Joey Tribbiani: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library. Monica Geller: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library? Ross Geller: Pheebs, what about you? Phoebe Buffay: Oh... Milwaukee. Rachel Green: Um... Ross? Ross Geller: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.' Everyone: No way! Ross Geller: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, Rachel. Rachel Green: Oh come on, I already went. Monica Geller: You did not go! Everyone: Come on. Rachel Green: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... ... oh, the foot of the bed. Ross Geller: Step back. Joey Tribbiani: We have a winner! Rachel Green: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park. Ross Geller: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line. Rachel Green: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course. Ross Geller: Come on. Rachel Green: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us. Ross Geller: And you didn't marry him because...? Rachel Green: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of... Ross Geller: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated. Rachel Green: Yeah right. Ross Geller: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff. Rachel Green: OK. Ross Geller: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you. Rachel Green: You don't. Ross Geller: Uh-uh. See, I see... big passion in your future. Rachel Green: Really? Ross Geller: Mmmm. Rachel Green: You do? Ross Geller: I do. Rachel Green: Oh Ross, you're so great. Joey Tribbiani: It's never gonna happen. Ross Geller: What? Joey Tribbiani: You and Rachel. Ross Geller: What? Why not? Joey Tribbiani: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone. Ross Geller: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone. Joey Tribbiani: Ross, you're mayor of the zone. Ross Geller: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to... Joey Tribbiani: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever. Ross Geller: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. What? What, now? Joey Tribbiani: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...' Ross Geller: Shhhh! Rachel Green: What are you shushing? Ross Geller: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. Don't you hear that? Rachel Green: Ahhhh! Ross Geller: See? Rachel Green: Huh. Jill Goodacre: Would you like some gum? Chandler Bing: Um, is it sugarless? Jill Goodacre: Sorry, it's not. Chandler Bing: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it. Phoebe Buffay: New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy... la la la, la la, la la... Ross Geller: OK, here goes. Joey Tribbiani: Are you going to do it? Ross Geller: I'm going to do it. Joey Tribbiani: Do you want any help? Ross Geller: You come out there, you're a dead man. Joey Tribbiani: Good luck, man. Ross Geller: Thanks. OK. Joey Tribbiani: OK. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, where are you going? Monica Geller: Outside. Joey Tribbiani: You can't go out there. Monica Geller: Why not? Joey Tribbiani: Because of... the reason. Monica Geller: And that would be? Joey Tribbiani: I, um, can't tell you. Monica Geller: Joey, what's going on? Joey Tribbiani: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you. Monica Geller: About what? Joey Tribbiani: He's planning your birthday party. Monica Geller: Oh my God! I love him! Joey Tribbiani: You'd better act surprised. Phoebe Buffay: About what? Monica Geller: My surprise party! Phoebe Buffay: What surprise party? Monica Geller: Oh stop it. Joey already told me. Phoebe Buffay: Well, he didn't tell me. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing. Phoebe Buffay: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything. Monica Geller: No, you are not. We tell you stuff. Phoebe Buffay: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. Looks like I was second to last. Rachel Green: Hmmm... this is so nice. Ross Geller: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment. Rachel Green: OK. Ross Geller: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um... Rachel Green: Ohhh!!!! Ross Geller: Yes, yes, that's right... Rachel Green: Oh, look at the little cat! Ross Geller: What? Ow! Monica Geller: This is just Bactine. It won't hurt. Joey Tribbiani: Sorry, that was wax. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner. Ross Geller: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall? Rachel Green: During a blackout? He'd get trampled! Ross Geller: Yeah? Chandler Bing: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself. Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right? Rachel Green: Oh. Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner. Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine. Phoebe Buffay: He seems to hate you. Are you sure? Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat. Phoebe Buffay: Wait a minute. What's his name? Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons. Rachel Green: Bob Buttons? Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons. Phoebe Buffay: Oooh! You are a very bad man! Mr. Heckles: You owe me a cat. Rachel Green: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty... Paolo: Rachel Green: Wow. Ross Geller: Lucky sixes... Rachel Green: Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica. Monica Geller: Hi! Rachel Green: And Joey... Monica Geller: Hi! Rachel Green: And Ross. Monica Geller: Hi! Paolo: Rachel Green: He doesn't speak much English. Paolo: Monopoly! Rachel Green: Look at that! Ross Geller: So, um... where did Paolo come from? Rachel Green: Oh... Italy, I think. Ross Geller: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives. Rachel Green: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat! Ross Geller: That, that is funny... ... and Rachel keeps touching him. Phoebe Buffay: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere. Rachel Green: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat. Phoebe Buffay: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo. Rachel Green: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe. Paolo: Phoebe Buffay: You betcha! Chandler Bing: Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go. Chandler Bing: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. Chandler Bing: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking. Jill Goodacre: Are you alright? Jill Goodacre: My God, you're choking! That better? Chandler Bing: Yes... thank you. That was... that was... Jill Goodacre: Perfection? Paolo: Ross Geller: Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah... Ross Geller: Wha-What did he say that was so funny? Rachel Green: I have absolutely no idea. Ross Geller: That's... that's classic. Rachel Green: Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me! Monica Geller: If you want, I'll do it. Phoebe Buffay: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. But I won't. Rachel Green: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry. Phoebe Buffay: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... ... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK. Rachel Green: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd... Ross Geller: Paolo. Hi. Paolo: Ross! Ross Geller: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing. Paolo: Thing? Ross Geller: Thing, yes. Thing. Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex? Ross Geller: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the... um... Paolo: Bed? Ross Geller: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad. Paolo: Oh! Ross Geller: Yeah! Se vice? Paolo: Si. Ross Geller: So you do know a little English. Paolo: Poco... a leetle. Ross Geller: Do you know the word crapweasel? Paolo: No. Ross Geller: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel! Jill Goodacre: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy. Chandler Bing: OK. Jill Goodacre: Ready? Jill Goodacre: No, you've got to whip it. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... ... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48... Ross Geller: Thank you. Phoebe Buffay: Thanks. Ross Geller: Kinda... spooky without any lights. Joey Tribbiani: Bwah-hah-hah! Ross Geller: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah... Ross Geller: Oh.. oh... oh. Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica. Jill Goodacre: Well, this has been fun. Chandler Bing: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life. Jill Goodacre: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. See ya. Chandler Bing: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.

Chandler Bing: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this? Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you. Chandler Bing: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'... Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday? Chandler Bing: Yes please. Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's- Chandler Bing: He's a he? Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now... Okay, goodbye... Chandler Bing: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that? Rachel Green: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be... Chandler Bing: You did? Rachel Green: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not. Chandler Bing: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me? Monica Geller: I did. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I think so, yeah. Joey Tribbiani: Not me. Ross Geller: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did. Chandler Bing: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't? Ross Geller: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so... Chandler Bing: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me? Phoebe Buffay: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny... Chandler Bing: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him? Everyone: Yeah! Right! Chandler Bing: WHAT IS IT?! Monica Geller: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality. Everyone: Yes. Absolutely. A quality. Chandler Bing: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this. Monica Geller: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome. Rachel Green: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! Bon giorno, caro mio. Ross Geller: So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome. Rachel Green: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. I'm talking to Rome. Monica Geller: Hey dad, what's up? Oh God. Ross, it's Nana. Ross Geller: So, uh, how's she doing? Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours. Monica Geller: How-how are you, Mom? Judy Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair? Monica Geller: What? Judy Geller: What's different? Monica Geller: Nothing. Judy Geller: Oh, maybe that's it. Monica Geller: She is unbelievable, our mother is... Ross Geller: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover. Monica Geller: Oh God! Monica Geller: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse. Ross Geller: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants. Ross Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house. Nurse Sizemore: Mrs. Geller? Ross Geller: She looks so small. Monica Geller: I know. Ross Geller: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now. Monica Geller: G'bye, Nana. Ross Geller: Bye, Nana. Monica Geller: Ross! Judy Geller: What is going on?! Ross Geller: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite.. Judy Geller: What? Ross Geller: She's not- past, she's present, she's back. Aunt Lillian: What's going on? Ross Geller: She may have died. Aunt Lillian: She may have died? Ross Geller: We're looking into it. Ross Geller: I, uh, I'll go see. Nurse Sizemore: This almost never happens! Ross Geller: Now she's passed. Chandler Bing: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair? Rachel Green: Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you have homosexual hair. Rachel Green: So, um, did she... Ross Geller: Twice. Joey Tribbiani: Twice? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, that sucks! Joey Tribbiani: You guys okay? Ross Geller: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just don't feel, uh... Phoebe Buffay: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone. Ross Geller: Nono, she's gone. Monica Geller: We checked. A lot. Phoebe Buffay: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her. Rachel Green: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? Phoebe Buffay: Thanks! Rachel Green: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning. Joey Tribbiani: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! ...So Chandler looks gay, huh? Phoebe Buffay: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. Ross Geller: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket. Judy Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice! Judy Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there? Ross Geller: I don't see why not. Ross Geller: Here's my retainer! Ross Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes- Monica Geller: Dad! Ross Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea. Monica Geller: You what? Ross Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun. Monica Geller: Define fun. Ross Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch... Monica Geller: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun. Ross Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'. Monica Geller: That's probably what they'll say. Ross Geller: I'd like that. Chandler Bing: Hey, gorgeous. Shelley: Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um- Chandler Bing: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake. Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew! Chandler Bing: So, uh... what do you think it is about me? Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a... Chandler Bing: ...Quality, right, great. Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple. Chandler Bing: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with? Shelley: What? He's cute! Chandler Bing: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll. Shelley: Is Brian...? Chandler Bing: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him. Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league. Chandler Bing: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not. Ross Geller: This one? Aunt Lillian: No. Ross Geller: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy. Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one. Judy Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy. Ross Geller: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes! Ross Geller: Okay. Um, how about these? Judy Geller: That's really a day shoe. Ross Geller: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier? Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel? Ross Geller: Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work. Aunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy. Judy Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress? Ross Geller: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back. Ross Geller: Oh my God.. Judy Geller: Is everything all right, dear? Ross Geller: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff. Ross Geller: How we doing, you guys ready? Monica Geller: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature? Ross Geller: Some days it's all I can think about. Phoebe Buffay: Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings. Rachel Green: Oh, you-you mean your earrings? Phoebe Buffay: What'd I say? Rachel Green: Hm-m. Monica Geller: Are these the shoes? Rachel Green: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy. Ross Geller: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...? Joey Tribbiani: Morning. We ready to go? Chandler Bing: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it? Monica Geller: It was a really beautiful service. Judy Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream. Joey Tribbiani: What? Chandler Bing: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger. Joey Tribbiani: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. Chandler Bing: You're watching a football game at a funeral? Joey Tribbiani: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception. Chandler Bing: You are a frightening, frightening man. Rachel Green: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes! Ross Geller: Oh, I hope they're not ruined. Phoebe Buffay: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise! Ross Geller: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- Everyone: God! Ross! Ross Geller: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised... Phoebe Buffay: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh. Ross Geller: What, what is it? Phoebe Buffay: You missed a belt loop. Ross Geller: Oh! No-n- Phoebe Buffay: Okay, it's in spasm. Judy Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. Chandler Bing: Oh, no- Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter. Chandler Bing: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel? Ross Geller: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great. Monica Geller: Wow, those pills really worked, huh? Ross Geller: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister , I love Pheebs... Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! That's so nice... Ross Geller: ...Chandler! Chandler Bing: Hey. Ross Geller: And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me. Andrea: You were right. Ross Geller: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. I love you the most. Rachel Green: Oh, well you know who I love the most? Ross Geller: No. Rachel Green: You! Ross Geller: Oh.. you don't get it! Ross Geller: Whaddya got there? Joey Tribbiani: Just a, uh... hearing disability. Ross Geller: What's the score? Joey Tribbiani: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third. Ross Geller: Beautiful! Rachel Green: Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker? Judy Geller: Your grandmother would have hated this. Monica Geller: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all. Judy Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'. Monica Geller: That sounds like Nana. Judy Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say? Monica Geller: ...I can imagine. Judy Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is. Monica Geller: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her? Judy Geller: Tell her what? Monica Geller: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail, like your hair... for example. Judy Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at. Monica Geller: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth? Judy Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along. Monica Geller: Huh. Judy Geller: More wine, dear? Monica Geller: Oh, I think so. Judy Geller: Those earrings look really lovely on you. Monica Geller: Thank you. They're yours. Judy Geller: Actually they were Nana's. Ross Geller: Now I'm depressed! ... Even more than I was. Rachel Green: Hey, who's this little naked guy? Ross Geller: That little naked guy would be me. Rachel Green: Aww, look at the little thing. Ross Geller: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now? Chandler Bing: Who are those people? Ross Geller: Got me. Monica Geller: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'. Rachel Green: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there? Monica Geller: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25? Ross Geller: Looks like a fun gang. Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked! Ross Geller: Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just trying something. Chandler Bing: Hey, Lowell. Lowell: Hey, Chandler. Chandler Bing: So how's it going there in Financial Services? Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you? Chandler Bing: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not. Lowell: I know. That's what I told her. Chandler Bing: Really. Lowell: Yeah. Chandler Bing: So- you can tell? Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar. Chandler Bing: So you don't think I have a, a quality? Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is. Chandler Bing: He is? Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. Chandler Bing: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. Hey, Brian.

Rachel Green: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary? Terry: An advance? Rachel Green: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job. Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful. Rachel Green: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? Oh, look at that. Rachel Green: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips? Guy: Huh? Rachel Green: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. Only $98.50 to go. Monica Geller: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving? Ross Geller: No, they're not. Monica Geller: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them. Ross Geller: You're wrong. Monica Geller: I am not wrong. Ross Geller: You're wrong. Monica Geller: No, I just talked to them. Ross Geller: I'm calling Mom. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Chandler Bing: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Chandler Bing: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup? Joey Tribbiani: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model. Chandler Bing: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman. Phoebe Buffay: What were you modeling for? Joey Tribbiani: You know those posters for the city free clinic? Monica Geller: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"? Phoebe Buffay: You know, the asthma guy was really cute. Chandler Bing: Do you know which one you're gonna be? Joey Tribbiani: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... Chandler Bing: Good luck, man. I hope you get it. Joey Tribbiani: Thanks. Ross Geller: Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving. Monica Geller: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's. Ross Geller: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps? Monica Geller: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Monica Geller: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays. Chandler Bing: Yes, every single one of them. Monica Geller: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma? Phoebe Buffay: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar. Monica Geller: So you're free Thursday, then. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh, can I come? Monica Geller: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail? Rachel Green: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go. Chandler Bing: I thought it was $98.50. Rachel Green: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup. Ross Geller: Well, I'm off to Carol's. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her? Ross Geller: Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner. Ross Geller: Hi, is uh, is Carol here? Susan Bunch: No, she's at a faculty meeting. Ross Geller: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in. Ross Geller: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum. Susan Bunch: What's it look like? Ross Geller: Kinda like a big face without skin. Susan Bunch: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it. Ross Geller: Ok. Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian. Susan Bunch: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it. Ross Geller: Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic. Susan Bunch: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby. Ross Geller: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy? Susan Bunch: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there? Ross Geller: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it? Susan Bunch: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice. Ross Geller: Do you uh, do you talk about me? Susan Bunch: Yeah, yeah, all the time. Ross Geller: Really? Susan Bunch: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy. Ross Geller: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say. Chandler Bing: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head. Monica Geller: Hey, Rach, did you make your money? Rachel Green: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop. Monica Geller: Rach, here's your mail. Rachel Green: Thanks, you can just put it on the table. Monica Geller: No, here's your mail. Rachel Green: Thanks, you can just put it on the table. Monica Geller: Would you just open it? Rachel Green: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great. Monica Geller: We all chipped in. Joey Tribbiani: We did? Monica Geller: You owe me 20 bucks. Rachel Green: Thank you. Thank you so much! Monica Geller: Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns. Rachel Green: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday? Chandler Bing: All right, I'm nine years old. Ross Geller: Oh, I hate this story. Chandler Bing: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have-and I remember this part vividly-a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced. Rachel Green: Oh my god. Chandler Bing: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse. Joey Tribbiani: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together. Girl: We did? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. Aramis? Aramis? Girl: Yeah, right. Joey Tribbiani: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business. Girl: Get out. Joey Tribbiani: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back. Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to me. Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing? Girl: Nothing. Joey Tribbiani: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something? Girl: Yeah. Oh. Joey Tribbiani: What's wrong? Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something. Joey Tribbiani: Oh. What? Girl: Um, leave. Joey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, wait! Joey Tribbiani: So I guess you all saw it. Rachel Green: Saw what? Phoebe Buffay: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious. Joey Tribbiani: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD. Chandler Bing: Tonight, on a very special Blossom. Monica Geller: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are yamming. What? Ross Geller: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen. Monica Geller: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop moping. Ross Geller: That's closer. Rachel Green: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop. Chandler Bing: Oh, you must stop shooping. Rachel Green: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff. Joey Tribbiani: Chandler, will you just come in already? Chandler Bing: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment. Phoebe Buffay: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie! Chandler Bing: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots. Monica Geller: That's not a question. Joey Tribbiani: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease. Monica Geller: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots. Ross Geller: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child. Monica Geller: Ah! Ross Geller: Ok, Mom never hit. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, all done. Monica Geller: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions. Monica Geller: Why would we do that? Phoebe Buffay: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died. Monica Geller: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up. Rachel Green: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry! Chandler Bing: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away. Joey Tribbiani: The balloon? Chandler Bing: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me? Rachel Green: I can't, I gotta go. Chandler Bing: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen? Phoebe Buffay: Almost never. Monica Geller: Got the keys? or Got the keys! Rachel Green: Ok. Carol Willick: Anytime you're ready. Ross Geller: Ok, ok, here we go. Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but... Carol Willick: Just aim for the bump. Ross Geller: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid. Carol Willick: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it. Ross Geller: Hello, baby. Hello, hello. Rachel Green: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean. Monica Geller: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here? Rachel Green: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys. Monica Geller: No I don't. Rachel Green: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys." Monica Geller: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?" Rachel Green: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys". Chandler Bing: Do either of you have the keys? Monica Geller: The oven is on. Rachel Green: Oh, I gotta get my ticket! Joey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key. Monica Geller: Well then get it, get it! Joey Tribbiani: That tone will not make me go any faster. Monica Geller: Joey! Joey Tribbiani: That one will. Ross Geller: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore. Carol Willick: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want. Ross Geller: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok? Susan Bunch: Hi, how's it goin? Ross Geller: Shh! Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! Hey, uh, did you just feel that? Carol Willick: I did. Ross Geller: Does it always, uh-? Carol Willick: No, no that was the first. Susan Bunch: Keep singing! Keep singing! Ross Geller: Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo. Susan Bunch: I felt it! Ross Geller: Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts. Joey Tribbiani: Nope, not that one. Monica Geller: Can you go any faster with that? Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math. Monica Geller: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway? Chandler Bing: For an emergency just like this. Rachel Green: All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this right now. But I'm not. Monica Geller: I swear you said you had the keys. Rachel Green: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys. Monica Geller: Why would I have the keys? Rachel Green: Aside from the fact that you said you had them? Monica Geller: But I didn't. Rachel Green: Well, you should have. Monica Geller: Why? Rachel Green: Because! Monica Geller: Why? Rachel Green: Because! Monica Geller: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I... Chandler Bing: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go. Monica Geller: Well, the turkey's burnt. Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined. Ross Geller: Here we come, walkin' down thethis doesn't smell like Mom's. Monica Geller: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one. Rachel Green: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice. Monica Geller: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner? Joey Tribbiani: You call that delicious? Monica Geller: Stop it, stop it, stop it! Chandler Bing: Now this feels like Thanksgiving. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh. Rachel Green: What? Phoebe Buffay: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal. Joey Tribbiani: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy! Monica Geller: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing! Phoebe Buffay: It's nice that he has someone. Chandler Bing: Shall I carve? Rachel Green: By all means. Chandler Bing: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese? Ross Geller: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese. Monica Geller: Does anybody wanna split this with me? Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I will. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish. Monica Geller: Make a wish? Phoebe Buffay: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for? Joey Tribbiani: The bigger half. Chandler Bing: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked. Everyone: That's so sweet. Ross Geller: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas. Rachel Green: And a crappy New Year. Chandler Bing: Here, here! Chandler Bing: Bladder Control Problem Stop Wife Beating Hemorrhoids? Winner of 3 Tony Awards... Chandler Bing: He's finally happy with that and walks away.

Ross Geller: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet. Everyone: Oooh! Monica Geller: W-wait. What is that? Ross Geller: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi? Monica Geller: No, no, I don't. Rachel Green: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him? Ross Geller: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab. Phoebe Buffay: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel? Chandler Bing: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass! Monica Geller: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment? Ross Geller: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so... Monica Geller: Why don't you just get a roommate? Ross Geller: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- ...sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'. Phoebe Buffay: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman. Chandler Bing: Might wanna open with the snowman. Everyone: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy. Monica Geller: So, how'd it go? Joey Tribbiani: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job. Ross Geller: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year. Joey Tribbiani: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political. Monica Geller: So what are you gonna be? Joey Tribbiani: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know? Rachel Green: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's? Chandler Bing: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud! Rachel Green: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you wish! Chandler Bing: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner. Everyone: Yeah, okay. Alright. Chandler Bing: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm. Everyone: Woooo! Yeah! Rachel Green: Phoebe, you're on. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, good. Rachel Green: Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh! Phoebe Buffay: Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. Phoebe Buffay: I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? La lalala la la la la lalala la la... Phoebe Buffay: Phoebe Buffay: ...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy... Phoebe Buffay: Phoebe Buffay: ...I feel a little sneezy And now I- Phoebe Buffay: Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group? Max: No. No, that's- that's okay. Phoebe Buffay: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear! Chandler Bing: That guy's going home with a note! David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my- Phoebe Buffay: Could you speak up please? David: Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought Max: Daryl Hannah. David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a Max: Hard quality. David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note! Ross Geller: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. Rachel Green: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much? Ross Geller: Just a smidge. Phoebe Buffay: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical. Monica Geller: I think it's romantic. Phoebe Buffay: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman? Rachel Green: Yeah! Phoebe Buffay: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions... Chandler Bing: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact. Phoebe Buffay: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just? Chandler Bing: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice. Monica Geller: What?! Ross Geller: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact! Chandler Bing: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped. Monica Geller: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history! Chandler Bing: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped! Joey Tribbiani: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late. Chandler Bing: Too many jokes... must mock Joey! Joey Tribbiani: Nice shoes, huh? Chandler Bing: Aah, y'killing me! Monica Geller: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again! Ross Geller: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right? Monica Geller: Do you always have to bring him here? Ross Geller: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces... Chandler Bing: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you. Ross Geller: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me. Chandler Bing: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie. David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, alright, I have a question, then. David: Yuh. Phoebe Buffay: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever? David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you. Phoebe Buffay: Sure. David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body. David: Rrrreally. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me. David: ...Now? Now? Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, right now. David: Okay, okay, okay. Y'know what, this was just really expensive. And I'll take- this was a gift. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying. David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop? Phoebe Buffay: I can hop. Ross Geller: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you? Monica Geller: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby. Chandler Bing: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby? Monica Geller: Yeah. Joey Tribbiani: You know more than one Fun Bobby? Chandler Bing: I happen to know a Fun Bob. Rachel Green: Okay, here we go... Joey Tribbiani: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk! Rachel Green: There. Now there is. Ross Geller: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates. Joey Tribbiani: Uh, four. Ross Geller: Four. Rachel Green: Five. Ross Geller: Five. Rachel Green: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do? Ross Geller: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops? Rachel Green: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who. Ross Geller: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now. Monica Geller: What's the matter? Ross Geller: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands... Chandler Bing: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night. Ross Geller: Really. Chandler Bing: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing. Ross Geller: What, uh... what juggling thing? Chandler Bing: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that. Ross Geller: No. Chandler Bing: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon... Max: Phoebe. Hi. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody? Max: No. Have you seen David? Phoebe Buffay: No, no, he hasn't been around. Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk. Phoebe Buffay: Minsk? Max: Minsk. It's in Russia. Phoebe Buffay: I know where Minsk is. Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid. Phoebe Buffay: So when, when do you leave? Max: January first. Phoebe Buffay: Hello? David: Hey! Phoebe Buffay: Hi. David: Hi! What-what're you doing here? Phoebe Buffay: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so congratulations! This is so exciting! Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you're not going? Oh, why? Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' David: Thank you, Max. Thank you. Phoebe Buffay: So-so you're really not going? David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide. Phoebe Buffay: Oh don't do that. David: Please. Phoebe Buffay: Oh no no. David: No, but I'm asking- Phoebe Buffay: Oh, but I can't do that- David: No, but I can't- Phoebe Buffay: It's your thing, and- David: -make the decision- Phoebe Buffay: Okay, um, stay. David: Stay. Phoebe Buffay: Stay. Phoebe Buffay: Getting so good at that! David: It was Max's stuff. Janice Litman Goralnik: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! Chandler Bing: You remember Janice. Monica Geller: Vividly. Monica Geller: Hi. Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy. Joey Tribbiani: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! ...You brought your kids. Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right? Ross Geller: Par-tay! Monica Geller: That thing is not coming in here. Ross Geller: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home? Monica Geller: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table. Ross Geller: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened... Monica Geller: Alright. Just keep him away from me. Ross Geller: Thank you. C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later. Monica Geller: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo? Rachel Green: Rome. Jerk missed his flight. Phoebe Buffay: And then... your face is bloated? Rachel Green: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? Are people eating my dip? Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf. Joey Tribbiani: Wow, that's, uh, dirty. Sandy: Yeah. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, kids... Ross Geller: Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in. Janice Litman Goralnik: There you are! Haaah, you got away from me! Chandler Bing: But you found me! Janice Litman Goralnik: Here, Ross, take our picture. Smile! You're on Janice Camera! Chandler Bing: Kill me. Kill me now. Monica Geller: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby! Bobby Rush: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am! Joey Tribbiani: Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died? Bobby Rush: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again. Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter. Chandler Bing: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we- Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, no. Oh, no. Chandler Bing: I'm sorry you misunderstood... Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. Chandler Bing: Oh, will you give me the thing. Phoebe Buffay: Hi, Max! Max: Yoko. I've decided to go to Minsk without you. David: Wow. Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year. Phoebe Buffay: Are you alright? David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Phoebe Buffay: You're going to Minsk. David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me. David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you. Phoebe Buffay: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say 'no! No! I can't understand that!'. David: Uh, ow. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me. David: I'll never forget you. Phoebe Buffay: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy. Dick Clark: Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square... Joey Tribbiani: There y'go, kids. Chandler Bing: And then the peacock bit me. Please kiss me at midnight. Joey Tribbiani: You seen Sandy? Chandler Bing: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you. Rachel Green: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing. Everyone: What? Rachel Green: The bll is drrbing! Dick Clark: In twenty seconds it'll be midnight... Chandler Bing: And the moment of joy is upon us. Joey Tribbiani: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out. Phoebe Buffay: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that. Monica Geller: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby! Chandler Bing: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. Phoebe Buffay: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight. Rachel Green: I can't kiss anyone. Monica Geller: So I'm kissing everyone? Joey Tribbiani: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother. Ross Geller: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me. Chandler Bing: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me! Joey Tribbiani: Alrightalrightalright. There. Ross Geller: I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back. Rachel Green: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.

Phoebe Buffay: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news? Monica Geller: Why? Phoebe Buffay: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. Monica Geller: Oh my God. Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression. Phoebe Buffay: Where? Ooh, come to Momma. Monica Geller: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool. Guy: Nice hat. Phoebe Buffay: We should do something. Whistle. Monica Geller: We are not going to whistle. Phoebe Buffay: Come on, do it. Monica Geller: No! Phoebe Buffay: Do it! Monica Geller: No! Phoebe Buffay: Do it do it do it! Monica Geller: Woo-woo! Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you did that! Monica Geller: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'? Phoebe Buffay: I just wish there was something we could do. Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP! Monica Geller: Phoebe, what are you doing? Phoebe Buffay: Maybe nobody's tried this. Monica Geller: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic. Monica Geller: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance! Phoebe Buffay: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked. Monica Geller: I wish all guys could be like him. Phoebe Buffay: I know. Chandler Bing: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? Monica Geller: He doesn't have anyone. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible. Joey Tribbiani: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo. Rachel Green: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! Jay Leno: Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one. Chandler Bing: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax. Rachel Green: No way, forget it. Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, she's your mom! Chandler Bing: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No? Rachel Green: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool! Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.' Ross Geller: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast. Chandler Bing: You can say that because she's not your mom. Ross Geller: Oh, please... Paolo: Bona sera. Rachel Green: Oh, hi sweetie. Ross Geller: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome? Monica Geller: Last night. Ross Geller: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew. Phoebe Buffay: Hey hey hey! She's on! Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing! Jay Leno: ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about? Phoebe Buffay: Your mom was arrested? Chandler Bing: Shhh, busy beaming with pride. Nora Tyler Bing: ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man... Chandler Bing: Now why would she say that's embarrassing? Everyone: Shhh. Nora Tyler Bing: ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken. Chandler Bing: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!! Jay Leno: Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going? Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love... Everyone: Awww! Chandler Bing: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. Jay Leno: Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad... Nora Tyler Bing: Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms. Chandler Bing: ...And then he burst into flames. Monica Geller: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports. Phoebe Buffay: What about Glen? He could be a Glen. Monica Geller: Nah... not-not special enough. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! How about Agamemnon? Monica Geller: Waaay too special. Nora Tyler Bing: I am famished. What do I want... Chandler Bing: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken. Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think? Chandler Bing: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little. Ross Geller: What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place. Nora Tyler Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. Well, I think we're ready for some tequila. Chandler Bing: I know I am. Nora Tyler Bing: Who's doing shots? Monica Geller: Yeah. Phoebe Buffay: I'm in. Nora Tyler Bing: There y'go. Ross? Ross Geller: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy. Rachel Green: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, lost track of time. Ross Geller: ...But a man can change. Ross Geller: Anyone want me to appraise anything? Rachel Green: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer. Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book. Chandler Bing: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen. Nora Tyler Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226? Nora Tyler Bing: You okay there, slugger? Ross Geller: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Nora Tyler Bing: What is with you tonight? Ross Geller: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Nora Tyler Bing: Okay, thank you. It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it. Ross Geller: No. It's the one he's licking. Nora Tyler Bing: She's supposed to be with you. Ross Geller: You're good. Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why? Ross Geller: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? Nora Tyler Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off. Ross Geller: When? Nora Tyler Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is. Ross Geller: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? Nora Tyler Bing: No, it's you! Ross Geller: Please. Nora Tyler Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy... Ross Geller: Right. Nora Tyler Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me. Ross Geller: Uh-oh... Joey Tribbiani: Uhhhh... I'll just pee in the street. Ross Geller: Hey, is Chandler here? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Ross Geller: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right? Joey Tribbiani: Right. No big deal. Ross Geller: Okay. Joey Tribbiani: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code! Ross Geller: What code? Joey Tribbiani: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom! Chandler Bing: What are you guys doing out here? Ross Geller: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket. Ross Geller: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size. Chandler Bing: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. Ross Geller: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum. Joey Tribbiani: Ross, how could you let this happen? Ross Geller: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's... Joey Tribbiani: You don't think my mom's sexy? Ross Geller: Well... not in the same way... Joey Tribbiani: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children? Ross Geller: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here... Rachel Green: Hey. Ross Geller: Hey. Rachel Green: What're you guys doing out here? Ross Geller: Well, not playing raquetball! Joey Tribbiani: He forgot to leave his grip size! Ross Geller: He didn't get the goggles! Rachel Green: Well,sounds like you two have issues. Rachel Green: Goodbye, baby. Paolo: Ciao, bela. Ross Geller: Do they wait for me to do this? Joey Tribbiani: So are you gonna tell him? Ross Geller: Why would I tell him? Joey Tribbiani: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might. Ross Geller: Oh... Monica Geller: What are you guys doing here? Joey Tribbiani: Uhhhh... he's not even wearing a jockstrap! Monica Geller: ...What did I ask? Monica Geller: Hi. Phoebe Buffay: Hi. Monica Geller: What are you doing here? Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here? Monica Geller: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me? Phoebe Buffay: No. No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning? Monica Geller: How would I know? I-I wasn't here. Phoebe Buffay: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! Chandler Bing: Oh my God. Ross Geller: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you. Chandler Bing: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom? Ross Geller: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom. Chandler Bing: What? Ross Geller: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in- Chandler Bing: You knew about this? Joey Tribbiani: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing. Chandler Bing: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?! Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened. Ross Geller: Thanks, man, big help. Chandler Bing: I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking? Ross Geller: I wasn't- I mean, I- Chandler Bing: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. Ross Geller: I know- Chandler Bing: I can't believe you did this. Ross Geller: Chandler- Joey Tribbiani: Me neither, y'know what- Chandler Bing: I'm still mad at you for not telling me. Joey Tribbiani: What are you mad at me for?! Ross Geller: Chandler- Chandler Bing: You gotta let me slam the door! Joey Tribbiani: Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! See what happens when you break the code? Ross Geller: Joey- Joey Tribbiani: Ah! Huh? Monica Geller: Hey. Rachel Green: Hey. Monica Geller: 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'. Rachel Green: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'? Monica Geller: Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'. Phoebe Buffay: Hey Rach. Rachel Green: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: Hello. Monica Geller: Hello. Phoebe Buffay: Going to the hospital tonight? Monica Geller: No, you? Phoebe Buffay: No, you? Monica Geller: You just asked me. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. Um, Rachel can we do this now? Rachel Green: Okay. I am so hot! Joey Tribbiani: Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout. Ross Geller: I cannot believe we're having this conversation. Joey Tribbiani: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all. Rachel Green: Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. Phoebe Buffay: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. 'Kay. Phoebe Buffay: You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say... Phoebe Buffay: Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! Rachel Green: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo! Chandler Bing: What was that? Ross Geller: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a... Chandler Bing: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? Joey Tribbiani: Mother-Kisser... I'll shut up. Ross Geller: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips. Chandler Bing: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare. Ross Geller: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something? Chandler Bing: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom! Ross Geller: We're rehearsing a Greek play. Chandler Bing: That's very funny. We done now? Ross Geller: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel? Chandler Bing: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her. Ross Geller: Okay, 'you' can't, or you can't? Okay, that's my finger. That's, that's my knee. Still doing the play. Aaah! Phoebe Buffay: Alright, whadyou do with him? Monica Geller: Oh! You're awake! Phoebe Buffay: Look at you! How, how do you feel? Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay. Monica Geller: You look good! Coma Guy: I feel good! ...Who are you? Monica Geller: Oh, sorry. Phoebe Buffay: I'm Phoebe Buffay. Monica Geller: I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you. Phoebe Buffay: Well, we both have. Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys? Phoebe Buffay: Well, actually it's just from me. Monica Geller: I got you the foot massager. Phoebe Buffay: You know who shaved you? That was me. Monica Geller: I read to you. Phoebe Buffay: I sang. Hah! Coma Guy: Well,... thanks. Monica Geller: Oh, my pleasure. Phoebe Buffay: You're welcome. Coma Guy: So. I guess I'll see you around. Phoebe Buffay: What, that's it? Monica Geller: "See you around?" Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say? Monica Geller: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?" Coma Guy: Alright, I'll call you. Phoebe Buffay: I don't think you mean that. Monica Geller: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma. Nora Tyler Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon? Chandler Bing: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough. Nora Tyler Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. Chandler Bing: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect. Nora Tyler Bing: O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid. Chandler Bing: Really stupid. Nora Tyler Bing: Really stupid. And I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will never happen again. Are we okay now? Chandler Bing: Yeah. No. No... Ross Geller: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door. Joey Tribbiani: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything. Ross Geller: You're kidding. Joey Tribbiani: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?" Ross Geller: Wow! Joey Tribbiani: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?" Ross Geller: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?" Joey Tribbiani: That makes more sense. Ross Geller: So, what's going on now? Joey Tribbiani: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Ross Geller: Whaddya see? Joey Tribbiani: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run! Nora Tyler Bing: You okay, kiddo? Chandler Bing: Yeah, okay. Nora Tyler Bing: Alright. Chandler Bing: Nice save. Ross Geller: Mrs. Bing. Nora Tyler Bing: Mr. Geller. Chandler Bing: Hey. Ross Geller: You mean that? Chandler Bing: Yeah, why not. So I told her. Ross Geller: Yeah? How'd it go? Chandler Bing: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse. Ross Geller: Well, howdya feel? Chandler Bing: Pretty good! I told her. Ross Geller: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? But.. we don't have to go down that road. Rachel Green: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'. Monica Geller: What's a 'niffle'? Joey Tribbiani: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'. Rachel Green: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist... Ross Geller: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those! Rachel Green: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it! Everyone: Nooo!

Chandler Bing: No-no-no-no, we're done. Monica Geller: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape. Joey Tribbiani: Ross, did you really read all these baby books? Ross Geller: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. Chandler Bing: And, we're done with the yogurt. Phoebe Buffay: Sorry. Monica Geller: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? Nice talk, Aunt Syl. You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth? Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? This is your baby. Hi Daddy! Ross Geller: Hello! Joey Tribbiani: How come you don't live with Mommy? How come Mommy lives with that other lady? What's a lesbian? Rachel Green: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos Paolo: Ah, poke a nose, mmm Monica Geller: So, did I hear Poconos? Rachel Green: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend. Phoebe Buffay: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together! Monica Geller: Yeah, that's a big step. Rachel Green: I know... Chandler Bing: Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal! Ross Geller: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now? Rachel Green: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally... Ross Geller: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? I could call immigration! Joey Tribbiani: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands... Chandler Bing: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever! Joey Tribbiani: Need a new table. Chandler Bing: You think? Carol Willick: Hey hey, come on in! Ross Geller: Hey, hello! mmwa! I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna. Carol Willick: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat. Ross Geller: I'm pretty sure that it is... Carol Willick: So, I got the results of the amnio today. Ross Geller: Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh...? Carol Willick: Totally and completely healthy! Ross Geller: Oh, that's great, that is great! Ross Geller: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis? Carol Willick: Uh, that's our friend Tanya. Ross Geller: Of course it's your friend Tanya. Carol Willick: Don't you want to know about the sex? Ross Geller: The sex? Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya , yaw... Carol Willick: The sex of the baby, Ross. Ross Geller: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh! Carol Willick: Do you want to know? Ross Geller: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! Or isn't... Susan Bunch: Oh, hello Ross! Ross Geller: Susan... Susan Bunch: So, so, did you hear? Ross Geller: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK! Susan Bunch: Oh, that's so... It really is...do we know...? Carol Willick: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be... Ross Geller: Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here! Susan Bunch: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be? Carol Willick: Mm-hmmm Ross Geller: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be? Ross Geller: No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go. Carol Willick: Well, thanks for the books. Ross Geller: No problem, ok, mmmwa oh, mmmwa Susan... Susan Bunch: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona? Carol Willick: Hello? Ross Geller: Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. Chandler Bing: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one? Joey Tribbiani: That's the rule. Chandler Bing: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table! Joey Tribbiani: How'd you get to that? Chandler Bing: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio Joey Tribbiani: You knew about that? Chandler Bing: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination. Joey Tribbiani: Ok, ok, How about if we split it? Chandler Bing: What do you mean, like, buy it together? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah Chandler Bing: You think we're ready for something like that? Joey Tribbiani: Why not? Chandler Bing: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out? Joey Tribbiani: Why, are you moving out? Chandler Bing: I'm not moving out. Joey Tribbiani: You'd tell me if you were moving out right Chandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip... Joey Tribbiani: Aw, I know all about Kip! Chandler Bing: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly. Joey Tribbiani: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me? Chandler Bing: Aw, don't do that Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, thanks. Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here? Paolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh? Phoebe Buffay: Well, Racquela's right, yeah! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started. Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked? Phoebe Buffay: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked! Rachel Green: I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows... Monica Geller: And Monica knows... Ross Geller: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know! Monica Geller: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me. Joey Tribbiani: So what's it gonna be? Ross Geller: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know! Monica Geller: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt! Joey Tribbiani: Or an uncle... Ross Geller: Hi Pheebs! Rachel Green: Pheebs! Phoebe Buffay: Fine! Monica Geller: Phoebe, what's the matter? Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts. Customer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here? Rachel Green: Oh, right, that's me! Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on. Chandler Bing: Fine. Monica Geller: Phoebe, what is it? Phoebe Buffay: All right, you know Paolo? Ross Geller: I'm familiar with his work, yes... Phoebe Buffay: Well, he made a move on me. Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow! Chandler Bing: More coffee over here, please! Monica Geller: Well, what happened? Phoebe Buffay: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. Ross Geller: My God. Monica Geller: Are you sure? Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, I'm sure. And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. Monica Geller: Was it...? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there. Guys: Oooooo... Rachel Green: "Ooo," what? Phoebe Buffay: Uma Thurman. Monica Geller: Oh! Ross Geller: The actress! Ross Geller: Thanks Rach. Chandler Bing: So what are you gonna do? Ross Geller: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her. Joey Tribbiani: Feminist issue. That's where I went! Phoebe Buffay: She is gonna hate me. Ross Geller: Yeah, well... Joey Tribbiani: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? Chandler Bing: That's patio furniture! Joey Tribbiani: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again?" Of course! Chandler Bing: What about the birds? Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something." Chandler Bing: You pick one. Joey Tribbiani: All right, how about the ladybugs? Chandler Bing: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining! Joey Tribbiani: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds! Chandler Bing: Not like that, I won't! Kip would have liked the birds! Phoebe Buffay: Hey! Rachel Green: Hi Pheebs! Phoebe Buffay: Are you moving out? Rachel Green: No, these aren't all my suitcases. This one's Paolo's. Phoebe Buffay: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec? Rachel Green: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over. Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Ok, um, ok, um, Rachel Green: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs... Phoebe Buffay: Ok, um, we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. Rachel Green: Ok, thanks Pheebs Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies Rachel Green: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had. Phoebe Buffay: Which proves that I never lie. Rachel Green: I guess you don't. Phoebe Buffay: Paolo made a pass at me. Chandler Bing: So, what do you think? Ross Geller: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen. Chandler Bing: I know! Monica Geller: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads? Joey Tribbiani: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play! Monica Geller: Heads up Ross! Score! You suck! Phoebe Buffay: Are you okay? Rachel Green: I need some milk. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, I've got milk Here you go... Oh! Better? Rachel Green: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed! Phoebe Buffay: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on! Rachel Green: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened! Phoebe Buffay: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about? Rachel Green: I don't know...right, he's the pig! Phoebe Buffay: Such a pig! Rachel Green: Oh, God, he's such a pig, Phoebe Buffay: Oh he's like a... Rachel Green: He's like a big disgusting... Phoebe Buffay: ...like a... Rachel Green: ...pig...pig man! Phoebe Buffay: Yes, good! Ok... Rachel Green: Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this? Phoebe Buffay: Oh! I know! It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you... Rachel Green: Ok, Ok, Pheebs... Phoebe Buffay: The end. Rachel Green: Oh, God... Phoebe Buffay: Should I not have told you? Rachel Green: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better... Phoebe Buffay: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so... Monica Geller: We should get over there and see if she's okay. Just one...second! Score! Game! Come on. Ross Geller: Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts. Joey Tribbiani: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team. Ross Geller: Come on, two on one. Chandler Bing: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in! Ross Geller: What, now? Joey Tribbiani: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo! Chandler Bing: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! Paolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's... Ross Geller: How's it going? Monica Geller: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, , Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes! Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, ok bye-bye. Monica Geller: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles. Paolo: Grazie. Ross Geller: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... Phoebe Buffay: Oh, just look at her... Ross Geller: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed... Monica Geller: Oh, you're right. Ross Geller: ...and I really think it should be me. Ross Geller: Hey. Rachel Green: Hey. Ross Geller: You all right? Rachel Green: Ooh, I've been better... Ross Geller: Come here. Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you. Rachel Green: Oh, Ross... Ross Geller: What? Rachel Green: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. Ross Geller: Huh. Rachel Green: Oh Ross, you're so great! Ross Geller: Ohhhh Monica Geller: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right? Rachel Green: Oh... Phoebe Buffay: You ok? Rachel Green: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left? Phoebe Buffay: Yep! Ross Geller: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process. Rachel Green: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want Ross Geller: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo. Rachel Green: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one. Ross Geller: What? Rachel Green: What? Ross Geller: I-I'm, I'm having a boy? Rachel Green: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy. Ross Geller: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! Huh, am I having a boy? Ross Geller: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy! Chandler Bing: Wha- Joey Tribbiani: Wha- Ross Geller: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy! Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Chandler Bing: Hey! Ross Geller: I'm having a son. Um... Monica Geller: Yes! And that would be a shut-down! Monica Geller: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game! Joey Tribbiani: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning! Chandler Bing: Yeah, get out! Monica Geller: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, and I'm gone. Chandler Bing: One more game? Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah!

Rachel Green: That is it! You just barge in here, you don't knock Chandler Bing: I'm sorry! Rachel Green: You have no respect for anybody's privacy! Chandler Bing: Rachel, wait, wait. Rachel Green: No, you wait! This is ridiculous! Chandler Bing: Can I just say one thing? Rachel Green: What? What?! Chandler Bing: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas. Rachel Green: Oh!! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower. Roger: That's pretty much it. Phoebe Buffay: Oops! Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie. Phoebe Buffay: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you. Roger: Okay. I'll miss you. Phoebe Buffay: Isn't he great? Rachel Green: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much. Phoebe Buffay: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know? Monica Geller: So, you think you'll do it on his couch? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl. Rachel Green: Okaaay. Any of you guys want anything else? Chandler Bing: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. Rachel Green: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else? Chandler Bing: Okay. Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something? Chandler Bing: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies. Ross Geller: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies? Chandler Bing: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts. Rachel Green: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts. Rachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change. Chandler Bing: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies. Rachel Green: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice. Chandler Bing: Okaaay, rock, hard place, me. Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops. Chandler Bing: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that? Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance. Chandler Bing: Huh. Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty. Chandler Bing: Uhhuh, how did you know that? Roger: It's textbook. Joey Tribbiani: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right? Everyone: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib! Monica Geller: Hey, how long are you in the city? Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. I don't know this one. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, this is my friend Roger. Roger: Hi. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger. Roger: You too, sir. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: What happened to the, uh, puppet guy? Joey Tribbiani: Dad, dad. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny! Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? Did you know this isn't Ma? Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician. Joey Tribbiani: Sure. So how long you been... Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships? Joey Tribbiani: Since then?! Joey Tribbiani Sr.: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love? Joey Tribbiani: ...I d'know. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes. Joey Tribbiani: You're one to talk. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women. Joey Tribbiani: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you. Joey Tribbiani: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. That'd be cool... This blows! Rachel Green: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... Why can't you stop staring at my breasts? Chandler Bing: What? What? Rachel Green: Did you not get a good enough look the other day? Ross Geller: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee. Chandler Bing: Y'know, I don't see that happening? Rachel Green: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat. Chandler Bing: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.' Monica Geller: Hello? Phoebe Buffay: It's Phoebe. Roger: And Rog. Monica Geller: C'mon up. Chandler Bing: Oh, good. Rog is here. Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter with Rog? Ross Geller: Yeah. Chandler Bing: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy. Ross Geller: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad. Ross Geller: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian? Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail. Ross Geller: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why? Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you... Monica Geller: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing. Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents. Ross Geller: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures! Monica Geller: Oh! So you think I'm a failure! Phoebe Buffay: Isn't he good? Ross Geller: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying... Monica Geller: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better! Ross Geller: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good! Rachel Green: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in. Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay? Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie... Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon. Monica Geller: You're welcome. Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love. Monica Geller: Hate that guy! Joey Tribbiani: Night, you guys. Chandler Bing: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered. Joey Tribbiani: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you? Ronni Rapalono: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani. Joey Tribbiani: I'm Joey Tribbiani. Ronni Rapalono: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! I-I'm, I'm Ronni...Cheese Nip? Chandler Bing: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know? Ronni Rapalono: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee. Chandler Bing: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys. Ronni Rapalono: That's a good one! Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey, Joe. Joey Tribbiani: Dad, Ronni's here. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Huh? Ronni Rapalono: Hi. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing here? Ronni Rapalono: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Thank you. Uh... Chandler Bing: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk? Ronni Rapalono: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: I don't want you taking that thing. Ronni Rapalono: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here? Joey Tribbiani: Who-ah-ho. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: We'll go to a hotel. Ronni Rapalono: We'll go to a hotel. Joey Tribbiani: No you won't. Ronni Rapalono: No we won't. Joey Tribbiani: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: You're gonna keep an eye on us? Joey Tribbiani: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend. Ronni Rapalono: Wow. He's strict. Joey Tribbiani: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in Chandler's room. Ronni Rapalono: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid. Chandler Bing: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late." Joey Tribbiani: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: What kinda change? Joey Tribbiani: Well, either you break it off with Ronni Joey Tribbiani Sr.: I can't do that! Joey Tribbiani: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right! Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Yeah, but this is Joey Tribbiani: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room! Chandler Bing: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing? Joey Tribbiani: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear. Chandler Bing: Well, you're gonna. Joey Tribbiani: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls... Chandler Bing: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes? Joey Tribbiani: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking... Chandler Bing: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave? Joey Tribbiani: No. Chandler Bing: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married." Joey Tribbiani: You really think so? Chandler Bing: Yeah. I really do. Joey Tribbiani: Thanks, Chandler. Chandler Bing: Get off! Ronni Rapalono: Hi. Monica Geller: Hi...May I help you? Ronni Rapalono: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours? Monica Geller: Okay...who are you? Ronni Rapalono: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress? Monica Geller: Oh, c'mon in. Ronni Rapalono: Thanks. Rachel Green: Hi, I'm Rachel. Ronni Rapalono: Hi. Rachel Green: Bathroom's up there. Ronni Rapalono: Great. Rachel Green: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower? Ronni Rapalono: Oh, like, uh, five minutes? Rachel Green: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. Hey, Mr. Trib. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey. Morning, dear. Rachel Green: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing. Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter with you?! Rachel Green: I thought it was Chandler! Chandler Bing: What? What? Rachel Green: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing! Chandler Bing: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me. Everyone: Hey, Pheebs. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Monica Geller: How's it going? Phoebe Buffay: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys. Phoebe Buffay: So what's going on? Monica Geller: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger. Ross Geller: I dunno, there's just something about... Chandler Bing: Basically we just feel that he's... Rachel Green: We hate that guy. Everyone: Yeah. Hate him. Ross Geller: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry. Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out? Everyone: ...No, we hate him. Rachel Green: We're sorry. Joey Tribbiani: Ma! What're you doing here? Gloria Tribbiani: I came to give you this and this. Joey Tribbiani: Oww! Big ring! Gloria Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. Joey Tribbiani: Hold on, you-you knew? Gloria Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please! Joey Tribbiani: So then how could you I mean, how could you?! Gloria Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby. Joey Tribbiani: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you? Gloria Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary. Joey Tribbiani: I'm...happy...for you? Gloria Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was. Joey Tribbiani: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want. Gloria Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is. Gloria Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her? Joey Tribbiani: With this ring? No contest. Roger: What's wrong, sweetie? Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, nothing. Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. Phoebe Buffay: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't. Roger: Oh. They don't. Phoebe Buffay: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little... Roger: What? Phoebe Buffay: Intense and creepy. Roger: Oh. Phoebe Buffay: But I don't. Me, Phoebe. Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way. Phoebe Buffay: You're not? See, that's why you're so great! Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'. Monica Geller: So you talked to your dad, huh. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today. Rachel Green: Wow. Chandler Bing: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain. Ross Geller: So Joey, you okay? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes. Rachel Green: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them. Chandler Bing: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Everyone: Hey, Pheebs. Monica Geller: How's it going? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger. Everyone: Awww. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, right. Everyone: Aaawwwwww!! Rachel Green: What happened? Phoebe Buffay: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy! Phoebe Buffay: Hey, Joey. What's going on? Joey Tribbiani: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. Monica Geller: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?! Joey Tribbiani: Sorry. Wrong boobies. Monica Geller: Hello, Joey. Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Oh! ...Hello, dear.

Joey Tribbiani: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you. Ross Geller: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building. Chandler Bing: Any contact? Ross Geller: She lent me an egg once. Joey Tribbiani: You're in! Ross Geller: Aw, right. Woman: Hi, Ross. Ross Geller: Hey. Chandler Bing: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third... Joey Tribbiani: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks. Ross Geller: An egg? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg." Chandler Bing: I think it's winning. Ross Geller: I think it's insane. Chandler Bing: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend. Joey Tribbiani: Think it'll work? Chandler Bing: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg. Monica Geller: You can not do this. Rachel Green: Do what, do what? Monica Geller: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night. Rachel Green: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy? Phoebe Buffay: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day! Monica Geller: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do. Rachel Green: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night? Joey Tribbiani: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes. Chandler Bing: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight... Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend. Chandler Bing: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a... Joey Tribbiani: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this. Ross Geller: Hi. She said yes. Chandler Bing: Yes! Way to go, man! Still got the egg, huh? Joey Tribbiani: How do I look? Chandler Bing: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess. Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice. Chandler Bing: ...And what did you bring? Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice. Chandler Bing: Janice? Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh... my... God. Chandler Bing: Hey, it's Janice. Chandler Bing: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window. Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down. Chandler Bing: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months! Joey Tribbiani: Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous. Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!! Rachel Green: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney. Monica Geller: Which one was Pete Carney? Rachel Green: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. "Was it good for you?" Monica Geller: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two monthsI didn't get to win once. Rachel Green: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people! Monica Geller: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets. Phoebe Buffay: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch. Monica Geller: There's more beer, right? Phoebe Buffay: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual. Rachel Green: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect. Monica Geller: Ok, well, what kind of ritual? Phoebe Buffay: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us. Rachel Green: Or? Phoebe Buffay: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks. Monica Geller: Burning's good. Rachel Green: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn. Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes. Joey Tribbiani: Good for you. Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters? Janice Litman Goralnik: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads. Chandler Bing: That's OK. Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty. Joey Tribbiani: We can't do that. Chandler Bing: What? What can't you do? Joey Tribbiani: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there? Joey Tribbiani: Uh, we might be leaving now. Chandler Bing: Tell me it's "you and me" we. Joey Tribbiani: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it. Chandler Bing: Ok, you can not do this to me. Joey Tribbiani: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right. Lorraine: Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please? Joey Tribbiani: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler. Chandler Bing: I hope she throws up on you. Chandler Bing: So... Janice Litman Goralnik: Just us. Chandler Bing: Oh, what a crappy night! Janice Litman Goralnik: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom. Chandler Bing: Excuse me. How ya doin'? Janice Litman Goralnik: So, do we have the best friends or what? Chandler Bing: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV? Janice Litman Goralnik: I will go for that drink. Chandler Bing: You got it. Good woman! Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne? Janice Litman Goralnik: Each. Chandler Bing: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. I've always wanted to know... Janice Litman Goralnik: Happy Valentine's Day! Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this happened? Chandler Bing: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice. Janice Litman Goralnik: Kiss me! Monica Geller: Oh, Chandler, sorry. Monica Geller: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice. Janice Litman Goralnik: Hi, Monica. Chandler Bing: Ok, well, this was very special. Monica Geller: Rach, come see who's out here! Rachel Green: Oh my god. Janice, hi! Chandler Bing: Janice is gonna go away now. Monica Geller: I'll be right back. Rachel Green: Oh, Joey, look who it is. Joey Tribbiani: Whoa. Chandler Bing: Oh, good, Joey's home now. Janice Litman Goralnik: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall. Monica Geller: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. He just happened to call. Janice Litman Goralnik: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? Ross Geller: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half. Kristin: That's funny. Who are they? Ross Geller: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend. Kristin: You mean they're lovers. Ross Geller: If you wanna put a label on it. Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know? Ross Geller: Nope, nope, that's it. Ross Geller: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. Helloo! Phoebe Buffay: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine. Monica Geller: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca. Phoebe Buffay: Um, that's ok! Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man. Rachel Green: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place. Monica Geller: Can we just start throwing things in? Phoebe Buffay: Ok, yeah, ok. Oh, OK. Rachel Green: Ok, Barry's letters. Adam Ritter's boxer shorts. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah. Monica Geller: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked. Rachel Green: Hey he's wearing a sweater. Monica Geller: No. Rachel Green: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa. Monica Geller: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost pure... Chandler Bing: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day? Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's. Chandler Bing: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush. Janice Litman Goralnik: Hello, funny Valentine. Chandler Bing: Hi, Just Janice. Janice Litman Goralnik: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna! Joey Tribbiani: If you don't do it, I will. Ross Geller: So, um, what do you do for a living? Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working.. ...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major. Carol Willick: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you. Susan Bunch: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. Ross Geller: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad. Kristin: I guess. Ross Geller: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us? Carol Willick: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine. Ross Geller: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin... ...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major! Fireman No. 1: What do we got there? Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred pictureWow, that guy's hairier than the Chief! Monica Geller: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened. Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control. Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight. Rachel Green: Really? Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year. Janice Litman Goralnik: I brought you something. Chandler Bing: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. Chan and Jan Forever. Janice Litman Goralnik: I had them made special. Chandler Bing: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out. Janice Litman Goralnik: That's fine. Chandler Bing: It is? Janice Litman Goralnik: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end. Chandler Bing: Oh no, you see, actually it is. Janice Litman Goralnik: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing. Chandler Bing: Oh, no I don't. Janice Litman Goralnik: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed? Chandler Bing: I did, but... Janice Litman Goralnik: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya. Chandler Bing: Call me! Carol Willick: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine. Ross Geller: You did so. I swear, I swear How long has she been in the bathroom? Carol Willick: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone. Ross Geller: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years. Carol Willick: That could be it. Ross Geller: Oh, god. You know, this is still pretty hot. Carol Willick: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny Ross Geller: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you. Carol Willick: Oh, I love you too. But... Ross Geller: No but, no but. Carol Willick: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you. Ross Geller: That's easy for you to say, you found one already. Carol Willick: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set. Carol Willick: Not her. Fireman No. 3: We get off around midnight, why don't we pick you up then? Rachel Green: So, um, will you bring the truck? Fireman No. 3: I'll even let you ring the bell. Rachel Green: Oh, my god. Phoebe Buffay: See, there you go, the cleansing works! Monica Geller: They're nice guys. Rachel Green: Oh, they're firemen guys. Fireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married? Fireman No. 2: No way! Fireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't know, I'm not gonna tell them!

Rachel Green: Coffee. Joey Tribbiani: Thank you. Rachel Green: Cappuccino. Ross Geller: Grazie. Rachel Green: And a nice hot cider for Monica. Monica Geller: Aww, thank you. Uh Rach? Rachel Green: Yeah? Monica Geller: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser? Rachel Green: Oh! That's why. I'm sorry! Woman: Chandler. Chandler Bing: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you. Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day. Chandler Bing: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. Nothing. Phoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know... Chandler Bing: Hey! Everyone: Hey! Phoebe Buffay: Never mind. But it was going to be really good. Ross Geller: What's going on? Everyone: What is it? Chandler Bing: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor. Everyone: That's great! Chandler Bing: So... I quit. Everyone: Why? Chandler Bing: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job! Monica Geller: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years. Chandler Bing: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do. Phoebe Buffay: So was it a lot more money? Chandler Bing: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS. Rachel Green: ... the WENUS? Chandler Bing: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term. Rachel Green: Oh. That WENUS. Joey Tribbiani: So what're you going to do? Chandler Bing: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there. Phoebe Buffay: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef. Monica Geller: Um... hi there. Phoebe Buffay: Hi! Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so... Chandler Bing: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah! Monica Geller: Well, what kind of food is he looking for? Phoebe Buffay: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu. Monica Geller: Oh my God! Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know! So, what do you think? Chandler Bing: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat. Phoebe Buffay: OK. Oh Monica! Guess what! Chandler Bing: Can you see my nipples through this shirt? Rachel Green: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there. Phoebe Buffay: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man? Chandler Bing: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. I added the "a-gogo." Rachel Green: Career counselor? Chandler Bing: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do. Rachel Green: I don't! Chandler Bing: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream. Ross Geller: Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech. Monica Geller: Oh, I love my life, I love my life! Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! Brian's Song! Rachel Green: The meeting with the guy went great? Monica Geller: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right. Chandler Bing: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears? Monica Geller: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises. Rachel Green: What are you going to make? Phoebe Buffay: Yummy noises. Rachel Green: And Monica, what are you going to make? Monica Geller: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great! Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! I know what you could make! I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. Ross Geller: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood? Joey Tribbiani: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free. Ross Geller: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma? Chandler Bing: Who are you going out with? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, is this the bug lady? Rachel Green: Bzzzz... I love you, Ross. Ross Geller: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum. Rachel Green: So what are you guys going to do? Ross Geller: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey. Chandler Bing: And he's not speaking metaphorically. Joey Tribbiani: So... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... huh-huh? Ross Geller: Well, I don't know... huh-huh... but I'm hoping huh-huh. Joey Tribbiani: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal. Ross Geller: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel... Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my... Ross Geller: Alright... Monica Geller: OK, try this salmon mousse. Joey Tribbiani: Mmmm. Good. Monica Geller: Is it better than the other salmon mousse? Joey Tribbiani: It's creamier. Monica Geller: Yeah, well, is that better? Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know? Rachel Green: My God! What happened to you? Chandler Bing: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation." Phoebe Buffay: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that! Chandler Bing: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something. Rachel Green: Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt! Monica Geller: Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up. Chandler Bing: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you. Monica Geller: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche. Chandler Bing: Well... it is amouz-ing... Monica Geller: Hello? Oh, hi Wendy! Yeah, eight o'clock. What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... OK, great. All right, I'll see you then. Bye. Phoebe Buffay: Ten dollars an hour for what? Monica Geller: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out. Rachel Green: Waitressing? Joey Tribbiani: Uh-oh. Monica Geller: Well... of course I thought of you! But... but... Rachel Green: But, but? Monica Geller: But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress. Rachel Green: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics. Chandler Bing: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. Amouz-bouche? Celia: Talk to me. Ross Geller: OK... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning... Celia: No no no. Talk... dirty. Ross Geller: Wha... what, here? Celia: Yes... Ross Geller: Ah... Celia: Say something... hot. Ross Geller: Er... um... Celia: What? Ross Geller: Um... uh... vulva. Joey Tribbiani: Vulva? Ross Geller: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling. Joey Tribbiani: Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times?? Ross Geller: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know? Joey Tribbiani: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me. Ross Geller: Please be kidding. Joey Tribbiani: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now. Ross Geller: OK. I'm in my apartment... Joey Tribbiani: ...yeah... what else? Ross Geller: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. Joey Tribbiani: Alright, look, I'll start, OK? Ross Geller: Joey, please. Joey Tribbiani: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! Oh... Ross... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now. Ross Geller: Wow. Joey Tribbiani: Alright, now you say something. Ross Geller: I... ahem... I really don't think so. Joey Tribbiani: Come on! You like this woman, right? Ross Geller: Yeah. Joey Tribbiani: You want to see her again, right? Ross Geller: Sure. Joey Tribbiani: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt! Ross Geller: OK, turn around. I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this. Joey Tribbiani: Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead. Ross Geller: Ahem... I want... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips. Joey Tribbiani: There you go! Keep going. Keep going! Ross Geller: I, er... Ross Geller: I want to take my tongue... and... Ross Geller: ...and... Joey Tribbiani: Say it... say it! Ross Geller: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with... Chandler Bing: ...with?? Ross Geller: Funny story! Joey Tribbiani: You're not going to believe this! Chandler Bing: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together. Joey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again. Chandler Bing: Again? Joey Tribbiani: And again, and again, and again... Hello? And again. Chandler Bing: Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? Yeah, I miss you too. Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? Well, that's very generous er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about... And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! I'll see you on Monday! Chandler Bing: Well? Phoebe Buffay: Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube. Chandler Bing: Look at this! Phoebe Buffay: Oh! You have a window! Chandler Bing: Yes indeedy! With a beautiful view of... Phoebe Buffay: Oh look! That guy's peeing! Chandler Bing: OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down. Phoebe Buffay: OK. Chandler Bing: This is great! Helen, could you come in here for a moment? Chandler Bing: Thank you Helen, that'll be all. Chandler Bing: Last time I do that, I promise. Monica Geller: Wendy, we had a deal! Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! Rachel Green: Who was that? Monica Geller: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress. Rachel Green: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. Monica Geller: Ten dollars an hour. Rachel Green: No. Monica Geller: Twelve dollars an hour. Rachel Green: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around. Monica Geller: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... twenty dollars an hour. Rachel Green: Done. Rachel Green: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat? Monica Geller: Hi Steve! Steve (drug addict): Hello, Monica. Hello, greeter girl. Monica Geller: This is Rachel. Steve (drug addict): Yeah, OK. Phoebe Buffay: Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of of, OK, smells. Steve (drug addict): It's a lovely apartment. Monica Geller: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour? Steve (drug addict): I was just being polite, but, alright. Rachel Green: What's up? Phoebe Buffay: In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie. Rachel Green: What? Phoebe Buffay: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja? Rachel Green: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK. Steve (drug addict): Is it dry in here? Rachel Green: Let me, let me get you some wine! Monica Geller: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... ... with just a touch of mints... and... ... ginger. Steve (drug addict): Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic! Monica Geller: I'm so glad you liked them! Steve (drug addict): Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them! Monica Geller: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets. Steve (drug addict): Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning. Rachel Green: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything? Steve (drug addict): You know, I don't know what I'm looking for. Steve (drug addict): Ah, cool! Taco shells! You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope. Monica Geller: You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite. Steve (drug addict): Hey! Sugar-O's! Monica Geller: You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes... Steve (drug addict): Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this! Monica Geller: No, we don't. Steve (drug addict): Oh, OK. Oh, sorry. Monica Geller: Why don't you just have a seat here? OK... give me the Gummi-bears. Steve (drug addict): No. Monica Geller: Give them to me. Steve (drug addict): Alright, we'll share. Monica Geller: No, give me the... Steve (drug addict): Well then you can't have any. Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! "Help! I'm drowning! Help!" Monica Geller: That's it! Dinner is over! Steve (drug addict): What? Monica Geller: What? Steve (drug addict): Why? Monica Geller: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet? Steve (drug addict): Hey! Joey Tribbiani: What a tool! Rachel Green: You don't want to work for a guy like that. Ross Geller: Yeah! Monica Geller: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it. Ross Geller: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking. Joey Tribbiani: So, er... how did it go with Celia? Ross Geller: Oh, I was unbelievable. Joey Tribbiani: All right, Ross! Ross Geller: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers. Joey Tribbiani: Whoa! And the... huh-huh? Ross Geller: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh... Joey Tribbiani: You cuddled. Ross Geller: Yeah, which was nice. Phoebe Buffay: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something? Rachel Green: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, where the hell is he? Chandler Bing: Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! Whooooaaaa... Phoebe Buffay: How's this? Steve (drug addict): Eeeee! Phoebe Buffay: Sorry. How about over here? Steve (drug addict): Aaaaah! Phoebe Buffay: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt? Steve (drug addict): No. Phoebe Buffay: What about this? Steve (drug addict): Aaaaahhh!! Phoebe Buffay: There you go!

Chandler Bing: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now. Joey Tribbiani: Theres the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss? Chandler Bing: Its Phoebe! Hi! Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all? Chandler Bing: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here? Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here. Joey Tribbiani: No, no... how come you are working here? Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute. Chandler Bing: Can we start over? Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. Ross Geller: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident. Rachel Green: No, yeah, Ive done that. Ross Geller: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword. Rachel Green: Ive never done that. Chandler Bing: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister. Joey Tribbiani: Im sayin I see a difference. Chandler Bing: Theyre twins! Joey Tribbiani: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot! Chandler Bing: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Chandler Bing: Lets not do that any more. Everyone: Hey guys! Hey! Joey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson. Joey Tribbiani: Nope. Phoebe Buffay: Morly Safer. Joey Tribbiani: Nope. Phoebe Buffay: The woman who cuts my hair! Monica Geller: Okay, look, this could be a really long game. Chandler Bing: Your sister Ursula. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, really. Chandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh... Phoebe Buffay: Rifts. Yeah, I know. Chandler Bing: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys havent talked in like years. Phoebe Buffay: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat? Joey Tribbiani: Not from where I was standin. Phoebe Buffay: where were you standing? Rachel Green: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just dont get along? Phoebe Buffay: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?" Ross Geller: Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class. Chandler Bing: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym. Rachel Green: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol? Ross Geller: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team. Rachel Green: Well, isnt, isnt that gonna be weird? Ross Geller: No, no. I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation. Monica Geller: Ross, thats my jacket. Ross Geller: I know. Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl. Teacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next? Ross Geller: Hi, um, Im err, Im Ross Geller, and err ah... ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... ..whos next? Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is? Ross Geller: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend... Carol Willick: Life partner. Ross Geller: Like buddies. Susan Bunch: Like lovers. Ross Geller: You know how close women can get. Carol Willick: Susan and I live together. Ross Geller: Although I was married to her. Susan Bunch: Carol, not me. Ross Geller: Err, right. Carol Willick: Its a little complicated. Ross Geller: A little. Susan Bunch: But were fine. Ross Geller: Absolutely. So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. Ouch. Chandler Bing: And to you too, Helen. Helen: Nina Bookbinder is here to see you. Chandler Bing: Oh, okay. Send her in. Nina Bookbinder: Hi. Chandler Bing: Hi, Nina. Come on in. Nina Bookbinder: You wanted to see me? Chandler Bing: Uh, Yes. Yes. Ive just been going over your data here, and little thing, youve been post-dating your Friday numbers. Nina Bookbinder: Which is bad, because? Chandler Bing: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack. Nina Bookbinder: Your... excuse me? Chandler Bing: WENUS. Weekly Estimated Net... Nina Bookbinder: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Wont happen again. I wouldnt want to do anything to hurt your... "wenus." Chandler Bing: Its not just that shes cute, okay. Its just that... shes really really cute. Ross Geller: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink. Monica Geller: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again. Ross Geller: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote... Monica Geller: Great. Ross Geller: Relax, I'll fix it. Rachel Green: Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel." Ross Geller: How did he do this? Chandler Bing: So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long? Monica Geller: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Years... but obviously someone forgot. Rachel Green: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... How long has that been there? Chandler Bing: Hey, where you been? Joey Tribbiani: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries. Chandler Bing: Score. Joey Tribbiani: She is so hot! Chandler Bing: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... Joey Tribbiani: Pheebs? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah? Joey Tribbiani: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister? Phoebe Buffay: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why? Joey Tribbiani: So that if we went out on a date, shed be there. Phoebe Buffay: Well, I mean, I'm not my sisters, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, its true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weve grown apart, so, um... I dont know, why not? Okay. Joey Tribbiani: Cool, thanks. Ross Geller: You okay? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah Im fine. Ross Geller: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley? Ross Geller: Sorry. Ross Geller: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol? Susan Bunch: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. I'll get the information. Ross Geller: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on. Susan Bunch: Oh, good. Thisll be fun. Teacher: Alrighty. Were gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why dont you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummys head. Susan Bunch: I am supposed to be the mommy? Ross Geller: Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time. Susan Bunch: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I'm a woman. Ross Geller: I see. So what do you propose to do? Susan Bunch: I will flip you for it. Ross Geller: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads! Susan Bunch: On your back... Mom. Teacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath. Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower. Chandler Bing: Mr. D, hows it going, sir? Mr. Douglas: Ohh, its been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in. Chandler Bing: And? Mr. Douglas: Its pretty ugly. We havent seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies. Chandler Bing: So what does this mean? Mr. Douglas: Well, were gonna be layin off people in every department. Chandler Bing: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very – Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone? Chandler Bing: Nina? Nina. Nina. Nina. Nina Bookbinder: Are you okay? Chandler Bing: Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me. Nina Bookbinder: What? Chandler Bing: Would you like to have dinner sometime? Rachel Green: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday? Phoebe Buffay: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me. Rachel Green: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn? Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice. Rachel Green: Ooh, okay... good. Jamie: What is this place? Frank Buffay Jr.: Look, youre cold, I have to pee, and... ..theres a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be? Jamie: I think we have an answer. Frank Buffay Jr.: Whats she doing here? Jamie: This could be Gods way of telling us to eat at home. Frank Buffay Jr.: Think she got fired at Riffs? Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... ..bringing swordfish. are you gonna go to the, um? Frank Buffay Jr.: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right. Jamie: It looks like her. Jamie: Um, excuse me. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah? Jamie: Hi, its us. Phoebe Buffay: Right, and its me. Jamie: So, so youre here too? Phoebe Buffay: Much as you are. Jamie: Your turn. Frank Buffay Jr.: Err... we know what we want. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, thats good. Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes. Frank Buffay Jr.: And some biscottie cookies. Phoebe Buffay: Good choice. Jamie: Definitely her. Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah. Monica Geller: I cant believe you. You still havent told that girl she doesnt have a job yet? Chandler Bing: Well, you still havent taken down the Christmas lights. Monica Geller: Congratulations, I think youve found the worlds thinnest argument. Chandler Bing: Im just trying to find the right moment, you know? Rachel Green: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?" Joey Tribbiani: Hey. Chandler Bing: You know, once youre inside, you dont have to knock any more. Monica Geller: I'll get it. Monica Geller: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles. Mr. Heckles: Youre doing it again. Monica Geller: Were not doing anything. Were just sitting around talking, quietly. Mr. Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats cant sleep. Rachel Green: You dont even have cats. Mr. Heckles: I could have cats. Monica Geller: Goodbye Mr.Heckles. Rachel Green: Well try to keep it down. Joey Tribbiani: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, my first birthday present... ..oh, this is really... Joey Tribbiani: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise. Phoebe Buffay: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... ..okay, it fits. Rachel Green: Are you seein her again tonight? Joey Tribbiani: Yep. Ice Capades. Chandler Bing: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade. Joey Tribbiani: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her. Phoebe Buffay: That you like, we get it. You like her. Great! Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay. Phoebe Buffay: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay. Joey Tribbiani: Okay... Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay. Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Chandler Bing: Knit, good woman, knit, knit! Chandler Bing: And thats the Chrysler Building right there. Mr. Douglas: Nina. Nina Bookbinder: Mr.Douglas... ..cool tie. Mr. Douglas: Shes still here. Chandler Bing: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan. Chandler Bing: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy. Mr. Douglas: Youre kidding? She seems so... Chandler Bing: Oh, no, no. Nina... ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all. Mr. Douglas: Thats unbelievable. Chandler Bing: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others. Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whats goin on inside a persons head. Chandler Bing: Well, I guess thats why they call it psychology, sir. Soothing Male Voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth. Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class. Ross Geller: Susan, go deep. Carol Willick: This is impossible. Its just impossible. Susan Bunch: What is, honey? Carol Willick: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in. Ross Geller: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright. Carol Willick: Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?" Susan Bunch: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath. Susan Bunch: I know its frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when its over, were all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives. Susan Bunch: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross? Ross Geller: Im gonna be a father. Rachel Green: This is just occurring to you? Ross Geller: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me. Rachel Green: Oh, youre gonna be great! Ross Geller: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid? Chandler Bing: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different. Phoebe Buffay: Wherere you going? Joey Tribbiani: Out. Phoebe Buffay: With? Joey Tribbiani: Yes. Phoebe Buffay: Alright, could I just ask you one question? Phoebe Buffay: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet? Joey Tribbiani: Well, not that its any of your business, but, no, we havent, okay? Joey Tribbiani: You meant sex, right? Nina Bookbinder: Do you have a sec? Chandler Bing: Ah, sure, Nina. Whats up? Nina Bookbinder: I dont know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks. Chandler Bing: Oh, well, ah... maybe thats because theyre ah... jealous, of us. Nina Bookbinder: Maybe. But that doesnt explain why they keep taking my scissors. Chandler Bing: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise. Nina Bookbinder: I am? Chandler Bing: Sure, why not? Nina Bookbinder: Oh my god! Youre amazing! Chandler Bing: Oh, you dont know. Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinders raise? Helen: So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel? Nina Bookbinder: What? Chandler Bing: Helen drinks. Will you marry me? Chandler Bing: Well, I ended up telling her everything. Rachel Green: Oh, howd she take it? Chandler Bing: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... ..on the desk. Monica Geller: Okay, I think I get how to do this. Phoebe Buffay: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch. Monica Geller: okay, Pheebs, theyre gone. Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Monica Geller: Are you alright? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its... Rachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible? Phoebe Buffay: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend? Phoebe Buffay: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us. Rachel Green: Oh... Oh, Pheebs. Phoebe Buffay: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but... Chandler Bing: Youre not gonna lose him. Monica Geller: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Okay. Ross Geller: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt. Phoebe Buffay: But hes falling in love with her. Rachel Green: Oh please, theyve been going out a week. They havent even slept together yet, I mean, thats not serious. Phoebe Buffay: Okay... Okay. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, oh. Ursula: Oh. Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you? Monica Geller: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside? Rachel Green: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... ..Im takin em down. Okay? Whoa! Monica Geller: Oh-my-god Rachel! Rachel! Rachel Green: Im okay! Im okay! Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please? Mr. Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.

Rachel Green: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Monica Geller: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something. Nurse Sizemore: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up? Nurse Sizemore: Fill this out and bring it back to me. Rachel Green: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Monica Geller: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call? Rachel Green: You. Monica Geller: Really? Rachel Green: Yeah. Monica Geller: Oh, that is so sweet. Oh gosh, love you. Insurance? Rachel Green: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that. Monica Geller: you don't have insurance? Rachel Green: Why, how much is this gonna cost? Monica Geller: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars. Rachel Green: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do? Monica Geller: Well there's not much we can do. Rachel Green: Um... unless, unless I use yours. Monica Geller: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no. Rachel Green: well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person? Monica Geller: That's insurance fraud. Rachel Green: Well, alright, then, forget it. Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow! Monica Geller: Okay, okay. I hate this. Rachel Green: Thank you. Thank you. I love you. Monica Geller: Hi, um, I'm gonna need a new set of these forms . Nurse Sizemore: Why? Monica Geller: I am really an idiot. you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, I put mine. Nurse Sizemore: You are an idiot. . Monica Geller: yep, that's me, I am that stupid . Ross Geller: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid. Ross Geller: No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me. Joey Tribbiani: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team. Ross Geller: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field. Chandler Bing: What are you crazy? That's a baby! Joey Tribbiani: He should take the sack? Ross Geller: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father. Chandler Bing: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive? Chandler Bing: Well, only if you order stuff. Joey Tribbiani: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday. Ross Geller: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday? Joey Tribbiani: When's that? Ross Geller: Tonight. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening? Ross Geller: You take your time. Chandler Bing: There it is! So what're you gonna do? Joey Tribbiani: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula. Chandler Bing: And your friend Phoebe? Joey Tribbiani: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys? Chandler Bing: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit. Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference. Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica? Monica Geller: Yes? ..yes, she is. Rachel Green: Hi, this is my friend Rachel. Monica Geller: Hi. Dr. Mitchell: Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell. Dr. Rosen: And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen. Rachel Green: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor? Dr. Rosen: Excuse me? Rachel Green: I meant er, young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach. Monica Geller: Thank you. Rachel Green: Right. Rachel Green: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it. Monica Geller: Uh, you left out the stupid part. Rachel Green: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes." Monica Geller: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates. Rachel Green: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, cute doctors, doctors who are cute! Chandler Bing: Alright, what have we learned so far? The Whole Party: SURPRISE!!! Ross Geller: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me. Rachel Green: Was that the cake? Ross Geller: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush. Monica Geller: Come on, she'll be here any minute. Rachel Green: I hope it's okay. Monica Geller: Oh... Chandler Bing: "Happy Birthday Peehe." Monica Geller: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses. Ross Geller: Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, what's going on? Ross Geller: Oh, we just... Phoebe's Friends: Surprise! Phoebe Buffay: oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! You found Betty! Oh my god! This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, Where's Joey? Chandler Bing: Did you see Betty? Ross Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!" Ross Geller: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all? Ross Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had come to me with the idea andndash; Ross Geller: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing? Ross Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about? Ross Geller: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering. Ross Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that? Ross Geller: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father? Ross Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew. Ross Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg? Ross Geller: No, we can go to Williamsburg. Ross Geller: Eat your fish. Monica Geller: Rachel, the cute doctors are here. Rachel Green: Okay, coming! Monica Geller: Hi, come on in. Dr. Mitchell: Hey. Monica Geller: Hi, Geoffrey. Rachel Green: Hi. Dr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine. Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist? Rachel Green: Oh, that's great. Look at that. Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle? Monica Geller: It's uh... Monica Geller: ..well, why don't you tell them? After all it, is your ankle. Rachel Green: You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... STAT! Rachel Green: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine. Monica Geller: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble. Rachel Green: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss? Monica Geller: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay? Dr. Mitchell: So? Dr. Rosen: So... they sss-still seem normal. Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are. Dr. Rosen: okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into... Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. Go like this. Monica Geller: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby. Rachel Green: I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we... Monica Geller: Sure, every time, you're such a princess... Rachel Green: You know what? Monica Geller: What? Rachel Green: You know what? Monica Geller: What!? Rachel Green: You know what? Monica Geller: What!!? Rachel Green: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother. Rachel Green: Hello! Here we go! Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here? Rachel Green: Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago. Monica Geller: Yeah... ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar. Dr. Mitchell: Really? Monica Geller: Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. Why don't you try the hummus? Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do? Rachel Green: Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown. Dr. Rosen: Good for you. Rachel Green: Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do. Dr. Rosen: This hummus is great. Dr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea. Monica Geller: Oh, god, I am so spoiled... That's it! Rachel Green: And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow? Monica Geller: I used to wet my bed. Rachel Green: I use my breasts to get other people's attention. Monica Geller: We both do that! Dr. Mitchell: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad. Monica Geller: Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you... Rachel Green: Would you excuse me for a second? Monica Geller: Remember back in freshman year? Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed. Rachel Green: Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! ...dead! Monica Geller: Ross, he's got the remote again. Ross Geller: Good. Maybe he can switch it back. Ross Geller: Maybe not. Rachel Green: Hello? Um, yeah, uh, Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here. Rachel Green: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god... Monica Geller: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they want? Find out what they want! Rachel Green: Okay no, you do it. Monica Geller: Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down. Thank you. Rachel Green: What? Monica Geller: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms. Rachel Green: Ohhh... Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it. Monica Geller: Thank you. Rachel Green: Okay, let me just change. Monica Geller: Yes. Joey Tribbiani: Hey. Monica Geller: Hi. Phoebe Buffay: Trouble? Joey Tribbiani: Your sister stood me up the other night. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you? Ross Geller: Well did you try calling her? Joey Tribbiani: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Ursula: Oh! Phoebe Buffay: Um you, you got a minute? Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... ..working. Phoebe Buffay: So. Ursula: Uh-huh. Phoebe Buffay: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present. Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos! Phoebe Buffay: Right, like the kind you... Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too. Phoebe Buffay: How'd you know I was coming? Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing. Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you did this. Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you... ..did this. Phoebe Buffay: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey? Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over. Phoebe Buffay: Does he know? Ursula: Who? Phoebe Buffay: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you. Ursula: He is? Why? Phoebe Buffay: You got me. Ursula: Right. Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad? Phoebe Buffay: So, um, are you gonna call him? Ursula: What? Do you think he likes me? Phoebe Buffay: No, Joey. Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. Do you want some chicken? Phoebe Buffay: No. No food with a face. Ursula: You have not changed! Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you too. Rachel Green: Hi, remember us? Nurse Sizemore: Mmm hmmm. Monica Geller: Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a whole new one because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. 'cause um... Nurse Sizemore: You're that stupid. Monica Geller: I am. I'm that stupid. Rachel Green: Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check. Nurse Sizemore: Well, you know your insurance will cover that. Rachel Green: Yeah, I know... ..I'm I'm just not that bright either. Chandler Bing: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father. Ross Geller: Uh-huh. Chandler Bing: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this. Ross Geller: Do you have a point? Chandler Bing: You know, you think I would. Chandler Bing: What's up with the simian? Ross Geller: It's just a fur ball. Chandler Bing: Okay... ..whose turn is it? Ross Geller: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'. Chandler Bing: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'. Ross Geller: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'? Ross Geller: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'! Nurse Sizemore: You go get that animal outta here. Ross Geller: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do. Monica Geller: What's goin' on? Chandler Bing: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile. Rachel Green: Oh. Nurse Sizemore: Excuse me... This hospital is for people! Ross Geller: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart! Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him. Monica Geller: Michael. Dr. Mitchell: Rachel. Rachel Green: What? Monica Geller: Monica. Rachel Green: Oh. Monica Geller: Hi. Rachel Green: Hi. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Joey Tribbiani: Urse... Joey Tribbiani: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you. Phoebe Buffay: Listen, um... Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen." I've said that "listen." Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry. Joey Tribbiani: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge? Phoebe Buffay: : Yeah, um... You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk! Joey Tribbiani: You don't drink. Phoebe Buffay: That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you! Joey Tribbiani: Oh, Urse... Phoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work. Joey Tribbiani: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe? Phoebe Buffay: If it was, would you stop hanging out with her? Joey Tribbiani: no. No, I, I couldn't do that. Phoebe Buffay: Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me. Joey Tribbiani: Then, uh, then I'm sorry. Phoebe Buffay: You know... You're gonna be really, really hard to get over. Joey Tribbiani: I know... Joey Tribbiani: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful. Phoebe Buffay: Really? Joey Tribbiani: Pheebs? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oooh... Ross Geller: He looks so tiny. Joey Tribbiani: We just got the message. Phoebe Buffay: Is he alright? Ross Geller: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'. Chandler Bing: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.' Ross Geller: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now. Chandler Bing: So, you feel like a dad yet? Ross Geller: No, why? Chandler Bing: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad. Monica Geller: Oh, look, he's waking up! Ross Geller: hey, fella! How you doing? Ross Geller: Aqui est. Monica Geller: A quin pidio el pollo General Tso? Chandler Bing: Pudo aver sido General Tso! Rachel Green: Mira, Mira, el viejo desnudo est haciendo el hula hoop! Everyone: Ewww! Everyone: Hola, Joey! Joey Tribbiani: Hola, amigos! Monica Geller: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto. Ross Geller: Lo que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele!

Monica Geller: Hey, guys. Rachel Green: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? : Did you bring the mail? Monica Geller: Lots of responses. Rachel Green: : Really? : Sure, we have scones left! : OK, read them to me. Phoebe Buffay: : Dear Ms. Green, thank you for your inquiry, however... oh... Rachel Green: : We have apple cinnamon... Monica Geller: : OK... Dear Ms. Green... yeah... yeah... yeah... No. Phoebe Buffay: Wow! Rachel Green: What? Phoebe Buffay: : Your Visa bill is huge! Rachel Green: Give me that! Chandler Bing: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again? Ross Geller: I don't know. Chandler Bing: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing? Ross Geller: No, it's not just that. It's justI want someone who... who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh... Chandler Bing: ...little playthings with yarn? Ross Geller: What? Chandler Bing: Could you want her more? Ross Geller: Who? Chandler Bing: Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening. Ross Geller: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just... : Hiiii! Rachel Green: Hi! How are you? Ross Geller: We're fine, we're fine. Rachel Green: OK. Joey Tribbiani: Shut up! Chandler Bing: We're notwe're not saying anything. Phoebe Buffay: What? Ross Geller: Uhhhh... Joey cried last night. Joey Tribbiani: Thank you. Chandler Bing: We were playing poker, alright... Joey Tribbiani: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright? Ross Geller: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.' Chandler Bing: And then he did. Rachel Green: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play? Ross Geller: No, women are welcome to play. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it? Chandler Bing: There just don't happen to be any women in our games. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker. Monica Geller: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse! Rachel Green: Really. Monica Geller: I mean, that's a typical guy response. Ross Geller: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play? Rachel Green: But you could teach us. Guys: No. Chandler Bing: OK, so now we draw cards. Monica Geller: So I wouldn't need any, right? Cause I have a straight. Rachel Green: Oh, good for you! Phoebe Buffay: Congratulations! Chandler Bing: OK Phoebs, how many do you want? Phoebe Buffay: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs. Ross Geller: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can'tyou can't do... Rachel Green: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! Ross Geller: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that. Rachel Green: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm going for fours. Ross Geller: Oh, you're... Monica Geller: Alright, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites. Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz... Chandler Bing: OK, so at this point, the dealer... Monica Geller: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Let's play for real. High stakes... big bucks... Ross Geller: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy... Phoebe Buffay: But... I'm ready, so, just deal. Chandler Bing: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. Alright babe, deal the cards. Monica Geller: Dammit, dammit, dammit! Phoebe Buffay: : Oh I see, so then, you were lying. Joey Tribbiani: About what? Phoebe Buffay: About how good your cards were. Joey Tribbiani: Heh... I was bluffing. Phoebe Buffay: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying? Rachel Green: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow... Guys: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chandler Bing: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle. Rachel Green: Settle what? Chandler Bing: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so... Ross Geller: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game. Rachel Green: Oh. Right. Joey Tribbiani: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright? Monica Geller: Hell no, we'll pay! Phoebe Buffay: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready. Monica Geller: And you know what? We want a rematch. Ross Geller: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money. Rachel Green: : So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends. Ross Geller: ...Yeah. Chandler Bing: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less. Ross Geller: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... Joey Tribbiani: ...Yeah? Ross Geller: I'm not a nice guy. Ross Geller: Alright boys, let's eat. Chandler Bing: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria? Ross Geller: You still on that? Chandler Bing: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? : "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!" Ross Geller: You are way off, pal. Joey Tribbiani: No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you love her. Ross Geller: Um... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one timenot any more. I justI... Ross Geller: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc? Ross Geller: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OKif you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble. Rachel Green: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being? Monica Geller: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive. Phoebe Buffay: Ha. Ha, ha. Monica Geller: What? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black. Monica Geller: Please! I am not as bad as Ross. Rachel Green: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident? Monica Geller: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand. Rachel Green: Oooooh. : Oh! I got an interview! I got an interview! Monica Geller: You're kidding! Where? Where? Rachel Green: : Sak's... Fifth... Avenue. Monica Geller: Oh, Rachel! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home. Monica Geller: Well, what's the job? Rachel Green: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping... for a living! Monica Geller: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has been playing poker since she was five. You gotta listen to every word she says. Hi! Aunt Iris: Is Tony Randall dead? Rachel Green: No. Monica Geller: I don't think so. Rachel Green: Why? Aunt Iris: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my car. Monica Geller: What? Rachel Green: Oh my God! Monica Geller: Really? Aunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. : Nice earrings. Phoebe Buffay: Thank y... Aunt Iris: Girls, sit down. Monica Geller: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel... Aunt Iris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I am parked at a meter. Let's do it. Phoebe Buffay: Ross, could we please, please, please listen to anything else? Ross Geller: Alright. Ross Geller: I'm gonna pay for that tonight. Rachel Green: Hi! Ross Geller: Hey. Rachel Green: Guys! Guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what! Chandler Bing: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident? Rachel Green: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well! Everyone: That's great! That's wonderful! Rachel Green: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story... Monica Geller: OK, great. You'll tell us and we'll laugh. Let's play poker. Joey Tribbiani: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if you don't want to play, we completely understand. Chandler Bing: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game... like, uh, I don't know... Pictionary? Monica Geller: Ha, ha, very funny, very funny. But I think we'd like to give poker another try. Shall we, ladies? Ross Geller: Uh, Rach, do you want me to shuffle those? Rachel Green: No, no, thats OK. Y'know, I think I'm gonna give it a go. Ross Geller: Alright. Rachel Green: Alright... Ross Geller: So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10, and Rachel, you owe fifteen big ones. Joey Tribbiani: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary. You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game. Phoebe Buffay: Alright, here's my $7.50. But I think you should know that this money is cursed. Joey Tribbiani: What? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who spends it. Chandler Bing: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie. Ross Geller: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen... Rachel Green: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. Monica Geller: You know what? This is not over. We will play you again, and we will win, and you will lose, and you will beg, and we will laugh, and we will take every last dime you have, and you will hate yourselves forever. Rachel Green: Hmm. Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon. Ross Geller: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing. Rachel Green: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy. Monica Geller: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some serious poker? Phoebe Buffay: Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. Right, OK, serious poker. Monica Geller: Excuse me, where are you going? Ross Geller: Uh... to the bathroom. Monica Geller: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker? Ross Geller: I want to go to the bathroom. Joey Tribbiani: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. Rachel Green: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then. Joey Tribbiani: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over. Monica Geller: Alright, Cincinnati, no blinds, everybody ante. Phoebe Buffay: Yes! ... or no. Ross Geller: Alright. : Your money's mine, Green. Rachel Green: Your fly is open, Geller. Phoebe Buffay: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence? Chandler Bing: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'! Joey Tribbiani: Uh... Phoebe? Phoebe? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Um... I'm out. Rachel Green: I'm in. Monica Geller: Me too. Joey Tribbiani: Me too. Alright, whattaya got. Ross Geller: Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause... I gotta flush. Rachel Green: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes! I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know what? I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. I think that one was Ross's, and I thinkohthat one was Ross's. Yes! : Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it... Rachel Green: And your fly's still open... Rachel Green: Ha, I made you look... Rachel Green: I couldn't be inner. Monica? Phoebe Buffay: Monica, in or out? Monica Geller: I hate this game! Phoebe Buffay: OK Joey, your bet. Joey Tribbiani: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. Oh, I'm out. Phoebe Buffay: Ross? Ross Geller: Oh, I am very in. Phoebe Buffay: Chandler? Chandler Bing: Couldn't be more out. Phoebe Buffay: Me too. Rachel. Rachel Green: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. What do you say... want to waste another buck? Ross Geller: No, not this time. So... what'd you have? Rachel Green: I'm not telling. Ross Geller: Come on, show them to me. Rachel Green: No..! Ross Geller: Show them to me! Rachel Green: Get your hands out of there! No! Ross Geller: Let me see! Show them! Chandler Bing: Y'know, I've had dates like this. Rachel Green: Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you? Your whole face is getting red... little veins popping out on your temple... Phoebe Buffay: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants. Ross Geller: First of all, I'm not losing... Rachel Green: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. Ross Geller: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the... Rachel Green: Hel-lo, Rachel Green. Ross Geller: Mee mee, mee-mee mee. Rachel Green: Excuse me. It's about the job. Rachel Green: Barbara! Hi, how are you? Uh-huh. No, I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be silly. Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, pleaHello? Hello? Monica Geller: Sorry, Rach. Phoebe Buffay: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff. Rachel Green: Yeah... ...OK. Where were we? Oh, OK... five card draw, uh... jacks or better... nothing wild, everybody ante. Joey Tribbiani: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this. Rachel Green: Yes, we do. Monica Geller: Alright, check. Joey Tribbiani: Check. Ross Geller: I'm in for fifty cents. Chandler Bing: Call. Phoebe Buffay: I'm in. Rachel Green: I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five dollars. Ross Geller: I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit. Rachel Green: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that? Rachel Green: : Loser? Ross Geller: No, I fold. Rachel Green: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it? Ross Geller: I'm in. Rachel Green: How many you want? Ross Geller: One. Rachel Green: Dealer takes two. What do you bet? Ross Geller: I bet two dollars. Rachel Green: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty. Ross Geller: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. Rachel Green: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse. Monica Geller: Rachel, there's nothing in it. Rachel Green: OK, then get me your purse. Monica Geller: OK, here you go. Good luck. Rachel Green: : Thank you. : I saw your twenty-five, and I raise you... seven. Phoebe Buffay: ...teen! Ross Geller: : Joey, I'm a little shy. Joey Tribbiani: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What? Chandler Bing: : What do you need, what do you need? Ross Geller: Fifteen. Chandler Bing: Alright, here's ten. Joey Tribbiani: Here, I got five, I got five. Ross Geller: Thank you. Chandler Bing: Good luck. Ross Geller: : OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got? Rachel Green: Full house. Ross Geller: You got me. Joey Tribbiani: : Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat. Chandler Bing: : I thought we had them! Ross Geller: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. But, uh... look how happy she is. Chandler Bing: Airplane! Airport! Airport '75! Airport '77! Airport '79! Rachel Green: Oh, time's up. Monica Geller: Bye... bye... BIRDIE. Joey Tribbiani: Oh! Phoebe Buffay: That's a bird? Phoebe Buffay: That's a bird! Rachel Green: OK, OK, it's my turn. Chandler Bing: Go. Ross Geller: Uh... bean! Bean! Joey Tribbiani: The Unbearable Likeness of Being! Rachel Green: Yes! Monica Geller: That, you get? That, you get?

Rachel Green: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? Okay. Monica Geller: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven. Rachel Green: Thank you. Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee! Monica Geller: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any? Rachel Green: Oh. Right. ...Oh great. Monica Geller: What is it? Rachel Green: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy! Monica Geller: Barry who you almost...? Rachel Green: Barry who I almost. Monica Geller: And Mindy, your maid of...? Rachel Green: Mindy, my maid of. Oh! Monica Geller: That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. Lucky. To have had a friend like you. Ross Geller: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. 'Bring me the' and- Rach? Rachel Green: What? Ross Geller: Hi. Rachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them. Ross Geller: Really. Rachel Green: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody. Ross Geller: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo? Rachel Green: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual... Ross Geller: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there. Rachel Green: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl? Ross Geller: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who... Monica Geller: Hi. Ross Geller: ...Gets interrupted. Hi! Rachel Green: Hi, how was the movie? Monica Geller: Wonderful! Phoebe Buffay: So good! Joey Tribbiani: Suck-fest. Chandler Bing: Toootal chick-flick. Phoebe Buffay: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast... Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity. Monica Geller: There was nudity! Joey Tribbiani: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking. Ross Geller: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are. Chandler Bing: They're still just friends, right? Rachel Green: And I will see you tomorrow! Ross Geller: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you. Monica Geller: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this? Ross Geller: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be there. Chandler Bing: I can't believe we are even having this discussion. Joey Tribbiani: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief. Chandler Bing: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already? Ross Geller: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me. Joey Tribbiani: She really said that? Ross Geller: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight. Joey Tribbiani: 'Tonight' tonight? Ross Geller: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey... Chandler Bing: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey. Ross Geller: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her. Chandler Bing: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used. Rachel Green: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- Marcel? Marc- Joey Tribbiani: How could you lose him? Rachel Green: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe- Monica Geller: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one? Rachel Green: I don't know. The left one. Monica Geller: Which ones? Rachel Green: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Everyone: Hi. Phoebe Buffay: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative? Chandler Bing: Rachel lost Marcel. Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, how? Monica Geller: He- he pooped in my shoe. Phoebe Buffay: Which one? Monica Geller: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time. Phoebe Buffay: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky... Rachel Green: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do? Joey Tribbiani: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go? Chandler Bing: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room. Rachel Green: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me! Monica Geller: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth. Rachel Green: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do? Monica Geller: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you. Rachel Green: Anybody wanna trade? Oh... Mr. Heckles: Whaddyou want? Monica Geller: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it? Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it? Monica Geller: No! Phoebe Buffay: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall? Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it. Monica Geller: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey? Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once... Phoebe Buffay: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle. Rachel Green: Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks. Ross Geller: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today? Rachel Green: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine? Ross Geller: Yeah. You, uh, you want some? Rachel Green: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark? Ross Geller: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? Well- Rachel Green: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this. Ross Geller: Okay, quick and painful. Rachel Green: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me. Ross Geller: Oh, what? What-what? Rachel Green: Y'know Marcel? Ross Geller: ...Yeah? Rachel Green: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him. Ross Geller: I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment. Rachel Green: I know, I know, I'm sorry- Ross Geller: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil. Rachel Green: Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- Oh! Who is it? Intercom: Animal Control. Rachel Green: See? I've even called Animal Control! Ross Geller: You called Animal Control? Rachel Green: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them? Ross Geller: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me. Rachel Green: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that... Ross Geller: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment! Rachel Green: Hi, thanks for coming. Luisa Gianetti: Somebody called about a monkey? Rachel Green: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! Ross Geller: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't. Rachel Green: Turned out it was a hat. Ross Geller: Cat! Rachel Green: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat! Monica Geller: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel. Luisa Gianetti: Marcel? Ross Geller: My uncle Marcel. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after? Luisa Gianetti: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal? Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail? Monica Geller: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first? Phoebe Buffay: Yes, but there isn't always time! Monica Geller: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller. Luisa Gianetti: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green! Rachel Green: Yeah! Luisa Gianetti: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room! Rachel Green: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa! Monica Geller: The Luisa from home room! Rachel Green: Yes!! Luisa Gianetti: You have no idea who I am, do you. Monica Geller: No, none at all. Rachel Green: None. Luisa Gianetti: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'? Monica Geller: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry! Luisa Gianetti: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. But you? What a bitch! Rachel Green: What?! Monica Geller: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats? Luisa Gianetti: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. Phoebe Buffay: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry. Chandler Bing: Marcel? Joey Tribbiani: Marcel? Chandler Bing: Marcel? Joey Tribbiani: Marcel? Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you? Chandler Bing: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something... Joey Tribbiani: A monkey. Chandler Bing: Yes have you seen any? Woman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing radiators? Joey Tribbiani: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way? Woman No. 1: Of course. Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Then, no. Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here? Woman No. 1: Just a sec. Hope you find your monkey. Chandler Bing: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu. Joey Tribbiani: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here? Chandler Bing: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot. Joey Tribbiani: We can't, alright? We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out. Chandler Bing: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people. Joey Tribbiani: Marcel? Chandler Bing: Marcel?! Phoebe Buffay: Marcel? Monica Geller: Marcel? Phoebe Buffay: Marcel? Both: Marcel? Phoebe Buffay: Oh-my-God! Monica Geller: Whaaat! Phoebe Buffay: Something just brushed up against my right leg! Monica Geller: What is it? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg. Monica Geller: Look, Phoebe! Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere! Luisa Gianetti: Step aside, ladies! Monica Geller: What're you gonna do? Luisa Gianetti: Just a small tranquiliser. Monica Geller: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! Are you okay? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, think so. Oh! Huh. Whoah. Monica Geller: Oh gosh. Ross Geller: Marcel? Rachel Green: Marcel? Ross Geller: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone. Rachel Green: Ross, you don't know that. Ross Geller: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much. Rachel Green: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?! Ross Geller: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more! Rachel Green: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose. Ross Geller: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings... Rachel Green: Ross. Ross Geller: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just... Rachel Green: Ross. Ross Geller: Oh, forget it, okay? Rachel Green: Ross! Ross Geller: What? What? Both: Hey! Hey, Bananaman! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea. Ross Geller: Hi, did you order some bananas? Mr. Heckles: What about it? Ross Geller: Gimme back my monkey. Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey. Rachel Green: Then what's with all the bananas? Mr. Heckles: Potassium. Ross Geller: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel? Ross Geller: Marcel! What've you done to him? Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey. Ross Geller: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. Ross Geller: C'mere, Marcel. Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. Luisa Gianetti: Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! Gotcha. Ross Geller: Okay, gimme my monkey back. Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. Luisa Gianetti: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge. Mr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you can send that back whenever. Ross Geller: Alright, I want my monkey. Luisa Gianetti: No! Rachel Green: Oh, c'mon, Luisa! Luisa Gianetti: Sorry, prom queen. Ross Geller: You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat. Rachel Green: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it! Luisa Gianetti: Nope. Rachel Green: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart? Ross Geller: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine. Rachel Green: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit. Ross Geller: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I... Rachel Green: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your... Ross Geller: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape? Rachel Green: That'd be good. Ross Geller: Alright. The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um... Barry Farber: Rachel. Rachel Green: Barry?! Barry Farber: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you. Ross Geller: We have got to start locking that door! Monica Geller: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids? Phoebe Buffay: Nope. Monica Geller: That's because I'm in front of them. Chandler Bing: Eh. I thought that was an alp. Monica Geller: Well, high school was not my favourite time. Joey Tribbiani: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex. Chandler Bing: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice. Monica Geller: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago? Phoebe Buffay: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!

Chandler Bing: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty. Joey Tribbiani: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is. Ross Geller: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're craaazy. Monica Geller: Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope! Ross Geller: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us! Rachel Green: Oh, that is so sick. Chandler Bing: I feel violated. And not in a good way. Phoebe Buffay: How can people do that?... Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots! Chandler Bing: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games... Monica Geller: So have you called her yet? Chandler Bing: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? I'm right, right? Monica Geller: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, God, just do it! Call her! Stop being so testosteroney! Chandler Bing: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. I got her machine. Joey Tribbiani: Her answer machine? Chandler Bing: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up. Phoebe Buffay: So, uh, why didn't you say anything? Chandler Bing: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o." Monica Geller: Look look! It's Rachel and Barry. No, don't everybody look at once! Ross Geller: Okay, okay, what's going on? Phoebe Buffay: Okay, they're just talking... Ross Geller: Yeah, well, does he look upset? Does he look like he was just told to shove anything? Phoebe Buffay: No, no actually, he's smiling.. and... Oh my God, don't do that!! Ross Geller: What? What? What?! Phoebe Buffay: That man across the street just kicked that pigeon! Oh! Chandler Bing: And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law. Everyone: Oh!... Right! Chandler Bing: Hey Rach! Monica Geller: How'd it go? Rachel Green: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out... Phoebe Buffay: Not a good day for birds... Rachel Green: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel... Ross Geller: That's nice... now, was that before or after you told him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to generally leave you alone, hmm? Rachel Green: Right,.. well,.. we never actually got to that... Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, y'know? It was comfortable, it was familiar... it was just nice! Ross Geller: That's, that's nice twice! Monica Geller: Rachel, what's going on? I mean isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar? Joey Tribbiani: Duh, where've you been? Rachel Green: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that? Chandler Bing: Yes! Rachel Green: Why? Chandler Bing: I have my reasons. Monica Geller: Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to another woman, who just happens to be your ex-best friend? Rachel Green: All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, I know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will just put an end to it! Rachel Green: Wow... Wow! Barry Farber: Yeah. Rachel Green: I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that. Barry Farber: Nooo, it wasn't. Rachel Green: Ooh, and it's so nice having this little sink here... Chandler Bing: Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. Bye-bye. Oh God! Monica Geller: That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?! Chandler Bing: Hey, I've been honing! Ross Geller: What was with the dishes? Chandler Bing: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours. Monica Geller: Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope! Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Go away! Stop looking in here! Monica Geller: Great, now he's waving back. Joey Tribbiani: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff! Monica Geller: What kinda stuff? Joey Tribbiani: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked. Phoebe Buffay: You cook naked? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters. Chandler Bing: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that. Barry Farber: What's the matter? Rachel Green: Oh, it's just... Oh, Barry, this was not good. Barry Farber: No, it was. It was very very good. Rachel Green: Well, what about Mindy? Barry Farber: Oh, way, way better than Mindy. Rachel Green: No, not that, I mean, what about you and Mindy? Barry Farber: Well, if you want, I'll justI'll just break it off with her. Rachel Green: No. No-no-no-no, no. I mean, don't do that. Not, I mean not for me. Bernice: Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment. Barry Farber: Thanks, Bernice. Let's go away this weekend. Rachel Green: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too.. Barry Farber: We can, we can go to Aruba! When I went there on what would have been our honeymoon, it was, uh... it was really nice. You would've liked it. Rachel Green: I had a bra. Bobby Rush: Hey, Dr. Farber. Barry Farber: All right Miss Green, everything looks fine... Yep, I think we're starting to see some real progress here. Rachel Green: What?! Bobby Rush: I'm twelve, I'm not stupid. Chandler Bing: Can I use your phone? Monica Geller: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone. Chandler Bing: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back? Joey Tribbiani: Maybe she never got your message. Phoebe Buffay: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet. Chandler Bing: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little... Ross Geller: ...desperate, needy, pathetic? Chandler Bing: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad. Phoebe Buffay: How many beeps? Chandler Bing: She answered. Monica Geller: Y'see, this is where you'd use that 'hello' word we talked about. Chandler Bing: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy. Everyone: Hey! Hi! Phoebe Buffay: How'd he take it? Rachel Green: Pretty well, actually... Monica Geller: Uh, Rach... how come you have dental floss in your hair? Rachel Green: Oh, do I? Monica Geller: Uh huh. Rachel Green: We ended up having sex in his chair. Monica Geller: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I? Ross Geller: You-you had what? Phoebe Buffay: Sex in his chair. Ross Geller: What, uh... what were you thinking? Rachel Green: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol. Ross Geller: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol! Rachel Green: Please. If she said to you, "Ross, I want you on this couch, right here, right now," what would you say? Chandler Bing: If it helps, I could slide over. Ross Geller: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go. Phoebe Buffay: Where are you going? Ross Geller: I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay? Chandler Bing: Hello? Hello? Rachel Green: Hello? Mindy! Hi! Hey, how are you? Yes, yes, I've heard, congratulations, that is so great. Really? Oh. Okay. Okay, well I'm working tomorrow, but if you want you can, you can, you can come by and... Okay... Great... Great... All right, so I'll, so I'll see you tomorrow! Okay.. Okay... Bye. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Chandler Bing: So how's Mindy? Rachel Green: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be! Monica Geller: Brrrrrrr! Chandler Bing: Hell is filled with people like you. Joey Tribbiani: He's back! The peeper's back! Joey Tribbiani: Get down! Rachel Green: Get down? Chandler Bing: ...And boogie! Rachel Green: Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy. Monica Geller: Relax. Y'know, she may not even know. Rachel Green: Please. I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now she calls me? I mean, what else is it about? Oh! She was my best friend, you guys! We went to camp together... she taught me how to kiss.. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah? Rachel Green: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so.. Joey Tribbiani: ..Naughty! Rachel Green: Right, I'll see you guys later... Joey Tribbiani: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you. Now, Rach, when she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and.. were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or- That's fine, yeah... Chandler Bing: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone? Monica Geller: Why don't you just take it with you? Chandler Bing: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee? Monica Geller: Why don't you just call her? Chandler Bing: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride. Monica Geller: Do you? Chandler Bing: No! Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. Okay. She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back... Monica Geller: Don't you have to pee? Chandler Bing: 'S'why I'm dancing... Rachel Green: Mindy. Mindy Hunter: Hey, you. Rachel Green: Hey, you... So, what's up? Mindy Hunter: Um.. we should really be sitting for this. Rachel Green: Sure we should... So. Mindy Hunter: Now, I know things've been weird lately, but you're like my oldest friend in the world... Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face. ...Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once, and I want a straight answer. Rachel Green: Okay. Mindy Hunter: Will you be my maid of honour? Rachel Green: Of course! Mindy Hunter: Oh that's so great! Rachel Green: Was that all you wanted to ask me? Mindy Hunter: That's all! Rachel Green: Ohhhh!! ...What? What? Mindy Hunter: That's not all. Rachel Green: Oh sure it is! Mindy Hunter: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in the city. Rachel Green: Um, what- what would make you think that? Mindy Hunter: Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been acting really weird, and then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel. Rachel Green: Really. Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better, when I was engaged to him he went through a whole weird thing too. Mindy Hunter: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of! Rachel Green: What? What's what you were afraid of? Mindy Hunter: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side. Rachel Green: What? Mindy Hunter: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me, everyone said "Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel," and now I feel so stupid. Rachel Green: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid. Mindy Hunter: What do you mean? Rachel Green: Smell familiar? Mindy Hunter: Oh no. Rachel Green: Oh, I am so sorry. Mindy Hunter: No me, I am so sorry... Joey Tribbiani: Oh my. Ross Geller: Four letters: "Circle or hoop". Chandler Bing: Ring dammit, ring! Ross Geller: Thanks. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, you know our phone's not working? Chandler Bing: What?! Joey Tribbiani: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and there was no answer. Chandler Bing: I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off! Monica Geller: Just like you told her you did! ... Just pointing out the irony. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone? Chandler Bing: Nngghhh!!!!!!! Joey Tribbiani: Can I use your phone? Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please. Ross Geller: "Heating device." Phoebe Buffay: Radiator. Ross Geller: Five letters. Phoebe Buffay: Rdtor. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, is Sidney there? Oh, this is? Sidney's a woman. Monica Geller: So she's a woman! So what? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Yeah, so what? Look, I live across the street, and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? Yeah, I can see you right now! Hello! If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like Thank you, but... that's not really the point... The point is that... Mostly free weights, but occasionally.. Monica Geller: Joey!! Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, my neighbor... Yeah, the brunette... She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress. Monica Geller: The green dress? Really? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day. Monica Geller: Nooo! Rachel Green: Hey. Got a second? Barry Farber: Sure, sure. Come on... ...in... Mindy Hunter: Hello, sweetheart. Barry Farber: Uh... uh... what're'you... what're'you guys doing here? Rachel Green: Uh, we are here to break up with you. Barry Farber: Both of you? Mindy Hunter: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you. Barry Farber: I'm sorry... I'm sorry, God, I am so sorry, I'm an idiot, I was weak, I couldn't help myself! Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much! Rachel Green: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr? Barry Farber: ...Mindy. Mindy, of course Mindy, it was always Mindy. Rachel Green: Even when we were having sex in that chair? Barry Farber: I swear, whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you. Rachel Green: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup! Mindy Hunter: You did it twice? Rachel Green: Well, the first time didn't really count... I mean, y'know, 's'Barry. Mindy Hunter: Okay... Barry Farber: Sweetheart, just gimme- gimme another chance, okay, we'll start all over again. We'll go back to Aruba. Bernice: Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his retainer. Barry Farber: Oh God... I'll be right there, Bernice. Look, please, please don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be, I'll be right back. Rachel Green: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels great. Mindy Hunter: Yeah... I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him. Rachel Green: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! He's Satan in a smock! Mindy Hunter: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S. Rachel Green: Oh God. Mindy Hunter: I hope you can find some way to be happy for me. And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor...? Rachel Green: And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba. Monica Geller: You okay? Rachel Green: Yeah. Monica Geller: Really? Rachel Green: Yeah! Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right choice. And now I know. Monica Geller: Aww... Joey Tribbiani: Big day. Joey Tribbiani: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat... Phoebe Buffay: You know he's gay? Ross Geller: I just wanna clarify this: are you outing Mr. Peanut? Danielle: Chandler? Chandler Bing: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody. Everyone: Hi. Hi. Chandler Bing: What are you doing here? Danielle: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one from Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd just come down here, and make sure you were okay. Chandler Bing: ...I'm, I'm okay. Danielle: Listen uh, maybe we could get together later? Chandler Bing: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever... Danielle: You got it. Chandler Bing: Okay. Danielle: G'bye, everybody. Everyone: Bye. Phoebe Buffay: Whoo-hoo! Monica Geller: Yeah, there you go! Ross Geller: Second date! Chandler Bing: ...I dunno. Rachel Green: You don't know?! Chandler Bing: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?

Joey Tribbiani: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number? Monica Geller: I have no idea. But look how much they spent! Rachel Green: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought. Monica Geller: I know. It's just such reckless spending. Ross Geller: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind. Chandler Bing: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop. Monica Geller: That's me. Phoebe Buffay: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! Ross Geller: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- come here, Marcel- Rachel Green: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him. Monica Geller: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping. Ross Geller: What? It's, it's just a phase. Chandler Bing: Well, that's what we said about Joey... Ross Geller: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal. Rachel Green: Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey! Ross Geller: What? Rachel Green: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious. Rachel Green: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing. Monica Geller: This woman's living my life. Rachel Green: What? Monica Geller: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies. Rachel Green: You're not an artist. Monica Geller: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't. Rachel Green: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things. Monica Geller: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we. Rachel Green: Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'... Monica Geller: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School? Rachel Green: Nooo... Monica Geller: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother. Chandler Bing: How about Joey... Pepponi? Joey Tribbiani: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral. Chandler Bing: Joey... Switzerland? Joey Tribbiani: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. Which I'm not. Chandler Bing: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin? Joey Tribbiani: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar. Chandler Bing: Well, it does not ring a bell with me... Joey Tribbiani: Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good. Chandler Bing: Might wanna try Joseph. Joey Tribbiani: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that! Chandler Bing: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof. Rachel Green: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Monica Geller: Hi. Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were. Phoebe Buffay: What are you doing? Monica Geller: Alright, great. Thanks a lot. I'm going to tap class. Rachel Green: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card? Monica Geller: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is. Rachel Green: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing. Phoebe Buffay: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you. Monica Geller: What d'you think? Phoebe Buffay: Lotsa things. Rachel Green: Which one do you think she is? Teacher: May I help you? Monica Geller: Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe. Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. Spare shoes are over there. Rachel Green: What does she mean? Phoebe Buffay: I think she means 'You dance a dance class'. Oh, c'mon, c'mon. Monica Geller: Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be me? Teacher: People! Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again! Rachel Green: She could be you. Teacher: Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight... Monica Geller: Okay, I'm not getting this! Phoebe Buffay: I'm totally getting it! Monica Geller: Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated? Rachel Green: What? You just click when they click. Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner. Phoebe Buffay: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel. Monica Geller: Great. It's gym class all over again. Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me. Monica Geller: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare. Woman: It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am. Who's the new tense girl? Teacher: She's your partner. Woman: Hi. I'm Monica. Monica Geller: Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm Mo- ...nana. Woman: Monana? Monica Geller: Yeah. It's Dutch. Fake Monica: You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. Monica Geller: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch. Teacher: And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, eight... Ross Geller: Hi. Joey Tribbiani: Where've you been? Ross Geller: At the vet. Chandler Bing: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she? Ross Geller: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity. Joey Tribbiani: Hey! He beat ya. Ross Geller: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting agressive and violent. Chandler Bing: So what does this mean? Ross Geller: I'm gonna have to give him up. Joey Tribbiani: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks! Chandler Bing: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already? Ross Geller: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg. Joey Tribbiani: Isn't there any way you can keep him? Ross Geller: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo. Joey Tribbiani: How do you get a monkey into a zoo? Chandler Bing: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen. Ross Geller: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility. Chandler Bing: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. We found her, we found the girl. Chandler Bing: What? Joey Tribbiani: Did you call the cops? Rachel Green: Nope. We took her to lunch. Chandler Bing: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice. Ross Geller: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer. Monica Geller: Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this, with this amazing spirit. Ross Geller: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader. Chandler Bing: ...Take off their hats! Phoebe Buffay: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke. Rachel Green: No way. No way did you do this. Fake Monica: Monana was very brave. Monica Geller: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen. Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor! Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts... Monica Geller: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me! Rachel Green: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show. Monica Geller: 'Scuse me? Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say? Monica Geller: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class. Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background. Monica Geller: What? Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right? Monica Geller: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned. Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society? Monica Geller: Uh-huh. Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do. Monica Geller: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire. Ross Geller: Oh God. We didn't get into Scranton. That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him. Phoebe Buffay: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt. Ross Geller: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him? Rachel Green: Oh, somebody will. Joey Tribbiani: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin? Chandler Bing: You're kidding. Joey Tribbiani: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that! Chandler Bing: Y'know, you'd think I would've. Joey Tribbiani: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be? Phoebe Buffay: ...Flame Boy. Ross Geller: Where exactly is your zoo? Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel? Ross Geller: Yes. Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals? Ross Geller: No-no, he's, he's very docile. Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were... cornered? Ross Geller: Well I, I don't know. Why? Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects? Ross Geller: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean... Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade? Ross Geller: Why- why- why would he need a blade? Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel. Joey Tribbiani: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was ringing... Chandler Bing: ...He's in. Ross Geller: He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego! Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains. Monica Geller: Yo- hooo! Rachel Green: Where the hell've you been? Monica Geller: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party. Rachel Green: Are you drunk?! Monica Geller: Noooo! I'm lying. I am so drunk. Rachel Green: Oh God, oh. Great, Monica, y'know what, you could've called, I have been up here, I've been worried... Rachel Green: Monica? Monica! Monica Geller: Water rules! Rachel Green: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work? Monica Geller: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today. Rachel Green: Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna lose your job! This is not you! Monica Geller: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm Monana! Rachel Green: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people. Monica Geller: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks. Rachel Green: What? Monica Geller: They've arrested Monica. Monica Geller: Hi. Fake Monica: Hey. Monica Geller: How are you? Fake Monica: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How-how did you know I was here? Monica Geller: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you were using. Fake Monica: That I was not expecting. Monica Geller: I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in. Fake Monica: Oh. Thanks. Monica Geller: No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden Theater! Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'. Monica Geller: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus? Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus? Monica Geller: Well, not... worried, just... wondering. Fake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were, because that's who you are. Monica Geller: Not necessarily... Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing. Monica Geller: Um, I'm not actually Amish. Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that? Teacher: You by the door. In or out? Monica Geller: In. Teacher: You in the back, you're getting it all wrong! Monica Geller: Yeah, but at least I'm doing it! Announcement: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A. Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy. Alright, I wrote you this poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane. Ross Geller: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Chandler Bing: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn. Joey Tribbiani: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey. Ross Geller: Just, just say what you feel. Joey Tribbiani: Marcel, I'm hungry. Ross Geller: That was good. Rachel Green: Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane. Ross Geller: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him. Everyone: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely. Ross Geller: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him. Actor: Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek... Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you. Casting Director No. 2: Next. Joey Tribbiani: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio. Casting Director No. 2: Name? Joey Tribbiani: Holden McGroin.

Monica Geller: Tell him. Rachel Green: No. Phoebe Buffay: Tell him, tell him. Monica Geller: Just...please tell him. Rachel Green: Shut up! Chandler Bing: Tell me what? Monica Geller: Look at you, you won't even look at him. Chandler Bing: Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me. Rachel Green: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were... Phoebe Buffay: Doing it on this table. Chandler Bing: Wow! Joey Tribbiani: Exellent dream score. Ross Geller: Why, why, why would you dream that? Chandler Bing: More importantly, was I any good? Rachel Green: Well, you were pretty damn good. Chandler Bing: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways surprisingly inadequate. Rachel Green: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table. Ross Geller: I love it, when we share. Chandler Bing: You're okay there? Ross Geller: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream. Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious. Chandler Bing: Hello Rachel. Rachel Green: Get off. Phoebe Buffay: Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me operating a drill press? Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. What are you wearing? Ross Geller: Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press? Phoebe Buffay: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back some of my massage clients. Chandler Bing: Pirates again? Phoebe Buffay: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you. Chandler Bing: Thanks Joey, that's a good idea. Phoebe Buffay: What... I could, I could do it. What is it? Chandler Bing: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. It's a whole big boob story. Phoebe Buffay: I could be a secretary. Chandler Bing: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day. Phoebe Buffay: I could do that. Rachel Green: What are you playing with? Ross Geller: Oh, it's my new beeper. Joey Tribbiani: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for? Monica Geller: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.' Ross Geller: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO. Chandler Bing: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid. Monica Geller: All right, I'll see you guys later. Rachel Green: Off to see young Ethan? Monica Geller: Thank you. Joey Tribbiani: How young is young Ethan? Young? Monica Geller: He's... our age. Chandler Bing: When we were? Monica Geller: Okay, he's a senior in college. Ross Geller: College? Chandler Bing: Whoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you are? Monica Geller: No, of course not. It's not even an issue. Cause I told him I was 22. Everyone: What? Monica Geller: Oh, I can't pass for 22? Phoebe Buffay: Well, maybe 25-26. Monica Geller: I am 26. Phoebe Buffay: There you go. Chandler Bing: Can you hear that? Phoebe Buffay: Yeah? Chandler Bing: See that'll stop when you pick up the phone. Phoebe Buffay: Oh. Uh, I'm on. Phoebe Buffay: Mr. Bing's office. No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now. Chandler Bing: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops. Phoebe Buffay: Will he know what this is in reference to? And he has your number? All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye. Chandler Bing: What? Phoebe Buffay: Ross says hi. Chandler Bing: Ah! Phoebe Buffay: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now? Chandler Bing: Well, now, I actually have to get to work. Phoebe Buffay: Most likely. Okay, I'm gonna be out there. Chandler Bing: Okay. Phoebe Buffay: All right. Bye bye. Chandler Bing: Bye bye. Chandler Bing: Yes? Phoebe Buffay: Whatcha doin'? Chandler Bing: Ooh. Monica Geller: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? No, cause I made lasagne. Am I out of control? Rachel Green: Just a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, you've been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh. Monica Geller: What? Rachel Green: Could tonight be the Night? Monica Geller: I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't plan these things. Rachel Green: So, did you shave your legs? Monica Geller: Yeah. Rachel Green: A-ha! Joey Tribbiani: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn't mean... Ross Geller: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby time. Baby time. Joey Tribbiani: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be cool. Ross Geller: Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. No, Andr is not here. Third time today. Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services. Joey Tribbiani: Services? Oh, services. Ross Geller: Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. All rightie, bye bye. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey. How was the first day? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice. Chandler Bing: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. Me. Phoebe Buffay: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you. Chandler Bing: Why not? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you. Chandler Bing: What?! Phoebe Buffay: I thought you knew that. Chandler Bing: Noho. Who doesn't they like me? Phoebe Buffay: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone. Chandler Bing: What are you talking about? Phoebe Buffay: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing". Chandler Bing: I can't belive it. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah. They even do you. Chandler Bing: They do me? Phoebe Buffay: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be any later?' Chandler Bing: I don't sound like that. Ross Geller: Oh, oh Chandler... Joey Tribbiani: Oh... Yeah, you do. Ross Geller: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.' Joey Tribbiani: My scones. Chandler Bing: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true. Chandler Bing: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up! Monica Geller: Did not. Ethan: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happen. Monica Geller: How was that possible? Ethan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? Oh, ah. I should go. Monica Geller: Okay. Ethan: Okay. Monica Geller: Unless... Ethan: What? Monica Geller: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm going to, so... Ethan: Yeah, I'd really like that. Ethan: Uuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, there is something you should know. Monica Geller: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?' Ethan: Well it's somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, I mean I haven't ever uh... Monica Geller: Ethan? Ethan: Yeah? Monica Geller: Are you a virgin? Ethan: Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for the right person. Monica Geller: Really? Ethan: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right? Ethan: Wow! Monica Geller: You keep saying that. Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that. Monica Geller: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to. Ethan: Oh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong. Monica Geller: No-no. Nothing wrong about that. Ethan: Oh. Monica Geller: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and thirteen months. Ethan: Huh! Monica Geller: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are. Ethan: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said. Monica Geller: You're not a senior? Ethan: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School. Monica Geller: Ok...ay. Monica Geller: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial. Ethan: I just had sex. Monica Geller: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me? Ethan: Well, you never told me how old you were. Monica Geller: Well, that's different. My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking? Ethan: I wasn't thinking. I was too busy fallin'... Monica Geller: Don't say it. Ethan: ...in love with you. Monica Geller: Really? Ethan: Sorry. Monica Geller: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins. Ethan: Who? Ross Geller: Okay, Andr should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. Just easier that way. Chandler Bing: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream. Rachel Green: No, forget it. Chandler Bing: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy? Rachel Green: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. Joey was there too. Joey Tribbiani: All right. Ross Geller: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else there. Rachel Green: No. Ross Geller: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything? Rachel Green: No, it was just the three of us. Ross Geller: Huh! Joey Tribbiani: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler? Rachel Green: You know what? Joey Tribbiani: What? Rachel Green: There were times when it wasn't even me. Phoebe Buffay: That is so sweet, you guys. Rachel Green: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon? Everyone: Mon! Monica Geller: What? Rachel Green: Ethan called again. Monica Geller: Oh. Ross Geller: Are you not seeing him anymore? Monica Geller: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn't work out. Chandler Bing: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym. Rachel Green: I, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I swear. He stopped by. Joey Tribbiani: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is? Ross Geller: Oh, yeah. Monica Geller: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now? Ross Geller: It's morphin time! Joey Tribbiani: Stegosaurus! Chandler Bing: Tyrannosaurus! Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, oh, I've gotta go. Whoa, oh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. Cool! Rachel Green: Where are you going? Phoebe Buffay: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people. Chandler Bing: Work people? Nobody told me. Phoebe Buffay: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza. Chandler Bing: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person. Phoebe Buffay: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are. Chandler Bing: You think I should? Phoebe Buffay: I really do, yeah. Chandler Bing: Okay. Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Chandler Bing: Okay. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss. Chandler Bing: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory. Phoebe Buffay: You were great. But they still made fun of you. Chandler Bing: What? Phoebe Buffay: You know, now you're more like, you know like, "Mr. Caring Boss," "Mr.", you know, "I'm one of you, Boss," "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing!" Chandler Bing: Then, I don't get it. Phoebe Buffay: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss. Chandler Bing: They do? Phoebe Buffay: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore. Chandler Bing: I just wan't to... Phoebe Buffay: No, but you can't. Chandler Bing: But I just wa... Phoebe Buffay: Uh uh. Monica Geller: Aren't you gonna... Ross Geller: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it. Joey Tribbiani: What about Andre? Ross Geller: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know. Ethan: Hey. Monica Geller: That was gonna be my opener. Rachel Green: Hey, did you guys check out those new hand-dryers in the bathroom? Ross Geller: I thought that was just a rumour. Rachel Green: True story. Joey Tribbiani: They're here already? Ethan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17. I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great. Monica Geller: It was. Ethan: Then, what's the problem? Monica Geller: Ethan, it's um... it's icky. Ethan: Icky? You're actually gonna throw this away because it's icky? Monica Geller: This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really... Ethan: No, don't say it. Monica Geller: ...love you. Ross Geller: Are you're hands still wet? Joey Tribbiani: Uh, moist, yeah. Rachel Green: Let's dry 'em again. Gerston: Uh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger? Hey, Chandler. Santos: Hello, Mr. Bing. Petrie: Loved your Stevie Wonder last night. Chandler Bing: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock. Santos: Sure. Gerston: No problem. Chandler Bing: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache? Phoebe Buffay: Petrie. Chandler Bing: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend. Rachel Green: Oooooooooh. Oh, that's nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross! Rachel Green: Ross? Ross Geller: I'm here. Rachel Green: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... Wow! Ross Geller: What? Great, now I'm having a baby. Rachel Green: What? Ross Geller: Ooh, Ooh. Rachel Green: What? Ross Geller: I'm having... I'm having a baby. I'm having a... Where's the phone? The phone? Rachel Green: I don't know where the phone is. Rachel Green: Ross? Ross Geller: I'm hurt. Ross Geller: Monica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in labor. Chandler Bing: Hey Ross, look what I've got going here. Ross Geller: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay. Ross Geller: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital. Rachel Green: What, so I can't lokk nice? There might be doctors there. Ross Geller: Joey, get out of the fridge. Joey Tribbiani: All right, all right. Ross Geller: What is that? Joey Tribbiani: For the ride. Chandler Bing: Yeah, like in a cab... Ross Geller: Save it. Chandler Bing: Okay, hating this. Ross Geller: Monica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming. Monica Geller: I can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna have like a nephew. Ross Geller: That's nice. Get out Let's go, come on. Joey Tribbiani: All right, I'm going. I'm going. Chandler Bing: Here we go, here we go. Rachel Green: Rossy, Rossy.

Ross Geller: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here. Monica Geller: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet? Ross Geller: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug. Joey Tribbiani: Do we have to know about that? Monica Geller: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby? Joey Tribbiani: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars. Chandler Bing: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's. Ross Geller: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab. Rachel Green: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction. Rachel Green: What, it's ok when Chandler does it? Chandler Bing: You have to pick your moments. Phoebe Buffay: Did I miss it, did I miss it? Ross Geller: She's not even here yet. Monica Geller: What's with the guitar? Phoebe Buffay: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical. Ross Geller: Where the hell have you been? Susan Bunch: We stopped at the gift shop. Carol Willick: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky. Ross Geller: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys. Chandler Bing: I used to have that bumper sticker. Chandler Bing: You see what I mean. Ross Geller: Stopped for a Chunky. Carol Willick: Let it go, Ross. Susan Bunch: I got an extra one. You want this? Ross Geller: No. Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing? Ross Geller: Dr. Franzblau, hi. Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions? Carol Willick: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus. Susan Bunch: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds. Ross Geller: 59 seconds. Quartz, ha. Susan Bunch: Swiss quartz, ha, ha. Carol Willick: Am I allowed to drink anything? Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station. Ross Geller: I'll get it. Susan Bunch: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back. Ross Geller: I got itI'm getting it! Rachel Green: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips. Carol Willick: Thanks. Rachel Green: And if you need anything else, I do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate. Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician. Rachel Green: Oh, that's funny! Monica Geller: I want a baby. Chandler Bing: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow. Monica Geller: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee. Chandler Bing: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that. Joey Tribbiani: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too. Lydia: Knick fan? Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah. Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, listen, lady... ...whoa. Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat. Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? And who do you like? Lydia: The Celtics. Joey Tribbiani: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright? Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah! Joey Tribbiani: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father! Lydia: There is no father. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, oh, oh, sorry. Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh! Joey Tribbiani: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here. Lydia: Ok. Phoebe Buffay: Phoebe Buffay: They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch, and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much. Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why, you cry and you cry and you cry. And you cry and you cry and you cry... Phoebe Buffay: Thanks, Ross. Ross Geller: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop. Phoebe Buffay: Ok. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute. Monica Geller: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two? Chandler Bing: You'll get one. Monica Geller: Oh yeah? When? Chandler Bing: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one? Monica Geller: Why won't I be married when I'm 40? Chandler Bing: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically. Monica Geller: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? Chandler Bing: No, no, no. Monica Geller: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me? Chandler Bing: Uh, uh. Monica Geller: Well? Chandler Bing: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! Rachel Green: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress. Monica Geller: Did you go home and change? Rachel Green: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by? Monica Geller: No, I haven't seen him. Rachel Green: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. What if the baby needs him? Chandler Bing: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor? Rachel Green: Yeah, why? Chandler Bing: No reason. Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. What do you mean, Joey who? Joey who? Joey Tribbiani: Tribbiani. Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. She wants to talk to you. Take the phone. Joey Tribbiani: Hi, yeah, it's me. Oh, no no no, we're just friends. Yeah, I'm single. 25. An actor. Hello? Lydia: She's not much of a phone person. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know? Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no. Joey Tribbiani: Ok, look, maybe I should just go. Lydia: Maybe you should. Joey Tribbiani: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh? Joey Tribbiani: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team. Lydia: Oh, that is so not true. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, it is. Lydia: It isn't. Joey Tribbiani: It is. Lydia: Isn't! Ross Geller: Breathe. Susan Bunch: Breathe. Ross Geller: Breathe. Susan Bunch: Breathe. Ross Geller: Breathe. Susan Bunch: Breathe. Carol Willick: You're gonna kill me! Ross Geller: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12... Carol Willick: Count faster. Susan Bunch: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie. Ross Geller: Who the hell is Jordie? Susan Bunch: Your son. Ross Geller: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie. Carol Willick: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie. Ross Geller: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco. Carol Willick: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp. Ross Geller: I got it. Susan Bunch: I got it. Ross Geller: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps. Susan Bunch: No, you don't. Carol Willick: All right, that's it. I want both of you out. Ross Geller: Why? Susan Bunch: He started it! Ross Geller: No, you started it. Susan Bunch: You did! Carol Willick: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier. Ross Geller: But... Carol Willick: Now go! Ross Geller: Thanks a lot. Susan Bunch: See what you did. Ross Geller: Yeah, listen... Carol Willick: Out! Nurse Sizemore: Breathe, breathe, breathe... Lydia: Oh, no. Joey Tribbiani: Ew! What is that? Something exploded! Nurse Sizemore: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you? Joey Tribbiani: Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking? Nurse Sizemore: Breathe, breathe, breathe. Ross Geller: Please. This is so your fault. Susan Bunch: How, how is this my fault? Ross Geller: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along. Susan Bunch: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along. Ross Geller: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady? Susan Bunch: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me. Ross Geller: Oh, I'm threatened by you? Susan Bunch: Yes. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it! Ross Geller: Yeah, Susan. Phoebe Buffay: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic? Everyone: Help! Ross Geller: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. Ow. Carol Willick: Are they here yet? Rachel Green: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok? Carol Willick: Ok. Rachel Green: Ok? Carol Willick: Ok. Rachel Green: Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating. Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. There you go, dear. Joey Tribbiani: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's I was justyeah, right. Push! Push! Susan Bunch: What're you gonna do, suck the door open? Ross Geller: Help! Help! Phoebe Buffay: They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next... la la la la la la. Monica Geller: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. No, he's gone. No no, you don't have to fly back, really. What do you mean this might be your only chance? Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet. Chandler Bing: Where have you been? Joey Tribbiani: Oh, just had a baby. Chandler Bing: Mazel tov! Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone? Rachel Green: No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you? Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me. Rachel Green: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors. Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do. Rachel Green: Oh. Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do? Rachel Green: I'm a waitress. Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'... Rachel Green: Yeah. Gotcha. Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend. Rachel Green: Ok. That's fine. Lydia: So how did you know I was even here? Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her? Lydia: No, this is a loaner. Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself. Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. So, did you see who won the game? Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck. Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad. Ross Geller: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you. Susan Bunch: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have. Ross Geller: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me? Susan Bunch: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day. Ross Geller: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day. Phoebe Buffay: This is so great. Ross Geller: You wanna explain that? Phoebe Buffay: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. I'm sorry, you were fighting. Carol Willick: Where are they? Monica Geller: I'm sure they'll be here soon. Rachel Green: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this. Joey Tribbiani: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station. Chandler Bing: You are really frightening me. Chandler Bing: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. Uh, that's great. Anybody seen a nipple? Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go. Nurse Sizemore: All right, honey, time to start pushing. Carol Willick: But they're not here yet! Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them. Carol Willick: Oh, god. Ross Geller: Ok, got the vent open. Phoebe Buffay: Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue! Ross Geller: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben. Susan Bunch: What do you see? Phoebe Buffay: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent. Ross Geller: Phoebs, It's open! It's open! Janitor: Wait! You forgot your legs! Everyone: Push, push! Ross Geller: We're here! Carol Willick: Where have you been? Ross Geller: Long story, honey. Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need Excuse me, could I have this? Nurse Sizemore: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go! Everyone: Good luck! Chandler Bing: Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner? Nurse Sizemore: Out! Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes. Ross Geller: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this? Carol Willick: Not... helping! Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine. Ross Geller: Hello! Oh, sorry. Susan Bunch: What do you see? What do you see? Ross Geller: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person. Susan Bunch: Oh, look at that. Carol Willick: What does he look like? Ross Geller: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o. Carol Willick: Really? Phoebe Buffay: You guys, he's beautiful! Ross Geller: Oh, thanks, Pheebs! Susan Bunch: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy. Ross Geller: How 'bout Ben? Susan Bunch: I like Ben. Carol Willick: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before? Ross Geller: We uh, we just cooked it up. Susan Bunch: That's what we were off doing. Monica Geller: Hi. Ross Geller: Hey. Monica Geller: Can we come in? Ross Geller: I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody. Phoebe Buffay: Susan, he looks just like you. Susan Bunch: Thanks. Rachel Green: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these. Chandler Bing: I know, I still am one of these. Monica Geller: Ross, can I? Ross Geller: The head, the head. You gotta... Monica Geller: Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum. Ross Geller: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. But I'll still always come back, like this. And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. But I'll still always come back, like this. Chandler Bing: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. Monica Geller: He is so amazing. Rachel Green: Oh, I know. Look at him. Joey Tribbiani: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. Look, he's opening his eyes. Joey Tribbiani: He doesn't do much, does he? Ross Geller: No, this is pretty much it. Rachel Green: You guys wanna get some coffee? Everyone: Yeah. Ross Geller: All right, I'll see you guys later. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.

Ross Geller: And here's little Ben nodding off... Monica Geller: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut! Rachel Green: Oh, let me see! Oh, God, is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over! Ross Geller: That would be nice. Rachel Green: Pardon? Chandler Bing: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I promise I'll pay you back. Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars. Joey Tribbiani: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time. Chandler Bing: ... And where's this money coming from? Joey Tribbiani: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research. Ross Geller: What kind of research? Joey Tribbiani: Oh, just, y'know... science. Ross Geller: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that. Joey Tribbiani: ... It's a fertility study. Monica Geller: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time. Joey Tribbiani: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars. Ross Geller: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist! Monica Geller: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the buns... Phoebe Buffay: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew... Chandler Bing: Men are here. Joey Tribbiani: We make fire. Cook meat. Chandler Bing: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back. Monica Geller: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late. Joey Tribbiani: Oh, OK. Phoebe Buffay: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming your special someone? Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, she's, uh... she's pretty great. Monica Geller: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project? Joey Tribbiani: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup? Monica Geller: Man's got a point. Joey Tribbiani: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me. Chandler Bing: Crazy bitch. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean. Monica Geller: Joey... we always know what you mean. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Monica Geller: Hey. Ross Geller: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last? Ross Geller: I'm going to China. Phoebe Buffay: Jeez, you say one thing, and... Monica Geller: You're going to China? Ross Geller: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the boit'sit's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary . Um... here's a picture of me... Phoebe Buffay: Oh, let me see! Ross Geller: : Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me? Monica Geller: Yeah. Phoebe Buffay: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh... Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun. Ross Geller: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left. Monica Geller: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl. Ross Geller: Oh. Hey, who's Carl? Monica Geller: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse. Ross Geller: No. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the... Ross Geller: At the coffeehouse, right. Phoebe Buffay: So you do know who he is! Sorry. Ross Geller: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story. Ross Geller: Hi. Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Chandler Bing: Hey! Ross Geller: ...I have to go to China. Joey Tribbiani: The country? Ross Geller: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do you guys know who Carl is? Chandler Bing: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore... no. Ross Geller: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight. Joey Tribbiani: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?!? Chandler Bing: Forget about her. Joey Tribbiani: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food. Chandler Bing: Course there, they just call it food. Ross Geller: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? Joey Tribbiani: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you. Ross Geller: I know. Joey Tribbiani: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. Chandler Bing: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice. Melanie: Anyway, that's when me and my friends started this whole fruit basket business. We call ourselves 'The Three Basketeers.' Joey Tribbiani: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit. Chandler Bing: Ooooh. Monica Geller: OK, how does everybody like their burgers? Rachel Green: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later. Monica Geller: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you holding up? Joey Tribbiani: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I... Joey Tribbiani: Then you do. Heh, heh. Monica Geller: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her? Joey Tribbiani: What do you mean? Monica Geller: Y'know, just be there for her. Joey Tribbiani: Not following you. Monica Geller: Think about it. Rachel Green: OK, I'm guessing this is from... Rachel Green: Well, thank you, Melanie. Chandler Bing: OK, this one right here is from me. Rachel Green: OK... ah, it's light... ...it rattles... it's... Travel Scrabble! Oooohhh, thank you! Rachel Green: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And... ...it's a book! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss! Joey Tribbiani: : That book got me through some tough times. Melanie: There is a little child inside this man! Chandler Bing: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die. Rachel Green: Who's this from? Chandler Bing: Oh, that's Ross's. Rachel Green: Oh... ... Oh my God. He remembered. Phoebe Buffay: Remembered what? Rachel Green: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered! Chandler Bing: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune. Monica Geller: I can't believe he did this. Chandler Bing: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck? Rachel Green: What did you just say? Chandler Bing: ahem... um... Crystal duck. Rachel Green: No, no, no... the, um, the... 'love' part? Chandler Bing: F-hah... flennin... Rachel Green: Oh... my God. Chandler Bing: Oh, no-no-no-no-no... Joey Tribbiani: That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time. Rachel Green: I mean, this is unbelievable. Phoebe Buffay: I know. This is really, really huge. Chandler Bing: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee. Phoebe Buffay: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again. Chandler Bing: OK, is there a mute button on this woman? Monica Geller: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you have any idea? Rachel Green: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... : W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me? Joey Tribbiani: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something. Rachel Green: Ross? All this time? Well, I've got to talk to him. Chandler Bing: H-He's in China! Joey Tribbiani: The country. Monica Geller: No, no, wait. His flight doesn't leave for another forty-five more minutes. Chandler Bing: What about the time difference? Monica Geller: From here to the airport? Chandler Bing: Yes! You're never gonna make it! Monica Geller: Rachel, what're you gonna say to him? Rachel Green: I-I-I don't know. Chandler Bing: Well then maybe you shouldn't go. Joey Tribbiani: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait. Monica Geller: Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now. Rachel Green: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him. Phoebe Buffay: Here, look, alright, does this help? Rachel Green: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you later. Chandler Bing: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! Ross Geller: Flight Attendant: Alright! Ross Geller: Ni-chou chi-ma! Rachel Green: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me... Flight Attendant: Hi! Rachel Green: Hi. Flight Attendant: May I see your boarding pass? Rachel Green: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my friend. Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass. Rachel Green: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just... Flight Attendant: No no no! Federal regulations! Rachel Green: OK, alright, OK, um... then could you please, uh... just give him a message for me? Please? This is very important. Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message? Rachel Green: Uh... I don't know. Flight Attendant: Sir? Sir? Excuse me, sir? Uh... I have a message for you. Man: What? Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back. Man: : Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel! Don't give me that deep freeze. Melanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I think I blacked out there for a minute! Joey Tribbiani: Heh, heh. It was nothin'. Melanie: Well, now we've gotta find something fun for you! Joey Tribbiani: Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget about me. Let's, uh... let's give you another turn. Melanie: M-Me again? Joey Tribbiani: Sure! Why not? Melanie: Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow. Melanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing like I thought you would be. Joey Tribbiani: How do you mean? Melanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me, me, me.' But you... you're a giver. You're like the most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're practically a woman. Monica Geller: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out? Rachel Green: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross. Rachel Green: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial gut feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking it'd be really great. Monica Geller: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth date! Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but, y'know, it's... it would be like starting on the fifteenth date. Monica Geller: Another good point. Phoebe Buffay: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed. Rachel Green: Huh? Phoebe Buffay: Well, I mean, then what happens if it doesn't work out? Monica Geller: Why isn't it working out? Rachel Green: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't. Monica Geller: Is he not cute enough for you? Rachel Green: No! Monica Geller: Does he not make enough money? Rachel Green: No, I'm just... Phoebe Buffay: Maybe there's someone else. Rachel Green: Wha... Monica Geller: Is there? Is there someone else? Rachel Green: No! There is.. there is noone else! Monica Geller: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!? Chandler Bing: Hey, big... Joey Tribbiani: Shhhh! Chandler Bing: ...spender. Joey Tribbiani: She's still asleep. Chandler Bing: So how'd it go? Joey Tribbiani: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed? Chandler Bing: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me. Joey Tribbiani: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade! Chandler Bing: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route. Joey Tribbiani: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses are heightened, y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on another level. Chandler Bing: I didn't know you had another level. Joey Tribbiani: I know! Neither did I! Monica Geller: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present? Rachel Green: Yeah. Monica Geller: Oh, from who? Rachel Green: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me. Monica Geller: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B? Rachel Green: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided thisthis whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea. Monica Geller: Oh, why? Rachel Green: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna... Monica Geller: No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no pressure! Rachel Green: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so... Monica Geller: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, but... I'll be good. I promise. Rachel Green: Who is it? Intercom: It's me, Carl. Rachel Green: C'mon up. Monica Geller: Behind my brother's back? ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me. Joey Tribbiani: Seven hundred bucks! Chandler Bing: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit? Joey Tribbiani: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? I really feel like I learned something. Chandler Bing: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing? Joey Tribbiani: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? Carl (Rachel's date): I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental issues per se... it's just that guy! Ross Geller: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me. Rachel Green: Would you excuse me, please? I'm trying to have a date here. Ross Geller: Fine, just stop thinking about me. Ross Geller: Can't do it, can you? Rachel Green: So I'm thinking about you. So what? Ross Geller: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway? Rachel Green: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy... Carl (Rachel's date): I mean, come on, buddy, get a real car! Ross Geller: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance. Rachel Green: Ross, it's too hard. Ross Geller: No, no, no... why, because it might get weird for everyone else? Who cares about them. This is about us. Look, I-I've been in love with you since, like, the ninth grade. Rachel Green: Ross, you're like my best friend. Ross Geller: I know. Rachel Green: If we broke up, and I lost you... Ross Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we're gonna break up? Rachel Green: Well, have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up? Ross Geller: No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me? Rachel Green: I don't know... I mean, I've never looked at you that way before. Ross Geller: Well, start looking. Rachel Green: Wow. Carl (Rachel's date): Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic! Rachel Green: Right! You're right! Carl (Rachel's date): Heh... y'know? Rachel Green: You know what? Carl (Rachel's date): What? Rachel Green: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do... I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry. Carl (Rachel's date): But... Rachel Green: Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Hi. Man: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel! Ross Geller: Oh, hey, hey, I got that. Julie: Oh, thanks, sweetie. Ross Geller: No problem. I cannot wait for you to meet my friends. Julie: Really? Ross Geller: Yeah. Julie: You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me? Ross Geller: No, no, they will. I just... uh... Ross Geller: Come on, they're gonna love you.

Monica Geller: Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...? Chandler Bing: You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired. Monica Geller: I'll put a pillowcase over my head. Chandler Bing: You're on! Phoebe Buffay: Hey! Monica Geller: What's up? Phoebe Buffay: Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, which by the way there's no law against. And then we're gonna grab some food, so if you want... Ross Geller: ... finally... Phoebe Buffay: Is that Ross? Monica Geller: Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls. Phoebe Buffay: Sounds like he's with someone. Chandler Bing: He could be alone. This morning I heard him do push-ups, and then talk to his triceps. Monica Geller: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him. Charlie Wheeler: Ooh... Dr. Geller! Ross Geller: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that. Monica Geller: Oh my God, that's Charlie! Chandler Bing: She's cheating on Joey with Ross! Phoebe Buffay: Oh that tart... floozy... giant... Monica Geller: I'm not sure about this. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business. Monica Geller: No I'm not sure that it's the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm not gonna do this, okay? I'm not gonna eavesdrop on my friend. Rachel Green: Ooh... I love Barbados! Joey Tribbiani: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel! Rachel Green: I know, I'm her! Phoebe Buffay: Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!! Monica Geller: What? Phoebe Buffay: Get over here! Rachel Green: ooh... Chandler Bing: Wow! Monica Geller: Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are! Monica Geller: Thank you. Rachel Green: Hey, you know, before you said that nothing could happen between us? What changed? Joey Tribbiani: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie... Rachel Green: What? Ross and Charlie? Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk? Monica Geller: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey? Chandler Bing: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall! Monica Geller: I'm on it! Chandler Bing: Anything? Monica Geller: I think I hear curtains closing... Phoebe Buffay: We've got shoes being kicked off over here. Monica Geller: Bedsprings, unmistakable! Chandler Bing: You do realise that's your brother? Monica Geller: Not until you said it. Somebody switch! Wait a minute... Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike! We're the only people leaving with the same person we came with. Chandler Bing: That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al. Monica Geller: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon. Chandler Bing: Okay Buckwheat! Phoebe Buffay: You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free porn! Ross Geller: Weh...*sigh* Charlie Wheeler: uhm... Is everything okay? Ross Geller: Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this... Charlie Wheeler: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just... Ross Geller: No, NO! Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it. Charlie Wheeler: I uhm... I completely understand. Ross Geller: Alright, I'm gonna go find them... I just need a... need a before I can... you know. Grandma... grandma... grandma... Okay, I see you later. Charlie Wheeler: Okay... Phoebe Buffay: That's the door. He's gone... Chandler Bing: And she's... turning on the TV... and watching... Miss Congeniality! Monica Geller: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well! Ross Geller: Hey, what are you guys doing? Phoebe Buffay: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... Monica Geller: Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! Chandler Bing: Bye! Ross Geller: Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere? Chandler Bing: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... Ross Geller: Well, if you see him could you please tell him I'm looking for him? Chandler Bing: You got it! Ross Geller: Thanks! Thank you! Monica Geller: Other wall, people! Other wall! Ross Geller: Rach, you there? Joey Tribbiani: Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do? Rachel Green: Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. That's not nonchalant! Joey Tribbiani: No idea what it means. Rachel Green: Oh... okay, just hide! Ross Geller: Rach? Rachel Green: Coming! Try under the bed, try under the bed! Rachel Green: There's no room under the bed. Ross Geller: Is everything okay? Rachel Green: Yeah... Ross Geller: Hey. Rachel Green: Hi... Ross Geller: You know where Joey is? Rachel Green: ...I really don't... Ross Geller: Can I talk to you for a minute? Rachel Green: Yeah, sure... Joey Tribbiani: I don't believe this... Have you guys been... Phoebe Buffay: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall. Ross Geller: And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up, and that part of the reason was that she had feelings for me. Rachel Green: Uh-huh... right... yeah... Ross Geller: And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her. Rachel Green: Oh, I know... I know it's been really hard for you. Ross Geller: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be? Rachel Green: That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say. Ross Geller: You know, I gotta go find him. He's gotta be here someplace. Rachel Green: You would think! Rachel Green: Joey! Joey Tribbiani: Is he gone? Rachel Green: How are you doing this? Joey Tribbiani: Pssst... Rachel Green: How... wha... Hey! What are you... What is this? Have you guys been listening this entire time? Phoebe Buffay: Now, what is this? Rachel Green: Ah, what is this? Well, lets see, we kissed for ten minutes and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade! Phoebe Buffay: Oh no... Have you thought about it how complicated this could get? What about Ross? Joey Tribbiani: Well, he's with Charlie now. Monica Geller: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you? Joey Tribbiani: You're a pain in my ass, Geller! Rachel Green: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it... Chandler Bing: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you? Rachel Green: Sure... Chandler Bing: Enunciate! Rachel Green: Get out! Rachel Green: Are they right? Joey Tribbiani: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross. Rachel Green: Yeah... Yeah, we can wait, we don't have to do anything tonight. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off... Rachel Green: Although... Joey Tribbiani: I like although! Rachel Green: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years... Joey Tribbiani: Six years? Wow... It's almost as long as highschool... Rachel Green: Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now. Joey Tribbiani: Absolutely! He's not thinking about you. Rachel Green: No... Joey Tribbiani: I'm thinking about you... Rachel Green: Yeah... Joey Tribbiani: Let's forget about Ross... Rachel Green: Forgotten. Joey Tribbiani: What's wrong? Rachel Green: Nothing... Ross Geller: Seriously... What is it? Rachel Green: Nothing... It's really... It's nothing... Come here, come here... Ross Geller: What's wrong? Rachel Green: Sorry, I just uhm... I can't seem to get Ross out of my head... Joey Tribbiani: Well, maybe I can help. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross... Both: Yeah. Ross Geller: Hey! Chandler Bing: Hey! Ross Geller: You guys ready to go? Chandler Bing: Not quite. Monica's still at the salon, and I'm just finishing packing. Ross Geller: Dude! You're not taking your Bible? Chandler Bing: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it? Ross Geller: Learn about Jesus... Ross Geller: Hey! Charlie Wheeler: So, did you talk to Joey? Ross Geller: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane. Charlie Wheeler: Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller! Ross Geller: Stop it! Charlie Wheeler: PHD. Ross Geller: You're filthy! Phoebe Buffay: Hey, have you guys seen Monica? Ross Geller: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon. Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, oh, she went to the salon alright... Monica Geller: Check it out! Phoebe Buffay: Who's day just got better? CHANDLER! Chandler Bing: Hey!... aaaaaahhhh! Monica Geller: What do you think? Chandler Bing: I think... I think I can see your scalp. Monica Geller: Don't you just love it? Ross Geller: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head. Charlie Wheeler: It's so... something... You go girlfriend! Ross Geller: You've never said that in your life, have you? Charlie Wheeler: Not once. Ross Geller: I thought so. Monica Geller: And listen to this... Chandler Bing: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears. Joey Tribbiani: Whoo, whoo. Wow, it's uhm... kinda weird that I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up. Chandler Bing: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life. Joey Tribbiani: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie? Ross Geller: Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie. Joey Tribbiani: I understand... Ross Geller: No, I'll do it. Chandler Bing: Wish I could switch with someone. I really don't wanna sit with Allen Iverson over there. Phoebe Buffay: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin... Mike Hannigan: You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during... Phoebe Buffay: Aaah... you're not good at this... Mike Hannigan: You don't have to go home tonight, do you? Phoebe Buffay: No, I think I can come over. It's Saturday, right? Mike Hannigan: Oh... Phoebe Buffay: What? Mike Hannigan: Uhm... I can't do anything tonight. Phoebe Buffay: Why not? Mike Hannigan: I have a date. Phoebe Buffay: You have a... You have a date? With who? Mike Hannigan: Oh, it's... my girlfriend. Phoebe Buffay: You have... have a girlfriend? Mike Hannigan: Yeah... Well, when... you and I broke up I started seeing someone. Phoebe Buffay: For how long? Mike Hannigan: Three months. Phoebe Buffay: Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her? Mike Hannigan: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay... good. You do that. And then when you get home, maybe there'll be a special delivery package waiting for you. Mike Hannigan: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material... Phoebe Buffay: You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there. Ross Geller: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free". Charlie Wheeler: Okay... Good luck. Rachel Green: Ross is coming over. I think now would be a really good time to talk to him. Joey Tribbiani: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous. Rachel Green: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner. Joey Tribbiani: Ooh... Rachel Green: Still nervous? Joey Tribbiani: I'm gonna get the lasagna. Ross Geller: Hey Rach... Rachel Green: Yeah! Ross Geller: Do you mind if I sit here for a sec.? Rachel Green: Yeah, yeah sure! Yeah! Ross Geller: Hey! Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Ross Geller: So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah? Ross Geller: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well... Joey Tribbiani: You kissed. Ross Geller: Wha... What? What would give you that idea? Joey Tribbiani: I saw you. Ross Geller: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay. Joey Tribbiani: Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay. Ross Geller: What? Joey Tribbiani: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy. Ross Geller: Are you serious? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah... Now I have something... Ross Geller: I am speachless... I mean the fact that you would put my happiness first like that. I mean, you're an incredible friend, you know that? Joey Tribbiani: Oh... uh... look... before you... Ross Geller: No, I mean it. You are so loyal man, and selfless, and generous... Joey Tribbiani: I am those things, yeah. Ross Geller: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff... Joey Tribbiani: Dude! Ross Geller: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you... Joey Tribbiani: I can't think of anything. Ross Geller: Thanks! Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Rachel Green: So hi! Ross Geller: Hi! Rachel Green: So you eh, you talked to Joey? Ross Geller: Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk. Rachel Green: Oh! That's great! Ross Geller: Yeah! Rachel Green: Oh, so everything's okay? Ross Geller: Oh, no, it's great. It's great. He is... He is an amazing guy. Rachel Green: Ah... Well, obviously I think so too. Ross Geller: Well, I'm so excited about this. Rachel Green: Really? Excited? Ross Geller: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this... Rachel Green: Excuse me! You didn't tell him, did you? Joey Tribbiani: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler. Rachel Green: Oh God! Alright, fine. You know what Joey, forget it. When we go back to New York, I will tell him. Joey Tribbiani: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that. Phoebe Buffay: Hi, Mike's place. Mike Hannigan: Hey, it's Mike. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, that was fast. Mike Hannigan: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone... Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I. Mike Hannigan: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table. Phoebe Buffay: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound? Mike Hannigan: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. Precious: Hi, I'm Precious, who are you? Phoebe Buffay: I... I'm Phoebe. Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe? Phoebe Buffay: Enchante. Monica Geller: Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these... Ow! Chandler Bing: You go back to work tomorrow night, right? Monica Geller: Yeah! Chandler Bing: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn? Monica Geller: Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. You like that, right? Chandler Bing: What are you singing? Monica Geller: It's "Bolero" from "10". Chandler Bing: It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from "Apocalypse Now"... See, Here's The Thing The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them! Monica Geller: You what? You said you liked them. Chandler Bing: Did I? Let's refresh. I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp. Monica Geller: Fine, so you don't like them. Everybody else does. Chandler Bing: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different. Monica Geller: You know what? I don't care. I like it like this, and I'm gonna keep it. You're just jealous because your hair can't do this... OUCH! Chandler Bing: Hit yourself in the tooth? Monica Geller: And the eye! Ross Geller: Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle? Rachel Green: That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams. Ross Geller: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie. Rachel Green: Aaah... Ross, actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about. Ross Geller: Okay, shoot! Rachel Green: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal. Ross Geller: OH NO! Rachel Green: What? What is it? Ross Geller: Oh, major shampoo explosion! Rachel Green: Uh, look Ross, this really isn't easy. Ross Geller: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me? Rachel Green: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo? Ross Geller: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying? Rachel Green: Well, yeah... Okay, look it's about me and... Ross Geller: Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people? Rachel Green: Wow! Well, clearly this is not a good time. Ross Geller: Duh, you think? Phoebe Buffay: Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off. Precious: I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's going on here. I mean, are you guys getting back together or something? Phoebe Buffay: Alright... Susie, can I call you Susie? Precious: My name is Precious. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours. Precious: I just can't believe this... Why? Phoebe Buffay: Well, I don't... Precious: Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me? Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you. Precious: I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now? Phoebe Buffay: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, not a fan of the tough love. Precious: I just can't believe that Mike didn't give me any warning. Phoebe Buffay: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me... Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever. Phoebe Buffay: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend. Precious: Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect. Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell. Phoebe Buffay: You're welcome! Chandler Bing: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay? Monica Geller: Not really. Monica Geller: I have a problem. Chandler Bing: Really? What happened? Monica Geller: Well, I was dancing around, and singing "No Woman, No Cry" and I got stuck. Chandler Bing: You can't move at all? Monica Geller: Oh, well, I can move... Chandler Bing: If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rose? Monica Geller: I guess so... Chandler Bing: Some of these look a little frayed. Monica Geller: Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free. Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Rachel Green: Hi! Joey Tribbiani: So, did you err... did you tell Ross? Rachel Green: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again. Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so-ooory. Rachel Green: Yeah, 'cause that's what we do. Joey Tribbiani: Alright, alright, okay, uhm... How 'bout this, how about this? Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together. Rachel Green: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't... Joey Tribbiani: I know, I know..., but that's okay. I mean, we can control ourselves, we're not animals. Rachel Green: No! Of course we can wait. Alright, so I guess that means good night then? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! Good night! Rachel Green: Goo-ood night! Joey Tribbiani: Good night! Rachel Green: Seriously, good night! Joey Tribbiani: Stop saying good night. Rachel Green: Okay. Monica Geller: Look what I found in the drawer... And you said I'd never wear this... Chandler Bing: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me? Monica Geller: Sure, what do you have in mind? Chandler Bing: I think you know. Monica Geller: Really? I don't really feel like it. Chandler Bing: This is what I want to do. Monica Geller: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much. Chandler Bing: She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant.

Joey Tribbiani: Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay? Rachel Green: We weren't doing anything! Joey Tribbiani: Rach, he just saw us. Rachel Green: Shhh. Joey Tribbiani: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss. Rachel Green: No, come on, that is a lie. We also kissed in Barbados. Joey Tribbiani: Dude, chill! Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie. Rachel Green: Yeah, you started it! I've got to chill. Joey Tribbiani: Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened, but.. Rachel Green: We feel so terrible about this, Ross. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, but it did happen, so... Joey Tribbiani: Ross? Rachel Green: Ross? Can we just close the door? Rachel Green: Ross, say something. Anything. Ross Geller: So you two are..? Ross Geller: And have you .. ed? Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no! Rachel Green: No, no, no! Ross Geller: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..? Joey Tribbiani: Probably. Joey Tribbiani: No, no! Rachel Green: Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this. You have every right to go nuts. Ross Geller: I'm not going nuts. Do you see me go nuts? Rachel Green: No, but you know what I mean. Ross Geller: Hey, hey, hey... If you two are happy, then I'm happy for you. I'm fine! Joey Tribbiani: Really? Ross Geller: Absolutely. I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine. I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. But now that I've had time to absorb it; Lovin' this. Joey Tribbiani: Ross.. Ross Geller: It's all working out! Me & Charlie, and you two. You know what we should do? Rachel Green: Calm ourselves? Ross Geller: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!! Joey Tribbiani: Look, don't you think that will be a little weird? Ross Geller: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making fajitas!! Joey Tribbiani: I do like fajitas. Monica Geller: God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.. There are so many ways to go, and this is like the biggest decision of our lives. Chandler Bing: There's a hair in my coffee. Phoebe Buffay: Hey guys! Monica Geller: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets. Chandler Bing: You know, it's funny. Every time you say "triplets," I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds. Monica Geller: That's sweet. Drink your hair. Phoebe Buffay: Hey, what's all this stuff? Monica Geller: Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies. Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute, get this one! Monica Geller: That's not really how it works. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, how does it work? Monica Geller: I don't know! Phoebe Buffay: Well, if you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you. Monica Geller: Thanks, that would be great. Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great? Frank Buffay Jr.: Alright, alright, alright. Remember what we talked about. When we're in a public place, there are certain rules. Frank Buffay Jr.: That's not what we talked about!! Phoebe Buffay: Hey! Frank Buffay Jr.: Hey. Phoebe Buffay: Good to see you. Frank Buffay Jr.: Good to see you, too. Monica Geller: Hi Frank. Frank Buffay Jr.: Hi, how you doin'? Monica Geller: Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big! Monica Geller: Which one is which again? Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, that's Frank Jr. Jr. pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. And that's Chandler climbing on Chandler, and that's Leslie throwing bagels at him. Monica Geller: "Willing to adopt triplets?" No! Joey Tribbiani: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date. Rachel Green: Well, what would we be doing? Joey Tribbiani: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home... Rachel Green: Feel me up? Joey Tribbiani: In a carriage! Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Charlie! Rachel Green: Hey. Charlie Wheeler: Hi, hi. So.. Dreading this? Rachel Green: Oh, you bet. Joey Tribbiani: So, did you bring a little something for Ross? Charlie Wheeler: Actually.. It's stuff you left at my apartment. Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Oh, thanks. Charlie Wheeler: And you know, you can just give me my stuff whenever you want. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I didn't throw any of that out.. Ross Geller: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! Hi Joey. And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. Come, please come in. Come in. Rachel Green: Okay, well, we brought you some wine. Ross Geller: Oh! That is so thoughtful. She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? Joey Tribbiani: Uh, actually, that's.. Ross Geller: Underwear, a toothbrush, and Van Halen CD. I can use all these things!! Charlie Wheeler: Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little... Ross Geller: What? Fine? Because I am! Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't you? You see? Who else is fine? Joey Tribbiani: Okay, listen, hey, Ross. Why don't you try to relax, okay? Maybe have a drink. Ross Geller: You know what? That is a very good idea. I'm gonna go make a pitcher of Margaritas. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, god. So adorable. Look at them sleeping there like angels. Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again. Phoebe Buffay: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute. Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing.. Frank Buffay Jr.: I haven't slept in four years! Phoebe Buffay: That's a, that's a long time. Frank Buffay Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three! Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area. Frank Buffay Jr.: Sometimes I think that.. Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it, it's too horrible. No. Phoebe Buffay: What? Frank Buffay Jr.: No, I can't. Phoebe Buffay: Oh my god, Frank, are you thinking of leaving? Because I didn't have those triplets so you could just run out on them! Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no! I would never do that. No. I just was thinking that, you know, maybe you could take one. Phoebe Buffay: What?! You can't separate them! That's terrible. Which one? Monica Geller: Thank you so much for seeing us. Phoebe has told us such great things about you guys. Colleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help. Bill: We went through the same thing when we were adopting. Chandler Bing: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh? Chandler Bing: I mean, you have a lovely home. Monica Geller: Well, we appreciate anything you can tell us. Colleen: Well, actually, I think this might help. Colleen: It's pretty much all the information you need. Monica Geller: Oh my god! Colleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back. Monica Geller: Thank you. I think I just had a tiny orgasm. Bill: I know the process is frustrating, but it's so worth it. Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us. Chandler Bing: That's great. Can I see the book? Chandler Bing: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you? Monica Geller: It's.. It's just so pretty and white. Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left. Colleen: I would have told him to do it too. Monica Geller: Can I adopt you? Chandler Bing: Hey, you must be Owen. Owen: Yeah. Chandler Bing: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too. Owen: You were? Chandler Bing: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother. Owen: Huh? Chandler Bing: You know how to use a compass? Owen: I have a badge in it. Chandler Bing: You do? That's fantastic! Owen: You wanna see it? Chandler Bing: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you. Owen: What?!? Chandler Bing: What? Owen: I'm adopted? Chandler Bing: I got nothing. Ross Geller: The first batch of margaritas was not so great, but the second batch is gooooood. Rachel Green: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some. Ross Geller: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'. Joey Tribbiani: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready? Ross Geller: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just.. I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension. Rachel Green: No awareness. Ross Geller: We make a great foursome. We should do more stuff together. Ooh! Let's take a trip. Okay, where do you think we - we can go? Ross Geller: My fajitas!! Rachel Green: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this. Charlie Wheeler: Oh, you know what? This is nothing. My father is a raging alcoholic. Charlie Wheeler: Oh, I'm sorry, have I made this evening uncomfortable? Ross Geller: Fajitas! Be careful, very hot plate, very hot plate!! Rachel Green: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on! Ross Geller: That is gonna hurt tomorrow! Phoebe Buffay: Okay, well, this is crazy. Can't seriously be talking about me taking one of your kids, can we? Frank Buffay Jr.: No, of course we're not. Phoebe Buffay: Insane. Frank Buffay Jr.: I know. Phoebe Buffay: Alice would never go for it, right? Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I don't know, she's pretty tired, too, I think we've got her onboard. Phoebe Buffay: Well, just you know, for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically. Which one would you be willing to give up? Frank Buffay Jr.: Huh. Phoebe Buffay: Frank Jr.Jr.? Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke. Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Frank Buffay Jr.: What's green and says "hey, I'm a frog"? A talking frog! Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny. Phoebe Buffay: Well, alright, that's fine. What about Leslie? Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no, no. Not Leslie. No, she's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet. Phoebe Buffay: Alright, so that leaves Chandler. Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor.. Phoebe Buffay: Wow, Frank. I think we just ran out of kids. Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies. Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there. Frank Buffay Jr.: How about tomorrow? Phoebe Buffay: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together. Frank Buffay Jr.: You'd do that for us? Phoebe Buffay: Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for. Frank Jr. : Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up! Chandler Bing: Where are Bill and Colleen? Monica Geller: They're in the kitchen getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are? Chandler Bing: We have to leave!! Monica Geller: Why? What did you do in the bathroom? Chandler Bing: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him. Monica Geller: Oh my god, where's my purse? No, you know what? I can replace everything in there. Get that binder, and let's go! Colleen: Hey. Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen. Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet. Chandler Bing: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows? Owen: I'm adopted?! Chandler Bing: See? Intuitive! Bill: What? Where did you hear that? Owen: He told me! And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell. Chandler Bing: Which technically now you should give back! Colleen: You told him he's adopted? Chandler Bing: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real." Owen: He isn't?! Chandler Bing: We have to get out of here, baby! Ross Geller: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey. Rachel Green: Ooy. Ross Geller: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love? Rachel Green: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer? Ross Geller: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own. Joey Tribbiani: Dude, are you okay? Ross Geller: Totally. Rachel Green: Ross, you don't seem okay. Ross Geller: I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan. Charlie Wheeler: Wait, Ross. Ross. I - I have to take off. Ross Geller: No! Charlie Wheeler: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely. Ross Geller: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel. Charlie Wheeler: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay? Ross Geller: Okay. Charlie Wheeler: Alright. Charlie Wheeler: God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so.. Rachel Green: Oh, that's okay, girls tend not to like me. Charlie Wheeler: Bye. Ross Geller: Okay, I guess it's just flan for three! Hey, hey, that rhymed! Rachel Green: You know what, Ross? I think we're gonna take off too. Ross Geller: Oh, oh. Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone. Rachel Green: No, no, it's just that it's getting late... Ross Geller: Hey, hey, it's fine. It's totally fine. We've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good. Ross Geller: I don't even know what that's for. Joey Tribbiani: You know what? I think I'm gonna stay here and make sure he's okay. Rachel Green: Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning. Rachel Green: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this. Joey Tribbiani: It doesn't look good, does it? Joey Tribbiani: Morning. Here you go. Ross Geller: Thanks. Did you stay here all night? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Ross Geller: So you took off my pants and shoes? Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen. Ross Geller: What do you mean? Joey Tribbiani: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly.. Ross Geller: Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine! Joey Tribbiani: It's okay, Ross, alright? I totally understand. Of course you're not fine. You're.. You're Ross and Rachel. Ross Geller: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long? Joey Tribbiani: That's what I hear, yeah. Ross Geller: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel? Joey Tribbiani: Come on, I mean, you know me, you know... Ross Geller: Joey. Joey Tribbiani: I'm crazy about her. Ross Geller: And she feels the same way? Joey Tribbiani: I think so. Ross Geller: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it. Ross Geller: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she? Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, no, that was - that was just for me. Are you sure about this? Ross Geller: Yeah, I'm sure. Joey Tribbiani: And we're okay? Monica Geller: Hey, Phoebs. Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Monica Geller: Uhm, we just wanna give you a heads-up. Bill and Colleen hate us. Chandler Bing: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him. Monica Geller: What? Phoebe Buffay: Still, he had to find out sometime. Chandler Bing: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them? Chandler Bing: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident.

Chandler Bing: So, you and Rachel tonight, huh? Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. It's actually our first official date. Chandler Bing: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous? Joey Tribbiani: Naa, no. This is the part I'm actually good at. Chandler Bing: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing. Joey Tribbiani: It's OK! Chandler Bing: How can you be so confident? Joey Tribbiani: Well, I... I know exactly what I'm gonna do! Chandler Bing: Really? Like you have a routine? Joey Tribbiani: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness. Chandler Bing: Really? Joey Tribbiani: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh. Chandler Bing: You mean like this? Joey Tribbiani: NO! Not like that, no no. No, like this. Chandler Bing: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice. Joey Tribbiani: More foosball? Chandler Bing: ...and beer!! Monica Geller: Hey! Monica Geller: Hey sweetie! Ross Geller: WOW! Chandler Bing: Hey! Stop staring at my wife's legs! No no! Stop staring at your sister's legs! Ross Geller: I'm sorry, it's just... how did you get so tan? Chandler Bing: She went on one of those spray-on tan places. Ross Geller: Eh, you got a spray-on tan? Monica Geller: Chandler gets pedicures! Ross Geller: Why, why you do, like with the-the toe separators? Chandler Bing: Why...why? Ross Geller: Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on... I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one! Chandler Bing: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off. Ross Geller: So, do you get colours or just French tips? Monica Geller: There. Here's their card. Ross Geller: Thanks. Hey, I know where this place is! It used to be an X-rated video... florist. Phoebe Buffay: Hey! Chandler Bing: Hey Pheebs! Monica Geller: Hey Phoebe! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you won't believe who moved back to town. Monica Geller: I know, Amanda! Ah! She called me too! She's the worst! Chandler Bing: Who's Amanda? Monica Geller: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!" Chandler Bing: Are you trying to do a British accent? Monica Geller: Chandler gets pedicures! Chandler Bing: Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect? Phoebe Buffay: You know what Amanda said to me when she got me on the phone? "Oh, so sorry to catch you on your Mo-Bile!" If-if you don't wanna get me on my mo-Bile, don't call me on my mo-Bile!" Monica Geller: I know, and she's always bragging about all the famous people she's met. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I know! "Oh...I slept with Billy Joel". All right, who hasn't? Monica Geller: Oh, what are we gonna do! I don't wanna see her!! Phoebe Buffay: Ugh, Let's just cut her out! Monica Geller: What? Phoebe Buffay: Cut her out of our lives! Just ignore her calls and dodge her 'till she gets the point! Monica Geller: Oh, I guess we could try that, but... it seems so harsh! Have you ever done that? Chandler Bing: No, had it done to me though. Feels good ! Assistant: Alright Mr. Geller! Right this way! So, how dark do you wanna be? We have one, two or three. Ross Geller: Well... I like how you look, what are you? Assistant: Puerto Rican. Ross Geller: Two, I think a two. Assistant: You've got to face the red light. When the red light goes on the spraying is about to start so close your eyes. When the spraying stops, count to five. Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks then turn around so we can get your back. Got it? Ross Geller: Spray, count, pat, then turn, spray, count and pat. Assistant: Wow, you catch on quick. Ross Geller: Well, I have a PhD, so... Ross Geller: One Mississipi, two Mississipi, Three Mis... WAIT! WAIT! I'm not-I've not finished counting!! Ross Geller: You sprayed my front twice! Assistant: You've never turned? Ross Geller: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi. Assistant: Mississippi? I said count to five'! Ross Geller: Mississippilesly? Well, how bad is it? Assistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours. Ross Geller: So, how dark is it gonna get? Assistant: You got sprayed with two two' s and... Ross Geller: I'm a four? Assistant: Yeah, but you're back's a zero. You're gonna wanna even that out. Ross Geller: Really! Assistant: You might wanna get back in there. Ross Geller: Ok! Ross Geller: Wait, wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall! How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? Ah, oh, ah! Ah! The same thing happened again! Assistant: You got two more twos? Ross Geller: I'm an eight! Rachel Green: Thanks for dinner. Joey Tribbiani: I thought you paid. Ha, guess we won't be going back there! Rachel Green: So. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Joey Tribbiani: Hey what do you say, we move this onto the likes of the couch? Rachel Green: I say 'cheesy line', but ok. Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter? Rachel Green: I am sorry, I don't know, I am sorry, I don't know why I did that! Rachel Green: Ok, so sorry. Rachel Green: I am sorry! Again... I don't know, I don't know what happened, I must be nervous! Joey Tribbiani: I don't get it, Chandler loved it! Rachel Green: Ok, ok, ok. I promise, I promise, I promise, I won't do it again. I really do. I promise. This is gonna be great. Joey Tribbiani: Ok. Joey Tribbiani: Uh, was that good for you? Monica Geller: No, no, don't get it. Let the machine pick up. Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. Could be Rachel asking if someone could baby-sit again. Monica Geller: It could be Amanda! Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you're right! I was just kidding about Rachel. Babysitting is a gas! Amanda Buffamonteezi: Hello Monica. It's Amanda calling again. I am in the neighborhood hoping I can pop by your flat! Monica Geller: You're from Yonkers! Your last name is Buffo-Martisis! Amanda Buffamonteezi: Let's see.. to assure you get this directly, ring me back on my mobile. Phoebe Buffay: Ok, don't hold thy breath! Chandler Bing: Hello? Is someone on the line? Amanda Buffamonteezi: Yes, I was looking for Monica. Chandler Bing: Hang on, she's right here. Someone's on the phone, for ya. Monica Geller: We weren't picking up, it's Amanda! Chandler Bing: I get pedicures! Monica Geller: Hi Amanda! Actually now... it's... is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? Ok, Phoebe and I will see you then! Phoebe Buffay: Why, why, why didn't you just say no! Monica Geller: Well, I said 'no' to her coming over now! I couldn't say 'no' twice! I get this uncontrollable need to please people! Phoebe Buffay: Fine, fine! You would not hold up well under torture! Monica Geller: And you would? Phoebe Buffay: I did! Joey Tribbiani: Rach, you sure you wanna do this? Rachel Green: Absolutely! Absolutely. I d... it's just a little weird, it's you, and it's me, it's just gonna take some getting used to. Joey Tribbiani: Ok. Well, how, how can we make it easier? Rachel Green: Ok, let's work from the top down! Just work the bra, Joe! Joey Tribbiani: Ok, yeah, got it. Joey Tribbiani: This thing welded shut?! Rachel Green: Okay. Joey Tribbiani: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing. Rachel Green: Oh! Rachel Green: Ow! Joey Tribbiani: Sorry! Rachel Green: Well this is romantic! Joey Tribbiani: I'm sorry! This never happened to me before! I'm an expert at taking off bras! I can do it with one hand! I can do it with my eyes closed! One time I just looked at one, and it popped open! I blame your bra! Rachel Green: It's a standard issue bra clasp! Joey Tribbiani: Then I blame you! Yeah! That's right! You threw me off with all your slapping! Rachel Green: Ok well, well I'm really, I'm sorry about that Joey, but do you think that maybe on some level, you don't want to take off my bra? Joey Tribbiani: NAH! I don't have another level!! Chandler Bing: Hold on! There is something different. Ross Geller: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested. Chandler Bing: Was that place... The Sun? Ross Geller: Oh! And it gets worse! Chandler Bing: Oh My God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself! Monica Geller: How could you mess this up? It's so easy? You go into the booth, you count to five and you turn around!! Ross Geller: How do you count to five? Monica Geller: One Two Three... Ross Geller: Damnit! Rachel Green: oooh! Oh oh! Ross Geller: I Know! Rachel Green: oh oh! What is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic? Chandler Bing: How was your date with Joey? Rachel Green: Well, it was good.. until we got back to our apartment, and then we were fooling around and he started to put his hand up my leg and I kept slapping it away! Chandler Bing: You didn't like that? Rachel Green: Well, it wasn't just me, alright? He freaked out too! He couldn't even undo my bra! Monica Geller: Wow, really? One time he just looked at my bra and it popped open. Rachel Green: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me. Monica Geller: Well, you guys have been friends forever. Remember the first time that you kissed Ross? How weird that was? You couldn't stop laughing? You got through that. Rachel Green: Ok, that's true. That's true, we can do this. You're right, you're right, we can do this. We're just gonna power through! Joey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second . Rachel Green: No need!! Problem solved, we are powering through . Monica Geller: Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open! Chandler Bing: You don't know! Monica Geller: Hey Phoebe! Phoebe Buffay: Hey! Monica Geller: Is Amanda here yet? Phoebe Buffay: No. Monica Geller: Oh good. Good, look I'm so sorry, for screwing up that cutting-her-out plan. But I have a new plan. Chandler agreed to call here in a few minutes with an emergency. Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Well, what kind of emergency that gets us both out of here? Monica Geller: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident? Phoebe Buffay: Are you kidding, I love it! Phoebe Buffay: Hi! Monica Geller: Hi! Amanda Buffamonteezi: Hi! Amanda Buffamonteezi: Hello! Amanda Buffamonteezi: It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs I don't exercise at all! Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married! Monica Geller: Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and... Amanda Buffamonteezi: Smell my neck! It's not perfume! It's me! It's my natural scent! Phoebe Buffay: Musty! Amanda Buffamonteezi: Oh! Gosh! This is brilliant. Gosh, it's just like old times. I'm so happy you two are friends again! Monica Geller: When were we not friends? Amanda Buffamonteezi: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel . Monica Geller: Ehm, we were friends in 1992. Amanda Buffamonteezi: No I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls and trying to avoid seeing her. Monica Geller: You were going to cut me out? Phoebe Buffay: Well...kinda. Monica Geller: Oh My God! Amanda Buffamonteezi: Oh! Bugger. Should I not have said that? I feel like a perfect arse! Phoebe Buffay: Yeah well, in America you're just an "ass". Monica Geller: Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? Oh my God, are you alright? Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident. Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God. Was Mike with him? Monica Geller: Nope! Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Rachel Green: Hey! Got champagne? Joey Tribbiani: Yes ma'am, ready to Power through! Rachel Green: Excellent! Stick it in the ice bucket, the phone is off the hook, and in the interest of powering through ... Joey Tribbiani: Uh! Rachel Green: Ok Sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy. Alright! Lets do it! Joey Tribbiani: Ok, you're scaring me a little bit. Rachel Green: Oh! Get over it soldier, we've gotta do this! Ok. Aha! You like that huh? Joey Tribbiani: Oh! yeah! Rachel Green: You like that? Let's take this into high gear. Joey Tribbiani: uh uh! Rachel Green: Yeah baby, I'll show you how we do it! Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters! Rachel Green: What? Oh my God! I'm so sorry. Joey? Are you ok? Joey Tribbiani: Soldier down! Monica Geller: We are not friends with Phoebe anymore. Chandler Bing: If she asks, I protested a little, but ok! Phoebe Buffay: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute? Monica Geller: I have nothing to say to you. Amanda Buffamonteezi: Wow, my flat is twice this size! Phoebe Buffay: Please, Monica? In the hall? Amanda Buffamonteezi: Ooh, that accident must have been terrible. You look positively ghastly. Chandler Bing: Well, aren't you a treat. Monica Geller: I can't believe you tried to cut me out. Why Phoebe, why? Phoebe Buffay: It was right after we were living together and you were driving me crazy, okay? You were really controlling and compulsive and shrill. Monica Geller: I'm still all those things! Phoebe Buffay: You're also so generous and kind and scrappy! Monica Geller: I am scrappy. Phoebe Buffay: Exactly! Look, no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't keep you out of my life. Of all the people I have cut out, you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in. Monica Geller: It's because I'm scrappy. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are. And I'm so glad that you fought your way back in, because I don't know what I would do without you. Monica Geller: I won't know what I would do without you. Monica Geller: Well, I guess we should go back in. When you gave me another chance, I guess we should do the same for Amanda. Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I guess you're right. Amanda Buffamonteezi: Can you believe it. I've never had any professional dance training. Glenda: Now, let me explain how this works. You go into the booth, and... Ross Geller: I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time, huh? Now I want 4 two's... and I want them all on my back. Glenda: Okay... Ross Geller: Wait a minute, there's two sets of nozzles, which one is it? Ross Geller: Which... which... which... Which one is it? Ross Geller: OH! SON OF A BITCH! Rachel Green: What is the matter with us? Joey Tribbiani: Well, I know what's the matter with me. Rachel Green: No, I mean with us, you know. I mean, is it supposed to be this... difficult? Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. Chandler Bing: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey! Rachel Green: Hi! Hey, listen, can we ask you a question? When you and Monica first hooked up, was it weird going from friends to... more than that? Chandler Bing: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys... Rachel Green: No, no, no... No, I mean... se-x-u-ally... Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, was there a part of you that... felt like it was... really wrong? Chandler Bing: Actually, no. No, it felt right. You know, it felt like uhm... I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time. Chandler Bing: I can tell from your expressions that that's the good news you were hoping for... Well, I'm gonna go continue to... spread the joy. Rachel Green: Well, just because it happened that way for them doesn't mean it has to happen that way for us. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah... Absolutely. I mean, just because something's difficult doesn't mean that you quit. Rachel Green: Right, totally. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, so we just keep trying and trying until we... do it. Rachel Green: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have sex. Joey Tribbiani: That's a... pla-an. Joey Tribbiani: Wow... I did not see this coming. Rachel Green: I know. Joey Tribbiani: I don't get it. I mean, I was so sure this was what I wanted. Rachel Green: Hmmm... Me too... Rachel Green: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it? Joey Tribbiani: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are. Rachel Green: Aah... I bet you're right. Joey Tribbiani: So... Rachel Green: Yeah. Joey Tribbiani: I love ya. Rachel Green: Love you too... Alright, I'm going to bed. Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, me too. Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, yeah, I'm not going anywhere for a while. Chandler Bing: Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in. Ross Geller: Go away! I don't want to see anybody. Chandler Bing: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in. Ross Geller: Really? Did you count Mississipily? Ross Geller: Dude, you're not tanned. Chandler Bing: No, I just had to get a picture of this. Chandler Bing: I see you later! end.