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“Nice costume," he said. "Ditto. I can tell you put a lot of thought into yours."Amusement curled his mouth. "If you don't like it, I can take it off.”

Becca Fitzpatrick,

“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”

Criss Jami,

“I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.”

Andy Weir,

“Why don't Fjerdans let girls fight?""They don't want to fight.""How do you know? Have you ever asked one?""Fjerdan women are to be venerated, protected.""That's probably a wise policy.""It is?""Think how embarrassing it would be for you when you got trounced by a Fjerdan girl.”

Leigh Bardugo,

“What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.”

Charles Bukowski,

“My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.”

Isaac Marion,

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo,

“Please, touch me, I pray.”

Jess C Scott,

“The more you talk about it, rehash it, rethink it, cross analyze it, debate it, respond to it, get paranoid about it, compete with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, defame it, stalk it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives it continues to rot in your brain. It is dead. It is over. It is gone. It is done. It is time to bury it because it is smelling up your life and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of memories and decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your life and bury that thing!”

Shannon L. Alder

“I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.”

Dora J. Arod,

“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. ”

Wendell Johnson

“Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.”

Jess C Scott,

“Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.”

Jeaniene Frost,

“Simon whispered to me, “But is everything okay?”“No,” Tori said. “I kidnapped her and forced her to escape with me. I’ve been using her as a human shield against those guys with guns, and I was just about to strangle her and leave her body here to throw them off my trail. But then you showed up and foiled my evil plans. Lucky for you, though. You get to rescue poor little Chloe again and win her undying gratitude.”“Undying gratitude?” Simon looked at me. “Cool. Does that come with eternal servitude? If so, I like my eggs sunnyside up.”I smiled. “I’ll remember that.”***“Oh, right. You must be starving.” Simon reached into his pockets. “I can offer one bruised apple and one brown banana. Convenience stores aren’t the place to buy fruit, as I keep telling someone.”“Better than these. For you, anyway, Simon.” Derek passed a bar to Tori.“Because you aren’t supposed to have those, are you?” I said. “Which reminds me…” I took out the insulin. “Derek said it’s your backup.”“So my dark secret is out.”“I didn’t know it was a secret.”“Not really. Just not something I advertise.”...“Backup?” Tori said. “You mean he didn’t need that?”“Apparently not,” I murmured.Simon looked from her to me, confused, then understanding. “You guys thought…”“That if you didn’t get your medicine in the next twenty-four hours, you’d be dead?” I said. “Not exactly, but close. You know, the old ‘upping the ante with a fatal disease that needs medication’ twist. Apparently, it still works.”“Kind of a letdown, then, huh?”“No kidding. Here we were, expecting to find you minutes from death. Look at you, not even gasping.”“All right, then. Emergency medical situation, take two.”He leaped to his feet, staggered, keeled over, then lifted his head weakly.“Chloe? Is that you?” He coughed. “Do you have my insulin?”I placed it in his outstretched hand.“You saved my life,” he said. “How can I ever repay you?”“Undying servitude sounds good. I like my eggs scrambled.”He held up a piece of fruit. “Would you settle for a bruised apple?”I laughed.”

Kelley Armstrong,

“Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.”

Tina Fey,

“Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.”

Charlaine Harris,

“Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.”

J.K. Rowling,

“I didn't realize there was a ranking." I said. "Sadie frowned. "What do you mean?" "A ranking," I said. "You know, what's crazier than what." "Oh, sure there is," Sadie said. She sat back in her chair. "First you have your generic depressives. They're a dime a dozen and usually pretty boring. Then you've got the bulimics and the anorexics. They're slightly more interesting, although usually they're just girls with nothing better to do. Then you start getting into the good stuff: the arsonists, the schizophrenics, the manic-depressives. You can never quite tell what those will do. And then you've got the junkies. They're completely tragic, because chances are they're just going to go right back on the stuff when they're out of here." "So junkies are at the top of the crazy chain," I said. Sadie shook her head. "Uh-uh," she said. "Suicides are." I looked at her. "Why?" "Anyone can be crazy," she answered. "That's usually just because there's something screwed up in your wiring, you know? But suicide is a whole different thing. I mean, how much do you have to hate yourself to want to just wipe yourself out?”

Michael Thomas Ford

“If we're mad, we're mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.”

Shannon Hale,

“If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.
”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo,

“The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.”

Cervantes Saavedra

“Thine face is not worth sunburning.”

William Shakespeare,

“One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.”

Laurell K. Hamilton,

“Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?”

Rachel Hawkins,

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”

Will Rogers

“I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.”

Demetri Martin

“Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.”

erica jong

“Of course you know, this means war.”

Joe Adamson,

“I mean, we're ninjas.""Well maybe you're a ninja," I said"You're just a really loud, awkward ninja," Margo said, "but we are both ninjas.”

John Green,

“I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this."My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God.”

Jennifer L. Armentrout,

“Yours in demigodishness, and all that. Peace out!”

Rick Riordan,

“What's that?" he asked, when I stood beside him again."Halos," I said with a grin. "For heavenly creatures like us.""That might be a stretch.”

Richelle mead,

“That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it?" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller.”

Cassandra Clare,

“Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself - but he lacked Will's tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there.”

Cassandra Clare,

“I tell you, I'm half tempted to break into CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon out of CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon.”

Ally Carter,

“Lucas: I wanted to talk to you after class, but you disappeared.Me: I have another class right after. One of those profs who stops talking, stares at you and waits until you get to your seat if you're late.Lucas: I would probably just walk to my seat even slower. ;)”

Tammara Webber,

“I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo,

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”

Dora J. Arod,

“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo,

“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo,

“Hitler: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you just saved my life.The Doctor: Believe me... It was an accident.”

Steven Moffat

“Honestly, as much as I love my brother, I’m not sure how I feel about him hanging out in your bedroom.” He reached out with a muscular arm and used his fingers to brush a few strands of hair off my cheek, tucking them behind my ear. I shivered, and he smiled. “I feel like I need to mark my territory.” “Shut up.” “Oh, I love it when you get all bossy-pants. It’s sexy.”

Jennifer L. Armentrout,

“I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.”

Mindy Kaling,

“If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”

Jon Stewart

“How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!”

Cathy East Dubowski,

“We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”

H.L. Mencken,

“When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them?”

Maya Banks,

“Adam's response was buried in the sound of the first-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, "He threw me out the window!"Ronan's voice sang out from behind his closed door: "You're already dead!”

Maggie Stiefvater,

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo,

“Aunt Mercy put down her tiles, one at a time. I-T-C-H-I-N.Aunt Grace leaned closer to the board, squinting. "Mercy Lynne, you're cheatin' again! What kinda word is that? Use it in a sentence.""I'm itchin' ta have some a that white cake.""That's not how you spell it." At least one of them could spell. Aunt Grace pulled one of the tiles off the board. "There's no T in itchin'." Or not.”

Margaret Stohl,

“How very wet this water is.”

L. Frank Baum,

“You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!”

John Green,

“We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.”

Rick Riordan,

“Thou mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!”

William Shakespeare

“What are you" -Mac "I don't follow" -Jericho "You dropped 30 feet in that warehouse. You should have broken something. What are you?" -Mac "A man with a rope." -Jericho”

Karen Marie Moning,

“I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I'd rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.”

Becky Albertalli,

“Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.”

Tina Fey,

“Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural.”

Rick Riordan,

“The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!”

Jeaniene Frost,

“What did Isabelle want?" Jace asked.Alec hesitated. "Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with us.""Sure," said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour."Alec looked puzzled. "Who's Madonna?""Who's the Queen of the Seelie Court?" said Clary."She is the Queen of Faerie," said Magnus. "Well, the local one, anyway."Jace put his head in his hands. "Tell Isabelle no.""But she thinks it's a good idea," Alec protested."Then tell her no twice.”

Cassandra Clare

“I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth.”

Karl Lagerfeld

“La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la!”

Simone Elkeles,

“Leo,” Hazel gasped, “I can’t—my arms—”“Hazel,” he said. “Do you trust me?”“No!”“Me neither,” Leo admitted.”

Rick Riordan,

“Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother?”

Jeaniene Frost,

“Tris," he says. "What did they do to you? You're acting like a lunatic.""That's not very nice of you to say," I say. "They put me in a good mood, that's all. And now I really want to kiss you, so if you could just relax-”

Veronica Roth,

“Daemon!" Dee called from the kitchen. "I need your help!""We should go see what she's doing before she destroys your kitchen." He rubbed his hands down his face. "It's possible.”

Jennifer L. Armentrout,

“If I looked like him,” Tara said. “I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.”

Jill Shalvis,

“Our lips met hungrily, and his clever artistic hands wrapped around my hips. A sudden buzz from my regular cell phone startled me from the kissing."Don't," said Adrian, his eyes ablaze and breathing ragged."What if there's a crisis at school?" I asked. "What if Angeline 'accidentally' stole one of the campus buses and drove it into the library?""Why would she do that?""Are you saying she wouldn't?"He sighed. "Go check it.”

Richelle Mead,

“I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all.”

Dora J. Arod,

“I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.
”

Dark Jar Tin Zoo,

“Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.”

Samuel Beckett,

“Don't you think 'Mark is kind of a weird name for a Shadowhunter?" Julian was saying as Emma approached. "I mean, if you really think about it. It's confusing. 'Put a Mark on me, Mark.”

Cassandra Clare,

“So it's true what they say about warlocks, then?"Alec gave him a very unpleasant look. "What's true?""Alexander," said Magnus coldly, and Clary met Simon's eyes across the table. Hers were wide, green, and full of an expression that said Uh-oh. "You can't be rude to everyone who talks to me."Alec made a wide, sweeping gesture. "And why not? Cramping your style, am I? I mean, maybe you were hoping to flirt with werewolf boy here. He's pretty attractive, if you like the messy-haired, broad-shouldered, chiseled-good-looks type.""Hey, now," said Jordan mildly. Magnus put his head in his hands. "Or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways, Is there anything you aren't into?""Mermaids," said Magnus into his fingers. "They always smell like seaweed.""It's not funny," Alec said savagely, and kicking back his chair, he got up from the table and stalked off into the crowd.”

Cassandra Clare,

“On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead.”

Stephen Chbosky,

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.”

Steve Martin

“My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. ”

Samuel Johnson

“Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.”

Ilona Andrews,

“You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt”

Darynda Jones,

“You're very welcome," she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now.""And yet I'm not.""Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I'll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you.”

Leigh Bardugo,

“You will not pass!” Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.”

Ilona Andrews,

“The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.”

Peter S. Beagle,

“I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)”

Susan Elizabeth Phillips,

“The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.”

Stephen Hawking

“When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed.The Enemy of Old fucking sighed.Dear gods, it’d finally happened to him.Happiness.Then his own fangs sharpened.I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me.”

Kresley Cole,

“I don't like hello. It makes me sound like I have dementia, like I've never heard a phone ring before and I don't know what's supposed to happen next. Hello?”

Rainbow Rowell,

“I may not have been completely honest about that.""You? Less than truthful? I'm shocked, Nikolai. Shocked and horrified.”

Leigh Bardugo,

“Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right.”

Ilona Andrews,

“Hey, Mr. Nakata. Gramps. Fire! Flood! Earthquake! Revolution! Godzilla's on the loose! Get up!”

Haruki Murakami,

“You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.""Oh I believe it," I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from.”

Richelle Mead,

“Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat”

Jeaniene Frost,

“I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders if you chose to.”

Kristin Cashore,

“Agreed," I say. "It's going to be a long hour.""Maybe not that long," says Peeta." what was that you were saying just before the food arrived? Something about me ... no competition ... best thing that ever happened to you ... "" I don't remember that last part," I say, hoping it's too dim in here for the cameras to pick up my blush." Oh, that's right. That's what I was thinking," he says " Scoot over, I'm freezing.”

Suzanne Collins,

“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?”

Bill Maher

“Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play.”

Rachel Vincent,

“You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list.”I shook out my sore hand. My knuckles smarted. “First of all, are we so sure he really is a prince? And second, you’re just jealous.”“Of course I’m jealous. I thought I was going to get to punch him. That isn’t the point.”

Leigh Bardugo,

“Wait a second," Clary said."I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere.”

Cassandra Clare,

“She moved to pinch me again but I blocked her hand. I'm no expert on girls, but when one tries to pinch you four times, I'm pretty sure that's flirting.”

Ransom Riggs,

“Be a Samurai.Because you just never know what's behind the freaking sky.”

Laini Taylor,

“I sneaked out to his house a couple times in the middle of the night to watch over him while he slept, just in case, I don't know, his comic book collection decided to spontaneously combust. This was dumb and admittedly creepy in an Edward Cullen kind of way.”

Cynthia Hand,

“Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed.”

Rachel Caine