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MattBoraske

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Reddit-AITA-2018-to-2022

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i dm for a group of 5 people: will, lorraine, ben, issac and holly. i met the latter three at uni, while will and lorraine (a couple) are friends of a friend. i'm not am experienced dm but i really like this group as there's always a fun atmosphere around the table. as an additional advantage, the group doesn't have anyone that's a creep which is a real luxury. a while ago we were watching a bunch of youtubers playing some d&d who were dressed up as their characters. i can't remember who suggested it but somehow the idea that we should do the same got floated around and as it sounded like fun, so everyone agreed. next session everyone had their costumes ready and everyone looked great considering that we didn't have much time/budget. the session went really well. all of the group seemed to be acting in character way more than usual and as we wrapped up i chalked it down as a really great night and got a lot of great feedback from people there. a few days later though, holly messaged me privately outside of the group chat, saying how the costumes lorraine and will were wearing had made her feel uncomfortable and that she didn't think they were appropriate, that they were unnecessarily showing off and made the rest of us look inadequate, even if it was unintentional. she also asked me to ask them to wear more next session. now, i wouldn't say anyone at the table was unattractive or overweight, but will and lorraine are both highly physically active people and have the bodies to match, and their costumes didn't cover a lot. will's character is a monk, and his costume was basically dhalsim off street fighter: shirtless and with warpaint covering his chest and face. lorraine meanwhile plays a sorcerer and was wearing a woven bikini top, harem pants and african style body paint (apparently you can't get elf ears for black people). as a dm/dnd player in general, i like to think i have a really low tolerance for creeps and the usual shittyness that can come with a hobby mostly populated by nerdy guys and take every complaint i get about someone's behaviour seriously, but i'm not sure i can with this. like if they'd showed up wearing, say bondage gear i might've had a word but they made sense for them as characters, they weren't showing any more skin than you'd see at the beach, and the outfits themselves wouldn't be out of place at a music festival and the designs were inventive. everyone else sent messages saying how much they enjoyed the last session and the effort people went to for their outfits so it just seems like a shame to stop doing it because one of us is made uncomfortable by a bit of skin (as far as i know, holly hasn't mentioned it to will or lorraine). so yeah, am i an arsehole for not taking this seriously? like i get having body issues, but i'm not sure being intimidated by physically fit people and being uncomfortable around them is a good way to go in life and the session we had in-costume was one of the best we've ever had.

aita for not taking one of my player's complaints about being uncomfortable seriously?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b2kmd6/aita_for_not_taking_one_of_my_players_complaints/

2019-03-18 16:16:44

nta. listen, you’re the dm and seen as the figure of authority in your group, but that certainly isn’t the same as a teacher in a classroom — it is not your job to mediate the social dynamic of the group. they are adults and if holly has a problem with the way will and lorraine are dressed, that should be their discussion. i see how holly could want to go to you as the dm, since you get to make the rules of the game, but this is certainly something that you can take a step back from and say, “not my place to monitor other people’s clothing.” i would ever go on to say it would be one thing if you’re recording/streaming the dnd sessions, but i’m assuming you aren’t, so it’s not like anyone else is seeing the players and commenting on appearance.

nta yet, because you are taking it seriously, that’s why you’re still pondering and weighing your judgement. you should check with her and talk about her true motivation and reasoning. why did it make her uncomfortable exactly as the costumes seemingly weren’t that revealing? just so you get a better grasp of the problem. even if you would decide against her, she’d at least would have had the feeling she had been taking into consideration. present her what you think of it after that, in a delicate way because physical insecurities are very difficult to bypass/handle. try to instill the fact that it shouldn’t bother her. if that’s not possible, contact the others and ask them what they think of it and if they would willingly adapt their costumes, without breaching holly’s privacy too much. maybe a group chat, moderated by you, could also help. everyone enjoys the game itself so you have a good chance on having a group of people willing to work towards a solution everyone is comfortable with. remember though: people do have the right to do whatever they want within the framework of what is generally acceptable. so if no common solution is found, holly should accept the situation. basically what you’re already thinking. whatever you choose to decide: motivate it so people know exactly why you decide it and what you took into consideration. even if it’s not what they want, they will be more prone to accept it.

nta i think you should talk with her a little more about it though so she feels better about the situation. maybe probe her and ask “well why does it make you uncomfortable?” and remind her that it’s no more skin than you’d see at a beach/nightclub. you wouldn’t want her to drop off because she feels written off.

nta. if she feels uncomfortable because she's insecure, then she needs to take this up directly with them. i don't think that you should be enabling her insecurities. she should be trying to get over them.

nta. sounds like holly is being a “territorial smurfette.” being catty to lorraine for being the other woman in the group and having an attractive boyfriend.

nah, but there's an easy way to solve it. dump their characters in the arctic. they'll have a quick change of clothes for next session.

nta. it sounds like the person who made the complaint is being insecure. i’m not sure how i’d tell them that, but i don’t think you should change anything.

i would say nah. i think holly is certainly entitled to feel uncomfortable but that shouldn't mean you need to make adjustments to make her feel comfortable, perhaps she just isn't a good match for your group.

nta. like...you're in charge of the game, but you're not actually an authority figure here, and you're certainly not the modesty police. and you're right, from what you describe they wouldn't be out of place at a convention. you're all adults here, holly needs to figure out how to act like one and voice her discomfort for herself.

nah. holly has issues of her own most likely and is hoping you'll solve them for her.

BENIGN

i (18m) just graduated grade 12 this year. my younger stepsister (12f) just graduated grade 7. my dad and stepmom came to my grad commencement but they left almost immediately after it was done. i hardly got to see them after, it was just a quick hi and they left. today my dad phoned and asked me if i wanted to come to my stepsisters graduation party (its tomorrow) and it felt like a slap in the face. like i get graduating grade 7 is a big accomplishment but they did nothing for me. i wasn't even expecting anything big, at least a "good job" or something but they left so quickly after my commitment that it felt like they didn't want to be there in the first place. i guess i felt like i was treated unfairly because my stepsister graduated grade 7 and they threw a party for her and i graduated grade 12 and they barely interacted with me about it. they've always put her before me and i get it for the most part. she's 12 and i'm 18 so of course they're going to spend more time with her but they don't spend any of their time on me. they never have. when i was younger and id go over to their place, they'd sit in their room and watch tv and make me look after my stepsister. and to be completely honest my stepsister and i don't have the greatest relationship. she's the type of kid that throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way and has to get presents at another kids birthday party. i know that sounds harsh but it always happened at my birthdays. and the one time it didn't i had go give her 3 of my presents. i know that if i go i'm going to be in a bad mood and thats probably going to ruin the party and i don't want ruin it for her so i declined going. around 30 minutes ago my stepmom blew up my phone with texts, calling me a selfish asshole for not going and now i'm thinking i should just suck it up and go. i asked my mom and stepdad for a second opinion but they said they want to stay out of it. so aita for not going to her party? editing to add: her graduating grade 7 is a big deal because, where i live, its the end of elementary school and now she's going to highschool. theres no middle school where i live

aita for not going to my stepsisters graduation party?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vpbure/aita_for_not_going_to_my_stepsisters_graduation/

2022-07-01 21:44:01

nta my response would be... "thank you for the invite, however, given that i just graduated high school, many of my friends will be having parties given by their families on that/this weekend and i will be making the rounds to those where i can celebrate our accomplishments."

so nta and don’t go. i have never heard of a 7th grade grad party. also disappointed your mom and stepdad didn’t offer a perspective.

nta. what the hell is your step mum messaging you like that? no. if anyone should be communicating with you about your actions and choices its your dad or your mum. they choose to prioritise her thats fine, but you choose to prioritise yourself. don't respond to your step mum. just screenshot the messages from her and send them to your dad. and then send him this post. nta. they can throw a massive party for one child, but cant even say a measly two words to you 'good job'. no they are ahs.

nta don't go. you would be miserable and angry. since they are so busy blowing up your phone, you might as well calmly ask why they didn't do anything for your high school graduation. heck, they're mad anyway.

nta. i’d lie my ass off and say, “i can’t attend because i already have plans to celebrate my high school graduation tomorrow. some friends found out that my parents didn’t even have dinner with me in celebration and now their parents all want do something for me.”

nta. and i have to say, you're being the only responsible person here, for this: > i know that if i go i'm going to be in a bad mood and thats probably going to ruin the party and i don't want ruin it for her so i declined going. everyone else is either being selfish or enabling, while you've thought about what the objectively best option for everybody is. don't let them make you second-guess yourself.

nta now that you are 18 you get to pick who you spend time with and for what reasons. it sounds like your step-sister, step-mom and dad have shown you where their priorities are, and that they want a one-sided relationship. growing up is hard because of choices like these- and to have make this decision about your own dad and sibling is terrible. my advice would be to explain when you decline so that way you at least feel heard, and then can move on.

nta- you don't feel like partying and are reasonably salty about being treated like you don't matter to your dad and stepmom. not going is a good choice.

nta - your stepmom and dad are definitely ahs and their behavior is why your stepsister is a brat. and no, it's not a big deal to "graduate" 7th grade. that's basic shit that everyone is supposed to do. making a big deal out of her doing things she's supposed to do is just going to make her a lazy and unaccomplished adult who expects the world and everyone in it to cater to her. since you're 18 and don't live with them, i suggest you simply don't interact with them at all. clearly, they can't see what they are.

nta. they treat you very badly. that is a simple fact. congrats on finishing high school, move away from them and onto the rest of your life.

BENIGN

a new friend of mine and i discovered we have the same birthday and said we’d have to celebrate together when the time came. i haven’t had a birthday party since i was a little girl, but agreed to having an intimate get together. we each said we’d invite only our closest friends, we’d make a boxed cake, a couple finger food appetizers and i would make a playlist for my bluetooth speaker. i don’t have many friends or family in the area so i knew i’d only be inviting 3-5 people tops. we are now several weeks out from the date and i got a text from her this morning letting me know that she has invited 40 people (none of whom i know) and hired a dj. she asked me to let her know how much i will be coming up with for the meat and alcohol budget as she’s already projected $1,500. now, i think it is important to include that i am a single mother currently in between jobs, while she is much older and well established. we met when i did some work for her at her business, but i haven’t gotten any work from her recently. i explained to her that with my financial situation, incoming bills, school clothes shopping for my daughter, etc. that i just don’t have that kind of money. furthermore, even if i did, spending hundreds of dollars on strangers for my own birthday is just not something i care to do. not to mention i only have one friend who is able to make it. i am very much a people pleaser so i went on to explain that i want to help, and am still ready and willing to do what i agreed to in the beginning - but she shot back and told me she is not going to skimp out on her guests and needs help paying for a proper meal. when i didn’t instantly agree, she angrily responded that she will have another friend who actually wants to help her do it. aita for standing my ground here and not putting myself out for someone else’s event?

aita for not paying half?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wxn7ww/aita_for_not_paying_half/

2022-08-25 19:31:35

nta "sorry, that's not the scope of birthday celebration i anticipated. we'll need to celebrate separately."

nta. you don't plan an intimate party with another person and then just flip the script and say "oh i need 1500 bucks for booze and beef". that's just plain rude. i'd look for different people.

nta stop with the jade (justify, argue, defend explain). it's irrelevant that you're a single mom or that she hasn't hired you for any business recently. the relevant part is that you're not going to spend that much money on your birthday party, and what she's planning no longer works for you. agree with her that her working with her other friend instead of you is probably best, and stop offering to do anything for the event.

nta- do not feel bad for standing your ground. what she is asking is ridiculous to expect. as someone else said, she just wants someone else to foot half the expenses for her own big party.

nta. she obviously just wanted to stick you with a major part of the bill to throw herself a big bash.

nta. paying for her mistakes doesn’t make you an asshole. she went behind your back and made this sweet intimate party into a blowout party. not your fault she can’t afford her friends. you should do the small intimate party with you, your friend, and your kid. pizza, cake, and a bottle of wine.

nta .. she is trying to use you and knew it before hand you don't need friends like that

nta you signed up for an intimate party, that's not what you are getting now so it's totally reasonable for you to say "no, this isn't what i want."

you said x, she agreed and now wants to to pay half of y. nta

nta- i think the number of people and maximum budget should’ve been confirmed from the beginning but nothing justifies her getting a dj without your input if it was supposed to be a joint party. i do agree that finger food isn’t ideal when you’re hosting (potlucks are better if you’re really not trying to spend so much money on food), but she broke y’all’s agreement first by inviting so many people because no one would call 40 guests an intimate get together.

BENIGN

i’m really conflicted with this so i’d like some honest opinions. my upstairs neighbors are horrendous. my apartment complex is kind of old so i understand there’s going to be creaky floors and thin walls. but i’m not exaggerating when i say it sounds like there is a gym above me. it sounds like they are constantly dropping heavy weights on the floor. i don’t know if it’s their kids jumping off furniture or what but it’s nuts. i’ve probably sent 6 noise complaints in the last year but i just gave up because the leasing office managers didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. the bigger issue is that they let their small children operate their bathtub alone. they have overflowed their bathtub 6 times so far to my knowledge, three times causing a massive hole in my bathroom ceiling resulting in a waterfall coming into my apartment, the other times it was just water coming through our vent. i’m not going to lie to you the last time this happened i went full karen on the property managers. i’m sick of having to clean up the mess from the water, replacing things in my bathroom, and having repair people in my apartment constantly during a pandemic. i guess my karen moment really got them because they sent me a letter saying if anything else happened they’d pursue legal action to have them evicted. now i’m in the situation where if anything else occurs i can either a) ignore it or b) be the pos who made some kids homeless. i know it’s within my rights as a paying tenet to not have to deal with this but aita for making a scene?

aita for potentially getting my upstairs neighbors and their kids evicted?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kyv3cc/aita_for_potentially_getting_my_upstairs/

2021-01-17 00:23:22

nta, you are well within your rights to complain. it sounds like boarding on neglectful parents.

nta. this is not you being petty. i'm surprised management hasn't done something already as much damage as they have caused.

sorry, but you don't move into an apartment complex and think you have no responsibility to the people around you. they are neglectful and horrible neighbors. hopefully the management contacted the people upstairs and there won't be any more incidents. but if so, not your problem. this is a live and learn moment for them. nta

nta. water overflowing into your apartment is dangerous for multiple reasons. the ceiling could collapse on top of you, and water leaking down could cause (or possibly already has caused) mold to grow in the walls. you should complain and get your apartment tested for mold.

nta maybe they've received similar warning and they'll be considerate.

nta. you aren't getting anyone evicted. they are doing it to themselves. if they've had multiple warnings from the landlord, they have no one to blame but themselves. and i'd venture to guess it won't be their first eviction

it’s super weird that management would send you a letter like that. that’s a warning they need, not you. nta

nta, you need to look as the kids have nothing to do with it and this is all about the parents. honestly i would’ve called cps by now, those kids could drown or get hurt jumping off furniture. i say this from the experience of getting hurt stepping off furniture.

nta- it's not you who is making them homeless, it 's their parents action well lack of action that is going to get them evicted. i can only imagine the 1000s of dollars of damage they have done.

nta repeated bathtub overflows caused a massive hole in your ceiling. lodging complaints with management afterward is completely reasonable (not karening at all). this situation isn't your fault. something needs to change before it gets any worse. there's more at risk here than just property damage: small children can drown taking unattended baths. these little ones don't know how to operate a faucet properly. this has flooded half a dozen times. under these circumstances i'd think seriously about contacting cps.

BENIGN

for context: we’ve been dating for 1.5 years. also for context, we’re both pretty private with our phones, her more than me. her notifications don’t go to the lock screen, and she has a complicated password i’d never guess (not that i’d normally care; i barely even noticed until now). this happened last night and i can’t shake through whether or not i’m justified. we were cuddling and a name called “ken 😜” popped up on her phone on facetime. she tried to reject it really quickly but it seemed suspicious to me. i asked her who was that and she hesitated a moment before admitting it was her ex. this bothered me because we both don’t really say positive things about our exes, and i have no idea why he’d facetime (i don’t know if it’s just me, but video calling seems a lot more personal than phone calls or text messages). i asked her if she normally talks to her ex and she says no; they never talk, and doesn’t know why he called. i asked why was his name saved as that if she never talks to him, and she got annoyed and maintained that it was from when they were dating and she never deleted it. i asked her if she’d mind if i saw her text messages; not for everyone, just for that specific person. or if i could look at her call logs. she looked at my like i had four eyes and was **pissed**. she said that why do i want to go snooping on her phone? it’s a breach of privacy. i replied that i didn’t see it as snooping; it was just suspicious that a name she supposedly never talked to facetimed her, and it wouldn’t really take much to confirm her story. she restated that if i kept up acting crazy, i’d lose her, and i’m acting ridiculous. we fought, and as of now, we’re not speaking. i never really had a reason to not trust her, which is why i think i might be acting crazy. at the same time, it would’ve taken a quick 5 second glance to confirm her story. as it stands, it just sounds sketchy, and i can’t tell if she’s just that private, or is hiding something. i would normally never go through my partner’s phone without probably cause, but an ex facetiming you and the sketchiness just seemed weird. aita for wanting to go through her phone?

aita for demanding to go through my partner’s phone?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6lhm7/aita_for_demanding_to_go_through_my_partners_phone/

2019-03-28 17:13:12

~~nta- i feel like most people would have gone snooping in this situation, yet you were up front and asked. she did not need to freak out (you said she was "pissed" just by you asking) and could have just calmly explained that she did not feel comfortable with it. her emotional reaction makes me think that there is more to the story.~~ ​

nta if there was nothing to hide i would've shown it to my partner immediately. her behaviour sounds sketchy and as if she was hiding something. maybe you could've tried to frame it so that she could see from your perspective (i.e. asking her if she would want to take a glimpse of your most recent convo with an ex if they randomly decided to facetime you out of the blue and you tried to hide it).

man, this is a tough one to be honest. i'm really not sure how i feel about it. i'm going to give a tentative yta--relationships need to be built on trust--but her reaction to the facetime call seems pretty suspicious to me. so i really don't know...

yta either trust her, or don't, and decide where to go from there. and i don't care what reaction i get to this post. i acknowledge she's acting shady. but i will never, ever, ever agree that someone has the right to go through their partner's private conversations.

nta, it honestly blows me away how many people think you are; my suspicion is that there's a whole bunch of single people in this thread. relationships are built on mutual trust & understanding. trust is built, not blindly given, and understanding must be given in order to build trust. if you were randomly demanding to go through her phone, you'd be demonstrating a lack of trust and would be the asshole - but this is not that situation. instead, you were put in a situation that is objectively suspicious, which challenged your trust. she (and any reasonable person in a relationship) should be understanding of this, even if it hurts, and needs to extend that understanding by allowing you to see the messages (or lack thereof), which allows you to dispel the suspicion you reasonably feel & in turn builds your trust in her. once that's done, assuming all is as she said, she's allowed to be hurt by your lack of trust and you should be understanding of her reasonably hurt emotions. the objective reasonableness of your actions do not mean they weren't hurtful to her, because they do show a limit in your current ability to trust her. you then need to apologize and work to heal the hurt, which will in turn build her trust in you. in the end, you've worked through a potential issue and come out the other side with a stronger relationship where each party has more trust in the other than before. that's how relationships work, grow, and last. instead, you observed signs that your trust in her might be misplaced, and rather than understanding this and allowing you to dispel your suspicions, she chose to take the same actions that a cheater who is gaslighting their partner would take. this does not prove that she is cheating or gaslighting. it does, however, make it impossible for you to know if she is or is not. now you feel crazy, she feels hurt, and the relationship is damaged on both sides. no matter what's actually going on here, her actions here are damaging to your relationship and if this is how she's going to handle all future relationship challenges, then this relationship is not going to last. to the people saying that since you are in a relationship you have to trust her no matter what, especially given how long you've been together - ya'll think 1.5 years is enough to know someone perfectly, and enough to trust them in all situations no matter how suspicious? that's fucking dumb, mates. people are people, sometimes they fuck up, and sometimes they betray trust, even (gasp!) in relationships longer than 1.5 years. if you think that dating means the moment you become official that you must extend total, blind trust no matter what facts you observe from that point forward, then you are going to have a really bad time out in the real world. and op didn't go nuclear, going nuclear would have been blowing up at her right away without either asking or giving her the chance to show the messages.

yta simply for "demanding" to go through her phone. i'm not saying that i blame you at all. to me, her ex facetiming her and her reaction is a huge red flag. i would want to see what was going on between them too. however, wanting to go through her phone and demanding to are two very different things. i would try to have a very serious conversation about cheating and what you are and are not comfortable with. i would reiterate that you're not comfortable being left in the dark and that you're not trying to invade her privacy. if she really had nothing to hide and they aren't talking at all, then she should have no problem putting your fears to rest. but, you have no right to demand anything. if she isn't willing to talk it out with you, then i would definitely reconsider how much this relationship means to both of you.

nta. she’s hiding something. your lack of trust in her from that reaction alone is justified. if it was just the call, that would be a different story. but you asked her to show you and she made it a huge deal. if it wasn’t important she would have just showed you. people can be private yes but it’s not like you asked her to show you the entire contents of the phone. i think she’s hiding something, but that’s up to you to decide what to do now. not knowing would kill me.

yta. 1.5 years together - with no stated reasons on why you don't trust her. and yet, you went to the third degree based on a rejected facetime. this isn't about going thru her phone, you clearly don't trust her at all. she answered reasonably to your questions, yet you still asked for her phone. serious question - what would you have done if you looked thru and found nothing? or just texts calls from him? would you have demanded her phone bill next because, well, maybe she's covering her tracks?

esh it's a really crappy situation but if you trusted her you wouldn't have been suspicious. she's got a right to her privacy. her reaction wasn't great though.

esh. these commentors act like no one cheats... or cheating is worse than questioning your partner. literally this crap is what made me stay with all my cheating exes. they used the same manipulation tactics of, you dont trust me? poor me, you're a terrible person. real question, with all the admitted cheaters on this sub, how can you tell if someone is cheating and not wasting years of your life? i followed advise like yours and wasted a decade because i blindly trusted. i mean... i read on post where everyone thought it was ok for people to sleep with the opposite sex. at what point is it ok to question? do you have to find them physically screwing?

BENIGN

i hated my original name. my family has a real old fashioned taste in names. for example, my original name was dorothy and my original middle name was just as old fashioned. i have never liked old fashioned names and so i changed it when i turned 18 to something more my style and a name i had used with friends and outside of my family since i was a little kid. my parents were so upset. my sisters didn't get it either. they have names that are that old fashioned style and they love it and they used those names for their kids. ever since the vintage and old school names started coming back hard they have brought it up to me that they bet i regret my actions now. nope. so when i had my son, my husband and i gave him a name that is not to my family's taste and honestly is not a popular name at all. it's very modern and leans more nature and unisex. but can seem very weird to some also. we're expecting a little girl now and we have chosen another name that fits our style. what happened was my grandma died recently and they wanted my husband and i to honor her by naming our daughter agnes. i said agnes was not a name we were considering but my sisters were free to have more children and use the name. this became a big deal with them saying i should never have shit on names they loved. i said i didn't. but i should be entitled to love my name and not hate it, which i did with the original. and i should get to like my kids names. they told me it was hurtful to have someone always reject the names they love. i pointed out how they did the same with mine. then they told me my son has nothing traditional about his name and that will serve him poorly in the future. i told them to get over themselves and their opinions on names weren't the only ones that mattered. they told me i was being dismissive and now i'm the ah in their eyes again. aita?

aita for telling my parents and sisters to get over themselves when it comes to names?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vuxg5v/aita_for_telling_my_parents_and_sisters_to_get/

2022-07-09 08:47:59

nta. your name, your children, your choice. if your children want to change their names in the future it'll be their choice. your family doesn't have a say in this.

nta. names are important, i get it. but no one wants to be stuck with a name that they hate. so the name change i completely understand. nor should you be forced to name your kids in a way that's suits their tastes. you son has a cool name that you and your husband like. that's all that matters! if your family doesn't like it then that's just too bad, they're gonna have to deal with it. also, don't get me wrong, i love a good old fashioned name too. but naming a baby girl agnes? really? in 2022? might as well call the next one gertrude and you'll have the complete old lady name set 😭

many old-fashioned names are becoming more popular today, as you said, including agnes (a main character on the blacklist named her daughter that, and today i learned agnes is a popular baby name in denmark and sweden). young actresses such as millie bobby brown and florence pugh are making older names cool again. that said, you are nta. there is nothing wrong with disliking old-fashioned names, as long as you aren’t constantly telling your family how awful the names are. there’s also nothing wrong with changing your name, though i do understand your parents’ hurt feelings. my daughter hates her name, and though she hasn’t changed it, it does make me feel bad that the name i loved is something she hates. your parents and siblings should not be pressuring you or berating you over any of this. they are the ahs here. if you feel like entertaining other baby names, agnes means “pure, holy.” there are many modern names that mean the same thing, such as ariana, anya, and arena. best wishes on the upcoming birth of your little one!

nta. your parents are way out of line, especially when it comes to their comments on your children's names. you shouldn't honour the dead at the cost of the living, especially when it comes to something as fundamental as their identity. hold firm.

nta, if they want to have a kid named agnes, one of them can give birth to a kid and name her agnes, while you use a name you and your partner like

nta some people like older names, others don't. they should just accept you have different styles and move on. you are right that you can name your kids to your own preference, same as them! i also think the argument that it would serve him poorly in the future is wrong. more and more kids have unusual or unique names. as long as the names aren't utterly ridiculous or maybe even offensive, i see no problem.

nta and i really wish more people felt it was alright to change their name. it changes from a guess or wish about who we will become into an intrinsic question about who we are and who we dream to be. picking a name is one of my favorite experiences ❤️ it's the most freeing thing i've ever done.

nta, your family are hypocrites, if it really isn’t a big deal why do they care so damn much? you do you op

nta my grandma's name was birdie and one of her sisters was doodle. my mom's name was birdie as well. she hated it so much so she never used it but instead used her middle name. thank god neither of us girls were named birdie. parents do some crazy stuff when it comes to naming their children (sometimes it's a real disservice). your children, your choice!!

nta, you and your husband can name your children whatever you want (unless you live somewhere that has laws around names, and then sorry but you kinda have to follow them). just please take care that your children are not going to be bullied because of the name you give them. i know that kids can pick anything to tease another about, but the less ammunition you give a bully the better. i have friends who didn’t take it into account, named their kids what they wanted while high, and their kids were teased at school, the kids are now using different names that they picked themselves and with therapy they are doing extremely well now.

BENIGN

so as the title suggests, i got a guitar as a gift from my dad. it was a complete surprise and i wasn’t expecting it at all. i was on a call to my friend and, being happy about the guitar i got, i wanted to show her: she always wanted to show off things she got to me so i thought it’d be okay. but when i did she got kinda weird with me and basically eluded that i didn’t deserve it ect. i then find out on that call that her family are going through some financial hardships. i really really didn’t mean to make her feel like shit, and i feel horrible for making her feel worse about her situation. but at the same time, some of the stuff she said to me made me feel so... i don’t know... slimy and it’s getting to the point where i can barely look at the guitar without feeling some kind of guilt for owning it. am i wrong for feeling like this? i really want to be there for her!

aita for showing my friend a guitar i got as a gift

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/injyg6/aita_for_showing_my_friend_a_guitar_i_got_as_a/

2020-09-06 10:40:29

nta. her family’s financial hardships don’t mean that you don’t deserve nice gifts from your family and she’s a shitty friend if she made you feel like it did.

nta. you can’t try to be sensitive to an issue you don’t know exists. if you knew prior that her family was going through some stuff and still showed off your expensive gift, different story.

nta. other people's hardships don't prohibit you from having good things.

absolutely nta-your friend is definitely ta for making you feel guilty about your dad getting you a gift. her family's financial troubles are something you didn't know about, so how could you have known this would hurt her. now you do, so you know how to behave jn future, but you are still nta for just wanting to show a cool gift to your friend just like they have done in the past.

nta. people have stuff that other people don't. sounds like she's being petty and jealous, her shitty financial situation has absolutely nothing to do with you. consider distancing yourself from your friend until they get a better attitude.

nta it sounds like you had no idea honestly. i don't want to call her the asshole either, maybe just a soft one because she may be just tense and upset due to her current situation. that might explain her comments. not excuse them but explain them at least. don't be ashamed for getting gifts. just enjoy your guitar! :)

nta- tell her to get over her self and get a job (if you want to completely fuck your friendship) oooor, you could confront her front on, like "what do you mean i don't deserve it" kind of thing, get it all out in the open as quickly as possible, thoughts fester, and resentment grows if things arnt set straight and rectified quick as possible

nta. you are proud of it! your friend might just be feeling a little sensitive at the moment, but you shouldn't feel guilty.

nta, its not your fault her family had financial problems. she should be able to be happy for you!

is she really your friend? this was a over the top reaction from her. she needs to apologize. even if you have problems it doesn't give you the right to be a jerk. enjoy your guitar don't let her spoil it for you. nta

BENIGN

i invited my friend out for a drink at a cafe i go to often so i felt it was in order that i pay, so when our server came and left the bill, i took my card out ready to give it to the server but she had already left. we shrugged and i left my card on the table, a minute passes by and this is when the stranger appeared. now, lemme give you some context, we were drinking in one of the outside tables on the side walk, and there were very few people at the other tables. in fact, the only other people we saw was this same man eating with someone else. so when he came up asking for my card, i was apprehensive and grabbed my card before he could take it. my friend seemed dubious too so when i said i’d rather give it to the server that catered us, she nobbed. the man then looked a lil offended and said he was the owner, my friend laughed and said that we had seen him eating at the other table so that’s why we were confused. she then looked at me expectingly, urging me to just hand it over. but i didn’t feel comfortable with that; there was no indicator for me to believe he was the owner, he was dressed in normal clothes unlike the waitress who had a uniform. i get that owners usually don’t use a uniform but to me, the man was a stranger with no affiliation to the store in an open street sidewalk asking for my personal card so i insisted that i would rather give it to the server. i didn’t think i was doing anything bad by it. this is why i am doubting myself; the man looked as if i had just spat on him, my friend looked embarrassed and took out her own card to pay, then gave it to the man who huffed a ”do i not look like an owner, eh?” as he left. the waitress later came to give back my friends credit card and reprimanded us with a judgemental “giiirls, he’s the owner, gosh”. we both gave hushed apologies and left embarrassed. i was in no way trying to insult the man, it wasnt anything particular about him that made me doubt him, just the context. i live in a country were theft and crime are very common, so i tend to be overly cautious about my belongings in general. i feel like an asshole because not only did i indirectly make my friend pay and put her in an awkward situation but i also made the man feel insulted. this is a store i am bound to go back to, should i make an effort to apologize?? was i right to deny him my card and insist on giving it to waitress, and should therefore not apologize?? tldr; got coffee with a friend, stranger came to grab my credit card when it was time to pay, told him i’d rather give it to our server, he informed me he was the owner yet i still insisted on giving it to our server, friend felt embarrassed and payed with her card instead, eventho i invited her out.

aita for refusing to give my credit card to a stranger?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jggzdl/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_credit_card_to_a/

2020-10-23 05:30:05

nta, you were protecting your information and had no reason to believe the man was the owner. i’ve never heard of the owner coming over randomly either, so that was a bit odd

nta how on earth were you supposed to know that was the owner? both he and the server were out of line, and you have nothing to apologize for. why would you ever go back there?

nta, protective in a good way, like would the owner do that if he were in your shoes?

nta. you didn't know him personally, you had observed him in the restaurant in a casual way seemingly being another patron. i would not have handed my card over to someone simply because they had claimed they were the owner. if he had of introduced himself earlier or you had seen him acting in the restaurant in a professional manner than i would have said you were being overly cautious.

nta. next time you see him apologize and explain why. the waitress is the ah for treating you like that. you did nothing wrong! you are being smart with your credit card and are not a mind reader!

nta - you legit had no reason to think this guy was the owner besides the word of a stranger. bad customer service on their part.

nta - you can never be too cautious with cards. not all banks will cover you for fraud charges either if he turned out to be some random scammer. also if you do end up apologising to them maybe say something like “i apologise for any offence you may have felt due to my actions however there was no malicious intent. as you can understand i take no risks with any of my personal belongings especially something that could give you full access to my money” however i do not believe an apology is required.

nta- > ”do i not look like an owner, eh? how does a restaurant owner looks like exactly? the waiters have a uniform that you can be used as a reference but the owner can look like any random person in the street

nta. that's a weird situation. i can't blame you for being cautious.

nta first: "look like an owner?" *someone* has a super fragile ego. super rich people like bill gates, zuckerberg or jerry seinfeld dress casual, are they less rich for that? and even if he was dressed in gold and diamonds, it still means nothing since he has no id and you don't know him. and second of all, why are you giving you cc to anyone? bring the card-thing to me or i will go to the register and pay, but its not living my hand, or at least my sight.

BENIGN

i know the title sounds really childish but please, hear me out; my mum has recently been pushing for me to lose weight and watch my diet. i’ve (19f) gained around 25kg (58kg -> 84kg) in the last 1-2 years but it’s due to a myriad of reasons that doesn’t really involve me being lazy: ​ * i’ve been diagnosed with pcos + insulin resistance and my hormones from what i’ve been told by my doctor are not looking so good rn * i’ve stopped playing basketball competitively, i used to play for my state but because of injuries i’ve had to stop * i’m studying full-time and in my last year of uni + i’m working full-time with a mixture of 8-12 hour shifts across four hospitals culminating in (60-ish hour work weeks) * i’ve been on birth control for the past six months disclaimer: i’d just like to say that i’m not trying to excuse myself, i’m still doing my best to work out when i can and am trying to limit how much i snack and go for maccas runs after work. herein is where my problem starts, my mum has been insisting on packing my food before i go to work/uni everyday but the portion sizes she’s been packing have been much too small. i understand what her thought process is and i can also see how she’s trying to shift the ratio of how much fruit and veg i eat as well as my carb intake but it’s just not working. i’ve had co-workers, friends and my boyfriend alike voice their dismay and disbelief about thee amounts that i eat when i’m on break. i can’t pack extra food from home because my mum goes through my bag, my room and my trash bin every time i leave for work. i’ve taken to buying from hospital cafeterias and servos (not junk food, most of it is just sandwiches or actual meals) because i’ve been so hungry. i’ve been feeling dizzy on shifts and that especially worries me because i’m working in high acuity wards with a really young patient base. i’ve asked my mum to increase my portion sizes and have also explained weight loss doesn’t happen how she thinks it does but she’s been refusing, she really does think it’s a matter of me just eating what she puts in front of me. i can’t eat dinner in peace at home because she’ll sit across from me at the dining table and shake her head and tell me how concerned she is and that i need to be serious about this issue. i can’t even buy clothes in peace because she’ll say i’m too fat to look good in what i’m wearing or she’ll buy me clothes herself but they’ll all be in the size i was prior to my weight gain and blame me for not fitting in them. i think i might also have some terrible body dysmorphia because even when i was skinny and i had abs and all of that going for me i was still constantly being told i needed to lose more weight. so reddit, aita for not eating just what my mum has packed for me?

aita for not eating just the food my mum has packed for me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ngyglm/aita_for_not_eating_just_the_food_my_mum_has/

2021-05-20 12:06:44

nta and you need to get out of that house!

nta your mom is on a surefire path to assist you in developing a really bad poor relationship with food. could you tell her that you don’t want her to pack your bag or say anything about food to you anymore? i have a parent who is the same way and will get bent out of shape if what i’m eating doesn’t fit their version of healthy, so i certainly understand how you’re feeling. if she gives you some bs excuse, then maybe you should tell her that you’re getting dizzy spells because of how she’s feeding you and that you could pass out at work. i hope you can resolve this issue asap! also eat your food away from her if you can

nta is there any way you can get out? this is a concerning amount of control and invasion of privacy. you are an adult. you have a job and are going to school. you sound competent and like youre doing well. those are rhe things she should be focusing on, not a few extra pounds. id sit her down and have a serious conversation about this. explain that you need more calories in to focus on your job. i have similar issues you do (insulin resistance and thyroid issues plus birthcontrol) and also gained weight. sometimes you cant help or control it. quality of life is more important than being thin. do you buy your own food for lunches and snacks? could you leave them in your car/locker at work?

nta you are a grown adult she needs to mind her own business. tell her your not her hobbie so back off. that you have medical issues your working with a professional and starving yourself won't work.

nta as many other comments have said your mom is obsessed about this and is being controlling and abusive. i emphatically disagree with everyone saying that "you just need to tell her to stop" or that "it's on you to put and end to this because you're an adult". how great would it be if you could just an abusive person to stop!? weird that someone who is *searching through your car to make sure you don't have access to food (!!)* might not be receptive to a sit down conversation /s. i don't think you should feel like you need to waste any more time talking to her about this. she is not well. you have found a temporary situation that works, good for you! you are getting yourself enough food and meeting with a professional to help offset your mom's incredibly dangerous attitudes towards food and body image. since your school/work has you always moving around, is there a place you can rent a locker to store your vital documents? a friend who you can fill in on what's happening and who can help you store your passport etc and perhaps bring you some food? at this point any energy you have after taking care of yourself i would put into making your plan to get out of her house. it's understandable if that might not be able to happen for a while. continue taking care of yourself by getting yourself enough to eat until you can. you are not wrong. you need to eat enough to not feel weak and faint. your mom's reaction to you is because of her own messed up ideas not because you are in any way a disappointing daughter/person. don't take what she says to heart. i'm so sorry you are in this situation.

nta. moving away from your controlling and abusive relationship with your mom is the obvious answer. her buying clothes she knows are too small just to shame you? crazy abusive. if that's not possible, could you see a nutritionist? it's harder for mom to argue with medical advice on food portions, schedules, and ingredients.

nta that's honestly pretty abusive behaviour from your mum, and super dangerous. if you can't get through to her that her obsession with your weight is causing you distress and your lack of energy at work could potentially kill someone, then i would strongly recommend moving out of her house and going low contact/no contact.

nta, and if you can get out of there. if you're feeling dizzy and not eating enough it's going to do so much more harm than good. it sounds like your mother is completely obsessed with this idea of what you're weight should be, and that's not healthy for her or you. she's in a position where she can literally get away with starving you because she wants you to look a certain way. she's actively voicing her displeasure of how you look, not because she's concerned for your health, but because she's got this image in her head about what you should look like. that's not okay, and her constantly beating you down is horrid. look at everything you've said: you're not playing competitive sports at the moment, you have health problems and you're studying/working full time. you need to eat properly. you're correct in that cutting back on macca's is the right move, especially for your health issues, but you need more food. your health problems are going to get worse if your mother keeps starving you. if you can, get out, stay with friends for a while, talk to a dietician or gp about what a good meal plan for you should be. but do not let her keep starving you and verbally beating you down.

no, you are not the asshole for not starving due to your abusive parent.

nta pcos isn't just a reproductive condition, it is a very complex metabolic condition. just starving you won't help you loose weight, and won't address the underlying problems. birth control pills do help with pcos, but there are other medications that help as well. (i had good luck with metformin and spironolactone, both are available as fairly inexpensive generics.) in addition to a gynecologist, you want to see an endocrinologist to address the metabolic issues. diet can help somewhat, but not necessarily a very low calorie diet to lose weight. rather, a diet that is lower in simple carbohydrates (but not extreme low-carb) and focuses on vegetables, fruits, lean protein and whole grain, and in particular making sure to get some protein with every serving of carbohydrate. mostly your basic "eat healthy" concept, not a diet intended for weight loss by strictly restricting calories. not only is your mother not being helpful, she's being actively harmful in trying to "treat" your condition in this way. when gaining weight is a symptom, not a cause, of a medical condition, just starving someone to loose weight won't help at all.

BENIGN

okay for some background, i’m a 19 year old dude and my sister’s 27. her and my mom haven’t been in contact for a long time because of a lot of issues that took place my sister’s childhood. the result of all of that was my sister moving away when she was 17 and then the rest of my childhood was spent as if i were an only child. even as i got older, i would try to see her, but if she wanted to pick me up, my mom always had something to say because she just “doesn’t trust her.” these comments would often spark up a conflict and eventually lead me not being able to see my sister. this made having a relationship with her very hard. it wasn’t until i turned 18 that i was able to really do what i want. so ever since then, we’ve been building a great relationship. also, for reasons that are irrelevant to the story, i was kicked out of my house 2 days before last halloween. so already my relationship with both of them is kinda strained. fast forward to a couple weeks ago, i decide that i’m going down to my sister’s city to visit her and my brother. she books my flight ticket and it really put me in a good mood. she also tells me that she doesn’t want my parents knowing where she lives or any of her personal information. but i ended up mentioning to my parents that i’m going my sisters city. a couple days later, my mom calls me and says that she just “needs to know her address.” immediately i already knew there was about to be a problem. i tell my mom that i was told not to give anything personal like that to her and she starting getting mad. she explained that as my mom she needed to know her address in the case that something happened to me. this is fair logic and i understood where’s she’s coming from. however, this isn’t my information to give. even after explaining that she was confused how i thought “privacy is more important safety.” my mom started suggesting that i tell her anyway and just keep it a secret. i wasn’t doing that either, so she started crying. i didn’t feeling sympathetic because it felt manipulative to me. she ended up yelling about how i don’t understand and how “nobody’s doing this right.” i’ve been upset with her about this, but she swears that everyone she talked to about that says that she’s within her right to wanna know the address. so reddit , help me out pls. aita?

aita for not giving my mom my sister’s address?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lsetta/aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_my_sisters_address/

2021-02-25 19:35:17

nta. she's trying to manipulate you into sharing something that isn't yours to share. also, you're 19 and an adult. she doesn't have the "right" to know where you're staying either. >she swears that everyone she talked to about that says that she’s within her right to wanna know the address who cares what her imaginary friends think

nta in your mom's eyes, your sister is winning - she's living happily without mom in her life, and mom can't have that. she dislikes this loss of power and probably takes it personally that your sister is sitting miserably in a corner and crying for mommy's forgiveness. so, she tries to weasel her way back into sister's life, to show her "ha, i have the final say in this, if i want to be in your life i'll be, no matter what you want. you don't have power over your own life!" at the same time, she'll ruin or at least severely damage the relationship between you and your sister, taking that relationship away from both of you. more power over both of your lives. it's highly manipulative. your sister cares about you, enough to invite you into her life, so much so that she takes the risk of having to deal with your mother again if you spill the beans. trust me, she's aware of that risk and that you're young and still a little naive towards your mother's manipulation strategies or of how much assholeishness she's capable of, by choice! and i'm certain she will cut you off or at least limit contact with you if you smuggle your mother back into her life. but right now, she hopes you'll do the right thing and believes that you're strong enough to withstand the begging, cursing, and crocodile tears ("nobody's doing this right." is probably the truest thing that left her mouth as far as your sister is concerned. in her mind, the right way would be - she demands, you fold and beg mom for forgiveness and tell her all she wants. that doesn't work, okay, then the begging. then the tears. that you haven't given in is against the script she has in her head for all of you. don't fall for the begging and tears. few kids flee from their homes at 17 and cut their parents out over non-issues. i'm sure once you're a little older and not under your mother's influence anymore, you'll hear the full story from your sister. you have family who want you and welcomed you with open arms when they didn't have to. who think you're worth the risk of potentially upsetting their lives because they believe you're strong enough to make the right choice and stick to it. prove them right and have a good time with your sister.

nta it's your sister private information and she told you not to give it to your mother. your mother is not entitled to know where you since you are an adult and she obviously doesn't have a great relationship with you and your sister.

nta. you and your sister are both adults. you can choose who you give your address to. your mom forced her out of the house and then kicked you out. the only one "not doing it right" is her.

nta. you made a promise to your sister, stick to it or you'll lose all contact with her. the safety issue is just an excuse. knowing your sister's address has nothing to do with "in case something happened" to you. everyone involved is an adult, and your sister can initiate the contact with your mom is something really bad did happen, or you would if it wasn't that serious.

nta - but you will be if you relent. this is absolute manipulation.

nta don't give out the address/info. don't leave it on any devices that your mom could access. she sounds abusive and manipulative.

nta - even if her feelings for safety were real and genuine, it's not your information to give

nta, your sister asked to you not to give your parents her address. it seems like she has good reasons not too. your mum does sound like she was trying to manipulate you for the information, so keep on your guard.

nta- it isn’t your information to give. also did your parents kick you out kick you out? or like kick you out then bring you back. cuz if they kicked you out for good then they don’t deserve to know either

BENIGN

my step-daughter jenny (7) is on the severe autism spectrum. for the sake of my situation and to provide a bit of context, my husband and i met when jenny was 3. however when i was 26 and officially married is when when i first took over jenny's care and since jenny required full time supervision my husband requested that i quit my job and  be a sahm mother while he manages the main expenses in our household. while i love taking care of jenny, from the start it has been arduous in managing her emotions and helping her regulate it. she is extremely prone to self injury which led to at least two instances of broken limbs in the past. i am also extremely paranoid of leaving her alone even for a quick toilet break and it has also difficult to singlehandedly bring her out for her therapy sessions. besides, she is extremely sensitive to strangers and loud environments and so it is also hard to perform chores like a quick run to the supermarket without an outburst. recently due to her irritability issues she is on an extra dosage of risperadone and is very reluctant on taking her medication. jenny is also "non-verbal" and can only articulate some phrases like feeling hungry or wanting to use the toilet so it has been difficult to gauge what exactly she wants at other times which makes me feel really helpless. this has been adding a great deal of pressure and anxiety on me and i suggested to my husband that we  have a caretaker for her especially since it has only been 2 ish years and i am still learning as i go.although we are comfortable enough to afford it my husband said it was unnecessary to hire a caretaker and that it would add on to our expenses. he also mentioned that they might not look after jenny like i do which i do not think is true especially since i have been researching and found some accredited  nannies who have experience looking after special needs children. i  have some savings from my previous job which can sustain a caretaker for some months and i also am planning to take a part time job to pay  for the incurred expenses.  i have been openly communicating with my husband about my struggles but he is adamant that i myself be in charge of jenny's caregiving. i also have been regularly reading up and participating in online autism support seminars  to get a better idea on how to properly care for her so this caretaker arrangement is only temporary till i am well-equipped enough to manage and understand her needs. i have never been a mom so parenting is still very new to me even more so parenting a special needs child. p.s jenny's bio mom does not have custody and she is not involved in jenny's life.

wibta if i hired a co-caretaker for my autistic step-daughter without husband's approval?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rm0kzw/wibta_if_i_hired_a_cocaretaker_for_my_autistic/

2021-12-22 08:15:43

nta but know, this might be the hill your husband chooses to die on. i hope i'm reading this wrong, but it looks like he married you to take care of his daughter and once you renege on your bargain, he may bail. what he's expecting you to do, well, it says something about you that you have been able to be sole caregiver to a special needs child for 3 years. but eventually you are going to completely burn out, he needs to understand this. if jenny is as high needs as you've described, she may be eligible for in home help. there are ways of helping children in that situation that could possibly help her develop more skills. good luck, i hope this works out for everyone's best.

nta and don't use your savings for a caretaker. you should have access to joint savings funds, considering you are a sahm, take the money from there. if you don't have access to family funds and were made to became dependant on him, that sounds like he is beginning finantial abuse caretaker burn out is very real, and caring for someone 24/7 without daily breaks of at least a few minutes but preferably an hour or more means you will not be refreshed not being able to offer your best care to jenny, plus your mental and physical health will suffer. having someone over for 4-8 hours a day will be enough to give you time to decompress and even to do chores better, as you can actually pay attention to what you are doing instead of having split attention to be aware at all times of what jenny is doing. if he doesn't want to hire someone, the other compromise would be he coming home at 4-5 after work and taking over all jenny care and part of the household chores for at least 4 hours, to give you a bit of time off. he has breaks at work, and he sounds like after he comes home from work he goes to rest because he's tired from the day. if he was able to raise his daughter before he met you, then he's just slacking under the excuse of "oh, but you do it sooo well". and if he wasn't able, then he should learn, just like you learned. nta and save your money well, you might need it someday to break free

you are nta. your husband should be working with you to find the best care situation for jenny, not just dumping all of it on you. even a part-time helper would allow you to go to the grocery store, your own doctor’s appointments, get your hair cut, run other errands, etc. caregiver burnout is a real thing. i would be very interested to see how your husband did if you went away for the weekend and all of jenny’s care fell to him…including cleaning house, making the meals, and going grocery shopping.

i'm sorry for you and jenny. you're right and your husband is wrong. good luck. nta.

ywnbta-i really hope your husband didn't just marry you to get a free carer for his daughter, because that's what it's coming across as. taking care of someone 24/7 is taxing and all comsuming. what about your life, your dreams, your friends & family? the older your stepdaughter gets, the more help she will need, physically it will get more difficult for you and emotionally and mentally as well. you need help and you need it now. do not let your husband guilt you for finding and hiring help. this is his daughter, her wellbeing should come first. and having you who is exhausted and burnt out as her carer isn't what's doing best for his daughter. tbf i would probably consider this whole relationship, does he see you as a wife or just a nurse? do you want kids together in future? how will you take care of both ir more kids???

nta. you have repeatedly communicated to your husband that being 100% responsible for jenny's care is overwhelming and you need support and assistance, but he has dismissed missed your concerns and feelings every time. you can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself. do what you need to do to get yourself in a better position to give jenny what she needs. if your husband is so against outside support, then he can stay home and take over jenny's care.

nta, at all. caretaker burnout is real and will eventually negatively impact jenny not to mention what it does even sooner to your well being. talk to jenny’s doctors and ask for their help in speaking to your husband. hopefully he’ll see reason, but either way, be firm on your limits. please also consider a counselor for yourself, just to have a safe space to vent. and don’t spend your savings on this - the household should support the household.

nta i guess, but i don't know how you expect this to go. will he not know you hired a caretaker? do you expect him to be chill with it when he does find out? ​ your husband is definitely ta here but i don't think going behind is back is a solution that's likely to work out. this is the kind of conflict that two people in a good relationship ought to be able to work out together. maybe try couple's counseling, so a mediator can help you work this out? note that couple's counseling would be ill-advised in case of abuse - maybe do a loveisrespect.org quiz before just to see if there are more red flags than this one? i mean, : > although we are comfortable enough to afford it my husband said it was unnecessary to hire a caretaker and that it would add on to our expenses. you're the current caretaker and you say it's necessary, so it's necessary. that doesn't sound like a guy who respects you or your expertise. at best we can figure this is some "first-pass" impulsive behavior that's not great but is only surface-level, and that he does have deep respect for you and he just needs to examine what that reflex was and why he had it to do better. i.e. that he's "just clueless". i sure hope it's that because the worse interpretations are, well, worse.

the fact that you say you were already in love and jenny was a “surprise” at the end isn’t really a defense of your husband’s motives - more the opposite. he may love you, but it also sounds like he was 100% planning on using you as a full-time caretaker for his child….. and he has. it’s amazing that you’re being such a terrific caretaker for jenny and have so much love for her, but you need to be able to have your own life. it’s ludicrous for him to dictate what you (and jenny for that matter) do or don’t need. i’d love to see him do for 24 hours what you’ve been doing for two full years. nta, but the dynamics of this relationship are genuinely concerning and i hope you sort it out!

nta. here’s an idea. you get a job and pay the bills; your husband can be his daughter’s ft caregiver with no break and no help.

BENIGN

my mom died 3 months ago. a month after my mom died, my dad started dating someone new, and i'm expected to be ok with it. this new woman also lost her husband a few months ago. i ended up uninviting my dad from thanksgiving dinner after he told me about this new woman because i was so angry, which led to him and my grandparents (dad's parents) hating me. when i uninvited him, i told him that he was disgusting and it was disrespectful to my mom, and that he could spend thanksgiving dinner alone thinking about how his dead wife would feel knowing he found someone new a month after her death. he ended up spending thanksgiving with his new girlfriend. meanwhile, his daughter (me) is still a complete mess after the death, and i realized he seemed to be doing just fine since he's able to say, "i love you" to this new woman and talk about moving in with her at some point soon. i just couldn't stand the thought of looking at him during dinner knowing that he had a new girlfriend. he kept telling me, "it just happened", "give her a chance", "it's my life and i can do what i want", etc. my dad was always verbally abusive towards me and my mom, so i've literally spent my whole life walking on eggshells not to upset my dad. my mom always used to protect me from him and keep him in line, since he always called me the worst daughter in the world. we didn't talk for the month between thanksgiving and a few days before christmas. obviously i needed time to cool down. i called him and texted him a few times during that month, but he ignored all of my attempts at contact. in that month, i learned that people have a lot of opinions about this subject. some people say it's way too soon and agree with me and others say that what i did was awful and to just let my dad be happy. i decided to be the better person and invite him to christmas eve dinner, and then he drops it on me that the only way he'll go is if i invite his new girlfriend. i wanted us to all be together since it's the first christmas without my mom, so i reluctantly agreed. i just sucked it up and pretended to be nice to this woman while my dad kept comparing her to my mom, and then saying he wasn't comparing them when i pointed out that he was. now that the holiday's over, i kind of feel like a jerk, but at the same time, he's always been awful to me. i want to cut contact with him, but at the same time, i told my mom before she passed that i'd try to get along with my dad, but it's so much effort. aita? ​ ​

aita for calling my dad disgusting after he found a new girlfriend a month after my mom's death?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a9uqah/aita_for_calling_my_dad_disgusting_after_he_found/

2018-12-27 01:53:46

nta for being upset, yta for telling him he's disrespecting your mom. it is extremely hard to go from being someone in a marriage to alone. it's scary, and lonely. he should not force his relationship on you, but he has to be allowed to move on.

nta. keeping in mind that everyone mourns differently, i still think it is unacceptable of your dad to expect you to accept his new girlfriend so soon after you lost your mother. if this is how he wants to deal with the loss of his wife there's really nothing you can do about it but that doesn't mean you have to like it. she was your mother. you both lost someone close to you and you both have the right to mourn and heal in your own ways. i understand that you promised your mom that you would try to get along with your dad after she passed but that doesn't mean that you have to tolerate behavior that you find to be disrespectful to your mother. because you both are taking such different approaches to your loss, it would probably be the best idea to take a break from your dad for a while. give him time to sort out whatever is going on in his head and allow yourself to mourn in your own way without him trying to shove his solution down your throat. i'm very sorry for your loss and i hope you're able to find someone to help support you through this difficult time. \*hugs\*

nta. parents shouldn’t be forcing their so on to their grieving children, especially not 1 month after

dude, my mum got a boyfriend a year after my dad died, and i was pissed. granted, i was 12, but you are definitely nta.

nta >my dad was always verbally abusive towards me and my mom, so i've literally spent my whole life walking on eggshells not to upset my dad. my mom always used to protect me from him and keep him in line, since he always called me the worst daughter in the world. your dad is a giant asshole anyway, and a fucking month before moving on is pretty horrifying imo. but again - giant asshole.

nah. he is grieving in his own way, also consider your mom was his wife before she was your mom. take the abusive part out of it because it's irrelevant to this particular story. he's an asshole for being abusive but there is no correlation here. you're not an asshole for not accepting his new girlfriend because you are grieving in your own way. maybe a better choice of language while explaining your feelings could help, but really, you lost your mom and people say things. no big deal.

nta. but i will say that if your mother was terminally ill and it wasn’t a sudden loss, there could have been an anticipatory grieving period for your father. basically, he could have mourned her before she ever even passed. still, one month is a ridiculously short time to wait imo. you’re definitely nta.

nta, your dad shouldn't be trying to force his gf on you when you're not okay with it. everyone grieves differently, so if he's ready to move on, that's up to him. but he shouldn't be trying to force you to accept her. i'm so very sorry for your loss. and i'm sorry that your dad isn't trying to be as respectful of your feelings as you're trying to be of his.

yta. it is his life, and although you are grieving and it’s painful, he is too and this is his way of managing his grief. him being verbally abusive to you is a different issue, and is unrelated to this issue. it seems you subconsciously added that into the mix to sort of justify yourself. there’s no need to; this sub is for honest perspective. in this situation, you are overreacting and reacting irrationally. i know you’re suffering, but expecting him to suffer in the same way as you does not achieve anything. you don’t need to have a relationship with her, and you can make that boundary with your dad. he will likely be relieved because his behavior sounds like he’s desperate for you approval of her, likely in reaction to your crushing disapproval. just boundary up, and let him do what he needs to do.

nta you have all the right in the world to feel however you feel. if my father was verbally abusive toward me and my dying mother i would have trouble ever forgiving him. and definitely wouldn’t be accepting of his new woman being sprung upon me even if it was a year after my mother’s passing. i would say try not to hold any of that anger against the new woman though because she could be a wonderful person, but as far as your feelings towards your dad... you might need to wait a while before you’re able to forgive him and that’s if he even apologizes for his mistreatments. best of luck to you i hope everything works out in the end

BENIGN

my friend jason (white and doesn't know japanese) just got a new tattoo. he's been looking forward to his first ever ink for a while, and did a lot of research on the price, style, and local artists. he kept the design a surprise from everyone because he didn't want any negative input before he got it on his body, permanently. i mean, maybe that was a huge misstep? just saying. fast-forward to a few days ago, he went in for the session and told me that i'd love it (i'm asian and fluent in japanese). i thought maybe he was going to get a tattoo of a manga character or something. he sent me a picture of his tattoo when he was done and captioned it with the question: "無料 do you know what it means?" i honestly thought it was a joke at first and replied "haha you got me, that's a good one!" he called me right away and asked me in a panicked voice what i had meant. i told him the characters meant free, as in a free food sample. he started to cry on the phone and said it's already been a fucking hard year and i just made it even worse for him. he thought it meant freedom. he hung up the phone and hasn't answered my texts or phone calls since. well freedom 自由 isn't even remotely close to what he got. and what's up with these stupid tattoos anyway? just why? can someone explain to me please? thank you. so aita in this situation?

aita for laughing and pointing out the true meaning of my friend's asian character tattoo? he is very upset.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kksetf/aita_for_laughing_and_pointing_out_the_true/

2020-12-26 23:27:39

nta. it's the number one rule of getting a language you don't speak tattooed on your body that you get a native speaker to check it. it's his own fault for not researching it properly.

nah. he asked and you answered. of course he’s upset, but that’s not your fault. he can fix it. he can get one right next to it with the japanese character for “dumb.” then it will say freedom and he will be all set!

nta >did a lot of research that he did not

nta. if you ask google translate freedom from english to japanese it gives you 自由. i mean, i wouldn't trust google translate before getting something on my body permanently but still, i'd check if whatever i was told matched on there at the very least! especially as he supposedly did a lot of research before getting it.

nah. you weren't malicious in assuming it was a joke. i can understand why he'd be upset at making that mistake after a shitty year. i'd text him and apologize for laughing, say that you're sorry he's had such a bad year. not your fault he accidentally got a bad tattoo. and honestly, it's better that he heard it from you than from a stranger at a really bad time.

nta. don’t get a tattoo in a foreign language if you don’t want a native speaker to tell you what it actually means.especially if one of your friends speaks that language and is capable of negating the issue! play stupid games win stupid prizes.

nta. sorry, jason, but either own your free ass or use a dictionary next time.

nah your friend is right... it's not his year. he should however have made use of the access to someone fluent in japanese. i think he xan remedy it with a coverup...after he calms down again. don't push him, he tried something and made a mistake, it happens

nta. how hard is it to enter "freedom" into google translate? or sonenother translation program. maybe follow it up with a couple of anonymous posts on i dont know maybe reddit? he didnt think it through not your fault. he can always get it removed or done over at some point. dont have any tattoos myself but i honestly came close to getting a purposeful bad asian character one once as a joke. i literally was going to get something like "#3 pork fried rice" just so i can pretend to be shocked and dismayed every time it got called out on it. buddy of mine at the time was 1/2 korean and looked it. he was going to get a matching bad celtic one as well. then we sobered up.

important linguistics lesson: just because two meanings (in this cast “costing no money” and “being unconstrained”) are expressed by the same word in one language does not mean they are both expressed by the same word in another language. he’s lucky there isn’t a well-known (to fluent speakers) but nsfw meaning to the word. nta. i laughed when i saw those kanji, too.

BENIGN

so me and my boyfriend went on a trip with his family, and had an extra 2 days to ourselves. we decided to have a little lunch date since the virus had caused most places to shut down completely. we go to a nice restaurant and had a pretty seemingly nice waitress. we ordered our food, and were pretty checked up on, at least my boyfriend was. i first thought the waitress just was being in a little bit of a haste but messed my order up a bit and got my boyfriends order perfect. refilled his drinks, but left mine. i was absolutely fine with everything because i don’t care too much about having things done right there and then. after we had finished everything the waitress tells my boyfriend that she can ring him up as his cashier. she takes his card and etc, and comes back with the receipt folding along with his card. he opens the receipt up to find a heart on it. i get a little bit annoyed because he seemed like she was interested in him the whole time. i tell him to just leave the tip line blank and let’s just leave already. that it seemed unprofessional to do such a strange unnecessary gesture. aita for leaving no tip? tldr: waitress leaves a heart on a receipt and hands it to my boyfriend so i leave no tip.

aita, not tipping a flirty waitress

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hrcl4p/aita_not_tipping_a_flirty_waitress/

2020-07-14 23:31:19

nta, she was basically just waiting on him. i work in service and i would never exclude a member of the party to flirt with the other. if she would’ve flirted and given you good service my judgement would probably be different.

nta she was clearly flirting and it wasn’t good service

nta i'm not sure where the y-t-a's are all coming from. i was a server for years. if i had basically ignored one of two people at a table, i wouldn't expect a tip, no matter how nice/flirty/attentive i'd been to the other person. you have to be, at the very *least,* attentive to all people at a table if you expect any tip. period.

nta. i understand they make their money mainly from tips but tips are only to be given as for their work. if they did an excellent job they’ll get a tip (either cash or cashapp because i’ve seen stories where if you tip from the card they sometimes don’t get that tip), if the service they provided wasn’t good they get nothing. server gave terrible service so you responded appropriately.

nta but put a zero with a dash through so they don’t fill in a tip. it happens often.

nta, i don’t think you need to give a tip for blatantly bad service, and as a waiter i never expected a tip if i messed something up.

nta.

nta. i’ve waited on tables when i was younger. i was super friendly to everyone at a table to get better tips. everyone. never have i put a heart on a receipt. smiley face yes.

nta only because of the bad service. if your service had been good, i would have said e s h. but then again, i'm not a server. however, i do believe that service is what earns the tip. if you're not filling up people's drinks, or completely ignoring someone at the table, then you don't deserve a tip. you should at least ask if they need anything. as to the flirting, if it wasn't super obvious at the table, i wouldn't be too offended by that. it happens. next time, i would suggest standing up for yourself. if you don't feel comfortable doing that, then maybe say something like "my boyfriend was wondering what you would recommend for...." then she'll know you guys are together.

nta - getting a tip is based on giving food customer service. if she didn't do that, she doesn't deserve a tip. if the only reason you didn't tip was because she flirted with your bf, then yta.

BENIGN

me and my girlfriend (both 24 f) recently got a new roommate less than about 7 months ago. he (28m) was seemingly fine at first, kept to himself and respectful. only came out to go to work or do a chore. paid rent and bills on time. good stuff ya know. he was a mutual friend of my girlfriends friend group who needed a place to stay so we agreed to let him move into our spare bedroom/previous home office. then around 2 months ago he started coming around us more and more. no big deal, he wasn't the worst. i noticed he started coming out of his room when he would smell me making food. my gf works from home so shes always with me when i cook. when i am about finished with said meal i am cooking, without fail every time i hear his door open and he pops his head out asking "what are you making?" and i of course would answer like a normal person. at first my gf being the kind girl she is would always offer if he wants some. (without asking me. dont worry she no longer does this after we discussed it) i of course dont wanna be an asshole so i give him some after he excitedly says yes. he would make himself a plate, sit down eat and leave all his dishes and trash on the table, and would never offer to help clean the kitchen. he would simply go back to playing fortnite. after about a month of this happening nightly i decided to tell my gf she should stop offering because i am a full time grad student and we are living off one income, we don't have the money to feed an entire whole man who has money and a job himself. she agreed and we stopped offering. so he took it upon himself to just start making himself a plate after no one would offer. this shocked both me and my gf. we didn't know what to say so we let it happen. this continued to happen for a week or two before i put my foot down and said "i'm not feeding you anymore (roommate), you have a fridge full of frozen hot pockets and pizza you havent touched in months. please eat that." he looked hurt and offended and he went to his room. since then he has acted like a complete child around the house. leaving food wrappers everywhere, telling me and my gf we cant have his food. (we don't want it anyway since we are strictly against the kind of food he eats). aita for telling this adult man he cant have the food that i pay for and make for me and my gf? my gf said i was a little harsh with my words and some of my friends also said i should just help him out because hes used to other people making food for him and its a hard transition. (he lived with his mother up until this point of time)

aita for telling my roommate he can't eat the food i make?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/szx43n/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_he_cant_eat_the_food/

2022-02-24 00:47:56

nta. he needs to stop acting like a child and take care of his own needs.

nta but you are all adults. not sure why you couldn't just have a conversation and explain what you did here in the very beginning.

nta, but you three need to sit down and have a discussion. explain you felt taken advantage of because he was eating food you paid for with barely any thanks and was leaving his mess behind. offer a compromise, if it will work for you: he could contribute to the weekly food budget and do the dishes after dinner, and you could cook for him when you are cooking for yourself and your girlfriend.

nta roommate is past his sell-by date.

nta he’s using y’all to replace his mother.

nta you cook he cleans... at least that is the way i have always understood it and he should be paying for every 3rd meal too.

time for him to move out. you guys let this go on too long. nta

nta. time for a come to jesus meeting with him. explain that while he is occasionally welcome to share if you have extra or planned for, he should share/buy a meal for everyone else as well. that's how adults behave. also stop with the pettiness and clean up after himself. otherwise he can find a new place.

nta he needs to learn how to cook.

nta, if he wants you to feed him he needs to clean up and pay part of your groceries. otherwise he can microwave his hot pockets and shut up.

TOXIC

i (16f) have gotten pretty good at shopping in the clearance rack and looking for sales and getting really cute outfits for cheap. the problem with this is if you lose something. it’s really hard/impossible to replace it. last month i went shopping and saw these really pretty gold plated sterling silver olive branch earrings for $9. i bought them and put them in my purse then forgot about them for a month. yesterday i went to target and when i was about to pay i found my earrings. i put them on when i got home and my little sister (13) saw them. she asked where i got them and i said i got them on clearance last month so i don’t think the store will still have them. she said ok and asked if i’d be willing to share with her. now, here’s the thing. she’s horrible about giving stuff back. on saturday i went to her room while she was out just to take back my detangler, my favorite eyeshadow palette, and my colored pencils because she kept forgetting to give them back. i said maybe but i just put them in so i don’t wanna share right now. she’s been crying that i never share with her and i’m so mean to her and never do anything for her since then so i wanted to see if i was the asshole

aita for not sharing my earrings with my sister

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m5qhqv/aita_for_not_sharing_my_earrings_with_my_sister/

2021-03-15 17:52:10

nta. you know what drives me insane? when someone plaintively wails "you never share with me...you never do anything for me" and so on. you may have done 500 acts of kindness to someone, yet the 1st time you say 'no', you are hit with the barrage of "you never....". nta. i know reply when hearing this 'well, if i never do (whatever), then you should not be that disappointed that i said 'no''.

i don't share anything that goes into a hole in my body. earrings, toothbrushes, er etc... nta. but if she's so upset and you're ok sharing other things help her learn the importance of her behaviour and how improving it will be beneficial to her.

nta. i have four boys. i keep all the shared stuff like toys/electronics out for everyone. but i got my oldest boys (8 and 12) their own trunks to store their personal items they don’t want broken or messed with. i don’t believe that “what belongs to one belongs to all” and siblings shouldn’t have to share everything.

nta. you’re entitled to your own things. she has to learn boundaries at that age.

nta "you're right, i don't want to share with you, because your idea of sharing is you taking and never returning. until you stop 'forgetting' to return things, i will not share anything important to me with you, when you're ready, i'll be happy to. until then, practice remembering."

nta - you let her use stuff and she isn't responsible with it. why should you keep letting her use stuff?

nta. implement a 1-at-a-time rule. take a picture/make a contract of whatever she borrows. if she borrows something and doesn't give it back, she gets nothing else until she returns it or compensates you. and stop sharing makeup and/or earrings! it's unhygienic and can not only lead to infections, but worsen things like acne. (also, as an older sibling, i would have burst out laughing in your sister's face about her whining. typical teenage dramatics.)

nta - that’s one of those things i think shouldn’t be shared. you don’t buy second hand earrings so why share them.

nta she sounds like my 9yr old daughter. as you just had to go to her room to retrieve *your* stuff obviously you share with

nta. your sister doesn't want you to share, she wants your stuff and cries if you don't cave immediately. this is manipulative. hide the stuff you don't want her to use or wear. get a lock box for jewelry and makeup so she can't just take them. also sharing an eyeshadow palette and pencils is not sanitary. they are for personal use only.

BENIGN

i (23f) am tall, 6'5 and have an ok weight. i'm not very muscular, but i go to the gym 3x a week to stay in shape. my bil, kenny, is 5'3. he does crossfit and calisthenics and has a muscular body. yesterday was his birthday and i was invited by my sister to go to the party that would be at their house. kenny, after a few drinks, started a stupid arm wrestling contest. he won them all, some with difficulty and others easily. and one of his friends challenged him to call me for it and, after so much pissing off from a bunch of drunk men, i accepted. no kidding, my hand almost covered his hand and it almost didn't happen, they had to make some adjustments. it wasn't that hard to keep me steady, and i put in an unextraordinary force while he was about to burst a vein of strength. i wasn't trying hard to win, just keeping up. i'll have to confess that it was a little funny and i was having fun after all. after 1 minute (at most), he stopped with the excuse that he was tired after so many "opponents" and i had the advantage. i went to the table, but i knew very well that kenny was in a bad mood. nothing much happened during the night. but i received several messages today from friends and even from my own sister that i should have made it easy for him on his birthday and that i embarrassed in front of everyone. i replied with just "play stupid games, win stupid prizes." even my parents were involved in this and they said i caused an unnecessary moment. aita? extra: my sister is not that tall (5'1), as we are not from the same father.

aita for not making it easy for my bil in a competition at his bday party?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ual1qj/aita_for_not_making_it_easy_for_my_bil_in_a/

2022-04-24 02:45:28

nta. sounds like your bil needs to lighten up. if the entire family made you the "bad guy" it leads me to think that they know he has issues with not being number 1 at things in general.

nta. someone 5'3 even more muscular than you probably won't beat you because of the added leverage you have from your long arms. this person should have taken more physics classes before challenging you to arm wrestling.

nta - the other day, my bil took my kid to archery dodgeball. and the people playing (mostly adults and late teens) let my kid win. because he is five. you let five year olds win on their birthday (sometime - if you are feeling nice). kenny is a grown ass adult.

nta. tell him to get over his little man syndrome without trying to knock others down a peg.

fragile masculinity is so silly. people need to stop blaming women for men feeling inadequate. if someone’s self worth is wrapped up in winning a stupid arm wrestling challenge then they need examine what they bring to the world. not the asshole!!

nta i know so many people like your bil 🤣 as a competitive person, i say if you're challenged you're fully within your rights to win if you play fairly. you could be the ah if you went out of your way to challenge and win or made a big deal out of it, but from what you said that wasn't the case.

nta. you said it, play stupid games....

nta arm wrestling is a leverage game, if he knew how he could have given you a run for your money. but sounds like he tried to brute force it, which would never work against a larger opponent. not your fault.

nta the bil is never too old to learn that sometimes he will lose even though he does crossfit

my best friend is 6’1” and never works out, i am 5’0.5” and lift on the regular. we are both women but she can pick me up and toss me around like it’s nothing. that’s genetics for you. you aren’t an asshole for being born tall and it sure as hell isn’t your job to feed his short man syndrome ego. nta this shit is fragile masculinity and your gorgeous self shouldn’t be getting shit

BENIGN

this is a really dumb problem but i need an outside opinion. ok so back with pokemon sword and sheild came out, my husband(29) and i (28) decided to surprise out kids(6m 8f) with switches. to make this clear, we bought 3 switch lites, 1 normal switch( we wanted 1 to connect to the tv for family games), 2 copies of sword, 2 copies of shield then a copy of mario party. as you can imagine, this cost us a pretty penny but for us it was worth it. anyway, when we gave them to the kids, we told them the rules for them. this is their first systen that's solely theirs so we made sure they knew if they broke the rules or they werent taking care of them, we would take them and they would have to earn them back. one of the big rules is we dont take someone else's switch or games without permission, including mom and dads. everyone has their own so theres no reason to. so far i've only had to take them a few times(they thought games were more important than homework and one got thrown once) that leads us to a few days ago. i caught my son hiding my switch in his room so he could play online without permission(this is a rule for all the game systems). i confronted him about it and told him he was losing gaming privileges for 3 days and took his switch. i thought i was being fair but my friend messaged me asking if my son wanted to get on and play a game with her son. when i told her he was grounded from it but would have it back in a few days, she said i was being unreasonable and i couldnt expect a 6 year old to follow rules like that. i told her i was sorry she thinks that but i laid out the rules and he broke 2 of them, his age is not an excuse. we argued about it before i hung up. aita here? i think in being reasonable but our mom group seems to think i'm being an ass about it.

aita for taking away my sons switch?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gprwil/aita_for_taking_away_my_sons_switch/

2020-05-24 15:48:04

nta you certainly can expect a 6 year old to follow rules like that. she probably just wants him to be able to entertain her kid.

nta, and **thank you** for actually parenting your kid - it seems increasingly rare these days. six is plenty old enough to understand basic concepts like "do not take this item in your room" and "ask permission before you do this thing." you also set a reasonable timeframe for the punishment - long enough to have an impact, but not punitively long. well done! ignore that mom, you're doing great.

easy nta! children need discipline, rules and consequences are necessary. a 6-year old can definitely follow rules like that. plus, at the end of the day, your children, your rules. you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. edit to add: i think a lot of parents these days struggle with follow through when it comes to consequences. their children will suffer. keep up the good work!

totally nta you warned them/informed them about the rules and, ig, were "detailed" with the consequences. maybe explain the rules to them properly, like for example why it wouldn't be cool that kids are online without permission. taking a console away from a child for misbehavior (regarding said console) is totally legit. ha~, the memories of playing ds and pokemon diamond at night~

nta she’s just mad that she couldn’t get her kid out of her hair by using yours. you need to stick to your guns and make it last the whole 3 days. your kid might do it again, but if you’re consistent, it’ll stick.

nta-this is your kid and your rules, this other parent has zero say in this whatsoever. the kid is 6, he hid the switch because he knew what he was doing was wrong, so he knows full well he broke your rules. the audacity of this parent to question your parenting!

nta. setting clear boundaries and enforcing them is pretty much parenting 101 - and if a kid is old enough to play with a switch, they're old enough not to throw or hide it. there are always going to be disagreements between parents the "right" way to parent, and frankly i think it's just plain rude to tell other parents how to parent (unless we're talking about something serious). while i agree with your approach and think you are being totally fair, even if the other moms _legitimately_ thought you were being too strict, it's none of their business and they should keep their views to themselves. if they don't want to enforce boundaries with their own kids, that's their choice. how you parent your kids is yours.

nta. it's not your friends decision for what your kid can and cant do. them believing that a 6 year old cant deal with any punishment will lead to the entitlement we see all the time in some other subreddits. i honestly don't know why your friend would be upset with you punishing your child, especially when its not harsh at all and only 3 days without a device.

nta, you warned him, he broke the rules, you took it away, simple as that. i wouldn’t allow online play until your son is at least 10, since young kids often spill personal info such as where they live without even thinking about it, which i’m sure you know. make sure to not allow online play until he fully understands what he can and cannot say to strangers. but make sure to monitor him for a bit while using online play, just in case. i use to have a friend which i banned him from being able to use a mic on my xbox since whenever he would go online he would always say crap without my permission such as telling random people my name, and the state and city i lived in. similarly to your son, i told him not to, he did it anyway, i gave him a warning, he did it again, so then i banned him from using my mic.

deff nta i think its great to teach em rules early on. choices have consequences. i would have told of that parent. that is your child not his.

BENIGN

basically it started earlier this month after my sisters mom died. she is not my bio sister but my mom dated her dad when we were toddlers, and we have been friends for years since. my sister got pregnant at 18 and had the baby back in february. she is on and off with her baby daddy and claims “he helps when he can.” so far i have seen no proof of this. last month her mom passed away from health compilations that no one was aware of. my sister tried to raise money to raise money where she could and i donated some money but was laid off due to my station not being needed for a couple weeks. if i hadn’t been laid off i would have gave more. my sister ultimately didn’t make enough to have her mom cremated her dad refused to help with the expenses, so the state buried her instead. after that my sister was mia for awhile, which i couldn’t blame her. what i can blame her for is weaseling her way out of the wood work for money. my sister doesn’t work, i don’t know if her baby daddy does or her dad. i have been brushing it off telling her i would see what my checks look like. but now it’s like the only time she wants to talk is to ask for money. i started lying saying that i can’t because i have a bunch of bills. i’m not flat broke by any means i make roughly 2k a month so i’m not rich but i do make enough to live off of and share financial responsibility with my family. i wouldn’t be as upset if i hadn’t got a message showing me her son’s halloween costume when just a week before she was asking for $25 for diapers. i just got another text asking for $3, i get it’s not a lot of money but i’m sick of her treating me like an atm, just because i have a job now. tldr: my sister asked for money and that’s the only time she contacts me.

aita for lying to my sister about not having money just so i don’t have to pay for her baby’s stuff.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qfrd8m/aita_for_lying_to_my_sister_about_not_having/

2021-10-25 21:51:38

nta. "no" is a complete sentence. so is "i am not financially responsible for you or your child. please stop tapping me for money." actually, that last one is two sentences. but still.

nta. she is in a difficult situation, but her difficult situation is not your difficult situation. you do not need to disclose your financial status to anyone and you are not an asshole for lying to protect your assets from someone who is being a bit of a leech.

nta. i don't talk to people who only show up for $$$. also $2k isn't much depending on the area. that's like "need a roommate" territory. frankly she needs to bang harder on the baby daddy and not you. you didn't knock her up.

nta. she’s family and it’s nice you want to help but she’s an adult and that’s not your child.

nta: you’re not financially responsible for her or her children and you’re not obligated to spend your hard earned money to support them just because she’s family.

nta...why do none of them have a job?!

nta. she needs to get court ordered child support. do not give her money or you will never be able to stop.

nta she is not a friend she is a leach. friendships have a give and take, but she is looking to you to be the substitute for her parents and baby daddy. thing is you don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

nta!! i have a best friend exactly like this. she asked me for money for her apartment application. i looked her in her eyes and said no without blinking. you do not have to provide and excuse or reason. you got your ass up to work, she laid her ass down and made a baby. not your problem.

nta, she and the dad made the choice to have a baby, so it's their responsibility.

BENIGN

throwaway account because i got locked out of my other. so my (26m) cousin bella (28f) and her ex husband were married for 1 year. during this time i became very good friends with her then husband mark. mark and me started gaming together and eventually he joined my softball team. we’ve remained good friends even after my cousin cheated on him. my cousin left him in the middle of the night for her new fiancé rob. this was a huge deal in our family because my cousin was the first marriage of the second generation and everyone loved mark. we were all in her wedding and most of the bridal party was our family. ever since then our parents, her mother and her act like it’s some taboo thing we aren’t allowed to bring up. my other female cousins (i’m the only boy cousin) have basically cut off bella after she left mark. mark still hangs out with me and my cousins because he doesn’t have a bunch of friends due to him moving to our town after they got married. bella has brought her new guy around the family and most of us just pretend like he’s invisible and totally ignore both of them. i recently bought a new house with my girlfriend and we decided we wanted to host christmas this year for the family. i told mark he was more than welcomed to join us because he didn’t have any family close by. i texted my mom that bella wasn’t welcome at my house for christmas due to mark being there. she said that it wasn’t fair to bella or her mom (my moms sister) that she wouldn’t be invited to a family event. i said that was too bad because i wasn’t about to make mark uncomfortable. bella sent me a long message about family being important to her, her needing family support and wanting to have her fiancé around our family etc. i told her to lose my number. her mom called me individually to berate me, say it wasn’t my place and basically trying to steamroll me into inviting bella. she then said that if bella wasn’t invited then her family wouldn’t be showing. i said “great sounds like we’ll have more seating now” and hung up. my mom is now trying to play peacemaker and saying i should invite her because if not then the christmas will feel awkward and divided. i said if her and her generation want to go celebrate with bella then go right ahead and host the party and they can decide who comes. aita?

aita for banning my cousin from christmas in favor of my friend.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rjxzww/aita_for_banning_my_cousin_from_christmas_in/

2021-12-19 14:37:57

nta. your house. you prefer mark, so it’s 100% your choice who’s there and who’s not.

nta - man you’re my hero. you do you

nta just because someone is blood doesn't make them more important. that logic is the same used by people to defend you being forced to hang out with an abuser at a family gathering. her actions had consequences. her and her mother can spend christmas with the home wrecker fiance.

nta. bella fucked up your friend's life and you're choosing to be there for your friend. she made her bed and she gets to sleep in it.

nta. sometimes family is chosen and not based on genetics.

nta cheaters don't get to demand everyone support them for cheating! kudos to everyone in your family who's judged based on merit over blood. if they keep pressing, just play the "i get to invite whomever i want to my house" card. have a merry christmas with people who have good morals!

nta - bella is an asshole for demanding to ruin mark’s holiday and so is her mom. your mom is an enabler but not an ah. the family is awkward and divided because of the cheating. mark is your close friend and bella betrayed him. you’ve taken mark’s side, which is the morally superior side, in my opinion. you don’t need to help everyone pretend the family isn’t divided.

nta. your roof, your rules. i personally don't place much importance on cousins, aunts or uncles as "family" although if they are good, solid people i will certainly give them all due respect on that ground. so, you are fully in your rights to say you're picking mark over bella and that you're totally cool with that meaning your aunt isn't coming either. shitty actions have consequences.

nta. i think you were a little harsh but you sound kinda fed up with the behavior of quite a few people in this story. that's reasonable to me.

nta bella made her own life decisions and doesn’t want to experience any of the natural repercussions in relationships. i wouldn’t want to be around her either.

BENIGN

not about me but about my sil. basically my parents are mad that my sister-in-law didn't take out the trash from the bathroom when she was on her period. there was only 1 pad in it so it wasn't full enough to take out and i'm pretty sure she doesn't even know where our trash can is. i'm defending her bc first of all why is my dad looking that closely at the trash, and second of all if he sees it why mention it and embarrass her? i'd be mortified if my father-in-law saw my feminine products, let alone complain to everyone abt it. it just leaves a bad impression of our family. my mom went and told her to take the trash out next time she's on her period and then was trying to tell me and my siblings how ridiculous she is for not doing that already. like i get if my mom had told her where to throw the trash etc beforehand, but she didn't. who's the asshole here? in my opinion guests should not be required to take out their trash in the house they're visiting, although it would be nice if they did. but regardless, the punishment of embarassing her does not fit the crime imo. it's not like she trashed the place, she cleaned up after herself in every way except the last step of taking out the trash.

aita for not taking out the trash as a guest at my in-law's house?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kj5cle/aita_for_not_taking_out_the_trash_as_a_guest_at/

2020-12-24 00:52:45

nta, i'd be super uncomfortable returning to their home. all this shit talking isn't about the trash tho. they clearly don't like her and are looking for excuses to bitch about her.

nta. this isn’t like some “common sense/common courtesy” custom that everyone shares. i wouldn’t think anything of putting a tampon container in the bathroom trash...that’s one of the reasons why it’s there? it’s not like she just left the front door open or the faucet running. i think your parents are ta’s for being so nitpicky and more so for bringing it up to her and shaming her over it like she did something objectively wrong. like, why would you even want to bring that up to someone? seems really strange and even creepy tbh.

nta she cleaned up after herself. if i was her, and if i ever visited again, i would stay in a hotel in the future. your parents are asses.

nta at all! shame on your dad for period shaming a grown woman. it's not like she finger painted the mirror with her menstrual blood. she used the garbage can and your dad went digging through it in order to find it. he should be thoroughly shamed.

nta. the trash can wasn’t full so there’s no need to take it out. your dad was the ah here.

nta. i’d be mortified if it was me being spoken to/about like that.

nta. to my knowledge, that's what the trash receptacle is for.

nta- if it was disposed of wrapped in tp, get out of here. your parents for nuts. poor girl. funny thing is how stupid your parents are. guess where the grandkids will be on xmas morning in ten years. not at that house! why would your sil ever want to visit again? let alone make them a priority for the future.

nta, embarrassing someone on their period is a special kind of terrible. she was clean about it. it's not like she left blood everywhere.

nta that's an expectation of hosting a gathering. people use your facilities and unless they asked for everyone to clean up ahead of time, how would they know!? not cool in my book, the parents should just dump the trash and move on.

TOXIC

yesterday, my (24f) extended family went out for a dinner catch up. my cousin "alison" (29f) came, she's pregnant. i ordered a burger with fries, alison had some type of herb pasta. when our food came, she asked if i want to swap with her because she didn't like the smell of the pasta. i said sorry, but i want my burger and maybe she can swap with someone else. she said she was suddenly craving a burger and no one else had ordered one. i told her she can order again. alison said they're saving for the baby and won't waste money buying another dish, that i didn't have to pay the difference if i swapped (the pasta was more expensive). i kept saying no, she got really upset and said i didn't understand the struggles of pregnant women. my mom saw and said i should just swap and was acting like a kid, i said alison was acting like a kid. alison said she was hurt and i don't understand pregnancy, my aunt (alison's mom) noticed the commotion and told alison to 'learn how to deal with these things because not everyone will care about her'. i'd had enough so i just started eating before anyone else could tell me to swap. my mom later said i created a scene for no reason and alison's pregnant so i should've been more understanding. she said she's 'lost face' in front of my aunt. now i'm thinking if i should've just sucked it up and swapped? (throwaway btw)

aita for not swapping my meal with my pregnant cousin?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uzmze2/aita_for_not_swapping_my_meal_with_my_pregnant/

2022-05-28 13:07:03

nta. pregnancy isn’t a free pass to demand special treatment. if alison wanted a burger, she was free to order another. if that couldn’t be done, she was free to eat the pasta and quit complaining.

nta and if your cousin were really concerned about saving money she would have ordered something less expensive in the first place.

nta. you should look up the garfunkel and oates song "pregnant women are smug" on youtube.

nta. pregnant doesn't mean suddenly a toddler. she's responsible for her own food problems.

nta just because you are pregnant it doesn’t mean you can act like a spoiled brat. the only person she should have asked to swap is her husband. she could have ordered another hamburger and taken the pasta home. that way it wasn’t wasted.

nta as someone who is a mom, and also currently pregnant, my cravings are not someone else's problem. it is extremely rude to harass someone into trying to get them to switch a dish with you just because you don't like how something smells. i get it trust me, food aversion can be a pain, but ordering a burger isn't that big of a deal and people need to stop catering to her.

absolutely nta. why do some pregnant women suddenly feel entitled to the whole world just because they’re carrying a baby?! i completely understand that pregnancy cravings/tastes come and go in an instant, but to force someone else to eat your meal is just rude. it’s fine to ask if someone would mind swapping, but after you said no the obvious solution was for her to order another burger. or go to maccas if she really was that concerned about the money

nta wait til she learns about the real world!! lmao so entitled!!

nta. an adult woman demands your dinner and your mother accuses you of being childish and causing a scene for declining.

nta! i hate to be that person but some pregnant people are super entitled. i had an incident a while back where i bought the last maple bacon scone at this awesome bakery near me. the woman behind me in line was pregnant and had the audacity to ask me to give it to her because she was having a serious craving for one. i said sorry, i came specifically for this. she made a big scene and said “ i can tell you don’t have kids because you obviously don’t know what it’s like to be pregnant!” i rolled my eyes and walked out. i enjoyed that damn scone too. your cousin is an entitled ah, and your mom is too for trying to force you to give up your food and eat something you didn’t want.

BENIGN

we've been together for 13 years and have 2 kids (5, 9) father's day is coming up and the kids have been feeling excited to spend the day with their dad. however, this morning (we're in the us) i learned from my husband that he, his father and brother planned to go on a trip together tomorrow to celebrate and spend father's day together. i was taken a back because he never told me about this and me and the kids were already talking about spending the day together but he never said anything and kept us in the dark.the kids are eager to spend the day with their dad. my husband said his dad was paying for the trip and he can't tell him the kids should come too. he think is it's "rude" to ask his father to include the kids. but he also told me brother in law is taking his kids. he said his brother was paying for his kids to come and he could pay too but didn't think it was a good idea to take the kids. i frankly couldn't understand his logic when he said he wants to spend father's day with his dad and not the kids. he blew up and said i was being such a pain in the neck over something as stupid as father's day, and he just taking this opportunity to get fresh air and get away from work and stress. i told him it will impact the kids to spend father's day away from their father. and he needed to think of it this way. he said i was trying to manipulate him out of going altogether by guiltripping him and called my behavior controlling and borderline abusive because of how i'm making it seem like this is the only father's day that the kids will have. he told me to gtfo with the "my way or the highway" bullshit and stop mentioning it. he went out and hasn't returned yet. he's not even picking up the phone or responding to my texts. aita and overreacting?

aita for wanting my husband to spend father's day with our kids?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o3s80w/aita_for_wanting_my_husband_to_spend_fathers_day/

2021-06-19 23:11:26

nta. sounds like he wanted to sneak away and leave you with the kids and hoped you'd just go along with it if he mentioned it last minute. he absolutely has no reason to not take his kids especially since his brother will have kids there as well. now he's overreacting and gaslighting by projecting and hoping you second guess yourself and stop calling him out.

nta. but i think you have a bigger problem on your hands. i feel awful for your young children.

nta. but the whole post is about something else, not just about father’s day. his actions don’t make sense and something deeper is going on here. perhaps ask the bil or fil if you don’t hear back from your husband. maybe they could shed some light on the situation.

nta his reaction is over the top. are you sure there’s nothing else going on with him?

nta. if this was simply about your husband wanting to spend some alone time with his dad on father's day there'd be no ah. but it's not. he kept this trip from you until the last minute. had he he given you more time you could have prepared other options as well as not get your kids hopes up. also his reaction was basically to throw a temper tantrum, which is a bad look on a father/adult.

nta. has he explained to the children yet that he doesn’t want to spend father’s day with them or is he expecting you to give that news? he’ll complain one day that his kids don’t take the time to see him anymore, they’ll remember that he wanted to “enjoy himself” on father’s day and therefore excluded them from it.

nta and wouldn't be surprised if his dad is actually a woman he's dating.

esh - on mother's day, people are really quick to tell mom's they should get to do whatever they want... so if your husband wanted to do this, fine. it's his day. but the way he communicated with you about it was rude.

nta but the problem here isn’t the holiday, it’s that he’s decided to go on a trip and leave you with the kids without talking about it first. my guess is he simply wants time away for himself to unwind and not think about the kids, which is understandable, but he needs to talk to you about that, he can’t just get up and go. i would ask him when he expects to celebrate with the kids and when he will tell them he’s going to be away from the weekend.

i would say esh. a responsibility free day sounds like a great father’s day. on mother’s day we want mothers to take the day off, go get their nails done, or go to the spa. we let the kids give them their presents, do breakfast, and let them do their own things, but on father’s day you want him to be saddled with the kids all day? i don’t think that’s very fair. and i think you were too pushy on it. you say and know he works long hours and he spends all his free time with you and the kids. he clearly very much wants a break. he seems stressed as f. the obvious reason he is the asshole is because of his lack of communication. a day notice for a trip isn’t cool. and then when he communicated he got frustrated and snapped on you like a jerk. obviously very asshole-ish. i would tell him you are not opposed to him going, but both of you need to have a talk about lack of communication, and him snapping at you. it’s not healthy, and you two are a team. maybe he will open up about stress at work or something bothering him.

BENIGN

i have recently finished a two-month mandatory internship and had a bit of a conflict with one manager. i was mostly in charge of simple quality control stuff and some office work. however, we had a problem with a water pipe and it destroyed a lot of paperwork. since my workload was pretty low and i was kinda bored at the internship anyway, i volunteered to replace the damaged documents. well i underestimated how much work it would be, so i was running all over the company getting everything together, often working overtime or through lunch breaks. but whatever, i signed up for it. about a week before my internship would end, i finished and had replaced all the damaged documents. during a bi-weekly meeting, my manager called me to the front, thanked me for the hard work and mentioned he had a something for me. he handed me a generic "thank you" card. blank, nothing written inside not even a signature or something. i thanked him and went about my day. later during lunch break some coworkers asked what i got, so i showed them the card. most just asked "thats it?". at some point i mentioned i would have prefered nothing over a blank card. well that apparently reached the ear of my manager, who called me in for a talk. he was kind of upset that i was "badmouthing him" and that i volunteered so i should not expect a reward. i told him, i was not expecting a reward but a blank card is just a extremly low-effort thing and he could not even be bothered to sign it or write a single sentence. he told me that i need to learn about respect and it would be good idea to forget about a letter of recommendation or something like that. i told my parents about what happened, they are kind of split about it. mom says i should have just taken the card and be quiet, since i was an unpaid intern and volunteered for the task. dad agrees that the manager was an ass.

aita for saying i would rather not get anything then a blank thank-you card from my manager

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o6zyyn/aita_for_saying_i_would_rather_not_get_anything/

2021-06-24 12:34:31

nta he made it seem like he had something good for you by saying “i’ve got something for you”. and it doesn’t take any effort to sign a card.

both of your parents are right. your manager is definitely an ass, but you shouldn't have said anything...you're nta but there was nothing to be gained by talking negatively to your manager about it. if he's the sort of person who thought that was an appropriate gesture in the first place, he certainly isn't the person who is going to listen reasonably to being told it was low effort.

nta - but you perhaps were a fool. your manager was totally an ass here. both for the blank card, and the reaction to hearing what you said. but this is one of those situations where being right doesn't matter cause the power differential is to great. nothing good can come of voicing those sort of complaints to a group.

nta. your manager must be fantastic around the holidays, ffs. signing the damned card is what is done. unless...and this just occurred to me - do you think maybe he thought you could then reuse the card? i know some folks roll that way.

nta. he tried to look to others as if he was being generous when he wasn’t. you answered direct questions about it.

nta the manager was def an a\*\* but also make note that coworkes will spill your beans. they may act like friends but please learn this lesson to not share your private thoughts with coworkers.

nta. you did initially keep quiet! your co workers asked you and you had no reason to lie to them about what you got, plus your boss is a complete a for such a crappy gesture and a fragile ego. he used you to make himself look generous and it backfired.

nta. for my 10-year anniversary at my old job my manager handed me the corporate thank you card. he hadn't signed it, and inside there was a slip of paper with instructions on how to write a meaningful thank you! he never even opened it!

nta that manager is an ass. you are an (umpaid?) intern who busted their ass doing grunt work for this guy and he finds a card in a drawer and hands it to you with it signing it or anything. that's rude and a jerk move. i agree, i'd rather have a hand shake than that.

nta but naive. your boss sucks full stop, your coworkers suck for letting your legitimate comment get back to him. you shouldn't have told the boss that. because office politics are worse than anything else. you're right it was an empty gesture. the right thing to do would be to tell your school advisor what happened or go to hr. sometimes people are awful and will make your life hell in the future. you'd be surprised how many people you worked with once will be with you again at a new company. sadly you are not allowed to tell your boss the truth many times. remember this and know that you'll never treat an employee this way.

BENIGN

ok so some background information, my (23m) daughter’s mother (22f), let’s call her emily, got pregnant when she was 16, i was 17. emily was very against abortion so despite me telling her i was not ready to be a father, she was adamant to keep it and give it up for adoption (which is also what her parents, who were furious at me, wanted her to do). i was not okay with this at all, having grown up in the foster system myself i did not want my kid to go through the same thing. eventually we decided that she would give birth and then relinquish full custody to me, who would raise the baby, despite my prior hesitation. fast forward to current day, our daughter, ‘rose’ has started school (although this year has been a mess with school) and i live with my boyfriend, ‘adam’ (24m). i love them both to the ends of the world and am very happy with our little family. we are also on government support payments since we don’t make a lot of money. now onto the actual issue. a couple of months ago i received a facebook message from emily. she said she wanted to ‘check-in’ and see how rose was doing. i found this a bit odd since she hadn’t shown any interest in her at all but i obliged and told her that she was doing well and was happy. she then started sending me more messages over the next few weeks asking questions about rose like where she went to school, how she behaved etc. i didn’t tell her the school she attends since i was starting to get suspicious that she had an ulterior motive and my suspicions were confirmed when she asked to come visit her. i said no because i felt that emily didn’t truly care about rose and i don’t trust her around my kid. i had already decided that if rose wanted to meet her when she was old enough, that would be fine but not when she was so young. anyway, emily got really angry when i said no, saying that it was her child and she had a right to see her. she started saying that i was a horrible father, abusive and that i was forcing our daughter to only have male parental figures and that it would ‘damage’ her. i eventually blocked her but that only made it worse when 2 days ago, she showed up at our unit, unannounced and demanded to be let in and see rose. i wasn’t home but adam was there with our daughter and he told her to leave or he would call the cops. when he told me what happened i was freaked out since i don’t know how she found our address and i feel really anxious. emily then sent me more messages from a new facebook account and i told her that if she didn’t stop, i would seek a restraining order against her. this is where i’m wondering if i’m overreacting about this whole issue. my boyfriend agrees with me and so does his family but some of our friends are saying that i’m just being paranoid and that it’s just my anxiety and that threatening her with a restraining order is too harsh. but i don’t understand why emily is so interested all of a sudden and it makes me uneasy. aita?

aita for threatening a restraining order against my daughter’s mother?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k77yll/aita_for_threatening_a_restraining_order_against/

2020-12-05 14:00:48

nta. why now? because 5 year olds are waaay less work than infants/toddlers. she isn't interested in being a parent, because if she were, she'd be taking the legal route. she wants to get involved now for the fun stuff. her behavior appears unstable and you have a family to protect. get the ro.

nta protect you and your family. someone who wants a healthy relationship doesn’t go about it in such an unhealthy way. she found your address without you giving it to her, to me that’s grounds enough to start the legal process of getting a restraining order. make sure all legal paperwork regarding custody is in order though. if the two of you didn’t legally fill out the paperwork when rose was born, it may give emily more of a leg to stand on. good luck op

nta. threatening a restraining order is not too harsh. actually *getting* a restraining order is not too harsh either. you are not paranoid, she actually showed up at your house! it was fine for her to check in her daughters health and see how she was doing, even ask if she could meet her. it was also fine for you to decline. she gave up her parental rights. you were on exactly the right track, when your daughter is old enough and wants to meet her mother a meeting can be arranged then. get the restraining order immediately! if you haven’t already save every message and communication you guys have had since she first reached out.

nta! >eventually we decided that she would give birth and then relinquish full custody to me, who would raise the baby, despite my prior hesitation. [...] >saying that it was her child and she had a right to see her. * she gave up her maternal rights * a child is not an it * she showed up at your house uninvited * she is being weirdly aggressive >but i don’t understand why emily is so interested all of a sudden and it makes me uneasy. you are protecting your daughter. full stop. emily's behavior is creepy af. **the *only* reason i would caution against the restraining order is because that will allow her to find out the name&address of the school rose goes to.** secondly, an ro is just a piece of paper that doesn't actually *do* anything, not a shield. see if you can't get a security system that records your doorway at the least, with audio, in case emily shows up again. also, go to rose's school and explain the situation situation that you have full custody, and that only certain people are permitted to a) pick rose up b) visit her at school. i personally would give the school copies of your and adam's ids so there is no confusion as to whom is permitted. document *everything* and find a family law lawyer to discuss what you *can* legally do (besides an ro). sending you so much good luck.

nta. i think your reaction is completely reasonable. her behavior is absolutely bizarre and suspicious and i think you are doing the right thing. if her mom wants to change your custody arrangement, she should go through the appropriate legal channels and you should hire an attorney. (i noticed that you said she gave you 100% custody, but didn’t necessarily relinquish her parental rights, so you would definitely want an attorney if she files anything).

nta. she’s probably having some regrets, and seeing that rose is doing well she can have an easier time inserting herself into the situation. plus i’m sure she’s unhappy with the fact that you’re with a man. just keep blocking/avoiding her and if she shows up again call the police

nta. is it possible emily just found out you were dating another man? it sounds like she she’s more focused on doing religious gymnastics (abortion is bad but homosexuality is worse) than the best interest of your daughter. i know you mention you have full custody but did emily relinquish her rights as well? i imagine that will matter legally.

nta she abandoned her child. you need to protect your daughter and it’s perfectly rational to threaten your ex with a restraining order. i hope you actually had her parental rights terminated or else she may have a right to see your daughter if she chooses to pursue legal action.

nta. trust your gut.

nta nta nta. protect your daughter and definitely take the advice above making sure she can’t legally pursue you.

TOXIC

i (29f) went to the grocery store to buy a few items for my household yesterday. i always check the price at the point of sale (i.e cash register) compared to the price that is marked when i pick the item up from the shelve. yesterday, i pick an item up at the shelve on aisle 3 of the store, and it is marked as $4.79. i subsequently place the item in my cart of food. i finish shopping, and next bring all the items to the cashier. the same item rings up at the cash register at $5.29. i decide to complain to the cashier, and allow them to know of the error. when, i normally do this most cashiers will apologize, and put the correct price, and the process takes 30 seconds. this time, the cashier says please prove it. i told her that it was on aisle 3, and she refuses to go to the item to check. she says, "ma'am, we are talking about fifty cents." i decide to refuse to move until she corrects the error. subsequently, a supervisor is called over to help alleviate the incident, and she goes to check, and of course i am correct. the cashier subsequently says to me, "thanks for be an asshole, and holding the line up for fifteen minutes." i called my parents, and they told me that i was correct, and that the mistake is about principals, and not about the money. they reassured me that i did the right thing. my husband disagreed, and said that if a person is paid $16 dollars an hour, then his time is worth $4.00 for 15 minutes. i wasted 15 minutes for fifty cents was not a good return on investment. i told him it is about the principal, and not about the money, but he disagreed. aita for telling the cashier that she was wrong about the price, and needed to fix it?

aita for holding up the line in the grocery store?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sv1pq6/aita_for_holding_up_the_line_in_the_grocery_store/

2022-02-17 22:48:10

nta. where i shop, if the item is charged more at the register than what is stated on the shelf, customer gets that item for free. also, here in australia, it's against the law to charge more than what is stated on the shelf. but errors happen, but this cashier was throwing her weight around, which she shouldn't have.

nta - the cashier should be fired for calling a customer an ah for something that the customer was right about. unacceptable for a customer service professional.

given your post history u/nighttrain915, yta. https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/s8wfli/aita_for_not_paying_daycare_because_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb

nta. the principle here is that stores often mismark their products. sometimes that's just an innocent mistake--literally someone typed something in somewhere wrong, or forgot to take a sale sign down after the discount period is over. sometimes it's more like casual negligence -- if the price doesn't ring up right, oops, but we're not going to be diligent to make sure we make price changes. sometimes it's deliberate scamming. we'll put a different price on the shelf, not make the change, and when the customers get to the checkout, they'll think "oh it's only 50 cents, so it's not a big deal." do that over 10,000 transactions and that's an extra $5k in the store's pocket. and maybe that's a product that they wouldn't have sold but for the discounted price. you absolutely have the right to hold the store accountable for their pricing errors. and the cashier was ta for accusing you of holding up the line. it was the store that held up the line, either by mismarking the price, or by not believing you that the price was mismarked. (yeah, if i were behind you in line, i'd be annoyed too. but i wouldn't be annoyed at you.)

esh. the cashier is rude as hell but i'd 100% have given you a dollar to just go the fuck away had i been behind you in line. i hope $0.50 was worth 15 minutes of time from everyone behind you.

so, you kept a $1000 book sold by mistake, you won't pay your daycare bill, even though your contract says you should, and you held up the line over fifty cents. yta, all the time. you're cheap, your parents are cheap, and you should stop asking mommy and daddy to back you up when you're being cheap.

given your post history u/nighttrain915, i am going with yta. httpss://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/scuw13/aita_for_refusing_to_give_back_a_book_owner_sold/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb

yta, was 50 cents really worth wasting 15 minutes of your life, the cashier’s, the supervisor’s and everyone behind you in line? for your ‘principle’? what is this principle that is so important to you? being a miser? letting a teenager know that you think you’re more important than them and everyone else? a cashier shouldn’t call a customer an asshole, but in this case they were right, and i’m sure everyone behind you thought you were being ridiculous.

nta. i’m surprised at you so though. and the cashier. i would have told that same supervisor what she said. btw, tell your husband she’s not paid per person. she’s paid by the hour, no matter how long it takes per person. she didn’t want to do her job.

nta. your husband sounds like a pretentious and patronizing asshole.

BENIGN

(i am in a country where it is safe to be in groups currently.) this happened last weekend and it is still on my mind. i cannot decide if iata. i went on a ticketed outing via bus where every seat was full. my girlfriend and i were sitting together and we are both slim. a pair of large women who were together tried to get us to sit with them instead (that my girlfriend would sit by one of them, and one of them would sit by me). we politely told them that we wanted to sit together. the women were insistent we should do it because they wouldn't be able to sit comfortably together. they turned on my girlfriend and one of them demanded she get up. this is where i'm not sure if iata: i told them that they should have bought two seats each because they knew what size they are when they bought their tickets. the women lost their minds at this and the tour guide stepped in. the women would not accept a refund, and a different pair eventually volunteered to split up so that we could get on with the tour. i feel justified in not changing seats, but i still feel conflicted about how i spoke to the women. my girlfriend says i "fat shamed" them and did not need to mention their size.

aita for how i spoke to two large women?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k6rx73/aita_for_how_i_spoke_to_two_large_women/

2020-12-04 19:40:52

nta. what you said was accurate. these women asked you and your gf to switch seats because they knew beforehand they couldn't sit adjacent to one another. >my girlfriend says i "fat shamed" them and did not need to mention their size. except these women made their size an issue from the onset.

this is a tough one. i’m going with nta because you did not need to sit separate from your travel partner to accommodate them and they would not take no for an answer. when someone keeps pushing you and you’re on the spot, it’s hard to keep composure and not state the reason something has become an issue.

nta they mentioned their size as the reason you and your gf needed to split up seating. they didn't take your initial "no" and proceeded to attempt to shame you two into move, even to the point of trying to simply command your gf. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

nta. they fat shamed themselves by causing a scene. as you pointed out, they're the ones who first called attention to the fact that they can't sit comfortably together.

nta. they should have bought a third seat if that was an issue. they certainly don't have a right to ruin your time together.

nta. i’m large. i would never dream of inconveniencing other people like that because i’m rubbish at self care.

nta they mentioned their size as the reason you and your gf needed to split up seating. they didn't take your initial "no" and proceeded to attempt to shame you two into move, even to the point of trying to simply command your gf. they were entitled assholes who literally wanted to throw their weight around. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

nta they're big, they know they're big, and they should plan accordingly. it's not fat-shaming, it's simple logistics. ​

nta. they were bullying you because they thought they could get away with it. you were right: if they could not fit in the chairs, they should have secured two tickets. it sucks if they were big due to medical issues, but if they bully people like that i am inclined to think their size is entirely their own fault. you didn't fatshame them when they came in, but you called them out on being assholes when they tried to guilt trip and inconvenience you. i don't blame you one bit.

nta they were bullying you into changing seats. i’m sorry fat or slim i don’t want to sit next to a stranger because i have social anxiety. you guys wouldn’t have been comfortable sitting next to them but they kept pushing.

BENIGN

i'm 18, still living with parents, and needed to shower. yesterday i went out shopping with my step dad and bought some essentials like kitchen things and new bath towels. my mom texted me to make sure i didn't get plain white ones because those are boring so i bought grey and blue striped ones that match the bathroom. when i returned home with them she was very happy and they were hung up. now on to this morning, i took a shower and used one of the new bath towels because they were hung up right outside of the shower, they were clean, and i was never instructed not to use them. my mom gets home from work, sees a towel in the hamper and is very upset with me. saying things like i should've known they were just for show, i ruined the bathroom, and in 'the real world' every bathroom has towels that are just for show. i think this concept is insanely stupid and i told her that it's a waste of $18 for towels no one can use. she constantly tells me i'm not in 'the real world' and it pisses me off so much that that sentence did start an argument. am i in the wrong?

aita for using my moms bath towel that was just for show?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulzis6/aita_for_using_my_moms_bath_towel_that_was_just/

2022-05-09 19:46:17

nta, in the “real world” no one has towels that are for show, your the sane one in this situation

nta - not every house has "show towels." unless it was advised not to use them, how would you know? towels can also be washed, so i'm not sure what the problem is. anyway, misunderstanding and hopefully she moves on.

nta. all my towels get used, but i do know of several people that have those “just for show” towels. i think it’s stupid, too. if she didn’t tell you not to use them, then you did nothing wrong. you’re not a mind reader.

>and in 'the real world' every bathroom has towels that are just for show. that is absolutely not correct. every towel in my household at least can and should be used. having "show-towels" is insane ;) nta

nta but i also didn’t grow up with towels that were just for show. if they were clean, they were clean and good for use. i think your mom might need a little reflection on why she thinks it’s such a big deal you used a towel as a towel is meant to be used.

nta. at all. towels are for using!!! look up miss manners on the subject if she wants to know the "proper" and "correct" answer... which is, use the towels!

sigh. some people do have "show" props in their home (it may be silly but it's not that unusual). but as you were never told not to use the towels you bought, you did nothing wrong. nta

nta - you didn't know the towels were "just for show".

nta towels for show isn't a thing. towels for guests can be though. it might also be a cultural thing? regardless, she should have told you.

nta. as you said, you were never instructed *not* to use them. it’s normal to think you can use them. and btw, what’s the big deal? she can just wash them and they’ll be alright, it’s just a towel.

BENIGN

my girlfriend asked if she could do my washing this evening while trying to help clean my flat. i said it was okay and for her not to do it. unfortunately she went ahead and put all the washing from one basket into the machine. however, she has mixed whites, colours and delicates, used the wrong setting on the washing machine and used a temperature that’s too high for some of the clothes. i’m now worried that some will be ruined and will have shrunk. i questioned why she done it, and was pretty mad since i asked her not to when she asked me. she’s angry that i wasn’t grateful for her doing this, but i clearly asked her not to? aita for not being grateful that she tried?

aita for being mad at my girlfriend for doing my washing?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bl2ohz/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_girlfriend_for_doing_my/

2019-05-05 20:34:47

nta - you made it clear that you did not want her to wash your clothes and she ignored your request anyway. i get that she's trying to be helpful but the fact that you insisted on her not washing your clothes and she still did it anyway makes her the asshole and proves that she did not have respect for your wishes in that situation.

nta. i get that she tried to do something nice but honestly if she doesn’t know how to properly wash clothes she shouldn’t have gone against your wishes to do them. you can fuck up cleaning most other things and they can be fixed, but shrunken or ruined clothes are not among those things. info...how exactly did you respond? i can understand her defensiveness if you came down too harshly, but i can’t blame you if you did. clothes aren’t cheap, and you’d already asked her not to do your laundry.

nta it's actually a pet-peeve of mine to be asked a yes or no question and that person subsequently doing the opposite of what i replied. then what was the point of asking? if she would've done it correctly, i.e. the way you would've yourself, the principle of the matter wouldn't be enough to me to make a big deal out of it. but since the answer being disrespected may lead to shrunken color-faded laundry, it is a valid beef to have with so.

nta. you asked her not to do it, she did it anyway plus did it wrong. not sure what you are supposed to be grateful for. sure, intent was there i guess, but the other stuff outweighs.

nta i hate when people do my laundry improperly, if she really wanted to do it for you she should have asked why you didnt want her to and how youd want it done. really rude to try to guilt you about not being grateful for possibly ruining your clothes.

nah but you weren’t clear enough about why you said no, so i can understand why she went ahead and did it. i used to offer to help my sister do the dishes. she would always say “no thanks. i can do them.” and i would think she’s just being nice and doesn’t want me to have to bother with doing them. sometimes i would do them for her anyways. then one day she admitted that she is a little bit obsessive about the way in which she does her dishes and when anyone else does them, she ends up re-washing them.

nah - maybe she assumed you were trying to be nice by taking care of the washing and she just wanted to be nice by doing them anyway. you said 'it's okay' maybe you should have said something like 'i'll do it i have a specific way i do it' and she would have been more reluctant. i don't think anyone's an asshole it was just a misunderstanding.

nta. i assume that you're referring to your own clothes, so it would make sense for you to want to wash your own clothes. she's being unreasonable by calling you ungrateful since you said you would do it yourself.

nta. she should have questioned why you didn't want her to do something nice for you. you could have stated why you didn't want her to wash clothes for you when she asked.

nta you specifically told her not to do it. she then proceeded to do it anyway, and do it incorrectly. then she has the nerve to be angry with you that you weren't grateful? nope. she wasn't trying to help for the sake of taking a load off of you, she was trying to elicit a particular emotional response from you to make herself feel better. that's important information. >aita for not being grateful that she tried? lol what is she, a six-year-old soccer player? not everybody gets a trophy, janice.

BENIGN

throwaway since some people know my real account. i have been dating my (m25) gf (f26) for about 5 months now. things have been getting serious and we have talked about moving in together by the end of the year. we've met each other's parents and friends and all enjoy hanging out together. her dad and my dad enjoy drinking/partying as much as our friend group so they sometimes come out with us to bars. around two or three weeks ago, things started to get weird between my dad (m49) and my gf's best friend (f25). there were obvious signs of flirting. one night, my gf's friend was supposed to stay at my place overnight after drinking (my gf stayed over as well) but ended up leaving and not coming back until the morning. after mentioning to my gf multiple times that things seemed weird, she told me that my dad and her friend had been hooking up and going on dates. she said she knew for about a week but said my dad insisted he be the one to tell me. she felt bad because it should have come from him but felt like they never would have told me. my gf is as uncomfortable as i am about the situation and i'm debating having a conversation with my dad about how i feel it is inappropriate and weird. i also feel like i shouldn't be the one to get in between people's relationships but their relationship has started to make social situations awkward with our friend groups. so the question is, wibta for telling my dad that i'm uncomfortable with his relationship with my gf's friend?

wibta for being upset at my dad for dating my gf's best friend?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bphq1z/wibta_for_being_upset_at_my_dad_for_dating_my_gfs/

2019-05-16 20:31:36

nta. it's weird as hell for your almost 50 year old dad to date a girl half his age, let alone someone in your social circle. he can find another 25 year old to date if he's that desperate for a younger girlfriend.

nta holy shit that’s an uncomfortable situation.

no i don’t think so. nta it’s fair to tell him how you feel. he may not care but it’s unexpected that he’d try dating in your social circle. especially if there’s drama this could make it harder for your gf. people can date who they want but this is a little inappropriate and maybe they’re just hooking up and not caring what kind of awkwardness this is creating.

nta. it's weird. your dad dating your girlfriend's best friend and hanging out with your social circle screams "mid-life crisis. also he's already getting between you and your girlfriend by asking her to keep secrets. is he a widower? did your parents have a troubled marriage? it's reasonable to be upset. he's making a fool of himself, bringing shame to you and interfering with your relationship.

nta i would absolutely tell your father how you feel. it would make social situations uncomfortable. i find it strange that your father doesn't understand it may be weird and didn't actually talk to you about it. he was probably hiding it because he knew it was fucking weird.

nah ​ i'd be weirded out too if my dad was dating my gf's friend, but it seems like it might be something somewhat serious. she's an adult. what's more important, being weirded out a bit or letting your dad enjoy the relationship?

eeeeehhhhhhh i'm going with nah if you approach this as a conversation about you guys as a family rather than a fight. he is dating a consenting adult. it is awkward sure, but nothing is technically wrong here. if you tell him you know and you just want to not have things end badly and awkwardly, then you're fine. if you say he needs to stop seeing her then you would be the asshole. but it isn't wrong to say how you feel.

nta, hats rediculous.

nah. you should definitely talk to your dad about how you are feeling

nta but only because you hang out with your girlfriends best friend. your father dating your friends is huge breach of lots of stuff, but if it's a friend of a friend no matter the age difference. it fine as long as they somt hang out with you two. but because her best friend obviously hangs out with you and her it's pretty messed up.

BENIGN

context: my family is not religious by any means of the word. only 2 of my sisters. my whole life i struggled with gender identity issues on top of that. also being accidentally misguided by some of my friends. as a young child i asked my mom if i could cut my hair to my ears to hopefully satisfy that mental struggle. and perhaps be a little bit more like myself rather than what my mom wanted me to be like. i was frustrated with her not letting me dress in hoodies and baggy pants in favor of ugly swirls of hippie tye-dye and peace signs. so i thought that if i couldn't dress myself, i could at least have the hair attached to my head right? wrong. my mom damn near beat the hell out of me. and after asking her that first time; any time i asked her i would be screamed at. and heaven forbid that i asked her with my dad or sisters nearby. she would scream at me that i was manipulating my family into feeling bad for me. fast forward some time, i turn 17 (am 19 now). i ask my mom if i could cut my hair because i was trying to embrace a more male looking identity. it was something i was trying out to see if it helped mediate my identity issues that i was facing. my mom screamed at me saying basically that she owned my body till i was 18. i cried myself to sleep that night because, well, i was a mental mess and trying to self help by cutting my hair. my dad talked to my mom that night, i guess he heard me crying and thought my mom was being ridiculous. so my mom said, "take her to the barber with you tomorrow then." but was still angry. i got my first male haircut and that had been the happiest i was in a long time. not that i got my way, but that i was able to feel a sense of my own identity. but apparently my mom was testing my dad and i, in her own words, "to see if i'd do the right thing." which was apparently to farther spiral into my own depression for her image to be preserved. my sisters have texted me telling me on many occasions that they liked my long hair better, but i like having short hair. aita?

aita for cutting my hair against my mother's wishes?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/goebrs/aita_for_cutting_my_hair_against_my_mothers_wishes/

2020-05-22 06:50:02

nta it’s your hair so do what you want but if your parents are abusive thats a major concern

nta - didn’t even dead the post. just based off the title i already have my answer. it’s your body and your hair, you can do what you want with your own hair.

nta your mother is abusive.

nta, your body, your choice. also, she's abusive and you should cut contact with her. she doesn't "own" your body; by that logic she could forcefully have sex with you, because she "owns" your body. the only one who owns your body is you.

you are nta for standing up for your body and what you need to be comfortable. i’m so happy you got the haircut and hope you continue to if that’s what you want 💛

nta. i am baffled by this. it never would have occurred to me to ask permission from my mam about my hair cuts. your mam is crazy op

nta at all. but i am worried about your safety. as a trans guy close to your age (i’m 18) i can’t imagine being placed in a situation where i was never allowed to explore my identity and presentation. it was so important to me to be able to cut my hair and wear what clothing i want. and even if you turn out to be a masculine girl, you still have every right to choose how to dress and keep your hair. especially now that you’re an adult. it sounds to me like your family is pretty abusive, and it genuinely might not be safe for you to experiment with gender presentation until you’re not dependent on them. which really sucks. it’s fucking crazy that your mother won’t let you present how you want. my kid brother is 7 goddamn years old and even he gets to pick out his outfits and choose his haircut. and he often chooses to wear little girls’ clothing. and nobody cares! i don’t know wtf is wrong with people honestly. i’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

nta. it's your body. your hair. also, wtf? no one ***owns*** their child's body. yes, they can make executive decisions when their child is younger/inexperienced and crap for their own sake, but this is just... freaking no. no. no, no, no. **no.** i don't like your mom. she is most definitely ta. i mean, she could've even tried to compromise and get you like, a shoulder length cut or just above the shoulder. but no, she screams at you? the way she was acting was extremely manipulative and controlling. please don't feel bad for wanting your hair a certain way. i remember when my sibling chopped half their hair off (they liked it long, but it didn't feel right) and they were so much happier with it. (less maintenance, too). try to recognize if your mom is being controlling in other aspects of your life, too. i just.... goodness. i'm glad you feel more like yourself now, regardless.

this is the mindset that will help you through life. dress for yourself, not for others. when you dress for yourself, you stop obsessing over "does this look right? how about this? will they think i am a slut for wearing this?" fuck it man, wear what makes you feel you. nta.

speaking as someone with dysphoria the haircut helps immensely....nta!!! and isn't the moment you first saw yourself with the correct hair a most wonderful memory? tell your sisters to shove off too.

BENIGN

my friend is studying for a masters in clinical psychology at a really good university. a group of us were hanging out in a social context. we all step outside at one point to get some air, and she starts talking about her degree program. one of our friends jokingly asks her to diagnose him since she's studying psychology. she responds, "well what have you been diagnosed with?" this leads to a slightly bizarre conversation about what we've all been diagnosed with. i didn't want to partake in the conversation, but eventually the question was turned on me. i state, "pmdd," \[premenstrual dysphoric disorder\] because it's true and i thought better just to answer it, and then we can get back inside. my friend (the one studying for the masters) unexpectedly responds, "that's not real. it's a creation of our patriarchal society to pathologize being a woman." \[i'm paraphrasing, but that was basically the gist of it\]. i respond that she's 100% wrong about that, and it's actually not even categorized as a psychiatric problem anymore but an endocrine one because they've been able to isolate the problem with hormone receptors that causes the disorder (in other words, it's totally biological). she says that one of her professors agrees with her about it. i tell her that her professor is totally wrong, and i can send her a bunch of research if she'd like. we drop it there, and we all go back inside. the next day my friend's roommate (who i'm also close to) calls me and says that our friend is really upset that i "questioned her credentials," and undermine her in front of people by saying that she was wrong on this point, because i do not have any medical qualifications (i just know a lot about this particular disorder by virtue of living with it for over a decade). i thought i was totally within my right to correct her since she was the one spreading the misinformation in the first place. but was i the asshole in this situation?

aita for telling my friend she's being taught misinformation in her master's program?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1kfgl/aita_for_telling_my_friend_shes_being_taught/

2019-11-25 18:38:57

nta. what credentials? she's a master's candidate, not an ms or ma. you should ask your friend what her master's program would think about her handing out diagnoses at the bar to people with whom she has no clinical relationship, or telling someone that their diagnosed medical condition isn't real.

nta, its perfectly reasonable for someone with a medical condition to know more about it than someone who is studying at university. being part way through a masters degree isn't "credentials", its a barely scraped the surface level of introduction to a specialist subject. i've personally had to correct actual medical practitioners about a condition i have (diabetes insipidus), let alone what i'd probably have to correct a medical student on it. so definitely not the asshole here.

>our friend is really upset that i "questioned her credentials," what credentials? >i do not have any medical qualifications neither does she at this stage... nta.

>she says that one of her professors agrees with her about it. i tell her that her professor is totally wrong, and i can send her a bunch of research if she'd like. she and her professors all specialize in psychology. pmdd is no longer a psychiatric disorder, so they've been told they can't diagnose it and it's sexist to attribute problems women have to a period and they need to actually work the real problem, probably. which honestly is a good thing? she's right through the perspective of psychology, and she's not studying anything else. while i say nah, i don't think it was appropriate to bring up a physical disorder in a conversation about psychological disorders, you created your own problem. she is entitled to feel hurt and undermined by you more or less creating a trap for her in the conversation when you didn't have to, and made people think less of her for not knowing something that's not in her field to need to know. but your corrections weren't an asshole move, they were correct and fair.

nta if she’s upset about you questioning her credentials, then you should be more upset with her questioning your legit diagnosis that you’ve suffered with for a decade.

as someone with pmdd, you were 1000% nta. i hate having my disorder minimised or dismissed because it doesn’t fit with the narrative of some feminists. she probably needs to find another field if this is how she reacts to someone revealing their diagnosis.

nta. i have a ms in clinical psychology. not only is she wrong, i would expect her to have more tact and professionalism when it comes to asking other people to disclose diagnoses. i get super irritated with psych students at any level who think they have a right or appropriate ability to diagnose others, but to argue someone else’s already established diagnosis is just vain and unethical.

nah. it sounds like you have more information about this specific issue because it affects you, and that also means that you have a lot more at stake. for you, this isn't a purely intellectual hypothetical conversation. on the other hand, it sounds like her introduction to this particular disorder was through the lens of psychology, not physiology, and she may only have learned about women who were misdiagnosed because of the reasoning she listed. i think it was overly sensitive for her to get upset over you correcting her, even though it's a little embarrassing for anyone to be in that position, but you didn't do anything wrong by explaining what you knew and by asserting that you happen to know more about this issue than she does.

nta, wrong is wrong. you'd think someone studying at such a high level could accept that.

nta > our friend is really upset that i "questioned her credentials," and undermine her in front of people by saying that she was wrong on this point, because i do not have any medical qualifications what credentials and medical qualifications does she have that she can say with certainty your medical diagnosis is a fake disease?

BENIGN

i had my friend and her ten year old daughter stay with us. we have been friends for 20 years and i was really excited to have them stay. we recently purchased and renovated our townhouse so everything in it is brand new. i spent hours cleaning for their arrival. i bought colouring books etc and made a little area just for the ten year old. i had a welcome gift and their room all ready. she used to live in the area and had a lot of people to visit so i made sure to take the day off work she was free for me. they arrived and she had a bunch of errands to do so i helped her, made dinner and made sure their was plenty of my friends favourite wine to drink. her daughter complained my her was too crowded and small downstairs and that all my stuff was filthy and yucky. i figured she was just tired from their flight. the next day my friend had more errands. she wanted her daughter and i to wait in the car while she went to an appt. she said she would only be ten minutes. i suggested i take her daughter home and we go to the park. she said ok, her appointment was 3 hours long and it’s a hot summers day. her daughter & i had a wonderful time at the park with our dog, she met some kids and played and said how nice it was to be out. we get home and her daughter lays on my bed and starts rubbing her dirty feet on our walls to clean her feet. there were black streaks from the dirt and i asked her to please stop. i had to step out for a few minutes myself to get some groceries for the next day. i left them at home with the air con on and i wasn’t gone more than an hour. i come home and all the doors and windows are open, the stove is on, the tv is on and all the lights are on but they are both in their room. i closed everything up and shut the stove off. my husband went out and got pizza. we bought special pizza for them since they are both fussy eaters. i took two slices and the little girl says to me ‘wow (my husband’s first name) you’re lucky you ever get anything to eat around here. your wife is such a pizza hog!!’ her mom laughed but i had enough. i told the little girl that was very rude and she shouldn’t speak like that when she is a guest in someone’s home. her mom blasted me for parenting her child and said i had no right. they left our home and i was so relieved. they were supposed to stay while my husband and i were out of town the next week. my husband is very quiet but he said to me he didn’t feel comfortable with them staying there (open doors, stove left unattended , they left their dishes everywhere for us to clean up, food was left out). aita for telling her daughter that was rude? should i have just taken it and then asked them to leave the next day? i felt i did my best to do everything here for them but should i have done more?

aita - difficult house guests

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wu35sa/aita_difficult_house_guests/

2022-08-21 16:05:41

nta. really sounds like the daughter was a nightmare and it came from the fact that her mother wouldn’t ever parent her. by 10 years old you know not to rub your feet on the wall to “clean them,” or insult people’s houses. i’m glad you said something to this girl because it’s clear her mother never will

nta. it seems like your friend was using you as a place to crash rather than a friend to visit with. her daughter's manners sound frightful and you were well within your rights to say something in your own home. i'd be super uncomfortable letting them stay there alone. they obviously lack common sense and don't have any self preservation.

nta. sounds like the kid takes after her mother. i don't care what anyone's rules are for parenting - when you're in my house *my rules apply* in addition to your own. and if anyone, kids included, speaks so rudely to me, they *will* be called on it and asked to leave.

no, the child needed to hear it and i would have said something to curb their tudes real quick. i do not have the patience. nta op not by a long shot

nta. unfortunately the 10 year old as been raised to be this way. i'd cut off the friendship.

nta you went above and beyond what i would've done and then they shit on you. the child was rude and spoiled, your friend isn't a very good parent. >her mom blasted me for parenting her child and said i had no right. "i wouldn't have to parent your child if you did a better job at it."

nta but never invite people to your own house like that again. if you have any friends or family visiting tell them to get a hotel room. if they complain its too expensive. maybe they shouldn't visit you if they expect to just couch surf.

nta. your house, your rules. when i'm a guest in someone's home, i go out of my way to make as little mess as possible, and to not mess with things like heating and ac. they were insanely disrespectful to your space and comfort. you also were nta for standing up to the 10yo. she spoke about you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable, and you are well, within bounds to tell her to stop. you did nothing wrong in this story.

nta sometimes you just have to celebrate when the trash takes itself out.

nta although i feel bad for that little girl. she’s not being raised very well. for her to call you a hog for placing two slices of pizza on your plate isn’t just rude. it’s likely someone is food shaming her.

BENIGN

right now my fiance and i are living with my best friend from high school and her husband. they and my fiance have some life differences (no details but nothing major, mainly they're all bullheaded and won't listen to each other). my fiance wants to move out and get on our own. i'm all for it until he said the place he wants to move to won't allow pets and we have a 55 pound border collie mix we picked up as a stray. i refuse to move anywhere without her. she is my kid. i can't abandon her. she has no say in this at all. everyone i've talked to is 50/50 on this. we are under no pressure but my fiance own want to get our own place quickly. he's lived on his own before and i have not. i just can't intentionally move someplace and give up my dog if there are other options.

aita for refusing to move without my dog?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g5t2v4/aita_for_refusing_to_move_without_my_dog/

2020-04-22 02:35:48

nta. i’m sure you guys can find a place that is pet friendly. and honestly he’s the a for wanting you to leave your doggo.

nta - he's looked at just one place? only one place? why not more? why isn't he looking for a place that can accommodate a dog (i assume he is familiar with said dog)? seems like he hasn't got your best interests at heart. don't move without your dog.

nta, when you bring an animal into your life you are committed to take care of it for its life

nta. you made a commitment to your dog. another place will come along.

nta but i’m bias i would never leave my dogs

nta! there are other places that accept dogs. when i adopted my dog, i made a pact that if he can’t go, i can’t go. like obviously!? you’re not under pressure or financially pressed to move it seems. just wait for another place. if that’s non-negotiable for you, tell you partner in no uncertain terms.

nta as long as it's not your only option to move away.

nta. find a dog friendly place. i wouldn’t abandon my cat

nta. when you have a dog and are looking for a place to live, your job is to find a place that works for people *and* dogs. this dog is your responsibility as much as she is your loving companion. that means sacrificing or compromising on living arrangements to accommodate your dog. you’re lucky that you have a dog that likely won’t violate breed/weight restrictions, so there will be lots of pet-friendly options available. people who don’t own dogs aren’t always aware of how difficult it can be to find a pet-friendly living arrangement, and how impossible it can be to live without them. talk to your partner and make a list of mutual “needs” and “wants” with respect to a new place, and start looking for something that satisfies those requirements together. if your partner can’t compromise, living together might not be a good idea anyway.

nta we did the same with our two dogs. most places only allowed one, but we found something eventually. stick to your guns.

BENIGN

in 2004, my family and i decided that over the christmas period we’d go on vacation to thailand. my husband had spent some time there as a child and really wanted to go back. i had two small children, a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. we arrived on the 23rd of december and were due to go back on the 2nd of january. on the 26th, boxing day, a tsunami hit the resort we were staying in. i was upstairs in our hotel room when it hit, whilst my husband was with our children in the dining area. i prayed that my husband had our children whilst i fought for myself. my husband and i were reunited three days later, and he told me that the tsunami hit before he managed to grab our children. we stayed in thailand for 4 months hoping our children were being kept somewhere with us presumed dead, but after searching pretty much everywhere, we presumed the worst and returned home which was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. i didn’t deal with the loss well, nor did my husband, and we ended up divorcing three years later. we couldn’t even look at pictures of the kids, and broke down just looking at each other. my family have always been as respectful as they can, apart from my mother. my mother and i have never had a good relationship. she was heavily addicted to drugs when i was born, and was in and out of my life until i was 15 when she sobered up. i was full of resentment and left the family home at 16 and we went about ten years without talking. over the quarantine period, i have been staying with my sister and her family, and they also let my mom live with them. my mom will make dinners extremely uncomfortable for me by telling my nieces about the cousins they never got to meet, and how she felt when she found out, even though we weren’t talking at the time. last night i finally snapped. we were sitting having dinner when my mom asked how my now ex husband is. i told her i don’t know, as i don’t, we haven’t spoken that often since we divorced. she asked if we’d still be together if the kids were alive, i asked how the fuck i was meant to know. she told me to stop being a bitch and i told her to stop bringing up my dead children. my nieces started getting upset because we were shouting, my sister told me to calm down as they’re all allowed to grieve too, which i completely disagree with. i left my sisters house and to a hotel not too far away because i seriously can’t take it anymore, but my sister has called multiple times telling me i’ve become a serious asshole since losing my children. aita?

aita for not wanting to talk about my children that i lost in the 2004 boxing day tsunami?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8wnjg/aita_for_not_wanting_to_talk_about_my_children/

2020-06-14 16:15:52

nta your mom was purposely digging into you for a reaction. im sorry for your loss and i hope the distance from your family who dont respect your boundaries gives you some better peace.

nta. it’s like your mom is looking to rub salt in a wound

nta. yes, the loss of your children extends to your family, and even their friends and your own friends who have met them, but no one will feel it greater than you and your husband. it sounds like you and your mother/sister grieve in opposing ways: you do not want to talk about your children, but your mother and sister want to include them in their lives and talk/think about them regularly. your mother crossed a line by bringing up your children despite knowing your feelings, then again by asking if you and your husband would still be together if they were alive (a question that only serves to be extremely nosey, cold hearted, and condescending). your sister also crossed a line by calling you an asshole since losing your children. it sounds like they simply cannot understand your feelings and think that you should be processing your grief more like they are and are frustrated that you aren't. i think getting space away from them and going to the hotel was a great idea, but it might be time to think about next steps. living with your sister and mother might not be good for your mental health, and it maybe it's time to start thinking about a different place to wait out the rest of the quarantine where you won't be bombarded with shit like this and your feelings will be respected.

nta - "you've become a serious asshole since losing your children" what the fuck is she expecting? holy fuck get out of there and get away from those people.

holy mother of god no! nta to infinity. oh my god i want to beat them all up for you (metaphorically with stern and harsh words). fuck man i can’t even imagine what you still go through because a person never heals from that wound and how freaking callous of them to not respect your wishes. my heart breaks for you, the utter devastation you and your ex went through deserves all manner of respect and they all need to follow any rules you set up to deal or live after that trauma.

nta of course. they're your children and you decide how to grieve their loss. this >she asked if we’d still be together if the kids were alive, >my sister has called multiple times telling me i’ve become a serious asshole since losing my children wtf? when your sister loses children herself, then she can tell you you're acting like an asshole... until then. good for you for getting out of that toxic situation.

wow. nta. i’m so sorry for you loss. i’m sure you know most marriages don’t survive the loss of a child, let alone two. your family is beyond ignorant about your loss and your wishes. you are absolutely nta.

if somebody says “you’ve become a serious asshole since losing your children”, they are a disgusting person, full stop. there’s no excuse for that. there’s no excuse that, ever. nta. with that said, are you in therapy?

nta ur mom seems like still an addict but not drugs or alcohol, i think she is addicted to attention. they are ur children and u have every right to be sad and don't wanna keep remember them (i'm sure u never forget don't take me wrong) and ur mom is just using u to get attention.

i was living in thailand during the tsunami, we almost went to the beach that weekend but decided not to at the last minute. two kids in my class were in it and survived, unfortunately two younger kids from my school did not. my dad was with the state department and worked overtime for a month trying to reconnect american families and account for the dead. he still cries whenever there is a tsunami or natural disaster in a movie or tv show. the tsunami was a tragedy that effected so many lives. i'm so so sorry for your loss. nta, your mom is a major ah and completely inconsiderate and cruel. but i highly suggest trying a therapist

BENIGN

my wife and her parents have planned a trip for two days. we'll be going somewhere where there's lots and lots of fossils and museum's and things to essentially to take pictures of in my opinion. they joked about making it like a trip from her childhood days before smartphones were a thing. then they got serious. they have decided that we will have no phones, no clocks, no technology of any kind. i decided that i won't follow that for a multitude of reasons. namely that i want to have pictures of this place i've never been to before. second major reason is that i'm an anxious person. and at night i sleep with my headphones in with background noise playing to keep myself from overthinking and getting anxious over nothing. i've done this for years. after declaring that i won't comply i've been given the ultimatum: i give up my phone and come or i don't go at all. they've also decided that if i choose not to go that it'll make me an asshole and her boomer parents will think i'm horrible and that i'm too reliant on tech. i also want to clarify more that im not glued to my phone all the time. they disagree. am i the asshole in this situation? what do i do? my wife told me "that's nice bring a book" in regards to how i sleep. and every time i bring it up because i want to go, they all get mad at me.

aita for wanting my phone during a family trip that's been declared phone free?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nz8r7r/aita_for_wanting_my_phone_during_a_family_trip/

2021-06-13 23:17:19

nta. imo adults don't get to make rules for other adults. if they choose not to have their phones or use clocks (?!?!?) then fine. they can live like the flintstones. they don't get to mandate that you do that.

nta jfc i was **all ready** for this post to have been submitted by a **13-year-old**, butting heads with their parents. **that** would have been a slightly different story. you (an adult) **do not sound** like someone who *needs to be taught a lesson* about phone etiquette, nor (if you were) are *your in-laws* the people to be teaching it. > no technology of any kind i realize we frown on revenge around here ... but wouldn't it be **something** if *someone* on this trip took it upon themselves to **loudly complain** whenever anyone turned on a light bulb, drove a car, or used any kind of darn newfangeled *technology*.

nta you are an adult not a 12 year old going on a family camping trip. your in law's don't get to make up arbitrary rules for their adult off spring and their partners. if your in law's are incapable of making that distinction the problem is theirs not yours.

the purpose of a vacation is to relax and enjoy yourself. your family is trying to make it uncomfortable for you: enjoy the vacation our way. did you marry into the borg? nta.

nta. this is controlling to a bizarre degree. if this is a place you want to visit, i think you will have a better time if you go by yourself or with a friend. your wife is indifferent at best to having you there, i would give that some thought.

nta. spare yourself a trip with these people and just go by yourself and take amazing pictures and selfies on your 2021 phone!

nta, what are they going to do, ground you? take your phone and take lots of pictures, they can go back to the stone age again if they want but they have no right to ask you to leave your phone at home. your wife needs to tell her parents to back off, you should be her priority and if she can not put your feelings about this before her parents then she is just wrong. i have told my own mother to back off where my husband is concerned many times because no one but us should have a say in my marriage. good luck!

nta. you’re an adult and decide things for yourself. i also think there’s room for compromise here. using a phone and headphones to sleep wouldn’t stop you from unplugging during the day, and having a phone that’s off on hand in case of an emergency never hurts. if your wife isn’t defending you over this then you have bigger issues then a vacation.

nta read the title, thought, exactly what your in laws think, until i read "my wife" and realized that you're an adult lmao. also, clocks aren't new technology.

nta ask if they are going to allow everyone to use flush toilets, the radio in the car, no hotel rooms, must use tents, if anyone wears glasses or hearing aids, gotta leave them behind..../s does your wife remember the last time you were up all night with anxiety? i'd remind her. go, take what you need to sleep, turn your phone off & do not hand it over to anyone else.

BENIGN

i'm on my mobile so sorry for any mess ups. and sorry for the long post! so, as the title says, my mom wants nothing to do with my wedding. she has been very vocal about her opinions on what a waste of time, money, and effort it takes to have a wedding. me (24f) and my fiancé (24m) are paying for just about everything for the wedding and both our parents are going to pay for a small amount of stuff, which i am so so so grateful for because obviously anything we can get help with is such a blessing. but my mom is just constantly telling me what a waste it is and how we should, 'just go to vegas and get it over with.'. i've had multiple talks with her about how important her option is to me and how much i want her to be involved. she always just tells me she doesnt want to be and can't because shes ' just not that kind of mom.'. everytime we end up crying and she tells me that she will try to be positive and polite and then literally the next day she's back on the 'weddings suck' bandwagon i'm gonna be going to try on dresses soon and i don't want her to come. i've been showing her dresses online that i like and thought she would like recently and every time all she has to say about them is how ridiculous it is that they're that much and how ridiculous i am for getting one. my sister keeps telling me that this is an important thing and if i don't have her there i'll regret it because this is a special moment for us. but, i just finally caved and asked her and she said she will come, but it had to be on her day off. which whatever i'll accommodate for her no problem. here's the thing; i've only told her my moh and bm are coming, but i also invited my future mil recently. my mom hasn't said anything about the try on since i told her the date and everything a month ago. my mom seems to hate her for no apparent reason, she's only physically seen her a handful of times. since my mil has been nothing but supportive and encouraging about everything i want her to be there because her opinion has meant more to me than my moms at this point. i've been finding myself telling her about things for the wedding before it even crosses my mind to tell my mom. so, aita for having my mil come wedding dress shopping without telling my mom?

aita mom wants nothing to do with wedding & mother in law does.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/beog83/aita_mom_wants_nothing_to_do_with_wedding_mother/

2019-04-18 17:42:37

nta because it's your choice but you're setting a fine stage for some high-drama and bad feelings. may i suggest that just before you leave, you tell her that the future mil will be there. that way, if your mom knows she's going to be an upset ass, she can just refuse to go and you can have a nice day. if you tell her and mom still goes but then grumps, you can at least say you warned her and expect her to act like an adult. how does your future mil feel about your mom? does she know what a negative nellie she's been? will this event be setting her up too for suddenly feeling like she has to defend you and getting in an argument with your mom?

nta unsupportive people don't have to be involved (even if they're your parents).

nta (your mom is kinda though) your mother in law is interested and i'm sure it makes her feel welcomed and loved for you to include her! that's so sweet! your mom needs to get over herself and her feelings about weddings. it's happening and none of her disapproval will change anything. i hope you can communicate to her how much she is alienating you right now.

nta. your mom needs to grow up tbh. the wedding is about you not her.

nta, but i think you should tell her. if it were me, i wouldn't want to risk her surprised reaction, given how unsupportive she is being. good luck, op!

nta mother-in-law’s can be a great help they were for my wife.

nta, don't include negative and toxic people. you don't owe her shit. including her will just make you miserable. i would personally uninvited her if she's just going to be an asshole while there, which sounds true. frankly i would stop talking to my mom about this if this is all i got from her on the matter. set and enforce a healthy boundary since she clearly is too immature to be an adult and behave on her own

nta. if shes sitting here bmcing about how wedding suck the entire time, she has zero right to complain about being left out, might even be better for her.

nta i hope your mom comes to her senses!

nta i'm not sure though. it's perfectly fine that you want to have your future mother in law with you, but maybe you should have told your mom. i can imagine that your mom wants to do you a favour by coming with you and maybe even think it's a special event for the both of you. when she sees your mother in law she may be hurt and feel replaced. i don't know your mom though. in any case, i wouldn't consider you an asshole for the choices you made. and btw i made terrible experiences with not telling certain things to certain people or even just forgetting to tell them.

BENIGN

i(16f) grew up without a father for a long time it was just me and my mom. last year my mom got married to my step dad brad. brad has 2 kids tessa(f26) and jake(m18) my dad passed away shortly after i was born leaving my mom in mountains of debt. the one thing she refused to sell was her wedding dress. she always talked about how it was her dream for me to get married wearing her dress or at least her veil. it's a gorgeous simple white dress with a long lace veil. my dad had the dress hand-made and designed for my mom before their wedding. when my mom remarried she still refused to sell the dress and got a new dress for her wedding to brad. she always talks about that dress being mine. tessa got engaged last week, she was so excited to show off her ring and talk about her wedding plans. tessa knows how much the dress means to me. so while talking about her wedding with my mom and brad. she threw out the idea of wearing the dress my mom saved for me at her wedding cause "it'll save us so much money" my mom brought up the fact that she wasn't comfortable with that since she was saving the dress for me. but brad said my mom should agree since she now has two wedding dresses and i can wear the other one. tessa also pointed out that the dress would need so many alterations to even fit me since i'm much shorter than my mom and i'm not as thin as my mom. tessa also said it would be years before i'd need it so it wasn't gonna be an issue. my mom was on the fence about it but brad was all for it and pulled the dress out of storage and handed it to tessa. i freaked out and grabbed the dress out of her hands. i told her she wasn't allowed to wear my mom's dress and that she can get her own mom's dress or buy her own but she wasn't allowed to wear the dress my mom is saving for me. i locked myself and the dress in my room. all-day my mom has been texting me and coming to the door asking me to come out and talk to her and brad. brad has been calling me spoiled and selfish. saying that i'm acting like a huge brat. i just can't let some stranger wear the only thing of my dad i have left. i feel bad. tessa is really upset she's been crying and texting me asking me to apologize and give her the dress back. i can't tell if i'm in the wrong. brad and tessa think i'm being an ass but my stepbrother and friends agree that i should stand my ground.

aita for telling my stepsister she can't wear my mom's wedding dress

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wulpdm/aita_for_telling_my_stepsister_she_cant_wear_my/

2022-08-22 06:12:40

nta it's sentimental to *you*, and brad is really over here trying to bully your mom into ignoring your feelings

nta she is trying to pull a power move. sneak the dress out to someone you can trust to hold onto it for you. your mum needs to take the lead here and tell them no. shut the argument down. if she falters, “why are you prioritising her want of a free dress over the sentimental value it holds to me. if you give her the dress i am telling you this will permanently damage our relationship, as you will be saying her wants are more important than my feelings. she has two other dress options. there will be no coming back from this, this is the memory of my father . they way i know he can be there for my wedding. you are risking this to satisfy the tantrum of an adult who can take another dress or buy her own.”

nta. why can't she wear the dress yout mom married brad in?

nta, tessa isn’t recognizing the significance the dress holds for you. you don’t want just your mom’s wedding dress, you want the one your dad bought especially for her. it was promised to you and that should stand whether or not it would need alterations.

nta and honestly if i was your mom i would be considering a divorce.

nta. she doesn't want it for any sentimental reason, can't she just have the other wedding dress and be done?!

nta. your step family are bullies. your mom just got a huge red flag on her husband and stepdaughter. if there is a safe place not at your home to store the dress at, i would secure it there.

**nta** your mother's new husband is a bully and his adult daughter is the spoiled selfish brat in this story. to tessa, it's just a pretty dress that she wants and as far as brad is concerned, tessa should have what she wants, regardless of what his wife, the owner of the dress, prefers. your stepbrother has seen this happen many times in the past, hence his supporting you. the fact that brad is steamrolling your mom into something she really does not want to do is a very bad sign. at the very least, your mom should consider getting some post-marital counseling to reset brad's ideas about how to treat his wife. >tessa is really upset she's been crying and texting me asking me to apologize and give her the dress back. wth? there's no giving it "back", it was never hers. brad took it over your mom's objections and you reclaimed it before anyone could get the idea that was okay. brad owes you and your mom big time apologies and tessa can go pound sand. keepsakes are valuable to the individuals involved. they are not something pretty to that has to be shared with someone who is in no way involved in the memory making. here's some reading that might help you and your mom to shut down this argument. if you don't get an apology from brad and his daughter, make plans to safeguard the dress and to get a different living situation asap. [aita for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and he would be incredibly lucky if his oldest daughter ever speaks to him again?](https://redd.it/vbzs2z) [aita not paying any more towards our daughter's wedding after she cut pieces off her mother's wedding dress for her own?](https://redd.it/vz3i8s) [wibta if i give a family heirloom belonging to my late wife to my adopted daughter?](https://redd.it/vvym1j)

nta you should not apologise at all, you did nothing wrong! your mum has been telling you for years that the dress is for you to wear when you get married! your mum wore a different dress when she married brad so his daughter can wear that one! why does it have to be your dress she wants to wear??

nta. this should be a massive line in the sand you draw from which you will not backdown from and let your mother know it. the dress goes beyond just a great dress, it is a sentimental tie from your father (and mother) and you likely very limited ties of this significance left from your father. let you mother know if she agrees then she is crapping on the memory of your father in your eyes as she is saying the dress has no significant ties to your father in her eyes. don’t give a crap about the opinion of your step sister or step father, they are just trying to bully you to get what your step sister wants and that is purely a pretty dress, it has no special meaning to them (other than the fact they can get your mother to discount your feelings and side with them against you).

BENIGN

i (26f) am 7m pregnant with my first. i had my baby shower on saturday that ended with my mil in tears and my sisters all taking their gifts back. to start i did my nursery how i wanted, we didnt care boy or girl, so we did it a travel theme since my husband and i travel alot for fun and thats something we want to do with the little one. (think big hand painted world map we can paint in as we visit states and countries). we have everything set up for the nursery. also to note our clothing is the same way, with easy to clean colors and fabrics or clothing types of no distinct gender in case we have another baby down the line. now to the story. my mother is hosting the baby shower and knows we don't need anything (or want anything), so our registry is literally just diapers, gift cards for formula, or if you wanted you can donate to a college fund for kids wanting to study abroad (it's how my husband and i met). now we were all having fun until it was time to open gifts, the first few were diapers, cards with gift cards or a print out with the donation. until i got to my mil and sisters gifts, who were all giggling in the corner. i opened the first gift and it said, mommy made a bombshell, in a bright pastel pink shirt. i was very confused and my mother and husband were pissed. it started a slew of presents of pinks clothing, and baby items i didn't need, all with the tags ripped off and boxes clearly damaged. my husband basically interrogated my sisters until they tattled. one of my sisters looked at the screen at my last appointment and found out it was a girl. they thought it would be a surprise gender reveal to me (btw they also posted it on social media.) they said that their neice was the families baby so they get a say in what they wear. my mother was calm until my mil spoke up, she said that she orchestrated everything. my mother did what mothers do and told her off on how selfish that was when we didn't want to know. to which my mil started crying. my husband kicked my mil out faster than you can imagine, and my sisters left with all their gifts. my mils friends are all commenting on the video saying i over reacted and it was just a fun trick and how i shouldn't have been so picky on my registry or just let them know the gender. since i'm pregnant and my emotions can't be trusted i want to know aita? edit for clarity: the obgyn is a small family practice, their policy is only one other person with mom doesn't matter who. and another redditor put to question if she looked how does she know if it takes a professional, that's a god point now i hope it's a boy (however i wouldn't be mad it's a girl) to make them upset lol. edit to the

aita for being a "picky pregnant person"

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t8qqs1/aita_for_being_a_picky_pregnant_person/

2022-03-07 14:44:50

nta at all. they *ruined* one of the most important parts of a pregnancy for a couple (the gender reveal) *against* your explicit wishes for... a silly prank? and expected you to react well to this? good on your hubby for standing up to this crazy. don't listen to people saying you are in the wrong because if the shoe were on the other foot they would probably be reacting very differently.

nta > i opened the first gift and it said, mommy made a bombshell, in a bright pastel pink shirt who the fuck thinks that's an appropriate slogan for a baby t-shirt?! you asked for gender neutral and got given... icky super creepy t-shirts. > they said that their neice was the families baby so they get a say in what they wear that isn't how reality works. *edit* i just re-read and saw that they actually told you the gender when you didn't want to know!!. that is a massive overstep on their part! how did they even find out!? its not like it gets printed out on the scans!

nta incredibly selfish of them to force all that gender shit you explicitly did not want. i will sometimes add something not on the registry (like something sentimental my son used or something handmade or that helped me through) with a gift from the registry but they knew you didn’t want this.

nta. do you know how refreshing it is to have a story where the husband actually confronts his family? boundaries with the future kid start now and it is *great* that you **both** made it clear who will be making the rules concerning your kid(s). (cool theme, too. and the gendered stuff is so detrimental in the long term that i'm a little horrified they were so casual about it.)

nta - it is not the families baby, when it comes to parenting there is no such thing, it is your baby and they stomped all over your boundaries. you didn't want to know - they spoiled that for you, and bought a bunch of stuff you expressly did not want. (their choices in baby clothing were tacky as heck too.) i'm glad your mother stuck up for you and that your husband sent them packing. it wasn't a fun trick - it was probably malicious and designed to upset you. consider keeping lc or nc until you get an apology (which will probably be when hell freezes over). congratulations on your upcoming arrival, may you have an easy labour, and good luck!

nta equally i don't know of it's different for you, but where i am it doesn't say baby gender on the screen and it's pretty hard for non trained people to tell from the scan?

nta. and your nursery sounds so cool! omg! also, please give your hubby extra points for standing up to his mom!!!

nta. your baby your choice. on literally everything. if they are this bad now... be ready to have to bar them from the delivery room or they will take video and post in on insta because its the "family baby" i have never heard such nonsense. good on your hubby for standing up for you but they're such assholes that he had to is just....awful. i am sorry op.

nta at all. they massively overstepped, i'm glad to hear your husband was so supportive of you and kicked them out. the fact one of your sisters looked at your scan to find out the gender that you had expressed you didn't want to know, then to make a public spectacle of it all... i'd be so pissed at all of them. congratulations on your baby girl though ❤

wholly shit nta. make them cry again.

BENIGN

i (23f) and my wife (26f) purchased ourselves a pool to keep us cool in the uk heatwave. we live in an annex next to my grandparents (g) house and my uncle (u) who is staying with them at the moment. my uncle has two children who visit a couple of times a week. we said when we got the pool that we were more than happy for the children to enjoy it while they visited but as long as they were supervised the whole time and that permission was asked. fast forward to having the pool less than 24 hours we went outside during the amber warning to see that the children were playing in the pool, alone and nobody had asked us if it was okay. if anyone had asked us beforehand our answer would have been yes but we feel it’s respectful and courteous to ask anyway. my wife and i explained to u and g’s that we hadn’t asked for much other than for the children to be supervised and for someone to ask permission. after stating this my uncle whipped the children out of the pool, told them they couldn’t use it anymore because we wouldn’t let them and proceeded to tell us that his children (ages 3&6) do not need supervision in a 8ft swimming pool. my grandmother then got pretty angry at me and my wife for saying the above telling me that nothing is good enough for me. she then went on to try make excuses for not asking by saying she didn’t do so because our bedroom windows were closed (we did this to keep the heat out) even though she and i had already exchanged a trivial text conversation less than an hour before hand. we have now been given the cold shoulder all day and want to know am i the asshole for asking respect and permission to use our own belongings?

aita for asking family to ask permission to use our paddling pool?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1er1b/aita_for_asking_family_to_ask_permission_to_use/

2022-07-17 19:05:20

nta - you're protecting yourself legally. also, your uncle is a moron - 3 & 6 years old are entirely too young to be unattended in a swimming pool.

no! absolutely nta! an unsupervised 3 year old in a pool? are they out of their minds!? you were just as likely to come out and find a drowned child. and uncle trying to turn his children against you because you care about their safety? gross, manipulative behavior.

nta *when this was going on the 6 year old told us that he had said to his dad “you need to ask op if we can use their pool” and he just point blank refused. 6yo was clearly upset and kept saying ‘i told you to ask dad, i knew this would happen’* poor kid. i hope you are able to engage in a conversation with the child to let them know ***they*** didn't do anything bad. their father probably shunted them over to your pool to get them out of his hair. he sounds like the kind of ah parent who would.

nta kids can drown in a few inches of water if something bad happened. they shouldn’t be unsupervised in a pool at that age.

nta- first of all, your uncle needs to be more responsible with his children. it doesn't take a lot of water or time for a 3 year old to drown. children that young should not be around any water without supervision. even if you uncle wasn't being negligent, you still would not be the asshole. it is your property and your pool, and they should have asked you before using it.

"proceeded to tell us that his children (ages 3&6) do not need supervision in a 8ft swimming pool" is this man for real? 3 and 6yo shouldn't be left unsupervised anywhere, especially in a swimming pool. nta

nta - we're lucky enough to have friends with a proper swimming pool. they're generous enough to let many friends and family use it. there are 3 rules; 1. phone/message first to check it's ok. 2. all children under 16 must be supervised regardless of swimming ability. 3. help out with maintenance and put pool cover back and shut and latch door properly after use. everyone abides by these rules because they're basic common sense and we appreciate its a luxury they're not obliged to share with us.

the 3 & 6 year olds aren't the children in this sitch. nta.

nta……children have drowned in centimetres of water. all children need to be supervised when swimming. pretty sure it will be written on the side of the pool too. (it is on our pools in my country) and pool aside there is no way a 3 or a 6 year old should be out of eye sight of an adult anyway while they outside if there is no fenced yard etc. that is just lazy parenting and your uncle wanting someone else to be responsible for his kids.

nta - you made it clear you needed permission first. still ignored your request. sounds like an entitled family to me op

TOXIC

my friend is an ex-alcoholic, we know that. anyway, my friends and i do a meet-up every weekend in a bar. she is recent and i'm the one who introduced her to my friends. she joins us even though we keep telling her that there will be drinks, however, she keeps telling us not to drink in front of her because "it's gonna help her relapse" some of our friends respected her "wishes" in the beginning but others including me did not. she gets mad that "we do not care for her relapse" but i keep telling her that she is a grown woman and that she needs to control herself. over time, even those friends who respected her wishes, in the beginning, didn't care anymore and started drinking again. anyway, 3 days ago, she called me to tell me that she took a drink and that she is starting to feel like she is going back to her old self again, she was mad at me spouting insults and shit because "i didn't care about her health" i told her to fuck off and shut the hell up and that she can't blame me because she is a grown-ass woman and we had been warning her that there would be drinks every time she went with us to the bar. some of my friends say that i did the right thing, and some of my friends said that i acted a bit like a jerk but still was the right thing to do. aita?

aita for telling my (27m) friend (26f) to fuck off after she blamed me for her relapse?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ttw81f/aita_for_telling_my_27m_friend_26f_to_fuck_off/

2022-04-01 17:21:17

nta addiction sucks. but insisting on going to a drinking meetup in a bar every week? that's on her.

nta, she went _to a bar_. was she going to tell all the other patrons not to drink?

i’ve never been to an aa meeting but i’m pretty sure one of the things they stress is controlling your environment and the people you spend time with, and understanding that they’re not going to stop their lives because you’re sober. this is on her, nta

there is no such thing as an ex-alcoholic. they are in recovery for the rest of their lives. that said, her sobriety is her responsibility. nta

she has free will. no one is forcing her to drink or go to the bar. i don't drink and i don't go to the bar. and if i do i drink water or a coke. because that's what i choose to do. definitely nta

nta. also, stop inviting someone in recovery to the bar. do you guys do any other group meet ups, or is the only way she can socialize together with her friends said weekly meet up at the bar, creating pressure on a recovering addict to be around triggers? it doesn't make you an asshole per say, but it would make you a shitty friend and human being.

nta she’s a big girl and can make her own choices. the fact that she’s trying to push the blame to others instead of owning it herself just goes to show that she has more work to do

as a recovering alcoholic nta. i avoid bars and clubs like the plague because i know there is gonna be booze and i’m not ready to fight the urge to get plastered. if my friends want to drink, i’ve asked them to not invite me. if you’re always meeting up at bars then i can understand her wanting to be there with you guys but from some comments you’ve made it sounds like she actively asks to go to bars. maybe next time offer another place and see how she reacts.

nta - she is aware you’re going to a bar to drink as a group, she doesn’t need to expose herself to an environment like that. you could try planning more hang outs that aren’t alcohol centered to help her feel included

info: do you guys meet with her anywhere else besides a bar? if you're good friends with her but only meet up to drink, then maybe yta. she probably doesn't want to lose friends over her recovery, and if all you do is meet to drink, that can be an issue, and you should include her in non-drinking gatherings. if you're just acquaintances, or do include her in other events without alcohol, then nta. ultimately she's responsible for her sobriety, and she has to make sacrifices to keep that sobriety

BENIGN

i know the title sounds bad but hear me out i (57f) have a beloved yellow lab (5f) and a son (26m). last year my poor puppy girl tore one of her acls while we were out on a hike. seeing my poor girl limp broke my heart and the vet told me the only option was acl surgery. i of course paid the 15k to get her fixed up despite it being a pretty big strain on my finances but honestly my dog’s health comes first. my son is a successful kid for the most part. he works full time and lives on his own. he just recently turned 26 and i told him numerous times he is going to need to get his own health insurance as he’s not allowed to be in mine anymore. he kept telling me he knew this and would handle it. well last weekend my son was playing in one of his soccer games and he got into a bad accident on the field and ended up tearing his acl. he is now demanding i help pay for his surgery because of course he couldn’t send one email to hr to enroll in his workplace’s health insurance. he says this is my fault for not reminding him he’s not on my insurance any more enough. i want to help him but honestly we have no idea what this will end up costing and i’m still pretty strapped from my sweet puppy girl’s surgery last year, plus the hubs and i would like to retire in a few years and i’m not sure we can do that if we take on who knows how much medical debt. my husband agrees with my but the rest of my family is blowing up my phone and saying i’m a huge asshole for not paying for the same surgery for my son that i have paid for for my dog. so reddit aita?

aita for paying for my dog’s acl surgery but not my son’s?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x3jgze/aita_for_paying_for_my_dogs_acl_surgery_but_not/

2022-09-01 21:42:05

nta firstly, your dog didn’t have the option of getting her own health insurance. your son being too lazy to send one email is not your problem to fix. if your family are so worried about your son’s surgery then they can pony up the cash for it.

nta- he is now an adult l. if he just turned 26 he can apply for cobra under your insurance but he’s paying the full amount. at issue is that he waited and didn’t get insurance right away so he has a gap and this now considered pre existing and won’t be paid under his new insurance. will definitely be cheaper than completely out of pocket and he pays for it

nta, but you got ripped off on your dog’s surgery. tplo on my large dog in 2020 only cost me $4k.

nta you didn't choose one or the other, the dog tore it first and you paid for the surgery. you expected your son to have his own health insurance through work. if you would have *chosen* the dog over your son because the surgeries were at the same time and you could only afford one i would see your son's frustration more. but this is a year later and you can't afford it.

nta, your son should have gotten on his company's health insurance. all that said, do not ever, ever turn around and ask him for financial help on anything ever. don't expect him to help you when you're much older. you have set the precedent, don't try and pull surprised pikachu face later in life.

15k is an absurd amount to spend on acl surgery for the record. i’ve had this done to many dogs in some of the highest cost of living places in the country and even if it’s both knees, that is crazy high. anyways nta but letting that go untreated could be a night mare. idk. tough situation but i’d probably handle it the same way.

this just sucks. i'm of 2 minds about it. to me- the dog is irrelevant in the calculus of what's right here. the problem i have with your son is 1) he didn't handle his business and 2) and this one might be worse...he's blaming you for it. my inclination is to tell you that you ought to help him, he's your son. but i'm not sure i could do it without him at least saying "fuck, you were right, i really should have handled this, i'm so so sorry for putting you in this position" see, now i'm looking for shit to sell to help cover the bill. i'm going to go with nta up until the point that he at least learns the lesson that he is a grown ass man and ought to handle his own business and not plan on mommy and daddy bailing his irresponsible ass out- particularly at some significant cost to their retirement.

nta - not sure if your family have noticed, but your dog isn’t able to take out her own insurance policy. you take on the responsibility of caring for their needs when you bring them into your home. your adult son on the other hand is more than capable, especially after you have already told him to take out his own policy more than once.

nta. he didn't "forget" to enroll - he just didn't want to take the financial hit to his paycheck because health insurance is stupidly expensive. he knew, he told you he knew with his words, and he's just unhappy with the very unfortunate consequences of a decision he made. like many young folks, he probably thought health insurance was a waste of money. which it absolutely is, until you need it. because we live in the dumbest of countries. the real asshole here is the american for-profit healthcare system. your son is slightly asshole-ish for trying to deflect blame onto you, and every relative blowing up your phone should just be told that the only way you will listen to them bitch is at the rate of $100 per 10 minutes, payable directly into a fund to help your son get his uninsured surgery.

nta. he's an adult, not a dependent like your dog. and he has access to health insurance but was too immature to fill out a form with hr.

BENIGN

i (42f) am marrying my partner (41m) after 15 years. we've been happy cohabitating but when his father passed away we realized it would be easier to take care of each other if we made it legal. we want it small, our children, his parents and two sisters and two friends. our children (21m, 17m & 15f) are not biologically his but the oldest has asked to be adopted by him as an adult if it gives any indication of the relationship. my parents have been horrible toxic people my whole life, they only care about money so the fact that this man is not rich and both of my sister's married better is a constant source of hurtful and rude comments. they constantly make rude comments to/about my kids, myself and my partner to everyone they talk to. they talk behind our backs to the kids and tell them not to say anything because they don't want us to think they talk about us. they constantly denigrate my oldest because he wants to be an emt when he finishes his service with the coast guard and that won't make any money. my father told my son that he thinks the only reason he wants to be adopted is in case my partner inherits anything from his parents then my son will get that. i don't want to invite them to our wedding in two weeks. we've been waiting for the oldest to receive his transfer orders so we could plan it for when he was in town and as soon as possible. my partner thinks iata a little because they're still my parents and they'd like to be a part of this. i feel if i invite them i'd also have to invite my two sisters who are just as bad. if i can just invite the parents they will make snide comments and be generally passive aggressive. my partner said he would just ask them to leave when they became that way which would cause a bigger scene so i said let's not bother inviting them at all. the kids don't want them there, i don't want them there and i'd rather they never found out because it's none of their business and they'd just be rude about it regardless.

aita for not telling my family i'm getting married

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jgrlwd/aita_for_not_telling_my_family_im_getting_married/

2020-10-23 17:26:49

nta parents sounds like the assholes, same goes for the sisters, don't invite them, it's your wedding your happy day, you're not obligated to invite anyone who might make it less happy

nta, your parents sound terrible and youre lucky to have an understanding husband/fiance

nta its your wedding. you are allowed to invite whoever you want.

nta. why should they give you anxiety about your wonderful day. you’re going to be stressing about them if you invite them and you know they’ll show up to stir shot. so they’ll have already blemished your and your partner’s day with whatever crap they sling. tell so you appreciate his offer but you’d be in a better frame of mind to not have to worry what they might do and the. have to deal with what they will do.

nta. you're under no obligation to invite any toxic people to your wedding. it's your life, your family, enjoy your happiness.

nta. when my sister got married, she refused to invite my brother and his wife because of an ongoing fight they were having. my parents were crushed but soldiered on and an uncle got butthurt about the refusal to invite a family member and cancelled. i felt like she should have invited him, for the families sake. now, years later when i look at their wedding photos online and see how happy she and her man looked on their day, and i think how that could have been different had my brother attended, i know they made the right decision.

nta keep them at a distance

nta, if they're that bad, they don't really deserve to go.

nta. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. the rest of your family sounds terrible.

nta!!!! spare everyone the stress of having them around. weddings are supposed to be happy and they sound like they'll suck all the happy out and replace it with miserable. please don't invite them.

TOXIC

sorry for formatting, i’m on mobile. so, my sil is an antivaxxer. i normally don’t care bc it’s her choice. however, the issue is that she’s somehow wormed her way into her parent’s ear and now they (fil and mil) are hesitant to get any vaccine. why is that an issue? bc i’m 30 weeks pregnant, and i’m asking anyone who wants to be around my baby to get the flu shot and the tdap. my dh supports this, but also doesn’t like confrontation. while he understands where i’m coming from, he also doesn’t think it’s fair for me to ban his parents and sister from seeing our soon to be son. he says i’m being over protective and that i’m accusing him of not caring about the baby. and at this point, he’s not wholly wrong. i’m so irritated at him over this. everyone on my side of the family has already been vaccinated. he’s been vaccinated. i’ve been vaccinated. his family hasn’t/ probably won’t vaccinate. i don’t want them around my baby for more than an hour at the official meeting until he’s 2 months old (booster start for tdap). so, wibta if i told them that if they choose not to get vaccinated, then they’re choosing not to see him until he’s 2 months old? am i being the asshole and putting unnecessary restrictions on seeing my son?

wibta if i told them no vaccine = no grandparent time?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifuamu/wibta_if_i_told_them_no_vaccine_no_grandparent/

2020-08-24 18:07:53

nta. child safety > really misinformed beliefs.

nta. what anti-vaxxers fail to realize is that yes, you do have a choice about your body. but everyone else does, too. freedom of choice does not equate to freedom from consequences. you have every right to set those boundaries and enforce them. you've laid out the choices and the consequences. all that's left is for them to choose.

nta. i did the same damn thing. and guess what??? those who cared for us went and got the damn vaccine. those who didn't aren't allowed in my house. it's gotten a lot quieter since then, and two years later, i still haven't caved to the anti-vaxx crazies.

nta. >he says i’m being over protective and that i’m accusing him of not caring about the baby. he doesn't care about the baby, he cares about not having to have an uncomfortable conversation and then having to maintain a strict boundary. you're raising a baby and you married one, too. sorry. nta.

nta. doctors recommend that anyone going to see a new baby have those vaccinations because the baby won't have been vaccinated yet. stay firm on this. every time they ask you why you won't let them see the baby tell them they are welcome as soon as they show up with their vaccination record. tell your husband that your child's health is more important than his aversion to confrontation and if you find that he is going around your back to let unvaccinated people see your new human that this will be a major betrayal. full disclosure i have a high school acquaintance whose child died of the flu which she caught from a jw antivaxxer relative and she has been a hot drunken mess for the last 20 years as a result. doctors back then weren't recommending that people keep their babies secluded until their vaccinations were done. because of this i am vigorously a supporter of protecting babies over protecting hurt feelings of anti science people.

nta first of all, fuck anti vaxxers. you are giving their views way more respect than they deserve. second of all, its common to require people be vaccinated before seeing a baby. you are acting in the best interest of the baby, which as a parent, is something you have to do. its unfortunate your husband doesn't feel the same way. there are going to be some serious problems in your relationship if he doesn't learn how to stand up to his family.

nta at all, in my opinion. hold dangerous, stupid ideas, suffer the consequences. you are being wholly reasonable and your in-laws are tas for putting their dumb ideas over your baby’s health. i believe your dh is in the wrong here.

nta - if you don’t protect your baby, who will? i wouldn’t budge on this at all. no unvaccinated person should be around an unvaccinated infant.

nta getting tdap and flu shots is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to prevent serious illness and death. if they won’t do this, don’t let them near the baby until a doctor tells you it’s safe. also, i would start emailing them videos of babies with whooping cough.

nta. your kid's health is waaaaaaay too important. no way you are the asshole for looking out for your cradle midget.

BENIGN

my little sister (16) has had her fair share of behavior issues throughout the past few years. she doesn’t keep up with school, lies, and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety (along with everyone else in our family). since the beginning of this year her behavior has gotten worse. she’s been frequently lying and doctoring stories, as well as doing illegal activities in and out of the house with zero consequences. a few weeks ago she had called me and told me along with everyone else in family that she had bought me tickets to my favorite artists concert in the fall. i obviously questioned it and kept telling her not to lie to me, but she insisted it was true so i got very excited. two weeks i later noticed that she kept buying very expensive items such as a pc, new shoes, makeup, more electronics, etc, but i figured it was because she got a new job and was making better money. for the more expensive items like the pc she told me it was a gift from a family member for her birthday which was the week prior. she even went as far as to fake a phone call with said family member to thank them for such a wonderful gift. while she was having the time of her life, i was on a completely different path. a week before her birthday, my cars engine blew. i should note that i’m a college student who works minimum wage and it would’ve been out of my price range to even try to afford a new engine so the car got towed. i was devastated. my parents and my grandma decided to help me by getting some money together, about 6,000, and give it to me to buy a new car. about a week after i noticed my sister was buying these expensive products i finally found my dream car. my parents and i went to grab the money from our safe to go and buy the car when we realized about 3,000 was missing from the envelopes we put together. my dad immediately checked my little sisters bank about to find a 1,200 deposit via atm that week. we also found receipts from purchases that she made with the remaining cash. when we confronted my sister she said she didn’t know why she took the money. i was and still am devastated that my own blood would steal from me, but my parents (more so my dad whose sister did the same thing) wants me to forgive her because she’s apologized for it. i told him hell no and that she has yet to apologize to me, and that i have no intentions on having her in my life when she’s acting like this. my dad says she’s going through a tough time and needs our help. so am i the asshole? update i want to add that as soon as my parents found out we took her to return as much as we could. they were also devastated.

aitah for not forgiving my sister for stealing

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nr7c45/aitah_for_not_forgiving_my_sister_for_stealing/

2021-06-03 07:12:43

nta. she stole from you, hasn’t even apologised or offered an explanation, and your dad is expecting you to just forgive her and move on? has she replaced the money she stole?

nta. when your father continues to baby your sister, he is going to get even worse results. sister needs to be put on a repayment plan, either through getting a job, chores or some other way to pay off her debt. you have no reason to continue to enable a thief.

nta. has your sister been punished for this theft?

"my dad says she’s going through a tough time and needs our help. so am i the asshole?" then maybe he should get off his ass and do something about it instead of making up excuses for her behavior and guilt trip you "because family". an apology means nothing if it isn't honest and going by what you've written here it's most definitely not. she stole a more than considerable amount of money with the intend to spend, not like a cleptomaniac who feels the compulsion to do it. nta.

nta. your sister is old enough to know better. she is also old enough to go to jail. mental health issues are no excuse for bad behavior. hold her accountable. sell the computer. she needs to pay back every penny she stole.

nta. i have no respect for thieves.

nta. she stole 3000 from you, and who knows how much from other people/places to cover everything else she got recently. she is a thief. report her to the police. forgiving her and letting her off with no consequences will only teach her she can do it again.

nta, but your whole family sees 16 yo throwing cash around and not one questions were she finds money for that?

nta. don’t listen to that mumbo jumbo feel good stuff from movies about needing to forgive. some people don’t deserve forgiveness especially if they haven’t apologized. she’s old enough to know that’s the wrong thing to do.

nta, my bio mom has a nasty habit of stealing money or creating fake accounts under another family members name. i've cut her out of my life since high school, i'm 34 now, with zero regrets. no you don't have to forgive your sister because of the whole family bs. although i don't want to call a minor an ah, she is and needs serious help otherwise she could end up in jail. but not your problem. your parents are ah for enabling her behavior. ps. do not under any circumstances give your parents money if they ever ask, it will only go to your sister.

BENIGN

i live in a small apartment with 3 other girls. i always clean up after them because their “schedules” don’t allow them to wash dishes and take out the trash, so i do it to prevent bugs. believe me, in the past i’ve just let them do it on their own time, and we got bugs bad. anyway this specific incident starts when my roommates in our group chat start freaking out because the office called and gave a “last warning” about leaving trash outside. no one in the apartment knows what they are talking about. so i go to my property manager (because i am now an employee at the office) and i apologise but i know we’ve been taking out the trash; i’m sure it’s other residents that are leaving them so please don’t fine us. she said yep “that’s well and good except that we opened it and find mail addressed to your roommates in it, so we know it belongs to your unit”. so i’m already frustrated because i look like an idiot in my new job to a boss who was already disgusted by all this and ready to slap a fine on our apartment. i’m just wanting to come home and make dinner okay? i spent my tiny lunch earlier in the day cleaning dishes and everything should be ready to go. i just want to relax and eat spaghettios. and then i come home to rotting food in the sink. someone just decided to clean out the fridge. and instead of throwing it away. put it all in the sink. and also used and dirtied and didn’t wash the pot i was gonna use for my dinner. they have been walking all over me. i literally do everything for them. gnats are swarming around the sink and my anxiety kicks in. i texted all of them saying, i don’t know who did this, but no one should have to wash or take care of this for anyone else. the bugs are gross and the sink smells. in 2 hours i’m just going to throw the tupperware away with whatever food is in it. if it’s yours please message back because without hearing anything i’m throwing it all away. i didn’t hear anything back. so i did. bugs were everywhere. it was gross. rotting fruit leaked from one of the containers. and then approximately 2 am one of the roommates texts me. she’s furious because those were her tupperware and she thinks i over reacted. i offered to get her some new pieces after pay day next week, but then she started bashing me in the group text about how disrespectful i am. and i really am not sure that i am. i don’t think i’m 100% faultless, but i do think i had a right to be mad?

aita for throwing away her tupperware?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/by5mwi/aita_for_throwing_away_her_tupperware/

2019-06-08 07:51:46

you're not an ass, but you were naive to think this would go over well. nta.

nta, like they say "play bitch games, win bitch prizes". from the way you went on about them in this piece, it sounds like they all contribute to this rubbish dumping. they need to grow up and handle their own problems, because if they don't, someone else will, and not in a way they'd like. i think she deserved that.

god damn nta that's disgusting and your roommates need to clean up after themselves. if you make a mess in a common area and then leave it you forfeit any right to be mad about someone cleaning it up by throwing it away

nta. next time don’t tell anyone. also is it just me or is it always the most inconsiderate pieces of shit that demand to be respected or say “don’t disrespect me”. like no motherfucker i don’t respect you, you have given me absolutely no reason to respect you.

nta you have every right to be upset. you’re a doormat. they’re causing you to get in trouble with the office. they’re using you because you’ve made it clear you’ll do everything if they wait long enough. my brother is exactly like that. if he doesn’t do it, even after being screamed at, either me or mom will out of disgust or necessity. you can leave. these are not friends. they are using you. maybe you shouldn’t throw away their stuff, but they were warned and you shouldn’t have to clean up after them to prevent bugs.

nta. can you move out from these slobs? if they want a bug problem, leave them to it.

this is a validation post, you’re obviously nta. your roommates are assholes. move out

nta if its your responsibility to clean up after everyone then i say do it however you see fit. if they don't like it they can grow up and clean after themselves. don't buy new boxes for that idiot.

nta you texted your roommates telling them hey i'm throwing away the tupperware in 2 hours if nobody gets back. they chose to ignore the message, and its their fault

nta. you need to move out of that apartment asap. you might be the same age, but you and your roommates are in different life stages. roommates are the definition of people who aren't worth the effort to change. spend the money, sort the sublet and find a new space. save your mental energy for things that show you a return on the investment.

TOXIC

i'm in a little trouble at work because i've been sort of hiding my personal life. i've worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. i'm notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. with that, i never, ever talk about home life. i'm not ashamed of my life i just don't like to discuss it at work. my coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. if i'm asked any questions i usually redirect or move on to someone else. in this manner, none of my coworkers knew i'm married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life. we hired melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. she spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. however, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. try as she did, i never gave her anything. my coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. compartmentalization aside, i've made some great friendships at work. there are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. they are a big part of my life but i'm not even going to martyr myself and say they're the most important. they're hugely important and come before everything else but i'm not a sycophant and i enjoy the ten hours a day i'm at work when i get to be an adult and talk about things other than jojo siwa and the newest jenndashian exploit. last week, friday, melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. at lunch she announced to everyone that i am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. i play softball, i kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that i'm on facebook. she couldn't see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. i use a shortened version of my name (ali from alexandra) and my married name on fb so i'm not sure how she found me, unless she used whitepages and put two and two together. i've already reported her to hr. but the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a bfd. one of my friends said she's hurt that i don't trust any of them and hold them in "such low regard". i tried to explain that it's nothing against anyone, i just don't like discussing home at work and vice versa. i never bring work home. when i'm home that's time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. heck, i chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when i'm not there. i've apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won't talk to me unless it's directly about work. i honestly don't see the problem. i've never lied to them, i've never given them false info, i've never made up wild tales about my life. i'm still the same person i was, now they just know more about me than they did. aita? ​

aita for hiding my personal life at work?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d66v6a/aita_for_hiding_my_personal_life_at_work/

2019-09-19 01:20:59

nta- melinda needs to mind her fucking business. i would complain to hr about her harassing you.

you’re totally justified in wanting to keep personal and professional lives separate. your business is your business, and you’re entitled to keep it that way. of course, i’m not sure you can call people friends and actively hide your life from them. it’s reasonable for people who thought they knew you to feel pretty shitty about the fact that you’ve been lying to them by omission for years. and honestly, it’s also reasonable for them to give you what you wanted: work life separate from personal life. i wouldn’t be social with someone who told me they don’t want me to know even be most basic things about them (like their marital status or kids’ names) either. i’d stick to work and leave them be. you would be ta if you expected this not to change relationships at all. let’s be honest, you knew it would, or you would have just told them you wanted to keep them out of your personal life in the first place instead of obfuscating. you would have said “no thanks, i don’t talk personal relationships at work,” instead of changing the subject. essentially, you wanted to keep them out of your personal life while still getting to be part of theirs. i’m not sure that makes you ta, but it’s not great either. now that said, the snoop’s clearly ta, so it’s not a straight n a h. like obviously she should just mind her own business, and creeping on people’s social media is stalker level shitty. then announcing it to everyone was even worse. she’s an asshole, and a big one. so tl;dr, nta, but also i don’t think you’re being wholly fair to the rest of your coworkers either. they’re nta for feeling hurt or keeping you at a distance either; you’ve been doing it to them for years, and it’s pretty unreasonable to expect them to welcome finding out you’ve been hiding things from them.

you're not the asshole but you can't expect them to talk to you about anything else but work.

yta but only sort of. melinda is a huge asshole. anyway, i’m going to be downvoted so bad for this, i can already tell. it honestly blows my mind that you could work with people for nine years and not even mention once that you’re married or have kids. i don’t think you’re an asshole for wanting to be private but you’re acting like you’re in the witness protection program. i don’t expect my coworkers to tell me personal things but we all have a very basic idea of what each other’s home lives are like. because when you first meet people at work it’s a pretty common question “do you have any kids?” especially if you work with other women. how was this question never asked once in 9 years? it just seems like a lot of work to keep them 100% in the dark about anything about you. how is that not exhausting?

nta - melinda is. that is your private life, and exactly that, you are entitled to keep it private. to me, melinda could be considered a stalker and possibly a matter for the police, let alone hr.

yta, but barely. you don't have to share your personal life, but you can't expect these people to be friends with you when you won't let them know the most basic details of your life. of course they're only going to talk business with you, you set that precedent. so you're not ta for your actions, weird as they are, but for your hypocritical expectations of others. also, i'd be pretty hurt if my wife's coworkers didn't know that i and our children existed.

esh. the coworker’s snooping is obnoxious and unnecessary, but the other coworkers are right that you are being insanely unfriendly. everyone reading this post already knows more about you than the people you see every day. consciously covering all this normal stuff up is really fucked up.

nta but you also can’t really complain if they aren’t going to be friends with you. yeah they are only going to talk to you about work...because that’s what you wanted. people are friends with people; people with histories and feelings and stories. you are refusing to be that so they aren’t going to be your friend. most people are going to feel like you don’t trust them enough to share even basic info about your life, which is going to make them not trust you in return, especially now that they know that you are actively hiding details of your life. nta because you have that right to be private, i’m just surprised that you’re surprised they don’t feel like trying to have a personal relationship with you when you clearly don’t want one with them.

nta - you are allowed to keep your personal life separate from work, but, after 9 years your coworker who felt like they were close to you realized you have an entire life that you don't want to talk to them about, which they are understandably hurt about. the one who truly sucks is melinda, who went out of her way to pry into your life and share with everyone.

nah. you’re entitled to your privacy. i too have always kept my private live private. however, you took this to an extreme level, not even sharing you’re married or have children. this is unusual and you shouldn’t be surprised that this is the result. you can maintain privacy without appearing secretive.

TOXIC

i (19f) have recently moved out of my parent’s house to about an hour out of a big city. a week into moving here i turned off the find my iphone app location so my mom (37f) can’t see it anymore. yesterday my mother texted me asking me to turn it back on. when i declined, she started getting very upset. she told me she needs to have it because if something happened to me she can’t help because she’s 5 hours away. she claimed i am in too big of a city and i am in danger here. i assured her i will be fine but then she told me to get my own phone plan within a year, implying she’s kicking me off. i have been paying for my own plan for 2 years on a phone she told me she received for free, in reality she’s still paying off the $1000 for the phone and threw both the phone payments of an extra $50/month on me for not turning my location back on. there is more to the conversation but it was mostly her being petty and trying to get me to turn it back on. am i the asshole? should i just turn it back on? edit; my brother (22m) turned his off when he was 19 as well and my mother never had an issue.

aita for turning off my location on my phone so my mom can’t track me

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q4wxla/aita_for_turning_off_my_location_on_my_phone_so/

2021-10-09 23:49:52

nta. do yourself a favor: settle the matter by turning the phone over to your mom. relieve yourself of her tether/anchor and relieve her of the notion that she has something to control you with. then get your own phone and plan.

nta but i've been in your exact situation, get yourself a new phone plan & enjoy the taste of freedom.

nta you’re an adult, there is 0 reason for her to track your location at all times. also, how would she know if anything happened just from looking at where you are? and being 5 hours away, as disconcerting as that thought is, she wouldn’t really be able to do much anyway.

nta take a page from the us government’s playbook; never negotiate with terrorists. go to walmart and get a family talk wireless account for $35/month. and yes, it even works on carrier-locked iphones.

nta - you are an adult and you two need to come to an agreement, either you need to pay for the whole phone yourself or something like that.

nta. you are an adult. mommy does not get to track you.

nta. your mom told you your phone was free. now that she’s mad at you she’s saying it’s not and you have to pay. it’s normal not to want your parents to track you when you’ve moved out. honestly, i’d give her back the phone and get your own.

not at all, i would consider going the extra step of just getting a phone plan yourself now. this will continue to be a sore subject, and she'll likely continue to increase the bill to pressure you into complying. having a kid move to a new city and out of parental control / protection, is a serious source of anxiety for some parents. this appears to be how your mom is trying to cope. nta, she'll eventually recognize that you are no longer a child.

nta. you’re an adult and are by no means obligated to provide your location to anyone, including your mother. you will likely need to get your own phone line though.

nta. i dealt with a similar thing with my parents at 19. i started staying the night at my boyfriends house some weekends and turned off my location. my mom demanded the address and when i refused she blew up my phone for hours before eventually stopping. they both started talking about not paying for my phone anymore because i still was refusing. once my mom realized my boundaries were firm she just stopped bothering me about it and didn’t threaten to stop paying for my phone anymore. your mom might realize on her own that you’re an adult and you deserve to have privacy and set boundaries. she also may not and you will just have to come to an agreement about paying for the phone on your own or giving her the phone and getting your own with your own plan.

BENIGN

so, my life's turned into a bloody soap opera recently and i could use some outside opinions here. i (24f) am the product of my mom having an affair. fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me, and i had a pretty good upbringing. but i don't really look a lot like the rest of my family (i'm the only redhead, among other things) and i did ask questions of a 'why am i the only one with -insert trait here-?' nature growing up. when i was 17 my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my bio-father. she said that she felt i was old enough to know the truth, and explained about her affair, while also a) making me promise i wouldn't tell my older sister (27f in the present) and b) hammering home along with my bio-father that he'd never be part of my life and didn't want me. it was a lot, i won't lie, but i learned to suck it up and move on with my life. fast forward to the present. my big sis has always gravitated towards older men (we like to joke that it's the result of too many george clooney movies growing up) and two months ago shared a picture of herself and her new boyfriend. who, to my shock, turned out to be my bio-father. i debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately decided she needed the truth and told her. my sister did not take it well and dumped him, but she wasn't angry with me. honestly by now she's kinda amused, says that since she banged my dad she's my mom and has extra power to boss me around now. my mom on the other hand, is *furious*. she says i divulged something that wasn't my secret to share, and that i had no business telling anyone. that since bio-father isn't related to my sister it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they were talking marriage anyway. it's been two month and she's still angry, still snide, calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments about how i can't be trusted with anything private or important so beware. at the time i thought i was doing the right thing, but i've never seen my mom this angry before, and she's sustained that anger for 2 solid months, so i'm starting to worry. did i actually do something really shitty, am i the asshole? ​

aita for telling my sister she was dating my bio-father?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l8v24r/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_was_dating_my/

2021-01-30 20:35:53

nta, she needed to know that, that's weird and a little too close to home. also it's kind of messed up that your older sister was never told about this key part of her family history. also if your bio-father knew who she was and her relationship to you that's really weird and creepy.

nta. your mom is taking her feelings about herself out on you. >calls me a traitor she's the one who cheated on her family >i can't be trusted with anything private or important ...says the woman who couldn't be trusted to stay faithful to her marriage. it's weird and messed up that your mother wasn't the *least* bit icked out that her daughter's father was hooking up with her other daughter. her feelings must be a category 4 hurricane right now.

nta. it's about your life, you can tell anyone you want!

nta that's creepy as hell, imagine if your sis ended up marrying or having a kid with him or something. your bio dad would be your brother in law, your niece would be your bio sister, and your older sister would be your step mom. yeah no, she needed to know about that, and you're not an asshole for telling her as she isn't even mad. your mom on the other hand shouldn't be mad either, because does she seriously want her daughter to marry her fling???

nta. your mom is deeply, deeply embarrassed by her infidelity. rather than be a fucking adult about it and become a better person she's put the burden of keeping her secret on your shoulders. your origin is not her secret, it's your life. next time it comes up tell her she can shut up and deal with it or you'll be perfectly happy to start telling everyone. after all, you're not the one who has anything to hide here.

nta. this guy (your bio-dad) bangs a married woman and then bangs her daughter? your mom really does not care about her own husband does she? she really does not care that the guy who banged his wife was now banging his daughter? holy shit, your (non-bio) dad deserves an award for putting up with your mom.

nta you did nothing wrong. you did the correct thing . you mom on the other hand is dead wrong for say you can not be trusted. she is lashing out because her secret and lies are no longer hidden. it is great you and your sister are laughing about it now.. since you 2 are the ones that should have known that info. how does you dad feel about it ?.

nta. few things are more your business than your family history. 1. it is entirely inappropriate for another person to say you need to keep secrets about yourself, and that's exactly what this was. 2. it is just as inappropriate for a parent to divulge infidelity to their own child and then expect them to keep the secret. that is not healthy parenting, and your mother is as big an asshole for that as for the original affair. you are not responsible for your mother's good name, nor do you need to hide the truth of your history in order to make her more comfortable with her own poor decisions.

nta and also weird af because she doesn't see anything wrong with the fact that she and your sister shared a dick. your mom is problematic af. i would clown her on the regular for sleeping with the same person my sister slept with.

nta. however, your bio-dad is majorly the asshole. he’s your dad and hooked up with your mom before...he knew what he was doing. also, your mom and sister haven’t handled it well either. saying “i banged your dad” is an asshole move, and your mom staying angry with you for so long is one too.

BENIGN

keeping this brief. i have an 8 year old niece named leuce (pronounced like “loose”). apparently it’s also the name of a greek goddess. so when she was younger her name wasn’t much of an issue, but now that she’s in school she’s getting teased for it more and more. my sister said kids call her “loosy goosy” or “looser” or “lice.” not that bad but still bothers her obviously. over the past year i’ve helped babysit a bunch since she’s been out of school. i started calling her “lucy” which started as me just being playful with her name but has really caught on. for one thing she loves the name lucy and now gets upset when i call her by her real name. now she insists on being called lucy even by her parents. my sister is really pissed off by this and accuses me of trying to influence my niece and override her authority as a parent. honestly i just call my niece by what she wants. i’ve tried to explain this but my sister insists i need to stop calling her lucy because that’s not her name and i’m disrespecting them by making up my own nicknames. aita if i still call her lucy when it’s just the two of us? i feel like 8 is old enough to have a preference for these things but i also recognize she’s not my kid. i’m really torn between the two. aita?

aita for giving my niece an unofficial nickname that has now overtaken her real name, thus pissing off my sister?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifqgkn/aita_for_giving_my_niece_an_unofficial_nickname/

2020-08-24 14:52:20

nta who the hell names a girl something like that? imagine all the teenage boys talking about her one day. “oh wow who is she?” “she’s leuce.” “geez i was just asking for her name.”

nta - lucy’s parents got to choose her legal name, not her nicknames, what she prefers to be called or what you choose to call her. it might not be comfy having your sister annoyed at you over it but 🤷‍♀️ totally irrelevant: i would probably call her lulu 🙂

nta. wtf was your sister thinking, giving a girl a name that's pronounced "loose"? had she never heard of "loose" being used as a synonym for slutty or easy? and the whole "greek goddess" thing...leuce isn't a goddess in greek mythology, she's a nymph. a very minor character in the pantheon who only the most dedicated of mythology fans will have heard of. i would be shocked if anyone heard her name and thought of the obscure fictional character instead of the incredibly common english word that leuce sounds exactly like. you've done this kid a favor by giving her an easy out from a truly awful name choice.

nta. she wants to be called lucy. she's not a possession so of she wants it, call her it. is her mum going to be annoyed when she legally changes her name?

nta - for the love of all that is good they should change that girls name. they want her to be known as loose all her life??? like in high school and college and in business? they literally named the girl a derogatory term for a slut.

nta i always find it bizarre when parents get all riled up over nicknames. the second they wrote their child's name on the birth certificate, it stopped belonging to the parents. they gave the name to their child, therefore it is the property of that child. the kid can do what she likes with it.

nta what? this is a really *obvious* nickname. ironically, i have a friend called lucy who's nicknamed luce. people abbreviate names. i have a name with a short version, think dorothy/dolly, and people just abbreviate it automatically after they've known me for a while, it's no big deal, gawd. i mean if the child didn't like it, that's one thing. but your sister is forcing her child to be bullied and embarrassed all to serve your sister's pride. some parent. i wonder why she feels so insecure that she has to die on this hill. you should tell your sister that the name leuce is pronounced levki in greek and she's being disrespectful by making up her own names.

nta. also if it’s really a greek goddess name it might be pronounced like lucy anyway the cy sound is used for names ending in ce as far as i know (though there are a few exceptions i think) eurydice- eu-ri-di-cy is how it would be pronounced i think. circe- cir-cy would be the pronunciation. terpsichore- terp-sic-or-y (also no one should name their kid this, imo). so your sister and husband are ta for mispronouncing the name to begin with (i’m pretty sure this is right but i’m not an expert so check it yourself just in case)

nta omg your sis sounds very controlling. it’s. just. a. nickname. and a cute one at that.

nta. one could argue that although lucy is traditionally the nickname for lucille, it could also be applied to leuce, considering the way the name is pronounced. i grew up with an unusual name & if i could have had a “normal” nickname, my adolescence would have been a little easier. parents need to understand the implications of giving their kids unusual names.

BENIGN

i (24f) have a deceased uncle who died at the age of 42. he was nicest person ever with the sweetest heart. he was a kind soul and had a one of a kind smile. my fondest memory with him is when i was 6 and he took me and my sister to the theme park for my birthday. tragically when i was 12 he caught pneumonia and he already had diabetes prior to this. it was a struggle for him to balance his blood pressure while dealing with pneumonia. i visited him a week before my birthday and we talked about how my birthday was coming up. we talked about all of our memories and and he asked me if i still remember my 6th birthday. i said yes, of course i do. he told me he’d go to the theme park for me. i asked him what he meant by that and he just smiled and said you’ll see. on my birthday, he died. i cried my whole birthday, everyone did. the next two years i spent my birthday crying and visiting his grave stone. i would get mad at him. asking him why he chose this day to let go and why god didn’t let us celebrate together one last time. well, every year on my birthday my family celebrates his life. i used to enjoy it but they started to forget about my birthday. they stopped singing to me, they stopped wishing me happy birthday. my sweet 16th that was promised to me since 10 never happened because we threw a party for him. i started to feel unnoticed. i was upset that my birthday had become a lasting memory of my uncle’s death date. i stopped coming it of my room during my birthday. i sat in my room and talked to my uncle. i knew he would be upset with them for not celebrating me, too. all i ever knew was crying faces on my birthday. and not happy ones. last year i planned a birthday party for myself and invited them. when the day of my birthday came around they brought a poster of my uncle and hung is up by my picture. i lost it. i asked them why couldn’t they have one day about me. why they forgot about me. they call me insensitive and that to share this day with my uncle. i told them i have for years and just wanted this day to be about me. i ran out crying and received no comfort. my sister hit me up, not to apologize but to remind me that my uncle died on my birthday and that it’s only right to pay respects. i argued that paying respects is one thing, but completely ignoring the day i was born and consuming it with death is another. aita?

aita for telling my family to get over my uncle’s death?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5chqh/aita_for_telling_my_family_to_get_over_my_uncles/

2022-04-17 01:41:56

nta. neglecting a child's birthday because a family member died is extremely strange. why on earth hasn't it occured to them how completely screwed up that is?

nta. they’re so focused on the dead that they’ve forgotten about the living.

nta you will inevitably have to share your birthday with him - but from what you have described your family aren’t making you share the day, they’re making you give it up entirely.

nta. i understand that your family misses your uncle but it seems unfair that your family makes your birthday all about him. it has been 12 years and by now they should have been able to grieve and move on - never to forget him - and focus on people who are still alive.

nta. they all need therapy. a poster of him??? that’s very strange. especially so many years later.

you’re right. paying respects is one thing but completely ignoring your day is another. nta.

nta what kind of memorial is it that focuses on a person's death and not their life? this isn't about your uncle, it's about them. your parents should never have allowed this "tradition" to start. it's hard to move on from a death, i know too well, but they could celebrate your birthday and put grief on the back burner for a day.

oh sweetie you titled this horribly. nta it is totally understandable to mourn your uncle and you can't tell your family to simply get over it. but you're still a teenager and they've completely dropped the ball on celebrating your birthday in a way that can't not sting. they shouldn't hurt the living to honor the dead. you're not an ah for wanting your birthday to be an actual celebratory event. i'm so sorry they're putting you through this.

it’s ok to mourn your uncle but i think they should also celebrate you. nta

nta. my aunt, died at 42 as well. 2 days before my birthday. it was hard for me to celebrate for a few years because of it. but my family still tried to make the best of it. he mighta taken his last breath that day, but you took your first. we do a little family dinner for my aunt. we celebrate her life separately from my birthday. your family needs to remember that they dont have to forget him, but not to forget you too. 💜

BENIGN

my wedding is in two weeks and my best friend (let's call her rita) is one of my bridesmaids. rita and her boyfriend have been together for 3 years and lately he's talking about he wants to propose. he's also asked me for advice on what kind of rings rita would like and generally he has involved me a lot in his proposal process. he just got the ring now and he's very nervous and he was telling me he's anxious because the proposal will happen soon and he's very excited about it. i kept asking where the proposal would be and he said it's going to be a surprise. then he started asking me if he could also have a speech at the wedding and i found this a very weird request because only my moh (my sister), my parents, and my in laws will have speeches and even my friends have not requested a speech so it was weird coming from him. i declined because i felt awkward about it and not comfortable. he was very upset and would stop texting or calling me to talk about the proposal after that. few days ago another one of my bridesmaids who's also friends with both rita and i told me that rita's bf plans on proposing to rita at the wedding that's why he was insisting on having a speech so he could do it during his speech. i immediately confronted him and told him i'm extremely angry and disappointed how he tried to trick me into this and how he thinks this is a good idea and he could just ask and then i could decide whether or not i'm comfortable with it. he said he knew i'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything. this made me even more angry. i told him not to try anything or else i'll have no choice but to uninvite him. he didn't believe i'd uninvite him because he thought i'd be afraid to disappoint rita and he literally laughed at my face and said my hands are tied and there's nothing i can do about it or else i'll hurt rita's feelings and ill have to offer her an explanation. i then uninvited him and i told rita he's not welcome anywhere anymore and she was mad and kept asking me why. so i told her what he was planning to do. and just like that i ruined the surprise that her bf wanted to propose. rita is mad at both me and her bf and said that i could just make up a lie on why i uninvited him and tell her the truth after he would have proposed to her and that now i ruined one of the best surprises she'd have in her life. i feel so bad right now and i don't know if i did the right thing but at the same time i believe i was in a lose lose situation and i'd still get blamed even if i made up a lie and reveal the truth later. aita?

aita? i told my best friend's boyfriend that he planned on proposing to her at my wedding

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v3za1k/aita_i_told_my_best_friends_boyfriend_that_he/

2022-06-03 13:21:09

nta - if you didn’t tell her, it could’ve ruined your relationship with her, so you were right to do so. he is the asshole for treating you like shit, and not respecting the fact that it’s your wedding.

nta- you definitely were in a lose-lose situation. and your story should 🚩🚩🚩to rita about her boyfriend. wtf was he thinking? his plan was completely inappropriate, and he knew it, so he tried to disguise it and then laughed in your face when you found out?!?! bye, boy.

nta but boy is rita's bf the ah. what he said to you about you not being able to stop him from proposing at your wedding is horrible. you did the right thing. rita also would be mad if you lied cause she never would have accepted you uninviting her bf.

nta ‘you should have just lied to me’ is rarely a phrase that is applicable to any situation. her boyfriend was an ah and incredibly rude. you responded to that behavior. she flipped out on you and demanded the truth. you told her. what lie would she have accepted to have been serious enough to be uninvited from a wedding but also not ruined her proposal??? i’m sitting here trying to think of one. bottom line, he was an ah; if she blames you, she’s not a real friend. he ruined her surprise by being a jerk. don’t feel bad and have a wonderful day.

"he said he knew i'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything." then maybe don't do it, bro! nta this guy sucks and based on how manipulative he is, sounds like a shit partner for your best friend.

nta your wedding day is a day about you and your new husband not rita and some dude who cant be creative enough to take her somewhere special to her to do this at

nta. are any proposals these days every actually a surprise? i mean, yes a surprise time/location, but you didn’t ruin that surprise because that was no longer a possibility since he was uninvited. so he new needs to come up with his own proposal venue. but don’t every serious couple have discussions about marriage before the actual proposal?

definitely nta - your friend's bf is a manipulative asshole, and while your friend is understandably upset, she needs to get over it because they both backed you into a corner. you shouldn't have to be dealing with other peoples' relationship drama during your wedding planning. just put them out of your mind.

nta. a wedding is no place for a proposal, and he needed to learn that. you saw it coming and you stopped it from messing up your wedding. good job.

nta rita needs to assess why she wants to marry someone who would treat her best friend this way.

TOXIC

my (18f) father (43m) and his partner (40f) have just had their first baby together (my half sister). my dad’s partner has been on the scene since i was 2 (my dad cheated on my mum with his now-partner and then left my mum for her). his partner has always given me a bit of a hard time - saying mean things and pretending that they're jokes (particularly when my dad isn't there). for example, i always make her and my dad a coffee in the mornings when i stay with them, and she'll say to people (while i'm standing right there) how bad i am at making coffee, or joke that her 10yo niece is better at doing it than me (that sort of thing). anyway, i used to stay at their house one night a week, but a couple of years ago they moved 3hrs away from where i live with my mum and go to school/uni etc. i’ve been really excited about the baby. i went and stayed with my dad while his partner and the baby were still in hospital after the birth. i did a grocery shop and tried to get the house nice before they came home (my dad has mh issues and is pretty useless at anything like that). given they live too far away for me to drop in regularly, i was planning to stay for a week once partner and baby came home (i took time off from my part-time job etc). i figured i could cook and do housework and run errands for them and stuff, so my dad and his partner could focus on bonding with the baby. anyway, on the day his partner and the baby are meant to come home, my dad tells me that they want it to be “just family” (i.e. my dad, his partner and the baby) and that i need to go home. now, i'm like 99% sure this is coming from his partner - i don't think my dad would care if i was there. i lost my sh\*t (crying and yelling at my dad) and asked my dad that if this had happened a year ago (and he’d somehow had full custody of me at the time), if he would have just turned me out to make room for the baby? he said of course not and backtracked pretty quick and said i could stay, but i was really upset by then and said no. i went into my room and stayed there (even after the baby and partner came home in the arvo) and then i left first thing the next morning. my dad and his partner are both pissed off at me for "throwing a tantrum" and leaving and making it about me when they're trying to focus on the new baby. i was upset and told my friend's mum about it and she said i was being an ah to make such a big deal over it as i’m technically an adult (i'm nearly 19) and it’s fair enough that my dad’s partner just wanted to be with him and the baby. the whole thing has made me feel like sh\*t. aita? ​

aita for getting mad when my stepmum didn't want me around the week after she had a baby?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uw0pij/aita_for_getting_mad_when_my_stepmum_didnt_want/

2022-05-23 13:52:41

nta you were trying to do something nice for your dad and his mistress. (you call her the partner, but i'll call it like it is lol) you were basically told "you're not family" with the statement of *we only want family*. sorry op. your dad wants to start over, and apparently, that's not with the child of the woman he cheated on.

**nta, and i'm horrified that anyone's saying differently. you don't become less your father's child or a member of your own immediate family because a half-sibling arrives or because you're in your late teens. jfc, what is wrong with people?** my older niblings have several much-younger half-siblings who arrived when they were tweens/teens, and they were never made to feel, either by their mother or their dad's girlfriend, like they should absent themselves or they were not welcome. quite the opposite! both women - one a mother of many, one a first-time bio mum - told them how valued they were as older siblings, that they would never be parentified, but that they would be a huge part of their younger siblings lives, and that any part they wanted in the babies lives would be so welcome and valued. and because of that, they are super close to their half-siblings. they were at the hospital to welcome the new babies (not in the delivery room, obvs, just there to visit within the next few days), and excited to welcome them home, change diapers, and support their parents, as i'm sure you are, op. all these people going on about "what a mother needs after giving birth" as if op is a stranger or a family friend. she is this woman's stepchild, a member of the immediate family, the baby's half-sibling, and a part of the household. **you do not throw out a member of the household because someone gave birth. you do not throw out any of your children because a new one arrives.** **you are nta, and your stepmum sounds awful. i'm so sorry. you deserve better.**

nta what is with these replies? in what world is it okay to kick an older child out to make room for a new child? i doubt any of you are kicking out your other children for weeks when you have a new baby. if your a stepparent it means you have to accept your partners children into your life as their children, not a guest you can get rid of when you want.

i’m from a split family and i visit my dad on the weekends. i was never kicked out when they had younger kids (and i was 13 and 16 at the times). people are talking like she’s some random relative, it’s his god damned daughter. even if your kid just visits when they can, they should always have a home with you. i can’t with these comments; “my parents are married so it’s different”. that’s so insensitive, y’all. nta.

nta. it doesn't matter that you're an adult now, you're still that guy's child. i'd be pissed at your dad, not his partner. she's terrible but your dad is worse, in my opinion. when a new baby comes you don't kick out the older kids.

you are nta. you have just been told, by your father, that you're not family. i am so sorry. he's weak and his wife is going to absolutely stand in the way of you building a relationship with your new sibling.

nta. tell your dad that if he doesn't consider his own daughter family, you won't be until he apologizes. them wanting quiet time to recover after a new baby is understandable. not thanking you for the kindness you did them, and calling you "not family," isn't.

nta they are adults. you have a room in their house and are your fathers daughter. - they could've planned ahead and told you way in adavance they wanted some time with just the baby - your dad calling you not family was an absolut ahole move

your dad told you that you're not a part of "just family". for that alone you're nta for getting pissed.

nta. these comments are wild. you don't get to kick your child out as part of "focusing on the new baby". i don't care that she's 18, she's a child still as most 18 year olds still live at home. i get she doesn't live there full time, but she should be included in close family as she's literally the babies sibling, plus dad should have told her before she came. op, it may be time to accept that your dad has made his new family and and this likely won't get better. i'm so sorry you are going through this.

BENIGN

my boyfriend (21) and i (21f) just went on a 4 day vacation to our favorite bay area city, which is about a 6 hour drive from where we live. both of us had worked full shifts the day before, so we knew we’d take turns driving and little rest breaks along the way. for reasons, we chose to take my beloved 2016 honda civic. not the fanciest car, but i do my best to take care of it. we stopped at a giant pilot gas station about 3 hours away from our home for gas and food. parking lot was booming, but we eventually found parking between a minivan and other vehicles. we locked up and headed inside to what we needed. the line inside was super long so i went to the restroom while my bf gathered snacks and held our space in line. when i returned, we switched and he went off to use the restroom. while waiting in line i glanced at the parking lot and saw a family gathered by the van and a child sitting and eating on the hood of my car. i instantly got annoyed, but tried to be patient as i assumed they’d move the child soon. but no, he stayed on my hood. when my bf came back i showed him what was happening and he planned on going outside to confront them. i knew he wouldn’t be mean, but i didn’t want him to say anything. instead (and probably a worse idea) i made my car panic. i saw as the child instantly started crying and the family immediately take him off my car. hondas aren’t too loud, but the commotion turned heads and attracted attention. they didn’t put him back onto my car. after paying, we headed back to my car where they were still standing and consoling the child. they didn’t say anything but shot daggers as i got into the drivers seat. my bf and i laughed about it in the car and went on our way. when we arrived to our destination i gave my parents a call to let them know we were alive and told her about the gas station situation. despite my dad thinking it was hilarious, my mom was livid and said it was unnecessary and mean. that i should’ve confronted them nicely without having to traumatize the child. i almost feel bad, but at the same time i don’t understand how they thought it would be okay to use my vehicle as a high chair for their child. aita?

aita for making my car panic and scaring a small child?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tj3ye3/aita_for_making_my_car_panic_and_scaring_a_small/

2022-03-21 04:59:58

nta. they can stare daggers at you all they want, if the kid has something metal on their pants that scratches the hell out of your hood you're just supposed to suck it up and deal? why couldn't the kid sit on their car's hood?

nta. the parents are total ah. who lets their kid sit on a stranger’s car hood? maybe the kid will be so “traumatized” that he’ll never do that again.

nta. they were disrespectful - it is not their car - and that'll teach that family a lesson but not in a cruel way. i could do the same.

nta. what would possess someone to think it's ok to sit their child on the hood of someone else's car?! you're all good. the kid will live, and hopefully they learned to not do that again...

nta. plenty of cars have sensors where the alarm will sound if somebody just touches or comes within a very close proximity to the car without the driver being nearby. that doesn’t make the car an asshole. the kid’s parents are the ahs for not teaching their kid not to fuck around on other people’s shit.

nta it didn’t hurt the kid and made the parents move him. he should not have been there in the first place. i say this as a parent.

nta- that kid will definitely not forget that, and hopefully he’ll learn to respect other peoples property. crazy how the parents looked at you like you were in the wrong when they obviously never taught their kids any respect

nta. they were in the wrong; they caused their child’s distress, not you.

nta! sorry, but you don't put your child on the hood of someone else's car, not even for a second! you didn't scare their kid, because their selfish and irresponsible actions did that to him. perhaps they should learn to respect other people's property.

nta. love this idea. i imagine you staring daggers back at them as you take a seat on the hood of their car.

TOXIC

my husband (30m) and i (29f) were visiting my inlaws when we invited them to come along for an upcoming holiday feburary next year. we said we wanted to go to "generic location" and she proceeded to say no way she would never go there why don't we go to "generic locations a, b and c. i said my husband really was looking forward to the original location but it's up to him if he wanted to change his mind. my mil then proceeded to tell us why it was a terrible idea and we absolutely can not stay at "particular hotel" because she worked there and worked at alot of the hotels and every single one was filthy and/or overpriced. she has not lived at "generic location" let alone worked in any of the hotels for 16+ years. at this point i was getting frustrated and i again said well it's up to my husband, which at this point he interjected saying we were just offering you guys to come along you don't have to come. my mil went into another string of why it is a terrible vacation location and where would we stay since "hotel x" was filthy. it was at this point i said the forbidden words of "you don't know everything". i actually meant to say you don't know every motel but that isn't what came out. now upon hearing this my mil was outraged and said she is not sitting here to be insulted we can f**k off. at this point my husband did start to argue back with her saying how did we insult her. i did say that i was she felt insulted but i was referring to the fact she hadn't worked there for over 16years. she then got up and said we can all f**k off she never wants to see any of us again (my husband, myself and my 2 kids which were present) and she storms to her bedroom. at this point my fil starts yelling at my husband for being so childish and all he ever does he storm's off. i point out that we did just get told to leave and never come back which was also called childish. at this point i'm feeling absolutely awful because my husband is gutted by the whole interaction so aita?

aita for telling my mil she doesn't know everything?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3gsmh/aita_for_telling_my_mil_she_doesnt_know_everything/

2022-11-24 10:42:53

nta, why would you even ask them to come? i guess this kind of reaction probably wasn't the first time.

nta. she should be extremely grateful that she was even invited. are they both so upset because they genuinely think that she does know everything? at least you can now go away where you want to and enjoy yourselves.

nta. i think you may be concentrating on the wrong thing. there is no way you should be going anywhere with these people. if this is what happens when you are trying to discuss holiday destinations, then the holiday itself doesnt bode well. they sound horrible. "but family" only goes so far. not this far.

nta...your mil sounds like a spoiled child. she's the one who doesn't deserve your company if she can't learn to behave herself.

nta. go to r/justnomil

nta i’m a mil and i encourage all my children my dil included to please tell me when i’ve crossed a boundary. my 11 year old recently told me something wasn’t my business and i realized it wasn’t! i was so proud of her. if you can set a boundary with your mom you can set it with anyone.

yta for actually believing you can have an adult relationship with these people. your husband is ta for subjecting you and your children to these people, instead of cutting them out of his life. they have no ability to regulate their emotions and are a terrible example to your kids. therapy is needed here, bc this is not a normal healthy dynamic, and i’m sure not the first time they behaved this way. also, you are awesome for saying the truth.

nta something's deeply wrong in your ils' heads, especially your mil

nta. mil had a tantrum because she didn't get what she wants. maybe give her the "no contact" she demanded and see how that plays out...

nta. it's a serious over-reaction by your inlaws. mil needs to take a pill - you're right, she doesn't know everything.

BENIGN

before you scream “racist” let me give you some back story. im a 22f in retail, and i am the only one out of all my coworkers that communicate in spanish, i’m not fluent but i’ve learned enough to keep my spanish speaking customers happy and comfortable shopping in the store i work in.. my coworkers and i are all latino (family’s coming from mexican heritage), and whenever a spanish speaking customer comes in i usually take over and help them. today a father and son duo came into the store and i go up to them to try and greet them and before i could even say anything the father stopped me by putting his hand out, says “no” and proceeds to wave me away. after that i left them alone, and helped out anyone that needed help. at one point i heard them trying to ask my coworkers for help but they don’t understand him and my coworker obviously doesn’t understand them. i go around helping out other customers and completely ignored the father son duo looking around not being able to talk to anyone else. they left the store and although what the father did was totally rude, i can’t help but feel i should’ve just gone back up to them and tried to help. aita ? edit 1: wow. thanks everyone so much for your opinions. and also thank you for the silver random stranger ! reading everyone’s opinions has definitely been a learning experience and i’ll definitely be looking at things a different way before completely writing someone off who didn’t want my help. also, for those who wanted to know, the type of retail store i work at is a street wear store. edit 2: so i guess i used the wrong term. sorry! for those who want clarity. not mexican, but hispanic, our family’s are from mexico. edit 3: because some people are asking, and because i didn’t clarify at first..i didn’t go directly up to them as soon as they walked in, they were looking around for a while and the son started pointing at a sweater, i went up to them to greet them and see if they wanted to see the jacket and try it on. the father saw me walking up to him and that’s when he put his hand out to stop me and to wave me off edit because i have no idea what word to use. i’m latina my coworkers are latino. our ancestry is mexican. i hope this clears it up...

aita for refusing to help a spanish speaking only customer?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/do4m5c/aita_for_refusing_to_help_a_spanish_speaking_only/

2019-10-28 05:34:16

nta . put this on r/maliciouscompliance ngl

nta. you offered help and were rejected. they didn't want your help so you shouldn't feel obliged to help out.

nta, but sometimes it’s nice to just help. might make the guy rethink whatever he was thinking.

esh. i imagine that the customer may have only been trying to say that he didn't need help at the moment but since he has limited english he wasn't very tactful about it. your job is to help customers, and you didn't do that. retail sucks, people suck, customers can be terrible, but sometimes you have to grin and bear it.

kinda leaning towards yta bc as a former retail worker/manager, it’s like customer service 101 to follow up with customers even if they reject your help when they walk in. especially because you saw them asking somebody else for help. also leaning towards nta bc i get how frustrating it is when customers are rude to you when you’re just trying to help. but then again, maybe he knew exactly what he was looking for when you first customer serviced him but wasn’t able to find it and needed assistance. so yeah i’m gonna go with yta purely from a managerial standpoint because you lost a sale for your store and if i were your manager i would not be happy.

nta - your managers/supervisors might feel differently, but fuck that guy. he had his chance and he wrote you off pretty much immediately. if he wants your help he can come and ask for it himself

esh he was rude but you were petty

i say nta. they were extremely rude to u. if u wave me off i’m not speaking to u again

esh. he sucks for being so rude at the start. i know the "can i help you" right when you walk in is annoying, but there's no need to take it out on retail workers! they don't write the stupid policy. on the other hand, he needed help and by ignoring him, you didn't do your job. probably frustrated your coworkers, too.

you got the brush off, that's all you need to take away from that situation. nta. two anecdotes from the trenches as it were. first, i worked in the tech shop, but not as a technician. i had the certs and filled in in a pinch, but i preferred my role, service writer. i had to take all the calls for the woman techs, because "feeeeeeeeeemales can't fix compooters". they'd laugh about it, but i could see it really did bug them. second, we had a dude who worked the customer service counter, he refused to be the espanol customer service. he said they were always needy and asked for more than due, like secret discounts because they're both brown, crap like that. you gave good customer service. you offered help and got waved off, that's where your responsibility ended.

BENIGN

my family have a specific friend that has been coming over to our christmas lunch since i can remember. this person is extremely racist, sexist, disrespectful and will burp in close proximity to your face (without a medical condition) he openly talks about his partners sexual activities without my family instigating these types of conversations. unfortunately he was born with a hand disability (symbrachydactyly) he uses the hand to demonstrate sexual actions (get into hard places) always shakes everyones hand with it and gives you a tickle in your palm on shake. now, this person has always been like this and the behaviour is expected when he is around anyone. one of my brothers won’t bring his two kids to christmas because of the vulgarity. my step father doesn’t have many friends is 70+ and keeps inviting him as he just knows this person has nowhere to go on christmas. i’m sure he can’t even hear half the garbage he says as he just listens with a blank look on his face. my step step father is not racist at all, very kind, quiet person and will help anyone out. although i understand he is enabling the behaviour and i’m disappointed and it makes our family uncomfortable. he was halfway through telling racist jokes and honestly nobody is listing to him just gushing disgusting vile words.. so he speaks over everyone else and spills the weirdest random nonsense, cutting the conversation short once again. i don’t know what happened to me, maybe it was the third time he burped in my ear, the racist insults to our wife’s who are from different backgrounds (italian, jordanian, england).. i lost control and just said: “you are a racist piece of xxxx, i can’t stand you. this behaviour is disgusting! i don’t want you anywhere around this family.” at this point my step father went pale white.. and this guy was looking at him for saviour.. so, i said, “don’t look at him, look at me whilst i’m telling you.. never return here, i need you to really take this in.” “look at me” “your a disgusting and vile person.” “is this sinking in?” no comment.. so i just grabbed my wife and left christmas. that was my perspective.. my brothers all said and confirmed i came across with far more rage, with a serious amount of my own obscenities and it wasn’t expected. my mum was happy because she really didn’t want him coming around and want’s to see her grandchildren again. i fear ita for not handling the situation better, it’s also my parents house. (losing control and just raging in his face, without warning at christmas lunch.) am i the asshole?

aita for telling a racist family friend what i really feel about him at christmas lunch?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvbtsm/aita_for_telling_a_racist_family_friend_what_i/

2022-12-26 01:29:54

i mean, there were probably better ways of handling this (like giving an ultimatum to your stepfather in private) but i'm never going to cry over a racist's hurt feelings so nta.

nta. we need to stop tolerating awful behavior from people for their age, or upbringing, or whatever else excuse you want to use. good on you saying something.

and no one clapped? damn. nta.

nta. as a woman of colour, i applaud you for standing up to racist assholes.

nta ​ but in reality you need to call out your family. they agree with his views, and consider him close enough to invite to christmas knowing his views. ​ so call your ah family out, and tell them you and your family will no longer come when he is invited.

sometimes you just have to let it out. nta. but to confirm, you ended up leaving and not him? what’s the story after you left? i’d love to know!

nta you handled it perfectly, congratulations 👏

nta. i'm really proud of you. yes it was awkward and uncomfortable. it needed to be. a lot of people needed to sit in their enabling of this man's horrid behavior. you did what needed to be done. those folks silently appreciate you, they just didn't have the balls to say it. a few years ago, i stood up to my narcissistic aunt at christmas. i had enough of her racism and homophobic vitriol. i was shaking so hard but i told her i would no longer listen to her say another racist or homophobic word in my home. that if she wanted to be in my home, she would use loving language only, or she would leave. it caused a huge battle and my aunt tried to book a flight home on christmas that year, yelling at agents on the phone for not booking flights for her immediately. but my soul was at peace and my aunt never controlled me again.

ah yes. op, fyi, in case you didn't know, the tickling your palm when he shakes hands is actually sexually obscene. disgusting old men do it to younger women, even children to indicate they would like to have sex with them. it's at least sexual harassment. nta, get that man away from his victims.

nta. sometimes these deviants need to be confronted as they come across. don’t apologize or become contrite. it’s because of everyone taking this verbal abuse and behavior that this idiot is still doing it. when someone finally has had enough and does to him what he does to others, there is a slight chance that he might change his behavior. but don’t count on it. have nothing to do with this ah until he apologizes to you and promises to never do it again.

BENIGN

i just got married last week (my wife and i are both in our thirties). i am mexican, she is american, but we both grew up in the us and both our families know both languages. my wife planned every bit of the wedding and was a very controlling and nervous bride, but alright, i get that she was stressed. during the reception i went to the band and asked them to play a song for me to sing to my new wife. it was te amare by miguel bose. it was the song from out first date in a really bad mexican restaurant, so it became a long standing joke between us. the guests really loved the song, my mil cried and told me it was beautiful, but my bride seemed upset. i asked her what's wrong and she said i am an ah for taking the spotlight to enforce my ethnicity and not just let the band sing our song for us. aita?

aita for singing a song to my wife at our wedding and making her angry?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vitvd4/aita_for_singing_a_song_to_my_wife_at_our_wedding/

2022-06-23 10:35:30

nta, what a weird way to view what happened..

nta. you sung a song that is significant to the two of you, at your own wedding. this incident on its own is a bit of a red flag, that she reduced it to your 'ethnicity'. even ignoring that it was a song that was actually significant to the two of you, does your culture and ethnicity disappear because you married an american woman? seems like a pretty racist reaction.

nta. it’s your day too you know… she should have just appreciated the moment and sentiment and found it funny and charming that you remembered

nta-- is she normally like this, though? what an odd reason for being upset. i'm of mexican descent and my husband is of polish/german descent, so we worked on highlighting traditions from both sides at our wedding (although more from the mexican side, since i follow more of my traditions than he does). i know she may have been stressed, but it was your wedding, too. has she shown any indications of having an issue with mexican heritage before? you'll want to find out now, before you have kids (if that is the case).

ehmm... miguel bosé is not even mexican. and how did this "enforce" your ethnicity? half of the guests were your family, or does her side didn't know you were mexican? she didnt want people to know that you speak spanish? nta, yo le estaría preguntando exactamente qué le pasa, porque su argumento no tiene ni pies ni cabeza.

nta but this is a huge red flag, imo >she said i am an ah for taking the spotlight to enforce my ethnicity and not just let the band sing our song for us.

nta. it sounds like a very sweet and meaningful gesture, and your newly married bride should have been over the moon about it. you are definitely nta.

nta. and this is a very weird (and concerning) mentality to have - "enforce your ethnicity"? what the hell? the wedding is both her *and your* day, so you get to fill it out, as well. trying to basically minimalize your impact on your own wedding day is a special piece of bridezilla hell.

her response is... concerning. if she's uncomfortable with your ethnic identity... maybe you two shouldn't be married / reproduce. unless you're uncomfortable with it too. then the song was a really weird choice. so i'm assuming that's not the case. she said something weirdly racist at your wedding. i'd call that a red flag. if it's not the first one... uhoh. if it is... maybe time for a hard conversation? definitely nta.

for one, it was your own wedding too and you can do what you like so nta. but "enforce your ethnicity" .. wtf? what an awful day to learn your (now) wife is racist.

BENIGN

i’ll keep it short. my wife and i have been married for about a year and a half, and together for almost three. today she texts me and asks if she were to get a job in another state, if i would follow. now, i have a stable job that i love and make good money. her job isnt as stable, as it is in the service industry, but she makes decent money. i told her that i would probably let her go on and take the job, and once i got my things in order, i would join her. money has always been a big factor in everything i do, and i wouldnt want to move to a completely different state without having something set up before hand. also, she came to study in the states so she is used to being away from her family. i have always been very close with my family and would be leaving everyone behind in this move. again, this isnt an important factor, my biggest issue is the not having a stable source of income immediately upon arriving. long story short, my wife got pissed because to her i wasnt “supporting her dreams.” when in reality, i want to shield her from the extra stress that moving without a job (for myself) would bring. the argument ended with her pretty much telling me that she might have to chase her dreams solo since i dont want to chase them with her. so, aita?

aita for not wanting to move to another state with my wife?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bzx9do/aita_for_not_wanting_to_move_to_another_state/

2019-06-12 21:48:59

nta dreams don't pay bills. you even said you would follow when you could get everything in order.

nta. it's not like you're keeping her from taking the job, or even refusing to follow her. there's nothing wrong with prioritizing financial security

i am a server but if her dreams are to be a waitress then no don't move lol. nta

nta why would she bring up such an important life decision over text? also - is this a hypothetical question or something under actual consideration? it's such a nuanced discussion with so many considerations - this feels like some sort of game or test. lots of red flags here.

definitely nta. your wife needs to understand that in order to start anew in another state, you have to be financially prepared to do so, including job security.

nta - that sounds very reasonable and responsible. if you just didn’t want to move, period, i would understand her pov but as it stands, it sounds like she’s trying to emotionally manipulate you, which makes her ta.

nta oof. as someone who's had issues with job stability/money before, i totally feel where you're coming from. would she be able to pay for moving expenses and all upkeep for a few months if you moved without a job first? would you both be able to make it without the benefits you get from your job (insurance etc)? you in no way said "no," you said "i want to make sure that i have a stable income so i can fully support you following your dreams." i think it would be good to talk to her again and reiterate that you're fully supportive of her and part of that is making sure you're able to give her the resources to do so.

nta: i find it a little worrisome that she jumped to "might have to chase her dreams solo" so quickly. makes me wonder if she's already considering going without you but wants to make you out to be the bad guy.

nta- you cannot be expected to uproot to another state without a lot of talks weighing the risks and planning. like is it actually better for everyone and is is permanent etc. so no you are nta.

nta let her go and figure it out. why would you follow a spouse whose job isn't stable.

BENIGN

hi all. i (33f) have been married to my husband (35m) for a little over a year. we came from very different financial situations. i’ve never had any debt and have support from my family while he, an immigrant, came here on a student visa and ended up with a lot of credit card and student loan debt. these were being charged at very high percentages and so i decided to help him out with a low interest loan from one of my accounts (through a bank). privileged, i know. anyway. the loan was supposed to be for 5 years but somehow the terms were set to 3 years. my husband is supposed to be setting aside money a month to pay the loan at the close date (cannot pay monthly). last night i, albeit at a bad time, got frustrated that he was talking about spending money on things we don’t need and expensive things for his family members gifts. i asked him about this and how much he had saved toward the loan. he got upset, told me it isn’t any of my business and accused me of ruining his night. i know it’s a sensitive topic but as the loaner i do think i have a right to ask. he ended up telling me that he saved as much as he could, and that he was counting on what i had previously mentioned of taking out an additional loan at the end of the first loan term to cover what he couldn’t save. here is what worried me. i felt like he’s living off this money with the plan to just continue rolling over the debt, nearly in full. he’s been buying me some expensive gifts and pays a larger portion of the rent, but i am starting to feel like that’s me buying things for myself on loan. we’re now in a fight and he has said no more paying a higher portion of the rent and no more nice gifts but he’ll return the money at term and no longer count on my support. i feel manipulated and hurt. he feels betrayed and angry. aita?????

aita for asking my husband about how much he saved towards a loan he took from me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4cp2v/aita_for_asking_my_husband_about_how_much_he/

2022-11-25 12:54:01

nta. he is 100% manipulating you. it may behoove you to open a joint account where he can deposit money monthly toward this loan payment, that you can then move to another account he can't withdraw from.

nta. you'll never get the money back. cut him loose and move on. hope you don't have any kids.

nta. op, did you see how he turned the argument around on you, making you look like the bad guy for asking a reasonable question? its your money, you have a right to know after a couple of years when its gonna come back. op, you may need to talk to a financial adviser *without your husband* and what to do next.

nta. your husband behaved really badly though. you have the right to ask and especially as your husband, he should be more considerate, respectful and self-reflected. you were trying to communicate with him. you did nothing wrong.

nta- the clue is when he tried to tell you it was none of his business. i would respond that our finance are absolutely my business. further, i am hurt and betrayed that you are not holding up to your end of things and instead trying to spend the money you owe on frivolous things or gifts that you cannot afford. further, i don't give a shit that you claim you're angry. you have nothing to be angry about- you are acting without any integrity and the reality is that you are embarrassed at your own actions and that you have been called out. the appropriate response is for you to get some humility and take appropriate action to rectify your spending behavior otherwise i can only assume that you are hoping to manipulate me further, which i will not accept.

nta - your husband is a deadbeat who certainly won't pay what he owes you. the correct thing would be to have regularized this loan through a contract. and if he doesn't pay, use the document as a debt collection instrument in court. that's why you shouldn't lend money to friends and relatives, here's a tip for those in the same situation.

nta. to start, i’m confused by a loan that can’t be paid monthly. but, at bare minimum, he could be putting an agreed upon amount in a shared account so you can see that he is saving. different attitudes about money are a huge source of conflict in a marriage. the fact that he sees holding him to the terms of the loans as a reason he can “no longer trust or count on you” is a huge red flag.

nta he thought he could just buy you nice stuff and you will forget about the loan lol

nta. this is sadly a pretty common situation when people with no financial education get married. he's so used to being poor that he now wants to overcompensate by pretending to be a millionaire and flaunt his wealth. he's desperately trying to pretend to be someone he's not. people like this only think short-term. he knows nothing about savings, investments, etc. there's a reason banks want to charge him insane interest rates: because he can't be trusted with money. you can be trusted. that's why banks are giving you a better deal. but if you keep bailing him out, you're going to get pulled down to his level. next time, no more loans. no helping him out financially. if he has to eat 2 minute noodles and catch a bus to work, so be it. he needs to learn some humility.

nta. red flag alert! you're wandering close to that sunken cost fallacy. if you really love this guy, consider letting go of this debt. if you're wanting your money back as originally planned, i'd be getting outside professional opinions. your so is shifty. he doesn't need to be showing off to his family with big gifts when he has big debt..says a little about his character too

BENIGN

this is ongoing but the situation started years ago. so, in high school i was decent friends with a girl. this girl and i had a few classes together over quite a few years and, got to know each other pretty well. after high school i went to community college, school was never my thing and i never had any plans for a "white collar" job and community college was mostly a time killer while i found my way in life, i had always planned on joining the military, just wasn't ready yet as i didn't know what career path i wanted. turns out this girl and i had a few classes together, it wasn't planned in any way whatsoever, just by chance (we had similar academical interests). anyway, one day after class, we went to lunch together, not sure who asked who, but we ended up at the snack bar together. during lunch, this girl, asked me if maybe we could try dating. i wasn't overly interested in her that way, but wasn't put off by the idea either. i said sure, and we went on a date together a few days later. so, our date went fine, nothing extraordinary, nothing bad either. one date turned into two and then no further dates. i simply didn't ask her out any more. we were still friendly with each other, we still talked, but no more dates. fast forward a few months and i was off to basic training. we kept in touch through the occasional facebook message but nothing too much maybe a facebook message every 3 or 4 months. now lets fast forward 3 years. my communication with this girl over the last 3 years was sporadic. we talked on messenger mostly about where i was now, what i was up to and the same for her. i am a private person and don't share many personal details with anyone. i have not seen this woman in 3 years and had maybe 6 conversations with her over those 3 years. i am getting married now, not to her but someone i met in my current duty station. i told her this in fb messenger as we don't have each others phone numbers and only communicate sporadically over messenger. ​ this girl congratulated me and then told me i was an asshole for cheating on her and falling in love with someone else while we were dating. my fiancé told me that i was an asshole for not telling her i was dating someone when we met and that what i did to this girl was a dick move as i never broke up with her. my argument was that we had only gone out a total of 2 times, both dinners and one was to a movie and one to a hockey game and these "dates" were over 2 years ago. we never had any physical encounters, i never signed my facebook messages as "miss you" or "love you" or any other ending that could be construed as being a couple. i didn't and still don't believe we were a couple. we didn't even have each others phone numbers. ​ ​ so reddit, am i the asshole? ​ ​

aita for getting married while i was "dating" someone?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cax1h5/aita_for_getting_married_while_i_was_dating/

2019-07-09 06:25:31

what? no. nta. it fizzled, that happens. why is your wife/bride to be mad? they are both being unreasonable if what you’ve written here is a complete picture of the situation.

huge nta - you weren't in a relationship with this girl, ever, period. going on a couple dates with someone doesn't mean a relationship was established. the most surprising thing about this is that your fiance thinks you were being a dick, i genuinely can't see how. you were friends who went on a couple dates and that's it.

nta. you may not have technically "broken up with her," but if she thought that 6 brief conversations over 3 years and no visitation meant you were in a relationship, she has other problems on her hands.

nta this is a shitpost right?

nta, are you sure she wasn't joking and it just came off weird through text? i mean, okay, you're *a little bit* of an asshole for communicating badly and not making it clear that you weren't romantic anymore, but it's really a whole other level of bizarre for that much time to pass without her questioning it, if she wasn't joking.

nta. based on this logic, all of us who never "broke up" with that primary school boyfriend/girlfriend have a lot of explaining to do to our current partners.

nta, although i'm curious as to her mental stability if she considers what you guys had a relationship

nta. you weren't dating her.

nta unless there is something about this story that is different in the girls minds than what you typed, you didn't consider yourself a couple and didn't owe any explain about what you were doing.

nta. i echo what everyone else is saying but you may want to try to figure out why your significant other has taken the stance she has.

BENIGN

hi ! first time user and i think i need to vent a little (also english isn’t my birth language i’m sorry) me (21f) and my bf (21m) i just got an ipad for christmas and i use it for work. i let my bf use it sometimes cause it’s a brand new one and is more efficient than his holder ipad. (he has all access to my ipad & phone and vice versa i just don’t need/want to use his stuff) (also we completely trust each over that’s why we both have access to each over‘s electronic devices) i use instagram in order to work. my business is on it so i usually use the ipad to answer messages. (my insta account is also on my phone). but since my bf has all access to my ipad, he sometimes see when i have new messages. a few days ago i receive a dm from a friend (let’s call her m) asking me if we could hang out or just talk since we haven’t seen each over for a while (don’t worry i’m not going to see her, because of that damn pandemic). my bf was using the ipad and he and m hate each over, so, for “fun” he decided to answer a simple “no.” as if it was from me. and since the account is linked to my phone, i saw his answer a few minutes after it was send...l i was pissed but i just deleted the message and asked him to stop. i happened again today. but this time it was a professional dm for work from a girl he knew (and he also don’t really like her but that’s another story). so for fun again he was answering as if it was me talking. it didn’t last long though but he did send her sometimes along the line of “ -my name- will answer you shortly“. again i saw it on my phone, and i was livid.... just don’t do that dude... i screamed at him, that’s why i think i’m the a.hole.... i know it was harmless messages and that girl know him so she probably didn’t think much of it. but for me, you just don’t do that. it’s on my professional account and it was a dm for work. and he knows how my work is important to me. especially lately with the pandemic i’m working less and earning less. he is giving me the silence treatment because he thinks i’m overreacting and maybe i did but dont do that. i lost a lot of trust in him. it’s stupid i know but somehow i feel betrayed. i sometimes answer his texts for him when he’s busy but i always check with him first if everything is ok. i never do it for fun because it’s not funny to me.... ​ so iata for screaming ? i assume i am but god i feel so betrayed... ​ thanks for reading me and sorry for any typos :)

aita for telling my bf to stop answering people for me

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kxwob6/aita_for_telling_my_bf_to_stop_answering_people/

2021-01-15 15:25:01

nta. you set a clear boundary, he crossed it on purpose, and is now gaslighting you into thinking you’re overreacting. until he proves that he can listen to your boundaries, i would suggest to him that you each use your own devices for a while. do not let him make you out to be the bad guy. i even question that if you didn’t have your phone linked to those messages, would he have told you that he was sending them? that’s a whole other trust issue in itself!

yeah he’s totally the asshole. let alone answering your professional emails could damage your business. and then giving you the silent treatment? unacceptable! nta. if he can’t respect your boundaries you shouldn’t let him use your ipad.

nta he’s overstepping. that’s your business. take the ipad back. don’t let him use it if he can’t control himself like an adult.

nta, sometimes screaming is better than hitting or throwing things. boundaries are important in relationships and if he won’t honor your requests that’s a bad sign of things to come; he needs to recognize the seriousness of your position.

you are so not the ah. he is such an ah. he violated your privacy, tried to sabotage you professionally and is now sulking and giving you the silent treatment? he expects you to apologize to him? please lock him out of all your devices. and change all your passwords while you’re at it. i’m not saying he’d definitely do something else, i’m just saying his track record is really bad. you have no reason to trust him and every reason to distrust him. nta.

nta he’s got no business reading your dms?? like whatever he’s on your ipad for, he should be strictly sticking to that. going through your personal shit is a big no no.

nta remove his ability to use your devices. he has repeatedly shown that he isn't to be trusted. if he manages to earn back that trust, share. but, watch for other controlling behavior. he cannot be allowed to decide who you speak with. this behavior is not acceptable and is not "for fun" edit, you are not overreacting

nta, stop saying it was for 'fun'. it wasn't, he's controlling.

nta but girl you need to change your passwords and do not let him use your phone or ipad or whatnot. this sounds potentially dangerous for the damage it could cause.

nta he shouldn't be answering any of your messages, much less professional ones

BENIGN

i agreed to watch my friend's daughter one week at the beginning of summer break. the daughter, 7, is friends with my daughter (12) and i don't do much for her through the day but fix lunches and snacks. they are usually off playing so i didn't ask for payment. one week somehow became a few days a week all summer. not that big a deal since my kids love having her over and they get to play. still not asking for payment, and i'm providing her lunches along with my kids. now, my friend's stepson is moving in with her. she has been dry begging me to watch him as well. she sent a dozen texts explaining their situation and saying she doesn't know who would take him during the day. i knew what she wanted so i responded "i wouldn't mind watching him when daughter comes over, but i would need a little bit of compensation. for lunches and to take him with us on our fieldtrips." (i homeschool) well, she blew up on me saying it wasn't fair to take one kid and not the other. i hardly know the stepson. my kids and the daughter are actually friends. maybe i'm not being fair? she brought up how playing favorites will hurt the stepson's feelings and now i feel like a jackass... aita?

aita for asking for payment to babysit 2 of my friends kids?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ofqxh5/aita_for_asking_for_payment_to_babysit_2_of_my/

2021-07-07 20:06:07

nta one is a play date, the other is baby sitting

nta. totally reasonable request. and there isn't any reason the boys feelings will be hurt because any financial arrangements will be between the adults...not him. she's trying to manipulate and take advantage of you. don't be a doormat.

nta. you have the right to not take on the job of babysitting two kids for free, particularly one which you don't know. your friend is free to find someone who will watch both kids for free or to (reasonably) not expect you to foot the bill for feeding and taking out two kids all summer long.

nta op was being kind to watch one kid. this friend moved the goal posts already from one week to a few days a week. adding another kid to the free daycare was not the deal. if mom is worried about favorites then ask for money to watch just the one kid from here on out. then double it for the second kid.

nta in no way shape or form you are not doing this to watch her daughter. you are doing it because her daughter is your daughters friend. it makes things very, very easy. bringing the stepson into the mix might work, it might not. but it will change the easy dynamic that you have going on now.

nta. your favor to her has now become an unpaid expectation and commitment. she's already taking advantage of you, and now she wants to double down. i like how she turned it around on you 'playing favorites'--that's some nice manipulation. so, turn it around on her. "you're right, beverly! i would definitely be playing favorites by making you pay for stepson and not daughter. so, i'll need some compensation for both. thanks!"

nta. your friend is abusing your generosity and frustrated to discover it has its limits.

nta and you know what would be fair? if your friend payed for food and outings for both kids.

nta it’s literally not your problem her childcare issues are her issues and she is taking advantage of your kindness which was fine while you allowed it but now you have boundaries and ask for basic compensation it’s an issue to her. asking for the costs of food and any field trips is soooooo reasonable , she will be really hard up finding a sitter that would accept those terms

nta. if someone were watching my kids on a regular basis and fed them multiple meals etc, i would absolutely insist on paying at least the cost of the food, but most certainly more. you’re not asking for the payment of a daycare center, i assume. feeding multiple children can get expensive. it’s not unreasonable to ask for compensation.

BENIGN

i (48m) and my wife (47f) both have very well paying jobs. i am a pediatric doctor and she's an attorney, which have allowed us and our kids (20f), (17m) and (15m) to have a more than comfortable lifestyle. my wife has a tendency to say things like 'money doesn't matter' and that 'material things don't matter' and she says them all the time, which kinda irks me because she's right, but i was raised in a poor family, and i know that she wouldn't be saying the same thing if we were middle-class. but i haven't said anything up until this morning. i had made a comment about needing a better watch, and my wife was saying her usual 'money doesn't matter'. i told her that she was only saying that because we are rich and because she has never experienced being without money in any sense. predictably, she got upset with me, and now i'm wondering if perhaps i overreacted and went too far.

aita for telling my wife that the only reason she says 'money doesn't matter' is because we're rich?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ktuqop/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_the_only_reason_she/

2021-01-09 17:09:21

nta. people who have always had money seem to be delusional about it. money absolutely does matter when you’re poor.

nta but your wife is only an asshole very gently. it‘s difficult to understand and accept your privilege when you‘ve grown up with it. i once said something akin to „money doesn‘t matter“ or „money doesnt buy happiness“ to a friend and got a proper lecture by a friend. it went summat like this: you only say money doesn‘t matter because you have it, it buys you a good university, nice holidays and good care altogether. these are things that make you happy/happier that you buy with the money that you say doesnt matter.

nta - alex, can i get " things only rich people say" for $500? ​ money matters a lot to most people, especially now, unfortunately.

nah. she’s probably never had to think about it like that before, and pointing it out made her uncomfortable. since it was bothering you, you’re def not an ah for pointing it out, and i honestly don’t think she’s an ah for being upset - as long as she uses this as a chance to learn. if she continues to hold a grudge or something then my answer would change.

nta-i will say money isn't everything, but it sure fucking helps.

nah ~~info:~~ can you be clearer about what sort of context she's saying this in? because it could be either really offensive or really not. for example, when you "made a comment about needing a better watch," was she suggesting that you shouldn't be reluctant to spend the money on a better watch? that you should be satisfied with the watch you have? that she'd be happy to buy you one?

yta. your wife said money doesn't matter when you mentioned you needed a new watch, which normally would mean: get the watch you need because money isn't an issue. so you blindsided her about your lack of privilege during your childhood and how you don't like her comments about money? you've been with her for long enough to have teenage/adult children and you choose this random moment about a $40 watch to do this? info. does she disregard others lack of privilege? does she flaunt her privilege? what does she actually mean when she says "money doesn't matter"? money matters, especially when you don't have it, but the way you chose to go about this doesn't make sense and seems immature for your education and age.

nah. i can't call your wife an ah for being oblivious to her privilege and you aren't one for calling out her obliviousness. you guys need to sit down and have a talk about her comments bothering you and what you guys can do going forward. you guys just need to communicate better.

nta - i grew up below the poverty line, like you, was very lucky to move into a very well paying career. money matters. anyone who doesn't think it matters has never had to decide between buying milk and buying bread (and you buy the bread because, let's be honest, milk is a luxury item at that point).

ehhh i'm gonna go nah. you're talking about a new watch, your wife, in turn, says "money doesn't matter", what i get from that is, she's telling you to get a watch that is good and not worry about price. but it seems if y'all needed to be conservative about money this would be totally different. you were kind of an ah because you bit her head of abt it, and if it bothers you so much why don't you sit down with her and have an adult conversation.

BENIGN

i (19f) am best friends with michael (20m). we've known each other since we were born and i call his parents 'aunt' and 'uncle' and he does the same for my parents. both our parents met in uni (at age 18 and are best friends now at 40/50). every year my family and his have a getaway/holiday. i see him as my brother/fun cousin. no attraction to him at all, he's basically family. michael has been dating this girl called lacey (20f) for 9 months. since he started dating lacey, the friend group has turned sour towards me when previously, i got along with them all. i found out they refer to me as the 'ex' or 'side ting' and have made jabs at michael insinuating we're more than friends. apparently, lacey has had her doubts, too but michael always shuts it down. luckily, i have my own friend group who are supportive of me, but it sucks i've lost these friends, too (i was friendly with a lot of michael's friend group). a few days ago, michael invited me to come with him and the group to get drunk and go bowling. i agreed because i hoped the alcohol would loosen me up and 'force' me to talk about my issues with the group. i get that's kind of immature, but i just wanted to fix the situation for everyone's benefit. when i get there, it's immediately awkward and i'm being treated like an assistant (most likely to get me away). i ended up leaving after 30 minutes because i felt so embarrassed. michael text me not long after i left to check on me, and i explained the whole situation. he felt awful and called me the next day and told me he had distanced those friends and was having 'stern words' with lacey. he said they all confessed to not liking how i treat michael, which doesn't make sense to either of us. the thing is, now lacey and his old friend group are accusing me of isolating michael and being 'possessive'. i asked my mum and she said that i won't get along with everyone in life, and that i just have to move on and deal with it and let michael be his own person. my older sister also said it was 'way out of line' to tell michael about his friends. for the record, michael can be friends with and date whoever they want, but i was simply telling him i don't care for them and he distanced himself on his own accord. aita?

aita for 'isolating' my best friend from his friend group by telling the truth about how i feel about them?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/toyxer/aita_for_isolating_my_best_friend_from_his_friend/

2022-03-26 17:51:59

nta. listen to what michael said. his response says it all. he checked in with you and you were honest. forget those cliquey scrotums. jealousy is real and often infects romantic pairings; lacey might have caught that bug.

nta. they tried to freeze out one of michael's friends due to lacey's insecurity about the op's friendship with michael, and it backfired on them. sucks to be them.

nta. sounds like michael is a good guy and found his friends do not meet his standards. your best option now as as his unofficial sister would be to help him find activities where he can make different and better friends!

nta, the person trying to isolate him is lacey.

nta. your cousin, because that is essentially what he is, sounds like a good guy. if his friends were treating his cousin whom he is close to like garbage, he deserved to know. him distancing himself from them was his choice, not yours. if my friend group was toxic and treating someone i was close to like garbage, i would want to know, and i would confront them as well. it sounds like confronting them did not go well and that’s probably why he distanced himself, if they had admitted to it and apologized to him for treating you like that i don’t think he would have made that choice. at this point the only people responsible for this are them. best of luck to you and your cousin, maybe he can start hanging out with your friends. they sound like nice people. :)

nta. you merely told your best friend how his other friends treated you, that's what best friends are for, to confide in. and he chose to distance himself because they were shit to his best friend.

nta. your mom is right. michael is better off without these people, and it was his choice to leave the friend group.

nta, you guys are basically family and if i were michael and my friends treated you like how his did, i would also distance myself and maybe talk girl to girl with his gf and make it clear you are not interested in michael like she is

nta you have been friends with him for longer than any of these folks. i think it's fine that you told himm how you were feeling. your mom is right though, some people are just assholes. you aren't going to get along with everyone, and this "group" has already made up their minds.

nta. you probably shouldn’t have talked to him while drinking though. but now that you’ve said your peace, move on. spend time with him separately and with your own friends separately. don’t stick around to find out who’s saying what about whom or you will feed into the drama more.

BENIGN

so me and my sister (25y and 26y)live apart from our immediate family. (mom, dad and two brothers.) our dad’s birthday is the end of october and my mom sent a message to the group chat of children, around october 15th that she just bought a $950 gun. she wants about $100 dollars from each of us to cover about half of the cost. she would then say it was a gift from everyone. i informed her that i had already bought him a custom gift i had commissioned my friend to do. it is a custom carved american flag made out of some high quality wood with the marine corps symbol engraved in it with his name and dates of service carved on the bottom. (my dad has his own workshop in the basement. thought it would be something he liked.) ran about the same price of about $100. plus a bit extra for shipping. i sent this request on october 1st, to give him ample time to carve and ship the custom piece. i informed my mom of this and she just says, “well you can send that gift and still pay another $100?” i told her that unfortunately i can’t expend another $100 due to personal medical costs i’ll be paying that month. i informed her that i’m totally ok with them saying that the gun is from everyone but me. has been radio silence since. my sister thinks i’m being selfish. and i told her i feel that if we all gave gifts individually then it would seem more personal because we all put thought into it. and that i was fine not being apart of the collective present. aita?

aita for buying my dad a individual birthday present rather than shelling out an extra $100 dollars to my mom for the gift she got him?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jdiprq/aita_for_buying_my_dad_a_individual_birthday/

2020-10-18 15:58:10

nta. if she wanted $100 from everyone she should have asked before buying it.

nta. your gift sounds very thoughtful. it sounds like your mother can’t afford the gift she bought, and was just kind of hoping others would foot the bill. she should have asked before she bought it. the expectation that others weren’t planning on getting their own gifts, and then calling you selfish makes her ta.

nta. group gifts are things should be discussed and agreed-upon before being bought; it's a total asshole move for someone to buy something and then demand others pitch in for it, esp when they wait until 2 weeks before the event to do so.

nta should have checked with everyone and got agreement on the plan before purchasing. it’s not cool to spend money expecting others to agree with the purchase without consulting them beforehand.

nta, give your dad your thoughtful gift.

nta. this is something that should have been discussed before the purchase. you don’t know there was going to be a collective gift. for a gift in your own. your mom can’t just buy a gift and the say hey everyone needs to pitch in. she should have had that discussion first. if she couldn’t afford the gift in her own ... then she shouldn’t have got it without talking to everyone first. if you don’t have the money, then you don’t have the money. don’t feel bad and pay for your medical stuff.

nta it's a bit late for you mum to be arranging group gifts she should have told you at least a month before if she wanted to do it and talked to all of you about it before she purchased it. you're not the asshole in any way don't worry 👍

nta. this is something she should of discussed to make sure everyone was okay with it long before she bought the gun.

nta. you already made your own plans for a gift. if she wanted money, she needed to have asked everyone in advance if they want to contribute. it's not an obligation to follow along with her idea.

nta your mother should have asked before going ahead and purchasing. you had a plan set in place already. why should you have to basically give double than everyone else? maybe they should all chip in to your gift, too.

BENIGN

throwaway account. so hear me out, me and my wife have being trying for a baby this year. having kids is something that she’s always wanted and is very adamant about. i work a manual labor job for 8-12 hours a day, sometimes when i get home all i want to do is eat and sleep, may mix a shower in there sometimes. anyway, so last night i got home after a 12 hour shift of working in the sun and was ready to crash out and of course it had to be ovulation time. i told my wife how tired i was and that i wasn’t in the mood, she insisted that’d she do all the work and that it’d help me sleep better, ok can’t argue with that. she’s on top riding her heart out and within maybe 2 minutes i fall asleep. she tried to wake me up but i was out. this morning i woke up to a very upset wife, angry that we missed “her most fertile time”. she was crying and said how i must not be attracted to her if i can’t stay awake for five minutes and that i wasn’t serious about having kids with her as well. i kept trying to remind her that i told her i was tired before we even started but she wasn’t listening, then i asked if it was possible that her ovulation was messing with her hormones and she was overreacting, she hasn’t spoken to me since this morning. so amita?? edit 1: my wife and i talk pretty openly about how her hormones during her period and how changes the way she acts and reacts sometimes. didn’t think this would be different. edit 2: i work long hours at a physically demanding job specifically for her and the baby we’re trying to bring into this world. i want to be able to provide for my family, so her accusing me of not really wanting a baby is ridiculous and she knows it.

aita for falling asleep during sex?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d06c1x/aita_for_falling_asleep_during_sex/

2019-09-05 20:28:47

nta, but dude you stepped in it. the last thing you accuse a hormonal woman of *is being hormonal*.

nta. you said you were tired and guess what tired people do? they fall asleep. but might be nice to reassure her that you're just as excited to have a baby as she is. fertility can be really sensitive for a lot of women. and as a woman, i can tell you that never has there been a scenario where i'm upset and someone asking me if it's my hormones has helped. when dudes are pissed no one goes "yo, your testorone levels alright bro?"

nta. hey y’all, quick thought experiment. switch the genders. wife works long hours and comes home exhausted. husband reminds her that it’s the last day of her ovulation period. pressures her into sex because “we’re trying for a baby, we have to try today!” and “come on honey i’ll do all the work, lie back and think of england.” wife falls asleep during sex because she was genuinely exhausted (probably has been for a while, depending on how long she’s been on this schedule and how long they’ve been trying for a baby). husband blows up at the wife and wife, likely frustrated, short tempered due to exhaustion and not prepared to deal with husband yelling at her for something she couldn’t help, says something stupid. are you really going to say that the person who was coerced into sex is the asshole? op said something stupid, don’t get me wrong (don’t call out someone who is acting irrationally, they aren’t in the mindset to appreciate it) but even though they’re trying for a baby that doesn’t mean “no means no” no longer applies. consent doesn’t end once you start family planning. also none of y’all seem to have ever been incredibly sleep deprived and it shows. i’ve passed out standing up, let alone passed out flat on my back in bed (which we’re conditioned to associate with sleep).

nta. for falling asleep. it happens. but my god man, asking if the ovulation is affecting her hormones and whether she was overreacting!? *maybe* it's a valid thought, but you just don't ask that!

nta. op: honey i'm not in the mood. wife: "it'll help you sleep better." op: okay. (sleeps) wife: (surprised pikachu face) wife's squarely the asshole at every stage of the process: first for pressuring you into sex, then getting mad that you didn't "perform" adequately at the sex you didn't want in the first place. op is thoroughly in the clear: "blaming a woman's behavior on hormones is an asshole move" is meant for "you're only upset about this shitty thing i did to you because of hormones," situations, not "are you acting this way because of hormones or are you actually choosing to be emotionally abusive of your own free will?" situations, and this is squarely in the latter category.

nta, and dear goodness why are so few people concerned about the fact that she didn’t respect you not wanting to have sex?

nah coming from another woman that has been trying for a year. it sounds like a long time but when you think of it is as only actually being 12 chances it sounds like a lot less. it can be frustrating, and exhausting, for everyone involved. you're tired, totally understandable. she's ovulating and doesn't want to miss this cycle, also understandable. i have some advice for you guys, take it or leave it. first, sperm lives for up to 5 days **and** takes time to get to its destination. the sperm that gets to the egg will already need to be there when the egg is released. what this basically means is you really only need to have sex every other day starting about 5 days before she ovulates and 2 days after (just gives you wiggle room in case you're wrong about the ovulation day). in our particular case, this means we have normal, non baby-making sex whenever we feel like it the rest of the month, but then get more diligent when i have egg white cm, moving to every other day (or more often if we want) for about a week then back to more relaxed. good luck to both of you!

nta and if the genders were reversed everyone would be calling the husband for blowing up at his wife cause she fell asleep during sex and getting mad if she suggested his hormones were at fault to be upset.

nta. but the stress of having a baby is also probably getting to her causing her to be a little more emotional. you should both read about the effect of stress on conception.

nah. you cant help falling asleep when youre exhausted, and trying for a baby is very stressful on many people. sounds like your wife is just freaking out from stress and is choosing you to take it out on. its not okay, but its common. i dont think it makes her an asshole unless this isnt the first time, or if she does it again. i think it might be best for you two to sit down and talk about how this stress is affecting her and maybe pay a visit to your doctor(s) together if you two have been trying for a long time with no success.

BENIGN

anyways, lately my boyfriend has been eating my share of food, finishes my snack (after devouring his own within days of getting them), or eating my share of leftovers. i wasn’t really mad, just more annoyed, but then with it happening again and again, it started to make me a bit mad. what is the point of having my own if i don’t get it to myself. if you want my snack or leftovers, i will most likely let you, just ask, i don’t mind sharing when asked. i have brought it up to him before, just calmly asking “hey did you finish my chips?” and he instantly gets his back up, and goes off saying crap like, “oh please, there was hardly any left, you weren’t eating them” yada yada, i usually just let it go because it becomes a conversation on how i’m being dramatic/petty over stupid things, or that i’m just being a dick and want to cause fights between us. well, tonight he ate my half of the shepherds pie we had left over. i did cut a bit off my piece and gave it to our daughter for her to have with her dinner tonight, then after her dinner i gave her a bath and put her to bed. when i came back upstairs he was eating his leftovers, i go to the fridge to warm up the rest of mine and it’s gone.. i ask him if he ate it all and right away his backs up, and he starts going off “oh my god! are you for real?” eyes just rolling at me, “it was so little of a piece left”, “i shouldn’t of split it her, if i wanted to eat it for dinner” again split with our daughter, who’s 7 months btw, so it’s not even like i gave her too much with her dinner, and then him telling me “you already ate your half”. i was too tired to even bother with the conversation so i just turned back to the fridge for something else to eat… i grabbed my leftover pizza, and then grabbed his, i asked if i could have his leftovers and he’s said no, if i was going to have his slice, then he’d be ordering himself takeout, like tf? eat my food but i can’t have yours?? eat my dinner, and still want more, but i need to be okay with one slice of pizza?? i guess my question here is, what i can’t figure out, am i the asshole for being upset over him eating my food? or am i being dramatic? i will accept it if i’m being the ass here and just let it go the next time it happens, so let me know! tia added info: thinking about this now, he always eats my food when i’m not home or in the room lol

aita for being annoyed with my boyfriend for eating my food

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/plckmd/aita_for_being_annoyed_with_my_boyfriend_for/

2021-09-10 02:54:21

nta. what an entitled rude selfish ah. this is disrespectful. he doesn’t respect your boundaries or care that he is upsetting you

nta. he is disrespecting you, repeatedly, to your face. if he is only going to eat food he buys/prepares, simply don't cook for him. don't even buy enough food for him. he wants to be a big man? big man can fend for himself; he's an adult. he's testing the waters right now, seeing how far he can push you. this is a major red flag for controlling, abusive behavior.

nta. but, if there are leftovers you are saving for you, mark them. get a roll of masking tape and a sharpie for the kitchen and mark the leftovers your are saving for yourself. if he doesn't stop after talking to him and even marking your food, you might need to get out of the relationship--because that level of not caring about the other person is not limited to just eating leftovers.

nta. you know that shit is there, you look forward to it. you've put it away for a reason. if he's still hungry after dinner then maybe he should make himself a bloody sandwich. it doesn't matter if you share it with your kid, it doesn't matter if there were hardly any chips left. he got his own damn snacks and he smashed them, doesn't mean he gets to snack steal! there is nothing worse in the food world than looking forward to something all day and then getting home to find that it's been eaten.

nta. a halfway decent partner would check before scarfing down all the leftovers. honestly, i find the “his leftovers” and “my leftovers” a little confusing. are you separating the leftovers in two separate portions for you and him? if you’re doing that to make it clear who gets what, then he’s majorly selfish and rude for taking what is clearly yours. that’s the same as if you have a roommate who takes food that has your name on it. although…. if you’re not already doing that, this could be a good idea for how to avoid arguments. see if you can get him to agree to label everything. the rules with snacks, regular groceries and food stuffs should be clear. with all leftovers, take what you want to keep for yourself and put your name on it. his name goes on his portion. then tell him that you won’t touch anything with his name on it. anything with your name is yours and yours alone. if he does steal food which is labeled with your name on it, then even he should know he is being a jerk.

nta. he's a selfish entitled brat. run!

nta no you aren't being dramatic. he's selfish and rude. normally i don't advocate for pettiness in the home for the obvious reasons, but at this point if you were to buy a locking box for your shelf stable snacks and put the key somewhere he'd never find it, i wouldn't fault you. cutting back on how much you make for dinner while a good move probably isn't going to stop him from eating your food if you leave the table at any point. also ordering take out? for what? he had two shares of shepherd's, do he have a tape worm the size of new york? anyways its time to sit him down outside of food times and explain to him that he needs to stop eating your food. its disrespectful and rude. he can and should ask and you can and should say no when you don't want to share. when he tantrum say nothing. just shut down until he runs out of steam. at that point you ask if he's done. if he goes back to ranting, repeat the cycle. if he lets you talk break down what he's doing and how it makes you feel. the fact he's taking food from you when he can easily eat something else. the way his disregard for you affects you. if you really want to see how far he's up his own hindparts ask him if you need to start worrying about him eating your daughter's food. in theory he'll go on the defense and say he'd never do that. at which point you ask him why then he feels its ok to take your food rather than eating something else tonight. feel free to use this incident as an example, he ate your share rather than eating his leftover pizza but was quick to deny that slice to you, someone who had no dinner at hand other than one friggin slice of pizza.

nta, he is not respecting you. and if there aren't enough leftovers he is not participating in productive conversations about increasing meal sizes and making more leftovers. instead he is blaming you, eating your food and making it out to be your fault when its not.

nta - it takes a special kind of person to gaslight you about food. he’s being manipulative and abusive. please do some research on creating strong boundaries & ask yourself if you’d be ok with someone treating your daughter how he treats you now?

nta. my husband ate my leftovers once. i told him if he did it again i'd divorce him. i wasn't kidding. it's insanely disrespectful to take someone's food. it's stealing. it shows you don't care about something they were looking forward to because no one saves something they aren't looking forward to eating more of. it puts more work on them to now find something else to eat. it just isn't ok.

TOXIC

so i guess i can see where shes coming from but at the same time its like... come on. still a little shaken from the whole encounter since i don't like confrontation, but i still dont really think i'm in the wrong. so in my recent dnd session, my players had to defend a church from a wave of the undead. i searched around for church minis, but they were all either really expensive (as minis usually are) or just not the style i was looking for (like a lot of skulls and evil looking, which didnt fit the theme) anyhow, i remembered that there was a small christian bookstore near me that sold a bunch of hummel type figurines, and i figured maybe they had a little church. so i stopped in and they did, little ceramic basic looking church with a cross on top. bought it for $4.99. so the session comes along and it's going well, until one of my players mom shows up. she had been watching the players baby while her daughter played, and has always been passive aggressively voicing her displeasure that we're playing a game with spells and demons, (she is uber religious, definently would have been all for the satanic panic in the 80's had we been around to play then) well she saw the little church on the battlemap and blew her lid, saying that it was not ok to "include jesus in this nasty game" and tried to take the church from us. her daughter eventually calmed her down, but the mom adamantly demanded her daughter come home. she eventually did just to end the scene her mom was making, but now some of the players are irritated at me, saying i could've used literally anything and just said it was a church. they weren't mad about it like the mom was, just that now we had to stop playing because a player had left. i just don't get what the big deal was, it's a little ceramic thing that i bought for $5 and now own. it's not like we were doing blood rituals or orgies over it lol, just playing a game. aita?

aita for using a figurine i bought from a christian bookstore as a mini for my dungeons and dragons campaign?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f8v5t8/aita_for_using_a_figurine_i_bought_from_a/

2020-02-24 17:59:37

nta- sorry that lady sucks. the other players are just mad that it happened. d&d is great ❤️

nta. it's not really a church but a miniature of one. thus, even if one was religious, one would have to concede it's not consecrated or anything. ironically, your players had to even *defend* it which makes you "**defenders of the church**" - go and tell her that! (leave out the fact, though, that she basically sided with the undead.)

nta. it's just a church ceramic.

nta- lady is a hold over from when sally jesse raphael was convinced this is how devil worship started. info: was the d&d session before the santeria or the orgy? :)

nta she is bonkers.

listen. we don’t hve mini figures. so we ran out last d&d campaign using fisher price little people we stole from our kids on d&d night. my half elf thief was represented by a queen of england little people toy. def nta

nta alotta religious ppl are just plain crazy when it comes ro their religion. theres nouthing anyone can do about it.

as a christian and former roll-player, this doesn't phase me. i can certainly see her perspective, but i definitely think she went too far. the adult thing to do would be to say something like "oh guys, can you please not use those?" even if her philosophy is wrong, she can be polite about it. nta.

nta. that mother needs to take a chill pill. if there was any actual teeth to the demons or spells, then i certainly wouldn't be working at a fucking office job every day.

it's ok to include jesus in d&d, as long as you give him legendary resistance. oh, and nta, obviously. as a dm myself, i use whatever i can find on the cheap for representations. i craft what i can, but the dollar store and sales tables are my endless friends when it comes to things like this. $5 bucks sounds like a steal, and it sounds like this woman was just looking for an excuse to blow up at you and pull her kid from the game.

TOXIC

this is my very first post here so sorry for any mistakes. every year my local area has a scheme where you can donate toys for disadvantaged children, who wouldn't normally be able to get any gifts for whatever reason. i have just found out that my friend has applied to this scheme to receive help for her two kids. saying that because of covid she has just been let go from work and can not afford anything for them. this is a lie she has not been let go infact she has just been given a promotion which comes with a significant pay rise. the real reason she is struggling to buy anything is she has just bought a puppy for £600 and spent £5000 on a holiday for next year when traveling is allowed. on top of these she has also just spent a fortune on a full new wardrobe as she didn't like any of her old clothes and wanted a change of fashion. i feel if she hadn't of bought these she would of been able to afford christmas gifts and not need this charity help and is taking away from families who do actually need the help. so wibta if i report her because if she doesn't have this help her children will not have anything to open on christmas day. *edited few spelling mistakes *edit to say i've had a few people message me to say i'm just as bad to associate myself with someone like her, i never thought in a million years she would stoop so low to do something like this, it's very out of character of her. i told her if she does go ahead with the application i will be discusted with her and will no longer consider her a friend. i have emailed the company and told them her situation, because of data protection they can't tell me if she has applied, but if she does they have to take her plea as genuine as they have no means of checking everyone's personal information and rely on honesty from every applicant. *edit 2. there seems to be a bit of confusion over the word 'scheme'. i'm from the uk here the word scheme can be also known as a project. it's not always a bad thing.

wibta if i report my friend for asking for help with her children's christmas present

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/js7wcb/wibta_if_i_report_my_friend_for_asking_for_help/

2020-11-11 13:13:58

nta. your friend is preventing children who actually cannot have access to presents from receiving them. she's ta, big time.

nta. schemes like that are for families who truly struggle, not to be taken advantage of by those who are financially comfortable.

nta, she’s not the intended audience.

nta ... she's taking the place of an actual case.

nta report her!

nta, the audacity.

nta she'll be taking away from the less fortunate due to her own greed so nta. but why do you call it a scheme?

nta. she's financially comfortable and is therefore not entitled to get this kind of help.

nta. you *would* be ta if you *didn't* report her. she is literally stealing christmas toys from poor children.

nta. do it.

BENIGN

last year my mom told me that she wanted to get a divorce from my dad. at the time my dad and i did not get along. we couldn't hold a conversation without one of us getting angry. when my mom laid out her reasons, i thought they were good ones. i said, if it would make her happy, she should go for it. one day dad sat me and my brother down. he said he was sorry for how he had treated us. he was going to start therapy on his own and couples therapy with my mom to try and make the relationship work. i never saw my dad cry until that day. my brother and i watched my dad work to be the perfect husband. he practically waited on her hand and foot and let her travel to our home state as much as she wanted (we moved for my dad's work fifteen years ago). then we started to notice mom being weird. she guarded her phone, she was constantly texting someone, and she once answered a facetime call and ran to hide, holding her finger to her lips to tell the person on the line to be quiet. when my dad started dating my mother was furious. she constantly asked me about his new girlfriend (referred to as ng) and tried to get information. i got angry and told her that she should move on. then, the bombshell came. my mom called and said, m: i've been having an affair with boyfriend (referred to as db for douchebag). i first cheated on your dad before we moved. i told your father after christmas. it suddenly made sense why my dad had stopped trying to save the marriage. he had been married to my mom for twenty years. he was devastated! recently, i was at a town event with my mom for my high school. my mom had to leave the event early and my friend amelia agreed to drive me home. the entire time that we were at the event with amelia, my mom was talking shit about my dad, saying, "you can only take so much before you leave," and "that's why i left.” once my mom left, amelia asked me how i was since my mom told her that my dad and ng had started dating before my mom left. i was furious! i said, "you know my mom cheated on my dad, right?" amelia's face went white. "no." my mom had told her parents my dad had started dating ng before my mom left. i couldn't believe it. my mom has always tried to play the victim, but this was so much worse. my dad was the only one that tried to save their marriage. i started talking to amelia’s dad later. he asked how i liked ng. i said she was nice and i liked her kids. her dad asked how i liked db. i said, "i honestly don't like him." he asked me how i could give ng a chance, but not db. i told him how db was responsible for my parents divorce, because he was the other man. (db knows that my dad exists). amelia's dad said, "well that changes things." i haven’t told my mom that i’ve told people the truth. she and i used to be really close and i’m the only one to look out for her mental health, but it infuriates me that she is making my dad a villain. so reddit, aita?

aita for telling people about my mom's affair?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tj7589/aita_for_telling_people_about_my_moms_affair/

2022-03-21 08:42:46

nta. your mom went with the age old "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" option. it was always going to come out some day that she was lying, better that you clear things up now than leave your father to be victimized over her lies. you did the right thing.

nta since your mom was lying about things trying to make your dad the bad guy. but do keep in mind that just because your dad changed his attitude towards the end of the marriage, ir doesn’t take back from 20 years of a bad marriage. if your mom was unhappy for a long time then she was right to get a divorce. i know she didn’t handle things well by cheating, i’m just saying be careful when you say things like “my dad was the only one trying to save the marriage”. your mom tried for 20 years and your dad only changed when he realised he was loosing her. your mom is really wrong here but don’t put your dad in a pedestal either.

nta if she didn’t want people to know she was a cheater… she shouldn’t have cheated. or lied about the divorce in a way that makes your dad look like a he was the one cheating. a simple “things weren’t working out” was all she needed to say if asked.

nta. your mom is full of shit. she stayed like most people stayed because of stability. she needed to make sure that her affair wouldn't drop her when he got bored. your dad isn't a saint, but she doesn't need to throw stones while living in a glass house.

in my opinion, humble as it may be. you cannot be ta if you are only telling the truth in a conversation where not doing so would support a lie. if you went out of your way to inform people you never interact with and have no bearing on your life what happened, then you would be. letting your family friends know that your mom is both a liar and a cheater when they ask you questions is fair game. big ‘ol nta.

nta. you were just telling the truth. it's the truth. nothing wrong with that.

nta she cheated, she lied, she got caught out. i don't see how any of her actions are on you. you're just being honest, what a person **should** be. she chose not to be. she's gotta wear that like a grown up.

nta. if your mother doesn't want people to know she had an affair, she should not have had an affair. it is actually really simple to keep people from knowing that you did something. you avoid doing whatever it is. in this case, she couldn't have an affair by accident. penises are not something you trip and fall on. you don't take a header down the stairs and land vagina first on a penis. you just don't. so cheating was a choice and if she is ashamed of it, well, she should be.

nta she os lying because she knows she is in the wrong

nta simply because your mum not only cheated but tried to make out that your dad cheated too.

BENIGN

some background, i (17f) go to a pretty good private school. most of the students come from very well off families and mine is no exception. in an attempt to stop us becoming dickheads in the future, we have a yearly assembly about privilege in regards to class, race, sexuality, etc. this year it was on zoom but it was mandatory attendance so most of the school saw it. we had to talk about it in breakout groups afterwards with kids in our form. it quickly turned into a competition of who is the most privileged out of all of us. i'm well aware that i've got an easy life in comparison to most but i'm also bi with adhd and half korean (one of five asian kids in a decently sized school) so i sort of sat out the conversation for the most part one of the guys in my form, 'daniel', pointed out that i must be pretty privileged if i still have my nanny taking me everywhere which confused me because i've never had a nanny, my grandparents looked after me when i was young. i asked him what he was talking about and he said that i had a nanny picking me up and dropping me off to school. my mum is the one who does that and she is my korean parent which is definitely where the assumption came from i'm pretty white-passing (i look white but have people tell me that i could 'pass' for asian) but after a few racist incidents with a kid in our form who is now in a different form, everyone knows that i'm mixed race. i told daniel that the woman that he assumed was my nanny was actually my mum and he asked how he was supposed to know. someone else in our group pointed out that an asian kid probably has an asian parent and there were a few jokes in a similar vein before we moved on to another topic daniel texted me later saying that it was a dick move to make him get mocked in the chat and i told that he was overreacting to a couple of jokes that he deserved. i told my friends about the conversation pretty much immediately afterwards and they're all split 50-50 about whether or not i should have told him that he deserved it aita for saying he deserved to be mocked?

aita for telling a kid that he deserved to be mocked?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k61w4a/aita_for_telling_a_kid_that_he_deserved_to_be/

2020-12-03 17:36:43

nta he assumed your mother was your nanny because she was asian. that's racist. you did the right thing by correcting him. he needed to be confronted with his ignorance. you gave him the opportunity to grow. he's also the ah for calling you out for your perceived privilege. privilege itself is nothing to be ashamed of. everyone's playing with a different deck. the shame lies in what you do with your privilege. the more you have, the more responsibility you carry to help those who are underprivileged. the shame lies in one's actions and conscious choices, not in how rich your parents are. he's a double ah for being so shallow.

nta. this was a perfect example of the racism you were all supposed to be talking about...daniel sounds like a bit of a dingus.

daniel makes no sense. did he expect you to play along with the idea that your mom was actually your nanny so that he wouldn't be corrected? he made an assumption and was corrected. if other kids mocked him for his assumption then that's on him, not you. nta.

nta. do you remember that video that went viral, where kids crashed their dad’s segment on bbc news, and the mum pulled them out. he was white, she was asian, so the immediate commentary around was that she was the nanny? then people found out she was the wife/mum. [check it out here](https://youtu.be/mh4f9ayrczy)

nta. if daniel says something shitty and gets mocked for it, that's on him. it's not your job to coddle him or not defend yourself just because it might cause him to feel an appropriate level of shame and embarrassment for his own actions.

nta he put his own foot in his own mouth and blamed you when he choked on it. he can take this as an opportunity to improve as a person and reflect on his presumptuous thought process.

nta. he did deserve it. he made a stupid, racist assumption; he got off easy if the only fallout was a few jokes at his expense.

nta > i told daniel that the woman that he assumed was my nanny was actually my mum and he asked how he was supposed to know. he could literally not make racist assumptions about asians, for a start.

nta, that was exceptionally presumptuous of him to just assume any well off asian person must only be in the family as a nanny. he got what he deserved. tell him next time to think instead of just assuming things based on racist stereotypes and maybe next time he won't get mocked...

nta. he made a racist assumption, got corrected, tried to justify the assumption and got gently mocked for it. what did he want you to do, lie about it? if he feels embarrassed now it's 100% on him. it's very ironic that this happened during an exercise about privilege.

BENIGN

i'm not gonna be shy about this. my sister sucks. she is a horrible self slcentered person who thinks she is the main character. she is not only a horrible person, she is a step monster. she married this guy... who is a freaking push over... 3 years ago. he has two children. 10 and 6. my sister constantly complains about them. saying things like the 6 year old is gross because he sips too loud or has stained clothing. for the love of god.... he is 6. that's what a child is supposed to do. and she is so mean to the 10 year old girl. she acts straight out jealous of her. i've caught her taunting her, that daddy loves my sister more than her. she is horrible. i have straight up called her out (after trying to talk to her like a million times) . at christmas she was saying, that i'd be nice to have the kids there and i said "why... you hate them?". this was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband had spend more on her than on daughter. a fight ensued. my parents reprimanded me but my cousins took my side and called her out, noting every moment that they had witnessed her being horrible. her husband obviously took her side and said, that she was a wonderful step mother and that the kids love her. to which i said that was a lie, as i had consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. they left and we haven't talked since. one day i was running errands and run into my step nephews who were with their mother. i had never met her... and honestly she is wonderful. we decided to have some coffee. while the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved etc. i said they were wonderful and then i just spilled the beans on my sister. how awful she was. what i've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex husband. by the end she was horrified. she said the kids didn't like her. but she always chucked it up to my sister being the new woman in their fathers life. she said the kids never really said anything even when she asked. i then told her iw as very concerned for the children as my sister had straight up told the 10 year old, that it would be better, if she disappeared from her father's life. their mother saw red and asked me if i'd be willing to "testify". she said that this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. i said i would recount the events that i witnessed and could ask my cousins who witnessed a lot too. she was very grateful. i asked my cousins who were all willing to recount the events. word got arround to my parents and by extention my sister. and they have been calling me the biggest asshole on the planet who would betray family on a whim. am i the asshole?

aita for being openly hostile towards my sister and telling on her thus potentially making her husband loose custody of his children?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/skkx07/aita_for_being_openly_hostile_towards_my_sister/

2022-02-04 18:43:55

nta - those kids are clearly being abused by your sister, and clearly their wellbeing is being neglected by their father. i'm normally not a fan of people injecting themselves into someone else's relationship, but you're looking out for these children and there's nothing at all wrong with that.

nta. how awful for those poor children. you are absolutely doing the right thing in protecting them from your sister. you should be prepared for your family to take her side, though. imo, if your family is willing to side with her, good riddance. hopefully, you can still have a relationship with the kids and their mother, though! good job.

you're nta. i don't like when people throw around the word narcissist around here, but your sister sounds like a narcissist. to be able to criticize children, and be jealous of their relationship with their father, to tell them he loves her more than them? my mother is a narcissist. one of my earliest memories is her telling my sister and me, after our father had tucked us in and told us he loved us more than anything, that he didn't mean more than her, that he would always love her more. i'll never forget that confusing moment in my young life. that woman did damage to all of her children, that she'll never take responsibility for and that we'll be healing from for the rest of our lives. you offered these kids' mother assistance to stop that from happening to her babies any longer. you did a hard thing, you will probably catch shit from family - but i think you did the right thing.

nta these are children that need to be protected. this is a terrible environment for them. telling the truth is not a betrayal. biggest asshole on the planet would go to your sister for what she says and does to children. second is her husband for failing to defend and protect his children.

the fact that the majority of her bio family is willing to testify against her speaks volumes nta

nta you're those kids superhero tbh.

i'm just imagining the judge when the mother shows up "yes i'm here to sue for full custody and i have my ex's new family-in-law here to testify on my behalf" nta op, way to show up for those kids.

nta. you do what's best for those two kids. f@ck your sister. f@ck her spineless husband. and f@ck your parents if they think her behavior is acceptable.

you are a hero! those kids were terrified to speak up. nta

you are a fabulous person who put the needs of 2 children before a vile person, well done nta

BENIGN

my sister (19f) and i (22f) are not very close. i don't remember a time where she wasn't the sole focus of our parents attention. she was diagnosed with a lung problem when she was born and when she was 3 she developed a rare form of cancer. this meant our parents focused a lot on curing it and they expected me to be on hand to entertain her, to keep her mind off of cancer, and to make sure she felt loved. there were times my parents scolded me for watching tv while she was sick because how could i take my focus off of her. she would try to get the attention of everyone after a while. we were left out of a couple of family weddings when we were kids because the bride and groom didn't want her and my parents making her the center of attention on the day. they already did that to my mom's sister. her wedding day my sister puked that morning and my parents decided to tell the whole family beforehand because we'd be late. then they showed up at the church and mom went to the front with my sister and announced to everyone that my sister was okay. my aunt was so mad at her for that. she then had my sister go up to them when they were exchanging vows and give them both a kiss. my aunt actually stopped talking to my mom after that shit show. my sister is used to telling everyone she knows she had cancer, that she's got bad lungs still and she's probably going to need more surgeries in the future (because her liver or kidneys were harmed by her cancer treatments). i admit to resenting the attention she gets. when i was 17 she asked me why i never pay the same kind of attention that our parents do and i told her because she's not the only kid i know who survived cancer and because in the real world people aren't taking their focus off everything to focus on her, or any other cancer survivor. i told her it was rude to bring it up when someone else was celebrating or focusing on something. she asked me how it could be rude when people never tell her to stop. i told her people told mom and dad to stop, they just didn't listen and because she was a kid they wouldn't say it directly to her. i kind of walked away from my family after i moved out. my sister reached out to me recently though and wanted us to catch up. i was open to it but once she got here she started telling everyone about her cancer, she asked me to take days off work to spend with her because cancer and bored. my girlfriend was over and she pestered her for hours while i was at work and then called to complain to me that my girlfriend wouldn't entertain her. when i got home that night i told her if she wants to be the center of attention that she needs to go to our parents, because she won't get that anywhere else. she told me i was mean and i just resented her and it wasn't fair. aita for what i said?

aita for telling my sister to go to our parents if she wants to be the center of attention?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ze65c7/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_go_to_our_parents/

2022-12-06 12:59:53

nta. it‘s sad that your sister suffers so much, but you‘re also a human being and deserve to live your own life and receive your own attention. you aren’t obligated to treat her the way your parents did, and your parents should’ve treated you better!

nta. sister is what your parents made her. she won't change. you will be happier if you keep association with her to a minimum and never invite her to visit again.

nta. your parents hurt their children a lot. they hurt you by ignoring you. they hurt your sister by turning her into a self-centered brat who really thinks she is the center of the universe because that is what she had been taught. until something changes - keep your distance.

nta she's gonna milk that cancer cow as long as she can. just save yourself the stress and drama by keeping away from her

nta. you're doing her a favor. your parents should have been doing this but all they've done is enable her entitled expectations. your sister's behavior will push many people away. it's good she start realizing that now. the sooner the better.

"she told me i was mean and i just resented her and it wasn't fair." nta your sister has been dying her whole life. that's her shtick now. you warned her that you wouldn't treat her different because of her illness. and to be honest, wouldn't you wanted to be treated like a sister and not a terminal patient. "called to complain to me that my girlfriend wouldn't entertain her. " holy shit. what 19 yo needs to be entertained. get a book, open an ap, post on reddit.

nta i am an old lady. my baby sister and i were very close when she was a baby. she was very sick. i lost her in 2015 and miss her till this day. imho, the sole difference here, my sister wasn’t treated like a porcelain doll. my parents were very caring to her, but didn’t forget they had another child,me. while i do blame your parents for a lot of this, when she was a child, i blame your sister for thinking the only attention she can get is for her health issues, as an adult. i think she could use some therapy. maybe you could even talk to someone. your parents really made things much worse for your sister:(best of luck to you!

nta. i have a son with a heart defect, and he's had multiple surgeries. one of the bits of advice i received (counseling was a part of preparing me to bring him home) was to avoid the temptation to overcompensate for what he went through by spoiling him or making him the center of attention, because despite his troubles, he's still a child and needs discipline and boundaries to get through life. i followed that advice, and he wasn't treated any differently from my other kids, behaviorally. your sister is the result of their not doing something similar, and is their problem, not yours. i think your response was blunt, but good.

nta. your sole purpose in life isn't to cater to your sisters needs, despite her medical condition. family relationships are hard and complicated and it looks like you had to grow up too early just to support your parents and her. you deserve your personal space and time after all this. she's old enough to build her own relationships with other people.

nta it’s a shame your sister wasn’t well, but there’s no need for her to act like a spoilt brat. imagine moaning to you that your girlfriend isn’t entertaining her, how bratty is that. your parents need to take responsibility too. i’d cut contact again and if she asks, be honest with her and tell her she can’t use her illness as an excuse to be a spoilt shit.

BENIGN

throwaway didn't know how to phrase the title but i hope it makes sense. so i (15m) crocheted a small plush for a teaching assistant because she's really helped me this year and i wanted to say thanks. the teacher kept it in the physiotherapy room and a year 7 that we'll call may saw it and tried to take it. like me, may has autism but i'd say that i'm more neurotypical - don't know how to phrase it she's tried to take it whilst i was there too. the teacher suggested i make one for her because she keeps moaning that she wants one every time she sees the teacher and repeatedly tries to take it. however i don't want to make her one which i think might make me an asshole, because the plush only takes me 2 hours to make and is simple but i also don't want to use up my supplies - because she wants one for free. (she didn't specifically say but that's what the teacher said) i think the teacher wants me to make one so that may stops bothering her. i talked about it this morning with the teacher and she said that may is a bit spoiled and always gets what she wants at home - her exact words not me paraphrasing as i already said i have autism so i don't really know whether i'm being an asshole, so i'll let you guys decide.

wibta if i refused to crochet for someone because they were going to steal a gift?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/onfv80/wibta_if_i_refused_to_crochet_for_someone_because/

2021-07-19 15:05:32

nta, this is not how life works and despite her autism she should be taught that

nta the teacher has a lot of nerve trying to guilt you into making another one! all she has to do is secure hers so it can't be taken. that "spoiled girl who always gets what she wants" is in for a big surprise. stand your ground and don't give in.

the teacher: >she said that may is a bit spoiled and always gets what she wants at home - also the teacher: spoil her and give her all what she wants? me: wtf? nta

nta just because may wants something doesn’t mean may gets it. if it’s bothering the teacher that much, she should either offer to buy one from you for may or take the one you made her home. no plush, no problem.

i am going with nta. i am a knitter and i will not knit for free for someone like that. i would mention to the student and teacher assistant that you do sell them though and offer to sell one to them. i usually charge 20 to 30 dollars an hour for my work so go with however much that would be.

nta. your skills, time and material are yours to use as you see fit. if the teacher wants may to stop trying to take her plush or moaning about it every time she sees it, the correct action would be to remove the plush from her classroom, not to insist you should make another to ease may's discomfort.

nta may needs to learn a lesson about not being a spoiled little brat who gets whatever she wants on demand.

being autistic doesn't make you a thief. this girl is a thief. her autism has nothing to do with that. entitlement at never being told no? maybe. nta. don't make her anything if you don't want to. you are 100% justified in how you feel. it's up to your teacher to reprimand her for literally stealing things. if she continues, report her to the principle.

nta - people who don't craft tend not to appreciate the amount of time, money and effort spent - i know you said it only takes you a couple of hours but it's still your time. perhaps offering to show may how to crochet her own with her providing the materials might be an option. if she's not interested, that's her loss. you're not obliged to crochet for anyone though especially if it turns your hobby into a chore.

nta if your teacher wants may off of her back so badly, she (your teacher) can pay you for your time and supplies to make another plush.

BENIGN

i'm 16m and she's 11f. she and i had a decent relationship when she was little but once she hit like 5 years old she became so annoying. she will always comment on stuff you're not doing perfectly, even when you don't ask, she's intrusive (inviting herself into stuff all the time), she doesn't give space when you ask for it and in the last couple of years she has become obsessed with watching me while i play video games, and commentating on how badly i'm doing. i know from friends of mine that she does the same with her own friends and has been pushed out of her friend group because of it. it's consistent too. i have tried telling her to stop before and explaining why it's annoying. i have even tried to get my parents to understand. they would always tell me it's not *that bad* and i should accept her how she is. because they were pissed about her being excluded from her friend group and even confronted other parents about it. she was really upset all her friends stopped talking to her and including her. example: i was playing a horror game saturday. in my room. with the door shut. she barges in and doesn't leave when i ask her to and our parents tell me to let her stay and watch. there was a section i was having a hard time with and spent a couple of hours on. she kept telling me i was doing it wrong, i was bad at the game, that i was dying repeatedly. over and over she would say the same thing. i told her i knew. she'd say something like i should stop if i'm that bad. i told her it was about having fun. in the end i got so tired of her that i stopped playing and went to a friends house. that sort of stuff happens all the time. she is downright distracting and takes all the fun out of it. what happened was saturday night i decided to play some more because she was doing something else. but she heard me or something because she came in. i decided to stop playing. she told me she had come to watch. i said i knew but was done. she then wanted me to help her make some halloween crafts. i said no. she told me i had to do something or how else could she hang out with me. i replied that i didn't want to hang out with her. she got upset. our parents asked what was going on and they scolded me for upsetting her. i said i was not going to ruin saturday night by doing something with her so that she could pick at how bad i am the whole time. they told me i was being mean. my sister started crying and said she's only trying to help. i told her she's been told so many times it doesn't help, is annoying and she still won't stop. she got even more upset and then my parents told me i was cruel and should love and accept my sister as she is. i should note, she has no special needs. she just has this habit that was never really corrected by our parents and everyone else is supposed to deal with it. aita?

aita for telling my sister i don't want her to hang out with me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yi96f8/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_want_her_to/

2022-10-31 11:35:07

nta, and your parents should look into getting her into therapy, her behavior has begun to affect her ability to relate to kids her age and is alienating her from others. she needs help to correct that.

nta, honestly, what 16 year boy would want to hang out with a *perfectly behaved* 11 year old girl, let alone a little shit like this

nta. tell your parents you'll be nicer to her when she stops being cruel to you, accepts you as you are, and doesn't criticize and nitpick everything you do. if they snap back at you, ask why they're so vehement about you having to accept her being mean to you when she doesn't even have to accept your wanting to do things you aren't perfect at. as a last resort, follow them around and criticize everything they do, and when they yell at you for being disrespectful, burst into tears and ask why they aren't accepting you as you are.

nta your sister needs a hobby, something of her own that she can work on.

nta. and you should know by now that she's being intentionally irritating. and she's using tears to get her way. you could try talking to your parents, but i doubt that would work. i suspect they find her irritating as well, and they're using their authority to push her off on you. you could try talking to your parents. but i doubt that would work. she seems to have them wrapped, and is using crying to get her parents to side with her. in your place, i would counter every defense they make of her behavior. "she's just trying to help." "no, she's intentionally trying to annoy me. this is why she got pushed out of her friend group."

nta i think you need to sit with one or both of your parents alone and have a discussion about this, though it sounds like they're well aware of how she is and are dumping her off on you. she's at a tough age as she's hitting puberty, but she's developed some bad habits and personality traits that are isolating her from her own age group and they need to help her with that. they also need to keep her out of your room, we have kids these exact ages and when they get it into their heads to start bugging each other as siblings do, we step in.

nta ​ your parents are the ah here.

nta.get a lock. do something with her and critique the f out of her.

nta but she isnt either, your parents are at fault for badly raising her.

every time she criticizes a move in your video game, offer her the controller. she knows better, right? so she should be able to do it. she’s learned maladaptive strategies for interacting with peers. she will be corrected one way or another- if not gently by family, not so kindly by her peers. the horrible truth is that until and unless she learns and changes her behaviour, she’s going to become more and more isolated. you can only do what you can, your parents are failing badly at preparing her for adulthood. but she will reap what she sows. sorry you’re in this position- nta, btw.

BENIGN

i work at department store and generally i'm pretty bluh about everything there and don't like to speak up, but today i really couldn't let this go. there was a very large swarm of honeybees that had made it's home in a tree near the front entrance of the store, now, i've been helping my dad raise bees for a super long time, so they didn't exactly bother me, but understood why my manager was going to call an exterminator after a few customer complaints. killing honeybees is illegal in my state, so i figured the exterminator would simply call a beekeeper and have them peacefully removed. wells that's not what happened. he just left, told my manager he couldn't do anything about it and basically told him to figure it out on his own and that he couldn't do anything. my manager told another associate to get some wasp spray and that he was going to kill them himself, i explained i knew a few beekeepers who would be willing to help, but he refused, as he didn't want to pay for the service. this is where i step in and might have been the asshole. i basically glued myself to that tree and refused to move, i recorded his actions and told him if he didn't call a beekeeper i was going to send the video of him killing them to a local news station. in the end he didn't kill them! i had to call a beekeeper myself (i know a few people and ended up only paying about 150$ for the extraction out of my own pocket, and it isn't even like he'd have to pay, it would simply come out of the store budget for these types of things.) after everything was said and done, i was written up for refusing to move and undermining my manager, he told me to thank my lucky stars that i still had a job, which i thought was shitty, but i took the write up. at first i didn't think i was the asshole, but then i told my story to a few family members and they told me i should have just let him kill them with the wasp spray, and that i probably made him feel undermined as a manager because i'm so young and only a receipt checker. people have also said that it was none of my business. i don't really know, aita? tldr: my manager wanted to kill a bunch of honeybees and i refused to let him, eventually calling a beekeeper myself and supposedly 'undermining' his authority. update/

aita for refusing to move away from the beehive so my manager could kill them?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iqw9tt/aita_for_refusing_to_move_away_from_the_beehive/

2020-09-11 18:28:14

nta. you stopped him from breaking the law, and you did the right thing. this internet stranger is proud of you. also, look for a different job where the manager isn't a law-breaking arsehole.

nta he doesn't have authority to do anything illegal. he's lucky he didn't fire you. you should protest up the chain to get the write up removed.

nta- save the bees!

nta. like you said. killing honeybees in your state is illegal, so if anything, you saved your manager from legal consequences. you also offered to call a beekeeper, and you manager refused. you did everything you could and that's what you had to resort to. there's nothing wrong with what you did, especially with the dying bee population.

nta. 1) good on you for saving the honeybees. those guys need all the help they can get! 2) shame on your manager for not finding a legal solution to his problem. i understand not wanting bees around customers for liability reasons, but killing them instead of safely removing them is just lazy. 3) you should really fight that write-up, because that’s a load of bull. the lowest person in the business hierarchy can (as you demonstrated) have just as good ideas if not better than the managers and leadership. just a receipt checker? bull. manager just didn’t like watching you be more competent and empathetic than him, and now his ego is bruised. 4) (this one is a maybe) report his behavior. the amount of bad press he would have caused the business had he killed the bees illegally cannot be ignored. if there is an anonymous way to report that to his boss, i would see about doing it. he sounds like a liability due to his rash and insensible actions.

nta. 🐝

nta your manager is a douche and was trying to do something illegal, and you stood up for what is right.

nta. how is he going to write you up for preventing him from doing something illegal? also, he should’ve thanked you for paying the $150 yourself.

nta. but start looking for a new job. he's almost certainly going to fire you in the next few weeks. he just couldn't do it right then. he's now looking for an official store rule he can document you violating so he can fire you for cause without getting into a legal argument over bees. once you blatantly refuse to do what a manager says, even if it's wrong, that's pretty much the end of any functional manager-employee relationship. that's why good managers don't let things get to the "chaining myself to the beehive" point.

nta. your manager was literally about to break the law while on the clock. he could get in lots of trouble for that depending on if you work in a chain store or not. plus, don't kill fucking honey bees lol.

TOXIC

so to make some extra money i've been fixing up old beat up furniture resell on facebook. a couple months ago i found a couch that i was able to steam clean and replace the legs. i got it looking practically new. unfortunately no one was interested in it for a while. after having it listed online for two months someone finally contacted me about it. we haggled for a bit and she was kind of condescending saying she was doing me a favor taking it off my hands since i had had it listed so long even though i really don't mind waiting. we finally agreed on a lower price though with the condition that i drive it over to her place. so i loaded it on my truck and drove over an hour to her not so safe neighborhood. when i got there this lady holding a baby came down to look at it and confirm it was in the condition i said it was then she paid me the money for it. so i unloaded it on the curb and i started to leave. she asked where i was going and said i needed to help her take it up to her apartment. her apartment was on the third floor up four flights of stairs and since it was an old building there was no elevator. i told her that wasn't part of the deal and that i don't go into strange buildings in unfamiliar areas for my own safety (her apartment was honestly just creepy looking to me, like it could be a crack den). she said it was part of the deal since i said i would deliver it, but i only said i would drive it over (that's exactly how its worded in the messages) and i did. she asked what she was supposed to do then since she didn't have anyone else to help her and couldn't do it herself because it was too big for her to carry and she had the baby and it was supposed to rain that day. i said i didn't know and that she should have planned ahead. she said she didn't want the couch then. i was kind of annoyed at this point so i just said she already paid for it and then i left. when i got home i saw a post where she tagged me. in it she told this whole story about how she's a single mom with two kids and when she finally found some decent furniture she could afford it got ruined by the rain and the gross water from the street splashing it as cars drove by all because the asshole who sold it (me) didn't properly deliver it and just left it on the curb because i was lazy. she said it was obvious i could have gotten it to her apartment easily since i was a big guy and had gotten it off the truck easily by myself, but instead i just took her money and left and now she doesn't have anymore money for a new couch. along with the post there was a picture of the couch now soaking wet with gunky stuff from the street on it. am i the asshole here?

aita for not carrying the couch i sold this lady up to her apartment and letting it get ruined by rain?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/krvfxt/aita_for_not_carrying_the_couch_i_sold_this_lady/

2021-01-06 19:39:38

nta. i won't carry furniture upstairs for myself let-alone someone else. that shit is too dangerous.

nta you did more than most would have, in driving it over. if she wanted you to take it up to the apartment, she should have specified that.

nta if you said that you would drive it over and not that you would deliver it to her home, then i don't see the problem. i get that she misunderstood you, but if she expected you to deliver it to her apt, she should have said she lived on the third floor with no elevator. her not bothering to mention that makes it clear you weren't expected to deliver to her apt.

i’d say nta and yeah you could have helped her but she could also have asked you nicely 🤷

nta however you would benefit by adding the legend “curb side delivery only”. good luck on your business. you have the right entrepreneurial spirit, just need to better disclose your terms and make sure your buyers understand them.

nta! she should have made plans for someone to help her carry it to her apartment.

nta. she got it for cheaper than what you asked for it, made you deliver it to her, and then expected you to carry it up 4 flights of stairs? your reasoning for not wanting to go inside is perfectly sound. you need to make sure you're safe. you could have clarified with her before hand that you wouldn't be going into her house, but this lady honestly sounds super entitled. and using the single mother card to get sympathy is pathetic. nta.

nta ... you aren’t a delivery service .

nta shouldn't the price be lower if she picked it up instead of you delivering it

nta if she needed help putting it in her apartment, she should have stated so in the beginning. she should not have assumed that a complete stranger would be willing to walk up so many flights of stairs when they weren’t asked if they would even do so. i’m sure she could have asked someone in her neighborhood if they could help. this is why when i sell something on marketplace such as furniture i specify that they have to pick it up themselves.

TOXIC

**update/edit**: thanks everyone, i already kind of thought i’m not the asshole, but since i am not the best for socializing i did wonder if maybe i didn’t realize i was the asshole. maybe now i can feel more relaxed when having earbuds in public. some things to make it more clear: i think she got angry because she felt ignored(?), maybe she had to repeat herself and that seems to anger some people, i used to be soft spoken as a child so i know some people hate it —- i was at target trying on a pair of heels, i have my earbuds while i shop/go around (i take it off if i have to talk to a cashier or employee). this lady is passing by and she has one airpod, she says something and all i can see is her mouth moving, then i remove one earbud and tell her that i’m sorry but i couldn’t hear her. she looks angry and says that she likes the shoes i’m trying on, i thank her and kind of try to break the tension by mentioning her airpod and that i may get a pair, she seems even more angry now and says “yeah but i only have one in public because i’m not rude”. the whole thing was weird and it felt a little passive aggressive. here’s my reasons.. 1. i listen to music in public to kind of be in my own zone, wearing only one earbud would be pretty worthless for that 2. i usually have a focus when i go shopping, i hate listening to strangers conversations, kind of distracts me 3. it may sound silly but i also use it to avoid random men flirting with me sometimes, i’ve had even store employees do that so it bothers me. 4. i feel that listening to music makes me relax, i’m a bit of an anxious person so it helps i’ve never thought it’s an issue, i feel that i don’t owe random people my attention (unless they’re an employee or something), the only times i think it could be an issue is if i’m in the way (but i’m a small woman and my anxiety always makes me really aware so i’m never standing in a path). am i wrong about of of this? aita?

aita for using both earbuds in public while listening to music?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b4o0dq/aita_for_using_both_earbuds_in_public_while/

2019-03-23 20:44:05

nta. don’t worry about what other think about it and go about your business

nta. when out in public, having both earbuds in is a clear signal that you don't want to be approached and talk to by random strangers, so she was the rude one for ignoring obvious social cues. if you were in a situation where frequent back-and-forth communication is needed, then yeah, it'd be rude to leave both in and keep making people repeat themselves. but trying on shoes / shopping in general is not one of those situations, so miss extrovert's entitled ass can fuck all the way off.

nta - you don’t owe any stranger your time or attention.

nta at all

nta. this lady is a jerk. i do the same thing. i'm super awkward and anxious when i go into public to shop alone. even though logically i know no one cares what you're doing, i feel like all eyes are on me and my actions are constantly judged. putting in headphones encourages strangers not to bother me but i take them off when i'm checking out or if someone tries to get my attention. it let's me shop in peace and sort of enjoy the time i have to be around others. besides that, it's the nicest way of saying "leave me alone" short of wearing a sign that says the same everywhere you go. it wasn't even something important to say, its weird of her to get so offended.

nta: its not that lady's business whether you listen in music with both ear buds in.

nta. you do you.

nta - when i feel my self-esteem is having a slippery day and i must shop i listen to earphones too. the only problem i've run into is when my hair was longer it'd hide them a bit and people would talk. if i noticed & took one out for a little "pardon?" the other party would always get awkward. so i just over ears now and i feel like they're a huge "don't talk to me" flag - in the best way.

nta. that lady can stuff her other airpod.

nta - it’s nothing to do with anyone else! as you said, you take them out when speaking with the cashier, but if you’re just doing your own thing, you’re under no obligation not to wear both. i actually sometimes have both in with no music playing, just to avoid people (the public) speaking to me for no reason. you keep doing your thing, she was ta, not you.

BENIGN

my mom (50sf) and my dad (50sm) were driving me (13f) to something important. (i will not go into detail but it was something very very exciting :dd) about a mile away from the place we needed to go, this driver pulls out the wrong way and stops traffic. my mom lays on the horn and follows the guy. the events very time sensitive so i asked if we could keep going to where we needed to be. (the place was 5 minutes away, and we had about 6 until i needed to be there.) my mom insisted on honking at the guy, and we ended up being late. everything went fine, though, and when we got home i asked my parents if my dad, who is much more level headed, could drive me to things instead, since mom made us late. my mom was extremely offended and called me ungrateful. my dad took my side and said that he would drive me from now on. mom insists i'm spoiled and don't appreciate her. aita?

aita for telling my mom not to drive me if she can't control her road rage?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mk0n39/aita_for_telling_my_mom_not_to_drive_me_if_she/

2021-04-04 17:26:15

yea, and *you* don’t appreciate the very real possibility of your out of control mother running up against somebody that isn’t going to take her shit. somebody was road rage shot dead in atlanta just this week, and there are are *violent* hotheads the world over. nta

nta. your mom is going to get her butt kicked or shot. she should never follow someone and instigate aggression. she has no idea what kind of crazy is in the other car and could be putting everyone in further danger. if i were you i'd refuse to go anywhere with your mother until she admits she has road rage and is seeking help.

you are nta your mother’s road rage and aggressiveness unsafe. being alert and paying attention while driving is safe behaviour. following someone and creating conflict isn’t going to end well for her. you never know if the other person is going to do something even more dangerous. even your father agrees. he knows her driving you is unsafe.

nta. your mum needs to attend anger management to sort out her road rage, especially if it’s disrupting events and life like that.

nta >"my mom was extremely offended and called me ungrateful." "i am ungrateful that you choose to chase a car to honk at it rather than get me to my appointment on time. not only did you make us late, you could have got us killed."

nta, that is not normal behaviour on the road.

nta. going out of your way to follow someone while you’re road raging is a great way to get shot. is this kind of behavior normal for her? as in, does she typically become this aggressive when she feels as though she’s been slighted? if it is, that’s kind of worrisome; it’s like wearing a target on your back for someone even more unhinged.

nta what your mother is doing is disrespectful to you and dangerous to you both. people get shot doing stuff like that.

nta and she is lucky the other driver wasn't someone with nothing to lose. very decent chance other driver could have pulled out a gun once she started following him.

info: is this a chronic problem or a one time issue? if it is a chronic problem, definitely nta. road rage can do more than make you late. you get in an accident, she could provoke someone who also has road rage issues and is bigger and meaner, she could get in trouble with the cops. road rage endangers not just the people in the car, but everyone around them. if this was a one time issue, you are still nta, as it sounds like you were polite and made a reasonable request.

TOXIC

so, in 2013 i (39 f) bought a used car to use when i was graduating college and looking for my first post college job. it served its purpose for me until i got a good paying job in 2017 and bought a new car. my youngest sister (33 f) at the time totaled her car and asked if she could buy my old car instead of me trading it in. i was hesitant because she’s always been irresponsible with money but my dad talked me into it. i had around $1,000 left on my final payment for the car so i only agreed as long as she paid the car off. i moved states then for my new job and my dad told me he set up a payment plan with her. i thought this was all handled and my sister swore she had finished paying off the car but i was still getting notices every year for me to renew my tags and i’ve never received the deed/title in the mail. i moved back home during the pandemic to help take care of my parents who are both immune compromised. apparently, a letter arrived in march of this year that my dad hid from me saying i owed wells fargo for the interest, late fees, and amount due otherwise they’d start garnishing my wages. i got the mail yesterday and saw a letter from wells fargo addressed to me saying they had discharged a debt and for tax purposes i needed to file that amount for next year. i was confused and confronted my parents about it and i found out my sister had let it goto collections and my dad paid it off using money from my wedding fund, but according to him since i’m 39 and single i’ll probably never get married and he could do whatever he wanted with that money. i was extremely upset because this has been showing up on my credit report and i’ve kept disputing it only to find out my family has been lying to me for over 3 years now. i called my sister then and asked her how she could do that when she makes more money than me at her current job. she told me it was only $1k and to get over it since she’s actually getting married this year and just bought a new house with her fiancé and she won’t pay it back since dad took care of it. i threatened to sell the car then since the deed/title is still in my name and my mom gave it to me. will i be the asshole if i repossess the car and sell it to someone else?

aita for threatening to sell my sister’s car?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nn62ia/aita_for_threatening_to_sell_my_sisters_car/

2021-05-28 19:52:47

nta your sister needs to pay back the car plus interest. i’d take her to small claims for something like this. she gets to ruin your credit without consequences? you’ve got to be kidding me.

nta your father is a ta for hiding it from you in march. if it's discharged ie "something you have to report as income on your taxes", he didn't pay it with your wedding fund. if he did pay it with your wedding fund, such money should have come out of your sister's wedding fund. ie reduce her fund by 1k+ interest. you not getting married does not mean you get punished. she harmed your credit which is not just 1,000. sell the car. you've been wronged twice. once by your father, and once by your sister. i'd go no contact on your father and your sister. all of this could have been managed if they didn't put their heads in the sand and just dealt with it.

nta, your sister has now ruined your credit and you have a charge-off on your credit report, which will affect future loans/credit you apply for. i am astonished that wells fargo didn't repo the car, maybe they tried but couldn't find it. i'm also shocked you're just now receiving notice about it being charged off, and that you didn't get late notices in the mail. unfortunately you can't really sell the car until you get the debt taken care of and obtain the title. but i would 100% take that car away from your sister, it's legally yours once the bank removes their lien on it.

nta, jeez how bad is your credit score now? this could have lifelong reparations, couldn't it?